WEBVTT - Update: On The Road

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<v Speaker 1>Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>Danny Shapiro and welcome to a new bonus episode of

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<v Speaker 1>Family Secrets. As my amazing producers and I are in

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<v Speaker 1>the midst of creating our second season. Blown away by

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<v Speaker 1>the response from millions of listeners from season one, we're

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<v Speaker 1>delivering bonus content to you each week that I hope

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<v Speaker 1>you'll enjoy and that you'll be a part of the

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<v Speaker 1>continuing dialogue we've begun about family secrets in all forms,

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<v Speaker 1>the ways that giving voices to those secrets frees us.

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<v Speaker 1>You might even say that we're in a moment, a

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<v Speaker 1>movement in which secrecy will no longer be possible. I

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<v Speaker 1>want to talk with you guys today about what I've

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<v Speaker 1>been seeing out there as I've criss crossed the country

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<v Speaker 1>over the past months while on book tour from my

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<v Speaker 1>memoir Inheritance. For those of you just listening for the

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<v Speaker 1>first time, Inheritance as a memoir about a discovery I

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<v Speaker 1>made after taking a DNA test that my dad had

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<v Speaker 1>not been my biological father. It turns out that lots

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<v Speaker 1>of people, hundreds of thousands of us each year, are

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<v Speaker 1>making similar discoveries. At my events I've met people who

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<v Speaker 1>have just discovered as adults that they were adopted, people

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<v Speaker 1>who have just discovered they were conceived using a sperm

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<v Speaker 1>donor or an egg donor. People have discovered half siblings

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<v Speaker 1>or even full siblings they never knew existed. Fathers have

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<v Speaker 1>learned of children they hadn't known they had. Birth Parents

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<v Speaker 1>who gave up children for adoption are being discovered by

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<v Speaker 1>those children, and children also discovered by birth parents. The

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<v Speaker 1>list goes on. Now there are no more secrets. Last month,

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<v Speaker 1>I spoke at Harvard Medical School's Center for Bioethics. A

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<v Speaker 1>woman in her sixties raised her hand during the Q

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<v Speaker 1>and a. Her eyes were filled with tears. She had

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<v Speaker 1>just discovered that the father who raised her had not

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<v Speaker 1>been her biological father. She was quaking literally, she trembled

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<v Speaker 1>from head to toe as she spoke. She mentioned the

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<v Speaker 1>name of a nearby Boston hospital where she had been born,

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<v Speaker 1>and she wondered if there might be any one in

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<v Speaker 1>the room who could help her solve the mystery. After

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<v Speaker 1>the event, she was surrounded by people offering her insight,

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<v Speaker 1>support and advice, and after a couple of weeks, she

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<v Speaker 1>found her biological father in Portland, Oregon, A young woman

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<v Speaker 1>approached me on the book signing line. I could tell

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<v Speaker 1>before she said even a single word, that she too,

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<v Speaker 1>had just made a profound discovery. I found my biological father,

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<v Speaker 1>she said. I wrote to him and I got two

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<v Speaker 1>words back. Not interested. In Laguna Beach, a middle aged

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<v Speaker 1>woman clutched the hand of her friend as she said,

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<v Speaker 1>I realized, now I have to tell my thirty year

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<v Speaker 1>old daughter. I have to tell her that the father

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<v Speaker 1>who raised her, who died when she was young, and

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<v Speaker 1>who she worshiped, wasn't her biological father, because I know

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<v Speaker 1>she's going to find out. A man spoke privately to

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<v Speaker 1>me at a Boston bookstore. He and his wife had

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<v Speaker 1>been among the legions of couples who chose not to

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<v Speaker 1>disclose to their daughter that she had been conceived using

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<v Speaker 1>a sperm donor. His daughter found out and now felt

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<v Speaker 1>terribly betrayed. What can I tell her, he asked me.

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<v Speaker 1>How can I help heal her pain? Did it matter

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<v Speaker 1>to you, I asked him. I suddenly felt choked up myself.

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<v Speaker 1>Did it matter that she wasn't your biological child? Of

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<v Speaker 1>course not, he said, of course it had never mattered.

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<v Speaker 1>In ten books I've never had the experience before of

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<v Speaker 1>my events becoming sort of like large scale support groups

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<v Speaker 1>for those who were dealing with family secrets. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>thing of such unex affected beauty. I'm thankful for it

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<v Speaker 1>and humbled by it. One of the side effects of

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<v Speaker 1>learning a secret, or perhaps even of keeping a secret,

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<v Speaker 1>is the feeling of being terribly alone. The shame surrounding

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<v Speaker 1>secrets tells us that we're the only one that no

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<v Speaker 1>one would understand. They were better off just staying quiet

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<v Speaker 1>and powering through. But what I'm seeing and experiencing again

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<v Speaker 1>and again through my own journey and witnessing the journeys

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<v Speaker 1>of others, is that when we tell our stories, when

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<v Speaker 1>we own them, hold them up to the light and

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<v Speaker 1>say this is what happened to me, suddenly all that shame,

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<v Speaker 1>that feeling of otherness, alienation, difference, vanishes. It disappears because

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<v Speaker 1>shame and secrecy can't deal with all that light, with

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<v Speaker 1>all that brightness and clarity, with a beautiful community of

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<v Speaker 1>people all turning toward rather than away from each other

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<v Speaker 1>and saying me too, Me too, I've been there too.

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<v Speaker 1>Over the next couple of months, as we produce season

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<v Speaker 1>two of Family Secrets. I'm also still on tour for Inheritance.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll be in New York City, Baltimore, Westchester, Milwaukee, Chicago, Denver, Boulder, Aspen, Atlanta,

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<v Speaker 1>Sun Valley, Idaho, and more. If these are places anywhere

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<v Speaker 1>near you, I hope you'll come, say hi and feel

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<v Speaker 1>for yourself the shift that's happening right here, right now.

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<v Speaker 1>For more podcasts for my Heart Radio, visit the I

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<v Speaker 1>Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to

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<v Speaker 1>your favorite shows.