1
00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:02,840
Speaker 1: Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve camera.

2
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:09,880
Speaker 1: It's ready. Are you welcome to stuff Mom never told you?

3
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:18,239
Speaker 1: From housetop works dot com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast.

4
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,560
Speaker 1: I'm Christen and I'm Caroline, and today we're talking about

5
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:27,639
Speaker 1: politics and romance, not just because the presidential election is

6
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:32,600
Speaker 1: well under way, but because a few months ago, listener

7
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:36,040
Speaker 1: wrote in asking that very question of whether or not

8
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:41,080
Speaker 1: someone's political views are generally a romantic deal breaker. So

9
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,720
Speaker 1: before I started researching anything at all, I decided to

10
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:50,240
Speaker 1: kind of take easier route, go to Facebook and ask

11
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:55,360
Speaker 1: listeners whether or not politics, you know, determines who you date,

12
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,800
Speaker 1: and whether or not it's ever been a deal breaker.

13
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:05,800
Speaker 1: And I gotta say, overwhelming a listeners you said yes, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

14
00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:09,120
Speaker 1: A bunch of these people are pointing out that it

15
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:12,040
Speaker 1: doesn't matter if you're left or right, or centric or whatever,

16
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,320
Speaker 1: as long as you have the basic core beliefs kind

17
00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:18,200
Speaker 1: of in agreement. For instance, Jennifer says, I think it

18
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,479
Speaker 1: really makes for a better long term relationship if both

19
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,840
Speaker 1: of you have the same core beliefs and values, and

20
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,840
Speaker 1: Sally said that I used to joke that the only

21
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,800
Speaker 1: person I could ever date. They would make my parents

22
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,520
Speaker 1: just owned me would be a Republican. What's more important

23
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,800
Speaker 1: to me is that we have similar values and morals,

24
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,679
Speaker 1: and it doesn't matter if we disagree slightly on the

25
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,759
Speaker 1: exact role of government. Yeah, Veronica has an interesting perspective

26
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,959
Speaker 1: on it. She writes, I grew up with parents who

27
00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:44,240
Speaker 1: are very different politically, and I hated dinner conversation, your

28
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,680
Speaker 1: election time, or any time politics came up. So politics

29
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,840
Speaker 1: for me was a deal breaker. Before I got married,

30
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,520
Speaker 1: I was always much happier with guys I could agree with,

31
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:54,760
Speaker 1: and it was there was much less tension and we

32
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:59,240
Speaker 1: were able to focus on other compatibility issues. Um. And

33
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:04,080
Speaker 1: then finally there's one from Allison. This is pretty interesting,

34
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:07,280
Speaker 1: she says. The first questions I asked my fiance when

35
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:12,880
Speaker 1: we met, we're about his political views, and Allison just

36
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:17,000
Speaker 1: going ahead and getting politics. Putting politics on the table

37
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:24,519
Speaker 1: is pretty rare statistically, because there was a September study

38
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:29,680
Speaker 1: published in Evolution and Human Behavior which found that at

39
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:34,880
Speaker 1: least in an online dating context, people are very reluctant

40
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:39,959
Speaker 1: to share their political views. Right, Um, yeah, I guess

41
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,840
Speaker 1: they maybe they don't want to be controversial, or they

42
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:44,720
Speaker 1: want to try to cast a wide net, which some

43
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,880
Speaker 1: dating experts say you should do. You know, you should

44
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,720
Speaker 1: try to appeal to as many people as possible and

45
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,360
Speaker 1: then will it down. But the whole point is that

46
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:55,240
Speaker 1: eventually you do whittle it down. So the study um

47
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,320
Speaker 1: says that singles are more likely to admit being overweight

48
00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,880
Speaker 1: than to say they're liberal or conservative, and that they

49
00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:04,840
Speaker 1: looked at nearly three thousand randomly selected profiles and found

50
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:09,079
Speaker 1: that only fourteen percent of online datas included political interests

51
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,519
Speaker 1: in their profile under their whole like interest topic. And

52
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,320
Speaker 1: I thought it was funny that it ranked twenty three

53
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:17,320
Speaker 1: out of twenty seven categories, just below video games and

54
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:22,160
Speaker 1: above business networking in book clubs, Yeah, what do people

55
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,959
Speaker 1: have against book clubs? Well, and the thing is too,

56
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:30,360
Speaker 1: even when people decided to express some kind of political view,

57
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,959
Speaker 1: few were willing to admit any kind of preference. Of

58
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,680
Speaker 1: those of that fourteen percent that included a political interest

59
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,720
Speaker 1: in their profile, fifty seven percent more than half of

60
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,680
Speaker 1: them said that they were middle of the road. So

61
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:48,760
Speaker 1: that gives that really doesn't even offer any more any

62
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:51,360
Speaker 1: more information. Well, I think there's there also might be

63
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,760
Speaker 1: a tendency to be like, well, I'm not political, I'm

64
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,560
Speaker 1: not interested in politics, because i I've said this before,

65
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,960
Speaker 1: I've told people like, you know, I'm just really not political.

66
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:02,880
Speaker 1: I don't I'm not interested in debating it. But regardless,

67
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:07,240
Speaker 1: you do have core beliefs and leanings and tendencies to

68
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,800
Speaker 1: go one way or the other as far as some

69
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,400
Speaker 1: some big issues, even if you don't count yourself as

70
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:19,160
Speaker 1: necessarily republican, Democrat, whatever. And considering how polarized the political

71
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:22,600
Speaker 1: landscape has become, especially in the US, you know, there

72
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:26,520
Speaker 1: might be kind of a fear of saying, hey, well

73
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,880
Speaker 1: I'm a Democrat or I'm a Republican, or I'm a libertarian, whatever,

74
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:34,160
Speaker 1: and immediately triggering all of these associations you know, one

75
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:38,440
Speaker 1: way extremely conservative or extremely liberal. UM. That I think

76
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:42,559
Speaker 1: is now a byproduct of all the polarization that's gone on. UM.

77
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:46,919
Speaker 1: And just for a touch of gendered information, women a

78
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:50,200
Speaker 1: little bit less likely to report being interested in politics.

79
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,560
Speaker 1: They were eight percent less likely than men in that study.

80
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:57,400
Speaker 1: I wonder if they were more interested in book clubs

81
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:04,120
Speaker 1: quite possible or business networking. UM. But yeah, they they

82
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,520
Speaker 1: found through this study that you know, people really do

83
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:10,520
Speaker 1: desire compatibility, which makes sense. I mean, yeah, they say

84
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,760
Speaker 1: that opposites attract and everything, but when it comes right

85
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,400
Speaker 1: down to it, you want someone who's gonna see eye

86
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,880
Speaker 1: to eye with you. You don't want to be arguing

87
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,279
Speaker 1: about issues all the time. And they looked at how

88
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,559
Speaker 1: some of these people ended up together and found that

89
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,760
Speaker 1: people were making long term choices, maybe based on completely

90
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:32,520
Speaker 1: non political characteristics that actually end up correlating with political leanings.

91
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,600
Speaker 1: And one of the examples they gave was religion. Yeah,

92
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:39,600
Speaker 1: even though we might not intentionally set out as we're

93
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:43,279
Speaker 1: filling out an online dating profile or chatting up people

94
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,119
Speaker 1: you know, day to day, we might not be looking

95
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:50,400
Speaker 1: specifically for someone who has X, y Z political affiliations.

96
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,640
Speaker 1: But the study co author Casey Clough said, said, quote

97
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:59,480
Speaker 1: political preferences become a critical foundation of lasting relationships despite

98
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,920
Speaker 1: the fact that many Americans are not even interested in politics,

99
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,000
Speaker 1: which is kind of interesting. Well, I think that's kind

100
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,680
Speaker 1: of along the lines of what I just said that

101
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,000
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not a very political person, but if

102
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:12,120
Speaker 1: you don't agree with me on certain issues, then I

103
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:15,560
Speaker 1: might have trouble kind of dating you for a long time. Right,

104
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,400
Speaker 1: You might not want to go like stumping door to

105
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:22,120
Speaker 1: door on a date, and these issues do become very important.

106
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:26,000
Speaker 1: May study from a group of Rice University and University

107
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,440
Speaker 1: of Nebraska researchers found that political alignment maybe even more

108
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:33,360
Speaker 1: important than personality or appearance. They looked at more than

109
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,680
Speaker 1: five thousand married couples in the US and found that

110
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:42,400
Speaker 1: we completely sort our entire lives according to political leanings,

111
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,600
Speaker 1: whether we mean to or not. We tend to choose

112
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,960
Speaker 1: where we work, where we live, and who we marry

113
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,920
Speaker 1: based on these sort of, as Cloth staid said, these

114
00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:53,680
Speaker 1: critical foundation issues. This was a widely publicized study called

115
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:57,839
Speaker 1: the Politics of Mate Choice, which confirmed that when it

116
00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:02,200
Speaker 1: comes to long term romance, birds of a feather flock together,

117
00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:06,279
Speaker 1: it's not so much the opposites attracted. Um. They found

118
00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:10,880
Speaker 1: evidence supporting people pairing up based around the idea of

119
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,960
Speaker 1: assortative mating, which is what you were talking about, Caroline,

120
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,200
Speaker 1: where you kind of choose where you work, live, who

121
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:22,560
Speaker 1: you married based around similarities to yourself and your socio

122
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:27,320
Speaker 1: economic background, your educational background. Yeah. And it's it's funny

123
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:32,280
Speaker 1: that because actually, my my man friend asked me when

124
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,600
Speaker 1: I was reading information for this, he's like, well, do

125
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,280
Speaker 1: couples eventually grow to have the same beliefs, Like if

126
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,240
Speaker 1: you start out a little different, you know, maybe just

127
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,960
Speaker 1: one person see the light, so to speak. And yeah,

128
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,880
Speaker 1: this did completely blew that out of the water because

129
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:49,559
Speaker 1: it said that there's a little interspousal persuasion. In other words,

130
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:53,400
Speaker 1: partners don't adapt to each other's ideologies over time. And

131
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:58,520
Speaker 1: it actually marriage tends to reinforce ongoing ideological polarization because

132
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,320
Speaker 1: the parents end up passing this leaves onto kids. And

133
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:05,400
Speaker 1: they said that the kids might even be more strongly

134
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,120
Speaker 1: oriented one way or the other as far as politics go,

135
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,920
Speaker 1: because if both parents are democratic, for for instance, then

136
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,840
Speaker 1: the kid might be even more liberal because it's just

137
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:20,560
Speaker 1: being reinforced. Yeah. They examined different not only political leanings,

138
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,840
Speaker 1: but also their stances on all sorts of social issues

139
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:29,080
Speaker 1: such as gay marriage, UM, church attendance, alcohol consumption, and

140
00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,920
Speaker 1: then also looked at a variety of personality traits and

141
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:37,640
Speaker 1: they found that so consistently couples tend to see eyed

142
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:43,959
Speaker 1: politically because um, generally we will share social attitudes with

143
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:48,040
Speaker 1: a significant other. More so then we might share personality traits,

144
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:52,400
Speaker 1: which I found pretty compelling. So a social butterfly Republican

145
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,400
Speaker 1: is still more likely to team up with like a

146
00:08:55,440 --> 00:09:02,240
Speaker 1: bookworm wallflower Republican than a social butterfly Democrat. Interesting. Another

147
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,439
Speaker 1: study that that sort of backed up all this life

148
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:08,440
Speaker 1: sorting business was the earlier this year January from Yale

149
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:12,080
Speaker 1: and Stanford researchers, and they also looked at political sorting

150
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,760
Speaker 1: on dating sites and found that these preferences definitely preceded

151
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,560
Speaker 1: the relationship rather than following it. So it's not like

152
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,320
Speaker 1: two people who were apathetic to politics were suddenly like, oh,

153
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,120
Speaker 1: let's get involved, or that two different people got together

154
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,959
Speaker 1: and one went the other way right, um. And they

155
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,319
Speaker 1: found that men are more likely to message women who

156
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:33,080
Speaker 1: share the same political identity and positions on economic and

157
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:37,160
Speaker 1: social issues and the level of political and social engagement.

158
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:40,760
Speaker 1: And from my experience with online dating, I've only played

159
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,960
Speaker 1: around with okay Cupid, and they have all of these questions.

160
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:46,000
Speaker 1: I mean, you can answer thousands of questions on the

161
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,080
Speaker 1: site if you really want to, and it's a way

162
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:52,880
Speaker 1: to guess, enhance your profile and match you up more

163
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,800
Speaker 1: with people. And I paid attention to that, you know,

164
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:58,920
Speaker 1: and answered the more social and political questions as well

165
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:03,320
Speaker 1: as a way of whittling down that field exactly. And

166
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,720
Speaker 1: it's funny when you get messages. I was also on

167
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,800
Speaker 1: Okay cubid at one time, But it is funny when

168
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:11,240
Speaker 1: you get messages from people who clearly didn't read your profile,

169
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,720
Speaker 1: clearly maybe didn't even go on it, maybe just looked

170
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,800
Speaker 1: at your picture and sent your message. I actually got

171
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,360
Speaker 1: a message from a man who is in seminary school.

172
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,720
Speaker 1: Well that's interesting though, but that makes sense because in

173
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:28,440
Speaker 1: that UH that studied the politics of mate choice, they

174
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:32,600
Speaker 1: found that not only political affiliation, but also church attendants

175
00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:37,680
Speaker 1: like the second biggest factor in terms of how couples

176
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,040
Speaker 1: share behaviors. Right, he did not know that I did

177
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,679
Speaker 1: not attendtion, I'll just put it that way. So it

178
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:48,120
Speaker 1: didn't work out. But you seeing that trait from this guy,

179
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,320
Speaker 1: the fact that he was in seminary was you reinforcing

180
00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:55,439
Speaker 1: sorting in your replying behavior. In the words of these

181
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:59,920
Speaker 1: Yell and Stanford researchers. Yeah, and again to use my

182
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:04,240
Speaker 1: embarrassing online dating story to illustrate a point. UH. Liz

183
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,680
Speaker 1: Barnowski in two thousand and eight rod a column for

184
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,280
Speaker 1: Your Tango, and she basically points out that they're very

185
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,280
Speaker 1: There are two issues that we're dealing with here, and

186
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:16,160
Speaker 1: those are experiencing differences in relationships and handling them. How

187
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,040
Speaker 1: we handle those issues that come up between us and

188
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,880
Speaker 1: our significant others. And she says that politics can highlight

189
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:26,040
Speaker 1: fundamental differences or similarities in values and character, and how

190
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,880
Speaker 1: those issues are handled can either make or break a relationship.

191
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,360
Speaker 1: And something I saw pointed out a lot is that

192
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:35,360
Speaker 1: when you're in a relationship not just about politics or

193
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:39,640
Speaker 1: religion or anything, you can have disagreements and differences of opinion,

194
00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:42,280
Speaker 1: but as long as you're respectful, and that's the same

195
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,600
Speaker 1: in friendship, as long as you're respectful of the other

196
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:48,640
Speaker 1: person's beliefs and you're willing to listen and maybe respectfully disagree,

197
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,400
Speaker 1: then your your success rate will probably be a lot

198
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,560
Speaker 1: higher than people who are maybe a little more fired up. Right,

199
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:57,880
Speaker 1: Because we're not trying to say that all this information

200
00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:01,680
Speaker 1: means that if you don't date someone who you know

201
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,560
Speaker 1: shares exactly the same political beliefs that you do, then

202
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,640
Speaker 1: you are doomed for failure. Because I mean, you have

203
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:12,040
Speaker 1: couples like James Carville and Mary Madaline. Um, you know,

204
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:16,360
Speaker 1: one's a democratic commentator one's a Republican commentator, and they

205
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,000
Speaker 1: have been together, been married for a long time and

206
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,199
Speaker 1: seemed very happy. But it seems like when they've been

207
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:26,720
Speaker 1: interviewed about how they make that marriage work, it's a

208
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:30,400
Speaker 1: lot of compatibility and talking and maintaining the relationship in

209
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,040
Speaker 1: the same way that that you would any other kind

210
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,560
Speaker 1: of relationship. Right. I like what they told CNN. They

211
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:39,600
Speaker 1: said that their marriage is a mom markey and Carville

212
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,280
Speaker 1: gave three. Carville is the Democrats, just in case you

213
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,480
Speaker 1: don't know who they are. Uh. Carville said that his

214
00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:48,360
Speaker 1: three ingredients to a successful marriage are surrender, capitulation, and

215
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:52,560
Speaker 1: retreat his wife. The Republican's response is spoken like a

216
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,920
Speaker 1: true liberal, what a martyr, faith, family, and good wine.

217
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,400
Speaker 1: That's how we do it. I love it. Yeah, And

218
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,280
Speaker 1: that kind of reflects what Carry Patterson, who is a

219
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:05,079
Speaker 1: co author of Crucial Conversations said. Um said, the amount

220
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:10,040
Speaker 1: of disagreement does not affect your satisfaction within a relationship. Rather,

221
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:13,520
Speaker 1: it's how you disagree that predicts your satisfaction. And I've

222
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:17,520
Speaker 1: heard that from other relationship advice calumness and experts as well,

223
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,800
Speaker 1: in terms of you know, disagreeing or fighting about something

224
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,320
Speaker 1: is not a sign of you know that you're doomed

225
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,280
Speaker 1: for failure, but rather how you handle it. Can you

226
00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:30,959
Speaker 1: talk something out? Can you respect each other afterwards? Um?

227
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,960
Speaker 1: Can you go to the polls and one you know

228
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,440
Speaker 1: person vote for Mitt Romney and the other person knowingly

229
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,800
Speaker 1: vote for Barack Obama and still be able to dinner

230
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:42,560
Speaker 1: the next night together? I know? Is it too stressful? Well?

231
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,960
Speaker 1: They Barronowski. So that finding how your significant other handles

232
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,959
Speaker 1: hot topics early in the relationship can help you gauge

233
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,520
Speaker 1: the potential success of your relationship. So really, whether you're

234
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:55,000
Speaker 1: fighting over politics or where to eat dinner, if you're

235
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,720
Speaker 1: if your partner is a little more hot headed, and

236
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,920
Speaker 1: maybe you guys just can't see at eye on anything,

237
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,520
Speaker 1: maybe politics is really the least of your worries. But

238
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,920
Speaker 1: if you are on a first date, say, and you

239
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:11,880
Speaker 1: want to know whether or not someone is more liberal

240
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,920
Speaker 1: or more conservative, but you don't want to bring politics

241
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,160
Speaker 1: directly to the table. You don't want to ruin the mood,

242
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,760
Speaker 1: which if it's the first date, it's probably just anxiety

243
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:26,840
Speaker 1: written already. Um. Okay Trends, which is the blog from

244
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:30,160
Speaker 1: okay Cupid, which is a great blog. I highly recommended

245
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,160
Speaker 1: they do a lot of fun things with their enormous

246
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,720
Speaker 1: data set that they have. Um they published a post

247
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,720
Speaker 1: on the best questions for a first date and they

248
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,680
Speaker 1: suggest if you want to know whether you and your

249
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:45,600
Speaker 1: date have the same politics, this is the question that

250
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:50,120
Speaker 1: you can ask. No Obama or Romney required. Do you

251
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:53,520
Speaker 1: prefer the people in your life to be simple or complex?

252
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,240
Speaker 1: I'll go ahead, let's pretend we're on at first date.

253
00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:03,040
Speaker 1: Oh well, oh this this Queenie's great Caroline, Uh, I

254
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,160
Speaker 1: know this is a random question, but do you prefer

255
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,680
Speaker 1: the people in your life to be simple or complex?

256
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:14,760
Speaker 1: I like must multi faceted individuals, so a little more complex. Great, well, Caroline.

257
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,000
Speaker 1: That means that there's a two to one chance that

258
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:22,480
Speaker 1: you are liberal. People who answer simple two to one

259
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,800
Speaker 1: chance that they are conservative. And that is based on

260
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,920
Speaker 1: Okay cupids data set. And they pointed out that since

261
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,320
Speaker 1: it's a nationwide data set, there's a little bit of

262
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,000
Speaker 1: grain of salt to be taken with it, because if

263
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,600
Speaker 1: you are in a more liberal leaning or conservative leaning

264
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:40,800
Speaker 1: geographic area than you know, things might get a little

265
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:44,320
Speaker 1: more complicated, but overall, you know, you can roll the

266
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:49,160
Speaker 1: dice and complex, a little more liberal, simple, little more conservative. Interesting.

267
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,760
Speaker 1: So that's that's one way to do it. Or you

268
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,600
Speaker 1: can just be like Allison our listener on Facebook and

269
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:59,760
Speaker 1: just outright ask. Well. You know, there was a dating

270
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:02,920
Speaker 1: x spart what's her name, uh Lori Davis who said

271
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,040
Speaker 1: that you definitely should not ask yeah on the first

272
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:09,000
Speaker 1: date or even the first three dates. She says, leave

273
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:12,280
Speaker 1: something that complicated to the fourth date, because you don't

274
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:15,320
Speaker 1: want to limit your dating pool by talking politics early on,

275
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:18,120
Speaker 1: which is ridiculous. What does it matter? I mean, yeah, sure,

276
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:19,840
Speaker 1: you don't want to get all up in somebody's face

277
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:23,400
Speaker 1: and start, you know, berating them for their beliefs. But

278
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,840
Speaker 1: you should absolutely be open and honest if you want

279
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,480
Speaker 1: to ask the question. I mean, although, I mean Emily

280
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,000
Speaker 1: Post would agree with that. Her three rules for the

281
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:36,120
Speaker 1: first date. No politics, no religion, no money. Yeah, I

282
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,440
Speaker 1: mean yeah, you want to avoid awkwardness. As you said,

283
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:43,160
Speaker 1: it's already an anxiety written situation. But yeah, I feel

284
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:46,360
Speaker 1: like whatever, just take your first date at your own pace. Yeah,

285
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:52,760
Speaker 1: be open, be open, be honest, young, be foolish, be happy. Um,

286
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:56,280
Speaker 1: so that's what the data says. I'll be interested to

287
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,560
Speaker 1: hear from listeners. Um, Caroline, have you really quickly? Have you?

288
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:05,320
Speaker 1: Do you tend to date people who share your political leanings? Yeah? Yeah,

289
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,560
Speaker 1: Well I also tend to not, and not that I've

290
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:09,879
Speaker 1: gone out of my way to do this, but I

291
00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:14,439
Speaker 1: also tend to date other people who feel similarly almost apathetic.

292
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,600
Speaker 1: It's not that I don't care about what's going on

293
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,359
Speaker 1: in our country, and it's not that I don't have

294
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:22,320
Speaker 1: very passionate opinions on certain issues, but I just hate politics,

295
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,600
Speaker 1: so I tend to gravitate towards other people who lean

296
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:27,520
Speaker 1: kind of in my direction. See. I can be a

297
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:32,840
Speaker 1: bit of a political junkie, and my longest term relationships

298
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,320
Speaker 1: it's definitely been I die. But I think it's because

299
00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:38,520
Speaker 1: I like to talk about it. I listened to, you know,

300
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:43,199
Speaker 1: political campaign stuff way too much. Actually I don't. I

301
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,000
Speaker 1: don't need to know this much. You see, then you're

302
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,280
Speaker 1: you're completely different from my mother, who really has no

303
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,440
Speaker 1: opinions and voted for Clinton back in the day because

304
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,879
Speaker 1: she thought he was cute. Oh that's one way to

305
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:55,440
Speaker 1: go about it. Well that's all we have. I want

306
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:58,680
Speaker 1: to know from you guys. Are politics a dating deal breaker?

307
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,320
Speaker 1: Especially since it's residential election time. I mean it could

308
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:06,960
Speaker 1: easily come up and if someone you know might say

309
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,880
Speaker 1: the wrong thing, are you gonna head out? Or who

310
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 1: cares politics? Politics? Let us know, mom. Stuff at Discovery

311
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:18,119
Speaker 1: dot com is where you can send your letters, and

312
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,080
Speaker 1: we got a couple of emails to share in the meantime.

313
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:25,639
Speaker 1: One and a female archaeologist. Yes we do. This is

314
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:30,320
Speaker 1: from Carrie, She said. I graduated college in and began

315
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,840
Speaker 1: full time work at a consulting firm shortly after. As

316
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,399
Speaker 1: an archaeologist, I work for a large company out of

317
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,200
Speaker 1: an office in the Pacific Northwest. In my office, our

318
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,040
Speaker 1: whole team is female, and my experience so far, they

319
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:42,960
Speaker 1: are just as many women as men in the field,

320
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,359
Speaker 1: if not more. Also, I am glad you did this

321
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:50,080
Speaker 1: podcast because one, most people have no idea what archaeology is. Too,

322
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,520
Speaker 1: Indiana Jones is a poor representation of what we do.

323
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:58,119
Speaker 1: She says, no bull whips or ripping hearts out, And

324
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:03,600
Speaker 1: I say what she said, three dinosaurs are for paleontologists.

325
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,200
Speaker 1: You ladies didn't make this mistake, but it is common.

326
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:11,000
Speaker 1: My work involves office work and field work about the time.

327
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:13,560
Speaker 1: I think women in archaeology work harder than men because

328
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,639
Speaker 1: of the stereotypes that women are not as accustomed to

329
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,320
Speaker 1: physical work and the outdoors. I love my job and

330
00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 1: know many female archaeologists who do as well. We work

331
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,520
Speaker 1: hard and we love it. Thank you, Carrie, and I've

332
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,919
Speaker 1: got heat. One here from Anne and this is in

333
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,000
Speaker 1: response to our episode a while back on nail polish.

334
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,520
Speaker 1: She writes, My husband has been painting his toenails since

335
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,320
Speaker 1: he was sixteen, when he was spending his summer lifeguarding.

336
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,960
Speaker 1: Since moving to our current location, he's become a high

337
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:42,080
Speaker 1: school track coach and continues to paint his toes. This

338
00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:44,159
Speaker 1: has become a running joke with the students, who like

339
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,400
Speaker 1: to ask me how I feel about it. Last year,

340
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,879
Speaker 1: at the state track meet, the whole team, boys and girls,

341
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,480
Speaker 1: painted their tonnails together the day before the meet. I

342
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,880
Speaker 1: love the pictures of all the kids and coaches feet

343
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,840
Speaker 1: lined up in full of school spirit. Many of these

344
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,119
Speaker 1: same kids are huge Harry Potter fans, and my husband

345
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,280
Speaker 1: and I ran into them of the final movie Midnight premiere.

346
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,440
Speaker 1: They all boys and girls promptly peeled off their shoes

347
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 1: and socks the show off their colored nails. They were

348
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:12,320
Speaker 1: striped and poked at it and quite wonderfully artistic. I

349
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:14,440
Speaker 1: don't think any of these boys would have been comfortable

350
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,479
Speaker 1: painting their toes had it not been for my husband.

351
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,680
Speaker 1: He is gearing up to take another group to State

352
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 1: Meat and the students have already planned on who is

353
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 1: bringing the nail polish. So thank you, Ann and to

354
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,280
Speaker 1: everyone else who has written in mom Stuff at Discovery

355
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,359
Speaker 1: dot Com is our email address, and you can also

356
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 1: find us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter at Mom's

357
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 1: Stuff podcast, and you can read a whole bunch of

358
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,919
Speaker 1: election coverage over at our website. It's how stuff works

359
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:46,800
Speaker 1: dot com for moral this, and thousands of other topics.

360
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 1: Is it how Stuff Works dot Com? Brought to you

361
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,200
Speaker 1: by the reinvented two thousand twelve camera. It's ready, are

362
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:57,440
Speaker 1: you