WEBVTT - Bonus: Dani’s Listening, Episode 2

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<v Speaker 1>Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. This

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<v Speaker 1>episode contains references to childhood abuse and addiction. Listener discretion

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<v Speaker 1>is advised. Danny's Listening is a bonus series brought to

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<v Speaker 1>you by Family Secrets. Hi, Danny, My twin sister introduced

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<v Speaker 1>me to your podcast in the fall of and when

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<v Speaker 1>I heard your about this line, I thought I would

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<v Speaker 1>give a call. I guess the longest running secret in

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<v Speaker 1>our family was that my twin was the victim of

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<v Speaker 1>childhood sexual abuse at the hands of the father of

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<v Speaker 1>a family friend when we were young. Pretty yeah, and

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<v Speaker 1>the route for life my twins alcoholism was not a secret.

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<v Speaker 1>Was also not a secret that she was on medically

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<v Speaker 1>assisted treatment for an opioid addiction, but it was a

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<v Speaker 1>secret that she was administering her self be text for

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<v Speaker 1>medically assisted treatment. She was administering it and ervenously, and

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<v Speaker 1>in December of she injected as strain of bacteria accidentally

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<v Speaker 1>and developed endocarditis, and she died in February. I guess

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<v Speaker 1>this seems important because I think a lot about how

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<v Speaker 1>it deals with compounded secrets, multiple layers, one on top

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<v Speaker 1>of the other, and so yeah, that's the story of

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<v Speaker 1>my twin and short, and would be open to any

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<v Speaker 1>of your thoughts on grief and healing and how to

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<v Speaker 1>find purpose between the two. And thanks so much for listening.

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<v Speaker 1>By Hi, it's Danny. First of all, I'm so sorry

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<v Speaker 1>for your loss. To lose a twin must be its

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<v Speaker 1>very own particular form of devastation, and to lose your

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<v Speaker 1>twin during the pandemic must have intensified all the feelings

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<v Speaker 1>of isolation and grief. You mentioned compounded secrets, one layer

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<v Speaker 1>on top of another. This is so often the case

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<v Speaker 1>when it comes to family secrets. It seems almost like

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<v Speaker 1>an invisible edifice gets built bit by bit and hiding things,

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<v Speaker 1>not talking about things, shoving them under the rug, as

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<v Speaker 1>in your twins childhood. Sexual abuse then leads to more

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<v Speaker 1>and more secrecy. It all feels connected, the abuse, the addiction,

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<v Speaker 1>and then finally the scope of the addiction. You asked

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<v Speaker 1>whether I have any thoughts on grief, healing and finding

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<v Speaker 1>a purpose. My life's work, both as a writer and

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<v Speaker 1>as creator of this podcast has really been all about this.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know that we ever exactly heal from grief,

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<v Speaker 1>as much as that grief morphs over time and becomes

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<v Speaker 1>more manageable, something we carry with us that flares up

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<v Speaker 1>in all sorts of moments, but also becomes absorbed into

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<v Speaker 1>the shape of our ongoing lives. For me, healing and

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<v Speaker 1>purpose go hand in hand. Loss can feel so meaningless,

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<v Speaker 1>but finding a way to make meaning of loss is transformative.

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<v Speaker 1>Is there something you could do to honor your sister's memory?

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<v Speaker 1>Do some kind of work around abuse or addiction. Nothing

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<v Speaker 1>gets us out of our own heads as much as

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<v Speaker 1>being of use and helping another human. I'm so glad

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<v Speaker 1>you called, and again I'm so sorry, but you sound

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<v Speaker 1>clear and very strong, and you will find your way through.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll be thinking of you. If you have a family

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<v Speaker 1>secret story you'd like to share on Danny's Listening, please

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<v Speaker 1>call eight eight eight Secret zero. That's eight eight eight

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<v Speaker 1>S E C R E T and the number zero