Speaker 1: This is the Anxiety Bites podcast and I am your host,
Speaker 1: Jen Kirkman. Welcome to another episode of Anxiety Bites. I
Speaker 1: am your host, Jen Kirkman. Well, today is the second
Speaker 1: to last episode of Anxiety Bites. If you get separation anxiety.
Speaker 1: Thinking about that, let's think of it as the end
Speaker 1: of season one. Will there be a season two? I
Speaker 1: don't know, but I have to be quite honest. I
Speaker 1: do not have the bandwidth or time. I guess is
Speaker 1: another way to put things. We used to just call
Speaker 1: it time. Now everyone calls it bandwidth. I guess bandwidth
Speaker 1: means more than time either one. I don't have bandwidth
Speaker 1: or time to do another season right now because of
Speaker 1: I have a full time writing job and will be
Speaker 1: pretty tied up for the next year. But let's not
Speaker 1: worry about what's to come and what's not because none
Speaker 1: of us know. But for right now, let's call the
Speaker 1: season one and it's coming to an end. As we
Speaker 1: always knew, there would be forty six episodes of season one.
Speaker 1: Maybe you didn't, but I did. And this week is
Speaker 1: a solo episode. Next week we have Dr Julie Smith,
Speaker 1: who wrote a book called Why has Nobody Told Me This? Before,
Speaker 1: which I thought would be the perfect guests and book
Speaker 1: and vibe for the last episode. And I'll tell you
Speaker 1: more about that next week during the actual episode, But
Speaker 1: for this week, I thought we could have a bit
Speaker 1: of a potboury of an episode, but with the focus
Speaker 1: of a d h D. Pun intended get a focus
Speaker 1: a d h D. I have a few listener emails
Speaker 1: to read and some thoughts about this podcast, and then
Speaker 1: I really do want to get into a little more
Speaker 1: talk about a d h D, so let's just start there.
Speaker 1: You know, when I started this podcast, I wasn't that
Speaker 1: in touch with my own d h D. I was
Speaker 1: diagnosed in my mid thirties, and I have to be honest,
Speaker 1: I didn't really know much about it. I didn't quite
Speaker 1: relate to having it. I was told at the time
Speaker 1: by someone I lived with that they thought I had it.
Speaker 1: I was seeing a psychiatrist already for medication for anti
Speaker 1: anxiety for depression to go over my phobia of flying,
Speaker 1: and this doctor was not surprised that I had been
Speaker 1: diagnosed with a d h D. And I think there's
Speaker 1: something that goes on sometimes between a doctor and a
Speaker 1: patient where a patient might say a symptom, they might
Speaker 1: say a disease name instead of a symptom, and the
Speaker 1: doctor then treats the disease, but symptoms are never talked about,
Speaker 1: and so I really didn't get solutions for relief, and
Speaker 1: I didn't talk about it with my talk therapist either.
Speaker 1: It just seemed like something you medicate or you don't.
Speaker 1: And because I didn't know exactly what a d h
Speaker 1: D really was besides inability to focus or pay attention
Speaker 1: and being hyper and I honestly don't totally suffer from
Speaker 1: the inability to focus, and I was basing that on
Speaker 1: that I've always been quite successful at whatever job I've had,
Speaker 1: whether it's being an administrative assistant or whether it was
Speaker 1: being a writer on staff. I was successful in the
Speaker 1: sense that I always paid attention. I was always the
Speaker 1: most organized. I mean it, on the surface, you would
Speaker 1: not think that I had a d h D. Maybe hyperactive, sure,
Speaker 1: but not in the ways that like I was always
Speaker 1: allowed talker, a fast talker, quick to react. But I
Speaker 1: never thought any of that was a d h D.
Speaker 1: I never really thought that much about that. I did
Speaker 1: any of that stuff to me hyperactivity. I was still
Speaker 1: thinking about the way they diagnosed a d h D
Speaker 1: in young children specifically, Usually this is white boys with
Speaker 1: you know, they got ants in their pants, they're jumping around,
Speaker 1: and I I rationalized my diagnosis, which was based on
Speaker 1: a young child's view of what a d h D
Speaker 1: is or what psychiatrists view a d h D is
Speaker 1: four children, and thought, well, may I mean, I mean,
Speaker 1: maybe I was hyperactive growing up, and you know, but
Speaker 1: I was took dance lesson so maybe I got out
Speaker 1: of my system. I don't know. I just didn't have
Speaker 1: any idea that everything I was suffering from, all of
Speaker 1: the ways in which my life was unmanageable. I look
Speaker 1: back on it now and it seems to fit that
Speaker 1: I had a d h D very untreated, untreated not
Speaker 1: just medically, but more importantly cognitively. I didn't have tricks
Speaker 1: and tips and coping mechanisms and just the knowledge of Okay,
Speaker 1: so this is going to happen to you because of
Speaker 1: your lack of executive functions in some areas, or you
Speaker 1: dopamine and so you're going to have to make a
Speaker 1: big decision to do blah blah blah. Now, some of
Speaker 1: the work I did on anxiety, whether it was spiritual
Speaker 1: work or a little more cognitive behavior therapy in the
Speaker 1: sense of my work, you know, with fear of flying
Speaker 1: phobia and more of an exposure therapy thing or cognitive
Speaker 1: behavior therapy where I would tell myself things that weren't true,
Speaker 1: whether it was you know, low self esteem kind of
Speaker 1: things about myself or doom things about the future. Do
Speaker 1: I think I legitimately had depression and anxiety? I think so.
Speaker 1: But whereas I never could have ever wrangled my a
Speaker 1: d h D without actually knowing the symptoms and wrangling
Speaker 1: it the way I am now, I think I could
Speaker 1: have wrangled some of the depression and anxiety if I'd
Speaker 1: only been properly diagnosed with a d h D and
Speaker 1: given a tool kit. So it doesn't really matter what
Speaker 1: I had what I didn't, because that time has gone now.
Speaker 1: But the thing, the behaviors and the thought process and
Speaker 1: the actions I've taken in life that I regret the most,
Speaker 1: or that I can see caused some problems that I've
Speaker 1: been very lucky in life. Some of the problems I've
Speaker 1: caused myself, they've worked themselves out. And I'll give you
Speaker 1: an example, like certain jobs I've quit, I've been able
Speaker 1: to go back to UM. And I'm looking back on quitting.
Speaker 1: It wasn't the way I quit. I didn't. I didn't
Speaker 1: go fuck you, I'm leaving. Just certain things where you
Speaker 1: work a job in writing and you don't reap your
Speaker 1: contract for the next year. It's all very paperwork and
Speaker 1: lawyery and dignified quitting. But the decision was not thought through.
Speaker 1: It was a little bit rash, even though it seemed
Speaker 1: thought through, and things that where I go, oh, I
Speaker 1: legitimately made a mistake because I had this inability to
Speaker 1: critically think in some areas or not make these rash decisions,
Speaker 1: or the way I would just move across the country
Speaker 1: with you know, five dollars and you know, get on
Speaker 1: a train and you know, and a lot of that
Speaker 1: could be maybe I was young, whatever, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: But a lot of things I regret, I go, oh,
Speaker 1: my god, doesn't that go really well with an A
Speaker 1: d h D symptoms? Relationships? I regret was like I
Speaker 1: was emotionally reactive. You know, None of the things I
Speaker 1: worked on that surrounded problems like those have ever brought
Speaker 1: me much relief. And now I feel for me getting
Speaker 1: further into my diagnosis of a d h D. I
Speaker 1: can see why I did certain things, and I can
Speaker 1: now have better tools in the future. So my point is,
Speaker 1: so I was diagnosed mid thirties. I bring it up
Speaker 1: to my psychiatrists. He's like, oh, yeah, you know, that
Speaker 1: makes sense, and we talked a little bit about things
Speaker 1: here and there, and we don't really get too deeply
Speaker 1: into it because I don't know I'm suffering from it.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't even think to say, so,
Speaker 1: I do this, this, this, this, and I don't want
Speaker 1: to do this, this, this, this anymore. Is this a
Speaker 1: d h D when it doesn't den't daunt at me
Speaker 1: that half the things I was doing all the time
Speaker 1: we're a d h D. Whether it was trying to
Speaker 1: accomplish every single thing in one day and feeling bad
Speaker 1: if I couldn't, or burning out so badly from you know,
Speaker 1: like there's like an a d h D burnout where
Speaker 1: you just kind of have to stare at a wall
Speaker 1: for a day. You know, there's so many I just
Speaker 1: didn't know. I thought it was normal, everyone does this,
Speaker 1: or it's part of your depression and anxiety. So he
Speaker 1: put me on this drug called focal in, which is
Speaker 1: kind of in the Adderall family, but it's not a
Speaker 1: it's it's still one of those like drugs. I guess
Speaker 1: that's a stimulant, but where's Adderall's more of a quote
Speaker 1: drug in the bad way, Like if you put it
Speaker 1: up and snorted it, you would get high, but Folklin
Speaker 1: like has to be absorbed through the liver, and those
Speaker 1: kind of drugs are usually you know, better to take
Speaker 1: long term. I guess I don't. The point is it
Speaker 1: didn't do anything for me, Like I literally didn't notice
Speaker 1: a difference in anything. And at the time, I was
Speaker 1: at a writing job, and again, like I always felt
Speaker 1: like I had a pretty easy time focusing. I didn't
Speaker 1: sit daydreaming maybe after hour four, but that's just anyone.
Speaker 1: So and it made my skin break out really badly.
Speaker 1: It was stimulating something my sabacious glans, and and I
Speaker 1: just went off it and then we just never talked
Speaker 1: about it again. I was like, I guess I'll just
Speaker 1: have to deal with my a d h D. But again,
Speaker 1: the symptoms I thought were a d h D, I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't only have them anyway. So as
Speaker 1: my quote what I would have called anxiety maybe like
Speaker 1: five years ago, was ramping up. It wasn't making sense
Speaker 1: to me because people in my life were saying, you're anxious,
Speaker 1: You're anxious, and I was like, but I've never been
Speaker 1: better like my careers where I wanted to be. I'm
Speaker 1: happy be I'm completely over my flying phobia and flying
Speaker 1: by myself to like Australia, you know. And I just
Speaker 1: didn't understand the feedback I was getting from people, and
Speaker 1: they didn't have the right language either, and it led
Speaker 1: me into this, you know, over the past seven years,
Speaker 1: really drilling down in therapy and with my psychiatrist, really
Speaker 1: looking at the anxiety I was accused of having, which
Speaker 1: is certain thought for rocess uh, certain reactions, certain whatevers.
Speaker 1: And I mean, I can't tell you the amount of
Speaker 1: work I've done the past seven years. It's as though
Speaker 1: I were really someone that just needs to be locked
Speaker 1: up and thrown away without the key. You know. It's
Speaker 1: like we did twelve step four, we did cognitive behavior
Speaker 1: with every we did a m DR, we did you know,
Speaker 1: somatic therapy, we did medication, and I was just like
Speaker 1: this thing that just feels like I'm wrong, you know.
Speaker 1: Then we did like all this like shame and trauma therapy,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I listen, I know a lot of
Speaker 1: things are trauma, but I don't have big teen trauma.
Speaker 1: And I was like this whole notion that like I'm wrong,
Speaker 1: like I just exist as a wrong person, like I'm
Speaker 1: just something's wrong with me, Like I never felt it
Speaker 1: in a deep, like childhood primal way, the way that
Speaker 1: like my therapist was making it seem like I was
Speaker 1: saying it. I just meant like something's off here, you know.
Speaker 1: And once I so then I talked to my psychiatrist,
Speaker 1: but he was he was telling me that he's going
Speaker 1: to retire, you know, He's like, we've got about a
Speaker 1: year left together. And I said, I really want to
Speaker 1: revisit this a d h D thing. So I'd read
Speaker 1: this book about how a d h D is different
Speaker 1: and women, and I said, I think half the ship
Speaker 1: that I do that is habitual now is is like
Speaker 1: an a d h D maladaptive coping mechanism. And he's like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, and he's like, I'm sorry, I didn't, you know, know,
Speaker 1: you want to talk about this. And it was all fine,
Speaker 1: and we really kind of drilled down on stuff and
Speaker 1: I realized, yeah, that's my focus. But that was kind
Speaker 1: of going on behind the scenes of anxiety bites. And
Speaker 1: then I started researching it more and reading things and
Speaker 1: talking to a d h D coaches and it's just
Speaker 1: it's unreal how much I relate, and it just it's
Speaker 1: it's literally taking a deep breath. And I have now
Speaker 1: different coping mechanisms and different ways I do things like
Speaker 1: bullet journaling. I don't do it as detailed as some
Speaker 1: other people, but in the sense that I write things
Speaker 1: down every day that I need to do, and I
Speaker 1: have forced myself through writing it by hand instead of
Speaker 1: typing it in my notes section of there's something about
Speaker 1: here's what I want to do this week, and here
Speaker 1: is my daily goals, and to be able to really
Speaker 1: not have twenty things in a day that I think
Speaker 1: I can get to and I may be able to,
Speaker 1: but also work a full time job so you can't
Speaker 1: always do that. And then there's just you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: you have time to do something but you're just you
Speaker 1: need to zone out for a minute. You might not
Speaker 1: have the most productive lunch hour in history where you're
Speaker 1: returning every call and every email, and you know, it
Speaker 1: was like I couldn't even go hang out with a friend.
Speaker 1: If I hadn't completed my to do list, well, if
Speaker 1: I live that way, I'll never see another soul as
Speaker 1: long as I live, you know. And so really being
Speaker 1: able to be comfortable with writing five things and and
Speaker 1: feeling like that's enough and just I really I can't
Speaker 1: explain too much, but it's little things like that dancing
Speaker 1: in the morning for three minutes for dopamine. I am medicated,
Speaker 1: I have vivants and I'm not on it right now,
Speaker 1: but I have taken it. It does work really miraculously
Speaker 1: for me because it slows me down, It centers me,
Speaker 1: it focuses me. It does help with the executive function
Speaker 1: of begin to look at time management differently um in
Speaker 1: the sense that it helps my dopamines so that I
Speaker 1: can actually motivate to do something. But I have to
Speaker 1: be already doing that thing. It doesn't make you go
Speaker 1: right a screenplay. You know you're but I have to
Speaker 1: be very careful because at night, I've learned that when
Speaker 1: I would get this insatiable urges, it was always after
Speaker 1: six pm to have like sugar, and you know, it
Speaker 1: was like I almost was like, am I a binge eater?
Speaker 1: Am I an emotional eater, and I spent two years
Speaker 1: trying to figure out the underlying emotion of why I'm
Speaker 1: just so drawn to eating at night by myself that
Speaker 1: you can be really missing misdiagnosed a d h D
Speaker 1: people because of I'm just putting it in like quick
Speaker 1: easy Layman's terms, because of our kind of irregular dopamine.
Speaker 1: It's dopamine that you know. Look, people are like shooting
Speaker 1: heroin to feel dopamine for like a second, you know,
Speaker 1: and uh, it's the feeling you feel when you're in love.
Speaker 1: But I mean, like normal everyday functioning dopamine. If you're
Speaker 1: able to throw the laundry in the machine and you're
Speaker 1: not like, wow, that's fun, but it's not killing you
Speaker 1: to think of doing it, Like, that's because of dopamine, right,
Speaker 1: And when ours isn't totally regulated where we want, they
Speaker 1: call it stim you're stimming, you're looking for stimulation. Some
Speaker 1: people eat for stimulation. It's not quite the same as
Speaker 1: eating to cover up emotions. And when I could not
Speaker 1: find the emotion that I was supposedly trying to cover up,
Speaker 1: I felt like I was going crazy. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I must be so blocked. Oh my,
Speaker 1: And I'm thinking, oh, how could I be this blocked?
Speaker 1: With the years and years of therapy, and I'm so
Speaker 1: open and willing, and I'm doing prayers and meditation in
Speaker 1: the morning, and the Gratitude Journal and this, and I'm
Speaker 1: reading books and just been such a seeker my whole life,
Speaker 1: and my God, and you think of people who are
Speaker 1: really really blocked, and you just you can usually tell,
Speaker 1: you know, those people seem just so um uh. And
Speaker 1: I mean this in the in the loveliest way, like
Speaker 1: just kind of fragile and delicate, and like, you know,
Speaker 1: just like, oh God, you just want to hug them
Speaker 1: and be like You've got so much trauma, and like
Speaker 1: I'm more blocked than those people. And then you find
Speaker 1: out oh, like, yeah, you're dopamine levels change at night,
Speaker 1: and when you have a d h D you need
Speaker 1: stem Oh what do I do? Oh? You find other
Speaker 1: ways to stimulate your dopamine. Now, before what I was
Speaker 1: doing was, oh, I'm not hungry in a hunger pangs way,
Speaker 1: I'm fiending for sugar. Do I drink three glasses of wine?
Speaker 1: Do I go to the store and get candy? Do
Speaker 1: I order a pizza? You know that feeling where it
Speaker 1: was like it felt like an addiction, where it felt
Speaker 1: like I cannot stop thinking about this and the only
Speaker 1: way to stop is to give into the thing I
Speaker 1: want and then I go, Okay, tomorrow would be different, right.
Speaker 1: And when you are told that that is emotional eating
Speaker 1: because you're not feeling something, so I would Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna stop, and I'm not gonna drink the wine, and
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna go get the candy, and I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna wear to the pizza. I'm gonna sit and think
Speaker 1: about my emotions. It was torture because there was nothing there.
Speaker 1: I'm not We all have emotions, we all have things
Speaker 1: we don't like deal with at the forefront of our
Speaker 1: brain at all time, right. But for me, it was
Speaker 1: just I need stimulation. I need to trigger the dopamine.
Speaker 1: It could have been solved as simply as get up
Speaker 1: and take a walk, turn on some music and dance
Speaker 1: for three minutes, or just know, oh, this is your
Speaker 1: a d h D and you're wanting to stay even
Speaker 1: just knowing that I may not go do a solution
Speaker 1: based thing, but knowing it makes me go, I'll get
Speaker 1: out of here. But when I thought it was emotional troubles.
Speaker 1: It would almost make it worse because I would think
Speaker 1: I can't access these emotions and I'm so overwhelmed by that,
Speaker 1: I gotta eat. And so now that's just an example
Speaker 1: of these weird things that are a d h D
Speaker 1: that looks so much like other stuff. And it's tough
Speaker 1: because you might have emotional eating issues, you might need
Speaker 1: to really work on them. You might also have a
Speaker 1: h D. You know, it's tough when it all kind
Speaker 1: of feels the same. But there was that moment for
Speaker 1: me when I went, it's as simple as there is
Speaker 1: a disorder that is on the scale of being neuro divergent,
Speaker 1: where certain things are overwhelming for you, certain things need
Speaker 1: a little extra TLC, certain things needed extra attention, certain
Speaker 1: things need a little extra handling, and you've got you
Speaker 1: kind of kind of go out on your own and
Speaker 1: do it. And not a lot of psychiatrists who deal
Speaker 1: in a d h D are as familiar with all
Speaker 1: the nuance and everything knew that's coming out, unless it's
Speaker 1: their passion and they're sitting there researching it every day.
Speaker 1: But if they got their degree and they can prescribe,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't know many that bother to sit
Speaker 1: around learning more. That's why for me, uh, I have
Speaker 1: really enjoyed subscribing to this magazine called Attitude A d
Speaker 1: D Get It, and I've I've enjoyed reading what a
Speaker 1: d h D coaches say and I'm going to get
Speaker 1: an a d h D coach. You know, that industry
Speaker 1: in the d D world is is really huge, and
Speaker 1: I do think for some of us it can be
Speaker 1: alongside having a psychiatrist if you do need a prescription.
Speaker 1: It is one of the disorders that I find is
Speaker 1: very kind of d I Y in a way in
Speaker 1: terms of really knowing what you have and what works
Speaker 1: for you and what doesn't. It's a lot of trial
Speaker 1: and error. So I wanted to read a few emails
Speaker 1: because the most popular episode by far that I did
Speaker 1: was my episode with Kristin Carter called I Have a
Speaker 1: d h D. And it really was fascinating to me
Speaker 1: because it was through doing this podcast that I finally
Speaker 1: realized my a d h D has run my life.
Speaker 1: And you know, I'm I'm it's like not bad or good,
Speaker 1: it just is. And going forward, I will be identifying
Speaker 1: that way. For me, I feel like doing this show
Speaker 1: was was a love letter to my anxious little self
Speaker 1: as a kid, where I wanted people to talk about
Speaker 1: things I never could talk about as a kid because
Speaker 1: society didn't. And as I did the podcast, I started
Speaker 1: to realize, I don't think I have half the stuff
Speaker 1: that I'm hearing that people with anxiety have. And then
Speaker 1: it became very clear, you know, I think this a
Speaker 1: d h D thing is a is my thing, and
Speaker 1: it does sort of explain certain anxiety and certain lack
Speaker 1: of anxieties that normally people have with an anxiety disorder.
Speaker 1: And again this all this stuff moves around, it can
Speaker 1: change with circumstances, blah blah blah. So you know, but
Speaker 1: for me, finding this, really locking into this diagnosis and
Speaker 1: kind of looking at everything through that frame has helped me.
Speaker 1: So this is an email from Kate. She says, I'm
Speaker 1: listening to your Anxiety Bites episode with Liz fosse Lean
Speaker 1: and found the discussion about anxious fixing particularly interesting. Coincidentally,
Speaker 1: this article popped up in my news feed. Um, and
Speaker 1: that news feed is chore Charm bracelets are helping people
Speaker 1: diagnosed with a d h D stay on track. Kate
Speaker 1: asked what do you think of the concept of chore charms.
Speaker 1: Is it more list ticking, albeit in a different format,
Speaker 1: rather than taking time to check in with how you're feeling,
Speaker 1: or is it a productive way to feel accomplishment. Let
Speaker 1: me look at this article. So, this is an article
Speaker 1: from ABC dot net dot au, so Australian ABC news.
Speaker 1: And there's a woman named Matilda Bosley, and she's smiling,
Speaker 1: and she's holding up her wrist and she has it
Speaker 1: one of those rubber elastic kind of phone cord looking
Speaker 1: phone cord, you know, landlines from the eighties. Key ring
Speaker 1: on her arm, a bunch of them, and each one
Speaker 1: has instead of a key, a little tag that has
Speaker 1: a chore she needs to do. So she started using
Speaker 1: these wristbands to help keep her on track. Each morning,
Speaker 1: she sets herself up with physical reminders of her tasks
Speaker 1: in the form of a key chain wrist bracelet known
Speaker 1: as charge arms, with a tag on each one to
Speaker 1: reminder of a particular task such as making the better
Speaker 1: taking medication. While she says, the rattle that the tags
Speaker 1: create annoy her, the sound also motivates her to get
Speaker 1: them off, she says, but she's not allowed to take
Speaker 1: them off. Until she actually does it. Part of having
Speaker 1: a h D is having to manage her mind going
Speaker 1: off on tangents. Staying on task, especially when it's a
Speaker 1: task that's fairly mundane, can be really difficult. I mean, listen,
Speaker 1: I don't know, but to me, this seems like a
Speaker 1: legit a d h D solution from Matilda. I mean,
Speaker 1: there are tasks that we need to get done every day.
Speaker 1: Taking meds and making the beds important to you, then
Speaker 1: that certainly is something that needs to be done. And
Speaker 1: you know it sounds like these serve as a reminder
Speaker 1: because things can slip our mind, even the most important
Speaker 1: thing in the world all the time with me, I
Speaker 1: will make my lunch the night before, I will put
Speaker 1: it in the refrigerator. I will even put a little
Speaker 1: bag out next to the refrigerator, which is my little bag.
Speaker 1: I will put my luncheon and bring to work. And
Speaker 1: I will forget almost every day unless I put a
Speaker 1: note on the front door. This say is get your lunch.
Speaker 1: But then to get me to write the note and
Speaker 1: stick it on the door, I start thinking, you don't
Speaker 1: need a note. What are you at a D You
Speaker 1: have Alzheimer's, You forgot you made a lunch. You're not
Speaker 1: going to forget. Just stop. And I'm like, in the
Speaker 1: time that I beat myself up for having to write,
Speaker 1: I know what I could have written. So it sounds
Speaker 1: like she needs reminders. And then with something like making
Speaker 1: her bed, it sounds like she needs motivation. She's made
Speaker 1: a pactor of herself that she can't take these annoying
Speaker 1: things off her wrist until she does the things. So
Speaker 1: she does the thing, gets to take the thing off
Speaker 1: her risk wrist. I think that's to me, sounds like
Speaker 1: a really for her that this I would not want
Speaker 1: to do this, but it sounds like for her a
Speaker 1: really good, for lack of a better word and more
Speaker 1: interesting word, good way, motivating way of getting her things done.
Speaker 1: I don't think that she's doing it instead of sitting
Speaker 1: with her feelings. I think there are tasks that need
Speaker 1: to be done and things that need to be remembered.
Speaker 1: And again, a d h D really affects our executive function,
Speaker 1: those things can be almost impossible. So to me it
Speaker 1: seems not the same as anxious fixing because for me,
Speaker 1: I know when I'm anxious fixing, my mind will begin
Speaker 1: to say, oh, you've got a free you've technically got
Speaker 1: free time. You're not at work, You're not on any
Speaker 1: kind of deadline with any of your podcasts. Jen. You know, Um,
Speaker 1: your place is clean, so you know you're home for
Speaker 1: the rest of the night. Do you want to watch
Speaker 1: some TV? Do you want to read a book? Do
Speaker 1: you want to Hey, didn't meditate this morning? You want
Speaker 1: to do that? You want to journal? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna um go through all my emails, and you know,
Speaker 1: I can see it happening. I can see the moment
Speaker 1: where I can feel that my mind might have a
Speaker 1: free moment and I fill it up and I can
Speaker 1: feel myself doing them. So I think it's a little
Speaker 1: different than when I need to get something done and
Speaker 1: I need to motivate myself to do. Will be right back, Jen,
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for your Anxiety Bites podcast, and especially
Speaker 1: the episode about a d h D when you said
Speaker 1: that our fellow householders may notice that something may be
Speaker 1: amiss even when our coworkers do not. I had an
Speaker 1: AHA moment last week. I had a tallehealth appointment on done.
Speaker 1: The nurse confirmed that I have a d h D.
Speaker 1: And now I take riddle in which has the lowest
Speaker 1: risk of interacting with my anxiety medication, which is an
Speaker 1: s s R. I I agree with you that I
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to trade in my brain for one that
Speaker 1: is neurotypical, but the medication plus meditation and exercise equals
Speaker 1: a calmer me in a happier marriage. Best wishes for
Speaker 1: the next chapters of your life. Regards, Dana Jen I've
Speaker 1: been a fan blah blah blah, Jose. I wanted to
Speaker 1: say thank you for the I Have a d h
Speaker 1: D podcast because I have finally let myself acknowledge that
Speaker 1: I took all the boxes. Been sitting and digesting all
Speaker 1: the info for a while, but I thought it'd be
Speaker 1: nice to drop your word to emphasize that, yes, it
Speaker 1: does resonate with me. I'm a bit shocked and relieved
Speaker 1: at the same time. And guess what, I'm almost thirty eight,
Speaker 1: which means I could just put the diagnosis on my
Speaker 1: birthday wish lists and grant it to myself and not
Speaker 1: feel guilty. All of my life, I was a high functioning,
Speaker 1: high achiever who just started struggling with simple things at
Speaker 1: some point in life and always thought I was just weird, tired,
Speaker 1: and goth. Well, yes I am, but that's not the point.
Speaker 1: I was listening to the podcast, learning that all these
Speaker 1: glitches and my behavior have actual names, and taking notes,
Speaker 1: only later to notice that you've already done that for
Speaker 1: us on your website. I can't express how much I
Speaker 1: had to or red. Yes, we all go to Jen
Speaker 1: Kirkman dot com and click anxiety bites. You can read
Speaker 1: the takeaways from every episode in bullet point form. I
Speaker 1: think I'm finally feeling empowered enough to get a diagnosis
Speaker 1: because I have a long tick list thanks TikTok with
Speaker 1: a science based vocabulary, and also because would bring a
Speaker 1: huge relief to my crazy brain. So thank you, thanks, thanks, thanks.
Speaker 1: I did speak to my therapist about it briefly, but
Speaker 1: she said, if I feel something is actually making it
Speaker 1: difficult for me to function and do normal things in life,
Speaker 1: then yes, I should get it checked. But how many
Speaker 1: of us actually rationalize and minimize our a d h
Speaker 1: D behavior just to not make a big deal out
Speaker 1: of it? Is it the patriarchy again? Is it all
Speaker 1: because for our own safety we don't want to be
Speaker 1: labeled hysterical, crazy or unpredictable. So I think that's true.
Speaker 1: I think for me. I was told, I mean, you
Speaker 1: know you're off the first time I tried meds. You're
Speaker 1: off the meds. I mean, if you feel like you're
Speaker 1: a d h D is getting in the way of
Speaker 1: your life, we can talk about other solutions. I was like, no,
Speaker 1: it's not because they didn't know what it was and others.
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, it's the other things getting the
Speaker 1: way in my life. Those were a d h D
Speaker 1: symptoms our regrets, Jen. When I started anxiety Bites, Oh,
Speaker 1: that was from Izzy Jen. When I started Anxiety Bites
Speaker 1: A listen to the a d h D episode. People
Speaker 1: have told me I was a d h D my
Speaker 1: whole life, but I've never received a diagnosis from a counselor.
Speaker 1: In school, my nickname was the butterfly, as I have
Speaker 1: never been in one place for too long. I excellent
Speaker 1: public speaking and split decision making where I'm not given
Speaker 1: time to ruminate, but I struggle with so many other
Speaker 1: aspects of life. It's brought about pretty severe self esteem
Speaker 1: issues when I can't complete tasks or I get overwhelmed.
Speaker 1: And I was literally in a state of overwhelmed when
Speaker 1: I listened to your podcast. I'm sorry listening to the
Speaker 1: podcast has motivated me to seek advice from a professional
Speaker 1: and also gave me the self compassion I needed in
Speaker 1: that moment. So there you go. And they asked me
Speaker 1: not to include their names, so I thought I would
Speaker 1: go over some things that maybe you would want to
Speaker 1: learn more about a d h D. And I got
Speaker 1: all of this from Attitude mag dot com and I subscribe,
Speaker 1: which is a paid subscription, so I think a lot
Speaker 1: of the things I have access to or because I've
Speaker 1: paid for them, so you can get a lot of
Speaker 1: info for free on their website. So definitely had over there.
Speaker 1: But if you're looking for what I read, I think
Speaker 1: mine is under the paywalls, so pay attention. UM. I
Speaker 1: know for me, some of the things that I've realized
Speaker 1: where a d h D symptoms is talking too much,
Speaker 1: you know, not being able to shut up, talking really fast,
Speaker 1: talking loud. I've been reactive in relationships. I've felt like
Speaker 1: I was never good enough just in general. Um, I
Speaker 1: felt like I had emotional problems, you know, like I
Speaker 1: hurled my emotions at people. Sometimes. I think I dabbled
Speaker 1: in something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, and a lot of
Speaker 1: that has been thankfully just weed it out of my
Speaker 1: system by other ways, but truly looking at it. You know,
Speaker 1: if those feelings come up where I want to react
Speaker 1: a certain way, now I know, well, this is part
Speaker 1: of a d h D, and here's what I can
Speaker 1: do about it. So there are some self defeating behaviors
Speaker 1: of a d h D, and one of them is
Speaker 1: trying to do something all yourself, and that just really
Speaker 1: resonated with me. Um. You know, there's there's things where
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, I can't do that, you know, I
Speaker 1: can't get an assistant because I just need to do
Speaker 1: it all myself, you know, and or the there's just
Speaker 1: a lot of I'll just do it all myself. It's
Speaker 1: easier because I need to do it right now. You know.
Speaker 1: There's there's not a lot of before my you know,
Speaker 1: learning how to take better care of myself. Of course,
Speaker 1: with a d h D, there was not a lot
Speaker 1: of planning, right so if it's like, oh, someday I
Speaker 1: want to get this from my apartment, it's like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna do it right now, you know. And
Speaker 1: then you do something because you need to do it
Speaker 1: right now, even though you don't need to, and you
Speaker 1: do it all yourself, and then you waste the time
Speaker 1: you should have been doing something else. You know. It's
Speaker 1: a lot of that. It's it's like this absolute need
Speaker 1: to do it right now. And that's that's what I
Speaker 1: mean by reactivity too. I don't mean like you're hauling
Speaker 1: off hitting someone, but I just mean you might be
Speaker 1: having a reaction to your own need to do something.
Speaker 1: Like it's impulsivity and compulsiveness. But I never felt like
Speaker 1: I had O c D. But I had like impulsivity,
Speaker 1: and I think that was always a big, big thing
Speaker 1: with me. And that can manifest for a lot of people.
Speaker 1: It can look even like love, addiction and things like that.
Speaker 1: It can look like recklessness, you know, in certain ways.
Speaker 1: And so that was something that I had to realize.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, like I I just have impulsivity, and
Speaker 1: it it can come up in big ways, but it
Speaker 1: can come up in small ways, like getting an idea, Oh,
Speaker 1: I might want to um take some photos and put
Speaker 1: them on this wall in my place, and then it
Speaker 1: suddenly like I have to leave the house right now
Speaker 1: and started taking pictures and I have to buy free
Speaker 1: and it's like I was just doing something else, but
Speaker 1: this urge like no, I need to do it now,
Speaker 1: and it's like as though like writing it down on
Speaker 1: a future to do list and getting excited about it.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I figured out when I want to
Speaker 1: do it that wall I want to take photos and
Speaker 1: put them up Like that wouldn't be satisfying enough. And
Speaker 1: so when you think about it in ways like that,
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, how many times have you done that
Speaker 1: with people? Right like you fall in love so quickly,
Speaker 1: or you need this right now, or just like nothing
Speaker 1: can wait, and everyone's sort of like confused by your
Speaker 1: just kind of like spinning around. A lot of that
Speaker 1: is a d h D. So okay, so there's an
Speaker 1: a d h D test now again. This is from
Speaker 1: Attitude mag dot com. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a
Speaker 1: neural development disorder diverse sorry, neurodevelopmental disorder that impacts the
Speaker 1: prefrontal cortex of the brain, the area responsible for executive functions,
Speaker 1: emotional regulation, and impulse control, among other things. Those symptoms
Speaker 1: may shift and change with age, they rarely go away altogether.
Speaker 1: So you had as a child will most likely have
Speaker 1: it as an adult. But a d h D in
Speaker 1: adults looks and acts different than in children. But unfortunately,
Speaker 1: the clinicians diagnostic criteria as outlined in the d s
Speaker 1: M five does not differentiate adult versus childhood symptoms, which
Speaker 1: can sacrifice the accuracy of assessment. So there is an
Speaker 1: a d h D test. It was developed by the
Speaker 1: World Health Organization and it's how often do you have
Speaker 1: difficulty concentrating on what people say to you even when
Speaker 1: they are speaking you directly and you can answer very often, often, sometimes, are, rarely,
Speaker 1: or never? So there's five options, Very often, often, sometimes, rarely, never.
Speaker 1: How often do you leave your seat in meetings or
Speaker 1: other situations in which you're expected to remain stated? Very often, often, sometimes, rarely, never.
Speaker 1: How often do you have difficulty unwinding and relaxing when
Speaker 1: you have time to yourself when you're in a conversation.
Speaker 1: How often do you find your self finishing the sentence
Speaker 1: of the people you are talking to before they can
Speaker 1: finish it themselves. How often do you put things off
Speaker 1: until the last minute? How often do you depend on
Speaker 1: others to keep your life in order and attend to details? Now,
Speaker 1: I don't relate to a lot of those, So then
Speaker 1: you go to, well, there's a female a d h
Speaker 1: D test symptoms and women and Girls. And I know
Speaker 1: that this is very binary, and I'm sorry. I don't
Speaker 1: mean to exclude um our trans friends and non binary folks.
Speaker 1: I can only talk about my experience as assist gendered woman,
Speaker 1: and so I'm just going from my own experience right now,
Speaker 1: and I would assume that anyone who fits these symptoms
Speaker 1: this this is an a d h D diagnostic test.
Speaker 1: I think the reason it's put this way, as in
Speaker 1: Women and Girls is again, a d h D diagnoses
Speaker 1: were usually based on studying young boys. Okay, so is
Speaker 1: it impossible for you to shut out sounds and distractions
Speaker 1: that don't bother others? Again? We go very often, often,
Speaker 1: sometimes rarely. Never do you start the day determined to
Speaker 1: get organized and end the day feeling defeat at ding
Speaker 1: ding me very often? Do you feel like you're always
Speaker 1: at one end of a deregulated activity spectrum, either a
Speaker 1: couch potato or tornado me ding ding very often? I
Speaker 1: literally and that, but as different than mania. It's not
Speaker 1: like you're up all night going, you know, It's it's
Speaker 1: just you either feel like you're this whirling dervish of
Speaker 1: a person, good or bad or you just have to
Speaker 1: hold up and be by yourself for like a day.
Speaker 1: Are you called a slob or spacey h? No, but
Speaker 1: very often often, sometimes rarely never are you clueless as
Speaker 1: to how others managed to leave consistent, regular lives ding? Ding?
Speaker 1: Very often? Do you feel as if life is out
Speaker 1: of control and that it's impossible to meet demands? Yes?
Speaker 1: Very often. Do you feel like you're passing for normal
Speaker 1: but you're really an imposter? Yes? For me the one.
Speaker 1: Very often. Do you hesitate to have people over to
Speaker 1: your house because you're ashamed of the mess? No? Never, immaculate,
Speaker 1: that's the one way I'm not an ad D. Do
Speaker 1: you feel overwhelmed at stores, at the office, or at parties? Yes?
Speaker 1: Does time, money, paper, or stuff dominate your life and
Speaker 1: hamper your ability to achieve your goals? Me? Very often
Speaker 1: I get stuck in the nitty gritty minutia that getting
Speaker 1: someone to help me with things would solve and I
Speaker 1: could have more time to achieve goals UM in work
Speaker 1: and creativity. And it's a miracle I've gotten far enough
Speaker 1: in my career UM because I have so often been
Speaker 1: focused on these little minusha things that are important. Do
Speaker 1: you request for one more thing at the end of
Speaker 1: the day put you over the top emotionally, yes, very often.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been thought of as selfish because you
Speaker 1: don't write thank you notes or send birthday cards? I
Speaker 1: think I must sometimes on that one. I think there
Speaker 1: are times in my life where I just cannot comprehend
Speaker 1: things like that. Do you watch others of equal intel, legends,
Speaker 1: and education pass you by? Do you despair of ever
Speaker 1: fulfilling your potential in meeting your goals? Do you shut
Speaker 1: down in the middle of the day feeling assaulted? Is?
Speaker 1: Do you have trouble balancing your checkbook? Do you feel
Speaker 1: that you have better ideas than other people but are
Speaker 1: unable to organize them or act on them. Is your
Speaker 1: time and energy taken up with coping, staying organized, and
Speaker 1: holding it together with no time for fun or relaxation.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling that one. So that's the last question. Listen
Speaker 1: to this quiz. This is rejection sensitive dysphoria test. This
Speaker 1: is another UM. It's rejection sensitive dysphoria, or the extreme
Speaker 1: emotional pain linked to feelings of rejection and shame, commonly
Speaker 1: affects adults with a h T. Use this self test
Speaker 1: to determine if your symptoms mentioned match those of ours team.
Speaker 1: So again, this isn't its own to sort er. It's dysphoria.
Speaker 1: It's one of the symptoms of a d h D.
Speaker 1: So rs D rejection sensitive dysphoria is an intense emotional
Speaker 1: response caused by the perception that you have disappointed others
Speaker 1: in your life, and that because of that disappointment, they
Speaker 1: have withdrawn their love, approval, or respect. The same painful
Speaker 1: reaction can occur when you fail or fall short of
Speaker 1: your rather high goals and expectations. This can plague both
Speaker 1: children and adults, even when no actual rejection has taken place.
Speaker 1: It's difficult for people with a d h D to describe,
Speaker 1: but all who have it agree that it feels awful. Indeed,
Speaker 1: the term dysphoria is literally Greek for unbearable. Often those
Speaker 1: with rs D hide these intense emotional reactions from other
Speaker 1: people and feel ashamed of their vulnerability. The condition often
Speaker 1: triggers a profound and wide reaching sense of failure, as
Speaker 1: though the person with rs D hasn't measured up to
Speaker 1: personal or external expectations. So this is a test that
Speaker 1: you can take to see if you relate with r
Speaker 1: s D rejection sensitive dyspharior, which again is a common
Speaker 1: trait of a d h D. Your options are very often, often,
Speaker 1: sometimes rarely or never. Do you experience sudden, intense bouts
Speaker 1: of rage when your feelings are hurt? Do you experience
Speaker 1: sudden intense abouts of extreme sadness when you think you
Speaker 1: have been rejected or criticized? Are you your own harshest critic?
Speaker 1: Do you feel anxious in social situations because you assume
Speaker 1: that no one likes you? Do you consider yourself a
Speaker 1: people pleaser, going above and beyond to get on someone's
Speaker 1: good side. Do you pass up opportunities or start avoiding
Speaker 1: projects because you're afraid you'll fail. Have you been called
Speaker 1: overly sensitive or a head case because of your strong
Speaker 1: emotional reactions. Do you dedicate more time than is necessary
Speaker 1: to a project or become perfectionistic to make sure your
Speaker 1: work has no mistakes and is above reproach. Do you
Speaker 1: ever experience your emotions as physical sensation, as though you've
Speaker 1: been punched in the chest or physically wounded. Do you
Speaker 1: feel shame about the quote lack of control you have
Speaker 1: over your emotions Before you were diagnosed with a D
Speaker 1: h D. Were you told you might have a mood
Speaker 1: disorder a borderline character disorder. Do you shy away from
Speaker 1: close friendships or romantic relationships because you worry that if
Speaker 1: people know the real you, they won't like you. Do
Speaker 1: you assume the worst in commonplace interactions, worrying you'll be
Speaker 1: fired every time your boss calls you into their office,
Speaker 1: for instance. Do you think that you cannot go on
Speaker 1: feeling this way? Do you avoid meeting new people or
Speaker 1: trying new things because your fear of rejection and criticism
Speaker 1: is so strong? So that was the rs D Rejection
Speaker 1: sensitive dysphoria test. Okay, So now you've taken your a
Speaker 1: d h D tests right, and you're thinking, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think I think I might have this? Now what you know?
Speaker 1: This is so exciting. I'm so glad that I I
Speaker 1: think I have a diagnosis. But but what do we
Speaker 1: do about this? Well, you can find an h D
Speaker 1: h D specialist and get, you know, an official diagnosis.
Speaker 1: Professionals who are trained in diagnosing a d h D
Speaker 1: will routinely screen for a comorbidity like a learning disability
Speaker 1: or mood disorder, or an autism spectrum disorder. If you
Speaker 1: are a parent of a challenge. You can ask a
Speaker 1: school psychologist or a guidance counselor for a referral. You
Speaker 1: can talk with your internist or your child's pediatrician, but
Speaker 1: start the conversation as saying, I've noticed these symptoms in
Speaker 1: myself or my wild and I like evaluations. Do you
Speaker 1: know if someone who specializes in diagnosing a d h D.
Speaker 1: You can check with your insurance obviously, um if there
Speaker 1: are experts trained in diagnosing a d h D covered
Speaker 1: by your health insurance plan, then you will be able
Speaker 1: to look those up. You can call your local chapter
Speaker 1: of the National Alliance on Mental Illness or c h
Speaker 1: A d D and ask for the names of people
Speaker 1: who specialize in a d h D. People are getting
Speaker 1: brain scans now, then they do reveal that certain parts
Speaker 1: of the brain appear different in people who have a
Speaker 1: d h D than in people who don't. You don't
Speaker 1: need a brain scan there to be diagnosed with a
Speaker 1: d h D, and they're not the standard of care.
Speaker 1: But and they're not a cost effective way you're spending
Speaker 1: your health care money, and they don't contribute much to
Speaker 1: the diagnosis. But some patients do love seeing a picture
Speaker 1: of their brain, and the scans can often help them
Speaker 1: own their diagnosis. Now you want to learn how to
Speaker 1: manage your A d h D symptoms. After you've been
Speaker 1: diagnosed out, you'd want to follow up and make sure
Speaker 1: to get therapy with a psychologist, therapist, a d D coach,
Speaker 1: or another expert. You might want to get recommendations for
Speaker 1: a d h D medication if considered appropriate, and then
Speaker 1: scheduling follow up appointments with the diagnosing physician or psychiatrist.
Speaker 1: There are common mistakes that people who get an a
Speaker 1: d h D diagnosis make, so a lot of times
Speaker 1: people will not take enough time to get a thorough
Speaker 1: evaluation that can't always be done in a fifteen minute visit.
Speaker 1: Rushed visits create the likelihood that you or your child
Speaker 1: will be misdiagnosed and that the doctor could miss a
Speaker 1: secondary diagnosis that may be important to treat diagnosing the
Speaker 1: symptoms not the underlying problem. Physicians sometimes misdiagnosed secondary symptoms
Speaker 1: as the person's primary problem without looking for coexisting a
Speaker 1: d h D. So, in other words, you could have
Speaker 1: something that is an a d h D that's a comorbidity,
Speaker 1: or you could have a d h D and your
Speaker 1: doctor thinks the symptoms you're talking about are are some
Speaker 1: other things, which I think was my case of position
Speaker 1: may focus only on your mood disregulation, which is a
Speaker 1: symptom intrinsic to a d h D, and they may
Speaker 1: make a mood disorder diagnosis that completely is a mistake
Speaker 1: and misses your other underlying a d h D symptoms.
Speaker 1: Another mistake people make is sticking with a doctor you
Speaker 1: don't like. If you don't feel a positive connection with
Speaker 1: your doctor, if they don't seem to respond to you
Speaker 1: as a person, or they reprimand you for asking too
Speaker 1: many questions, you will not have confidence in their diagnosis,
Speaker 1: and obviously treatment won't go well. So lastly, there are
Speaker 1: seven self defeating behaviors that aggravate a d h D,
Speaker 1: and I talked about one of them trying to do
Speaker 1: everything yourself. The seven are poor nutrition. That was something
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about earlier, with the craving of
Speaker 1: the kind of sugary things at night or just something
Speaker 1: to stimulate my brain. A lot of times I wasn't
Speaker 1: having enough protein in the day, and or it was
Speaker 1: like not enough protein closer to the end of the day,
Speaker 1: so that it does something to how full you feel,
Speaker 1: but it also helps regulate your sugars, and so for me,
Speaker 1: it was making sure to eat more sugary things, even
Speaker 1: if it's just fruit, like at the beginning of the day,
Speaker 1: not towards the end of the day. We're in a
Speaker 1: few hours, I'll have another craving for it. I don't
Speaker 1: personally get snacky or craving in the late morning or afternoon.
Speaker 1: For me, it's always after six, So I could have
Speaker 1: a bagel and like a glasses something sugary if I
Speaker 1: wanted to eat that way and a few hours later
Speaker 1: if it's daytime, probably not be that effective by it,
Speaker 1: but it's just something about like the end of the
Speaker 1: day really crashes me and I need stim And that
Speaker 1: was another thing that we're got kind of confused with
Speaker 1: an emotional disorder, is you know, the therapist will ask
Speaker 1: you questions, does this happen when you're alone? Yes, Oh,
Speaker 1: you have trouble being alone, And it's like, I love
Speaker 1: being alone. It doesn't happen when I'm out with people
Speaker 1: after six because I'm stimulated by conversation or the sensations.
Speaker 1: You know, maybe we're out of play or maybe we're
Speaker 1: walking around. You know, dopamine is being created taking a
Speaker 1: walk with a friend, laughing with a friend, going to
Speaker 1: see a Broadway show, you know, whatever you're doing. Eating.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I have trouble calming down and coming down from
Speaker 1: a fun night out. So I might really really want
Speaker 1: to go to bed at ten because I have to
Speaker 1: get up at six am, and I might get home
Speaker 1: by ten. And there's something that I don't have trouble
Speaker 1: transitioning from the fun I just had with all of
Speaker 1: these people. And it's not the thing of I need
Speaker 1: to be around people all the time. I come home
Speaker 1: and I'm lonely, and so you know, I'm I. It's
Speaker 1: not that, but it can get confused with them, right.
Speaker 1: It's like, I really am intrinsically excited to be home
Speaker 1: by myself and to go to bed. But I need
Speaker 1: to give myself a buffer. I need a kind of
Speaker 1: a transition ritual to bring myself down and embrace the positive,
Speaker 1: excited energy that I have that I just had this
Speaker 1: great time. But I have to come down without crashing, right.
Speaker 1: I have to come home and not keep the stimulation
Speaker 1: up by deciding, oh, do some writing, or I'll watch
Speaker 1: a movie or you know, I'll have warm, more drink
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. It's like you you know that
Speaker 1: you want to actually go to bed, but you don't
Speaker 1: feel it yet because you're still kind of jacked up.
Speaker 1: Now again, any normal person might feel that way, but
Speaker 1: with a d h D it becomes a problem because
Speaker 1: it's like it's like almost impossible to make yourself do
Speaker 1: a thing you actually want to do, which is go
Speaker 1: to bed and calm down. It's like hard. So you know,
Speaker 1: I've had that misdiagnosed as not wanting to be alone,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, God, that doesn't ring true though. So
Speaker 1: poor nutrition and staying hydrated is a big part of
Speaker 1: helping with your a d h D. Another self defeating
Speaker 1: behavior is too much screen time. Another self defeating behavior
Speaker 1: is beating yourself up negative self talk, don't take yourself
Speaker 1: so seriously and track your successes. Another self defeating behavior
Speaker 1: of d h D is psyching yourself out. You want
Speaker 1: to have all the answers before you take the first
Speaker 1: step towards something, but you don't need the full picture.
Speaker 1: Self defeating behavior number five multitasking. We often think that
Speaker 1: we're really good at multitasking, but it's a myth, because
Speaker 1: we have to realize that we can't shift our attention
Speaker 1: from one item to the next, back and forth during
Speaker 1: a multitask seamlessly. It is going to be a disaster.
Speaker 1: You need to focus on what I am doing now,
Speaker 1: What I'm not doing now important, but again not what
Speaker 1: I'm doing out. These are things you have to say
Speaker 1: to yourself while you get the urge to multitask. Self
Speaker 1: defeating behavior number six trying to do it all yourself.
Speaker 1: Maybe you need help with a task putting something together,
Speaker 1: maybe you need to delegate something at work, maybe you
Speaker 1: need to hire a part time assistant just for one
Speaker 1: big project that you have. Whatever it is. A self
Speaker 1: defeating behavior is doing it all yourself. And number seven
Speaker 1: self defeating behavior that d d ars have is worrying.
Speaker 1: Remember the past is gone, the future is not predictable,
Speaker 1: and listen to your inner dialogue, monitor the negative self talk.
Speaker 1: So I hope any of that was helpful. I know
Speaker 1: it's just a little bit of an extra primer from me. Again,
Speaker 1: everything I read to you I got from Attitude mag
Speaker 1: dot com. I have a couple more emails to read
Speaker 1: that are not about a d h D. And before
Speaker 1: I do that. I also wanted to talk about an
Speaker 1: episode that we recorded that we never got to air
Speaker 1: because of a terrible, terrible sound issue that we didn't
Speaker 1: realize until we tried to edit the episode. And my
Speaker 1: guest for that episode is an author, writer and photographer
Speaker 1: named Frea Benson, and she is a trans woman living
Speaker 1: in the UK, and she wrote a book called Anxiety
Speaker 1: for Trans People and it's such a great The Anxiety
Speaker 1: Book for trans People, How to Conquer Your Dysphoria, Wearing
Speaker 1: Less and fine. Joy and Frey and I didn't interview together.
Speaker 1: God almost probably could have been almost a year ago,
Speaker 1: and we banked a lot of episodes in advance, and
Speaker 1: when we came to editing this one, it was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that we were using zoom still and
Speaker 1: she was way way out in this kind of remote
Speaker 1: part and the connection wasn't great but and sometimes it
Speaker 1: would sort of make sounds. But I thought that all
Speaker 1: sound fine, and it just didn't. It would have it
Speaker 1: would have driven you completely mad because when both of
Speaker 1: us talked to her, because and our editors did the
Speaker 1: best they couldn't, they got it down to sounding pretty okay,
Speaker 1: but it was it was just really like the sound
Speaker 1: quality was just not there, and you missed kind of
Speaker 1: every other word. It was maddening, and we tried to reschedule,
Speaker 1: but I had by that point, I had an almost
Speaker 1: impossible schedule where I could only do like a certain
Speaker 1: morning hour in New York City and um Phrase in
Speaker 1: the UK, and our days and times did not add up.
Speaker 1: But I told Fred that I wanted to still talk
Speaker 1: about our interview and what I loved about her book
Speaker 1: and just chatting to her was again as we've seen
Speaker 1: with anyone who's come on the show, whether they're talking about,
Speaker 1: you know, anxiety and women are anxiety in black population,
Speaker 1: or anxiety in men or whatever. If you don't identify
Speaker 1: as you know, a certain gender, or if this you know,
Speaker 1: you're a different race than what the topic is that
Speaker 1: we're talking about, there's still something in it for everybody.
Speaker 1: And what I found cool about phrase book that I
Speaker 1: don't see in a lot of books about anxiety was
Speaker 1: the goal as stated in the title, how to Conquer
Speaker 1: Your Dysphoria, Wearing Less and Fine Joy. There was not
Speaker 1: so much talk ever finding joy. You know, usually a
Speaker 1: lot of anxiety help books kind of end with and
Speaker 1: once you get all these problems wrapped up and you're
Speaker 1: able to look at things in a different way. You know,
Speaker 1: then you'll live your best life. And it's like, well
Speaker 1: how do I do that? You know? And some of
Speaker 1: the solutions that Freya had for finding joy we're simple things.
Speaker 1: And and again I think people with anxiety do this
Speaker 1: all the time. We look at something that says, go
Speaker 1: outside in nature, hern on music and dance. Do you
Speaker 1: have an artistic ability that you maybe don't want to
Speaker 1: do for a living. But do you paint? Do you draw?
Speaker 1: Do you right? Do you sing? Is it something you
Speaker 1: can do around your home and you know, or simply
Speaker 1: go out with friends anything? And you might look at that.
Speaker 1: I know for most anxious people we do have a
Speaker 1: streak of perfectionism. So when someone says, you know, you're
Speaker 1: going to find the joy in your life, and then
Speaker 1: you look at a list of what brings joy, I think, well,
Speaker 1: that's not enough. I want the big joys. I want,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know, to fall in the most
Speaker 1: love anyone's ever fallen in and everything perfect and every
Speaker 1: day just be on a high. And it's like that's
Speaker 1: not really what joy is, you know, that's like impossible
Speaker 1: situations and being high. But joy is you are able
Speaker 1: to kind of balance around from thing to thing. You know,
Speaker 1: you go to work, I mean, you go home, but
Speaker 1: you find your joy in between. Do you pick flowers?
Speaker 1: Do you garden? Do you cook? You're saying dance right
Speaker 1: all that you you actually are able to participate in
Speaker 1: things that bring you joy without your anxiety and your
Speaker 1: worry stopping you. A lot of times are worry and
Speaker 1: our anxiety and our whatever our issue is, we want
Speaker 1: to just sit and focus on that, like, but not
Speaker 1: in the way that helps us overcome it, Like we
Speaker 1: feed it with worry, or we feel unmotivated, or we
Speaker 1: think it's going to take a lot more than you know,
Speaker 1: gardening to get me out of this funk that I mean,
Speaker 1: And usually you're not right about that, And so I
Speaker 1: like that the goal was overcoming anxiety to find your joy.
Speaker 1: And usually the joy has already existed inside of you.
Speaker 1: It's not like now you've got to go figure out
Speaker 1: what makes you happy. It's like, there's stuff that makes
Speaker 1: you happy. It's not doing it because you're having all
Speaker 1: this anxiety. But there was also interesting things for anyone
Speaker 1: in my audience who is trans or non binary is is.
Speaker 1: Freya has a specific tool kit for managing anxiety as
Speaker 1: a trans or non binary person, exploring specific triggers like
Speaker 1: coming out, gender dysphoria, voice anxiety, transphobia, validity, passing, gender expectations,
Speaker 1: you know, and and just sort of what it's like
Speaker 1: and for people to understand how to be a better ally,
Speaker 1: what it's like to go to a party with your
Speaker 1: sister friends if your trans, and just sitting there worrying
Speaker 1: how someone's going to react to you or what they'll
Speaker 1: say to you, you know, And it's not even a
Speaker 1: matter of what if they beat you up. It's like, yes,
Speaker 1: that's the extreme example, but just unkind and uncouth and
Speaker 1: invasive and rude things that people say, you know, and
Speaker 1: just having to deal with that, having to do sometimes
Speaker 1: the emotional labor for other people at a party, or
Speaker 1: having to all your friends, you know, if this happens,
Speaker 1: please do that. I mean a lot of times, if
Speaker 1: you've got the right people in your life, you they
Speaker 1: may kind of instinctively know, but you know that's everyone's
Speaker 1: I guess decision on their own or feeling unsafe, you know,
Speaker 1: walking around in the world or walking home from said party,
Speaker 1: where your sister friends may have a totally different experience
Speaker 1: walking them, And there were a lot of What I
Speaker 1: liked about her book too, is there's a lot of
Speaker 1: practical things like, Okay, I want to transition, I want
Speaker 1: to get a certain surgery, Okay I can't afford it. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: how do I take these next steps and and live
Speaker 1: the next few years in a way that I think
Speaker 1: would not be exactly how I want to live? But
Speaker 1: how do I how do I work on that anxiety?
Speaker 1: And so it was very specific. And then also I
Speaker 1: feel that you don't have to be trans, transitioning or
Speaker 1: non binary to get a lot out of this book
Speaker 1: as well. And so chew out out to BRA events
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry that there are audio is so challenging,
Speaker 1: but highly recommend the Anxiety Book for trans people, How
Speaker 1: to Conquer your justys, for your worryless and find joy.
Speaker 1: If that is something that speaks to you, I will
Speaker 1: put the link in the show notes as well. So
Speaker 1: here are just some last few emails from some listeners.
Speaker 1: And as you can see, I'm kind of stalling because
Speaker 1: I put my papers, I put them behind something. Here
Speaker 1: we go, Okay, Jen, thank you for your podcast. It's
Speaker 1: really helping me learn and grow from anxiety. It's helped
Speaker 1: me accept the fact that anxiety never truly goes away,
Speaker 1: but with healthy coping skills, it's more manageable. Love listening
Speaker 1: from Jenny Melanie says, just found the podcast and your
Speaker 1: interview with Judy Gold was amazing. I was bullied relentlessly
Speaker 1: as a kid and could relate to every word about
Speaker 1: how that trauma lives in the body. I have the
Speaker 1: same response to some of the taunts. If I hear
Speaker 1: of them again, I just recoil and my body instantly reacts.
Speaker 1: I have a daughter with anxiety as well, and we
Speaker 1: work every day to help try to push through the
Speaker 1: triggers or the episodes. Thank you for such a great episode.
Speaker 1: I'm a new fan. And lastly, somebody wrote, Jen, how
Speaker 1: do I deal with a specific anxiety around bed bugs? Now?
Speaker 1: I have no idea, but I'll tell you one thing.
Speaker 1: I don't believe you need to find someone who specializes
Speaker 1: in a bed bug phobia a bed bug oop session.
Speaker 1: I think you can do a few things, and I
Speaker 1: would recommend re listening to two episodes that I think
Speaker 1: could be extremely helpful. First, the O. C. D. Episode
Speaker 1: that um that we did I was gonna see a
Speaker 1: few weeks ago. It's actually God, it's actually a couple
Speaker 1: of months ago now. But if you listen to the
Speaker 1: episode thirty two, it came out May eleven with O
Speaker 1: c D specialist and therapist Kimberly Quinlan. The episode is
Speaker 1: called the a b CS of O c D. Now,
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean you have o c D. But I
Speaker 1: do think in the realm of obsessive compulsive disorder, people
Speaker 1: even without o c D can be helped by What
Speaker 1: she talks about is the exposure therapy of your own thoughts. So,
Speaker 1: do you need to be exposed to bed bugs to
Speaker 1: get over this fear or worry that they're there when
Speaker 1: they're not. No, But for you, it's it seems more
Speaker 1: about exposing yourself to your thoughts, and so listen to
Speaker 1: that episode with that in mind, about finding safe ways
Speaker 1: to expose yourself to your thoughts about bed bugs and
Speaker 1: when you worry, and replacing those thoughts more you you're
Speaker 1: going to need to do your own digging on this,
Speaker 1: but it's definitely going to be You may never stop
Speaker 1: the thoughts about that coming into your head, but that's
Speaker 1: how people handle kind of an obsessive thought loop is
Speaker 1: you have to expose yourself to your thoughts and learn
Speaker 1: how to make them not so powerful. Then you may
Speaker 1: want to think about listening to the talk of positive psychology.
Speaker 1: In my episode forty one Therapy for Gay Men released July,
Speaker 1: psychiatrists Kenna Howard talks about using positive psychology with his patients,
Speaker 1: and some of them have worries about things. You know,
Speaker 1: you're not saying, I'm worried a dragon is going to
Speaker 1: fall out of the sky. Um, that's never happened, but
Speaker 1: people have had bed bugs, right, and it could happen
Speaker 1: to you. There's nothing you can there's no way to know,
Speaker 1: you know, it might happen. So I would recommend listening
Speaker 1: to that episode and zeroing in on the parts where
Speaker 1: Ken talks about dealing with some of his patients who
Speaker 1: have fears of things that exist in the world and thinking, okay, well,
Speaker 1: what would you do that happened? Okay? And then what's
Speaker 1: not you know, taking yourself down the logical plan. You know, Okay,
Speaker 1: well I contact my doctor and watched the sheets, you know,
Speaker 1: whatever you do with bed bugs. And then besides that,
Speaker 1: if you want to take kind of a more spiritual approach.
Speaker 1: You can think this is something that was said to
Speaker 1: me once. You know, if I didn't, if I wasn't
Speaker 1: thinking and worrying about bedbugs, what what could I be
Speaker 1: thinking right now? And that's a two pronged thing. It means,
Speaker 1: is there a real underlying problem in my life that
Speaker 1: I'm not looking at, but the bed bug obsession keeps
Speaker 1: me focused away from feeling the feelings of X Y Z.
Speaker 1: Or is it imagine the fun and creative and great
Speaker 1: things I could be thinking if I weren't so focused
Speaker 1: on this now. That is a tough thing to say
Speaker 1: to someone with actual o c D. So I'm not
Speaker 1: suggesting you use that little whimsical thought to overcome a
Speaker 1: real disorder that needs exposure and commitment therapy or acceptance
Speaker 1: and commitment therapy and exposure therapy. But it's just something
Speaker 1: to keep in mind. You know, thoughts are free if
Speaker 1: you wanted to think that sometimes. Who knows how that
Speaker 1: might help you or might not. But I would just
Speaker 1: suggest you know, even if we don't have full blown
Speaker 1: this or full blown that, there's treatments within o c D.
Speaker 1: There's treatments within a d h D there's treatments within
Speaker 1: I don't know whatever panic disorder that can help all
Speaker 1: of us in these areas of life where we might
Speaker 1: have this one little thing that is just stuck for us.
Speaker 1: You know, there's nothing wrong with using some of the
Speaker 1: techniques and tricks and therapies prescribed to people that have
Speaker 1: a disorder that you don't have. There's always one or
Speaker 1: two symptoms here and there that you can relate with.
Speaker 1: So I hope that helps and it We'll see you
Speaker 1: next week. My guest will be Dr Julie Smith. I
Speaker 1: won't have takeaways from this episode on my website because
Speaker 1: it was kind of all over the place. I usually
Speaker 1: don't with the solo episodes because I really don't like
Speaker 1: saying this is this other amazing thing I said, But again,
Speaker 1: highly recommend checking out Attitude magazine dot com. I'll put
Speaker 1: the link in the show notes to that and to
Speaker 1: other things I've mentioned in this episode. Thanks again for
Speaker 1: writing in and for listening, and we'll see you next
Speaker 1: week on the finale of Anxiety Bites and remember Anxiety Bites,
Speaker 1: but You're in Control. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio,
Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows,