Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Welcome.
Speaker 3: Let's just talk about how long am I gonna play?
Speaker 4: Still?
Speaker 5: Please?
Speaker 4: Please?
Speaker 1: How is how is everybody doing? Wow? Wow?
Speaker 5: What a.
Speaker 1: What a terrible talking week?
Speaker 4: Hey John, come back to the Daddy Show just to
Speaker 4: the election. It'll be fun.
Speaker 1: You'll do one day a week.
Speaker 6: It'll be alarm What would go wrong? Obviously, we were
Speaker 6: supposed to be doing our shows from Milwaukee for the
Speaker 6: RNC this week, but because of the attempt on the
Speaker 6: former president's life, our venue, the venue in which we
Speaker 6: planned to this show is a theater, which was originally
Speaker 6: located in the soft perimeter they called it security wise,
Speaker 6: was shifted understandably so to the hard perimeter. They called
Speaker 6: it the hard perimeter. You really don't want to be
Speaker 6: in the hard perimeter. It was locked down. They built
Speaker 6: cages around the theater, and because of that, we felt
Speaker 6: that we could not logistically put on the theater shows
Speaker 6: effectively without people. But I do want to say to
Speaker 6: the city of Milwaukee, the Mayor of Milwaukee could not
Speaker 6: have been more accommodating to the show, more gracious to us.
Speaker 1: We thank you so much. I do hope that.
Speaker 6: We will be able to come back to Milwaukee.
Speaker 1: We really do.
Speaker 6: Want to come back at some point and make up
Speaker 6: some of the events we had planned, especially our in
Speaker 6: Dog decision.
Speaker 1: We get.
Speaker 6: We get dogs adopted and people registered to vote, or.
Speaker 1: Or it's the other way around. I don't really, I
Speaker 1: don't remember.
Speaker 6: But as always, the biggest slice of praise is reserved
Speaker 6: for our production team and crew.
Speaker 1: They turned this ocean lineer around all the dine on
Speaker 1: a dime.
Speaker 6: It is a big production to take a show like
Speaker 6: this on the road on short notice. Our crack production
Speaker 6: team and our crew got us back to New York City,
Speaker 6: rejiggered all the things in the studio to get us
Speaker 6: ready to do a program this very Tuesday night.
Speaker 1: It's remarkable work, and I just want to thank the
Speaker 1: sid remarkable, remarkable all right.
Speaker 6: But even though we are not in Milwaukee, last night
Speaker 6: was night one of the RNC, and obviously, after what
Speaker 6: happened this weekend, there was a clear theme going in.
Speaker 4: Obviously right now, unity is a theme that we need
Speaker 4: to be focused on.
Speaker 3: I think that we're going to hear a lot of
Speaker 3: unifying top speeches.
Speaker 4: We got to create some unity the vitriol and the hatred.
Speaker 4: It needs to stop. We shall bring the temperature down.
Speaker 7: Let's turn this moment into a moment that helps us
Speaker 7: down that path of healing and unity.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 6: That that is Senator Ron Johnson of Wisconsin. He is
Speaker 6: known as a particularly divisive, divisive or whoever you want
Speaker 6: to pronounce that, a divisive figure. So to hear that
Speaker 6: healing rhetoric coming from Ron Johnson is impressive. I for one,
Speaker 6: look forward to hearing his unifying remarks.
Speaker 1: On the convention floor Democrat agenda.
Speaker 7: Their policies are a clear and present danger to America.
Speaker 6: I'm sorry, I guess he's what's known as unity in
Speaker 6: the streets, divisive in the sheets. But to be fair,
Speaker 6: to be fair, and I want to be fair in
Speaker 6: this new environment. Senator Johnson did not mean to stoke
Speaker 6: anger his teleprompter did.
Speaker 8: What he wanted loaded in the prompter was that we
Speaker 8: needed a somber moment in history. We should heed President
Speaker 8: Trump's call to unite, to be strong, to be determined,
Speaker 8: We must heal. He said, I don't know how the
Speaker 8: other one got in there and screwed up the teleprompter,
Speaker 8: but again he went ahead and read it.
Speaker 1: What a douchebag.
Speaker 6: Sorry, I didn't mean to say that that was in
Speaker 6: my teleprompter.
Speaker 1: I apologize.
Speaker 5: World.
Speaker 6: The teleprompters weren't the only ones having trouble adjusting to
Speaker 6: the Republican's new tone. One particularly fiery member of Congress
Speaker 6: struggled mightily as her body rejected the unity theme as
Speaker 6: though it were transplanted like a monkey heart.
Speaker 9: The founding father of the America First Movement, Donald John Trump,
Speaker 9: make America successful again, wealthy again, the country we deserve.
Speaker 1: She knows she's making that noise, right, okay? Or is
Speaker 1: that is that the.
Speaker 6: Noise she makes when the interior monologue is going, Marjorie,
Speaker 6: there's gonna be plenty of time to talk about satanic democrats.
Speaker 1: Just keeping it, Marjorie, Just I just oh, this is
Speaker 1: this is hard to do.
Speaker 5: Oh.
Speaker 6: But perhaps the weirdest moment of last night was when
Speaker 6: the RNC looked like it was turning into the DNC.
Speaker 6: One of its featured speakers was Amber Rose, founder of
Speaker 6: the La Slut Walk and a sex positive, pro choice
Speaker 6: internet celebrity.
Speaker 9: Donald Trump and his supporters don't care if your black, white, gay,
Speaker 9: or straight.
Speaker 4: It's all love. It's all love.
Speaker 1: It's love. You just better hope.
Speaker 4: Oh that love.
Speaker 6: Doesn't lead to an eck topic of pregnancy, because, ah,
Speaker 6: the guys know what I'm talking about. They're feeling that
Speaker 6: in the old Philippian tubes or whatever. But the moment
Speaker 6: that really felt like the DNC had snuck into the
Speaker 6: RNC was when Sean O'Brien, the president of the Teamsters
Speaker 6: Union and apparently Rob Quadrey Duppelganger, came up to the lectern.
Speaker 10: Come on, Codrey, it's an honor to be the first
Speaker 10: Teamster in our one hundred and twenty one year history
Speaker 10: to address the Republican National Convention.
Speaker 6: The crowd went crazy until he began to tell them
Speaker 6: what he thinks.
Speaker 10: Legal protections that make it safer for workers to get
Speaker 10: a contract, trade policies that put American workers first.
Speaker 4: Label law must be reformed.
Speaker 11: Companies fireworkers who try to join unions and hide behind
Speaker 11: toothless laws that.
Speaker 10: Are meant to protect working people but are manipulated to
Speaker 10: benefit corporation.
Speaker 3: The where are the chairs on.
Speaker 6: The Florida con Region Yes, apparently Republicans are pro worker.
Speaker 1: Now in pro union.
Speaker 6: Somebody tells all the Republican governors who passed right to
Speaker 6: work anti union laws in their states and all the
Speaker 6: Republican appointed judges who made it easier to break unions,
Speaker 6: and Donald Trump himself, who helped kill a bill that
Speaker 6: would have protected unions.
Speaker 1: They are going to be.
Speaker 6: But of course, the main event from last night was
Speaker 6: the crowning of Donald Trump's MAGA movement.
Speaker 1: Air Apparent. No, not that guy, No the.
Speaker 6: There you go, the other dark haired, bearded dude right in.
Speaker 1: Front of that one. Jd Vance. I got to tell
Speaker 1: you something, man, that ain't right. It's like for Vice
Speaker 1: President Donald.
Speaker 6: Selected the actor who would be hired to play Don
Speaker 6: Junior in the lifetime.
Speaker 1: It's not right. It's like Don Junior was the beta.
Speaker 6: Vere that had to have some kingsmort doubt. He's the
Speaker 6: default avatar in the video game. And the Donald Trump
Speaker 6: Senior adjusted the pretty eyes and charisma sliders up a
Speaker 6: little bit sixty six intelligence. And then it was time
Speaker 6: for Donald Trump's big entrance. The Great Lee Greenwood did
Speaker 6: the honors with a rousing rendition of God Bless the USA.
Speaker 2: Is there any doubt Who's going to be the next
Speaker 2: President of the United States?
Speaker 4: Rare works This station based on faith.
Speaker 2: Rare works because.
Speaker 5: He was sure.
Speaker 2: As Donald Trump turned his head just slightly.
Speaker 4: Bet the bullet missed him just enough.
Speaker 1: You know what.
Speaker 6: I'm sorry, Lee, We're gonna have to skip ahead just
Speaker 6: a little bit. None of the side pattern, if you could.
Speaker 6: The Great Lee Greenwood introducing Donald Trump.
Speaker 1: Here we go.
Speaker 2: We have believed for so long that God will make
Speaker 2: some changes in this country, and he's about to make
Speaker 2: a change in the current administration and send them home.
Speaker 2: Thank you everybody for being here.
Speaker 12: Just you get to it.
Speaker 1: The man is wearing a time.
Speaker 6: Release ear sav for God's sakes.
Speaker 2: Help for our veterans, and God bless our military wherever
Speaker 2: they are in. These are United States and abroad, ar
Speaker 2: Lady present.
Speaker 13: Trus welcome the next President of the United States.
Speaker 1: They cut him off.
Speaker 6: Is it is it possible to bring out another band
Speaker 6: to play a band off? But then finally Donald Trump
Speaker 6: himself arrived, waving to his adoring crowd, and then went
Speaker 6: to sit down and what can only be described as
Speaker 6: some sort of chair trap.
Speaker 1: Oh well, that's what of that? Being back? What the
Speaker 1: hell mean?
Speaker 6: While back at the back cave, Joe Biden was sitting
Speaker 6: down with NBC News anchor Lester Holt to answer questions
Speaker 6: about what he would do to cool our nation's overheated rhetoric.
Speaker 12: But have you taken a step back and done a
Speaker 12: little soul searching on things that you may have said
Speaker 12: that could incite people who are not balanced?
Speaker 14: How do you talk about the threat to democracy which
Speaker 14: is real? When a president says things like he says,
Speaker 14: do you just not saying him he's a man incite somebody.
Speaker 14: My opponent's engaged in that rhetoric he talks about to
Speaker 14: be a blood bat if he loses, Like remember the
Speaker 14: picture of Donald Trump when Nancy Pelosi's husbands hip with
Speaker 14: the hammer going, talking about joking about it.
Speaker 12: This doesn't sound like you're turning down the heat though.
Speaker 6: He's telling you what the other guy had been saying.
Speaker 6: How you supposed to discuss the temperature of the rhetoric
Speaker 6: if you're not allowed to mention the rhetoric. It became
Speaker 6: clear that Biden was ready to turn it down for everybody,
Speaker 6: but Lesterholt, are.
Speaker 12: You seeing what they saw? Which was moments of Frankly,
Speaker 12: that appeared to be you appeared to be confused.
Speaker 14: Lester, Look, why don't you guys ever talk about the
Speaker 14: eighteen twenty eight lies?
Speaker 5: He told?
Speaker 4: Where are you from?
Speaker 1: This all?
Speaker 8: Shit.
Speaker 14: Seriously, you won't answer the question. But why didn't the
Speaker 14: press talk about all the lies he told?
Speaker 15: Let me let me ask you something less Let me
Speaker 15: ask you something, let me let me let me let
Speaker 15: me ask you this who's got two thumbs lesson and
Speaker 15: is about to beat your ass.
Speaker 6: But of course the entire debate over rhetoric is happening
Speaker 6: because of the attempted assassination of Donald Trump over the
Speaker 6: weekend at a rally in Pennsylvania, which was obviously terrifying
Speaker 6: and disorienting. And I think I learned that in an emergency,
Speaker 6: when shit hits the fan in this country, the Internet
Speaker 6: is a great source of information. For instance, with the minutes,
Speaker 6: I found out that this is staged, and then I
Speaker 6: found out that it was actually an inside you out,
Speaker 6: and then I found out that it was Joe Biden
Speaker 6: who ordered it, and then I found out that this
Speaker 6: guy is the shooter. Great job, Internet, you did it,
Speaker 6: Except it turns out that that guy is an Italian
Speaker 6: football commentator named Marco Violi, who does, to be fair,
Speaker 6: the little shootery, but I can only assume was in
Speaker 6: Italy sipping Apparol's printzes on the piazza when he got
Speaker 6: a panicked call from his Nona.
Speaker 1: Lot of go.
Speaker 6: Go why a lot of goal? And I have to say,
Speaker 6: and I mean this, and I'm not I have a
Speaker 6: slight confession to make and I am not proud of
Speaker 6: this in any way, shape or form. But I'm following
Speaker 6: social media during all this to find out who did it,
Speaker 6: because it's this pattern I feel like we now have
Speaker 6: in the country. When we hear about a horrific event,
Speaker 6: you're on pins and needles in this sort of reverse
Speaker 6: demographic lottery to make sure that the psychopathic shooter doesn't
Speaker 6: belong to one of your teams. You know, you just
Speaker 6: sit there going please no Democrats, no liberals, no progressives.
Speaker 1: It's like that press your luck game. No Jewey, no Jewy,
Speaker 1: no Dewey, no Jewey.
Speaker 10: No Jewey.
Speaker 6: And we're all doing it. We're all doing it because
Speaker 6: we have to know what our posture will be on
Speaker 6: the tragedy. Will it be a haughty I told you,
Speaker 6: or perhaps a circumspect Well, let's not rush to judgment.
Speaker 6: We shouldn't generalize, and then it ends up being someone
Speaker 6: we can't even figure out in the first place. A bullied, loner,
Speaker 6: white guy, registered Republican donated to a blue pack, argued
Speaker 6: Conservative Causes is a dude, but if you flip his
Speaker 6: picture upside down, kind of looks like an old lady.
Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on with this guy.
Speaker 4: It's a jump ball.
Speaker 1: We don't know yet who's got DIBs, who.
Speaker 6: Wins, and none of us knows what's going to happen next,
Speaker 6: other than there will be another tragedy in this country,
Speaker 6: self inflicted by us to us, and then we'll have
Speaker 6: this feeling again. I remember it on nine to eleven,
Speaker 6: this disorienting, holy shit stopped the world. I would like
Speaker 6: to get off feeling. And in that moment, there will
Speaker 6: be some incredible Americans who, in the midst of it,
Speaker 6: for some unknown reason, rush towards it and get us
Speaker 6: back to some sort of equilibrium. And we'll count on
Speaker 6: those folks to hold us together again. And it does
Speaker 6: remind us that by a hair's breath, we dodged a catastrophe,
Speaker 6: but it was still a tragedy because one of those
Speaker 6: first responders lost his life. His name was Corey Comparatore.
Speaker 6: He was a retired fire chief in the area. He
Speaker 6: had given his life in service to his community, and
Speaker 6: he died literally shielding his family. He's a reminder that
Speaker 6: in those moments of crisis, there are helpers, and we
Speaker 6: can all make a choice to try and be one
Speaker 6: of those people, or.
Speaker 1: You can be one of these guys.
Speaker 2: In the immediate aftermath of the shooting, an article from
Speaker 2: Forbes titled was Surviving Gunfire b Donald Trump's next appeal
Speaker 2: to Black voters.
Speaker 4: Not helping, dear Lord. They're wrapping up the Republican National
Speaker 4: Convention as we speak. The excitement is palpable or is
Speaker 4: that soul shaking fear? They feel eerily similar. And then
Speaker 4: that wasn't enough news to cover in a day. There's
Speaker 4: another gigantic story brewing. Keep your news alerts on because
Speaker 4: the Democrats might be recasting a very big role.
Speaker 11: Breaking news about President Biden's candidacy.
Speaker 16: The New York Times, sources close to President Biden say
Speaker 16: he's beginning to accept he might have to leave the race.
Speaker 6: Axio says he could drop out as soon as this weekend.
Speaker 1: It's reached almost a fever pitch.
Speaker 6: Chuck Schumer, A King, Jeffreys, Nancy Pelosi have all had
Speaker 6: very direct conversations with President Biden. His political fate more
Speaker 6: precarious than ever.
Speaker 4: An increasingly dire moment.
Speaker 1: His fate now hanging in the balance, nearing the point.
Speaker 4: Of no we are close to the end of his candidacy.
Speaker 4: To be clear, you're talking about an eighty one year old.
Speaker 4: You gotta be clear about that. Think about how strange
Speaker 4: this moment is. In the span of one week, one
Speaker 4: candidate got shot and the other guy might drop out.
Speaker 4: I mean years from now, children will be reading about
Speaker 4: this in history books. I mean not in Florida, they
Speaker 4: won't have those, but everywhere else. And on top of
Speaker 4: that all of that, Biden has COVID, which is no
Speaker 4: joke for a man of his age, especially because this
Speaker 4: is an unusual strain where the brain fog hits you
Speaker 4: three weeks ago. Now for more insight on the quickly
Speaker 4: evolving state of Joe Biden's candidacy, we got full team coverage.
Speaker 4: Let's first go out to DC with Michael Costa. Michael, Oh, Michael, Michael,
Speaker 4: what's the latest?
Speaker 5: Jordan.
Speaker 17: I'm here outside Chuck Schumer's office as he tries to
Speaker 17: push Biden out of the race. But it's a very difficult,
Speaker 17: delicate situation because don't forget, he's the President, which means
Speaker 17: he holds all.
Speaker 4: The keys, the metaphorical keys to power the.
Speaker 17: Rain Jordan, the actual White House keys, you know. They're
Speaker 17: on one of those big key rings, and he has
Speaker 17: a clip to his belt. There's a key for the
Speaker 17: Oval office, a situation room. There's one key that just
Speaker 17: says room. We don't even know what that is. So
Speaker 17: they either have to convince Biden to give up the
Speaker 17: keys or wait for him to fall asleep and try
Speaker 17: to snake it off his belt with a broom hand.
Speaker 4: Is that really the only solution? Why can't they just
Speaker 4: get a locksmith and get new keys.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess they could.
Speaker 17: But he's also the only one that knows the White
Speaker 17: House Amazon passwords. So what's the point of being president
Speaker 17: if you can't watch the new season of The Boys?
Speaker 17: Am I right?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 4: If Joe Biden's an old man, as password is probably
Speaker 4: something like Joe Biden one two Jordan.
Speaker 17: This man is the commander in chief. I'm sure he
Speaker 17: has access to better Oh my god, that work?
Speaker 5: That was it? Correct?
Speaker 1: We're in great shame.
Speaker 4: Thanks Joe, Thank you, Michael. Let's go down a lot
Speaker 4: to Nancy Pelosi, lot of Dosi.
Speaker 3: DESI Dezzy.
Speaker 4: We know, we know, Chuck Schumer is trying to be sensitive.
Speaker 4: What's Nancy Pelosi doing?
Speaker 16: Well, she's playing a lot more hardball, Jordan. She had
Speaker 16: a meeting with Biden where she just stared at him
Speaker 16: while doing that five finger knife thing. It's very intimidating.
Speaker 16: She's also trying to mess with his head. She threw
Speaker 16: a pair of sneakers over a power line outside the
Speaker 16: White House.
Speaker 4: Is that a threat?
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know.
Speaker 16: But if there's one thing that freaks out old white people,
Speaker 16: it's sneakers on a power line. How they get up there?
Speaker 16: Is it a gang sign? Is it a drugs thing?
Speaker 4: Is it hip hop?
Speaker 16: Either way, it's time to move to Florida.
Speaker 4: Wow, very fluid situation.
Speaker 17: Thank you.
Speaker 4: Let's go out to the Capitol Hill with Ronnie Chang. Ronnie,
Speaker 4: Ronnie talks to me. Who are you talking to, Jordan.
Speaker 17: I'm talking to an opposing faction that standing behind Joe Biden.
Speaker 4: One.
Speaker 6: They're telling the president to ignore the haters, stay in
Speaker 6: the race, and do as many public speaking events as possible.
Speaker 4: Wow. Which Democrats are telling them that? No, no, no.
Speaker 6: If these are the Republicans, they are gong ho for
Speaker 6: Joe Biden, Jordan.
Speaker 18: This must be the unity thing that they're talking about.
Speaker 4: Okay, Ronnie Chang, everybody, look, look, whether or not Biden's
Speaker 4: candidacy is live. We are. And the reason we're live
Speaker 4: is that it's the last night of the Republican National Convention.
Speaker 4: And well, most GOP conventions are about nominating a candidate
Speaker 4: and crashing the grinder servers. This one up, this one,
Speaker 4: it would seemed to have a higher purpose. This convention
Speaker 4: is happening. Frankly, by the grace of God.
Speaker 16: It is a divine intervention by God that President Trump
Speaker 16: is not dead right now.
Speaker 11: This is divine intervention.
Speaker 15: The bullet peers to President Trump at six eleven PM.
Speaker 18: Ephesian six eleven tells us, put on the form of God,
Speaker 18: take your stand against the devilin of schemes.
Speaker 4: This was providence, God's divine providence.
Speaker 3: Millisecond before he fired the shot.
Speaker 4: A God give it tilt, Yeah, a God given tilt.
Speaker 4: If you didn't believe in miracles before.
Speaker 12: Saturday, you've better believing right now.
Speaker 4: A God Lord, a shill of protection.
Speaker 2: God has put an armor of protection over Donald Trump.
Speaker 3: God is not finished with him yet.
Speaker 9: I believe we all witnessed the miracle literally from you know,
Speaker 9: before it happened.
Speaker 4: The flag above got blown in the wind.
Speaker 16: And it got tied into literally what looked like.
Speaker 4: An angel, divine origami. That's what we're going with. I mean,
Speaker 4: you see an angel. I see the g string from
Speaker 4: the cover of that Black Crows album. You know, you
Speaker 4: see what you want to say. But I don't mean
Speaker 4: to nitpick God. But if God did save Trump from
Speaker 4: that bullet, he kind of procrastinated to the last second,
Speaker 4: didn't they. You could have stopped the gunman at any
Speaker 4: point during the day, but INSTEADY waited until the bullet
Speaker 4: was in the air and went, I was glo, Son,
Speaker 4: you gotta stop looking at my phone all the time.
Speaker 4: Huh A right, fine, fine, Okay. Every cult needs a
Speaker 4: leader who was chosen by God and has taken multiple wives.
Speaker 4: I get it, all right. And plenty of people stepped
Speaker 4: up this week to sing his praises. Now, one of
Speaker 4: the most fiery speeches was from Florida Congressman Matt Gates.
Speaker 4: Although that's an old picture of Matt Gates from a
Speaker 4: long time ago. The whole week because when he came
Speaker 4: out to speak yesterday, it looked a little different.
Speaker 7: Under Trump, we prospered, we were richer, Inflation was low,
Speaker 7: and there were two genders.
Speaker 4: And introducing the third. Wow. Wow, it looks like his
Speaker 4: eyebrows are reacting to a picture of his eyebrows. You
Speaker 4: can see why they chose him to make the case
Speaker 4: against Joe Biden. Inflation is so bad his forehead is
Speaker 4: now a six head. And I could make that joke
Speaker 4: because I've been battling inflation for years. But last night's
Speaker 4: big speech was from Donald Trump's new running mate jd Vance,
Speaker 4: who wanted to introduce himself to the world, and this
Speaker 4: is what he went with.
Speaker 19: And while we're on the topic of grandparents, let me
Speaker 19: tell you another mammals. Now, my mamma died shortly before
Speaker 19: I left for Iraq in two thousand and five, and
Speaker 19: when we went through things, we found nineteen loaded handguns.
Speaker 19: They were stashed all over her house, under her bed,
Speaker 19: in her closet, in the silverware drawer. This frail old
Speaker 19: woman made sure that no matter where she was, she
Speaker 19: was within arm's length of whatever she needed to protect
Speaker 19: her family. That's who we fight for.
Speaker 4: That's American spirit, that's the American spirit. Unhinged paranoia. You
Speaker 4: know what I love how gun nuts in this contrary
Speaker 4: are always like, we're responsible gun owners. Anyway, here's a
Speaker 4: glock I taped under my baby's crib. And let me
Speaker 4: just remind everyone that five days ago their nominee was
Speaker 4: almost taken out by an assault rifle. And I thought
Speaker 4: that might lead to a moment of introspection. But you
Speaker 4: guys are like, you know what's hilarious, how guns are everywhere.
Speaker 4: But outside of his anecdotes about Grandma John Wick, the
Speaker 4: fact was that discount ulysses that's grand did not exactly
Speaker 4: set the room on fire. But the good news for
Speaker 4: him was that the crowd was so amped they were
Speaker 4: happy to chance no matter what.
Speaker 18: Wait, I oh, oh, wait, I oh.
Speaker 4: You guys are a great crowd.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 4: I've never seen a crowd so pump that it started
Speaker 4: to engage in conversation. Yes we are. Let's order food.
Speaker 4: How about time. By the way, if you're wondering why
Speaker 4: the Ohio Chance is O Hio, it's because it's the
Speaker 4: only word people from Ohio can spell. Go blue you
Speaker 4: He'll Billy. But tonight was the final night of the RNC.
Speaker 4: It was the last chance to address the events of
Speaker 4: last Saturday. So to heal a hurdy nation, the RNC
Speaker 4: brought in their most dignified voices to deliver their message
Speaker 4: with gravity and respect.
Speaker 5: What happened last week when they took a shot at
Speaker 5: my hero and they tried to kill the next president
Speaker 5: of the United States? Enough was enough and I said,
Speaker 5: what's up on media.
Speaker 9: From while brother?
Speaker 4: Whoa thank you? The helid has begun. He's gonna make
Speaker 4: a great energy secretary. Now you can laugh that one
Speaker 4: of the keynote speakers on the last night of the
Speaker 4: Republicanvention is a washed up fake wrestler. But I'll tell
Speaker 4: you what I think. Trump just locked up the vote
Speaker 4: of every teenager in nineteen ninety two. Okay, we heard
Speaker 4: a lot of talks. Now it's time to bring the
Speaker 4: nation together, the sober message of unity. Who's next? Everybody
Speaker 4: dam fished up in.
Speaker 5: Hell?
Speaker 4: Watch that ankle down, junior, watch that angle. Yeah, that's
Speaker 4: how you achieve unity by making our ears bleed together.
Speaker 4: Nothing riles me up like a fifty year old man
Speaker 4: yelling at a bunch of sixty year old men in
Speaker 4: suits to fight. Oh, I'll be pounding the lipatour Tonight's
Speaker 4: then it was a big event. Finally it's time for
Speaker 4: Donald Trump to come out. And in case you weren't
Speaker 4: sure who he was, they put his name in big
Speaker 4: bright lights like it was the world's most famous circuit elephant.
Speaker 4: That's right, Trump's going to be president a Broadway. Once
Speaker 4: the cheers dived down and the speaking began, Trump made
Speaker 4: some big promises.
Speaker 11: Four months from now, we will have an incredible victory
Speaker 11: and we will begin the four greatest years in the
Speaker 11: history of our country.
Speaker 4: Oh, I don't know best four years? What about ninety
Speaker 4: one to ninety five Wu Tang, Nirvana on ironic fanny packs,
Speaker 4: Michael Jackson before it got too weird. You know, I'll
Speaker 4: put those four years against any in history. Now, we
Speaker 4: heard Trump was going to come out with a new
Speaker 4: message of unity. You know what he delivered.
Speaker 11: As Americans, we are bound together by a single fate
Speaker 11: and a shared destiny. We rise together or we fall apart.
Speaker 11: I am running to be president for all of America,
Speaker 11: not half of America, because there is no victory in
Speaker 11: winning for half of America.
Speaker 4: Which is why to be deporting the half that doesn't
Speaker 4: like me. Problem solved? You know what? You know what,
Speaker 4: no I'm being a hater. There is a changed man
Speaker 4: up here. It's call in for an end to discord.
Speaker 4: Let's hear how we can bring about this unity together.
Speaker 11: If Democrats want to unify our country, they should drop
Speaker 11: these spartas and witch hunts which I have been going
Speaker 11: through for approximately eight years, and they should do that
Speaker 11: with out delay and allow an election to proceed that
Speaker 11: is worthy of our people.
Speaker 4: Oh how convenient. So the key to unifying the country
Speaker 4: is absolving Donald Trump of his crimes. Anything else Democrats
Speaker 4: should do America. Just think about how united the country
Speaker 4: would be if Chuck Schumer punched himself in the dick.
Speaker 4: Think about it. Come together. But then Trump went on
Speaker 4: to tell the story of his near assassination on Saturday,
Speaker 4: and for a moment they started to feel like maybe
Speaker 4: this was a different Trump, someone somber, reflective. But then
Speaker 4: he slipped in just a small nod to the Trump
Speaker 4: we've always known.
Speaker 11: They knew immediately it was a sniper, and then began
Speaker 11: pointing at him. You can see that if you look
Speaker 11: at the group behind me, that was just a small
Speaker 11: group compared to what was in front.
Speaker 4: That's how you know trum is going to get through this,
Speaker 4: even the middle of a story about almost being assassinated,
Speaker 4: he felt the need to reflectively brag about his crowd size.
Speaker 4: I suddenly realized how insignificant we are except by crowd size,
Speaker 4: very significant. We're all just grains of sands on a beach.
Speaker 4: Although my crowd is more like a coastline. Big crowd,
Speaker 4: big crowd. There was one other thing that made me realize,
Speaker 4: this is the same truth Wisconsin.
Speaker 11: We are spending over two hundred and fifty million dollars
Speaker 11: here creating jobs and other economic development all over the place.
Speaker 11: So I hope you will remember this in November and
Speaker 11: give us your vote. I am trying to buy your vote.
Speaker 17: I'll be honest about that.
Speaker 4: He's trying to do a quit for a quote in
Speaker 4: the middle of his conventions, Paget out, my man, you
Speaker 4: don't get total immunity until after the election. So that
Speaker 4: was Trump's speech, A changed man who is basically the
Speaker 4: same man as before. So what do we learn from
Speaker 4: the RNC, Well, the campaign for president is basically one
Speaker 4: big job interview. The convention is where America checks the
Speaker 4: candidate's references. And to be sure, there were plenty of
Speaker 4: people willing to vouch for Donald Trump. You got x
Speaker 4: CON's domestic abusers, fake wrestlers, fake friends, his children, people
Speaker 4: sleeping with his children, and of course the esteemed mayor
Speaker 4: of Whovill. But but if this is a job interview,
Speaker 4: it's worth noting who we didn't see, most of the
Speaker 4: people who actually worked with him in the White House.
Speaker 4: And if America is going to do our due diligence,
Speaker 4: we might as well call our references to hear what
Speaker 4: they have to say about them.
Speaker 8: Anyone who puts themselves over the constitution should never president.
Speaker 1: I think he's unfit for office.
Speaker 6: Richard Nixon looks like a choir boy next to Donald Trump.
Speaker 4: The gravest threat to democracy that we've ever seen. He
Speaker 4: failed at being the president when we needed him to be.
Speaker 3: That doesn't like to read, doesn't read briefing.
Speaker 16: Reports, absence of leadership, really anti leadership.
Speaker 8: We want to be dictator.
Speaker 12: Shouldn't be anywhere near the Oval Office.
Speaker 4: Nothing but contempt for a democratic institutions, our constitution, and
Speaker 4: the rule of law. The president has the understanding of
Speaker 4: a fifth or sixth grader.
Speaker 6: Rex Sarson saying this about the president quote, He's a
Speaker 6: effing moron.
Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, you know what, you know what good points.
Speaker 4: But to just see that flag, it looked like an angel.
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