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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Framer and I Heart Radio Podcast.

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Speaker 1: I just got so nervous. Wait, did you bring your

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Speaker 1: cute cards or the cards are? I don't I never

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Speaker 1: got any? You have mine? Thanks Ami. Hi guys, Holy crap.

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Speaker 1: I like, legitimately, I wasn't nervous two seconds before, but

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Speaker 1: now I'm nervous. I don't know what to do at all.

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Speaker 1: I'm for the ride. I feel like, are you guys

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Speaker 1: ready to wind down? This is so cool? Um. I'm

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Speaker 1: sorry that you guys can't drink because apparently there's liability issues,

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Speaker 1: but weekend so cheers, but we'll drink a fewph you because,

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Speaker 1: oh my tissues are over there Eastern. I brought tissues

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Speaker 1: just in case you never know what wine done? Right?

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Speaker 1: Who knows what you did this week? I don't know

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Speaker 1: if I'm gonna cry higher? Um, oh you really want

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Speaker 1: to talk about that? I mean, I thought we were

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Speaker 1: just going to sweep that one under the rug. I'm

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Speaker 1: cool with that too. No, go ahead there, okay, No,

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Speaker 1: we do want to say thank you so much for

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Speaker 1: coming out, and our whole theme here is if you

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Speaker 1: guys do listen to wind down, which hopefully you do,

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Speaker 1: is you realize how open and vulnerable we are, and

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Speaker 1: we want this to be an interactive experience as much

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Speaker 1: as possible. So this is a judgment free zone. Be open,

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Speaker 1: be willing to open your hearts and to expose yourself

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Speaker 1: a little bit, to try to grow as an individual

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Speaker 1: and as a couple, um, because that's what Jan and

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Speaker 1: I try to do, and that's what we want to promote.

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Speaker 1: So we want to hear your problems issues and make

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Speaker 1: sure that we don't know. We don't have shots because

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Speaker 1: they're like shot alright, I have sex problems. Shot alright,

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Speaker 1: I got this problem. We gotta make sure that this

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Speaker 1: is like we're past know. But like to what Mike said,

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Speaker 1: like we just want you know, if you guys have

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Speaker 1: questions for our experts that are here that we're so

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Speaker 1: excited to have um join us on the live podcast today.

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Speaker 1: I mean, please feel free to be vocal um. And

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry for the guy standing for you guys in

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Speaker 1: the back, like they don't have chairs. So I love

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Speaker 1: you guys. Shots, shots, shots on me. Tori waved everybody

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Speaker 1: so they can see. You have the microphone too. If

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Speaker 1: anybody wants to ask anything, will come around to you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: just like raise your hand, be like that annoying kid

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Speaker 1: in the first brow Like I was that kid. So

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Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, oh she's already got one. Oh let's

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Speaker 1: bring it girl. So I feel like I'm starting with

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Speaker 1: a super heavy question. I'm sorry about that, but all right,

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Speaker 1: well let's just like just like put that in your

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Speaker 1: mind drink. Like you guys have like shared recently a

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Speaker 1: little bit about um, Julie's language delay and sort of

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Speaker 1: how you guys have addressed that, Um, did you have trouble,

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Speaker 1: like or have you had any trouble like making peace

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Speaker 1: with it yourself and like trying not to like obsess

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Speaker 1: daily because like my son has a pretty severe delay

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Speaker 1: and I'm just always kind of curious how people navigate that.

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Speaker 1: I will say, for for me, I've had a really

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Speaker 1: tough time because I feel like whatever not I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying issues that's a bad word to say. It's I

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Speaker 1: blame myself, Like maybe she has a speech delay because

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Speaker 1: I did something wrong as a mom. And I don't

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Speaker 1: know if that's just a mom thing where we just

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Speaker 1: put everything on ourselves, like it has to be my

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Speaker 1: fault that something's wrong with her, because I don't know,

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Speaker 1: maybe I didn't read a hundred and two books that

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Speaker 1: night instead of you know, I read just five, or

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Speaker 1: I skipped a couple. I don't know. Like, so I

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Speaker 1: have a I'm definitely really hard on myself when it

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Speaker 1: comes to comes to that um. But you know, I've

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Speaker 1: I've also talked to so many of my friends like

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Speaker 1: kids just learn at different times and but I have.

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Speaker 1: But I also have a hard time to where my

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Speaker 1: daughter will say something to me and I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: didn't understand that, and I'm like, wait, I'm now like

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Speaker 1: I have to help her and not not getting mad

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Speaker 1: at her, upset with her if she's not explaining it

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Speaker 1: to me properly. But you know, I think hopefully like

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Speaker 1: she knows she'll get it, but you know, she's she's three.

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Speaker 1: But it's hard. I hate when people say mean things.

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Speaker 1: So sometimes I'll want to post something like today it

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Speaker 1: was so cute. She was singing into her microphone and

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Speaker 1: she did not make one word, not one word made sense,

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Speaker 1: And I was about to post it and I was like, oh, no,

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Speaker 1: people are going to be mean. But it was like

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Speaker 1: it made me really sad because I was like, you

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Speaker 1: knew what I was like the video and I didn't

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Speaker 1: end up posting it because I thought, I truly was

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Speaker 1: just like someone's going to make fun of her, and

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Speaker 1: that made me bumped. I don't know what about you,

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Speaker 1: bim No, I think a great question. Already, love you guys, microwd.

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Speaker 1: That's why I say it's probably good I'm not on

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Speaker 1: Instagram because I wouldn't have a filter with that and

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to politically correctly handle that situation.

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Speaker 1: But um, with that with child issues with Jana and I,

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Speaker 1: we kind of balanced each other out because she is

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Speaker 1: that her mom and always wants to be doing something

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Speaker 1: to be proactive and help, and I'm just kind of like,

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Speaker 1: it'll be all right, Jill, be fine, she'll learn, and yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was like, honey, I think she might have a

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Speaker 1: speech delay and he's like no, she's fine, Like she's fine,

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Speaker 1: she's fine. And then we go to the doctors and

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Speaker 1: he's like, well, she has a speech delay. And I

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Speaker 1: was like I have been telling you this for them,

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Speaker 1: and he's just like, well whatever. Yeah, So we balanced

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Speaker 1: each other out, but I mean, you know, it's one

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Speaker 1: of those things, unfortunately with kind of Janie following and

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Speaker 1: being a celebrity that she is. It's it's comes with

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Speaker 1: the territory, and it's unfortunate that people out there stooped

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Speaker 1: at that level to comment about children and think they

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Speaker 1: have it all figured out. Um, yeah, that sucks. Can

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Speaker 1: we just like I just have to ask a question

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Speaker 1: to the crowd because I know we weren't going to

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Speaker 1: talk about our fight earlier today because no, no joke,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if we've actually made up. So this

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Speaker 1: is kind of weird at tension. We're professionals, honey, so

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Speaker 1: we we turn it on a little bit, like I

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Speaker 1: really don't Yeah, we're definitely turning it on a little

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Speaker 1: bit because like I'm a little upset with you still,

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Speaker 1: But let me just talk about it really fast. So

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Speaker 1: can I to what degree? To the degree of that,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna like tell like the number amount, He goes,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Okay, I just have this thing. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't say yes, but I'm doing it anyway. I

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Speaker 1: don't get people that buy games on their phone, Like

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Speaker 1: I just don't shoot, oh is my phone? Well there

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Speaker 1: you go. So I just don't karma. I just for me.

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Speaker 1: I I'm fine if you want to do like the

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Speaker 1: candy Crush like you need another life? Like, fine, let's

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Speaker 1: add five dollars, okay, cool? Whatever for me. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: that's five dollars you could spend on like your coffee.

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Speaker 1: Why would you spend that on, you know, your candy

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Speaker 1: crush game for another life? Like it doesn't make sense

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Speaker 1: to me. Well, this guy, okay has an NFL game,

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Speaker 1: all right, so he thinks he's back in the game, right,

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Speaker 1: and he's like and and every time his player does

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Speaker 1: it die? Or what are you what are you buying?

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Speaker 1: Does this have a broken leg? Like does he get injured?

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Speaker 1: Like I don't know, Like, what is it? Please explain

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Speaker 1: it to me, and explain it to you whatever it

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Speaker 1: is that you want. But what are you buying? Though?

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Speaker 1: Like what is like? What is that a hundred charge?

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Speaker 1: Every time? I'm just trying to get better, better players,

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Speaker 1: better everything. So I get an alert on our credit

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Speaker 1: card actually knows our business manager reached out via email

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Speaker 1: and was like, uh, you have this charge? Is this accurate?

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Speaker 1: Because this is kind of excessive? Yeah, And so I

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Speaker 1: start going through the weeds of the bill. Okay, and

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Speaker 1: again I don't I am the most frugal person you

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Speaker 1: will probably ever meet. I don't buy things for myself.

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Speaker 1: I will buy him the nicest wardrobe and the kids stuff,

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Speaker 1: but like I have the hardest time buying something for myself.

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Speaker 1: Brought up a great speaking topic. No, no, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: it's when we bring up Sarah. Later we'll have a

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Speaker 1: discussion about something. Oh god, I remember that. We kind

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Speaker 1: of got into it a little bit. You don't time out, guys.

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Speaker 1: So anyways, let's get back to Mike and his issues.

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Speaker 1: I'm totally kidding, but I'm not. But so anyways, so

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Speaker 1: I look through the weeds and I'm telling you, guys

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Speaker 1: this I was. I felt disrespected as a spouse because

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Speaker 1: if there's a big purchase and I'm not just talking

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Speaker 1: about five dollars, you know, Candy Crush, I'm not talking

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Speaker 1: about okay, like a hundred dollars, but when you were

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Speaker 1: spending thousands of dollars, m h m hmmm mm hmm exactly,

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Speaker 1: this just became like a murder mystery. No no, but

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Speaker 1: I am telling you, like, to me, that felt so

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Speaker 1: disrespectful that I'm like you not only like if I'm

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Speaker 1: going to buy a purchase, let's just say let's just

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Speaker 1: say it's three grades. Still that makes me sick. Let's

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Speaker 1: just say, hey, I really want these pair of shoes.

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Speaker 1: I know I can't even fathom that. I still I

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Speaker 1: still can't do that. But let's just say, hey, I

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Speaker 1: want to buy a nice restoration hardware, couch or chair

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Speaker 1: for our new house. I would come to you for

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Speaker 1: that kind of big purchase. But this guy's like, let's

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Speaker 1: buy another life. Let's buy another life. Let's buy another life.

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Speaker 1: That's buy another life. And it adds up and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: it is how could you? And so I was He's like,

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Speaker 1: stop being my parent, and I'm like, I'm not being

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Speaker 1: your parents. I'm being an angry ef thing wife that

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Speaker 1: like you should like that's irresponsible. So he's like, I'll

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Speaker 1: never do it again. Okay, ever do it again. I'll

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Speaker 1: never spend another dollar on any games. A couple of

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Speaker 1: thousand dollars later, So I confronted him yesterday about this

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Speaker 1: and I was pickin right now, no, but I mean

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Speaker 1: I was no, but I was really angry, and he

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Speaker 1: just but to go ahead. You can defend yourself. Now,

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Speaker 1: there's no defending what can I say? There's tangible evidence

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Speaker 1: that I was an idiot. I'm just a big child still,

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Speaker 1: but like, okay, Dr Jen has some thoughts. Oh does she?

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Speaker 1: And Janna, she's on your side. So first we have

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Speaker 1: a commercial. Oh but this is good though. I like

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Speaker 1: this commercial because this is Thrive Market. And I'll tell

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Speaker 1: you what we actually we used to Thrive Market. And

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Speaker 1: this is the reason that you guys are all here

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Speaker 1: today is because of Thrive Markets. So let's give a

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Speaker 1: round of applause for a Thrive Market. Um, what's great

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Speaker 1: about thrive for us? Before I get into the actual

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Speaker 1: ad spot, Um, we we used drive Market. It's um, yes,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure if you've seen some swipe ups on my Instagram,

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Speaker 1: but it's very organic to us because that is what

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Speaker 1: we actually use. We use the Myers dish soap and

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Speaker 1: the dish detergent, we use the surface stuff we get

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Speaker 1: Annie's from them. They have amazing products. So would you

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Speaker 1: like to start with the actual list of what we

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Speaker 1: would to say? Basically, Thrive Market is a revolutionary online

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Speaker 1: marketplace on admission to make healthy living easy and affordable

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Speaker 1: for everyone, which is our money because of because he

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Speaker 1: doesn't do it fast enough, let me do it please.

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Speaker 1: You can shop for thousands of the best selling non

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Speaker 1: gmo foods and natural products always at below traditional um

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Speaker 1: uh prices. Um so even like you know when you

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Speaker 1: Amazon stuff, no Thrive Market stuff, because you'll actually get

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Speaker 1: it for a better rate. Everything you need from non

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Speaker 1: Was that good enough? Funny babe? Come on? You know,

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Speaker 1: I'm just being like sarcastic with you, which I think

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Speaker 1: I get the comments like yours I'll mean to him,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, I'm just really say, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I'm just the thing. I'm here. It is Dr jen Man.

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Speaker 1: You guys give it up for Dr Jenna. So I

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Speaker 1: want to get into what you posted something really great

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Speaker 1: today on your Instagram. But can you just help us,

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Speaker 1: um kind of resolve this fight that we have right

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Speaker 1: going on right now? Absolutely okay, And it's not quite

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Speaker 1: as clear cut as one person being right, one person

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Speaker 1: being wrong. This is actually more complex than but he

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Speaker 1: said he'd never do it again, but then did it.

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Speaker 1: What we're going to get to that, but I think

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Speaker 1: that understanding what it's about for you guys is actually

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Speaker 1: even more important. Can you guys hear her? By the way,

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Speaker 1: And since you guys have been so incredibly wonderful and

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Speaker 1: open and honest and vulnerable about what's been going on

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Speaker 1: in your lives in your marriage, and you guys have

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Speaker 1: come out and talked about sex addiction and what that's

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Speaker 1: been like in your marriage, I want to help you

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Speaker 1: connect the dots. When people have a sex addiction or

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Speaker 1: any addiction or a compulsive behavior, they tend to be

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Speaker 1: really uncomfortable in their own skin. They tend to be

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable feeling their feelings. They tend to need a lot

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Speaker 1: of distraction, and especially when you give up one behavior,

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Speaker 1: oftentimes that compulsive behavior switches over to something else. It's

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Speaker 1: like that whackhambol game. So okay, so he's not acting

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Speaker 1: out sexually, wonderful, that's fantastic. That's key, most important. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure you'd rather he spent two grand on video games

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Speaker 1: than he acts out and ultimately stiff a lie though

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Speaker 1: that he said like he said I would never, But

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Speaker 1: then that triggers me to, oh, well, that's what you

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Speaker 1: said about this, so this must be equaling this. So

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Speaker 1: it's going to be triggering for you, no question. But

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Speaker 1: it's an extension of compulsive behavior. And I have no

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Speaker 1: doubt in that moment he really believed I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to do it again. But then he probably found himself

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Speaker 1: in Those games are wired to be addictive, and he

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Speaker 1: probably found himself sitting in front of the video game

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Speaker 1: going I really shouldn't do it. Well, yeah, I'll do

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Speaker 1: one more just But he didn't have that thought though.

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Speaker 1: That's That's what bothers me is that I'm like, you

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Speaker 1: didn't even think about like, did you ask I did?

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Speaker 1: He said, go ahead? Did you ask what I asked

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Speaker 1: you when you when you picked up, I asked you,

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Speaker 1: I go, what hurts my feelings is that you didn't

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Speaker 1: think of me in that moment, Like you were selfish

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Speaker 1: in your own feelings, which feels very similar to the

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Speaker 1: addiction piece, Like you didn't think about how that would

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Speaker 1: make me feel or so, and you just like what

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Speaker 1: I thought of my need in that moment to trump

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Speaker 1: my empathy for your feeling too. So you probably went

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't do this, did you? Yeah? Yeah, I could.

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Speaker 1: I could see it in his face. It's because you're here.

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Speaker 1: He was like, it's just you know, I think for

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Speaker 1: him though, He's like, it's not I'm not looking at

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Speaker 1: anything appropriate, so I can do this like this is

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Speaker 1: equal that. But look, like we talked about when we

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Speaker 1: met before, when we did your podcast, he's very shame based.

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Speaker 1: He carries a lot of shame, and I'm not understand

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Speaker 1: this does not excuse behavior. I am not one to

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Speaker 1: ever excuse behavior, any kind of compulsive behavior. You're right,

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Speaker 1: if he makes a commitment, I'm not gonna do this again.

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Speaker 1: He should talk to you. If you guys have an agreement,

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Speaker 1: we spend more than X number of dollars together. He

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Speaker 1: should talk to you, but understanding that this wasn't him

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Speaker 1: intentionally being malicious to you. This is a flaw and

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Speaker 1: a broken part of him that still needs to heal.

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Speaker 1: He still has a lot of work to do. But

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Speaker 1: for you to understand that this isn't about you, even

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Speaker 1: though it's not okay, it's unacceptable behavior. He needs to

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Speaker 1: keep his promises or not make his promise, not make

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Speaker 1: a promise that he can't assure you that he can keep.

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Speaker 1: This wasn't him being malicious. This was him acting out

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Speaker 1: in an unhealthy, compulsive way. Thoughts con said it better myself.

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Speaker 1: I will know, I will say, I mean, I definitely

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Speaker 1: can see the correlation, and I will just completely honestly

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Speaker 1: it is. Uh. I'm more nervous right now just because

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Speaker 1: it is harder in front physically in front of people

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Speaker 1: to be transparent like this. So I will say that.

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Speaker 1: But again I want to thank you guys for comming

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Speaker 1: to being willing to willing to be a part of

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Speaker 1: this and kind of open your hearts and open yourselves

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Speaker 1: enough to to listen and you know, acknowledge these things. Um,

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Speaker 1: but no, that's totally it. I mean the rationalization there

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Speaker 1: of me just saying, you know, minimizing it and saying

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Speaker 1: it's such a it's such a game, and saying justifying

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Speaker 1: it by saying, you know, I enjoy this. I just

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Speaker 1: want to do it. I enjoy it. And probably, hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm giving up all this other stuff like I'm clean

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Speaker 1: and I'm doing all the right things. I can't at

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Speaker 1: least play a game, right for sure. And you know

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Speaker 1: it's like it's like you buy your wine. He's like,

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Speaker 1: this is just my thing, and I'm like, yeah, but

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Speaker 1: if you there's not I didn't say I would never

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Speaker 1: not do this again, or like can we at least

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Speaker 1: keep it to this amount versus like this amount? Right?

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Speaker 1: And I and I mean, I think you can attest

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Speaker 1: you can attest to this that since yesterday last night,

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Speaker 1: when this came up, I haven't defended the fact that

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Speaker 1: I did. You know, I understood that I did that wrong.

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Speaker 1: I understood that I wasn't defending that it was okay

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Speaker 1: for me to tell you one thing to do the other.

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Speaker 1: And I totally understood how she correlated me telling her

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Speaker 1: one thing and then not doing the other, because that's

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Speaker 1: what I was doing when I was acting out. That's

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Speaker 1: what I was doing when I is in that addictive

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Speaker 1: behavior and doing things that were hurtful for our relationship,

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Speaker 1: So I can it's taken some time. If you'd asked

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Speaker 1: me that a year ago, or even six months ago,

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Speaker 1: probably my initial reaction would have been to defend it

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Speaker 1: and to minimize. It's just a game, like what do

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Speaker 1: you Why is this a big deal? It's just a game,

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Speaker 1: you know, And I wouldn't have been able to empathize

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Speaker 1: towards the bigger picture of the behavior. Um, but still

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Speaker 1: it's it's hurtful to Janna, and I do feel a

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Speaker 1: lot of shame that even though it's a stupid the

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Speaker 1: fact that we're even sitting here talking about stupid game,

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Speaker 1: you know, but it's real and everyone is here is

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Speaker 1: because you are so real and you are so willing

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Speaker 1: to share of your painful, relatable moments. And this is relatable.

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Speaker 1: Everyone has been in a relationship where someone has made

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Speaker 1: a commitment or acted out or done something that has

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Speaker 1: been painful and hurtful. And that you guys are willing

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Speaker 1: to share this and let people bear witness to your

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Speaker 1: struggles is amazing and it's a gift that you give

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Speaker 1: your listeners. Well, we love you, gen Man, and you

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Speaker 1: know we have some emails right here. But is there

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Speaker 1: anyone that's willing to ask jen Man, who's obviously an

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Speaker 1: expert at sex, relationships, you know, life. So is anyone

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Speaker 1: want to raise their hand and ask jenn a question? Oh,

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Speaker 1: come on, not one? There we go, we got one? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: did you see? Okay, it's okay. Can you hear me? Yeah? Okay.

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Speaker 1: So I'm just wondering with addiction and things like that,

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Speaker 1: and almost kind of very similar situation to the game.

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Speaker 1: Is that something with addiction like of pegn insects and

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Speaker 1: things like that, that you're gonna have to look at

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Speaker 1: in your relationship for your entire life. Is that something

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Speaker 1: that's going to be life long for your partner to

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Speaker 1: work on? Absolutely? Um, When you're an addictive person, when

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Speaker 1: you're a compulsive person, that it is you have to

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Speaker 1: watch that like whack a mole thing that I just

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Speaker 1: said where you you're wanted to and another pops up

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Speaker 1: you do stop doing one compulsive behavior. Another pops up

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Speaker 1: that said that when you do the deeper work on yourself,

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Speaker 1: and you're a guy who's very willing to do that,

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Speaker 1: it's something about you that's really impressive, and it's got

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Speaker 1: to make you very proud of him. That when you

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Speaker 1: do the deeper work to address the underlying issues, the

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Speaker 1: need to be compulsive and to act out or do

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Speaker 1: addictive behaviors tends to dissipate. But it's an intense, long

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Speaker 1: term process. It's not a quick fix. And I think

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Speaker 1: to your question too, is something that my therapist has

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Speaker 1: told me is when they when you gradually are not

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Speaker 1: gradually when you stop there, you're not feeding was that

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Speaker 1: you're not feeding your endorphins, that you're not getting that hit,

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Speaker 1: So over time they're not going to think about like chocolate,

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Speaker 1: like it's always chocolate is always going to be there,

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Speaker 1: but it's not going to have that pull. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: also that the thing about that kind of compulsive behavior

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Speaker 1: is that it creates such a spiral of I'm feeling anxious, sad, scared,

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Speaker 1: like whatever the feeling is you don't want to feel,

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Speaker 1: and then you go, oh, I'm gonna act out. You

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Speaker 1: act out, whether it's the video game or sex, or

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00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:09,159
Speaker 1: drugs or gambling, food, whatever your thing is, you do

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Speaker 1: that thing and then you go into shame spiral. Then

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Speaker 1: you beat yourself up, then you feel terrible. I can't

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Speaker 1: believe I did that. I promise her I wouldn't do it.

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Speaker 1: I hope she doesn't catch me. You're nervous, you're getting

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Speaker 1: some endorphin rush. They are just with the anxiety of that,

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Speaker 1: which is kind of a little bit of a buzz.

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Speaker 1: At the same time, you're in this horrible shame spiral,

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Speaker 1: So you're feeling incredibly conflicted, and you're feeling terrible, and

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Speaker 1: you're beating yourself up so you feel bad, So then

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Speaker 1: you're more likely to act out to avoid feeling those feelings.

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Speaker 1: So it creates this. Yeah, it's a vicious cycle. And

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Speaker 1: what's interesting about what you just said is that's exactly

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Speaker 1: what happened in this situation where when I would purchase

404
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 1: again it sounds so childish, but when I would, you know,

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Speaker 1: spend a hundred dollars in a sitting and buy something

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00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,199
Speaker 1: I did, immediately after, I'm like, damn it, Like why

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Speaker 1: did I just do that? I told her I wasn't

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Speaker 1: going to do it, you know, And then I'll start

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00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,159
Speaker 1: rationalized to myself, oh, well, I enjoy this, this is

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Speaker 1: something I want to do and whatever. And it is

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Speaker 1: the same pattern for when I was you know, acting

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Speaker 1: out sexually outside of our marriage. It's the same thing.

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Speaker 1: You go into that shame, and what do you do

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Speaker 1: to get out of that shame? You go back to

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Speaker 1: the behavior that made you feel a certain way to

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Speaker 1: escape all of those you know, your reality of all

417
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Speaker 1: those feelings and and with you guys to me that

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Speaker 1: there are two key issues in this. One is the

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Speaker 1: compulsive behavior, which you have to address in your individual

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Speaker 1: therapy and do the deeper work. And the second is

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Speaker 1: the rebuilding of trust with her and the understanding of

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Speaker 1: even a little lie like that at this point is

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Speaker 1: going to trigger Well, that's what I said to him.

424
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,200
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't at the end of the day, yes,

425
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 1: I'm very upset about spending the money, but at the

426
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,000
Speaker 1: same time, it's I would have It would have shown

427
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 1: me so much growth and it would have made me

428
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 1: I would not have been as upset, hardly at all.

429
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 1: Is if you came to me, were like I I

430
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 1: left up. I knew I should have done this. I

431
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,760
Speaker 1: hate the finding out part and then deceit behind because

432
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,200
Speaker 1: it's not about the game. It's about you lying. We're

433
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 1: not lying withholding information so that you said you wouldn't

434
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 1: do it's it you looked me in the eye, just

435
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,680
Speaker 1: like you looked me on when you said this, like

436
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:06,159
Speaker 1: that's the perfect But also it's that he couldn't stop himself.

437
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,040
Speaker 1: You really stop and think about it. It's that he

438
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 1: wasn't able to be emotionally disciplined. It doesn't compulsive energy

439
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 1: on it, which makes it harder to trust. And let

440
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 1: me say this, just to touch on it a little deeper,

441
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 1: just from you guys talking about that situation and Janna,

442
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,640
Speaker 1: you're saying, if you just come to me and told

443
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 1: me the truth, like you know, it has shown so

444
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 1: much growth. It has shown me a lot the amount

445
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,960
Speaker 1: of times and I'm again nervous about getting emotional or

446
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 1: getting deep, but the amount of times that I heard

447
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,879
Speaker 1: that from my parents or my father when I was

448
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 1: a kid, and I would actually take him up on

449
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,680
Speaker 1: that and come to him and tell him the truth,

450
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 1: and I would still have the same level of repercussions

451
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 1: as I would when I lie. Is still traumatizing. Even

452
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 1: hear her say, if you would just come to me

453
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 1: told me, this would have been a lot better. Well,

454
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:08,680
Speaker 1: I'm still trying to work through the fear of being

455
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 1: able to do that and know that I'm doing the

456
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 1: right thing and regardless of reaction by her or anybody

457
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 1: that no one, I still did the right thing. So

458
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:22,239
Speaker 1: I just came up for me. When you guys were

459
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,399
Speaker 1: talking about that how and Green that still isn't me.

460
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:30,880
Speaker 1: Have you ever tried that with her? Uh, come to her? Yeah,

461
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 1: There's been things that I've brought to her attention that

462
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,320
Speaker 1: I've said, Hey, I lied about this. Yesterday I was

463
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,639
Speaker 1: I said this, it was really this, Um, how did

464
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 1: it go? I mean every time it's been great. So

465
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:47,480
Speaker 1: she's offering you reparative experiences. She's helping. Absolutely, there's no question,

466
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 1: you know. But it's I think just probably trusting that

467
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,680
Speaker 1: this was hard. Even though I've haven't mother f you

468
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 1: after it, you know, I've been like okay, then I'm

469
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,239
Speaker 1: like but like inside, I'm like I know that if

470
00:24:58,280 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 1: I do that, like, he's not going to come to

471
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,840
Speaker 1: me again, So I have to like swallow, like you know, yeah,

472
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 1: I know, I know. Jan How does How does Janna

473
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 1: navigate when Michael comes to her and tells her the truth.

474
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 1: She wants to him to know that's the right thing

475
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 1: to do, but she's still a little mad about either

476
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,119
Speaker 1: what it was or the lie. So how does she

477
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 1: navigate that with him? It's a great question because I

478
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: did it wrong. Like I will say, like, what I

479
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,399
Speaker 1: can own on this was that I did not handle

480
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 1: my emotions correctly because I was so triggered by well

481
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 1: you said this last time, and look what happens. So

482
00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:34,480
Speaker 1: what else are you doing? Let's look at the phone bills?

483
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:36,360
Speaker 1: I mean I spiraled today. I was like, I want

484
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 1: to see phone bills. I want to say this. That

485
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 1: one is because I'm like, if you're lying about this,

486
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,479
Speaker 1: and you must be lying about and I'm like, oh,

487
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 1: we're here again, Like of course it makes sense that

488
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,720
Speaker 1: this real time. By the way, she hasn't said any

489
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 1: of that to me. Me. That's what I think the

490
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,520
Speaker 1: question I think you were asking about when he does

491
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 1: do it right, But if he comes her and says, hey,

492
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 1: I screwed up. I did it again, I spend a

493
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 1: thousand bucks on the because she needs to sort of

494
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 1: quote reward him for doing the right to be mad right,

495
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,879
Speaker 1: But I can't. Second, I have to bring it back

496
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 1: to him later. The first conversation is thank you so

497
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,399
Speaker 1: much for trusting me enough to take me and sometimes

498
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,399
Speaker 1: you know what I was talking to a parent in

499
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,679
Speaker 1: therapy this week about this that sometimes when our partner

500
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 1: tells us something that we don't like, or our kid

501
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:30,640
Speaker 1: tells us, you know, they confess the crime that they committed,

502
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,119
Speaker 1: our first reaction is to get mad. But it's a

503
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,639
Speaker 1: compliment to the relationship. When he comes to you, it

504
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 1: means he trusts you, he's invested enough in the relationship

505
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,159
Speaker 1: to take that risk, he's willing to be vulnerable, So

506
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,400
Speaker 1: it's actually a compliment. And if the first thing out

507
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,359
Speaker 1: of your mouth is thank you so much for trusting

508
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,359
Speaker 1: me enough to tell me, it will shift your energy

509
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,680
Speaker 1: as well as the conversation. There's there's a guy, John Gottman,

510
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,119
Speaker 1: who did a bunch of research. He's one of the

511
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 1: top searchers and relationships and he can predict divorced with

512
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 1: accuracy based on his research. And one of the things

513
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 1: he says is it percent of the time, the way

514
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,199
Speaker 1: a conversation starts is the way it's going to end.

515
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 1: So if you started with how could you have done that?

516
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 1: I can't believe it like it's gonna end on that

517
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,440
Speaker 1: same note. But if you can turn to him and

518
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:21,680
Speaker 1: say thank you so much for trusting me enough to

519
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 1: share that information. I know this has got to be

520
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: really hard for you. I love that it's going to

521
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:27,879
Speaker 1: change it. Um, let's lighten it up a little bit.

522
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:33,200
Speaker 1: Who was that guy again, John Com? Okay, Amy's like,

523
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:37,959
Speaker 1: I'm writing that one done. I'm just sorry. This one

524
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 1: just kind of kept because I can't relate to this.

525
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: So I want to hear this. But from Kimberly, I'm

526
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 1: not attracted to my husband. My marriage has been someone's

527
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 1: left well. But the weird thing is that I've had

528
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 1: a friend tell me this before, so I'm curious to

529
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 1: kind of get your take. But she says, my marriage

530
00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:59,120
Speaker 1: has been in the gutter. In the last three years,

531
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 1: I've only had sex with my husband. Wait, yeah, in

532
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 1: the last three years. Sorry in the last no judgment,

533
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: by the way at all, but no judgment. In the

534
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,159
Speaker 1: last three years, I have only had sex with my

535
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:17,679
Speaker 1: husband four times, two of which ended in babies. Um,

536
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 1: but I am not attracted to my husband. I don't

537
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 1: know what to do. I'm so irritated with him that

538
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 1: I can't get past it to be turned on by him.

539
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,240
Speaker 1: Believe it or not, this is more common than you.

540
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 1: That's the thing I remember having conversations with one of

541
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:33,439
Speaker 1: my girlfriends are like, I like, A, I don't want

542
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 1: to have sex with my husband. It's been a year,

543
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,240
Speaker 1: and be I don't really think he's attracted, Like I'm

544
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 1: not attracted to him. But they give away in this

545
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 1: was I'm irritated at him. And typically the number one

546
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 1: how many of you are irritated by your spouse? Raise

547
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 1: your hand? What if your hand down? But wait, but

548
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 1: that was like half the room. What is going on?

549
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 1: And here's the thing. The number one reason that I

550
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: have seen in my clinical practice why people male or female,

551
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 1: by the way, because men withhold tex too, it's not

552
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 1: just women. But then number one reason why people withhold

553
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 1: sex is anger. Anger that has not been talked through process.

554
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 1: That's what I'm getting from this person. And that she

555
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 1: doesn't say like, oh, my husband's getting a hundred pounds

556
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 1: and he has worked all over his face. Now, like

557
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 1: she's not saying there's been a physical change. What she's

558
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 1: saying is I married this guy. She's probably attracted to him.

559
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 1: That usually were attracted to people we marry, but now

560
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 1: I'm not. So something has changed in her marriage. And

561
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 1: it sounds like she's angry and it sounds like what

562
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:37,960
Speaker 1: they need is talk therapy. They need to be sitting

563
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,479
Speaker 1: in the room with a neutral person to help them

564
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 1: have productive conversations and to communicate and talk through their

565
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 1: anger and process it, because when anger doesn't get processed,

566
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 1: it gets leaked out in all different forms in our relationships.

567
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 1: Is there anyone that's willing to open themselves up attest

568
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 1: to this and say that maybe you're going through a

569
00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:00,760
Speaker 1: dry spill in your relationship sexually and that feelings are

570
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 1: coming up or anything. Is anyone have want to step

571
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 1: up to the plate? Come on? Oh, okay, yeah, there

572
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 1: we go. Um, so my boyfriend I've been together for

573
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 1: almost eight years. Eight years, Sarah, you got some help there,

574
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 1: barre baby, get my love? Okay, years going on at years. Um,

575
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 1: we both live at home, but it's kind of the

576
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: same thing, you know, Um, and we actually just recently

577
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,160
Speaker 1: had a break for a couple of months. Are you

578
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 1: guys back from your break? Yes? Okay, yes, but even so, so,

579
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 1: I don't know, if you know, we both kind of

580
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 1: have some anger and frustrations, um, from the past, maybe

581
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 1: even now, but we really don't have sex that often,

582
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 1: and I don't know if it's maybe we live at

583
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 1: home because I live with my parents. He lives with

584
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 1: his parents, so that maybe has something to do with it. Um,

585
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:54,960
Speaker 1: I'm going to school. I'm a nursing school, so I

586
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 1: don't have the funds to move out financially. Um. But

587
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,480
Speaker 1: it's for me, it's really frustrating. And I know you

588
00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 1: kind of have touched on this in the past that

589
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,680
Speaker 1: for you, you like the physical touch, right, and I'm

590
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 1: kind of the same way. So that was actually a

591
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 1: question I was gonna ask you and how you kind

592
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 1: of dealt with that with Mike. Does your boyfriend know

593
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 1: that's your love language. I think we've had the conversation before. Um.

594
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 1: I did buy the book of a couple of years

595
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,719
Speaker 1: ago and we went through we were going camping, UM,

596
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,520
Speaker 1: so I was doing it in the car. But um,

597
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 1: I'm sure he does, or at least he did at

598
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 1: the time. So I don't know if it's something I

599
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 1: need to bring up again. Well, I mean, for you know,

600
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 1: I'm gonna obviously let the experts speak on this, but

601
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 1: for what what I've done is, I think it's just,

602
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:43,480
Speaker 1: you know, he really needs to know what you need

603
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 1: and what makes you fulfill. So for me, it's like,

604
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 1: you know, he knows if I like touch and and

605
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 1: so he makes an effort to to do those things

606
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:55,239
Speaker 1: because he knows that it's going to fulfill me more

607
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 1: than him emptying the dishwasher when it's like vice versa

608
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,520
Speaker 1: for for each other. So like he rather have me

609
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 1: em be the dishwasher than give him a guess. So like,

610
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 1: I think he just needs to know so that way

611
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 1: he can show up for you. And then you have

612
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 1: to find the way that you can show up for

613
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,120
Speaker 1: him in whatever way that he needs because it might

614
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 1: be different from what from what you know he wants. Um,

615
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 1: But I think it's just, you know, it just takes

616
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 1: some time in some practice because it might not be

617
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,080
Speaker 1: his first thing. Like that's not maybe not what he

618
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 1: you know, gravitates towards. I don't know, expert, because I'm like,

619
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 1: tell me a little bit more about the dynamic and

620
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 1: the relationship between the two of you. Are neither of

621
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 1: you wanting sex? Is one of you wanting it the

622
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 1: other one is not? I need a little more information.

623
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 1: I think I'm wanting it more and he is, um girl.

624
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 1: And what does he say about when when you talk

625
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 1: out that or you initiate what's his response. Typically, if

626
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 1: it's initiated, you know, we we will have sex, but

627
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:11,040
Speaker 1: it's not as often anymore that he'll initiate it um

628
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 1: And a lot of times he's like, well, I'm just tired.

629
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:16,400
Speaker 1: You know, I work. He works for the gas company,

630
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: and so it's like, well, I've been working all day,

631
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 1: I'm tired. It's this and I'm like, okay, I guess

632
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,400
Speaker 1: you know or does want to have a good sex

633
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 1: life with you. I think so it's not honestly, not

634
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 1: something we've been We've brought up a lot because I'm

635
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 1: not sure how to bring it up. Talking about sex

636
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:37,000
Speaker 1: once it becomes an issue, becomes so scary and so

637
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 1: difficult to do that everyone's afraid of hurting each other,

638
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: of egos, of making things worse. And sometimes people think, oh,

639
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 1: if I talked about it's gonna make it worse. But

640
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 1: things have to be performance too, because it's like the

641
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 1: more we talk about it, the more you know it

642
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 1: doesn't work. Yeah, that's not pure, but like you know

643
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 1: what like like we all know like from the other

644
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 1: side of it. Never mind, but if you want to

645
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 1: take right now, German, let me ask you something. When

646
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:16,320
Speaker 1: you guys first met that first six months of the relationship,

647
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:21,320
Speaker 1: what did you guys do that made you gut? Like

648
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 1: if you were getting ready for a date, what did

649
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:25,799
Speaker 1: you do? How did you get ready for a date?

650
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 1: It would depend on where we were going. Did you

651
00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:33,080
Speaker 1: pick out an outfit? Yeah, and I do still try

652
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 1: to do that. Would you get like some cute laundree? No,

653
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:40,399
Speaker 1: I'm not really that to p Anderson either, I'm really

654
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 1: not that type of more of like a naked cow

655
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:50,280
Speaker 1: whatever whatever, had a job done. Would you think about

656
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:54,240
Speaker 1: like the last time you guys had sex or they kissed,

657
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 1: or how hot it was once in a while you like,

658
00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 1: And I'm talking early stage of the relation, when things

659
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 1: were hot and heavy. Yes, definitely. One of the things

660
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: I see a lot of the time that I have

661
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 1: a feeling that's going on for you guys, is that

662
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,960
Speaker 1: eight years into a relation, people go on autopilot and

663
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,839
Speaker 1: they expect their sex life to run on its own,

664
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry, sex lives don't. And if you just

665
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:22,840
Speaker 1: let it kind of do its thing. We tend to

666
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:26,279
Speaker 1: be negligent. We tend to not take as good care

667
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:28,239
Speaker 1: of ourselves. We tend to not do the things that

668
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 1: not only were seductive to our partner, but seductive to ourselves.

669
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 1: Like you're you're not a brown panty scale. I I

670
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 1: feel you, but there are a lot of people out

671
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 1: there who are. And when a woman who's into cutber

672
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 1: on panties puts it on for her partner, she's also

673
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 1: kind of getting herself sex stuff. She's getting that energy going.

674
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 1: She's seducing herself as well as him. My only thing

675
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:49,839
Speaker 1: to that, though, and I'm so sorry to cut you off,

676
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 1: is that if that's not what he's because if if

677
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 1: I were to do that, because I'm not I don't, like,

678
00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I have one piece of laundry, Like,

679
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:00,759
Speaker 1: I'm just not laundrey a girl. I'd rather put on

680
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 1: an extra large T shirt and some panties and go

681
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 1: to bed like whatever, like like i mean, I'm talking

682
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:08,400
Speaker 1: about like the Target brand. Like I'm just not like

683
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:11,719
Speaker 1: that girl. So if I were to do that and

684
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 1: then get turned down, that feeling sucks, you know, So

685
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 1: you might have to really have a conversation with him,

686
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 1: because again, figure out what his love languages to make him,

687
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:24,320
Speaker 1: you know, because it might not be the launerie. But

688
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, that that's not what I'm saying.

689
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:32,360
Speaker 1: It's not about. What I'm saying is the things that

690
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 1: we do in the beginning of a relationship get us

691
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: excited about sex and excited about a date, are the

692
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 1: things we tend to neglect doing. I don't care about

693
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:43,359
Speaker 1: the specific bra or the panties, but what I care

694
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,279
Speaker 1: about is the mindset. And I care about the things

695
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 1: that she did before that date and doesn't have to panties,

696
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 1: not brow on panties. But she was thinking about the

697
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 1: last time that they kissed or they made love. She

698
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 1: was thinking about things that made her hot and got

699
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 1: her juices flowing. And he probably was doing the same.

700
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 1: He's probably like, but not because I can't wait to

701
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:05,359
Speaker 1: see her and I can't wait to see her as

702
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 1: sparkle and like touch her arm and whatever, you know.

703
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:13,359
Speaker 1: But it's about getting into a seductive mindset. And eight

704
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:17,279
Speaker 1: years later, if you're not making an effort to get

705
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 1: into a sexual mindset, if you're not doing things to

706
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,240
Speaker 1: kind of keep your juices flowing, they don't tend to flow.

707
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:28,240
Speaker 1: We tend that the familiarity tends to kind of squash

708
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 1: that our sexuality. It tends to have to make it flat, Sarah,

709
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:35,560
Speaker 1: what do you do because you've been six years in

710
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:40,680
Speaker 1: almost seven almost seven and almost there, we're almost still

711
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 1: less in case you didn't notice. Um, yeah, so I

712
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 1: was thinking because where they is, Oh my god, he's

713
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 1: gonna kill me, kill me? Um, oh my god. So

714
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:57,400
Speaker 1: we're the opposite because like he loves to do it

715
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 1: and I also loved to do it, and so like

716
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 1: this is a weird mindset. Okay, let me just start

717
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 1: from saying my last relationship I was. I was cheated

718
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 1: on when you were ten. I'm sorry, I just heard

719
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:15,359
Speaker 1: like I said, my last relationship. Okay, you said him,

720
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,000
Speaker 1: I was cheated on all up and down the walls,

721
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 1: and I didn't even really care, and I was like,

722
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:21,480
Speaker 1: it's me, it's me, it's me, it's me, it's me.

723
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:23,560
Speaker 1: So when I met him, I was like, okay, guys

724
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 1: like sex. I'm gonna have sex all the time whenever

725
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 1: you want to do it. I do it like I

726
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 1: don't care, like I'm gonna make him. And then as

727
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 1: it kind of went on four years, five years, it

728
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, we're still doing it all

729
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:39,720
Speaker 1: the time when he wants to. So I think, for me, listen,

730
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 1: I'm also trying to ring, So if that's what I

731
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:48,239
Speaker 1: have to do, I'll do it. That was like four

732
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:52,440
Speaker 1: years after you gain my mind and I am dead,

733
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:55,200
Speaker 1: Oh it'll go and I'm like, well, here we are later.

734
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 1: But I think that you have to find it enjoyable

735
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:00,360
Speaker 1: for you. So like for me, I was like, you

736
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 1: know what, I want to do it when I want

737
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 1: to do it, and not just when he wants to

738
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 1: do it. And so even though that's not your situation,

739
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 1: I think that you need to find like, Okay, I

740
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:10,480
Speaker 1: feel best what kind of like you were saying, like,

741
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:12,120
Speaker 1: if I have my nailed son, I'm done. I could

742
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 1: take over the world for you if it's like I

743
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 1: feel really good today and I'm going to do this

744
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: and if he is still you know, because I think

745
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:22,719
Speaker 1: there's a sense of like when you're feeling yourself, someone

746
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 1: else picks up on that. It's like like even with him,

747
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 1: like when he's feeling himself, I'm like, oh yeah, like

748
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 1: I get so do I agree with you on that,

749
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 1: But I also think that you need to obviously have

750
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 1: a conversation and be like this is how I feel.

751
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: Because for sure, what I was gonna say when you

752
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:38,560
Speaker 1: said he is. It's like everyone can say what they want,

753
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 1: but you guys are obviously doing something right if it's

754
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 1: lasting for eight years. And that's what I say, like

755
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 1: when people are like no, because it's true. When people

756
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 1: are like, oh my god, like he's never I'm like, well,

757
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 1: we're obviously doing something right because seven years in, I

758
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:50,360
Speaker 1: don't hate him, and like we don't have kids, we

759
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 1: haven't had a wedding, so it's only going to get better.

760
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 1: So like you're obviously, you guys obviously are doing something

761
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 1: right that is working for you. So I feel like

762
00:39:57,560 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 1: you just need to be like, look, this is how

763
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,480
Speaker 1: I feel. And then if he's like I don't care,

764
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:03,880
Speaker 1: then that's something huge. If he's like, you know what,

765
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:08,759
Speaker 1: this is how I feel? Because what's your sign? Oh Jesus, okay,

766
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:12,719
Speaker 1: I know because like, um, I don't like talk about

767
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:14,840
Speaker 1: my feelings at all ever. And so like if I

768
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 1: cry to tie, he's like whoa, and then like maybe

769
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 1: he'll like cry like didn't you just have a blow

770
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:21,320
Speaker 1: up with him about the ring? Like here we go

771
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 1: two nights ago, Yeah I did. I did? Oh you

772
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 1: want me to go on? I feel so when I

773
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,760
Speaker 1: have a meltdown, and tell him how I feel that's

774
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:33,560
Speaker 1: like it's not his love l but he's like, oh

775
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,840
Speaker 1: my god, like you're you're serious. So then like it

776
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 1: allows him to be like okay, So like we had

777
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:41,640
Speaker 1: I had a melt down the other night and he

778
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:43,520
Speaker 1: also had to melt down, and Sich Cathery were just

779
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 1: like melting but it was really therapeutic. And he was like,

780
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 1: I hear you, and I was like, and I hear

781
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:52,279
Speaker 1: you too. So that's I mean, I think that's why

782
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:53,719
Speaker 1: he and I have lost it so long is because

783
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:56,400
Speaker 1: we have really good communication. Um, I don't know if

784
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 1: he really listens to me, but we talk a lot.

785
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 1: So I think that I think that you need to

786
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 1: just like obviously have a serious conversation, not just like

787
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,920
Speaker 1: a joke like I want to do it. And I

788
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,799
Speaker 1: think also the other part, and I see this a lot,

789
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:15,840
Speaker 1: is that once you've kind of talked about the emotional

790
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 1: aspect of it, you also want to rule out the

791
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:21,440
Speaker 1: physical aspect. Because I can't tell you how many men

792
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 1: I see young men in this day and age who

793
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,879
Speaker 1: have low testoster. I always anytime I get a couple

794
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 1: in my office where the man doesn't have a sex drive,

795
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 1: that he's happy with and that's hurting the relationship. I was,

796
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 1: please go and get your testoster and check before we

797
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:37,759
Speaker 1: do anything. We got to rule this out. I had

798
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,399
Speaker 1: a couple in my my office once. I wrote about

799
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,080
Speaker 1: this in my book The Relationship Fixed, which by the way,

800
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:45,000
Speaker 1: I'd love to give you a copy of um that

801
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,279
Speaker 1: this couple came in for ten years, this guy had

802
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 1: no sex dride that his wife her heart was broken

803
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 1: like she was so angry and resembled by time they

804
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 1: came in and I said, you gotta get yourself in

805
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 1: there and just get your test aster and check. He

806
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:01,480
Speaker 1: goes in. His was incredibly low. The doctor puts him

807
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:04,319
Speaker 1: on an appropriate dose of testosterone. His sex drive is back.

808
00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:07,800
Speaker 1: His wife was so hurt that for ten years she

809
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:10,719
Speaker 1: felt rejected, She felt hurt. She begged him to go

810
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:12,400
Speaker 1: the doctor. She begged him to do all these things

811
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 1: and he didn't. That then the issue was no longer

812
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:16,920
Speaker 1: a sex drive. It was how hurt she was for

813
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:18,719
Speaker 1: ten years, and we had to spend all this time

814
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:21,240
Speaker 1: in therapy because she was so hurt. So I always

815
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 1: like to rule out the physical, talk about the emotional,

816
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 1: and then also changed the behavior to behavior that's conducive

817
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:29,279
Speaker 1: to having a sex life. Both of you guys, being

818
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 1: in your parents houses not so conducive. So you have

819
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:35,080
Speaker 1: to really go out of your way to create situations

820
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:40,000
Speaker 1: that make space for sex. If if it's not the

821
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 1: the physical with the test testosterone everything like that, how

822
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:47,240
Speaker 1: can you determine if maybe it is just an intimacy disorder?

823
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 1: And I'm not talking about it diction aror anything like that,

824
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 1: but some people can still just once the relationship is getting,

825
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 1: you know, longer in his tenure, you know that that

826
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 1: magic does kind of naturally fade. Right, So if someone

827
00:42:57,680 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 1: it's easy to have sex early on when you really

828
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 1: don't know the person that well you're going to to

829
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:02,880
Speaker 1: know each other, but then when you get into a

830
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:05,359
Speaker 1: nitty gritty it's it's like that there's so much intimacy there,

831
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 1: which for me, I just know personally makes me so

832
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 1: uncomfortable that I'm trying to get through and grow from.

833
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,879
Speaker 1: So have you seen that just in relationships that don't

834
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,239
Speaker 1: have to deal with addiction, but just absolutely yes, I

835
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 1: think that for most people, for the vast majority of

836
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:25,720
Speaker 1: people in this country, if we're really honest, that having

837
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 1: emotional intimacy and having sex in the same relationship is challenging.

838
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:34,920
Speaker 1: It is a vulnerable experience. It is a challenging experience.

839
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:37,759
Speaker 1: I mean, in my book, the last chapter sex, everyone

840
00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 1: was jumped to that chapter, but really a huge part

841
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,360
Speaker 1: of that chapter is about exactly this, in the emotions

842
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,239
Speaker 1: of how do you handle both and what do how

843
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:48,520
Speaker 1: do you do the things that make a sex life grow,

844
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:52,120
Speaker 1: and and kind of what are the actual steps you

845
00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 1: need to take in the conversations you need to have?

846
00:43:54,200 --> 00:44:01,560
Speaker 1: But yeah, that is the conversation, Alan, how's your sex life? Yeah?

847
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:05,279
Speaker 1: Should we do one more question for Jenn? I thought

848
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,080
Speaker 1: there was one in the back. By the way, thank

849
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 1: you very much for opening year story. So there's not

850
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:19,640
Speaker 1: one in the back. No, okay, yeah, the last one

851
00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:21,800
Speaker 1: for gen Man. My husband and I have been together

852
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,320
Speaker 1: for thirteen years, five years dating and eight years married.

853
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:26,360
Speaker 1: We got into an argument the other day about how

854
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 1: much we should be happy sex. We have sex about

855
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:31,640
Speaker 1: three Jesus, we have sex about three times a week,

856
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: and he thinks that isn't enough. Just curious what y'all think.

857
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:37,959
Speaker 1: I mean, I think, hello, like, if you've got kids

858
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 1: a factor in tired schedules. I mean, I want sex

859
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 1: a lot, but I'm happy with two a week. I'd

860
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:49,840
Speaker 1: like three, that'd be fun. But hell, I do for

861
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:54,239
Speaker 1: spend me around, baby, But I mean like for you.

862
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 1: I mean like I feel like you're good, like once

863
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,360
Speaker 1: a week, like you're like I get my thing in

864
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:07,279
Speaker 1: and then I'm good. Oh, welcome to wind. It was

865
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 1: seriously like, what would you think, Like, what's a healthy number?

866
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:13,359
Speaker 1: It's it's based on these couple. It's what people need.

867
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 1: What do you want? Whatever you want? He's trained so

868
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:23,080
Speaker 1: well just thinking that. No, but I think we do

869
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 1: it like what twice a week? Sorry? Mom? I mean

870
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:29,400
Speaker 1: I have kids, Jesus obviously do I'm not sex No,

871
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,400
Speaker 1: really keep tracks sometimes more, sometimes less. A lot of

872
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 1: people want to know too, if the Tan Trick sex

873
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,960
Speaker 1: therapy worked for us and what happened. I mean, you're

874
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 1: not to give me all the details, but just let

875
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 1: me tell you. After we got done with the Tan

876
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:47,240
Speaker 1: Trick therapy. No, um, I it worked. We just haven't

877
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 1: done well on the follow through because we got sick,

878
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 1: like we're still kind of dealing with the cold right now. Um,

879
00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 1: and we didn't really follow directions we're supposed to when

880
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:59,120
Speaker 1: we did. That's your fault though, buddy, I'm sorry when

881
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:03,720
Speaker 1: I have sex with my wife. So through through the exercises,

882
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:06,920
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to have sex afterwards, well every time

883
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,640
Speaker 1: we So the tantrik exercise is like so there was

884
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 1: a couple different ways. Like one was like massage your

885
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 1: partner like that, so it's like like your massage their

886
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 1: leg and their body from linked up to like toes

887
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:22,560
Speaker 1: or like feel yeah. But then the one of them

888
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 1: was basically dry humping and you're basically just laying in

889
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:31,239
Speaker 1: bed like humping each other. I mean, I felt like

890
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 1: we were eighth grade all over again. But this time

891
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: I got to get lucky, so I was like, all right,

892
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:41,960
Speaker 1: I was doing it, so I'm dead direction Um, okay, Jan,

893
00:46:42,239 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Just answer a little bit on

894
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:47,879
Speaker 1: the question real quick. Oh sure, it was a question

895
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:55,160
Speaker 1: I just imagined, like Mike drop humping. I actually wrote

896
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:57,880
Speaker 1: a call about the common InStyle magazine that was about

897
00:46:58,160 --> 00:46:59,919
Speaker 1: how many times a week should you be having sex?

898
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 1: The research shows and and look, I gotta be honest personally,

899
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,920
Speaker 1: clinically this sounds a really a lot of me. But

900
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:10,080
Speaker 1: people who have sex couples of sex once a week

901
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:15,200
Speaker 1: are technically the happiest. I don't like that study that

902
00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:21,080
Speaker 1: it just it seems low, but like whatever works, and

903
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 1: and and look truthfully, clinically speaking, what matters to me

904
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:27,239
Speaker 1: is that therapist when a couple comes in. If a

905
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:29,160
Speaker 1: couple comes and says we're having sex once every other

906
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:32,000
Speaker 1: week and we are thrilled, were satisfied, we feel connected

907
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 1: by great, that works if there if the problem is

908
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:39,840
Speaker 1: with the disparity, And what I would want to know

909
00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 1: with this couple is what's going on that he wants

910
00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:46,279
Speaker 1: more sex? Is it really just about the sex? Is

911
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:48,600
Speaker 1: it about he wants more intimacy? Is it he wants

912
00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 1: more attention? Is it that he was molested as a

913
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 1: child and is sexually compulsive and is acting out and

914
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 1: needs sex to bind his anxiety? Like there are a

915
00:47:57,640 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 1: lot of reasons why people want sex besides sex. Well,

916
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:03,320
Speaker 1: can I just intro Christine to this and are you

917
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 1: okay with me? Okay? You guys? First, I'll give it

918
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 1: up for Christie Morrell. She was she was on the

919
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:11,520
Speaker 1: podcast a couple of weeks ago and she was talking

920
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:16,360
Speaker 1: about health and um, we talked about weighing myself and

921
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:19,719
Speaker 1: you know, just about body issues and I kind of

922
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:21,440
Speaker 1: want to bring you in on this conversation with us,

923
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 1: because she, well, Aimy just kind of whispered in my

924
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:28,719
Speaker 1: ear with that thanks and again you said you're okay.

925
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:30,000
Speaker 1: So I feel like I feel like I'm kind of

926
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 1: like being intrusive and kind of mean, but it's fun.

927
00:48:34,880 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 1: You schedule sex exactly. So we've been married for um

928
00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:41,480
Speaker 1: fifteen years and we have two kids, a nine year

929
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:45,160
Speaker 1: old and eleven year old. And we went to see

930
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 1: a therapist before we had kids, and it was an

931
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:51,759
Speaker 1: amazing experience. And what he did is he had us

932
00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:54,279
Speaker 1: each right down what our expectations are for each other.

933
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:56,160
Speaker 1: How do you want to raise kids? How many kids

934
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:58,239
Speaker 1: do you want? How do you want to discipline them?

935
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:00,359
Speaker 1: How many times? Does he want to have sex? Many times?

936
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:04,080
Speaker 1: And sex was very important for him and I'm very

937
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:07,440
Speaker 1: emotional and I needed a lot of attention. So he

938
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, then if it's important for him to

939
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:13,279
Speaker 1: have sex twice a week, we have kids, how are

940
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:15,920
Speaker 1: we going to do this? So we've decided and we

941
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 1: have a lot of communication on this and it's easier

942
00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:23,279
Speaker 1: for us to schedule sex. So Mondays and Fridays, I

943
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:25,560
Speaker 1: usually get home early, the kids are still in school,

944
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:29,799
Speaker 1: like legitimately every Monday were single Monday at the same time,

945
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:33,600
Speaker 1: at the same time, exactly doesn't ever have sex like

946
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 1: during the weekend and we're just spontaneously. It happens rarely rarely,

947
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:41,520
Speaker 1: But does it? Does it feel? Because I know that

948
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 1: will that would never work for us because well, for

949
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:47,520
Speaker 1: for someone like me, it would be a mind it

950
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:49,320
Speaker 1: would be in mind. Oh my gosh, would be like

951
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:55,759
Speaker 1: I would have so much anxiety around that tom planning intimacy.

952
00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 1: Like for someone like me who doesn't like intimacy and

953
00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 1: anew that I would be like, Okay, so at Thursday

954
00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 1: at five, I gotta be informed me because I'm just

955
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:12,759
Speaker 1: thinking about that. I can't do that. But like for you,

956
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:15,400
Speaker 1: like does it No, it gets me excited, Like I know,

957
00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:17,680
Speaker 1: like mondays, I get up and I'm like excited, I'm

958
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:19,880
Speaker 1: looking forward to the day. I know exactly what if

959
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:21,880
Speaker 1: it like your stomach hurts or like you have a headache,

960
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 1: or what if you know, you get a meeting that changes,

961
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 1: like sorry, I gotta have sex at three o'clock, Like

962
00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:30,400
Speaker 1: you can't change your schedule. I'm friends with Christie and

963
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:32,840
Speaker 1: she's been at my house, Like does she do it

964
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 1: at your house, but she's like, yeah, it's five are

965
00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:40,239
Speaker 1: all our neighbor and girlfriends. And she'll say, sorry, guys,

966
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 1: I gotta go in six minutes after have sex. Yeah. Yeah,

967
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:48,040
Speaker 1: you can change days and Fridays and now it's changed anyway.

968
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:50,960
Speaker 1: But it totally works for us and he gets he

969
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:54,239
Speaker 1: gets what he needs, as do I. It's just I

970
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:57,239
Speaker 1: don't know, there's something about the excitement of looking forward

971
00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:59,480
Speaker 1: to it and knowing it's going to happen, because I

972
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 1: feel like for me, I I can get like exhausted

973
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:05,000
Speaker 1: and I'm tired, I'm doing a million things, and I

974
00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:08,040
Speaker 1: just I feel like, if it's scheduled, I know I'm

975
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:09,880
Speaker 1: gonna make him happy. Therefore I'm going to get what

976
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:17,120
Speaker 1: I need. It just works. Be like hour, You've told

977
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:19,640
Speaker 1: him don't touch me at least two or three times,

978
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:26,239
Speaker 1: So is that like your way? I'm just bring it

979
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:33,239
Speaker 1: baby like you and to say that one more time

980
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:34,480
Speaker 1: is now I'm not going to be mad at you

981
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 1: when you as the Christian when my diffuser do go

982
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:43,120
Speaker 1: ahead like I just kissed off creamer, it's amazing. So

983
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:46,680
Speaker 1: I'm just wondering if you use sex and like pushing

984
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 1: away intimacy as a way of showing him that you're

985
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:51,839
Speaker 1: piste off because you know that he knows that that's

986
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:55,239
Speaker 1: your love language. And the last two last hour, you've

987
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:57,560
Speaker 1: said don't touch me at least twice and he's physically

988
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:00,880
Speaker 1: pushed him away from you. Yeah, so it's great question

989
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:07,560
Speaker 1: up because that any push him away again. Shoot, no, um,

990
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:13,040
Speaker 1: I've never used sex against um, against us ever. For

991
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 1: the last night when he tried to get it on

992
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 1: last night, I was angry at him and I felt

993
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:21,319
Speaker 1: really disrespected. And what I don't want is I don't

994
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 1: want to use sex in a healthy way. So I

995
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:27,279
Speaker 1: knew that him trying, like him him wanting to have

996
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 1: sex to me last night, I wasn't in the head space.

997
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:31,480
Speaker 1: And I know that if I'm not in the right headspace,

998
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:33,279
Speaker 1: I'm going to spiral it and I'm gonna start thinking

999
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 1: about bad stuff when we're having sex, and then it's

1000
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 1: just gonna end up being bad. So if I'm not

1001
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:40,440
Speaker 1: in a good headspace, and that's when does that ever happen? Like, like,

1002
00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 1: in the spirit of pissing you off, potentially, did you

1003
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 1: choose to try to be intimate with her as a

1004
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:58,560
Speaker 1: way of good question? Good question, but no, honestly, but

1005
00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:02,280
Speaker 1: do you find it interesting that you were super attracted

1006
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:04,799
Speaker 1: to her and like super horny as you just said,

1007
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:06,879
Speaker 1: and wanted your juices to flow as you would say,

1008
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 1: like when you knew she was pissed off at you.

1009
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:13,280
Speaker 1: That actually is a very siightful question as well, because

1010
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:17,919
Speaker 1: very stute. Yeah, very stupid, because I, honestly I don't

1011
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:20,680
Speaker 1: know the answer to that, because that could very well

1012
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:23,319
Speaker 1: be in my subconscious being like, Okay, I know she'll

1013
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,840
Speaker 1: probably turn this down. So for me and with my

1014
00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:28,719
Speaker 1: issue with intimacy and sometimes per for me, it's like,

1015
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 1: you know, she's probably not gonna want this, so there's

1016
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:35,520
Speaker 1: no pressure for me, there's no But I'm onto you though,

1017
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:37,839
Speaker 1: here's the deal. Maybe I will start using it as something,

1018
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:39,359
Speaker 1: so maybe I will get mad to be like I'm

1019
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:46,839
Speaker 1: gonna get it. Definitely about giving a little. I think

1020
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:50,320
Speaker 1: that there's another factor in all of this, and that

1021
00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 1: is Mike. When you when she's not mad at you,

1022
00:53:54,560 --> 00:54:00,440
Speaker 1: you guys are more merged emotionally, and that intimacy scary.

1023
00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:03,840
Speaker 1: But when she's mad, she pulls back from you, That

1024
00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 1: pulls back in terms of the intimacy, So it makes

1025
00:54:06,719 --> 00:54:09,239
Speaker 1: it a little safer for you to approach given your

1026
00:54:09,280 --> 00:54:13,840
Speaker 1: issues around intimacy. And I think you are the perfect

1027
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:17,520
Speaker 1: example of when we're angry, we withhold sex, we're pissed,

1028
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 1: we then don't want to go there and be that

1029
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:22,320
Speaker 1: emotionally connected. But one thing I want to add to

1030
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:24,120
Speaker 1: the question that you asked it, and it was a

1031
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:30,880
Speaker 1: series of truly brilliant questions and incredibly astute um. But

1032
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 1: sometimes with couples less you guys have experienced trauma, So

1033
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:38,800
Speaker 1: this might not work for you, guys, But for a

1034
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 1: couple where there's just kind of the typical intimacy sex

1035
00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 1: trouble of like, wow, we're so emotionally intimate, it's really

1036
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:49,920
Speaker 1: scary to have such close intimate sex. Sometimes getting into

1037
00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:53,759
Speaker 1: stuff like role playing, getting into you know, toys, bondage

1038
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:55,719
Speaker 1: games like all that kind of stuff can kind of

1039
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 1: remove or even positions where you're not face to face,

1040
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:00,600
Speaker 1: you know, those kind of things in kind of help

1041
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:03,839
Speaker 1: lessen the intimacy and make the sex exciting and kind

1042
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:05,880
Speaker 1: of shake it up a bit, but also kind of

1043
00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:09,640
Speaker 1: pull back on the intimacy a little. Love that. Um, Christie,

1044
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 1: can I see the question? I want to switch gears

1045
00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:14,120
Speaker 1: a little bit to health and Sarah too if you

1046
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:16,960
Speaker 1: want to pop on with my Mike. Um this is

1047
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:19,600
Speaker 1: from Caitlin. She has a workout addiction, just like Sarah.

1048
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 1: I have to work out. When I don't, I get

1049
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:23,480
Speaker 1: upset and work out even harder the next day. On

1050
00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 1: top of that, I have to sweat. If I don't,

1051
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:27,400
Speaker 1: then I feel like I failed myself. But question is

1052
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 1: how can I get out of this habit? Until that podcast,

1053
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:31,920
Speaker 1: I would have never realized this is a bad thing.

1054
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:34,360
Speaker 1: Is this something of a concern I should take focus

1055
00:55:34,440 --> 00:55:36,319
Speaker 1: on or just let it go? I think it all

1056
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:38,279
Speaker 1: depends again how it affects your life. I think if

1057
00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:41,040
Speaker 1: you're mad at yourself, or you can't enjoy your day

1058
00:55:41,120 --> 00:55:43,040
Speaker 1: because you haven't sweat that day, I think that there

1059
00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:44,719
Speaker 1: is something wrong with that. I think you should be

1060
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:48,880
Speaker 1: able to have workouts where so I can speak to

1061
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:52,440
Speaker 1: this personally because I had an addiction with exercise, so um,

1062
00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 1: I would say that was my means of almost like

1063
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 1: exercise bliemeia when I was in college, where I would

1064
00:55:58,040 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 1: eat a lot and then have to exercise. But I

1065
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:03,239
Speaker 1: didn't feel right unless I was like pouring sweat. And

1066
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 1: so now in my adult life. I do things that

1067
00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:07,960
Speaker 1: actually don't sweat at a hall, which is interesting how

1068
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:11,239
Speaker 1: it's the complete opposite. But for those that feel like

1069
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:14,680
Speaker 1: they can't have a good day or they are just

1070
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:17,400
Speaker 1: in a you know, funky mindset all day because they

1071
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:20,080
Speaker 1: haven't sweat, I understand the adorphins. I get that it's

1072
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:22,839
Speaker 1: important to move your body and feel good, like there's

1073
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:26,400
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that, But when it's an absolute addiction,

1074
00:56:26,440 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 1: like if I don't sweat today, then I will have

1075
00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:31,400
Speaker 1: a bad day and everything will be like wrong, and

1076
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 1: that that definitely is a problem. And for sure I

1077
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:41,239
Speaker 1: would think about either talking to somebody or you know,

1078
00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:42,840
Speaker 1: be up for the challenge. You like, let me just

1079
00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:45,160
Speaker 1: see what happens if I just go out in nature

1080
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:46,880
Speaker 1: and do a hike or do something like a walk

1081
00:56:47,480 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 1: instead of having to do a class where I'm like

1082
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:53,120
Speaker 1: dripping sweat. How does that make me feel? And if

1083
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,480
Speaker 1: it is a problem, then yeah, I actually think you

1084
00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:57,320
Speaker 1: should talk to somebody. And I think a part of that,

1085
00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:59,759
Speaker 1: like to your point, because obviously we just have this

1086
00:56:59,800 --> 00:57:02,919
Speaker 1: come station like two weeks ago, I which I didn't

1087
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:05,160
Speaker 1: say on the podcast, is when I was I think

1088
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:06,840
Speaker 1: there's a difference like is it a control thing or

1089
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:08,239
Speaker 1: is it it like an addiction? And for me, I

1090
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:11,719
Speaker 1: had Texa Jenna and being like I feel so out

1091
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:14,840
Speaker 1: of control with ties sometimes that I feel in control

1092
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:17,120
Speaker 1: when I work out. So when when we were talking

1093
00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:19,040
Speaker 1: about the addiction thing, I was like, okay, like like

1094
00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:24,760
Speaker 1: she's running for the rain. But it's like sometimes because

1095
00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:26,920
Speaker 1: I can think we're so good, but when we're not,

1096
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:29,040
Speaker 1: I'm so out of control and I'm a control freak,

1097
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:30,960
Speaker 1: and so when we're out of control, it's like if

1098
00:57:31,160 --> 00:57:34,360
Speaker 1: it like so that was more okay, it could be

1099
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:36,840
Speaker 1: an addiction, but maybe for her it's like you need

1100
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 1: to kind of decide, Okay, is it a control thing

1101
00:57:39,000 --> 00:57:41,160
Speaker 1: or is this like an addiction thing? Because I feel

1102
00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 1: Jenna and I have had these conversations if we've been

1103
00:57:44,680 --> 00:57:46,360
Speaker 1: addicted to other things and then it's like, oh no,

1104
00:57:46,600 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 1: it's onto this or now it's onto this, and it's like, okay,

1105
00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:51,040
Speaker 1: it could be I'm addicted to this and now I'm

1106
00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:52,920
Speaker 1: not addicted to that anymore. Now it's working out, and

1107
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:55,080
Speaker 1: so I feel like it's always been working out. But

1108
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:58,320
Speaker 1: for me, it's more of a control I just and

1109
00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:00,080
Speaker 1: I feel better. I just love to work out, But

1110
00:58:03,120 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 1: this is a good one that I think. Sorry, Christie, UM,

1111
00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:09,240
Speaker 1: just a lot of people with kids can probably relate to.

1112
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:12,280
Speaker 1: This is from Stephanie, and I think Jane and I

1113
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:13,880
Speaker 1: have kind of touched on this a little bit, just

1114
00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:17,000
Speaker 1: in fear of when Jolie and Chase get older. But

1115
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:19,520
Speaker 1: she says, my daughter is almost twelve and went from

1116
00:58:19,640 --> 00:58:22,600
Speaker 1: ninety eight pounds to approximately a hundred sixteen. She has

1117
00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 1: had a lot of changes during this time. Her dad

1118
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:25,840
Speaker 1: not split up and we moved. She used to play

1119
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:28,880
Speaker 1: soccer but now how but now has zero interest. She

1120
00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:31,800
Speaker 1: loves cheeseburger's, pasta, soda and all the all that kind

1121
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:33,480
Speaker 1: of junk food. We went to buy a swimsuit over

1122
00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:36,120
Speaker 1: the weekend and it was terrible. She's always one or

1123
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:38,200
Speaker 1: two pieces and when she tried one on, she hated herself.

1124
00:58:38,720 --> 00:58:40,400
Speaker 1: How can I help her so that she feels better

1125
00:58:40,400 --> 00:58:42,160
Speaker 1: about herself? I joined the y m c A for

1126
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:46,040
Speaker 1: both of us, but she but she really won't work out. Well,

1127
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:48,680
Speaker 1: how would you say she was twelve? That's really sad. Okay,

1128
00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:50,440
Speaker 1: So I have a lot of thoughts on this question

1129
00:58:50,520 --> 00:58:52,240
Speaker 1: because I do work with a lot of young kids

1130
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 1: in my private practice. And I think the first thing

1131
00:58:55,560 --> 00:58:57,920
Speaker 1: is to have an open dialogue about it. I think

1132
00:58:57,960 --> 00:58:59,720
Speaker 1: with your kid is so important to talk about it.

1133
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:02,000
Speaker 1: What do you want instead of I'm going to join

1134
00:59:02,280 --> 00:59:04,120
Speaker 1: us a Y M C A that you really don't

1135
00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:05,680
Speaker 1: even want to do. So right then and there, I

1136
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:07,880
Speaker 1: was like, you need to have a conversation of what

1137
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:10,640
Speaker 1: would you like to do? What interests you to move

1138
00:59:10,720 --> 00:59:12,640
Speaker 1: your body, because it's important to move your body. I

1139
00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:15,120
Speaker 1: want her to feel good in her body and wear

1140
00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:17,040
Speaker 1: a swimsuit and be able to go to the beach

1141
00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:20,320
Speaker 1: and feel comfortable. So what does that look like? So again,

1142
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:23,280
Speaker 1: the first conversation I've always tell parents to do is

1143
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:25,760
Speaker 1: have a real heart to heart with your child about it,

1144
00:59:25,880 --> 00:59:29,160
Speaker 1: which is, look, how do you complained about looking this

1145
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:31,600
Speaker 1: way in a swimsuit? You're not you have been eating

1146
00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:34,320
Speaker 1: all of these things. Why don't we talk about what

1147
00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:36,640
Speaker 1: you would want to do to be active? Do you

1148
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:38,360
Speaker 1: want to go ride your bike? Should we go down

1149
00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:39,640
Speaker 1: to the beach and go for a walk to you

1150
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:42,920
Speaker 1: like hiking? Like, let's try different things together and explore

1151
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 1: activity because the inactivity is such a problem for kids.

1152
00:59:47,160 --> 00:59:49,720
Speaker 1: So it's the first establishing what could be something she

1153
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:53,439
Speaker 1: would enjoy doing. Can I ask a question. I feel

1154
00:59:53,520 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 1: like today with so many helicopter parents and snowclad parents,

1155
00:59:57,760 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 1: are all those kind of concepts of them just allowing

1156
00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:01,520
Speaker 1: the ke it is to run the household almost and

1157
01:00:01,680 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 1: dictate what they do, what they eat, and everything like that.

1158
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:06,520
Speaker 1: And you, I understand what you're saying. It's like, hey,

1159
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:09,400
Speaker 1: let's make this decision together. But say the child really

1160
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:10,840
Speaker 1: just says, I don't want to do anything. I don't

1161
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:12,880
Speaker 1: want to do this. Like at what point You're like, no,

1162
01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:16,880
Speaker 1: I'm the adult, this is unhealthy. I'm your parents right there.

1163
01:00:17,120 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 1: First of all, I don't want to see you upset. Okay,

1164
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:23,000
Speaker 1: So that's one thing. And sometimes I'll have the parents

1165
01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:27,480
Speaker 1: direct them to the pediatrician because that power struggle can

1166
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:30,000
Speaker 1: be an issue. So the pediatrician says, here's where you

1167
01:00:30,080 --> 01:00:33,160
Speaker 1: are on the growth curve. This is really you can develop,

1168
01:00:33,320 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 1: you know, pre diabetes. These these types of things can

1169
01:00:36,280 --> 01:00:39,040
Speaker 1: really be harmful for your health. Then it's not just

1170
01:00:39,280 --> 01:00:42,280
Speaker 1: coming from the mom and having that struggle. You're actually

1171
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:44,920
Speaker 1: having an appointment with a doctor that says, look, you

1172
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:47,440
Speaker 1: are head in the wrong direction, and from a health standpoint,

1173
01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:50,560
Speaker 1: this is where what I would you know suggest you're doing,

1174
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:54,400
Speaker 1: and sometimes that takes the edge off the mom um.

1175
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:57,840
Speaker 1: And then I would also say accountability for the parents,

1176
01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:00,480
Speaker 1: like if you're just buying what a what they want

1177
01:01:00,560 --> 01:01:02,640
Speaker 1: and chips and oh, she really loves ice cream. And

1178
01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:06,480
Speaker 1: I do think it's important that the mom the parents

1179
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:10,080
Speaker 1: take the role of bringing healthy foods into the household.

1180
01:01:10,120 --> 01:01:12,120
Speaker 1: I know with my kids, when they get home from

1181
01:01:12,120 --> 01:01:14,960
Speaker 1: school and they're hungry, I'm not just throwing them chips

1182
01:01:15,080 --> 01:01:17,880
Speaker 1: and all this other stuff. I'm like, Okay, let's have

1183
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:20,360
Speaker 1: So what's the balance for that? Because he's a he's

1184
01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:22,720
Speaker 1: a major dunk food eater, and I can't have junk

1185
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:24,600
Speaker 1: food in the house because I will eat the entire

1186
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:27,080
Speaker 1: bag of whatever it is, Like I had to throw

1187
01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:32,240
Speaker 1: away huge I'll wake up you are at three o'clock

1188
01:01:32,240 --> 01:01:33,720
Speaker 1: in the morning. When I woke up this like the

1189
01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:37,200
Speaker 1: other morning, there was an entire Oreo case empty, I

1190
01:01:37,360 --> 01:01:42,400
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, it was like you ate the entire

1191
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:45,960
Speaker 1: bag of Oreos in one setting. Are you kidding me?

1192
01:01:47,600 --> 01:01:51,880
Speaker 1: There's two nights it took me to eat it. I'm sorry,

1193
01:01:52,040 --> 01:01:55,960
Speaker 1: is that any better? So? And I just like I

1194
01:01:56,120 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 1: know that I can't have something in there. So my

1195
01:01:58,680 --> 01:02:01,200
Speaker 1: girlfriend Julie, she kept their doing these little like peep

1196
01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:02,880
Speaker 1: things in my bag and if I have those, like,

1197
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:05,320
Speaker 1: I will eat the entire thing, and so like it's

1198
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:07,560
Speaker 1: it's so, but he'll he'll bring home the gusters and

1199
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:10,680
Speaker 1: the you know, the doritos. And again, if I see

1200
01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:13,640
Speaker 1: cheese dorritos, I will eat the entire bag in one sitting.

1201
01:02:13,840 --> 01:02:15,439
Speaker 1: So I know that I can't have it in the house,

1202
01:02:15,720 --> 01:02:16,960
Speaker 1: but he brings it home and I'm like, well, let

1203
01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:18,800
Speaker 1: me do that one. But then like my daughter's eating

1204
01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:20,400
Speaker 1: and I'm like, well this is now. Now we're creating

1205
01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:25,760
Speaker 1: the environment of like not well, when I was pregnant,

1206
01:02:25,800 --> 01:02:27,280
Speaker 1: I was craving them. So he brought him home a lot.

1207
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:34,080
Speaker 1: So I think it's very important, in my opinion that

1208
01:02:34,200 --> 01:02:36,120
Speaker 1: you have that balance between the two. I think it

1209
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:38,920
Speaker 1: would be really strange if it's like they only ate

1210
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:41,960
Speaker 1: apples and carrots and peppers and and once in a

1211
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:44,640
Speaker 1: blue moon they got a chip or a parrot's bootie

1212
01:02:44,720 --> 01:02:48,440
Speaker 1: or something. That would be again, it's going is healthy, Yes,

1213
01:02:48,560 --> 01:02:54,000
Speaker 1: it's fine market, but the point is for them to

1214
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 1: establish good, healthy eating habits right when they're young. That

1215
01:02:58,320 --> 01:03:00,120
Speaker 1: is a huge thing for me. So when they are

1216
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:03,360
Speaker 1: hungry from school, that's when I can get in a

1217
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:05,280
Speaker 1: good amount of fruits and vegetables, and then they can

1218
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:08,000
Speaker 1: have their pirates booty or whatever it is that they want.

1219
01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:10,560
Speaker 1: And then for dessert, if they want an oreo, it's

1220
01:03:10,640 --> 01:03:13,200
Speaker 1: fine as well. You have to be able to have

1221
01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:17,080
Speaker 1: conversations about that versus No, that's bad, that has sugar, No,

1222
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:20,560
Speaker 1: that has chemicals in it, that's you know, the worst

1223
01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:22,560
Speaker 1: thing you can put in your body. That's not helping

1224
01:03:22,600 --> 01:03:25,120
Speaker 1: the child. So it's really about educating them of like

1225
01:03:25,320 --> 01:03:27,840
Speaker 1: eat your you know, growing foods first, or however you

1226
01:03:27,880 --> 01:03:29,600
Speaker 1: want to say it. And then if you want to

1227
01:03:29,640 --> 01:03:35,720
Speaker 1: have some ice cream after dinner, it's fine. I wrote

1228
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:38,320
Speaker 1: my doctor's dissertation on weight loss and eating stories. I

1229
01:03:38,320 --> 01:03:41,800
Speaker 1: have an app called No More Diets. When I hear

1230
01:03:41,880 --> 01:03:45,320
Speaker 1: a story like this, especially she mentioned in it that

1231
01:03:45,480 --> 01:03:47,360
Speaker 1: her and her husband were having problems. This is a

1232
01:03:47,440 --> 01:03:50,320
Speaker 1: child who's acting something out. This is about more than

1233
01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:52,920
Speaker 1: this is a kid who's turning to food to soothe herself.

1234
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:55,400
Speaker 1: She may be being compulsive with food. She may be

1235
01:03:55,520 --> 01:03:58,080
Speaker 1: using food to tune out, to not take in what's

1236
01:03:58,120 --> 01:04:01,120
Speaker 1: going on in the household and to me, the bigger issue,

1237
01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:06,640
Speaker 1: the more important issue, is the underlying anxiety. She's binding, sadness,

1238
01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:09,959
Speaker 1: she's feeling, whatever it is that is driving this has

1239
01:04:10,040 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 1: to be addressed. Because you can put all the healthy

1240
01:04:12,320 --> 01:04:14,000
Speaker 1: food that you want in the house, and you can

1241
01:04:14,120 --> 01:04:16,800
Speaker 1: encourage and you know, teach her about nutrition, which is

1242
01:04:16,880 --> 01:04:21,280
Speaker 1: all valid and legit. But if she's depressed, if she's anxious,

1243
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:25,240
Speaker 1: if she is acting something out that's emotional, it's not

1244
01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:26,840
Speaker 1: gonna matter because she can get to our friend's house

1245
01:04:26,840 --> 01:04:28,320
Speaker 1: and she's gonna eat it there. She's gonna sneak it

1246
01:04:28,360 --> 01:04:30,800
Speaker 1: at school, she's gonna act it out elsewhere, because it's

1247
01:04:30,800 --> 01:04:34,120
Speaker 1: about the acting out and it's about the developing relationship

1248
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:36,040
Speaker 1: she's having the food and what she's using food for.

1249
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:39,520
Speaker 1: What was the question? Okay, so I'm gonna be completely

1250
01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:43,520
Speaker 1: raw and honest. In middle school, in high school, I

1251
01:04:43,600 --> 01:04:47,320
Speaker 1: have history of an eating disorder. I'm not I'm in recovery.

1252
01:04:47,360 --> 01:04:49,320
Speaker 1: I haven't had it in quite a few years. But

1253
01:04:50,080 --> 01:04:54,080
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm projecting, but I a hundred

1254
01:04:54,120 --> 01:04:56,680
Speaker 1: percent feel that my best friend has an eating disorder,

1255
01:04:57,000 --> 01:04:58,960
Speaker 1: and I don't know how to approach it because I've

1256
01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:05,080
Speaker 1: tried kinda hint at her, but at this point, I'm

1257
01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:07,960
Speaker 1: lost and I'm worried. So what is your advice on

1258
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:11,560
Speaker 1: what to do with that? It's a great question, and

1259
01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:13,520
Speaker 1: thank you for asking that question. I think there are

1260
01:05:13,520 --> 01:05:16,200
Speaker 1: a lot of people who may suspect of friends or

1261
01:05:16,240 --> 01:05:18,800
Speaker 1: family members who are struggling. So it's it's always a

1262
01:05:18,840 --> 01:05:21,240
Speaker 1: hard thing of what to say, and I'm obviously going

1263
01:05:21,280 --> 01:05:24,200
Speaker 1: to let John talk about this as well. So the

1264
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:25,760
Speaker 1: first thing that I would say is just letting her

1265
01:05:25,840 --> 01:05:28,560
Speaker 1: know that you care and letting her know that you're

1266
01:05:28,560 --> 01:05:31,560
Speaker 1: worried about her, just the two of you, obviously no

1267
01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:33,640
Speaker 1: other friends around, and just make it like, hey, let's

1268
01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:36,560
Speaker 1: go for a walk or let's go whatever, do something

1269
01:05:36,640 --> 01:05:38,080
Speaker 1: just the two of us, and just look at her

1270
01:05:38,120 --> 01:05:40,040
Speaker 1: and just be sincere and a good friend, and just

1271
01:05:40,160 --> 01:05:41,880
Speaker 1: be like, I'm really worried about you. This is what

1272
01:05:41,960 --> 01:05:44,080
Speaker 1: I've noticed, and I don't know how to help you,

1273
01:05:44,760 --> 01:05:47,880
Speaker 1: but I'm really concerned, and I think you should talk

1274
01:05:47,960 --> 01:05:52,320
Speaker 1: to somebody, um and I think you just Again, those

1275
01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:54,720
Speaker 1: are those hard things because unless they want the help,

1276
01:05:54,880 --> 01:05:58,160
Speaker 1: unless they see that they need the help, it's very difficult.

1277
01:05:58,200 --> 01:05:59,320
Speaker 1: But then you kind of have to let it go.

1278
01:05:59,800 --> 01:06:02,360
Speaker 1: It really hard as a friend to stand by and

1279
01:06:02,400 --> 01:06:06,000
Speaker 1: watch somebody suffer, But at the same time, you can't

1280
01:06:06,240 --> 01:06:08,800
Speaker 1: try to take them on because then you're just trying

1281
01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:11,320
Speaker 1: to do something that's almost an impossible thing. So I

1282
01:06:11,360 --> 01:06:13,320
Speaker 1: think if you just have that one on one conversation,

1283
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:16,000
Speaker 1: let her know that you're there and that you're worried

1284
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:18,360
Speaker 1: and that you're concerned, and that you really hope that

1285
01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:20,960
Speaker 1: she gets some help um and that you'll be there

1286
01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:22,960
Speaker 1: for her. I think is really I mean for me,

1287
01:06:23,160 --> 01:06:25,840
Speaker 1: that's what I tell my clients or friends that I

1288
01:06:26,000 --> 01:06:28,880
Speaker 1: have had this happen. But again, I think Dr Jen

1289
01:06:29,000 --> 01:06:32,320
Speaker 1: coun probably, yeah, absolutely, with everything you said. And I

1290
01:06:32,400 --> 01:06:35,400
Speaker 1: also think that one of the great gifts of you

1291
01:06:35,600 --> 01:06:38,160
Speaker 1: being in recovery is that you can share that and

1292
01:06:38,320 --> 01:06:41,080
Speaker 1: that when you're able to say, this is what I

1293
01:06:41,160 --> 01:06:43,920
Speaker 1: went through and it was so painful and it was

1294
01:06:43,960 --> 01:06:45,840
Speaker 1: so scary, and this is what I did to get well.

1295
01:06:46,440 --> 01:06:49,800
Speaker 1: A lot of the time that experience clears the way

1296
01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:51,560
Speaker 1: for someone to not feel judge, because it's one that's

1297
01:06:51,600 --> 01:06:53,400
Speaker 1: one points that you and goes like you have an

1298
01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:57,240
Speaker 1: eating disorder, you need help. It feels like an assault,

1299
01:06:57,400 --> 01:07:00,480
Speaker 1: it feels it can feel judgmental, but you're able to

1300
01:07:00,520 --> 01:07:03,320
Speaker 1: say I see this in you because I recognize it

1301
01:07:03,400 --> 01:07:05,800
Speaker 1: from me, because I've been there and this is what

1302
01:07:06,080 --> 01:07:08,720
Speaker 1: helped me. And you know, I really want to see

1303
01:07:08,720 --> 01:07:10,240
Speaker 1: you get the help, and I'm here if you're even

1304
01:07:10,280 --> 01:07:12,760
Speaker 1: if you're not ready now, I just want I want

1305
01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:15,600
Speaker 1: us to have a conversation so that when you are ready,

1306
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:17,920
Speaker 1: you know I am here for you. I will help

1307
01:07:17,960 --> 01:07:20,560
Speaker 1: you find a therapist. I will share the things that

1308
01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:23,760
Speaker 1: have helped me recover. That. That's really a great gift

1309
01:07:23,800 --> 01:07:27,360
Speaker 1: that you can give her. Oh, we got one more question.

1310
01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:29,160
Speaker 1: We'll do one more question up front. Thank you for

1311
01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:31,040
Speaker 1: your question. By the thank you for being vulnerable. We

1312
01:07:31,160 --> 01:07:36,280
Speaker 1: really appreciate it. You have You and your partner are

1313
01:07:36,360 --> 01:07:38,200
Speaker 1: both trying to stay healthy. You go to the gym,

1314
01:07:38,840 --> 01:07:41,160
Speaker 1: and sometimes it will be me, sometimes it will be

1315
01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:43,960
Speaker 1: him in the aspect that screwt I'm having a bag

1316
01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:45,760
Speaker 1: of chips, or he'll be like, I'm not going to

1317
01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:49,080
Speaker 1: the gym tonight. How do you maintain or how do

1318
01:07:49,200 --> 01:07:51,080
Speaker 1: you keep up with your partner and saying like no,

1319
01:07:51,280 --> 01:07:53,320
Speaker 1: come on, like how do you get encouraged and to

1320
01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:56,720
Speaker 1: do it without being mean or trying to be the

1321
01:07:56,800 --> 01:07:59,880
Speaker 1: boss of them. I guess there you go first. If

1322
01:08:01,640 --> 01:08:04,280
Speaker 1: I personally love to work out with Mike, Um, I

1323
01:08:04,360 --> 01:08:06,080
Speaker 1: think I do better when I work out with someone.

1324
01:08:06,120 --> 01:08:07,840
Speaker 1: I'm always wanting to work out with Sarah, like I

1325
01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:10,400
Speaker 1: just yeah all the time, like I'm always trying to

1326
01:08:10,440 --> 01:08:14,000
Speaker 1: work out better. We tried the whole thirty I have.

1327
01:08:14,240 --> 01:08:16,720
Speaker 1: I did wine thirty instead because I made it fifteen days,

1328
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:18,200
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm thirty five years old. No

1329
01:08:18,240 --> 01:08:19,600
Speaker 1: one can tell me that I can or cannot have

1330
01:08:19,640 --> 01:08:23,960
Speaker 1: a glass of wine and justification. Yeah that's fine. But um,

1331
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:26,160
Speaker 1: I tried to drag you down with me, but you

1332
01:08:26,400 --> 01:08:28,920
Speaker 1: you stayed real strong in your whole thirty approach. Um,

1333
01:08:28,960 --> 01:08:32,320
Speaker 1: and then we both died a miserable death like day fifteen.

1334
01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:35,720
Speaker 1: But um, I don't know. I mean for me, it's

1335
01:08:35,760 --> 01:08:37,680
Speaker 1: like you have to just make it your own path,

1336
01:08:37,800 --> 01:08:39,559
Speaker 1: your own journey. So I'm like when I asked him,

1337
01:08:39,960 --> 01:08:41,639
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, fine, you don't want to because

1338
01:08:41,680 --> 01:08:43,120
Speaker 1: you're being lazy. Well I'm going to go out there

1339
01:08:43,120 --> 01:08:45,519
Speaker 1: because this is what's good for me. And I know

1340
01:08:45,680 --> 01:08:47,439
Speaker 1: that when I work out, I do feel better. But

1341
01:08:47,520 --> 01:08:49,680
Speaker 1: I do, like I love like being around him and

1342
01:08:49,760 --> 01:08:52,280
Speaker 1: working out with him. So yeah, she tries, she's tried

1343
01:08:52,320 --> 01:08:53,920
Speaker 1: for a long time to drag me out there with her,

1344
01:08:54,160 --> 01:08:57,639
Speaker 1: and uh, this is my own issue, but I don't

1345
01:08:57,680 --> 01:09:00,679
Speaker 1: like being told what to do. And it's an invitation.

1346
01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:02,240
Speaker 1: It's not like I'm telling you to do this like

1347
01:09:02,320 --> 01:09:04,920
Speaker 1: you're working out I know, but it's like, because it

1348
01:09:05,040 --> 01:09:07,920
Speaker 1: was her idea, I don't want to. But if it

1349
01:09:08,040 --> 01:09:10,400
Speaker 1: was my idea, I'll be all for it. So that's

1350
01:09:10,439 --> 01:09:13,200
Speaker 1: my own issue. Um, but you know, Janna didn't let

1351
01:09:13,240 --> 01:09:14,800
Speaker 1: that drag her down. She's just like, all right, this

1352
01:09:14,880 --> 01:09:16,200
Speaker 1: is something for me. This is what I want to do.

1353
01:09:16,280 --> 01:09:18,080
Speaker 1: Guess I'll look to do it with you, but I'm

1354
01:09:18,120 --> 01:09:22,280
Speaker 1: going to do it anyway. Tori, Chrissy, do you have

1355
01:09:22,320 --> 01:09:24,120
Speaker 1: anything to that before we move on to Actually, I

1356
01:09:24,240 --> 01:09:25,680
Speaker 1: love what you just said about your own path and

1357
01:09:25,720 --> 01:09:27,920
Speaker 1: your own journey. Sometimes you just have to do your

1358
01:09:27,960 --> 01:09:29,800
Speaker 1: own thing. And if he decides that he just wants

1359
01:09:29,800 --> 01:09:31,680
Speaker 1: to sit home and eat a bag of chips, You're like, okay, cool,

1360
01:09:31,680 --> 01:09:33,120
Speaker 1: I'm going to feel better when I get home and

1361
01:09:33,160 --> 01:09:36,439
Speaker 1: you're gonna not probably feel so great. So I think

1362
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:43,360
Speaker 1: I think shaming him probably probably we can think that. No, not, no,

1363
01:09:43,560 --> 01:09:47,680
Speaker 1: not shaming. We can think that physically, like, but I

1364
01:09:48,240 --> 01:09:51,120
Speaker 1: do think that the self care or aspect of it

1365
01:09:51,280 --> 01:09:54,880
Speaker 1: that like whether he goes or not, that you guys

1366
01:09:54,920 --> 01:09:57,760
Speaker 1: are not one unit. Yes, it's wonderful when couples can

1367
01:09:57,840 --> 01:10:00,320
Speaker 1: inspire each other, when they can say like, hey, going,

1368
01:10:00,439 --> 01:10:02,240
Speaker 1: oh great, you know, I hadn't thought I'll go with you.

1369
01:10:02,760 --> 01:10:05,560
Speaker 1: But I think it's also important that your health and

1370
01:10:05,680 --> 01:10:08,439
Speaker 1: well being in self care is not dependent on his,

1371
01:10:09,479 --> 01:10:12,400
Speaker 1: and that sometimes in a relationship sometimes we have to

1372
01:10:12,439 --> 01:10:15,160
Speaker 1: be the leader in the relationship. Sometimes we're lucky in

1373
01:10:15,240 --> 01:10:17,120
Speaker 1: our partner will do it, but sometimes we have to

1374
01:10:17,160 --> 01:10:18,920
Speaker 1: be the leader. And I think it's really important that

1375
01:10:19,479 --> 01:10:22,040
Speaker 1: when you make a decision you're going to the gym,

1376
01:10:22,240 --> 01:10:24,080
Speaker 1: whether he goes or not, you go to the gym,

1377
01:10:24,640 --> 01:10:27,320
Speaker 1: You take care of you, and then what he decides

1378
01:10:27,360 --> 01:10:33,000
Speaker 1: to do, that's on him. Tori. So I just had

1379
01:10:33,040 --> 01:10:35,439
Speaker 1: her own question for like kid wise, Like so meema

1380
01:10:35,479 --> 01:10:37,760
Speaker 1: husband have both agreed on when we have our daughter

1381
01:10:38,000 --> 01:10:39,840
Speaker 1: that she's not gonna have like dairy or anything like

1382
01:10:39,920 --> 01:10:42,280
Speaker 1: that because we don't eat that stuff. So when we

1383
01:10:42,400 --> 01:10:44,639
Speaker 1: told our my, my mom is a vegan, so I'm

1384
01:10:44,640 --> 01:10:47,559
Speaker 1: not worried about her but his parents they are like, all,

1385
01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:49,400
Speaker 1: we'll feed her whatever we want to feed her when

1386
01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:51,519
Speaker 1: she's here, because I said, I'll pack her a lunch

1387
01:10:51,560 --> 01:10:53,360
Speaker 1: when she comes to your house. Can you please feed

1388
01:10:53,400 --> 01:10:56,200
Speaker 1: her this? Because that's how we are. And then so

1389
01:10:56,439 --> 01:10:57,920
Speaker 1: how do you go about because I'm like, if you're

1390
01:10:57,920 --> 01:10:59,280
Speaker 1: not going to give her what I want that, I'm

1391
01:10:59,320 --> 01:11:00,880
Speaker 1: just not going to bring her over here because I

1392
01:11:00,920 --> 01:11:03,439
Speaker 1: feel like I can't trust them. How do you go

1393
01:11:03,720 --> 01:11:06,880
Speaker 1: about like doing that because they don't they think how

1394
01:11:06,960 --> 01:11:09,759
Speaker 1: we eat is like I'm like crazy, like because vegan,

1395
01:11:09,800 --> 01:11:14,320
Speaker 1: Like you're crazy, Like you're weird, you are and you

1396
01:11:14,360 --> 01:11:17,120
Speaker 1: can speak vegan. And I have two daughters who are

1397
01:11:17,120 --> 01:11:21,439
Speaker 1: a vegan, And you know, for me, it's it's an

1398
01:11:21,520 --> 01:11:24,560
Speaker 1: ethical decision in terms of my beliefs about it. For me,

1399
01:11:24,640 --> 01:11:29,600
Speaker 1: it's like a religion. And if my parents wouldn't support that,

1400
01:11:29,880 --> 01:11:32,559
Speaker 1: I would have a real hard time sending my kids

1401
01:11:32,640 --> 01:11:36,439
Speaker 1: over there, not just because of the um the food

1402
01:11:36,479 --> 01:11:40,360
Speaker 1: that's being but also philosophically that they aren't showing you

1403
01:11:40,479 --> 01:11:44,320
Speaker 1: the respect as a parent of saying, you know, we

1404
01:11:44,400 --> 01:11:46,920
Speaker 1: don't agree with you, we really think you should feed

1405
01:11:47,000 --> 01:11:49,479
Speaker 1: the meat. But if this is what you want Okay,

1406
01:11:49,640 --> 01:11:51,920
Speaker 1: we'll do it's your husband. Has your husband talked to

1407
01:11:52,080 --> 01:11:54,240
Speaker 1: his parents about this? Yeah, and I have to. I'm

1408
01:11:54,320 --> 01:11:55,680
Speaker 1: just like because I would say like, oh, when she

1409
01:11:55,840 --> 01:11:57,720
Speaker 1: comes over, like I'll pack a lunch, and they kind

1410
01:11:57,760 --> 01:11:59,519
Speaker 1: of just shrug it off, like oh, well, maybe she'll

1411
01:11:59,560 --> 01:12:01,800
Speaker 1: eat something from that, and it's like or if I

1412
01:12:01,920 --> 01:12:03,960
Speaker 1: get the lunch back and it's like still full, then

1413
01:12:04,000 --> 01:12:09,680
Speaker 1: I'm like her and it's like mine like like like

1414
01:12:11,040 --> 01:12:15,120
Speaker 1: I said, like ruthless. I mean, here's the question though,

1415
01:12:15,200 --> 01:12:16,840
Speaker 1: But what if I said to you, I'm like, I mean,

1416
01:12:16,920 --> 01:12:19,040
Speaker 1: I'm not. I mean, I eat meat, I eat dairy

1417
01:12:19,040 --> 01:12:20,360
Speaker 1: and stuff. But what if I was like, hey, you

1418
01:12:20,439 --> 01:12:23,960
Speaker 1: know what, I now think it's bad to kill cows,

1419
01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:27,800
Speaker 1: so we're not we're gonna be vegetarians, So what are

1420
01:12:27,840 --> 01:12:30,280
Speaker 1: you imagining? Murdering that the same a burger I had

1421
01:12:30,280 --> 01:12:35,240
Speaker 1: about an hour ago? But I mean, would you if

1422
01:12:35,280 --> 01:12:37,600
Speaker 1: I said, like, we're not feeding Jolie meat anymore? Like,

1423
01:12:37,680 --> 01:12:39,560
Speaker 1: how would you be with that conversation? Like would you

1424
01:12:39,960 --> 01:12:44,160
Speaker 1: would you respect my my thoughts and opinions on that

1425
01:12:44,479 --> 01:12:47,519
Speaker 1: or would you see them? That's the things because we're

1426
01:12:47,560 --> 01:12:49,639
Speaker 1: we already started reading our kids this way. You can't

1427
01:12:49,640 --> 01:12:51,680
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, see you started from ground up.

1428
01:12:52,200 --> 01:12:54,960
Speaker 1: Well she's not here yet. I'm here yet. Oh yeah,

1429
01:12:57,040 --> 01:13:00,320
Speaker 1: agreed on that. Yeah, he's like, hey, I want to

1430
01:13:00,360 --> 01:13:02,760
Speaker 1: do it. But that's the issue. I would hope you

1431
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:04,640
Speaker 1: wouldn't come to and be like, I've decided we're not

1432
01:13:04,680 --> 01:13:06,960
Speaker 1: eying meat in this house anymore. But what you would

1433
01:13:07,000 --> 01:13:09,639
Speaker 1: do is I read this really interesting article. It got

1434
01:13:09,680 --> 01:13:12,400
Speaker 1: me thinking, I wonder if we're doing harm to our

1435
01:13:12,479 --> 01:13:14,559
Speaker 1: health here here's what I read. What do you think

1436
01:13:14,560 --> 01:13:17,519
Speaker 1: about this? It should always be a collaborative conversation, not

1437
01:13:17,680 --> 01:13:24,639
Speaker 1: like I've decided this is what we're doing. Whatever I want.

1438
01:13:24,680 --> 01:13:28,160
Speaker 1: He kind of just like yo, like, yeah, well, speaking

1439
01:13:28,240 --> 01:13:34,680
Speaker 1: of meat and fish, Thrive Market now offers fresh meat

1440
01:13:34,760 --> 01:13:36,679
Speaker 1: and fresh seat foods. So if you change your mind,

1441
01:13:36,960 --> 01:13:39,160
Speaker 1: let me just tell you so. Early we were talking

1442
01:13:39,200 --> 01:13:42,320
Speaker 1: about Thrive Market, a revolutionary online marketplace on a mission

1443
01:13:42,360 --> 01:13:45,840
Speaker 1: to make healthy living easy and affordable for everyone. And

1444
01:13:45,920 --> 01:13:47,920
Speaker 1: like we said, you can get everything you need, snacks,

1445
01:13:48,120 --> 01:13:51,840
Speaker 1: cleaning products, bottom and supplements, personal care products, everything you need.

1446
01:13:51,960 --> 01:13:54,320
Speaker 1: And now, like Jenna said, fresh meat and seafood. Um,

1447
01:13:54,360 --> 01:13:56,880
Speaker 1: they're the highest quality meats. Is this really interesting? You? Right?

1448
01:13:56,920 --> 01:13:59,920
Speaker 1: Now the highest quality meats at the most affordable price.

1449
01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:03,200
Speaker 1: Says the beef is a grass fed, free range and

1450
01:14:03,200 --> 01:14:07,719
Speaker 1: antibotic free um. The chicken is certified free range, certified

1451
01:14:07,760 --> 01:14:10,879
Speaker 1: free range in organic from small family farms. Um the seafood,

1452
01:14:11,320 --> 01:14:12,960
Speaker 1: I will say, we get the salmon and it is

1453
01:14:13,000 --> 01:14:17,120
Speaker 1: absolute delicious, so more than the Thrive Market catalog cannot

1454
01:14:17,320 --> 01:14:20,240
Speaker 1: be found on Amazon. So there you go. They're the

1455
01:14:20,360 --> 01:14:24,040
Speaker 1: largest retailer retailer their Thrive Market right there. They're like, yeah,

1456
01:14:24,840 --> 01:14:27,360
Speaker 1: but they are the largest retailer in the country that

1457
01:14:27,439 --> 01:14:31,120
Speaker 1: sells exclusively non GMO groceries. All right, we'll just keep

1458
01:14:31,160 --> 01:14:33,960
Speaker 1: in mind Thrive Market sprices are already fifty off as

1459
01:14:33,960 --> 01:14:35,479
Speaker 1: I said earlier, and now they're giving you an extra

1460
01:14:36,200 --> 01:14:38,519
Speaker 1: off your first order in a thirty day trial. And

1461
01:14:38,760 --> 01:14:41,960
Speaker 1: of course go to thrive market dot com slash Channa,

1462
01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:47,080
Speaker 1: slash Janna for your extra off in thirty day trial.

1463
01:14:47,200 --> 01:14:48,880
Speaker 1: Maybe one of these days we're gonna thrive market dot

1464
01:14:48,920 --> 01:14:54,560
Speaker 1: com slash Mike, No, no, nope, just slash Janna. We

1465
01:14:54,640 --> 01:14:56,360
Speaker 1: also want to shout out our friends at a dunk

1466
01:14:56,400 --> 01:15:00,360
Speaker 1: condoneuts because wind down runs on Duncan you know you

1467
01:15:00,439 --> 01:15:03,000
Speaker 1: don't have to go to the East Coast anymore. If

1468
01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:05,240
Speaker 1: you've got that craven for Duncan. Uh. They've got over

1469
01:15:05,320 --> 01:15:08,320
Speaker 1: fifty locations in the Greater Los Angeles area, as far

1470
01:15:08,400 --> 01:15:10,639
Speaker 1: south as San Clemente and as far north as Santa

1471
01:15:10,680 --> 01:15:13,000
Speaker 1: Clarita Altar. There's a great one near you. I know,

1472
01:15:13,040 --> 01:15:14,840
Speaker 1: there's one just down the street from me in a

1473
01:15:15,040 --> 01:15:18,800
Speaker 1: in Pasadena, California. And there's one in out Water that

1474
01:15:18,880 --> 01:15:21,080
Speaker 1: I that I hit up fairly often. Duncan just open

1475
01:15:21,160 --> 01:15:24,280
Speaker 1: a brand new location in Woodland Hills on the corner

1476
01:15:24,320 --> 01:15:28,160
Speaker 1: of Ventura into Panga Canyon. Duncan specializes in delicious, fresh

1477
01:15:28,200 --> 01:15:31,720
Speaker 1: brewed coffee and espresso beverages. It's currently featuring a new

1478
01:15:31,760 --> 01:15:35,160
Speaker 1: Peep's Marshmallow Flavors Swirl, just in time for Easter. It

1479
01:15:35,200 --> 01:15:37,680
Speaker 1: can be added to any coffee or espresso drink. So

1480
01:15:38,160 --> 01:15:40,760
Speaker 1: no longer do you have to take your peeps and

1481
01:15:40,920 --> 01:15:43,160
Speaker 1: put them in your coffee like I've been doing for years.

1482
01:15:43,240 --> 01:15:45,920
Speaker 1: Duncan will do it for you. Uh. It's delicious, it's

1483
01:15:45,920 --> 01:15:48,840
Speaker 1: super good. Uh, it's all in the Peep's Fund. Doesn't

1484
01:15:48,880 --> 01:15:52,400
Speaker 1: stop there. Duncan is also featuring a Peep's Doughnut topped

1485
01:15:52,400 --> 01:15:56,479
Speaker 1: with its iconic yellow chick. How cute is that just

1486
01:15:56,920 --> 01:15:58,920
Speaker 1: the Easter Bunny is gonna be eating a lot of

1487
01:15:58,960 --> 01:16:01,559
Speaker 1: those in a couple of weeks. Here guests can enjoy

1488
01:16:01,680 --> 01:16:04,320
Speaker 1: any medium sized Duncan cold brew for only two dollars

1489
01:16:04,439 --> 01:16:06,400
Speaker 1: from two to six pm during the month of April.

1490
01:16:06,479 --> 01:16:08,320
Speaker 1: So that's just for the month of April. But you

1491
01:16:08,439 --> 01:16:11,840
Speaker 1: get any medium sized Duncan cold brew for only two dollars.

1492
01:16:11,920 --> 01:16:15,080
Speaker 1: That's from two to six pm. Wind Down runs on Duncan.

1493
01:16:15,400 --> 01:16:17,800
Speaker 1: There's a Duncan near you, over fifty locations in the

1494
01:16:17,880 --> 01:16:21,519
Speaker 1: Greater l A area, So check them out. And we

1495
01:16:21,600 --> 01:16:24,519
Speaker 1: gotta we gotta shout out Shake Shack really quick. You know,

1496
01:16:25,560 --> 01:16:28,200
Speaker 1: we're talking about Duncan Donuts being one of the great

1497
01:16:28,240 --> 01:16:30,200
Speaker 1: treats from back East. It's made its way out here.

1498
01:16:30,520 --> 01:16:34,240
Speaker 1: Shake Shack also falls into that category. Uh. They they

1499
01:16:34,360 --> 01:16:36,720
Speaker 1: have made the big move out west and they have

1500
01:16:36,880 --> 01:16:41,000
Speaker 1: expanded their empire and they are all over the southern

1501
01:16:41,040 --> 01:16:44,840
Speaker 1: California area. Now. It's a modern, dary roadside burger known

1502
01:16:44,920 --> 01:16:48,960
Speaker 1: for its all natural Angus beef burgers, chicken sandwiches, and

1503
01:16:49,040 --> 01:16:53,080
Speaker 1: flat top vienna beef dogs. Spun fresh frozen custard, crinkle

1504
01:16:53,120 --> 01:16:56,439
Speaker 1: cup fries, craft beer, wine, and more. With its fresh, simple,

1505
01:16:56,520 --> 01:16:58,479
Speaker 1: high quality food at a great value, shake check is

1506
01:16:58,520 --> 01:17:01,080
Speaker 1: a fun and lively community bathering place with a little

1507
01:17:01,120 --> 01:17:05,000
Speaker 1: something for everyone. I I love shake Checks so much.

1508
01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:06,719
Speaker 1: I've gone on record saying I think it's the best

1509
01:17:06,840 --> 01:17:10,880
Speaker 1: burger you can get out there. It's so they're so good,

1510
01:17:10,920 --> 01:17:12,960
Speaker 1: I'll I will do a double Shack burger and then

1511
01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:14,640
Speaker 1: a single Shack burger all at the same time. And

1512
01:17:14,760 --> 01:17:18,880
Speaker 1: my my wife, Allison doesn't eat chicken, eat gluten, but

1513
01:17:19,160 --> 01:17:21,439
Speaker 1: she loves shake Shack too because they do an incredible

1514
01:17:21,439 --> 01:17:24,559
Speaker 1: gluten free bun. So shake Shack is a is a big,

1515
01:17:25,080 --> 01:17:27,760
Speaker 1: very popular place in the in our household. Uh And

1516
01:17:27,840 --> 01:17:30,479
Speaker 1: they just launched this new menu item. I've actually had

1517
01:17:30,520 --> 01:17:33,040
Speaker 1: this a bunch too. It's a chicken bites. There's no

1518
01:17:33,120 --> 01:17:35,960
Speaker 1: e in there. It's chick apostrophe and bites. It's made

1519
01:17:36,000 --> 01:17:39,880
Speaker 1: with all natural chicken breasts containing no hormones and no antibiotics.

1520
01:17:40,240 --> 01:17:42,679
Speaker 1: It's made fresh to order, never frozen. The chicken bites

1521
01:17:42,720 --> 01:17:45,439
Speaker 1: are prepared with a suvied cooking method so they're extra

1522
01:17:45,520 --> 01:17:48,719
Speaker 1: juicy and tender, never fried. If you haven't checked out, suevied,

1523
01:17:48,760 --> 01:17:50,200
Speaker 1: you sure really should. It's kind of it's a crazy

1524
01:17:50,240 --> 01:17:52,599
Speaker 1: way to shock cook meat, but it, um, it really

1525
01:17:52,640 --> 01:17:54,800
Speaker 1: gives you this, uh, this really fresh taste that you

1526
01:17:55,080 --> 01:17:57,640
Speaker 1: that you can't get if you're just frying it. And

1527
01:17:57,680 --> 01:17:59,920
Speaker 1: it's a lot better for you too. Those chicken by

1528
01:18:00,000 --> 01:18:01,920
Speaker 1: available in either six piece or ten piece and comes

1529
01:18:01,960 --> 01:18:05,280
Speaker 1: with your choice of sauce, barbecue, or honey mustard. I

1530
01:18:05,400 --> 01:18:07,519
Speaker 1: like to make them together. It's really really good. Head

1531
01:18:07,560 --> 01:18:09,680
Speaker 1: to one of shake shacks eight locations throughout Greater l

1532
01:18:09,760 --> 01:18:14,000
Speaker 1: A to give him a try. Locations include West Hollywood, Hollywood, Glendale,

1533
01:18:14,080 --> 01:18:17,320
Speaker 1: Century City, Westlake Village, Elsa Gundo, Downtown Los Angeles, or

1534
01:18:17,479 --> 01:18:20,760
Speaker 1: the one I frequent Burbank shake shack dot com or

1535
01:18:20,880 --> 01:18:24,240
Speaker 1: download the shake Shack app to get more information and

1536
01:18:24,320 --> 01:18:28,799
Speaker 1: find the one nearest to you. Um, you guys, please

1537
01:18:28,840 --> 01:18:41,599
Speaker 1: give it up for Alan. Hi. I've been sitting Hey Alan.

1538
01:18:42,439 --> 01:18:45,000
Speaker 1: Um do you guys obviously know Alan? He's you know,

1539
01:18:45,080 --> 01:18:49,080
Speaker 1: the star of Dancing with the Stars. Um, and I

1540
01:18:49,200 --> 01:18:51,200
Speaker 1: had the pleasure of dancing with you a couple of

1541
01:18:51,240 --> 01:18:55,960
Speaker 1: times when Mr gleb was sick and had his knee issues. Um,

1542
01:18:56,280 --> 01:18:58,160
Speaker 1: so do you do you have any takeaways from the

1543
01:18:58,240 --> 01:19:01,400
Speaker 1: conversations today, because yeah, actually I was sitting there and

1544
01:19:01,439 --> 01:19:08,320
Speaker 1: I was thinking, a lot of this is extremely, very impactful, impactful. Yeah,

1545
01:19:08,400 --> 01:19:10,720
Speaker 1: but I can't talk because I don't have a kid.

1546
01:19:11,560 --> 01:19:14,080
Speaker 1: But a lot of the stuff about eating disorders is

1547
01:19:14,720 --> 01:19:18,280
Speaker 1: especially in l A. When someone is in shape and

1548
01:19:18,360 --> 01:19:21,560
Speaker 1: they post a picture online and everyone compliments them and

1549
01:19:21,640 --> 01:19:23,400
Speaker 1: they say, wow, you look so good, you look so

1550
01:19:23,520 --> 01:19:26,519
Speaker 1: much better. That's going to encourage people to keep working out.

1551
01:19:26,680 --> 01:19:29,519
Speaker 1: And like they said earlier, sorry I don't know the

1552
01:19:29,600 --> 01:19:32,880
Speaker 1: names yet, but like they said earlier, if you're working

1553
01:19:32,960 --> 01:19:35,160
Speaker 1: out and you're you're not stopping until you feel that

1554
01:19:35,280 --> 01:19:38,679
Speaker 1: really good sweat. That's because other people are like encouraging

1555
01:19:38,760 --> 01:19:42,080
Speaker 1: you to feel that. And I personally think it's a

1556
01:19:42,080 --> 01:19:45,479
Speaker 1: psychological thing because you're trying to make yourself look better

1557
01:19:45,600 --> 01:19:49,439
Speaker 1: for someone else. So when you were dating the Instagram model,

1558
01:19:49,520 --> 01:19:52,360
Speaker 1: sorry you know, I had to go there, But did

1559
01:19:52,439 --> 01:19:55,120
Speaker 1: you see that we're you know, because she posted a

1560
01:19:55,240 --> 01:19:57,800
Speaker 1: lot of like half naked. How was that, by the way, like,

1561
01:19:58,160 --> 01:20:00,519
Speaker 1: as like her boyfriend at the time, was that How

1562
01:20:00,560 --> 01:20:02,519
Speaker 1: did you feel about was that just because it was

1563
01:20:02,520 --> 01:20:04,680
Speaker 1: like her image and that was fine or so I

1564
01:20:04,760 --> 01:20:07,120
Speaker 1: was with Alexis Frind. For those of you who don't know, Um,

1565
01:20:07,360 --> 01:20:09,960
Speaker 1: I'll show your last partner, my last partner on Dancing

1566
01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:12,519
Speaker 1: on the Star. She is a beautiful person in and out. Um,

1567
01:20:13,360 --> 01:20:17,439
Speaker 1: but that didn't end up so well. So for not

1568
01:20:17,640 --> 01:20:22,519
Speaker 1: dating anymore, for everyone asking, um, but you know we

1569
01:20:22,720 --> 01:20:25,759
Speaker 1: met on the show I and that's her whole career.

1570
01:20:25,960 --> 01:20:29,240
Speaker 1: You know she is a social media influencer. How could

1571
01:20:29,280 --> 01:20:32,200
Speaker 1: I tell her whether she should post something or not?

1572
01:20:32,960 --> 01:20:37,439
Speaker 1: You know that's not my duty as a boyfriend. Um.

1573
01:20:37,920 --> 01:20:41,559
Speaker 1: I personally am a super private person, So I don't

1574
01:20:41,600 --> 01:20:45,200
Speaker 1: like that. You know, I post some shirtless selfie is

1575
01:20:45,240 --> 01:20:50,720
Speaker 1: here and there? Who doesn't I'm stopping? But you know

1576
01:20:50,880 --> 01:20:53,600
Speaker 1: how who am I to tell someone not to post that?

1577
01:20:54,360 --> 01:20:57,320
Speaker 1: And so I'm sure she feels really good when she

1578
01:20:57,400 --> 01:21:01,360
Speaker 1: gets this awesome positive feedback from people, from millions of people,

1579
01:21:01,960 --> 01:21:07,120
Speaker 1: as do I. But is that this is that healthy

1580
01:21:08,080 --> 01:21:11,200
Speaker 1: to get that reinforcement from people? Well? I will say this,

1581
01:21:11,320 --> 01:21:13,880
Speaker 1: do you get upset when when you post something on

1582
01:21:13,960 --> 01:21:16,840
Speaker 1: Instagram and you don't get as many likes? So is

1583
01:21:16,840 --> 01:21:18,960
Speaker 1: that like an adorphin hit? Because sometimes you know that's

1584
01:21:19,000 --> 01:21:21,639
Speaker 1: something where the media is a drug. For sure. Yeah,

1585
01:21:21,720 --> 01:21:23,320
Speaker 1: where it's like, oh god, I didn't get that much

1586
01:21:23,360 --> 01:21:24,720
Speaker 1: on that one. Let me post this photo because I

1587
01:21:24,760 --> 01:21:27,280
Speaker 1: know this one will probably get a lot abrlutely. Yeah.

1588
01:21:27,360 --> 01:21:30,760
Speaker 1: I I mean, I personally think social media. I use it.

1589
01:21:31,000 --> 01:21:32,400
Speaker 1: I wake up in the morning, the first thing I

1590
01:21:32,479 --> 01:21:34,400
Speaker 1: do is check my Instagram and then I go back

1591
01:21:34,439 --> 01:21:35,720
Speaker 1: to sleep. So if any of you guys want to

1592
01:21:35,800 --> 01:21:37,479
Speaker 1: date him, you can just you know, the first thing

1593
01:21:37,760 --> 01:21:39,680
Speaker 1: we got a hand back there. What's them is that

1594
01:21:39,800 --> 01:21:43,439
Speaker 1: to date me? Or a question? He is here for

1595
01:21:43,520 --> 01:21:47,080
Speaker 1: the sex talk, let's go. I was a little uncomfortable

1596
01:21:47,120 --> 01:21:53,040
Speaker 1: with that. Now I'm open to it. Okay. So first, Janna,

1597
01:21:53,080 --> 01:21:54,680
Speaker 1: can you please come back to Seattle at some point

1598
01:21:54,720 --> 01:21:57,120
Speaker 1: because you'ven been there in a long time. Yes, please,

1599
01:21:57,520 --> 01:22:01,559
Speaker 1: before we love to Nashville. Please. Second, I've been getting

1600
01:22:01,560 --> 01:22:03,439
Speaker 1: a lot of grief from my family about my appearance,

1601
01:22:03,479 --> 01:22:05,400
Speaker 1: whether you're too big, you're too small, and I was

1602
01:22:05,479 --> 01:22:07,720
Speaker 1: kind of wondering how any of you guys handle any

1603
01:22:07,800 --> 01:22:10,479
Speaker 1: kind of criticism just about how you look, because it's

1604
01:22:10,520 --> 01:22:11,920
Speaker 1: really hard and I feel like that's kind of the

1605
01:22:12,000 --> 01:22:16,240
Speaker 1: biggest blocker and getting me healthy is just all the

1606
01:22:16,320 --> 01:22:19,320
Speaker 1: constant criticism because whenever I feel healthy, then my grandma

1607
01:22:19,400 --> 01:22:21,920
Speaker 1: is like, you haven't lost enough weight yet. My mom

1608
01:22:22,040 --> 01:22:23,760
Speaker 1: is like this, or my family and so it's just

1609
01:22:23,920 --> 01:22:26,360
Speaker 1: like and it's on every spectrum, whether you're too skinny

1610
01:22:26,479 --> 01:22:28,160
Speaker 1: or too fat, whatever, And so I'm just wondering, like

1611
01:22:28,520 --> 01:22:30,160
Speaker 1: how you deal with the criticism, because I think that's

1612
01:22:30,200 --> 01:22:33,000
Speaker 1: my biggest problem. And also, please come to Seattle. I

1613
01:22:33,080 --> 01:22:37,759
Speaker 1: want to talk first. Please. I think, honestly, it doesn't

1614
01:22:37,800 --> 01:22:39,599
Speaker 1: matter what you look like, how much you weight. It's

1615
01:22:39,600 --> 01:22:42,080
Speaker 1: about how you feel. And I think that's one of

1616
01:22:42,160 --> 01:22:45,000
Speaker 1: the best parts about working out and and getting that

1617
01:22:45,080 --> 01:22:49,360
Speaker 1: physical activity is feeling good afterwards. You know, just because

1618
01:22:49,400 --> 01:22:51,640
Speaker 1: you work out every day doesn't mean you're healthy. You know,

1619
01:22:51,720 --> 01:22:55,400
Speaker 1: you can be malnourished or under you know, under the

1620
01:22:55,600 --> 01:22:58,360
Speaker 1: correct body weight, under the percentage of fat, which is

1621
01:22:58,439 --> 01:23:01,120
Speaker 1: not good, it's unhealthy. So I think it's all about

1622
01:23:01,120 --> 01:23:04,600
Speaker 1: how you feel. And when most people work out, I

1623
01:23:04,640 --> 01:23:06,400
Speaker 1: think the whole concept of working out is creating a

1624
01:23:06,600 --> 01:23:10,080
Speaker 1: routine that is balanced in a good life, like where

1625
01:23:10,120 --> 01:23:13,400
Speaker 1: you eat healthy, you do enough physical activity where your

1626
01:23:13,439 --> 01:23:16,120
Speaker 1: body is balanced, and that you feel good. I personally,

1627
01:23:16,720 --> 01:23:19,200
Speaker 1: I don't know if when someone tells me that oh

1628
01:23:19,280 --> 01:23:21,519
Speaker 1: you look Like for example, when I go back home

1629
01:23:21,600 --> 01:23:25,760
Speaker 1: and my mom's like, oh, you look healthy, I immediately go, wow,

1630
01:23:25,840 --> 01:23:29,240
Speaker 1: I must have put on some weight. Yeah, I don't know,

1631
01:23:29,280 --> 01:23:31,600
Speaker 1: that's just some mental that make you feel though. It

1632
01:23:31,680 --> 01:23:34,639
Speaker 1: makes me feel like I have to go running, like honestly,

1633
01:23:34,720 --> 01:23:37,680
Speaker 1: I mean, but I feel like that's the society we

1634
01:23:37,800 --> 01:23:41,400
Speaker 1: live in here, where everyone will tell you something and

1635
01:23:41,560 --> 01:23:43,639
Speaker 1: you feel like you have to fix it, even though

1636
01:23:44,360 --> 01:23:46,280
Speaker 1: in my mind I'm not, Like, maybe I'm just not

1637
01:23:46,439 --> 01:23:49,679
Speaker 1: confident enough in myself to know that, oh I am healthy.

1638
01:23:50,040 --> 01:23:54,960
Speaker 1: Maybe I need that person's reassurance. And that's why, you know, Mike,

1639
01:23:55,000 --> 01:23:58,439
Speaker 1: I think you can attest to that well because like

1640
01:24:00,560 --> 01:24:02,320
Speaker 1: in it sense, like even like our friend Nick was like,

1641
01:24:03,000 --> 01:24:04,600
Speaker 1: you know, look at you like you don't you're not

1642
01:24:04,640 --> 01:24:11,040
Speaker 1: working out much or you're so skinnyca when when I

1643
01:24:11,120 --> 01:24:15,760
Speaker 1: have the same problem, it's totally the orios no one.

1644
01:24:15,880 --> 01:24:17,639
Speaker 1: When I first met all of our friends in Nashville,

1645
01:24:17,720 --> 01:24:20,439
Speaker 1: I was thirty pounds heavier because I was just getting

1646
01:24:20,439 --> 01:24:22,400
Speaker 1: out of the NFL. And so I mean that's one

1647
01:24:22,439 --> 01:24:24,040
Speaker 1: of those things like Alan was talking about, it's just

1648
01:24:24,080 --> 01:24:27,200
Speaker 1: a societal thing where I mean, even when I was

1649
01:24:27,240 --> 01:24:29,920
Speaker 1: in the NFL my time, they're you know, professional athletes

1650
01:24:29,920 --> 01:24:32,120
Speaker 1: who you think will have nothing but confidence about their body.

1651
01:24:32,760 --> 01:24:35,840
Speaker 1: A lot of guys would have, you know, diet restrictions

1652
01:24:35,880 --> 01:24:38,240
Speaker 1: in their contract, where me had a hard time keeping

1653
01:24:38,280 --> 01:24:40,160
Speaker 1: on weight, and if I got under a certain amount

1654
01:24:40,160 --> 01:24:44,000
Speaker 1: of weight, it was a fine for every single pound,

1655
01:24:45,160 --> 01:24:48,080
Speaker 1: every single pound, it was over three thousand dollars. And

1656
01:24:48,160 --> 01:24:50,560
Speaker 1: so a lot of times had that. Yeah, yeah, I

1657
01:24:50,600 --> 01:24:52,160
Speaker 1: had to stay in a range, like an eight pound

1658
01:24:52,280 --> 01:24:55,120
Speaker 1: range or you'd have to pay. Oh yeah, yeah it's fine.

1659
01:24:55,400 --> 01:24:58,400
Speaker 1: That's true. Yeah, that is true. Yeah, that's true. So

1660
01:24:58,560 --> 01:25:00,360
Speaker 1: I mean there's a lot of guys that's actually the

1661
01:25:00,400 --> 01:25:02,519
Speaker 1: lineman and stuff like that. That's your candy crush life

1662
01:25:02,600 --> 01:25:08,360
Speaker 1: right there. Good thing I didn't get fine, I say,

1663
01:25:08,520 --> 01:25:09,920
Speaker 1: within my range, so I can use that money on

1664
01:25:10,360 --> 01:25:16,400
Speaker 1: candy crush. More justifications. Okay, Um, but no, that just

1665
01:25:16,600 --> 01:25:18,519
Speaker 1: that just goes to show like no matter what profession,

1666
01:25:18,560 --> 01:25:20,880
Speaker 1: no matter who you are, but the important thing is

1667
01:25:20,920 --> 01:25:23,360
Speaker 1: as long as you're happy with yourself. But unfortunately, even

1668
01:25:24,040 --> 01:25:26,840
Speaker 1: in professional athletics, you're treated like a piece of meat

1669
01:25:26,960 --> 01:25:29,400
Speaker 1: and just a number. So you know, they don't really

1670
01:25:29,439 --> 01:25:32,840
Speaker 1: give about you. Okay, So I have a lot to

1671
01:25:32,880 --> 01:25:35,800
Speaker 1: say about this. I'm sure you do too. UM. So

1672
01:25:36,640 --> 01:25:41,759
Speaker 1: that's why I dislike Instagram so much and um social

1673
01:25:41,800 --> 01:25:45,760
Speaker 1: media for for that particular reason. I think when when

1674
01:25:46,040 --> 01:25:48,360
Speaker 1: people come to see me and they are so unhappy

1675
01:25:48,439 --> 01:25:50,000
Speaker 1: with how they look and they feel like they have

1676
01:25:50,120 --> 01:25:52,840
Speaker 1: to look a certain way to be accepted and all

1677
01:25:52,880 --> 01:25:54,479
Speaker 1: of those kinds of things, I'm like, what are you

1678
01:25:54,560 --> 01:25:57,800
Speaker 1: comparing yourself to? And a lot of them will say

1679
01:25:58,200 --> 01:26:00,120
Speaker 1: I follow this person, this person this for so, and

1680
01:26:00,200 --> 01:26:02,439
Speaker 1: I always feel inadequate. I always feel bad about myself.

1681
01:26:02,479 --> 01:26:04,679
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm not My plates don't look as pretty,

1682
01:26:04,760 --> 01:26:07,439
Speaker 1: I'm not eating all of these incredible colors. And that's

1683
01:26:07,479 --> 01:26:10,160
Speaker 1: why I'm not. I mean, I post pictures of my

1684
01:26:10,280 --> 01:26:14,680
Speaker 1: kids sometimes, but I'm not. I just it really bothers me,

1685
01:26:14,920 --> 01:26:18,439
Speaker 1: the whole Instagram thinks sometimes. I just I feel like it.

1686
01:26:18,600 --> 01:26:21,200
Speaker 1: It really does make you feel bad about yourself sometimes.

1687
01:26:21,240 --> 01:26:24,360
Speaker 1: So I would say, first, take a step back and

1688
01:26:24,479 --> 01:26:28,040
Speaker 1: analyze yourself. Are you happy with how you're living your life?

1689
01:26:28,200 --> 01:26:31,280
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you are comfortable? Then you kind

1690
01:26:31,280 --> 01:26:32,960
Speaker 1: of have to go And I know it's hard to do,

1691
01:26:33,160 --> 01:26:34,360
Speaker 1: and you have to build up a little bit of

1692
01:26:34,400 --> 01:26:36,880
Speaker 1: a wall and thick skin and be like whatever my

1693
01:26:36,920 --> 01:26:40,000
Speaker 1: grandma says, whatever my mom says, whatever people think. Who

1694
01:26:40,240 --> 01:26:43,280
Speaker 1: gives a crap, Like, I need to be happy with

1695
01:26:43,439 --> 01:26:45,840
Speaker 1: myself at the end of the day, that's who you're

1696
01:26:45,880 --> 01:26:48,400
Speaker 1: living with. So if you're comfortable with you, be you

1697
01:26:48,720 --> 01:26:52,200
Speaker 1: and what they say, you literally just have to, like somehow,

1698
01:26:52,360 --> 01:26:54,080
Speaker 1: some way just to have it roll off of you

1699
01:26:54,640 --> 01:26:57,160
Speaker 1: and not take it in and not take it like that.

1700
01:26:57,320 --> 01:27:00,400
Speaker 1: So that would be my first thing. And then if

1701
01:27:00,439 --> 01:27:03,720
Speaker 1: anything is making you feel insecure, you have to be

1702
01:27:03,880 --> 01:27:07,479
Speaker 1: able to take that away, take that off of you, know,

1703
01:27:07,800 --> 01:27:10,600
Speaker 1: of your life, because it's not good to wake up

1704
01:27:10,640 --> 01:27:14,240
Speaker 1: in the every morning and scroll through your Instagram be like,

1705
01:27:14,280 --> 01:27:16,760
Speaker 1: oh my god, she's posted a bikini picture. Oh my god,

1706
01:27:16,840 --> 01:27:19,439
Speaker 1: her plates look like this, and I just had whatever

1707
01:27:19,640 --> 01:27:21,280
Speaker 1: for dinner last night. Then you feel like, oh my god,

1708
01:27:21,320 --> 01:27:24,080
Speaker 1: I'm not having these beautiful plates. If it's just comparing

1709
01:27:24,120 --> 01:27:25,800
Speaker 1: their lives to everything, I mean, do you compare your

1710
01:27:25,840 --> 01:27:27,760
Speaker 1: body to Artem and everyone else? Is like when you

1711
01:27:27,800 --> 01:27:30,479
Speaker 1: take like their shirts off, you like Artem has like

1712
01:27:30,680 --> 01:27:34,320
Speaker 1: twelve abs and I've got like sex absolutely, but that's photoshop.

1713
01:27:37,320 --> 01:27:39,920
Speaker 1: I completely agree because I feel like, right now social

1714
01:27:39,960 --> 01:27:42,920
Speaker 1: media is just used to compare, and that's what everyone's

1715
01:27:43,000 --> 01:27:45,080
Speaker 1: using it for, as opposed to what I think it

1716
01:27:45,160 --> 01:27:47,160
Speaker 1: was originally meant to be, was to be able to

1717
01:27:47,240 --> 01:27:51,320
Speaker 1: reach out to people and create new connections or rekindle

1718
01:27:51,360 --> 01:27:55,880
Speaker 1: old connections. Is becoming a comparative tool, which is horrible. Okay,

1719
01:27:56,040 --> 01:27:58,440
Speaker 1: when's it going to stop? Because I feel like everybody

1720
01:27:58,560 --> 01:28:01,120
Speaker 1: knows that, Like everyone's is that when we talk about it.

1721
01:28:01,560 --> 01:28:03,599
Speaker 1: But when is it going to stop? What's gonna stop?

1722
01:28:03,640 --> 01:28:06,639
Speaker 1: What you mean? They're comparing in the social We always,

1723
01:28:06,720 --> 01:28:09,080
Speaker 1: especially women, were always going to compare. That's that's the

1724
01:28:09,120 --> 01:28:11,479
Speaker 1: problem with us women, Like I feel like you guys

1725
01:28:11,520 --> 01:28:14,439
Speaker 1: don't compare? Do you guys compare? Like women are all

1726
01:28:14,479 --> 01:28:16,439
Speaker 1: I feel like that that we're always going to compare.

1727
01:28:16,439 --> 01:28:17,960
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you can speak on that, doctor,

1728
01:28:17,960 --> 01:28:20,519
Speaker 1: because it's like as much as I try not to,

1729
01:28:20,680 --> 01:28:22,720
Speaker 1: I've had to unfollow people on Instagram because I was

1730
01:28:22,760 --> 01:28:25,880
Speaker 1: comparing so much that it was destroying my day. And

1731
01:28:25,960 --> 01:28:27,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, why am I letting this like put so

1732
01:28:27,840 --> 01:28:30,080
Speaker 1: much power on me? What do you want him to say? Like,

1733
01:28:30,160 --> 01:28:31,920
Speaker 1: what would you want like to hear? Like do you

1734
01:28:31,960 --> 01:28:34,040
Speaker 1: want to hear like you just you look beautiful, Like

1735
01:28:34,200 --> 01:28:35,840
Speaker 1: what is it like? I have a little bit of

1736
01:28:35,880 --> 01:28:38,920
Speaker 1: a controlling family. Based off of your Guys podcast last week,

1737
01:28:38,960 --> 01:28:40,960
Speaker 1: actually you guys are talking about what you guys will

1738
01:28:41,000 --> 01:28:42,800
Speaker 1: do when your kids are older and how like yore

1739
01:28:42,840 --> 01:28:44,840
Speaker 1: kind of baby jays more your baby don't a more

1740
01:28:45,640 --> 01:28:48,280
Speaker 1: my grandparents. I found my father when I was twenty

1741
01:28:48,360 --> 01:28:50,600
Speaker 1: years old, and my grandparents went behind my back and

1742
01:28:50,800 --> 01:28:53,920
Speaker 1: told him he had a daughter before I was ready.

1743
01:28:54,560 --> 01:28:56,439
Speaker 1: I didn't want him to know I had found him.

1744
01:28:56,439 --> 01:28:59,800
Speaker 1: I wasn't ready. And so they're very involved and it's

1745
01:29:00,160 --> 01:29:02,760
Speaker 1: the constant criticism, and I think that was actually my

1746
01:29:02,800 --> 01:29:05,880
Speaker 1: trigger was that moment when I was twenty and so

1747
01:29:06,000 --> 01:29:09,040
Speaker 1: then now they've kind of been like, hey, we're going

1748
01:29:09,080 --> 01:29:11,640
Speaker 1: to keep like judging you and critiquing you, and so

1749
01:29:11,840 --> 01:29:13,280
Speaker 1: I just kind of want to be left alone. But

1750
01:29:13,320 --> 01:29:18,040
Speaker 1: I want a good relationship. Yeah that's not okay. I

1751
01:29:18,080 --> 01:29:20,720
Speaker 1: mean if you can have that conversation with them, I mean,

1752
01:29:20,760 --> 01:29:23,160
Speaker 1: because you don't want to avoid your grandparents who you know,

1753
01:29:23,680 --> 01:29:27,240
Speaker 1: so that might just have to be a conversation of like, look,

1754
01:29:27,320 --> 01:29:28,600
Speaker 1: I love you and I want to be around you

1755
01:29:28,640 --> 01:29:30,639
Speaker 1: and spend time with you. It's just like you said,

1756
01:29:30,640 --> 01:29:32,400
Speaker 1: it's just not okay to make those comments. So I

1757
01:29:32,479 --> 01:29:35,800
Speaker 1: appreciate just not saying anything at all and just being

1758
01:29:35,840 --> 01:29:37,400
Speaker 1: able to say that. I think is important and it

1759
01:29:37,520 --> 01:29:40,640
Speaker 1: empowers you to to be like, look like that's not

1760
01:29:40,760 --> 01:29:43,960
Speaker 1: okay and acknowledge the fact that that's their issues, not yours.

1761
01:29:44,520 --> 01:29:48,720
Speaker 1: And we teach people how to treat us, and they've

1762
01:29:48,760 --> 01:29:51,360
Speaker 1: been treating you a certain way for your whole life,

1763
01:29:51,800 --> 01:29:53,599
Speaker 1: and that's the way they're used to operating in the world.

1764
01:29:53,640 --> 01:29:56,240
Speaker 1: They don't know any better. It may not even be malicious,

1765
01:29:56,680 --> 01:29:58,519
Speaker 1: it's just what they're used to do. And you have

1766
01:29:58,680 --> 01:30:00,960
Speaker 1: to teach them how to treat you and to say,

1767
01:30:01,000 --> 01:30:03,400
Speaker 1: if you talk to me that way, I'm gonna leave

1768
01:30:03,479 --> 01:30:06,040
Speaker 1: dinner and go home. And there have to be a

1769
01:30:06,200 --> 01:30:09,160
Speaker 1: consequence so that they know you really mean this. Yeah,

1770
01:30:09,680 --> 01:30:12,559
Speaker 1: thank you for your question. But you are beautiful though,

1771
01:30:12,840 --> 01:30:20,720
Speaker 1: so just know that, um Alan, you're on tour right now, Yes,

1772
01:30:21,040 --> 01:30:22,720
Speaker 1: you were on where the tour just ended, Well, it

1773
01:30:22,800 --> 01:30:24,640
Speaker 1: was just a dancing with the Stars tour. Now me

1774
01:30:24,720 --> 01:30:28,320
Speaker 1: Goo and Artem created our own little what's that called dancing?

1775
01:30:28,560 --> 01:30:30,960
Speaker 1: Dave dancing, and how can people so they can actually

1776
01:30:31,040 --> 01:30:34,559
Speaker 1: dance with you. Okay, Sarah, get up here right now.

1777
01:30:35,520 --> 01:30:38,600
Speaker 1: Come on, Sarah, get up here right now, because I

1778
01:30:38,720 --> 01:30:40,800
Speaker 1: want to see so like to explain to me what

1779
01:30:40,960 --> 01:30:43,719
Speaker 1: day of dancing is and they can actually dance because

1780
01:30:43,720 --> 01:30:46,120
Speaker 1: I want to see what you'll do. I need to see.

1781
01:30:49,520 --> 01:30:51,200
Speaker 1: Come on, all so take take the mic, take the

1782
01:30:51,280 --> 01:30:55,000
Speaker 1: micro here. Don't know what the so so describe like

1783
01:30:55,080 --> 01:30:58,080
Speaker 1: what you do on the tour with Artam and Glenn. Well, first,

1784
01:30:58,120 --> 01:31:00,320
Speaker 1: we have a cool little experience where do a meeting greed,

1785
01:31:00,640 --> 01:31:02,519
Speaker 1: We do a Q and A and we have three words.

1786
01:31:02,520 --> 01:31:05,320
Speaker 1: They get to feel the abs, Sarah, you can feel

1787
01:31:05,320 --> 01:31:14,200
Speaker 1: the abs. No. Um, but it's it's it's a really

1788
01:31:14,280 --> 01:31:16,200
Speaker 1: cool experience where we get to hang out with the fans.

1789
01:31:16,320 --> 01:31:18,479
Speaker 1: And you know, a lot of the people on tour

1790
01:31:18,560 --> 01:31:20,120
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, we wish we could do like a

1791
01:31:20,280 --> 01:31:24,000
Speaker 1: dancing with the fans or something because everyone thinks their celebrity.

1792
01:31:24,479 --> 01:31:29,040
Speaker 1: But but this is a cool way to actually dance

1793
01:31:29,120 --> 01:31:33,200
Speaker 1: with everyone. And yes, she has now we can dance together.

1794
01:31:35,720 --> 01:31:39,160
Speaker 1: Zero You got okay? But so so when do people

1795
01:31:39,240 --> 01:31:44,640
Speaker 1: come are they are they beginners? Are they where can

1796
01:31:44,680 --> 01:31:48,240
Speaker 1: they can sign up? Damn dancing dot com. Yeah, but

1797
01:31:48,280 --> 01:31:50,000
Speaker 1: watch this we're gonna do a little salsa right now.

1798
01:31:50,439 --> 01:31:52,840
Speaker 1: You're gonna go left foot forward. Wait, I had to

1799
01:31:52,880 --> 01:31:55,519
Speaker 1: get my Instagram read because it's all about Instagram. Do

1800
01:31:55,600 --> 01:32:00,559
Speaker 1: it together. You can go right, you're gonna go foot back,

1801
01:32:00,640 --> 01:32:04,200
Speaker 1: You're gonna go I'll show you one, two, three, and

1802
01:32:04,240 --> 01:32:07,519
Speaker 1: then you're gonna go left foot forward one to three

1803
01:32:09,520 --> 01:32:13,599
Speaker 1: one to look at there we go. I have never

1804
01:32:13,720 --> 01:32:17,080
Speaker 1: met Sarah before. Can you get a little closer? How

1805
01:32:17,120 --> 01:32:26,960
Speaker 1: can you see a little problems? Can I see a

1806
01:32:27,000 --> 01:32:32,479
Speaker 1: little something? I mean a little bit more? Yeah, once more?

1807
01:32:32,680 --> 01:32:35,080
Speaker 1: What we'll do? Want like dancing with the stars, like

1808
01:32:35,120 --> 01:32:43,840
Speaker 1: shower action. Let's see it. Come on, can't they're dancing,

1809
01:32:43,920 --> 01:32:46,360
Speaker 1: they're dancing, They're they're touching, their hands, are touch shaking

1810
01:32:46,880 --> 01:32:54,920
Speaker 1: your dance right now? So just like you can be

1811
01:32:55,080 --> 01:32:57,600
Speaker 1: just like Sarah. Trust me. If Sarah can do it,

1812
01:32:57,760 --> 01:33:05,519
Speaker 1: anyone can do it. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm great. Oh,

1813
01:33:05,640 --> 01:33:09,880
Speaker 1: I'm great. It's easy. Anyone can do it. Let's let's

1814
01:33:09,880 --> 01:33:12,680
Speaker 1: get down to why we really all came here. You

1815
01:33:12,800 --> 01:33:18,200
Speaker 1: really play some music? Little? Did you guys know the

1816
01:33:18,400 --> 01:33:22,639
Speaker 1: last year I's guitar player. No, I'm just kidding. Jeff

1817
01:33:22,640 --> 01:33:27,040
Speaker 1: following um wait for time out though really fast? Can

1818
01:33:27,040 --> 01:33:28,760
Speaker 1: you guys please give a round of a pause to

1819
01:33:28,880 --> 01:33:35,120
Speaker 1: Christie Dr jen Man Alan by Amy producer, We got tour,

1820
01:33:35,240 --> 01:33:39,320
Speaker 1: beall here with the Mike Drive market for hosting such

1821
01:33:39,320 --> 01:33:44,920
Speaker 1: an incredible event tonight bananas all you guys coming out

1822
01:33:44,960 --> 01:33:47,160
Speaker 1: and thank you guys so much. This is the first time.

1823
01:33:47,240 --> 01:33:48,680
Speaker 1: This is kind of like our draw round before the

1824
01:33:48,720 --> 01:33:51,400
Speaker 1: podcast tour, and you guys have made it amazing, have

1825
01:33:51,600 --> 01:33:54,160
Speaker 1: validated us that fact that you guys are all here,

1826
01:33:54,240 --> 01:33:58,439
Speaker 1: So thank you for that. Nor is she's um no, seriously,

1827
01:33:58,479 --> 01:34:01,599
Speaker 1: thank you and I love you Bed not pushed anyway. Right,

1828
01:34:02,880 --> 01:34:15,280
Speaker 1: all right, this is my new single, Beautiful Eyes, surrounded

1829
01:34:15,360 --> 01:34:26,240
Speaker 1: by pieces of vows that were broke. Yeah, leaving miss speechless.

1830
01:34:27,800 --> 01:34:37,080
Speaker 1: It's black God don't know you everything we built his

1831
01:34:37,600 --> 01:34:46,000
Speaker 1: falling down. Tell me I'm making this up the same flooring.

1832
01:34:47,760 --> 01:34:52,639
Speaker 1: Take me back to now I could feel I got

1833
01:34:52,920 --> 01:34:58,120
Speaker 1: was in love when love was just blind. I'm not

1834
01:34:58,400 --> 01:35:03,680
Speaker 1: ready for true to see the line. Make it up,

1835
01:35:04,080 --> 01:35:19,080
Speaker 1: making pretty out of mind? Tell me beautiful life. How

1836
01:35:19,200 --> 01:35:29,280
Speaker 1: did this happen? I thought we were per I never

1837
01:35:29,479 --> 01:35:39,559
Speaker 1: I imagine him feel it so world. I know why

1838
01:35:39,640 --> 01:35:44,559
Speaker 1: I need to face it, but I can't right now.

1839
01:35:46,800 --> 01:35:51,439
Speaker 1: Tell me I'm making this up, that this ain't for me.

1840
01:35:53,240 --> 01:35:57,720
Speaker 1: Take me back to the night I could feel like

1841
01:35:58,000 --> 01:36:03,840
Speaker 1: I was enough when love was just blind. I'm not

1842
01:36:04,160 --> 01:36:09,479
Speaker 1: ready for the truth to see it lie, make it up,

1843
01:36:09,960 --> 01:36:19,639
Speaker 1: make it pretty out of my Tell me beautiful, Oh yeah,

1844
01:36:21,479 --> 01:36:33,760
Speaker 1: go on and tell me those beautiful Tell me I'm

1845
01:36:33,920 --> 01:36:40,840
Speaker 1: making this up. That's the sapori. Take me back to

1846
01:36:41,200 --> 01:36:47,320
Speaker 1: the night I could feel I was enough when love

1847
01:36:47,479 --> 01:36:52,320
Speaker 1: was just blind. I'm not ready for the truth to

1848
01:36:52,479 --> 01:36:57,960
Speaker 1: see the lie. Make it up, make it pretty out

1849
01:36:58,040 --> 01:37:03,800
Speaker 1: of mind, dream it up, make it read one more time.

1850
01:37:04,479 --> 01:37:16,320
Speaker 1: Tell me beautiful, Oh yeah, Please tell me those beautiful eyes.

1851
01:37:20,200 --> 01:37:34,760
Speaker 1: Please tell me those beautiful h