Speaker 1: I leave, then I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: much baggage you claim, and give us time and a
Speaker 2: terminal and gay, we want to send you off inside.
Speaker 1: We wanna welcome you back home.
Speaker 3: Tell us all about every.
Speaker 1: Scared or was it fine porn?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do your need ride around?
Speaker 1: Do you need.
Speaker 4: With Karen and Chris.
Speaker 1: Welcome to Do you need a ride? I'm Karen Kilgareth,
Speaker 1: I'm not Chris Fairbanks. Here's an interesting twist this week's episode.
Speaker 1: Chris is not in the studio yet. He lives on
Speaker 1: the west side. He drives in very, very busy traffic.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say thick traffic, but that seems dirty,
Speaker 1: and so oftentimes he'll leave. He'll leave himself a good
Speaker 1: fifty minutes to get to the east side of town. Well,
Speaker 1: anybody that has lived here for longer than six months
Speaker 1: knows that you need to book yourself at least a
Speaker 1: two hour block of driving time if you want to
Speaker 1: get from Santa Monica to the east side of Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: So he sent a message saying, Karen and start the
Speaker 1: podcast without me. It'll be fascinating. It'll be a fascinating twist.
Speaker 1: So I'm the solo host right now. Hi, And we
Speaker 1: have a guest this week. She refuses to come on
Speaker 1: the air early, So I'm gonna tell you several stories
Speaker 1: from my childhood.
Speaker 3: No, I'm not no o.
Speaker 1: Our guest this week is April Richards's right, all faithful.
Speaker 1: She's our guest. She's our friend. She's Chris's co host
Speaker 1: on your television show. You guys don't talk about this
Speaker 1: show enough never Why would we?
Speaker 5: True TV's almost jacktical jokers, Oh, your brothers and you
Speaker 5: pull tricks to people.
Speaker 6: Sadly, we don't do pranks, which we should do. Nothing
Speaker 6: is more lucrative than prank.
Speaker 3: It's pranks is where it's at.
Speaker 1: I think I like hate prank. I'm not interested in
Speaker 1: pranks in any way.
Speaker 6: Which as a kid, I did do some pranks like
Speaker 6: toilet papering people's houses or whatever.
Speaker 3: But the thing of like when people would do pranks
Speaker 3: on me.
Speaker 6: It's I would just be like fuck off, like any
Speaker 6: sort of I don't know, I'm trying to think. I
Speaker 6: didn't go to high school in the four I almost said, like,
Speaker 6: we'll be coaching, and I'm like, I didn't go to
Speaker 6: high school in the nineteen forties, but anything like you
Speaker 6: know what I mean? Or if you try to sit down, Sody,
Speaker 6: try to move your chair and.
Speaker 1: I just, oh, that's not funny.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 1: That happened to me in fifth grade and it hurt
Speaker 1: really bad. When I hit the ground. It hurt really bad.
Speaker 1: And then everyone in my class was like ooh, and
Speaker 1: then everyone felt really bad. So it was this moment
Speaker 1: of like, here's what I think it is. I think
Speaker 1: it's a it's a young boyish energy of like.
Speaker 3: We're gonna get them.
Speaker 1: You're gonna get that person, right, But it's the shortsighted
Speaker 1: idea that this is no matter what we think of,
Speaker 1: it's gonna end in a laughs where it's like oftentimes
Speaker 1: when it goes into like physically harming a person or
Speaker 1: deeply shaming them in front of everyone that they want
Speaker 1: to like them, right, and especially in like when you're younger,
Speaker 1: when that all seems like it's in the balance, and
Speaker 1: then then it just becomes his life or death like
Speaker 1: horror horror show, Who did it to you?
Speaker 3: What was their reaction.
Speaker 1: It was the boy who had a crush on me
Speaker 1: who I didn't like, and so he was It was
Speaker 1: a little bit of like, now I'm going to be
Speaker 1: your tormentor, right, which it was a foolish let's just
Speaker 1: say it was a foolish move on Simon Casey's part.
Speaker 6: Well, I got to say this, I had the foresight
Speaker 6: even as a child to punch up because I prank
Speaker 6: the shit out teachers.
Speaker 1: Sure, yes, that's for sure, Yes, but I never.
Speaker 6: Pranked other kids. Really, Ah, that's a lie. I mean,
Speaker 6: like again, I toilet pay, I rolled people's houses a
Speaker 6: few times, but that's not That's the dumbest prank of
Speaker 6: all time.
Speaker 3: That's just like la prank.
Speaker 6: Because you don't have like the instant when I think prank,
Speaker 6: it's like where you're standing watching where you do the thing,
Speaker 6: and then you're like, can't wait for your easy were
Speaker 6: small ones, right, that's the prank.
Speaker 1: Right, Like I think I'm trying to think there was
Speaker 1: one prank that happened to me in college that I
Speaker 1: really that was really funny to me because I took
Speaker 1: it as this huge compliment that they had pre thought
Speaker 1: this whole stupid thing out right but now I can't
Speaker 1: think of what it was. All I knew is that
Speaker 1: the second it happened, I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: they're paying so much attention to me.
Speaker 3: Then it had like a lot of planning.
Speaker 1: Yes, it was a whole involved thing of like we
Speaker 1: all told this one lie and then we got you
Speaker 1: to do a thing. But it wasn't anything shaming or
Speaker 1: anything I cared about. Like whatever it was, it was
Speaker 1: like falling. But also my thing is what people don't
Speaker 1: understand is as as sas mouthed as I can be
Speaker 1: in bitch as I can be, I will fall for
Speaker 1: almost if you go all for everything for anything. If
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, the bank is open tomorrow, so we're
Speaker 1: all going to meet there whatever, be like, all right,
Speaker 1: like you have my complete trust and we don't have
Speaker 1: it exactly. Then then once you don't have it, you'll
Speaker 1: never get it back. So you can prank it away.
Speaker 1: That's fine, right, But then now you never have it,
Speaker 1: So the next time you go, oh, we're gonna go
Speaker 1: to a thing, I'll be like, oh, I bet you
Speaker 1: won't be there.
Speaker 3: I'm never going to that thing again.
Speaker 6: You're making me feel better because there have been times
Speaker 6: where I said that to Peep, like I've people have
Speaker 6: done a thing to me. It's such an obvious lie apparently,
Speaker 6: and I'm like, yeah, okay, totally. And then the other
Speaker 6: people around me be like, I can't believe you fell
Speaker 6: for that. You're so and I'm like, I'm sorry. My
Speaker 6: default is not everyone is lying to me constantly, like
Speaker 6: that's supposed to be my attitude in the world.
Speaker 1: And also if you're going to spend like if that's
Speaker 1: what it is, where it's like no this band or whatever,
Speaker 1: where you're like, it's just information that I don't give
Speaker 1: a shit about one way or another. You're not telling
Speaker 1: me I won the lottery or something. Oh you know what?
Speaker 1: It was the thing that the college thing my I
Speaker 1: was moving out of my sister. I of course didn't
Speaker 1: turn my paperwork and time in college to get into
Speaker 1: the dorms, so I had to live in my sister's
Speaker 1: apartment for three months, which of course she hated, and
Speaker 1: my cousin Nancy, who hates and her friend Dianne, who
Speaker 1: was very nice but I'm sure hated me. I had
Speaker 1: to live on their like pull out couch in the
Speaker 1: front room of their college apartment, not a dream come true.
Speaker 1: So when they were finally moving me into the dorms,
Speaker 1: we were moving my stuff down in boxes into my
Speaker 1: sister's car. And one of the times I brought down
Speaker 1: a box, I opened passenger door of my sister's sixty
Speaker 1: eight Mustang, put the box down, looked down, and there
Speaker 1: was a rattlesnake in the front floor, like passenger side floor,
Speaker 1: like a real water no also fucking freeze, dried, coiled
Speaker 1: up rattlesnake.
Speaker 3: But I didn't. All I saw was a rattlesnake, and I.
Speaker 1: Just moved backwards as quickly as I possibly could and
Speaker 1: slam the door really fast. So and they were laughing.
Speaker 1: It was these three guys that were in I think
Speaker 1: the Marines that lived in the apartment below my sisters,
Speaker 1: who they were all friends, so they were nice people,
Speaker 1: but they were laughing so hard because they were like,
Speaker 1: we've never seen anyone move that fast like, and so
Speaker 1: it not only wasn't embarrassing, I felt very proud of
Speaker 1: my reflex of my ability to recognize danger and not
Speaker 1: fuck around like get away from a rattlesnake as quickly
Speaker 1: as possible. Like the whole thing made me go like
Speaker 1: maybe they.
Speaker 6: Were just putting you through like survival training. It wasn't
Speaker 6: even a prank.
Speaker 1: And the thing as I passed, yeah, good news all around.
Speaker 3: You could do well by yourself in the woods or whatever.
Speaker 3: Maybe that's all that was.
Speaker 1: That's right, but like that's to me. That's why my
Speaker 1: fait I think in like top three favorite viral videos
Speaker 1: will always be the guy that punches the clown that
Speaker 1: pops out of the garbage can. It's a high school video.
Speaker 3: I don't think I've seen that one.
Speaker 1: It's the best, but I'm gonna now ruin it for
Speaker 1: you by describing it verbally to you. But it's a
Speaker 1: kid in high school, like a reporter being like talking
Speaker 1: to another kid at the high school. And it looks
Speaker 1: like he's talking to like an athlete, like a football
Speaker 1: player or something, this big black kid, right, and it's
Speaker 1: this little white kid going like, are you scared for Halloween?
Speaker 1: You're gonna a trick or treating? Asking questions and then
Speaker 1: behind them they have like a recycling sized garbage can,
Speaker 1: sure you know, one of those big plastic ones. And
Speaker 1: as they're standing there, a kid in like a in
Speaker 1: like an it clown mask, you know, a scary scary
Speaker 1: clown mask pops out like jumps up and goes like that,
Speaker 1: and the kid, like from an interview position, turns and
Speaker 1: just clocks then in the face and then it goes
Speaker 1: just it drops back into the garbage can. And it's
Speaker 1: the best because it's like, well, this is your prank. Like,
Speaker 1: if you engage in a prank, this is what could happen.
Speaker 1: You can get clocked directly into the Yeah.
Speaker 3: They might call your bluff.
Speaker 4: All right.
Speaker 6: Having said all this, though, I do have to say
Speaker 6: I stay prank call and I was reping prank calls hard.
Speaker 6: I was doing on the phone all day currently not
Speaker 6: currently now, but like that, so that is separate from
Speaker 6: physical pranks. I was doing that all through school's.
Speaker 3: Prank calling people. What would you say?
Speaker 6: It depends Honestly, a lot of them ended up being
Speaker 6: like I just like talking so much that I would
Speaker 6: just be It would end up with me just talking
Speaker 6: to strangers. Oh okay, where I feel like a few.
Speaker 6: There was one time me and my friend Kevin stayed up.
Speaker 6: We were praying people and I can't remember what we
Speaker 6: were saying.
Speaker 3: I mean, it was nonsense. It wasn't like you was
Speaker 3: a refrigerator running, but.
Speaker 6: We would just try to. It would just turn into
Speaker 6: conversations because we would say something we thought was like nonsense.
Speaker 6: It did often backfire, but in a good way because
Speaker 6: the people would just answer and we'd be like, wait,
Speaker 6: what so.
Speaker 3: Like you were taking a poll or something.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but they would be like ridiculous goofy questions where
Speaker 6: we're like, this is so clearly a joke or a prank,
Speaker 6: and more often than not we'd get serious answers back,
Speaker 6: and then we.
Speaker 3: Would just be like what okay, like and start talking.
Speaker 3: There were several nights where we would just end up yeah,
Speaker 3: just like all right, have a good night, Frank, like just.
Speaker 1: Turn into like a little that's sad.
Speaker 6: There was one time, this is kind of a left
Speaker 6: turn me and my friend Jeremy. This is gonna be
Speaker 6: so hard to explain for somebody who didn't grow up
Speaker 6: in the South, especially but my friend Jeremy, who was
Speaker 6: my high school boyfriend's brother, but I knew him forever.
Speaker 6: I had known him since like sixth grade, before I
Speaker 6: even thought of.
Speaker 3: Dating his brother. Ever.
Speaker 6: We were hanging out one night and he used to
Speaker 6: drive this pickup truck and he had a CBE radio
Speaker 6: in it. I grew up in Georgia. Everybody and he
Speaker 6: we would get on it all the time and like
Speaker 6: talk to truckers. It was hilarious to us because we
Speaker 6: and truckers and we're like teenagers and truckers say the
Speaker 6: foulest shit to each other on cebe radios and really
Speaker 6: do at the time. You know, this is like late nineties,
Speaker 6: like see be each other and be like.
Speaker 3: I just drove by lady a huge ditch.
Speaker 6: She's wearing whatever whatever and driving or whatever, like to
Speaker 6: tell other truckers like go.
Speaker 3: Drive by hot ladies or whatever.
Speaker 6: So one night we're listening to all these truckers talk
Speaker 6: to each other, and Jeremy had like a fake trucker
Speaker 6: name and he would get on and talk like he's
Speaker 6: a trucker.
Speaker 3: And this guy was like, there was.
Speaker 6: A party at whatever, and we went to the party.
Speaker 6: Now fully, he was like, what's the address? And it
Speaker 6: wasn't that far from us, and so we went to
Speaker 6: this party and it was like all these truckers like
Speaker 6: it ended up being fine, but we're like two kids
Speaker 6: driving up in this thing and it's like all these
Speaker 6: grown truckers what wait?
Speaker 1: And it just sounds like something from True Detective.
Speaker 4: It was at a house.
Speaker 6: I mean it was like everybody was out in the
Speaker 6: lawn when we drove up, Like a ton of people
Speaker 6: were out on the lawn, do you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 6: Like it wasn't like we were like and.
Speaker 1: Then we had walked through a dark alley together.
Speaker 3: A party, like it was pretty public. But it was old, chucker,
Speaker 3: not old, but I mean adults, right, Like we were
Speaker 3: like sixteen, seventeen and they were in the thirties.
Speaker 4: Oh they weren't.
Speaker 3: They weren't like my parents agress Okay, okay, but you know,
Speaker 3: I guess maybe thirties. I don't know. You know how
Speaker 3: when you're seventeen, anybody older than you was just old.
Speaker 6: Yes, But yeah, we just pulled up and we're like,
Speaker 6: what's up, guys, and like hung out at this party
Speaker 6: for a while. It was crazy and just because we
Speaker 6: had talked to them on a ceebee radio, Yeah, that
Speaker 6: was very danp never do that again, Okay, please, I
Speaker 6: won't do it again.
Speaker 1: They were there's so many cross country truckers who've gotten
Speaker 1: away with murder because they're never in the same place twice.
Speaker 6: Right, Well, sure, but this was like a residential house
Speaker 6: on a pretty average street.
Speaker 3: That's how they hid.
Speaker 6: And everybody was out in the like tons of people
Speaker 6: were out in the yard.
Speaker 3: We didn't in the house. We just like stood out
Speaker 3: in the yard, like, hang, the reason you're here today.
Speaker 3: But then Jeremy had to be like, you know, whatever
Speaker 3: his truck. He had some big tough trucker name and
Speaker 3: had to walk up and be like, yeah, I'm fucking
Speaker 3: chunked steak or whatever. And they're like, okay, dude, you're seventeen.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, that must have actually been really entertaining to them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 6: When a lot of them too, didn't look like you know,
Speaker 6: they weren't like out of convoy or whatever.
Speaker 3: I mean, it was just kind of regular.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like when Roseanne became a trucker on Roseanne or
Speaker 1: was it Lori Metcalf I think it was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was her sister.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Jackie my my next door neighbor, Andy Whittington. Every
Speaker 1: day we would come home from school and oh, look
Speaker 1: who look who you made it. No, we're in, we're in,
Speaker 1: We're warm.
Speaker 3: I feel like I should be quiet take the raids.
Speaker 4: Okay, thanks for waiting this whole time. Welcome to do
Speaker 4: you need.
Speaker 1: A r it is we're talking about pranks and crank
Speaker 1: calling and all the stuff that we did as children.
Speaker 1: And I was just saying my next door neighbor, Andy Whittington,
Speaker 1: when he was a big prankster himself, so like we
Speaker 1: lived way out in the country, he used to do
Speaker 1: a thing where one time, so our classic trick was
Speaker 1: we would take our mom's old purses that they didn't
Speaker 1: want anymore, and we'd go out into the field, fill
Speaker 1: them with cowshit and stick them in the middle of
Speaker 1: the road. Then we climb a tree and wait and
Speaker 1: watch as cars came and pick them up and either
Speaker 1: looked in them right there and then threw them back
Speaker 1: out and swore and got mad, or would drive like
Speaker 1: fifty feet and then open a purse full of cowshit
Speaker 1: and get all angry and throw it out of the car.
Speaker 3: Is amazing.
Speaker 6: So this way o looney to Yeah, like Wyley Corot
Speaker 6: would have done this to the road runner.
Speaker 3: This out the mind.
Speaker 1: This is the mind of Andy Withington, who was my
Speaker 1: legendary next door neighbor. Who he was, He was the
Speaker 1: funniest person of all time. So then when our moms
Speaker 1: ran out of purses because we literally did it that
Speaker 1: many times, and we would be hiding up literally like
Speaker 1: twenty five feet up in a pine tree so that
Speaker 1: we could see. And there's one guy that got so
Speaker 1: mad he came back and was driving back and forth
Speaker 1: trying to find us or trying to find like he
Speaker 1: knew that somebody was watching. So he came back to
Speaker 1: where the purse started. But he stole a purse Noble's
Speaker 1: in the road.
Speaker 4: It was in the road. He was trying to help
Speaker 4: someone that.
Speaker 1: He was being a good citizen that was going to
Speaker 1: steal someone's wallet.
Speaker 3: But then we started.
Speaker 1: Then we started wrapping up cowshit in gift boxes, so
Speaker 1: we would because there were no more purses, so we
Speaker 1: were taking old like you know, shirt boxes for mervins,
Speaker 1: filling them up with cowshit, then wrapping them in birthday
Speaker 1: and then we would just sticking in.
Speaker 6: The stayed lousy with cash it though, because unlimited cash
Speaker 6: it that's all we had out there.
Speaker 1: We had cowshit, and we had like one car an hour.
Speaker 1: So this was so worth it because you think of it,
Speaker 1: You're driving down a country road, right, there's a house
Speaker 1: every mile or half mile, like it's there's nothing out there.
Speaker 1: It's all farms and then you drive up and there's
Speaker 1: a birthday.
Speaker 3: Present in the middle.
Speaker 4: I'll get it.
Speaker 3: I'll see what it is.
Speaker 1: I might as well pick it up. It's a bunch
Speaker 1: of fucking shit, you bastard dealer.
Speaker 4: Could you always hear their reaction? Were you close enough
Speaker 4: to him going it shit?
Speaker 5: Ye?
Speaker 4: Dammit.
Speaker 1: I love pranks. I love it well this and now
Speaker 1: that I'm remembering it, like these were. I started on
Speaker 1: really quality ones, and then like as I got older,
Speaker 1: they just got dumber. Andy also sorry, but one time
Speaker 1: he took a jump rope, two orange cones that he
Speaker 1: had in his room, and a hard hat, and he
Speaker 1: stopped traffic on our street with a jump rope, putting
Speaker 1: a jump rope in two orange cones, and he literally did.
Speaker 1: I was in the tree watching him, and no cars
Speaker 1: drove down our street ever, so it took like he
Speaker 1: was just holding his hand up like this with a
Speaker 1: hard hat on, uh, looking up the street, and he
Speaker 1: ended up getting like four cars waiting, and finally one
Speaker 1: guy was like, Hey, how much long we had.
Speaker 4: To wait here?
Speaker 1: And he had just purely done it, to do it,
Speaker 1: just to marry this guy he is. He was truly
Speaker 1: one of the most fun people ever. Yeah, he was
Speaker 1: the best.
Speaker 4: Was he's gone away?
Speaker 3: Well no, we just don't.
Speaker 1: We moved out of that house when I was a
Speaker 1: senior in high school, so we saw him less and
Speaker 1: less and then like, my you know, my.
Speaker 4: Sister keeps marry him because he's dead.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, I mean I think he's married.
Speaker 3: Probably you would not.
Speaker 1: Who wouldn't lock that down? And he seriously was the
Speaker 1: greatest bullshitter of all time.
Speaker 3: He really was.
Speaker 1: He's as a like sixth grade boy stop traffic with
Speaker 1: justice hand and his energy, just like I'm a I'm
Speaker 1: some sort of road maintenance person that you have to
Speaker 1: listen to, and it's a jump rope.
Speaker 4: I'll tell you.
Speaker 6: The meanest thing that I know of that my Okay,
Speaker 6: my friend's Grace and Clark. In high school, they were younger,
Speaker 6: they were gread younger than me, and I could drive
Speaker 6: before them. So I was always the getaway driver when
Speaker 6: we had to like roll people's houses.
Speaker 3: I was like.
Speaker 6: Always their getaway driver, no questions asked. They would just
Speaker 6: be like, we want to do this thing to this person,
Speaker 6: will you drive us? And I'm like sure, Like it
Speaker 6: could have been coke deals like I was like, yeah,
Speaker 6: I'll drive you because I want to drive.
Speaker 3: I'm sixteen.
Speaker 4: That's how you get involved with a bank, Robbie. But
Speaker 4: I'm like a movie in the eighties.
Speaker 1: Yes, I mean I was willing, like to drive.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you guys are my friends. Whatever.
Speaker 6: I mean, I've I've out I have had to outrun
Speaker 6: cops with them, for sure.
Speaker 4: You've been wearing this mask because one of our presidents.
Speaker 1: It's the attractive one.
Speaker 3: I really have.
Speaker 6: We we rold this house. I've told this on other
Speaker 6: podcasts or anything. But we because this one girl that
Speaker 6: was in their class that I didn't even know, they like,
Speaker 6: hated her so much that we rolled. I'm trying to
Speaker 6: condense it, but we rolled our house like so many
Speaker 6: times in a row that her dad hired private security.
Speaker 1: Wait, what is rolling someone's house means a toilet?
Speaker 3: That's what we call it, toilet paper?
Speaker 4: Oh I didn't know that yet.
Speaker 3: Yeah, toilet papering.
Speaker 6: And so one night I really did have to outrun
Speaker 6: the cops and I had to like drive into a
Speaker 6: stranger's driveway and turn the lights off and like after
Speaker 6: driving like nine hundred miles an hour down the road.
Speaker 3: It was intense, but did it, Yeah, totally.
Speaker 4: I wasn't gonna get arrested, Like fuck that.
Speaker 6: I outran the cops a few times as a kid.
Speaker 6: Which is the funny thing is that I never did
Speaker 6: anything like toilet papering. Who cares, but I did that
Speaker 6: so often. It's lettering, right, But I don't think that
Speaker 6: you go to jail or anything.
Speaker 1: But they were.
Speaker 3: This is how mean they are though, you guys.
Speaker 6: I didn't find out about this till after the fact
Speaker 6: because apparently I think the girl lived within walking distance
Speaker 6: to Grace. But they had this girl in one of
Speaker 6: their classes that always wore like really ugly vests.
Speaker 3: Like just terrible vests.
Speaker 6: So like every day they would come out of whatever
Speaker 6: this class crying, laughing like dude, should have seen her
Speaker 6: vest today, And I'm like, okay, and as a joke,
Speaker 6: this isn't I can't believe I'm saying this out loud.
Speaker 3: Is so mean. Please know I had no nothing to
Speaker 3: do with this.
Speaker 6: But they went to somewhere they bought like the ugliest
Speaker 6: vest they'd fine, and they wrapped it up like a
Speaker 6: present and left it on her porch and she wore
Speaker 6: it to school the next day.
Speaker 1: She liked it. That's a prank.
Speaker 4: Why does that make it more said?
Speaker 3: That's a prank?
Speaker 1: Turn No, I think she wins. She wins.
Speaker 6: But I've never seen two people laugh harder than they
Speaker 6: did that day. And like they were just like can
Speaker 6: you believe it?
Speaker 1: Like but yeah, so it was like mean but good.
Speaker 3: They gave her a gift. I don't know, but they
Speaker 3: were just like, this is the most hideous thing.
Speaker 1: Let's see if this.
Speaker 3: Dork wears it. And like she totally was like looking
Speaker 3: at my cool vest.
Speaker 1: But I ever asked, wasn't like who left this on
Speaker 1: my She was probably like someone loves me. This is beauty.
Speaker 3: So that's like the meanest prank I've ever heard of
Speaker 3: my life. And my friends did it.
Speaker 4: I have so many of these stories that I don't
Speaker 4: and they would all incriminate me. Oh but I'll tell some.
Speaker 1: We'll jump in.
Speaker 4: Well, me and my friends all lived above this bagel
Speaker 4: shop downtown. It's like ten of us lived in this apartment,
Speaker 4: and so you could see. We had a three sixty
Speaker 4: view of the entire downtown Missoula, and we had it
Speaker 4: was supposed to launch water balloons, but we would launch
Speaker 4: frozen bagels. I had cars and it would dent them.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah. One time a guy was asleep across
Speaker 4: the street. I ran across the street and I he
Speaker 4: wouldn't wake up, and I squirted mustard in the back
Speaker 4: of his pants, a lot of mustard, And then we
Speaker 4: went upstairs and we hackled him from a megaphone, and
Speaker 4: then a car came to pick him up, and he
Speaker 4: got in the car and they drove half a block
Speaker 4: and then the car stopped and he got kicked out
Speaker 4: because he had mustard coming out of his butt crack.
Speaker 4: And then another time we were watching and we peed
Speaker 4: in part of a forty of beer and put it
Speaker 4: on the street corner, and then watched one guy on
Speaker 4: a bike and another guy. They were friends at first,
Speaker 4: and then they fought over the beer, not knowing that
Speaker 4: half of it was pee, and the guy that won,
Speaker 4: the guy without the bike, pushed the guy with the
Speaker 4: bike onto his bike, and we were concerned. He fell
Speaker 4: on the pedal, So I'm not that bad. But then
Speaker 4: the guy walked a little further and then we all
Speaker 4: watched him drink the pea.
Speaker 3: Did he know?
Speaker 1: Did he react?
Speaker 4: Another time we put poop under this guy's car door
Speaker 4: because he had skulls and lights all over his car
Speaker 4: and long stringy hair, and he looked scary. And then
Speaker 4: we watched him try and open his door, and then
Speaker 4: he smelled his fingers and he yelled at its poop
Speaker 4: and we all laughed, but later we felt bad.
Speaker 3: I did that to a guy in high school.
Speaker 1: Started, I just need to follow up. Course, did the
Speaker 1: guy who drank the beer pea No.
Speaker 4: No, most of it was beer. He enjoyed it and
Speaker 4: drank all of it.
Speaker 1: Okay, so that's the best situation where that pranke didn't work.
Speaker 4: We later found the empty bottle around the corner. We
Speaker 4: knew he either poured it out and set it upright
Speaker 4: or he drank it and said that was refreshing.
Speaker 1: He said, that's the most delicious beer I've ever had.
Speaker 6: I have to go back to you, heckling the other
Speaker 6: guy with a megaphone, Yeah, like, what are you yelling?
Speaker 4: When we were filming it too, These are all we
Speaker 4: were I think we were. We could have been jackass,
Speaker 4: but we didn't know that was a thing.
Speaker 1: Were you like a skateboard crew? We were the skateboard situation.
Speaker 4: We were the front street mob. Yes, yeah, we had stickers.
Speaker 1: I've seen your stuff.
Speaker 4: And the guy parked in Andy's parking lot, and we
Speaker 4: put poop under his door nail, door nail, doorknob. He
Speaker 4: had a doorknob on its very old car, model Tea
Speaker 4: with a doorknob handle, door handle. I did.
Speaker 6: There's a guy in high school that was super mean
Speaker 6: to me, and me and my friends knew he was
Speaker 6: going to be on a date, and we put we soaked.
Speaker 6: We weren't L seven style, they weren't real, but we
Speaker 6: soaked tampons and cherry kool aid and put them under
Speaker 6: both of his door handles. So when him and his
Speaker 6: date went to get in the car, they thought they
Speaker 6: had a handful of used tampons.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, that's great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my cousin Cheryl got in trouble.
Speaker 4: I should have put Brownie max under the guy's store head.
Speaker 3: Now you know.
Speaker 1: My cousin Cheryl got in trouble when she was in
Speaker 1: high school, which was like the late seventies, because she
Speaker 1: and her friends unpeeled a bunch of Maxi pads and
Speaker 1: stuck them to a guy in her class's conversion van
Speaker 1: that he had just had painted like metallic midnight blue.
Speaker 1: And so when he pulled the Maxi pads off. It
Speaker 1: just ripped the paint off. So they did Maxi pad
Speaker 1: style like a like a tepee thing to be flirty
Speaker 1: and cute, and they ended to have a to pay
Speaker 1: for it to get for his conversion van. That was
Speaker 1: like a big like that was when I was I
Speaker 1: was really little, and I remember that was like trouble
Speaker 1: people got into and yeah, that is one thing my
Speaker 1: mom was really cool about me. Shockingly, as square as
Speaker 1: my mom is for real, she was always cool with
Speaker 1: me doing that because she was like, that doesn't do
Speaker 1: any damage.
Speaker 6: I would tell her like, I'm gonna go roll these
Speaker 6: people's houses because she had a Costco membership, and I
Speaker 6: was like, can I go to Costco with you next
Speaker 6: time get some extra toilet paper? And she was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 6: totally because she was like as long as you're just
Speaker 6: doing that. She was like, never at anybody's house or
Speaker 6: never do anything where I'm gonna get sued because you yes,
Speaker 6: and she was my mom. I never drank and my
Speaker 6: mom always knew that. So if I went out at
Speaker 6: like two in the morning, she was fine with it.
Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, I'm just gonna go out and
Speaker 3: roll those people's house.
Speaker 6: I would tell my mom that and she was just like,
Speaker 6: it's all as long as the cops don't If the.
Speaker 1: Cops call me, I'm not your mom, I don't know you.
Speaker 3: But if the cops don't call, cool, like do whatever
Speaker 3: you need to do. So she was not a possible
Speaker 3: with that.
Speaker 4: That's just her old roommate.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean she was like, I'm not bailing out
Speaker 6: of jail, so don't get caught.
Speaker 4: But yeah, go do it toilet paper.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure, have a good time.
Speaker 6: But that was the only Yeah, she warned me against
Speaker 6: things we wanted to do something where we it was
Speaker 6: the same kind of thing though, where she was like,
Speaker 6: don't do that, that's going to take the pain off.
Speaker 6: Or we were going to do something to somebody's driveway
Speaker 6: and she was like that's going to bleach their driveway,
Speaker 6: don't do it. Yeah, she always I did run a
Speaker 6: few pranks by my mom and to be like is
Speaker 6: this going to cause property damage or not? And then
Speaker 6: she would tell us she was like stick to the
Speaker 6: toilet papers because that's the that's where like the fun ends.
Speaker 1: And then yeah, like bullshit begins. It's because it's all
Speaker 1: well and good and most of the time, it's flirting.
Speaker 1: Like most of the time when people are pranking someone
Speaker 1: else's because they want their attention, I mean not skateboard crew.
Speaker 4: No, I was flirting when I quit syrup in there
Speaker 4: before the mustard, and that was a bit of a flirt,
Speaker 4: a little sweet before that was yeah, hey mix it
Speaker 4: up mustard noticing this, Uh.
Speaker 1: What if the inside of the car had like white
Speaker 1: like pleather seats and there was a white car really,
Speaker 1: so it could have had a serious mustard stain on.
Speaker 4: The sad part about it all is these are people
Speaker 4: that had bigger problems. I mean, the guy was sleeping
Speaker 4: on a bench and you were.
Speaker 3: You were punching down.
Speaker 4: For We saw him often, and he was a bad
Speaker 4: person during the day, yelling at people. He was asleep,
Speaker 4: and we saw the opportunity great and spot crack was
Speaker 4: all the way out, So lesson learned. Yeah, why not
Speaker 4: put condiments in there?
Speaker 3: This is a hard left. But you look very tan.
Speaker 4: Oh can you think?
Speaker 1: Yeah, have you been on a beach vacation?
Speaker 4: I got bit by a spider there. Wait, and that's
Speaker 4: poison traveled there and now I have a weird that.
Speaker 1: Wait, you have to go to the doctor.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, ship it's a spider.
Speaker 1: No, no, if that's a brown recluse. Second, bad news.
Speaker 3: You have to But it was arm amputated.
Speaker 4: It hurt the other day, but it's getting better now.
Speaker 1: Not normal.
Speaker 4: I know they're weird.
Speaker 1: Can you pull your sleep up please?
Speaker 3: Okay, you guys listen. It looks like a shark bite.
Speaker 3: I mean there, it's like this weird mark and of
Speaker 3: perfect halt.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it is weird. I thought maybe I got bruised
Speaker 4: by a tennis racket or played volleyball in my sleep.
Speaker 3: Again, you have to go to the doctor also, because
Speaker 3: that the thing with box on it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you're right, Yeah, there is comedy first, it's no,
Speaker 4: it's strite, don't.
Speaker 3: You're right to write some new jokes about losing your arm.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's doctor being a.
Speaker 4: Here's my impression of a teapot again. Yeah, boo, I
Speaker 4: lost my arm. I lost my arm for this.
Speaker 1: So I have a lot of people.
Speaker 4: Who was that comic that used to riggan? He had
Speaker 4: a hook, Roger Rittenhouse written House.
Speaker 1: He's one of the funniest comics there is.
Speaker 4: He is very funny and but one night at MBAR
Speaker 4: somewhat he there was a lull in his set and
Speaker 4: someone said, how'd you lose your hand? And I everyone
Speaker 4: got quiet. I know that the guy thought that. He's like, oh,
Speaker 4: he's got to have a great story about this, and
Speaker 4: he was some drunk guy, but he's like he just
Speaker 4: really used the ability right then to make the guy
Speaker 4: feel bad by just going wow, yeah, it's wow. Uh yeah,
Speaker 4: I don't know why you would ever heckle that. I
Speaker 4: and he like, and it said and the guy, I
Speaker 4: think when he that guy killed himself, he had he
Speaker 4: felt so bad.
Speaker 3: You know, this is extra weird because what do.
Speaker 4: I get if it starts before my elbow? I can't
Speaker 4: just get a hook.
Speaker 3: It's just when did last night? I slept on the couch.
Speaker 6: When I was lying in bed last night, I saw
Speaker 6: two at separate times. I saw one giant centipede millipede
Speaker 6: something with a trillion legs for real, crawling down one
Speaker 6: side of the wall. So I was like, oh, that's weird.
Speaker 6: And then like five minutes later I saw another one.
Speaker 6: So I was like, not sleeping in this room tonight,
Speaker 6: and like and slept on the couch because like that
Speaker 6: was so gross to me.
Speaker 3: But those can't bite you. You have to go to
Speaker 3: the doctor.
Speaker 4: You guys are acting like I did something wrong, not
Speaker 4: the doctor. I'm not worried about it all right.
Speaker 1: Now, don't you have a low pain tolerance? Yes, like
Speaker 1: you don't feel it, is what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: I think a high tolerance for it.
Speaker 3: High tolerance, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I have low pain sensory exactly, so you could actually
Speaker 1: be in more pain than you.
Speaker 4: I don't know, though I always complain about pain. I
Speaker 4: acknowledge that it's that I show it to people and
Speaker 4: then I don't do anything about it. All right, My
Speaker 4: hip is hurt for years. I know I should get surgery.
Speaker 1: But now you got some spider blights that I mean,
Speaker 1: I've never seen anything that looks.
Speaker 4: Like I just want to see what develops next.
Speaker 1: Okay, great, then let's have fun.
Speaker 4: Looks like Wisconsin.
Speaker 1: Right now, it looks like Wisconsin. When it starts to
Speaker 1: look like the uss of r that's when we will
Speaker 1: call an ambulance.
Speaker 3: How about that?
Speaker 4: Yeah, let's judge it by how much of asia it becomes.
Speaker 4: I've been having dizzy spells. No, I'm kidding. I'm fine.
Speaker 4: I don't think it was a brown recluse, did you?
Speaker 1: How would you know. Did you have.
Speaker 4: I've had, I've been met by brown recluse. We had
Speaker 4: them in my basement grown up.
Speaker 1: Really yeah, and you know what exactly what it looks like.
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah. They looked like a hobo spider or a
Speaker 4: domesticated house spider. I'm very similar, but well lit markings
Speaker 4: will let you know, and size are actually smaller. You
Speaker 4: do not want, You do not want to recluse sauce
Speaker 4: you don't want.
Speaker 1: Did you have a party on Fourth of July weekend?
Speaker 4: Well? I didn't want you guys to see me all drunk? Yes,
Speaker 4: I did. I didn't invite anyone n party.
Speaker 3: She was bringing it up because she's offended.
Speaker 1: No, no, I wouldn't. I knew I was invited, invited me.
Speaker 4: I should invite. It was really fun, but I.
Speaker 1: Couldn't go anywhere. I had to work through through the
Speaker 1: whole weekend. I did nothing from Thursday to Tuesday mornings.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, because my time we were going to podcast.
Speaker 1: That's right, But but I thought maybe that's why you
Speaker 1: were so tan or something like. I went was it
Speaker 1: a razor? Did you stay outside?
Speaker 4: I went to the Andy's pool. I went to andy
Speaker 4: Wood's pool party. Oh nice, and kind of burned myself. Yeah,
Speaker 4: that's where it came from. Any that's the sun.
Speaker 1: Any fun comedy names to name from that pool party? Mm?
Speaker 4: People that we should know, people you need to watch.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I have a fun name who because I went
Speaker 6: to Hardwick's on the fourth of July and Ryan Adams
Speaker 6: was there.
Speaker 1: Oh, there was a lot.
Speaker 3: Of other like fabeo.
Speaker 6: But he walked and I was like what, because of
Speaker 6: course he's head to sow denim cool pool party attire,
Speaker 6: that's right. Also because I was wearing I loved a
Speaker 6: fart T shirt and he applauded it, literally clapped, and
Speaker 6: I was like, you're a fan of farts?
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 6: Yeah, he was real psyched about it. He was cool,
Speaker 6: but it was just weird because he walked in and
Speaker 6: I was like, what, you guys are friends?
Speaker 4: Like what? Yeah, I wouldn't know what he looks like.
Speaker 3: He's like an indie rock dude.
Speaker 6: He was cool, but he was He was wearing his
Speaker 6: jean jacket the whole time and everyone was in the
Speaker 6: pool and stuff.
Speaker 3: So it was just that kind of like I was.
Speaker 4: Totally indie rock or does he maybe listen to his
Speaker 4: kind of crappy rock.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 6: I don't know much about him other than once we
Speaker 6: got no weird Twitter argument about Morsey or something, and.
Speaker 3: Then even Ryan Adams. Oh Ryan, did you say Brian
Speaker 3: or Ryan?
Speaker 4: I said Ryan, But oh but Brian. Also. I wonder
Speaker 4: what he's doing right now.
Speaker 1: I thought you said, does he listen to indie rock
Speaker 1: or his crappy rock?
Speaker 4: She said Ryan Adams was dressed like an indie rocker guy,
Speaker 4: And I was making a joke.
Speaker 1: Oh, I get it, I get it, I got it.
Speaker 1: I thought you were saying, what would you is.
Speaker 6: He like an Would you say he's more alt country
Speaker 6: or something? Is he more he reminds me of like
Speaker 6: an old ninety seven's This dude, isn't that kind of
Speaker 6: his stees?
Speaker 3: I've never been too into him.
Speaker 4: I think it's his I like, I like a lot
Speaker 4: the music. It's just kind of music for boring people.
Speaker 6: I mean, he's he was a nice guy, I'm sure,
Speaker 6: but I thoroughly disagree.
Speaker 1: It's a real count point counterpoint.
Speaker 2: I love him.
Speaker 3: I really love rhy now music I listened to. I
Speaker 3: have tons of.
Speaker 4: Friends that are like crazy and him would put him
Speaker 4: in it is like Damien Rice.
Speaker 3: No, I think that guy's more chill, and who do
Speaker 3: you like? Three eleven? Oh, I don't dislike him, I
Speaker 3: just don't. Let's hear something.
Speaker 6: No, there was a guy, yeah, so I went to hard.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, did you really want to do it? I
Speaker 3: feel like I talked. You should be talking more. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, he can't talk because of the spider
Speaker 1: poison and gotten up to his voice growing weak.
Speaker 4: I'm growing weak here. Maybe this water will help talk
Speaker 4: amongst yourselves.
Speaker 6: Were you look so tan and healthy other than the
Speaker 6: markings on your arm.
Speaker 4: I'll go away.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna put mustard down the back of your pants.
Speaker 6: I I'm gonna yell at you from a megaphone at
Speaker 6: a great height, tell you to go to the doctor.
Speaker 1: You're about to get pranked.
Speaker 4: By one of the times, though of these guys crawled
Speaker 4: up the wall, and there was a big fight on
Speaker 4: the roof. So our pranks.
Speaker 1: One of the people on the street that you, Yeah,
Speaker 1: there was.
Speaker 4: A way to get up there, but we didn't think
Speaker 4: they'd figure it out. But you could shimmy. There's poles
Speaker 4: next to a wall, and they shimmy up like Batman.
Speaker 4: And then these cowboys were on the roof, get punched,
Speaker 4: and get someone punched him. There's punches. I didn't get punched.
Speaker 4: I think.
Speaker 1: It's a little brown clue spider on your table.
Speaker 4: I went and I took a nap under someone's our pit.
Speaker 4: Someone learned in time that's when I strike when you
Speaker 4: don't know him.
Speaker 1: There, I meant to tell you. So this show that
Speaker 1: I'm working on right now, there's a time travel element
Speaker 1: to it. So this might be secret. So don't anybody
Speaker 1: listening tell anybody else. But they brought in a physicist
Speaker 1: to talk through what is the known quantities of time travel,
Speaker 1: like what the theories are, what is known about it
Speaker 1: or whatever, and just to give us kind of like
Speaker 1: a very basic primer of like how it may or
Speaker 1: may not work in the different theories. And it was
Speaker 1: fascinating and the second I was immediately in love with him.
Speaker 1: And he was from Missoula, Montana.
Speaker 4: Oh wow.
Speaker 1: He apparently has a bunch of YouTube videos that are
Speaker 1: really popular where he explains, yeah, he's a physicist or
Speaker 1: a some you know, like very high level sciences.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 1: But he was really young and he was super like
Speaker 1: like cute, and I can't explain it. He looked like
Speaker 1: he would be work at ari I, but he was
Speaker 1: a fucking physicist.
Speaker 4: Every One in Missoula looks like they're at Aria. Really,
Speaker 4: they just came from them. Everyone has mud splattered on
Speaker 4: their face.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and a carabiner on their belt loop, But it's
Speaker 1: just for holden keys.
Speaker 4: It's the other one that's that's a novelty key carabiner.
Speaker 3: But they got the real.
Speaker 4: The one at home with the ropes.
Speaker 6: That's right, I've never heard I just learned the name
Speaker 6: of that. Are you talking about the like heavy duty
Speaker 6: hook thing just now?
Speaker 1: Is not a good word carabiner. Carabineers spell that c
Speaker 1: R I B E N E R. Why is it
Speaker 1: called that and not a hook? Chris, I'll let you
Speaker 1: take this one. Well, I was probably wrong on the spell.
Speaker 3: That's for mountain climbers.
Speaker 4: In mountain climbing there also is hooks. So they had
Speaker 4: to come up with a new name for the thing
Speaker 4: that wasn't a hook. It's more of a loop clasp.
Speaker 4: And then loop last was too hard for people to
Speaker 4: say so, and then then one of the Latino guys,
Speaker 4: well a lot of the guys they are racist. But
Speaker 4: the guy that thought of it, he was trying to
Speaker 4: name it, and then someone said, oh, I don't care,
Speaker 4: and then they called them a racial.
Speaker 1: No you're gonna say beaner, No you did. That's crazy,
Speaker 1: a racist term from the eighties.
Speaker 4: I don't know where kra Beiner comes from.
Speaker 1: We got I got in insane trouble one day. My aunt,
Speaker 1: I thought, was going to hit me in the face
Speaker 1: because I said that term. I'd heard it on the
Speaker 1: playground in like third grade, and I thought it was
Speaker 1: like somebody just kept calling other people beaners, and I
Speaker 1: just thought it was like nickname type of thing. So
Speaker 1: I just said it in passing, literally like look at
Speaker 1: those two beaners. And my aunt like, oh no, yeah,
Speaker 1: lammed on the brakes and was like, what do you
Speaker 1: think and she was screaming at me. I was in
Speaker 1: so much trouble and I had no idea what I
Speaker 1: was doing at all.
Speaker 4: My dad slapped me once when I said a word
Speaker 4: that I had heard of friends.
Speaker 1: That's the way we learn as kids, or did back then.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he didn't slap me very much, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: you can't say that. Yep. I'm like, yeah, I know,
Speaker 4: you hit my face.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: The only time my mom slapped across the face went
Speaker 6: when I said fuck, yeah, I was like, though, sixteen
Speaker 6: and I said fuck in front of she slapped me
Speaker 6: right across the face.
Speaker 4: Shit. Yeah, I had a tense mine was light.
Speaker 3: I think, no, I knew what I was doing. I
Speaker 3: was like, what about.
Speaker 4: Full hand he curled the fingers together. Yeah, it was
Speaker 4: more of a paunch. Come on, he's listening.
Speaker 1: Oh, but anyway, I just wanted to tell you about
Speaker 1: that because he I thought he was from like us
Speaker 1: LA or something, this physicist, and so then they were
Speaker 1: like where he was at the University of Montana.
Speaker 4: And he's young, young to where I wouldn't know him.
Speaker 1: I mean, I was going to ask them that I
Speaker 1: was honest too embarrassed, WHI of my cheeks were super
Speaker 1: red because he was so cute. And here's that this
Speaker 1: was the power move he made when of the very
Speaker 1: first because everyone in that room, there's a ton of
Speaker 1: really smart guys that work on the show, like went
Speaker 1: to Harvard and ship, so they immediately start to engage him.
Speaker 4: Of like.
Speaker 1: He was like, well, I'm just here to you know,
Speaker 1: answer your questions. And then one guy goes, do you
Speaker 1: think that we are living in a simulation and immediately,
Speaker 1: without going like h or anything, he goes, if we are,
Speaker 1: if we aren't, it doesn't matter, and I just like
Speaker 1: my heart exploded with love of like the confidence, and
Speaker 1: he knew he'd been asked this question. He knew it's
Speaker 1: just like, if it is, he said, if it is
Speaker 1: a simulation, it is so accurate and so realistic that
Speaker 1: we cannot tell the difference. So it doesn't matter what
Speaker 1: we're living in. We still have to live the same way.
Speaker 1: We have to live as you know, like you should
Speaker 1: be living as if you're in charge of your own
Speaker 1: life anyway. So this idea that you know something else,
Speaker 1: we're in a game, or this is all computer or whatever,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter.
Speaker 4: Because it's it seems realistic. But the reality is you're
Speaker 4: in some dank laboratory, plugged into a chair. Right.
Speaker 1: Could be that, yeah, could be? That depends on which
Speaker 1: matrix you've seen.
Speaker 3: You I haven't seen any of them.
Speaker 4: I watched the first one, and there's someone deaf in
Speaker 4: the audience. So they had the close captioning on during
Speaker 4: the movie, which popped up right before the line, and
Speaker 4: I was already laughing at the fact that that's the
Speaker 4: guy from Bill and Ted and everyone loves this movie.
Speaker 4: And that's still the guy from Bill and Ted. And
Speaker 4: then at one point he goes oki dokie, but it
Speaker 4: said oki doki at the bottom way before he said it,
Speaker 4: so it said oki doki and everyone read it. And
Speaker 4: then he goes oki doki and the whole theater laughed
Speaker 4: at his face.
Speaker 1: He's not a good actor, no, but I've.
Speaker 4: Seen enough videos of him moving aside on a subway
Speaker 4: to let someone sit down and give money to people.
Speaker 4: And he's very charitable.
Speaker 1: He was very he was very good.
Speaker 3: Why r Aaron?
Speaker 4: You've heard though, He's like, He's like, well, I'm going
Speaker 4: to pay the whole crew with my own money.
Speaker 6: Which is wonderful, and I'm not knocking that, but a
Speaker 6: lot of that comes from the guilt of being like,
Speaker 6: I am not talented enough to be here, but I
Speaker 6: have to give this money away.
Speaker 4: Wait, let a lady sit down on the subway bus.
Speaker 1: But let me say, have you seen Parenthood?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that's when he started as Bill
Speaker 1: and Tead or whatever, and then Parenthood people went, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: he can actually do something, and but he That's the
Speaker 1: thing about acting is that it isn't like American acting
Speaker 1: is about can you get people to buy a movie ticket?
Speaker 1: And all you need, all Kennedy Reeves needs to do
Speaker 1: to get people buy a movie ticket is to say,
Speaker 1: because they want to watch him on that screen.
Speaker 4: Take off your shirt.
Speaker 1: Okay, it's the way he looks, it's his physical beauty
Speaker 1: he is. Sometimes he's just a kind of Yeah, he's tall,
Speaker 1: and he's built, and he's got that beautiful kind of
Speaker 1: neutral face that could.
Speaker 4: Be from you don't know who, I know exactly.
Speaker 3: I have never found him attractive for one second.
Speaker 4: There's this new movie that's cartoonishly. He just kills everyone.
Speaker 4: John Wick, john Wick, Jonathan Wick.
Speaker 1: It's John Wick.
Speaker 4: Jonathan h.
Speaker 1: Wick is a newer filming Dickens's novel.
Speaker 4: Johnny John boy Wick is this movie that you could
Speaker 4: see that is horribly done. And he there's a couple
Speaker 4: of times. I don't know if he gets necking in it,
Speaker 4: but uh, it seems like has been like eating bread
Speaker 4: and not going to the gym. And I respect that.
Speaker 4: He's like, I'm not going to get into shape for this.
Speaker 1: Well, but he's also.
Speaker 3: Like fifty, but he has he ever been a muscle.
Speaker 1: I think he was like wiry he's a skinny guy.
Speaker 3: Because I mean I've seen it's like Point break. He's
Speaker 3: not the guy's surfing.
Speaker 4: He's not like a football movie where he got all
Speaker 4: big and football ly big.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, was that that movie Johnny Foot?
Speaker 4: It's called us?
Speaker 1: What if every movie he just said the name john
Speaker 1: in it?
Speaker 3: Somehow?
Speaker 1: Bill and Wick, Johnny Bill.
Speaker 4: And Johnny Wick? All right, I know, yeah, I like
Speaker 4: a Google pictures will. I will watch Can Ripped and
Speaker 4: then I'll do it right now.
Speaker 1: I think he's a classic American actor and that he's
Speaker 1: a bad actor that still is in a ton.
Speaker 4: Of mom One eight hundred number called me three times
Speaker 4: and in two minutes should I call him back?
Speaker 3: It's the doctor being like, why aren't you here? It's
Speaker 3: the spider saying I left my stinger in.
Speaker 4: Every one of my bites has worked, and I saw
Speaker 4: you leave the apartment today.
Speaker 3: He has a total free number.
Speaker 1: Listen. I think I did some real damage to your arm. Chris.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I go a little spider crazy at night.
Speaker 1: I'm hungry and scared. I'm very small.
Speaker 4: Sometimes I feel like my own venom is going to
Speaker 4: my head. Anyway, you can call me back at my
Speaker 4: spider phone. It's or you can contact me on the web.
Speaker 1: Come on, no, I say earlier.
Speaker 4: I don't understand why people are like well placed puns.
Speaker 4: It's I thought it was you guys were rejoicing over
Speaker 4: the toll free thing. I came in with the web
Speaker 4: and it was there's a shot.
Speaker 3: Applause clause by applause.
Speaker 4: I focus on the audience that doesn't like me in
Speaker 4: a huge room, even one guy with his arms crossed.
Speaker 4: This whole act is dedicated to you. Keanu ripped. Let's
Speaker 4: see what pops up. Images you want images or video video.
Speaker 4: You're gonna get it. Oh boy, there we go.
Speaker 3: You're gonna get ache his head.
Speaker 4: It's just being in the same shape as me. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I needed that for contrast. It's just great podcasting. What
Speaker 4: I've pulled up is ato of Keano with my exact
Speaker 4: current physique. There's him as a homeless park murderer. And
Speaker 4: then okay, okay, okay, you just wait.
Speaker 1: I think he's fun, he's fresh, fine, I think he
Speaker 1: brings new stuff to the screen.
Speaker 4: He's certainly won me over.
Speaker 3: He's so fresh, exciting. Have you they're so exciting to me? Okay,
Speaker 3: his arms would kind of stay.
Speaker 1: That's from Johnny Football, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4: This is him doing some Johnny football promo stuff. Jimmy
Speaker 4: Jimmy Jimmy Football Game. It's called.
Speaker 1: And Jimmy Jimmy Football jam Jimmy Football Game. That hit
Speaker 1: movie from nineteen ninety two.
Speaker 4: Wasn't I yet Unfortunately went straight to vhs when DVDs
Speaker 4: are already out there.
Speaker 1: Jimmy and Jimmy Football Game.
Speaker 4: I watched one where he's coaching a children's baseball team.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's a good one.
Speaker 4: It was great. It's a good movie, like Ladybugs or something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was Lady Bugs.
Speaker 3: Ask.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's great. You gotta see it.
Speaker 1: What is that movie?
Speaker 4: Baseball? Johnny Baseball, Johnny Sea, Johnny Baseball, Johnny and the
Speaker 4: Kids is one of the better. It's the current, it's
Speaker 4: modern day saying a lot.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. When Kenna Reeves acts like he's falling
Speaker 1: in love with whoever he is across from in the lead,
Speaker 1: whatever lady he's acting with. I always believe he's actually
Speaker 1: really falling in love with her. That's why I like it. Okay,
Speaker 1: I think he might actually be. He just lets himself
Speaker 1: actually go through it.
Speaker 4: You might you think he might be a fall in
Speaker 4: lover guy.
Speaker 1: Well, I just it's so believable, But it doesn't seem
Speaker 1: like he really is like such a high level actor
Speaker 1: that you're like, this is really happening, because normally when
Speaker 1: he's talking, you don't have that feeling.
Speaker 4: I have a feeling that with Keano anything goes. Actually
Speaker 4: it doesn't matter any and you're you're sex or your
Speaker 4: race or age. He's just in. He's in to win,
Speaker 4: you know, don't you think that just just well, if
Speaker 4: you're a grown of people that he sits inside.
Speaker 3: Of, sure, it just takes what comes. He's so non
Speaker 3: sexual to me, I feel like you don't.
Speaker 1: Say something different if he's standing next to you.
Speaker 4: It's a physical specimen.
Speaker 1: Think about him.
Speaker 3: No, yes, I don't find him a tray. He has
Speaker 3: no like he has like a kendle crotch.
Speaker 1: As far as I'm concerned, there's please up the nude.
Speaker 3: Ready to go.
Speaker 1: Again I have.
Speaker 3: I'm complete indifferent. I don't like him.
Speaker 6: I don't hate him, but I've never he was definitely
Speaker 6: not a guy that I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 6: is he hot?
Speaker 4: I I want't remind every when I started this by
Speaker 4: saying I went to the matrix and pointed and laughed
Speaker 4: with the rest of the theater at him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's We went to see Constantine when it came out,
Speaker 1: which was a lesser known.
Speaker 3: Isn't that the Devil or something?
Speaker 1: I can't remember. It was based on a comic book,
Speaker 1: so it was. It was very reminded. It was just
Speaker 1: him walking around the gun there's vengeance. He may have
Speaker 1: been the devil. I don't all I can tell you.
Speaker 1: He was very boring and and my ex used to
Speaker 1: say he used to go, I'm Doug Constantine. He just
Speaker 1: made it. He just made it up that that was
Speaker 1: Constantine's first name was Doug. So he would do a
Speaker 1: Cannery's voice and go, I'm Dog Constantine.
Speaker 3: My favorite thing of all time.
Speaker 4: I like Doug cuts. I do too. It's a great character.
Speaker 1: You kind of have to make it fun for yourself.
Speaker 4: Sorry.
Speaker 7: Speaking of pranks, I was at Comic Con for the
Speaker 7: Constantine panel, and is his first name Doug. No, It's John.
Speaker 4: It's John.
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 7: So my buddy and I I go, we have to
Speaker 7: yell because I love point break on a bash. Yeah,
Speaker 7: so I was like, we have to yell Johnny Utah
Speaker 7: at him. Yes, because they yelled the movie it's great.
Speaker 4: It's the stupidest name ever.
Speaker 7: Of course, so uh, Keanu gets up to the stage,
Speaker 7: the crowd goes wild, it gets quiet. Then all of
Speaker 7: a sudden, I stand up and yelled Johnny Utah at
Speaker 7: the top of my lungs. You know, my buddy did
Speaker 7: not do it, so.
Speaker 4: He bailed and you were on your own. And then
Speaker 4: what happened? It was fine, no one did.
Speaker 7: Maybe I don't know, ke just like, yeah, I don't
Speaker 7: know if you could hear it. I wasn't that far.
Speaker 4: But well, I hope you quit being with that guy.
Speaker 3: So your friend sucks.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't bail when you're going.
Speaker 1: Your friends funny, Sure, sure, I'll do it with you.
Speaker 3: That's totally something worse.
Speaker 4: And then your tyranny's not even there.
Speaker 3: I don't like that at all.
Speaker 1: You know what I did once that I was that guy,
Speaker 1: the anti Johnny Utah guy, but in a slightly different scenario.
Speaker 1: We uh, this was back up my friend Rubin who
Speaker 1: directed the Girl's Guitar Club movie. This is back when
Speaker 1: we were making that. Ruben Fleischer and his younger brother Lucas,
Speaker 1: who I adored and thought was so cute, and we
Speaker 1: all decided their friend had made a stage musical or
Speaker 1: like they were doing a stage version of Xana do
Speaker 1: a roller They were gonna do a roller skating like
Speaker 1: full thing of it. And so we went to the
Speaker 1: opening night to watch it, and I was so excited
Speaker 1: and me when Lucas and I were talking about it,
Speaker 1: We're like, oh my god, this is gonna be amazing,
Speaker 1: and we were laughing or whatever. And then I of
Speaker 1: course said we should dress up. We should dress up
Speaker 1: really fancy for the opening night, like you should wear
Speaker 1: a tepsiedo and I'll wear like a ball gown. And
Speaker 1: he was like, I will totally do that. I'm like,
Speaker 1: let's do it. And I would do shit like this
Speaker 1: all the time. You totally not do it. Left him hanging.
Speaker 3: I left him hanging.
Speaker 1: That's terrible, and I didn't. It was the kind of
Speaker 1: thing where they came to pick us up, was me
Speaker 1: and mary Lynn and Ruben and Lucas. And when he
Speaker 1: got out of the car, he had he looked so
Speaker 1: beautiful to this man was so cute that I had this.
Speaker 1: Of course, my terrible little self Esteemore is like, only
Speaker 1: he doesn't give a shit if I wear a dress
Speaker 1: or not, like, and I couldn't bring myself to like
Speaker 1: not wear basically the outfit that I'm wearing now and
Speaker 1: have been for twenty years. And when we came out,
Speaker 1: when we came down the steps, he came out of
Speaker 1: the car with this big smile on his face, like, look,
Speaker 1: I did it. And then he just saw me, and
Speaker 1: I was just like oh, and I literally I weakly
Speaker 1: went about.
Speaker 4: It weekly, oh, you don't stop whinsing.
Speaker 1: I've never stopped whin saying. And we had this the
Speaker 1: whole rest of the night. It was as if it
Speaker 1: was as if suddenly it made sense to me where
Speaker 1: it was like, oh, he was excited to do this
Speaker 1: thing with me, and I couldn't accept that, like or
Speaker 1: I couldn't see that, so I just had to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: of course he doesn't give a shit about me. And
Speaker 1: then I sat there the rest of night going, oh,
Speaker 1: if I had worn a dress and we had done this,
Speaker 1: this would almost have been like a date or something
Speaker 1: like that's maybe what he will want me to do.
Speaker 1: But I, of course couldn't see myself that way. So
Speaker 1: then the rest of the night it was just like
Speaker 1: him and I are sitting super uncomfortably, and then like
Speaker 1: the second he saw his friend that was in the
Speaker 1: play or whatever it is, like he was over there
Speaker 1: and then I was just like, my god, I just
Speaker 1: want to go home. It was the fucking worst. If
Speaker 1: we're gonna let's bookend this prank episode talk about how
Speaker 1: I it was like just an intentional ball drop of
Speaker 1: insecurity is basically what It was so awful. So I
Speaker 1: bet what I tell the story and then I bet
Speaker 1: your friend. Do you think he still regrets it?
Speaker 7: I doubt he is a family in Cleveland.
Speaker 1: That's really mean. I have dogs. God, damn, my life
Speaker 1: is a waste.
Speaker 3: No, it's okay. I'm the other guy in that story.
Speaker 3: My life is equally sad.
Speaker 4: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: So nobody wins.
Speaker 1: You're the guy in the tuxedo.
Speaker 6: Yes, So being overly enthusiastic also gets you know where.
Speaker 6: This is what I'm here to tell you. So don't
Speaker 6: feel bad, man.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if you put yourself out there, you get hurt.
Speaker 4: If you don't put yourself out there, you still get hurt.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, life's filled with regret. Yes, it is the only
Speaker 4: thing you can do is as a kid, get taught
Speaker 4: to have your so your expectations lowered. You never get disappointed.
Speaker 3: Who who was smart enough to do that?
Speaker 4: You'll never nothing?
Speaker 6: And then you put like Manaiah will mayonnaise and his pipe.
Speaker 4: Or wait until he's asleep, slathered him.
Speaker 3: Up, yelled at him in his rocking chair.
Speaker 6: Yep, it went into a bullhorn or whatever made his
Speaker 6: hair go back, like is it live or is it memory?
Speaker 4: I put a cat tail under the rocking chair and
Speaker 4: the cat screeched and then and then his hair got
Speaker 4: blown back like Christopher Lloyd.
Speaker 1: One of my earliest memories is my mom used mayonnaise
Speaker 1: to put to as a conditioner in her hair. I
Speaker 1: had it because of that. I cannot stand mayonnaise.
Speaker 3: My aunt REENI did the same thing.
Speaker 1: You've seen me do ridiculous things with a tuna solad sandwich. Right,
Speaker 1: how many times have you seen me like drake because
Speaker 1: I liked I like a tuna salad sandwich every once
Speaker 1: in a while, But when they put extra maynaise on it
Speaker 1: dress me crazy and I'll like ask be specific. They
Speaker 1: still do it. Then I take all this time and
Speaker 1: make scenes wiping mayonnaise off of things because it's so disgusting.
Speaker 4: My dad made me one as a kid. And if
Speaker 4: I have leftover turkey from Thanksgiving on bread with nothing
Speaker 4: but mayonnaise. If I took a bite of that, I
Speaker 4: will it will trigger my I will vomit. It will.
Speaker 1: I can't because is such a bad sandwich.
Speaker 4: I don't eat. No, it's just such a bad experience.
Speaker 4: Then that it's still I haven't grown out of it.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah.
Speaker 4: One time my great grandma made We went to Coronado,
Speaker 4: drove all the way down and it's San Diego basically,
Speaker 4: and we were all at a picnic in the backyard
Speaker 4: eating this coal saw and I remember it was really mayonnaisey.
Speaker 1: Coal saw has such a just it's just mayonnaise.
Speaker 4: Cabbage veiled excuse to drink mayonnaise. It's just a mayonnaise vehicle, yep,
Speaker 4: and cabbage. What is that? It's like water and mayonnaise.
Speaker 1: Basically, it's the hardest lettuce.
Speaker 4: And I looked at my Daddy's lip is bleeding, and
Speaker 4: then I spit out, but there's glass in my mouth.
Speaker 4: My grandma dropped the mayonnaise jar and she's like ninety five.
Speaker 4: She's like, ah, it'll be fine, and she's still made
Speaker 4: the cold saw with that mayonnaise, so we all had
Speaker 4: shards of glass either in our mouth. I don't think
Speaker 4: anyone swallowed it yet. Yeah, just on the heels of
Speaker 4: my sister. She hadn't used her hair dryer since Reagan
Speaker 4: and turned on the hair dryer and a giant fucking
Speaker 4: grasshopper leg that it was as long as my finger
Speaker 4: caught on fire in the hair dryer because it was
Speaker 4: coils and flew a flaming hair. Flaming leg of a
Speaker 4: grasshopper was in my sister's hair, and she screamed worse
Speaker 4: than the time she had earthworks. She had earthworms in
Speaker 4: her hair and they were tangled in her hair. That
Speaker 4: was actually horrifying.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: Trying to pull it out, the earthworm was snapping in half.
Speaker 4: We camped in the backyard and worms got in her hair.
Speaker 4: It's still that. One time my slicster slid across the floor,
Speaker 4: the wood floor, and a splinter went into her foot
Speaker 4: and it looked it was the half length of the
Speaker 4: baseball bat and it went up in her foot. So
Speaker 4: many things I've watched happened in my shister. Were you
Speaker 4: guys sorry? We were just doing risky business.
Speaker 1: Slides in our socks, the music and everything. Were you
Speaker 1: the only other person there when that happened?
Speaker 4: Oh, when the splinter went in her foot? I don't know, because.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, did you have to yake it out? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like, were you left to then deal with this horror
Speaker 1: show that, like EMTs would bum out.
Speaker 4: I think I probably just went and hid.
Speaker 6: The gnarliest thing that happened to me is I gotten
Speaker 6: a gnarly bike accident. When my parents first got married,
Speaker 6: my mom first married my stepdad, we moved into his
Speaker 6: house and it was at the It had a really
Speaker 6: steep driveway, so I'm like bike tricks all day. So
Speaker 6: I would just constantly ride my bike as fast as
Speaker 6: possible without like hands free, yeah whatever, like any daring
Speaker 6: thing I can think of, I'm like, I'm gonna do this.
Speaker 6: So one day, when I was riding down without my hands,
Speaker 6: it was in a big hold de sac and I
Speaker 6: landed and I flipped over, and I was screaming the
Speaker 6: whole time.
Speaker 3: Clearly, I'm like, holy shit.
Speaker 6: Screaming, So my mouth was still open when I hit
Speaker 6: the pavement. Nobody can see what I'm doing, but basically
Speaker 6: I slid face first on the pavement. Mouth open teeth,
Speaker 6: teeth to pay teeth too. That's why I saw white
Speaker 6: marks on these teeth. I was like eight or nine
Speaker 6: maybe for an extended period of time, just sparks coming
Speaker 6: off my teeth.
Speaker 1: I beg you, if you listen to this podcast, you
Speaker 1: care about me at all, you can make a cartoon
Speaker 1: of eight year old aprom Orchardson who's sliding on her
Speaker 1: own teeth.
Speaker 4: Just body.
Speaker 6: Yeah, so I'm like doing above head above, head fully
Speaker 6: flipped over, so white sparks. I had to go inside
Speaker 6: you guys, it's my entire face was just a scab,
Speaker 6: my mouth, everything, and my stepdad had to I had
Speaker 6: to be mouth wide open and he had to take
Speaker 6: Q tips and pick gravel out of my gums.
Speaker 3: There was like gravel stuck in my gums. Not a lie.
Speaker 3: It was the gnarliest day of my life.
Speaker 6: And I had to go to school for however long
Speaker 6: until my entire scabbed face healed.
Speaker 1: My lips are just a scab. It was so gross.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like.
Speaker 1: Q tips just being like, let me get the last
Speaker 1: bits of the dental assistant bird is picking gravel going.
Speaker 4: I hate my job.
Speaker 1: What a living Yeah, they always said.
Speaker 4: Hey, it's a paycheck bub Hey.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can still see the marks of my teeth.
Speaker 6: And I already have soft teeth anyway, and I used
Speaker 6: to chip them all the time as a kid and
Speaker 6: take my mom's nail file and straighten them out.
Speaker 1: What true, totally true.
Speaker 4: They're fine. No, they're perfect teeth.
Speaker 6: They're not good tee, they're good teeth. The bottom of
Speaker 6: these two is like really rigid. But I chipped them
Speaker 6: all the time as kids. As a kid, and like
Speaker 6: if it got like my tongue would be like, oh,
Speaker 6: that's weird, it's not smooth enough, and my tongue would
Speaker 6: kind of catch on it, so I'd be like mom's
Speaker 6: nail file.
Speaker 1: I actually did that because I'd chipped this tooth on
Speaker 1: a beer bottle in high school. Hello. I told my
Speaker 1: mom I fell and hit it on the curb, which
Speaker 1: I was just like you, I know you're not believing this,
Speaker 1: but I can't tell you. I chipped it on a
Speaker 1: beer bottle, and then I chipped my other tooth on
Speaker 1: another beer bottle.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's why I'm opening them with your teeth.
Speaker 1: No. One. The first time it was high school senior
Speaker 1: trip in Tahoe. Me and my friend Patty Leoni. This
Speaker 1: was such a good lesson to learn. We were both
Speaker 1: singing into a beer bottletop or just drunk, drunk in
Speaker 1: this house by the lake, and I we were I'm
Speaker 1: sure it was like something that a different part, so
Speaker 1: I kept We were like grabbing the bottle away from
Speaker 1: each other to sing into the bottle at each other.
Speaker 1: I thought it was really funny. And then like we
Speaker 1: kept fighting harder, and then I was like really trying
Speaker 1: to pull it away, and she just let go and
Speaker 1: I just went and like broke off this part of
Speaker 1: my teeth.
Speaker 4: Teeth stories are making me.
Speaker 1: They're kind of rough.
Speaker 3: Well, after I did the bike thing, I had braces
Speaker 3: for like five years.
Speaker 4: Just see a couple of stories. Now I'm going to
Speaker 4: describe my circumcisions where you fellows out.
Speaker 1: There's something to me about when you are perfectly healthy
Speaker 1: and fine in the in the today, being able to
Speaker 1: tell a story about some hideous shit that happened when
Speaker 1: I was a kid, because like I remember anytime, like
Speaker 1: I you know, anytime anything happened to me, like I
Speaker 1: beefed it on my bike constantly, or you know, there
Speaker 1: was the time I almost got hit by the car
Speaker 1: because our next door or across the street neighbors. The
Speaker 1: guy was a trucker at the O'Hara's, and so they
Speaker 1: had this huge semi circular driveway that he could pull
Speaker 1: a semi truck, right, yeah, And so we would drive
Speaker 1: in this big circle our little driveway and then their driveway.
Speaker 1: It made this big, huge circle going across that same
Speaker 1: road where no one drove by, but when they did,
Speaker 1: they were going eighty miles an hour.
Speaker 4: Sure.
Speaker 1: So one time I called my parents out with they
Speaker 1: had company over and then we were like watch us
Speaker 1: ride our bikes. We were like I was probably five
Speaker 1: or six, and I was at the top of the
Speaker 1: O'Hara's looking down at my parents, and I can see
Speaker 1: my mom going like this, but I wasn't like really
Speaker 1: paying attention because I'm trying to like get the speed up. Well,
Speaker 1: they could hear the car that was coming right and
Speaker 1: I couldn't hear it. And because I was on like
Speaker 1: gravel and tight by you know, bike tires on gravel whatever,
Speaker 1: and it basic went it either went mean than the
Speaker 1: car or the car than me. But it literally was
Speaker 1: like like one then the other. It was probably me
Speaker 1: then the car so the car literally didn't have time
Speaker 1: to break. It was and it was my parents and
Speaker 1: their friends and their friends sitting there watching, and my
Speaker 1: dad grabbed me. I didn't even know the car was there.
Speaker 1: It was it was that fast and that close, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, what happened my dad? As I
Speaker 1: pulled in the hard driveway. I never slowed down. My
Speaker 1: dad picked me up off the bike and slapped me
Speaker 1: on the ass really hard, of course, which was super embarrassing.
Speaker 1: And then later came to fend you find out never
Speaker 1: do that again, right, because I never even looked. I
Speaker 1: didn't you know this, It was like all clear on IDEs.
Speaker 4: See.
Speaker 6: It's stories like that that make me second guess ever
Speaker 6: being able to be a parent. Seriously, like the idea
Speaker 6: if I have a kid and the kid comes in
Speaker 6: like hey you gotta chip this, growl on be like
Speaker 6: you're on your own kid, get out of here, Like
Speaker 6: that's gross.
Speaker 3: I can't look at that, Like yeah, y are you
Speaker 3: able to do it?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, that's horrifying. I always that's those are my
Speaker 4: nightmares that think about my teeth falling out, and then
Speaker 4: during the day just awake maares, I think about getting
Speaker 4: hit by cars. All the time. Yeah, like I'll just flash,
Speaker 4: I just think about it.
Speaker 6: But see, you're living my nightmares because my nightmares are
Speaker 6: getting bit by spiders in my sleep.
Speaker 4: Oh it's not so bad.
Speaker 3: So look you're going to tell me that you can triumph.
Speaker 1: Yeah, did you even look up on the internet? What
Speaker 1: that's hopcific that we.
Speaker 4: All know that's not what you're supposed to do with
Speaker 4: any medical problem. You know, go online.
Speaker 1: That's true.
Speaker 4: You go to a dermatologist and then he's like, uh, yeah,
Speaker 4: it looks like you got a bit by a spider. Unfortunately,
Speaker 4: your insurance doesn't kick in until you pay nine thousand dollars.
Speaker 4: But there's some antibioducts you maybe need or not need.
Speaker 4: Did you say it was worse the other day? Huh,
Speaker 4: that's getting better. I don't know why you came in. Well,
Speaker 4: you're an idiot. And what's the patch on your head? Now?
Speaker 4: That's interesting?
Speaker 3: Now there cancer?
Speaker 4: Now that is not alopy. I watched a lethal weapon
Speaker 4: the other night, and man, that mel Gibson had tons
Speaker 4: of alopecia patches like me, just all over his head. Really,
Speaker 4: hair is all wild and.
Speaker 1: Right, what do you mean like just a bald patch
Speaker 1: like you know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have this one up here, and that's weird.
Speaker 1: I've never seen that his perfect circle bald patch, Chris,
Speaker 1: I've never seen that.
Speaker 4: It's weird. And white hair have been putting Bosley Institute
Speaker 4: stuff on it, just growing in a white tuft of hair.
Speaker 4: That's Isn't that weird?
Speaker 3: This has a secret tiny monk.
Speaker 1: Patch because.
Speaker 6: I knew about it the entire time. I just thought
Speaker 6: you knew about it. And then one day at work
Speaker 6: I said something about it, and Chris was like, what
Speaker 6: are you talking about?
Speaker 3: You have a little quarter sized perfect circle bald spot.
Speaker 4: And then I went to my haircutter and he was like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I've known about that.
Speaker 1: Reason I just thought you knew.
Speaker 4: No, it's yeah, but it.
Speaker 1: Also doesn't make sense because you have the densest, you
Speaker 1: have the most hair of any buddy.
Speaker 4: I don't. It's still I mean, it still falls out.
Speaker 4: It's just dense follicles in the tub. No, it's just individually.
Speaker 1: We're supposed to fall out of the circle.
Speaker 4: My hair never used to. I could pull on it,
Speaker 4: but now yeah, I run my hair, hands through my
Speaker 4: I run my hair through my fingers. It's yeah, And
Speaker 4: now yeah, I don't know what. But yeah, mel Gibson
Speaker 4: alopecia spots, yeah all over and he became a star.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's not the end.
Speaker 4: Of the story.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's not the lesson you should learn from mel Gibson.
Speaker 4: You know what, It's weird in that movie. There's some
Speaker 4: improv lines and uh, we're all right. Yeah, he says
Speaker 4: something that an Asian guy's about to torture him and
Speaker 4: he says, who who who's the chin or chance? I
Speaker 4: don't know what he Yeah, basically the Asian equivalent of
Speaker 4: that on on a movie.
Speaker 1: Yes, back then they kept it in you see. Back
Speaker 1: then that was not a big deal at all.
Speaker 4: I mean, so a scene where these little kids are
Speaker 4: playing they got to check out some guy's house, it
Speaker 4: blows up and then so they're interrogating these cute little
Speaker 4: kids and and they're describing the guy's tattoo and then
Speaker 4: it's the same as mel Gibson's. And so the story
Speaker 4: gets thicker. You eventually find out it's scary busey. But anyway,
Speaker 4: these kids there are these cute little black kids and
Speaker 4: then they're like, we heard the cops shoot black people.
Speaker 4: And he was like, looks over at the other this
Speaker 4: is in lethal weapon. He's like, oh no, no, okay,
Speaker 4: go play now, Like it was like a weird what
Speaker 4: moment in it? Yeah, you have to.
Speaker 1: I wanted to Dan Glover in the scene.
Speaker 4: Yes, he was the one asking them questions.
Speaker 1: Glover, that's actually meaningful.
Speaker 4: I wanted to grab a clip of it. Maybe I will.
Speaker 4: It's on Netflix.
Speaker 1: That's amazing.
Speaker 4: It is amazing because he awkward because he's next to
Speaker 4: a bunch of white dudes. Yeah. Nice, Like, let's not
Speaker 4: talk about that ever, not for a few years ago.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Yeah, we'll be talking about it pretty soon.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, I mean not that we have to go
Speaker 4: into talk about that. I don't feel like.
Speaker 6: I I watched a documentary on Netflix.
Speaker 4: Sad that's all.
Speaker 6: Yeah, Yeah, I mean I don't know what else there
Speaker 6: is to say about that, other like what can we
Speaker 6: say as white people?
Speaker 1: We can support Yeah, we support m H. Should I
Speaker 1: tell the story about our text exchange?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 3: Please mine and yours?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 3: Which one?
Speaker 4: April?
Speaker 1: I don't know what the story is. If there was
Speaker 1: a there was a protest, a peaceful vigil, there was
Speaker 1: a Pan Pacific park.
Speaker 3: Yesterday, and April.
Speaker 1: Texts me and goes hey, should we go to this
Speaker 1: and it's a little flyer for you know, like it's
Speaker 1: a peaceful it's a peaceful protest for the shootings and
Speaker 1: the stuff whatever. And I said, this is going to
Speaker 1: sound so lame, but I have to podcast then, and
Speaker 1: she writes back, Okay, that's cool. I'll tell all the
Speaker 1: black people.
Speaker 4: Ah ah and I.
Speaker 1: So fucking hard. It's so true. Yeah, sorry, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: that basically the revolution has begun and if people are
Speaker 1: standing up for your rights, but I have to go podcast. Sorry,
Speaker 1: no kidding, just kidding.
Speaker 4: It was the perfect jokes, perfect joke for our podcast,
Speaker 4: one of the widest podcasts out there.
Speaker 1: Baron Vaughan was our second guest.
Speaker 4: Yeah, come on, that counts.
Speaker 3: Yes, that was in nineteen ninety seven.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we have to have him back. I gotta go
Speaker 4: downtown and do a comedy concert.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, how long are we way over?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: Aaron's like, get me out of here.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Aaron, thank you, April. Sorry I was late.
Speaker 4: I'm a terrible driver. It's okay, not the best person.
Speaker 3: I think it went out.
Speaker 1: This was this is a thematic show.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I pray, I'm hey, my favorite just don't
Speaker 4: do it with your friends. Do it with strangers and
Speaker 4: don't do it with frozen bangles. But it's always great
Speaker 4: when someone calls your landline if you still have one,
Speaker 4: and you just pick up and go karate school. That's
Speaker 4: what David Habsburger. We had a landline because it came
Speaker 4: with our internet. So whenever it rang, it's like, oh boy,
Speaker 4: and he'd run over and go karate school already time
Speaker 4: he didn't change it up. It was always karate school.
Speaker 4: That was the best one.
Speaker 1: So it's so good because you don't have to name
Speaker 1: a karate school. There's just the one in your town.
Speaker 4: Karate school. That's great. I guess I have the wrong number.
Speaker 1: That's a good one. Who can we plug business class
Speaker 1: for this coming month? Sadly, Chris Fairbanks will not be Yeah,
Speaker 1: the upcoming business.
Speaker 4: Class Yeah tomorrow, I mean right.
Speaker 1: Now, Wednesday, July eleventh. No thirteenth, thirteen. It's always the thirteenth.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you're breaking your you were going to be one
Speaker 6: doodoos on every show yet demand there.
Speaker 4: You got to stack that paper out there, Yeah, it
Speaker 4: hit the bricks. Toss some papers on some porches. I
Speaker 4: have a paper opp.
Speaker 1: So Chris has does do his papers, but if you
Speaker 1: want to please come. This will be the Improv Lab
Speaker 1: ten pm, Wednesday, July thirteenth. Yes, April Richardson, Karen Kilgaraff
Speaker 1: hosting business class and some some great comedy luminaries such
Speaker 1: as Blaine Capach will be there.
Speaker 4: That's great.
Speaker 1: One of the funniest comics ever. Chris Hardwick will be there.
Speaker 1: Everybody knows him and everybody loves him. Jay Wingarten will
Speaker 1: be there.
Speaker 4: Oh I don't like him? Fun fine to change it up?
Speaker 1: Uh? Ahmed Weinberg is going to be back in is
Speaker 1: going to be there. It's gonna be so fun. It's
Speaker 1: a really good chest fun.
Speaker 4: Well, go to that. Thanks for going to this with
Speaker 4: your ears.
Speaker 1: Yep, you came on down with your ears.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you get to leave with them too.
Speaker 3: Bye.
Speaker 4: Listening to do you need a ride? D y N
Speaker 4: and R.
Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 3: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way, we.
Speaker 7: Want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you clean us time and
Speaker 2: day turning on engage.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off in soil.
Speaker 1: We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all
Speaker 1: about it. We scared or was it fine? That porn?
Speaker 2: The the Mottle Barle.
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need a ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need with Karen and Chris