1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,800 Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode of the PhD Podcast. 2 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 1: My name is Eben A. And before we begin, let's 3 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: do a little housekeeping. Make sure you follow me on 4 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 1: all social media platforms at the Professional Homegirl, the PhD Podcast, 5 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: and eban a Beauty. Also make sure you've usit my 6 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: websites at the Professional Homegirl dot com and eban a 7 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 1: Beauty dot com and PHI. Those of you who cannot spell, 8 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:28,639 Speaker 1: my first name is E B O N E. And last, 9 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:30,720 Speaker 1: but not least, make sure you rate and review the 10 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:35,839 Speaker 1: PSHD podcast on all major streaming podcast platforms. Please keep 11 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 1: in mind all of my guests are anonymous. So let's begin. 12 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 1: So this week's episode really reinforced and really made me 13 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:50,240 Speaker 1: believe that there's good people out there. Um. I found 14 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:53,640 Speaker 1: my guests UM doing a lot of research because I 15 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,520 Speaker 1: want to make shouts providing really good stories for you guys. 16 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,280 Speaker 1: And her story is just amazing, like it made me 17 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: believe in Pete. Well, UM, so let's begin. Why don't 18 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 1: do first here the word surrogance? Where were you? I 19 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:13,040 Speaker 1: was in health class, actually in high school when I 20 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:17,200 Speaker 1: first heard about the word surrogate. I we were doing 21 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:21,720 Speaker 1: UM health and wellness and studying about UM, you know, 22 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: fertility and you know, making babies, and we were talking 23 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:32,360 Speaker 1: about how some people unfortunately don't have that ability UM 24 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,959 Speaker 1: for one reason or another. And so one of the 25 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:38,640 Speaker 1: alternates that we talked about was surrogacy and so that 26 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:43,240 Speaker 1: just like really piqued my interest then, so I know 27 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:45,160 Speaker 1: there was like different types and I didn't know. I 28 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,040 Speaker 1: thought it was just like wants type and that's it. 29 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: What are some of the different types of surgacy? So 30 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:54,400 Speaker 1: there's actually two different types of surrogacy. One is traditional 31 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:59,600 Speaker 1: surrogacy and one is gestational surrogacy. So traditional is when UM, 32 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 1: the carrier uses her own eggs UM, so the the 33 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:08,360 Speaker 1: baby would be related to her. The other type is 34 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 1: just stational, which is where the surrogate is pretty much 35 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 1: just the incubator. The fertility clinic combines an egg and 36 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:18,080 Speaker 1: a sperm within a petri dish and then it's inserted 37 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: into her body via IBS, which is um in vitro 38 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:26,120 Speaker 1: fertilization UM, and she just carries the baby to term. Wow, 39 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 1: So what all the requirements? So the requirements are, well, 40 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 1: actually it's gonna vary depending on your agency and depending 41 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 1: on your state. But more times than not, a lot 42 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 1: of times they want you to have a b M 43 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 1: I under thirty two. Um, they want you to have 44 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 1: had and be raising at least one child of your 45 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: own before you had no, you had a child afterwards. 46 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 1: I know I had a child before. So my daughter, 47 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 1: I have a two year old and she'll be three 48 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: in July. So I already had a child of my 49 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,839 Speaker 1: own and when I started the process she was six 50 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:59,639 Speaker 1: months old. Oh so well, so before we get into 51 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,840 Speaker 1: your store, what is also like some pros and cars? 52 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 1: So I think, Um, some of the pros, Um, are 53 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,799 Speaker 1: you really get to give this amazing gift like that 54 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:11,960 Speaker 1: is number one, the best thing ever You get to 55 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,079 Speaker 1: help this couple that otherwise would not have a child, Um, 56 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,880 Speaker 1: have a baby, especially when most of them have been 57 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,360 Speaker 1: waiting for so long. Um. The other pros is that 58 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,240 Speaker 1: kind of gets to help your own family. Because there 59 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: is compensation involved, especially if you go through an agency. Yeah, 60 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 1: as you'll find with most surrogates, we don't do it 61 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 1: for the compensation because you know, when you talk about 62 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 1: what it actually is, it's um comparable to what our 63 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,320 Speaker 1: bodies go through to carry these children. But it does 64 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,000 Speaker 1: help support your family as you're going through the process 65 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,880 Speaker 1: of giving this gift to someone else. So that's another 66 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 1: pro as far as a con Again, like with any 67 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,320 Speaker 1: other pregnancy, you don't know what that pregnancy is going 68 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: to consist of, whether or not you're going to have 69 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:54,600 Speaker 1: morning sickness, whether you'll have complications. Just like hering a 70 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 1: baby of your own, you cannot foresee what complications you 71 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 1: may or may not have, and so if you do 72 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 1: happen to have a trouble some pregnancy, you kind of 73 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 1: have to see it through anyway, and that will limitsur ability, yeah, 74 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,120 Speaker 1: to work, to take care of your own family and 75 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:10,160 Speaker 1: things like that. So I would say that's one of 76 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 1: the biggest cons especially in my situation. And what the 77 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:15,920 Speaker 1: fee is the fee something that you both agree, like 78 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:20,800 Speaker 1: both parties agree on or yes m hm. So so 79 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:23,960 Speaker 1: basically like the fee again is a state specific. Some 80 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,800 Speaker 1: certain states don't allow surrogacy, other states to UM so 81 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 1: depending on the state that you live in, which I 82 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 1: live in California, so that's one of the higher paid 83 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 1: surigacy states because of cost of living. But typically if 84 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 1: you go through an agency, they have a base rate 85 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: that surrogates get paid. UM if you do. If you 86 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,200 Speaker 1: have done surrogacy more than once, that rate goes up. 87 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,360 Speaker 1: But typically the parent and the surrogate agree on the rate, 88 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,239 Speaker 1: and then it's that fee in addition to a couple 89 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,120 Speaker 1: of other things that the parents pay for. So how 90 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:57,920 Speaker 1: many times? So ultimately, you can be a surrogate as 91 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,640 Speaker 1: many times as your body will allow. And it's many 92 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:04,280 Speaker 1: times to show your medically clear. So there's really no um, 93 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 1: hard and fast number, really, but most people multiple time. Um. 94 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:12,200 Speaker 1: The surguit I've met that has done it the most 95 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:17,279 Speaker 1: six times, six times, Yeah, six times, she's amazing. And 96 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:21,839 Speaker 1: two of those were twins. Yeah, two sets of Wow, 97 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 1: that's amazing. Is it kind of like a job in this? 98 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 1: For some people? It is? Yeah, because they really love 99 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 1: being pregnant. They've already had children of their own, and 100 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 1: this gives them again an opportunity to bring income into 101 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,240 Speaker 1: their home and take care of their own families, but 102 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:41,160 Speaker 1: to do something they love. Some women, myself included, just 103 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:44,359 Speaker 1: really love the feeling of being pregnant, and so for 104 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: them it doesn't feel like work, but it does end 105 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,560 Speaker 1: up kind of being a job for them because they, 106 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,880 Speaker 1: you know, every they wait for a year in between 107 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,520 Speaker 1: and then they do it again just because they love 108 00:05:53,560 --> 00:06:00,279 Speaker 1: it so much. So yeah, wow, that's amazing. So because 109 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,279 Speaker 1: there's like certain things you never think about that that 110 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 1: can actually be a job. But to some people, well, 111 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,279 Speaker 1: I guess that's when anything you love because if you 112 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 1: really have a love and passion for its exactly exactly. 113 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 1: And I you know, some of the criticisms I get 114 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,919 Speaker 1: is like, oh, like, it makes no sense for you 115 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 1: to do that, Like number one, the money is not 116 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,080 Speaker 1: worth it. Number two. You know, it just makes no 117 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,240 Speaker 1: sense for you to get paid to do something like 118 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 1: that if you're really doing it out of the goodness 119 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: of your heart. But you know, my argument to that is, 120 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 1: like it's no different like you know, yeah being or 121 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,080 Speaker 1: something like that, Like just because you love it doesn't 122 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,279 Speaker 1: mean it can't be turned into some type of stream 123 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: of income for you, which ultimately like there's no yeah, 124 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,320 Speaker 1: there's no better job than doing what you love. My 125 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,000 Speaker 1: dad always told me growing up, if you find something 126 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 1: that you love and you do that day to day, 127 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,599 Speaker 1: you'll never work another day in your life. And so 128 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:50,880 Speaker 1: some women just really really love doing this. Wow, you're 129 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,480 Speaker 1: also very young. I am I am. I am twenty 130 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: nine and now, Um, yeah, I had my daughter at 131 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,600 Speaker 1: twenty six, so yeah, I'm still a fair lem. Wow. 132 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,840 Speaker 1: So let's talk about your journey before you became a surrogan. 133 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:08,839 Speaker 1: For um, before you became a surrogant. So I remember 134 00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:10,560 Speaker 1: when I was reading and I realized you was in 135 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 1: health class and one thing that stood out to me 136 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 1: is because you are a black woman, that you didn't 137 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 1: see anyone that looked like you that was doing what 138 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,239 Speaker 1: you wanted to do. And I was just like, wow, 139 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 1: that's so true. Was I never saw any person of 140 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:28,680 Speaker 1: color as a surrogan. So I was like, oh, that 141 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 1: is so cool. And I think there's like to me, 142 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 1: it's like, well it's sometimes you don't even realize things 143 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 1: that unless somebody bring it to the forefront. So let's 144 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 1: talk about, um, some of the challenges you had conceiving 145 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,600 Speaker 1: your own child and which led you to the point 146 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 1: being a surrogan. M absolutely so. My husband and I, Um, 147 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 1: he's been my best friend since I was fifteen years old. 148 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 1: I know, you're like a love story. So he is 149 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 1: my boo like to this day, like I cannot get enough. 150 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,000 Speaker 1: So we've been best friend since we were fifteen years old. 151 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:01,440 Speaker 1: But we started dating um at eighteen, like when we 152 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,880 Speaker 1: actually moved out of that phase of like oh we're 153 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 1: just friends to oh my goodness, this could be something else. 154 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 1: And so um we started dating when we're eighteen and 155 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,760 Speaker 1: we got married three months after I graduated from college. Um. 156 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:16,240 Speaker 1: And so initially, like our game plan was to be 157 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 1: married for two years before starting a family. Obviously we've 158 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 1: been long time. Having a daughter first and then a 159 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: son was like always the game plan. But we wanted 160 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,680 Speaker 1: to enjoy just being married for a while and be 161 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 1: able to travel and just you know what I mean. 162 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,440 Speaker 1: So yeah, I enjoy each other, you know, outside of 163 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,720 Speaker 1: just the stresses of school and everything else. Um, and 164 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:41,599 Speaker 1: established a life together and get our careers going. So um, 165 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,559 Speaker 1: that was the original game plan, right. Well, my heart, 166 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:48,080 Speaker 1: my mind kind of got lost somewhere in there. And 167 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,079 Speaker 1: about a month Assie me a year into our marriage, 168 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 1: one day I just woke up and it was like 169 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 1: a switch had flipped and I was like, oh my god, 170 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 1: I want to have a baby, which was so weird 171 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 1: because before I was fine, and then day I was 172 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,839 Speaker 1: just like, oh my gosh, I want to have a baby, 173 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 1: Like I want to have a baby now, and He's like, whoa, 174 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:09,560 Speaker 1: You're like switching up the plan here. Like hey, he's like, 175 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 1: and I'm the planner. So like for me to say 176 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,120 Speaker 1: that out of the blue, he was just kind of 177 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:19,199 Speaker 1: like what, Like I never do anything like that really, 178 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,200 Speaker 1: So I was like, yeah, let's have a baby, like 179 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:22,920 Speaker 1: I want to have a baby now. Well. He was 180 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 1: a bit reserved to the idea at first because, um, 181 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,679 Speaker 1: his father was an absentee father, as was mine. So 182 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,839 Speaker 1: his struggle was always, um, you know, am I gonna 183 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,720 Speaker 1: be a good dad? And so for me to spring 184 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,120 Speaker 1: that on him suddenly, he was really like apprehensive. And 185 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: I told him, you know what, I don't want to 186 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 1: stop my birth control or anything until you tell me 187 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,560 Speaker 1: that you're ready. Like I'm not that type of woman 188 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 1: that's gonna be like hey I'm having a baby. Um, 189 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 1: but when you're ready, Like now you know, I'm ready, 190 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,080 Speaker 1: So when you're ready, let's talk about it. So a 191 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: few months later he came to me and he said, 192 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 1: you know what, why don't you got to stop your 193 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,400 Speaker 1: birth control? Like I am apprehensive about it, but you know, 194 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,000 Speaker 1: if i'm more so like if it happens, that happened, 195 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,360 Speaker 1: you know, like I love you. I know, we want 196 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 1: to have a child together, so I know that we 197 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: can do this, like you know, So I thought that 198 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 1: was great. So I thought my birth control we went 199 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,079 Speaker 1: into like not plan, you know they call it not 200 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:18,599 Speaker 1: I'm not preventing um within the trying to conceive um community. 201 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,520 Speaker 1: And so I told him, I was like, um, you know, 202 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,960 Speaker 1: a time had passed. It had been about six months, 203 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,200 Speaker 1: nothing had happened. So I started doing research at that 204 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,840 Speaker 1: point because I didn't health class was so long ago. 205 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 1: I don't real about it, right, So I'm like, well, 206 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 1: something should have happened. You know, we're both young by 207 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,640 Speaker 1: this time, we're twenty three years old. That month has passed, 208 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:42,079 Speaker 1: and I'm like, we're really young. And so I'm doing 209 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,200 Speaker 1: all this research that saying well, six months is actually 210 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 1: normal for the average couple and will take them about 211 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 1: six months to conceive. If you've been trying for a year, 212 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 1: that's when things maybe are too you know, you should 213 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 1: be concerned, you should seek help. So I kept that 214 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:58,400 Speaker 1: in mind your past nothing happened, and so I was like, 215 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 1: and how he was filling Yeah, so he well he's 216 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:04,959 Speaker 1: still kind of calm at this point. He's just like, well, 217 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,960 Speaker 1: it'll happen when it happens. I'm the high strung one. 218 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,040 Speaker 1: So he's like they're being overreacting, like you know the research, 219 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,520 Speaker 1: you know, because I share all the research with him, 220 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,280 Speaker 1: and he's like, we're young, like there's no reason to 221 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 1: believe that we're going to have any problems, right, But inside, yeah, 222 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 1: I felt like something was off, especially because I had 223 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,559 Speaker 1: been on tormonal birth control before and I just didn't 224 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,720 Speaker 1: know what could happen. So at a year, we went 225 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:28,320 Speaker 1: and we got UM checked up um with our might 226 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 1: o B, his primary care physician, and they they basically 227 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,960 Speaker 1: told us the same thing. Well, yeah, it's been a year, 228 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 1: but you guys are so young, like it could just 229 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: because you're stressing about it, like you know, relax, you know, 230 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,840 Speaker 1: just let it happen, enjoy being married, and you know 231 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,000 Speaker 1: that's fine. Well I'm not that type of person. So 232 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 1: I degan did more research, started learning, yeah, learning about 233 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:53,120 Speaker 1: track basil body temperature and you know, using obviouistion predictor 234 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 1: kids and things like that. So we started to do 235 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:58,840 Speaker 1: implementing those things, and I learned about the egg egg 236 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:02,840 Speaker 1: meets beam sperm method um, which is like really common 237 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 1: within the fertility community, especially if you're trying to predict gender, 238 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:09,679 Speaker 1: things like that, things like before. So I really really 239 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,400 Speaker 1: dug in and got it. I did research on my 240 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 1: menstrual cycle to figure out when my luteal phase was, 241 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 1: and you know what, something right right? I like, you 242 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 1: could not tell me anything, to the point where I 243 00:12:24,679 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 1: was sharing it on my Instagram by this point because 244 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,920 Speaker 1: my husband didn't understand what I was feeling inside, and 245 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,760 Speaker 1: I was like, I need an outlet. I need to 246 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,800 Speaker 1: find somebody else who understands. I wasn't ready to talk 247 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,000 Speaker 1: to my family and friends. Uh. They kept pressuring us like, oh, 248 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,040 Speaker 1: when you guys gonna have kids, not aware of what 249 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 1: was already going on and anxiety that that was creating 250 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:46,359 Speaker 1: inside of me. So I started sharing to my Instagram anonymously. 251 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:49,320 Speaker 1: At first, UM, I just created a new Instagram separate 252 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,679 Speaker 1: from my private one, and I started posting about what 253 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:55,119 Speaker 1: I was doing. I ended up discovering this whole community 254 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:59,600 Speaker 1: hashtag TTC community UM, and I found all these women 255 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: who were going through the exact same thing as me, 256 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 1: and they're like, wait, you were researching this, Tell me 257 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 1: what I can do. I started helping them and they 258 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 1: were getting pregnant, you think the information. So I was like, 259 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,840 Speaker 1: what is happening right now? Like I know that that works, 260 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 1: why is it happening for us? It was crazy? Um 261 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,440 Speaker 1: in between there we even had like at one point 262 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,840 Speaker 1: I have no way to officially confirmed, but I did 263 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 1: have like a faint pregnancy test um around the second 264 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: year that we were trying to concede. But then after 265 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 1: that it disappeared. Um, I didn't know what that meant. 266 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,600 Speaker 1: I didn't go to the doctor, but I did have 267 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,959 Speaker 1: a heavier flow after that. So when I looked into 268 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,960 Speaker 1: it more and did more research, what it seems to 269 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 1: be was that potentially I had a chemical pregnancy, which 270 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 1: is like an early miscarriage before. Yeah, So that was 271 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 1: pretty devastating because I'm like, I know, I saw the line, 272 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,920 Speaker 1: you know, and then the next day it was gone, 273 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:53,319 Speaker 1: which was you know, at that point I realized that 274 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 1: I had had a chemical loss, and so I was like, 275 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,960 Speaker 1: I don't know what's happening, but we need to get 276 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 1: more help, Like this is just becoming two of a 277 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,160 Speaker 1: whelming by now. I've cheered it with my I'm sorry, 278 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:09,560 Speaker 1: I'm my toddler here right here in the mix of 279 00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:15,240 Speaker 1: it all, as you're doing yes, I like, okay. So 280 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 1: so ultimately, UM, at that point, I was like, we 281 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 1: need more help. We went to another appointment and I told, 282 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:23,360 Speaker 1: you know, the doctors were still saying the same thing, 283 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,520 Speaker 1: but we're too in you know, past two years in now, 284 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,680 Speaker 1: and I was absolutely like, no, you have to run 285 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,960 Speaker 1: test like I know there's something wrong. I'm telling you 286 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,000 Speaker 1: there's something wrong. So she said, well, we should do 287 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 1: it a sperm analysis on your husband first, you know 288 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 1: what I mean. And you know, a lot of times, 289 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: for percent of the time, it's the man. I know 290 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 1: societally we don't talk about that, but the time, it's 291 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 1: the man. And I said, no, no, no, I've been 292 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,360 Speaker 1: on birth control. I messed up my hormones. Like, HiT's me, Like, 293 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 1: let's test. I don't care if it's more expensive, let's 294 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 1: test me first. So they did all the testing, um, 295 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:58,080 Speaker 1: which included like ultrasounds and and tracking my cycles, which 296 00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,920 Speaker 1: again a lot of that I already had because I 297 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,400 Speaker 1: brought it into the appointment. I had been doing it already. 298 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 1: And she's like, honey, you should have been pregnant a 299 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 1: million times over right now, like you literally have. Like 300 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:11,200 Speaker 1: if we saw a uterist in a textbook it would 301 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 1: look like yours, Like that's how perfect your uterous is. 302 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 1: And so she's like, I'm telling you we should do 303 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:20,040 Speaker 1: your testman's test. So we did my husband's testing. How 304 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,720 Speaker 1: was that conversation because I also feel I know somebody 305 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:27,400 Speaker 1: who's in the situation to the story and she's having 306 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 1: a hard time trying to deceive. And I'm thinking to 307 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:33,560 Speaker 1: myself and you know, I'm not married, and as something 308 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,640 Speaker 1: you have to watch, that's a very sensive topic. But 309 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 1: I was like, maybe you should like to maybe he 310 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:42,400 Speaker 1: should look into what's going over his system. Because if 311 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,320 Speaker 1: you're doing ever you're doing right, and everything's going fine, 312 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:49,280 Speaker 1: maybe it's not too right right. And most of the 313 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 1: time society has its believing, you know, when you go 314 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,840 Speaker 1: through history, like again, something else I looked at, it's 315 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 1: just the historical aspect of fertility, and more times than not, 316 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:02,080 Speaker 1: it was just it was um the idea was frowned 317 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,240 Speaker 1: upon to blame the man, you know what I mean. 318 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 1: So if a couple was infertile, they would just automatically 319 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 1: say it was the woman, even if it wasn't her. 320 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 1: And I think we've you know, unknowingly brought that into 321 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 1: modern society when we talked about fertility. Um, so you 322 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 1: know the fact that number one, it ended up being 323 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 1: a male factor issue in our relationship. Also the fact 324 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,800 Speaker 1: that we were super young, so people kept dismissing us. 325 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,800 Speaker 1: It was just you know, a double whammy for us. 326 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:31,480 Speaker 1: But absolutely like the conversation, I think, um, for the doctor, 327 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 1: she was just like, well, this is what we should 328 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 1: have done at first. You know, you guys, let me 329 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,360 Speaker 1: know what you want to do. My husband is such 330 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 1: a gracious guy, like he is amazing, and so he 331 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 1: was like, you know what, like, maybe she's right, maybe 332 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,600 Speaker 1: we should look at it and see what's going uncomfortable 333 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 1: with it at all? Um, So he did. Yeah, so 334 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 1: he went to do the first testing UM, which is 335 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 1: basically like a deposit of sperm analysis, and the results 336 00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:00,440 Speaker 1: came back extremely low on all friends morphology count different 337 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,280 Speaker 1: things like that. So she said, well, maybe like you 338 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 1: guys didn't have stain long enough because that first test 339 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:07,480 Speaker 1: they told us we had to abstain from sex for 340 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: at least forty eight hours. UM. So she said, this time, 341 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,200 Speaker 1: we'll have you abstained for five days and then UM, 342 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,640 Speaker 1: well you know, yeah, well we'll have him do another 343 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,720 Speaker 1: analysis and then boom. So after the second one, the 344 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 1: results came back exactly the same, actually a little bit less, 345 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,440 Speaker 1: which was pretty much nothing. So most of the firm 346 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:31,199 Speaker 1: we're not surviving beyond wow, So it was a pretty 347 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 1: severe issue. So we were then twice why so, so 348 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,040 Speaker 1: really it could be it's a number of things that 349 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:42,560 Speaker 1: unfortunately we haven't nailed down what the issue is for 350 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 1: in our case because um, we were told that it 351 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:50,280 Speaker 1: can be one hormonal or two it can be environmental 352 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 1: like maybe they're wearing um underwear that are too tight, 353 00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 1: or they're taking showers that are too hot that are 354 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,680 Speaker 1: you know, killing off the sperm count. So a lot 355 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,359 Speaker 1: of different environmental things, you know, the way they eat, 356 00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:04,159 Speaker 1: their diet and stuff like that can affective. But it 357 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,080 Speaker 1: can also be hormonal in that they were born with 358 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:12,199 Speaker 1: an issue that's affecting their ability to produce viable sperm. 359 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,480 Speaker 1: So it really yeah, so so in this case we 360 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,439 Speaker 1: were told that he would have to go see a 361 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 1: urologist with the which the urologists pinpoint which of the 362 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 1: two issues it was. So he said it's always cheaper 363 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,920 Speaker 1: to test the home first, to put him on prescription 364 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,720 Speaker 1: medication and watch it for six months and then after 365 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,000 Speaker 1: six months if the counts have changed, Okay, then we 366 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,240 Speaker 1: can assume it's some type of hormonal issue like a 367 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:43,400 Speaker 1: woman who has endometriosis or something like that. If it's 368 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:47,119 Speaker 1: something related to environmental um, he could also change that 369 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,960 Speaker 1: as well, but again they would have to monitor and see. 370 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 1: So in our case, UM, we were told, you know, 371 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,359 Speaker 1: he would be monitored. He was given clond which is 372 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,879 Speaker 1: a popular fertility men typically given to women, but it 373 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:03,080 Speaker 1: does help men with hormonal issues as well. And then um, 374 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,200 Speaker 1: we didn't get to try it though because a week 375 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,719 Speaker 1: after that, UM, when his prescription was getting mailed to us, 376 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:12,800 Speaker 1: I found out I was pregnant with so so it 377 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,720 Speaker 1: was crazy because we were to one percent. You know, 378 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,000 Speaker 1: the average couple has about a thirty three percent chance 379 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,480 Speaker 1: on a month to month basis during ovulation to conceive. 380 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 1: We were told we had about a one percent chance 381 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:28,000 Speaker 1: of ever considering and I was pregnant, and it's all 382 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 1: I think. It had the same thing. And it got 383 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,600 Speaker 1: darker and darker though this time, and I went back 384 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,800 Speaker 1: to my Obi and I'm like, I'm pregnant and she's like, boom, 385 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:38,200 Speaker 1: no you're not. I'm sorry, I'm sorry to tell you. 386 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,199 Speaker 1: And my dad and my husband were out in the 387 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:41,879 Speaker 1: waiting room and she's like, I don't think we should 388 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,440 Speaker 1: call that man yet because I seriously doubt you're pregnant. 389 00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:47,239 Speaker 1: I didn't. Yeah, She's like, I did the testing, I 390 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,920 Speaker 1: know you cannot be pregnant. So I'm like, I'm telling 391 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,879 Speaker 1: you I'm pregnant. I already had it confirmed at a 392 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:55,119 Speaker 1: smaller Christian clinic. Like, I'm telling you I'm pregnant. So 393 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,400 Speaker 1: she pulled out the ultrasound machine and sure enough, there 394 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:00,199 Speaker 1: my daughter was like just a small, little good up 395 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:04,200 Speaker 1: wiggling around on the screen. And she's like, oh my gosh. 396 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:08,080 Speaker 1: So it was crazy because you know, we were told 397 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:11,520 Speaker 1: we couldn't conceive naturally on our own, and then miraculously 398 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:18,960 Speaker 1: we did and here she is. Yeah, I tell you, so, 399 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:23,199 Speaker 1: how long did you wait until you became after you 400 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:28,680 Speaker 1: had your daughter? So where the surrogacy came in? Actually, yeah, 401 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,200 Speaker 1: so it's a process. Um, you do have to do 402 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,200 Speaker 1: like a lot of footwork before you actually get matched 403 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,520 Speaker 1: and stuff like that. But when I actually when the 404 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:40,400 Speaker 1: idea circle circulated back, um was after I had my daughter. 405 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,760 Speaker 1: I was like, just in awe. I was just over 406 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:47,159 Speaker 1: the moon every single day. And you know, and again, 407 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,240 Speaker 1: I was still really active in the trying to conceive 408 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 1: community on my Instagram, and it just hurt me to 409 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,680 Speaker 1: see so many of the women that had been there 410 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,720 Speaker 1: with me before UM still trying to have a baby. 411 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,240 Speaker 1: Of course, some women had had children before me were 412 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 1: still very close, but then there were still several women 413 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,560 Speaker 1: who were still waiting even after I had given birth 414 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,399 Speaker 1: to my daughter, which means that now by this time, 415 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 1: they've been waiting for three to four years, you know 416 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,399 Speaker 1: what I mean. And so it just hurt me. And 417 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:13,920 Speaker 1: I was like, I want to do something. So I 418 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,359 Speaker 1: talked to my husband and I'm like, what do you 419 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,800 Speaker 1: think about me being a surrogate? I had told him 420 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,640 Speaker 1: about the whole high school experience and not seeing any 421 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:24,439 Speaker 1: black women, uh, become a surrogate. I don't see any pictures, like, 422 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,800 Speaker 1: they don't look like me. How crazy can I be 423 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,680 Speaker 1: to think that I could do this? Um? And again 424 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,120 Speaker 1: that was a limitation I placed on myself. But after 425 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 1: I had my daughter as a home water birth, which 426 00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: is also something else I had never seen done with it, immediately, 427 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,320 Speaker 1: you know, in my immediate community or very much within 428 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:43,119 Speaker 1: the African American community. I was like, you know, I 429 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,960 Speaker 1: could do this too, like, because maybe there are other 430 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,199 Speaker 1: women who want to do this and they're thinking the 431 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,240 Speaker 1: same thing I got that I don't see anybody else 432 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 1: who looks like me, and so there's no way I 433 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,359 Speaker 1: could do this. Um. So my husband's like, you know what, 434 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,159 Speaker 1: I don't know much about it, but I know you 435 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 1: always wanted to do this, and you know, if God 436 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,119 Speaker 1: blesses to where we can give another uple this this gift, 437 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:05,119 Speaker 1: I'm for it. So I then started doing research for 438 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,720 Speaker 1: agencies within my state, and UM, A couple of the 439 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,560 Speaker 1: things I was looking for is, um, how long they 440 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:15,479 Speaker 1: had been in business, how carefully they looked at the 441 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:19,760 Speaker 1: legal contracts between the surrogate and intended parents. Yeah, because 442 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,439 Speaker 1: you hear so many nightmare stories of surrogacy, and a 443 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 1: lot of times it's because the contract wasn't done properly. 444 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:31,960 Speaker 1: Want I really do ill. I watched the Horrible and 445 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:33,840 Speaker 1: and the thing is that it didn't trigues me. You know, 446 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 1: I was a psych major car human behaviors and trigued me, 447 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't want to be that person. 448 00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:42,080 Speaker 1: I don't want to do something story right, right. So 449 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:43,879 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I don't want to be that person. 450 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 1: I don't want a great thing to turn into something awful. UM, 451 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So I also was looking 452 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 1: at you know, who started the company, UM, things like that, 453 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,160 Speaker 1: and what they did to protect the surrogate as well 454 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,359 Speaker 1: as the parents UM. And the agency I ended up 455 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:02,640 Speaker 1: going with. UM actually was started by two attorneys who 456 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 1: had already been doing adoption in surrogacy contracts in Oregon 457 00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:08,720 Speaker 1: and then they decided to create an agency. And they 458 00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,399 Speaker 1: had already been around for close to thirty years, so 459 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,359 Speaker 1: they had so many success stories. They took extreme care 460 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,720 Speaker 1: with matching the surrogate to the parents. UM. They have 461 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,399 Speaker 1: a great system that they used so much so that 462 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:23,600 Speaker 1: I was matched with the very first couple that they 463 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:27,399 Speaker 1: introduced to me, like we were the perfect match. It 464 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,440 Speaker 1: was crazy. So I those were things I was looking for, 465 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,399 Speaker 1: and so that's kind of what jump started it is. 466 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,480 Speaker 1: My husband told me, go ahead, I will support you, 467 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,880 Speaker 1: and I ran with it from there. So when they 468 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 1: met to it you in a couple in the room 469 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,200 Speaker 1: and you'll just get to know each other. It can 470 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,120 Speaker 1: be that way. For me, it was not even though 471 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,560 Speaker 1: my intended parents are only three hours away from me. 472 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,719 Speaker 1: Because of the fact that the mother is an oncologist, 473 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,800 Speaker 1: she has a pretty crazy schedule. So we initially tried 474 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:56,119 Speaker 1: to meet in person. UM we were going to meet halfway, 475 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,640 Speaker 1: but her schedule would allow, so we ended up doing 476 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:02,880 Speaker 1: it through skype, so as parents who are in different countries, 477 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:06,800 Speaker 1: because surrogacy is used a lot internationally for couples in 478 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:10,399 Speaker 1: China and Japan, things like that, so um, you can 479 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:14,320 Speaker 1: do it virtually, or if you're close by and local 480 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:16,960 Speaker 1: to each other, you can do it in person. So 481 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,239 Speaker 1: like watch us through like the process of the actually day, 482 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,600 Speaker 1: like where you're nervously. Did they hurt when they actually 483 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:26,440 Speaker 1: insert the egg? Yeah, so that's the embryo transfer. And 484 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:30,080 Speaker 1: by now I've been on fertility meds. They've suppressed my 485 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:33,399 Speaker 1: ovulation because again I'm ajtational carriers, so they're not using 486 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:38,480 Speaker 1: my suppressed my ovulation. They're checking my lining by ultrasdown. 487 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 1: You know, I'm having follow up appointments every two weeks 488 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,760 Speaker 1: to once a month UM. And so by the time 489 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 1: you know the embryo today, schedule it and blooming date 490 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,800 Speaker 1: on the calendar. And I figured it would like hurt 491 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,560 Speaker 1: because you see, like if you watch it on you know, 492 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 1: like YouTube videos and stuff, it just seems really involved. 493 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:01,560 Speaker 1: I don't seems so I was really nervous, but I 494 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,440 Speaker 1: was excited too, and the parents were gonna be there 495 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,040 Speaker 1: with me. My husband was gonna be in the room 496 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,879 Speaker 1: as well, so you know, I was just like, let's 497 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,480 Speaker 1: do it. And so when I go in there, Um, 498 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,080 Speaker 1: the doctor's like, okay, she confirmed who I am. They 499 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:15,800 Speaker 1: want to make sure that they don't make a mistake 500 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,000 Speaker 1: in putting the wrong eggs in me, so they're like, okay, parents, 501 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:24,440 Speaker 1: can you verify that these are your embryos? Girl, she'd 502 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:31,880 Speaker 1: have one right, right, So they're like, let's make sure 503 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,200 Speaker 1: it's a boy and a girl. You guys went in there, right, 504 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 1: And so that all worked out, and um, so she 505 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,440 Speaker 1: puts in like it kind of looks like a catheter 506 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,240 Speaker 1: a bit, but they just put it in. I didn't 507 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 1: feel a thing. It happened so quickly, literally in under 508 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,919 Speaker 1: thirty seconds. I did not expect that. Um, and she's like, okay, 509 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:50,400 Speaker 1: we're dead. And I'm like, wait, what do you meet 510 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:52,800 Speaker 1: You're dead? And she's like two little dots by your 511 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,639 Speaker 1: lyning and I'm like, it can be that simple. You 512 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:58,040 Speaker 1: just put someone's children inside of me, Like it should 513 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:01,600 Speaker 1: take longer than thirty seconds. So they were all laughing 514 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,240 Speaker 1: at me. And when I got up, I'm like holding 515 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,040 Speaker 1: my stomach, like walking with my legs, you know, together, 516 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,439 Speaker 1: and they're like, we promised they won't fall out, Like 517 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,720 Speaker 1: you're fine, just go back dress. So I was on 518 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,080 Speaker 1: bed rest for two days just to make sure that 519 00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:15,560 Speaker 1: I had my feet up, and I was taking it 520 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:20,000 Speaker 1: really easy. By the third day after the transfer, I 521 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:24,280 Speaker 1: felt my uterus felt heavy, like how pregnancy was my daughter, 522 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,639 Speaker 1: So I figured I was pregnant. I took a home 523 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,560 Speaker 1: pregnancy test. It was really faint, but it was there, 524 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:30,400 Speaker 1: and I kept testing over the next couple of days, 525 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:32,680 Speaker 1: and then I text the parents on Christmas Day because 526 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:37,080 Speaker 1: my transfer was December eighteen, two seventeen, and by Chris Day, 527 00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:39,120 Speaker 1: I was able to text him and say, Marry Christmas. 528 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,480 Speaker 1: You guys are having a baby. We didn't know if 529 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,040 Speaker 1: both took though by that point A prome pregnancy test 530 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:45,840 Speaker 1: won't tell you that, but I knew I was pregnant. 531 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,360 Speaker 1: I just did it wasn't sure, all right, um, And 532 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:52,720 Speaker 1: so we confirmed that about four weeks later that that 533 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,400 Speaker 1: both babies taken it was twins. Wow, So is there 534 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,240 Speaker 1: like did they because I know when you watch these 535 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,000 Speaker 1: moves a lifetime, I did they have like a start 536 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,760 Speaker 1: meal they wanted you to eat like they have like 537 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:07,119 Speaker 1: a certain restriction? Good question minded? Not? So they do. 538 00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 1: And your questionnaire when you're filling out to be a surrogate, 539 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,760 Speaker 1: you kind of talked about what your daily last felt like, 540 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,639 Speaker 1: what do you eat, how like what your daily schedule like, 541 00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,000 Speaker 1: So they have a lot of that information before. If 542 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,760 Speaker 1: they want you to eat something specific, they can make 543 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,280 Speaker 1: a request. If you say no, then they're probably not 544 00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 1: best match for you and they'll move them on to 545 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:25,840 Speaker 1: someone else. But for me, I eat a lot of 546 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 1: ganic meats, organic vegetables and fruits. I have a daughter. 547 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 1: I'm very careful about what we eat, So I don't 548 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,720 Speaker 1: think that was really sure for them. Um, And even 549 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,359 Speaker 1: if I do eat out, it's like on a Friday 550 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,480 Speaker 1: or Saturday night when my husband have my husband and 551 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,359 Speaker 1: I have our weekly date nights, and so you know, 552 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,359 Speaker 1: they weren't really worried about it. They're like, hey, do 553 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,199 Speaker 1: your thing, like if you crave whatever you crave, we 554 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:48,080 Speaker 1: don't care, Like, just get the baby some food and 555 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:51,280 Speaker 1: we're fine. So my appearance again, we're very very understanding, 556 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,919 Speaker 1: very very supportive, And that's why it's important to make 557 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,040 Speaker 1: sure you're matched with the right person because it's just 558 00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:00,000 Speaker 1: it's just a huge deal. And also feel like they 559 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:02,400 Speaker 1: they're like the fact that you was married. They did 560 00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:04,520 Speaker 1: like that fact. Yeah, so they did like that as well. 561 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,840 Speaker 1: A lot of times. Surprisingly, one of the things that 562 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,760 Speaker 1: they will look at is your relationship status. So if 563 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:14,639 Speaker 1: you're very then divorced, or if you're in state, or 564 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:16,760 Speaker 1: if you're single and you're just not planning to get married, 565 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,359 Speaker 1: they're not gonna um rule you out. If you're single 566 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,640 Speaker 1: and you're just not you know, marriage, this isn't for you, 567 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,040 Speaker 1: But it does help a lot if you're married, because again, 568 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,400 Speaker 1: as a surrogate, you need a lot of support. That's 569 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:29,919 Speaker 1: another question that they will ask and reask is what 570 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,480 Speaker 1: type of support system do you have um in place 571 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,840 Speaker 1: to help you ship things get difficult. So when you 572 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 1: have a spouse, a lot of times it makes it 573 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,920 Speaker 1: easier because you have someone in the house most of 574 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 1: the time who can help you if something gets complicated. Right, So, 575 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 1: what were some of the challenges you um encounter while 576 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:53,840 Speaker 1: being pregnant with twins whoa okay, and I feel like, 577 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,120 Speaker 1: looking at their pictures and stuff, I feel like you're 578 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 1: kind of small, frank, So that's what your stomach that. 579 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,239 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, my stomach was exploding at the end. 580 00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:04,080 Speaker 1: Every time I look at the pictures, I'm just in 581 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,480 Speaker 1: awe because it doesn't like Now that I'm on the 582 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,640 Speaker 1: other side of it, I'm like, oh my gosh, how 583 00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,320 Speaker 1: did I ever do that? But I'm so amazed with 584 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,600 Speaker 1: myself that I did. And I looked at the babies 585 00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:16,360 Speaker 1: when their parents text me updates, and I'm like, oh 586 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 1: my gosh, like that's absolutely beautiful. But man, from the 587 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,400 Speaker 1: very beginning. So, like I said, three days after I 588 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,800 Speaker 1: felt like I was pregnant, I took a test um 589 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,680 Speaker 1: I was pregnant um. Within about five days after that, 590 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:36,520 Speaker 1: I was already having morning sickness, which was new for me. Yeah, forging, 591 00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:38,800 Speaker 1: it was new for me because I did not have 592 00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,520 Speaker 1: morning sickness with my daughter at all. I had zero 593 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:47,840 Speaker 1: complications with her. So I was already feeling sick. I 594 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:51,400 Speaker 1: started throwing up right away. It was just awful. So 595 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,160 Speaker 1: I'm like this is not feel good, this is not 596 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:57,320 Speaker 1: so normal. So it was just really like from the 597 00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,480 Speaker 1: very beginning with them, Oh my goodness, I was as 598 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:04,360 Speaker 1: the dog. It was crazy. And then, um, so first 599 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:06,760 Speaker 1: it started off with this morning sickness. Within by the 600 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:09,760 Speaker 1: time I was before I was six weeks pregnant, my 601 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,840 Speaker 1: morning sickness was so extreme with them, I had to 602 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,840 Speaker 1: be taken off of work. Oh yeah, so I was 603 00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:21,640 Speaker 1: down in bed already. And then um, they started trying 604 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:27,240 Speaker 1: to prescribe me morning sickness medications. Yeah. By the end 605 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,600 Speaker 1: up by by halfway through the pregnancy, I had already 606 00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:32,480 Speaker 1: been on five different medications and none of them were 607 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,240 Speaker 1: successful in taking away the morning sickness. Only one that 608 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:40,520 Speaker 1: worked somewhat was a medication called reg Land, and that 609 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,360 Speaker 1: one worked a bit, but I still couldn't keep everything down. Um. 610 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 1: And then around eight weeks I started having um random 611 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:50,960 Speaker 1: bleeding spells to the point where I thought I was 612 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,600 Speaker 1: miscarrying and I was crying. I remember the first time 613 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:58,440 Speaker 1: it happened, it just gushed everywhere and ran to the shower. 614 00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,800 Speaker 1: My husband was just coming home from and I was 615 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:03,800 Speaker 1: just standing there in the shower and I started crying 616 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,240 Speaker 1: because you know, of what had happened to us before, 617 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:10,760 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm losing their babies. 618 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:13,000 Speaker 1: I'm losing their babies. I just kept saying that He's like, honey, 619 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:16,120 Speaker 1: it'll be fine. So he comes, he like cleans me up. 620 00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,400 Speaker 1: We go to the emergency room and they tell me 621 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:22,719 Speaker 1: that they can't find anything wrong there, but both babies 622 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:25,400 Speaker 1: are fine, Like, both babies are sitting there, rolling around 623 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:29,480 Speaker 1: totally oblivious to what I just went through. But I'm bleeding. 624 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,280 Speaker 1: So ultimately we ended up finding out way later because 625 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:37,160 Speaker 1: I had to be sent to a specialist UM which 626 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,000 Speaker 1: again you you typically go to for for twin pregnancies. 627 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,960 Speaker 1: Close to halfway anyway, but I sent to a specialist 628 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:45,720 Speaker 1: later on. They found out the source of the bleeding 629 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:49,840 Speaker 1: was a subcoreonic hematoma, which is basically where like some 630 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,920 Speaker 1: blood kind of clots around where the sacks are, the 631 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:57,360 Speaker 1: embryonic sacks are, and ultimately it will asked a lot 632 00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:01,000 Speaker 1: of times. They resolved themselves automatically by weeks at the latest, 633 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:04,000 Speaker 1: but it does cause bleeding spells. But for whatever reason, 634 00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:08,239 Speaker 1: because of the emergency room not having um you know, 635 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,840 Speaker 1: better equipment, they could not see it on whenever they 636 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:13,680 Speaker 1: were doing an ultrasound, so they just kept saying, we 637 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,440 Speaker 1: don't know why you're bleeding. So and before twenty weeks, 638 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,840 Speaker 1: with any pregnancy, they're just gonna send you home. They're 639 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,480 Speaker 1: not gonna do anything to help you. They're just gonna 640 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,280 Speaker 1: be like, well, if you keep them, you keep them. 641 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:26,520 Speaker 1: If you don't, then come back in and we'll clean 642 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,920 Speaker 1: them out kind of thing, which is really disheartening. Yeah, 643 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:32,880 Speaker 1: it's just cutthroat. So they're just like, you know, there's 644 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:34,960 Speaker 1: nothing we can do, like, but they're fine. Every time 645 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,480 Speaker 1: they would tell me they're fine, but we don't know 646 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,280 Speaker 1: why you're bleeding. So later we found out that's what 647 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,760 Speaker 1: it was. It did resolve itself around twenty four weeks 648 00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:44,960 Speaker 1: and it was no longer there and I didn't have 649 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:48,720 Speaker 1: any more bleeding. But I had to go on pelvic bedrest, 650 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,160 Speaker 1: which means I had to abstain from sexual activity and 651 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,200 Speaker 1: I basically had to I couldn't do any like heavy 652 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,000 Speaker 1: lifting or anything. I had. I was like moderated bed rest. 653 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,760 Speaker 1: I could still get up to do little things, but 654 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:04,280 Speaker 1: I couldn't lift heavy things. I couldn't do so yeah, um, 655 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:07,200 Speaker 1: and then aside from that, the last final complication was 656 00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:12,040 Speaker 1: I developed pre clampsia at the very end of my pregnancy. 657 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,000 Speaker 1: In the middle of thirty five weeks. They found I 658 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,160 Speaker 1: had protein in my urine, which is the first time, 659 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:18,640 Speaker 1: and I started having elevated blood pressure, not to the 660 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:22,320 Speaker 1: play where it's critical. It was pre clampsia without severe effects. 661 00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,520 Speaker 1: So they would just monitor me several times a week. 662 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,480 Speaker 1: And then all of those was going on. You never 663 00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,360 Speaker 1: thought like, why did I get myself? Oh my goodness, 664 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:32,920 Speaker 1: I cannot tell you how many times I thought that 665 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,360 Speaker 1: I could. I tell you how many times I did, 666 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,680 Speaker 1: especially when I had my toddler and she's like, Mommy, 667 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:41,360 Speaker 1: are you okay? Like the day that really got me, 668 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,120 Speaker 1: I was sick. I had to run to the bathroom 669 00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,200 Speaker 1: and I couldn't close the door, and my toddler came 670 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,720 Speaker 1: in and she's like, Mommy, are you okay? She speaks 671 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:49,160 Speaker 1: so well for a two year old. She's like, Mommy, 672 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:50,920 Speaker 1: are you okay? And I said, Mommy is fine. But 673 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:52,880 Speaker 1: she had tears in her eyes and she was rubbing 674 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:56,200 Speaker 1: my back and that just broke my heart. Um. But again, 675 00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,400 Speaker 1: I had a great support system. I had my husband. 676 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,880 Speaker 1: I lived less than a five dollars away from my parents. 677 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,280 Speaker 1: I'm the oldest of five, so I have several siblings. 678 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:07,440 Speaker 1: My church family was really supportive of me doing this, 679 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:08,880 Speaker 1: so they would call me and say, hey, what do 680 00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,760 Speaker 1: you need. What can we do for you. My pastor 681 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,920 Speaker 1: and his wife are going through infertility, so they understood 682 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:17,719 Speaker 1: and they respected what I was doing. So it was 683 00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:19,640 Speaker 1: just amazing for me to have the support. But sometimes 684 00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,799 Speaker 1: I was just like, oh my god, I cannot believe 685 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,279 Speaker 1: I did this. And then you know, one o'clock in 686 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,239 Speaker 1: the morning, two o'clock in the morning, they would wake 687 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:27,839 Speaker 1: up and they would want to play in the whole house. 688 00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,000 Speaker 1: That's quiet. I'm the only one up and they're just 689 00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:32,480 Speaker 1: rolling around playing in my stomach and that's why I'm like, well, 690 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,080 Speaker 1: this is why I did it. And I'd send their parents, 691 00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:38,120 Speaker 1: you know videos in the night, and their parents would 692 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:40,759 Speaker 1: send me pick you know videos of them reading and 693 00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:44,600 Speaker 1: in Japanese and um singing like nursery rhymes, and it 694 00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:49,120 Speaker 1: was just like the woman body is amazing because right 695 00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:55,520 Speaker 1: Japanese Japanese babies. It still blows my mind, but I 696 00:34:55,560 --> 00:35:00,960 Speaker 1: love it. Yeah, It's just like me like, this is crazy. Yeah, 697 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,400 Speaker 1: I thought that was like the most beautiful thing. I 698 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:08,840 Speaker 1: have everything to Tapanese babies and and people. My grandma, 699 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,080 Speaker 1: you know, she's old school. So when I first told her, 700 00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:12,279 Speaker 1: she was the only one that was a little on 701 00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,759 Speaker 1: the fence. She's like, baby, there's no way. Yeah, She's like, 702 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:17,960 Speaker 1: there is no way, honey, you can give her two 703 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,040 Speaker 1: babies that are not ours. She's like, you're giving away 704 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:23,040 Speaker 1: our babies. And I'm like, no, I'm not. They won't 705 00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,759 Speaker 1: be related. So when she saw them she was like, oh, yeah, 706 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,880 Speaker 1: they're not ours. I was like, yeah, it's amazing that, 707 00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,359 Speaker 1: you know, two babies that otherwise would not have been 708 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,680 Speaker 1: here because their mom just didn't have you know, she's older, 709 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:38,520 Speaker 1: she couldn't carry them herself. She tried, she had tried 710 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,719 Speaker 1: everything else. You know, Now her babies are here in 711 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:44,160 Speaker 1: her arms for her to love one and to cherish 712 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:47,680 Speaker 1: forever and not just that trump anything. I Like, I say, now, 713 00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:50,920 Speaker 1: even with all of the complications, it was brendous, But 714 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:52,920 Speaker 1: I would do it again to see the look on 715 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:57,200 Speaker 1: her face because she's so appreciative, amazing mother. The dad 716 00:35:57,360 --> 00:36:00,880 Speaker 1: is so involved. They were always to be parents and 717 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:06,759 Speaker 1: it's not fair that and you know, physiological mishaps or 718 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,000 Speaker 1: whatnot that they can't have children, you know what I mean. 719 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:12,080 Speaker 1: So two babies that couldn't be here are now here 720 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,560 Speaker 1: as a result of what I was able to give them. 721 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:17,000 Speaker 1: So it seems like you still like you have a 722 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,680 Speaker 1: really good relationship with them, Like do y'all talk regularly? 723 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,120 Speaker 1: Like how is the relationship has been since you gave birth? 724 00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,840 Speaker 1: So we talked more. When I first gave birth, I 725 00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,359 Speaker 1: was pumping for them. I pumped breast smolks for them 726 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:32,480 Speaker 1: for two months and so yeah, so, um, that helped me, 727 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:33,880 Speaker 1: and it helped the little girl who was in the 728 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:37,759 Speaker 1: nikki for two weeks. So she they're all doing fantastic now. 729 00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,600 Speaker 1: So now we talk about once a month. Um, she's 730 00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:45,279 Speaker 1: really busy obviously with two babies. She will send me, 731 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:48,360 Speaker 1: she'll you know, especially on holidays. I'll check in. So 732 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,600 Speaker 1: like Valentine's Day, Um, I text her and said, hey, 733 00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:53,719 Speaker 1: you know, how's your first day with your two new 734 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:56,560 Speaker 1: little loves. She sent me pictures of them, like, you know, 735 00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:59,680 Speaker 1: eating oatmeal and just crazy things like that. So it's 736 00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:01,480 Speaker 1: super or two and she's just like, oh, we're just 737 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,600 Speaker 1: loving them. She'll tell me how they're doing. Developmentally. Um, 738 00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,200 Speaker 1: she'll tell me how their check ups went. So I like, 739 00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,319 Speaker 1: I told them I was the type of surrogate that 740 00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:11,520 Speaker 1: when they asked me what type of relationship I wanted, 741 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:14,920 Speaker 1: I told them that, Um, it was really dependent on 742 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,319 Speaker 1: the parents because of what my husband and I went through. 743 00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:19,320 Speaker 1: I didn't want them to feel like they were obligated 744 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:20,879 Speaker 1: to me. This was a gift I was giving them. 745 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:22,840 Speaker 1: So if it meant they wanted to keep it in 746 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,640 Speaker 1: contact with me, great, If not, and they were just like, 747 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:27,200 Speaker 1: thank you for what You're dead, but now we're gonna 748 00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:28,719 Speaker 1: go live our lives. We're not sure if we want 749 00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:31,320 Speaker 1: to tell our kids right now, if that they conceived 750 00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:33,239 Speaker 1: by a third you know, carried by a surrogate until 751 00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:36,920 Speaker 1: they get older or whatever. Them to just enjoy their gifts, 752 00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:40,120 Speaker 1: whether that included me past the pregnancy or not. Um, 753 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,680 Speaker 1: And they made the choice to include myself and my family, 754 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,279 Speaker 1: like they made the choice to continue to send me 755 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,520 Speaker 1: updates and stuff like that. But is it that hard 756 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:51,200 Speaker 1: to get at tech? You know what? For most people, 757 00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,920 Speaker 1: that's that's the biggest question I get all this time, 758 00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:57,160 Speaker 1: like how did you not get attached or how do 759 00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,359 Speaker 1: you I don't care if they're not mine caring them 760 00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,520 Speaker 1: for that long, it's an attachment, not for me, not 761 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,560 Speaker 1: in the way that you think. Because of what I 762 00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:05,840 Speaker 1: and then what I went through, I think I was 763 00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:09,960 Speaker 1: the ideal surrogate because my attachment is with the parents. 764 00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,680 Speaker 1: So it's very difficult to not talk to her as 765 00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,759 Speaker 1: often as I was. But I'm okay talking to her 766 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:17,120 Speaker 1: once a month. It's not devastating. But I have a 767 00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:20,040 Speaker 1: great relationship with their parents. And I felt like the 768 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:24,480 Speaker 1: baby's nanny. I felt like the baby's nanny, so like 769 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:27,239 Speaker 1: for me, it was like a nanny that cares for 770 00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:29,279 Speaker 1: them a lot. But it's not I don't I don't 771 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,600 Speaker 1: like missing anything now that they're gone with there, So 772 00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:34,319 Speaker 1: you don't have no attachment, Yeah, I don't really have 773 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:36,880 Speaker 1: an attachment. I don't know how attached I felt to 774 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:39,480 Speaker 1: my daughter. I was expecting to feel like at least 775 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:42,120 Speaker 1: an inkling of that with them. I didn't. When I 776 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,719 Speaker 1: looked at the pictures, it was a complete disconnect. Like 777 00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,760 Speaker 1: I had to keep reminding myself that I had actually 778 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:51,720 Speaker 1: carried them because I didn't feel that type of cute babies, 779 00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:53,600 Speaker 1: but it's like seeing a stranger's baby on the street. 780 00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:56,520 Speaker 1: It didn't evoke any type of emotion. Do you think 781 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,799 Speaker 1: because they don't look nothing like you? It's possible, But 782 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,400 Speaker 1: I've had some surrogates who the baby doesn't look like 783 00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:05,440 Speaker 1: them and they were attached. But I think it's again 784 00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:07,719 Speaker 1: because of what I went through. My attachment was more 785 00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,200 Speaker 1: with the parents, So I feel like, oh man, I 786 00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:12,239 Speaker 1: missed talking to her with the parents, But I don't 787 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:16,959 Speaker 1: feel that way necessarily about not seeing the kids. So yeah, 788 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:18,960 Speaker 1: it was a little weird. So what did you do 789 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:23,640 Speaker 1: it again? Absolutely? I would even after everything I went 790 00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:27,359 Speaker 1: through again. The end result was exactly what I had 791 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:29,160 Speaker 1: thought it was, And the fact that I have dreamed 792 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,080 Speaker 1: about doing this first so long only made me feel 793 00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:34,880 Speaker 1: like I stepped into my click Like I was always 794 00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:37,160 Speaker 1: supposed to, you know what I mean. I was always 795 00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:40,440 Speaker 1: supposed to be a surrogate, and so I always I 796 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:42,640 Speaker 1: love pregnancy. I just don't want a million kids, and 797 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,439 Speaker 1: I own, like I said, I was the oldest of five, 798 00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,399 Speaker 1: so I was always like, no, two is my limit. Um, 799 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:49,640 Speaker 1: But even after I had my daughter, that feeling to 800 00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,040 Speaker 1: have a second child kind of went away. Some people 801 00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:54,400 Speaker 1: tell me it'll come back, you know, when she's older. 802 00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:56,399 Speaker 1: She's more independent. It will come back, but for now, 803 00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:59,000 Speaker 1: I don't feel the need to have another child. So 804 00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:02,200 Speaker 1: I mean, it's just like I want to continue giving 805 00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:04,600 Speaker 1: this gift. Since I still have the urge to be pregnant, 806 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,439 Speaker 1: I can use that again to bless someone else. So 807 00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:11,800 Speaker 1: I'm actually in the throes of beginning my next journey. 808 00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:14,640 Speaker 1: I'm in the planning process right now. I actually have 809 00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:18,120 Speaker 1: two agencies. UM, one with my original agency, but another 810 00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:20,640 Speaker 1: agency that reached out to me after seeing my profile 811 00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,600 Speaker 1: on Instagram and was like, hey, you're the perfect sarrogant. 812 00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:26,040 Speaker 1: You've already done it, Like we wanna, you know, fly 813 00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:29,160 Speaker 1: you out to l A to you know, meet with 814 00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:31,160 Speaker 1: a parents. So I told him, you know, I'm not 815 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,760 Speaker 1: doing it until next year. I am taking my doctor's 816 00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:38,480 Speaker 1: advice to await my eighteen months of healing. Um. But yeah, 817 00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:45,919 Speaker 1: I planned to do a journey earlier early in Wow. Yeah. 818 00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:47,799 Speaker 1: But what was some advice that you would give some 819 00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:50,839 Speaker 1: women out there who wants to become a surrogan? I 820 00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:54,640 Speaker 1: would say, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, because, 821 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,279 Speaker 1: like I said, the money is not really worth it 822 00:40:57,320 --> 00:40:59,920 Speaker 1: if you're looking at it as you know, compensation for 823 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,960 Speaker 1: the amount of work you're doing. Make sure you're doing 824 00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:03,799 Speaker 1: it for the right reason. The money make it better. 825 00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:07,120 Speaker 1: It does, I think make it better because especially if 826 00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:10,120 Speaker 1: you're gonna if you're gonna have a complicated pregnancy UM, 827 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,439 Speaker 1: and sometimes it is a little more complicated because we're 828 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:16,400 Speaker 1: on in um artificial hormones UM. But it does make 829 00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,480 Speaker 1: it better because it gives you a way to bless 830 00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:21,319 Speaker 1: your children and your family UM and a lot of 831 00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:23,560 Speaker 1: times the parents want to bless you. So there have 832 00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:26,640 Speaker 1: been stories that I've heard where surrogans get paid the 833 00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:30,319 Speaker 1: lower end, like maybe twenty five thousand because of the 834 00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:33,279 Speaker 1: state they live in. That's the parents who actually can 835 00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:37,080 Speaker 1: hear me, that's that's low. Yeah, right, yeah, So depending 836 00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:38,919 Speaker 1: on the fit that they live in, that they're getting 837 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:43,000 Speaker 1: like twenty and the parents will actually buy them more 838 00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,919 Speaker 1: stuff and give them more money after the babies arrive 839 00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:48,560 Speaker 1: because they felt like it was such an amazing gift 840 00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:50,919 Speaker 1: that they got. So the parents really want to give 841 00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:53,360 Speaker 1: the surrogates something. We're giving them something that you really 842 00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:58,600 Speaker 1: and they're extremely big full. So I would say, number one, 843 00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,320 Speaker 1: do it for the right reasons for you, do your research, 844 00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:04,799 Speaker 1: be very careful about the agency you select, to make 845 00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:06,719 Speaker 1: sure that you and the parents that you're doing it 846 00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:09,120 Speaker 1: for they're protected. Those are the two biggest things I 847 00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:11,920 Speaker 1: would always recommend. It's just do it for the right reason, 848 00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:14,319 Speaker 1: make sure your research and pick an agency that's going 849 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:19,200 Speaker 1: to protect you and protect them. Wow, but I think 850 00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:23,640 Speaker 1: this was amazing. I definitely learned something new. I'm glad, 851 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:27,480 Speaker 1: glad this was why. I think you're like a God's blessing. 852 00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:31,520 Speaker 1: Like thank you, because anybody that can carry somebody else 853 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:34,600 Speaker 1: and just give this like a gift that keeps on 854 00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:39,400 Speaker 1: giving such a beautiful story. I'm so happy you were 855 00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,000 Speaker 1: able to take some time out because I know you 856 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:42,879 Speaker 1: have a little busy one in the background. Now. Yeah 857 00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,480 Speaker 1: she's all over the place right now. But thank you 858 00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:47,399 Speaker 1: for allowing me to share. I think we need more 859 00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:49,960 Speaker 1: light when it comes to surrogacy and the fertility you know, 860 00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:54,080 Speaker 1: community altogether. So thank Yeah. No, guys, if you have 861 00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:57,200 Speaker 1: any questions, please email me and hello at the Professional 862 00:42:57,239 --> 00:42:59,800 Speaker 1: homegirl dot com. I would definitely get this out to 863 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,960 Speaker 1: I guess because I think this story is beautiful and 864 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,000 Speaker 1: you just never know when you're gonna need somebody to 865 00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:07,239 Speaker 1: help you in a way that you never thought that 866 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:11,160 Speaker 1: you can be helped. So on that note, until next time, 867 00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:14,319 Speaker 1: guys later by