1 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:08,240 Speaker 1: Hey, this is bridget And and you're listening to stuff 2 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:21,799 Speaker 1: Mom never told you. Now, for today's episode, we have 3 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:24,720 Speaker 1: to have a trigger warning. It is about issues dealing 4 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: with sexual assault sexual harassment. So if that's something that 5 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,000 Speaker 1: is tough for you, just know that that is what 6 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 1: today's episode is about. Today we're going to be talking 7 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 1: about the viral campaign me Too. If you have Facebook 8 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,840 Speaker 1: or social media, you've probably seen people in your life 9 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:43,879 Speaker 1: posting me to. This viral campaign actually came as a 10 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: response to Harvey Weinstein, who was this very very powerful 11 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 1: Hollywood producer and filmmaker. These bombshell bombshell bombshell allegations that 12 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: came out that he has been sexually harassing and sexually 13 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 1: assaulting women in Hollywood for many, many years, and that 14 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 1: a culture of silence, a culture of looking the other way, 15 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,560 Speaker 1: a culture of fear, a culture of intimidation, really allowed 16 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:12,120 Speaker 1: for a sexual abuser to fester in this industry. And 17 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,039 Speaker 1: it took a lot of women standing up to have 18 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 1: anything be done about it and even have a national 19 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,399 Speaker 1: conversation about it. Despite the fact that it seems like 20 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,800 Speaker 1: it's been an open secret in Hollywood for quite a while, 21 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 1: it really does seem like a watershed moment in this conversation. 22 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:33,000 Speaker 1: I feel like the access Hollywood bus conversation by our 23 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:37,320 Speaker 1: commander in chief was the match that lit a lot 24 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,480 Speaker 1: of this fire across the United States, in particular around 25 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 1: the everyday, commonplace rape culture that we live in. And 26 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 1: now this sort of movement, this energy, this frustration is 27 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:56,040 Speaker 1: totally righteous. Anger is manifesting in this interestingly targeted way. 28 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: So I look back at that tape and I think, 29 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 1: how did this guy be our president? I don't know, 30 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:04,040 Speaker 1: I thought that was the end. Oh my god, I 31 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,080 Speaker 1: was so naive to think people cared. But I do 32 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,079 Speaker 1: think you're right. I think the fact, I think for 33 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:13,400 Speaker 1: a lot of women, fems, gender nonconforming folks, many of 34 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:16,079 Speaker 1: us have gone through sexual thought, sexual harassment. If you 35 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:18,160 Speaker 1: look at the numbers, it's a pretty common thing. And 36 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,359 Speaker 1: so I think you're right, and that going through the 37 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:25,800 Speaker 1: process of watching that tape, having Trump become president, that 38 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,639 Speaker 1: kind of lit this anger that had been bubbling under 39 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:30,919 Speaker 1: the surface for so long, where all of us are 40 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:36,240 Speaker 1: like no more, yeah, no more, like no more sexual 41 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 1: predators achieving success in this economy. There is no way 42 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 1: that I think this is where I always go back 43 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:46,519 Speaker 1: to like capitalism can be good, and I really want 44 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: to see people who are predators, who are criminal in 45 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:55,840 Speaker 1: their use of power, coercion, sexual assault, rape, that they 46 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 1: are not allowed to succeed. That should be a deal 47 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,920 Speaker 1: breaker in terms of getting a job, getting a promotion, 48 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 1: running companies, being successful, Like let's make that not possible anymore. 49 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: And even beyond that, for me, it's not just make 50 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 1: sure they're not successful. We shouldn't get them on a 51 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 1: stage and applaud that. Like that's what bugs me so 52 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,160 Speaker 1: much about things like that, you're Woody Allen's of the world. 53 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 1: Not only do I want to see them have massive, 54 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:21,799 Speaker 1: massive failures on a on a grand public scale. When 55 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,799 Speaker 1: I see them get trotted up on an Oscar stage 56 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 1: and like a standing ovation, that's the thing. They should 57 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 1: be shamed and voted off the island. What are we 58 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,679 Speaker 1: doing that we allow these abusers to not just get 59 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 1: financial and professional success, but then we uplift them like, oh, 60 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 1: they're so great? What are we doing? I just think 61 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: it's a weird distinction that people can somehow and it 62 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 1: kind of like problematic faiths and that you can hold 63 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 1: someone's body of work separate from the way that they 64 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 1: conduct themselves personally. But A we shouldn't be able to 65 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 1: look the other way when we're talking about sereal predators 66 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: who commit assault, sexual will assault, any assault, really and 67 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 1: be now we're talking about sexual assault at work, So 68 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: now this isn't just some dark secret sweep under the rug. 69 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: We're talking about people who are a threat to women 70 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,280 Speaker 1: in their offices, who are a threat to women and 71 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:18,600 Speaker 1: men in many cases by using their professional power as 72 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:22,800 Speaker 1: a vehicle for control in a sexual domain. Well, that's 73 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,080 Speaker 1: one of the things I think is would have glossed 74 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 1: over in the Harvey Weinstein situation is that because we're 75 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:32,000 Speaker 1: talking about famous A list actresses, it can seem like 76 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: this is this like this Hollywood thing. But at the 77 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 1: end of the day, these are women in the workplace, 78 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,599 Speaker 1: and that even though they're famous, they're on TV, they're 79 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 1: A lists or magazines, it is a sexual assault and 80 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,080 Speaker 1: harassment in the workplace situation. And I think that that 81 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 1: can get lost when you're talking about like glittery A listers, 82 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:51,160 Speaker 1: and we sometimes overestimate the power of glittery A listers 83 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:53,600 Speaker 1: as compared to the behind the scenes people who make 84 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 1: decisions about what rules they're going to get So, yeah, 85 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 1: you look at these beautiful, successful, flashy A listers and 86 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 1: you think they're so powerful, How could this happen to them? 87 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 1: Like surely people like when with Paltrow was wouldn't be 88 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,000 Speaker 1: happening to her. But you think about it, you know, 89 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 1: when it comes to acting, these people were a lot 90 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,599 Speaker 1: of times just sort of getting their start and just 91 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 1: kind of working up the ranks of Hollywood, and so 92 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: they actually maybe didn't have that much power. Also, it 93 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,640 Speaker 1: just goes to remind you that it doesn't matter how 94 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:19,839 Speaker 1: successful you are, You're still just a piece of ask 95 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 1: to somebody. And the most recent everyday assault that I experienced, 96 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 1: which I don't even want to go into details because 97 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:31,479 Speaker 1: I'm not into the me too kind of assault sharing 98 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 1: culture so much. We're going to talk about more, but 99 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:38,680 Speaker 1: it was just like an everyday stranger assaulting me, basically 100 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 1: groping me in public. M reminded me that like, yeah, 101 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:44,920 Speaker 1: I'm a boss, like I am, I own my own company. 102 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,160 Speaker 1: I feel on top of the world right now. I'm 103 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: like having a great day. I'm going through the world 104 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:53,080 Speaker 1: minding my own business, and I am still dehumanized by 105 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,600 Speaker 1: someone else. It does not matter how successful you are. 106 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,039 Speaker 1: That is what assault reminds you of, is that you 107 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: are nothing. It makes you feel like it doesn't matter 108 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: how much brilliance or gusto or power you feel like 109 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 1: you have, You're still just a piece of ast somebody. 110 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,479 Speaker 1: And I've horrified that that happened. But the framing that 111 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: you just gave, I think is so important because I 112 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 1: think as women, we are taught that it's good to 113 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 1: be a strong, badass woman. You know, no one's gonna 114 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,480 Speaker 1: mess with me, blah blah blah. But we are still susceptible, right. 115 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: People look at women who project as very strong, as 116 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 1: very assertive, the kind of woman who would you know, 117 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 1: punch you if you did something wrong, and those women 118 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:35,640 Speaker 1: are still being assault It's it really doesn't matter what 119 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,840 Speaker 1: kind of woman you are, what kind of person you are. 120 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 1: Sexual harassment and sexual thought happens to all of us, 121 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:45,160 Speaker 1: and it happens in so many industries beyond the entertainment 122 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 1: industry too, Although the entertainment industry is uniquely poised for 123 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:53,040 Speaker 1: this kind of thing because beauty and sexuality and sensuality 124 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:56,840 Speaker 1: are such a form of currency for actors, really being 125 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 1: given the nature of their work. But you've seen this 126 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,719 Speaker 1: first hand in the world of progressive politics. I have 127 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 1: seen this firsthand. Um. And so again, the thing that 128 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 1: really throws me about the situation that I experienced firsthand 129 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,120 Speaker 1: is that you would think that progressive politics, you know, 130 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:15,000 Speaker 1: these are male feminists, these are lefties, these are people 131 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 1: that you can really trust. That is definitely how I 132 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:22,480 Speaker 1: entered the world of progressive politics thinking. And I quickly 133 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 1: realized that that is not the case. And so a 134 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 1: few years ago I had this job at a consulting 135 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,960 Speaker 1: firm called It's Given Media here in d C. We 136 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,440 Speaker 1: also had offices in California and New York. We were 137 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 1: this bustling progressive firm. We worked with folks like UM, Ultra, Violet, Um, 138 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: we worked with folks like move On. Basically, it was 139 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,480 Speaker 1: a who's who of power players on the progressive left right, 140 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 1: so big lefty organizations and our firms founder, Trevork Fitzgibbon 141 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:53,560 Speaker 1: ended up shuttering the firm under many, many, many allegations 142 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 1: of systematic sexual harassment and assault by both coworkers and clients. 143 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,760 Speaker 1: And so how this played out for us is that 144 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:05,680 Speaker 1: we went to a retreat in Austin, Texas, we were 145 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,480 Speaker 1: a remote office, so we had people who worked from 146 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 1: home or from different cities. But this is one of 147 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: the first times we were all together physically in one 148 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:15,560 Speaker 1: in one room, and people started sharing stories and so 149 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 1: one person would be like, oh, well I got this 150 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 1: text or oh this happened to me, and before you 151 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,320 Speaker 1: know it, everyone has a story. And so it really 152 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 1: was one of those things that snowballed where we all 153 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:28,960 Speaker 1: came in thinking, oh, this is a one off thing 154 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 1: or this weird thing happened with me, and then realized, 155 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,679 Speaker 1: oh my god, this is a systematic thing. It's happening 156 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:38,080 Speaker 1: to multiple people, and really what you're talking about is 157 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 1: unwanted sexual advances from Fitz given the founding partner, and 158 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,719 Speaker 1: the people comparing notes and sharing stories were all the 159 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,439 Speaker 1: women in the office. Okay, so this is like, oh, 160 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: maybe he just invited me to his hotel late at 161 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 1: night because he was like having a weird night and maybe, 162 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,560 Speaker 1: you know, maybe it was just me something you can 163 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,680 Speaker 1: look past, and then you start to compare notes and realize, oh, 164 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 1: this is a thing like these advances, these unwanted assaults 165 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:08,240 Speaker 1: in some cases, um and granted these are accusations as 166 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 1: they currently stand right, but your office, like you've said 167 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:16,560 Speaker 1: in the past, gossip became a very powerful tool for 168 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:19,400 Speaker 1: understanding that you were not alone and experiencing this kind 169 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: of weirdness from your boss. Yeah, And I think what 170 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,960 Speaker 1: is so fascinating to me about the situation is the 171 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 1: way that none of us in that office were famous, right, Like, 172 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 1: none of us were Hollywood A listeners. But the way 173 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:33,200 Speaker 1: that the Weinstein case really mirrored what happened with my 174 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:37,320 Speaker 1: progressive firm, and so things like it just being an 175 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 1: invite that you're like, oh, well, that was unusual. So 176 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:40,960 Speaker 1: one of the things that a lot of the women 177 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: who made accusations against Harvey Weinstein pointed out is that 178 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 1: it often started with meeting for drinks or an invitation 179 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,680 Speaker 1: to go to a film screening one on one, that 180 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 1: kind of thing. And trever I fitz Given definitely did 181 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 1: that same kind of thing, where it's an invitation for 182 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 1: something that seems intimate, that gives you pause but doesn't 183 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,240 Speaker 1: necessarily strike you as this person is trying to sexually 184 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 1: assault me, right right, Well, in wine Stine's case, they 185 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,960 Speaker 1: would show up and that he would be like in 186 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,840 Speaker 1: a bathroom in a hotel room, so it eventually would 187 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 1: get to that way, so like Lupita and Nyango. Actually, 188 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,440 Speaker 1: right when wine Stine first came into her orbit, she 189 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,040 Speaker 1: was still a student, and it often, you know, early 190 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 1: on was dinner's invitations to see movies and how he 191 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 1: did these specific things to make her feel like it 192 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 1: was safe. So it would be like, oh, come to 193 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: this movie screening. You can bring a friend if you want, 194 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,839 Speaker 1: or an invitation to dinner, and when they get to dinner, 195 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,720 Speaker 1: there's a female assistant there, but then the assistant leaves, 196 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 1: and so it's done in a way where you know 197 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:38,319 Speaker 1: it seems off, but it's not necessarily at least to 198 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 1: start with over enough to be like this is bad. Okay, 199 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:44,560 Speaker 1: they just want to hate because A. I think that 200 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,600 Speaker 1: one on one meetings are critical for everyone's career success 201 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,400 Speaker 1: plan and simple B. I've been on many of these 202 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: kind of hangouts with your mentor and then you're like, oh, God, 203 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 1: is he going to hit on me? Have you ever 204 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 1: had a one on one where you where you bring 205 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 1: your resume and it's a date. Yeah, I remember distinctly 206 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,680 Speaker 1: knowing that I was in trouble when this guy who 207 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,080 Speaker 1: was a senior consultant on a campaign, and I was like, 208 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 1: the young intern on the campaign took me out to dinner. 209 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 1: I thought we were going to talk about work and 210 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 1: career stuff, and he made a point of showing me 211 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,680 Speaker 1: that it was a four bottle of wine that he 212 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,320 Speaker 1: just ordered for us to to have. And I was like, 213 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 1: I'm in trouble. I'm officially in trouble. This man now 214 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:25,800 Speaker 1: feels entitled to something in return for his return on 215 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 1: that investment. And I knew it then, and I predicted 216 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 1: the oncoming assaults that would follow in his car, you know, like, 217 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,559 Speaker 1: I don't want to tell people you can't have these meetings, right, 218 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 1: that's pensive strategy, right, like no closed door meetings without mother. 219 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:43,840 Speaker 1: They're you know, mother, Like, we can't not be able 220 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 1: to have these meetings. And yet this is the tactic 221 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:51,480 Speaker 1: that people who are trying to assault others use and 222 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 1: rely on our trust of people to not be evil. 223 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:56,920 Speaker 1: That's exactly what the case was in my situation working 224 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,679 Speaker 1: at the given and also with Harvey Weinstein, and so 225 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,000 Speaker 1: the ways in which predators use these things that we 226 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,599 Speaker 1: all understand as parts of having a job, you know, 227 00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:08,960 Speaker 1: one on one meetings, getting drinks things like that, using 228 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,719 Speaker 1: those things to prey on people who are vulnerable, and 229 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 1: that you're in a position of power over. One of 230 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 1: the things I found so fascinating about when a Paltrow 231 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:18,360 Speaker 1: story and that really really mirrored my own, is that 232 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,680 Speaker 1: when Harvey Weinstein made an advance on her, she talks 233 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 1: about how stunned she was. She says, I thought you 234 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 1: were my uncle, Harvey, she recalled thinking, explaining that she 235 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,440 Speaker 1: had seen him as a mentor. And for me, what 236 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:33,760 Speaker 1: struck me from that anecdote is this idea that predators 237 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:38,439 Speaker 1: they work by making you feel special or seen or chosen, right, 238 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,600 Speaker 1: Like when my boss suggested that we needed a hotel 239 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 1: room for a drink, part of me was like, I 240 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,000 Speaker 1: should just be happy that he sees me and that 241 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 1: he you know, I thought he wanted to do that 242 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:50,160 Speaker 1: because he thought I was successful or talented or whatever. 243 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:54,280 Speaker 1: Like it's a way of making you feel special and chosen, 244 00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:56,880 Speaker 1: and that that can be used later on to get 245 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,600 Speaker 1: you to do something you don't want to do. And 246 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:02,319 Speaker 1: did you ever meet up with him? Uh? Well, funny story, 247 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,480 Speaker 1: So how not funny? But I feel what you told 248 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 1: me this story for it. So what went down in 249 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 1: our case was that anyone who knew me at the 250 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,800 Speaker 1: time before I got hired at It's Given knew that 251 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:14,560 Speaker 1: I needed a job, right, Like I was a girl 252 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,400 Speaker 1: who was a miserable at her job, and like I 253 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:19,120 Speaker 1: was telling everybody, get me out of here, I'm so miserable. 254 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:22,280 Speaker 1: So he sent me a couple of Facebook dms, was like, Hey, 255 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 1: I'm in New York. Do you want to come get 256 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 1: a drink in my hotel? That kind of thing, And 257 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 1: at the time I was like, well, drinking a hotel, 258 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,800 Speaker 1: this is a little bit off. But then again, it's 259 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:33,200 Speaker 1: progressive politics. We're pretty we can be pretty casual. So 260 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 1: I ended up declining, but only because I lived in 261 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 1: Brooklyn and he was in Manhattan. And I was like, 262 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:43,240 Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not getting break for you. I'm not 263 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,520 Speaker 1: making a complicated subway to transfer her. So I was 264 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 1: like no thanks. So then later when I ended up 265 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,400 Speaker 1: getting my job at It's Given around Thanksgiving, I lived 266 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,560 Speaker 1: in Richmond and he actually lived in Richmond too, and 267 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,439 Speaker 1: so he invited me. He was like, oh, we should 268 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,960 Speaker 1: get a drink while we're both in Richmond, and I 269 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: was like, cool, Yeah, I have showing up with my 270 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 1: friend and my brother and so I'm sure he was like, 271 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:09,760 Speaker 1: well for it. Yeah, I mean I happened to be. 272 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: I mean, this was all this happenstance. I certainly were 273 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:15,360 Speaker 1: looking back, I wish I had the foresight too. But 274 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:18,240 Speaker 1: at the time, didn't he like rage quit that drink too? Yeah, 275 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:21,720 Speaker 1: he basically was like, well, by, yeah, I'll pay for 276 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,320 Speaker 1: the next round by. But yeah, I mean part of me, 277 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:28,560 Speaker 1: looking back, it seems so obvious, But I think that 278 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,720 Speaker 1: is what this is about. Right, Like, when you're when 279 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,600 Speaker 1: it's happening, you tell yourself, oh, like this is fine, 280 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 1: or maybe this is a little unusual, but maybe he's 281 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,680 Speaker 1: just idiosyncratic, right, You've got, I mean, the benefit of 282 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,160 Speaker 1: the doubt. I'm not opposed to it, you know what 283 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,720 Speaker 1: I mean, because I have benefited greatly from male mentors 284 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,480 Speaker 1: in my life, and I always tell women, if we 285 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 1: are only mentoring other women, or if women are only 286 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:55,080 Speaker 1: being mentored by other women, we're going to perpetuate gender 287 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 1: wage gaps and gender based discrimination. That's not good for us. Right, 288 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:03,080 Speaker 1: Diversity and mentoring people who don't exactly resemble your entire 289 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:07,520 Speaker 1: life's experience is important, and so people like Harvey Weinstein 290 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:12,880 Speaker 1: and Trevor Fitzgiven give these decent men such a bad name, 291 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 1: and I hope it doesn't prevent us from meeting up 292 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 1: for drinks with people who are powerful and can actually 293 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,480 Speaker 1: have influence over our careers. But it's a shame because 294 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,640 Speaker 1: there are predators out there too. It's like, what the 295 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 1: hell are you supposed to do? So it's almost like 296 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,240 Speaker 1: a double edged sword where you don't want to feel 297 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,920 Speaker 1: like you're going to miss out on some sort of 298 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,120 Speaker 1: career opportunity that you should be able to have access to, 299 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 1: but because you're a woman, you feel this extra added 300 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:41,200 Speaker 1: layer of concern about it because men are creepy, right, 301 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,600 Speaker 1: And that's why we need all the non creepy men 302 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:48,440 Speaker 1: out there and women to actually call this stuff out right, 303 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 1: because it's the silence. It's the culture of complicity that 304 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:57,000 Speaker 1: keeps predators like fits Given and Weinstein rising to the 305 00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:01,200 Speaker 1: top like it allows them to remain powerful and influential 306 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 1: in a world that they should not be able to be. 307 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,080 Speaker 1: So really, a notable thing I think that you see 308 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 1: in situations both with things like Bill Cosby and with 309 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 1: Weinstein is that you have this culture where a team 310 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:16,280 Speaker 1: of assistants and drivers and handlers and pr people all 311 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,760 Speaker 1: know the drill, and they all function to allow this 312 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 1: predator to operate. And so it's assistance showing up for 313 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,800 Speaker 1: drinks and then knowing that they're supposed to leave after 314 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 1: a certain amount of time, leave, you know, a woman 315 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:31,320 Speaker 1: alone with him, or it's drivers who are looking the 316 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,280 Speaker 1: other way while there's a woman drugged in his back 317 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,200 Speaker 1: seat while he's driving her home. It's things like this. 318 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 1: It's a culture where everyone knows their role and it's 319 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 1: a machine that allows this predator to continue doing what 320 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:45,440 Speaker 1: they do without really facing a lot of consequences. And 321 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 1: the other component that's common amongst so many of these 322 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 1: stories is these powerful influential people have not only this 323 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:56,040 Speaker 1: whole team of folks who are complicit in looking the 324 00:16:56,040 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 1: other way, but they also use retaliation as a powerful 325 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,879 Speaker 1: follow up to their assaults. So, whether it's you know, 326 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:09,159 Speaker 1: threatening to blacklist celebrity is like Weinstein did, or if 327 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:13,960 Speaker 1: it's planting things in the sort of industry gossip papers 328 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:18,119 Speaker 1: about those who dare to speak out, Victims are made 329 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:21,720 Speaker 1: well aware that the risks of speaking out and reporting 330 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:25,120 Speaker 1: someone who's as beloved and famous as some of these 331 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 1: criminals are can come with huge risks, and I think 332 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 1: that's what keeps so many women silent, including the women 333 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 1: if it's given right, definitely, I mean, certainly, worrying about 334 00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:39,040 Speaker 1: retaliation was a big part of what happened that it's given. 335 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:42,159 Speaker 1: Something I found very interesting about the Weinstein case is 336 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,480 Speaker 1: that in Lupita's piece of Many York Times, she wrote 337 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,879 Speaker 1: that after she rebuffed his advances time and time and 338 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,680 Speaker 1: time again, that there was one incident at a dinner 339 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 1: where he said, let's cut to the chase. I think 340 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,240 Speaker 1: we should finish our meal upstairs, and she was like no, 341 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:58,720 Speaker 1: and that after she left, she was like, I felt 342 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,920 Speaker 1: like I needed to make sure that that everything was good. 343 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,480 Speaker 1: So I said, Harvey, are we good? And he said, 344 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,920 Speaker 1: I don't know about your career, but you'll be fine, 345 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,199 Speaker 1: and that she didn't know if that was a threat 346 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:12,400 Speaker 1: or not. And what I don't I don't know about 347 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:16,960 Speaker 1: your career, but you'll be fine, and how I mean? 348 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,479 Speaker 1: And she this happened when she was still a drama 349 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,120 Speaker 1: student at Yale, so she wasn't even surprised me at all, 350 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 1: but like, what an inelegant threat? Like how obvious are 351 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,960 Speaker 1: you going to be about this kind of thing? That 352 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,320 Speaker 1: that kind of coercion is not even something you're ashamed 353 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:33,919 Speaker 1: to be that explicit about. Well, according to this New 354 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,120 Speaker 1: Yorker piece by Rogan Faro, which if you have not read, 355 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:40,200 Speaker 1: is like a bombshell must read piece, Harvey Weinstein actually 356 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,600 Speaker 1: had a thing about bragging about getting dirt put in 357 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:47,680 Speaker 1: gossip magazines and dissuading of studios from using certain actresses. 358 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:51,040 Speaker 1: Like he talked about how he had this power over 359 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:53,720 Speaker 1: Hollywood to make things happen for people or not make 360 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 1: things happen for people. And so I think the reason 361 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,199 Speaker 1: why he was so inelegant is because he's not ashamed 362 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,479 Speaker 1: of it. I'm like being triggered right now because this 363 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,720 Speaker 1: feels so much like politics. It is that I think, 364 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,359 Speaker 1: so what campaign life is like. And I think what 365 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,920 Speaker 1: you said is so important because it's important to even though, 366 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:13,159 Speaker 1: just like you were saying earlier, in Hollywood, sex appeal 367 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,440 Speaker 1: and all of that can be a kind of currency. 368 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,879 Speaker 1: It's not just Hollywood. It's in so many industries. It's politics, 369 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,200 Speaker 1: it's medicine, it's law. It's still kind of valid. Yeah, 370 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,280 Speaker 1: if you if you listen to our Silicon Valley episode 371 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: Women Being Afraid to Speak up because of retaliation was 372 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:30,680 Speaker 1: a hallmark of the abuse and harassment that those women based. Yeah, 373 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,919 Speaker 1: and I feel like this is causing me to like 374 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:36,440 Speaker 1: just go back in my brain and go back in time, 375 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 1: like just thinking about all the men who I've come 376 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,880 Speaker 1: across who have used their power and influence to get 377 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,240 Speaker 1: what they want sexually, to get what they want out 378 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:46,680 Speaker 1: of the people that they work with, and who have 379 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:51,639 Speaker 1: been so unafraid to use that power and influence in 380 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 1: a retaliatory manner. It's just it really is like blows 381 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 1: your mind how every day and how relatable it is. 382 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,080 Speaker 1: And I think that's why the whole Meat Too You 383 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: campaign were so compelling, because it made you do that. 384 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,919 Speaker 1: It made you go back through every job you've ever had, 385 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:10,480 Speaker 1: every off incident you've ever had, every assault you've ever experienced, 386 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,520 Speaker 1: and be like, this is the experience of being a 387 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 1: woman in this country. So we're gonna talk a lot 388 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,440 Speaker 1: more about the me to campaign and how it got 389 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:27,280 Speaker 1: started after this quick break and we're back. We were 390 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,960 Speaker 1: just getting very very angry thinking about some of the 391 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,199 Speaker 1: really inappropriate things that I think a lot of us 392 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 1: have dealt with and sort of why it's now kind 393 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,719 Speaker 1: of a watershed moment under the me to campaign. If 394 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,960 Speaker 1: it seemed like everybody on your social media feed was 395 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,840 Speaker 1: saying me too, that's probably because they were, uh. And 396 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,000 Speaker 1: that's probably because sexual harassment in the workplace is so common. 397 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,880 Speaker 1: One in three women report being harassed in the workplace, 398 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:52,720 Speaker 1: and one of four say they witnessed a coworker being harassed. 399 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,960 Speaker 1: And this is data from a twenties seventeen pole that 400 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,840 Speaker 1: you Gov did where they surveyed almost five thousand people. 401 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 1: And I think that these numbers really show this is 402 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,959 Speaker 1: an issue that most of us are dealing with. Right 403 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 1: It's very very common. Either you've dealt with that, someone 404 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,160 Speaker 1: you know is doubt what that your friend, your family, whoever. 405 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,840 Speaker 1: I think it's just this groundswell of voices being like, nope, 406 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:18,040 Speaker 1: if you're if you didn't know this was happening, where 407 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,600 Speaker 1: have you been? And I think I've heard from the 408 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,960 Speaker 1: men in my life that that was even more opening 409 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,719 Speaker 1: for them to see all of this me too. For me, 410 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,720 Speaker 1: it was like obviously, obviously me too. I think when 411 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:34,119 Speaker 1: Elissa Milano after the one Steam story broke, she called 412 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,920 Speaker 1: on people on Twitter to use that hashtag me too 413 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,960 Speaker 1: if they had experienced assault or harassment in the workplace, 414 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 1: and according to Intercept, the hashtag me too has been 415 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:47,200 Speaker 1: tweeted well over a million times in five different countries. Basically, 416 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,159 Speaker 1: Milano was saying, maybe if people knew how common this 417 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 1: experience was, we'd care a little bit more about it. 418 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 1: And that was certainly the experience that I felt. But 419 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:02,720 Speaker 1: I also saw when everyone was using the hashtag. I 420 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 1: had this really weird mix of emotions I was experiencing 421 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: sort of like obviously, duh, Like if you aren't aware 422 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,160 Speaker 1: that this is a widespread issue, where have you been, 423 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 1: but also exhaustion at the need for us to again 424 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:22,080 Speaker 1: be sort of trotting out our war stories are wounds 425 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 1: to be like, look, tell me I'm valid, Tell me 426 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:28,080 Speaker 1: this is a valid issue. And I don't know, I 427 00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:33,000 Speaker 1: just I felt very conflicted over the popularity of the hashtag, which, 428 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,320 Speaker 1: by the way, was initially a movement started by a 429 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:39,639 Speaker 1: black activist to Rona Burke, who back in two thousand 430 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:43,880 Speaker 1: six on my Space actually started this me too campaign 431 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,240 Speaker 1: as a grassroots movement to aid sexual assault survivors in 432 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:52,480 Speaker 1: underprivileged communities, where quote, according to Ebany, rape crisis centers 433 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,680 Speaker 1: and sexual assault workers weren't even going So one thing 434 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:57,760 Speaker 1: to note that when she started this campaign, she wasn't 435 00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,720 Speaker 1: thinking that it would be a viral campaign or a 436 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,200 Speaker 1: has tag that was short lived. Here today, gone tomorrow. 437 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,680 Speaker 1: But she says that she's really really happy to see 438 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,360 Speaker 1: what's happening now. She says, what's happening now is powerful, 439 00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,440 Speaker 1: and I salute it and the women who have disclosed. 440 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,600 Speaker 1: But the power of using me too has always been 441 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,639 Speaker 1: and the fact that it can be a conversation starter 442 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 1: or a whole conversation. But it was us talking to us, 443 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,160 Speaker 1: and so she really started this as a black woman 444 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,439 Speaker 1: talking to other underprivileged communities. But then she writes on 445 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,679 Speaker 1: her website that she felt the need to take this 446 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:28,480 Speaker 1: conversation further. And so while she started it for underprivileged 447 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,720 Speaker 1: communities of color because that's who she worked with, she 448 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 1: realized just how prevalent this was and wanted to take 449 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: that conversation on a more broader level. I wonder if 450 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,199 Speaker 1: we're losing something in mainstreaming it, you know what I mean. 451 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,320 Speaker 1: I wonder if we also need to bring a more 452 00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:45,959 Speaker 1: specific lens to the conversation around women of color. And 453 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:49,040 Speaker 1: you know, we know that certain women get assaulted little 454 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 1: lot more than other women totally. And I think, you know, 455 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,399 Speaker 1: we talked about this in our episode for HBC U 456 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 1: s H Black women are much less likely to report 457 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 1: sexual assault and sex crimes. M I think the conversation 458 00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:04,239 Speaker 1: is great, but I'm mindful of who it leaves out, right, 459 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,760 Speaker 1: So I think right now the conversation seems to be 460 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 1: very focused on like white powerful a list women. Actually, 461 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:12,840 Speaker 1: it was Jane Fonda who made this point in MSNBC 462 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,560 Speaker 1: that so she says it's too bad that it's probably 463 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,280 Speaker 1: because so many of the women that were assaulted by 464 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,960 Speaker 1: Harvey Weinstein are famous and white and everybody knows them. 465 00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:21,800 Speaker 1: This has been going on for a long time to 466 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,000 Speaker 1: black women and other women of color, and it doesn't 467 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,719 Speaker 1: get out quite the same. And so I think that 468 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,480 Speaker 1: she's right in that it is an issue for other communities, 469 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,760 Speaker 1: but that perhaps the main streaming of the me too 470 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,119 Speaker 1: campaign kind of leave some of those communities out. I 471 00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:39,520 Speaker 1: also think that we don't we're not talking about gender 472 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,639 Speaker 1: nonconforming folks. Trans women get you know, as we know, 473 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 1: trans folks are much more likely to be assaulted than 474 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 1: the general public. Um. I was so proud to see 475 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,399 Speaker 1: Sarah mc bride, who is the National Press Secretary for 476 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,119 Speaker 1: the Human Rights Campaign and was actually the first trans 477 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,760 Speaker 1: person to speak at the Democratic National Convention, So shout 478 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,160 Speaker 1: out to Sarah. Um So. She wrote a whole piece 479 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:02,040 Speaker 1: for Buzzbeat about how when you're trans, sexual assault and 480 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 1: sexual harassment has this added layer because we are told 481 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 1: as a society that transpolkes are gross disgusting and that 482 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:13,119 Speaker 1: no one could ever possibly want to assault them, and 483 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:17,440 Speaker 1: that the narrative around transpolkes is this completely ridiculous stereotype 484 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,720 Speaker 1: of a trans person waiting to assault somebody in a bathroom, 485 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 1: which we know is not actually happening. Um So, she writes, 486 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,440 Speaker 1: I stayed silent because they knew that. While many survivors 487 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,959 Speaker 1: are met with disbelief and doubt when they show their stories, 488 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,960 Speaker 1: trans survivors often also face a different kind of disbelief, 489 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,639 Speaker 1: one rooted in the perception that trans people are quote 490 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:37,199 Speaker 1: too disgusting to be assaulted. Alleged rapists and sexual harassers 491 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:39,520 Speaker 1: will sometimes insist that they couldn't possibly have done what 492 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,960 Speaker 1: they've been accused of because the person accusing them is 493 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,919 Speaker 1: too unattractive to merit being assaulted. We've even heard that 494 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:48,280 Speaker 1: defense from our sitting president exactly are sitting president has 495 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 1: said that it makes me want to scream. It boils 496 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,680 Speaker 1: my blood. And there's a part of the me to 497 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:59,560 Speaker 1: campaign that I think was most effective in its mass 498 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:04,440 Speaker 1: con some shin, which is it got us all enraged 499 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:09,159 Speaker 1: again because of the sheer volume. So whereas we've lost 500 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:11,960 Speaker 1: some things in the mainstreaming that we need to reclaim, 501 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 1: like a special focus on the experience, the intersectional experience 502 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:18,400 Speaker 1: of being a trans woman, of being a woman of color, 503 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,240 Speaker 1: and how it's not all the same for every woman, 504 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 1: we've also gained something in the mass participation, which is 505 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: a I think brought our awareness of how commonplace this is. 506 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:32,640 Speaker 1: But be I got enraged all over again and depressed, 507 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:37,440 Speaker 1: quite frankly just seeing the onslaught you know what I mean. 508 00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 1: It just felt like too much. It felt like I'm 509 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:41,520 Speaker 1: just I want to I want to find who all 510 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,200 Speaker 1: these people are in punched in the face. I'm angry. 511 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,240 Speaker 1: I think you're exactly right, and I think you actually 512 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:50,080 Speaker 1: did see some people saying Hey, if it takes millions 513 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,399 Speaker 1: and millions and millions of women saying me too for 514 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,680 Speaker 1: you to realize this is a problem. What the hell, right, 515 00:26:56,040 --> 00:27:00,640 Speaker 1: Why should we as survivors of sexual trauma, sexual crime, 516 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,440 Speaker 1: sexual abuse, sexual assault? Why should it be on us 517 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,640 Speaker 1: to split open our traumas for the world to see 518 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:08,720 Speaker 1: to get somebody to care? Right? This is that the 519 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,639 Speaker 1: first time that we've had a viral campaign about sexual 520 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,560 Speaker 1: assaus around women, like hashtag yes all women. We've done 521 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,360 Speaker 1: this before, we begged her before, and so I think 522 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:19,640 Speaker 1: one of the criticisms I see, and I think it's 523 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 1: frankly valid, is that if you're the kind of person 524 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:27,479 Speaker 1: who needs to see this amount of trauma, this amount 525 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 1: of labor on the path of survivors, to do something 526 00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:34,119 Speaker 1: and see it's a problem, like what is going on exactly? 527 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,639 Speaker 1: Bridget And I think it's important to acknowledge that for 528 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,399 Speaker 1: every case involving sexual assault or harassment at work, there's 529 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,640 Speaker 1: typically more than one party involved. So for every one 530 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:47,679 Speaker 1: of those hashtag me too tweets, you know, where was 531 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,879 Speaker 1: the other player? Where was the other person in that equation? 532 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,840 Speaker 1: And that's the spotlight that our pal Liz playing friend 533 00:27:54,840 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 1: of the show, um, she really shed light on a 534 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,359 Speaker 1: different take, which was this hashtag him though, Like what 535 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,520 Speaker 1: about him? Though? What are we going to talk about him, though, 536 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:10,760 Speaker 1: and really pointing the microphone in a different direction of saying, Okay, 537 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,679 Speaker 1: we've heard from plenty of survivors. When are we going 538 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,359 Speaker 1: to hear from men? What are we going to hear 539 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 1: from men on this? Yeah? And I think I'm a 540 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,359 Speaker 1: big fan of not just having the onus being on 541 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:25,160 Speaker 1: survivors to do the heavy lifting and unpacking and all 542 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,720 Speaker 1: of that. But yeah, I almost felt a little bit 543 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:31,560 Speaker 1: exasperated seeing so many men saying I believe you, I 544 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,080 Speaker 1: believe you, I believe you. First of all, I don't 545 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,040 Speaker 1: think we're doing this to have men believe us, right, 546 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:39,959 Speaker 1: I don't get frankly, I like, I like what you 547 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:43,440 Speaker 1: were about it. I'm like, we're not doing this because 548 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:45,240 Speaker 1: we want you to believe us. We're doing it because 549 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:46,800 Speaker 1: we want you to do something about it, right. And 550 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,240 Speaker 1: so I got a little bit irritated watching so many 551 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,080 Speaker 1: of my male coworkers and colleagues and friends sort of 552 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,000 Speaker 1: virtue signaling by being like, I believe you, I believe you, 553 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,200 Speaker 1: I believe you, but then having an end there. And 554 00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,000 Speaker 1: so I'm not someone who is into just giving validation 555 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:03,400 Speaker 1: shin for a man saying I believe you. I want 556 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,360 Speaker 1: you to go further. Make a plan for what you're 557 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,440 Speaker 1: gonna do when you see your homeboy do something out 558 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 1: of line. Make a plan for what you're gonna do 559 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,160 Speaker 1: when you see sexual harassment in your workplace, even if 560 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,320 Speaker 1: you're an underling, make a plan for it. To tell 561 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:19,120 Speaker 1: me what you are going to do to help unpack this. 562 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:21,600 Speaker 1: Don't just pat yourself on the back and be like 563 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,440 Speaker 1: heny women, I believe you, do something about it. That's 564 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:27,520 Speaker 1: what I found some interesting about that other hashtag that 565 00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,880 Speaker 1: popped off from this I did that where the men 566 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,280 Speaker 1: actually saying, you know what, it turns out that in 567 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 1: college I actually did make a girl feel uncomfortable, or 568 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,160 Speaker 1: it turns out that I was I did have more 569 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,520 Speaker 1: power over a woman and I use that to get 570 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:42,600 Speaker 1: her to go on a date with me. Or it 571 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,560 Speaker 1: turns out that I did exaggerate my status or my 572 00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,640 Speaker 1: ability to make something happen for a woman because I 573 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,479 Speaker 1: wanted to impress her. And that was kind of gross. 574 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,640 Speaker 1: Like it's so easy to pat yourself on the back 575 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 1: and say I'm such a great male feminist, I believe you, 576 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,360 Speaker 1: blah blah blah. It's harder to be like, here are 577 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:01,560 Speaker 1: the specific ways that I have contributed to a toxic 578 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:06,280 Speaker 1: culture wherein sexual harassment and sexual assault is commonplace, and 579 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,880 Speaker 1: I think it's on us. Has done a really good 580 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,240 Speaker 1: job of having that conversation with young men about not 581 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:17,080 Speaker 1: only understanding consent, but understanding the responsibility of intervention when 582 00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:21,440 Speaker 1: you see something happening that is not okay and not consensual. 583 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,560 Speaker 1: I think we need to have those conversations among grown 584 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:28,920 Speaker 1: ups in the workplace and making sure assistance are not okay, 585 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:31,640 Speaker 1: with being the honey pot to set up a meeting 586 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,600 Speaker 1: like that, and making sure drivers are gonna speak out, 587 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:38,480 Speaker 1: because I think power and coercion in the professional domain 588 00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:42,200 Speaker 1: is so much more tangible because your salaries on the line, 589 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,360 Speaker 1: that that sense of power and the risk you face 590 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,800 Speaker 1: for speaking out is so real. That there are these 591 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,720 Speaker 1: systemic ways in which we are failing people. Sure we 592 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,360 Speaker 1: might be able to curb it on the college campus 593 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:56,840 Speaker 1: level with Joe Biden giving a hell of a speech 594 00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:01,280 Speaker 1: about maybe having sex with an unconscious woman isn't central, dudes, Like, 595 00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,600 Speaker 1: maybe we should all intervene when we see something like 596 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:07,440 Speaker 1: that happening. No, which is sort of every every sort 597 00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:10,080 Speaker 1: of emotion that I've come out of these two campaign 598 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:13,680 Speaker 1: it all comes back to know, um, but you know, 599 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,920 Speaker 1: seeing the men in my life on my news feed 600 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:18,920 Speaker 1: who said I've just like the women, just like I 601 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,600 Speaker 1: was saying to you off air that this has caused 602 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,560 Speaker 1: me to go back and review every pseudo sexual encounter 603 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 1: that's ever happened to me in the professional domain or 604 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:31,240 Speaker 1: in college or whatever, and sort of examine was that okay? 605 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,000 Speaker 1: I think there are a lot of men out there 606 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:34,680 Speaker 1: who are doing the same, and if there aren't, they 607 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:36,840 Speaker 1: should be. And whether or not you're going to tweet 608 00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:40,360 Speaker 1: about it, maybe just ask yourself was that okay? And 609 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 1: if not, how am I going to do something better? 610 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 1: How am I gonna be better? In Michelle Obama's way? 611 00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:47,440 Speaker 1: That's yeah, That's the thing. Something that I was really 612 00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:50,320 Speaker 1: struck by in watching this campaign take over my personal 613 00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:53,520 Speaker 1: feed was people saying things like, oh, I had a 614 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:56,200 Speaker 1: me too status earlier about being sexually harassed and the 615 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,080 Speaker 1: guy who was actually harassed me liked it. And I 616 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:04,160 Speaker 1: was like, ball, yeah, just like brain exion, how do 617 00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,000 Speaker 1: you make I sudn't even I was like, I can't 618 00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,000 Speaker 1: even make sense of this are the problem is so 619 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:13,520 Speaker 1: bad and the bad actors here are so I don't 620 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,120 Speaker 1: even know what I'm saying, like egocentric. I think it's 621 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,520 Speaker 1: about them, It's it's we're in such a place when 622 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,040 Speaker 1: it comes to the conversation around sexual harassment assault that 623 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:25,760 Speaker 1: the people who are often the perpetrators are not even 624 00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 1: seeing themselves in that light. Somebody tweeted at us actually 625 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:33,160 Speaker 1: just the other day um and brought this text message 626 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:36,600 Speaker 1: exchange to light for us between a sexual assault survivor 627 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,280 Speaker 1: who had used the status on her Facebook wall to 628 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,560 Speaker 1: say me too, and the person who she was talking about, 629 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,440 Speaker 1: texting her saying, Hey, I'm just I wanted to let 630 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,400 Speaker 1: you know I'm here if you want to talk about this, 631 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:50,040 Speaker 1: and she was like, you're the last person I want 632 00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:52,400 Speaker 1: to talk to. And he was like, you know, I 633 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,720 Speaker 1: told you that I feel bad about what happened between us. 634 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:59,360 Speaker 1: There was no malicious intent, and you know it's not 635 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 1: fair that we've both keep carrying around the psychological baggage 636 00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:07,720 Speaker 1: kidding me. He was like, you know, we should talk 637 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:10,120 Speaker 1: about this and get it off our chest. And she's like, this, 638 00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 1: this is not for you to get any sense of 639 00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:15,240 Speaker 1: relief from and that's not what I'm here for. Yeah, 640 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 1: that's that's the thing. It's like people who are survivors 641 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:22,080 Speaker 1: are not doing this to make the people who have 642 00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:26,520 Speaker 1: implemented trauma on others feel better. I mean, that's that's 643 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,280 Speaker 1: the frustration of this campaign too. It's I think it's 644 00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:31,800 Speaker 1: more enraging than empowering for me, and I think there's 645 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,920 Speaker 1: something worth looking into, and that like why I didn't 646 00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:37,800 Speaker 1: feel better when I posted no me too on my 647 00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:42,520 Speaker 1: Facebook status. I felt frustrated. I felt like it was 648 00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:46,880 Speaker 1: not super empowering, but it was something I felt compelled 649 00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,440 Speaker 1: to not stay silent about. I'm not here to like 650 00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:53,800 Speaker 1: glorify assault or like share my wounds. I feel like 651 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:58,440 Speaker 1: there's something very perverse about this performance of I want 652 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:00,640 Speaker 1: you to know the details of every person who's ever 653 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:04,840 Speaker 1: crossed those boundaries with me. That's voyeuristic. You know at 654 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,880 Speaker 1: its core that I'm going to share those details with 655 00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:10,200 Speaker 1: the people who I have intimate relationships in my life 656 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:14,319 Speaker 1: as I feel they weren't sharing and no further you 657 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,160 Speaker 1: know what I mean. So there's something weird about how 658 00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:18,879 Speaker 1: I how I left this campaign feeling, I don't think 659 00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,279 Speaker 1: you're alone at all. And actually, um, someone wrote into 660 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,360 Speaker 1: one of my favorite advice columns Slates Dear Prudence, and 661 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:27,479 Speaker 1: they wrote in feeling angry and triggered and just really 662 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:29,600 Speaker 1: upset by the whole meat to campaigns. So she writes 663 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,799 Speaker 1: about how this campaign was feeling really triggering for her 664 00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,439 Speaker 1: as a rape survivor. Her boss posted on Facebook about 665 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:36,600 Speaker 1: how quote proud he was of all the women sharing 666 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,600 Speaker 1: their stories, and she writes, at the same time, I 667 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,120 Speaker 1: want to respond. I want to tell people that survivors 668 00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:44,360 Speaker 1: don't owe them their stories. I don't want people to 669 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,560 Speaker 1: come away from this display of mutual pain and think 670 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,280 Speaker 1: that by posting a hashtag they've done enough. I'm feeling 671 00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:51,040 Speaker 1: really grossed out by all the men who seems to 672 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,200 Speaker 1: have never realized this was a thing until now. I 673 00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,239 Speaker 1: understand how people will want to pose, but it makes 674 00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,759 Speaker 1: me furious. I just feel like everything I've gone through 675 00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:59,879 Speaker 1: has been reduced down to hashtag so I can tran 676 00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:03,240 Speaker 1: done social media, and so I think You're not alone 677 00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:07,439 Speaker 1: and feeling like this is this weird, heavy burden where 678 00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,880 Speaker 1: you're supposed to slit open your wounds for the world 679 00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,200 Speaker 1: to see. Not everybody feels like that's going to be 680 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,640 Speaker 1: an empowering or helpful thing. In their life, and I 681 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,839 Speaker 1: think that should be respected exactly, not to mention how 682 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:21,680 Speaker 1: triggering this could be, having multiple people talking about their 683 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,120 Speaker 1: trauma and their pain, how triggering this could be for 684 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:25,960 Speaker 1: someone who is dealing with this that kind of thing. 685 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:27,640 Speaker 1: I mean, I know that the day that we were 686 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,759 Speaker 1: talking about Weinstein all day on a loop, I had 687 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:32,960 Speaker 1: to I had to leave early because I was just like, 688 00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:35,800 Speaker 1: I can't stop thinking about this, and it's all I 689 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,960 Speaker 1: can think about. I think we should take a break 690 00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:42,040 Speaker 1: because I'm getting enraged and pressed all over again, first 691 00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:44,600 Speaker 1: of all, but second of all, the good news is 692 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:48,200 Speaker 1: that there are things we can do about this right 693 00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,480 Speaker 1: that there are good people who are taking action on 694 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,880 Speaker 1: these issues that we can join forces with. And the 695 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:56,600 Speaker 1: hashtag was just the start of the conversation. The hashtag 696 00:35:56,640 --> 00:36:00,120 Speaker 1: is by no means the end of activist momentum on this. 697 00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:04,840 Speaker 1: It's just the beginning. And as a Woody Allen I believe, 698 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:08,080 Speaker 1: came to the defense of Weinstein saying, I hope this 699 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:11,759 Speaker 1: doesn't trigger a witch hunt. That is exactly what I'm 700 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,760 Speaker 1: hoping for. Let's talk more about that after a quick break, 701 00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:27,280 Speaker 1: and we're back. We were just getting very righteously angry 702 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:30,759 Speaker 1: about the state of sexual assault and sexual harassment that 703 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,640 Speaker 1: we're dealing with here in this country, which is appalling. UM, 704 00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,600 Speaker 1: We've been talking a lot about Hollywood and media, but 705 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:39,040 Speaker 1: it's important to point out that in no way is 706 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:42,920 Speaker 1: sexual assault and sexual harassment just regulated to those fields. 707 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:45,680 Speaker 1: And so I've actually been really really interested to see 708 00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:49,480 Speaker 1: how this Weinstein case has seemingly opened the doors to 709 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:53,720 Speaker 1: other industries having people be called out with their toxic behavior. 710 00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,200 Speaker 1: And so earlier this week we saw Mark Helpriate at 711 00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:58,840 Speaker 1: NBC have a handful of accusations from women that you 712 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,680 Speaker 1: worked with at NBC and ABC. UM, just to be 713 00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:05,040 Speaker 1: on the record that he masturbated in front of an 714 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:08,839 Speaker 1: ABC News employee in his office and then violently threw 715 00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:12,920 Speaker 1: another woman against a restaurant window before attempting to kiss her. 716 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:16,120 Speaker 1: So I just want to make sure like people know 717 00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:19,200 Speaker 1: that if those are the kinds of behaviors you hope 718 00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:22,360 Speaker 1: won't cause you to be the center of a witch hunt, 719 00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:27,080 Speaker 1: think again, because I am excited and motivated for this 720 00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,520 Speaker 1: witch hunt because this is the kind of bs that 721 00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,800 Speaker 1: we need to call out and people like that should 722 00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:33,680 Speaker 1: not be able to get away with that. As Linda 723 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:37,440 Speaker 1: West wrote in The New York Times hunt and we're 724 00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:42,480 Speaker 1: hunting you. It's it's like, oh, I just masturbated in 725 00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:44,200 Speaker 1: front of my work. I masturbated in front of a 726 00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:45,680 Speaker 1: co worker and throw her up against the wall and 727 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:53,320 Speaker 1: try to kiss her, and not such emotional women are overreacting. 728 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,839 Speaker 1: Oh my god. M Also, if you listen to our 729 00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,880 Speaker 1: Silicon Valley episode, you know that sexual harassment for IT 730 00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:02,600 Speaker 1: tech employees is a is a real problem, and so 731 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:05,520 Speaker 1: earlier this week we saw blogger and former Microsoft Tech 732 00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:10,000 Speaker 1: evangelist Robert Scobel get some pretty intense allegations from women 733 00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:12,799 Speaker 1: saying that he grouped them, that he would attack them, 734 00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:16,759 Speaker 1: and he ended up sort of blaming alcoholism for those 735 00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:21,240 Speaker 1: for that behavior. That's sad, real, but also not an excuse. 736 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:25,040 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't alcoholism and addiction issues cause a 737 00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:27,399 Speaker 1: whole host of things and people's lives. But I think 738 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:29,120 Speaker 1: he can be both like, oh, he has a serious 739 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:32,080 Speaker 1: mental health problem. He needs help, and you're gonna have 740 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:36,280 Speaker 1: to actually like be responsible for your own actions anyway, exactly. Actually, 741 00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:41,120 Speaker 1: just yesterday, Kevin spacey Um, he came out that he 742 00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:45,040 Speaker 1: had made advances to an actor who was just fourteen 743 00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:47,640 Speaker 1: at the time, and you know, people have been there's 744 00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:49,640 Speaker 1: been rumors about him for the longest time that he's 745 00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:52,239 Speaker 1: been kind of a toxic, predatory person. And I think 746 00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:53,880 Speaker 1: that it just goes to show you that it's not 747 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:57,919 Speaker 1: just women, it's it's a prevalent issue for all kinds 748 00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:01,120 Speaker 1: of folks. Well, and I guess the community is up 749 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,920 Speaker 1: in arms today because his response it was sort of 750 00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:07,880 Speaker 1: excuse me, I'm gay, Like I'm going to use that 751 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,560 Speaker 1: as the shield. Yeah, being a gay man and making 752 00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:14,800 Speaker 1: a sexual advance toward a child, those are two different things. 753 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:18,520 Speaker 1: Like I'm I'm almost horrified that you would try to 754 00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,280 Speaker 1: conflate them, Like that's almost like a that's a pr 755 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:25,279 Speaker 1: strategy that is so sleazy and toxic that I can't 756 00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:27,319 Speaker 1: even believe that someone told him that was a good 757 00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:30,440 Speaker 1: idea that like, oh, I will excuse myself trying to 758 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:34,280 Speaker 1: make a sexual advance toward a literal child by saying 759 00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:38,680 Speaker 1: I'm gay. What no, no, no, no no no, kind 760 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,439 Speaker 1: of like saying you're sweet old president too, right, which 761 00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:46,800 Speaker 1: president kind of like George H. W. Bush who last 762 00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:50,000 Speaker 1: week after it was made clear that he regularly tells 763 00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:53,480 Speaker 1: dirty jokes and then pinches the bottoms of young women 764 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:58,080 Speaker 1: posing in photos next to the former president. His team 765 00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:02,359 Speaker 1: released a statement saying, he's just a sweet old guy 766 00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:05,440 Speaker 1: who does, in fact pinch women's bottom. That's what I 767 00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:11,399 Speaker 1: found so weird, saying he does kind of a break. 768 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:14,279 Speaker 1: That's the thing, that he's a charming old man who 769 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,399 Speaker 1: pinches bottoms, And we were all just like, what are 770 00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:20,080 Speaker 1: you kidding me? And that just goes to show you 771 00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:23,480 Speaker 1: how far we have to go in this conversation. It's 772 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,239 Speaker 1: not just about me too. In a world where the 773 00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:31,560 Speaker 1: perpetrators would like your status. It's apparently defining what consent 774 00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:35,040 Speaker 1: is again and again, and not just for college boys, 775 00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:40,560 Speaker 1: president grownass men like George H. W. Bush knowing that 776 00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:45,560 Speaker 1: you can't hide behind you're sort of senile behavior as 777 00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:49,040 Speaker 1: being an excuse. So as you've been saying, which I 778 00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:51,560 Speaker 1: think it goes to show that this is not relegated 779 00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:54,400 Speaker 1: to any single industry, It is not relegated to people 780 00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:58,560 Speaker 1: of any single sexual orientation. Um. It has everything to 781 00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:00,319 Speaker 1: do with power, and it has a lot to do 782 00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:03,399 Speaker 1: with what's happening at work, because when people are using 783 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:07,720 Speaker 1: their professional power and influence for a means to course 784 00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:11,399 Speaker 1: you into sexual activity that is non consensual, then it's 785 00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:15,280 Speaker 1: especially disgusting going off that. Something I found really really 786 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:19,239 Speaker 1: gonna be telling about how bad a situation we're in 787 00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:22,279 Speaker 1: with this is that earlier this month, BuzzFeed put out 788 00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:23,920 Speaker 1: a call they wanted to know who are the heart 789 00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:25,680 Speaker 1: of the wine scenes of your industry? So if you're 790 00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:28,680 Speaker 1: you know, a mathematician, who is the guy that everyone 791 00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:30,480 Speaker 1: knows as a creep that has been getting away with it? 792 00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:33,000 Speaker 1: And I was when I saw that, I was like, yeah, great, 793 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,960 Speaker 1: like out these creeps totally like let's do this. I'm in. 794 00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:39,400 Speaker 1: That ended up sort of spinning off into what they 795 00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:42,240 Speaker 1: called the Media Men List, And this was a crowdsourced 796 00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:45,400 Speaker 1: Google doc where it had dozens and dozens of names 797 00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:48,880 Speaker 1: of men who had done various inappropriate things and these things. 798 00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,799 Speaker 1: And I should say it's all allegations. The list makes 799 00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,080 Speaker 1: it very clear that, um, you know, take the list 800 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,359 Speaker 1: with the grain of salt because it's just anonymous allegations, 801 00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:58,799 Speaker 1: so you know, know that going in. But what I 802 00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:01,120 Speaker 1: found really telling the about this list is that it 803 00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:04,080 Speaker 1: ranges from things like sliding into someone's d m s 804 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:08,280 Speaker 1: and being weird to outright you know, assault or rape, 805 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:10,799 Speaker 1: and then things that are not sexual in nature. Like 806 00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:12,719 Speaker 1: one of the people who was on the list is 807 00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:16,440 Speaker 1: a man who, while his inappropriate behavior was not sexual 808 00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:19,160 Speaker 1: in nature, it was like threatening and bullying, and so 809 00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:22,640 Speaker 1: it was things like intimidating interns and making them feel 810 00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,840 Speaker 1: like if they crossed him in some way that he 811 00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:28,360 Speaker 1: would retaliate against them. Well, it's funny because it sounds 812 00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,440 Speaker 1: like this is a tale as old as time, right, 813 00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:34,040 Speaker 1: like influence power wielding that influence in power. It happens 814 00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:36,880 Speaker 1: every day. It happens everything, and some of it is 815 00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,160 Speaker 1: illegal and some of it's not totally so it is 816 00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:42,080 Speaker 1: you know, I can almost hear the the outcry of 817 00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,920 Speaker 1: that group that Trump met with which we covered in 818 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:50,120 Speaker 1: the Sexual that's right when we were tackling title nine, 819 00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:57,520 Speaker 1: the mothers of accused I'm sorry, falsely accused rapists whose 820 00:42:57,719 --> 00:43:01,680 Speaker 1: lives have been ruined because some girl regretted a night 821 00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:05,920 Speaker 1: with their boyfriend basically, And I can hear those folks 822 00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:13,000 Speaker 1: lighting up there tiki torches already, because torches the line 823 00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:19,160 Speaker 1: between white supremacists and my son. You know, yeah, I 824 00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,120 Speaker 1: can almost like hear the beads of sweat forming on 825 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:23,640 Speaker 1: those folks as brows, because if you think about it, 826 00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:28,160 Speaker 1: the democratization of gossip through the Internet can be used powerfully, 827 00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:31,400 Speaker 1: and some might argue can be used as a form 828 00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:35,560 Speaker 1: of influence and blacklisting, and it can be used in 829 00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:38,440 Speaker 1: a retaliatory way, just like we're trying to prevent. Now, 830 00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:40,560 Speaker 1: I'm not here saying that that's what that lists about, 831 00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:43,480 Speaker 1: but I get the Woody Allen fear of a witch hunt, 832 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:46,560 Speaker 1: and at the same time, I think we need a 833 00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:48,880 Speaker 1: lot more of that kind of exposure. Well, I actually 834 00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:51,600 Speaker 1: have often argued that the reason why we are seeing 835 00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:54,640 Speaker 1: these kinds of watershed moments is exactly because of things 836 00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:57,960 Speaker 1: like social media. When you look at Cosby's situation, I 837 00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:01,480 Speaker 1: think that Cosby came from an era air It's old Hollywood, 838 00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,200 Speaker 1: where you can call someone's pr agent and say, hey, 839 00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,200 Speaker 1: this story, can we have it killed? It's really gonna 840 00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,440 Speaker 1: be bad for us, And we would never be privy 841 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:11,600 Speaker 1: to any of that because those power players are wealth, 842 00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:13,800 Speaker 1: be connected and all of that, And so that's happening 843 00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:16,000 Speaker 1: in rooms where most of us will probably never be. 844 00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,919 Speaker 1: And I think with things like Twitter, it has democratized 845 00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:22,359 Speaker 1: people's voices and so people who largely did not have 846 00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:25,480 Speaker 1: a platform, did not have a voice, can say hey, 847 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,880 Speaker 1: like this happened to me, Hey this wasn't okay. And 848 00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:30,680 Speaker 1: a PR person can't call Twitter and say hey, can 849 00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:32,799 Speaker 1: you kill this story? That's not how Twitter works. And 850 00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:36,360 Speaker 1: so it's kind of this reclaiming of power and influence 851 00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:38,520 Speaker 1: and voice and giving it a sort of a more 852 00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:41,160 Speaker 1: level playing field where I'll never forget when that story 853 00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:43,920 Speaker 1: bubbled up again, there was no one to call. There 854 00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:45,839 Speaker 1: was no PR person that you could call to make 855 00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:48,440 Speaker 1: everybody stop tweeting about it. It It just was. It existed. 856 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,560 Speaker 1: And I don't think you saw that before. That is 857 00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:53,439 Speaker 1: such a good point, and I think it's just goes 858 00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:57,320 Speaker 1: to show you that when women, especially but but survivors 859 00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:00,879 Speaker 1: of assaults across the gender spectrum get together, like your 860 00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:03,560 Speaker 1: voice can be powerful. And that's what we saw with 861 00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:06,440 Speaker 1: Me Too. But Me Too is just the beginning. And 862 00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:10,919 Speaker 1: so solidarity and unified front and sort of acknowledging each 863 00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:14,360 Speaker 1: other's differences and the unity is going to be really 864 00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:18,920 Speaker 1: critical to make this movement an effective campaign for change. 865 00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:21,719 Speaker 1: I could not agree more and so we didn't want 866 00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,960 Speaker 1: to end without giving you some resources if you're finding 867 00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:27,280 Speaker 1: yourself dealing with sexual soult or sexual harassment in general 868 00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,320 Speaker 1: or in the workplace. Here are a couple of resources 869 00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,759 Speaker 1: that you should know that you have at your disposal. 870 00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,160 Speaker 1: UM One is a great organization that I know and 871 00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,799 Speaker 1: love is the National Women's Law Center. Their number is 872 00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:40,600 Speaker 1: two O two eight five one eight. That's two O 873 00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:44,560 Speaker 1: two eight five one eighty, and they're really helpful in 874 00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,319 Speaker 1: terms of coming up with legal resources. If you want 875 00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:49,840 Speaker 1: to take legal action against someone who is breaking the 876 00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:52,640 Speaker 1: law or or treating you in a way that's inappropriate, 877 00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:55,200 Speaker 1: and you want to know what your legal resources are, 878 00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:58,480 Speaker 1: there are a great, great, great resource for you. And furthermore, 879 00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:00,840 Speaker 1: don't forget to check out the e see the Equal 880 00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:04,040 Speaker 1: Employment Opportunity Commission, who we are always giving a little 881 00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:08,279 Speaker 1: shout out too because our little labor organizer blood in 882 00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:12,600 Speaker 1: US can't can't help but mention how influential they have become. 883 00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:16,440 Speaker 1: And yes, they are part of the government, so this 884 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,640 Speaker 1: is us relying on our taxpayer dollars and actually cashing 885 00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:22,080 Speaker 1: in on some of that investment. You can contact them 886 00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,799 Speaker 1: at one eight hundred six six nine four thousand, that's 887 00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:28,720 Speaker 1: one eight hundred six six nine four thousand and search 888 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:32,920 Speaker 1: their website. At eo C dot gov for more. So, 889 00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,440 Speaker 1: sminty listeners, we want to hear from you. This is 890 00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:37,600 Speaker 1: obviously the issue that many many, many of us are 891 00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:40,120 Speaker 1: dealing with. How's it showing up in your life? How 892 00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:41,719 Speaker 1: did you feel about the me to campaign? Was it 893 00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:43,960 Speaker 1: something that you participated in? Why or why not? How 894 00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:45,839 Speaker 1: did you feel about it? If you're a dude, did 895 00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,040 Speaker 1: you take part in campaigns like him though? Or I 896 00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:49,919 Speaker 1: did that? How did that go for you? We really 897 00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,319 Speaker 1: want to hear how these campaigns are showing up in 898 00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:55,840 Speaker 1: your spaces. Yeah, I also want to hear where do 899 00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:57,880 Speaker 1: you want to see this go? Are you down for 900 00:46:57,920 --> 00:46:59,520 Speaker 1: the witch hunt you know what I mean? Like? Or 901 00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:03,840 Speaker 1: are you fearful of this becoming an infringement on equal 902 00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:06,440 Speaker 1: justice under the law? You know like? Is the power 903 00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,520 Speaker 1: of gossip in the workplace being harnessed productively? Or do 904 00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:12,960 Speaker 1: you fear its accusations? Run them up? I'm intrigued by 905 00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,960 Speaker 1: how nuanced our path forward really can be, and I'd 906 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:20,040 Speaker 1: love to hear from you, brilliant listeners on what action 907 00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:22,080 Speaker 1: you plan on taking. So get in touch with us 908 00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:25,000 Speaker 1: on Instagram? Where at stuff mom? Ever? Told you? On Twitter? 909 00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:27,520 Speaker 1: We're at mom Stuff podcast, and we love reading your 910 00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:40,760 Speaker 1: emails at mom stuff at how stuff works dot com