1 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:09,480 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning, 2 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:16,320 Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's 3 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,080 Speaker 1: tip is that if you are aiming to get together 4 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:23,080 Speaker 1: with friends more regularly, try your idea for a new 5 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:27,840 Speaker 1: routine as a limited engagement. You can commit for a 6 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 1: short period of time and enjoy it while it lasts, 7 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 1: and then decide whether you want to stick with it 8 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:39,559 Speaker 1: for longer or tweak things to make it better. So 9 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 1: I think most of us understand that few things in 10 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 1: life last forever. Sunday brunch with your girlfriends might last 11 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,879 Speaker 1: for years, but you will probably not all move in 12 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:56,040 Speaker 1: together in retirement Golden Girls style. Your Tuesday morning run 13 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:59,639 Speaker 1: with your exercise buddy might last a decade, but then 14 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:05,680 Speaker 1: when you're injured and somehow never resume, so it goes. 15 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:10,800 Speaker 1: Something can be wonderful for a long time and then 16 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:14,600 Speaker 1: you move on to something else, but few of us 17 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:18,120 Speaker 1: consider the end when we are starting. I guess we 18 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,360 Speaker 1: are natural optimists, But the problem is that sometimes we 19 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:25,200 Speaker 1: don't try things because well we suspect we won't want 20 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 1: to do them forever. But you don't have to do 21 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:32,679 Speaker 1: something forever. You can explicitly try it for a while 22 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 1: as a limited engagement. For instance, over at my substac newsletter, 23 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,840 Speaker 1: which is called vander Hacks. By the way, I suggested 24 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:46,360 Speaker 1: that if you are considering starting a book club, you 25 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 1: will agree with everyone that you will plan to meet 26 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: once a month for the next calendar year. After that, 27 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,560 Speaker 1: you will regroup to figure out who wants to continue 28 00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: and whether you'd like to tweak anything about the format. 29 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,560 Speaker 1: Some people may opt to re up and others may not, 30 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,280 Speaker 1: but nobody has the awkward experience of breaking up with 31 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: the club because they only signed up for a year 32 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 1: in the first place. The limited engagement makes starting and 33 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:23,240 Speaker 1: deciding how to proceed a lot less fraud. In a 34 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:28,000 Speaker 1: New York Times article, friendship coach Danielle Baard Jackson suggests 35 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:32,200 Speaker 1: something similar, which is what she calls a limited series 36 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 1: with your friend. You pick an activity that lasts a 37 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 1: few weeks or months and brings you into more frequent 38 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 1: and more structured interaction. She gives the example of watching 39 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 1: a TV series and meeting up on zoom for fifteen 40 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:52,520 Speaker 1: minutes after each episode to analyze it. The limited series 41 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,680 Speaker 1: lets you test out more frequent interaction, so if you 42 00:02:56,880 --> 00:03:01,080 Speaker 1: like it, you can build it in longer term. But 43 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 1: even if you decide not to continue, the limited series 44 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,679 Speaker 1: will have given you shared memories that you can look 45 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 1: back on. I think this is a great idea. Maybe 46 00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:16,160 Speaker 1: you don't want to join as Zoom TV Critics Club, 47 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,800 Speaker 1: but you would like to take a ten week yoga 48 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,360 Speaker 1: class with friends. You could try a weekly dinner club 49 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,920 Speaker 1: for a month. Maybe you and some friends decide to 50 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 1: do an eight week training program together to get ready 51 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:33,120 Speaker 1: for a ten k. You might arrange with several friends 52 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:36,360 Speaker 1: to read a self improvement book together over the course 53 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: of a month or two and meet up weekly in 54 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 1: person or via zoom to discuss how you are implementing 55 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: what you learn. If you read one of my books, 56 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:51,600 Speaker 1: let me know. Or maybe your limited engagement is with 57 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 1: a tennis partner you decide to play every Wednesday before 58 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 1: work until the end of the semester and then you 59 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,240 Speaker 1: will take a break. Or you might rally a group 60 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:06,360 Speaker 1: to rewatch the Pride and Prejudice mini series one episode 61 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 1: every Sunday night until you are finished. I'm sure you 62 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: could generate a long list of things you would like 63 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,680 Speaker 1: to do with friends for a little while. Deciding to 64 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:20,679 Speaker 1: participate in a limited engagement is a lot lower pressure 65 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,039 Speaker 1: than well, the book club you are expected to be 66 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 1: in until you die, so it feels easier to say yes. 67 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: I hear from so many people that they want more 68 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:36,680 Speaker 1: connection with friends. A recurring commitment can be a great 69 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:40,360 Speaker 1: way to get that connection without the effort of planning 70 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:45,800 Speaker 1: multiple one off experiences. With a limited engagement, you get 71 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 1: all the benefits of a recurring a commitment, but without 72 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:53,039 Speaker 1: the potential for feeling awkward if the commitment starts to 73 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:58,760 Speaker 1: feel like it's all obligation and no joy. I mean, 74 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,760 Speaker 1: maybe your book club will last for a thousand years, 75 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:06,360 Speaker 1: but it may also last for twelve sessions, which could 76 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:11,719 Speaker 1: be just as good. In the meantime, this is Laura. 77 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of 78 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've 79 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 1: got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at 80 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a 81 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:44,960 Speaker 1: production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit 82 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 83 00:05:48,839 --> 00:06:00,120 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.