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Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight from coast to coast AM on iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: Connie willis here. Happy New Year to you, and happy

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Speaker 2: New Year's Eve to some of those people still on

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Speaker 2: the West Coast and beyond that away. Connie willis here,

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Speaker 2: having a great evening, feeling good. About to lose my voice.

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Speaker 2: It's just been one of those days. I'm all like

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Speaker 2: jacked up and all that kind of thing. So I

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Speaker 2: know I sound a little bit different just because of that.

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Speaker 2: Usually I'm a little bit more controlled in how you're doing.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, my voice is kind of gone. But

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Speaker 2: you know, New Year's Eve and New Year's Night, it's

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Speaker 2: just a special night all across the world. Everybody celebrates it. Everybody.

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Speaker 2: It is global. There's nobody that I don't think celebrates it.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Doctor John Gray is with us. We're

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Speaker 2: going to be taking your phone calls. John, Is there

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Speaker 2: is there a place that somebody doesn't celebrate this. I mean,

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Speaker 2: this is just a must, It's it's required in a

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Speaker 2: human the human world.

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Speaker 3: I guess, oh, I think you know China celebrates a

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Speaker 3: little bit in late January February. Yeah, that one's matter,

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Speaker 3: But right, I think I'm not sure. I haven't been

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Speaker 3: there during our New years, but I go a lot

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Speaker 3: to China. The Chinese people are very hungry for this

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Speaker 3: information too. And you know, we talked about the beginning

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Speaker 3: of the show. The theme is, you know, relationships and

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Speaker 3: gender and gender balance is what we said, and that's

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Speaker 3: the key. And there's a distinction here of gender balance

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Speaker 3: versus old fashioned gender roles. See historically, the relationships that

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Speaker 3: were most successful the man was capable of providing for

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Speaker 3: his family successfully, the finances and the protection. That's particularly

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Speaker 3: what women needed the most. And when women feel my

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Speaker 3: husband is providing something for me that I need the most,

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Speaker 3: she will feel a lot of love. You know, we

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Speaker 3: didn't have birth control, so you know, people have sex

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Speaker 3: again married to have sex sometimes and then have children.

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Speaker 3: So the mother is taking care of the children, and

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Speaker 3: he's away all day, and she doesn't remind him being

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Speaker 3: away all the time. He's working hard, and so when

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Speaker 3: he comes home, she's full of love. And when women

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Speaker 3: are full of love, men have nothing to complain about.

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Speaker 3: And when women feel the need for a man's to

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Speaker 3: provide for them, they don't have all these romantic needs.

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Speaker 3: They'll make a lot of estrogen, without the flowers, without

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Speaker 3: the I love you, without all these new skills I'm

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Speaker 3: talking about. Is because we have changed from gender roles,

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Speaker 3: traditional gender roles, to having to find gender balance. Now,

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Speaker 3: what is gender balance? Gender balance is where men basically

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Speaker 3: are expressing their masculine genes more than she expresses her

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Speaker 3: masculine genes that will create attraction, to create attraction. Whenever

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Speaker 3: a man is feeling attracted to a female, his testosterol

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Speaker 3: levels are these twenty times higher, they just surge up.

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Speaker 3: She her femininity, which is greater than his femininity, will

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Speaker 3: create arousal in men, attraction in men, interest in men.

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Speaker 3: And this is her femininity causes him to be attracted

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Speaker 3: to her, and she is attracted to him when his

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Speaker 3: masculinity is greater than her masculinity. This is why so

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Speaker 3: many women today are turned off to men. This is

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Speaker 3: what's going on. Is they say, you know, he's like

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Speaker 3: a child. I don't want to insult not all men,

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Speaker 3: but when women are complaining there's no men around, it's basically,

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Speaker 3: she has more testosterone than him, she is more independent

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Speaker 3: than him, she is more hard working than him, and

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Speaker 3: in some cases she's making more money than him. Because

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Speaker 3: you know, you work hard often you make more money,

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Speaker 3: and so she's coming home and she's out of balance.

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Speaker 3: She doesn't have the gender balance. That's why I call

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Speaker 3: these new products elemental oortates for genomic balance. Genes have

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Speaker 3: to produce a certain amount of testosterone, a certain amount

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Speaker 3: of estrogen if you're a man, to have well being,

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Speaker 3: to have no stress level, to have motivation, to have

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Speaker 3: a romance, to have those feelings. He literally there have

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Speaker 3: to be moments during the week where his testosterone goes

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Speaker 3: way up and he remembers how much I feel my

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Speaker 3: love for her. Men married men love their wives, but

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Speaker 3: they don't always feel it because they can't feel it

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Speaker 3: unless outside stimulation comes in, which gives him a message

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Speaker 3: of he's trustworthy. I can depend on him for certain things.

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Speaker 3: They're meaningful to me. I accept him. He doesn't have

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Speaker 3: to be perfect, not demanding, and I appreciate the things

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Speaker 3: he does for me. And you can't have those genuine

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Speaker 3: responses unless he provides for you. He can't just be

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Speaker 3: sitting on the couch all the time and for you

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Speaker 3: to feel appreciation for him unless you are completely broken,

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Speaker 3: you were dependent on him for money, you'd be happy

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Speaker 3: for him to sit on the couch, you'd be thinking, Oh,

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Speaker 3: he's resting to go back out and do all those

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Speaker 3: jobs that I don't want to do. So that's the

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Speaker 3: old fashioned relationship. And as women more independent, that means

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Speaker 3: they're making more testosterone. So in order to have gender balance,

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Speaker 3: she needs a relationship that will support her and being feminine. Now,

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Speaker 3: what does it mean to be feminine? It means to

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Speaker 3: have more emotion than a man, to be able to

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Speaker 3: share emotion. Now, ideally it means have more positive emotion

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Speaker 3: because you're asking for help and he's doing things for you.

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Speaker 3: But also when women are at work, there's going to

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Speaker 3: be stress. And when women have stress the same amount

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Speaker 3: of stress for a man, that would be stress that

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Speaker 3: produces adrenaline, not cortisol, just adrenaline stress women have. That

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Speaker 3: means the current, the normal stresses of life, not the

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Speaker 3: big huge shocks that produce cortisol, like are getting a

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Speaker 3: speeding ticket or losing a lot of money or feeling rejected.

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Speaker 3: You know, those are big cortisol spikes. But you know,

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Speaker 3: just the stress of life as opposed to feeling relaxed

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Speaker 3: and easy, that's adrenaline. So when women experience adrenaline, they

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Speaker 3: experience eight times more. Their brain produces eight times more

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Speaker 3: bud flow on average to the hippocie campus, which is

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Speaker 3: the emotional memory. And at that time, she basically will

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Speaker 3: have emotions that aren't positive. She'll have emotions like frustration, disappointment, concerns, worries,

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Speaker 3: feeling embarrassed, and maybe angry. You know, these are the

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Speaker 3: emotions of moderate stress that women have under moderate stress.

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Speaker 3: For men, they have no emotion. That's why adrenaline and

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Speaker 3: a man takes away all emotion because he goes straight

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Speaker 3: over to testosterone. Like if you're driving fast in a car,

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Speaker 3: you know White men like to drive really fast in cars.

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Speaker 3: It allows him to completely divorce himself from his emotions,

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Speaker 3: his fears, his upsets, and it's not suppressing by the

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Speaker 3: way everybody thinks, O, men are suppressing emotions when they

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Speaker 3: don't have emotions. No, they're just on their testosterone side.

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Speaker 3: That's really good for men. And then when he has high,

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Speaker 3: healthy testosterone, then he goes to his estrogen side by

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Speaker 3: spending time with his family and helping them and loving

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Speaker 3: them and having a woman and his wife, and he

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Speaker 3: finds that balance through relationship. That's the whole importance relationship

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Speaker 3: and family. And of course this is a crisis today.

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Speaker 3: If we look in the black community, seventy percent of

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Speaker 3: black men do not have a father in the home.

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Speaker 3: Without a father and a home, there's two places a

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Speaker 3: man will go. He'll either go where he goes way

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Speaker 3: too far on his female side, or he becomes a

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Speaker 3: criminal and says, I will never go to my female side.

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Speaker 3: So I've you know, taught in the prisons where the

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Speaker 3: murderers and the rapists and so forth. You look at

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Speaker 3: their childhood, they had absent fathers, are very dysfunctional fathers

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Speaker 3: and very unhappy mothers. I don't want to blame it

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Speaker 3: on the mother, but I don't want to blame it

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Speaker 3: on the man. It takes two people to make a

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Speaker 3: dysfunctional relationship, and if it really is all one person's fault,

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Speaker 3: then the other person should have gotten out a long

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Speaker 3: time ago. But often we hang in there because of

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Speaker 3: our children, and that's a noble thing to do. So

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Speaker 3: rather than you know, just hang in there to a

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Speaker 3: bad marriage, go get classes, you know, go to Mars.

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Speaker 3: Venus got calm, hundreds of classes there, all of.

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Speaker 2: My you can go tomorrow Venus and find out exactly

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Speaker 2: how to take care of everything. You know what, though

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Speaker 2: a long time ago it was stay married, stay married,

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Speaker 2: get through it, get through it, you know. But as

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Speaker 2: long as they're working to get through things, that's great,

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Speaker 2: and they seem to always be happy. But there are

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Speaker 2: some situations where it's like, get out, don't be noble.

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Speaker 2: These kids are seeing people hate each other.

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Speaker 3: You know, when somebody is has a strong addiction addiction

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Speaker 3: yes a relationship. That means if I'm addicted to something

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Speaker 3: that I love it more than my wife, and she's

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Speaker 3: going to feel neglected. And if a woman's addicted. Women

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Speaker 3: don't have as much addiction to drugs. They do, certainly

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Speaker 3: some do, but the major common addiction for women is complaining.

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Speaker 3: The same brain chemical dopamine gets produced when you complain

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Speaker 3: as when you take a drug. This has been seen

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Speaker 3: on their MRI scans. Basically, Wow, so many women listening

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Speaker 3: they know in their brain they're thinking all the time,

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Speaker 3: this is not good enough, this is not good enough,

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Speaker 3: this is not good enough. Not every woman, of course,

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Speaker 3: but we're talking not every man's addicted to drugs. But

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Speaker 3: another big addiction from men, his porn is why this

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Speaker 3: is the biggest reason, in my opinion, besides the pesticides,

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Speaker 3: why the young men have half the testosterone of just

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Speaker 3: twenty years ago. Half it's got in half. I mean,

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Speaker 3: this is a disaster. You need a lot of testosterone

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Speaker 3: to feel romantic, to have the courage to motivate you today,

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Speaker 3: to take that risk, to initiate relationships, to be able

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Speaker 3: to stay present if a woman's upset and not react back.

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Speaker 3: This is like the most important skill I teach men.

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Speaker 3: If you're starting to get angry, you have to take

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Speaker 3: a time out. Just let me take some time to

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Speaker 3: think about this, and sweet honey, we'll talk again tomorrow twelfth.

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Speaker 3: You know, don't just desert her, but just say I

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Speaker 3: need to think about it, and don't express negative emotion.

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Speaker 3: When a man expresses negative emotion, what's happening is his

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Speaker 3: testosterone is going down. He's losing the balance. Testosterone goes down,

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Speaker 3: his estrogen's going up. And whenever you talk out loud,

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Speaker 3: when your estrogen's going up, it would just keep going

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Speaker 3: higher and higher. That's why traditionally, you know, men did

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Speaker 3: not talk that much. Okay, the quiet the tall, quiet

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Speaker 3: guy is the romantic guy you know, is a serious guy.

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Speaker 3: But actually he's very testosterone oriented. He doesn't have all

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Speaker 3: these strong emotional reactions. Remember what I said, when women

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Speaker 3: experience moderate stress, they have eight times more blood flow

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Speaker 3: to the emotional part of the brain. And if they

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Speaker 3: cannot talk about those emotions, if they're negative emotions, that

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Speaker 3: means they're estrogen's going down. So what she needs to

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Speaker 3: do is raise her estrogen, and talking about negative emotions

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Speaker 3: actually raise estrogen. The problem is it can become addictive

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Speaker 3: unless here's the key. If you express negative emotions without

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Speaker 3: the intention to change someone, then it is an addictive.

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Speaker 3: Then you just make estrogen and you feel good. That's

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Speaker 3: why you go to counselors or coaches or friends. You

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Speaker 3: just to fetch. And the Jewish tradition, you know, it's

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Speaker 3: just expressing your emotions and feelings. I like complaints to

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Speaker 3: somebody you're not trying to change, or somebody you're not

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Speaker 3: trying to get sympathy from, because some people are just

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Speaker 3: addicted to getting everybody feeling sorry for them, or some

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Speaker 3: people are addicted to complaining to make their partner change.

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Speaker 3: If you complain to change your partner, if you have frustration, disappointment, concerns, anger, sadness, hurt,

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Speaker 3: and you share that with your partner, wanting them to

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Speaker 3: feel bad or wanting them to change. Then you get

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Speaker 3: addicted to those negative emotions because you're using It's like

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Speaker 3: a tool. But when you learn how to look at

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Speaker 3: your negative emotions without trying to change somebody, then you

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Speaker 3: get huge benefit from it.

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Speaker 2: So it's kind of in the word, I gotta throw

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Speaker 2: something at you. Then we got to go to the

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Speaker 2: phone calls. But because there's a billion of them that

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Speaker 2: want to talk to you, let me. Okay, I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: throw something out. I'm a chick, so I'm going to

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Speaker 2: say I'm thinking it and figuring it out as i'm saying,

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Speaker 2: so give me a second. Okay. So if I throw

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Speaker 2: something at you, they just like a bigger book than

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Speaker 2: even the books you've done. Can we split it fifty

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Speaker 2: to fifty if I give you a better idea, because

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Speaker 2: I got a good idea for you.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what book.

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Speaker 1: Yeah I do.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I dude, I've heard it from you. I've heard

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Speaker 2: it from you, but I'm trying to get it live

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Speaker 2: on the air so people can go, yeah, he said,

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Speaker 2: fifty to fifty, Okay, sixty forty me, it's my idea.

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Speaker 3: Come on, come on, it was being nice books. I

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Speaker 3: deserve it. Anybody writes a book. It's a hard work

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Speaker 3: and they need to get their payments for it. That's

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Speaker 3: what it is.

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Speaker 2: Well, well, hopefully, hopefully you'll feel good enough and go, Connie,

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Speaker 2: let me just help you with the project you want

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Speaker 2: to work on. Okay, So here's what I think, because

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Speaker 2: you throw out so many nuggets. I'm over here going

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Speaker 2: great nugget, great nugget, great nugget. And this is known

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Speaker 2: by anybody that listens to you. It's constantly. I got

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Speaker 2: to write that down. It's another gold nugget. It's another

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Speaker 2: gold nugget. I would love a menner from Mars women

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Speaker 2: are from Venus for dummies, because you know, there's so many.

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Speaker 2: I can't go backwards.

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Speaker 3: You. I have five hundred Marsma's coaches and they take

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Speaker 3: notes on all my talks, and they said, we should

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Speaker 3: just write a book of just your one life and everything.

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Speaker 3: Maybe one day. It's a lot of work, you know.

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Speaker 3: When I write it new it just I put my

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Speaker 3: whole heart and soul into it, and it takes time,

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Speaker 3: and maybe I write a book, you know, I have

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Speaker 3: I have books to write. My favorite book to write

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Speaker 3: is when I'm meditation. You know, those people don't know

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Speaker 3: that I was a monk for nine years. I do.

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Speaker 2: I think it's so cool. I always tell everybody, did

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Speaker 2: you know he was a monk? But I thought it

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Speaker 2: was eleven years?

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Speaker 3: I know nine, but I I still you know, I

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Speaker 3: meditate for I get up at four o'clock in the

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Speaker 3: morning and I meditate till eight o'clock at least.

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Speaker 2: And you never talked. We never talked? Was that you

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Speaker 2: never talked for nine years? I never went did you

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Speaker 2: ever as a monk? Were you allowed to talk?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 3: No, no, you can talk. I would go off at

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Speaker 3: a time though, no talking and no eating, no way.

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Speaker 3: It was a very disciplined life. And by the way,

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Speaker 3: being a discipline light, every man has to have some

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Speaker 3: kind of discipline that you do it, and it's hard

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Speaker 3: when your life becomes easy. Anytime you do anything that's easy,

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Speaker 3: you make estrogen, and you make progesterone. Progesterone is really important.

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Speaker 3: After a woman has ovulation, she should be more careful

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Speaker 3: to do things that she enjoys, doing the easy things

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Speaker 3: when she's making more estrogen that gets produced by depending

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Speaker 3: on others for things, but easy is a female hormone.

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Speaker 3: For men. Too much easy, your testosterone goes down. That's

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Speaker 3: why when men retire often they just take a huge

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Speaker 3: drop in their testosterone. And by the way, since we're

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Speaker 3: talking supplements, another good one that I used when I

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Speaker 3: was in my fifties. I don't need anything for testosterone now.

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Speaker 3: But the tone caught Ali tonekod Ali is very popular.

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Speaker 3: It's online, people can find it. It's a good one.

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Speaker 3: It helps with get the testosterone up. Another one for

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Speaker 3: the younger people listening masturbation, which has become very popular,

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Speaker 3: is a major suppressor of testosterone. Major and these are

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Speaker 3: things we really need to avoid. And practicing celibacy. You

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Speaker 3: know what am I supposed to do if I don't

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Speaker 3: have a partner? Practice being celibate. Being celibate is is

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Speaker 3: a discipline which allows you to produce huge amounts of testosterum.

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Speaker 3: Fasting is another major testosterum producer when you fast, because

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Speaker 3: it's a discipline. Even if it's a you know a

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Speaker 3: lot of people are doing the not eating for many

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Speaker 3: many hours, maybe in one meal a day or within

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Speaker 3: an eight hour period. Just even that will help boost

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Speaker 3: your testosterum besides help detoxify your body. But you know

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Speaker 3: I do three. I do thirty days. I mean, you

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Speaker 3: know I do. I'm a pretty extreme guy. Sometimes the

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Speaker 3: thirty days, sometimes a week sometimes, but I don't do

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Speaker 3: it that often. You know, I haven't done that thirty

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Speaker 3: day for a couple of years.

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