Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: tip is that if you are aiming to get together
Speaker 1: with friends more regularly, try your idea for a new
Speaker 1: routine as a limited engagement. You can commit for a
Speaker 1: short period of time and enjoy it while it lasts,
Speaker 1: and then decide whether you want to stick with it
Speaker 1: for longer or tweak things to make it better. So
Speaker 1: I think most of us understand that few things in
Speaker 1: life last forever. Sunday brunch with your girlfriends might last
Speaker 1: for years, but you will probably not all move in
Speaker 1: together in retirement Golden Girls style. Your Tuesday morning run
Speaker 1: with your exercise buddy might last a decade, but then
Speaker 1: when you're injured and somehow never resume, so it goes.
Speaker 1: Something can be wonderful for a long time and then
Speaker 1: you move on to something else, but few of us
Speaker 1: consider the end when we are starting. I guess we
Speaker 1: are natural optimists, But the problem is that sometimes we
Speaker 1: don't try things because well we suspect we won't want
Speaker 1: to do them forever. But you don't have to do
Speaker 1: something forever. You can explicitly try it for a while
Speaker 1: as a limited engagement. For instance, over at my substac newsletter,
Speaker 1: which is called vander Hacks. By the way, I suggested
Speaker 1: that if you are considering starting a book club, you
Speaker 1: will agree with everyone that you will plan to meet
Speaker 1: once a month for the next calendar year. After that,
Speaker 1: you will regroup to figure out who wants to continue
Speaker 1: and whether you'd like to tweak anything about the format.
Speaker 1: Some people may opt to re up and others may not,
Speaker 1: but nobody has the awkward experience of breaking up with
Speaker 1: the club because they only signed up for a year
Speaker 1: in the first place. The limited engagement makes starting and
Speaker 1: deciding how to proceed a lot less fraud. In a
Speaker 1: New York Times article, friendship coach Danielle Baard Jackson suggests
Speaker 1: something similar, which is what she calls a limited series
Speaker 1: with your friend. You pick an activity that lasts a
Speaker 1: few weeks or months and brings you into more frequent
Speaker 1: and more structured interaction. She gives the example of watching
Speaker 1: a TV series and meeting up on zoom for fifteen
Speaker 1: minutes after each episode to analyze it. The limited series
Speaker 1: lets you test out more frequent interaction, so if you
Speaker 1: like it, you can build it in longer term. But
Speaker 1: even if you decide not to continue, the limited series
Speaker 1: will have given you shared memories that you can look
Speaker 1: back on. I think this is a great idea. Maybe
Speaker 1: you don't want to join as Zoom TV Critics Club,
Speaker 1: but you would like to take a ten week yoga
Speaker 1: class with friends. You could try a weekly dinner club
Speaker 1: for a month. Maybe you and some friends decide to
Speaker 1: do an eight week training program together to get ready
Speaker 1: for a ten k. You might arrange with several friends
Speaker 1: to read a self improvement book together over the course
Speaker 1: of a month or two and meet up weekly in
Speaker 1: person or via zoom to discuss how you are implementing
Speaker 1: what you learn. If you read one of my books,
Speaker 1: let me know. Or maybe your limited engagement is with
Speaker 1: a tennis partner you decide to play every Wednesday before
Speaker 1: work until the end of the semester and then you
Speaker 1: will take a break. Or you might rally a group
Speaker 1: to rewatch the Pride and Prejudice mini series one episode
Speaker 1: every Sunday night until you are finished. I'm sure you
Speaker 1: could generate a long list of things you would like
Speaker 1: to do with friends for a little while. Deciding to
Speaker 1: participate in a limited engagement is a lot lower pressure
Speaker 1: than well, the book club you are expected to be
Speaker 1: in until you die, so it feels easier to say yes.
Speaker 1: I hear from so many people that they want more
Speaker 1: connection with friends. A recurring commitment can be a great
Speaker 1: way to get that connection without the effort of planning
Speaker 1: multiple one off experiences. With a limited engagement, you get
Speaker 1: all the benefits of a recurring a commitment, but without
Speaker 1: the potential for feeling awkward if the commitment starts to
Speaker 1: feel like it's all obligation and no joy. I mean,
Speaker 1: maybe your book club will last for a thousand years,
Speaker 1: but it may also last for twelve sessions, which could
Speaker 1: be just as good. In the meantime, this is Laura.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
Speaker 1: our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've
Speaker 1: got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at
Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a
Speaker 1: production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.