1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,960
Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. This

2
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:08,640
Speaker 1: episode contains references to childhood abuse and addiction. Listener discretion

3
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:21,040
Speaker 1: is advised. Danny's Listening is a bonus series brought to

4
00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:34,480
Speaker 1: you by Family Secrets. Hi, Danny, My twin sister introduced

5
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:39,040
Speaker 1: me to your podcast in the fall of and when

6
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,800
Speaker 1: I heard your about this line, I thought I would

7
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:49,280
Speaker 1: give a call. I guess the longest running secret in

8
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,519
Speaker 1: our family was that my twin was the victim of

9
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:55,640
Speaker 1: childhood sexual abuse at the hands of the father of

10
00:00:55,760 --> 00:01:01,560
Speaker 1: a family friend when we were young. Pretty yeah, and

11
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:06,720
Speaker 1: the route for life my twins alcoholism was not a secret.

12
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,920
Speaker 1: Was also not a secret that she was on medically

13
00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:13,520
Speaker 1: assisted treatment for an opioid addiction, but it was a

14
00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:18,200
Speaker 1: secret that she was administering her self be text for

15
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:23,080
Speaker 1: medically assisted treatment. She was administering it and ervenously, and

16
00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:31,000
Speaker 1: in December of she injected as strain of bacteria accidentally

17
00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:39,520
Speaker 1: and developed endocarditis, and she died in February. I guess

18
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:44,520
Speaker 1: this seems important because I think a lot about how

19
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:49,360
Speaker 1: it deals with compounded secrets, multiple layers, one on top

20
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:53,120
Speaker 1: of the other, and so yeah, that's the story of

21
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:57,840
Speaker 1: my twin and short, and would be open to any

22
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:01,640
Speaker 1: of your thoughts on grief and healing and how to

23
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:05,640
Speaker 1: find purpose between the two. And thanks so much for listening.

24
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:14,760
Speaker 1: By Hi, it's Danny. First of all, I'm so sorry

25
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,919
Speaker 1: for your loss. To lose a twin must be its

26
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:22,480
Speaker 1: very own particular form of devastation, and to lose your

27
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,720
Speaker 1: twin during the pandemic must have intensified all the feelings

28
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:32,000
Speaker 1: of isolation and grief. You mentioned compounded secrets, one layer

29
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:35,200
Speaker 1: on top of another. This is so often the case

30
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:39,040
Speaker 1: when it comes to family secrets. It seems almost like

31
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:43,640
Speaker 1: an invisible edifice gets built bit by bit and hiding things,

32
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:47,160
Speaker 1: not talking about things, shoving them under the rug, as

33
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,800
Speaker 1: in your twins childhood. Sexual abuse then leads to more

34
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:55,320
Speaker 1: and more secrecy. It all feels connected, the abuse, the addiction,

35
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,919
Speaker 1: and then finally the scope of the addiction. You asked

36
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,960
Speaker 1: whether I have any thoughts on grief, healing and finding

37
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,760
Speaker 1: a purpose. My life's work, both as a writer and

38
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:10,560
Speaker 1: as creator of this podcast has really been all about this.

39
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,200
Speaker 1: I don't know that we ever exactly heal from grief,

40
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,320
Speaker 1: as much as that grief morphs over time and becomes

41
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:22,480
Speaker 1: more manageable, something we carry with us that flares up

42
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:25,720
Speaker 1: in all sorts of moments, but also becomes absorbed into

43
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:29,840
Speaker 1: the shape of our ongoing lives. For me, healing and

44
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:34,720
Speaker 1: purpose go hand in hand. Loss can feel so meaningless,

45
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:38,600
Speaker 1: but finding a way to make meaning of loss is transformative.

46
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,000
Speaker 1: Is there something you could do to honor your sister's memory?

47
00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:46,000
Speaker 1: Do some kind of work around abuse or addiction. Nothing

48
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:47,880
Speaker 1: gets us out of our own heads as much as

49
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:52,120
Speaker 1: being of use and helping another human. I'm so glad

50
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,520
Speaker 1: you called, and again I'm so sorry, but you sound

51
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:59,040
Speaker 1: clear and very strong, and you will find your way through.

52
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:09,240
Speaker 1: I'll be thinking of you. If you have a family

53
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,000
Speaker 1: secret story you'd like to share on Danny's Listening, please

54
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:16,120
Speaker 1: call eight eight eight Secret zero. That's eight eight eight

55
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,440
Speaker 1: S E C R E T and the number zero