1 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 1: Hi. I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist, 2 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: and speaker. 3 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 2: And I'm Sarah hart Unger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer, 4 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 2: and course creator. We are two working parents who love 5 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:24,080 Speaker 2: our careers and our families. 6 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,400 Speaker 1: Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about 7 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 1: how real women manage work, family, and time for fun, 8 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 1: from figuring out childcare to mapping out long. 9 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:34,240 Speaker 3: Term career goals. 10 00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:39,360 Speaker 1: We want you to get the most out of life. 11 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:43,640 Speaker 3: Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura. 12 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: This is an episode that is airing in sort of 13 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:50,400 Speaker 1: mid to late February, right after Valentine's Day. I hope 14 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 1: everyone had a great celebration, if that's something you do. 15 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,920 Speaker 1: But we're going to be talking in this episode about 16 00:00:55,000 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 1: quality time. So obviously relationships are important for all of us, 17 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,400 Speaker 1: and some of that is simply built about spending time 18 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:08,040 Speaker 1: to gather. So we are recording this prior to Valentine's Day, 19 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,320 Speaker 1: so we thought we'd have a quick discussion of it, Like, Sarah, 20 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,559 Speaker 1: do you guys do anything for Valentine's Day? 21 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:17,360 Speaker 2: We don't tend to do anything super traditional like Romance was, 22 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,120 Speaker 2: so it's not a night that Josh and I go 23 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,920 Speaker 2: out to dinner or schedule a one on one date 24 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 2: or anything like that. I think more he really prefers 25 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,560 Speaker 2: to avoid crowds, and if that's a night that everybody 26 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 2: else is going to be hitting the nice restaurants, that's 27 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 2: probably a night we're not going to want to do. 28 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 2: So when we were young and childless, we used to 29 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,760 Speaker 2: make French toast and drink a lot of champagne and 30 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 2: eat free. That was like our tradition. But nowadays we 31 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 2: don't even do that. We do do a family treasure hunt, 32 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:45,640 Speaker 2: which I have introduced on this podcast before, but I'm 33 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 2: going to mention it again just because I've gotten so 34 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,120 Speaker 2: many lovely emails of people who have adopted this tradition 35 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:54,400 Speaker 2: in their families, and so I figure, if this touches 36 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 2: some more listeners, then why not share it one more time. 37 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 2: And that is the fact that my dad, when we 38 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 2: were growing up, developed this like little game where he 39 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 2: would just do little treasure hunt clues that would lead 40 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 2: to a Valentine's surprise, which was not really a surprise. 41 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,640 Speaker 2: It was always a heart shape box of seas candies. 42 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,920 Speaker 2: Those are good things and they were very much geared 43 00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 2: to the age of us, so like they started out 44 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,800 Speaker 2: as really simple clues, and then by the time we 45 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,680 Speaker 2: were in high school, the clues were like in French, 46 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 2: and you know, it became more difficult. So we'd run 47 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,839 Speaker 2: around the house and get our little prize. And so 48 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 2: as soon as my kids were old enough to kind 49 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 2: of look at pictures and figure out the clues, we 50 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,680 Speaker 2: started it here and we've been doing it every year 51 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:32,760 Speaker 2: and they love it. We don't. We're not like a 52 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 2: big tradition or like celebration type of family, but this 53 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,400 Speaker 2: one has really stood the test of time and I 54 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 2: can't wait. So when this airs, hopefully we will have 55 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 2: had a great Valentine's Treasure hunt. And if you end 56 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 2: up adopting this in the future, let me know, because 57 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 2: those stories have made me so happy. I'm sure they 58 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,440 Speaker 2: make my dad happy as well. 59 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 3: Yeah. 60 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 1: Well, I could see you adopt this for any sort 61 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,960 Speaker 1: of holiday, right, I mean, you could do an arbor 62 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 1: day scavenger leads to a plant, leads to a plant. 63 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, labor Day. I don't know what 64 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 1: you do with that, something with their job anyway. 65 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so cute. I love that idea. That's really fun. 66 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 1: It just made me think that the C's candy box 67 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 1: I had when I was growing up, we kept my 68 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: krans in a Whitman's Sampler box. I'm sure like my 69 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 1: parents must have gotten a Whitman's Sampler at some point, 70 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,520 Speaker 1: and then you know it was a box, and so 71 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,160 Speaker 1: where do you put your crans? Well, you put your 72 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 1: crans in like, you know, an available box with a 73 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,360 Speaker 1: lid that you have, which means that I never knew 74 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 1: that that wasn't for krans. And then like later in life, 75 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:31,640 Speaker 1: I would see these in store and be like, what. 76 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 3: Those are the krans here in the chocolate aisle. 77 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,640 Speaker 1: So my husband and I actually met on February fifteenth, 78 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 1: so we kind of have a Valentine's Day oriented time 79 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 1: for celebrating our relationship this year. We are we actually 80 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 1: got okay, So we met on February fifteenth, two thousand 81 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 1: and three, and then got engaged on February fifteenth, two 82 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: thousand and four. So this is actually the twin fieth 83 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:04,760 Speaker 1: anniversary thereof this year. However, when we're saying this ahead 84 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 1: of time, I guess we're not doing anything with the 85 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 1: two of us that I am aware of because we 86 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: are going to be on something of an epic family trip, 87 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,599 Speaker 1: which I will talk about later, but yeah, it was, 88 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: you know, so I think that is just probably not 89 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:22,560 Speaker 1: going to happen this year, although we are looking to 90 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:25,479 Speaker 1: do something to celebrate our actual wedding anniversary, which you know, 91 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: we got married in September of two thousand and four, 92 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,880 Speaker 1: So we'll celebrate our twentieth anniversary in some way, shape 93 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 1: or form, maybe incorporate whatever we would have done on 94 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 1: the fourteenth fifteen. 95 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,839 Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't realize you were having your twentieth this year. 96 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 3: That's exciting. I know we're getting old some. 97 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,840 Speaker 2: Milestone and it fits very well with our theme. 98 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,320 Speaker 3: Exactly, which is quality time. So Sarah, why don't you 99 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 3: talk a little bit about why we were thinking about 100 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,080 Speaker 3: doing this episode. 101 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, we talk a lot about goals on this podcast. 102 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,039 Speaker 2: Maybe I love it a lot, and so it comes 103 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,680 Speaker 2: up and we talk about things that make us happy, 104 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:04,200 Speaker 2: and relationships are always a common theme, and how do 105 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,400 Speaker 2: you strengthen a relationship? I mean, Laura has pointed out 106 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 2: a lot of times it's just sort of like the 107 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 2: time you spend together, which can be serendipitous, Like maybe 108 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,160 Speaker 2: you're just like at work, so you're spending a lot 109 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 2: of time with your colleague and that deepens your friendship. 110 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,920 Speaker 2: Or it can be really really purposeful and intentional where 111 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 2: you carve out time to spend with a certain person 112 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,840 Speaker 2: and then that strengthens the relationship as well. And so 113 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 2: we thought that kind of an honor of this belated 114 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 2: Valentine's Day themed episode that we would talk a little 115 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 2: bit about quality time as it relates to different relationships, 116 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 2: beginning with the romantic type and fun fact, it is 117 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 2: one of the five love languages that are famous, the 118 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 2: other ones being acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, 119 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,600 Speaker 2: and touch, and Laura and I both agree that we 120 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:51,359 Speaker 2: don't want to pick. 121 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, I know this is like, I don't know that 122 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,919 Speaker 1: one is my particular language. I think they all sound great, Like, 123 00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 1: I mean, you could do my dishes and me how 124 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,480 Speaker 1: wonderful I am, while giving me a BackRub and you know, 125 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: and giving me gifts. 126 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 3: I'd be good with all of that. Really, that sounds great. 127 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,560 Speaker 1: So, yeah, in this episode, we're gonna be talking about 128 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 1: how to spend quality time with your partner, your kids, 129 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: and yourself, because that is a relationship that is important 130 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 1: and I think is worth developing. In fact, you might 131 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 1: even sort of think about this how you are nurturing 132 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 1: your relationship with yourself, because of all the people you 133 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:32,560 Speaker 1: spend time with, you clearly spend the most time with yourself. 134 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 1: So it is worth having that be a positive and 135 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 1: loving relationship, which we certainly hope that all our listeners 136 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:43,600 Speaker 1: are experiencing. But if you are not, there are some 137 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:47,680 Speaker 1: great ways to kind of nudge that along. So to 138 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:51,039 Speaker 1: start with the partner though, in honor of Valentine's Day, 139 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: for people who are partnered with someone, we have both 140 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: noticed that as your kids get older, there's a slight 141 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 1: change and sort of the time available And it's maybe 142 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 1: not what people think about, right, So you're seeing this. 143 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 2: Yes, so I'm someone and you've heard me talk about 144 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 2: it that that feels like there is more free time 145 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 2: in the big kid years, or maybe a little bit 146 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 2: more mental space, and I find it a bit easier. However, 147 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:19,000 Speaker 2: the one exception to that is finding one on one 148 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 2: time with my husband that is more difficult, mostly just 149 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:26,119 Speaker 2: because the kids are up later. Now Laura's kids didn't 150 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:30,960 Speaker 2: necessarily have early bedtimes ever, but I mean now it's 151 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 2: not uncommon for my kids to want to stay up 152 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 2: later than I do. That is because I'm a bit 153 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:40,760 Speaker 2: of an extreme early bird. But still that means that, like, 154 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 2: you know, those quiet conversations that used to happen after 155 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 2: kid bedtime or even like in the baby baby years, 156 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,040 Speaker 2: when you maybe would give your baby their baby food dinner, 157 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 2: put them to bed, and then have like an adult dinner, 158 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 2: those are so far removed from our current reality. Like 159 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,400 Speaker 2: we're not doing that, and so we have to be 160 00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 2: much more purposeful if we want to be alone together. 161 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,560 Speaker 2: And I don't mean that in like that way necessarily, 162 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,240 Speaker 2: although that's important too, but even just to like have 163 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 2: a nice conversation can be a challenge. 164 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I say, my kids never went to bed 165 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: or this wasn't something like we could reliably spend time 166 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 1: together after the kids went to bed. I mean just 167 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 1: because and it's not that I don't want my kids 168 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 1: to have an early bedtime. 169 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 3: I've tried. They just like sit there. 170 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: I mean even last night Henry was just like in 171 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:29,280 Speaker 1: his room, playing on the floor in the dark. 172 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 3: Like, Henry, you gotta. 173 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: Get in your bed and go to sleep, and eventually 174 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 1: he did, but he's not. It's not you know, a 175 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 1: situation you could just like completely relax and like there 176 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 1: will be no calling for you. I mean, he's still 177 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:46,440 Speaker 1: up and something could happen. So yeah, it's it's just 178 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 1: that's never been a great option for us. But fortunately 179 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,200 Speaker 1: there are other times and I think you really just 180 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,480 Speaker 1: have to look at the whole of the week and 181 00:08:55,559 --> 00:09:01,480 Speaker 1: be a little strategic. So, Sarah, what are some times 182 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,520 Speaker 1: that you guys have done? 183 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I would say we're still a work in 184 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,599 Speaker 2: progress in many ways. In this we are pretty successful 185 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 2: with scheduling weekend dates. We have a number of babysitters. 186 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,440 Speaker 2: It's actually not our core nanny that we use for 187 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 2: these types of things. She really prefers not to work weekends, 188 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 2: and so we respect that and have continued to employ 189 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 2: the same couple of babysitters that my kids are really 190 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,040 Speaker 2: comfortable with. We are starting to almost age out of 191 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,199 Speaker 2: the need for that. We're like right on the cusp 192 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 2: as Annabel is turning twelve, but right now we still 193 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,679 Speaker 2: are not giving her that responsibility, especially if it's a 194 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 2: longer night, and so we do hire someone and I 195 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,800 Speaker 2: try to do one to two each month. It's very 196 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,800 Speaker 2: much dictated by our call schedules, and I also try 197 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:49,160 Speaker 2: to strike a balance between kind of the one on 198 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:52,120 Speaker 2: one stuff that's just us and then the kind of 199 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 2: like fun with other people. And honestly, I think my 200 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:58,840 Speaker 2: husband would prefer that most of our interactions be more 201 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,360 Speaker 2: just us, and I enjoy some of the social time, 202 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 2: so it's like being really respectful of the other's person. 203 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,040 Speaker 2: I think we do a good job kind of negotiating that. 204 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 2: So that's like, you know, number one, just scheduling it, 205 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 2: and it doesn't have to be a weekend. By the way, 206 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 2: I think weeknights are such an awesome opportunity for so 207 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,679 Speaker 2: many couples because you can have your caregiver just kind 208 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:19,560 Speaker 2: of like stay late. That doesn't always work for us 209 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 2: as well well, for a number of reasons, some of 210 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,199 Speaker 2: it being that I often have two kids in different 211 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 2: locations in the evening doing different activities, so there's just 212 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:30,040 Speaker 2: not enough drivers to go around, even if our nanny 213 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,679 Speaker 2: is doing all of the kid duty. And then also 214 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,920 Speaker 2: my husband's schedule is fairly unpredictable at night, and it 215 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 2: would just be sad for me to be so looking 216 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 2: forward to something like I could schedule sling for myself 217 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 2: when we get into self love, but with him on 218 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,800 Speaker 2: a Wednesday is like a little dicey. And so I 219 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:49,960 Speaker 2: have good friends who love to plan on yoga classes together. 220 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,480 Speaker 2: So that's like they do a couples walk. They just 221 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 2: walk to the yoga studio, they take yoga together, and 222 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 2: then they like talk and walk on the way back. 223 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,840 Speaker 2: So they're like double dutying with exercise and couple time. 224 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:05,600 Speaker 2: And then don't underestimate the totally parractical trips like a 225 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:08,200 Speaker 2: trip to Costco together. I think I've talked about, like 226 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,040 Speaker 2: we had a date to go mattress shopping and it 227 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,160 Speaker 2: was actually like really fun, like I remember it. It 228 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 2: was a lot of years ago. 229 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, we in the run up to the holidays, we 230 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 1: actually went on a Costco date. I mean, so what 231 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 1: we've done is we actually have care for Henry on 232 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:29,480 Speaker 1: a couple saturdays a month during the day, and so 233 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 1: rather than like going out we I mean, we've just 234 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,120 Speaker 1: not been going out for dinner that much with the 235 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,120 Speaker 1: two of us. Often we'll take the bigger kids somewhere 236 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 1: if we, you know, have the option to do that, 237 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 1: or we have various things going on, but you know, 238 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:44,360 Speaker 1: with that that gives the option for us to come 239 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:47,520 Speaker 1: up with something a little bit more spontaneous or so 240 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:51,320 Speaker 1: just spend some time together on Saturday afternoon. But one 241 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,920 Speaker 1: week I was like, I knew my husband really wanted 242 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,199 Speaker 1: to go to Costco. It was something that we he 243 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,559 Speaker 1: just he gives like, whoa, we're down on the parmesan 244 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 1: cheese and the sam and for bagels. We need to 245 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,439 Speaker 1: get to Costco. So I was like, Okay, we'll go 246 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,200 Speaker 1: to Costco. And I don't know, it was like our 247 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 1: biggest ticket Costco trip ever. It was something about the 248 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,960 Speaker 1: two of us being there, and I mean guess maybe 249 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:13,320 Speaker 1: was because we were thinking it was sort of our 250 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,720 Speaker 1: date for the week. We're just like, oh, yes, let's 251 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,440 Speaker 1: get this, let's get this, and next thing, I know, 252 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,040 Speaker 1: it was like we could have actually gone somewhere really 253 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,800 Speaker 1: nice for what we spent at Costco. But anyway, we 254 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:25,599 Speaker 1: did have our parmers on cheese and our salmon. That 255 00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:28,320 Speaker 1: got us through for at least a few weeks, I guess. 256 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,760 Speaker 1: But it speaks to the idea of having some sort 257 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 1: of you know, if you have little kids, having some 258 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:39,480 Speaker 1: sort of regular childcare that is outside your working hours. 259 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:44,480 Speaker 1: And the reason is that planning a date takes work, 260 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:49,320 Speaker 1: especially if you are needing to both find a time 261 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,959 Speaker 1: that both of you are free, figure out the extra 262 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 1: caregiving time, you know, if it's finding a babysitter for 263 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,200 Speaker 1: that night or whatever, and then there's ways to make 264 00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,360 Speaker 1: it easier and all that. But all those steps mean 265 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,319 Speaker 1: it is somewhat less likely to happen, particularly if you've 266 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,120 Speaker 1: had a really busy week at work, or you know, 267 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 1: someone's feeling resentful that they're doing a lot of the 268 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,760 Speaker 1: mental load, or you know, whatever it happens to be. 269 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:14,599 Speaker 1: So having at least some regular time means that you 270 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 1: can be slightly more spontaneous and say like, oh, well 271 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,880 Speaker 1: the weather's nice, we could go for a walk in 272 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: the botanical garden at this time, or oh, Joe and 273 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 1: Sally are going to be in town, we could meet 274 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 1: up with them for a drink. But you don't have 275 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 1: to decided all of this ahead of time, and I 276 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:36,800 Speaker 1: think reducing that makes it somewhat easier to do something 277 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:38,040 Speaker 1: in the moment. 278 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,800 Speaker 3: So just going to put out a shout out for that. 279 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,400 Speaker 1: And we are sort of graduating into the time where 280 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:46,440 Speaker 1: we can actually go out without a sinner, which is 281 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 1: nice as well. You know, obviously our older children, the 282 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,400 Speaker 1: three older children are all old enough to babysit if 283 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:57,920 Speaker 1: need be, and so we've started occasionally leaving them with 284 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:02,400 Speaker 1: Henry and Alex and going out for an hour or ninety. 285 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,760 Speaker 3: Minutes for something if we want to do that. 286 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:08,800 Speaker 1: So you know, it does get better eventually, because then 287 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,480 Speaker 1: that gives you the opportunity to be a little bit 288 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,360 Speaker 1: more spontaneous too, because it's like, wow, we got to 289 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 1: live in sitter, and you know, they can say if 290 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,960 Speaker 1: they have something they need to do or whatever, but 291 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,240 Speaker 1: sometimes you know, if they're just sitting around watching their iPad, 292 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 1: Like we often will pay for date night sitting as 293 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 1: we would pay for a babysitter, So hey, you're getting 294 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,160 Speaker 1: paid to watch your iPad. 295 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,920 Speaker 3: That's like even even better. I love it. 296 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 2: And short can be great. I mean, these hour long 297 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,960 Speaker 2: things can still be rejuvenating, especially if you just kind 298 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,240 Speaker 2: of like need a break from that parenting role just 299 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 2: getting out of the house together. But I will say 300 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 2: long is also kind of amazing. And I know it's 301 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 2: harder to orchestreet, but there are ways around it. If 302 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 2: you don't have a childcare provider that's willing to do nights, 303 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:50,240 Speaker 2: families do swaps. You could depending how old your kids 304 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,160 Speaker 2: are just like be like, can we do a sleepover 305 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,160 Speaker 2: where your kids come this weekend and our kids go 306 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 2: to your house two weekends from now, and you both 307 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 2: get to enjoy some either just stay home and have 308 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 2: a couple of time or go on I really short 309 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,000 Speaker 2: get away like a hotel an hour away or something 310 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:05,120 Speaker 2: like that, because I will say the short trips I 311 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:08,800 Speaker 2: take with my husband are very rejuvenating to our relationships, 312 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 2: to ourselves. I look forward to them. I love them. 313 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 2: We often do some like planning type stuff, but we 314 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 2: do a lot of relaxation and connection and stuff too, 315 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,720 Speaker 2: and I just I love them. If it's something that 316 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,200 Speaker 2: you might be able to make happen and explore, I 317 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 2: highly recommend giving it a try. 318 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 1: I think there's also a question of just general awareness, 319 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:30,840 Speaker 1: which is good to have. And one of the upsides 320 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,440 Speaker 1: of tracking my time is I can look back and 321 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 1: see if there was some quality time spent during the week, 322 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,840 Speaker 1: and so I might have a story of like, oh, 323 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,840 Speaker 1: my husband and I never spend any time together. We 324 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 1: never do anything together, And sometimes that feels true because 325 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,320 Speaker 1: again I'm often the one orchestrating the dates, and sometimes 326 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: I get a little bit like I don't feel like 327 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:52,880 Speaker 1: planning a single other thing after planning for seven people 328 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,160 Speaker 1: to do X, Y and Z. But then I can 329 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,720 Speaker 1: look back and say, well, actually, you know, in twenty 330 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 1: twenty three, we had a bunch of really cool dates, 331 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,600 Speaker 1: like we went to a Billy Joel concert together, we 332 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,760 Speaker 1: went on a bike ride, press going to a brewery 333 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,000 Speaker 1: on one Saturday, we went to a Sixers game. We 334 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:11,480 Speaker 1: actually finally got away overnight for one night for our 335 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,160 Speaker 1: first time in four years. So it did happen. It 336 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,440 Speaker 1: may not happen frequently, but it did happen. And then 337 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,640 Speaker 1: I can also see sort of the little times that 338 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:23,040 Speaker 1: are built into the week. So my husband and I 339 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 1: actually do talk most mornings after he gets back from 340 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 1: driving Jasper or the middle schoolers to the bus or 341 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 1: to jazz band. If he's either working at home or 342 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,600 Speaker 1: not going into his office until later in the day, 343 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 1: he'll come back to have breakfast and I'm usually having 344 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,240 Speaker 1: breakfast around that time too, so we'll sit there and 345 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 1: have our eggs together in the morning. For you know, 346 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,400 Speaker 1: it's just like ten minutes, but we are talking, and 347 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 1: so I need to notice that that is happening, right, 348 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,680 Speaker 1: So it's not that we never spend time together, but 349 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:53,080 Speaker 1: here we are eating breakfast. We probably eat lunch together 350 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,400 Speaker 1: once a week or so if he's working from home, so, 351 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,800 Speaker 1: you know, just being aware of it. And then if 352 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 1: I am aware of it, then I'm like, Okay, well, 353 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 1: given that we are doing this, I probably shouldn't just 354 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,439 Speaker 1: like disappear into my office at seven thirty five if 355 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,480 Speaker 1: I can, if the little boys aren't awake yet, because 356 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,199 Speaker 1: this is an opportunity. 357 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,200 Speaker 2: Yes, that's as I would say, seize the opportunity. See, 358 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:15,119 Speaker 2: let's take a quick break before we move on to 359 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:19,920 Speaker 2: talking about some other types of connection time, and we'll 360 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:20,440 Speaker 2: be right back. 361 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 1: Well, we are back talking all things quality time, boosting 362 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:42,680 Speaker 1: relationships by spending intentional time together with partners, with children, 363 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 1: and with ourselves. So moving on to the kid category. 364 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,679 Speaker 1: I know Sarah and I have both made it a 365 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,400 Speaker 1: goal at various points to do more one on one 366 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,800 Speaker 1: time with our kids. When you have something of a 367 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: brood with a larger family, this can become challenging, but 368 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,280 Speaker 1: it often is among the more pleasant parts of parenting. 369 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,800 Speaker 3: So, Sarah, what have you been doing in that category? 370 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I have kind of added it to my 371 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:10,160 Speaker 2: weekly planning process to look at our week and what's 372 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,280 Speaker 2: going on and see, like, is there somewhere that it 373 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,639 Speaker 2: would make sense that I could take one kid to 374 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,159 Speaker 2: do something. Maybe it's just I'm taking a kid to 375 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,679 Speaker 2: a birthday party and I'm gonna take them to Target 376 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,879 Speaker 2: or something. A lot of times I'll just do dinner. 377 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:23,679 Speaker 2: So you know, if a kid has an activity that 378 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,360 Speaker 2: ends maybe at six thirty, we could do a quick 379 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:27,880 Speaker 2: dinner afterwards, one on one. And it does not have 380 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,560 Speaker 2: to be fancy. It could be Panera, it could be 381 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:34,439 Speaker 2: fast food. It just has to be us together, like 382 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,359 Speaker 2: and I don't even have to make a big thing 383 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,560 Speaker 2: of it, not necessarily deep questions, but just have the 384 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:42,120 Speaker 2: opportunity there for that connection. And my kids, I mean, 385 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,639 Speaker 2: I think the more kids you have, my guess is 386 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:48,400 Speaker 2: the more they love being by themselves because they are 387 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 2: often just their best selves, on their best behavior, the 388 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 2: most interesting, and you can tell they just really really 389 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 2: enjoy that time. You know. The other benefit is if 390 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,520 Speaker 2: you have a partner and you have more than two kids. 391 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:04,120 Speaker 2: Anytime somebody takes two kids, then there's another kid left over, 392 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,200 Speaker 2: and so sometimes it can feel like the right split 393 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,080 Speaker 2: is like three and zero, like somebody takes all the 394 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 2: kids and somebody takes none, but actually two in one 395 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:15,359 Speaker 2: can be quite pleasant depending on the different combinations, and 396 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,400 Speaker 2: we try to balance out who has the one because 397 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 2: it shouldn't always be the same partner. But yeah, I mean, 398 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 2: just paying attention to the opportunities and keeping it simple. 399 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,399 Speaker 2: I do try to do like full on mommy days 400 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,639 Speaker 2: once a year. I haven't totally committed to that this year, 401 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,520 Speaker 2: but my kids really love it, so I'll probably also 402 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 2: do that. 403 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,479 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I would suggest so. 404 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,919 Speaker 1: One of the issues Sarah had last summer when she 405 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 1: was doing the one on one day is because she 406 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:45,400 Speaker 1: obviously has a fairly inflexible work schedule with seeing patients, 407 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,080 Speaker 1: and so it always wound up happening on Tuesdays, and 408 00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:50,000 Speaker 1: I think you were booked like three tuesdays in a 409 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,639 Speaker 1: row with your one on one time with the kids, 410 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:55,440 Speaker 1: and so then of course everything else that she had 411 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,800 Speaker 1: to do was all shoved to Thursday, and it was like, 412 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:01,080 Speaker 1: you know, compressed in and she was like telling me like, 413 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:03,440 Speaker 1: oh my god, I've been on a microphone for eight 414 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:09,000 Speaker 1: hours straight now. So slightly challenging, which we get, Like, 415 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,440 Speaker 1: I know, many of our listeners have work schedules where 416 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,000 Speaker 1: that's not going to work very easily to commit to 417 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:15,879 Speaker 1: the one on one times, I would say, though, you 418 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:19,199 Speaker 1: can look into weekends, like it doesn't have to be 419 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,920 Speaker 1: during the day. We think like during the day on 420 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,199 Speaker 1: summer because the weekday, because that's something you might be 421 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,960 Speaker 1: able to book out and do. But I know we 422 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 1: split the one on one days last summer, my husband 423 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:34,080 Speaker 1: and I and he actually did the two younger boys, 424 00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:37,199 Speaker 1: and those definitely happened on Saturdays, right, Like that was 425 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,440 Speaker 1: not going to happen on a Tuesday. I mean I 426 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,720 Speaker 1: could have, but it was just going to the logistics 427 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 1: of him doing that were slightly more complicated. And Saturday 428 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:49,240 Speaker 1: Sunday are available, right, so he would take one of them, 429 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:52,720 Speaker 1: I would have the other kids. And then that happened 430 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:57,160 Speaker 1: again another weekend, And so that can absolutely work as well. 431 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,760 Speaker 1: You just have to coordinate with your partner and maybe 432 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 1: two weekend where there are fewer activities so the driving 433 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:06,199 Speaker 1: isn't so crazy for the person who's taking all the others. 434 00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 3: But yeah, we've done. 435 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,600 Speaker 1: One on one days I think every summer, just because Yeah, 436 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,119 Speaker 1: the kids really do look forward to it. And I 437 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,439 Speaker 1: remember when I first did this, and Ruth was probably 438 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 1: like four, and she's gonna be twelve this summer. So 439 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:20,680 Speaker 1: this is eight years ago when I was first doing it, 440 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,680 Speaker 1: and I took her to an amusement park for the 441 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,160 Speaker 1: day and I was just like, this is just like 442 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:29,640 Speaker 1: it's blissful, Like we can do whatever she wants and 443 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,240 Speaker 1: so we don't have to fight about it. Like she 444 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,119 Speaker 1: wants to go ride the Merry Go Round, we go 445 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:34,800 Speaker 1: ride the Merry Go Round. She wants to get the 446 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:38,679 Speaker 1: funnel cake, we go get the funnel cake. Because it 447 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:42,040 Speaker 1: was not something that had to be negotiated with multiple 448 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:46,399 Speaker 1: other interested stakeholders, and so it just made it so 449 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,960 Speaker 1: much more pleasant and low key to do it, and 450 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,800 Speaker 1: so I was like, this is so fun. And so yeah, 451 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 1: we've tried to repeat that every summer, and as the 452 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:58,240 Speaker 1: kids get older, they often ask for trips for Christmas. 453 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 1: So this year Sam is going to go on a 454 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:04,399 Speaker 1: diving trip with Michael. I'm going to take Jasper to 455 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:08,080 Speaker 1: New York. And this just wound up happening, but Ruth 456 00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,240 Speaker 1: and I have a trip planned as well now, so. 457 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:12,280 Speaker 3: I'm looking forward to it. 458 00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:15,960 Speaker 1: I do enjoy these quite a lot, but it's also 459 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:17,800 Speaker 1: just being aware of it, right, So I mean, like, 460 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,359 Speaker 1: I'm sure you think about like going into one kid's 461 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,200 Speaker 1: room and just chatting with them for a while. 462 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,920 Speaker 2: No, definitely. I mean I have like a bedtime routine 463 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,920 Speaker 2: most nice where I try to at least try to 464 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 2: get each kid alone for at least a couple of minutes. 465 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 2: It's not always a long period of time, because sometimes 466 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 2: one kid takes forever to put to bed and then 467 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,680 Speaker 2: that doesn't leave as much time for the other kids, 468 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:40,240 Speaker 2: but definitely try to at least go in those rooms 469 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,199 Speaker 2: and like make the opportunity happen. And I got to say, 470 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:44,360 Speaker 2: those one on one trips really are fun. I think 471 00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:47,719 Speaker 2: the magic age is around six to seven where they 472 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,919 Speaker 2: become really not a lot of work and really enjoyable. 473 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,439 Speaker 2: So think about that as well. And if you have 474 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,800 Speaker 2: two kids, like one fun thing might be to do 475 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,879 Speaker 2: like a maybe Friday to Saturday and your partner and 476 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:00,880 Speaker 2: you like split the kids up and you each get 477 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,159 Speaker 2: a different kid, and like, yes, that's different than a 478 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,359 Speaker 2: couple's trip, but it can be its own kind of 479 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,480 Speaker 2: source of really fun memories and maybe do something very 480 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 2: much tailored to that's kids interests and be really fun. 481 00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:14,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, and certainly one of the reasons again having some 482 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:17,960 Speaker 1: childcare for Henry on the weekend, I definitely think about 483 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,879 Speaker 1: using that time for spending quality time with the older kids, 484 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,800 Speaker 1: because again having a much younger child, they wind up 485 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,200 Speaker 1: taking a lot of your time and effort just because 486 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,320 Speaker 1: they are little and need more things, and so if 487 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,560 Speaker 1: they're around, it becomes very challenging to spend time with 488 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,919 Speaker 1: the older kids. So when he's not there, I can 489 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,359 Speaker 1: try to take advantage of it. So for instance, Alex 490 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:41,000 Speaker 1: and I are doing a Lego project together. We are 491 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,800 Speaker 1: building the game truck, so you know, we sit there 492 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,760 Speaker 1: and go through a bag each day, trying to make 493 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,680 Speaker 1: sure we have that twenty to thirty minutes to gather. 494 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,240 Speaker 1: Like the other day, I went for a walk with 495 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:54,119 Speaker 1: Ruth or Jasper and I now sing in choir together, 496 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,200 Speaker 1: so we have some of that time together. And Sam's 497 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 1: a little bit more challenging because he's kind of introverted like. 498 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:04,239 Speaker 3: I, but we sees what we can with talking with him. 499 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,000 Speaker 1: I actually had lunch with him yesterday because he was 500 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,639 Speaker 1: home sick from school, but it was nice to be 501 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,400 Speaker 1: able to do that. And just a practical tip if 502 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,639 Speaker 1: you have lots of kids and they're in different schools. 503 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,919 Speaker 1: Sometimes there are random things like half days or in 504 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,639 Speaker 1: service days, teacher in service days. If you've got these 505 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,960 Speaker 1: on your calendar enough ahead of time, you could potentially 506 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,000 Speaker 1: block one of these off, or your partner could block 507 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,560 Speaker 1: one of these off from work. I mean, because a 508 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:32,760 Speaker 1: you know, if you're using school as childcare, you kind 509 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 1: of have to figure that out anyway, Like somebody is 510 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,320 Speaker 1: going to have to cover that day, But if your 511 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,359 Speaker 1: other kids are in school, then you could use that 512 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,920 Speaker 1: time as potential one on one time. So I, for instance, 513 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,200 Speaker 1: have taken some of the older kids out to lunch 514 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 1: if they have a half day on a particular day, 515 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,000 Speaker 1: and that's something we could make work. 516 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:52,320 Speaker 3: That's nice. 517 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,480 Speaker 2: I like that all right. Well, our third category that 518 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,000 Speaker 2: we didn't want to leave out. I think Laura actually 519 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:58,840 Speaker 2: wanted to do a whole episode on this, so maybe 520 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:00,919 Speaker 2: we'll have to expand it in in the future, and 521 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,760 Speaker 2: that is loving Yourself. 522 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,720 Speaker 1: I was gonna call it be your Own Valentine, but 523 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,520 Speaker 1: our recording schedule didn't quite work. 524 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 2: Twenty twenty five five. 525 00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:13,639 Speaker 1: But yeah, we're like, no, that doesn't work with our 526 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,760 Speaker 1: calendar to do this before Valentine's Days whatever, All right, 527 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,160 Speaker 1: be your own Valentine Day six days later. 528 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,200 Speaker 3: You can be your own Valentine six days later. 529 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, there's no time limit to self love. 530 00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:27,800 Speaker 1: Yes, we may have to recycle that one in a 531 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,880 Speaker 1: future year. So, Sarah, what do you do for your 532 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 1: making yourself feel special? 533 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 2: I really think some of this is about leaning in 534 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,760 Speaker 2: and maybe it's things that you would do otherwise, but 535 00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:44,160 Speaker 2: like approaching them with an attitude of well, I didn't 536 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:45,680 Speaker 2: mean to rhyme this, but like to be like really 537 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,080 Speaker 2: grateful if you do happen to have free time to 538 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,160 Speaker 2: do something for yourself, or if you've made the free 539 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,159 Speaker 2: time to do something for yourself. And I know we're 540 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 2: very busy, we are all working, we have a lot 541 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,000 Speaker 2: of kids. But those times that you're able to maybe 542 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,560 Speaker 2: get a manny petty during lunch or book a massage 543 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:04,879 Speaker 2: on a day off or something like that, like to 544 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,159 Speaker 2: really look forward to them, to think about them, to 545 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 2: think about how you might best use these pockets of 546 00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:13,399 Speaker 2: times to serve yourself and to rest, and then to 547 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,000 Speaker 2: really try to be present when you're experiencing them. So 548 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 2: those are very cliche type things. And I know, like 549 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:24,159 Speaker 2: there's a lot of backlash about like being punitive about 550 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:25,919 Speaker 2: self like if you're not doing the I don't know, 551 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:27,399 Speaker 2: Like there's a lot of talk about self care, and 552 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,440 Speaker 2: I actually love the book Real Self Care by Pooja Lashman, 553 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,960 Speaker 2: who definitely talks about the other side of self care. 554 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:37,960 Speaker 2: And yet these very traditional actions can be really wonderful 555 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,199 Speaker 2: as well if you enjoy them. I also see a 556 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,880 Speaker 2: lot of my social endeavors as self care. Again, also 557 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:47,440 Speaker 2: because I do feel like I'm the more extroverted member 558 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,639 Speaker 2: of our family. Probably well a couple of my kids 559 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,919 Speaker 2: might be similar to me, but I really crave some 560 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,520 Speaker 2: time with others, especially other women, and so I see 561 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,359 Speaker 2: my group runs as self care and my book club 562 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:03,960 Speaker 2: and things like that. And finally, I feel like the 563 00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:07,679 Speaker 2: I don't know the intentionality around just being really lazy 564 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,080 Speaker 2: sometimes and just being like I am going I don't 565 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:12,680 Speaker 2: care what the house looks like, I'll deal with it tomorrow. 566 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:14,720 Speaker 2: I'm going to lie down and read this book while 567 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,520 Speaker 2: my kids are playing video games and I'm just gonna 568 00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,800 Speaker 2: like order takeout for dinner, and like I have two 569 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:22,399 Speaker 2: whole hours to do that. Like that is sometimes just 570 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,679 Speaker 2: so needed and so nice, and I think it's better 571 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:27,159 Speaker 2: to do it with like I'm giving this as a 572 00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,239 Speaker 2: gift to myself, rather than feeling guilty that you're like 573 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,080 Speaker 2: not doing something else. So I've worked really hard at that, 574 00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:33,680 Speaker 2: and I feel like I enjoy my lazy times more 575 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:35,800 Speaker 2: than I perhaps use two in years past. 576 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, and noticing these and being aware of them when 577 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:41,480 Speaker 1: space is open and you can leave it open. Right 578 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:46,000 Speaker 1: this morning, Michael was driving the older kids to high 579 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,560 Speaker 1: school and jazz band, so they were all out of 580 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:52,040 Speaker 1: the house at about seven oh two, and you know, 581 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,359 Speaker 1: I've been running around getting them out the door. But 582 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,639 Speaker 1: then the little boys were still asleep, and so I 583 00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,640 Speaker 1: was like, I have my freshly brewed cup of coffee here. 584 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:04,479 Speaker 1: I am going to go sit in the formal living room, 585 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,120 Speaker 1: you know, and go sit down and look out the window, 586 00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:11,959 Speaker 1: look at the rising sun and the wintry landscape and 587 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,080 Speaker 1: just sort of relaxed. And I looked out the window 588 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:15,960 Speaker 1: for a while and I read some blogs, and I just, 589 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:17,720 Speaker 1: you know, it was like, this is my me time, 590 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 1: and it's my self care here, you know. And I'm 591 00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,640 Speaker 1: sure I could have done something else, Like there's things 592 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:25,440 Speaker 1: I could do. I could have started working, I could 593 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,400 Speaker 1: have picked up the ridiculous number of things that seem 594 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,439 Speaker 1: to wind up on the floor, but this was the 595 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:33,960 Speaker 1: time for me to relax and enjoy it myself. So, 596 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:37,520 Speaker 1: you know, I see noticing pockets of time like that 597 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,200 Speaker 1: and then choosing not to fill them even though there's 598 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:43,560 Speaker 1: always things that could fill them. And then, you know, 599 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,560 Speaker 1: I really think of self care as more of being 600 00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:51,080 Speaker 1: interested in your own life, which is doing things that 601 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:55,720 Speaker 1: make you happy simply because they make you happy. And 602 00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 1: you know, there may be other things that are part 603 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,960 Speaker 1: of that. I mean, I've you know, with singing, it's 604 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,960 Speaker 1: partly about helping to make worship services better with my 605 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,200 Speaker 1: choir and all that, but it's also just because I 606 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,840 Speaker 1: like it, and so I'm willing to make space for 607 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:13,280 Speaker 1: that in my life, many hours a week for it. 608 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,520 Speaker 1: And then other things like my projects of like listening 609 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,880 Speaker 1: to Bach every day, like that's something that I enjoy, 610 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:24,760 Speaker 1: or getting design books from the library and then spending 611 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:29,240 Speaker 1: time reading those, like looking through books of interesting architecture, 612 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 1: putting dollhouse scenes in my office. That's been a new 613 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:37,040 Speaker 1: thing in the past like six months that I've It's 614 00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,320 Speaker 1: been an interest for a long time. And then I 615 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,240 Speaker 1: finally realized how I could just buy, Like I've found 616 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:44,840 Speaker 1: a place that has enough stuff that I can find 617 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:46,640 Speaker 1: stuff I want to put and you know, figuring out 618 00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,520 Speaker 1: where I would put it. And it's just like things 619 00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:52,760 Speaker 1: that make you feel like life is fun, life is cool. 620 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,560 Speaker 1: So it doesn't just have to be the bubble baths. Like, obviously, 621 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:57,480 Speaker 1: if you love bubble baths, take all the bubble baths 622 00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,280 Speaker 1: you want. They don't need to take that long, you know, 623 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,520 Speaker 1: twenty minutes that can no matter what's going on in life. 624 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,400 Speaker 1: You could probably find twenty minutes somewhere to take a 625 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:07,560 Speaker 1: bubble bath if that's what you want to do. But 626 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:10,800 Speaker 1: I think I would challenge people to really commit yourself 627 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,600 Speaker 1: to a hobby you are very into, or anything along 628 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,840 Speaker 1: those lines that would upgrade your daily existence and make 629 00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:19,080 Speaker 1: you feel like life is awesome. 630 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,240 Speaker 2: And I like what you said about like having no 631 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:23,360 Speaker 2: reason to do it other than you find it fun. 632 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,160 Speaker 2: I mean, I was thinking about that on my run 633 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 2: this morning. I'm like, this is so silly, and yet 634 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,800 Speaker 2: who cares because I find it fun and I only 635 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:30,520 Speaker 2: get to live once. 636 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:34,200 Speaker 1: So whatever, enjoy your life, right, That's what being your 637 00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 1: own Valentine really means. Well, moving on to the question section, 638 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 1: I will read this since I think it was meant 639 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:44,160 Speaker 1: for Sarah that I can chime in with slight additions 640 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,440 Speaker 1: at the end. But this person writes in that you 641 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,200 Speaker 1: would like to know more about your daily planning of 642 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:52,840 Speaker 1: five to ten minutes so every morning, as those who 643 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 1: listen to our Morning Routine episode a few weeks ago, 644 00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:59,560 Speaker 1: Sarah does a little bit of daily planning each morning 645 00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:02,120 Speaker 1: as part of for morning routine. So she said, what 646 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:05,240 Speaker 1: questions do you ask yourself? What does that five to 647 00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,880 Speaker 1: ten minutes actually look like? So maybe you could say 648 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:11,880 Speaker 1: exactly what you are doing in that five to ten 649 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:13,520 Speaker 1: minutes Sarah. 650 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,600 Speaker 2: Yes, and don't sell yourself short. She specifically said she 651 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:19,360 Speaker 2: wanted to hear Laura's daily planning too. So here you go, Alana, 652 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,280 Speaker 2: this this is for you. So I it's very early. 653 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 2: I got my coffee and I pull out my planner 654 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:27,560 Speaker 2: and I kind of like set up my little day 655 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:29,520 Speaker 2: template that I write in my home anichi, kind of 656 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,960 Speaker 2: like put my basic schedule stuff in there. The way 657 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,520 Speaker 2: I do that is I look at my weekly schedule, 658 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,520 Speaker 2: which is also instead homeinnichi. So I am kind of 659 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 2: flipping back and forth a little bit. I scan that 660 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:43,280 Speaker 2: day's entry. So sometimes I've already kind of assigned myself 661 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,440 Speaker 2: something like, oh, you know, you have to turn in 662 00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,479 Speaker 2: a Bestlaid Plans episode that day, so that's like an 663 00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:50,440 Speaker 2: automatic I'm going to be doing that that day. Other 664 00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:53,320 Speaker 2: times there's nothing assigned, but I might have like specific 665 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,160 Speaker 2: obligations scheduled based on different hours. So again, many people 666 00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,080 Speaker 2: do this digitally minds on paper. So I look at that, 667 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:01,400 Speaker 2: and then I also look at my task list for 668 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,720 Speaker 2: the week, which is actually on the same layout. 669 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:04,560 Speaker 3: It's just on the left. 670 00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:06,520 Speaker 2: I kind of list all kinds of stuff that I'm 671 00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:08,920 Speaker 2: trying to get moved forward on during that week. So 672 00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,040 Speaker 2: by looking at the day's list, I can see what's urgent, 673 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:14,080 Speaker 2: what's happening, and then I can think, eh, do I 674 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:16,720 Speaker 2: have room to add any of these like additional week 675 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:18,840 Speaker 2: type tasks, And then I don't know. My brain kind 676 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,880 Speaker 2: of synthesizes that, and then in the Hobannici I draw 677 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,880 Speaker 2: out my little daily layout to kind of show when 678 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:27,440 Speaker 2: I'm occupied, and then on the right I make my 679 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,960 Speaker 2: task list, trying to keep in mind, again if I 680 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:31,680 Speaker 2: don't have a lot of time where I'm not occupied, 681 00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,760 Speaker 2: I probably can't put a lot of things on the list, 682 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,640 Speaker 2: and then that probably takes about five to ten minutes. 683 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,320 Speaker 2: Do I always get everything done in a given day. 684 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:43,000 Speaker 2: Absolutely not. But I like having a menu of suggestions 685 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,520 Speaker 2: to at least start from. And I'd say if I 686 00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 2: get through fifty to seventy percent of what I have 687 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:51,880 Speaker 2: laid out for myself, I'm pretty happy. 688 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:54,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a side. 689 00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:57,360 Speaker 1: This listener wrote that every time she listens to us, 690 00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,640 Speaker 1: so she references us in our household as the besties 691 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,200 Speaker 1: that live on the street, which I love, Like, we 692 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,480 Speaker 1: want to be your besties who live up the streets. 693 00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:04,760 Speaker 3: So I'm embracing that. 694 00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,320 Speaker 1: So I plan my weeks on Thursday or Friday and 695 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:14,560 Speaker 1: list out what needs to happen professionally and personally, and 696 00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:19,000 Speaker 1: then as I'm going through the week, usually the day before, 697 00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:21,800 Speaker 1: I will list out what I need to do the 698 00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:22,440 Speaker 1: next day. 699 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:24,560 Speaker 3: And it doesn't always have it. 700 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,280 Speaker 1: Sometimes I do this when I start my work day, 701 00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:27,680 Speaker 1: but I try to do it the day before just 702 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,280 Speaker 1: so I get a general sense of what I need 703 00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,440 Speaker 1: to start with, and if there's anything that's sort of 704 00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:34,440 Speaker 1: hard landscape in the day, I can block that in 705 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:37,280 Speaker 1: and figure it around it. If it is a very 706 00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:39,280 Speaker 1: busy day, I definitely need to do it the day 707 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:41,640 Speaker 1: before to figure out how to fit all the pieces in. 708 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,480 Speaker 1: If it's not so busy a day, sometimes it's a 709 00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:47,440 Speaker 1: little bit more free form. I might have one big 710 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:50,719 Speaker 1: goal for the day, like edit this chapter or you know, 711 00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,959 Speaker 1: write all this stuff, and that kind of happens as 712 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:58,000 Speaker 1: it's going to happen. I generally do some of the 713 00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:00,280 Speaker 1: little daily stuff that I have to do first, since 714 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 1: I'm more likely to get interrupted between about eight and 715 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:04,760 Speaker 1: nine am, when kids are still getting out the door, 716 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,360 Speaker 1: so I tend to start with the interruptible stuff, which 717 00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:13,359 Speaker 1: would be flogging posting the next day's vander Hack over there. 718 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:15,160 Speaker 1: Sometimes I forget to do that, then I need to 719 00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,719 Speaker 1: post today is vander Hack. You know, it's the problem 720 00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:20,240 Speaker 1: of a daily newsletter. Sometimes like oh, yeah, it's another 721 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:24,440 Speaker 1: day again. I guess I should have done that. But yeah, 722 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:28,280 Speaker 1: that's generally when it happens, and I aim to only 723 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,239 Speaker 1: put something on the list for the day if I'm 724 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:31,600 Speaker 1: going to do it. And I know that Sarah and 725 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 1: I have a slight different feeling about this, but I'm 726 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,280 Speaker 1: sort of like, I don't want to put it on there. 727 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:37,759 Speaker 3: And then not do it and feel bad about it. 728 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,040 Speaker 1: So I'd rather only put it on it if I 729 00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:42,840 Speaker 1: am truly committing to do it, which means that the 730 00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:46,120 Speaker 1: list has to be short like. It can't be long, like, 731 00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:49,680 Speaker 1: it can't have multiple things that won't possibly fit in 732 00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,160 Speaker 1: that time that I have available, because then I'm not 733 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:53,640 Speaker 1: going to do them, and then I feel like, well, 734 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:58,440 Speaker 1: why did I even put that there? So generally it 735 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:00,680 Speaker 1: is only the things I plan to do short and 736 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,600 Speaker 1: if I finish, which happens right like, I might be 737 00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,400 Speaker 1: done with all of this at two o'clock, then I 738 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:09,279 Speaker 1: can go pick some other stuff, right like, there's a 739 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:13,080 Speaker 1: long list of possibilities that one could busy your time with, 740 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:15,480 Speaker 1: So I can go find some other work. That's fine, 741 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,360 Speaker 1: but I'd rather make that decision at two o'clock rather 742 00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:20,880 Speaker 1: than assign myself more than I might handle. 743 00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,800 Speaker 2: Or you can have self care time, self. 744 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,759 Speaker 1: Care time, that's true, and just go get another cup 745 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:27,840 Speaker 1: of coffee and sit in the living room again, experience 746 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:28,879 Speaker 1: it a different time of day. 747 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:30,280 Speaker 3: That sounds very exciting. 748 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:38,360 Speaker 1: So let's well love of the week, so mine. I 749 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:43,040 Speaker 1: have a very mixed relationship with YouTube because one of 750 00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:47,040 Speaker 1: my children has had to have YouTube privileges provoked for 751 00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:50,600 Speaker 1: the time being. So I know there's plenty of wretchedly 752 00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:54,840 Speaker 1: bad stuff on YouTube. However, there's also some very good stuff. 753 00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:56,560 Speaker 1: I guess it's because of the nature of life, and 754 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,120 Speaker 1: there's good stuff and there's bad stuff. 755 00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 3: This is humanity. And I have been listening to most 756 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:03,320 Speaker 3: of my works of Bach through YouTube. 757 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,200 Speaker 1: I thought I would do it on Apple Music, but 758 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:09,160 Speaker 1: oftentimes the whole recording it's hard to get a whole 759 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:12,520 Speaker 1: recording of like multiple pieces together, and they might have 760 00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,520 Speaker 1: split them into like here's the sinfonia and here's the 761 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,960 Speaker 1: corral and here's the aria in a cantato. I want 762 00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:20,480 Speaker 1: to listen to the whole twenty five minute thing in 763 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,520 Speaker 1: a row. But there are lots of performances on YouTube. 764 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:25,640 Speaker 1: So I've been doing most of it just listening to 765 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:29,080 Speaker 1: a performance that has been posted on YouTube, and so 766 00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:31,680 Speaker 1: that's just a much more convenient way to listen to it. 767 00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,279 Speaker 1: And so it's kind of cool because there are like 768 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:39,000 Speaker 1: any given BWV number you know of, Bach has a 769 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:42,360 Speaker 1: thousand of them. There's a performance of it somewhere on YouTube. 770 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,759 Speaker 1: Somebody in the world performed it, recorded it, put it 771 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,400 Speaker 1: up there and so I can watch it and it's great. 772 00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,080 Speaker 2: It's amazing. It's actually amazing. Think about how like your 773 00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,080 Speaker 2: nineteen eighties self would have conceived of that, like. 774 00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:53,960 Speaker 1: Not have done they I could not have done this 775 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,160 Speaker 1: project then, I mean because there you wouldn't have been 776 00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,000 Speaker 1: able to get the recordings of all of these. 777 00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:01,719 Speaker 3: I mean it's just like yeah, or obscure ones love it. 778 00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:05,400 Speaker 2: Well, mine is going to be following professional running a 779 00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:09,160 Speaker 2: little bit more than I have before. I really enjoyed well, 780 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:10,839 Speaker 2: a few weeks prior to when this air is watching 781 00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,719 Speaker 2: the Olympics marathon trials, which were in my home state. 782 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,920 Speaker 2: So that was super fun, Like I actually watched it 783 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:19,600 Speaker 2: on TV. I have like a very low number of 784 00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:22,160 Speaker 2: hours in my life spent watching live sports, and I'm like, 785 00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,880 Speaker 2: this is actually really cool. So a love for that 786 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:27,680 Speaker 2: and then a future love I think is going to 787 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:29,520 Speaker 2: be the Olympics, Like I cannot wait. I'm going to 788 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,279 Speaker 2: like super lean into it and with the kids too, 789 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,400 Speaker 2: I think so exciting, Like I found my brand of 790 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:36,600 Speaker 2: pro sports that I enjoy. 791 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,279 Speaker 1: Paris twenty twenty four all into it, all right, Well, 792 00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:42,640 Speaker 1: this has been best of both worlds. We've been talking 793 00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:46,200 Speaker 1: all things quality time, how you can spend one on 794 00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,319 Speaker 1: one time with your partner, your kids, and then how 795 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:51,360 Speaker 1: to be your own Valentine. I'm going to use that 796 00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:54,359 Speaker 1: phrase even though we are after Valentine's Day, how you 797 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:57,160 Speaker 1: can show yourself some love as well. So we will 798 00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:59,239 Speaker 1: be back next week with more on making work and 799 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:00,319 Speaker 1: life fitting out there. 800 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:05,080 Speaker 2: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the 801 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:09,520 Speaker 2: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, 802 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:10,520 Speaker 2: and you can. 803 00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:14,640 Speaker 1: Find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has 804 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:18,000 Speaker 1: been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us 805 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,400 Speaker 1: next time for more on making work and life work together.