WEBVTT - Let's Be Clear About Getting Real...with Ananda Lewis 0:00:02.520 --> 0:00:08.440 This is Let's Be Clear with Shannon Dorney. Hi, everybody, 0:00:08.720 --> 0:00:13.080 welcome to the Let's Be Clear Podcast. I'm Anna Luis 0:00:13.119 --> 0:00:15.720 and I'm your guest host for this episode. I'm so 0:00:16.480 --> 0:00:20.040 honored to have been invited to come help continue the 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:25.680 beautiful legacy that Shannon Doherty created. Looking forward to talking 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:29.400 to y'all. So some of you may or may not 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:33.160 remember me from being on your television almost every day 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:36.559 in the nineties as a VJ on MTV in the 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:39.479 what I call the Golden Era of MTV, when we 0:00:39.479 --> 0:00:43.159 actually played music videos. In the mid to late nineties, 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:47.800 when me, Carson Daily, Bill Bellamy, Matt Penfields and others 0:00:48.000 --> 0:00:51.240 launched the Times Square Studios in New York City and 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:55.680 had an amazing time with you for years. Maybe you 0:00:55.760 --> 0:00:58.120 remember me as far back as teen Summit on BT, 0:00:58.280 --> 0:01:03.480 which was actually my first big TV hosting gig. Some 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:06.000 of you might know me from headlines that happened this 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:10.280 past October about my cancer journey. A lot of people 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:12.920 said I was dying after I shared that I hit 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:16.240 stage four. Oh, that sounded like a prize and it's not. 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:18.600 But you'll know what I mean. And maybe you have 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:20.759 no clue who I am, which is great because then 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:24.280 we get to kind of start fresh right here. In 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:27.160 all my years of doing TV, I never had the 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:30.560 pleasure of meeting Shannon in person. I was a fan 0:01:30.600 --> 0:01:33.680 of her work like you guys all are and were, 0:01:33.920 --> 0:01:38.720 and then I dove into following her as she shared 0:01:38.760 --> 0:01:42.000 her cancer journey that she did so bravely right up 0:01:42.080 --> 0:01:45.480 until the end. I was inspired by her this is 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:48.560 how it is, you know, attitude, and how she faced 0:01:48.560 --> 0:01:53.440 this monster head on. I hope to borrow from some 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:56.040 of her strength as I chat with you guys today. 0:01:56.640 --> 0:01:59.720 And maybe we should call this episode Let's be clear 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:04.320 being real about cancer, because I'm basically going to share 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:09.320 my story with you as real as possible and for 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:11.320 those of you who've been through it, like I'm in 0:02:11.320 --> 0:02:16.040 the middle of it right now. Cancer fucking sucks. It 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:20.720 just does period, no matter how you choose to treat it, 0:02:20.720 --> 0:02:25.600 it sucks. This is the January February two thousand and 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:29.520 five edition of Essence magazine, and in it there's an 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:35.640 article pretty much detailing my cancer journey. I want to 0:02:35.680 --> 0:02:39.040 give a huge thank you to Victoria ul Morogi for 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:42.040 spearheading this article and kind of guiding me through the 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:46.120 whole process as we wrote it together. I actually told 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:49.000 her the story and you know, it came out of that. 0:02:49.280 --> 0:02:52.440 So you can check out the full article right now 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:57.120 on Essence dot com. It just came out earlier this month, 0:02:57.200 --> 0:02:59.360 so should still be there or you can go get 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:02.120 a hard because there's some other big articles in there. 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:05.680 But basically it covers how things happened, what I chose 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:10.040 to do and not do for treatment. But the real 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:14.880 bottom line for me was about reminding women that prevention 0:03:15.760 --> 0:03:19.880 is the cure. There are so many things you can 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:24.160 do to avoid your body making cancer to begin with, 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:28.079 and had I known those things, I believe I never 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:32.919 would have ended up here, But here I am. I'm 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:35.400 also grateful I got to clarify some things in this 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:40.480 article that people clearly misunderstood, didn't understand at all, or 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:43.800 decided to take completely out of context from the interview 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:46.440 I did on scene in with my bestie Stephanie Elam 0:03:46.640 --> 0:03:50.480 and our friend Sarah Signer, who is also fighting at 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:56.080 stage three breast cancer. I am someone who has always 0:03:56.080 --> 0:04:00.560 prided myself on being honest, being upfront, being able to 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:03.040 talk about difficult things, and I've been doing that since 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:05.800 way back at Team Summit. So when we sat down 0:04:05.840 --> 0:04:08.640 to talk on the CNN interview, we did this roundtable 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:13.840 that was really fun. I was just honest and my personalities. 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:15.960 Sometimes I say crazy stuff. I don't know if you 0:04:16.000 --> 0:04:20.080 all remember that from CD, but I said something like, oh, 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:23.600 I kept my tumor and I did it, or said 0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:27.000 it kind of tongue in cheek. You gotta find ways 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:29.000 to laugh about this or you will lose your mind 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:32.960 and just be crying all the time. But that became 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:37.120 the headline. She kept her tumor and now she's stage four, 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:41.800 And as many of you probably already know, it's just 0:04:42.880 --> 0:04:45.640 not that simple. I know more than a few women 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:48.520 who did everything they were told to do. They got 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:50.840 the tumors cut out, they got the double mess deck 0:04:50.920 --> 0:04:53.760 to me, they did the full chemo and radiation and 0:04:53.960 --> 0:05:00.560 still died, because cancer freaking sucks no matter how you 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:04.240 choose to treat it. I didn't pay much attention to 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:07.960 the comments under those headlines from the other outlets that 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:12.159 they took, you know, from CNN's headlines, based on the 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:15.520 things I said there. But I definitely got to hear 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:19.240 about it from everybody who reached out to me for 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:24.160 the entire month. One of the comments that stood out 0:05:24.200 --> 0:05:28.160 to me, because it was said repeatedly apparently, was that 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:30.960 that was so stupid of her. Why didn't she just 0:05:31.040 --> 0:05:34.640 listen to the doctors? And in my mind, the question 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:38.080 became which doctors? Which doctors did you want me to 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:41.120 listen to? The original ecologist who was the one who 0:05:41.200 --> 0:05:43.320 told me I had to do the double mastectomy and 0:05:43.360 --> 0:05:45.560 the full chemo and all the standard of care stuff, 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:50.760 or the subsequent oncologists who were integrative oncologists and did 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:53.640 things just a little different way, who think outside of 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:56.359 the box when it comes to cancer treatment, who tested 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:59.560 me first to get a breakdown of what chemos were 0:05:59.600 --> 0:06:02.800 going to work on the cancer in my body and 0:06:02.880 --> 0:06:06.200 wish ones weren't. Because guess what I found out, almost 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:09.279 a year after not doing what I was told to 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:12.520 do by the original oncologists, the chemo that they were 0:06:12.560 --> 0:06:15.760 going to use on me, there was not gonna work 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:19.480 to kill the cancer in my body. It was third 0:06:19.640 --> 0:06:27.120 from the bottom. In fact, there were about twenty other 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:31.840 chemotherapies that would do way better in my body than 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:36.040 that one would have. And then it started to make sense, 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:40.400 I have really listened to the doctors this whole time, 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:44.400 but also, and more importantly to me, followed my gut 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:51.599 and my intuition about what is good and right for me, 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:57.200 and I had this vision sitting in that original oncologist's 0:06:57.200 --> 0:07:01.719 office of myself dead. I've had many more of those visions, 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:07.520 more frequently recently as things you know, are continuing to 0:07:08.600 --> 0:07:10.160 as I try to get them back on track. Let 0:07:10.160 --> 0:07:14.560 me say like that, But this original one was a 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:20.040 clear no from whatever source right for me. And obviously 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:21.880 whatever you believe is up to you, and I respect it. 0:07:21.920 --> 0:07:26.080 For me, it's God for me, it's my angels and 0:07:26.160 --> 0:07:29.680 guides wherever it came from. It was very clear, and 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:35.520 I said, okay, that was not going to work. But 0:07:35.640 --> 0:07:40.320 the bottom line for me was, after hearing those comments, 0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:43.040 I had never one time heard anybody say about a 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:47.440 woman who did do the conventional route and didn't survive it, Well, 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:49.960 that was stupid. You shouldn't shouldn't have listened to those 0:07:50.000 --> 0:07:54.560 doctors because we're so trained to believe that there's only 0:07:54.600 --> 0:08:00.360 one way to handle this, that is, except to ble, 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:06.120 and that just has not been true from me or 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:11.200 for me from the beginning. There's this weird selective and 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:17.640 conditional compassion and understanding. That's really disgusting, and I'm hoping 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:20.880 the more that I talk about it, the more light 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:24.600 gets shed on the lack of fairness of even thinking 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:28.320 like that, the faster it goes away. I think it's 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:33.640 just based on I don't know, ignorance, and fortunately ignorance 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:39.040 can be cured, stupidity cannot be. But that's another conversation. 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:43.360 The message that has been important for me to bring 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:46.120 to other women from the very beginning when I decided 0:08:46.160 --> 0:08:47.760 to share this, which was actually about a year and 0:08:47.800 --> 0:08:50.440 a half after my diagnosis. I was diagnosed in January 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:53.640 of twenty nineteen, and I shared it publicly in October 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:57.880 of twenty twenty. My point then was to remind women 0:08:57.960 --> 0:09:02.559 that your best shot at being able to survive this 0:09:02.840 --> 0:09:08.480 is taking advantage of early detection, getting your mammograms when 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:11.760 you're supposed to and listen. I am still not a 0:09:11.760 --> 0:09:15.160 fan of mammograms, but there are other options, like the 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:19.000 QT imaging scan that's now available, or the three D 0:09:19.160 --> 0:09:21.880 ultrasound that they will send you to when your mammogram 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:25.839 comes back funny anyway, And the problem is insurance may 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:27.679 or may not cover those You may or may not 0:09:27.720 --> 0:09:32.599 have the finances whatever, you have access to take advantage 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:37.800 of early detection. Right. That was number one for me, 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:41.920 my number one mistake. I didn't do that. I shared 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:44.840 from the very beginning that that was a big mistake. 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:47.800 We have to be able to say when we're wrong 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:51.720 so other people can learn from our mistakes and do better. 0:09:52.200 --> 0:09:54.679 But for me, that's where my mistake ended. I do 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:57.400 not believe I made it incorrect decision to forego that 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:00.760 initial standard of care treatment. Even as I find myself 0:10:00.760 --> 0:10:04.080 at stage four today, I say that my full chest, 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:06.520 I know in my heart I did the right thing 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:10.920 for me. Based on everything I've learned since, especially based 0:10:10.960 --> 0:10:13.079 on the dear friends that I've met on this journey, 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:16.720 some of whom I've lost since, who did the other 0:10:18.040 --> 0:10:20.800 standard of care way of doing it, I've found that 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:24.760 there's almost no difference in the outcome from what I've seen. 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:27.920 This is not scientific, this is my experience. When you 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:30.520 look at stage three and four, the upper stages of 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:34.560 cancer and how far it's gone in your body basically 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:38.040 determines the staging. Right when you catch it early zero 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:40.880 one two, like my mother and sister did. Now you 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:43.480 have a chance at that standard of care being your 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:45.720 best option and giving you back the years you would 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:48.760 have lost once you hit three four and it's left 0:10:48.760 --> 0:10:51.240 that original site, and it's in other places in your body, 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:53.920 which it was for me. What I've seen and believed 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:57.640 to be true is that the outcomes even out. Honestly, 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:01.600 the women I've known who's diagnoses happened around the same 0:11:01.640 --> 0:11:03.959 time as me, who went the standard of care route, 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:06.280 four out of seven of them are no longer here. 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:11.720 And although I'm still here and worse my body is, 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:18.880 my immune system is still undamaged enough to be eligible 0:11:18.960 --> 0:11:22.240 for other kinds of treatments, which I now get to pursue. 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:26.160 I had one friend who did standard of care. She 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:29.280 was so her body I should say, was so ravaged 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:32.600 by the chemotherapy that by the time she got to 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:34.600 the place in Arizona, which is where I met her, 0:11:34.640 --> 0:11:38.280 when I did my first round of insulm potentiated chemotherapy 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:42.280 and all these really fancy cool things, she wasn't able 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:44.439 to do a lot of those because her body was 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:48.240 still suffering from so much damage. So I really think, 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:52.880 ultimately we have to respect whatever choice someone in this 0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:57.520 position makes, and God forbid, you're ever in this position 0:11:57.600 --> 0:11:59.680 and have to make these choices. For those of you 0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:02.440 who have been, I'd be interested to hear about what 0:12:02.480 --> 0:12:06.040 your journey's been like, because for every single person I've met, 0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:08.640 it doesn't matter if the diagnosis the same. The journey 0:12:08.960 --> 0:12:13.480 is very unique and very individualized, and you have to 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:18.640 stand behind what you choose no matter what anybody else 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:34.920 says about it. From the beginning, I felt like I 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:38.200 had a better shot at surviving by going this different 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:42.240 route and integrative approach, and I wanted to focus on 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:46.240 my quality of life as well as the length of it. 0:12:47.080 --> 0:12:49.800 What I chose to do was an approach that did 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:52.720 less harm to my body but was still very toxic 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:56.760 to the cancer cells and was very effective my first 0:12:57.320 --> 0:13:01.840 time going into actual treatment, which was impacted by the 0:13:01.840 --> 0:13:05.079 COVID virus because the COVID lockdowns, I should say, because 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:15.080 I went into twenty twenty still having not done real treatment. 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:19.520 But by the time I did decide to do something, 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:24.160 everything in California was closed basically, So that led me 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:27.480 to Arizona because if you remember, Arizona was like locked 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:31.680 down for what they stayed really open, They barely masked, 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:34.520 They were in complete rebellion, and it was good for 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:37.800 me because it meant that I could access care. So 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:42.079 after sixteen weeks of treatment at a center called in 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:44.760 Vita in Scottsdale, Arizona, I had gone down from A 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:47.080 Stage three to a aage two. And I know that 0:13:47.120 --> 0:13:51.319 if I had the financial ability to continue doing that process, 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:55.160 I probably could have gotten completely clear. I absolutely believed that, 0:13:55.240 --> 0:13:58.320 but I didn't have the money to do that, and 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:01.840 I couldn't afford to keep where it was. The problem 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:06.120 for me really became that insurance will not cover the 0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:08.480 same thing they would cover on the standard of care path. 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:11.000 This is FDA approved chemo, it's just done in a 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:13.560 different way when you go the integrative path, and they're like, 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:17.080 we will not touch you even though it's the same 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:20.120 chemo they weren't covered. I mean, I have submitted just 0:14:20.200 --> 0:14:23.320 in the last year about seventy eight thousand dollars worth 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:29.360 of reimbursibles. I probably got back about six. So what 0:14:29.440 --> 0:14:32.120 I didn't know at the beginning was you need to 0:14:32.120 --> 0:14:36.400 be rich, You need to really have access to some 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:42.000 money to go against what your insurance is telling you 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:44.800 to do. And somebody said to me, doctors don't even 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:47.480 determine standard of care the insurance company does, and I 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:49.160 believed them. I don't know if it's true, but I 0:14:49.200 --> 0:14:52.360 believed it because that's what it feels like I've experienced. Wait, 0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:55.280 this actual doctor is saying, here's what we're gonna do, 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:57.520 and this is what we recommend in the insurance to say, Well, 0:14:57.520 --> 0:14:59.960 we don't agree, and that is not what we tell people. 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:02.360 Her position to do. So whether it's gonna help her 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:04.440 or not, whatever, she's gonna have to figure that out. 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:07.720 And I don't know. I mean, there's so much I 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:09.760 could say on that, but I just hope that it 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:12.240 starts to change. I mean, there's so many stories I 0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:15.840 could tell you, so many angles about different cancer treatments 0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:18.480 I've done, but I don't wanna run out of my 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:20.880 time here with you today before I go over something 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:24.360 really important that I consider really important anyway, and that 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:28.040 is to remind you again that prevention is the cure. 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:30.000 There are things you can do if you're in a 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:35.040 healthy body right now that will hopefully prevent you from 0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:38.720 getting here in the first place. My goal is to 0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:44.240 keep my story from becoming your story. So here's my 0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:47.120 list of what I wish I knew ten years ago 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:51.000 about breast cancer. The first thing I would do differently 0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:55.520 had I known, was better sleep. Sleep matters. There are 0:15:55.720 --> 0:16:01.160 so many studies linking awful sleep to breast cancer. Awful 0:16:01.200 --> 0:16:04.240 sleep like the kind that mothers get, which was the 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:07.080 case for me when my son was young. He's thirteen now, 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:09.920 but when he was little, I would sleep maybe three 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:12.480 to five hours a night if I was lucky. Because 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:14.760 I stayed up in the middle of the night doing 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:17.120 all the things I needed to do for myself. I 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:21.440 considered it my knee time. I had no idea that 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:25.200 not getting enough sleep during the right hours. I'll add 0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:29.840 that cuts down on your melatonin production severely, and melatonin 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:32.640 is one of the hormones the body uses to prevent 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:35.760 and fight cancer. So I want you to do your 0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:38.320 own research. Don't listen to me. Am I a scientist, No, 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:40.320 Am I a doctor. No, I'm just a woman who's 0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:43.080 been wrestling this for six years and struggling to stay 0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:47.000 alive and doing every single thing I can do back 0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:50.440 by science, looking at the studies to be here when 0:16:50.440 --> 0:16:53.040 my son graduates from high school. That's my immediate goal 0:16:53.120 --> 0:16:58.760 right now, and that's four more years, right and then 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:01.440 I'll set a new goalie, because I plan on making that, 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:04.640 and then I'll make a new goal and hopefully I'm 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:07.159 better by then than I am now, and I have another, 0:17:07.480 --> 0:17:10.120 you know, five or ten year goal in mind. Anyway, 0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:14.000 God willing right, So look up the studies yourself. That's 0:17:14.040 --> 0:17:18.000 what I recommend. There's nothing like seeing the proof for yourself. 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:21.800 Because listen, doctors are trained in a certain way. They're amazing, 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:25.000 wonderful people who dedicated their lives to helping us, and 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:29.159 they only know what they know. You know, they only 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:32.280 know what they know, and they're not allowed to talk 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:34.560 to you about these things that are outside of their 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:37.359 scope of work and what they can offer. So you 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:39.600 get them in trouble when you start to press them 0:17:39.680 --> 0:17:42.800 for telling you these other treatments or go that's not 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:44.880 what they do. You have to And this I've learned 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:47.680 about even how I treat my friends and people I love. 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:52.160 Stop demanding of people's things they can't do. Accept people 0:17:52.680 --> 0:17:55.520 for where they are. That's been big for me on 0:17:55.560 --> 0:17:58.159 this journey. Some people cannot show up for me the 0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:01.000 way I need them to, and some of those people 0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:06.040 may be really close to me. I can either waste 0:18:06.040 --> 0:18:08.960 my time trying to demand and expect and wait and 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:12.560 hope and dream and pray that they're gonna change, or 0:18:12.640 --> 0:18:15.200 I can control the only thing I can control, which 0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:18.480 is me, and decide to let them be who they 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:22.320 are and find what I might need from them elsewhere, 0:18:23.400 --> 0:18:26.280 because that makes the most sense to me. So you 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:28.560 get to determine what makes the most sense to you. 0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:32.040 I'm just sharing what I've learned along the journey. And 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:34.040 the next thing that I wished I knew ten years 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:40.120 ago was how much of an impact stressful relationships can 0:18:40.160 --> 0:18:45.520 be on fueling cancer and causing cancer. I'm talking about 0:18:45.640 --> 0:18:48.680 all kinds of relationships, but ladies, you know, for us, 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:52.520 it's really our significant other and being in a state 0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:58.479 of constant fear, panic, doubt, questioning the relationship, arguing too 0:18:58.560 --> 0:19:02.119 much or worse all keeps us in a state of 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:06.360 chronic stress. Look up how much damage chronic stress does 0:19:06.400 --> 0:19:09.199 to your body, Lane, so you can start avoiding it, 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:11.400 because it's one of the most simple things you can 0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:14.120 cut out of your life. And when I say cut out, 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:17.760 I do mean like taking a scalpel. And you know, 0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:23.600 because when it comes down to it, you and being 0:19:23.640 --> 0:19:29.160 alive is more important than any relationship, and that's kind 0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:31.080 of what I had to come to in my life 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:33.679 at the time too. I left my son's dad in 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:38.240 September of twenty nineteen. I was diagnosed in January. That 0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:43.679 whole time things were being clarified, and I don't like 0:19:43.760 --> 0:19:46.639 to get into details about that because I love and 0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:49.760 respect my son. I love and respect his dad too, 0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:52.760 But listen, what happened happened between adults, and I get 0:19:52.760 --> 0:19:54.720 to share my story, right, I mean, you don't have 0:19:54.760 --> 0:19:57.040 to agree. The other person is never going to agree 0:19:57.040 --> 0:19:58.800 with what happened to you because it didn't happen to them, 0:19:59.040 --> 0:20:04.320 happen to you. But I preserve and protect my son's 0:20:04.359 --> 0:20:09.040 father because of my son, and so I'm never gonna 0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:12.280 go too far down that rabbit hole, which it definitely is. 0:20:12.640 --> 0:20:16.479 But I have bit my forbitten my tongue on it 0:20:17.359 --> 0:20:19.760 for all this time because I don't want to leave 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:22.199 a legacy that my son has to deal with that 0:20:22.359 --> 0:20:27.320 isn't fair to him. And you know, ultimately it's only 0:20:27.320 --> 0:20:30.919 my side of the story. Maybe I was a nightmare too. Listen, 0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:36.960 I'm gonna owe my stuff. But the chronic stress begins 0:20:37.000 --> 0:20:39.480 to feel normal when you've lived with it so long 0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:44.360 and it is incredibly dangerous for your body. So that's 0:20:44.440 --> 0:20:46.080 the next thing I would say. I wish I knew. 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:51.120 So let's see number three. They're not ranked in order. 0:20:51.200 --> 0:20:52.800 These are all just the things I picked up along 0:20:52.840 --> 0:20:54.119 the way. But the next thing I would say is 0:20:54.720 --> 0:20:57.520 the biggest one. Everybody says right now, what you feed 0:20:57.600 --> 0:21:01.200 your body matters. And I'm gonna tell tell you what 0:21:01.320 --> 0:21:04.240 kind of sugar fiend I was. I was eating maybe 0:21:04.320 --> 0:21:07.160 four donuts a day. Now, when you're in a chronically 0:21:07.240 --> 0:21:13.960 stressful situation. For me, food and alcohol became the go 0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:16.320 to to deal with a lot of what I was 0:21:16.320 --> 0:21:18.080 dealing with. And I'm not saying it was all about 0:21:18.080 --> 0:21:21.120 my intimate relationship. There were other stressers in my life too. 0:21:21.320 --> 0:21:23.679 There were other things that were causing me to be 0:21:23.840 --> 0:21:27.720 stressed out right. So whichever of the things I was 0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:30.840 dealing with that was causing me to stay chronic stress, 0:21:30.880 --> 0:21:34.280 what I went to to help myself was horrible sugar 0:21:34.560 --> 0:21:38.560 and alcohol. Basically, I was doing mammy juice wine, you know, 0:21:38.720 --> 0:21:41.080 red wine. It wasn't drinking hard liquor, even though I 0:21:41.119 --> 0:21:44.600 had at other periods in my life. I was doing wine. 0:21:44.600 --> 0:21:47.040 Though after I stopped breastfeeding, which I breastfed for about 0:21:47.040 --> 0:21:51.879 three years, I got my mama juice back because I, 0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:54.080 of course would never take a risk while while my 0:21:54.160 --> 0:21:56.480 son would have you know, had some kind of damage 0:21:56.520 --> 0:21:59.280 or curb potentially. But as soon as I got the 0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:03.760 green light, I was like, cooh, let's go. And that was, 0:22:04.200 --> 0:22:08.720 looking back, a horrible decision. I had no idea how 0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:11.720 much damage alcohol does to the body. We'll get to 0:22:11.760 --> 0:22:13.879 that in a sect because that's the next one I 0:22:13.880 --> 0:22:15.719 want to talk about more in depth. Right now, let 0:22:15.760 --> 0:22:18.879 me stick to the sugar, because the doughnuts were my 0:22:18.960 --> 0:22:23.439 best friend, and that one has become pretty clear to 0:22:23.520 --> 0:22:26.120 a lot of people. I think now we understand better 0:22:26.160 --> 0:22:29.440 than we did. You know seven I guess years ago 0:22:29.560 --> 0:22:31.800 and when I was in these bad habits fully and 0:22:31.840 --> 0:22:33.960 I say ten years because if I had started fixing 0:22:34.000 --> 0:22:37.760 things ten years ago, I would have avoided it completely, 0:22:37.760 --> 0:22:39.159 because I think I would have caught it before the 0:22:39.200 --> 0:22:42.240 tumor even started growing. That is debatable because I have 0:22:42.359 --> 0:22:45.480 no proof. I have no way of proving that right, 0:22:45.560 --> 0:22:48.840 but that's what I believe. There are a lot of 0:22:48.840 --> 0:22:53.840 studies getting traction right now about our diets and what 0:22:53.920 --> 0:22:57.240 we put in our mouth and fuel our bodies with 0:22:57.880 --> 0:23:01.480 being vital to the outcomes. Now we're not even just 0:23:01.560 --> 0:23:04.680 talking cancer. I mean, yeah, worst case scenario, but diabetes 0:23:04.800 --> 0:23:09.879 and a lot of these immunocompromised diseases are being attributed 0:23:09.920 --> 0:23:15.760 to bad food, and sugar intake absolutely falls into the 0:23:15.840 --> 0:23:19.200 category of bad. Now we're talking refined sugar, right, Fruit 0:23:19.240 --> 0:23:22.560 sugars are not as much on the chopping block for me, 0:23:22.680 --> 0:23:24.720 they are now because I've seen what a difference a 0:23:24.800 --> 0:23:28.760 kto diet makes to how my body feels while wrestling cancer. 0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:31.639 I say wrestling because I just don't like the word fighting. 0:23:31.680 --> 0:23:34.159 I guess it feels more like a wrestle because sometimes 0:23:34.160 --> 0:23:36.639 it's above, sometimes I'm above. We go back and forth. 0:23:36.960 --> 0:23:39.520 We dance, but that's too much of a compliment. I'm 0:23:39.520 --> 0:23:42.399 not dancing with this shit. I'm wrestling and I'd like 0:23:42.440 --> 0:23:46.639 to win. But basically, refined sugar causes what I just 0:23:46.680 --> 0:23:50.600 mentioned before with the stress inflammation, and if you're constantly 0:23:50.640 --> 0:23:54.400 eating it, your body is going to be in chronic inflammation. 0:23:55.520 --> 0:23:59.560 Refined sugar creates that the seed oils create that all 0:23:59.600 --> 0:24:03.320 of it causes inflammation, and for the sugar. The insulin 0:24:03.400 --> 0:24:06.000 spikes all day set you up for not just cancer, 0:24:06.000 --> 0:24:08.320 but the other stuff I mentioned before, diabetes and some 0:24:08.400 --> 0:24:14.720 of these immuno suppressive and what like MS. I have 0:24:14.800 --> 0:24:17.120 a friend who's dealing with MS and has been told 0:24:17.160 --> 0:24:19.720