1 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:25,320 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:29,640 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever 6 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to 7 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 1: have you here back for another episode as we of 8 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: course break down the psychology of our twenties. Okay, if 9 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 1: the audio sounds a little bit different on this episode, 10 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:47,400 Speaker 1: it's because Sydney Airport today decided that it would be 11 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:50,720 Speaker 1: really fun to divert all of the airport traffic over 12 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: my house. So I was like trying to record this. 13 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: I have tried to do like this episode four or 14 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,279 Speaker 1: five times, and every time I'm about to get into it, 15 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: like hl mega cargo plane is like a kilometer away 16 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:08,920 Speaker 1: from like my windows. So we kind of changed things 17 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: up today and I'm recording in my hallway cupboard situation, 18 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,800 Speaker 1: so breaking the fourth wall there to address if this 19 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:21,320 Speaker 1: sounds like a little bit different from my other episodes. 20 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:25,400 Speaker 1: But today, guys, we're gonna do a little bit more 21 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,839 Speaker 1: of a personal episode. Obviously, I like to talk about 22 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:32,080 Speaker 1: our twenties in general, and I like to have like 23 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 1: psychological conversations around why we experience what we do when 24 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 1: we do in this decade, why it's so chaotic. But 25 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,680 Speaker 1: every now and again, I do like to do a 26 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:44,399 Speaker 1: little bit more of a personal episode more so for me. 27 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 1: I feel like this podcast is many things to many people, 28 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:50,600 Speaker 1: but for me, it's also kind of like a personal 29 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 1: diary or a little bit of like a kind of 30 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,560 Speaker 1: like what are those things called a time capsule where 31 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: I want to do certain episodes specifically for future me to. 32 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,560 Speaker 2: Listen to and to reflect on, And this today is 33 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,880 Speaker 2: one of those episodes. A couple of months ago, I 34 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 2: released one of my favorite episodes ever, which was the 35 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 2: twenty Biggest Mistakes People Make in their twenties. That was 36 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,160 Speaker 2: like so many months of work went into that episode 37 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 2: and it but basically just you know, we talked to 38 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 2: over five thousand people about what they've regretted and why. 39 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 2: And since that, I've really started to think about, hey, like, 40 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 2: what do I regret about my twenties so far? What 41 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,640 Speaker 2: are the things that I might point to later on 42 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,639 Speaker 2: in life and say, oh, I wish I'd done that differently, 43 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 2: and so since that episode has come out, I've kind 44 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:40,960 Speaker 2: of started compiling my own list and like writing things 45 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:45,400 Speaker 2: down here and there, both like from recent memory and 46 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:49,080 Speaker 2: from like my much earlier twenties and today, I thought 47 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,919 Speaker 2: that I would share that list now, especially as I'm 48 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,600 Speaker 2: kind of definitely entering my later twenties. I have found 49 00:02:56,600 --> 00:03:00,120 Speaker 2: that I've become more reflective. I'm definitely waiting for my 50 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 2: sat and return to like come and kick me in 51 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,360 Speaker 2: the butt, and before that happens, I want to make 52 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,800 Speaker 2: sure that I have been taking as many lessons as 53 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 2: I can from my experiences and that the stuff that 54 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 2: I'm going through, whether good or bad, will actually stay 55 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 2: with me. So this is kind of the combination of 56 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 2: all of that thinking and all of that reflecting on 57 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 2: what I regret, what I would change, how I want 58 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:28,120 Speaker 2: to kind of go into the last few years of 59 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:32,440 Speaker 2: my twenties really prioritizing and thinking about and I thought maybe, 60 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,520 Speaker 2: just maybe someone else could benefit from this as well. So, 61 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:40,640 Speaker 2: without further ado, We're going to talk about my ten 62 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:46,320 Speaker 2: biggest regrets from my twenties so far, spanning from dating 63 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 2: to friendship to money, my health, how I've made use 64 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,640 Speaker 2: of my time and certain chapters of my life and 65 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 2: so many other things. I hope you enjoy it. I 66 00:03:56,680 --> 00:04:04,560 Speaker 2: hope you learn something. Let's get into it. Okay. So, 67 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 2: when I was thinking about one of my biggest regrets, 68 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:14,320 Speaker 2: the first one was so painstakingly like obvious to me, 69 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:18,880 Speaker 2: like there is no question that the biggest regret I 70 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 2: have so far is doing things for others that I 71 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:28,040 Speaker 2: really didn't want to do. That's my biggest regret. Number 72 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,559 Speaker 2: one is all the times when I have felt, deep 73 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,760 Speaker 2: in my stomach and deep in my body, I don't 74 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,360 Speaker 2: want to do this, I don't want to be here. 75 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,200 Speaker 2: Why did I say yes to this? Why do I 76 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:43,839 Speaker 2: continue to say yes to these things? And yet I'm 77 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 2: still in that situation time and time again. This is 78 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 2: probably the biggest thing that I am currently trying to 79 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 2: sort out within myself and trying to make better. I 80 00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,160 Speaker 2: think at least once a week I have like a 81 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,120 Speaker 2: conversation with myself where I'm like, what are we doing? 82 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 2: Why do we agree to go to this event? Why 83 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 2: do we agree to say yes to this thing even 84 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 2: though like it's incredibly like time heavy, and you're not 85 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:18,560 Speaker 2: getting paid anything, and you don't even like these people 86 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 2: like that was a recent one where I was like, 87 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,599 Speaker 2: what am I? Why did I say yes to that? 88 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 1: Why did I. 89 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:28,920 Speaker 2: Agree to help with this person's I don't know baby 90 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,800 Speaker 2: shower when they've never actually ever been very nice to me? 91 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,880 Speaker 2: Why did I do this favor for someone? Like It's 92 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:40,720 Speaker 2: a repeat pattern that I honestly find myself in more 93 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 2: often than I want to be, and I regret it. 94 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 2: I regret it every single time I think when I 95 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 2: really like break down why this is happening, Like it's historical, 96 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:58,880 Speaker 2: it's deeply historical, and it's deeply like related to the 97 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:02,280 Speaker 2: worth I felt as a child, and I've speake, I've 98 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 2: spoken about this on the podcast before. But when I 99 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 2: was a kid, when I was in primary school and 100 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,559 Speaker 2: even when I was in high school, I was bullied really, 101 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:14,040 Speaker 2: really badly, and I had all these experiences where I 102 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 2: really wanted a friend and I really wanted people to 103 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 2: like me, and like I just couldn't figure it out. 104 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,479 Speaker 2: Like all these other kids seemed to just like have 105 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,479 Speaker 2: this quality about them that made other people like them, 106 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,359 Speaker 2: and I didn't have that quality. In fact, I had 107 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,720 Speaker 2: the quality that made people find me irritating or not 108 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 2: like me or kind of victimize me in a bit 109 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,680 Speaker 2: of a way, and so as I got older, I 110 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:40,240 Speaker 2: think one of the strategies I learned is that if 111 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:44,159 Speaker 2: you just constantly do things for other people, then they'll 112 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 2: like you more. If you are constantly like the yes 113 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 2: person and the pushover, you get invited. 114 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:52,640 Speaker 1: You get to. 115 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 2: See behind the scenes, people include you, and they include you, 116 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,679 Speaker 2: maybe not because they consciously know this, but unconsciously because 117 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 2: they know that you will help them, and you will 118 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 2: bend over backwards for them, and you will sacrifice for them, 119 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 2: and you won't stand up for yourself. This obviously was 120 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,840 Speaker 2: like very helpful to me, and I have to acknowledge 121 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 2: it was helpful for me when I was younger and 122 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 2: when I just really wanted to be liked and I 123 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:24,320 Speaker 2: really just needed a friend. Nowadays, like I have friends, 124 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 2: and I have a really great life, and I feel 125 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 2: a lot more confident. I have a much greatest sense 126 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 2: of self esteem. This is no longer helpful for me, 127 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 2: and it's no longer useful, and in fact, it's like 128 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,920 Speaker 2: really starting to cost me. And I'm trying not to 129 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 2: go into specifics because like I'm sure there are people 130 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 2: who I've said yes to when I really didn't want 131 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 2: to do things in the past who I'm listening to 132 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 2: this podcast, And the thing is is that it's not 133 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 2: their fault, right, It's this is another lesson, like it's 134 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 2: not someone's fault if I continue to say yes when 135 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:02,160 Speaker 2: I want to say no. Yeah, yes, There is certainly 136 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 2: like perhaps layers of recognition that this is a weakness 137 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,559 Speaker 2: of mine and maybe a desire to manipulate that without 138 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,080 Speaker 2: them knowing it. But at the end of the day, 139 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:14,880 Speaker 2: these things that I'm saying yes to are relatively like 140 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:19,880 Speaker 2: low stakes. They're just irritating to continually do. I kind 141 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,920 Speaker 2: of have to I don't know, I need to like 142 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 2: woman up and say no to these things. That's a 143 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 2: summary of my biggest regret, and obviously you can tell 144 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,320 Speaker 2: that it's something that I'm still trying to undo and 145 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 2: hopefully in five years time when I'm making like the 146 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:39,120 Speaker 2: final complete list of my regrets of my twenties all up, 147 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 2: this does not make the list, and it is something 148 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,440 Speaker 2: that I've recovered from. But yeah, I'm sure a lot 149 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 2: of people can can relate to it. My second biggest regret, 150 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 2: I feel like the first one is very existential and 151 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:54,200 Speaker 2: very much about like self concept and self respect and 152 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:58,199 Speaker 2: childhood wounds. This next one is not so much it 153 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 2: is impulse buying cloth that weren't comfortable or didn't fit 154 00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:07,840 Speaker 2: or I knew I would never wear big tone shift 155 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 2: there a big one eighty. But I'm obviously like preparing 156 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 2: to move countries at the end of the year, like 157 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:19,320 Speaker 2: visas are approved, flights are booked, plans and preparations are 158 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:24,199 Speaker 2: in process, and I am like looking through my wardrobe 159 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:28,560 Speaker 2: and realizing that I may have like an impulse spending 160 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:32,640 Speaker 2: problem and that I buy a lot of stuff that 161 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:36,079 Speaker 2: I never wear, and it is a huge money pit 162 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 2: for me. I genuinely think I wear the same six outfits, 163 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 2: like I yeah, I really like I've been doing the 164 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 2: math and I've been asking myself the question and getting 165 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:52,920 Speaker 2: rid of things like have I worn this in the 166 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:56,000 Speaker 2: last six months? And there are probably like twelve items 167 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:59,320 Speaker 2: of clothing that I genuinely wear, and the rest is 168 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,960 Speaker 2: just stuff that like sits there and is filled with 169 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 2: the potential of like maybe one day I'll wear this. 170 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,840 Speaker 2: Maybe one day I'll be confident enough to wear that. 171 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 2: Maybe one day I'll suddenly be this different person who 172 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,240 Speaker 2: wears these things. And I just kind of know that 173 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,840 Speaker 2: I'm not, Like, I know that these things don't make 174 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 2: me comfortable, and I just really regret how much money 175 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:23,440 Speaker 2: I have put into clothes or items that I thought 176 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:26,520 Speaker 2: were gonna be the final thing that made me feel good, 177 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 2: or like the final thing that was going to fill 178 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,480 Speaker 2: the void, or like the final item that I needed 179 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 2: to have the most perfect wardrobe and feel confident every 180 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,679 Speaker 2: single time I put something on it is honestly just 181 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 2: a waste of space. And I am seriously considering doing 182 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:44,960 Speaker 2: a little bit of a capsule wardrobe, just selling everything 183 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,840 Speaker 2: except for like the clothes I know I wear on 184 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:51,560 Speaker 2: a daily and starting from scratchl just like not buying 185 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:54,080 Speaker 2: anything else and seeing how long I can last. I 186 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 2: feel like my move to London is going to be 187 00:10:55,920 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 2: a great opportunity for me to try out the minimal lifestyle. 188 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,520 Speaker 2: I don't know how successful I will be, but yeah, 189 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 2: the second biggest regret is the money that I have 190 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:12,040 Speaker 2: put into clothes and items that were really just like 191 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,800 Speaker 2: representing my desire to be someone that I was not, 192 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:19,520 Speaker 2: and I haven't like really recognized that until now. My 193 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:24,080 Speaker 2: third biggest regret now it kind of turns more towards relationships, 194 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 2: and I honestly think it's one that I wasn't like. 195 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,440 Speaker 2: I know this was when I wasn't going to include 196 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,640 Speaker 2: because of how it may make me look like a 197 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 2: bad person or made me look inconsiderate, But it is 198 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:42,960 Speaker 2: ghosting friends, even people who were not good friends to me. 199 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:46,960 Speaker 2: There is like one person in particular that I think 200 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:53,760 Speaker 2: about who our friendship was deeply problematic for many reasons, 201 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 2: emotional but also financial reasons, Like at the end of 202 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 2: the day, the reason it didn't last was because of 203 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 2: how this person treated money and how they kind of 204 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 2: took advantage of me for money in a way that 205 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 2: felt like really awful. And I know that we were 206 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 2: like we weren't meant to be friends and that there 207 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,840 Speaker 2: were things that couldn't be repaired, but I really regret 208 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:28,000 Speaker 2: not having that final conversation with this person and not 209 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:31,480 Speaker 2: just clearing the air. I don't think it would have 210 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,640 Speaker 2: done anything. I don't think that they would have changed, 211 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:39,959 Speaker 2: but sometimes I yeah, I just maybe they wouldn't have 212 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,640 Speaker 2: seen that it was an issue. But I really regret 213 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 2: not giving them that and not giving myself that as well. 214 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:50,319 Speaker 2: And my frickin' phone has been doing this thing where 215 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,640 Speaker 2: they have where it's been like showing me photos of 216 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 2: this person. Like every single day I get a photo 217 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 2: of this previous friend and I can't stop thinking about them, 218 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 2: and yeah, like wanting to reach out, but also knowing 219 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,599 Speaker 2: it's not for the best. And I just think that 220 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 2: that is a lesson. The only thing left in that 221 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,319 Speaker 2: is the lesson to not do that in the future 222 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:15,520 Speaker 2: and to have hard conversations. I've definitely done it in 223 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:18,000 Speaker 2: the past as well, but I do think that my 224 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,880 Speaker 2: default is to just like not hurt people's feelings and 225 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:25,560 Speaker 2: to not want to let people down, not realizing that 226 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:29,800 Speaker 2: sometimes that's kind of selfish, Like it's kind of selfish 227 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:34,200 Speaker 2: to not want to experience the discomfort of upsetting people, 228 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:38,160 Speaker 2: but therefore maybe actually making it a more upsetting experience 229 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:44,160 Speaker 2: for them. Bigger lessons in that, but it has been 230 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:45,839 Speaker 2: a regret of mine, and I wish that I could 231 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:52,640 Speaker 2: go back and finish certain friendships and finish certain relationships better. 232 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:58,600 Speaker 2: Maybe not relationships. I will say I feel like I'm 233 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 2: pretty I'm someone who's pretty good break up with and 234 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 2: I'm good at doing the breaking up, but definitely friendships, 235 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,679 Speaker 2: Like I just feel like the way that you really 236 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,959 Speaker 2: love someone is reflected in how the relationship ends, and 237 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,320 Speaker 2: I definitely could have honored other friendships and friendships of 238 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 2: mine better in the goodbye. That's regret number three. Let's 239 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 2: talk about regret number four before we take a short break. 240 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:28,560 Speaker 2: And this is one that I think I wish. I 241 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:33,480 Speaker 2: wish someone had told me at nineteen and I had 242 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 2: listened to them. Although I don't think I would have, 243 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 2: I regret focusing too much on dating in my early twenties. 244 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,880 Speaker 2: If you are nineteen or younger, or if you are 245 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 2: twenty or twenty one, listen to me closely right now. 246 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 2: If you do not have a boyfriend or a girlfriend 247 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,080 Speaker 2: or a partner right now, and you are thinking that 248 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 2: you need one to kind of fulfill other people's expectations 249 00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 2: or to make you happier, you do not. Please please 250 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,800 Speaker 2: be single right now. Have a lot of fun, make 251 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:12,560 Speaker 2: a lot of amazing friendships. Make the first five years 252 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:17,359 Speaker 2: of your twenties be about building stable community and support network. 253 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,680 Speaker 2: You do not need to start focusing on dating until 254 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 2: you are at least twenty five. And I know that 255 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,320 Speaker 2: that brings up complicated feelings. I know that a lot 256 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,760 Speaker 2: of people may have met the love of their life 257 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:34,040 Speaker 2: in their early twenties, and it's worked out incidentally, like 258 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:35,840 Speaker 2: really amazing. And I know a lot of people have 259 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,360 Speaker 2: a lot of fears around being a late bloomer or 260 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 2: never finding anybody, or not having experience, But I am 261 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,640 Speaker 2: telling you from my perspective and looking back at my life, 262 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 2: I regret so deeply how much time and energy I 263 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:55,240 Speaker 2: put into trying to make men like me, trying to 264 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:59,240 Speaker 2: fall in love, trying to force relationships that did not work, 265 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,840 Speaker 2: when I could have spent all of that energy on 266 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,320 Speaker 2: so much else. Like there was a particular relationship I 267 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:09,120 Speaker 2: had in my early twenties, like when I was twenty one, 268 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 2: I went through two breakups in one year, and in 269 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:15,800 Speaker 2: that same period of time, like being in those relationships 270 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:20,520 Speaker 2: like decimated half of my friendships, And oh my god, 271 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:25,040 Speaker 2: for what, like genuinely for what, I take like full 272 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:28,360 Speaker 2: accountability for the fact that you know, being in that 273 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:32,000 Speaker 2: relationship was a terrible decision and made me act terribly 274 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:35,880 Speaker 2: as as a person. And I just wish I could 275 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 2: like I didn't really learn anything from it. I can 276 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,200 Speaker 2: like fully say that now, like I don't think I 277 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,040 Speaker 2: learned much from it other than that I shouldn't do 278 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:47,960 Speaker 2: that again. And you know, I can never get back 279 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,600 Speaker 2: like that time, and it can never get back the 280 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 2: friendships that it that like my selfishness and that relationship ruined, 281 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 2: and I just wish, Like I have younger sisters and 282 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,240 Speaker 2: I was talking to them because they were staying with 283 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,480 Speaker 2: me this weekend, and I was like, probably like scaring 284 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,159 Speaker 2: them a little bit, but I was like, are you 285 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 2: guys dating anyone? And they were like, none of your business, 286 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,879 Speaker 2: and I was like, well, you shouldn't be tell me, 287 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 2: but also like break up with them, like you need 288 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,320 Speaker 2: to be single, like move to London with me, Like 289 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:18,720 Speaker 2: move to Sydney, Like just do something wild and adventurous 290 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,639 Speaker 2: and crazy whilst you can, because you will meet someone eventually, 291 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 2: and if you don't, you will still benefit more from 292 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:31,480 Speaker 2: spending that time building self confidence and self love and 293 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:35,440 Speaker 2: a really rich ecosystem of friendships and relationships rather than 294 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:39,639 Speaker 2: just like kind of martyring yourself for people who don't 295 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,919 Speaker 2: respect you. This kind of brings me. Sorry, I know 296 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,240 Speaker 2: I said I take a break, but this fifth regret 297 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:49,760 Speaker 2: is actually really relevant to this, and that is tolerating 298 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:52,880 Speaker 2: bad behavior from people I was dating because I wanted validation, 299 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 2: and that really kind of comes back to that relationship 300 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:04,280 Speaker 2: I was talking about. Like the respect that I let happen, 301 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:09,160 Speaker 2: and I'm not like blaming myself, but like the disrespect 302 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:14,280 Speaker 2: that I overlooked because I wanted this mediocre person to 303 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 2: like me is wild in hindsight. Like the way this 304 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:25,199 Speaker 2: person would make me feel, the way he would like 305 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,880 Speaker 2: talk down to me in front of others, the way 306 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,960 Speaker 2: he would discredit my passions, the way he would never 307 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,040 Speaker 2: like meet my emotional needs, and yet I continue to 308 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,919 Speaker 2: like come back to him and like worship him is 309 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 2: a huge regret for me. It's a massive one. The 310 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,639 Speaker 2: question that I wish i'd ask myself and which I 311 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 2: now tell people to ask themselves in these similar situations, 312 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,360 Speaker 2: is if this was your soulmate, would your soulmate treat 313 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:57,159 Speaker 2: you this way? Is this how you want to be 314 00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:00,399 Speaker 2: loved for the rest of your life? Because I think 315 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,240 Speaker 2: in our twenties sometimes the stakes don't feel that high, right, 316 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 2: It doesn't really feel like this person is going to 317 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:11,439 Speaker 2: be forever, But like it doesn't matter every moment that 318 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:15,320 Speaker 2: you stay in those situations where your confidence and your 319 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 2: sense of self and your sense of self esteem is 320 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:21,119 Speaker 2: like degraded is a moment you don't get back and 321 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 2: is important. So I wish I hadn't. I wish i'd 322 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:28,000 Speaker 2: put my foot down. I wish that I'd just cut 323 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:32,119 Speaker 2: my losses a bit sooner. And you know what, I wish, 324 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:36,000 Speaker 2: in like kind of a cruel way, that I'd had 325 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,639 Speaker 2: like that final moment to like look this person in 326 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:42,040 Speaker 2: the eye and be like you really have lost out, 327 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:46,040 Speaker 2: Like there's a self like this, like little like cheeky, 328 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 2: kind of mean part of me. That's like God, I 329 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,200 Speaker 2: wish I could have just like given them a piece 330 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:56,239 Speaker 2: of my mind. Maybe not immediately when we broke up, 331 00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,160 Speaker 2: because like the way I broke up with this person 332 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,359 Speaker 2: was like a whisper rather than a shout, But I 333 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 2: wish that, like six months later I'd run into him 334 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:08,119 Speaker 2: and I could have just been like yeah, like I 335 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 2: don't know. Maybe it's like a reclaiming of the confidence 336 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,679 Speaker 2: I wish I had during that period. But Okay, I 337 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,359 Speaker 2: promised us a break. I promised some time for you 338 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 2: guys to go get some tea to enjoy my ads. 339 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:29,359 Speaker 2: So stay with us. We will be right back. Welcome back. 340 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,720 Speaker 2: As a reminder, we are talking about the ten biggest 341 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 2: regrets that I have about my twenties. So far, we 342 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 2: have talked about relationships. We've talked about shopping randomly, We've 343 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:43,880 Speaker 2: talked about ghosting friends. I want to talk now more 344 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:47,960 Speaker 2: about how I chose to use my time and my 345 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:52,119 Speaker 2: energy and this what are we up to? Sixth regret 346 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:57,639 Speaker 2: has to do with journaling actually, and how I processed 347 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:02,119 Speaker 2: emotions or took notes of pivotal points in my life. 348 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:06,560 Speaker 2: I wish that I had journaled more, especially in my 349 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:11,879 Speaker 2: early twenties, rather than relying on my memory to accurately 350 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:16,240 Speaker 2: describe things when I was a teenager. I have these 351 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:23,239 Speaker 2: incredibly intricate journals and reflections on my life, and there 352 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,480 Speaker 2: are all these characters, and they are all these like 353 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:28,880 Speaker 2: plot twists that actually happened to me, and it's honestly, 354 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:33,760 Speaker 2: really delightful like reading them back. I feel as if 355 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:38,640 Speaker 2: people journal for two reasons. They journal for emotional processing 356 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,560 Speaker 2: and as a form of coping, and they also journal 357 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:46,240 Speaker 2: as a form of memory keeping and as a way 358 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:50,560 Speaker 2: to see it coherent, to kind of be able to 359 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:54,840 Speaker 2: see the story of their life right. And there is 360 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,960 Speaker 2: this big chunk of my story that is missing. If 361 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,959 Speaker 2: you were only to read my journals because I just 362 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 2: I was so distracted that I didn't do it and 363 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,720 Speaker 2: I didn't think it was important. And I just really 364 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:11,000 Speaker 2: regret that because I wish I had a more like 365 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,800 Speaker 2: I was gonna say, objective, but like objective is in 366 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,280 Speaker 2: of the time recount of what I was going through 367 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,359 Speaker 2: and what I was learning at that time. I guess 368 00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:21,240 Speaker 2: this episode is like a way to do that for 369 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,080 Speaker 2: me right now. And I guess maybe it really like 370 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,679 Speaker 2: aligned with when I started doing the podcast and I 371 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,159 Speaker 2: kind of felt like I didn't have to do it 372 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:32,400 Speaker 2: as much, but I did and I still do and 373 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 2: now I'm kind of getting back into it. But I 374 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:36,959 Speaker 2: really wish that i'd done that more. It's such an 375 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,920 Speaker 2: important practice for me, and I don't know necessarily why 376 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:45,000 Speaker 2: I neglected it, but I know I regret it. My 377 00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:49,160 Speaker 2: seventh regret is overthinking things rather than just doing them. 378 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:53,480 Speaker 2: And yet again, this is another kind of routine way 379 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,720 Speaker 2: that I operate that I am trying to not necessarily 380 00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:01,640 Speaker 2: unlearn but just acknowledge and be friends with. You know, 381 00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:06,120 Speaker 2: I might and probably will never change my brain's tendency 382 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:11,040 Speaker 2: to overthink, but I think I can overcome the instinct 383 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 2: to just ruminate forever and ever and ever. My tendency 384 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:20,440 Speaker 2: to overthink rather than just do is both like innocuous 385 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:26,600 Speaker 2: and deeply like influential. It happens every single day. It's 386 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:31,040 Speaker 2: like from small things like not being able to choose 387 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 2: an ice cream flavor and then like getting to the 388 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 2: counter and having something in mind that I want and 389 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:41,520 Speaker 2: then choosing something completely different and being disappointed, to overthinking 390 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,520 Speaker 2: my future to the point where I don't ever act 391 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:49,000 Speaker 2: on certain things, or don't ever act on opportunities because 392 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:52,080 Speaker 2: I've just been so obsessed over whether they're going to 393 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,159 Speaker 2: be right and whether they're going to set me on 394 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,560 Speaker 2: a path that I can't come back from. That's just 395 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:02,280 Speaker 2: like so ridiculous, right, Like we have no idea how 396 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:05,640 Speaker 2: a decision is going to work out. I always give 397 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,560 Speaker 2: people advice to just do, to just make the decision, 398 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:13,159 Speaker 2: to just go with one choice rather than going with 399 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,359 Speaker 2: no choice, And yet it's something that I still struggle with. 400 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,359 Speaker 2: I definitely do act, and I definitely do make the 401 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,960 Speaker 2: decision eventually, but I just wonder how much time and 402 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:27,720 Speaker 2: opportunity I've wasted thinking about it, especially like to break 403 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,600 Speaker 2: the fourth wall yet again, when I think like in 404 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,600 Speaker 2: like year two of the podcast, when like people were 405 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,879 Speaker 2: listening right, really listening, and it felt like I was 406 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:40,080 Speaker 2: doing something important rather than just a hobby. I would 407 00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:44,359 Speaker 2: obsessively think about which episodes to release next, and it 408 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 2: meant that I had all these really good ideas, and 409 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,399 Speaker 2: I had all these stories that I think would have 410 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,000 Speaker 2: been really important to share, and I didn't because I 411 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:55,760 Speaker 2: kept questioning and overthinking whether people would find them valuable, 412 00:24:56,640 --> 00:25:01,239 Speaker 2: whether than you know, whether I would find them. And 413 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,680 Speaker 2: I feel like that was a big mistake and it's 414 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,240 Speaker 2: something that I again I regret. I've also done it 415 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:11,800 Speaker 2: with job opportunities in the past, where I've overthought something 416 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,840 Speaker 2: to the point where they've basically been like, well, we're 417 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,119 Speaker 2: gonna give it to someone else, and I totally respect 418 00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:20,520 Speaker 2: that decision, but I wish that I wasn't in that situation. 419 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,440 Speaker 2: So something that I want to do in the next 420 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:29,040 Speaker 2: three years of my twenties is to just listen to 421 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:33,960 Speaker 2: my gut a little bit more and to just trust 422 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,719 Speaker 2: the first thought that comes into my brain, even if 423 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:40,679 Speaker 2: it's wrong. And this is what I think about this. 424 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,080 Speaker 2: I think that there is so much to be said 425 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:48,040 Speaker 2: about trial and error in further honing and fine tuning 426 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:52,560 Speaker 2: your gut instinct and your intuition. The only way you 427 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,560 Speaker 2: can know what is intuition and what is anxiety is 428 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 2: to just act on whatever comes up first and figure 429 00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:03,360 Speaker 2: it out and then kind of reverse engineer or kind 430 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:06,560 Speaker 2: of understand in hindsight or distinguish in hindsight which was 431 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 2: which right and what they why they might subtly feel differently. 432 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 2: So this is something that I want to be better at. 433 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:16,600 Speaker 2: Not trusting my gut instinct has also gotten me in 434 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 2: a lot of trouble in the past. That kind of 435 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,919 Speaker 2: brings me to my eighth regret, which is the times 436 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,120 Speaker 2: that I didn't trust my gut instinct when it came 437 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:31,040 Speaker 2: to large financial decisions and letting people pressure me into 438 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,439 Speaker 2: things that I knew were not right and that I 439 00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,480 Speaker 2: had a bad gut feeling about. I don't really talk 440 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:41,240 Speaker 2: about money on the show very much just because I 441 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:46,119 Speaker 2: to be real, I'm not particularly very good with money. 442 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:49,280 Speaker 2: Like I've definitely been more dedicated to learning about it 443 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:53,720 Speaker 2: and to investing in things and to using my money wisely. 444 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,480 Speaker 2: But like you know, I have an economics degree doesn't 445 00:26:56,520 --> 00:27:01,199 Speaker 2: mean I really understand everyday financial decisions very well. But 446 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:08,720 Speaker 2: last year I didn't necessarily lose, but I invested like 447 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,480 Speaker 2: what was a very significant sum of money for me 448 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:18,160 Speaker 2: because of advice from someone else who I didn't want 449 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,800 Speaker 2: to disagree with. It's not that I wanted to impress them, 450 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:24,480 Speaker 2: but I felt like I couldn't say no, and I 451 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:30,520 Speaker 2: felt like pressured into making this decision. And every part 452 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,119 Speaker 2: of me was like, don't do that, Like, don't spend 453 00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:35,400 Speaker 2: this money. You don't want to do this. This actually 454 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:38,080 Speaker 2: isn't going This isn't the right decision for you, This 455 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,640 Speaker 2: isn't going to lead to a better outcome for you. 456 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:47,359 Speaker 2: And yet I did it, and I really deeply regret it. 457 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:51,160 Speaker 2: I really deeply regret that I didn't listen to my intuition. 458 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,200 Speaker 2: And you know what, it wasn't a total loss, and 459 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,560 Speaker 2: in the grand scheme of things, like, yeah, it was 460 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 2: a lot of money at the time, I'm sure future 461 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:04,000 Speaker 2: me is not going it is not like it wasn't 462 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,600 Speaker 2: like the amount that you would need to buy a 463 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,680 Speaker 2: house or even a car or anything like that big. 464 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,760 Speaker 2: But I just I just wish that I had listened 465 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:15,600 Speaker 2: to myself a little bit better and that I had 466 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:20,239 Speaker 2: been more more trusting in my own research and the 467 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,840 Speaker 2: information I had to make a better decision and again 468 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:28,439 Speaker 2: less peer pressure. I will also say this is a 469 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,760 Speaker 2: bonus regret that I talked about that in the main 470 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:34,679 Speaker 2: episode that I did on this the twenty Biggest Regrets episode, 471 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,440 Speaker 2: not investing sooner. It was a big one for a 472 00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:40,080 Speaker 2: lot of people in that episode, and it's a big 473 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:44,520 Speaker 2: one for me once you realize how many people are 474 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:49,120 Speaker 2: just like making money from their money, like it's shocking 475 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,080 Speaker 2: and you never look back. And we're kind of at 476 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,280 Speaker 2: a point now where you don't necessarily need to be 477 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:59,280 Speaker 2: like a unicorn investor a multimillionaire to have access to 478 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:03,360 Speaker 2: these opportunities. I think, like even twenty to fifty dollars, 479 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,720 Speaker 2: like you can put into shares or bonds or stocks 480 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:11,080 Speaker 2: and you can get returns, and I wish, like, it's 481 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,200 Speaker 2: not free money. I will say, it's not free money. 482 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:15,120 Speaker 2: I need to stop saying this. I said this to 483 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:16,880 Speaker 2: my friend the other day who was an accountant, and 484 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:18,720 Speaker 2: she was like, you can't say that it's free money, 485 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 2: but it is like your money working for you. And so, 486 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:25,160 Speaker 2: as a bonus regrets, such thing I wish i'd done 487 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,400 Speaker 2: sooner that is definitely one of them. I've kind of 488 00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,120 Speaker 2: lost track of where I'm up to now. I think 489 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:35,959 Speaker 2: we are at number nine, our second last one, and 490 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,880 Speaker 2: that is not making the most of my time off. 491 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:45,760 Speaker 2: When I was at university, let me explain, I should 492 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:51,600 Speaker 2: have taken advantage of how little I had on. When 493 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:55,080 Speaker 2: I was a university student, I felt so much pressure 494 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:59,400 Speaker 2: to like have the internships, to be applying for like 495 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,840 Speaker 2: as many jobs as possible, and like boosting my resume 496 00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:06,080 Speaker 2: and like making it look more important. Obviously, I also 497 00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 2: had to work because I needed to like pay my bills, 498 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:13,480 Speaker 2: but I also spent a great deal of time just 499 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,320 Speaker 2: like messing about and just like kind of hanging around 500 00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:21,560 Speaker 2: my college and like not really doing anything. And I 501 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:25,400 Speaker 2: wish I hadn't done that. Like you get to the 502 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,760 Speaker 2: stage and like adulthood and all the responsibilities just like 503 00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 2: kind of take over, and you realize how rare that 504 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:33,959 Speaker 2: time in your life was where you could just like 505 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,400 Speaker 2: have a little bit of freedom. Often like every seven 506 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,600 Speaker 2: weeks you would have like a break. Every twelve weeks 507 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,400 Speaker 2: or so, you would have a break. And I wish 508 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:44,200 Speaker 2: I'd just done a few more day trips. I wish 509 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,720 Speaker 2: i'd done a bit more exploring. I wish I'd done 510 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:49,680 Speaker 2: a bit more of the stuff that excited me rather 511 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:53,080 Speaker 2: than what I thought I should have done. I remember 512 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:59,520 Speaker 2: one winter, especially where I did this internship that everyone 513 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:02,880 Speaker 2: told me was important. I have never been asked about 514 00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:06,360 Speaker 2: that internship. I even think that I got a job 515 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,440 Speaker 2: without that internship on my resume, because it was an 516 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,600 Speaker 2: old resume that I handed in, like and it was 517 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,800 Speaker 2: so many hours of unpaid work that I thought was 518 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:19,760 Speaker 2: expected of me to get ahead in like the previous 519 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,320 Speaker 2: career that I was in, and I just won't get 520 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,840 Speaker 2: that time back. And I really think that my character 521 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 2: and my sense of self and my like life enjoyment 522 00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:32,720 Speaker 2: would have been improved so much better by just having 523 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:37,280 Speaker 2: some fun. I took my I took everything so seriously 524 00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,400 Speaker 2: when I was finishing up union, when I was in 525 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 2: my final few years and months of university, and I 526 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:50,960 Speaker 2: didn't appreciate how much freedom and how much fun like 527 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,400 Speaker 2: that time is and how you should really take advantage 528 00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:56,680 Speaker 2: of it. Nowadays, it's like so much harder. I don't 529 00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:58,840 Speaker 2: think I've had like a full week off without working 530 00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:02,960 Speaker 2: in like two years. I wish that I realized what 531 00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:05,760 Speaker 2: a gift that was back then, and that there is 532 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,640 Speaker 2: so much time to get ahead and to do the 533 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,760 Speaker 2: shoulds and to do the things that you feel like 534 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:16,360 Speaker 2: obligated to do to get ahead later on, and yeah, 535 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,360 Speaker 2: someone else might be doing those things now, and you 536 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,800 Speaker 2: might feel like you're in this secret competition with all 537 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:22,520 Speaker 2: of these people. 538 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:23,680 Speaker 1: You're not. 539 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,040 Speaker 2: People also want well rounded individuals, and you can't be 540 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:31,680 Speaker 2: well rounded if you just continuously do things that are 541 00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 2: expected of you or that you don't even care about 542 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,880 Speaker 2: just because of how they look. That's my ninth regret, 543 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:45,720 Speaker 2: and this is my final one. Delaying medical appointments sounds 544 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,280 Speaker 2: like a weird one to make number ten on this list. 545 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:51,640 Speaker 2: It is not. You guys know I had that really 546 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,280 Speaker 2: well maybe you don't know if you didn't listen to 547 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:55,800 Speaker 2: that episode, but at the start of the year I 548 00:32:55,840 --> 00:33:00,800 Speaker 2: had this really intense health scare where I went to 549 00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 2: the optometrist and literally within days I was getting MRIs 550 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,000 Speaker 2: to see if I had a brain tumor and they 551 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:13,720 Speaker 2: were testing to see if I had MS or I 552 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:17,480 Speaker 2: had all of like all of these different diseases. Essentially, 553 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:22,360 Speaker 2: my optic nerve in my eye was like really really swollen, 554 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 2: and yeah, I, Oh, my god, I should know what 555 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:30,080 Speaker 2: it's called. Optic neurosis, I think is what the symptom is. 556 00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:33,600 Speaker 2: And I just I'd missed that I'd been having all 557 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:37,240 Speaker 2: of these like weird things and I hadn't obviously paid 558 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,479 Speaker 2: attention to them. And then suddenly it was like, oh 559 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:43,120 Speaker 2: my god, my life is flipped upside down in like 560 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:46,360 Speaker 2: a matter of seconds. Literally just last week, I went 561 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,520 Speaker 2: and I did all of my appointments for the next year. 562 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,720 Speaker 2: I went and got my blood's done. I went and 563 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:54,280 Speaker 2: got like all of my like screenings done. I went 564 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:58,200 Speaker 2: and got a bunch of like ultrasounds and a bunch 565 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:02,400 Speaker 2: of other stuff, just to like look at things that 566 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,600 Speaker 2: I have been annoying me and that are obviously causing 567 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:08,400 Speaker 2: pain or discomfort in my body that I would ordinarily 568 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,239 Speaker 2: just like ignore, but I know I need to pay 569 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,040 Speaker 2: attention to now before they get worse. I always have 570 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,800 Speaker 2: to give this caveat. I live in Australia, right, God 571 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:22,839 Speaker 2: bless universal health care, because all of those appointments cost 572 00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:26,320 Speaker 2: me fifty dollars and I really did take advantage of 573 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,840 Speaker 2: those perks, like I really did get the whole. I 574 00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:33,719 Speaker 2: got the whole, like bodily review the whole like I 575 00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,520 Speaker 2: did everything, and so I know every time I give 576 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,399 Speaker 2: this piece of advice or I talk about this regret, 577 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,920 Speaker 2: I always get people who are not in countries that 578 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:43,839 Speaker 2: are as blessed as Australia being like, that's not that's 579 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:49,600 Speaker 2: not like obtainable for everybody. That's okay. You should still 580 00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,200 Speaker 2: do it if you have the means, If you have 581 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,440 Speaker 2: any form of means or any way of doing this, 582 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:58,120 Speaker 2: even if it's through like free programs through your university, 583 00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:01,960 Speaker 2: especially when you're young and it may be discounted, or 584 00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:04,839 Speaker 2: you may still be underneath your parents' health insurance, go 585 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:09,000 Speaker 2: and do it. I also just got my skin checked 586 00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:13,160 Speaker 2: for skin cancer. I spend a lot of time like 587 00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,120 Speaker 2: baking my body in the sun when I was in 588 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 2: my late teens and early twenties, and I was like, 589 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,240 Speaker 2: I have to do this. I kept getting it put off. 590 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:26,000 Speaker 2: The peace of mind that I felt afterwards was so relieving. 591 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:30,160 Speaker 2: Please do it for me, do it, do it for us, 592 00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:33,239 Speaker 2: Go and do your medical appointments. It's worth it, and 593 00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 2: that also counts for your mental health as well. I 594 00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:37,960 Speaker 2: haven't always been the best at that. I feel like 595 00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:41,240 Speaker 2: I let things get to a crisis point sometimes before 596 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,480 Speaker 2: I take action. And after everything I went through last 597 00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,360 Speaker 2: year with my mental health, I'm definitely trying to be 598 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,080 Speaker 2: aware that that is a pattern for me, and I'm 599 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:53,080 Speaker 2: trying to unload it. I think that's all of them. 600 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,480 Speaker 2: I think we have done my ten regrets. I do 601 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,800 Speaker 2: have one more on this list that I must have added, 602 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:02,000 Speaker 2: number eleven. Letting people who I don't respect make me 603 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:05,520 Speaker 2: feel bad about myself. That's kind of a big one 604 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:07,759 Speaker 2: to end on. But this is especially like to do 605 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,839 Speaker 2: with people online. I talk so much about like how 606 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,640 Speaker 2: I'm so easy to rage bait. I know this about myself. 607 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:18,359 Speaker 2: I get so frustrated at people who like criticize other 608 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:21,480 Speaker 2: people online behind behind like a troll account or like 609 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:25,000 Speaker 2: a faceless profile, or people who are like you did 610 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,200 Speaker 2: that wrong, and like they've never actually attempted to make 611 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,640 Speaker 2: anything in their life or like put themselves out there. 612 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,200 Speaker 2: And so this is one that I'm just like, I 613 00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:36,759 Speaker 2: regret all the emotional time and energy I invested into 614 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,800 Speaker 2: people that I would never meet, who had opinions about 615 00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:43,040 Speaker 2: me that were completely unfounded. That's like a little bonus 616 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:46,080 Speaker 2: one if you are someone and to be honest I 617 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,960 Speaker 2: still don't know how to not do it, so it's 618 00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,040 Speaker 2: an ongoing regret. Maybe that's why I didn't make the 619 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,160 Speaker 2: full list. But if you're someone who feels the same 620 00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:57,560 Speaker 2: and who has easily been rage baited recently or is 621 00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:01,440 Speaker 2: easily getting frustrated by people's opinions, you are not alone. 622 00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:05,560 Speaker 2: But that's everything. That's everything on my list, and I 623 00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:07,279 Speaker 2: feel like that list is going to change in the 624 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:10,239 Speaker 2: next couple several years, as like I get older and 625 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,000 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm going to learn more. So I 626 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,560 Speaker 2: think I might come back in the last season of 627 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:18,160 Speaker 2: The Psychology of Your Twenties, the last season before I 628 00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:22,600 Speaker 2: turn thirty, and redo this list and see, like where 629 00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,799 Speaker 2: I've kind of what ones I've overcome, which things I've 630 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:27,840 Speaker 2: learned from, which things I regret a little bit less. 631 00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:32,080 Speaker 2: But for now, that's really what I'm taking away from 632 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,280 Speaker 2: my early and mid twenties, And I hope that if 633 00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:37,200 Speaker 2: you know you're at a similar point in your life, 634 00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:39,760 Speaker 2: if you're in your early twenties, you can learn something 635 00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:42,160 Speaker 2: from those regrets and maybe not make the same mistakes. 636 00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,440 Speaker 2: Or maybe it's just the case that everyone has to 637 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,240 Speaker 2: go through some of this stuff and figure it out 638 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:51,160 Speaker 2: on their own. So whatever it is, I don't know, 639 00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,120 Speaker 2: hopefully it was helpful, and feel free to share your 640 00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:57,319 Speaker 2: regrets below. I know we have that full episode, but 641 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,680 Speaker 2: I genuinely think that the easiest way to learn is 642 00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:03,800 Speaker 2: obviously to make the mistake yourself. The second easiest way 643 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:09,320 Speaker 2: is to hear from others and reflect on their takeaways 644 00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:12,080 Speaker 2: and their learnings from those moments. So if you feel 645 00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:14,799 Speaker 2: the need to share, please do leave a comment below 646 00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,120 Speaker 2: what is your biggest regret in your twenties so far. 647 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,279 Speaker 2: Also make sure that you are following us on Instagram 648 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:23,279 Speaker 2: or you are following us wherever you are listening right 649 00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:27,120 Speaker 2: now on Spotify, on Apple Podcasts. We also have a 650 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:32,799 Speaker 2: YouTube and we have a substack, so if you want transcripts, 651 00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:34,440 Speaker 2: I know a lot of people want that. If you 652 00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,960 Speaker 2: want some of the studies, references to the studies that 653 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:40,000 Speaker 2: we cite in some of our episodes that is now available, 654 00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:43,840 Speaker 2: there will be links in the description. You can always 655 00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,200 Speaker 2: there's links everywhere. Everyone's got a link to something, but 656 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:48,680 Speaker 2: it will be clear where it is. Follow that to 657 00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,760 Speaker 2: find what you're looking for. But until next time, stay safe, 658 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:55,239 Speaker 2: be kind, be gentle to yourself, learn from your regrets 659 00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:57,279 Speaker 2: and we will talk very very soon.