Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. This
Speaker 1: episode contains references to childhood abuse and addiction. Listener discretion
Speaker 1: is advised. Danny's Listening is a bonus series brought to
Speaker 1: you by Family Secrets. Hi, Danny, My twin sister introduced
Speaker 1: me to your podcast in the fall of and when
Speaker 1: I heard your about this line, I thought I would
Speaker 1: give a call. I guess the longest running secret in
Speaker 1: our family was that my twin was the victim of
Speaker 1: childhood sexual abuse at the hands of the father of
Speaker 1: a family friend when we were young. Pretty yeah, and
Speaker 1: the route for life my twins alcoholism was not a secret.
Speaker 1: Was also not a secret that she was on medically
Speaker 1: assisted treatment for an opioid addiction, but it was a
Speaker 1: secret that she was administering her self be text for
Speaker 1: medically assisted treatment. She was administering it and ervenously, and
Speaker 1: in December of she injected as strain of bacteria accidentally
Speaker 1: and developed endocarditis, and she died in February. I guess
Speaker 1: this seems important because I think a lot about how
Speaker 1: it deals with compounded secrets, multiple layers, one on top
Speaker 1: of the other, and so yeah, that's the story of
Speaker 1: my twin and short, and would be open to any
Speaker 1: of your thoughts on grief and healing and how to
Speaker 1: find purpose between the two. And thanks so much for listening.
Speaker 1: By Hi, it's Danny. First of all, I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: for your loss. To lose a twin must be its
Speaker 1: very own particular form of devastation, and to lose your
Speaker 1: twin during the pandemic must have intensified all the feelings
Speaker 1: of isolation and grief. You mentioned compounded secrets, one layer
Speaker 1: on top of another. This is so often the case
Speaker 1: when it comes to family secrets. It seems almost like
Speaker 1: an invisible edifice gets built bit by bit and hiding things,
Speaker 1: not talking about things, shoving them under the rug, as
Speaker 1: in your twins childhood. Sexual abuse then leads to more
Speaker 1: and more secrecy. It all feels connected, the abuse, the addiction,
Speaker 1: and then finally the scope of the addiction. You asked
Speaker 1: whether I have any thoughts on grief, healing and finding
Speaker 1: a purpose. My life's work, both as a writer and
Speaker 1: as creator of this podcast has really been all about this.
Speaker 1: I don't know that we ever exactly heal from grief,
Speaker 1: as much as that grief morphs over time and becomes
Speaker 1: more manageable, something we carry with us that flares up
Speaker 1: in all sorts of moments, but also becomes absorbed into
Speaker 1: the shape of our ongoing lives. For me, healing and
Speaker 1: purpose go hand in hand. Loss can feel so meaningless,
Speaker 1: but finding a way to make meaning of loss is transformative.
Speaker 1: Is there something you could do to honor your sister's memory?
Speaker 1: Do some kind of work around abuse or addiction. Nothing
Speaker 1: gets us out of our own heads as much as
Speaker 1: being of use and helping another human. I'm so glad
Speaker 1: you called, and again I'm so sorry, but you sound
Speaker 1: clear and very strong, and you will find your way through.
Speaker 1: I'll be thinking of you. If you have a family
Speaker 1: secret story you'd like to share on Danny's Listening, please
Speaker 1: call eight eight eight Secret zero. That's eight eight eight
Speaker 1: S E C R E T and the number zero