WEBVTT - Make it or Break It with Dr Nicole LaBeach

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<v Speaker 1>Hell I Suck At Dating with Dean Ungler and Dared

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<v Speaker 1>Haven and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to an

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<v Speaker 1>all new episode of Help I Suck At Dating, the

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<v Speaker 1>special Thursday episode. We love this Midweek, your past hump Day,

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<v Speaker 1>almost Friday. Here we go. Weekend is upon us and

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<v Speaker 1>thank you so much for tuning in listening to our

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<v Speaker 1>horrible voices. I am Jared, joined by Dean Ungler and

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<v Speaker 1>we have a very special guest who's joining us today.

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<v Speaker 1>Now you will know her. She is the master relationship

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<v Speaker 1>coach on the Oprah Winfrey Networks hit television show Put

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<v Speaker 1>a Ring On It. She is also the author of

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<v Speaker 1>the book A Woman's True Purpose, Live Like You Matter.

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<v Speaker 1>Great title right there, it is Dr Nicole Beach. Doctor.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much for joining us. How are you.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm a fantastic guys. How are you? We're doing well.

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<v Speaker 1>So we were talking about the TV show Put a

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<v Speaker 1>Ring On It? Can you tell us a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>more about First of all, Put a Ring On It?

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<v Speaker 1>Such a great title? Uh? And what this you know?

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<v Speaker 1>Social Experiment TV show is all about? Well, it's about

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<v Speaker 1>couples that have been together for a while and they

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<v Speaker 1>lived together and they're in relationship and they're trying to

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<v Speaker 1>figure out should they go their separate ways or should

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<v Speaker 1>they put a ring on it? And um, they do

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<v Speaker 1>this experience while dating other people. I love it. It

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<v Speaker 1>sounds like a little like the ultimatum. So but it's

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<v Speaker 1>different deemed than the ultimatum. Oh my gosh, it's so different,

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<v Speaker 1>but I get it. But so it's it's maybe like

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<v Speaker 1>a less insane version of the ultimatum. Yeah, the ultimatum

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<v Speaker 1>is it's interesting, but I think ours is definitely more

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<v Speaker 1>on the practical side of helping people figure out. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>are they trying to water the grass on their side

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<v Speaker 1>of the fence and nurture what could be? Or are

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<v Speaker 1>they one foot out the door and need to make

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<v Speaker 1>a different move. So what makes a couple um know that, Like,

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<v Speaker 1>for example, all these couples go on the show, they

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<v Speaker 1>know what they're they're getting themselves into. So what would

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<v Speaker 1>be some signs of a relationship that that people should

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<v Speaker 1>be aware of that would make them decide, Hey, listen,

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<v Speaker 1>you know we're kind of in a make it or

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<v Speaker 1>break it stage at this point communication. You know, what

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<v Speaker 1>does that look like? Because you know, people talk often

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<v Speaker 1>about um ultimatums and things of that nature. But really

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<v Speaker 1>those things don't really exist if you're communicating and you're

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<v Speaker 1>being clear about what you want, where you see yourself going,

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<v Speaker 1>and where you see yourselves going in the relationship. It's

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<v Speaker 1>when those conversations aren't being had, or when one party

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't want to believe where the other person is coming

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<v Speaker 1>from if it doesn't align with where they want to go,

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<v Speaker 1>that's when it gets a little difficult. That makes sense.

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<v Speaker 1>So when you introduce somebody else into your relationship, which

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<v Speaker 1>is what this show does, because it's like, hey, we're

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<v Speaker 1>going to try to date other people and see if

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<v Speaker 1>we should either put a ring on it or if

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<v Speaker 1>we should go our separate ways. Do you think that's

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<v Speaker 1>beneficial all the time? Um? I guess. My My question

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<v Speaker 1>is like, if I was going through issues with my

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<v Speaker 1>wife Ashley, serious issues to the point where we were like, hey, listen,

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<v Speaker 1>we might not make it or we should be like

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<v Speaker 1>fully invest in this relationship. Man, The idea for me

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<v Speaker 1>of like introducing a new person into this relationship, I

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<v Speaker 1>can't imagine how it would work after that. I gotta

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<v Speaker 1>be honest. Yeah, Well, in a marriage, it's different. The

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<v Speaker 1>big thing with these couples is that they haven't made

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<v Speaker 1>that commitment yet. So the third party, um, which is

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<v Speaker 1>myself being able to help them manage this conversation and

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<v Speaker 1>the conversations they should be having, is really important because

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of times when people are in this dynamic

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<v Speaker 1>of whether we should or shouldn't, it's often because there

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<v Speaker 1>are a lot of conversations they're not having. They know

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<v Speaker 1>where they are in their gut, They're not having authentic

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<v Speaker 1>conversation to see where they need to grow too, to

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<v Speaker 1>be definitive. And in this dynamic where you have a

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<v Speaker 1>coach and you also have these other parties, it really

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<v Speaker 1>positions you to say, what am I really trying to

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<v Speaker 1>do here? Am I trying to work on my relationship

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<v Speaker 1>to make it better and to grow forward? Or am

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<v Speaker 1>I really not stuck? I'm just not not trying to

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<v Speaker 1>move right? Do you think that's Do you think that's

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<v Speaker 1>the biggest issue with couples in general? Is just communication

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<v Speaker 1>or lack thereof. It's huge, Yeah, it's huge because everybody

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<v Speaker 1>wants to be heard, seen and understood, and communication is

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<v Speaker 1>how we do a lot of that nonverbally and verbally.

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<v Speaker 1>So when you're not doing great in either lane. Right

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<v Speaker 1>of being heard, seen and understood, a lot of other

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<v Speaker 1>challenges come to bear. But I also feel like a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of times people will sugarcoat their feelings to protect

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<v Speaker 1>the other person in themselves. Um, and it's not rare

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<v Speaker 1>for people to be unabashedly honest about where they're at

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<v Speaker 1>with everything, but I feel like a lot of times

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<v Speaker 1>people do that to spare their partner's emotions. Right. Well, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>and part of the challenge is you're not living your truth,

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<v Speaker 1>so it makes it hard to be able to go

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<v Speaker 1>and grow together when the other party doesn't really know

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<v Speaker 1>where you are. Why is it so hard for to

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<v Speaker 1>communicate in a relationship? Because I agree with you. I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like we constantly hear this all the time about like, hey,

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<v Speaker 1>communication is the most important thing with a relationship, or

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<v Speaker 1>like we can't communicate, which is hurting our relationship. But

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<v Speaker 1>like you said, Dr, everybody wants to be heard, seen

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<v Speaker 1>and understood and that goes both ways and a agentship.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's I guess my question to use. Why does

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<v Speaker 1>so many couples struggle with communication? Well, vulnerability is hard

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<v Speaker 1>for many. It's not a practiced art, right, So being

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<v Speaker 1>vulnerable is being able to being willing to be seen

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<v Speaker 1>without your mask, being willing to take risk, being willing

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<v Speaker 1>to be emotionally available. Right, And and if that's the

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<v Speaker 1>call to connect and have a true connection, you've got

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<v Speaker 1>to be willing to do it. And if you still

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<v Speaker 1>want the other person to see you a certain way,

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<v Speaker 1>or you don't want to deal with things of your past,

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<v Speaker 1>or you don't want to be authentic, then a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of those things become a lot more difficult. And that's

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<v Speaker 1>really often what it is. Yeah, that's fair. So I've

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<v Speaker 1>got a question for you. How how long into meeting

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<v Speaker 1>these couples, especially the ones from the show, can you

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<v Speaker 1>form a pretty accurate opinion on like their success? Right? Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>that's a good question, because I think whether they get

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<v Speaker 1>married or not, it's successful. Right. My thought is, if

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<v Speaker 1>you're not supposed to get married by all means, please don't.

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<v Speaker 1>If you're willing to work and invest and be vested

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<v Speaker 1>in this construct of marriage, please do so. I don't know,

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<v Speaker 1>because the interesting thing about human being is is you're

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<v Speaker 1>never really sure what they're gonna do until they do it.

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<v Speaker 1>Are they gonna best and and really be able to say,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, part of what we've co created is because

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<v Speaker 1>of me. I'm a co creator in this dynamic, so

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<v Speaker 1>I can also vest in doing my part in a

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<v Speaker 1>way that heals what's happening versus hurts or or diminishes. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>But you don't know what they're gonna do until they're

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<v Speaker 1>actually in the position to decide where they want to be. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>Have you seen any couples from this show that you

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<v Speaker 1>thought maybe have gone there, should have gone their separate

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<v Speaker 1>ways and end up getting married or vice versa. Couples

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<v Speaker 1>that broke up and you're like, ah, I think you

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<v Speaker 1>guys could have actually been happy together. Sure, Because yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>because there are things now that after all of these

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<v Speaker 1>years of looking at couples and all of these years

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<v Speaker 1>of researching people who have been in relationships that have

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<v Speaker 1>worked and people who have been in relationships that haven't,

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<v Speaker 1>that are telltale signs. Right. So, if you see a

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<v Speaker 1>couple that is constantly criticizing one another and constantly in contempt,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean the world ling of the eyes. Anytime one

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<v Speaker 1>of them says something, there's a dismissing of the other,

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<v Speaker 1>there's like, oh God, here we go, blah blah blah.

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<v Speaker 1>All that stuff now tells us whether or not in

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<v Speaker 1>the long term, you've got a really good shot. So

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<v Speaker 1>if you watch the couple's patterns and you see how

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<v Speaker 1>they deal, right, are they fair or they always trying

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<v Speaker 1>to be at the mat and kill each other? What?

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<v Speaker 1>What's their what's their deal? You can say, within a

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<v Speaker 1>certain level of clarity, this, this might not be so

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<v Speaker 1>good ten years from now. You might not make it

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<v Speaker 1>to five. But some people just like the bickering and

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<v Speaker 1>the constant um, not like nagging. But you know, some

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<v Speaker 1>people really do thrive off of that, like for punishment, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>Christo punishment, yeah, but for you know, the question is

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<v Speaker 1>not so much because a couple say, well, is it

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<v Speaker 1>bad when you fight? No, if you've got a relationship

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<v Speaker 1>where there's no comp flick, be very afraid, like run

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<v Speaker 1>because it's not lifing. Right, That's not how we do life.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not about the conflict. It's about how you have conflict,

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<v Speaker 1>how you recover, and what's the residue. Right. If your

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<v Speaker 1>conflict leaves everybody bloodied every time, there's only but so

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<v Speaker 1>much that you're going to be able to do that

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<v Speaker 1>and have anything that's sustainable or healthy. Right, So it's

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<v Speaker 1>how your patterns manifest with the person that you're with,

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<v Speaker 1>because we all would come with different baggage, right, Jared,

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<v Speaker 1>what do you think you're in? Nashley's last fight was

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<v Speaker 1>about they're not fight but disagreement. Ah god, that's I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>we have disagreements about parenting style. Not crazy differences, but um,

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<v Speaker 1>like a good example is I've been trying at time

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<v Speaker 1>times to let Dawson cry it out, like for I'd

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<v Speaker 1>say like five ten minutes, because he'll cry sometimes and

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<v Speaker 1>then you know, I remember Ashley one time he had

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<v Speaker 1>a bottle and we were holding him and then you know,

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<v Speaker 1>he was just still fussy, and then we put him down.

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<v Speaker 1>He was still crying, and as she was like, we

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<v Speaker 1>gotta dance form or entertain them or do something. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want him crying anymore. And I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>I think we should just let him cry it out,

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<v Speaker 1>like give him ten minutes and just try to like

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<v Speaker 1>let him get it out of his system. And and

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<v Speaker 1>I I was, you know, we were talking about how

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't want him to get into this habit of hey,

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<v Speaker 1>I cry and then they come like that's the way

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<v Speaker 1>it goes. And so but she was like, no, I

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<v Speaker 1>don't want like he gets so he gets so worked

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<v Speaker 1>up he starts crying. I don't want him crying. So

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<v Speaker 1>that was like a disagreement. I guess that would be

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<v Speaker 1>our biggest one where I was like, I think we

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<v Speaker 1>should just lay him down and let him cry it out.

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<v Speaker 1>And she's like, no, don't you know. She even said afterwards,

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<v Speaker 1>so we did it, you know, we let him cry

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<v Speaker 1>it out. And then she was like, his voice is horsed,

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<v Speaker 1>like I can tell from crying all that much. And

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, he's fine. So I would say that's certain.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, some disagreements we have. Listen, you can disagree,

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<v Speaker 1>but do you all become the enemy of each other

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<v Speaker 1>in the disagreement is that I think I should do this,

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<v Speaker 1>you think I should do that. We figure out where

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<v Speaker 1>we're gonna stand on this, and are we enemies because

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't get it my way or you didn't get

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<v Speaker 1>it your way. Some people, if you're not doing it

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<v Speaker 1>their way, it's their way or no way, which means

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<v Speaker 1>that you've got to become a little invisible to be

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<v Speaker 1>in their circumstance. Otherwise they don't know how to coexist

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<v Speaker 1>and correctly. Right right, you're talking about it's just we're

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<v Speaker 1>trying to figure out how to raise this little boy

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<v Speaker 1>genius of ours and uh not totally be handled. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's like a hard dynamic to have. Ashley and I

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<v Speaker 1>do have more disagreements than just that, Like I was

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<v Speaker 1>trying to think, sometimes it's um like when I've talked

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<v Speaker 1>about this on the podcast before. Sometimes when we have,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, hard conversations because we're married, you know, we

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<v Speaker 1>have to talk about serious things, shows get emotional start

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<v Speaker 1>crying because that's just her immediate reaction. But then I'll

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<v Speaker 1>get upset because then I'm like, we can't talk anymore,

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<v Speaker 1>like because as soon as you start crying, like I

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<v Speaker 1>shut down because I feel so bad. And we've had

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<v Speaker 1>arguments about that, and she's like, there's nothing I can do.

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<v Speaker 1>You're just gonna have to set that and I'm like, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>but I feel like there's not much I can do

0:13:39.320 --> 0:13:41.240
<v Speaker 1>because then I'll get mad. And then I'll say, well,

0:13:41.240 --> 0:13:43.440
<v Speaker 1>if that's your reasoning saying there's nothing you can do

0:13:43.600 --> 0:13:46.120
<v Speaker 1>and there's nothing I can do to change the way

0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:48.719
<v Speaker 1>I feel when you start crying, because it's my emotional

0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:50.880
<v Speaker 1>reaction to just shut down and not want to talk

0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:53.720
<v Speaker 1>about things anymore. So we we definitely have like a

0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:55.680
<v Speaker 1>little bit of a wall when it comes to that.

0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:59.199
<v Speaker 1>You know, usually fifteen minutes goes by and then we're

0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:01.680
<v Speaker 1>fine and then we're kind of like easily talking back

0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:04.160
<v Speaker 1>into what we needed to talk about. But yeah, I

0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:07.760
<v Speaker 1>mean we've definitely had situations arise where it's like, you know,

0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:10.920
<v Speaker 1>you just butt heads. I feel like it's terrifying to

0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:14.080
<v Speaker 1>admit that you're you butt heads with your partner because

0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:17.120
<v Speaker 1>then people are like, oh, you guys have issues, and

0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:18.600
<v Speaker 1>it's like, I don't feel like we have issues just

0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:23.360
<v Speaker 1>because we have disagreements within our relationship. Yeah, it does

0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:26.840
<v Speaker 1>not mean that you have issues. People come, you know,

0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:31.680
<v Speaker 1>we we forget. Let's say, Jared, when did you meet

0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:36.280
<v Speaker 1>your wife in two thousand and fifteen, seven years ago?

0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:41.640
<v Speaker 1>Twenty we were both twenty six, Yeah, twenty six, So

0:14:41.760 --> 0:14:47.480
<v Speaker 1>you've been walking the earth for twenty six years before

0:14:47.600 --> 0:14:56.680
<v Speaker 1>you found her. Beliefs, values, likes, dislike, successes, all kinds

0:14:56.720 --> 0:15:00.680
<v Speaker 1>of stuff you've been figuring out for twenty six years.

0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:05.280
<v Speaker 1>And you meet this person and they've been living for

0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:10.840
<v Speaker 1>twenty six years. Why is the expectation, first of all,

0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:13.560
<v Speaker 1>that I'm going to have all of the tools necessary

0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:18.120
<v Speaker 1>to build something with this person. That's that's bananas. It's

0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:21.880
<v Speaker 1>so much more compassion to be able to say you've

0:15:21.880 --> 0:15:25.800
<v Speaker 1>been living, I've been living. We're bringing things into this dynamic.

0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:28.280
<v Speaker 1>What do we want to build and how are we

0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:31.240
<v Speaker 1>going to try to work with each other to stay

0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:34.520
<v Speaker 1>committed to building that? Recognizing what do we have all

0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:37.440
<v Speaker 1>the answers all the time. That doesn't mean our marriage

0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:41.000
<v Speaker 1>is falling apart, for God's sakes, It means we're trying

0:15:41.080 --> 0:15:45.240
<v Speaker 1>to figure it out. Sometimes you need a flatheads, sometimes

0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:48.320
<v Speaker 1>you need a Phillips. You don't always know just by

0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:53.280
<v Speaker 1>looking at the screw right, You don't always know. Sometimes

0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:56.800
<v Speaker 1>you gotta try some things to figure out, Okay, where

0:15:56.800 --> 0:16:00.720
<v Speaker 1>do we land that doesn't demolish the both of us

0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:04.840
<v Speaker 1>but keeps us connected. It's so interesting to hear you

0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:07.800
<v Speaker 1>say that because there have been so many instances with

0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:11.320
<v Speaker 1>Kaylin and I we've been together three years now, where uh,

0:16:11.400 --> 0:16:14.800
<v Speaker 1>you know, we'll have a polar opposite reaction to something

0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:17.080
<v Speaker 1>that's going on. Chill react one way and I'll react

0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:20.200
<v Speaker 1>a completely different way, and I, being the narcissist that

0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:23.080
<v Speaker 1>I am, think that my way of reacting is you know,

0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:25.720
<v Speaker 1>incredibly superior and then the best way to react to something.

0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:28.280
<v Speaker 1>And so many times I take a step back and

0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:32.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, Okay, well, we've we've only been together for

0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:33.880
<v Speaker 1>a small fraction of our lives. Of course we're gonna

0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:36.520
<v Speaker 1>have different reactions to certain things. And it's honestly helps

0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:38.840
<v Speaker 1>a lot with the relationship because Caylin and I are

0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:41.200
<v Speaker 1>so different in so many ways, and to have that

0:16:41.280 --> 0:16:43.400
<v Speaker 1>perspective of being like, well, of course we're going to

0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:46.440
<v Speaker 1>react differently to to certain scenarios because we are completely

0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:49.760
<v Speaker 1>different people. And even like throughout the three years that

0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:53.440
<v Speaker 1>we've been together, we you know, you slowly tend to

0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:56.760
<v Speaker 1>like pick up on each other's traits and things, uh,

0:16:56.840 --> 0:16:59.520
<v Speaker 1>maybe not not get easier, but you understand their perspective

0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:03.920
<v Speaker 1>a lot better. And I think before I had that perspective,

0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:06.920
<v Speaker 1>I would go into a relationship, uh and and we

0:17:06.920 --> 0:17:08.600
<v Speaker 1>would have a different reaction on something, and you know

0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:11.560
<v Speaker 1>this is before my current relationship, and I'd be like, oh,

0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:14.040
<v Speaker 1>that's it. That's the telltale sign that we're not meant

0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:15.919
<v Speaker 1>to be together, So I'm gonna go ahead and end

0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:18.560
<v Speaker 1>this relationship now. And it's just not the case. It's

0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:20.720
<v Speaker 1>like you just have to, I guess understand that everyone's

0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:23.080
<v Speaker 1>gonna be different because, like you said, twenty six years

0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:25.479
<v Speaker 1>walking this earth, you didn't know this person, and you

0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:27.320
<v Speaker 1>you became the person that you are that way, and

0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:31.040
<v Speaker 1>so obviously you're gonna have different reactions to certain things. Yeah,

0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:36.040
<v Speaker 1>and you know the ego is a trip, right, because

0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:39.960
<v Speaker 1>you come in with the tools that you have and

0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:45.639
<v Speaker 1>you are convinced my tools are right because your says,

0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:49.560
<v Speaker 1>my tools are right. I've worked very hard at these tools.

0:17:49.560 --> 0:17:52.600
<v Speaker 1>What are you speaking of? And somebody else comes with

0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:55.840
<v Speaker 1>their tools, and the first thing is to be able

0:17:55.880 --> 0:18:01.359
<v Speaker 1>to say they're hours now right, if we can shift

0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:04.800
<v Speaker 1>it from mine and yours to ours, and then being

0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:09.720
<v Speaker 1>able to say, huh, nothing in this box seems to

0:18:09.720 --> 0:18:15.359
<v Speaker 1>be working. Does anybody else have something? Right? The minute

0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:21.160
<v Speaker 1>you can say we've tried every screwdriver, nothing is working.

0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:25.080
<v Speaker 1>Does somebody have a screwdriver or something we can use?

0:18:25.440 --> 0:18:30.560
<v Speaker 1>Is the minute someone says, oh, that screw is rusted

0:18:30.600 --> 0:18:34.159
<v Speaker 1>to the point of no screwdriver is gonna help. But

0:18:34.480 --> 0:18:37.800
<v Speaker 1>use this tool. It'll pull it right out and you

0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:44.720
<v Speaker 1>can use the new nail. Yes, uh, we did it.

0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:48.119
<v Speaker 1>It's being able to get on that progression where you're like,

0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:50.879
<v Speaker 1>we can do this together. We just might not be

0:18:50.960 --> 0:18:53.800
<v Speaker 1>able to use the stuff that we have. I just

0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:55.880
<v Speaker 1>want to point out real quick, doctor, using a screwdriver

0:18:55.960 --> 0:19:00.320
<v Speaker 1>on a nail. It's not the best. But if that's

0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:04.439
<v Speaker 1>what you've been taught, right, if that's what you inherited,

0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:10.600
<v Speaker 1>you come in you're like, yeah, my screw driver, my nail.

0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:14.520
<v Speaker 1>And when another person says, you know that, that's interesting

0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:18.040
<v Speaker 1>that that's what you use, because that's not really the best.

0:19:18.520 --> 0:19:25.200
<v Speaker 1>Don't touch it sacred right. Well, we go through that

0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:27.679
<v Speaker 1>kind of stuff and sometimes it's just best to just

0:19:27.720 --> 0:19:29.600
<v Speaker 1>be like, you know what, let's try and let's see

0:19:29.640 --> 0:19:32.520
<v Speaker 1>which works best for us. And you know that right

0:19:32.520 --> 0:19:34.440
<v Speaker 1>on the head too. And sometimes when we would have

0:19:34.480 --> 0:19:37.120
<v Speaker 1>disagreements about things, Calein would be she would say something

0:19:37.160 --> 0:19:39.280
<v Speaker 1>on the lines of like well why don't you uh,

0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:40.840
<v Speaker 1>like like why do you see it that way? Or

0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:43.120
<v Speaker 1>like why do you react in that manner? And I'm like,

0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:45.040
<v Speaker 1>in my head, all I can think about is I

0:19:45.080 --> 0:19:47.520
<v Speaker 1>love my conflict resolution style. I don't see any issues

0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:50.280
<v Speaker 1>with it, and so that must mean that you're wrong.

0:19:50.359 --> 0:19:52.080
<v Speaker 1>But in reality, she's just like trying to get a

0:19:52.080 --> 0:19:54.320
<v Speaker 1>grasp on what's going on, which is totally fine. It

0:19:54.400 --> 0:19:56.520
<v Speaker 1>makes a lot of sense, but it's just it's such

0:19:56.520 --> 0:19:59.000
<v Speaker 1>an interesting Uh there's so many like avenues you can

0:19:59.040 --> 0:20:00.880
<v Speaker 1>go down, and you know, hope flee. I guess you'll

0:20:00.880 --> 0:20:02.680
<v Speaker 1>always want to hop down your hope. You're going down

0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:04.640
<v Speaker 1>the best one suited for you. Guys, you know, yeah,

0:20:05.200 --> 0:20:09.000
<v Speaker 1>I mean it if you can respect each other through differences.

0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:13.520
<v Speaker 1>And I always tell couples it's a really smart thing

0:20:13.600 --> 0:20:17.800
<v Speaker 1>to be able to ask yourself first, is this duct tape?

0:20:18.040 --> 0:20:20.240
<v Speaker 1>And I know that sounds like a crazy question, but

0:20:20.280 --> 0:20:24.639
<v Speaker 1>it's like, okay, is this duct tape? Am I trying

0:20:24.680 --> 0:20:29.280
<v Speaker 1>to use duct tape to hinge a door? Because duct

0:20:29.320 --> 0:20:35.159
<v Speaker 1>tape is all I've had. If I can't answer that question,

0:20:35.200 --> 0:20:37.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if this is duct tape or not.

0:20:37.440 --> 0:20:40.879
<v Speaker 1>I mean, it's what I've got. I think it should work,

0:20:41.200 --> 0:20:43.760
<v Speaker 1>but I don't know if that's the best option. Then

0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:47.440
<v Speaker 1>that gives enough opportunity for the other person to say,

0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:49.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, I don't really know how to put this on,

0:20:50.400 --> 0:20:54.520
<v Speaker 1>but I heard this hinge thing will keep the door

0:20:54.800 --> 0:20:58.640
<v Speaker 1>swinging both ways a lot more effectively, And then you

0:20:58.720 --> 0:21:00.639
<v Speaker 1>can say well, all I've got is duct tape, but

0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:02.600
<v Speaker 1>let me see, let me see it. Oh, it's got

0:21:02.640 --> 0:21:05.320
<v Speaker 1>some holes. I think if we get some screws and

0:21:05.359 --> 0:21:09.720
<v Speaker 1>a drill, we can try it. Versus, when you're so

0:21:10.040 --> 0:21:16.600
<v Speaker 1>bent on my duct tape is the answer, then you

0:21:16.720 --> 0:21:21.040
<v Speaker 1>really hit a wall because you're not willing to accept

0:21:22.080 --> 0:21:28.159
<v Speaker 1>the other person's influence. And in relationships, guys, you gotta

0:21:28.200 --> 0:21:32.320
<v Speaker 1>be willing to be influenced. Gals, you've gotta be willing

0:21:32.320 --> 0:21:37.640
<v Speaker 1>to be influenced because if not, what the heck? Yeah right,

0:21:39.880 --> 0:21:43.480
<v Speaker 1>but I got there eventually. Yes, well we're still getting there.

0:21:43.480 --> 0:21:45.720
<v Speaker 1>You know. There's always, as as we like to say

0:21:45.720 --> 0:21:47.560
<v Speaker 1>on this podcast, help I suck a dating. Even though

0:21:47.640 --> 0:21:51.720
<v Speaker 1>do you know, I'm myself are in very happy relationships,

0:21:51.760 --> 0:21:54.320
<v Speaker 1>we still suck a dating. Just ask our respective girlfriends

0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:56.639
<v Speaker 1>and wife. There's a lot of things we can work on,

0:21:57.240 --> 0:21:58.960
<v Speaker 1>but dr we just want to say thank you so

0:21:59.040 --> 0:22:02.040
<v Speaker 1>much for joining us on the podcast once again. You're

0:22:02.080 --> 0:22:04.920
<v Speaker 1>always welcome back. Um, We're so glad that you came

0:22:04.920 --> 0:22:07.840
<v Speaker 1>back to the podcast, and we hope to see you soon.

0:22:08.000 --> 0:22:10.119
<v Speaker 1>We know that you can watch all three seasons of

0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:12.360
<v Speaker 1>Put a Ring on It right now? Uh is there

0:22:12.359 --> 0:22:15.760
<v Speaker 1>a season four the potentially, you know, we hope, so

0:22:15.960 --> 0:22:18.480
<v Speaker 1>we hope from our viewers and just the words on

0:22:18.520 --> 0:22:21.040
<v Speaker 1>the street that they wanted to come back. We hope

0:22:21.080 --> 0:22:23.520
<v Speaker 1>that it will. Yeah, well it's a very successful show,

0:22:23.560 --> 0:22:25.080
<v Speaker 1>so I can't imagine they won't have a season four.

0:22:25.119 --> 0:22:27.240
<v Speaker 1>But everybody listening right now, go watch. You can watch

0:22:27.280 --> 0:22:31.159
<v Speaker 1>all three seasons of Put A Ring On It. Also,

0:22:31.200 --> 0:22:33.399
<v Speaker 1>I know you have an event coming up. Dr Nicole.

0:22:33.440 --> 0:22:34.840
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if you wanted to talk about that

0:22:35.400 --> 0:22:40.200
<v Speaker 1>at all. The reunion um is coming up. The reunion

0:22:40.400 --> 0:22:42.639
<v Speaker 1>of season three of Put A Ring On It is

0:22:42.680 --> 0:22:47.280
<v Speaker 1>coming up. And also our Woman Unlimited Live is coming out. Yeah,

0:22:47.320 --> 0:22:49.080
<v Speaker 1>The Woman Unlimited Live. When I was was I was

0:22:49.080 --> 0:22:54.080
<v Speaker 1>getting at it's coming up on June the eighteen. Very

0:22:54.160 --> 0:22:57.760
<v Speaker 1>excited women can register from all over the world because

0:22:57.760 --> 0:23:03.640
<v Speaker 1>it's virtual Woman on Limited live dot Com. Very excited.

0:23:03.640 --> 0:23:06.280
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna help you unleash and un buying your unlimited

0:23:06.280 --> 0:23:10.240
<v Speaker 1>potential in business and in relationships. Don't get much more

0:23:10.320 --> 0:23:16.680
<v Speaker 1>fun than that. Yeah, I'm gone, that's happening, Yes, nine

0:23:16.720 --> 0:23:20.439
<v Speaker 1>am Eastern Standard time. Oh, that'll be six am for us.

0:23:20.440 --> 0:23:25.159
<v Speaker 1>That'll be tricky, but we'll do our best. Thank you

0:23:25.200 --> 0:23:26.919
<v Speaker 1>so much for joining us. We can't wait to hear

0:23:26.920 --> 0:23:29.280
<v Speaker 1>from you again, and uh yeah, talk to you soon.

0:23:29.600 --> 0:23:32.920
<v Speaker 1>Thanks guys, Bye, dr Thank you. Follow help by suck

0:23:33.000 --> 0:23:35.840
<v Speaker 1>at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen

0:23:35.880 --> 0:23:37.359
<v Speaker 1>to podcast