WEBVTT - Alter Egos 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.400 Hell I Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared 0:00:04.720 --> 0:00:10.520 and I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello one and all, and 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:13.440 welcome to an all new episode of Help I Suck 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:16.919 At Dating. My name is Jared Haveven. Dean Angler is 0:00:17.040 --> 0:00:19.480 not in studio. I think he's in Japan right now. 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:22.440 He's not in the country, He's not in country. He 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:24.880 might not be on planet Earth. We don't know. We 0:00:24.920 --> 0:00:28.320 cannot confirm, nor deny Eastern Marcus in studio. The beautiful 0:00:28.440 --> 0:00:35.400 Vanessa Gamaldi coming to us live from another country as well, 0:00:35.479 --> 0:00:42.040 a little country know as Canadian shirt. You're very Canadian. 0:00:42.080 --> 0:00:44.959 I like plaid. Plaids nice. But we have a very 0:00:44.960 --> 0:00:47.960 important announcement right now. We just received breaking news that 0:00:48.120 --> 0:00:52.640 just happened five minutes ago. Guys in the dating world, 0:00:52.880 --> 0:00:58.080 It's incredible, sad, but also maybe a little happy. Lady 0:00:58.120 --> 0:01:03.840 Gaga and her fiance Christian karin No have ended their engagement. 0:01:05.280 --> 0:01:09.120 Now this is big news because the entire world, after 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:13.039 seeing a Star is born, I'm pretty sure is shipping 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:15.880 the relationship between Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. And here 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:19.560 is one step towards Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. Finally, 0:01:19.880 --> 0:01:22.920 becoming the couple everybody in the United States and all 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:27.160 around the world really wants to happen. Is Bradley Cooper single. 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:31.280 No oh, come on, So don't put that energy onto him. 0:01:31.400 --> 0:01:33.920 I know I feel bad, but honestly, because here's the thing, 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:38.600 Ashley has been behind this the whole time, like thinking 0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:41.400 that they're actually in love. There's actually a rumor a 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:44.119 couple of days ago that Lady Gaga got a tattoo 0:01:44.720 --> 0:01:47.160 that was a secret shout out to Bradley Cooper. I 0:01:47.160 --> 0:01:48.600 don't know if you saw this, but she got a 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:51.640 tattoo on what appears to be her arm, her forearm, 0:01:51.920 --> 0:01:56.320 and it's music notes. Yeah, she's also a musician, that 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:59.520 is true. Yes, And apparently the notes spell g A 0:01:59.640 --> 0:02:03.360 g A Gaga. There's four notes on there. But somebody 0:02:03.600 --> 0:02:07.440 tweeted that they must they had information that apparently the 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:12.520 notes spelling Gaga in the treble clef. I'm hoping I'm 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:18.360 pronouncing that correctly spell bc BC in the base clef 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:23.720 and b C b C Bradley Cooper, Bradley Cooper. Listen, 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:28.320 I'm not saying it. I'm just reading what's on the internet. Okay, guys, 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:31.240 all of a sudden, Lady Gaga ends her engagement. She's 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:34.200 getting tattoos that could allude to Bradley Cooper. I've been 0:02:34.240 --> 0:02:36.880 against it this entire time. Let them live their lives, 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:40.560 let them be happy. But now it's like, Okay, well 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:44.640 she entered engagement, Bradley still with someone. Bradley is with 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:49.239 a stunning woman, a stunning woman together too as well. 0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:52.680 But you know what, look at Orlando Bloom and Um, 0:02:52.960 --> 0:02:57.400 Katy Perry. They ended their relationship and now back together 0:02:57.440 --> 0:03:00.480 and now back together and engaged. Engaged yet? But can 0:03:00.520 --> 0:03:03.280 we talk about the engagement ring for a second. Yeah, 0:03:03.360 --> 0:03:04.799 I want to talk about it. What are your thoughts 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:08.120 on it? So the um he was engaged? Who was 0:03:08.160 --> 0:03:12.920 engaged to previous to Katie Perry? Um, it was the 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:18.640 guy from Getting to the Greeks brand. No, no, no, 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:20.520 no, no no, I'm not talking about Lady Gaga. I'm saying 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:27.480 Nando Bloom wasn't Miranda cur Randa cur and Miranda curs ring. 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:30.359 Um looks like a flower, Like there's a diamond in 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:32.440 the middle, and there's diamonds all around. And if you 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:36.760 look at Katie's Katie Perry's new engagement ring given from 0:03:37.120 --> 0:03:42.320 Bradley from Orlando bloom. Uh looks basically the same, just 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:45.840 different colors. Just like, yes, i'm looking, I'm looking at 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:50.680 two pictures right now. I'm looking at Miranda curR. Oh, 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:53.960 I'm looking. I'm a looking. But they're they're different colors, 0:03:54.000 --> 0:03:57.120 they're different styles. It's it's not that, No, it's the 0:03:57.120 --> 0:04:01.640 exact same style. Well it's a flower, yeah, but the 0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:05.960 flowers are completely different. I mean, all right, here's the thing. 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:09.360 It does. Apparently her the Miranda what's her name or 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:15.760 Miranda curs ring, I don't see the flower. I guess it. 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:17.520 I guess it has a little bit of a flower 0:04:17.640 --> 0:04:21.599 shape with the diamond in the middle. And then Katy 0:04:21.680 --> 0:04:25.320 Perry's new ring, it's just it's the same. It's the 0:04:25.360 --> 0:04:27.960 same shape, but just different colors, but also like a 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:32.520 different style because hers has like HER's it Katy Perry's 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:37.640 looks bigger, and there's like it's like, what kind of 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:39.960 flower would that be? What kind of flowers Katy Perry's 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:42.640 engagement ring, it's basically a flower, like when kids draw 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:45.039 flowers on a piece of paper, You draw like a circle, 0:04:45.040 --> 0:04:47.240 and then you draw circles all around that circle. Vanessa 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:50.640 you're trying to say that Orlando Bloom gave an engagement 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:53.160 ring to Katy Perry that resembles the illustrations of a 0:04:53.240 --> 0:04:55.480 third grader. I think it looks like a girl's cookie 0:04:55.480 --> 0:04:59.040 to me. Oh yeah, now I'm hungry. I can see 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:00.760 a girl cell cookie. I guess I don't see the 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:06.599 flower on the first engagement ring. I don't know. I'm 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:09.200 looking at it right now. It just looks like a 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:12.479 big dude, So we don't really can't. So if you 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:14.760 got this from a guy and you knew he had 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:17.880 given the other one to a previous fiance, this would 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:23.000 bother you. Um. I mean if it was if it 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:25.839 was the actual same ring, then yeah, I'd be like, dude, 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:27.600 if it was as similar as what you're looking at 0:05:27.680 --> 0:05:30.599 right now, no, no, no, If it was similar, that's 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:32.560 it's fine. But I would like him to be a 0:05:32.640 --> 0:05:36.520 little bit more creative. Maybe this is his favorite style 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:40.240 of ring so well obviously, well was there when he 0:05:40.360 --> 0:05:44.120 got engaged with Miranda? Was there talk of a flowered 0:05:44.160 --> 0:05:46.560 shaped ring? Or is this just all coming out now 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:49.080 because they resemble each other. It's all coming out now 0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:52.600 because they resemble each other. Interesting. I wonder if he 0:05:52.640 --> 0:05:55.120 even thought about it. I wonder if he was like, oh, yeah, 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:58.920 I got Probably not. I mean, I'm assuming. Note, I 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:00.640 don't know. I don't think it's that bad. I don't 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:04.440 think it's that that crazy. Do you think it's crazy? Though? 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.680 That are not crazy? Do you think it's a good 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:09.680 idea for people to break up and then get back 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:13.520 together again? Sure didn't justin timber Lake and Jessica Bill. 0:06:14.440 --> 0:06:17.680 There's a bunch of people who did that. Yeah. Actually, 0:06:17.839 --> 0:06:21.440 surprisingly enough, I was researching this and Kelly Rippa and 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:25.080 Mark Consuelos. Is that is that same? Yeah, they broke 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:27.880 up a day before they got so they broke up, 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:30.120 and then they got back together, and then the day 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:32.640 after they got back together that eloped and have been 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:34.679 together for I don't know how many years. You can't 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:38.159 truly know unless you let it go. There is something 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:40.600 to that. There is. Amy and I broke up for 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:45.640 literally less than forty eight hours. But that break up 0:06:45.920 --> 0:06:48.880 maybe not you could argue that, but at the moment 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:52.120 it felt very major and upsetting. But it also made 0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:54.640 us both realize that this is stupid. How long were 0:06:54.680 --> 0:06:58.600 you guys together when this breakup occurred? I would say 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:02.760 three years? So a decent amount significant. Yeah, were you 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:07.200 guys married yet? Okay? Yeah, I'm I I know a 0:07:07.279 --> 0:07:09.800 very healthy couple now that have been married for a 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:12.880 very long time that broke up years back for a 0:07:12.920 --> 0:07:16.360 few months and realized that they couldn't live without one another. 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:20.400 I think I think people have there's like a bad 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:24.640 taste in people's mouth when they realize a couple broke 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:27.320 up and now they're back together, because maybe there's a 0:07:27.360 --> 0:07:30.600 trust issue or people think there is. But man, there's 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:33.240 something to be said about appreciating somebody else and you 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:37.880 can't really appreciate them unless you experience life without them. 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:41.000 You look at yeah, I mean, look at Justin Bieber 0:07:41.040 --> 0:07:46.680 and Haley h Baldwin, Um, Miley Cyrus and Liam just 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:49.120 got married and they were engaged and they broke their 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:53.040 engagement and now they're married. Yeah, So I think it. 0:07:53.720 --> 0:07:57.160 I think it comes down to how you you relationships. 0:07:57.360 --> 0:08:00.000 I'm someone that was very black and white growing up 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:02.680 in my twenties and now coming off with a bachelor 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:05.320 and you know, just being able to be open to 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:09.800 different types of relationships has shaped me into someone that 0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:15.080 is open to that kind of gray zone where I 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:18.800 mean Vanessa life is happening in the gray. I know 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:21.280 it's so, and I'm learning. I'm trying. I know it's 0:08:21.320 --> 0:08:24.240 a it's a big struggle of mine to swim in 0:08:24.280 --> 0:08:26.560 the areas of gray, and I'm really trying to get 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:28.360 better at it. You gotta swim in it, you gotta 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:30.720 breathe in it. You gotta really just accept trying. At 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:33.240 least I'm admitting it though. That's you know, hey, the 0:08:33.280 --> 0:08:36.040 first step in solving a problem is realizing that there 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:39.000 is one. Also, you said Haley Baldwin did Haley never 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:41.960 changed her name. She's not Haley Bieber, She's just Haley Baldwin. 0:08:42.040 --> 0:08:45.360 Thinks she is Haley Bieber. Is that she's Harley Eastern. 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:48.679 You're nodding your head as if you know Haley is 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:52.000 the kind of thing that Easter Biber Baldwin. It is 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:56.040 Haley Bieber Instagram. Her legal name know is Haley Road Bieber. 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:59.200 I didn't know that, which is actually a full sentence. 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:02.000 So there's still together though, right because I heard rumors 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:03.760 that they were I mean, I knew that they were 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:07.640 going in counseling, and they were very beautiful thing. It 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:10.240 is a very beautiful thing. I hope they're doing all right. 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:16.599 I suggest counseling before it hits the fan in a relationship, 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:19.400 because that's when you have to start undoing a mess 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:21.920 and undoing so much hurt that's been done to two people. 0:09:22.320 --> 0:09:24.839 It's I think, um, yeah, I think a couple of 0:09:24.920 --> 0:09:26.959 therapy is great when you're like getting to know each 0:09:27.000 --> 0:09:30.040 other and super excited and you know, working on yourself 0:09:30.040 --> 0:09:33.480 and working on the relationship. I think that's uh for 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:36.880 me at least, it's it's it makes me feel very 0:09:36.920 --> 0:09:39.520 optimistic about a relationship because that means that person is 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:42.480 willing to put in the work and not run away. 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:46.680 If it's kind of like trying to stop a cold 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:49.959 before occurs. You know how your road starts getting a 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:53.280 little itchy, it's a little irritated. You don't want it 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:56.240 to get worse. Yeah, you know, you got got to 0:09:56.280 --> 0:10:01.680 get that emergency emergency really the fan. So what would 0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:03.320 you say to people who would say that if you 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:06.920 have to be in therapy when you're still dating, well, 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:11.680 you don't need to be in therapy with double the advocate, 0:10:11.679 --> 0:10:14.319 devil's advocate throwing them out there. Yeah, I don't agree 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:16.520 with that, because then I think you're kind of taking 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:19.880 the easy road out. It's the grass is greener on 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:22.960 the other side. Mentally, compare it. I compare it to 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:28.160 we we live in a society that's so superficial, Like 0:10:28.800 --> 0:10:31.240 you know, we put on our best self on Instagram, 0:10:31.360 --> 0:10:33.959 these filters we put on Instagram, and you know, all 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.400 these things that we do to ourselves physically going to 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:39.280 the gym and eating well to look good. But what's 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:42.320 really happening internally, what's happening in our head? And why 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:46.640 aren't we working on exercising our feelings and exercising our 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:50.480 communication skills and bettering that um And I think it's 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:53.040 still seen as you know, a sign of oh, well, 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:55.400 your relationship is not really strong. If you're going to 0:10:55.480 --> 0:10:59.040 therapy and being able to be open to talk about that, 0:10:59.040 --> 0:11:01.000 that means you guys really have shoes. No, it means 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:02.960 like I'm going to the gym for my brain, and 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.880 so is my boyfriend. I also think commitment is a choice, 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:09.120 and so when you commit yourself to someone, if things 0:11:09.200 --> 0:11:11.680 are going poorly, you should do what you need to 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:15.479 do to try to fix those things, and then includes therapy. 0:11:15.520 --> 0:11:17.679 But I don't think it's necessarily just fixing. I think 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:19.719 it's just checking in. Right. When you're going to the gym, 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:24.240 you're not really fixing anything. You're fixing I'm fixing this thing. 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:26.679 If I'm going to the gym, you could be maintaining 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:28.400 as well, right because you're not just going to go 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:33.000 and then stop, because then what ends up happening. So 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:36.800 it's about maintaining um. And I think it's it's such 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:39.160 a beautiful thing and I'm so grateful that I did 0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:40.680 it while I was on the Bachelor, And that's like 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:43.559 one of my biggest takeaways from the show is a 0:11:43.600 --> 0:11:46.000 therapy I did well. We have some wonderful guests coming 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:48.680 up on this episode of the podcast. We have the 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:52.120 author of a new book called A Terrible Data, Sabrina 0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:54.920 must and then we also have coming in later on 0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:58.720 life coach Mike Bayer. He's also known as Coach Mike, 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:01.920 who just wrote a book called Best Self, Be You 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:05.199 Only Better. He's actually a guest on Dr Phil Weekly, 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:10.559 so we're very excited. He treats celebrities like Jennifer Lopez. 0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:12.760 Uh So he's a big deal. We're very excited for 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:15.520 him to come into the podcast today. I feel like 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:17.800 it's going to be a really enlightening podcast, and it's 0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:21.480 going to be an incredibly enlightening podcast. And we actually 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:27.760 have Sabrina Musk coming up in just a moment. Who 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:30.160 really has time to go to the post office these days? 0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:32.720 It's always busy, there's always traffic getting there, You've got 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:35.600 to find parking, you're lugging all your mail and your packages. 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:38.040 It's a real hassle. That's why you guys need to 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:41.000 go to stamps dot com today. Stamps dot com brings 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:43.800 all the amazing services of the US Postal Service right 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:47.000 to your computer. 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You click on the microphone 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:49.960 at the top of the homepage and type in Dan. 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:53.199 That's d e a N all you have to do, guys, 0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:55.560 go to stamps dot com enter d E a N 0:13:55.800 --> 0:13:57.560 at the top of the microphone. You're gonna get a 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:01.199 four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale, 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:04.920 no long term commitment. Go to stamps dot com enter 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:11.000 Dean to try it out. Today on the line joining us. 0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:13.600 Right now, we have the author of the new book 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:17.360 called A Terrible Data. Sabrina must Is on the line. 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:23.560 Sabrina are you there, Yeah, Sabrina. Sabrina. That's such a 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:26.400 great name, because obviously reminds me of Sabrina the Teenage, 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:29.920 which which was a big show in my growing years. 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:32.000 So Sabrina, tell us a little bit about yourself and 0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:37.040 then tell us about your book. Yeah, I'm from Michigan. 0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:39.400 I'm actually here right now in my parents house. It's 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:42.800 freezing here, but I live in San Diego. And the 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:46.200 new book I've you know, I haven't come out with 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.800 a new book in about seven or eight years, and 0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:52.320 I do a lot of blogging and run a content 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:55.480 company and then obviously write books. And the book is 0:14:55.560 --> 0:15:01.200 really it's not just for singles. Um, it's about what 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:05.400 are we taught about dating and courtship and all the 0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:09.520 ridiculousness that kind of goes along with that, and um, 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:13.720 it kind of is the message of empowerment and discovery. 0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:17.360 But it has a lot of ridiculous anecdotes over the year, 0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:22.040 so um, very fun and you know, humorous, and UM, 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:23.920 I mean it's dating. Who who doesn't have a lot 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:30.120 of ridiculous stories? Oh yeah, I know, I do. I 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.360 wanted to know how did you start? So I see 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:33.960 that you have you have a blog and you travel 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:36.920 a lot. How did you become a writer? I know 0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:38.440 the story if you want to share that story. I 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:41.840 find it's so empowering, the you know, it's funny. I had. 0:15:42.520 --> 0:15:45.200 So I went to school out east in Baltimore and 0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:48.440 UM Hopkins at a at a writing seminars program. It's 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.840 like a pretty prestigious writing program. But I was one 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:54.640 of the few in the whole program that didn't have 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:57.520 this like master plan to become an author. UM. I 0:15:57.640 --> 0:16:00.120 just kind of did the degree because I liked all 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:03.440 the distribution classes and I didn't want to do UM 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:07.680 international relations anyways. So about a month before I was 0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:12.520 finishing up, my oldest sister died, UM committed suicide, and 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:16.160 I moved back to Michigan and I just kind of 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:20.320 started writing, which turned into this book UM called Must 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:23.520 Girls Off. It's my first book, and it's very intense. 0:16:23.560 --> 0:16:27.280 It's a very different in some ways, there's a similarity 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:31.880 because it's still memoir and it's still UM very raw 0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:35.880 and honest, like a terrible data but it's very intense, 0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:38.200 and I always kind of prefaced that for anyone, but 0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:41.680 I just kind of that was like my outlet. And 0:16:41.720 --> 0:16:45.520 then I started writing UM the Living Witnesses the Holocaust 0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:49.200 IF publication with my mom to a photographer, and it 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:52.320 just kind of everything just kind of you know, I 0:16:52.440 --> 0:16:54.400 just one ft after the next and just kind of 0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:58.760 fell into it. Um, but not you know, the life 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:01.280 trajectory so to speak, that I had kind of planned. 0:17:01.360 --> 0:17:06.119 So um, yeah, you know it's you. You always I 0:17:06.160 --> 0:17:09.040 did a lot of things that weren't healthy for me 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:11.720 in terms of grief, and then a lot of things 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:13.760 that were really healthy, and this was like one of 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.679 those things. So so did you find writing was a 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:19.840 therapeutic way for you to maybe kind of reconnected because 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:21.480 there was a loss of a connection and that was 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:26.080 their way of grieving. It was it was the best 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:29.480 way that I could have spent especially those first two 0:17:29.520 --> 0:17:32.400 years they were some of the most like the most 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:37.040 intense in my life. And it a lot of it 0:17:37.080 --> 0:17:39.720 was selfish, Like it was the way that I was 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:43.040 grieving and then knowing that I was going to help 0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:47.239 someone else that I didn't understand what was going on 0:17:47.680 --> 0:17:50.280 when they were going to you know, eventually grieve someone 0:17:50.320 --> 0:17:52.600 that was very close to them. Um. And then on 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:55.879 you know, on the flip side, people that have never 0:17:55.960 --> 0:17:58.919 lost someone closed um, for them to have kind of 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:02.120 an insider look of hey, this is what's really going on. 0:18:02.560 --> 0:18:07.000 And you know once like un Jewish so well not religious, 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:10.159 but you know one ship was over once. Um, I 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:13.200 don't know all the different denominations, Like how they kind 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:16.800 of grieve, um around funerals but once everyone goes home 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:21.280 and a month later and everyone forgets about it. Oh yeah, 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:26.240 that's rights Like life stucks right right. I mean really, 0:18:26.240 --> 0:18:28.280 how we spoke about this before on the podcast in 0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:30.120 the seventh stage of grieving and how you can get 0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:32.840 stuck in one stage. Um. And your story is so 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:36.600 powerful and you sound like such an amazing influence for 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:39.280 for women and men and everyone out there. Um. So 0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:41.640 I'm I want to say thank you for sharing your 0:18:41.640 --> 0:18:44.000 story because it is a powerful one. And now you're 0:18:44.280 --> 0:18:47.280 diving into the relationship aspects of things, and I want 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:52.040 to ask you what does a healthy relationship look for you? Yeah, 0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:54.919 you know it's been that in itself is kind of 0:18:54.920 --> 0:19:00.520 pendourney over the years, um and kind of deconstructing everything 0:19:00.520 --> 0:19:04.159 that I was taught. And um, my parents are still together, 0:19:04.359 --> 0:19:07.919 they love each other, do they have the healthiest relationship? Hell? Now, Um, 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:10.960 you know my dad is I love him, but he's 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:14.680 overly reactive and my mom does her own thing, and 0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:18.399 and so you take all these examples around you, and 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:22.159 then you take all the knowledge that constantly thrown at you, 0:19:22.240 --> 0:19:25.639 or people say that it's knowledge um from media and 0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:29.240 from all the movies and everyone else that considers that 0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:32.240 I'm a dating and that, and then all of a 0:19:32.240 --> 0:19:35.960 sudden you have to go, well, shoot, that doesn't really 0:19:36.280 --> 0:19:43.640 this is life. So yeah. And so then suddenly over 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:45.240 the years and I do I think some of it 0:19:45.359 --> 0:19:48.560 just kind of comes with age and failing a million 0:19:48.680 --> 0:19:52.320 times until you go, oh, like, this is what a 0:19:52.320 --> 0:19:54.680 healthy relationship is. And I don't think that you know 0:19:54.760 --> 0:19:58.359 what it is until you're in it. I think you 0:19:58.440 --> 0:20:00.439 brought up a really good point as you as you 0:20:00.640 --> 0:20:02.760 grow up and you see your parents interact, and you 0:20:02.800 --> 0:20:06.160 see people like in Disney movies and all these romantic 0:20:06.200 --> 0:20:09.760 stories that end up in a really happy ending, and 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:12.240 but you don't see what actually happens behind closed stores, 0:20:12.280 --> 0:20:14.879 and we emulate someone else's love story as we grew up. 0:20:14.880 --> 0:20:17.200 At least I know I did. I hope really talked 0:20:17.200 --> 0:20:20.560 about my parents divorce and how hard it was. I 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:22.720 was a team when they got divorced, and I did 0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:26.040 there a therapy session last night with my therapist, and 0:20:26.080 --> 0:20:27.800 we went through like why I have some sort of 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:31.480 trust issues and how it dates back to over ten 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:35.040 years ago of something that happened so significant that I 0:20:35.480 --> 0:20:37.720 guess I try to brush over and think, you know, 0:20:37.800 --> 0:20:41.000 I was over it, but mm hmm there was parts 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:44.199 of it that I still needed to work on. Um So, 0:20:44.359 --> 0:20:45.879 and I love that this book is not only for 0:20:45.880 --> 0:20:48.600 single people. It's for basically anyone that wants to fall 0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:50.720 in love and wants to find that connection. Well, Sabrina, 0:20:50.840 --> 0:20:55.040 yet you guys talked about emulating uh movies, TV shows. 0:20:55.200 --> 0:20:57.239 A lot of people accused The Bachelor of being a 0:20:57.240 --> 0:21:00.520 part of that, of showcasing a love that isn't really 0:21:00.640 --> 0:21:06.640 possible in teaching uh people, you know, give an example 0:21:06.640 --> 0:21:08.679 of what love should be, but giving a bad example. 0:21:08.680 --> 0:21:10.119 I think a lot of people talk about The Bachelor 0:21:10.160 --> 0:21:13.200 like that because Sabrini talked about false truth. Well, I'm 0:21:13.200 --> 0:21:15.480 not saying that's that's what it is or not. I'm 0:21:15.520 --> 0:21:17.800 just saying what people have said because you say the 0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:20.600 lack of dating education, is that what you mean by that? 0:21:21.119 --> 0:21:24.040 Like what people see some ways? I think that we 0:21:24.080 --> 0:21:26.639 can define that in a lot of different you know, 0:21:26.720 --> 0:21:29.600 going to the bathtor I listen, if you're in the 0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:33.760 spotlight and there's something someone could see a false in 0:21:33.800 --> 0:21:36.360 what you're doing, whether it's a show or a person 0:21:36.600 --> 0:21:39.680 or whatever. Um, people latched onto that was like, oh, 0:21:39.760 --> 0:21:43.080 this is the reason, Like you're you're to blame, and 0:21:43.560 --> 0:21:46.560 the reality is, you know, if you take I haven't 0:21:46.560 --> 0:21:48.280 been on the bathrooor. I have actually a funny story 0:21:48.280 --> 0:21:51.359 where like I actually was asked to like audition at 0:21:51.359 --> 0:21:55.960 the end kind of thing. But it was two years ago, 0:21:56.720 --> 0:22:01.359 and yeah, you know it's it was like last minute 0:22:01.440 --> 0:22:03.480 I was. It was the end of August. They had 0:22:03.520 --> 0:22:06.280 me drive up to l A. My friend who's a 0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:08.480 comedi in l A knew one of the producers, and 0:22:08.520 --> 0:22:11.119 they like looked me over. They were really interested, and 0:22:11.160 --> 0:22:13.199