WEBVTT - More Thoughts On ADHD 0:00:08.520 --> 0:00:11.360 This is the Anxiety Bites podcast and I am your host, 0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:17.840 Jen Kirkman. Welcome to another episode of Anxiety Bites. I 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:22.919 am your host, Jen Kirkman. Well, today is the second 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:28.120 to last episode of Anxiety Bites. If you get separation anxiety. 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:29.840 Thinking about that, let's think of it as the end 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:33.080 of season one. Will there be a season two? I 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:35.080 don't know, but I have to be quite honest. I 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:38.159 do not have the bandwidth or time. I guess is 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:41.120 another way to put things. We used to just call 0:00:41.159 --> 0:00:43.919 it time. Now everyone calls it bandwidth. I guess bandwidth 0:00:43.960 --> 0:00:46.040 means more than time either one. I don't have bandwidth 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:48.920 or time to do another season right now because of 0:00:49.080 --> 0:00:51.159 I have a full time writing job and will be 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:53.880 pretty tied up for the next year. But let's not 0:00:54.040 --> 0:00:57.240 worry about what's to come and what's not because none 0:00:57.240 --> 0:00:59.920 of us know. But for right now, let's call the 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:02.000 season one and it's coming to an end. As we 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:04.679 always knew, there would be forty six episodes of season one. 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:07.920 Maybe you didn't, but I did. And this week is 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:13.160 a solo episode. Next week we have Dr Julie Smith, 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:16.160 who wrote a book called Why has Nobody Told Me This? Before, 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:20.840 which I thought would be the perfect guests and book 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:24.399 and vibe for the last episode. And I'll tell you 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:27.600 more about that next week during the actual episode, But 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:30.880 for this week, I thought we could have a bit 0:01:30.920 --> 0:01:37.080 of a potboury of an episode, but with the focus 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:39.880 of a d h D. Pun intended get a focus 0:01:39.959 --> 0:01:42.600 a d h D. I have a few listener emails 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:49.040 to read and some thoughts about this podcast, and then 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:51.800 I really do want to get into a little more 0:01:52.960 --> 0:01:56.160 talk about a d h D, so let's just start there. 0:01:56.640 --> 0:02:01.720 You know, when I started this podcast, I wasn't that 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:06.760 in touch with my own d h D. I was 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:13.200 diagnosed in my mid thirties, and I have to be honest, 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:21.600 I didn't really know much about it. I didn't quite 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:26.440 relate to having it. I was told at the time 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:29.160 by someone I lived with that they thought I had it. 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:35.040 I was seeing a psychiatrist already for medication for anti 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:38.720 anxiety for depression to go over my phobia of flying, 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:44.480 and this doctor was not surprised that I had been 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:46.200 diagnosed with a d h D. And I think there's 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:48.560 something that goes on sometimes between a doctor and a 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:53.880 patient where a patient might say a symptom, they might 0:02:53.919 --> 0:02:56.840 say a disease name instead of a symptom, and the 0:02:56.919 --> 0:03:02.040 doctor then treats the disease, but symptoms are never talked about, 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:06.440 and so I really didn't get solutions for relief, and 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:08.359 I didn't talk about it with my talk therapist either. 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:10.960 It just seemed like something you medicate or you don't. 0:03:11.560 --> 0:03:14.000 And because I didn't know exactly what a d h 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:19.239 D really was besides inability to focus or pay attention 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:24.720 and being hyper and I honestly don't totally suffer from 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:27.640 the inability to focus, and I was basing that on 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:32.919 that I've always been quite successful at whatever job I've had, 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:35.880 whether it's being an administrative assistant or whether it was 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:39.240 being a writer on staff. I was successful in the 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:41.920 sense that I always paid attention. I was always the 0:03:41.920 --> 0:03:47.200 most organized. I mean it, on the surface, you would 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:51.720 not think that I had a d h D. Maybe hyperactive, sure, 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:55.080 but not in the ways that like I was always 0:03:55.120 --> 0:04:00.280 allowed talker, a fast talker, quick to react. But I 0:04:00.360 --> 0:04:02.000 never thought any of that was a d h D. 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:04.480 I never really thought that much about that. I did 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:07.000 any of that stuff to me hyperactivity. I was still 0:04:07.040 --> 0:04:10.440 thinking about the way they diagnosed a d h D 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:14.240 in young children specifically, Usually this is white boys with 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:16.240 you know, they got ants in their pants, they're jumping around, 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:21.000 and I I rationalized my diagnosis, which was based on 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:24.960 a young child's view of what a d h D 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:28.440 is or what psychiatrists view a d h D is 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:31.040 four children, and thought, well, may I mean, I mean, 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:33.120 maybe I was hyperactive growing up, and you know, but 0:04:33.160 --> 0:04:34.880 I was took dance lesson so maybe I got out 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:36.640 of my system. I don't know. I just didn't have 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:39.479 any idea that everything I was suffering from, all of 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:42.760 the ways in which my life was unmanageable. I look 0:04:42.839 --> 0:04:45.400 back on it now and it seems to fit that 0:04:45.440 --> 0:04:49.520 I had a d h D very untreated, untreated not 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:54.440 just medically, but more importantly cognitively. I didn't have tricks 0:04:54.520 --> 0:05:00.440 and tips and coping mechanisms and just the knowledge of Okay, 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:02.600 so this is going to happen to you because of 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:06.359 your lack of executive functions in some areas, or you 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:09.600 dopamine and so you're going to have to make a 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:11.919 big decision to do blah blah blah. Now, some of 0:05:11.920 --> 0:05:14.400 the work I did on anxiety, whether it was spiritual 0:05:14.480 --> 0:05:18.320 work or a little more cognitive behavior therapy in the 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:22.480 sense of my work, you know, with fear of flying 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:25.440 phobia and more of an exposure therapy thing or cognitive 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:29.320 behavior therapy where I would tell myself things that weren't true, 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:31.320 whether it was you know, low self esteem kind of 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:36.359 things about myself or doom things about the future. Do 0:05:36.520 --> 0:05:40.880 I think I legitimately had depression and anxiety? I think so. 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:49.440 But whereas I never could have ever wrangled my a 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:52.880 d h D without actually knowing the symptoms and wrangling 0:05:52.880 --> 0:05:55.159 it the way I am now, I think I could 0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:57.520 have wrangled some of the depression and anxiety if I'd 0:05:57.560 --> 0:06:01.360 only been properly diagnosed with a d h D and 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:07.880 given a tool kit. So it doesn't really matter what 0:06:08.080 --> 0:06:12.360 I had what I didn't, because that time has gone now. 0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:16.560 But the thing, the behaviors and the thought process and 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:19.880 the actions I've taken in life that I regret the most, 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:22.800 or that I can see caused some problems that I've 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:24.520 been very lucky in life. Some of the problems I've 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:28.440 caused myself, they've worked themselves out. And I'll give you 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:30.440 an example, like certain jobs I've quit, I've been able 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:34.120 to go back to UM. And I'm looking back on quitting. 0:06:34.160 --> 0:06:36.799 It wasn't the way I quit. I didn't. I didn't 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:40.960 go fuck you, I'm leaving. Just certain things where you 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:43.480 work a job in writing and you don't reap your 0:06:43.480 --> 0:06:46.640 contract for the next year. It's all very paperwork and 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:53.120 lawyery and dignified quitting. But the decision was not thought through. 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:54.960 It was a little bit rash, even though it seemed 0:06:54.960 --> 0:07:01.560 thought through, and things that where I go, oh, I 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:07.520 legitimately made a mistake because I had this inability to 0:07:08.960 --> 0:07:12.040 critically think in some areas or not make these rash decisions, 0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:14.320 or the way I would just move across the country 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:16.240 with you know, five dollars and you know, get on 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:17.800 a train and you know, and a lot of that 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:19.920 could be maybe I was young, whatever, it doesn't matter. 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:21.480 But a lot of things I regret, I go, oh, 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:23.440 my god, doesn't that go really well with an A 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:25.920 d h D symptoms? Relationships? I regret was like I 0:07:25.960 --> 0:07:29.000 was emotionally reactive. You know, None of the things I 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:33.160 worked on that surrounded problems like those have ever brought 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:39.120 me much relief. And now I feel for me getting 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:42.560 further into my diagnosis of a d h D. I 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:45.640 can see why I did certain things, and I can 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:49.640 now have better tools in the future. So my point is, 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.920 so I was diagnosed mid thirties. I bring it up 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:55.640 to my psychiatrists. He's like, oh, yeah, you know, that 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:58.080 makes sense, and we talked a little bit about things 0:07:58.080 --> 0:08:00.080 here and there, and we don't really get too deeply 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:02.280 into it because I don't know I'm suffering from it. 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:04.800 I don't know. I don't even think to say, so, 0:08:04.880 --> 0:08:08.160 I do this, this, this, this, and I don't want 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:10.520 to do this, this, this, this anymore. Is this a 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:12.400 d h D when it doesn't den't daunt at me 0:08:12.560 --> 0:08:14.040 that half the things I was doing all the time 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:17.600 we're a d h D. Whether it was trying to 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:20.240 accomplish every single thing in one day and feeling bad 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:24.680 if I couldn't, or burning out so badly from you know, 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:28.360 like there's like an a d h D burnout where 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:30.000 you just kind of have to stare at a wall 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:31.800 for a day. You know, there's so many I just 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:35.679 didn't know. I thought it was normal, everyone does this, 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:40.680 or it's part of your depression and anxiety. So he 0:08:40.760 --> 0:08:43.760 put me on this drug called focal in, which is 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:48.199 kind of in the Adderall family, but it's not a 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:53.520 it's it's still one of those like drugs. I guess 0:08:53.520 --> 0:08:57.880 that's a stimulant, but where's Adderall's more of a quote 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:00.240 drug in the bad way, Like if you put it 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:02.480 up and snorted it, you would get high, but Folklin 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:05.360 like has to be absorbed through the liver, and those 0:09:05.440 --> 0:09:08.800 kind of drugs are usually you know, better to take 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:10.760 long term. I guess I don't. The point is it 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:13.800 didn't do anything for me, Like I literally didn't notice 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:15.439 a difference in anything. And at the time, I was 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:18.199 at a writing job, and again, like I always felt 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:21.160 like I had a pretty easy time focusing. I didn't 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:25.439 sit daydreaming maybe after hour four, but that's just anyone. 0:09:26.080 --> 0:09:28.440 So and it made my skin break out really badly. 0:09:28.559 --> 0:09:31.440 It was stimulating something my sabacious glans, and and I 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:33.520 just went off it and then we just never talked 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:34.880 about it again. I was like, I guess I'll just 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:36.360 have to deal with my a d h D. But again, 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:37.800 the symptoms I thought were a d h D, I 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:42.559 was like, I don't only have them anyway. So as 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:48.320 my quote what I would have called anxiety maybe like 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:50.880 five years ago, was ramping up. It wasn't making sense 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:53.920 to me because people in my life were saying, you're anxious, 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:56.720 You're anxious, and I was like, but I've never been 0:09:56.760 --> 0:09:59.680 better like my careers where I wanted to be. I'm 0:09:59.679 --> 0:10:03.800 happy be I'm completely over my flying phobia and flying 0:10:03.840 --> 0:10:07.319 by myself to like Australia, you know. And I just 0:10:07.720 --> 0:10:11.840 didn't understand the feedback I was getting from people, and 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:14.240 they didn't have the right language either, and it led 0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:17.559 me into this, you know, over the past seven years, 0:10:17.600 --> 0:10:21.559 really drilling down in therapy and with my psychiatrist, really 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:25.080 looking at the anxiety I was accused of having, which 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:30.160 is certain thought for rocess uh, certain reactions, certain whatevers. 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:33.880 And I mean, I can't tell you the amount of 0:10:33.880 --> 0:10:35.920 work I've done the past seven years. It's as though 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:39.000 I were really someone that just needs to be locked 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:40.600 up and thrown away without the key. You know. It's 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:44.040 like we did twelve step four, we did cognitive behavior 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:46.880 with every we did a m DR, we did you know, 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:49.640 somatic therapy, we did medication, and I was just like 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:53.000 this thing that just feels like I'm wrong, you know. 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:56.360 Then we did like all this like shame and trauma therapy, 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:58.439 and I'm like, I listen, I know a lot of 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:00.800 things are trauma, but I don't have big teen trauma. 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:03.960 And I was like this whole notion that like I'm wrong, 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:06.880 like I just exist as a wrong person, like I'm 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:10.040 just something's wrong with me, Like I never felt it 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:14.520 in a deep, like childhood primal way, the way that 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:16.360 like my therapist was making it seem like I was 0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:19.200 saying it. I just meant like something's off here, you know. 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:23.559 And once I so then I talked to my psychiatrist, 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:25.800 but he was he was telling me that he's going 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:28.719 to retire, you know, He's like, we've got about a 0:11:28.800 --> 0:11:30.520 year left together. And I said, I really want to 0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:32.480 revisit this a d h D thing. So I'd read 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:34.720 this book about how a d h D is different 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:38.640 and women, and I said, I think half the ship 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:42.320 that I do that is habitual now is is like 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:45.760 an a d h D maladaptive coping mechanism. And he's like, 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:48.000 oh yeah, and he's like, I'm sorry, I didn't, you know, know, 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:50.120 you want to talk about this. And it was all fine, 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:55.160 and we really kind of drilled down on stuff and 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:58.120 I realized, yeah, that's my focus. But that was kind 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:00.480 of going on behind the scenes of anxiety bites. And 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:04.679 then I started researching it more and reading things and 0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:09.439 talking to a d h D coaches and it's just 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:13.560 it's unreal how much I relate, and it just it's 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:17.360 it's literally taking a deep breath. And I have now 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:21.480 different coping mechanisms and different ways I do things like 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:25.280 bullet journaling. I don't do it as detailed as some 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:28.320 other people, but in the sense that I write things 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:30.360 down every day that I need to do, and I 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:33.440 have forced myself through writing it by hand instead of 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:38.080 typing it in my notes section of there's something about 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:42.520 here's what I want to do this week, and here 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:45.680 is my daily goals, and to be able to really 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:49.360 not have twenty things in a day that I think 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:50.960 I can get to and I may be able to, 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:52.560 but also work a full time job so you can't 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:56.199 always do that. And then there's just you know, sometimes 0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:57.880 you have time to do something but you're just you 0:12:57.960 --> 0:13:01.640 need to zone out for a minute. You might not 0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:04.400 have the most productive lunch hour in history where you're 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:08.040 returning every call and every email, and you know, it 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:11.680 was like I couldn't even go hang out with a friend. 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:13.520 If I hadn't completed my to do list, well, if 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:15.440 I live that way, I'll never see another soul as 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:19.199 long as I live, you know. And so really being 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:23.040 able to be comfortable with writing five things and and 0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:29.679 feeling like that's enough and just I really I can't 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:32.720 explain too much, but it's little things like that dancing 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:38.559 in the morning for three minutes for dopamine. I am medicated, 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:41.760 I have vivants and I'm not on it right now, 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:45.920 but I have taken it. It does work really miraculously 0:13:46.000 --> 0:13:50.360 for me because it slows me down, It centers me, 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:57.120 it focuses me. It does help with the executive function 0:13:57.280 --> 0:14:04.680 of begin to look at time management differently um in 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:09.640 the sense that it helps my dopamines so that I 0:14:09.640 --> 0:14:13.360 can actually motivate to do something. But I have to 0:14:13.440 --> 0:14:16.200 be already doing that thing. It doesn't make you go 0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:19.960 right a screenplay. You know you're but I have to 0:14:19.960 --> 0:14:23.200 be very careful because at night, I've learned that when 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:26.720 I would get this insatiable urges, it was always after 0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:30.840 six pm to have like sugar, and you know, it 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:33.840 was like I almost was like, am I a binge eater? 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:36.880 Am I an emotional eater, and I spent two years 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:40.680 trying to figure out the underlying emotion of why I'm 0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:44.880 just so drawn to eating at night by myself that 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:49.840 you can be really missing misdiagnosed a d h D 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:53.680 people because of I'm just putting it in like quick 0:14:53.720 --> 0:15:01.440 easy Layman's terms, because of our kind of irregular dopamine. 0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:05.520 It's dopamine that you know. Look, people are like shooting 0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:07.880 heroin to feel dopamine for like a second, you know, 0:15:08.000 --> 0:15:10.960 and uh, it's the feeling you feel when you're in love. 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.280 But I mean, like normal everyday functioning dopamine. If you're 0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:17.200 able to throw the laundry in the machine and you're 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:19.640 not like, wow, that's fun, but it's not killing you 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:22.200 to think of doing it, Like, that's because of dopamine, right, 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:30.560 And when ours isn't totally regulated where we want, they 0:15:30.560 --> 0:15:33.720 call it stim you're stimming, you're looking for stimulation. Some 0:15:33.760 --> 0:15:37.440 people eat for stimulation. It's not quite the same as 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:40.040 eating to cover up emotions. And when I could not 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:42.480 find the emotion that I was supposedly trying to cover up, 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:44.920 I felt like I was going crazy. I was like, 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:48.760 oh my god, I must be so blocked. Oh my, 0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:51.480 And I'm thinking, oh, how could I be this blocked? 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:53.600 With the years and years of therapy, and I'm so 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:56.960 open and willing, and I'm doing prayers and meditation in 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:59.200 the morning, and the Gratitude Journal and this, and I'm 0:15:59.240 --> 0:16:02.040 reading books and just been such a seeker my whole life, 0:16:02.040 --> 0:16:05.320 and my God, and you think of people who are 0:16:05.440 --> 0:16:10.120 really really blocked, and you just you can usually tell, 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:14.680 you know, those people seem just so um uh. And 0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:16.480 I mean this in the in the loveliest way, like 0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:19.360 just kind of fragile and delicate, and like, you know, 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:21.280 just like, oh God, you just want to hug them 0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:24.480 and be like You've got so much trauma, and like 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:27.720 I'm more blocked than those people. And then you find 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:30.880 out oh, like, yeah, you're dopamine levels change at night, 0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:32.200 and when you have a d h D you need 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:34.840 stem Oh what do I do? Oh? You find other 0:16:34.880 --> 0:16:37.400 ways to stimulate your dopamine. Now, before what I was 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:42.680 doing was, oh, I'm not hungry in a hunger pangs way, 0:16:43.200 --> 0:16:47.040 I'm fiending for sugar. Do I drink three glasses of wine? 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:48.680 Do I go to the store and get candy? Do 0:16:48.720 --> 0:16:51.600 I order a pizza? You know that feeling where it 0:16:51.680 --> 0:16:55.680 was like it felt like an addiction, where it felt 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:59.640 like I cannot stop thinking about this and the only 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:02.400 way to stop is to give into the thing I 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:04.720 want and then I go, Okay, tomorrow would be different, right. 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:11.400 And when you are told that that is emotional eating 0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:15.399 because you're not feeling something, so I would Okay, I'm 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:18.520 gonna stop, and I'm not gonna drink the wine, and 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:19.800 I'm not gonna go get the candy, and I'm not 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:21.640 gonna wear to the pizza. I'm gonna sit and think 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:24.640 about my emotions. It was torture because there was nothing there. 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:27.600 I'm not We all have emotions, we all have things 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:29.920 we don't like deal with at the forefront of our 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:34.520 brain at all time, right. But for me, it was 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:37.880 just I need stimulation. I need to trigger the dopamine. 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:42.679 It could have been solved as simply as get up 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:45.320 and take a walk, turn on some music and dance 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:48.560 for three minutes, or just know, oh, this is your 0:17:48.560 --> 0:17:51.120 a d h D and you're wanting to stay even 0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:53.400 just knowing that I may not go do a solution 0:17:53.440 --> 0:17:55.480 based thing, but knowing it makes me go, I'll get 0:17:55.480 --> 0:17:59.120 out of here. But when I thought it was emotional troubles. 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:04.320 It would almost make it worse because I would think 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:08.720 I can't access these emotions and I'm so overwhelmed by that, 0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:12.120 I gotta eat. And so now that's just an example 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:15.240 of these weird things that are a d h D 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:17.800 that looks so much like other stuff. And it's tough 0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:20.280 because you might have emotional eating issues, you might need 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:22.440 to really work on them. You might also have a 0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:24.760 h D. You know, it's tough when it all kind 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:27.960 of feels the same. But there was that moment for 0:18:28.000 --> 0:18:32.399 me when I went, it's as simple as there is 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:39.240 a disorder that is on the scale of being neuro divergent, 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:44.320 where certain things are overwhelming for you, certain things need 0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:48.680 a little extra TLC, certain things needed extra attention, certain 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:52.280 things need a little extra handling, and you've got you 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:53.879 kind of kind of go out on your own and 0:18:53.880 --> 0:18:56.800 do it. And not a lot of psychiatrists who deal 0:18:56.800 --> 0:18:59.080 in a d h D are as familiar with all 0:18:59.080 --> 0:19:01.320 the nuance and everything knew that's coming out, unless it's 0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:03.959 their passion and they're sitting there researching it every day. 0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:06.359 But if they got their degree and they can prescribe, 0:19:06.400 --> 0:19:08.680 I mean I don't know many that bother to sit 0:19:08.680 --> 0:19:13.119 around learning more. That's why for me, uh, I have 0:19:13.359 --> 0:19:16.879 really enjoyed subscribing to this magazine called Attitude A d 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:22.240 D Get It, and I've I've enjoyed reading what a 0:19:22.400 --> 0:19:24.280 d h D coaches say and I'm going to get 0:19:24.320 --> 0:19:30.080 an a d h D coach. You know, that industry 0:19:30.080 --> 0:19:34.080 in the d D world is is really huge, and 0:19:36.000 --> 0:19:38.359 I do think for some of us it can be 0:19:39.640 --> 0:19:42.520 alongside having a psychiatrist if you do need a prescription. 0:19:43.480 --> 0:19:49.480 It is one of the disorders that I find is 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:52.800 very kind of d I Y in a way in 0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:55.840 terms of really knowing what you have and what works 0:19:55.840 --> 0:19:57.359 for you and what doesn't. It's a lot of trial 0:19:57.400 --> 0:20:01.320 and error. So I wanted to read a few emails 0:20:01.320 --> 0:20:04.359 because the most popular episode by far that I did 0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:07.280 was my episode with Kristin Carter called I Have a 0:20:07.359 --> 0:20:11.879 d h D. And it really was fascinating to me 0:20:11.880 --> 0:20:14.520 because it was through doing this podcast that I finally 0:20:14.560 --> 0:20:18.320 realized my a d h D has run my life. 0:20:18.800 --> 0:20:22.600 And you know, I'm I'm it's like not bad or good, 0:20:22.600 --> 0:20:26.640 it just is. And going forward, I will be identifying 0:20:26.680 --> 0:20:29.800 that way. For me, I feel like doing this show 0:20:29.960 --> 0:20:34.000 was was a love letter to my anxious little self 0:20:34.040 --> 0:20:37.760 as a kid, where I wanted people to talk about 0:20:37.760 --> 0:20:39.480 things I never could talk about as a kid because 0:20:39.560 --> 0:20:43.680 society didn't. And as I did the podcast, I started 0:20:43.720 --> 0:20:46.919 to realize, I don't think I have half the stuff 0:20:46.920 --> 0:20:49.360 that I'm hearing that people with anxiety have. And then 0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:52.240 it became very clear, you know, I think this a 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:56.359 d h D thing is a is my thing, and 0:20:56.440 --> 0:21:00.920 it does sort of explain certain anxiety and certain lack 0:21:01.320 --> 0:21:05.560 of anxieties that normally people have with an anxiety disorder. 0:21:06.000 --> 0:21:08.040 And again this all this stuff moves around, it can 0:21:08.119 --> 0:21:12.560 change with circumstances, blah blah blah. So you know, but 0:21:12.880 --> 0:21:16.080 for me, finding this, really locking into this diagnosis and 0:21:16.960 --> 0:21:19.360 kind of looking at everything through that frame has helped me. 0:21:20.160 --> 0:21:26.480 So this is an email from Kate. She says, I'm 0:21:26.520 --> 0:21:29.160 listening to your Anxiety Bites episode with Liz fosse Lean 0:21:29.240 --> 0:21:33.400 and found the discussion about anxious fixing particularly interesting. Coincidentally, 0:21:33.440 --> 0:21:36.600 this article popped up in my news feed. Um, and 0:21:36.640 --> 0:21:40.720 that news feed is chore Charm bracelets are helping people 0:21:40.760 --> 0:21:43.360 diagnosed with a d h D stay on track. Kate 0:21:43.440 --> 0:21:46.240 asked what do you think of the concept of chore charms. 0:21:46.800 --> 0:21:49.720 Is it more list ticking, albeit in a different format, 0:21:50.200 --> 0:21:52.320 rather than taking time to check in with how you're feeling, 0:21:52.720 --> 0:21:56.280 or is it a productive way to feel accomplishment. Let 0:21:56.280 --> 0:22:00.960 me look at this article. So, this is an article 0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:04.760 from ABC dot net dot au, so Australian ABC news. 0:22:05.640 --> 0:22:08.920 And there's a woman named Matilda Bosley, and she's smiling, 0:22:09.040 --> 0:22:13.600 and she's holding up her wrist and she has it 0:22:13.960 --> 0:22:18.479 one of those rubber elastic kind of phone cord looking 0:22:19.160 --> 0:22:22.280 phone cord, you know, landlines from the eighties. Key ring 0:22:24.080 --> 0:22:27.680 on her arm, a bunch of them, and each one 0:22:27.880 --> 0:22:31.080 has instead of a key, a little tag that has 0:22:31.119 --> 0:22:34.600 a chore she needs to do. So she started using 0:22:34.600 --> 0:22:37.240 these wristbands to help keep her on track. Each morning, 0:22:37.640 --> 0:22:40.159 she sets herself up with physical reminders of her tasks 0:22:40.160 --> 0:22:42.720 in the form of a key chain wrist bracelet known 0:22:42.760 --> 0:22:45.399 as charge arms, with a tag on each one to 0:22:45.440 --> 0:22:47.760 reminder of a particular task such as making the better 0:22:47.800 --> 0:22:52.600 taking medication. While she says, the rattle that the tags 0:22:52.680 --> 0:22:55.760 create annoy her, the sound also motivates her to get 0:22:55.760 --> 0:22:57.359 them off, she says, but she's not allowed to take 0:22:57.400 --> 0:22:59.760 them off. Until she actually does it. Part of having 0:22:59.760 --> 0:23:01.720 a h D is having to manage her mind going 0:23:01.720 --> 0:23:04.639 off on tangents. Staying on task, especially when it's a 0:23:04.640 --> 0:23:08.879 task that's fairly mundane, can be really difficult. I mean, listen, 0:23:08.880 --> 0:23:10.600