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Speaker 1: Hey, welcome to Weird House Cinema. Rewind. This is Rob Lamb.

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Speaker 2: And this is Joe McCormick, and we're out this week,

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Speaker 2: so we're bringing you an episode from the Weird House

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Speaker 2: Cinema vault. This rewind is our feature on Santa Claus

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Speaker 2: Conquers the Martians seasonally appropriate. This originally aired December sixteenth,

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Speaker 2: twenty twenty two. It's a classic. What can I say?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean this and Santa Claus from nineteen fifty

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Speaker 1: nine that we just featured on Weird House Cinema are

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Speaker 1: clearly like the two main psychotronic holiday films that set

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Speaker 1: the bar for all other weird Christmas movies.

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Speaker 2: Let's get right to that DROPO.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Stuff to Blow your Mind, a production of iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 1: Hey, welcome to Weird House Cinema. This is Rob Lamb.

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Speaker 2: And this is Joe McCormick.

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Speaker 1: When it comes to holiday movies that can be classified

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Speaker 1: as weird or bad or psychotronic, or whatever descriptor you choose,

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Speaker 1: the nineteen sixty four films Santa Claus Conquers the Martians,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to probably refer back to it incorrectly as

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Speaker 1: Santa Claus versus the Martians, but it is Santa Claus

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Speaker 1: conquers the Martians. This is a film that just really

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Speaker 1: stands out. Even if you strip away the holiday aspects

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Speaker 1: of the movie, it's still one of the weirder and

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Speaker 1: we when entertainingly weird films you could dig up from

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Speaker 1: the twentieth century.

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Speaker 2: I think that they should have kept the ending a

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Speaker 2: little bit more of a cliffhanger, like they tell you

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Speaker 2: the end in the title.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know kids are watching. You don't want

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Speaker 1: them to be in distress over what's going to occur, but.

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Speaker 2: Well, oh yeah. Otherwise the kids would be worried that

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Speaker 2: Voldar actually does murder Santa Claus in the airlock of

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Speaker 2: the spaceship.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Oh. Also, I think Conquers is a little misleading. It

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Speaker 1: brings to mind a certain image of Santa bringing the

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Speaker 1: people of Mars under his heel and proclaiming Mars to

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Speaker 1: be the domain of Santa. It doesn't really work like that.

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Speaker 1: I guess it's more of a like a spiritual conquering.

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Speaker 2: He conquers a certain Martian mindset. He conquers the mindset

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Speaker 2: of the Martian who wants all of life to be

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Speaker 2: serious and violent and adult.

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Speaker 1: Yes, this is a really fun film. I'm looking forward

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Speaker 1: to discussing it here. And really, I guess the other

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Speaker 1: exciting thing about it is like it's a film that's

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Speaker 1: so weird and so amusing that I believe it's come

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Speaker 1: up numerous times on Weird House and stuff to blow

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Speaker 1: your mind before, like anytime we've been talking about Santa Claus,

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Speaker 1: but also sometimes just when we're talking about science fiction films.

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Speaker 1: There's a particular set in this movie that I believe

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Speaker 1: I referenced when we were talking about Mario Baba's Planet

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Speaker 1: of the Vampires.

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Speaker 2: Oh, that makes sense, the craggy planet surface set, which

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Speaker 2: I think they also be exactly the same as the

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Speaker 2: North Pole set, except with the North Pole they covered

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Speaker 2: it in snow.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they just got a flocking gun or whatever.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but either way, it's a strange landscape of kind

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Speaker 2: of twisted topography where a little like spires and things

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Speaker 2: poke up out of the ground right.

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Speaker 1: Right, And we end up two with the classic spaceship

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Speaker 1: landing legs set where you're not going to show the

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Speaker 1: whole spaceship, but you can show the landing legs and

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Speaker 1: have people climbing down from it. They didn't planet the

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Speaker 1: vampires to great effect, and they do it here in

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Speaker 1: an amusing way.

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Speaker 2: I see the shared DNA.

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Speaker 1: Yes, So yeah, this is a tremendously fun film. The

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Speaker 1: premise is wild, and yet, as Michael Weldon points out

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Speaker 1: in his review for the Psychotronic Encyclopedia film quote, the

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Speaker 1: spirit of Christmas shines through. Because while choices of every

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Speaker 1: sort can be called into question regarding this film, and

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Speaker 1: certainly we'll discuss any of them, its commitment to a

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Speaker 1: childlike wonderment for the holidays is just above reproach.

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Speaker 2: Sure.

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Speaker 1: Yes, for my own part, I've been watching this film

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Speaker 1: for years, at least as far back as whenever I

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Speaker 1: first saw the nineteen ninety one episode of Mystery Science

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Speaker 1: Theater three thousand. They of course famously riffed this movie.

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Speaker 1: I think it was later riffed on Cinematic Titanic and

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Speaker 1: then also on Rift tracks. So I've re visited this

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Speaker 1: film via these episodes with friends and family, I guess,

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Speaker 1: for decades at this point. But this isn't the only

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Speaker 1: way to enjoy the film. Before Joel, when the bots

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Speaker 1: came around, plenty of people were enjoying the heck out

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Speaker 1: of Santa Claus Concress the Martians. In fact, I once

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Speaker 1: went into a furniture store in Rocky Mountain, North Carolina,

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Speaker 1: and what were they playing on like multiple televisions during

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Speaker 1: the holidays. It was Santa Claus Concress the Martians. I

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Speaker 1: asked the owner. It's like, Oh, did you learn about

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Speaker 1: the CNMs teams? Like, oh, no, this is just the

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Speaker 1: movie we watch every year. What's MST So I always

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Speaker 1: enjoyed that.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that's interesting. It seems like whenever I go into

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Speaker 2: a place of business that has a TV on, it's

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Speaker 2: just news, or it's like local news, that's always just

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Speaker 2: a segment showing like a body outline drawn on the ground,

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Speaker 2: or like or it's Fox News or something like that.

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Speaker 1: Well, in this case, it was Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

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Speaker 1: And I don't go into a lot of furniture shops,

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Speaker 1: So this is the memory I choose to keep of

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Speaker 1: what it's like inside one. So this year I watched

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Speaker 1: it with my wife and my son. We had a

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Speaker 1: great time. My son insisted that we do the unriffed

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Speaker 1: version of it, which I was happy to oblig John,

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Speaker 1: and it was a lot of fun. My son enjoyed

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Speaker 1: the goofness of it all, but also enjoyed questioning the

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Speaker 1: logic of its many plot choices. But he's also a

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Speaker 1: real Christmas kid at this point, just really gung ho

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Speaker 1: for Christmas, and so he really dug all the holiday

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Speaker 1: vibes as well.

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Speaker 2: I could not help but compare this movie to the

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Speaker 2: other main Christmas movie that was covered on Mystery Science Theater,

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Speaker 2: which is the nineteen fifty nine Renee Cardone Junior Mexican

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Speaker 2: film Santa Claus, also known I think as Santa Claus

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Speaker 2: versus the Devil. Yes, and several differences stand out. They're

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Speaker 2: both fantastically entertaining in their own ways, but one of

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Speaker 2: the things that really stood out as a difference is

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Speaker 2: that the Mexican film emphasizes that the spirit of Christmas

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Speaker 2: is love and appreciation for family and selflessness and charity.

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Speaker 2: Like the strong moral themes in the fifty nine Mexican

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Speaker 2: Santa Claus, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is very much

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Speaker 2: more that the spirit of Christmas is fun and it

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Speaker 2: is about laughter and toys, and that the real threat.

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Speaker 2: So the villain in the fifty nine Santa Claus is

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Speaker 2: the devil, because, of course, the devil opposes charity and

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Speaker 2: goodwill and love and all those moral values, whereas in

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Speaker 2: this movie the villain is someone who opposes nuisances, who

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Speaker 2: opposes noise and laughter and silliness.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, the devil wouldn't really have a place in

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Speaker 1: this movie because the devil would just be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm fine, nobody ever accuses me of not being fun. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so yeah, it is interesting to compare those two. Of course,

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Speaker 1: both Santa VI Martians and Santa V Devil are important

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Speaker 1: legal precedents for our celebration of the holidays, and one

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Speaker 1: is Yeah, one is more theological than the other, but

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Speaker 1: both raise a lot of questions. You know, what does

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Speaker 1: it mean when you have your Santa Mythos and now

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Speaker 1: the devil is involved? What does it mean when now

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Speaker 1: interplanetary conflict is involved.

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Speaker 2: They both also have a surprising number of science fiction gadgets.

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Speaker 2: Santa Claus conquers the Martians has everything from the freeze

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Speaker 2: gun to the tickle wand and all other manner of

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Speaker 2: things in between we'll talk about when we get into

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Speaker 2: the plot. Whereas the fifty nine Santa Claus has the

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Speaker 2: flower or to disappear and it has those like lips

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Speaker 2: on a tentacle or whatever that poke out of Santa

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Speaker 2: Claus's hideout in space.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I love when a Christmas movie is not afraid

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Speaker 1: to get invented and come up with new twists and turns.

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Speaker 1: Even if it's terrible, it's a lot of fun. Like

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking of that Dudley Moore John Lithgow movie Santa Claus.

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Speaker 1: Did you ever see this one?

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Speaker 5: No?

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Speaker 1: Oh, I haven't seen it since I was a kid,

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Speaker 1: But even as a kid, I could tell this movie

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Speaker 1: was bad but also a lot of fun. It had

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Speaker 1: to do with something about candy canes that if you

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Speaker 1: ate them, it would make you fly. And that's about

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Speaker 1: the only thing I remember. And John Lyth Coow is

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Speaker 1: an evil corporate enemy of Santa Claus.

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Speaker 2: Nice, I don't.

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Speaker 1: Remember how dudly. I Thinkdudley Moore is an elf. I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure.

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Speaker 2: Before you said evil corporate, I was trying to imagine

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Speaker 2: what it could be, and I thought of John Lithgow

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Speaker 2: in his Buckaroo Bond's Eye role versus Santa Claus. Now

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Speaker 2: that would be good, Santa Claus versus the I don't know,

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Speaker 2: you know, the John Smallberry's whatever you called them in

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Speaker 2: that movie.

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Speaker 1: By the way, speaking of Santa Claus, the the Devil. Uh.

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Speaker 1: If you are Atlanta based, I believe what is it?

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Speaker 1: Next week Video Drome and the Plaza Theater are going

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Speaker 1: to have that on the big screen. Thumbs up. All right,

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Speaker 1: So what's the elevator pitch for this movie? Well? I

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Speaker 1: think it basically comes down to Santa Claus becoming a

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Speaker 1: central figure in an interplanetary conflict.

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Speaker 2: Maybe we should hear some trailer audio.

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Speaker 6: Santa Claus conquers the Martians, shut up a fantastic automatic

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Speaker 6: point factory on Mars. Well Marsh and a the Wicked

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Speaker 6: bode are in a desperate effort to save set up

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Speaker 6: a wise Man of Mars nine hundred years old. The

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Speaker 6: battles are the toys. When Martian kids and Earth kids

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Speaker 6: join set up to battle the bad guys of Mars

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Speaker 6: for real space age fun, you will be out of

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Speaker 6: this world when Santa Claus conquers the Martians.

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Speaker 1: All right, sounds pretty fun, right? It sounds like all

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Speaker 1: you kids should just pile into the theater for this one.

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Speaker 1: Get out of the cold. It's time for some cheer.

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Speaker 2: I did not listen to the trailer. Does it sing

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Speaker 2: the song?

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Speaker 1: No, it does not. It has some other jaunty, kind

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Speaker 1: of dancy track going on in the background. But I

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Speaker 1: don't believe this is the theme song. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: guess we could play a little bit of the theme song,

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Speaker 1: or we could just sing it. I was actually you can,

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Speaker 1: you can stream it like on Spotify and stuff. So

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Speaker 1: I was playing it this morning in the car, you know,

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Speaker 1: and it's like, hooray for Santi clause s A N

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Speaker 1: T A C l A U s Horay for santi clause.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you'll hear that a number of times. What do

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Speaker 2: they say? He's he's round and fat, but jumping jimminy.

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Speaker 2: He can fit down any chimney, which becomes a plot

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Speaker 2: point in the film. It's how Santa escapes certain death

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Speaker 2: in space.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, if there's a ventilation system, he's a master of it.

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Speaker 1: He finds some fun ways to use the existing mythology

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Speaker 1: of Santa here.

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Speaker 2: I would say this song sounds like a mix between

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Speaker 2: It's like half something that would be on Sergeant Pepper

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Speaker 2: and then half. If you've ever heard that most unwonted

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Speaker 2: song created by that like Russian art duo. That's, you know,

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Speaker 2: combining children's choirs singing about holidays in Walmart with opera

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Speaker 2: rapping and cowboy music.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I mean I have heard that, and the comparison is

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Speaker 1: not altogether unfair.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I like this track. I've had it stuck in my

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Speaker 1: head the last couple of days since I rewatched the movie.

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Speaker 1: It has that trumpet part that like really wild, chassy

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Speaker 1: trumpet part.

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Speaker 2: Now, maybe that's why I was thinking of that song too,

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Speaker 2: because the trumpet part, I guess, kind of reminded me

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Speaker 2: of like the tuba riff in The Most Unwanted Song.

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Speaker 1: It'll push the boundaries of your tolerance for crazy trumpet solos.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, all right.

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Speaker 1: So if you haven't seen Santa Claus Conchers the Martians, obviously,

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Speaker 1: I highly I encourage you to do.

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Speaker 2: So.

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Speaker 1: It's pretty widely available. When I went to stream it

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Speaker 1: on Prime, there were multiple options, one of which was

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Speaker 1: included in Prime. So I think I don't know what

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Speaker 1: the rights issue is with this film, but there seem

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Speaker 1: to be so many ways to view it. There is

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Speaker 1: even a at least one DVD release of it. It's

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Speaker 1: labeled as remastered, so that might be worth looking into.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know if I could handle this in

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Speaker 2: High Death. A lot of the designs in this movie

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Speaker 2: are kind of on the cheap side, but also pretty

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Speaker 2: enjoyable to look at. But one thing that was not

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Speaker 2: enjoyable to look at was any close up on the

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Speaker 2: Martians faces with their green makeup, which just looked like

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Speaker 2: filth or sometimes. I was watching it with Rachel and

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Speaker 2: she compared it to She said, they look like Charlie

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Speaker 2: Sheen and Platoon when he's got like the green Camo

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Speaker 2: makeup on his face.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and you can you can tell that, as is

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Speaker 1: often the case with any film that inquires car's makeup

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Speaker 1: like this, it kind of varies depending on the shot

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Speaker 1: how well it's applied. And my son was picking up

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Speaker 1: on this. He's like, why is his neck not green

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Speaker 1: in this one? Or or later on just kind of

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Speaker 1: commenting on the quality of it, like, Okay, looks pretty

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Speaker 1: good in this scene, looks pretty good here.

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Speaker 2: But always looks kind of greasy. Like I was just

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Speaker 2: thinking about these actors. I was like, man, after they're

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Speaker 2: done filming for the day, I bet they're really looking

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Speaker 2: forward to a shower.

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Speaker 1: Yes, speaking of the actors. Yeah, as we get into

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Speaker 1: the people of note here basically the case with this film.

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Speaker 1: And you know we're not a hardcore film history podcast here,

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Speaker 1: but the basic scenario seems to be you had some

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Speaker 1: TV filmmakers and producers. They decided to make the greatest

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Speaker 1: Santa movie of all time and they turned I believe

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Speaker 1: this was made in New Jersey, and they turned a

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Speaker 1: Broadway for their talent. So a great many, if not all,

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Speaker 1: of the main actors in this film are sourced from

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Speaker 1: the Broadway scene of the day. So in looking everybody up,

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Speaker 1: actually had to go to the Internet Broadway database a

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Speaker 1: little bit to do a little research on on who

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Speaker 1: these individuals were. All Right, well, let's start at the top.

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Speaker 1: The director was Nicholas Webster, who lived nineteen twelve through

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Speaker 1: two thousand and six, mostly a TV director, and after

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Speaker 1: this he went on to work on episodes of such

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Speaker 1: shows as Bonanza, Get Smart, The Immortal Mannix, and In

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Speaker 1: Search Off, particularly the episodes on Bigfoot, The Power of

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Speaker 1: London Murders, and Eva Braun huh okay. He also wrote

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Speaker 1: four episodes of In Search Of For those of you

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Speaker 1: who are not familiar, this was Leonard Demoy hosted basically

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Speaker 1: a conspiracy theory show of the day that I think

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Speaker 1: was perhaps well intended, but also helped to further promote

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Speaker 1: some ideas such as ancient aliens and so forth. And

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Speaker 1: when I was a kid, they would show reruns of

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Speaker 1: this on A and E and that's how I'm familiar

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Speaker 1: with it. But he wrote some of the episodes, and

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Speaker 1: he also wrote and directed the Bigfoot documentary The Man

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Speaker 1: Beast exclamation Point, Myth or Monster question Mark from nineteen

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Speaker 1: seventy eight.

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Speaker 2: Was it a documentary or like a fictional documentary?

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Speaker 1: Well, the title would lead me to believe there's at

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Speaker 1: least a hefty dash of fiction in there.

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Speaker 2: Oh well, no, no, no, I meant like a mockumentary. I

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Speaker 2: guess I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Given his connection to In Search of I suspect it's

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Speaker 1: leaning more into the longing for Bigfoot.

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Speaker 2: Well, who can blame him? And I hope Nicholas Webster

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Speaker 2: here cast the same actor to wear a Bigfoot suit

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Speaker 2: that he casts to wear a robot suit in this movie,

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Speaker 2: I hope.

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Speaker 5: So.

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Speaker 1: Now, for as far as the writing on this movie goes,

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Speaker 1: there's a screenplay credit for Glenville Merrith and it's based

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Speaker 1: on a story by the producer Paul L. Jacobson, who

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Speaker 1: died in twenty fifteen. These are the only credits I

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Speaker 1: could come across for either of these individuals as far

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Speaker 1: as writing goes. So yeah, they're the scrip vibes we

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Speaker 1: have to thank for this wild idea.

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Speaker 2: I'd say, just in terms of acting talent, I think

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Speaker 2: probably the people with the most star power in this cast,

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Speaker 2: I would say are the guy playing Santa Claus and

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Speaker 2: the guy playing Voldar the villain.

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Speaker 1: M Yes, So, Santa Claus is played by John Call.

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Speaker 1: John Call lived nineteen oh eight through nineteen seventy three,

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Speaker 1: and he was active in films from nineteen fifty one

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Speaker 1: through nineteen seventy one. That's when his last film was released,

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Speaker 1: The and Anderson Tapes. This was directed by Sidney Lumet

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Speaker 1: and it starred Sean Connery and Christopher Walken. But this

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Speaker 1: is just a bit part for Big John Call. This

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Speaker 1: was he played O'Leary, the doorman. Like many of the

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Speaker 1: cast members here, he had a Broadway career and, among

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Speaker 1: other roles, played doctor Grimwig in a nineteen sixty three

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Speaker 1: through sixty four production of Oliver the musical and yeah,

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Speaker 1: in this he is one of the highlights of the film.

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Speaker 1: He's this he's kind of hard to describe because he's

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Speaker 1: deafly Santa, but he's like slightly over jolly. He tells

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Speaker 1: bad jokes all the time. He almost comes off a

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Speaker 1: little intoxicated.

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Speaker 2: He's slightly mischievous. This is Santo with a with a

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Speaker 2: twinkle in his eye of a different kind than you

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Speaker 2: might imagine. Like he makes some jokes at other people's expenses,

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Speaker 2: even though he's the nice guy of the movie. And

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Speaker 2: he also there's a thing he does in several scenes

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Speaker 2: where he just laughs at someone like a maniac until

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Speaker 2: they are forced to start laughing with him.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he invented laughter yoga basically. But yeah, he is

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Speaker 1: overflowing with holiday cheer here. It's just it's just infectious

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Speaker 1: and perhaps a little dangerous. All right, let's get into

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Speaker 1: some of the other kid. We're gonna talk about a

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Speaker 1: couple of Martians here, and Joe, you made some discoveries

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Speaker 1: about the naming of the Martians.

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Speaker 2: Oh well, so several of the like the main Martian family,

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Speaker 2: their names all end in the word mar and the

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Speaker 2: first half of their names corus Onto what role they

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Speaker 2: have in the family. So you have the leader of

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Speaker 2: the Martians, Key Mar, which I saw suggested on the

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Speaker 2: Internet that is short for King of Mars, which makes

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Speaker 2: sense Ki and Aar. And then his wife, who is

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Speaker 2: the mother of their children, is called Momar, so I

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Speaker 2: guess she's like mother Mars. And then the children are

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Speaker 2: Bo Maar and Germr like boy Mars and Girl Mars.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't exactly sound great. It's I think they could

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Speaker 2: have come up with better, but that's what we're left with.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I like that. This is I've got some new

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Speaker 1: insight now, all right. So yeah, starting with the father,

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Speaker 1: this is the father knows best of the Martian clan here,

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Speaker 1: Key Maar, played by Leonard Hicks, who have nineteen eighteen

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Speaker 1: through nineteen seventy one. And I think I've looked into

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Speaker 1: his biography before, because, like I say, I've been watching

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Speaker 1: this movie for so long now. This is the most

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Speaker 1: prominent of only three screen credits that he has, and

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Speaker 1: he only has three credits on the Internet Broadway data base,

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Speaker 1: which of course doesn't mean he wasn't active elsewhere on

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Speaker 1: the stage. According to his oh bit in The New

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Speaker 1: York Times, he appeared in productions at the Sharon Playhouse,

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Speaker 1: the Living Theater, and the New York Shakespeare Festival. He

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Speaker 1: had a real presence in this film. I feel like, hey,

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Speaker 1: this is kind of stern yet loving martian dad knows best.

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Speaker 1: Seems like this is a guy that would have been

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Speaker 1: a natural cowboy actor of the time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he is very stern, very serious, but not cruel

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Speaker 2: like the next guy we're going to talk about. He's

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Speaker 2: kind of a green eagle of a man.

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Speaker 1: Yes, Voldar. Do you think that v is like villain?

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Speaker 1: Is that where we're getting this?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, villain? Yeah, yeah, Voldar is the bad guy

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Speaker 2: of the movie.

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Speaker 1: Voldar this very tough looking Martian with this amazing mustache.

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Speaker 1: Played by Vincent Beck, who lived nineteen twenty four through

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Speaker 1: nineteen eighty four. Another Broadway actor who worked in a

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Speaker 1: lot of film and television as a character actor, often

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Speaker 1: playing heavy Unsurprisingly, he had notable roles in seventy nine's

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Speaker 1: and Justice for All as a cop and nineteen sixty

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Speaker 1: seven's The Spy and the Green Hat. And he did

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Speaker 1: a lot of TV work, popping up in bit parts

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Speaker 1: on shows like Gilligan's Island, The man from Uncle Banan's

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Speaker 1: Mister Ed, the Time Tunnel and the Monkeys. His final

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Speaker 1: film was a nineteen eighty two William Lustig movie titled Vigilante,

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Speaker 1: which seems to be in the death wish vein of

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Speaker 1: cinema of that time period. But he plays a judge.

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Speaker 2: In that was This movie also just called alternate title

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Speaker 2: Street Gangs.

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Speaker 1: It may have been. It's like I saw the basic

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Speaker 1: pitch for it, and I'm like, this is not a

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Speaker 1: movie I really want to know any more about. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: a lot of those had double names, so like, you know,

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Speaker 1: let's release it again. It's more scandalous name. Please, let's

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Speaker 1: touch into other areas of fear.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but Vincent Beck is fantastic in this role. He

401
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Speaker 2: is one of my favorite actors in the movie. He's

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Speaker 2: just relentlessly grim. He's got this d voice, muscular physique,

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Speaker 2: this thick black mustache, and all he ever wants is

404
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Speaker 2: seriousness and anger and war.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: He is a terrific enemy of Christmas, Like such a

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Speaker 1: terrific enemy of Christmas. He belongs in like the proper

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Speaker 1: overarching pantheon of the Holidays, And oh man, can you

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Speaker 1: imagine if voldar and Pitch the Devil ever teamed up

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Speaker 1: to take on Santa Claus. I think they might pull

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Speaker 1: it off.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if they would work well together, because

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Speaker 2: I believe Pitch would be too silly for Voldar. Like

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Speaker 2: Pitch is engaging in exactly the mischief and antics and

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Speaker 2: dancing about that, Voldar is expressly the most against the

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Speaker 2: thing he doesn't want happening is children of Mars having

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Speaker 2: fun and getting underfoot with their play.

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Speaker 1: Now, when it comes to play on Mars, there is

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Speaker 1: no greater violator of Voldar's sensibilities regarding Martian silliness than Dropo.

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Speaker 2: He is a silly man.

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Speaker 1: Drop Oh, and we'll talk a lot about Dropo here

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Speaker 1: in a bit. His the silly marsh and he's the

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Speaker 1: laziest man on Mars, played by the late great Bill McCutchen,

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Speaker 1: who lived nineteen twenty four through two thousand and two. This,

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Speaker 1: for me is one of the highlights of the film

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Speaker 1: as well. Like this performance is just so silly it is,

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Speaker 1: you know, you could compare it to I think you

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Speaker 1: could easily compare it to the antics of say a

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Speaker 1: Martin short in more recent cinematic history, like there's that

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Speaker 1: level of goofy energy to it where there's no wasted motion.

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Speaker 1: All the individual's energy is put into the performance.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Dropo is burning ten thousand calories an hour.

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Speaker 2: He like, he never stops.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is a broadly comedic role. And yeah, he's

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Speaker 1: just positively possessed with childlike wonder and childlike glee for Christmas.

437
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,719
Speaker 1: And this is This is Bill McCutchen, who is a

438
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 1: highly accomplished character actor and also a Tony Award winner.

439
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 1: He won a Tony Award for his role as Moonface

440
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: Martin in the nineteen eighty eight revival of Anything Goes.

441
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:06,359
Speaker 2: Don't know anything about that.

442
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 1: I don't know a lot about it either. I think

443
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 1: it's I get the impression he's playing a gangster or

444
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 1: something in it. I saw some photographs from the production.

445
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 1: That's about it. We'll have to hear from our theater

446
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,679
Speaker 1: listeners out there if you have anything you'd like to

447
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,959
Speaker 1: add on these various musicals. I don't know a lot

448
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 1: about musicals unless they have a monster or a murderer

449
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 1: in them, in which case there's a good chance I've

450
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 1: seen them. He was also nominated for an Emmy Award

451
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 1: for playing Uncle Wally on Sesame Street. Do you remember

452
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 1: Uncle Wally?

453
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:42,200
Speaker 2: Not explicitly, but when you showed me pictures, this kind

454
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 2: of looks familiar, So I'm sure I saw him.

455
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,480
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think. He was also nominated for an Emmy

456
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,880
Speaker 1: for playing Young Joe on the TV movie That Forgotten

457
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:53,239
Speaker 1: Kennedy in nineteen seventy eight, and he also had some

458
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 1: fairly big film roles. He played Shirley McLean's husband and

459
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 1: Steele Magnolia's in nineteen eighty nine, and he was also

460
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:03,480
Speaker 1: so in nineteen nineties, Mister Destiny in nineteen eighty nine's

461
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 1: Family Business. He also had a role in the Tales

462
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: from the Dark Side episode A Case of the Stubborns,

463
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 1: which also featured Christian Slater and Brent Spiner. Oh and

464
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,360
Speaker 1: this is crazy. According to his New York Times a bit,

465
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 1: he served in the US Army during World War Two

466
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:19,680
Speaker 1: and received the purple Heart.

467
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 2: Oh that's very DROPO. Seems more like a lover than

468
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:25,520
Speaker 2: a fighter. But I guess this was in his later years.

469
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:30,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, Now moving on to Lady Momar, who

470
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 1: you mentioned is the mom of the household, The stylish

471
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 1: Lady of Mars, played by Leliah Martin born nineteen thirty two.

472
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 1: She is a Broadway actor who is I believe still active.

473
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 1: Back in the nineteen fifties, she had roles in shows

474
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 1: like Guys and Dolls and West Side Story. In the sixties,

475
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,720
Speaker 1: she was in Gypsy. At some point in the Phantom

476
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,879
Speaker 1: of the Operas thirty five years on Broadway. For anyone

477
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 1: out there isn't aware like it's been running on Broadway

478
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 1: in New York for ages and is just now like

479
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 1: closing up shop. And I think they've had to extend

480
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,919
Speaker 1: their dates because of that, because everyone's like, whoa, you

481
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 1: can't take Fantom away from us on Broadway, and so

482
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 1: everybody's going back into see one last time. I have

483
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 1: to say, I'm again not a big musical guy, but

484
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 1: I've always liked Phantom of the Opera. I'm a little

485
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 1: foggy on the details here, but she played the role

486
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: of Madam Geary in that, though I don't know for

487
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,520
Speaker 1: how long, but apparently she was active enough that she

488
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:27,240
Speaker 1: was present for a twenty eighteen red carpet event for

489
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,440
Speaker 1: the thirtieth anniversary of the show. She has a few

490
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 1: TV credits as well, and her film credits include nineteen

491
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,160
Speaker 1: seventy one's Who Killed Mary What's Her Name? With Red

492
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 1: Buttons and Sam Watterson, and her final film credit was

493
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,640
Speaker 1: nineteen seventy six As God Told Me To, the fabulously

494
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:47,880
Speaker 1: weird Larry Cohen film that starred Tony Lobianca, Sandy Dennis,

495
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:51,640
Speaker 1: and Richard Lynch. She played Nurse Jackson in that. Wow,

496
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 1: and that's kind of a Christmas movie. And oh, I

497
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 1: don't recall it. I a Saint Patrick's dake.

498
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:03,199
Speaker 2: Have a kind of glowing like Richard Lynch is a

499
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:07,440
Speaker 2: glowing space Jesus who tells people to do crimes exactly.

500
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, but he does glow. He's very angelic. Oh, we

501
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,119
Speaker 1: have Santa Claus in this, but we also have Missus

502
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 1: Clause played by Doris rich who of nineteen oh one

503
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 1: through nineteen eighty. I've seen this credited as the first

504
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 1: cinematic portrayal of Missus Claus, I think again. Primarily a

505
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:28,679
Speaker 1: Broadway actor or IBDB credit stretch from nineteen twenty eight

506
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 1: through nineteen seventy two. All right, another actor of note again,

507
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 1: another Broadway actor, Carl Donn plays two different roles in

508
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 1: this film. He plays Chochum, the wise Hermit of Mars,

509
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: and he also plays Professor von Green, which is a

510
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: comedic Verner von Braun parody shows up at one point

511
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 1: in the film.

512
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 2: I think they call him Verner von Green. I heard

513
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:56,680
Speaker 2: Werner von Breen.

514
00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 1: M It could have been Yeah Green. Either way, it's

515
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:05,600
Speaker 1: very obvious bit of parody here. This is a guy

516
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 1: who's active on Broadway from the nineteen forties through the

517
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 1: nineteen nineties. His film credits include Stardust, Memories, and Ransom,

518
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,879
Speaker 1: mostly small parts and some TV work. There are a

519
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:20,399
Speaker 1: couple of Stooges that Voldar has working for him, and

520
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:24,240
Speaker 1: they're both terrific, but the more recognizable of the two

521
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 1: is Shim, played by Joseph Elk, who lived nineteen twenty

522
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:33,679
Speaker 1: one through twenty nineteen. A very recognizable character actor, has

523
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: a very recognizable face. His biggest role on screen is

524
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 1: probably that of playing Bonscini in One Flew Over the

525
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 1: Cuckoo's Nest. One Flews over the Cuckoo's Nest, of course

526
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 1: frequently pops up. We're talking about connections in these movies

527
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 1: because that is like a magnet for weird character actors

528
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 1: of the day. This guy also did some TV where Can.

529
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 1: He had roles and other films such as The Producers,

530
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 1: The World's Greatest Lover, and Black Rain, the Ridley Scott

531
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 1: movie that featured his final performance on screen, in which

532
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 1: he played a bartender.

533
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to remember which of Voldar's henchman he

534
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 2: is here. Is he the smaller one or the bigger one?

535
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 2: Is he the one that gets a clown nose put

536
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 2: on his face?

537
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: He's the bigger one that has a monologue about slinkies

538
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 1: and how wonderful they are.

539
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 2: Yes, I was wondering if that was paid product placement,

540
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 2: but he does look directly into the camera and talk

541
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 2: about how I don't know, maybe Christmas isn't so bad

542
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 2: because the slinky is the most wonderful toy ever made.

543
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's the bigger of the two with the slinky

544
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 1: the other stooge. I'm not sure who he was exactly.

545
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 1: Maybe he didn't have as big of a footprint and

546
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 1: film or Broadway. But he is also terrific because I

547
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 1: have never seen someone twitch and chew scenery so much.

548
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 1: In the background, There'll be a scene where two other

549
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 1: characters are talking and he's just oh, he's just twitching

550
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 1: up a storm. Every muscle on his face is moving.

551
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 1: It is a spectacle to behold.

552
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 2: He looks like he bit his tongue off while filming

553
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:07,720
Speaker 2: this role.

554
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 1: Anyway. But Joseph Ellach Yeah, did a lot of other work.

555
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 1: He was even in two episodes of the original Twilight Zone,

556
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 1: The Obsolete Man and One More Paul Beher. Oh, but

557
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 1: there are kids in this movie. It is a kid's movie.

558
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 1: Most of these kids didn't really appear in much else

559
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 1: or anything else. Victor Styles plays Billy Foster, a human child.

560
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: Donna Conforti plays Betty Foster, a human child. Chris Month

561
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 1: plays Bomart, a Martian child. I think Month was in

562
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 1: a couple of other very brief things like Ed Sullivan

563
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 1: Show and so forth. But for the most part, these

564
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 1: kids pop up in this show and you don't really

565
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 1: find him elsewhere. But famously, the Martian child Germar is

566
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 1: played by Pia Zadora born nineteen fifty four. As an adult,

567
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 1: Zadora is known for her performances in such films as

568
00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 1: nineteen eighty three is the Lonely Lady, nineteen eighty four,

569
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 1: Voyage of the Rock Aliens, which looks pretty fascinating, nineteen

570
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: eighty one's Butterfly and John Waters' Hairspray from nineteen eighty eight.

571
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 2: Oh.

572
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 1: She also apparently had a musical career as well.

573
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 2: Voyage of the Rock Aliens has a gnarly poster.

574
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 5: Yeah.

575
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: And finally, on the musical note, Milton Delugue did the

576
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 1: music and lived nineteen eighteen through twenty fifteen. Composer and

577
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: musical consultant who mostly worked in TV and TV specials.

578
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 1: It looks like he had a long running musical consultant

579
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 1: role for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

580
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:48,080
Speaker 2: Oh okay, somehow I can see the main song here,

581
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 2: the Santa Claus Conquers the Martians theme song. With the

582
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 2: spelling of the name and everything being a parade song.

583
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 1: It does have a kind of a marching feel to it.

584
00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And maybe that's our cue to jump into

585
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 2: the plot breakdown, because of course the movie does begin

586
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 2: and end with that song, the horns, the children's choirs

587
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:13,200
Speaker 2: singing the sa ntac la us hooray for Santi Clause.

588
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 2: We get all the lyrics about jumpin' Jiminy he can

589
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 2: climb down any chimney and so forth, and that segues

590
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 2: into a news report. That kind of a strange way

591
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 2: to begin the film. But we see a news anchor

592
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 2: talking about how kid TV, so I guess this is

593
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 2: a kid focused news channel has installed a TV crew

594
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 2: at Santa's workshop and they're going to interview Santa Claus.

595
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,960
Speaker 2: They got the scoop on Santee clause. And then we

596
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 2: pull back to see who's watching the TV. And of

597
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:48,280
Speaker 2: course you're expecting, I don't know, some Earth children, but no,

598
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:52,360
Speaker 2: it is green Martian children. And not only are they green,

599
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 2: they're wearing green turtlenecks, they have green helmets, and they

600
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 2: have green and tenne.

601
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is the same basic costume design we'll see

602
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,640
Speaker 1: with all the adult Martians as well. And it's always

603
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 1: intrigued me because it's it's definitely a singular vision. But

604
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 1: are the people of Mars just wearing high tech suits?

605
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 1: Are are these like space suits? Or are they cybernetic?

606
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 1: Are we to interpret things like their antenna array as

607
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 1: being part of their body or part of their technology?

608
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 2: This is a good question, and it's not really clarified

609
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,600
Speaker 2: by the movie much because, for example, there's the scene

610
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 2: where the children first meet the Martians and they see

611
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 2: the antennae and they say, are you a television set?

612
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 2: And of course the Martians are not impressed by this question,

613
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 2: but it implies that the antennae are part of the

614
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 2: Martian even though they are clearly like made of metal

615
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 2: and jutting out of the martians helmets. So it's almost

616
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 2: that suggests that the helmet is like part of the

617
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:55,000
Speaker 2: Martian anatomy. But then again, it's clearly a helmet, like

618
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:57,240
Speaker 2: it doesn't look like it's fused to their flesh in

619
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 2: any way. Anyway, coming back to the kid TV broadcast,

620
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 2: we go to the to the anchor on the ground

621
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 2: there who's standing outside covered in frost. He's He's like,

622
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 2: we're here at the North Pole. It's very cold here.

623
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,720
Speaker 2: I'm going to go inside Santa's workshop and talk to Santa.

624
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:15,320
Speaker 2: So he goes in. We see elves working on toys.

625
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 2: He approaches Santa Claus and they greet each other. The

626
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 2: Santa Claus looks directly into the camera and talks about

627
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 2: how he's excited for Christmas. And it's hard to describe

628
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,920
Speaker 2: how strange the vibes are in the scene.

629
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it would be weird enough. I guess

630
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,240
Speaker 1: if you just had you're just the just the basic

631
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,359
Speaker 1: idea of a TV journalist coming in and chatting with

632
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 1: Santa on the job. One question I had, like, is

633
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 1: this an exclusive that they've grabbed here?

634
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 4: Yeah?

635
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 1: Or is this like a constant flow of different international

636
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 1: press representatives coming in. I wanted to get there five

637
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 1: minutes with Santa Claus get some footage of the toys

638
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 1: being assembled.

639
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 2: Well, the newscaster has all kinds of ridiculous questions for

640
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 2: Santa's such as, is Santa going to be traveling by

641
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 2: rockheat this year? And Santa says, no, balderdash. He's gonna

642
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 2: do it the old fashioned way with the sleigh and

643
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:12,920
Speaker 2: the reindeer. And he starts manically reciting their names, and

644
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 2: he getting them some of them wrong, like he's on

645
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 2: Donner and Blixen and Vixen and Nixon. But then he

646
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 2: sort of catches himself, but he points right at the camera.

647
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 2: He goes, but the kids know their names, and it

648
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:29,279
Speaker 2: has exactly the energy of a wrestling promo. It's like

649
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,320
Speaker 2: Scott Steiner talking to the camera.

650
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it absolutely does. I'm not sure that this

651
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: style of pro wrestling promo existed yet in the early

652
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 1: to mid sixties, but it really feels like Santa is

653
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:47,360
Speaker 1: cutting a nineteen nineties wrestling promo here, complete with gesturing

654
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 1: to the camera acknowledging the power of the intended audience

655
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 1: or the fans, the kids in this case, and so forth.

656
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:55,280
Speaker 1: It's amazing.

657
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,799
Speaker 2: We almost get a Rick Flair woo in there. Yeah,

658
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 2: and then missus kl wanders on. She sort of flirts

659
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 2: with the reporter and then belatedly realizes she's on TV,

660
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 2: and she's a very missus. Claws is played as very

661
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 2: annoyingly over talkative, and Santa even jokes about this later

662
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 2: when she gets frozen with a Martian freeze gun and

663
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,280
Speaker 2: he's like, I've never heard her this quiet before.

664
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's being abducted by Martians later on and his

665
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 1: wife is frozen, but he takes just a quick moment

666
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 1: to mock her for not being able to talk.

667
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 4: Yeah.

668
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh, the missus is always chattering away. But so

669
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,400
Speaker 2: Santa and the reporter go to check in with the

670
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 2: Elves who are working on toys, and they're making toy

671
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 2: trains and everything. One is making a toy rocket that

672
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,320
Speaker 2: runs on real rocket fuel. That's what they say. I

673
00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 2: think he says real rocket fuel. But then Also, they

674
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 2: pick up another toy from the table, which is a

675
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:54,319
Speaker 2: green little doll, and they're like, why what is this?

676
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we're told that Winki has invented it, that

677
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,920
Speaker 1: it's his idea of a marsh. So we introduce an

678
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 1: idea here that is touched on a couple of times

679
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,440
Speaker 1: in the movie, and I really went wild thinking about

680
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 1: this time. Winki clearly has the gift of prophecy. He

681
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 1: can divine the future through his toy creations. I assume that,

682
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,280
Speaker 1: like maybe his dreams or just the pure act of creation,

683
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:24,200
Speaker 1: he is able to realize the form of the beings

684
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 1: from another world that are about to arrive on Earth

685
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:29,280
Speaker 1: and throw everything into chaos.

686
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 2: Yes, Winki has the gift. Anyway, enough of Earth, we

687
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,240
Speaker 2: should cut down to Mars to meet our Martian characters

688
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 2: and get some flavor of Martian life. So we jump

689
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:43,520
Speaker 2: into the house of what appears to be the royal

690
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 2: family of Mars. Again. This is Key Mar, you know,

691
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 2: the King Martian. He's the very serious and stern daddy.

692
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:54,320
Speaker 2: There is Momar the mom Martian, Germar the girl Martian,

693
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:58,880
Speaker 2: and Bomar the boy Martian. Do Germar and Bomar have

694
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,920
Speaker 2: any individual charactercteristics, not really that I could detect, but

695
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 2: you know who does have a personality, Dropo, who also

696
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,959
Speaker 2: lives in this house because I think he is Key

697
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:15,240
Speaker 2: Maar's like personal manservant or butler or something. He lives

698
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 2: in the house and he's just this silly bozo whose

699
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 2: main activities are falling asleep when he's not supposed to

700
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:26,720
Speaker 2: and dancing around and acting goofy while surrounded by deadly

701
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 2: serious Green Martians.

702
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:32,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, Dropo is just a real treat. And one of

703
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:34,880
Speaker 1: these early scenes who were encountering what's he doing? He's

704
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: sleeping on the job.

705
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 2: Right, He's like sleeping under the coffee table. There's all

706
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 2: this mod furniture everywhere, very much the same spirit as

707
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 2: the Jetsons. For some reason, this movie says, yes, mod

708
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 2: furniture that is what indicates aliens and the future.

709
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 1: It looks pretty good. I mean I certainly the version

710
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 1: I watched that this was not remastered or anything, but

711
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 1: a lot of effort went into these sets anyway.

712
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 2: So Keemar finds Dropo sleeping and how does he wake

713
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 2: him up? Well, he wakes him up with the tickle ray.

714
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:11,720
Speaker 2: It is a baton that tickles instantly at a distance,

715
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 2: and Dropo begs him to stop, but also clearly seems

716
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 2: like he's kind of into it, like he likes the

717
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:18,759
Speaker 2: tickle ray.

718
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 1: The mere fact that this invention exists on Mars seems

719
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:26,400
Speaker 1: to back up Voldar's we used to be a planet

720
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:27,640
Speaker 1: of war criticism.

721
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Like, shouldn't this be a like a stun

722
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:33,160
Speaker 2: gun or something if the Martians are really as evil

723
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 2: and warlike as they claim?

724
00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, now they're just tickle guns. We used to have

725
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: stun guns.

726
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:42,920
Speaker 2: So Keymar says, Dropo, you're the laziest man on Mars.

727
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:46,200
Speaker 2: Why are you always sleeping during working hours? And Dropo

728
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 2: makes a bunch of excuses. He says he forgot how

729
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 2: to sleep, so he was just practicing. Keemar wants to

730
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 2: know where Lady Momar is and Dropo says she went

731
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:58,160
Speaker 2: to the food pill center to get some food pills.

732
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:01,719
Speaker 2: Here we set up what will be a repeated object

733
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 2: of comedy in the movie. The Martians don't eat food,

734
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 2: They eat food pills. So Santo, when observing this, like,

735
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:12,359
Speaker 2: somebody offers him some chocolate ice cream pills and he says, well,

736
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,840
Speaker 2: if you've got a headache, do you eat regular chocolate

737
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 2: ice cream, and this is tremendously funny, I guess. But

738
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 2: there are a bunch of Martian inventions that occur throughout

739
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 2: the movie.

740
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's the sleep spray, which you use on the

741
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 1: children to make them sleep. I guess this is kind

742
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: of appearance dream. Yeah. Oh, and also one of the

743
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:36,280
Speaker 1: things I think we touched this already, Like the children

744
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:39,160
Speaker 1: of Mars, you know, they don't have fun. They just

745
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:42,879
Speaker 1: basically sit around and they become adults really quickly. They

746
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:47,440
Speaker 1: learn via some sort of tele learning device that like

747
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:50,840
Speaker 1: is described as putting the knowledge directly into their brains,

748
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 1: kind of like you know, downloading the information into their brains.

749
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 1: But when we see this in action, it looks a

750
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 1: heck of a lot like they're just listening to podcasts.

751
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:02,920
Speaker 1: It looks like like a scene I might find if

752
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 1: I walk in and my son is laying on his

753
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 1: bed listening to a podcast.

754
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:09,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just audio talking at them, and sometimes they

755
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:10,920
Speaker 2: talk back to it, I guess. But these are the

756
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:14,880
Speaker 2: information machines that they use to educate their children. But

757
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 2: here we learn of what you've just alluded to the

758
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:19,960
Speaker 2: inciting situation of the film, which is that the children

759
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,880
Speaker 2: of Keemar are not eating or sleeping lately. They have

760
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 2: no appetite, they don't want to go to bed. You

761
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 2: have to sleep spray them in order to get them

762
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:30,760
Speaker 2: to lie down. And it's because they sit in front

763
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 2: of that television set watching those ridiculous programs broadcast from

764
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:38,359
Speaker 2: Earth all day. Now, this made me wonder, what do

765
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 2: they watch when they're not watching Santa being interviewed on

766
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:42,520
Speaker 2: sixty minutes?

767
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 1: Just anything, I guess. But I think this is exactly

768
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 1: what children of my generation were like, And I assume

769
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:50,800
Speaker 1: this is what children watching television were like in the

770
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 1: nineteen sixties as well. If it was on, you watched

771
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:56,400
Speaker 1: it until there was just the test pattern after the

772
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 1: DVA station went off the air. You know, very very

773
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 1: much a mad of a teacher, mother's secret lover.

774
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 2: Oh it's Saturday afternoon. Is this River of Death starring

775
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,720
Speaker 2: Michael Dudikov on TNT? I guess that's what I'm watching.

776
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's on, you're watching it.

777
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 2: But the children actors, they do a good job of

778
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 2: wearing absolutely blank, almost catatonic expressions while watching this horrible

779
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 2: Earth TV.

780
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:24,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I've seen children with these exact expressions watching television,

781
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:25,719
Speaker 1: So this is dead on right here.

782
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,720
Speaker 2: So they're watching Santa Claus talking about the toys he's making,

783
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 2: and the kids are talking to each other while Keymar

784
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 2: is watching from behind. Germar says, Bomar, what is a doll?

785
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 2: And Bomar says, I don't know, Germar. So Momar comes

786
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 2: home and she and Keemar discuss the problem. Across the

787
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:49,279
Speaker 2: entire planet, children are behaving strangely. They don't want to eat,

788
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 2: they don't want to sleep. All they want is to

789
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:55,240
Speaker 2: watch Santa on TV and talk about earth, toys, dolls, bats,

790
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:58,920
Speaker 2: everything like that. Something is wrong with them, and Momar

791
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:02,080
Speaker 2: has a suggestion. Keemar has to figure out what's wrong,

792
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:04,400
Speaker 2: and to do that he must go to the forest

793
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 2: and consult the wisdom of Chochin, the ancient one.

794
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 1: Oh Chochin's Great.

795
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:15,919
Speaker 2: So Keemar pokes his belt buckle and uses that as

796
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:19,040
Speaker 2: kind of a belt buckle cell phone to call all

797
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 2: of the chiefs of the Mars Council, which I believe

798
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:27,920
Speaker 2: are Hargo, Rigna, Lomas, and finally Voldar. Voldar takes a

799
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:30,359
Speaker 2: minute to answer the belt phone, and I think that's

800
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 2: foreshadowing for his character. And so Keimar says, meet me

801
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 2: in the forest. We're going to consult Chochim. Chochim rocks.

802
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 2: We're going to get to him in a second, but

803
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,360
Speaker 2: first we have to learn a bit about the politics

804
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:44,440
Speaker 2: of the Mars Council. The other chiefs, they're just kind

805
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:47,400
Speaker 2: of sheep. They go along with whatever Keymar says. But

806
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:51,319
Speaker 2: before kimar arrives, Voldar is there, and he's obviously the

807
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,840
Speaker 2: bully boy of the group. He's got this deep voice,

808
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:57,720
Speaker 2: the thick black mustache, the muscular physique under the green tights,

809
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:01,640
Speaker 2: and he instantly starts undermining Keymar. To all the other chiefs,

810
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 2: he's you know, why do we have to listen to him?

811
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:05,959
Speaker 2: And why do we have to consult this doddering old

812
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:08,560
Speaker 2: man they're referring to Chochim.

813
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:11,279
Speaker 1: Now they go to the forest, and of course, when

814
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 1: you think about fantastically realized alien forest ecosystems and cinema,

815
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 1: I mean, clearly you think of Avatar, but then you

816
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:20,959
Speaker 1: also think of Santa Claus conquers the marsh. Just such

817
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:23,919
Speaker 1: a vivid living system they've they've created here.

818
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 2: It's kind of some some fake tree trunks with with

819
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 2: like Halloween fake cobwebs thrown over them.

820
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:32,200
Speaker 1: M m yeah, a little bit of a little bit

821
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:33,920
Speaker 1: of fog back there for sure.

822
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:38,040
Speaker 2: Now, when Voldar is undermining Chochim, one of the other

823
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 2: chiefs says, Chochim is eight hundred years old. We can't

824
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:44,040
Speaker 2: reject the wisdom of centuries and Voldar's as I can.

825
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:49,279
Speaker 2: So keemar arrives. They summoned Choachim from the ether. They like,

826
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:51,840
Speaker 2: call out, Chochim, where are you? And he sort of

827
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 2: pops into a corporeality out of a column of smoke.

828
00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:00,720
Speaker 2: And I want this frame where we firs see Chochim

829
00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:03,920
Speaker 2: sitting there on his throne in the Mars forest. I

830
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:06,760
Speaker 2: want that as the cover of my upcoming doom metal album.

831
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 2: It's so good.

832
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:12,319
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's a real cosmic wizard vibe here with

833
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 1: his staff and his beard. They're saturn visible in the background. Yeah,

834
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:21,359
Speaker 1: Jochum is amazing. And I have to highly recommend any

835
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:23,919
Speaker 1: folks out there who've only seen the Mystery Science Theater

836
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 1: three thousand cut of this film, as fun as that is,

837
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 1: you need to watch another cut of it, either one

838
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:32,400
Speaker 1: of the other riffs, or of course the full pristine

839
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:35,839
Speaker 1: Santa Claus conquers the Martians. If you want the extended

840
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:39,399
Speaker 1: full Chochum monologue that we're about to describe here.

841
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:42,800
Speaker 2: So Chochim hears them describe the problem. You know, the

842
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,399
Speaker 2: kids aren't doing what they're supposed to do. And so

843
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 2: he realizes, wait a minute, So they're watching Earth's TV.

844
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 2: He says, it's early December on the planet Earth, the

845
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:55,480
Speaker 2: time of Christmas. He says, it is an occasion of

846
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 2: joy and peace on the planet Earth, the whole planet,

847
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:03,160
Speaker 2: that's what he says. And for children, it is also

848
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 2: a time of anticipation as they await the arrival of

849
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 2: Santa Claus.

850
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:11,160
Speaker 1: They await the arrival of Santa Claus. That's kind of

851
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:12,359
Speaker 1: the voice he has the whole time.

852
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:15,840
Speaker 2: It's so good. Yes it is. Oh and one point

853
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,919
Speaker 2: he asks what month is it, I think, and they say,

854
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:22,360
Speaker 2: well it is Septober. Yes, he says, no, not Mars

855
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:23,400
Speaker 2: months on Earth?

856
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 1: Is that before Smarch? I can't remember.

857
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 2: Yeah. So the problem, Chochim explains, is that the children

858
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 2: of Mars they never get to have a childhood. They

859
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 2: don't play, they never have fun. They're just hooked up

860
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 2: to these information machines. From the time they're born and

861
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:40,560
Speaker 2: by the time they can walk, they're already boring adults

862
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:43,799
Speaker 2: who are dead inside. And now they are rebelling against this.

863
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:46,279
Speaker 2: And the only way to fix it we need a

864
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 2: Santa Claus on.

865
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 1: Mars sensible solution. I couldn't help, but wonder does this

866
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:54,480
Speaker 1: somehow reflect actual concerns about children of the early to

867
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 1: mid nineteen sixties.

868
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:58,080
Speaker 2: Were they being hooked up to information machine?

869
00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 1: Oh? But I wonder if there was some concern learn

870
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 1: about like maybe it was kind of reflective on you know,

871
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,560
Speaker 1: maybe for the like the post war generation or for

872
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 1: the generation that grew up through the Second World War.

873
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 1: Maybe this was like a worry they had, Like like

874
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 1: maybe they were they were reflecting and thinking, well, there

875
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:19,000
Speaker 1: were aspects of our childhood we didn't get to have.

876
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:21,640
Speaker 1: I hope that our children get to have more of

877
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 1: a childhood than we had, or something to that effect.

878
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:29,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe, uh yeah, I wonder. Anyway, Chochin explodes, He

879
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:32,880
Speaker 2: sort of disappears in a puff of smoke, and then

880
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:35,239
Speaker 2: Keemar agrees, He's like, yep, we're going to bring Santa

881
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:38,879
Speaker 2: Claus to Mars. Now, Voldar disagrees, he does not want

882
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 2: the children of Mars to have fun, because if they

883
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 2: start laughing and playing and running underfoot, they will become

884
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:47,319
Speaker 2: a nuisance. But he is overruled and the Martians will

885
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:50,640
Speaker 2: kidnap Santa Claus. So they get in their spaceship travel

886
00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:55,120
Speaker 2: to Earth and they start scoping out the planet. Pretty quickly,

887
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:58,360
Speaker 2: they find Santa Claus in front of a department store.

888
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 2: But wait a minute, here's an other one on the

889
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,360
Speaker 2: street corner. There are too many Santas. This could have

890
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 2: been a movie in itself.

891
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is my favorite what if moment of the

892
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:11,760
Speaker 1: whole film, because I can imagine a scenario where they're like, well,

893
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 1: look at all these Santas. I guess they're all Santas,

894
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:17,160
Speaker 1: and we need to have the right number of Santas

895
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:20,440
Speaker 1: for cheer. Let's round all of them up. Or perhaps

896
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:23,120
Speaker 1: they think, well, we've got to round them all up

897
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: to be sure, so let's go harvest all of earth

898
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 1: Santas and then we'll sort out which one is the

899
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 1: true Santa. Or what if they were just kind of

900
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:32,279
Speaker 1: lazy about it and they're like, oh, the first one

901
00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:34,040
Speaker 1: will do, let's just get him, and they end up

902
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 1: just getting a random mall Santa who's then brought to

903
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:41,120
Speaker 1: Mars and is expected to deliver on all of this

904
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:41,879
Speaker 1: Christmas cheer.

905
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,279
Speaker 2: I like the getting all of them idea, because then

906
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 2: you could imagine like a Martian prison full of tens

907
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 2: of thousands of Santas and they have to like storm

908
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:53,399
Speaker 2: the prison walls. They do a Martian prison break as

909
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 2: an army of Santa's.

910
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 1: Oh, that would be amazing. I mean, all these ideas

911
00:48:57,960 --> 00:49:01,160
Speaker 1: are great. I know they've been tall in the past

912
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 1: of a serious revival of this film or remake of

913
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 1: this film. I think I want to say, at one

914
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 1: point Tim Burton even expressed an interest in it, and

915
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:13,920
Speaker 1: I mean, for the most part, yeah, you can't recapture

916
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 1: this magic, but I don't know, if you had the

917
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 1: right creative spirit behind it, kind of like a classic

918
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:21,320
Speaker 1: Tim Burton spirit to it, you might be able to

919
00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 1: do something. And maybe you could draw it out a

920
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 1: little bit by exploring some of these other possible scenarios.

921
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 2: So instead, the Martians say, we got to figure out

922
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:32,239
Speaker 2: which is the real Santa. What do we need to do?

923
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:35,960
Speaker 2: Probably kidnaps some earth children and force them to reveal

924
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,839
Speaker 2: Santa's true location. But why would they assume they would know.

925
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 2: I don't know anyway. Here we meet Billy and Betty,

926
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 2: who are our earth children for the movie. I don't

927
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:46,360
Speaker 2: know where they're supposed to be at the beginning, it

928
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:48,840
Speaker 2: looks like a kind of barren landscape. They're like leaning

929
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:51,040
Speaker 2: against a dead tree, talking about whether or not they

930
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 2: believe in Martians, and then the Martians just come up

931
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:58,120
Speaker 2: on them. They say like, hey, what's up. And one

932
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:00,360
Speaker 2: of the kids asks, hey, what are those funny things

933
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,200
Speaker 2: on your heads? And Keymar says those are our antenna

934
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:06,279
Speaker 2: and they ask, are you a television set? This is

935
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:09,440
Speaker 2: what we alluded to earlier. Voldar is not impressed with this.

936
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:12,000
Speaker 2: He says, Keymar, is this what you want to do

937
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 2: to our children on Mars? Turn them into dopes like

938
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 2: these earth children.

939
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 1: I want to point out that in this scene and

940
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:21,239
Speaker 1: in subsequent scenes, you have a Martian in this case,

941
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:25,359
Speaker 1: is Voldar with this freeze gun that freezes people. This

942
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:28,280
Speaker 1: is actually just a I believe it's a Whamo brand

943
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:30,839
Speaker 1: air blaster from the day you can. You can do

944
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 1: searches for these and find and they mass produced these,

945
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 1: so they're I think they're readily available as like kind

946
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 1: of a collector's items at the time. But yeah, these

947
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:41,279
Speaker 1: were just common little toys that like blasted a little

948
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:41,839
Speaker 1: puffe air.

949
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,439
Speaker 2: Oh that's nice. So these are known toy I wonder

950
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:46,919
Speaker 2: if that was on purpose, so the kids would be like, hey,

951
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 2: I saw that in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. I

952
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:49,719
Speaker 2: want to buy one.

953
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:52,239
Speaker 1: Or it just looked cool and we'll use it. I mean,

954
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:55,240
Speaker 1: I'm reminded of was it Robot Jocks that we watched

955
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,759
Speaker 1: where there's some sort of a gun and in some

956
00:50:57,840 --> 00:51:00,000
Speaker 1: scenes in the close up it's clearly a really cool

957
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 1: looking scili prop gun, but in some there are other

958
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 1: shots where it's clear they're using a glue gun.

959
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:12,440
Speaker 2: So yeah, oh, and so the children get kidnapped, you know,

960
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:15,640
Speaker 2: they say tell us Warsanta is, and the children immediately

961
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 2: betray Santa and reveal the location of his secret base.

962
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:21,120
Speaker 2: They say it's the North Pole, and so on the

963
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,800
Speaker 2: way to the North Pole we're treated to more stock footage.

964
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 2: In the meantime, we see an airplane refueling in mid air.

965
00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:30,680
Speaker 2: I think this particular bit of stock footage it or

966
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 2: something almost exactly like it, was used in another mystery

967
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 2: science theater movie. I recall about air force or something,

968
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:40,960
Speaker 2: and there were just long scenes of refueling in midair that.

969
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:42,520
Speaker 1: Read Zo Cuba or one of those.

970
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:45,319
Speaker 2: Maybe, Yeah, if they found this fascinating at the time,

971
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:45,840
Speaker 2: I guess.

972
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:49,480
Speaker 1: I mean, it is fascinating. Air to air refueling is amazing,

973
00:51:49,719 --> 00:51:51,600
Speaker 1: and we could easily do stuff to blow your mind

974
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:54,000
Speaker 1: episode on it, like it's a crazy concept we take

975
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:56,960
Speaker 1: for granted. But yeah, there are whole stretches of this

976
00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 1: film that just feel like a strategic air commands stock

977
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:00,360
Speaker 1: footage dump.

978
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:04,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, we also see lots of missile silos opening up

979
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 2: and rockets being taken around on rails and things.

980
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 5: Oh.

981
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:12,399
Speaker 2: Also along the way, Dropo who was caught stowing away

982
00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:15,240
Speaker 2: on the ship, he fell asleep inside the radar console.

983
00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:19,680
Speaker 2: He is tasked with watching the children, but naturally Dropo's

984
00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:21,880
Speaker 2: you know, he's a good guy. He just lets them

985
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 2: out of their cell, shows them around, allows them to

986
00:52:24,719 --> 00:52:29,880
Speaker 2: sabotage the ship's radar jammer. And we were joking that

987
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:32,520
Speaker 2: the kids are trying to commit suicide by space force,

988
00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:36,239
Speaker 2: and so yeah, he just lets them out.

989
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:39,800
Speaker 1: Major design fail for making the radar console so comfy

990
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 1: for naps. It's just the right size for a full

991
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:45,320
Speaker 1: grown adult to climb in there and curl up, and

992
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:47,239
Speaker 1: I guess it's probably warm and cozy in there too.

993
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:50,040
Speaker 2: I'm sure it is. So they arrive at the North Pole,

994
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:52,719
Speaker 2: the children escape to try to warn Santa that the

995
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:55,319
Speaker 2: Martians are coming for them, and we get a great

996
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 2: North Pole set. Again, this is the question of is

997
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:01,520
Speaker 2: this the same as the Mare surface set, but just

998
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,440
Speaker 2: with snow on it? Possibly?

999
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:07,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, the spaceship has landed and so we have that

1000
00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:10,719
Speaker 1: wonderful lander legs and a ladder coming down from what

1001
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 1: is supposed to be the bottom of the spaceship. So

1002
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:15,799
Speaker 1: it's not Planet of the Vampires, but what is? It

1003
00:53:15,840 --> 00:53:16,880
Speaker 1: still has a lot of charm.

1004
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 2: The Martians say they are going to use tor Get

1005
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:23,080
Speaker 2: to capture Santa. We have not seen tour yet, so

1006
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:26,320
Speaker 2: we don't know what it is. But oh that's as

1007
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:28,680
Speaker 2: it makes the hair stand up on the back of

1008
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:31,879
Speaker 2: your neck to hear what is Torg? I have to know? Well,

1009
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:35,719
Speaker 2: one thing I observed is that Torg is gort spelled backwards.

1010
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:37,680
Speaker 2: That might not be an accident.

1011
00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:41,920
Speaker 1: This reminds me of a line from from John Saxon's

1012
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:44,240
Speaker 1: character And what was it? A battle beyond the Stars

1013
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:47,520
Speaker 1: where he says I had to look it up because

1014
00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:50,520
Speaker 1: it was like Gort. Maybe he said Gort or the reverse.

1015
00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:53,280
Speaker 1: But you know, he says Dacco is expert at inflicting pain.

1016
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,440
Speaker 1: It made me think Torg is expert at inflicting pain.

1017
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:02,560
Speaker 2: Well, I think torg Is is. Though Tork is not invulnerable,

1018
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 2: and some types of magic may in fact stop his

1019
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:09,799
Speaker 2: murderous nature. But so the children escape, the Martians go

1020
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:12,440
Speaker 2: hunting after them. Of course, Voldar just wants to kill

1021
00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:15,359
Speaker 2: the children. The children see him and they say he

1022
00:54:15,400 --> 00:54:18,600
Speaker 2: doesn't like us, but he is literally trying to murder them.

1023
00:54:19,719 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 2: They hide in a cave from a polar bear, which

1024
00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:27,880
Speaker 2: has a actually horrifying costume design. This polar bear looks

1025
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:30,520
Speaker 2: like a mask somebody would wear in the purge. It

1026
00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:31,520
Speaker 2: is evil.

1027
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:35,360
Speaker 1: It reminds me a lot of Tombach from The Terror

1028
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:40,399
Speaker 1: from the TV miniseries adaptation, So we were not meant

1029
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:41,040
Speaker 1: to know of it.

1030
00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:43,480
Speaker 2: And then out of the frying pan into the fire.

1031
00:54:43,520 --> 00:54:45,719
Speaker 2: The bear goes away. They come out of the cave,

1032
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:49,840
Speaker 2: but here comes torg. They initially mistake Torgu for Sanna's workshop,

1033
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 2: but no, Tork is a giant robot with glowing eyes

1034
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:58,040
Speaker 2: that grabs the children, and then of course Voldar gets

1035
00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:01,480
Speaker 2: to Torg before Keymar does. In Voldar is like, nice work, Tog,

1036
00:55:01,640 --> 00:55:06,160
Speaker 2: Now destroy them. I get this children's movie. Like He's

1037
00:55:06,160 --> 00:55:10,399
Speaker 2: literally commanding the robot to kill the children. But Tourg

1038
00:55:10,520 --> 00:55:14,040
Speaker 2: does not obey because key Mar specifically programmed him to

1039
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:15,759
Speaker 2: obey only my commands.

1040
00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:17,760
Speaker 1: Very smart.

1041
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:21,640
Speaker 2: But so they make it over to Santa's workshop and

1042
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:24,400
Speaker 2: they look inside and they see the toys and the games.

1043
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 2: Voldar of course hates all this again. He's saying, you

1044
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:30,960
Speaker 2: children games laughing, This is humiliating. Mars was once a

1045
00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 2: planet of war, which makes me think it it would

1046
00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:37,520
Speaker 2: almost be great to set part of this podcast to

1047
00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:42,839
Speaker 2: the Gustav Holst Planet Suite the Mars theme, which if

1048
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:44,959
Speaker 2: you never heard it, it really does sound like war

1049
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:47,640
Speaker 2: is coming. It's very much Voldar's theme song.

1050
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:54,160
Speaker 1: You know, if Voldar was really like he's already shown

1051
00:55:54,160 --> 00:55:57,640
Speaker 1: his true colors. He mainly doesn't want the kids playing

1052
00:55:57,680 --> 00:55:59,879
Speaker 1: because they would be annoying and would be under foot.

1053
00:56:00,040 --> 00:56:03,360
Speaker 1: If he was really concerned about the warrior ethos of

1054
00:56:03,400 --> 00:56:06,200
Speaker 1: the planet Mars, he would at least meet him halfway

1055
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:09,600
Speaker 1: on like war toys, Like, let's just only tanks and

1056
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:10,960
Speaker 1: toy guns.

1057
00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:13,160
Speaker 2: H No, I think he's just saying, like the children

1058
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:15,600
Speaker 2: should only learn war from the beginning, so not even

1059
00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:17,759
Speaker 2: playing war. They should just go to war. You know.

1060
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:19,920
Speaker 2: He's like one of these guys who's obsessed with the

1061
00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:34,399
Speaker 2: movie three hundred. Okay, they get to Santa's workshop, they

1062
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:37,200
Speaker 2: send tor Aga in, They're like, get him Torg. I'm

1063
00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:39,880
Speaker 2: not sure exactly what happens in the scene. I think

1064
00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:44,360
Speaker 2: Torg was supposed to incapacitate and remove Santa from the premises,

1065
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:48,400
Speaker 2: but instead Torg is like rendered harmless by the magic

1066
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:51,319
Speaker 2: of Santa Claus. He comes in and Santa's like, oh,

1067
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:54,160
Speaker 2: you're a big toy, and then Torg just doesn't do

1068
00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:54,799
Speaker 2: anything else.

1069
00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:59,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, Santa is an arcane artificer here, he's

1070
00:56:59,800 --> 00:57:03,120
Speaker 1: a master of toys, and what are toys but technology?

1071
00:57:03,520 --> 00:57:05,719
Speaker 1: This is like trying to pull a robot attack on

1072
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:08,680
Speaker 1: data lists, you know. I mean, it's just not gonna work.

1073
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:12,120
Speaker 2: But of course the Martians themselves they still got their

1074
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:15,439
Speaker 2: freeze guns and everything, so they come inside and they're

1075
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:18,040
Speaker 2: gonna kidnap Santa. This is plan B they use their

1076
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:20,560
Speaker 2: freeze guns on the elves. They use their freeze gun

1077
00:57:20,600 --> 00:57:23,760
Speaker 2: on Missus Claus, and Santa is forced to cooperate. But,

1078
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:27,720
Speaker 2: as we mentioned earlier, not before making a joke about how,

1079
00:57:27,760 --> 00:57:29,680
Speaker 2: my dear, I've never seen you so quiet.

1080
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so weird. It's such a weird choice.

1081
00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:36,600
Speaker 2: Then okay, so Santa Claus and the children they get

1082
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 2: back on spaceship. They are taken away, stolen away to Mars. Meanwhile,

1083
00:57:40,560 --> 00:57:45,040
Speaker 2: we see a bunch of newspaper headlines. Somehow the newspapers

1084
00:57:45,120 --> 00:57:47,960
Speaker 2: know what has happened, so they're running headlines like Martians

1085
00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:49,240
Speaker 2: kidnap Santa Claus.

1086
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:53,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is like front page. I forget all the

1087
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:56,240
Speaker 1: journalism lingo for for for what do you call a

1088
00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:58,680
Speaker 1: headline of this caliber? But like, this is the this

1089
00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:01,440
Speaker 1: is the big stuff, because clearly this is not only

1090
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:05,920
Speaker 1: an international issue, this is now an interplanetary issue.

1091
00:58:05,720 --> 00:58:10,800
Speaker 2: And it's an extra Yeah, it's like the banner headline.

1092
00:58:10,880 --> 00:58:13,560
Speaker 2: And then below that, I was just because I paused

1093
00:58:13,560 --> 00:58:15,400
Speaker 2: the frame here to see what was going on. We

1094
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:18,840
Speaker 2: see the other headlines are panic in New York, Menagerie

1095
00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:23,080
Speaker 2: breaks loose, and the other is Plenarians give New clues

1096
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:24,440
Speaker 2: to early migrations.

1097
00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:27,240
Speaker 1: Oh okay, I mean either one of those would have

1098
00:58:27,320 --> 00:58:29,920
Speaker 1: been the lead story had it not been for this,

1099
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 1: So I guess it would have been kind of a

1100
00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:32,840
Speaker 1: slow news day otherwise.

1101
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:34,960
Speaker 2: So anyway, we're in the space ship. We're going back

1102
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:38,120
Speaker 2: to Mars. But on the way, the magic of Santa

1103
00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 2: Claus kind of spreads even to the adult Martians on board.

1104
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:45,920
Speaker 2: The other Mars council chiefs start giggling uncontrollably. There's this

1105
00:58:45,960 --> 00:58:48,880
Speaker 2: one Martian with a beard who comes up to Keymar

1106
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:50,760
Speaker 2: and he's like, that little guy is so funny. I

1107
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:54,400
Speaker 2: couldn't stop laughing. And he retells a joke that Santa

1108
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:57,000
Speaker 2: told him. He says, what's soft and round and you

1109
00:58:57,040 --> 00:58:59,320
Speaker 2: put it on a stick and you toasted in a fire,

1110
00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:05,440
Speaker 2: and it's green, a Martian mellow. And Voldar, of course,

1111
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:08,800
Speaker 2: is he's still mad. He's like, that's what he's going

1112
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:13,560
Speaker 2: to turn us into Martian mellows, soft round, toasted in

1113
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:14,040
Speaker 2: a fire.

1114
00:59:15,440 --> 00:59:16,400
Speaker 1: He is not amused.

1115
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:20,040
Speaker 2: Oh and Dropo especially seems to love Santa. They're two

1116
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:22,800
Speaker 2: peas in a pod. Dropo was made to be Santa's buddy,

1117
00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:26,960
Speaker 2: but Santa's just always doing a comedy routine. We see

1118
00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:29,600
Speaker 2: him in his cell like on the bunk talking to

1119
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:32,400
Speaker 2: the children, and he's telling a story about going into

1120
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:34,880
Speaker 2: a chimney that was surrounded by fog, and he says,

1121
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:37,400
Speaker 2: it's the biggest chimney I'd ever been in, And then

1122
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:39,960
Speaker 2: there's a punchline. I realized it wasn't a chimney, it

1123
00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:43,840
Speaker 2: was the smokestack of the Queen Elizabeth. The children do

1124
00:59:43,960 --> 00:59:46,040
Speaker 2: not laugh, and he says, well, don't you think that

1125
00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:52,040
Speaker 2: was funny? And then they both simultaneously somberly say yes, Santa,

1126
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:54,680
Speaker 2: but they are somber because they feel bad. They feel

1127
00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:57,080
Speaker 2: bad that they betrayed Santa and told the Martians where

1128
00:59:57,120 --> 00:59:59,680
Speaker 2: to find him. Of course, Santa doesn't want them to worry,

1129
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:03,160
Speaker 2: you know, Boulder Dash. Now on the ship, one of

1130
01:00:03,160 --> 01:00:06,240
Speaker 2: the main things that happens is Voldar tries to murder

1131
01:00:06,320 --> 01:00:09,640
Speaker 2: Santa Claus and the children in the airlock, which I

1132
01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:12,400
Speaker 2: literally while we were watching, I made a joke about

1133
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:15,360
Speaker 2: that happening, and then it actually happened in the movie.

1134
01:00:15,400 --> 01:00:16,560
Speaker 2: I did not see that coming.

1135
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:20,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, the build up to this scene is great. The

1136
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:22,640
Speaker 1: scene itself is wonderful, and then of course the payoff,

1137
01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:27,160
Speaker 1: because of course, first you get uber villainous, just oozingly

1138
01:00:27,280 --> 01:00:31,600
Speaker 1: villainous Voldar convincing them to come with him into the airlock,

1139
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:35,840
Speaker 1: and then once they're locked inside, Oh yeah, it's great

1140
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:39,040
Speaker 1: because I think nowadays, I don't know when this became

1141
01:00:39,080 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 1: the case, but for I think most modern sci fi viewers,

1142
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:44,120
Speaker 1: you know what an air lock is. You don't need

1143
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:47,120
Speaker 1: to be described to you just need to know that

1144
01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:50,640
Speaker 1: it is one. But this film does not take airlocks

1145
01:00:50,640 --> 01:00:53,000
Speaker 1: for granted. In this film, they feel the need to

1146
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:56,680
Speaker 1: have Billy give an extended monologue about the functionality and

1147
01:00:56,720 --> 01:00:58,240
Speaker 1: purpose of an airlock.

1148
01:00:58,400 --> 01:00:59,240
Speaker 2: And why does he know?

1149
01:01:00,040 --> 01:01:01,280
Speaker 1: He's just a science kid.

1150
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:06,280
Speaker 2: I guess, I guess. So he locks them in the airlock,

1151
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:09,360
Speaker 2: and Santa is always giving Voldar the benefit of the doubt.

1152
01:01:09,480 --> 01:01:11,640
Speaker 2: He's like, oh, I don't think he locked us in.

1153
01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:13,720
Speaker 2: He just stepped away for a moment. And then they

1154
01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:16,440
Speaker 2: set off the timer. It's like it takes sixty seconds

1155
01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:19,520
Speaker 2: before they can avoid the airlock into space. The timer's

1156
01:01:19,560 --> 01:01:21,680
Speaker 2: ticking down. They're like, Oh, what's gonna happen? You know,

1157
01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:25,960
Speaker 2: we're gonna be killed until they see a like pipe

1158
01:01:26,040 --> 01:01:28,920
Speaker 2: leading up out of the corner of the room, and

1159
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:31,560
Speaker 2: so we come away to the control room of the

1160
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:34,760
Speaker 2: ship and we see Voldar just really enjoying the thought

1161
01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:37,440
Speaker 2: of Santa and the children dying in the vacuum of space.

1162
01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:41,560
Speaker 2: Keymar discovers that Voldar has killed them, and then there's

1163
01:01:41,600 --> 01:01:45,320
Speaker 2: a fistfight, but it's interrupted when Santa and the children

1164
01:01:45,360 --> 01:01:49,320
Speaker 2: come in unharmed. And what happened, well, they explained they

1165
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:52,400
Speaker 2: went up the vent. Of course, Voldar is astounded. Santa,

1166
01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:55,840
Speaker 2: you are too fat to fit in that vent. But

1167
01:01:56,200 --> 01:01:58,680
Speaker 2: Voldar doesn't know the magic of Santa Claus. Santa Claus

1168
01:01:58,720 --> 01:01:59,959
Speaker 2: goes down chimneys all the time.

1169
01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:03,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, he thought he'd space them, or maybe that they'd

1170
01:02:03,600 --> 01:02:08,280
Speaker 1: exploded like Anthony Zerba in James Bond film. But no, yeah, yeah,

1171
01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:11,480
Speaker 1: now they just took them on up the chimney. You

1172
01:02:11,640 --> 01:02:14,720
Speaker 1: cannot outsmart, Santa Claus if you have anything like a

1173
01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:16,960
Speaker 1: venthilation system involved in your technology.

1174
01:02:17,120 --> 01:02:19,840
Speaker 2: And of course this ends with everyone laughing at Voldar

1175
01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 2: and Voldar is arrested. But Voldar, I think escapes as

1176
01:02:23,680 --> 01:02:25,000
Speaker 2: soon as they land on the planet.

1177
01:02:25,640 --> 01:02:28,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think they really have great prison facilities

1178
01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:29,600
Speaker 1: on this spaceship.

1179
01:02:29,880 --> 01:02:33,440
Speaker 2: No, everyone who is imprisoned escapes immediately, so they get

1180
01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:37,959
Speaker 2: to the planet and then Momar meets everybody. So it's like, hey,

1181
01:02:38,080 --> 01:02:41,919
Speaker 2: meet Billy and Betty and Santa Claus. Can Santa heal

1182
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:46,080
Speaker 2: the children of Mars, Well, he's gonna try. So Bomar

1183
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:49,640
Speaker 2: and Germar are listening to their science podcasts, looking very

1184
01:02:49,640 --> 01:02:52,280
Speaker 2: blank and miserable, and then Santa comes in to try

1185
01:02:52,320 --> 01:02:57,120
Speaker 2: to heal them with jollity. And what happens is Santa

1186
01:02:57,240 --> 01:03:00,640
Speaker 2: just starts laughing at them like a maniac, without telling

1187
01:03:00,680 --> 01:03:03,920
Speaker 2: a joke, and the Mars children almost by sort of

1188
01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:08,360
Speaker 2: like almost like in Terror, just eventually start laughing too.

1189
01:03:09,160 --> 01:03:12,400
Speaker 1: And it's infectious because I think you will find watching

1190
01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:14,200
Speaker 1: this movie, you too will start laughing.

1191
01:03:14,560 --> 01:03:18,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, so everyone in the room laughing at nothing, like

1192
01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:21,240
Speaker 2: like a mad scientist and his henchman, you know, cackling

1193
01:03:21,280 --> 01:03:23,520
Speaker 2: over a plan to blow up the moon. Oh and

1194
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:24,840
Speaker 2: this makes Dropo dance.

1195
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:28,919
Speaker 1: His dance is so good and this like it's it's

1196
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:32,520
Speaker 1: like it's this feeling when the holiday spirit just overcomes

1197
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:35,920
Speaker 1: you so much that you can't help but just shuffle manically.

1198
01:03:36,880 --> 01:03:40,240
Speaker 1: It's wonderful. Again, it's if you've never seen this performance.

1199
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:45,360
Speaker 1: The only living performer I can imagine pulling something like

1200
01:03:45,360 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 1: this off would be Martin Short.

1201
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:49,480
Speaker 2: So Santa tell's Kimar. He's like, I need to get

1202
01:03:49,480 --> 01:03:51,800
Speaker 2: the workshop up and running here so I can do

1203
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:54,240
Speaker 2: Christmas on Mars and still have time to return to

1204
01:03:54,280 --> 01:03:55,479
Speaker 2: Earth for Christmas there.

1205
01:03:56,080 --> 01:03:59,080
Speaker 1: And this leads to one of my favorite bits from

1206
01:03:59,160 --> 01:04:03,960
Speaker 1: John calls performances Santa Claus because they tell him, Santa,

1207
01:04:04,360 --> 01:04:07,520
Speaker 1: you're never going to return to Earth. Quote now you

1208
01:04:07,600 --> 01:04:13,080
Speaker 1: belong to Mars. Santa goes, I can't. I can't even

1209
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:14,680
Speaker 1: can't do it as well as he did. But he's

1210
01:04:14,720 --> 01:04:18,640
Speaker 1: like ho ho ho or something to that effect, like

1211
01:04:18,720 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 1: he finds a way to use ho ho ho to

1212
01:04:22,800 --> 01:04:27,960
Speaker 1: deliver the character's thought process here realizing, oh snap, I

1213
01:04:28,240 --> 01:04:29,960
Speaker 1: have to go to Mars forever.

1214
01:04:29,680 --> 01:04:33,480
Speaker 2: Now, Yeah, I belong to Mars. So he sort of

1215
01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:35,320
Speaker 2: goes along with it. Anyway, we find out the key

1216
01:04:35,320 --> 01:04:37,920
Speaker 2: Maar has set Santa up with a sort of automated

1217
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:40,720
Speaker 2: toy production factory so he can be the Santa Claus

1218
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:43,320
Speaker 2: of Mars. And it's working all right, Like there are

1219
01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:46,320
Speaker 2: these shoots in the wall that sort of poop out

1220
01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:49,840
Speaker 2: like dolls and baseball bats onto a conveyor belt, and

1221
01:04:49,880 --> 01:04:51,920
Speaker 2: then the earth children have to carry them away in

1222
01:04:52,000 --> 01:04:56,240
Speaker 2: laundry baskets. And Santa kind of laments this state of affairs.

1223
01:04:56,280 --> 01:04:58,440
Speaker 2: He's like, look at me, the world's greatest toy maker

1224
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:01,360
Speaker 2: reduced to pressing buttons. That's automation for you.

1225
01:05:02,200 --> 01:05:04,240
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. This is kind of a frequent strain and

1226
01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:09,120
Speaker 1: cinematic retellings of Santa Claus, the mass production versus the

1227
01:05:10,520 --> 01:05:14,040
Speaker 1: handcrafted toys that we see in illustrations of Santa's workshop.

1228
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:16,200
Speaker 1: And I think this is also always a point of

1229
01:05:16,920 --> 01:05:21,880
Speaker 1: confusion for children under the spell of Santa. It's like, clearly,

1230
01:05:21,920 --> 01:05:24,440
Speaker 1: the things that I want for Christmas are not things

1231
01:05:24,920 --> 01:05:29,400
Speaker 1: made by rustic elves in some sort of shop somewhere. No,

1232
01:05:29,600 --> 01:05:33,520
Speaker 1: these are made by factories, often overseas, but not at

1233
01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:34,320
Speaker 1: the North Pole.

1234
01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:37,120
Speaker 2: Did Santa Claus make this game boy?

1235
01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:41,360
Speaker 1: Yeah? Now, my wife and son when we were watching this,

1236
01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 1: they question why the toy selection is so limited here.

1237
01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:45,120
Speaker 1: But I think it makes sense because you have to

1238
01:05:45,160 --> 01:05:48,800
Speaker 1: remember this is Mars First Christmas. All of this is new.

1239
01:05:48,880 --> 01:05:52,040
Speaker 1: The children of Mars are just excited about the concept

1240
01:05:52,080 --> 01:05:54,960
Speaker 1: of doll and bat oh yeah.

1241
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:59,760
Speaker 2: I think the other things on there are train tool

1242
01:06:01,320 --> 01:06:04,920
Speaker 2: maybe Teddy Bear, I think m hm oh. And also

1243
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:08,600
Speaker 2: it's putting out little like model militaria, like little cannons

1244
01:06:08,640 --> 01:06:09,160
Speaker 2: and stuff.

1245
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:11,760
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, And you'd think that Voldar would be pleased

1246
01:06:11,760 --> 01:06:15,040
Speaker 1: with that, but no, Voldar has taken to the caves

1247
01:06:15,080 --> 01:06:16,840
Speaker 1: with the rebellion, right.

1248
01:06:16,760 --> 01:06:20,120
Speaker 2: So he's got some henchmen hiding out with him. They

1249
01:06:20,200 --> 01:06:23,160
Speaker 2: say the cave is surrounded by a nuclear curtain which

1250
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:25,920
Speaker 2: prevents people from coming and going unless they deactivate. And

1251
01:06:25,920 --> 01:06:28,560
Speaker 2: he's hatching plans with his toadies. And this is the

1252
01:06:28,600 --> 01:06:30,800
Speaker 2: part where one of the henchmen returns. He's been spying

1253
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:33,680
Speaker 2: on Santa's workshop and he looks into the camera and

1254
01:06:33,720 --> 01:06:36,280
Speaker 2: does a commercial for the slinky. He's like, isn't this

1255
01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:39,080
Speaker 2: the most wonderful thing ever? It's a coil of metal

1256
01:06:39,360 --> 01:06:41,640
Speaker 2: that can walk down the stairs by itself.

1257
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:44,640
Speaker 1: It makes you wonder it was Santa licensed by the

1258
01:06:44,640 --> 01:06:49,040
Speaker 1: Slinky Corporation to make slinkies? And if so, what about

1259
01:06:49,040 --> 01:06:50,760
Speaker 1: being on another planet? I guess that comes. I know

1260
01:06:50,800 --> 01:06:55,280
Speaker 1: that some legal documents talk about rights extending through the universe,

1261
01:06:55,400 --> 01:06:57,040
Speaker 1: and it may be for this very reason.

1262
01:06:58,120 --> 01:07:02,240
Speaker 2: That's a good point. So he gives this beautiful monologue

1263
01:07:02,240 --> 01:07:04,600
Speaker 2: about the slinky. But then Voldar is like, you fool,

1264
01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:06,960
Speaker 2: you are falling for the allure of toys. We believe

1265
01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:08,240
Speaker 2: in war, not fun.

1266
01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:12,520
Speaker 1: And this this is another scene where you have this

1267
01:07:12,760 --> 01:07:17,000
Speaker 1: absolute gargoyle of an actor in the background. Just oh

1268
01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:20,800
Speaker 1: my god, such chewing of saying ray, it's just amazing.

1269
01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:23,120
Speaker 2: Really good. And then also this part made me laugh

1270
01:07:23,160 --> 01:07:25,920
Speaker 2: out loud when Voldar he's coming up with a plan

1271
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:28,840
Speaker 2: of what to do, and he says, we can't eliminate

1272
01:07:28,880 --> 01:07:31,240
Speaker 2: Santa Claus, but we can discredit him.

1273
01:07:32,120 --> 01:07:34,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like if we kill him now, he will

1274
01:07:34,040 --> 01:07:41,440
Speaker 1: become a marker. It's just basically done Messaiah all over again. Yeah, Like,

1275
01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:42,960
Speaker 1: this is the only way to bring him down. This

1276
01:07:42,960 --> 01:07:46,000
Speaker 1: is the only way to prevent Santa's jihad. Yes, we

1277
01:07:46,320 --> 01:07:48,680
Speaker 1: cannot kill Santa. We have to kill the Santa myth.

1278
01:07:49,200 --> 01:07:52,880
Speaker 1: Yes we must. We must destroy his brand. So I

1279
01:07:52,920 --> 01:07:56,320
Speaker 1: think their initial plan is just to sabotage the toy

1280
01:07:56,440 --> 01:07:59,040
Speaker 1: machine in Santa's workshop, to make it spit out like

1281
01:07:59,240 --> 01:08:02,040
Speaker 1: dolls with bear heads and Teddy Bears with doll heads,

1282
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:06,000
Speaker 1: which we do see later but instead when they're in there,

1283
01:08:07,080 --> 01:08:10,400
Speaker 1: it crosses over with the subplot where Dropo has wanted

1284
01:08:10,440 --> 01:08:14,840
Speaker 1: to become Santa Claus because Momar makes Santa a backup

1285
01:08:14,880 --> 01:08:17,639
Speaker 1: Santa suit and Dropo wants to wear it, but he's

1286
01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:20,439
Speaker 1: not fat enough, so he stuffs a pillow in there,

1287
01:08:20,560 --> 01:08:23,360
Speaker 1: and he's dancing around in the Santa suit with a

1288
01:08:23,439 --> 01:08:26,280
Speaker 1: hat on, and he's trying to fatten up I think

1289
01:08:26,280 --> 01:08:29,280
Speaker 1: by eating a lot of like ice cream pills, and

1290
01:08:29,360 --> 01:08:34,920
Speaker 1: so that's becoming Santa. My wife and son asked, where

1291
01:08:34,920 --> 01:08:37,840
Speaker 1: did you get this pillow? Because where do we see

1292
01:08:37,840 --> 01:08:40,120
Speaker 1: any Martians with pillows? No, they don't sleep with pillows.

1293
01:08:40,160 --> 01:08:44,200
Speaker 1: They sleep on some sort of a weird inverted pyramid

1294
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:48,560
Speaker 1: kind of a platform, right while they listen to their podcasts.

1295
01:08:48,840 --> 01:08:53,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, the sleep spray. Yeah. Oh, and we missed.

1296
01:08:53,080 --> 01:08:55,360
Speaker 2: In between, there's a part where we see Santa come

1297
01:08:55,439 --> 01:08:58,320
Speaker 2: home from a day's work in the toy factory and

1298
01:08:58,400 --> 01:09:02,200
Speaker 2: he's talking to Keymar and everybody, and he's like, wow,

1299
01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:04,519
Speaker 2: you know that was a long day at work. They say,

1300
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:06,680
Speaker 2: are you tired? He says, no, I'm not tired, but

1301
01:09:06,760 --> 01:09:09,840
Speaker 2: my finger is. He holds his finger up. He's like

1302
01:09:09,920 --> 01:09:11,920
Speaker 2: now I have to go put my finger to bed.

1303
01:09:12,680 --> 01:09:16,200
Speaker 1: Needless to say, all of the various riffings of this

1304
01:09:16,320 --> 01:09:19,400
Speaker 1: movie have had tremendous fun with this line. I believe

1305
01:09:19,439 --> 01:09:23,719
Speaker 1: Lookout knows what's the riff from the original Mystry Science

1306
01:09:23,720 --> 01:09:25,759
Speaker 1: Theater three thousand treatment of the movie.

1307
01:09:26,240 --> 01:09:29,160
Speaker 2: That's good. But okay, so Dropos all dressed up as Santa,

1308
01:09:29,200 --> 01:09:31,760
Speaker 2: and so when Voldar and his hinchman they break into

1309
01:09:31,800 --> 01:09:34,599
Speaker 2: the Santa workshop, they just happen to run across Dropo

1310
01:09:34,800 --> 01:09:41,000
Speaker 2: dressed as Santa. They can't tell that he is not Santa.

1311
01:09:41,120 --> 01:09:43,960
Speaker 2: They do not notice that he is green and has antinnae,

1312
01:09:44,400 --> 01:09:45,519
Speaker 2: so they just take.

1313
01:09:45,439 --> 01:09:50,679
Speaker 1: Him interesting insight into the mind and perception of the Martian.

1314
01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:53,559
Speaker 1: They couldn't tell one Santa from any other Santa when

1315
01:09:53,560 --> 01:09:54,679
Speaker 1: looking down at earth either.

1316
01:09:55,040 --> 01:09:57,439
Speaker 2: Yeah. That's a good point. Yeah, yeah, so maybe they

1317
01:09:57,520 --> 01:09:59,920
Speaker 2: just don't have much visual acuity. That could be the case.

1318
01:10:00,360 --> 01:10:03,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, they have the antenna ray, which may be their

1319
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:05,960
Speaker 1: primary means of sensing the world around them.

1320
01:10:06,040 --> 01:10:10,519
Speaker 2: Yeah. Okay, So Santa figures out what has happened. He says,

1321
01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:12,599
Speaker 2: oh wait a minute. He finds out that his second

1322
01:10:12,640 --> 01:10:16,240
Speaker 2: Santa suit is missing and Dropo is missing. He's like, okay, well,

1323
01:10:16,400 --> 01:10:18,280
Speaker 2: wherever you find one, you're going to find the other,

1324
01:10:18,320 --> 01:10:22,200
Speaker 2: because Dropo clearly wants to be me. He also discovers

1325
01:10:22,240 --> 01:10:24,680
Speaker 2: that his workshop has been sabotaged. This is when they're

1326
01:10:24,720 --> 01:10:27,080
Speaker 2: holding up like dolls with Teddy Bear heads on them.

1327
01:10:27,080 --> 01:10:31,680
Speaker 2: They look pretty horrifying. And now that they think they

1328
01:10:31,720 --> 01:10:34,519
Speaker 2: have Santa hostage, they actually have drop O. Voldar and

1329
01:10:34,560 --> 01:10:39,120
Speaker 2: his henchmen go to Keemar to list their demands. They say, Okay,

1330
01:10:39,160 --> 01:10:41,720
Speaker 2: we're going to release Santa Claus, but only if you

1331
01:10:41,920 --> 01:10:45,600
Speaker 2: one destroy the toy machine, two send Santa and the

1332
01:10:45,680 --> 01:10:50,120
Speaker 2: children back to Earth, and three quote no more joy

1333
01:10:50,160 --> 01:10:53,840
Speaker 2: through toys nonsense on Mars, and I think that's the

1334
01:10:53,960 --> 01:10:56,439
Speaker 2: name of the program. I guess it's Joy through Toys,

1335
01:10:56,479 --> 01:10:58,640
Speaker 2: which actually sounds kind of soulless.

1336
01:10:59,120 --> 01:11:03,599
Speaker 1: Yeah, imagine scenes where the Martian legislature is having arguments

1337
01:11:03,600 --> 01:11:05,639
Speaker 1: over this. So like some are saying, yeah, joy through

1338
01:11:05,640 --> 01:11:08,000
Speaker 1: toys is the way, and others are like, more Martian

1339
01:11:08,080 --> 01:11:10,760
Speaker 1: money to be spent on Joy through toys. Come on.

1340
01:11:11,960 --> 01:11:15,120
Speaker 2: But while they're there, Keemar reveals, Hey, actually Santa's right

1341
01:11:15,120 --> 01:11:16,920
Speaker 2: here in the workshop next to us, So you don't

1342
01:11:16,920 --> 01:11:19,960
Speaker 2: have him hostage, and Voldar is astounded. How did he

1343
01:11:20,120 --> 01:11:22,679
Speaker 2: escape the cave? How did he get here so fast?

1344
01:11:23,320 --> 01:11:26,599
Speaker 2: Keemar replies, Santa Claus has powers you don't even know about.

1345
01:11:26,800 --> 01:11:30,040
Speaker 2: Hands up and gun on the I love it. So

1346
01:11:30,160 --> 01:11:33,360
Speaker 2: Keymar now is just he's fully in the tank for

1347
01:11:33,400 --> 01:11:34,120
Speaker 2: Santa Claus.

1348
01:11:34,640 --> 01:11:38,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, he's committed. And now we have just full

1349
01:11:38,120 --> 01:11:41,160
Speaker 1: blown kind of like a civil war on Mars here

1350
01:11:41,200 --> 01:11:44,719
Speaker 1: between these factions between the pro Sanna and the anti

1351
01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:45,720
Speaker 1: Santa factions.

1352
01:11:46,120 --> 01:11:49,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, so Keymar tries to keep Voldar and his henchmen

1353
01:11:49,479 --> 01:11:52,439
Speaker 2: in a storage shed that does not look Martian at all.

1354
01:11:52,479 --> 01:11:55,280
Speaker 2: It's just an earth storage shed that's got shelves, it's

1355
01:11:55,320 --> 01:11:58,400
Speaker 2: got like skis in there, and he's got the gun

1356
01:11:58,439 --> 01:12:03,000
Speaker 2: pointed at him. But they fighting, and Voldar kind of escapes. Meanwhile,

1357
01:12:03,080 --> 01:12:06,320
Speaker 2: Dropo also escapes the cave where they're keeping him by

1358
01:12:06,760 --> 01:12:10,720
Speaker 2: like he turns off the quote nuclear curtain, I think

1359
01:12:10,760 --> 01:12:14,080
Speaker 2: by switching light bulbs on a machine. It's not clear

1360
01:12:14,120 --> 01:12:16,479
Speaker 2: exactly what's happening there, but he makes his way out.

1361
01:12:16,960 --> 01:12:21,160
Speaker 2: Everybody gathers back at Santa's workshop. Voldar runs in again,

1362
01:12:21,320 --> 01:12:23,799
Speaker 2: points a gun at Santa Claus and says we meet again,

1363
01:12:23,920 --> 01:12:25,880
Speaker 2: and you know, you think, oh, is it all over

1364
01:12:25,920 --> 01:12:29,919
Speaker 2: for Santa Claus. But no, Voldar is defeated by the children.

1365
01:12:30,240 --> 01:12:33,760
Speaker 2: In fact, he is defeated by children running underfoot and

1366
01:12:33,800 --> 01:12:36,920
Speaker 2: being a nuisance and pelting him with toys until he

1367
01:12:37,040 --> 01:12:37,559
Speaker 2: is dead.

1368
01:12:38,160 --> 01:12:39,920
Speaker 1: Oh he doesn't die, no.

1369
01:12:39,880 --> 01:12:40,920
Speaker 4: But they but they do.

1370
01:12:41,160 --> 01:12:45,599
Speaker 2: They do mercilessly pelt him with toys and confetti and

1371
01:12:45,760 --> 01:12:46,559
Speaker 2: Christmas cheer.

1372
01:12:47,160 --> 01:12:49,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, there are a lot of the toys are attacking

1373
01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:54,280
Speaker 1: him too. They're kind of maximum overdrive of yes elements

1374
01:12:54,320 --> 01:12:58,360
Speaker 1: to this attack. So the anti Santa rebellion has been squashed.

1375
01:12:59,240 --> 01:13:02,400
Speaker 1: But what happens next? We have a curious situation. Are

1376
01:13:02,400 --> 01:13:06,280
Speaker 1: we going to continue with Santa Claus from Earth ruling

1377
01:13:06,320 --> 01:13:08,880
Speaker 1: over Christmas on Mars while they, I guess they're just

1378
01:13:08,960 --> 01:13:11,000
Speaker 1: not going to have Christmas on Earth. What is the

1379
01:13:11,040 --> 01:13:12,360
Speaker 1: possible solution to this?

1380
01:13:13,080 --> 01:13:15,000
Speaker 2: Well, we already know what it's going to be. We've

1381
01:13:15,080 --> 01:13:16,639
Speaker 2: got a second Santa in the movie.

1382
01:13:17,160 --> 01:13:21,080
Speaker 1: That's right, it's drop Oh, Dropo becomes Dropo clause the

1383
01:13:21,120 --> 01:13:26,679
Speaker 1: Santa of Mars. Interplanetary war is avoided and the future

1384
01:13:26,840 --> 01:13:29,320
Speaker 1: fun of children on Mars is ensured.

1385
01:13:29,479 --> 01:13:34,360
Speaker 2: Beautiful, and Dropo comes in dressed as Santa, saying, Merry Christmas, everyone,

1386
01:13:34,600 --> 01:13:39,439
Speaker 2: you know, Merry Christmas. Building and Loan and the Martian

1387
01:13:39,520 --> 01:13:43,040
Speaker 2: children are excited. Betty and Billy are excited. But Betty

1388
01:13:43,080 --> 01:13:44,840
Speaker 2: and Billy and Santa, now we're going to get to

1389
01:13:44,840 --> 01:13:47,920
Speaker 2: go back to Earth. And there was one thing I noticed.

1390
01:13:48,280 --> 01:13:51,840
Speaker 2: Germar and Bomar give Betty and Billy gifts as they're leaving,

1391
01:13:51,880 --> 01:13:53,960
Speaker 2: but they don't say what the gifts are. And Billy's

1392
01:13:54,000 --> 01:13:56,040
Speaker 2: gift looks like a blood pressure cuff.

1393
01:13:57,880 --> 01:13:59,880
Speaker 1: I didn't notice this. Maybe they're setting up for the

1394
01:14:00,040 --> 01:14:03,120
Speaker 1: equal like basically it's a planet of war, so they

1395
01:14:03,160 --> 01:14:06,519
Speaker 1: gave Billy like the laser blast gauntlet. Yeah, he's going

1396
01:14:06,600 --> 01:14:08,720
Speaker 1: to go home and it's going to be very disruptive.

1397
01:14:09,960 --> 01:14:12,559
Speaker 2: And at the end, Santa and the children blast off

1398
01:14:12,600 --> 01:14:14,840
Speaker 2: to travel back to Earth in the spaceship and we

1399
01:14:14,880 --> 01:14:16,960
Speaker 2: hear the song again because you have not heard the

1400
01:14:17,000 --> 01:14:17,599
Speaker 2: song enough.

1401
01:14:18,280 --> 01:14:20,920
Speaker 1: Where did this spaceship come from? I'm trying to remember it.

1402
01:14:20,960 --> 01:14:23,040
Speaker 1: Is this a spaceship that Earth sent? Because there was

1403
01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:25,960
Speaker 1: this whole talk with Verner von Green about how they

1404
01:14:25,960 --> 01:14:28,479
Speaker 1: were going to send a spaceship. What happened with all that.

1405
01:14:28,560 --> 01:14:30,760
Speaker 2: I never even mentioned to this subplot because it never

1406
01:14:30,800 --> 01:14:35,960
Speaker 2: goes anywhere. But Billy sabotages the Martian spaceship's radar jamming

1407
01:14:36,040 --> 01:14:39,599
Speaker 2: thing so that the Earth Space Force which exists in

1408
01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:43,559
Speaker 2: this movie can detect the Martian ship. And then we yeah,

1409
01:14:43,600 --> 01:14:47,639
Speaker 2: we have this interview with Verner von Breen and he's like, oh,

1410
01:14:47,840 --> 01:14:49,960
Speaker 2: you know, we were going to take a while to

1411
01:14:50,000 --> 01:14:52,439
Speaker 2: train our astronauts to go to Mars, but now instead

1412
01:14:52,479 --> 01:14:54,800
Speaker 2: we're going to send them immediately. But we never see

1413
01:14:54,800 --> 01:14:55,280
Speaker 2: them arrive.

1414
01:14:55,720 --> 01:14:57,600
Speaker 1: Hmm. There's a lot to make of that, but it

1415
01:14:57,640 --> 01:14:59,519
Speaker 1: also feels like maybe some stuff was just cut.

1416
01:14:59,600 --> 01:15:02,400
Speaker 2: I don't know, Yeah, that could be it. Like I

1417
01:15:02,520 --> 01:15:06,240
Speaker 2: expected human Earth soldiers to show up on Mars and

1418
01:15:06,280 --> 01:15:07,679
Speaker 2: rescue the children, but they.

1419
01:15:07,680 --> 01:15:09,680
Speaker 1: Like it would be like the finale of Moonraker.

1420
01:15:10,040 --> 01:15:14,920
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, exactly, yeah, with the lasers.

1421
01:15:15,600 --> 01:15:18,120
Speaker 1: Oh man, that's great. We may have to do Moonraker

1422
01:15:18,160 --> 01:15:18,719
Speaker 1: in the future.

1423
01:15:18,760 --> 01:15:21,800
Speaker 2: Speaking of it, Oh, we should absolutely do Moonraker. That

1424
01:15:21,960 --> 01:15:24,640
Speaker 2: is the weirdest, one of the worst, but one of

1425
01:15:24,680 --> 01:15:28,280
Speaker 2: the most entertaining James Bond movies, and it's got Michael

1426
01:15:28,320 --> 01:15:32,080
Speaker 2: Lonsdale as Hugo drax one of the most hilarious James

1427
01:15:32,080 --> 01:15:33,040
Speaker 2: Bond villains ever.

1428
01:15:33,520 --> 01:15:37,400
Speaker 1: Oh yes, a great, great actor, but yes, strange part.

1429
01:15:37,479 --> 01:15:40,280
Speaker 2: But yes, of course. In the end, the bad forces

1430
01:15:40,320 --> 01:15:43,600
Speaker 2: of Mars get draxed and the Earthlings go back to

1431
01:15:43,680 --> 01:15:45,559
Speaker 2: Earth and it's it's happily ever after.

1432
01:15:46,640 --> 01:15:50,160
Speaker 1: But hit the song again because everybody loves hooray for

1433
01:15:50,240 --> 01:15:53,040
Speaker 1: Santi Clause. So they play the song again, I think

1434
01:15:53,080 --> 01:15:55,600
Speaker 1: maybe after the credits, and they do the there's no

1435
01:15:55,680 --> 01:15:58,599
Speaker 1: bouncing ball, but they throw the lyrics up there on

1436
01:15:58,640 --> 01:16:01,639
Speaker 1: the screen so all the chill chidren in the audience

1437
01:16:01,720 --> 01:16:04,639
Speaker 1: and all the people watching at home can sing along

1438
01:16:04,840 --> 01:16:06,400
Speaker 1: with this infectious song.

1439
01:16:06,680 --> 01:16:09,600
Speaker 2: I'm sure the parents loved this because it encourages the

1440
01:16:09,680 --> 01:16:12,200
Speaker 2: children to sing along and shows them what the words are.

1441
01:16:12,280 --> 01:16:14,839
Speaker 2: So it's like, keep singing this for weeks at your parents.

1442
01:16:14,880 --> 01:16:15,080
Speaker 4: Now.

1443
01:16:16,439 --> 01:16:18,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, well it's stuck in my head and I'm the

1444
01:16:18,760 --> 01:16:21,559
Speaker 1: one singing it. That's the thing.

1445
01:16:21,960 --> 01:16:24,000
Speaker 2: Maybe you're a child at heart, I hope.

1446
01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:27,040
Speaker 1: So this is the season for it, right, So that's

1447
01:16:27,400 --> 01:16:33,439
Speaker 1: Santa Claus again conquers the Martians. Consider Martian civilization conquered

1448
01:16:33,479 --> 01:16:37,160
Speaker 1: by Santa Claus. At this point, Santa has established a

1449
01:16:37,200 --> 01:16:40,200
Speaker 1: Martian of his choosing to rule over Christmas on Mars

1450
01:16:40,479 --> 01:16:44,120
Speaker 1: in his place. What would that title be if we

1451
01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:47,880
Speaker 1: were like looking back on ancient civilizations, what is the

1452
01:16:48,360 --> 01:16:51,719
Speaker 1: name of the ruler installed by the overarching emperor.

1453
01:16:52,520 --> 01:16:54,800
Speaker 2: I don't know if there's a special name for that

1454
01:16:54,840 --> 01:16:57,160
Speaker 2: in the ancient world, but yeah, there were often kings

1455
01:16:57,160 --> 01:16:59,320
Speaker 2: who were you know, they had to pay tribute to

1456
01:16:59,360 --> 01:17:03,679
Speaker 2: the empire. They're sort of in some way a vassal

1457
01:17:03,760 --> 01:17:07,040
Speaker 2: of the imperial structure above them.

1458
01:17:06,479 --> 01:17:09,240
Speaker 1: M okay, so yeah, maybe Mars is now a vassal

1459
01:17:09,280 --> 01:17:10,759
Speaker 1: state to the North Pole.

1460
01:17:11,640 --> 01:17:12,280
Speaker 2: I can see that.

1461
01:17:12,439 --> 01:17:15,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, Santa Claus conquers the Martians. This one is a

1462
01:17:15,880 --> 01:17:18,000
Speaker 1: lot of fun, as always to watch, a lot of

1463
01:17:18,040 --> 01:17:21,360
Speaker 1: fun to discuss. I don't know about you, Joe, but

1464
01:17:21,360 --> 01:17:23,400
Speaker 1: I always find that even if it's a movie i've

1465
01:17:23,400 --> 01:17:27,200
Speaker 1: seen many times before, watching something for weird House Cinema,

1466
01:17:27,320 --> 01:17:30,360
Speaker 1: it requires me to think about it a little differently

1467
01:17:30,439 --> 01:17:32,839
Speaker 1: and maybe approach it with a little more at tension

1468
01:17:33,640 --> 01:17:35,960
Speaker 1: than I normally do. So this is a lot of

1469
01:17:35,960 --> 01:17:38,960
Speaker 1: fun to discuss, totally true, and obviously we'd love to

1470
01:17:38,960 --> 01:17:40,920
Speaker 1: hear from everyone out there if you have thoughts about

1471
01:17:40,960 --> 01:17:44,680
Speaker 1: Santa Claus versus Sorry, Santa Claus conquers the Martians. If

1472
01:17:44,680 --> 01:17:47,599
Speaker 1: you have thoughts about this film, you have theories about

1473
01:17:47,600 --> 01:17:49,800
Speaker 1: this film, we'd love to hear from you. If you

1474
01:17:49,840 --> 01:17:53,280
Speaker 1: have memories of watching it rift or unriffed in any form,

1475
01:17:53,920 --> 01:17:58,040
Speaker 1: definitely ride in and we'll potentially read those messages on

1476
01:17:58,080 --> 01:18:01,320
Speaker 1: a future installment of a listener may a reminder that

1477
01:18:01,360 --> 01:18:04,080
Speaker 1: we are primarily a science podcast, with core episodes on

1478
01:18:04,120 --> 01:18:08,519
Speaker 1: Tuesdays and Thursdays, with a short form artifact or monster

1479
01:18:08,600 --> 01:18:11,200
Speaker 1: fact on Wednesdays and a listramail on Monday. But on Fridays,

1480
01:18:11,200 --> 01:18:13,800
Speaker 1: we set aside most serious concerns here on Weird House

1481
01:18:13,800 --> 01:18:16,560
Speaker 1: Cinema to just talk about a weird film.

1482
01:18:16,840 --> 01:18:20,720
Speaker 2: Huge thanks to our audio producer today, JJ Pousway. If

1483
01:18:20,720 --> 01:18:22,600
Speaker 2: you would like to get in touch with us with

1484
01:18:22,720 --> 01:18:25,320
Speaker 2: feedback on this episode or any other, to suggest a

1485
01:18:25,360 --> 01:18:27,519
Speaker 2: topic for the future, or just to say hello, you

1486
01:18:27,560 --> 01:18:30,280
Speaker 2: can email us at contact at stuff to Blow your

1487
01:18:30,320 --> 01:18:38,760
Speaker 2: Mind dot com.

1488
01:18:38,880 --> 01:18:41,800
Speaker 3: Stuff to Blow Your Mind is production of iHeartRadio. For

1489
01:18:41,880 --> 01:18:44,679
Speaker 3: more podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app,

1490
01:18:44,840 --> 01:18:48,120
Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.