Speaker 1: I Suck a Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared and
Speaker 1: I Heart radio podcast. Hey guys, thank you for tuning
Speaker 1: in to another episode of Help I Second Dating. It's
Speaker 1: me your fellow Canadian and single actually single Canadian Vanessa.
Speaker 1: I'm joined in studio by myself. Actually, Easton and Mark
Speaker 1: are in today. Um. I don't even know where Jared
Speaker 1: and Dina in Mexico. He's a world traveler lader. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's been traveling quite a bit. I think he's going
Speaker 1: with Courtney. And I thought Courtney was a female, but
Speaker 1: it's Courtney from him. He's a nice guy and I
Speaker 1: like instagram stocking him, Like, oh he's cute, and that
Speaker 1: was it. I just instagram stocked him. You didn't actually
Speaker 1: like any pictures or anything? Single? No, because actually, what
Speaker 1: do I want to talk about today? Um? We have
Speaker 1: a quite we have a few guests coming in. Um.
Speaker 1: And I teased it in the last episode talking about
Speaker 1: how I had a date on at Justin and Cody's wedding. Um,
Speaker 1: I thought it was actually the only single person. I
Speaker 1: was a bridesmaid. I thought was the only single person
Speaker 1: UM in her wedding party. She was like, no, I
Speaker 1: think everyone else's single, because I was like, okay, if not,
Speaker 1: this would be pathetic. I had to walk her dog
Speaker 1: down the aisle, which is so funny because as soon
Speaker 1: as I started walking the dog down the aisle, the
Speaker 1: collar he like was so petrified he managed to get
Speaker 1: away from like his collar just popped out and he
Speaker 1: started running, so I had to chase him down. At No,
Speaker 1: definitely not. My thoughts seem like I can never keep
Speaker 1: them guys. They just run away from me. So that
Speaker 1: was my day to the wedding spectacular. So you haven't
Speaker 1: kissed the recently. I actually did kiss the boy recently.
Speaker 1: So I was casually dating someone over the summer um
Speaker 1: and this recently ended not long ago, I would say
Speaker 1: maybe a week ago. This is uh. I was dating
Speaker 1: someone that I met in Montreal. He wasn't from Montreal, okay,
Speaker 1: but we decided to end things. I kind of knew
Speaker 1: and I want to get into it today. We actually
Speaker 1: have l from Men coming in, which is she's I
Speaker 1: think this is the third time she's gonna be doing
Speaker 1: the podcast with with us um and I want to
Speaker 1: talk about getting over someone, and I think I tend
Speaker 1: to instead of focusing on what did I learn about
Speaker 1: this breakup. I focus on like, how could I have
Speaker 1: done things better? Or um, what did I do to? Um?
Speaker 1: You know, what did I do so that the relationship fizzled? Well,
Speaker 1: you're you trying to find a way to blame yourself.
Speaker 1: I try to find it. Yeah, and so this was
Speaker 1: hard for you because it sounded casually. You made it
Speaker 1: sound real. It was it was. I think it's just
Speaker 1: like another one. You know, was it an ugly ending
Speaker 1: or did it was? It just fizzled? It wasn't an
Speaker 1: ugly end and you didn't want to fizzle. You're fighting
Speaker 1: the fizzle. I was fighting the fizzle. I don't even
Speaker 1: know why. I think was my ego and I have
Speaker 1: to like, yeah, I have to learn how to um
Speaker 1: train my brain. So what happens is I think I
Speaker 1: tend to I'm very black and white, so the areas
Speaker 1: of gray for me are very uncomfortable, and when I'm
Speaker 1: when it there's a high, it's like, yeah, the high
Speaker 1: is so good, but then the low is so low,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, why why am I upset? I knew
Speaker 1: this person wasn't someone I was gonna end up with,
Speaker 1: or I couldn't picture him being like the father of
Speaker 1: my kids. Um, and I think it's just like the
Speaker 1: ego comes into play, right, and it kind of was
Speaker 1: at first and then like the ball was in his
Speaker 1: court and I and I want to be open and
Speaker 1: I want to talk about this. Of course, this is
Speaker 1: a dating podcast, but I you know, I like listening
Speaker 1: to other people's experiences and learning through their experiences. So
Speaker 1: that's why I want to be open about. You know,
Speaker 1: even if it was something casual, I still want to
Speaker 1: be able to talk about. You know, it hurts, it sucks,
Speaker 1: it's a it's a bit. In a perfect world, would
Speaker 1: you have broken it off and he would be begging
Speaker 1: you to come back? Absolute lutely absolutely, But that's not
Speaker 1: the case. Yeah, did you try to get it going
Speaker 1: again or no? I just yeah. And it's like I'm
Speaker 1: trying to understand, Like I think it's the power of manifestation, right, Um,
Speaker 1: do you know Abraham Hicks. So Abraham Hicks is I
Speaker 1: think is the person behind The Secret, the book The Secret.
Speaker 1: And I've been listening to actually Aimy some send me
Speaker 1: some of her videos and I've been listening to some
Speaker 1: of her videos and basically I think I've been manifesting
Speaker 1: these men that are afraid of commitment, and deep down,
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm at a point where I'm actually
Speaker 1: ready to find someone who wants to settle down and
Speaker 1: have kids and all of that. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Does that make sense? You're not ready, so you're not
Speaker 1: manifesting who are ready? Right? And I think the universe
Speaker 1: responds to what you want, and if you don't know
Speaker 1: what you want, the universe is going to send you
Speaker 1: all these different signs for you to pick from, but
Speaker 1: they're they're like just like whatever, they're not they're not
Speaker 1: specific to what you want. And I think that's what's
Speaker 1: been happening because I have I have friends who are like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I know this guy. He's perfect, he
Speaker 1: wants to settle down, he wants to have kids, he
Speaker 1: wants to get married. And I'm like, find me the
Speaker 1: guy who doesn't, and I want to turn him into
Speaker 1: that guy. But that's interesting, So how do you get
Speaker 1: to that point in your life? Though? If you're not
Speaker 1: there now, how do you get there? Um? I guess
Speaker 1: that's why we're going to have these people coming and
Speaker 1: calling in today to professional help issue or is it
Speaker 1: a patience issue? Now? I think it's a patience issue.
Speaker 1: I think it's also you have this idea when you're younger, right, um.
Speaker 1: And I come from a very traditional Italian family, and
Speaker 1: I think at some point I thought I wanted exactly
Speaker 1: what my Italian traditional family had, like you you go
Speaker 1: to school, you get your degree, you find someone, you
Speaker 1: get married, you have kids. I ended up on the Bachelor, Like,
Speaker 1: that's so far off from what my family would have
Speaker 1: expected from me. Um. So I think I'm at a
Speaker 1: stage right now where I'm it just turned thirty one,
Speaker 1: So of course, is that pressure of I want kids,
Speaker 1: Like I've been wanting kids ever since I was a kid,
Speaker 1: ever since I was a kid myself. So I think
Speaker 1: it's it's it's a mix of getting older and realizing, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: I'm also in an era where there's so many options
Speaker 1: out there for other men and for women as well, um,
Speaker 1: and finding exactly what it is that I want. What
Speaker 1: kind of lifestyle do I want? What kind of family
Speaker 1: do I want? What kind of um, you know, career
Speaker 1: do I envision myself having. I was also the type
Speaker 1: of girlfriend that would drop everything for the guy I
Speaker 1: was dating and just be their cheerleader all the time,
Speaker 1: and I want to find someone who's going to root
Speaker 1: for me and and want me to succeed just as
Speaker 1: much as they're succeeding. So it's finding that balance. There's
Speaker 1: a chicken or egg component here, like you haven't found
Speaker 1: the right guy because you're think you're not ready. But
Speaker 1: also if you found the right guy, would you become
Speaker 1: read get that point? Maybe that's part of it. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you've met Ah, this is the guy. I could
Speaker 1: raise kids with this guy. This guy's everything I'm looking for.
Speaker 1: Suddenly I'm ready to settle down. Yeah. Yeah, And actually,
Speaker 1: you know what, I take that word back. I don't
Speaker 1: like the words settling down because I feel like there's
Speaker 1: a negative connotation to it. I want to be able
Speaker 1: to you know, I think deep down, were you guys
Speaker 1: afraid of commitment before? Yes? And that's that's kind of
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, is with the wrong people. I was
Speaker 1: a commitment with a number of different women that was
Speaker 1: going in that direction. I was like, this isn't for me.
Speaker 1: I gotta get out of this. Even though it's going great,
Speaker 1: I gotta get out because this isn't the one for me.
Speaker 1: But with Amy, my wife, that all went out the window. Yeah. Interesting,
Speaker 1: that was the same way. In fact, I didn't even
Speaker 1: believe in the idea of marriage. My my parents are divorced. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I was like, uh, this isn't for humans, Like
Speaker 1: people aren't supposed to get married and be of one
Speaker 1: person forever. You know, this is this isn't gonna work
Speaker 1: for me. I'll just do whatever. And then um, I
Speaker 1: met Alison and I saw how well life could work
Speaker 1: with some when you were compatible with and that supports
Speaker 1: you and helps you grow in such a way. And
Speaker 1: now I have a ring on my finger and I'm
Speaker 1: very staunchly believe in marriage. There it is there, there
Speaker 1: you go is finding the one changes everything? Vanessa, would
Speaker 1: you ever have kids on your own? I'm gonna start crying.
Speaker 1: Actually that just triggered me. That sounds like not your
Speaker 1: first choice. And we had this conversation. Um it wasn't. Yeah, sorry,
Speaker 1: I actually woke up crying this morning. I'm such a baby. Um,
Speaker 1: I think, oh damn it. And my makeup was so
Speaker 1: good this morning. I think. You know, people ask me
Speaker 1: what do you aspire to be? Um, and they think
Speaker 1: I'm going to say something. The thing I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: something career wise. But for me, I've always wanted to
Speaker 1: be a mom, And I think, um, when you're you
Speaker 1: want something so badly, you're afraid that it's just not
Speaker 1: going to happen for you, And so I'm trying to
Speaker 1: suppress that feeling and trying to focus on other things
Speaker 1: so that I don't UM, I guess I don't put
Speaker 1: expectations right on the idea of finding that person to
Speaker 1: have that family with. What if instead of trying to
Speaker 1: suppress it, you surrender it, you turn it over two
Speaker 1: the universe or God or fate or whatever, because I
Speaker 1: think sometimes when you bury it, bury it. No, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to think about that. I'm gonna think about
Speaker 1: something else. It makes it more powerful. And if you
Speaker 1: let it go and all that emotion, he's a little
Speaker 1: bit Yeah. I mean it's weird because when I'm I'm
Speaker 1: I'm either single, perpetually single, like I'm not talking to anyone,
Speaker 1: or if I have a little bit of interest in someone,
Speaker 1: all my attention goes to them. And I think that's
Speaker 1: what I've been doing wrong. Instead of being able to
Speaker 1: date multiple people at the same time to kind of
Speaker 1: put the pressure off of one specific person, that you're
Speaker 1: really into I I focus on that relationship and then
Speaker 1: when that doesn't work out, it's just it's heartbreaking because
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, like here we go again, you know,
Speaker 1: back to square one, but back to your question mark. Um, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I apologize, Yeah, and I'm gonna start crying about
Speaker 1: it again, but absolutely like that's what I want, UM,
Speaker 1: And I haven't. I've had that discussion with myself and
Speaker 1: with my friends and my family about freezing my eggs.
Speaker 1: And you know, I actually have a friend who's in
Speaker 1: her forties and she she's like, the one piece of
Speaker 1: advice that I can give you, um, is freeze your
Speaker 1: eggs because you just don't know when you will find
Speaker 1: that person, or you might not find that person at
Speaker 1: the specific time that you want to find him to
Speaker 1: have kids. You know, that's a conversation that women have
Speaker 1: to have with ourselves. And um, she froze her eggs
Speaker 1: later on in life, so I think that I don't
Speaker 1: know how the process works exactly, But anyways, it's harder
Speaker 1: for her now to to um to have a baby,
Speaker 1: but she she encouraged it. So definitely a conversation I'm
Speaker 1: having with myself. Well, I think You're gonna be a
Speaker 1: great mom. Thank you. I'm I'm you know, it's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: It's gonna happen. I was actually with UM. I went
Speaker 1: on Dancing with the Stars last night to see Joe
Speaker 1: and Jordan perform, and UM Kendall and Kylie were there.
Speaker 1: So Kendall's twin sister, and we were talking they're twins,
Speaker 1: and my publicists she has twin boys as well, sisters.
Speaker 1: No no, no, not the gender sisters, right, and actually
Speaker 1: it's just so funny. So it's Kylie, Kendall and their
Speaker 1: brothers Robert, like like the Cardassians. So she took out
Speaker 1: this thing and it's a pend I don't know what
Speaker 1: it's called pendulum pendulum. Yeah, so she's like, let me
Speaker 1: see how many babies you're gonna have, and I literally
Speaker 1: just froze and almost started crying. So I'm like, if
Speaker 1: that thing doesn't move, I'm gonna have a panic attack.
Speaker 1: So it did and it was boy girl boy. So
Speaker 1: apparently I gonna have three babies. Okay, So before we
Speaker 1: go any further, UM, I need you guys to check
Speaker 1: out Spit. It's actually a new podcast, UM, and it
Speaker 1: talks about how we're actually all connected, and we have
Speaker 1: this idea that we feel like we're more divided. Um
Speaker 1: And if you're tired of hearing all about the things
Speaker 1: that separate us, and you have to check out Spit.
Speaker 1: It's a new podcast from my Heart Radio with twenty
Speaker 1: three and me where they explore all things DNA and
Speaker 1: how we're all point five percent genetically Like that is insane.
Speaker 1: So the host sits Down, Sits Down with the biggest
Speaker 1: artists including John Legend, Pete Wentz, Mike Posner, and influencers
Speaker 1: of our time to talk about how the world of
Speaker 1: genetic testing is changing who we are and the world
Speaker 1: around us. To explore a variety of important topics such
Speaker 1: as how signs stacks up against the stories we've been told,
Speaker 1: how much nature versus nurture impacts who we become, the
Speaker 1: modern definition of family genetics, and race outsmarting our jeans,
Speaker 1: and a whole lot more. Make sure to check out
Speaker 1: full episodes now on the I Heart Radio app or
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcasts. Okay, so we actually have
Speaker 1: l from mend in studio right now. This is thank
Speaker 1: you for coming and this is your third time and
Speaker 1: this is the first time I'm meeting you, I know,
Speaker 1: it's so good to meet, so good to me, And
Speaker 1: this is the perfect timing right now because I'm kind
Speaker 1: of I mean, I don't want to make it bigger
Speaker 1: than what it is. It wasn't like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm heartbroken over this guy. I was just like, I
Speaker 1: want to understand. I think I want to understand the
Speaker 1: process of breaking up because I'm so used to, um
Speaker 1: having relationships kind of end, even if it's like a
Speaker 1: one week thing, a two week thing. Um, you have
Speaker 1: those expectations and when they're not met, you think I
Speaker 1: would be a pro ad breakups, but I'm not. I
Speaker 1: still like, you know, and I still suck at this.
Speaker 1: So what are some tips that you can give? Well,
Speaker 1: it depends on what phase you're in. So are you
Speaker 1: when was the breakup? And and what phase are you
Speaker 1: in right now? Are you in the really physical part
Speaker 1: where you're going through withdrawal? Are you? And I think
Speaker 1: that's what it is. Yeah, when was it? This is
Speaker 1: a week ago? Oh my god? So fresh? Okay, but
Speaker 1: I want to be like, come on, Vanessa, like get
Speaker 1: it together. He was not like not a guy that
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna end up
Speaker 1: with him. It was a guy that was like, this
Speaker 1: is fun, and I think it was the first time
Speaker 1: that I was enjoying a casual relationship. Um. But I
Speaker 1: guess like, deep down I didn't want it to be
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because I'm not used to that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So that's interesting what you just said, because it sounds
Speaker 1: like maybe you didn't even really want a relationship with him,
Speaker 1: but you're still heartbroken. Yeah, okay, and so you're trying
Speaker 1: to understand that. Yeah, I wonder if, um, do we
Speaker 1: have Dr Jennifer Freed on the line right now, and
Speaker 1: if she's listening into what we're talking about. Hi, Dr Jennifer,
Speaker 1: how are you? I'm excellent. How are you all doing? That?
Speaker 1: Could be better? Yeah, we're doing well. We're half heartbroken
Speaker 1: over here. So, um, which half half of the heart
Speaker 1: is broken? I mean actually not in tire. It's just
Speaker 1: as a little crack, you know. It's like it's like
Speaker 1: a many heartbreak. Um. So Dr Jennifer Freed, can you
Speaker 1: give us a little intro to what you do? Okay?
Speaker 1: I am a worldwide specialist in social emotional learning, which
Speaker 1: is about how to have healthy relationships Additionally, I'm a
Speaker 1: psychological astrologer and a fault with people around the world
Speaker 1: about all matters of the heart and soul. Okay, psychological astrologer,
Speaker 1: can you get into details about what that entails. It
Speaker 1: means that I'm both a PhD in psychology and an
Speaker 1: internationally certified astrologer, and I combine those two actices so
Speaker 1: people really get through an astrological reading to understand their
Speaker 1: patterns and their neuroses, but also their potentials and divine timing. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, so can we do like a little
Speaker 1: um analysis on me? Absolutely? If you're September thirtieth, that
Speaker 1: is me. People just turn First of all, congratulations, you
Speaker 1: finished your Saturn return. You're now an astrological adult. Everyone's
Speaker 1: like nodding in the room. I'm like, I'm from Montreal.
Speaker 1: We don't know any of this stuff. What does that mean? Quickly?
Speaker 1: It means that the Saturn planet was in Sagittarius at
Speaker 1: the moments of your birth, and after thirty years it
Speaker 1: goes back to that original position. And what we've learned
Speaker 1: through hundreds of years of reading is that when Saturn
Speaker 1: turns to its original position, which takes about thirty years.
Speaker 1: It means that you've completed a cycle of learning and maturation,
Speaker 1: and whatever it is you've learned will carry on for
Speaker 1: the rest of your life. WHOA, that's deep. So I've
Speaker 1: completed that cycle. Yes, you have, and now you're in
Speaker 1: a new cycle. And the one cycle that you're in
Speaker 1: that we can talk about is called Saturn square the moon.
Speaker 1: And when we have Saturn square the moon, it's when
Speaker 1: we experience emotional pain for the purpose of becoming more
Speaker 1: authoritative and clear about our deepest core needs. Oh well,
Speaker 1: so I'm in a process of experiencing emotional pain. Can
Speaker 1: you repeat that. I'm writing this down. Okay, Vanessa, you
Speaker 1: are in the process of experiencing emotional pain in order
Speaker 1: to get more clear and defined about your core names.
Speaker 1: You would you ever again, Yeah, you would. You would
Speaker 1: never again pick an unsuitable partner who does not really
Speaker 1: get you at a core level. You You're here to
Speaker 1: be deeply, traditionally loved. Yes you want, Dr Jennifer. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start crying again. Yes, that's what I want. Well,
Speaker 1: you will have that, I have no doubt about it.
Speaker 1: It's just that this is not that moment because there's
Speaker 1: some material that you've uncovered around self worth and feeling
Speaker 1: deserving of the kind of really supreme love you want.
Speaker 1: And I feel like you're going through the next six
Speaker 1: months clear that crap out of you so that you
Speaker 1: can find the person that is really suitable for your future. Okay.
Speaker 1: So does that mean does that mean I'm going to
Speaker 1: find someone in the next six months or I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna detox from all of this garbage for the next
Speaker 1: six months. Well, I would put it to you this way.
Speaker 1: You want to be thank you clean inside and out emotionally,
Speaker 1: so that you attract and magnetize towards you a man
Speaker 1: that can handle you, that can appreciate you, and it's
Speaker 1: going to be a rock for you. Okay. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: I think that sometimes we keep coming up against the
Speaker 1: same people so that we until we learn the lesson. Right.
Speaker 1: So you were saying this person that you were just dating,
Speaker 1: you weren't even that emotionally invested in it. It seemed
Speaker 1: like when you were dating them, but then you were
Speaker 1: still heartbroken about it. Um, And that's interesting. Do you
Speaker 1: think that he had any similarities to guys that you
Speaker 1: dated in the past. Yeah? Absolutely, So it's like a pattern. Yeah,
Speaker 1: The other piece of your chart I'm looking at it
Speaker 1: is that you have something called in your natal chart
Speaker 1: meaning from Firth Venus square neptune, which I happen to
Speaker 1: have also, so I'm an expert on it, which is
Speaker 1: hopelessly romantic. Your romantic ideas live in the heavens, not
Speaker 1: in clay feet, And so part of what you're learning, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: is that you're extraordinary, magical fantasy life about romance belongs
Speaker 1: in TV shows and art and music, and you have
Speaker 1: to make room for real people to love you. So
Speaker 1: that doesn't exist. It doesn't exist in the way you think.
Speaker 1: It says, I live a highly romantic life, but a
Speaker 1: lot of what I experience is generated through my romantic lens,
Speaker 1: not through reality. It's a very subtle shift. It's like
Speaker 1: you are a manufacturer of romance. Everywhere you go. You
Speaker 1: can romance the grocery person, you can romance your slippers
Speaker 1: because you see life through this beautiful rose colored glasses.
Speaker 1: It's beautiful, it is. Don't ever don't ever lose it.
Speaker 1: But when people are not that romantic antasy that you've created,
Speaker 1: lets them have clay feet and see how beautiful they're
Speaker 1: clay feet are the guy that you're going to really
Speaker 1: end up with is not going to be the sweep
Speaker 1: you off your feet kind of guy. He's going to
Speaker 1: be the guy that grounds your romantic fantasy so that
Speaker 1: you get to live them all out. Mm hmmm, I
Speaker 1: like that. And are you able to see into the
Speaker 1: future like what this guy looks like? I'm not that type.
Speaker 1: I don't see the future. I can tell you, you you
Speaker 1: know you're you're very sexy. I don't know you. I
Speaker 1: don't know anything about you to be truthful, but I
Speaker 1: would say to you, you're very sexy, You're very alluring,
Speaker 1: you're very charming, you're very giving. So the guy's got
Speaker 1: to have the goods. I don't know what he looks like,
Speaker 1: but he can't be some schlump. Well see that. I mean.
Speaker 1: The funny thing is if you line up every re
Speaker 1: guy that I've dated, no one looks alike. I've dated
Speaker 1: half Jamaican, half Chinese, I've dated like tall, shut um,
Speaker 1: like no one like physically, no one looks the same.
Speaker 1: But they're all very highly motivated people and extremely funny.
Speaker 1: So now that good. It does seem good, But then
Speaker 1: it's also room for are they family men? Because I
Speaker 1: know that you really want a family, so most of
Speaker 1: them aren't. That's the issue. And I think, Um, when
Speaker 1: I start talking about how close I am to my family,
Speaker 1: and I understand, like I've my expectations now are a
Speaker 1: lot lower when it comes to that, because it's hard
Speaker 1: to find someone who is as close to their family
Speaker 1: as I am unless I date like strictly Italian. Um.
Speaker 1: Not really opposed to that, but not like, you know,
Speaker 1: super excited about that idea either. Um, So I think
Speaker 1: I need to I think I know my issue. My
Speaker 1: issue is, and I said this before, I tend to
Speaker 1: go all in way too quick. And if I like
Speaker 1: someone and I'll see potential in them, I'll want to
Speaker 1: make sure I can try it out with them and
Speaker 1: see how far we can take it and try every
Speaker 1: avenue we can we can take to make it work.
Speaker 1: And if it doesn't work, then I'm like all right,
Speaker 1: and then I'm good onto the next. Do you fall
Speaker 1: in love with the potential of someone? Absolutely, I romanticize relationships.
Speaker 1: I I'm this is this is like the beautiful part
Speaker 1: of heartbreak. Right. You're you're learning more about yourself and
Speaker 1: what you want and what you need, and that's what
Speaker 1: I want to I want to start learning how to
Speaker 1: train my brain to um, I guess I get outside
Speaker 1: of that bachelor world, right, because like that bachelor world
Speaker 1: is so like romantic and lovely and you know, every
Speaker 1: date is perfect and you're loved and all of that.
Speaker 1: But in the real world, like you're saying, Dr Jennifer,
Speaker 1: it's not like that, And I think I have a
Speaker 1: hard time. You know, if I'm able to do that,
Speaker 1: why can a guy do that? Why can I to
Speaker 1: tell you that? Because the way it is in the
Speaker 1: universe is other news attracts. You don't actually fall in
Speaker 1: love with somebody like you because there would be no
Speaker 1: purpose and no learning. So in your case, you carry
Speaker 1: enough romanticism for the whole world. So who you will
Speaker 1: end up with, it will be quite satisfied with, is
Speaker 1: somebody that actually loved and adored how over the top
Speaker 1: you are. But they are not going to be matching
Speaker 1: you on that. They're going to be receiving it and
Speaker 1: feeling grateful and feeling reciprocal in terms of energy and
Speaker 1: time and devotion. But they're not going to be hitting
Speaker 1: the high notes with you, because that would crash, that
Speaker 1: would not laugh interesting. So someone I guess who has
Speaker 1: the same love languages as I do. Yes, but also
Speaker 1: just gets off on how freaking imaginative you are, like, oh,
Speaker 1: bring that. Banes said, yes, let's do that. But they're
Speaker 1: not going to be the initiators of that, except for
Speaker 1: maybe in a subtle, quiet way. You're looking for somebody
Speaker 1: that actually is very secure inside themselves and doesn't need
Speaker 1: to be fixed up. That's who you're looking for. It's
Speaker 1: that meaning there's no fixing to do on them. I
Speaker 1: want to ask you a question about when you're dating
Speaker 1: and when you're meeting these guys. So you said that
Speaker 1: there's a pattern not in how they look, but in
Speaker 1: in sort of how they are. Um when you are
Speaker 1: on the first couple of dates, do you feel like
Speaker 1: you have a gut feeling about them and whether or
Speaker 1: not they're a good match for you and you decide
Speaker 1: to pursue it anyway, or do you really feel like
Speaker 1: you don't have all of the information that you need
Speaker 1: and that's why you keep pursuing the relationship. I think
Speaker 1: the issue that I have I'm very intuitive, and I
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so intuitive, but sometimes I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know what, maybe it's just like I'm being crazy
Speaker 1: right now and I'm just gonna go with the flow
Speaker 1: and and not think too much into it. But then
Speaker 1: my intuition after either ends or they actually show their
Speaker 1: true colors. Like I knew it all along. I knew
Speaker 1: from the beginning, So then why is it that I
Speaker 1: decide to keep going with it instead of just ending
Speaker 1: it when I know I should end it? Right? That's
Speaker 1: my issue. Yeah, I don't know if it's an issue,
Speaker 1: but it's like it's the lesson, right, It's like what
Speaker 1: you are aware of now, what you've learned, and I
Speaker 1: think the next step is actually acting on it. So
Speaker 1: the next time you're on a date and you have
Speaker 1: that feeling, it's not saying yes to the second date.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like knowing trusting your gut that you
Speaker 1: know yourself the best and you know what you want,
Speaker 1: you know what you're looking for, and you know, look
Speaker 1: like gathering all of the information isn't going to outweigh
Speaker 1: what you knew from the very beginning. That's a really
Speaker 1: huge lesson. It's it's I mean, I've learned that lesson
Speaker 1: just recently too, um so I think it actually sounds
Speaker 1: like you've learned a lot. Yeah. I think with every
Speaker 1: person that I let into my personal space, um, I
Speaker 1: learned a lot about my strengths and my weaknesses when
Speaker 1: it comes to romantic relationships, interpersonal relationships with friends and
Speaker 1: family and all that. Like it's solid. But then, of course,
Speaker 1: like when Dr Jennifer was saying, like I romantics, like,
Speaker 1: I love love, I love love. There's nothing more for me,
Speaker 1: there's nothing more powerful. I love connecting with people. And
Speaker 1: that's even with you know, family members or friends. UM, Like,
Speaker 1: I truly value that. So I guess when that connection
Speaker 1: just ends, it's heartbreaking because it's a connection that you
Speaker 1: had and it's not necessarily about that specific person. Yes,
Speaker 1: and I would want to say to you that it's
Speaker 1: the beautiful, noble quality in you, but that the that
Speaker 1: you allow yourself to dream big, and it's equally it's
Speaker 1: tender and poignant that you cry a lot when the
Speaker 1: dreams don't materialize, because it's just a part of life
Speaker 1: that the idealize things and they disappoint us. But in
Speaker 1: the end, wouldn't you rather be somebody that's been all
Speaker 1: the possibility and living in the possibility than being jaded
Speaker 1: or cynical. Yeah, And you think at this point I
Speaker 1: would be. I had an engagement that didn't work out.
Speaker 1: I've dated a few people throughout the year and it
Speaker 1: hasn't worked out for me, but I still believe in it.
Speaker 1: I still I still want to find that love. And
Speaker 1: I remember I was talking to someone and I had
Speaker 1: gone through a breakup and they're like, your light is
Speaker 1: just dimmer. It's getting dimmer and dimmer. And they've known
Speaker 1: me to be this vibrant person who loves to love,
Speaker 1: and she's like, get back to that sixteen year old
Speaker 1: self that just was so youthful when it came to
Speaker 1: love and really believed in it. And yeah, so I get.
Speaker 1: I have a coaching direction for you, which is in
Speaker 1: these next few months that you're working on this, and
Speaker 1: you are doing great work with it. By the way,
Speaker 1: I commend you high, thank you. I would distribute your
Speaker 1: love more enthusiastically to strangers, to work, colleagues, to friends,
Speaker 1: because it is your power spot. You will never ever
Speaker 1: regret showering love ordinary people because that's what also makes
Speaker 1: your light much brighter. Autely, and your man is coming.
Speaker 1: I assure you that. So if you move deep down
Speaker 1: in your bones of bones your husband's coming. It's not
Speaker 1: like it's an if, it's just a when, and just
Speaker 1: act as if this is your last time in your
Speaker 1: life to be the street and single, to distribute non
Speaker 1: romantic love to everyone, you know. Yeah, and you're absolutely right.
Speaker 1: I am a special education teacher and I love giving
Speaker 1: my students that attention and that. Yeah. So for me,
Speaker 1: that's you're right on the ball with that. It's it's
Speaker 1: something that it fills my my heart to be able to,
Speaker 1: you know, give that to other people. So I will
Speaker 1: take that. I'm actually high. Wrote down up a list
Speaker 1: of things that you said today. Um. Dr Jennifer Free,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for calling in. Thank you for
Speaker 1: all of your advice. Um. So, I can't wait for
Speaker 1: the six months to clear and for me to detox
Speaker 1: and to find my future husband. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for calling. Congratulations, Thank you bye. Wow, guys, I can't wait.
Speaker 1: And I was talking to my friend, Um, we're at
Speaker 1: the wedding. My friend got married on Sunday, and we
Speaker 1: look at each other. She's like, I cannot wait to
Speaker 1: give a speech at your wedding. Yeah. And because she's
Speaker 1: she's seen like everything that I've gone through, and I
Speaker 1: guess for some people, it's like, oh, who gives a
Speaker 1: It's a guy that you've known for like a split
Speaker 1: second in your life, not a big deal. But I
Speaker 1: guess it's the idea, Like you know, I guess it's
Speaker 1: the idea. I think I like the idea of him.
Speaker 1: And you know, he wasn't in like our world, in
Speaker 1: like the Batchel the world. He wasn't part of the
Speaker 1: franchise or part of you know that industry. So for me,
Speaker 1: it was like, oh, it's such a breath of fresh air.
Speaker 1: But he he understood where I was coming from and
Speaker 1: and he understood my needs. So I take away from that, um,
Speaker 1: that I could appreciate a person for what they're bringing
Speaker 1: into the relationship and into for you know, to better me. Um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean, heartbreak hurt. It does hurt, and
Speaker 1: I and I think, um, you know, even if you've
Speaker 1: been through in a million times, it's still really painful.
Speaker 1: Like people ask me all the time, like, oh, you
Speaker 1: must be the breakup experts, so you must just get
Speaker 1: over breakups really quickly, and it's like, no, it's not
Speaker 1: how it works, Like it's totally democratic. Everyone gets heartbroken
Speaker 1: and it's still painful. But this guy came along because
Speaker 1: he needed to show you this very important lesson or information.
Speaker 1: And that's why it impacts you so much or you're
Speaker 1: so because subconsciously you know that like something's happening, something happening,
Speaker 1: this means something. And then we just displaced everything and
Speaker 1: we get it all jumbled. Yeah. Absolutely, And that's what
Speaker 1: I was trying to figure out too, Like I you know,
Speaker 1: I've spoken about this on my Instagram and stuff. Um, Like,
Speaker 1: sometimes I get anxiety, and this morning I woke up
Speaker 1: with a ton of anxiety in my heart, like you
Speaker 1: could have if you're sleeping next to me. My bed
Speaker 1: was like and I woke up and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: I just gotta cry it out. So I cried it out,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, where is this anxiety coming from? You know?
Speaker 1: And I think it it comes from a bunch of
Speaker 1: different places. Obviously, it comes from, um, the idea, the
Speaker 1: the the ending of the idea of something just sucks, right,
Speaker 1: And I think mourning it's the the death of someone
Speaker 1: or the ending of mourning anything. It's just it's hard
Speaker 1: to do and hard to process. Yeah, it's grieving. I mean,
Speaker 1: even if you weren't in a long term relationship with
Speaker 1: this person. You weren't necessarily mourning them, You were mourning
Speaker 1: the idea of what could have been. Right. Um, but
Speaker 1: I think that I do think that the really big
Speaker 1: lesson here is that you do know early on whether
Speaker 1: or not that person is someone that you should invest
Speaker 1: more time in. And that was my mistake because I
Speaker 1: said this from the beginning. I and I told him
Speaker 1: to I'm like, I didn't picture us being anything serious. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I told him, I'm like, I don't picture this going
Speaker 1: anywhere further. But I think it's just like the way
Speaker 1: it happened. Um, I'm very big on respect, So be
Speaker 1: onest and honesty. Just like, tell me what you're feeling, like,
Speaker 1: tell me what you're doing, tell me what you're feeling.
Speaker 1: Let's just like be too mature adults here and and
Speaker 1: be honest with it. So I think that's where I was, like,
Speaker 1: I feel disrespected because you weren't honest with me. I
Speaker 1: want Mark to comment on this, because I think guys
Speaker 1: aren't feeling what we feel. Oh yeah, acous, they don't
Speaker 1: feel what we feel. As I get older, I realized
Speaker 1: like we are really really different the way they handle
Speaker 1: things the way they look at things. They can do
Speaker 1: things like the lights, and that's not a bad thing.
Speaker 1: We just have to accept that. It's like I always say,
Speaker 1: it's like you're speaking of foreign language, like they're like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're talking about. Or it's like
Speaker 1: trying to make a left handed person a right handed person. Listen,
Speaker 1: do you think he's going to be sick? Like, do
Speaker 1: you think right now I'm talking about him, I highly
Speaker 1: doubt he's sitting around with his friends out for cough
Speaker 1: and be like, oh so Vanessa, like you know, I
Speaker 1: decided to end him with horror cales long ago. No,
Speaker 1: he's not doing that. He's probably watching football or whatever
Speaker 1: sport is playing on it. So I don't know if
Speaker 1: that's true or not, because I'm an overthinker and I
Speaker 1: tend to overthink, and I tend to be a talker,
Speaker 1: so I tend to talk it out. I bore my friends.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is all a long time ago now,
Speaker 1: but I used to really talk about my friend, my
Speaker 1: poor friend Kurt. Oh my gosh, he used to listen
Speaker 1: to me wine and about different girls, over and over
Speaker 1: and over again. Slingers. Yeah, it was a lot like that,
Speaker 1: so I think that I think it depends on the guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think Easton's probably a lot like me. I
Speaker 1: think he's an emotional guy as well. Yeah, I'm very
Speaker 1: in touched my feelings. That's why none of us are
Speaker 1: attracted to either of you. No, but that's a good point.
Speaker 1: But it does depend on the person, right, And there
Speaker 1: are women that are not in touch with their emotions, right,
Speaker 1: I know. But it's like, and the thing is that
Speaker 1: I was say, I was telling Mark this before. I
Speaker 1: think I'm and I'm making a vision board this weekend
Speaker 1: when I go back home, and I'm gonna be more
Speaker 1: specific about the things that i want, not only romantically,
Speaker 1: but career wise. And I've been traveling so much, and
Speaker 1: I lived in l A. I was living back home
Speaker 1: and I kept flip flopping. And I want to feel
Speaker 1: more grounded with my decisions and where I am. What
Speaker 1: do you focused on? You? There's a lot of like
Speaker 1: I need to figure out what I want. I'd be
Speaker 1: specific about what I want. What I mean, I mean
Speaker 1: what if you just is that how I look? Do
Speaker 1: it a little bit chilled? And I knew what you're worth.
Speaker 1: I think googling these articles because obviously I share like
Speaker 1: the same diseases that you have. But it's like we
Speaker 1: are so unkind to ourselves. So what if you just
Speaker 1: said it's all okay, yeah, Like that's what I'm just
Speaker 1: encouraging you because I think, yeah, go make your vision
Speaker 1: board and write it down eighties seven times. And then
Speaker 1: it's like it's so much pressure on you, Like you're
Speaker 1: putting pressure on you to make the vision board and
Speaker 1: like get it right this time, Vanessa, don't. I wouldn't know,
Speaker 1: but I wouldn't say that kind of pressure. I think
Speaker 1: it's like I have a lot of self love. I
Speaker 1: know my self worth. I like, UM, I feel like
Speaker 1: I do UM. I just think even just career wise,
Speaker 1: like there's a lot of things right now, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of opportunities coming my way, but it's like I'm
Speaker 1: not a hunch of percent happy with that one or
Speaker 1: that one or that one. So I want to be
Speaker 1: more specific with my intentions. That's all I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: my vision board in terms of like you know, planning
Speaker 1: things out, I guess with what I want. I think
Speaker 1: you also have to be um. Just like the flip
Speaker 1: side of it, you also have to reject and say
Speaker 1: no and walk away from the things that aren't right
Speaker 1: for you. Um. I think maybe that's, you know, the
Speaker 1: biggest lesson that you've learned out of the people that
Speaker 1: you've dated, and so the next time you're faced with
Speaker 1: that there was there were so many signs, there were
Speaker 1: so many signs we just we had uh. He was
Speaker 1: very funny. We had kind of the same sense of humor,
Speaker 1: but he kind of went off sometimes with his It
Speaker 1: was a little bit crude and disrespectful, and I'm like that,
Speaker 1: I'm not like, I'm sorry, I'm my Italian blood started
Speaker 1: boiling and I was like, I'm not going to take that,
Speaker 1: and but then I did. I was like, I'm so stupid, right.
Speaker 1: But I think that when you I think when you
Speaker 1: do walk away from that next time, I think that's
Speaker 1: when you start being rewarded for for that decision making,
Speaker 1: you know, And until you do that, I don't think
Speaker 1: the lesson is fully even learned. I have a question
Speaker 1: for everyone in this room and everyone listening. So, um,
Speaker 1: he actually, well, I'm not gonna say he, but someone
Speaker 1: told me that eight cheated on their significant other and
Speaker 1: then broke up with them but never told them that
Speaker 1: they cheated on them, because they're like, well, if I'm
Speaker 1: breaking up with them, what's the point of me telling
Speaker 1: them that I cheated on them? Oh? You guys agree
Speaker 1: with that? That? Oh? I was like, what there might
Speaker 1: be around now? I'm saying, like, I find it if
Speaker 1: you know, and this is the thing like that, And
Speaker 1: I had this discussion with Dean and Jared and like,
Speaker 1: I want to be the person that's breaking up with
Speaker 1: the other person, not the other way around. Because if
Speaker 1: you're breaking up with me, you've had time to think
Speaker 1: about it, you've had time to process it, and you
Speaker 1: have you've had time to like kind of get over it,
Speaker 1: and then you're going to break up with me. So
Speaker 1: why so you want if someone breaks up with you,
Speaker 1: you want them to say and by the way, while
Speaker 1: we were together, right, No, okay, this is okay. I
Speaker 1: think you guys are getting I'm not explaining myself to
Speaker 1: what would I feel like that would be helpful? I
Speaker 1: just I wouldn't cheat, first of all. Second of all,
Speaker 1: I'm saying, isn't that a warning sign that the person
Speaker 1: is able if it is able to cheat on the
Speaker 1: person they know they're breaking up with, just break up
Speaker 1: with them first and then go to someone. It's like
Speaker 1: you're trying to make that person that's breaking up with
Speaker 1: you like a worse person, like or something. No, I
Speaker 1: think it vindicated and like, well he broke up with me,
Speaker 1: but I didn't want him anyway. No, I just think
Speaker 1: it's a warning sign. If someone that you're you're dating
Speaker 1: tells you this and you're like, oh, so wait, you're
Speaker 1: is it hard for you to be faithful? That's a
Speaker 1: major red flag. If someone tells you that, yeah, of course, like,
Speaker 1: oh I cheated on her, then I then I left
Speaker 1: her white you know what I mean. I'd be like, well,
Speaker 1: why are you telling me this? Like okay, cool. Second
Speaker 1: of all, just leave her and then there's plenty of
Speaker 1: women with open legs that you can run to, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't understand, why do you have to do before
Speaker 1: and then break up with her rights talking about it,
Speaker 1: I'm saying, why cheat if you know you're going to
Speaker 1: break up with the person anyway, Just leave this monkey
Speaker 1: branching like they want they want to have something stable,
Speaker 1: and then they want to leap to something else stable
Speaker 1: and they're cheating while this is falling apart, but they
Speaker 1: want to keep it going because they don't want to
Speaker 1: be alone. It's a fear of being alone. I guess
Speaker 1: I don't even think it's the cheating thing. Like I
Speaker 1: think you're focusing on the wrong thing. Like you said, like,
Speaker 1: why would you tell someone that? Like is that his
Speaker 1: game to tell the girl he's dating that he did that?
Speaker 1: That's like I think you should have kind of ran. No, no,
Speaker 1: I know, but what he told you that, right, he
Speaker 1: told it's like a friend. It happened to a friend
Speaker 1: of mine. Yeah, And I was like, you should run,
Speaker 1: but see, and that's the thing. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I should give her advice because
Speaker 1: I'm very black and white, so I would have been
Speaker 1: like nope, yeah, like run, yeah. I mean, I think everybody,
Speaker 1: everybody has a different place on the spectrum in terms
Speaker 1: of cheating. But I feel like if that rubs you
Speaker 1: the wrong way, you just have to follow your intuition
Speaker 1: on it. I was like that that's a major it's
Speaker 1: a red flag for you to subscribe to. Once a cheat,
Speaker 1: are always a cheater, um on a cheater. So you've
Speaker 1: never cheated on anyone ever before? Even high school? Anytime? Nothing?
Speaker 1: No high school and my first kiss was like when
Speaker 1: I was sixte seventeen, eighteen. Um, No, I've never cheated
Speaker 1: on anyone. I think I have way too much guilt.
Speaker 1: Um my, my, my conscious would not I would not
Speaker 1: be able to see that at night. Um So, I've
Speaker 1: never personally cheated on anyone, and I don't think I've
Speaker 1: been cheated on. But now I've heard a story like
Speaker 1: this that happened to my friend, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: what if a guy was breaking up with me and
Speaker 1: was sleeping with someone else the week before, or even
Speaker 1: to be cheated on you? I just never told relationship ended.
Speaker 1: You would not want to know if your wife, if
Speaker 1: your boyfriend it's cheating. I think it's water under the
Speaker 1: bridge if the relationship is over anyway, Okay, I would
Speaker 1: like to know if my wife is cheating at Amy.
Speaker 1: I hope you're listening. I think there's a lot of
Speaker 1: black and white with you, which I respect. Relationships for
Speaker 1: me are a whole bunch of grey. I know, and
Speaker 1: that's the issue. But that's the issue. That's why. Like,
Speaker 1: I've had the same friends since I was like five,
Speaker 1: you know, like my I'm super close to my family.
Speaker 1: I like I loyalty to me, is so big. Um.
Speaker 1: And then you know, you start dating and of course
Speaker 1: as those areas of gray and listen, when I was
Speaker 1: on The Bachelor, that was the first time I did
Speaker 1: therapy and the therapist was like, Vanessa, you have to
Speaker 1: start learning to like swim in those gray areas. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't want to do it. It's so uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I can't lean into that. But I'm I'm starting to
Speaker 1: definitely starting to do. You when you start dating someone,
Speaker 1: is that something that you talk about, like what your
Speaker 1: boundaries are what you consider cheating? No, like micro cheating,
Speaker 1: because there's a whole gray area of micro cheating too.
Speaker 1: What's micro cheating? Micro cheating is like when it's not
Speaker 1: really overt cheating, like maybe you're not sleeping with someone,
Speaker 1: but you yeah, like having an emotional affair kind tender
Speaker 1: rya and stuff. Uh, it could be like it's different
Speaker 1: for everyone, but um, I think everyone has a different
Speaker 1: measure of what what is considered cheating, Which is why
Speaker 1: if you know this about yourself, that loyalty is so
Speaker 1: important to you and that's something that you really value. Um,
Speaker 1: that should be a point of conversation when you're starting
Speaker 1: to date someone like wh did limb here? Okay? I
Speaker 1: think there's all sort of things that people need, and
Speaker 1: I think you have an immense need for certainty. It's like, okay,
Speaker 1: let me let me give an example. When you break
Speaker 1: up with someone, do you look at their Instagram or
Speaker 1: their Facebook? So you don't know my willpower? Girl is
Speaker 1: so strong? Okay, someone breaks up with you, do you
Speaker 1: have that? Why? Why? Oh are they doing now? No?
Speaker 1: I don't ask what they're doing now? Ever, I actually
Speaker 1: don't care. And that's the thing like once, once it's
Speaker 1: over for me, it's over, and I think that's where
Speaker 1: it becomes black and white. I'll never ever go back
Speaker 1: to someone I dated because I'm like, listen to the timing. No,
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's over. I'm like, no, it doesn't. It doesn't.
Speaker 1: There's time and place maybe years down the line, but not.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, is anybody else going to help me
Speaker 1: that she's very when it's like if she loosened up,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm just no girl, I am tight.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you. I don't know. Mark. I agree
Speaker 1: that maybe there is the time and place could be
Speaker 1: wrong for certain people. Are there people from your past?
Speaker 1: You pine over like the one that got away. No, none, zero, no, No,
Speaker 1: I'm all about moving forward. There's anything wrong with that.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's a bad thing. Yeah, I really don't.
Speaker 1: And listen, there's no I'm not like un lonely. I
Speaker 1: want to get I want to be with someone. If
Speaker 1: I really did, yeah, i'd have a i'd have a
Speaker 1: guy right now, or i'd be dating someone that that
Speaker 1: you know I dated. Like no, I'm proud to say
Speaker 1: that I don't like going back to people that I've dated.
Speaker 1: And there's nothing wrong with that. What about so you've
Speaker 1: never had like your friends with benefits like nobody just
Speaker 1: kind of if you Saturday night, not even for the
Speaker 1: benefits that are typical Saturday night, you need a date
Speaker 1: for something, there's a guy you can call. Oh, I
Speaker 1: mean yeah, but nothing sexually is going to happen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's too great experimenting, Yes, that's experiment because like what
Speaker 1: we're doing is not working. So what if you tried
Speaker 1: some of these things? What if you maybe just were
Speaker 1: a little bit more like, well, maybe I'll just try
Speaker 1: and make it out with that guy. You don't have
Speaker 1: to be like oh making out sure, whatever, But I'm
Speaker 1: saying he's not getting in my pants, that's fine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Or what if maybe maybe there's someone from your past
Speaker 1: that you called to what I don't know, go out
Speaker 1: to dinner, see what happens. I tried that once and
Speaker 1: I was like, we're just at two different places. Still.
Speaker 1: Do you guys know that meme about going back to
Speaker 1: McDonald's stage, yes, reheating yourself fries like yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I saw that. That was like recently on Instagram. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I have that feeling. I feel like, if you if
Speaker 1: it didn't work the first time around, there was a
Speaker 1: clear reason it didn't work. Sometimes there are exceptions and
Speaker 1: someone has changed enough for the situation is enough, But
Speaker 1: it's an exception. Yeah, if it's if it's really all
Speaker 1: about timing and it's like we're a different places in
Speaker 1: our lives, that's one thing. But if it's like, um,
Speaker 1: you know, he didn't want kids. I had an ex
Speaker 1: of mine, the love of my life, didn't want kids.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, a little story, one little story. See look
Speaker 1: behind you see that girl Tanya. Yeah, her parents were married,
Speaker 1: great marriage, three kids, they got divorced. They were divorced
Speaker 1: for ten years. They got remarried to each other and
Speaker 1: are the happiest couple you've ever seen. So I tell
Speaker 1: you that story, Antonia, can you come in for a second.
Speaker 1: So I tell you that story because again, the world
Speaker 1: is not black and white, right, But I mean, ten
Speaker 1: years hasn't passed since I first dated someone. So you said,
Speaker 1: the love of my life, but he didn't want kids.
Speaker 1: So if you're reconnected with that guy, and he's a
Speaker 1: whole different place in his life. And I did just
Speaker 1: tell the story a little bit because I want, I
Speaker 1: just want Vanessa to open her mind a little bit
Speaker 1: and I think things could come to her easier. Uh,
Speaker 1: my parents were married for I don't even know how
Speaker 1: many years before, but they got divorced, like fully divorced,
Speaker 1: like two separate homes from when I was five, and
Speaker 1: then they got back to the when I was fifteen.
Speaker 1: So they were apart for a really really long time.
Speaker 1: They needed that time because I don't even know the
Speaker 1: details of like what all went down, but I know
Speaker 1: that it wasn't like a lack of love or respect,
Speaker 1: and um they got back to other. I would never
Speaker 1: imagine them a partner. Like they're so in loved, so happy.
Speaker 1: They've been re married now for ten years, twelve years more,
Speaker 1: and I can even imagine them apart. I mean, I
Speaker 1: have a friend of mine who has a similar story.
Speaker 1: She her mom got pregnant, they were dating. Her mom
Speaker 1: and her boyfriend were dating. She got pregnant, she had
Speaker 1: my friend, and then they didn't talk for fifteen years,
Speaker 1: and then they reconnected, had another baby, and are now
Speaker 1: back together. So I know it doesn't listen, but I'm saying, like,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't go back to someone I dated a month
Speaker 1: ago or someone I dated, you know, I would need
Speaker 1: time to to to process it and for me to
Speaker 1: be in a place where I'm happy with I like
Speaker 1: when I like being after going through a breakup or
Speaker 1: an ending of something, I like going back to that
Speaker 1: place from like so good on my own and that's
Speaker 1: when and that's where guys end up like coming into
Speaker 1: my life. I never knew I was going to meet
Speaker 1: this guy. It was I was at an event and
Speaker 1: we just like connected. But I was just at a
Speaker 1: really good place, you know. Yeah, you're like on your path,
Speaker 1: in your lane, just enjoying life, and that's when things
Speaker 1: come to you. I believe that when how are you
Speaker 1: normally meeting these guys so the ones that have worked out.
Speaker 1: I'm not on any dating apps. UM, not that I'm
Speaker 1: against it, I just I'm I don't know. I think
Speaker 1: I spent way too much time on my phone to
Speaker 1: start off with. And I love meeting people not organically.
Speaker 1: And maybe this is what Jennifer dr. Jennifer was saying, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to romanticize the guy I meet at the
Speaker 1: grocery store. But you know, I think, Um, I do
Speaker 1: think things happen for a reason, and you will meet
Speaker 1: people for a reason. Um, so maybe dating app is
Speaker 1: my next my next way to go. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I think you should. I mean, we actually have a
Speaker 1: friend of mine that's just sitting down right now. The
Speaker 1: lovely Brandy Cyrus is in the house. Hi, um, thank
Speaker 1: you for coming in. Actually, she just I'm in l A.
Speaker 1: You just recently you got into l A what yesterday
Speaker 1: or something Sunday night, on Sunday night, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I want you to come on and
Speaker 1: just I'm like, let's bash boys. I'm like, I'm in Um,
Speaker 1: so you're single, I'm single, and so around my birthday
Speaker 1: I messaged Brandy. I'm like, I ate guys, it's like
Speaker 1: what happened. I'm like, this guy that I was talking
Speaker 1: to just send me like the most like generic happy birthday,
Speaker 1: not even a happy born day text message, yeah exactly.
Speaker 1: And I was like I just felt like a piece
Speaker 1: of meat for him. After I was like, guys just suck.
Speaker 1: Yeah they do. And I woke up to your text
Speaker 1: and it was like insane timing because when my other
Speaker 1: really good girlfriends just went through like a horrible experience
Speaker 1: with a guy, um, and so I was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: what is this. Like every time I start to think
Speaker 1: like I'm missing out by being single, all my girlfriends
Speaker 1: start having like the worst issues with their guys, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, see, yeah, this is it. I'm better off,
Speaker 1: better off, I know. And I'm like, I people have
Speaker 1: been opening up to me about like their marry their
Speaker 1: marital issues or you know, I've had a couple of
Speaker 1: friends now who ended their engagement a month before their wedding,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'd rather be in my position, and
Speaker 1: you know, wake up with the anxiety that I have
Speaker 1: over a guy that I'm like, I know it was
Speaker 1: going to not end up with anyway than being in
Speaker 1: in in those positions, but it's I think everyone has
Speaker 1: a story and we all are going through our own
Speaker 1: romantic issues. You know, can you look back now, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to like bring up a bad topic,
Speaker 1: but look back on your engagement to Nick. Looking back now,
Speaker 1: do you see are you able to have clarity on
Speaker 1: why it didn't want? I mean yes, So can we
Speaker 1: not try just trusting that everything's happening exactly how I listen?
Speaker 1: I I always say that, um, and I said this
Speaker 1: while I was on the show. I said, every heartbreak
Speaker 1: that I went through led me to being on the show,
Speaker 1: meet to meeting you guys, lead me to be you know,
Speaker 1: like I do believe in that stuff. I really really do.
Speaker 1: But in the moment, like it's stings, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm not someone that's like, oh, I'm just gonna like
Speaker 1: not think about how I'm feeling and just go on
Speaker 1: with my day. I'm like, no, I'm feeling like this,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna feel sorry for myself for five minutes
Speaker 1: and then I'll go on with my day. Yeah that's good.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think it's good to like definitely process
Speaker 1: all your feelings before you move on. But I do
Speaker 1: think that playing off what Amy said, there is something
Speaker 1: to say about like looking back on all my relationships,
Speaker 1: every single one, Like the minute you meet somebody knew,
Speaker 1: you realize why I didn't work out with the last one.
Speaker 1: And so it's like, even though you don't have someone
Speaker 1: new right now, like you have to keep that belief
Speaker 1: that when you do meet the next person or the
Speaker 1: right person or whoever it is, that all the other
Speaker 1: ones that failed, it's going to make complete sense. You know.
Speaker 1: So are you dating anyone? No bleak out here. Although
Speaker 1: I did just move to Denver, Menver, and I'm very
Speaker 1: when you told me this, I was like, huh, You're like,
Speaker 1: come come visit on like on the next there is
Speaker 1: a good things to be single. I moved there on
Speaker 1: Thursday and then had to fly here Sunday. But those
Speaker 1: three days, even just those three days are hot men
Speaker 1: everywhere really Already my mom came to help me move in,
Speaker 1: and we were leaving my apartment building to go see
Speaker 1: my sister's show, and this like gorgeous dude was like
Speaker 1: coming in from a run. He was like helping this
Speaker 1: old lady with her pup. Like I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I was like, that's my husband. He listed
Speaker 1: my building and my mom was like, you gotta find
Speaker 1: out who that is already, and then went to your mom.
Speaker 1: By the way, it's just like I love her, you know,
Speaker 1: you gotta get her on this podcast. Yeah, um, but
Speaker 1: yeah she And then we went to a block party
Speaker 1: and they're just like hot guys everywhere. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is where I'm meant to be. There are nineteen
Speaker 1: thousand more available men than women in Denver. What And
Speaker 1: let me tell you, Nashville, where I'm from, is the
Speaker 1: complete opposite. There are no men in nash really, can
Speaker 1: you what are the stats in Montreal? Okay, because I'm
Speaker 1: in Montreal now. First of all, I was in l A.
Speaker 1: We're beautiful people, but just the worst if yeah, Eli
Speaker 1: is rough right, Yeah yeah, I'm the only one yea
Speaker 1: And it was rough. Now I'm back in Montreil and
Speaker 1: I'm like, Brandy's got a real good attitude though she's
Speaker 1: got complete, total certainty that it's all going to happen.
Speaker 1: I understand that asked me. If you would have asked
Speaker 1: me this a couple of months ago, have been like yeah.
Speaker 1: But right now I'm like yeah, break, which is why
Speaker 1: I'm a little bitter guys, and you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: being honest about it. And I said, I want to
Speaker 1: be able to talk about this because a lot of
Speaker 1: people could relate to this, and they're They're like, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be ashamed to say like I
Speaker 1: was a little but hurt. My ego was bruised. Um,
Speaker 1: are you, Brandy? Are you on on any dating apps?
Speaker 1: I'm not so. I was on ya ya oh you
Speaker 1: were stupid app? Yeah, I was that. Why is it stupid?
Speaker 1: I might I was about to go on, Well, it's
Speaker 1: like it's like the running joke, like people literally writing
Speaker 1: their bios now like this is the app where no
Speaker 1: one talks to each other because it's true, like everyone
Speaker 1: will actually each other and no one will actually start
Speaker 1: a conversation or like actually go on a date. But
Speaker 1: I did go on went on a date. I did
Speaker 1: go on to ride it. So they both suck. They
Speaker 1: hold on. I want to know about this date, about
Speaker 1: the good stuff. Yeah, yeah, it's go with the good.
Speaker 1: So I just joined drya like a couple of weeks ago. Okay, Um,
Speaker 1: after like a lot of convincing and thinking about it.
Speaker 1: What theme song did you choose? Do you have to
Speaker 1: have a song so much work. Yes, yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: know that someone's musical taste has a lot about that.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, especially in your world too. I actually think
Speaker 1: it's brilliant because you really get a good sense of
Speaker 1: the person. So my song is Leboa. It's very obscure,
Speaker 1: like no one's going to know that it's a Spanish song. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you want to play it? Right? But still play it?
Speaker 1: And I've like I've mixed together pictures of like myself
Speaker 1: and then like chutty safarita like salsa, so there's like
Speaker 1: a vibe gun. But that tells us a lot about
Speaker 1: Brandy thought my song it was no scrubs. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a good one. I deleted the app. I don't
Speaker 1: have any work, but that was it. Oh so then
Speaker 1: I shouldn't go on I don't know. I had a
Speaker 1: bad experience, okay, so, but L had a good one.
Speaker 1: I think that you can have a bad experience on
Speaker 1: any dating app, right, but I think that, um, I
Speaker 1: think that you should try one since you've never you've
Speaker 1: never been on it, I've never, guys. I was on
Speaker 1: the biggest dating app, The Bachelor, Like, yeah, okay, but
Speaker 1: that's that's true. That is true. But I think you
Speaker 1: have to try. You just have to try it. You
Speaker 1: have to experiment. Yeah, it's something, right, I'm open to
Speaker 1: it now because, um I guess, I guess. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: know that you want to meet someone organically, like to
Speaker 1: bump into them and you like drop something and like
Speaker 1: the whole meat cute from the movie. Like, I get
Speaker 1: that totally because I'm a huge romantic too. But I
Speaker 1: do think you just have to have like a lot
Speaker 1: of different irons from fire. You know, you have to
Speaker 1: like versify. Listen. I said, I was never going to
Speaker 1: do anything like The Bachelor. I went on it worked
Speaker 1: out for me for a short amount of time, so
Speaker 1: could be like nothing. Next is the dating App. I'll
Speaker 1: have so many good stories for you guys if I go.
Speaker 1: I'm going to do it just for the podcast. I
Speaker 1: have Montreal's fats, more women than men in Montreal and
Speaker 1: a sizeable gay male community, which also makes it tough
Speaker 1: to Yeah, girl, I'm I am coming to Denver. You
Speaker 1: got to come. Also, think about the guys that are
Speaker 1: attracted to Denver, like that they're there. They're like men, right,
Speaker 1: like cowboys and dogs and like sports. Yeah, I think. Wait,
Speaker 1: I don't think any of the things we just said.
Speaker 1: But yeah, BENI so you have a lot of friends
Speaker 1: in Denver too. Yeah, so you're saying that your childhood
Speaker 1: friends live in Denver. It wasn't just like I'm moving
Speaker 1: to Denver. There's men. The long story short, I went
Speaker 1: a year ago because I had never been to Red Rocks.
Speaker 1: A friend of mine, his country artist, was playing Red Rocks,
Speaker 1: and I was like, all, great, excuse. So we went
Speaker 1: and ung out for like six days and I loved
Speaker 1: the city and then I've been back like five times
Speaker 1: since then, and every time I was there, it's the
Speaker 1: only place I've ever been that I was sad to leave.
Speaker 1: Usually when I travel, I'm ready to go home, and
Speaker 1: every time I'm in Denver, I'm like so bummed and
Speaker 1: want to stay. So I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm still do it six I give six month lease
Speaker 1: commitment and like, I'm gonna try it. Why not? And
Speaker 1: your work allows you to do that, So I think
Speaker 1: I'll actually work more. There's more nightclubs and stuff there
Speaker 1: to dj and um, I just think it's a better
Speaker 1: scene for me right now. No, I've never been to Denver.
Speaker 1: Where is Denver on the map like in the middle. Sorry, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm Canadian middle, So it's in midwest? Is that what it's? Okay? Alright,
Speaker 1: let's talk about let's talk about relationships. I'm better at that.
Speaker 1: Would you ever move? Yeah, I'm so open to that,
Speaker 1: and so I'm open to moving. I'm open to long
Speaker 1: distance relationships. I'm open to a lot of things. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be open to threesome soon, not someone from her
Speaker 1: very loyal yeah, so romantic funny. Um, So, Brandy, do
Speaker 1: you have any fun like dating stories you want to share? Oh? Man,
Speaker 1: it's been so long since I've been on an actual
Speaker 1: date that I can't even really Like my last real
Speaker 1: date honestly was this Riot date and it was awful,
Speaker 1: Like what was Yeah, how much did you talk before
Speaker 1: you went on the date? Like not at all? Like
Speaker 1: it was like we matched and like I was just
Speaker 1: so impressed that he actually was like, hey, let's get
Speaker 1: coffee because most of the time you match the people
Speaker 1: on there and then it's just like sien and no
Speaker 1: one ever speaks. So I'm like, all right, well, at
Speaker 1: least this guy in the balls to ask me on
Speaker 1: on an actual date. So and it was in l A.
Speaker 1: So it was a red flag number one does he
Speaker 1: lives in l A? And red flag number two was
Speaker 1: that he looked like either like an Instagram model, Yeah
Speaker 1: like that. No listen, I like, I like dad bods,
Speaker 1: like if you have no if you have a six
Speaker 1: pack or even a two pack, I don't want to
Speaker 1: see any packs on you. Yeah. Nothing. Anyway, he was like,
Speaker 1: way to looking. I was because it's a bad idea.
Speaker 1: But so I went to coffee with him. Literally I
Speaker 1: don't think I got a word in for an entire hour.
Speaker 1: Like all he did was talking about himself. He was
Speaker 1: from Germany apparently, I don't know, and like he just
Speaker 1: talked and talked and talked, didn't ask me anything, Like
Speaker 1: I never asked me one question. And so then after
Speaker 1: an hour of that, I was like I really gotta go,
Speaker 1: like I gotta be somewhere. I hated it. And then
Speaker 1: the next day I was with my manager actually and
Speaker 1: was telling her about it, and she was like, wait
Speaker 1: a second, what's the guy's name. It's like I looked
Speaker 1: back and looked at up. She was like a girl
Speaker 1: in her office just went on a date with this guy.
Speaker 1: And it blew my mind because one of the things
Speaker 1: he told me, like and he volunteered this information. He
Speaker 1: was like, you, I've never been the kind of guy
Speaker 1: that can like date multile people at once. Like I
Speaker 1: just don't understand that concept. He said that. Yeah, he
Speaker 1: was like, this is like an l a thing or
Speaker 1: people date most people at once. Yeah, And then I
Speaker 1: find out that he was dating a girl in the
Speaker 1: office of my my manager's office, like at the same
Speaker 1: time were we so we on our last episode we
Speaker 1: were talking to um Susan Shaw Betty who like does
Speaker 1: investigation and stuff on guys that you dated. What she
Speaker 1: actually emailed me, She's like, I'm like, I don't know
Speaker 1: if I want to know anything, UM, but you don't
Speaker 1: have I feel like you don't have to go looking
Speaker 1: for information. It just ends up showing. You know, the
Speaker 1: more you look for something, the more you're going to
Speaker 1: find something that you don't like. And I feel like
Speaker 1: the universe will always work in your favor if you're
Speaker 1: in it for the right reasons. It sounds like I'm
Speaker 1: on the Bachelor episode, but it's true, like you'll you'll
Speaker 1: end up finding out what you need to find out. UM,
Speaker 1: have you guys found celebs on RYA because no way,
Speaker 1: that's fun. Anybody that we can name I. When I
Speaker 1: was on it, I matched with a lot of athletes,
Speaker 1: which I know but like. And then I found out
Speaker 1: later a buddy of mine that plays for the Grizzlies.
Speaker 1: I was like talking to him about it and I
Speaker 1: was like, why are all these athletes on this app?
Speaker 1: And he was like, oh, because a good friend of ours,
Speaker 1: like everyone knows, started the app. Yeah, yeah, I know
Speaker 1: the person that started. Yeah, there you go. And I
Speaker 1: messaged him like, hey, I think I'm ready for Ryeah.
Speaker 1: He's like, all right, send a new application. Um. Actually,
Speaker 1: speaking of a Dancing with the Stars, there was this
Speaker 1: UM football player that it was Trio night Trio Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: what's his name? Rashad Jennings was there. Dude, he's oh
Speaker 1: my god, he's beautiful and he was there with he
Speaker 1: wasn't it was the other guy that was the Dancing
Speaker 1: with the Star guy this of this season with him.
Speaker 1: Rashad was the guy that did the trio. Let me
Speaker 1: tell you that dance. We were all like, I have
Speaker 1: no idea. Shaw did really well and his he was
Speaker 1: on NICK season. Oh yeah. I was like every time
Speaker 1: when I was like, yeah, he's super high. I think
Speaker 1: he is single. He would a beautiful human being and
Speaker 1: so sweet professional athlete. I was gonna say, I'm just
Speaker 1: saying he's just like physically like, he's gorgeous. With the
Speaker 1: professional athlete, I highly recommend the rock star. No, I
Speaker 1: never No, I'm not going to date it for I'm
Speaker 1: just saying he was very it was good looking. I
Speaker 1: feel like a retired professional athlete though, was doable. No,
Speaker 1: everyone's like, I feel like, I don't know if they're
Speaker 1: not actually playing anymore and they're kind of a has
Speaker 1: been maybe they're like a little more down to earth.
Speaker 1: So everybody just chill, Wait, are you single? I'm single? Yeah,
Speaker 1: she does run on a riot date each other because
Speaker 1: I think that's the way to do it. Well, obviously,
Speaker 1: I have a really good person to set you up with.
Speaker 1: I've actually been thinking about it. So wait with me
Speaker 1: at least one if does he have a brother for Brandy?
Speaker 1: Yeah right, I actually don't know if he has a brother. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll take him, but find out so you can make
Speaker 1: it a double date. How old is this guy? This
Speaker 1: as long as my first question, he is, okay, because
Speaker 1: I think I agree with what maybe you're saying in
Speaker 1: between the lines, which is that guys aren't really ready
Speaker 1: until later. Well, also, i'm old, so and everybody like
Speaker 1: it always has to set me up with these guys.
Speaker 1: And you're not old, you're my age. You're not old,
Speaker 1: very old. I feel I say that too. I say
Speaker 1: I'm old too. But when someone else says in their
Speaker 1: my age, I'm like than both of you, I'm sure, No,
Speaker 1: you're not. I don't look how old are you? And
Speaker 1: thirty two? Oh? Okay, yeah, no, I'm thirty one. What
Speaker 1: was I going to say about this guy? Oh about age?
Speaker 1: He's forty two, which my mind is like a really
Speaker 1: good age, who's forty two? They got your dating that
Speaker 1: you want to send me? What do we think about this? Okay?
Speaker 1: My open, yes, totally, totally. My thing is, yeah, My
Speaker 1: thing is I've dated guys usually that are old, yeah,
Speaker 1: between like thirty five and thirty nine or even forty,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, if you're still single past that age,
Speaker 1: there's something up. I don't know. That's not no, I'm
Speaker 1: saying there's something up in terms of like commitment maybe.
Speaker 1: But here's here's my reason for for when you get
Speaker 1: older is when you're that age, you're so set in
Speaker 1: your ways and you're so comfortable with being single that
Speaker 1: I think it's it's got to be very hard to
Speaker 1: change your lifestyle to accommodate somebody else, isn't. That's just
Speaker 1: how Because the older I get, the more I feel
Speaker 1: myself slipping into that direct where it's like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'm so set in my ways the way it is,
Speaker 1: and I like the way it is. I like my
Speaker 1: time alone exactly all these things, and I'm like, the
Speaker 1: longer I'm single and older I get, the harder I
Speaker 1: can see that it is to like let somebody else in. Right,
Speaker 1: Here's a question we've discussed on the radio show before.
Speaker 1: If you meet a guy and he's forty, which is
Speaker 1: more desirable divorced or never married? Yeah, I mean, I
Speaker 1: think it totally depends on the person, because there are
Speaker 1: some forty year old who have just been so focused
Speaker 1: on something else, like they prioritized something else in their life.
Speaker 1: And I think, Um, I was just talking to a
Speaker 1: guy friend who got married later in life, and he's
Speaker 1: such a romantic, but he was just focused on other
Speaker 1: things when he was in his thirties and He described
Speaker 1: it as like men are like avocados. They're like not ripe,
Speaker 1: not righte, not ripe, not right then they're like really ripe,
Speaker 1: and they're ready and they're just like right there with you.
Speaker 1: And I think some men are like that. Um So
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a bad thing if they're single
Speaker 1: in their forty at all. I'm open to it. Divorce
Speaker 1: isn't bad though. Divorces they learn a lot, They learned
Speaker 1: a lot of lessons and committed. Yeah. For me, like,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying I don't want kids, but I I
Speaker 1: go either way. So to me, the idea of somebody
Speaker 1: that maybe has kids, like I'm the cool step mom
Speaker 1: is really appealing. That's a good that's a good thing.
Speaker 1: So if I didn't want kids, I don't think I
Speaker 1: would want I don't think i'd be like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I want a relationship. I want love. You know, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, I'm good, I'm like going to focus on
Speaker 1: other things. Well that's interesting. I don't really yeah, really, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think. I don't think I would put as
Speaker 1: I don't think i'd put as much pressure just do that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because that's I really could go either way. With kids,
Speaker 1: Like I just been a point where I'm just not sure,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not confident enough to say, like I don't
Speaker 1: want them, but I definitely it's not. And you come
Speaker 1: from a big family, I know, maybe that ruined me.
Speaker 1: That's four younger siblings ruined me. Um. But that's why
Speaker 1: I don't feel like a time like a time pressure
Speaker 1: on it. But like, actually, my last real actual boyfriend,
Speaker 1: like long term relationship, he had a kid. He had
Speaker 1: an eight year old and I loved that, loved it.
Speaker 1: We didn't have him all the time, he had him
Speaker 1: half the time, and like I was the step you know,
Speaker 1: the cool like step parents listened to sense and like
Speaker 1: the bottom gifts loved me, you know, and like I
Speaker 1: really enjoyed that role. Is that sad though, that you're
Speaker 1: not part of that kid's life anymore? A little bit?
Speaker 1: The breakup was the hardest because of that. Right, do
Speaker 1: you feel like you have a time crunch because you're
Speaker 1: only there? No, I don't feel like there's a time
Speaker 1: crunch because guys, I thought by this age I would
Speaker 1: have been already married with kids. Thing that. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel like we were brainwashed as children. That's what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: I mean at least in the South for me, girl,
Speaker 1: I'm Italian. Yeah, like, yeah, you're just like everyone's my friends,
Speaker 1: Like are are one of my friends who was married?
Speaker 1: She's like, you know, Vanessa, like it's time, it's time.
Speaker 1: I'm like stop, like you just had your baby. You're
Speaker 1: not even your thirties yet. Like, I'm so happy being
Speaker 1: in the position I am right now. Like, I don't
Speaker 1: envy anyone's life. I'm not going to start comparing my
Speaker 1: life to someone else's life. I'm really happy where I
Speaker 1: am career wise, where I am, you know, like everything
Speaker 1: I think it's just you meet someone and it's like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, it's like, oh, come on, just one and
Speaker 1: prove me wrong, you know. But no, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't feel it's the time crunch. I definitely want to
Speaker 1: have kids. I want to have kids before and yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and also what you just said about only wanting a
Speaker 1: guy for the purpose of having babies. You've also said
Speaker 1: that you're so romantic. You believe in love and all
Speaker 1: these things, right, I believe in I believe in the
Speaker 1: fai the unity of family, the family units that make sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, um, And because I come from. I come
Speaker 1: from like my family's everything. You know, we spend every
Speaker 1: Sunday together. Um. Having moved out to l A for
Speaker 1: that year, I was back home in Montreal once a month. Like,
Speaker 1: I'm super close to my family and you're a super
Speaker 1: branded you're super close to your family too. Um, so
Speaker 1: I'm I. Yeah, I think I want to have a
Speaker 1: relationship because I want to be able to have those
Speaker 1: babies and I want my babies to have the father
Speaker 1: that I had. Yeah. You know, do you find that
Speaker 1: it's hard to find somebody that fits into your family? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Because I definitely have that problem. And and it's like
Speaker 1: this is gonna sound terrible, but one of my siblings,
Speaker 1: significan another my mom just the other day was like,
Speaker 1: I just don't feel like they fit in. I just
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't want this. I don't want this
Speaker 1: to work out. I just don't feel like get fits.
Speaker 1: And it's but it's but it's hard because we're so
Speaker 1: tight and so close that when we do we all
Speaker 1: get together, like if you can't keep up, then you
Speaker 1: can't hang. Just absolutely happening, absolutely, and my family is
Speaker 1: allowed to keep up with Sam to sum it all up,
Speaker 1: I think the three of you all need to chill
Speaker 1: and what we're going to how to keep our next
Speaker 1: looking actually brought it for you, Amy. So we actually
Speaker 1: have um a makeup artist on the phone right now.
Speaker 1: Who's a friend of mine who did my makeup for
Speaker 1: Justin Cody's wedding, Spencer Barnes. Yeah, thank you. He's he's
Speaker 1: a magician when it comes to make up. Spencer, are
Speaker 1: you on the line, Yes, thank you. Hi. How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm great? How are you? I'm good? So I posted
Speaker 1: that picture of us and everyone was like, I'm so
Speaker 1: happy you found love. But that's how we swing the
Speaker 1: opposite ways, by the way, So I was like, that
Speaker 1: was hilarious. That's the best you've ever looked. Yeah. No.
Speaker 1: But so I met him when I was hosting the
Speaker 1: news and he did my makeup and I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: I look so good. I'm going out tonight. And I
Speaker 1: went out that night and I was like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: need Spencer for all my events whenever I'm in l A. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So we So was actually talking to Amy about this
Speaker 1: the you have this new line that just came out.
Speaker 1: He actually filmed It's crazy you're out here in l A.
Speaker 1: You're based in l A. But he came out to
Speaker 1: Montreal to film, Um, this new product that you just launched, um,
Speaker 1: and it's a it's can you actually go into details
Speaker 1: so I don't want to screw it up? You're absolutely yes.
Speaker 1: I was in Montreal filming some collateral materials about my
Speaker 1: new product. It's called the Facial Instant Culpting wand is
Speaker 1: to follow up to my also pretty new product, the
Speaker 1: next Culpting One. And they're best designed to instantly lift
Speaker 1: firm and tightened as a super hydrate and deliver incredible
Speaker 1: nutrients that helped rebuild and regenerate collagen, which is the
Speaker 1: look of youth that we all are so now much
Speaker 1: after keeping and maintaining. That's amazing. I mean, it's it's
Speaker 1: such an interesting product because usually we think of our
Speaker 1: face and we kind of neglect our neck and our
Speaker 1: neck as an extension of our face. And I always
Speaker 1: talk about like washing our face at night, um, you know,
Speaker 1: and people ask me about my beauty routine and stuff,
Speaker 1: and you actually use this on my face for the wedding,
Speaker 1: and I did feel like a little bit of you
Speaker 1: use it around my eyes. We didn't do the neck one.
Speaker 1: I haven't tried that one yet, um, but I've seen
Speaker 1: the before and afters on your Instagram page and it's
Speaker 1: incredible just the results that you get from this he has.
Speaker 1: People are loving the way that it works and um
Speaker 1: many noticed instant results, but also as they used the product,
Speaker 1: over time they develop and build more and more results.
Speaker 1: So it's designed to give both immediate and long term results.
Speaker 1: So on a scale from one to ten, how's my
Speaker 1: neck looking? That the issue? Is? That? Why I'm single?
Speaker 1: S hardly? You know, the neck is an area that
Speaker 1: I wanted to bring attention to your right. We have
Speaker 1: so many cool products and you know, little micro procedures
Speaker 1: for the faith, but the neck area has been too
Speaker 1: long neglected. It's part of the body we moved the
Speaker 1: most and it houses our voice and our throat chakra.
Speaker 1: So I thought if there was a way we could
Speaker 1: really target this area. It's got spin and battle skin
Speaker 1: that more you know, prone to showing the signs of aging,
Speaker 1: and also fun on it. So this product was something
Speaker 1: that was a labor of love. I worked on a
Speaker 1: couple of years to help women and even men everywhere
Speaker 1: work on this incredible area that we move all day.
Speaker 1: Every day. I see all those cet as I saw
Speaker 1: Amy was as you were. I don't know if you
Speaker 1: notice you were rubbing your neck like five seconds. I've
Speaker 1: seen Angie Harmon with that thing on her neck and
Speaker 1: Julianne huh yeah, thing on her neck, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: the deal, Why is this all on my Facebook? And
Speaker 1: why you message me like a midnight last night? Why
Speaker 1: is everybody rubbing this thing on their neck? And is it?
Speaker 1: Is there any like side effects or anything? No, it's
Speaker 1: like parabin free. It's like there's all like these. It's
Speaker 1: all organic. Is it organic? Yes, it's it's mostly organic.
Speaker 1: It's parabin free, it's gluten free, it is uh free
Speaker 1: of any harsh chemicals or preservatives, and it also is
Speaker 1: cruelty free. We don't have any animal testing. And it's
Speaker 1: also fragrance free for people who have allergies with fragrances
Speaker 1: and things like that. So he's made it as as
Speaker 1: consciously and friendly as possible. And you're right, there's people
Speaker 1: are using it, you know, even in their thirties, because
Speaker 1: we know that Presenter is so much easier than you know,
Speaker 1: doing serious corrections. So there's really no time that's too
Speaker 1: soon to start taking excellent care of your skin. Absolutely well. Spencer,
Speaker 1: where can when people find us? It's really easy to
Speaker 1: get and we shipped anywhere in the world, but also
Speaker 1: free shipping in the US. It's right on my website
Speaker 1: Spencer Barnes l a dot com or senter Barnes dot com. Amazing, Spencer,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for calling in. Thank you for
Speaker 1: making me look bomb on Sunday at the wedding. Um,
Speaker 1: there's so much fun. I'm glad you had a great
Speaker 1: time at the wedding. It looked like everyone had a
Speaker 1: marvelous time celebrating that special union. It was. It was
Speaker 1: a beautiful wedding. Thanks again for calling in. You're welcome.
Speaker 1: I love you. He's on and he's so like in person,
Speaker 1: he's so striking. I remember when I first met him.
Speaker 1: I was like, is this guy? And then they're like, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: he's gay, and I was like, oh, and he's such
Speaker 1: a sweetheart. Like his energy, yeah, I know, his his
Speaker 1: energy is just infectious. So this has been I feel
Speaker 1: like it's been a let's shut on Vanessa today. But
Speaker 1: I hope, I hope everyone tuning in. And I posted
Speaker 1: this on my Instagram. If you're single. I hope you're
Speaker 1: listening to this, UM. I hope you learned something from
Speaker 1: my mistakes and from what I'm going through. Heartbreak is
Speaker 1: a real thing, even if you're dating someone for a
Speaker 1: split second. I mean, there's three of us here, three beautiful.
Speaker 1: I can call myself beautiful. Is that weird? But three three,
Speaker 1: you know, like amazing women, and we're all single and
Speaker 1: we're all going through the same stuff. So I wanted
Speaker 1: to say a big thank you to l Where from
Speaker 1: the men DApp. This is the third time you're on
Speaker 1: the show. I love having you and I'm so happy
Speaker 1: that I met you in person today pronouncing my name correctly. Where? Yeah,
Speaker 1: how did you say I worked out? Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Uh.
Speaker 1: And for my friend Brandy Size for coming in. Dr
Speaker 1: Jennifer Freed for seeing then the next six months, you know,
Speaker 1: some magical stuff is going to start happening for me
Speaker 1: and for my dear friend Spencer Barnes Um. You can
Speaker 1: check out his neck wand on his Instagram account. Brandy
Speaker 1: has a podcast UM recording later today with wells okay
Speaker 1: and what's your podcast? Call Work Thing Podcast. You can
Speaker 1: find it on iTunes and all the things. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: Wells is awesome. I was actually gonna say earlier. Wells
Speaker 1: is a great example of like, if he had never
Speaker 1: gone on The Bachelor, you would have never met Sarah.
Speaker 1: And they're so cute together, so they just together. I
Speaker 1: think they celebrate their first when you're so cute. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and where can we find you on Instagram? At Brandy Cyrus.
Speaker 1: It's Brandy with an eye. Follow me if you like
Speaker 1: horses and bachelor people and if you're in Denver, And
Speaker 1: if you're in Denver and you're a single, dude, you're
Speaker 1: the hottie in my apartment building. And you can see
Speaker 1: download the Men DApp if you're going through a breakup.
Speaker 1: Um l, you're an expert at this. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining in, Thank you for having me, and
Speaker 1: please join in next week and hopefully I will suck
Speaker 1: a little bit less at dating hell by Suck at
Speaker 1: Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to podcast