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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

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Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation

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Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast

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Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more.

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 3: I like to say that, yes, I'm adopted ultimately, but

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Speaker 3: I think the form of family separation plays into everybody's

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Speaker 3: life in some sort of way, whether you've experienced your

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Speaker 3: child of divorce or whatever the case is. And so

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Speaker 3: we've all had some sort of experience, and so I

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Speaker 3: think y'all under the umbrella family separation is where adoption lies.

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Speaker 3: But there are so many different faces of it, and

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Speaker 3: I'm learning not day by day with more conversations.

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Speaker 4: Thank youse.

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Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 1: women like you.

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Speaker 2: We're your hosts.

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Speaker 1: Doctor Dominique Bussard, a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 2: five dads to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 2: where black women can just.

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Speaker 1: Be Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating

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Speaker 1: her Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the

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Speaker 1: state of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well,

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Speaker 1: if so, please reach out to me at doctor Dominique

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Speaker 1: Brusard dot com. That's d R D O M I

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Speaker 1: N I q U E B R O U S

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Speaker 1: s ar D dot com to schedule a free fifteen

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Speaker 1: minute consultation. I look forward to hearing from.

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Speaker 2: You all right, lady. Today, we have a very special

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Speaker 2: guest in Cultivating her Space, so we're just going to

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Speaker 2: jump on in and introduce her to you. Opal Franklin

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Speaker 2: is a Bay Area native and former foster youth. She

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Speaker 2: is the writer of Story You Are, a platform on

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Speaker 2: medium where she discusses her current and past life experiences

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Speaker 2: by redefining narratives and shifting perspectives. Today, we're going to

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Speaker 2: talk all about transracial adoption. So Oppo, welcome to Cultivating

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Speaker 2: her Space.

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much for sharing space with me today.

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Speaker 3: It's really awesome to meet both of you for the

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Speaker 3: first time. I am super excited to be here and

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Speaker 3: to have this conversation.

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Speaker 2: Thank you. We are super excited. I had this conversation

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Speaker 2: as well, and we know that we have so much

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Speaker 2: to learn. So I'm just going to pass it on

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Speaker 2: over to doctor Dom. Take us into our quote of

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Speaker 2: the day.

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Speaker 1: So Opul, this quote will sound familiar to you because

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Speaker 1: as we were doing our research on you, we came

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Speaker 1: across this quote on.

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Speaker 4: Your Instagram page.

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Speaker 1: So this quote is actually a poem from fs USA.

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Speaker 1: There is nothing more delightful than you, my love. Even

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Speaker 1: though you do not think so, I hold you closer

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Speaker 1: than anything.

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Speaker 4: Else that has entered my life.

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Speaker 1: Oh yes, so, Opal, it was on your Instagram page.

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Speaker 1: So I'm assuming that this quote has some deep meaning

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Speaker 1: for you, so share with us because I was, you know,

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Speaker 1: Terry and I were talking and we had our own

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Speaker 1: interpretations and re philosophical conversation about what it could have meant.

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Speaker 1: But for you, Opal, what does this quote, this poem mean?

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Speaker 3: Yes, so, this poem is one by fsu Saw, who

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Speaker 3: is a fellow writer. I don't know them personally, but

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Speaker 3: they did like the photo and not like really made

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Speaker 3: my day after I posted it. I tend to target

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Speaker 3: like small and up and coming writers and repost their

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Speaker 3: work just because it's a little bit easier to engage

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Speaker 3: with them than larger skilled writers. And so I received

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Speaker 3: the poetry book that was in it that's called Euphoria,

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Speaker 3: and when I was reading through it, it was I

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Speaker 3: could tell that he was in a space of being really,

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Speaker 3: really in love and it's kind of shown on his

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Speaker 3: Instagram page with his wife, and I'm like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 3: this is so pure and so amazing. And so even

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Speaker 3: though at the time that I posted it, I didn't

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Speaker 3: have a specific love interest, I'm just a big old

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Speaker 3: sent If you ask anyone, they'll tell you. And so

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Speaker 3: I was just like, this is so amazing. And I

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Speaker 3: think even though he dedicated it to the love of

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Speaker 3: his life, I wanted to dedicate it to myself because

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Speaker 3: I was finally finding my self love and it was

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Speaker 3: an interesting time. And so I knew that I interpreted

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Speaker 3: it it for me, but I think those who read

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Speaker 3: it could really interpret it for any sort of situation

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Speaker 3: in their life. And so I just thought it was

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Speaker 3: so deep and just so amazing. And so the fact

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Speaker 3: that you all surfaced it is like, oh, so amazing.

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Speaker 3: So I appreciate you for finding light on it.

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Speaker 2: Yay. Thank you for sharing too. That's so exciting because

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Speaker 2: we kind of had that when we discussed what we

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Speaker 2: thought it meant, we kind of leaned into what you

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Speaker 2: shared versus the writer's experience. So thank you for sharing

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Speaker 2: what that means to you. Can you talk to us

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Speaker 2: a little bit about your origin story? Oh, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: what is your story for those who are not familiar

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Speaker 2: with you in your background?

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, And so I coined the term story near just

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Speaker 3: because I found that telling my story has always been

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Speaker 3: a little bit complex. Right now, I am twenty four

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Speaker 3: years old, but I really didn't reveal the fact that I.

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Speaker 4: Was adopted until about.

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Speaker 3: Two years ago to people, and so people would understand

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Speaker 3: I wasn't raised by my biological parents, which was an

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Speaker 3: apparent thing. And I can get to the definitions of

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Speaker 3: transracial adoption, but it was I took somewhat of a

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Speaker 3: colorblind approach of this has always been my family. You

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Speaker 3: know what happened before. It's not that it didn't matter necessarily,

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Speaker 3: but it wasn't something that I made at the forefront

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Speaker 3: of my identity. And it would be interesting with regards

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Speaker 3: to my adoption, specifically when it came to dating, because

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Speaker 3: it would be like I would find a love interest

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Speaker 3: and then it'd be like the second or third date

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Speaker 3: that we're hanging out, and then I would be like, well,

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Speaker 3: I have this kind of secret thing, and they're like, well,

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Speaker 3: you know what's going on? You know, are you wanted,

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Speaker 3: are you on the run, or you know, all these

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Speaker 3: different kinds of things, and I'm like, well, I'm adopted.

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Speaker 3: And that conversation has gone many different ways. One of

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Speaker 3: the last times that I had a love interest come over,

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Speaker 3: I hadn't come over to my mom's house just to

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Speaker 3: just to visit for a second. But I forgot that

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Speaker 3: I hadn't had the conversation. And so when they came

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Speaker 3: into my house, they saw the family pictures and my

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Speaker 3: adopted family is white, and so like they walked up

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Speaker 3: and I could.

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Speaker 1: Tell that they were a little bit confused.

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Speaker 3: It was like hmm, like they didn't want to necessarily ask,

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Speaker 3: but it's like I was like, oh no, like I

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Speaker 3: haven't had this conversation, and so I kind of freaked

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Speaker 3: out and I actually ended up I was like, you

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Speaker 3: know what, like let's let's go, like, let's go take

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Speaker 3: a walk around the neighborhood, just because I was freaking out.

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Speaker 3: And they were like, why are you so, like what's

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Speaker 3: going on? I'm like, we need to go because I

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Speaker 3: just was not ready to have that conversation. And so

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Speaker 3: a bit of my origin story is I was born

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Speaker 3: in when in the Bay Area, born and raised where

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Speaker 3: my family is from, and it was during a time

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Speaker 3: something that I found millions of people have, millions of

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Speaker 3: families have experienced during the crack cocaine era, and because

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Speaker 3: of that, a lot of families experienced separation. And so

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Speaker 3: I was the fifth child of my mother I was

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Speaker 3: her only daughter, the favorite presumably, but don't ask me

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Speaker 3: what about that. And so, due to the things that

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Speaker 3: go want in families when substances are involved, unfortunately we

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Speaker 3: were all separated. And so my journey was very unique

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Speaker 3: in the sense that out of my all, out of

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Speaker 3: all of my siblings, I was the only one who

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Speaker 3: didn't have to go through the foster care system, and

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Speaker 3: so I was adopted or I was placed under guardianship

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Speaker 3: right when I was born. I was considered like a

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Speaker 3: ward of the state for all intents and purposes. I

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Speaker 3: live with my grandmother for a little bit over nine months,

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Speaker 3: but then unfortunately she wasn't able to care for me

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Speaker 3: in the ways that a parent should be able to

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Speaker 3: care for a child, and so I ultimately I was

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Speaker 3: taken under the guardianship of a white couple who lived

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Speaker 3: in a neighboring city in the East Bay area. And

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Speaker 3: so when I was growing up with my white parents,

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Speaker 3: they took a very colorblind approach. Of course, it was

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Speaker 3: always like, you know, mommy, like, why don't I look

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Speaker 3: like you? You know, why is my skin brown? And

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Speaker 3: she would often like take her palm and she'd be like, well,

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Speaker 3: we're the same color, you know, like this way and like,

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Speaker 3: you know, you're the same and you know. So I

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Speaker 3: think that it was more of the outside world that

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Speaker 3: had an issue with our like multicultural family, opposed to

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Speaker 3: when I was at home. And so when I would

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Speaker 3: be on the playground at school, people would often be like, Oh,

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Speaker 3: why do you act like that?

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Speaker 4: Why do you talk like that?

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Speaker 3: People would I just felt very different, but at home,

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Speaker 3: I felt like I was the same. And so I

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Speaker 3: went to I did go through public school, and so

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Speaker 3: when I was at school, people would be you know,

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Speaker 3: it was very multicultural. I was very blessed to grow

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Speaker 3: up in a very multicultural space, and so I knew

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Speaker 3: a lot of kids who came from biracial or interracial families,

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Speaker 3: but adopted families were really not the norm where I

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Speaker 3: was from, and so it would be like, oh, you know,

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Speaker 3: you must have like, you know, one white parent one

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Speaker 3: black parent. But then when both of my parents would

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Speaker 3: come to back to school night or like soccer games,

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Speaker 3: it would be like, huh. And my parents are also

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Speaker 3: forty eight years older than me, so people would be like,

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Speaker 3: is that your grandpa is at your Grandma'd be like, no,

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Speaker 3: that's my parents and they'd be like huh. And so

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Speaker 3: as I continue to go through adolescents, I actually grew

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Speaker 3: a lot of resentment because I wouldn't want my parents

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Speaker 3: to be around, because I wouldn't want to be like

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Speaker 3: found out and so you know, kids want their parents

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Speaker 3: to show up to games and to support them, but

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Speaker 3: to me, it was like no, because like, everyone's going

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Speaker 3: to start to talk about me, and as we all know,

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Speaker 3: kids are very very mean, and they had a lot

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Speaker 3: of things to say about me. And there are a

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Speaker 3: lot of misconceptions about adoption, which I'm happy to go

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Speaker 3: through a little bit later, but it was traumatizing and

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Speaker 3: so I eventually ended up transferring to a quote unquote

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Speaker 3: better elementary school aka better is sometimes synonymous with white,

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Speaker 3: which was not better for me.

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Speaker 4: And so the white kid, I.

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Speaker 3: Was too black for the white kids and too white

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Speaker 3: for the black kids, which is a dichonomy a lot

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Speaker 3: of people fall into. But yeah, they did not take

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Speaker 3: too kindly to me either, and so by the time

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Speaker 3: I reticulated into middle school, I was getting bullied. It

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Speaker 3: was harsh because I was now with a lot of

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Speaker 3: kids from like the inner city, but also kids from

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Speaker 3: the hills, and I was like, well, I'm kind of

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Speaker 3: from both of the worlds, and like, well, where do

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Speaker 3: you fit in opol? And so I knew that when

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Speaker 3: I wanted, I had an option to go to my

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Speaker 3: local high school, and then I also had the option

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Speaker 3: to go to a high school that was on a

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Speaker 3: community college campus. And with that program, I would have

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Speaker 3: been able to once I finish high school, I would

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Speaker 3: have enough college credits.

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Speaker 4: So don't only have to do two years of school.

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Speaker 3: And so between like the extreme bullying and you know,

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Speaker 3: all the bodily changes and things I was going through

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Speaker 3: at you know, age thirteen and fourteen, I opted to

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Speaker 3: go to that high school for academically kind of excelled children,

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Speaker 3: and so that was really really great, and it was

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Speaker 3: a fresh start for me because these were kids for

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Speaker 3: like other middle schools, no one really from my specific

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Speaker 3: middle school, and so it was like a new identity,

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Speaker 3: so to speak. People didn't necessarily know that I was

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Speaker 3: adopted because by then I was more independent. I think

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Speaker 3: adoption and like trying to hide that made me very

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Speaker 3: independent where I was like taking the bus or I

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Speaker 3: would walk or just not have to have my parents

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Speaker 3: pick me up. But the funny part was that my

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Speaker 3: mom used to work at that community college, so all

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Speaker 3: the staff knew me as well. So it was the

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Speaker 3: staff who knew my quote unquote secret, but not the kids,

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Speaker 3: and so the students would be like, well, well, how

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Speaker 3: do you know everyone here? And I'm like, well, my

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Speaker 3: mom worked here. So it was just it was a

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Speaker 3: very interesting time of my life. And so by the

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Speaker 3: time I graduated high school, I knew I wanted to,

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Speaker 3: of course, go to a four year but I was

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Speaker 3: five credit short, and I was like, oh no, Like

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Speaker 3: what am I going to do? But I was in

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Speaker 3: a really good place in my life by then. I

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Speaker 3: was working, I had an internship, and so I did

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Speaker 3: one more year that community college, which was really really

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Speaker 3: good for me, and I knew that I was interested

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Speaker 3: in sociology and black studies. I had a really awesome

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Speaker 3: and black studies teacher in high school who taught us.

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Speaker 3: I'd like to say she taught us what life was

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Speaker 3: like before the slave ship, because you know, we're kings

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Speaker 3: and queens and we're so amazing, and so because I

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Speaker 3: didn't really grow up with black parents, learning in her

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Speaker 3: class about who I am and where I stand in

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Speaker 3: the world, and the beauty and of my blackness.

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Speaker 4: I was just enamored. I was fascinated.

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Speaker 3: But the unfortunate part of when I was applying to

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Speaker 3: university was people were like, well, what are you gonna

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Speaker 3: do with a Black studies degree.

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Speaker 1: You can't do much with that, and I listened to that.

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Speaker 3: So I went in as a sociology major with a

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Speaker 3: Black Studies minor, and so I ultimately got into UC Davis.

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Speaker 3: And once I was at Davis, I was actually failing

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Speaker 3: my classes and I was on the verge of getting

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Speaker 3: kicked out because of my sociology degree because I was

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Speaker 3: just unhappy, and it was a lot going on. Because

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Speaker 3: I was first generation, there was just so much. And

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Speaker 3: so when I was on the verge of academic probation

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Speaker 3: subject to dismissal, they were like, well, your sociology classes

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Speaker 3: are bad, but your Black Cities classes are really good.

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, I know, but I'll never be able

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Speaker 3: to do anything with a Black studies degree.

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Speaker 4: And my counselor was like, who told you that? And

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Speaker 4: I was like, well, it's.

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Speaker 3: True, and I'm like she's like, no, well, she did

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Speaker 3: her math on her calculator. She's like, if you take

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Speaker 3: one summer class, you're going to be able to graduate

295
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Speaker 3: on time, and I was like, wait really, So ultimately

296
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Speaker 3: I walked in as a sociology major and walked out

297
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Speaker 3: as a Black Studies major and never looked back. And

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Speaker 3: that was one of the most amazing things because contrary

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Speaker 3: to popular belief, I've been able to leverage that degree

300
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Speaker 3: and the best way possible. So once I graduated from

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Speaker 3: UC Davis, I moved back to the Bay Area. I

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00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,240
Speaker 3: moved home with my mom, and I started to work

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Speaker 3: in tech. And so I got my first job at

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Speaker 3: a very small, seed stage startup where I was making

305
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Speaker 3: coffee with a robot that made coffee. And that's the

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00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,600
Speaker 3: whole other story for another day. But what would happen

307
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Speaker 3: is when the customers would come in and be fascinated

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Speaker 3: by this coffee making robot. Ultimately, I'd be like, well

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Speaker 3: you should work here, like it's a really cool job

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Speaker 3: to work with this robot. And so people would apply

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Speaker 3: and they'd be like, you know, ople's the one who

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Speaker 3: recommended me. And I was helping build up the staff

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Speaker 3: and recruiting, and so the CEO at the time was like, well, oh, well,

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Speaker 3: you know, you just graduated from school. You're making like

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Speaker 3: fifteen bucks an hour, Like, what can we do to

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Speaker 3: salary you? And I'm like salary, Like, what does that

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Speaker 3: even mean? I both of my parents are like, you know,

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Speaker 3: they come to the blue collar workers, and so it's

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Speaker 3: like a salary, Like, okay, that's the benefits, Like, oh

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Speaker 3: my goodness, that sounds really awesome. And so ultimately I

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Speaker 3: got to become a recruiter at the company, and that

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Speaker 3: was really really fascinating to me. And so I was

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Speaker 3: recruiting engineers for a little bit over nine months. But

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Speaker 3: I knew that the company scale that I wanted to

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Speaker 3: go to would afford me to form an employee resource group,

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Speaker 3: which is something that I had heard about but really

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Speaker 3: didn't know much about.

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Speaker 4: And so my.

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Speaker 3: CEO ultimately is like, well, well, we're a twenty five

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Speaker 3: person company. Those are typically at larger scale company, So

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Speaker 3: why don't you extend your options. I'm like, are you

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Speaker 3: kicking me out of the nest? It's like no, I'm

333
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:55,840
Speaker 3: pushing you to exceed your limits. And so, because I

334
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,840
Speaker 3: was in the heart of San Francisco downtown on Market Street,

335
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,080
Speaker 3: I knew a lot of people. I was meeting people

336
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,960
Speaker 3: at the cafe, and so I found the next company

337
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,080
Speaker 3: that I started to work at, and that's where I.

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Speaker 1: Really really Oh.

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Speaker 3: It was so great because I was able to join

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Speaker 3: the Black ERG and I was about ear removed from school,

341
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,840
Speaker 3: but I still had that high mentality of coming together

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00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,520
Speaker 3: with people with common interests. And also because I was

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Speaker 3: in the recruiting org, a lot of the people that

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00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,520
Speaker 3: I was interviewing, I'd ultimately be like, well, hey, you

345
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,520
Speaker 3: should join our ERG once you're hired. And so building

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00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,920
Speaker 3: out from that, I became an ERG lead and it

347
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,920
Speaker 3: was one of the most amazing things. I call this

348
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,480
Speaker 3: like pre COVID because that was when we were all

349
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Speaker 3: in the office and so we had just gotten what

350
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,880
Speaker 3: I now know is like Unicorn round of funding and

351
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,680
Speaker 3: so with that came a lot of opportunity. And so

352
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,640
Speaker 3: with that opportunity, we were able to attend afro Tech

353
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:48,920
Speaker 3: and we were able to scale really awesome Black History

354
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,160
Speaker 3: Month events. This was February twenty twenty. They were really

355
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:55,240
Speaker 3: really awesome. And then of course the masks started coming

356
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Speaker 3: on and it was like, oh, we're going to work

357
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,360
Speaker 3: from home for a couple of weeks, but the whole

358
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Speaker 3: situation is happening, and then you know, summer twenty twenty, meat,

359
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,760
Speaker 3: I say, exactly, And what was interesting about summer of

360
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,400
Speaker 3: twenty twenty is those who really put down my black

361
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Speaker 3: Studies degree. Everyone was coming to me asking for academic.

362
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Speaker 1: You know, hetagog for their knowledge about what it is

363
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:17,600
Speaker 1: to be black.

364
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,800
Speaker 2: Exactly. Aren't your full circle? Right?

365
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,160
Speaker 3: I was laid off the week of joom teat which

366
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,960
Speaker 3: little salty about, but oh yeah, into that, and so

367
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,800
Speaker 3: I spent the summer advising a few companies about their

368
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,200
Speaker 3: ERG and D and I strategies because I had a

369
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Speaker 3: lot of experience and a lot of passion for that.

370
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:42,600
Speaker 3: And so after that, in about October of twenty twenty

371
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,760
Speaker 3: is when I got my job where I'm at now,

372
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,639
Speaker 3: and that's where I work at a venture capital firm,

373
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,960
Speaker 3: helping early stage startups scale and ultimately pushing my D

374
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:52,800
Speaker 3: and I agendas.

375
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Speaker 1: A lot of people like.

376
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,400
Speaker 3: To say onto these companies, which has been really really

377
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,359
Speaker 3: full circle. And so how story where I came to

378
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,720
Speaker 3: Fruition fits into all of that is, I mean, it

379
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,560
Speaker 3: affords me the freedom to be able to write.

380
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,199
Speaker 1: They do know about my writing.

381
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,520
Speaker 3: I've had this site a few things about it to

382
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,399
Speaker 3: be you know, I stick to what I know when

383
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,440
Speaker 3: I don't really discuss my job, but it's I think

384
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,879
Speaker 3: it's very important to have a passion project and for me,

385
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,480
Speaker 3: writing is what it is. And so I think throughout

386
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:25,040
Speaker 3: that maturation process and telling people and owning who I am,

387
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,560
Speaker 3: part of it is my identity with adoption. And so

388
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,040
Speaker 3: I had to really take a step back and be like, well,

389
00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:33,840
Speaker 3: I've never really told this story before, like how do

390
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,720
Speaker 3: I tell it? And so that's where ultimately the story

391
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,359
Speaker 3: NIR came in. So story is ultimately engaging with people

392
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 3: about their life situations. And then NEWIR is twofold. It's

393
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,880
Speaker 3: on one hand, it's NEWIR because I'm a black women

394
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,320
Speaker 3: and I love to talk to black people about my stories.

395
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 3: But NEWAR is also the things that you don't see.

396
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,879
Speaker 3: NOIR translates to black. It's like the things that you

397
00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 3: didn't know I may not have seen before. And that's

398
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,880
Speaker 3: where shifting perspectives comes in, because me telling the world

399
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,359
Speaker 3: my story about adoption, a lot of people don't know

400
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:10,080
Speaker 3: about adoption, and so I fear and when people read

401
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,199
Speaker 3: my stuff, I'll often get comments of like, I had

402
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:13,520
Speaker 3: no idea that you went through.

403
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,159
Speaker 5: That old one. I'm like, that's the newer part that

404
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,439
Speaker 5: I hid, the dark part I want to so I

405
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,680
Speaker 5: hope that makes sense. That's a little bit of a story.

406
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,480
Speaker 5: I know that's a lot of words, but let's dive

407
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,240
Speaker 5: into the questions because I know.

408
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,880
Speaker 4: That for a lot that's bubbling.

409
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,240
Speaker 2: I just want to say, first off, you are a

410
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,280
Speaker 2: great storyteller, because you definitely had as captivating because I'm

411
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:34,880
Speaker 2: just like, we just won't sit back, we just won't

412
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,119
Speaker 2: sit over here and listen, because girl, you've got a story.

413
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,320
Speaker 2: So just taking it all in now. I'm trying to

414
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 2: organize my thoughts now because there are so many different

415
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,920
Speaker 2: parts where I was like, I just want to talk

416
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,439
Speaker 2: about some of the things that came to mind and

417
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,439
Speaker 2: then we can jump into whatever here. But I wanted

418
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,160
Speaker 2: to know about you know, again, this is a topic

419
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,200
Speaker 2: that is new, relatively new for me, so I don't

420
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,760
Speaker 2: know a lot about it, and I hope I don't

421
00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:57,480
Speaker 2: sound ignorant or ask some.

422
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 4: Questions, but I know, please please question.

423
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,639
Speaker 2: Thank you. The first thing I'm thinking of is when

424
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,440
Speaker 2: you said you were, you know, you found a love

425
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,840
Speaker 2: interest and they were at the house and you talked

426
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,760
Speaker 2: about just I could assume that there were so many

427
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,639
Speaker 2: strong emotions you had when you were faced with an

428
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 2: opportunity to talk about your secret right, which is being adopted.

429
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,320
Speaker 2: And that's something that as someone that wasn't adopted, I

430
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,320
Speaker 2: can't even imagine the anxiety and the stress and the feelings.

431
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,840
Speaker 2: So I thought about that and I'd love to know

432
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,560
Speaker 2: about that. But also I thought about you being the

433
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,080
Speaker 2: only girl of five children and how you were the

434
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,760
Speaker 2: only one that was not placed in foster care. And

435
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,200
Speaker 2: I'm wondering, like, oh, wow, is it because your black

436
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,920
Speaker 2: brothers they just kind of threw them in the system, right,

437
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 2: So I'm thinking about that as well, and you just

438
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 2: you said so much and it was so powerful, So

439
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,840
Speaker 2: maybe I can maybe we can start there and then

440
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,440
Speaker 2: we'll work our way around to any other question I can.

441
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,680
Speaker 4: On the story of the family pictures.

442
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,280
Speaker 3: So it was basically like, you know, you have someone

443
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 3: over naturally you're curious. You see people on the wall,

444
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 3: and so I was like, why is he standing there

445
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,919
Speaker 3: like that? And I'm like, oh, like, oh snap, Like

446
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 3: I didn't think about this, And so I think for me,

447
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 3: what used to happen as a kid is I wouldn't

448
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:11,639
Speaker 3: like to have plates at my house necessarily. I used

449
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,919
Speaker 3: to like to go to other people's houses because I,

450
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 3: again I didn't necessarily want to be found out, and

451
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,160
Speaker 3: so that was, you know, it was very very difficult.

452
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,240
Speaker 3: But it's ultimately as I grew up, you know, it

453
00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:25,240
Speaker 3: was it was more normalized. But I think there was

454
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,240
Speaker 3: just a lot of fear because I wouldn't want people

455
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:29,679
Speaker 3: to ask, you know, what happened, because I would just

456
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 3: be so insecure because I didn't really know how to

457
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:33,639
Speaker 3: put the pieces together. And you don't really want to

458
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 3: tell people your whole you're kind of forced to tell

459
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,320
Speaker 3: people your whole life story, Like I experienced this form

460
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,960
Speaker 3: of family separation, and it's like I don't really want

461
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,400
Speaker 3: to unpack that right now with you as like a stranger,

462
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,960
Speaker 3: and so I would actually make up a lot of

463
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 3: different stories. I would be like my mom was like

464
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 3: a teen mom and couldn't keep me, or someone passed away,

465
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:53,800
Speaker 3: or just really whatever I.

466
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 4: Could think of. But then I had to ask myself

467
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:57,919
Speaker 4: why I'm saying this, Why is this?

468
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:58,119
Speaker 1: So?

469
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,320
Speaker 4: You know, am I ashamed of it? No, I'm not

470
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:02,160
Speaker 4: ashamed of it by any means.

471
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 3: But I just never really was afforded the space to

472
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 3: figure out and articulate what these things happened or what

473
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,439
Speaker 3: these things were. And so now as an adult writing

474
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 3: about it, I've boughten so much great reception, and I

475
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 3: have found that I like to say that, yes, I'm

476
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 3: adopted ultimately, but I think the form of family separation

477
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,680
Speaker 3: plays into everybody's life in some sort of way, whether

478
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:28,199
Speaker 3: you've experienced your child of divorce or whatever the case is,

479
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,639
Speaker 3: and so we've all had some sort of experience, and

480
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,600
Speaker 3: so I think, yeah, under the umbrella, family separation is

481
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 3: where adoption lies. But there are so many different facets

482
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 3: of it, and I'm learning that day by day with

483
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:40,919
Speaker 3: more conversations like these.

484
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,879
Speaker 1: Wow, oh yeah, okay, so yes, Like Terry, I had

485
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,439
Speaker 1: so many questions as well that came up as I

486
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 1: was listening to you. And so what was coming up

487
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 1: for me as I was listening to you tell this

488
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 1: amazing story is that there were so many moments where

489
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 1: I saw some trauma, right, And so I was wondering, well,

490
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 1: if you could speak to some of the psychological impact

491
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:23,440
Speaker 1: that you recognize now as you're looking back, as you're

492
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:28,440
Speaker 1: reflecting on growing up, what were some of the psychological

493
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:35,639
Speaker 1: impacts of one being adopted but then two all of

494
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 1: the various times where you try to hide it. What

495
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,440
Speaker 1: were the things, the psychological things that were coming.

496
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 3: Up for you so many So I think firstly with

497
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 3: regards to my identity, in my blackness, I think that

498
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,439
Speaker 3: as a child, when people would find out that I

499
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 3: was raised by two white parents, they'd be like, oh,

500
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,160
Speaker 3: so you're not black, really, like, you don't act black,

501
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 3: you don't do these black things. You don't know about

502
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:01,479
Speaker 3: these cultural nuances, which interesting, I did know a lot

503
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 3: of cultural nuances because I grew up in such a

504
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 3: multicultural community, and so I had a lot of black friends,

505
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 3: and ultimately what I would do is spend time with

506
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 3: their families. Some of the friends that I still have

507
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 3: to this day, I consider my mom and my dad.

508
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 3: And so I would often try and like overcompensate sometimes

509
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 3: as well, because I sometimes didn't feel legitimate enough. And

510
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 3: so when I look in the mirror, I see a

511
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,880
Speaker 3: beautiful black woman. I have my natural hair, I have.

512
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:28,879
Speaker 4: All these different things.

513
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 3: But for people to legitimate try to delegitimize it was very,

514
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 3: very traumatizing. Again from a young age and even into adulthood,

515
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 3: and as a kid, I didn't have the words to

516
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:44,680
Speaker 3: really say these things of like, Hey, this is my experience,

517
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,960
Speaker 3: this is my story. But now as an adult, I

518
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 3: can definitely kind of ward off the ignorance and and

519
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 3: have these conversations. So that's that's part of it. But

520
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,920
Speaker 3: it was not easy having to fight for my identity.

521
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 2: Although I want to ask the question because I know

522
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 2: I you have a few friends that I know who

523
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 2: were in the foster care system and who have been adopted.

524
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,719
Speaker 2: I love to know what advice you have or if

525
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 2: you have a personal experience that speaks to just what

526
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 2: you would say to someone who might be struggling with

527
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:17,160
Speaker 2: feelings of unworthiness or you know, the I want to say,

528
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 2: the side effects of feeling maybe abandoned by their parents

529
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,879
Speaker 2: because they were adopted. Was that your experience and if not,

530
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,680
Speaker 2: can you maybe offer some type of insider advice from

531
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 2: what your research to help those who might be in

532
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 2: that space right now.

533
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 4: What's interesting is that, I mean, even like I said,

534
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 4: I'm not too too old, but I didn't grow up

535
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 4: with social media, but nowadays, with the advent of hashtags.

536
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:41,360
Speaker 1: You would be surprised.

537
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:44,400
Speaker 3: It's very, very awesome because there's a whole community out

538
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 3: there of adoptees who talk to each other online and

539
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,080
Speaker 3: you can IDM people all the time and I'm like, oh, my.

540
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 4: Goodness, like, this is your experience.

541
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 3: And so I've met people from all over the world

542
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 3: who have had these experiences, and so I wish that

543
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 3: I had that as a kid, because as a child,

544
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 3: I didn't know anyone else who was a transracial adoptee.

545
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 1: I knew an.

546
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 3: Adoptee who is white and was raised by a white family.

547
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,439
Speaker 3: So ultimately their experience was different, but it was it

548
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 3: was tough. It was definitely very difficult.

549
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I watched the TV show This is

550
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 1: Us and one of the experiences on there is about

551
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: transracial adoption, right, And so you have this young black kid,

552
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 1: the infant the way the store. The story is told

553
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 1: that this infant is taken in by this white family

554
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: and raised his entire life by this white family. And

555
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 1: so it's not as uncommon as we would like to think, right,

556
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 1: And I know stories of white families who adopt kids

557
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 1: from Latin America, kids from various countries in Asia, and

558
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:04,199
Speaker 1: so I have my own thoughts on like what the

559
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 1: motive is, right, and what the intentions might be and

560
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:15,159
Speaker 1: the impact on those children, right, But I also know

561
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 1: that some of the thoughts that I might have might

562
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 1: be fueled by misconceptions, and so, OPL can you share

563
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: with us what are some of the common misconceptions about

564
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:34,120
Speaker 1: transracial adoption and what's the correct way to think about this?

565
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 3: Absolutely, well, let me shift your perspective and redefine the

566
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 3: narrative of adoption, because That's what I'm here to do ultimately.

567
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 3: So I think that understanding that adoption and I'm going

568
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 3: to bucket it as family separation. It's not a linear experience.

569
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 3: Everyone's experience is very, very different, and so I think

570
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 3: that ultimately holding space and wanting to understand is really

571
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 3: the best way forward to having those conversations and learning

572
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:06,640
Speaker 3: and just talking to us because there are so many

573
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,440
Speaker 3: misconceptions out there. I think one that I will touch

574
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 3: on is, yes, I'm a black child. I'm a Black

575
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 3: American child. I like to say, I like to preface

576
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 3: book that I'm Black American because I think that the

577
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 3: international black experience is very much different than being born here.

578
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 3: I can't speak to what it is to be internationally adopted,

579
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:27,919
Speaker 3: and so as a Black American being raised ultimately in

580
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 3: the same environment that I that I was born in,

581
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:35,720
Speaker 3: by a white parents is I mean, it's very interesting.

582
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 3: I think one misconception is that black kids who are

583
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 3: adopted by white parents are like adopted by rich white parents.

584
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 3: People think that I did grow up I think, for

585
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 3: all intents and purposes, I did grow up on a hill.

586
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 3: But it was a two bedroom house. It wasn't sub mansion,

587
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 3: and so people think like, oh, you know, you bring

588
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 3: this cute little black baby home, and you know, you

589
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 3: raise it, and it's you're going to take care of

590
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 3: and it's going to grow up into this wonderful thing.

591
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 3: But we I had a lot of trauma as a kid.

592
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,719
Speaker 3: You know, I would cry a lot. I would be

593
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:09,400
Speaker 3: very very angry, and I would just be very just upset.

594
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,959
Speaker 3: But I wouldn't understand necessarily why that was. And so

595
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 3: it was very very tough for me to figure that out.

596
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 3: And it's hard because you know, I see my skin

597
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 3: and I don't look like the rest of my family.

598
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:23,719
Speaker 3: But again, my family wasn't the one who made an

599
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 3: issue of it. It was more of a lot of other

600
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 3: people who did. And so having to articulate that was

601
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 3: really really tough. And so just listen to people. I

602
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:36,640
Speaker 3: would definitely say those who wanted to inquire about, Hey,

603
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 3: you know, are those your real parents? I mean, I

604
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 3: know people had questions, but I think it would be best, like,

605
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 3: you know, to really you know, you wouldn't walk up

606
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 3: to a stranger and ask them why they don't necessarily

607
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,480
Speaker 3: look like their parents. And so ultimately finding that right

608
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 3: time to ask those questions is really what I wish

609
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,320
Speaker 3: people would do instead of just feel that they could

610
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 3: pick apart and ask me about all these things. Because

611
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 3: it was, it was hard, and so the the misconception

612
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 3: I would on again is rich white parents. That's not

613
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 3: everybody's experienced. Everyone's experience is very, very very very different.

614
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 2: That's a really good point because I think that a

615
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 2: lot of folks, we included, will assume that if you

616
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 2: see a white family adopting a you know, a black child,

617
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 2: or you know it's a transracial adoption, you know, they

618
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 2: have a different child of a different race, you assume, oh,

619
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 2: they're they're wealthy, right, like, you just make that assumption,

620
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 2: all though some celebrities do it. That is a really

621
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 2: good point. So I'm glad that you made that statement.

622
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,160
Speaker 2: But then also there's this idea of like people just

623
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 2: need to mind their business. I know with kids, kids

624
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 2: are like a whole and a whole different kids are

625
00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 2: just somehows evil, you know what I mean. Like we

626
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 2: all know how it can be, you know, when you're

627
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 2: in you know, middle school, high school, all that stuff.

628
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:47,080
Speaker 2: But I'm just like, well, why are people so concerned

629
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 2: the fact that you felt so safe and comfortable at home,

630
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 2: you know, with your parents, and then when you went outside,

631
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 2: that's where you got most of the you know, the

632
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 2: tension and resistance. It's just like what my job business,

633
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like, that's that's the part

634
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 2: that I'm I'm holding on two right now.

635
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 3: If you talk to any transracial adoptee, I bet you

636
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 3: they'll tell you the most triggering place is the grocery

637
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 3: store because me as a little six year old, you know,

638
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 3: like in the line with my mom, they would they

639
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 3: be like, are you together? Like is this your mom?

640
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 3: The well meaning you know, grocery store clerk or wherever

641
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 3: we go, it would always be you know, is that

642
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 3: is that your mom? Or is that your daughter? Oh,

643
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 3: that's your daughter? And then that would also play into

644
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 3: my relationship with babysitting because my mom worked with a

645
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 3: lot of single parents and so she'd be like, Hey,

646
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 3: you know, my my fourteen year old daughter. You know

647
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,640
Speaker 3: she needs some cash. You know, I can send her

648
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 3: to babysit for you. And when I would show up

649
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 3: to the you know these houses in the hills, you know, knock, knock, knock,

650
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:48,760
Speaker 3: they'd be like, you're you're so and So's daughter, and

651
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:52,440
Speaker 3: I'd be like, oh, she didn't have that conversation with them, like,

652
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 3: what is my mom supposed to say? Like, my black

653
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 3: daughter is going to be coming to babysit for you,

654
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 3: or meet my black daughter. And so whenever I would

655
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:02,720
Speaker 3: get introduced to people, it would just be very, very

656
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 3: awkward because I would see that double take, and that

657
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 3: feels terrible, you know, it's it's a horrible feeling to have. Yeah,

658
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 3: just very very that these things would make into my

659
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,720
Speaker 3: young soul. And it happens nowadays, but not as not

660
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:18,240
Speaker 3: as much.

661
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:20,920
Speaker 2: So many questions here, but I don't know if your

662
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 2: ladies have heard about when I believe there was a

663
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 2: white mother. I believe she had a mixed daughter or

664
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 2: a black daughter, and they were getting on the plane

665
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 2: and I believe someone at the someone on the plane,

666
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 2: one of the staff members alerted authorities about assuming that

667
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,400
Speaker 2: it was like child sex trafficking.

668
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:37,720
Speaker 1: Or something it was kidnapping.

669
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 2: Yep, yeah, kidnapping or something like that. And so it

670
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 2: makes you think about just with the world the way

671
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 2: the world is today. It's like the question I guess

672
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 2: I have is like, what do you do right when

673
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 2: you don't know? And you're like, wait, this this looks abnormal,

674
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,960
Speaker 2: this looks this is not normal from my experience. So

675
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 2: am I supposed to say something? Do I? You know?

676
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 2: So it's just that sounds like a very tricky situation

677
00:32:57,920 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 2: to be Yeah.

678
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 3: I'm going to segue with a very with a twofold thing.

679
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 3: So when I was adopted, my parents did not change

680
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 3: my last name. So a lot of kids who are

681
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 3: adopted into families will have their last names changed. But

682
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 3: Franklin is the last name that I was born with,

683
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 3: and that's very intentional. And so I traveled internationally with

684
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 3: my family about ten or fifteen years ago, and when

685
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 3: my parents were together, they also didn't My mom did

686
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 3: not take my mom my dad's last name, so we

687
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 3: all had different last names. So you can hear you

688
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 3: have these two white kids, two white parents with this

689
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 3: black kid. Everyone's last names are different passport, it's like

690
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 3: come over. Like I got pulled to the side and

691
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 3: they questioned us as to who is this you know,

692
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,520
Speaker 3: who is this child? And that was embarrassing because people

693
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 3: were looking at us and I think I was like

694
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 3: ten or eleven, but I was like, here we go again,

695
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 3: And so that was really really tough for me. That's

696
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 3: something that that story you mentioned. I hadn't heard it specifically,

697
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,480
Speaker 3: but I've lived it myself, so I'm really not surprised.

698
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 3: But anywhere we went because the fact that our last

699
00:33:57,680 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 3: names were not the same and we didn't look alike

700
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 3: at all was really really tough.

701
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:06,880
Speaker 1: That is so hard because I think about there are

702
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,880
Speaker 1: kids out here being kidnapped, in sex trafficked, and so

703
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 1: I could see the people's intentions, but I could also

704
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:18,799
Speaker 1: see where we can be asking different questions.

705
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 4: Absolutely that.

706
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, like hey, can I check in with you?

707
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 1: Your parents look different from you. We're concerned. We want

708
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:35,720
Speaker 1: to just make sure that you're safe.

709
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 3: Exactly hard. It's hard. It's really really difficult. And when

710
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 3: I would go out with my dad, especially as I

711
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:46,399
Speaker 3: like began to mature, Lord knows the comments people would

712
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 3: make and I'm like, like this is not not e.

713
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 2: This is exactly I was going to say, sugar baby.

714
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 3: Well, when he and I, you know, we wanted to

715
00:34:57,320 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 3: take a picture recently for his birthday, and when we

716
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 3: got together, they're like, oh, look at the lovely couple,

717
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:04,399
Speaker 3: and I had to shut it down real quick.

718
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 4: I'm like, no, this is my father.

719
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:07,799
Speaker 3: It is his birthday, Like you know, I'm giving him

720
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 3: a kiss and everything.

721
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,120
Speaker 2: But it's.

722
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:13,879
Speaker 4: Just so ridiculous and so.

723
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,360
Speaker 3: He just learned to deal with it. But it does.

724
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:19,600
Speaker 4: Definitely leave a mark.

725
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would like to dive in a little bit

726
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 3: about the whole last name situation because there are a

727
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:28,279
Speaker 3: lot of situations where kids' names are taken, and I

728
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 3: think when it comes to transracial adoption, we know that

729
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 3: when black and when black people were brought to quote

730
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,240
Speaker 3: unquote the New World, not only were was our hair taken,

731
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 3: but our last names were ultimately taken. And so for me,

732
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 3: as a young person, my parents did ask if I

733
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:48,520
Speaker 3: wanted to change my last name, but Franklin is something

734
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 3: that I've held on to. It's part of my identity

735
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 3: and it's something that I would never want to give up.

736
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 3: And I was officially adopted on paper the age of

737
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:58,880
Speaker 3: twenty one, and I actually I have the choice to

738
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 3: change my birth certificate it to have my adopted parents's

739
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,319
Speaker 3: name on it, but I opted to not change it.

740
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 3: I wanted to keep my original birth certificate, which was

741
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 3: a personal choice of mine. A lot of people, based

742
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,000
Speaker 3: on their own situation, will do as they please, and

743
00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 3: there's a lot I mean, I think that's everyone's personal choice.

744
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 3: But my choice was to keep my last name and

745
00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 3: to keep my original birth certificate because it's who I

746
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 3: am and I just wouldn't I wouldn't want to change that.

747
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:29,359
Speaker 2: That's so powerful, Opal, and I really appreciate you sharing that.

748
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 2: I would love to know. How can the parents support

749
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 2: a child through their journey? And did it cause a

750
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 2: rift for you and your parents when you began to

751
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:42,839
Speaker 2: embrace your blackness, because I remember you stating that your

752
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 2: mom was like, well, we're the same, right, And there

753
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,400
Speaker 2: is there's a degree of privilege that comes along with

754
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 2: saying that you're colorblind, right and saying, oh, well we're

755
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,279
Speaker 2: the same here in the household, that's fine, but outside

756
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:56,400
Speaker 2: you are going to be looked at differently, right from society?

757
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 2: So what can parents do to support their children if

758
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,320
Speaker 2: they are, you know, a transracial adoptee.

759
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, so many different things having the conversation. Firstly,

760
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 3: in not taking a color blind approach, I think that

761
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 3: it would have been beneficial for me that like, hey, opl,

762
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,239
Speaker 3: there are so many things that come with being a

763
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:18,680
Speaker 3: black person that I myself cannot necessarily relate to you,

764
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,359
Speaker 3: but leverage your community. As I mentioned, I did have

765
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,759
Speaker 3: friends who have black parents and so spend time with them,

766
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,880
Speaker 3: have you know, as as adults. My mom could have

767
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 3: those conversation with those parents and be like, Opel may

768
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 3: have questions that she's not comfortable coming to me about,

769
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 3: and so really addressing the elephant in the room. There's

770
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 3: no problem that I don't look like the rest of

771
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 3: my family, but what do we to do about it?

772
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:42,919
Speaker 4: Let's have this conversation.

773
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,440
Speaker 3: And so it was I think maybe in high school

774
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 3: was when I really started to embrace my blackness in

775
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,799
Speaker 3: that sense of wanting to learn about it, because for me,

776
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:56,839
Speaker 3: I've never beenishing to be black. A lot of I've

777
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,279
Speaker 3: found a lot of transracial adoptees have like tried to

778
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:03,320
Speaker 3: hide elements of themselves, especially by racial Black adoptees, would

779
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:05,960
Speaker 3: try and blend in with the family or kind of

780
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 3: put it. There are just a lot of different stories.

781
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 3: But for me, I was never afraid to embrace my

782
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,840
Speaker 3: blackness fully. I just didn't necessarily have the knowledge at

783
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:17,759
Speaker 3: about it. And so when I started to learn it

784
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 3: from a textbook aspect, was when I started to have

785
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 3: these conversations. And my parents they, I mean, they never

786
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:25,879
Speaker 3: took Black studies classes, and so I would. I would

787
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 3: share knowledge with them and have these conversations at dinner,

788
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 3: and so they really embraced it. And they did come

789
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,319
Speaker 3: to my black graduation. They were, you know, one of

790
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:35,760
Speaker 3: the few white families there.

791
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:39,359
Speaker 4: But they were jamming. And my mom is down she listens.

792
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 2: To her like it's amazing.

793
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 3: And so that's why I'm all the more grateful to

794
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,520
Speaker 3: have grown up in the East Bay area because a

795
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 3: lot of the transracial adoptees didn't meet other black people

796
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 3: until they were adult, and I could not imagine without

797
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 3: meaning and they struggle a lot more with their identity

798
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:58,439
Speaker 3: and accepting that. But again that's their narrative to share,

799
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:01,800
Speaker 3: I know with mine. Yes, I was raised by white folks,

800
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:04,840
Speaker 3: but I also was raised in a very multicultural community,

801
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 3: which is something that a lot of prs or trans

802
00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 3: have not been.

803
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:12,439
Speaker 4: Able to experience, and it's been very, very bad.

804
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 3: So for me, I'm in a good place, but i

805
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:19,319
Speaker 3: still have my traumas and I'd like to get into

806
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,440
Speaker 3: a little bit later about the relationship with my siblings

807
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:24,759
Speaker 3: because there's been a big rift in that as well.

808
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:30,760
Speaker 1: And so well, Alfhole, this conversation is just so powerful

809
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:34,799
Speaker 1: that you are sharing so much with us, and so

810
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:43,400
Speaker 1: what I think we should do is have a separate episode.

811
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 1: So we're gonna We're gonna invite you back and have

812
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 1: a conversation where we focus solely on your relationship with

813
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:57,560
Speaker 1: your siblings and your birth parents.

814
00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, that's like a two hour pisode.

815
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:02,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why we said we want to get we

816
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:07,440
Speaker 1: want to pay it the respect, and so we since

817
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 1: we focus this conversation so much on the adoption process

818
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:17,840
Speaker 1: and your parents, we want to have a separate episode

819
00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:23,480
Speaker 1: where we focus on your siblings and your birth parents.

820
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:26,279
Speaker 4: Now, I think we're willing to have that conversation.

821
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 2: Question for you though, before we before we shift up

822
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 2: the energy of this conversation, is there anything else about

823
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 2: this particular topic that we maybe didn't cover or that

824
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:39,360
Speaker 2: would be super important for folks to know about.

825
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,360
Speaker 3: So for me, on paper, I was considered a foster

826
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 3: youth and so foster care again is something that we

827
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 3: can also talk about in our next episode. But I

828
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 3: just think that when when ultimately thinking about adoption, foster

829
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:57,239
Speaker 3: care is always a good place to start. I think

830
00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 3: that there's a glamorization of international adoption, but start locally,

831
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 3: I would say, because there are so many people who

832
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:08,960
Speaker 3: are in need locally of having those conversations and a

833
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,760
Speaker 3: lot of care. So that would be the ultimate takeaway

834
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 3: for that awesome.

835
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much. We appreciate that, Opal, and

836
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 2: we're just going to go ahead and shift up the

837
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 2: energy of the conversation and let's dive on in so

838
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 2: opful because we recognize, appreciate, and celebrate the multi faceted woman,

839
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:32,280
Speaker 2: and we believe that it's okay to be bougie, classy

840
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 2: and ratchet. Right, you can still be elegant and dance

841
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 2: strip club music if you so choose. We want to

842
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 2: invite you to the oh you blatchet segment. So do

843
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,840
Speaker 2: you take on the challenge, Opal awsop?

844
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,040
Speaker 1: Okay, I challenge accepted.

845
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 3: I volunteers to you.

846
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 1: Yes, I love that.

847
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 2: Yes, we got her, all right, So now op, what

848
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:57,320
Speaker 2: we're going to have you do? We want you to

849
00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 2: answer three questions. We're going to share three completions, and

850
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 2: then we have some photos if you pulled up on screen,

851
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 2: but we want you to choose a number one through

852
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 2: three and it will show you that particular photo. And

853
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:10,760
Speaker 2: if you could give us more context about the photo

854
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:13,760
Speaker 2: that we wouldn't know by looking at a photo, that'll

855
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 2: be great. So are you ready for the challenge?

856
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 4: I am ready?

857
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,239
Speaker 2: All right, let's dive on in. So open. What is

858
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:23,440
Speaker 2: the best piece of advice or wisdom you've ever received?

859
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, this might sound cliche, but be yourself

860
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 3: because growing up, per the conversation we just had, it

861
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 3: was very hard for me to be myself.

862
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 1: So just be yourself.

863
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 3: I would just say, be be, be who you are,

864
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 3: because no one else is gonna share for you like

865
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:43,720
Speaker 3: you're gonna share for yourself.

866
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,399
Speaker 4: So that's that's my best advice for now.

867
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:51,320
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. So our next question,

868
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 1: it's work or two steps? What about a two step?

869
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:03,320
Speaker 1: What a's work? Okay? Okay, we see energy.

870
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:07,319
Speaker 3: Okay. I don't like to limit myself I you know

871
00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:09,719
Speaker 3: a little like you know.

872
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 4: That's that's what that's my answer, and I'm sticking to it.

873
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 2: That's right, She's gonna stick beside her answer. Okay, come on,

874
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:20,960
Speaker 2: well come on. So the next question is what's the

875
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:22,520
Speaker 2: sexiest item you own?

876
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,800
Speaker 3: I would say this is gonna be an interesting answer.

877
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 3: A mirror, because that that's where I get my confidence.

878
00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 3: That's where I can feel sexy. It's like I can

879
00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 3: look in that mirror and be like you are a boss, you.

880
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:40,279
Speaker 1: Know, b and then girl, you know Okay.

881
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 2: Okay, I got you. You know, I'm like, damn like okay.

882
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 1: There that is.

883
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 3: And so that is where I get my opim confidence

884
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 3: from taking pictures in there, I look at my it's

885
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 3: it's it's so I would say my mirror is my

886
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 3: place to go is when I need to really see

887
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:01,719
Speaker 3: myself for who I am. That's that's where I get

888
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:05,239
Speaker 3: that from, because again being myself. Judtapposing that question, you

889
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 3: just asked, like it here to step it in?

890
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 1: I love it?

891
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:12,760
Speaker 2: Love it beautiful answer.

892
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 1: Yes, Okay, So now we have a sentence completion. The

893
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 1: most embarrassing thing I've ever done to get a crushes

894
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:28,720
Speaker 1: attention is.

895
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 3: There was this person that I found on Instagram. This

896
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,800
Speaker 3: was earlier this year, and they were running this campaign.

897
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 3: They're like super into activism and whatnot, and I was

898
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:40,760
Speaker 3: trying to DM them and like trying to get their attention.

899
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 4: I you know, would comment and do my thing. And

900
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:45,280
Speaker 4: so the way that I got.

901
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 3: Their attention is I venmoed them and in the in

902
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,160
Speaker 3: the invoice, I put my number in it.

903
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:53,320
Speaker 2: I stack.

904
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 3: They were like, hey, you know, thanks so much for

905
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:59,319
Speaker 3: the Venmo, Like I appreciate you, and I'm like, you

906
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:03,400
Speaker 3: appreciate you, like, like what's good. Ultimately it didn't end

907
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:06,360
Speaker 3: up being anything, but that was the So forget sliding

908
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:12,160
Speaker 3: in the DM like I yeah, BeO, yeah, okay, okay

909
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:13,560
Speaker 3: like that.

910
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:17,960
Speaker 2: Okay, so that's brilliant. That's a boss ass move right there.

911
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 2: I like, okay.

912
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:22,160
Speaker 3: And I made it a good amount too, so you

913
00:45:22,239 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 3: know they had to notice me.

914
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:28,320
Speaker 2: Oh okay, we're making boss moves over here. Go ahead,

915
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:31,800
Speaker 2: all right. Our next sentence completion is one question or

916
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 2: topic I wish people ask me about more often, is

917
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,480
Speaker 2: I say about juggling.

918
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:41,040
Speaker 3: That's something that I learned because as a kid, I

919
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 3: actually went to a circus performing arts camp and I

920
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,360
Speaker 3: learned how to juggle, I learned how to walk on still,

921
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 3: I learned how to walk on a trapeez And so

922
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 3: it's actually a really good conversation starter at parties. Would

923
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 3: I'll do like, because I'm sometimes a wallflower. If I

924
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:57,759
Speaker 3: see like three lemons or three kiwis or three like

925
00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 3: things that I can juggle, I'll just like go over

926
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 3: pull them and I'll start.

927
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:03,960
Speaker 1: Juggling, like what what's up? Like girl doing there juggling?

928
00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 3: And I did it yesterday to at work and people

929
00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:07,640
Speaker 3: were enamored by it.

930
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:10,839
Speaker 4: And so yeah, that's that's my answer. I wish people

931
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 4: would be more about my time.

932
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 3: When I thought that I was gonna one day join

933
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:22,760
Speaker 3: the circus, I probably, yeah.

934
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 2: We'll do it next time. Open, we'll do it next time.

935
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 2: I don't want you to have to search for anything.

936
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 1: I was not ready for that. Let me just say, wait,

937
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:33,359
Speaker 1: but I can.

938
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:35,400
Speaker 2: Jug Oh my gosh, Okay, let's do it. This is

939
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 2: the first time I've ever done. This is amazing.

940
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:38,120
Speaker 4: I'll be right back.

941
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 2: Okay, we'll shoot, We're gonna we'll keep the show going. Ohful,

942
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:45,880
Speaker 2: this is yes. Okay, all right, ladies, you're gonna have

943
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:49,479
Speaker 2: to tune in on Patreon girl to see opal throw

944
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:53,440
Speaker 2: down and juggle these alvocados. This is super dope. Yes,

945
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:56,920
Speaker 2: I'm excited. Oh snap. Oh well she said, I got

946
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 2: three avocados right there.

947
00:46:58,120 --> 00:46:59,440
Speaker 1: Were about to make it happen.

948
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:02,440
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, I was not gready.

949
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 1: Conversation started right right because literally she said juggling, and

950
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:07,560
Speaker 1: I thought.

951
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 2: About, oh boll, I thought she was about to work

952
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:13,799
Speaker 2: and juggle right there.

953
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:22,240
Speaker 1: She goes, go ahead, listen, yo, yeses, oh.

954
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 2: Bol now, oh well, you couldn't hear us? Can you

955
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 2: hear us?

956
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 3: Now?

957
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:28,319
Speaker 2: You couldn't hear us. We thought we were about to

958
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,359
Speaker 2: talk and juggle when you went down, But I know

959
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 2: you were making up to see you were making sure

960
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:37,840
Speaker 2: we could see you and the camera. That was awesome.

961
00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:42,439
Speaker 1: Yes, go ahead, super impressive. Yes, we see you over here.

962
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:44,719
Speaker 2: Oh goodness, Okay.

963
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 1: Down, okay. So I mean, I feel like I want

964
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,879
Speaker 1: to answer this statement for you, but I'm gonna let you.

965
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:56,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you answer for yourself and speak for yourself.

966
00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 1: But listen, this is final simpence completion.

967
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 2: Is.

968
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 1: What I love most about myself.

969
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:09,919
Speaker 3: Is that I can talk to pretty much anybody. Part

970
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,279
Speaker 3: of my job as a recruiter is I have to

971
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 3: talk to you.

972
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 1: From all walks of life, all.

973
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 4: Walks, some crawls.

974
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 3: And some drags, but you know, ultimately, you know, we

975
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:22,480
Speaker 3: rolling through. And so being able to find at least

976
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 3: one common thing is something that I've learned to do

977
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 3: over the years, and it's been very very useful not

978
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 3: only in my professional life, but also career wise and personally.

979
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:35,279
Speaker 3: Like I said, or Ven, knowing people is, you know,

980
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 3: my way of doing it, approaching people in very kind

981
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:40,359
Speaker 3: of unorthodox ways I've learned how to do.

982
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 2: Oh well, you are a whole vibe. I think that

983
00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:46,360
Speaker 2: is an amazing trait to have. And so now what

984
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:47,759
Speaker 2: we're going to do, oh boy, is we want you

985
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:50,839
Speaker 2: to choose a number between one and three, and then

986
00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:53,239
Speaker 2: we're going to reveal a photo for you. So feel

987
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:54,839
Speaker 2: free to choose your number.

988
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:56,760
Speaker 1: Two.

989
00:48:57,280 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 4: I like the number two.

990
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:02,399
Speaker 2: Nice, looks like a go one, all right, So feel free.

991
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:04,359
Speaker 2: For folks that are not tuning it on Patreon and

992
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 2: not watching the episode, feel free to tell them what

993
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:08,840
Speaker 2: this photo is and then tell us something about the

994
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 2: photo we would not know by looking at it.

995
00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:11,320
Speaker 4: Oh my goodness.

996
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:14,279
Speaker 3: Okay, so this is a really good example of me

997
00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:16,319
Speaker 3: being able to talk to just anyone because this is

998
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:19,839
Speaker 3: my friend, my now friend. He I split into her

999
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:23,600
Speaker 3: DMS on Instagram because she's also into reading books and

1000
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 3: a sec that's why we're reading the books here. And

1001
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 3: so this is a picture of us in Los Angeles,

1002
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:30,640
Speaker 3: I believe two or three weeks ago. I went down

1003
00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 3: there for Halloween weekend. But I sent her a cold message.

1004
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,040
Speaker 3: I was like, hey, you know, I'm going to be

1005
00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:39,040
Speaker 3: in LA. Like, if you want to meet an internet stranger, you.

1006
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 1: Know, let's let's go here. And she was like, heck yes.

1007
00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:43,319
Speaker 3: And so I hope that she'll be able to hear

1008
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 3: this podcast episode to know that we spoke about her,

1009
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 3: because she's really really awesome. And again, this is just

1010
00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:51,359
Speaker 3: a stranger from the Internet that I didn't know, you know,

1011
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:53,800
Speaker 3: two or three months ago, but we we just engaged

1012
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 3: and found a lot of common ground and it was

1013
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 3: it was amazing.

1014
00:49:57,160 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 4: And so yeah, she she surprised me with these books.

1015
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:00,839
Speaker 1: I was just so.

1016
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 3: Enamored by her energy. And so she's a really awesome

1017
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 3: person as well to read and talk about. So yeah,

1018
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:10,920
Speaker 3: good good stuff. What someone might not know about this photo,

1019
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:12,480
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1020
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 2: I'm happy you've nailed it with the way you guys know,

1021
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:18,120
Speaker 2: that's awesome being crazy that happened behind this photo.

1022
00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:20,960
Speaker 3: But yeah, I was so amazing meeting her, because that's

1023
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 3: that's kind of you know, part of my personality is

1024
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:25,279
Speaker 3: walking up to people and pulled the emailing kind of

1025
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 3: like I did with y'all.

1026
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:29,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're grateful for you, Oprah for reaching out. I mean,

1027
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 2: you had I mean when you shared your story. Initially,

1028
00:50:33,680 --> 00:50:35,120
Speaker 2: I got a little teary eyed. I thought I was

1029
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:37,080
Speaker 2: gonna have to get tissues just thinking about all that

1030
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:39,439
Speaker 2: you've been through. But I'm so happy that you're here

1031
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:41,920
Speaker 2: and you're able to share your story and inspire other

1032
00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:45,480
Speaker 2: people and liberate them and just provide a voice and

1033
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:47,759
Speaker 2: a role model and a way out for those that

1034
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:50,120
Speaker 2: may have struggled with the things that you struggle with

1035
00:50:50,160 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 2: but may not know how to cope or how to

1036
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 2: move forward or how to find themselves. So we appreciate

1037
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,840
Speaker 2: you and celebrate you, and I'm still looking forward to

1038
00:50:57,920 --> 00:50:58,800
Speaker 2: our next conversation.

1039
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:03,080
Speaker 4: The sentiment is shared, I appreciate y'all for taking a

1040
00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:05,960
Speaker 4: chance on someone who you randomly met on the internet.

1041
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:08,399
Speaker 3: But you all radiate such great energy and the fact

1042
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:11,400
Speaker 3: that I feel empowered to share my story with folks

1043
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 3: that I've never met before. All it shows really the

1044
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:18,080
Speaker 3: magic in redefining those narratives and shifting those perspectives. And

1045
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:20,359
Speaker 3: so thank you all, so so much night. I really

1046
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:22,000
Speaker 3: do look forward to the next conversation.

1047
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:24,759
Speaker 2: Thank you. Ople. We want to let people know, though,

1048
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 2: Oh well, how can they find you online? How can

1049
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:28,479
Speaker 2: they support you? What are you working on right now?

1050
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:31,360
Speaker 3: National Adoption Day is actually going to be this Saturday,

1051
00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:33,760
Speaker 3: on the twentieth, and so I'm going to be releasing

1052
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:37,760
Speaker 3: an article in conjunction with this podcast episode just about

1053
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:40,719
Speaker 3: my story. And so the way to find me would

1054
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:42,800
Speaker 3: best be on Medium. That's where you can find the

1055
00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:47,080
Speaker 3: juicy content with more adjacent to my transracial adoption experience.

1056
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:52,160
Speaker 3: But if you want more fun, lighthearted content, creatuality, lifestyle

1057
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:55,400
Speaker 3: books on my Instagram at story nor so across the

1058
00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 3: board at story Noir. Mainly on Instagram and Medium and Twitter.

1059
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:02,759
Speaker 3: I can't do Twitter, They're too mean out there. I'm

1060
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:05,239
Speaker 3: I'm meant on the Twitter street, so for now to

1061
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:07,760
Speaker 3: keep it on Instagram. But those are the two platforms

1062
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 3: that you can find me at.

1063
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:12,760
Speaker 2: Amazing, So lady, go support her media page like follow

1064
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:15,360
Speaker 2: her comment, just show mad love so she can just

1065
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 2: see all the comments, drop some green hearts, all that

1066
00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:20,600
Speaker 2: good stuff, so that she knows that you listened and

1067
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 2: you followed her. And I believe National Adoption date is

1068
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,920
Speaker 2: November twentieth. This may air after National Adoption Day, but

1069
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 2: as long as you you know the date now, so

1070
00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:33,399
Speaker 2: for future years to come, you know November twentieth, that's

1071
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:33,759
Speaker 2: the day.

1072
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 4: And it's not fully month too.

1073
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:40,120
Speaker 2: So there we go exactly a right now. Thank you

1074
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:42,799
Speaker 2: so much, Opel, Thank you, thank you.

1075
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:46,480
Speaker 3: I appreciate it, and I look forward to seeing you

1076
00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:46,919
Speaker 3: all soon.

1077
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:47,800
Speaker 1: Thank you.

1078
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 6: Hey lady, it's Terry here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

1079
00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:55,279
Speaker 6: I'm hosting a free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to

1080
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:58,919
Speaker 6: teach you how to create your impactful podcast and how

1081
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:02,000
Speaker 6: you can generate multiple streams of income. You can visit

1082
00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:05,920
Speaker 6: podcast with Terry dot com to register for free. I

1083
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:06,840
Speaker 6: hope to see you there.

1084
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:13,080
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

1085
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Speaker 1: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

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Speaker 1: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

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Speaker 1: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

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Speaker 1: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

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Speaker 1: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy

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Speaker 1: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

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Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

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Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website cultivatingherspace dot com and

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Speaker 2: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access

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Speaker 2: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show and

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Speaker 2: before we meet again, repeat after me, Greatness is my birthright,

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Speaker 2: so I know no longer ask for permission,