WEBVTT - Dear Chiquis: Ultimatums, Overcoming Self-Doubt and Emotional Spending

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, everyone, it's your go Cheeky's and you've reached the

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<v Speaker 1>voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you

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<v Speaker 1>advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with

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<v Speaker 1>your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how

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<v Speaker 1>to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,

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<v Speaker 1>whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember

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<v Speaker 1>these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering

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<v Speaker 1>from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from

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<v Speaker 1>a qualified professional. All right, now, go ahead and leave

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<v Speaker 1>your question. At the sound of the beep.

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<v Speaker 2>High Cheeky is this is Destiny.

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<v Speaker 3>So my question for you is what are your thoughts

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<v Speaker 3>on ultimatums. I'm currently obsessed with the show on Netflix,

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<v Speaker 3>and I see so much self discovery when an ultimatum

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<v Speaker 3>is given. Based on the show. I've been with my

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<v Speaker 3>boyfriend for five years now and we just welcomed a

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<v Speaker 3>beautiful baby girl in December, which, by the way, her

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<v Speaker 3>name is Eleana Janney. Her middle name was very much

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<v Speaker 3>inspired by you. I love you so much. But yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>what are your thoughts on ultimatums? You know my boyfriend's

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<v Speaker 3>mindset is, well, we have a baby, we have joint accounts,

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<v Speaker 3>we've been living together for so long, you know why

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<v Speaker 3>put that on a piece of paper, like we've practically

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<v Speaker 3>are married.

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<v Speaker 2>And for me, it's more of like, I want the proposal.

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<v Speaker 3>I want the cute little ceremony and you know, my

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<v Speaker 3>family being a part of it. I didn't have a kincinera,

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't have a graduation party.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like I deserve a wedding.

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<v Speaker 3>I deserve a really beautiful proposal, and I love him

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<v Speaker 3>so much. He treats me well. You know, we're in

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<v Speaker 3>a great relationship. We respect each other. I just don't

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<v Speaker 3>know if he's afraid, if it's a commitment issue.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know. What do you think?

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<v Speaker 3>What are your thoughts on possibly giving him an ultimatum

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<v Speaker 3>or ultimatums in general?

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<v Speaker 1>Destiny first. So I love your question, and thank you

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<v Speaker 1>for naming your daughter after me. Love that for us.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you A big kiss to Leana and to yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>Lenna Janey. Okay, so ultimatums. I think ultimatums are totally fine.

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<v Speaker 1>That is respecting boundaries, your boundaries. I get what your

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<v Speaker 1>boyfriend is saying. Because yeah, I mean, you guys have

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<v Speaker 1>been together for a long time, you have a beautiful blessing,

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<v Speaker 1>and you have joint account, so that shows already some

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<v Speaker 1>type of commitment. A lot of men don't even do that, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so that I get what he's saying. For him, it's

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<v Speaker 1>kind of like, well, we're already here. Where are we

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<v Speaker 1>did all of this? Like what's the purpose? The purpose

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<v Speaker 1>is that you want it, and you absolutely one hundred

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<v Speaker 1>percent deserve that. Now, if you don't want to lose him,

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<v Speaker 1>I would be a little careful with how you word

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<v Speaker 1>your ultimatum. I do think that it's okay for you

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<v Speaker 1>to say, hey, I would love to get married. I

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<v Speaker 1>and all the reasons that you just stated are completely valid.

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<v Speaker 1>You never had your kinsigneta, et cetera, et cetera. Like

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<v Speaker 1>you want a party, you want to feel like a

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<v Speaker 1>princess for a day, You absolutely we all deserve that's

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<v Speaker 1>what you want, absolutely, especially if you gave him a

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<v Speaker 1>child like look, I gave you a gift, the biggest

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<v Speaker 1>gift of your life, this beautiful jinney. Doesn't have to

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<v Speaker 1>be a big ring, it doesn't have to be this

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<v Speaker 1>huge thing. I just I want that. I want the dress.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to give our relationship that blessing in our child.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe give it to him that way. Maybe you guys

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<v Speaker 1>can even do like a couple's therapy session together and

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<v Speaker 1>explain this with someone mediating, because sometimes when it's coming

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<v Speaker 1>from us, we don't deliver our message correctly or they

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<v Speaker 1>don't even listen to us because it's coming from us.

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<v Speaker 1>But if someone else is mediating, like a therapist a counselor,

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<v Speaker 1>and you express this and they're able to express it

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<v Speaker 1>to him in a different way, then maybe it'll sink in.

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<v Speaker 1>But I have no issue with ultimatoes. I feel like

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<v Speaker 1>we are here to enjoy our lives to the best

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<v Speaker 1>way that we can. And if that's what you want,

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<v Speaker 1>then you should get that. And you have to give

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<v Speaker 1>yourself your place in order for other people to respect it,

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<v Speaker 1>especially your partner. And you don't have to be mean

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<v Speaker 1>about it. It's just say, hey, I want this within

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<v Speaker 1>the next two years. Please really think about it. If not,

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<v Speaker 1>then you're also going to have to make a decision destiny,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, if that's really what you want. So I

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<v Speaker 1>hope everything works out. And again, thank you so much.

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<v Speaker 1>You are so sweet. I love you. Okay, so our

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<v Speaker 1>next question comes from Velva Hi Cheeky's.

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<v Speaker 4>I just want to let you know first off that

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<v Speaker 4>I'm a huge fan of yours. Everything that you do,

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<v Speaker 4>your books, your music, your podcasts. I think you are

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<v Speaker 4>an amazing representation for Latina's and so just kudos to

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<v Speaker 4>you for doing the damn thing. I'm reaching out to

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<v Speaker 4>you for advice because I am an aspiring drag performer.

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<v Speaker 4>I want to break you out into the local drag

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<v Speaker 4>scene here in my town, and it's something I've been

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<v Speaker 4>talking about for months and I finally have the opportunity.

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<v Speaker 4>A local queen reached out to me and said they

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<v Speaker 4>want to book me for their show. And now that

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<v Speaker 4>it's becoming real, I am absolutely terrified, and I think

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<v Speaker 4>like my confidence is shaken all of a sudden, and

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<v Speaker 4>I'm doubting if I could really do it. So I

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<v Speaker 4>guess I'm just wondering if you have any advice for

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<v Speaker 4>I guess just not doubting myself or anybody that's trying

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<v Speaker 4>something different. How do we find the confidence to push

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<v Speaker 4>through and do it? Anyway, Thank you for your time.

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<v Speaker 1>Velva, Thank you so much. That is so sweet.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>We're on the right track. Guys. It makes me so happy. Okay, look,

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<v Speaker 1>I think you just need to do it. Okay, it's

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<v Speaker 1>okay to be nervous. You have to just face fear

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<v Speaker 1>in the face and say, I'm not gonna let you

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<v Speaker 1>keep me from something you've been dreaming about for so long. Like,

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<v Speaker 1>now that it's here, I get it. I always call

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<v Speaker 1>it the enemy. I call it like the dark vibes,

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<v Speaker 1>the dark energy that wants to come in and stop

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<v Speaker 1>you from reaching your goals. I always feel like when

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<v Speaker 1>you're about to do something great, you get like tested

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<v Speaker 1>in some way. You know, it's like that dark energy

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<v Speaker 1>that comes and wants to switch your mind. And of course,

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<v Speaker 1>because you're gonna be performing, your confidence because you need

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<v Speaker 1>confidence to go out there and do this. But the

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<v Speaker 1>cool thing about drag is that you have an alter

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<v Speaker 1>ego and that's what helps me. There's Jinney and then

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<v Speaker 1>there's Cheeky's. I put on my extensions, I go on

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<v Speaker 1>stage and I'm just like, okay, now it's time to

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<v Speaker 1>turn on the bad bitch. Of course, you're going to

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<v Speaker 1>have like your drag name and everything, so it's like

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<v Speaker 1>putting on a costume and just saying I'm going out there,

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<v Speaker 1>I could be a completely different person and Velva can

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<v Speaker 1>still be Velva and do her thing and be more chill,

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<v Speaker 1>and then my drag queen can just be out there

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<v Speaker 1>and do the damn thing. So I think you just

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<v Speaker 1>need to do it. And maybe the first one you are,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, your ladies are going to be shaking.

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<v Speaker 1>Might not be perfect, but it's okay. That's how you learn,

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<v Speaker 1>that's how you grow. Like you have to be okay

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<v Speaker 1>with saying okay, maybe the first time wasn't perfect. When

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<v Speaker 1>I went on stage, you think it was perfect. No,

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<v Speaker 1>Now that I look back, I'm like, damn, I love

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<v Speaker 1>to know how far I've come. That's growth. Like I

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<v Speaker 1>love to show people that I could do it, so

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<v Speaker 1>I know you could do it. Just keep all of

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<v Speaker 1>that in mind. I think you just need to do it, girl,

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<v Speaker 1>Just do it. That's so exciting. I'm so excited for you.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's okay. It's okay if you're feeling a little nervous,

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<v Speaker 1>if you're like shaking in your boots, that is all

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<v Speaker 1>normal and part of the process and part of this journey,

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<v Speaker 1>especially right before going on stage where you're going to

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<v Speaker 1>feel like you want to throw up, but it's all

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<v Speaker 1>good once you get up there. I don't know what happens,

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<v Speaker 1>but then the lights are on and the music and

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<v Speaker 1>you're just you'll see it's in you. You're going to

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<v Speaker 1>be just fine, So just do it. Okay. So our

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<v Speaker 1>next question comes from Stephanie.

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<v Speaker 5>Hi Chiki's I hope you are having a wonderful day today.

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<v Speaker 5>I first want to start off by saying, thank you

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<v Speaker 5>so much for having this podcast and allowing us to

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<v Speaker 5>be able to ask you questions and you respond to us.

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<v Speaker 5>We know that we love to get advice from the

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<v Speaker 5>people who we truly love, adore, and admire, and girl,

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<v Speaker 5>we love you so much, so thank you so so

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<v Speaker 5>much for that. Also, I think you're so so beautiful,

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<v Speaker 5>and I just wanted you to know that I love

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<v Speaker 5>you and your family so much. Okay, my question is

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<v Speaker 5>I am a very shy person. I always complain about

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<v Speaker 5>being alone and not having someone, but then when guys

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<v Speaker 5>come my way, I'm so shy and I don't respond

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<v Speaker 5>or I don't go forward with it.

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<v Speaker 6>I don't know why I'm just so shy. So my

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<v Speaker 6>question is how can I stop being so shy and

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<v Speaker 6>how can I put myself out there and actually date

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<v Speaker 6>because it's so hard for me. I don't know why,

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<v Speaker 6>I'm just so shy. Thank you so much, girl, I

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<v Speaker 6>love you.

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<v Speaker 1>You guys are gonna make me cry today. Thank you

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<v Speaker 1>so much, Stephanie. Oh my god, you guys are the sweetest.

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<v Speaker 1>I love you guys, and I love that you guys

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<v Speaker 1>are loving my podcast and just taking the time to

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<v Speaker 1>leave your questions like you guys have no idea how

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<v Speaker 1>much it makes me happy. Okay, So Stephanie, I get it.

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<v Speaker 1>I think that's cute that you're shy, and a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of guys like that. Okay, I think like a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of guys like shyness. You could be shy but be confident,

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<v Speaker 1>like just say I know who I am, I know

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<v Speaker 1>what I bring to the table. You don't have to

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<v Speaker 1>say it, but like you just give off that energy

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<v Speaker 1>because you should know that, like, yeah, I'm shy, I'm cute,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm a little quiet, but I'm confident in who I am.

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<v Speaker 1>That is very different from being shy. So if you're shy,

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<v Speaker 1>it's okay. I think that you just need to take

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<v Speaker 1>the risk. If you you want a partner, if you

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<v Speaker 1>want a companion, then you need to respond. Girl, you're

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<v Speaker 1>asking the universe for this. They're delivering. God is delivering.

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<v Speaker 1>Your angels are delivering. The universe is delivering. So you

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<v Speaker 1>just have to move forward and just say, hey, like

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<v Speaker 1>you have to just take the risk, even if you

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<v Speaker 1>are shitting your pants, okay, like you have to go

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<v Speaker 1>on the date. You have to respond. They had the

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<v Speaker 1>g like, let yourself be loved. Don't block yourself from that,

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<v Speaker 1>because if you keep doing it and not responding or

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<v Speaker 1>not going on these dates or really trying this, then

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<v Speaker 1>the universe is going to think that you, Okay, she's

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<v Speaker 1>not ready, so let me just not send her anyone.

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<v Speaker 1>So do it, shy, go on these dates. Even if

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<v Speaker 1>you're a little quiet, if maybe taking a shot, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>of tequila makes you feel a little bit better, do that.

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<v Speaker 1>There are like stress pills, not stress pills, gummies that

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<v Speaker 1>I've taken that just ease your stress levels and it

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<v Speaker 1>helps with anxiety. And you gotta like just do it

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<v Speaker 1>and be yourself. If you are shy, that is who

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<v Speaker 1>you are, Like you are going to meet the right

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<v Speaker 1>person for you and is going to love that shyness.

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<v Speaker 1>But if you don't try it and you keep blocking it, Like,

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<v Speaker 1>how how tell me? How is it gonna happen?

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<v Speaker 6>Girl?

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<v Speaker 1>How? So girl? Go on these dates? Okay, be yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>Be yourself. That's what always works and should always like.

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<v Speaker 1>Whoever's gonna end up with you should love you for

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<v Speaker 1>who you are. So be yourself. That is my biggest

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<v Speaker 1>and best advice. Okay, okay, So our next question comes

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<v Speaker 1>from an anonymous listener.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, Cheeky's, how are you girl? Your body is looking amazing.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm in love with it.

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<v Speaker 7>Well, let me keep it short and simple. So I'm

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<v Speaker 7>struggling financially, but I'm also an emotional spender and it

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<v Speaker 7>sucks because I stress and I want to spend even

0:10:44.280 --> 0:10:50.199
<v Speaker 7>if cinema stamnbolata, and then I feel guilty for spending it,

0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:52.640
<v Speaker 7>and I don't know how to control myself.

0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:54.000
<v Speaker 6>Any tips?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, thank you for your question, anonymous listener. When you

0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:02.440
<v Speaker 1>guys can and let's it's like a really secret question

0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:03.800
<v Speaker 1>that you guys don't want people to know that it's

0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:05.840
<v Speaker 1>you guys, leave your name because I would love to

0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:07.679
<v Speaker 1>call you by your name, you know. But okay, but

0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:09.920
<v Speaker 1>in regards to your question, I get that. I get

0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:12.280
<v Speaker 1>it because I was like that for a very long time,

0:11:12.679 --> 0:11:15.960
<v Speaker 1>so I understand. I think that you have to be

0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:19.960
<v Speaker 1>very adamant about saving. I always tell you guys this,

0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:22.280
<v Speaker 1>like for a rainy day, you never know what will happen,

0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:24.840
<v Speaker 1>even if it's five dollars in your savings account where

0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:27.520
<v Speaker 1>you're absolutely I cannot touch it. I promise myself, I

0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:29.400
<v Speaker 1>promise God that I'm not going to touch this, no

0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:34.120
<v Speaker 1>matter how much I want this purse, whatever it may be.

0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.800
<v Speaker 1>I think that it's important for us to really be

0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:40.679
<v Speaker 1>good stewards of our money, not be cheap, not be

0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:44.600
<v Speaker 1>go goos, but be good stewards. What does that mean? Like, Okay,

0:11:44.679 --> 0:11:47.800
<v Speaker 1>when God is blessing us with a job, with you know,

0:11:47.840 --> 0:11:50.520
<v Speaker 1>our finances, like our money, we should be able to

0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:53.480
<v Speaker 1>take care of that because it comes and it goes.

0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:56.200
<v Speaker 1>So that's what you have to kind of switch your mindset.

0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:57.600
<v Speaker 1>And that's what I did, where I was like, Okay,

0:11:57.840 --> 0:11:59.920
<v Speaker 1>right now, things are going great and I'm very grateful

0:11:59.920 --> 0:12:02.079
<v Speaker 1>for and I can buy it, you know, this thing

0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:04.840
<v Speaker 1>that I don't necessarily need. But what if tomorrow I can't,

0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:07.319
<v Speaker 1>Let me not buy this thing that I really don't need,

0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:10.000
<v Speaker 1>and let me just save that money just in case,

0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:12.920
<v Speaker 1>because what if something happens that I really need the money.

0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:15.360
<v Speaker 1>I like to live in the present absolutely and enjoy

0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:17.160
<v Speaker 1>my life right now. A lot of people say, I know,

0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:20.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm not gonna take the money when I leave, like

0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:23.120
<v Speaker 1>leave the earth is what I mean. But we also

0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:26.320
<v Speaker 1>have to be responsible. I know it's hard, I know

0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:28.839
<v Speaker 1>it's it's it's difficult, but then it's I don't know,

0:12:28.960 --> 0:12:31.760
<v Speaker 1>you just gotta just hold it and just say, you

0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:33.640
<v Speaker 1>know what, I'm not going to I'm doing this for

0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:36.360
<v Speaker 1>my future self. I'm doing this and I'm saving this

0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:38.800
<v Speaker 1>one dollar for my future self because you know what,

0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.760
<v Speaker 1>I don't really need this. So it's gonna take time, Okay.

0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:44.920
<v Speaker 1>It's giving yourself therapy and asking yourself questions and going

0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:46.440
<v Speaker 1>to the store and saying do I really need this?

0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:48.840
<v Speaker 1>Come on, is this a luxury or is this a necessity?

0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:52.640
<v Speaker 1>Ask yourself that. Okay. So I hope that helped. So

0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:56.040
<v Speaker 1>with that being said, to Destiny, Velva, Stephanie, and my

0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:59.439
<v Speaker 1>lovely anonymous listener, thank you guys so much for your questions.

0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:01.880
<v Speaker 1>I very very much enjoyed them, and thank you guys

0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:03.840
<v Speaker 1>so much for your support and for trusting me with

0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:07.360
<v Speaker 1>your issues. Okay, at Tolos. I created Dear Cheeky's as

0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:09.720
<v Speaker 1>a way to connect with you guys on a personal level,

0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:12.440
<v Speaker 1>and I really look forward to hearing from you every week.

0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:15.360
<v Speaker 1>You can leave me your questions at speakpipe dot com,

0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:17.640
<v Speaker 1>Slash Cheeky's and Chill Podcasts. I would love to hear

0:13:17.720 --> 0:13:27.360
<v Speaker 1>from all of you, Okay, let's kiro mucho. This is

0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:32.000
<v Speaker 1>a production of iHeartRadio and the Microudura podcast Network. Follow

0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:35.360
<v Speaker 1>us on Instagram at Michaeldura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's

0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:38.199
<v Speaker 1>That's c h i q u i s. For more

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