WEBVTT - Try a limited engagement

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is that if you are aiming to get together

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<v Speaker 1>with friends more regularly, try your idea for a new

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<v Speaker 1>routine as a limited engagement. You can commit for a

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<v Speaker 1>short period of time and enjoy it while it lasts,

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<v Speaker 1>and then decide whether you want to stick with it

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<v Speaker 1>for longer or tweak things to make it better. So

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<v Speaker 1>I think most of us understand that few things in

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<v Speaker 1>life last forever. Sunday brunch with your girlfriends might last

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<v Speaker 1>for years, but you will probably not all move in

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<v Speaker 1>together in retirement Golden Girls style. Your Tuesday morning run

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<v Speaker 1>with your exercise buddy might last a decade, but then

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<v Speaker 1>when you're injured and somehow never resume, so it goes.

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<v Speaker 1>Something can be wonderful for a long time and then

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<v Speaker 1>you move on to something else, but few of us

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<v Speaker 1>consider the end when we are starting. I guess we

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<v Speaker 1>are natural optimists, But the problem is that sometimes we

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<v Speaker 1>don't try things because well we suspect we won't want

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<v Speaker 1>to do them forever. But you don't have to do

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<v Speaker 1>something forever. You can explicitly try it for a while

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<v Speaker 1>as a limited engagement. For instance, over at my substac newsletter,

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<v Speaker 1>which is called vander Hacks. By the way, I suggested

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<v Speaker 1>that if you are considering starting a book club, you

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<v Speaker 1>will agree with everyone that you will plan to meet

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<v Speaker 1>once a month for the next calendar year. After that,

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<v Speaker 1>you will regroup to figure out who wants to continue

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<v Speaker 1>and whether you'd like to tweak anything about the format.

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<v Speaker 1>Some people may opt to re up and others may not,

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<v Speaker 1>but nobody has the awkward experience of breaking up with

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<v Speaker 1>the club because they only signed up for a year

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<v Speaker 1>in the first place. The limited engagement makes starting and

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<v Speaker 1>deciding how to proceed a lot less fraud. In a

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<v Speaker 1>New York Times article, friendship coach Danielle Baard Jackson suggests

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<v Speaker 1>something similar, which is what she calls a limited series

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<v Speaker 1>with your friend. You pick an activity that lasts a

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<v Speaker 1>few weeks or months and brings you into more frequent

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<v Speaker 1>and more structured interaction. She gives the example of watching

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<v Speaker 1>a TV series and meeting up on zoom for fifteen

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<v Speaker 1>minutes after each episode to analyze it. The limited series

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<v Speaker 1>lets you test out more frequent interaction, so if you

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<v Speaker 1>like it, you can build it in longer term. But

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<v Speaker 1>even if you decide not to continue, the limited series

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<v Speaker 1>will have given you shared memories that you can look

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<v Speaker 1>back on. I think this is a great idea. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you don't want to join as Zoom TV Critics Club,

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<v Speaker 1>but you would like to take a ten week yoga

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<v Speaker 1>class with friends. You could try a weekly dinner club

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<v Speaker 1>for a month. Maybe you and some friends decide to

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<v Speaker 1>do an eight week training program together to get ready

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<v Speaker 1>for a ten k. You might arrange with several friends

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<v Speaker 1>to read a self improvement book together over the course

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<v Speaker 1>of a month or two and meet up weekly in

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<v Speaker 1>person or via zoom to discuss how you are implementing

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<v Speaker 1>what you learn. If you read one of my books,

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<v Speaker 1>let me know. Or maybe your limited engagement is with

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<v Speaker 1>a tennis partner you decide to play every Wednesday before

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<v Speaker 1>work until the end of the semester and then you

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<v Speaker 1>will take a break. Or you might rally a group

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<v Speaker 1>to rewatch the Pride and Prejudice mini series one episode

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<v Speaker 1>every Sunday night until you are finished. I'm sure you

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<v Speaker 1>could generate a long list of things you would like

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<v Speaker 1>to do with friends for a little while. Deciding to

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<v Speaker 1>participate in a limited engagement is a lot lower pressure

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<v Speaker 1>than well, the book club you are expected to be

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<v Speaker 1>in until you die, so it feels easier to say yes.

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<v Speaker 1>I hear from so many people that they want more

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<v Speaker 1>connection with friends. A recurring commitment can be a great

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<v Speaker 1>way to get that connection without the effort of planning

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<v Speaker 1>multiple one off experiences. With a limited engagement, you get

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<v Speaker 1>all the benefits of a recurring a commitment, but without

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<v Speaker 1>the potential for feeling awkward if the commitment starts to

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<v Speaker 1>feel like it's all obligation and no joy. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe your book club will last for a thousand years,

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<v Speaker 1>but it may also last for twelve sessions, which could

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<v Speaker 1>be just as good. In the meantime, this is Laura.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of

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<v Speaker 1>our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've

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<v Speaker 1>got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at

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<v Speaker 1>Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a

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<v Speaker 1>production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit

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<v Speaker 1>the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

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