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Speaker 1: Congratulations, you've been accepted into the inaugural class of Therapy

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Speaker 1: for Black Girls University. Whether you're packing for a new

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Speaker 1: year on campus, thinking through your gap year and rolling

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Speaker 1: in a community college, or grabbing your souls for graduation,

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Speaker 1: tbgu is here to help you thrive at this stage

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Speaker 1: of your life and beyond.

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Speaker 2: Hi. I'm sorrya Taylor, and I'm the TBG podcast production intern.

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Speaker 2: We'll return to Jana right after the break.

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Speaker 1: Winter break has either commenced or is about to commence

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Speaker 1: at most universities. If you're a student, then you know

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Speaker 1: that the transition of having your own dorm room and

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Speaker 1: being able to go out whenever you want to, coming

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Speaker 1: home and having a curfew can be a rough experience.

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Speaker 1: For this month's episode, I wanted to put together a

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Speaker 1: roundtable discussion with other college students to affirm and share

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Speaker 1: our own experiences navigating our relationships with our loved ones

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Speaker 1: in college. Today's episode is titled Navigating Helicopter Parents. What's

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Speaker 1: a helicopter parent? A helicopter parent is a parent who

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Speaker 1: pays very close attention to their child's experiences and problems,

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Speaker 1: especially at educational institutions. Joining me for this discussion are

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Speaker 1: Zoe Rose and Heaven Holloway. Zoe is a junior journalism

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Speaker 1: major and English minor attending Hampton University. She currently works

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Speaker 1: as a writer for her campus. Heaven is a current

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Speaker 1: grad student earning her Masters of Science in Marriage and

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Speaker 1: Family Therapy. She recently graduated from UCLA with a BA

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Speaker 1: in psychology and a minor in African American studies. In

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Speaker 1: our conversation today, we limit the woes of having helicopter parents,

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Speaker 1: provide to for students trying to set healthy boundaries with

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Speaker 1: their caregivers, and share some of the upsides of having

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Speaker 1: an involved parent. Here's our conversation. Hi, Zobe, Hi Heaven,

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Speaker 1: thank you for being here today. So I'm so excited

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Speaker 1: we're talking about helicopter parents, and so to kick us off,

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Speaker 1: I want to start off with some definitions to get

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Speaker 1: us grounded. So, a helicopter parent is defined by parents

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Speaker 1: dot com as a style of parenting where caregivers are

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Speaker 1: highly involved in their child's life. Some pop culture examples

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Speaker 1: you may be familiar with are Mingling in the Pixar

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Speaker 1: film Turning Red or Marlin from Finding Nemo. I want

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Speaker 1: to know from y'all, how would you describe the level

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Speaker 1: of involvement your parents had in your life during your

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Speaker 1: earlier years and throughout high school.

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Speaker 3: All start definitely, say, within like my earlier years, middle

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Speaker 3: school and high school, there was heavy involvement that my

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Speaker 3: parents had in my life. I definitely feel like this

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Speaker 3: sort of became stronger in high school, especially when I

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Speaker 3: wanted to go out, when I started to sort of

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Speaker 3: make new friends or like different groups of friends, navigating

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Speaker 3: who I wanted to become. I definitely felt like that

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Speaker 3: influence of say a helicopter parent was very strong and

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Speaker 3: didn't necessarily level out. Usually it levels out your senior

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Speaker 3: year and then you step into that freedom of college.

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Speaker 3: But I feel like, definitely, all throughout my four years

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Speaker 3: of high school, it was this heavy influence of helicopter

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Speaker 3: parenting that was definitely felt. And I can say that

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Speaker 3: entering my college experience had its impacts on me, and

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Speaker 3: those lasting impacts from the way it was in high

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Speaker 3: school for sure.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I would like to second everything Zoe said.

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Speaker 5: I feel like, definitely in high school, I felt the

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Speaker 5: pressure of my parents' involvement.

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Speaker 4: There was just a lot more rules.

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Speaker 5: Regulations surrounding, like Zoe said, like expanding friend groups, meeting

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Speaker 5: new people and things like that. I feel like it

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Speaker 5: didn't really let up until maybe my junior year of college,

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Speaker 5: which is a really long time. So definitely definitely a

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Speaker 5: lot of involvement, and it started to lessen the more

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Speaker 5: I got deeper into my undergraduate experience. But yeah, definitely strong.

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Speaker 1: Gotcha, So what came up between you and the adults

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Speaker 1: in your life during your college application process?

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Speaker 3: For me, throughout my college application process, it was already stressful,

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Speaker 3: incredibly stressful in and of itself, but I think that

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Speaker 3: on top of that was in the back of my

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Speaker 3: mind this need to be like, Okay, I do want

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Speaker 3: to apply to the schools that I want to apply to,

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Speaker 3: but I also want to do it in a way

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Speaker 3: that would make my parents happy. And I felt that

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Speaker 3: pressure more so, and so I feel like that did

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Speaker 3: have its impacts going about the college process and choosing

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Speaker 3: whether or not I should apply to this school or

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Speaker 3: even down to like the program or like specific major.

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Speaker 3: I sort of felt like I needed to confide in

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Speaker 3: my parents before I even asked myself. So I definitely

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Speaker 3: think that was a very strong influence there on my

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Speaker 3: college application process for sure.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, again, I'm the second everything Zoe said, it was

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Speaker 5: very stressful for me with just trying to navigate the

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Speaker 5: application process alone, and then I had like other things

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Speaker 5: from my support system, so having led me like oh,

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Speaker 5: you can't fig a school that's more than twelve hours away,

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Speaker 5: or like this major, I don't know if that's the

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Speaker 5: right fit for you. So very much a lot of involvment,

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Speaker 5: even decision making, to where sometimes it felt like the

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Speaker 5: choice wasn't really up to me. It was a joint agreement,

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Speaker 5: like if there wasn't one party that agreed with what

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Speaker 5: I wanted, then it wouldn't really happen. And so I'm

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Speaker 5: from the West Coast, so I kind of had to

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Speaker 5: stay on the West Coast when it comes to police

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Speaker 5: and I didn't get to experience that out of state

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Speaker 5: experience or anything like that. So yeah, it was just

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Speaker 5: a lot of going back and forth about what I'm

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Speaker 5: going to decide, what major I picked, what school I

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Speaker 5: would even apply and tend to, and so that was

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Speaker 5: a little frustrating for me.

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Speaker 4: But there's pros and constant everything, and I.

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Speaker 5: Feel like maybe it's what I need in the moment,

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Speaker 5: didn't know, but yeah, it was definitely frustrating in that moment,

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Speaker 5: having that back and forth and feeling like the decision

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Speaker 5: is not really up to me.

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Speaker 1: No, I fully agree and relate to the both of y'all.

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Speaker 1: Like for me, my decisions were heavily influenced by my family,

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Speaker 1: and so I didn't establish or know that I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to be in the major or this program until

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Speaker 1: I actually got into the classroom. By the time you're

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Speaker 1: already too deep into it, I was making all of

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Speaker 1: my decisions and considerations with my parents in mine my

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Speaker 1: family and mind, and so I didn't have my own

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Speaker 1: autonomy and it didn't really feel like much. But once

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Speaker 1: I set foot in the first class and I was like, wait,

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Speaker 1: I don't like this, That's when it kind of hit

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Speaker 1: like I didn't make any of these decis decisions for me,

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Speaker 1: and that was when I needed to have some self talk.

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Speaker 1: So Heaven you touched on this already. Did you attend

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Speaker 1: a local school out of state and did your parents

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Speaker 1: have any influence on the type of schools that you

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Speaker 1: applied to?

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Speaker 5: Yes, definitely, I went to school in state, so I'm

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Speaker 5: from California and LA Area, so I went to UCLA.

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Speaker 5: My parents had a big impact on the school that

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Speaker 5: I chose again, like it was a twelve hour drive rule,

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Speaker 5: Like if I can't get to you twelve hours, then

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Speaker 5: it's a no for me. So that played a huge

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Speaker 5: factor into my decision. Also, there was just like schools

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Speaker 5: that my parents really liked. My dad loves UCLA and

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Speaker 5: so he was like, oh, yeah, you're going there, even

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Speaker 5: before I could make the decision for myself. And so

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Speaker 5: I felt that pressure in that aspect make my family

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Speaker 5: proud of the decision that I made. And UCLA is

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Speaker 5: a great school, but part of me wants to go

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Speaker 5: to Howard, part of me wants to go to HBCU,

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Speaker 5: and I just felt like there was like a pressure

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Speaker 5: to live up to a certain expectation. So I chose

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Speaker 5: to go to UCLA. And yeah, my parents had a

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Speaker 5: big influence on the school that I chose, and not

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Speaker 5: necessarily for the worst, but you know, it's still just

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Speaker 5: felt like I wish I had the option to choose

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Speaker 5: to go where I felt maybe I would have a

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Speaker 5: different experience or get away and experience what it's like

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Speaker 5: to be in a different area and grow into myself

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Speaker 5: in a different place.

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Speaker 1: Zoe, what was your experience like anything to add.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So for me, I'm originally from New Jersey and

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Speaker 3: I go to school in Hampton, so that's about like

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Speaker 3: a seven hour drive from Jersey to Virginia. I want

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Speaker 3: to say that in terms of location, it wasn't necessarily

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Speaker 3: the huge influence of where I was, but it was

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Speaker 3: more so an influence of where you're going, like what

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Speaker 3: school you're going to. I knew that I wanted to

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Speaker 3: go to an HBCU and that was always in my

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Speaker 3: head since freshman year, but it was a matter of, Okay,

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Speaker 3: are these day HBCUs want to go to and sort

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Speaker 3: of like me second guessing myself because I knew that

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Speaker 3: may not make them proud and things like that. So

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Speaker 3: I feel like that influenced them. Of course, in the end,

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Speaker 3: I ended up going to one of my top schools

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Speaker 3: and things like that, and they were proud. But it's

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Speaker 3: still a matter of that process of being like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: am I doing this because I want to do this?

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Speaker 3: Or am I doing this because I want to make

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Speaker 3: them proud? And like this is the school that they

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Speaker 3: would like and things like that. So at the end

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Speaker 3: of the day, I did attend a school that I'm

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Speaker 3: so in love with that I'm so proud of, but

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Speaker 3: it's a matter of that influence.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. How did your relationship with your loved

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Speaker 1: ones evolve when you entered college? Like, what were the

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Speaker 1: first few months of your freshman year like for you

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Speaker 1: and your family?

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Speaker 3: For me, I think towards the beginning, especially my freshman year,

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Speaker 3: I was very very reliant on my parents, And that's

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Speaker 3: why I think in that sense it was sort of

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Speaker 3: helicopter parenting because I was very reliant on them and

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Speaker 3: they didn't leave room for independence. So I think that

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Speaker 3: sort of allowed me to struggle a lot more than

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Speaker 3: a lot of other people would, because when you're in college,

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Speaker 3: you step into your independence, you're sort of forced to

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Speaker 3: step into your independence. But me, I didn't necessarily feel

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Speaker 3: like I had to because my parents were constantly there.

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Speaker 3: So I think that my freshman year and even my

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Speaker 3: sophomore year very reliant on my parents, whether that be financially,

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Speaker 3: whether that be anything. I was incredibly reliant on them,

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Speaker 3: and I think that forced me to struggle a lot

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Speaker 3: in knowing what I wanted to do, how to go

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Speaker 3: about it independently, and those are fundamental things that you

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Speaker 3: learn in college. But in terms of our relationship evolving,

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Speaker 3: I do think that we grew closer because I was

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Speaker 3: still relyant on them, but of course there's proso cous

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Speaker 3: to that always.

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Speaker 5: So yeah, yeah, I definitely feel that my freshman year,

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Speaker 5: my parents were there, but they weren't there. It was

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Speaker 5: like a lot of rules and things that I had

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Speaker 5: to abide by while being on campus, which is crazy

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Speaker 5: because like, how.

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Speaker 4: Are you going to enforce these rules?

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Speaker 5: But like, I think that being the type of person

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Speaker 5: that I am, I always again wanted to like make

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Speaker 5: my parents proud of me and make them happy with

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Speaker 5: my decision, so.

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Speaker 4: I kind of adhere to them just out of not

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Speaker 4: wanting to cause tensions.

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Speaker 5: So there was a lot of times where I had

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Speaker 5: certain rules that I had to do and then my

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Speaker 5: friends would be like you have to do that, and

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Speaker 5: I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm so sorry, and stuff like

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Speaker 5: that that I feel like sometimes impeded on the things

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Speaker 5: that I went into do and my own exploration and

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Speaker 5: like learning who I am, just making.

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Speaker 4: My own decisions, trying new things, all that kind of stuff.

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Speaker 4: I think that over time.

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Speaker 5: I think it softened a little bit, just because I

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Speaker 5: feel like finally my parents were able to trust my

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Speaker 5: decision making because I had experienced certain things in college

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Speaker 5: that I was able to navigate on my own and

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Speaker 5: not feel like I had to go to them. But

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Speaker 5: like I said, that took a lot for me. It

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Speaker 5: felt like junior year was the year that I really

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Speaker 5: felt like there wasn't that pressure. But it was definitely

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Speaker 5: very strong in the beginning, and then, like I said,

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Speaker 5: over time it kind of softened, but there was still

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Speaker 5: certain rules like whether it be communicating with them on

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Speaker 5: a regular basis, so not going certain places past a

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Speaker 5: certain hour, past a certain air or distance, whatever the

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Speaker 5: case may be. That was very prevalent during my freshman year.

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Speaker 5: That made making certain decisions a little bit more challenging.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, it did evolve. I'm not going to say

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Speaker 4: that it's not, but definitely took some time.

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Speaker 1: I'm curious to know what were some of those examples

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Speaker 1: that showed your parents, Okay, maybe she's learning.

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Speaker 5: For me, it was definitely having bad grades because it's

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Speaker 5: not always realistic to have perfect grades all the time

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Speaker 5: in college. So I think one of the key examples

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Speaker 5: I had a bad grade on a test, but I

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Speaker 5: was able to bounce back and get a good grade

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Speaker 5: in the class overall, and like talk to them about

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Speaker 5: how I was so frustrated with that aspect, Like, didn't

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Speaker 5: let that stop you from being able to get what

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Speaker 5: I need to get done to like go to office

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Speaker 5: hours and things like that, being able to make decisions

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Speaker 5: that overall would improve my situation instead of just being

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Speaker 5: down to myself about the fact that I didn't get

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Speaker 5: a good grade. And I think abiding by those rules

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Speaker 5: did a lot of help, even though they were uncomfortable

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Speaker 5: and stressful at times. I think the fact that I

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Speaker 5: bodied by them and didn't cause that much issues created

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Speaker 5: a place where they were like, Okay, we've given her

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Speaker 5: a little bit, she's done well with it. Okay we

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Speaker 5: can give more now. Do I necessarily agree with that

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Speaker 5: type of mindset. No, but I feel like I made

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Speaker 5: it work for what I could and tried to maintain

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Speaker 5: that balance because of course I care about my parents,

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Speaker 5: but I also want some sort of autonomy, so I

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Speaker 5: tried to find like a middle ground of working with

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Speaker 5: them but also doing what I want to to make

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Speaker 5: sure that trust factor could be built up a little

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Speaker 5: bit more.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for sharing that.

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Speaker 3: I definitely agree with sort of what Heaven said about

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Speaker 3: finding that level ground and finding that balance. I feel

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Speaker 3: like that's essential and that's key. I definitely feel like

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Speaker 3: for myself my freshman and my sophomore year, I was

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Speaker 3: sort of navigating that as well, like navigating that ground

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Speaker 3: of trust and having them trust me while also stepping

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Speaker 3: into what I want to do and discovering what I

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Speaker 3: want to do in a way that's still respectful to

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Speaker 3: them and respectful to what I know, while also being like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: well this is what I want to do and things

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Speaker 3: like that. So I agree with that, and I definitely

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Speaker 3: found myself doing that a lot of times more than

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Speaker 3: not my freshman and sophomore year.

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Speaker 4: For sure.

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Speaker 1: I love that y'all were able to find that middle ground.

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Speaker 1: It's a weird play by play. It's a very weird

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Speaker 1: play by play of I'm eighteen, I'm seventeen, Like I'm grown,

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Speaker 1: but you're not grown, but you're grown enough to be

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Speaker 1: learning who you are. And it's just a whole lot,

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Speaker 1: a whole lot of tell me about a situation where

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Speaker 1: you wish you would have been given more independence and

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Speaker 1: or space, and how did you handle that situation.

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Speaker 3: I think, for me, a time where I needed more

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Speaker 3: space and things like that is obviously, I think it

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Speaker 3: was my freshman year coming back home for break. I mean,

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Speaker 3: you're piled with these questions of like, what are you

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Speaker 3: doing with your major? What do you want to do

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Speaker 3: with your career? Do you want to like those sort

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Speaker 3: of questions, Oh, you need an internship before you graduate?

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Speaker 3: What are you going to do postgrad? Those sort of

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Speaker 3: questions piled up, and especially over a break where I

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Speaker 3: just got finished with my finals, I'm coming home to

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Speaker 3: reset and relax, and I feel like those questions are

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Speaker 3: just a reminder of everything that I need to do,

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Speaker 3: And on top of that, it's just the stress of

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Speaker 3: things that they expect for me when I'm trying to

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Speaker 3: go home and be in a space where I just

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Speaker 3: want to relax and just not have to worry about school.

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Speaker 3: So I think that that is a clear and concise

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Speaker 3: situation that has happened to me that in that time,

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Speaker 3: I really just needed space. I wanted to be home,

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Speaker 3: I wanted to feel like I was home, but I

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Speaker 3: was constantly reminded of my future. So I think that

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Speaker 3: in that situation at the time, I didn't necessarily handle

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Speaker 3: it the right way, just because I was like, oh

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Speaker 3: my god, I don't know what I'm doing it and

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Speaker 3: it might have made the situation worse. But looking back

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Speaker 3: at it now, I think that I would have just

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Speaker 3: been like, look, I don't know what I'm doing, but

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Speaker 3: I'm figuring it out and I just need space, you know.

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Speaker 3: Setting the those boundaries is essential, and also like communicating

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Speaker 3: in the way that they can understand it's bothering me

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Speaker 3: and I can effectively communicate how it's bothering me.

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Speaker 5: For me, I had a little bit of a different experience.

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Speaker 5: I wish I was given a little bit more room

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Speaker 5: when it came to like outside campus excursions with my friends.

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Speaker 5: Like I said before, I had that rule where there

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Speaker 5: was like a certain limit on how far I could

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Speaker 5: go from campus, and so for me that was a

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Speaker 5: little bit challenging and then even checking in and asking

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Speaker 5: for fruition that kind of stuff, because I think it

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Speaker 5: created a barrier sometimes with me and my friends where

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Speaker 5: I feel like, even though they may not have told

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Speaker 5: me directly, there was just a little bit of dang,

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Speaker 5: like she can't really go anywhere. How could we even

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Speaker 5: navigate inviting her without feeling like we also have that

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Speaker 5: Here to the rules that her parents set for her too,

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Speaker 5: which I know for them was probably a little frustrating,

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Speaker 5: and so I wish there was more room in that area,

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Speaker 5: because there was a lot of times during other experiences

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Speaker 5: like high school, that I went so many places other

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Speaker 5: than this country without my parents and feeling like dang,

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Speaker 5: all of a sudden, now I feel like there's even

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Speaker 5: more tighter constraints compared to how I felt a little

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Speaker 5: bit in high school to a certain extent, and it

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Speaker 5: just felt like sometimes limiting in the sense that I

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Speaker 5: feel like I'm able to make my own decisions, have

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Speaker 5: smart decision making, and maybe I don't know everything, but

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Speaker 5: maybe I wish there was a little bit more trust

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Speaker 5: in the fact that, like, if something were to happen,

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Speaker 5: that I know who to call, I know how to

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Speaker 5: get the help that I need, instead of just letting

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Speaker 5: things happen and then things getting too bad to where

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Speaker 5: there can never be.

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Speaker 4: Any help or recovery.

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Speaker 5: And I feel like that's mostly what it was, like

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Speaker 5: a safety concern, which I get, but I just feel

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Speaker 5: like it was limiting and I feel like it limited

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Speaker 5: my experience of what I could be involved in or

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Speaker 5: what I could explore beyond just like being on campus

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Speaker 5: because everything is not on campus all the time, it's.

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Speaker 1: Not That is something that you don't recognize until you're

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Speaker 1: already there without a car. So I'm curious what was

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Speaker 1: it like for the both of you to be home

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Speaker 1: for the first time after a semester of living on

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Speaker 1: your own. How did you navigate things like Kirk you

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Speaker 1: not eating in your room or not being able to

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Speaker 1: live the way you might have been living on campus.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll start. I think for me it was definitely

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Speaker 3: like hard, sort of like navigating that because for me,

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Speaker 3: like especially in my freshman year, I was stepping into

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Speaker 3: my own independence. I could go out whenever I wanted to,

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Speaker 3: I could come back whenever I wanted to. I didn't

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Speaker 3: need to tell people where I was going who I would,

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Speaker 3: you know what I mean? Like, I was just doing

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Speaker 3: whatever I wanted to. And I think that being home,

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Speaker 3: Like I always loved being home because I love sort

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Speaker 3: of that reason. I love the comfort of being home.

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Speaker 3: I didn't realize how difficult it would be to prove

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Speaker 3: my independence. It felt like I was going backwards. I

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Speaker 3: experienced all this independence at school, and now I'm going

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Speaker 3: back home and I feel like I'm in high school again.

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Speaker 3: So That's definitely what it felt like, like come back

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Speaker 3: on time and things like that. It was hard and

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Speaker 3: it was hard to hang out with my friends and

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Speaker 3: things like that, but I had to remember, like, well,

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Speaker 3: this is how it is at home, so I sort

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Speaker 3: of came to terms with it.

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Speaker 5: But yeah, my freshman year was actually pretty unique in

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Speaker 5: the sense that, like it was cut short by COVID,

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Speaker 5: so I feel like that played a different role. But

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Speaker 5: I feel like I can speak more until my screams

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Speaker 5: now because I moved back home after college and that

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Speaker 5: was a big transition to a certain extent. There are

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Speaker 5: still rules and curfews and which is crazy because I'm like,

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Speaker 5: I have a whole batchelor screen now and I still

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Speaker 5: have to rite under rules and things like that. It

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Speaker 5: has been a little stressful, I think, like Zoe said,

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Speaker 5: like feeling like I have to prove my independence. But

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Speaker 5: I feel like at the end of the day, I

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Speaker 5: had to come to terms with the fact that my

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Speaker 5: parents are always going to have a certain perception of

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Speaker 5: wanting to protect their child. In their eyes, I'm always

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Speaker 5: going to be their kid, and I think being more

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Speaker 5: cognizant of that it made it a little bit easier

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Speaker 5: for me to swallow that pill, because there's nothing really

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Speaker 5: I can do at a certain point.

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Speaker 4: It's beyond me. It's not really about me.

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Speaker 5: It's more about like what they've experienced, like who they

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Speaker 5: are as people, and so like when I learn to

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Speaker 5: not like personalize it and like internalize it and see

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Speaker 5: as like a reflection of like who I am as

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Speaker 5: a person and my character and all that kind of stuff,

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Speaker 5: I feel like it became easier for me. Don't get

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Speaker 5: me wrong, it's still hard, but it just motivates me

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Speaker 5: to be, like, when I get my own stuff, I'm

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Speaker 5: going to be gone for good this time and then

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Speaker 5: like navigate that on my own, and it motivates me

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Speaker 5: to get to that point and not be here forever

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Speaker 5: because it's not working for me.

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Speaker 4: All the time.

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Speaker 1: I love that perspective that you have in regards to

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Speaker 1: seeing your parents' side or seeing your loved one side

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Speaker 1: of this is beyond you and this is not your doing,

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Speaker 1: and just taking a step back and recognizing that they've

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Speaker 1: had experiences to lead them to the thought processing that

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Speaker 1: they have currently. So I love that.

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Speaker 2: Hi. I'm Saria Taylor and I'm the TBG podcast production intern.

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Speaker 2: We'll return to Jana right after the break.

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Speaker 1: How do you feel the adults in your life have

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Speaker 1: influenced your personal growth and self reliance? Can you share

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Speaker 1: some specific ways it's impacted you.

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Speaker 3: I think that the adults in my life have definitely

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Speaker 3: made it difficult for self reliance, just because I've been

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Speaker 3: very reliant on them because that's what I'm so used to.

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Speaker 3: I feel like even in decision making, I sort of

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Speaker 3: prioritize what my parents would do or what they would

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Speaker 3: tell me to do as opposed to what I should do,

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Speaker 3: and I think that makes it very difficult for self

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Speaker 3: reliance actually living on your own, especially being in college.

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Speaker 3: So I think those situations, especially when it comes to

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Speaker 3: like money and things like that, like how I should

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Speaker 3: spend my money, what should I spend it on? Am

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Speaker 3: I effectively saving? Those things are direct impacts from what

440
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 3: my parents haven't still given me, which of course I'm

441
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 3: grateful for, but at the same time, it makes it

442
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,960
Speaker 3: difficult for me to actually step into that independence.

443
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:21,920
Speaker 4: On my own.

444
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:26,200
Speaker 5: So yeah, I would say that I feel like I've

445
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 5: lived in a little bit of like cognitive business, like

446
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,639
Speaker 5: I was getting mixed messages from my family, like I

447
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,680
Speaker 5: have some people that would tell me, go live your lives,

448
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 5: and then I have some people tell me, oh, no,

449
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,919
Speaker 5: these are the rules that you have to abide by.

450
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,160
Speaker 4: So like, in certain aspects, I did have a lot

451
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:41,639
Speaker 4: of encouragement.

452
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,679
Speaker 5: Like I said, with the whole great situation and like

453
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 5: having to be able to bounce back from li like

454
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,919
Speaker 5: that was my own decision making and the fact that

455
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,360
Speaker 5: I told my parents they were kind of like, well,

456
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:51,639
Speaker 5: you know what you need to do to get that

457
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 5: great up, and I'm like, you're right. So I figured

458
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 5: out and make sure I made that work. And then

459
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 5: I feel like from there, because I was able to

460
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 5: get the grade up, they were like, Okay.

461
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 4: She did what we thought she was capable of doing.

462
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:06,879
Speaker 4: So for like the great stuff, I feel like it

463
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:07,439
Speaker 4: was easy.

464
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,960
Speaker 5: I feel like the other stuff, like life things, it

465
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:13,760
Speaker 5: became a little bit more challenging, just because my parents

466
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,919
Speaker 5: and my family have certain views and opinions, and I

467
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,400
Speaker 5: had to learn how to take what I can use

468
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 5: and take what I resonated with and other things maybe

469
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:26,280
Speaker 5: not so much, and learn how to negotiate with myself

470
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 5: what's important for me to hold on to? What level

471
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 5: of my parents' advice and input do I value and

472
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 5: what part of it is like I don't necessarily align

473
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 5: with it, and like again being comfortable with making bad

474
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,360
Speaker 5: decisions and like making mistakes because that's the only way

475
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 5: that you learn.

476
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,120
Speaker 4: And then the more.

477
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 5: That I brought my mistakes to my family posted fact

478
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,400
Speaker 5: like I already did it, I already fixed it, blah blah,

479
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 5: bah blah blah, then I feel like that created for

480
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 5: all timy is like Okay, she said that she experienced

481
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,480
Speaker 5: this hardship bounce back recovery, was able to figure it out.

482
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,680
Speaker 4: Okay, so we don't need to be involved type thing.

483
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 5: So it's like that level of do you have to

484
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,040
Speaker 5: tell your parents everything that you mess up or like

485
00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:05,200
Speaker 5: everything that you do wrong.

486
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 4: So I feel like there's levels toity.

487
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 5: You just have to learn how to make it work

488
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 5: for you and make it work for like the situation

489
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 5: that you're in, in the environment that you're in, to

490
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,200
Speaker 5: keep a little bit of sanity.

491
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 4: Intech.

492
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: Has your experience with being monitored closely made you want

493
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 1: to shy away from your parents?

494
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:30,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's made me very cautious of everything.

495
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,400
Speaker 3: I feel like when you're monitored and when you are

496
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 3: watched and things like that, it makes you less wanting

497
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,640
Speaker 3: to tell them things because it feels like if you do,

498
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 3: it's going to be a problem. So I think that

499
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 3: when there's not that much freedom, of course, you're going

500
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,159
Speaker 3: to be closed off. I feel like, especially growing up

501
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:54,160
Speaker 3: high school early college, I was heavily watched, heavily monitored,

502
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,119
Speaker 3: and I feel like that made me shy away from

503
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,000
Speaker 3: wanting to tell them the things that are going on

504
00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 3: in my life because I feel like I might get

505
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,919
Speaker 3: in trouble or that might not be something that they

506
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,880
Speaker 3: want to hear or something that I should be doing. So, yeah,

507
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 3: it just intinuates that I'm doing something wrong because it

508
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:09,879
Speaker 3: intinuates that there's not that level of trust.

509
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like it does reinforce that a little bit,

510
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:18,439
Speaker 5: which is like a double edged sword. But I also

511
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 5: did not always share everything. I feel like, to a

512
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 5: certain extent, your parents and your family know what you're

513
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 5: going to do in college based on their experience of

514
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,160
Speaker 5: what they've heard from other people. They already know what happens,

515
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,000
Speaker 5: and so I didn't always feel a need to necessarily

516
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 5: tell them everything. But if it came up, I was

517
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 5: transparent regardless of what their reaction would be because I

518
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,360
Speaker 5: feel like that was like the only way to enforce

519
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,840
Speaker 5: on my end, like, yeah, I'm still going to make

520
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 5: this decision and I do not listen to my advice

521
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 5: hundred percent. Depending on how your parents are and stuff

522
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 5: like that, But for me, I didn't share everything all

523
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 5: the time. My parents knew some stuff, they didn't know

524
00:25:56,320 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 5: some stuff, but I gauged what I wanted to share

525
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 5: based on how much it aligned with what they believe,

526
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 5: or like I said, if it got brought up, or

527
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,239
Speaker 5: if I even felt comfortable sharing, because there were some

528
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 5: things that I didn't necessarily feel comfortable with and I

529
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:15,679
Speaker 5: didn't want to have to explain myself. So like, yeah,

530
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 5: it's a difficult situation of being especially if you're very

531
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:22,359
Speaker 5: close to your family. It's hard, but again, you have

532
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,239
Speaker 5: to learn how to make it work for you and

533
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:27,159
Speaker 5: make it work for what you want for your own life,

534
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 5: because that's really what college is about, learning who you

535
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 5: are and learning what you want out of your own

536
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,159
Speaker 5: life because it's yours.

537
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:40,040
Speaker 1: Right, I think for me, I definitely felt like, okay,

538
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 1: this is doing a lot. So in turn, I wanted to,

539
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,720
Speaker 1: like while I was in school, to have moments to

540
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 1: myself and so my family was out of state eight

541
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:56,800
Speaker 1: hours away. There's really you can drive, you can fly,

542
00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 1: but like that's effort, and so me shining away was

543
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 1: just maybe I call once a week, twice a week,

544
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:10,200
Speaker 1: and it's finding that balance that I enjoyed while I'm

545
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 1: still finding who I am, just because I just had

546
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:17,440
Speaker 1: that heavy influence and so me trying to figure out

547
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 1: the balance of it. Sometimes it was extreme. Sometimes I

548
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 1: forgot to call home. Sometimes it went two to three

549
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 1: weeks I just haven't called home because I'm just really

550
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 1: in my season. And then sometimes I'm calling home every

551
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 1: five seconds because I miss home. And so I was

552
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:33,679
Speaker 1: just shying away, but also trying to find how do

553
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 1: I learn who I am and balance who you are

554
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 1: and all these things. So it was tiring at times

555
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: and definitely a process. But I appreciate y'all sharing that

556
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 1: with all the parenting styles, there are pros and cons

557
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 1: tell us about the upsides of having a hyper involved parent.

558
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 3: I think an upside is probably just knowing like sort

559
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,360
Speaker 3: of what Heaven touched on before I can be confident

560
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 3: that they're doing this out of okay. I want to

561
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 3: make sure my child's safe. So having that confidence in

562
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 3: knowing that it's coming somewhere out of love, So at

563
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,160
Speaker 3: the end of the day, that's their form of communicating

564
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:13,639
Speaker 3: that they care and they love for you and they

565
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 3: want to make sure you're safe. So I guess like

566
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 3: having hyperactivity and having that hyper focused on your life

567
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 3: is better than not being involved at all, So I

568
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 3: definitely think that's a positive. And just knowing that they

569
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 3: want to know what's going on in your life is

570
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 3: also comforting to know that they care about that too,

571
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,400
Speaker 3: So I think that those are some positives as well.

572
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 3: And I think in some aspects it made me and

573
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 3: my parents a little bit closer just because they are

574
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 3: involved and they know what's going on, So I think

575
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 3: that's an upside as well.

576
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, I would definitely second that, and I will also

577
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 5: add that another upside is that I feel like sometimes

578
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 5: college makes you feel like you have to grow up

579
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 5: a little bit too fast. But having involved parents reassure

580
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 5: me that I always have somebody to fall back on

581
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 5: if I really need advice about something. I have people

582
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,520
Speaker 5: that are willing to give their input and be there

583
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 5: and support me, and I don't always have to feel

584
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 5: like I have to navigate this journey alone. Because sometimes

585
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 5: you can feel very isolated. You're separated from your parents

586
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:12,080
Speaker 5: and your family and you're on a big campus like

587
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,200
Speaker 5: especially as a freshman, navigating it alone sometimes for the

588
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 5: most part, especially for first gen students, into having family

589
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 5: support could mean the difference between you feeling comfortable and

590
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 5: being on campus versus always feeling like a fish out

591
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,240
Speaker 5: of water, and so I definitely think that's an upside.

592
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 5: It's like always knowing that there's someone there that Zoe said,

593
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 5: that cares about you, that's willing to be there for

594
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 5: you and willing to save you if there's was something

595
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 5: that happens and save.

596
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 4: You from those bad decisions maybe that you make. There's

597
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 4: always someone to fall back on.

598
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 1: Right Being first gen and having that out of state experience,

599
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 1: that was something that was always comforting. Like at the

600
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,600
Speaker 1: end of the day, I know that my family has

601
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 1: me a little too much sometimes, but you have me,

602
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 1: and that in a fixed and like a small pond.

603
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 1: I guess that's the most comforting thing to know at

604
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 1: the end of the day, my family has me, and

605
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 1: regardless of these strangers that are amongst me, I know

606
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 1: that I have home. So I love both of y'all's points.

607
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 1: Another area I like to touch on is therapy. Have

608
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 1: any of you sought the support of a therapist or

609
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 1: counselor to help manage your relationship with your parents?

610
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 4: I can go first.

611
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 5: I definitely saw the advice of other people, maybe not

612
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,160
Speaker 5: like a therapist and counselor. I saw a therapist and

613
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 5: counselor more for personal things that I was dealing with

614
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 5: and like some issues that I was struggling with on

615
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 5: my own instead of reaching out to family per se.

616
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,720
Speaker 5: But now I'm in therapy for some of that kind

617
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:49,560
Speaker 5: of stuff. I just think that at the time, my

618
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 5: needs were a little bit different, and I sought the

619
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 5: support of friends and family to help navigate those experiences

620
00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 5: because it was definitely challenging, and it was better to

621
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 5: have people around me who watched my journey, like know

622
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,479
Speaker 5: who I am as a person. But yeah, I usually

623
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 5: sought out like therapists and like counselors for things I

624
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 5: was experiencing on my own that I didn't think I

625
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 5: could get that from people around me, or needed something

626
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 5: more than what friends and family could provide.

627
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,960
Speaker 1: So heaven, can you share what the conversation was like

628
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 1: with those friends.

629
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, one of my closest friends from undergrad. We've been

630
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 5: friends since my freshman year of college, and so she

631
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 5: knew about a lot of these rules that I had,

632
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 5: and my sophomore year when COVID happened, she had to

633
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 5: move back home for a little bit because she's not

634
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 5: from California. She talked to me a lot about where

635
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 5: I was and how I felt about these certain rules

636
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 5: and stuff like that, knowing like who I am as

637
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 5: a person and knowing the things that I want for

638
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 5: myself and kind of pushed me to not always feel

639
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 5: like that pressure from my parents, like it was way

640
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,160
Speaker 5: easier than that. I think it took me a long

641
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 5: time to realize that, but she helped me realize that

642
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:01,440
Speaker 5: at the end the day day, it's my life. My

643
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 5: parents they love and they care about me, and it's

644
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 5: coming from a good place, but it's not always most

645
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 5: conducive to like what I have going on. And she

646
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 5: encouraged me to like know that it wasn't just about me.

647
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,720
Speaker 5: It's not a personal thing, And so that was one

648
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 5: of the conversations I had. I had other family members

649
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 5: that would like help and be like, I understand where

650
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:24,720
Speaker 5: you're coming from because they knew my parents and so

651
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:27,360
Speaker 5: they would like encourage me to also still pursue the

652
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 5: things that you want.

653
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 4: Don't feel pressured by that. Like, at the end of

654
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 4: the day, your parents are going.

655
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 5: To love you regardless of the decisions that you make,

656
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 5: so don't let that be or worry like they are.

657
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 4: Always going to be there.

658
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 5: But you have to learn how to make your own

659
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 5: decisions and make your own choices because you can't always

660
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 5: be relying on them.

661
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 4: At some point you're going to have to learn.

662
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 5: So do it now while it's the space for that,

663
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 5: and sot it being too late, because that's sometimes where

664
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 5: a lot of people are right now, where they are

665
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 5: further into their adulthood and making those kinds of decisions.

666
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 5: But there's more at stake, and now while the stakes

667
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 5: are low, the risks are low because it's easier to

668
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 5: bounce back now than it is later down the line,

669
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 5: and you'll be so much more happy if you do

670
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 5: it now then do it later.

671
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 3: I can definitely sort of second what Heaven said about

672
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 3: confiding in your friends. More often than that, I would

673
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 3: seek advice from friends that I knew might have been

674
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 3: going through the same thing, or knew firsthand what I

675
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 3: was going through and had a better help me with

676
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 3: what I'm going through. So I could say, especially in

677
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 3: high school and even in college, I would confide in

678
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 3: my high school friends to sort of help me navigate

679
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 3: with this independence. How should I deal with that? With

680
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 3: not knowing whether or not to rely on them or

681
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 3: to rely on myself and trust myself. That was really

682
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 3: a big thing for me, especially in college. It's like,

683
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:50,360
Speaker 3: should I trust my gut and know what I want

684
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 3: to do? Or should I trust that my parents know

685
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,200
Speaker 3: what's best for me even more than what I know

686
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 3: what's best for me. So that was sort of a

687
00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 3: battling game that I had to navigate between myself and

688
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 3: my friend's really helped me with that as well.

689
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 1: For sure.

690
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 4: I love that.

691
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:12,280
Speaker 2: Hi. I'm Saria Taylor and I'm the TBG podcast production intern.

692
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:18,800
Speaker 2: We'll return to Jana right after the break.

693
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:26,719
Speaker 1: What advice do you have for other college students who

694
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 1: may be dealing with helicopter parents and trying to assert

695
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:31,280
Speaker 1: their independence.

696
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that the main thing is communication and

697
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 3: setting boundaries. I think that it's very difficult, especially because

698
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 3: they're your parents. You don't want it to come off

699
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 3: as a way that's disrespectful, But I think the main thing,

700
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 3: especially for yourself, in order to be able to step

701
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 3: into that independence. The first step is being able to

702
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:56,480
Speaker 3: communicate with your parents, being able to set those boundaries

703
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 3: of what you think is good, what you like, and

704
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 3: what you don't like, because that can better help assess

705
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 3: how you want to step into your independence further in college.

706
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:09,839
Speaker 3: I think that having those hard conversations will also show

707
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:11,960
Speaker 3: them and let them know that you are growing up,

708
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:14,800
Speaker 3: Like you are stepping into this independence, you are ready

709
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:18,359
Speaker 3: to experience things that you need to do on your own.

710
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 3: So I think that the two main things of advice

711
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 3: that I would give people is having those hard conversations,

712
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:28,480
Speaker 3: communicating and setting those boundaries that feel right to you.

713
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 5: Second, everything's really said, and then I will add two

714
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,920
Speaker 5: more pieces of advice. Number one, it's okay if you

715
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 5: make mistakes, It's okay. If you have bad grade, it

716
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 5: will be fine. Everything will work itself out. I know,

717
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 5: like in the moment sometimes the tension can feel a

718
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:50,880
Speaker 5: little strenuous and you feel frustrated, but everything will be okay.

719
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 5: You will be able to navigate it and make it

720
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 5: work for you.

721
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:56,319
Speaker 4: And I guess that least recent.

722
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 5: My second piece of advice, make it work for you

723
00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,839
Speaker 5: at the end of the day, Like they're still going

724
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:02,319
Speaker 5: to who they are, They're still going to have these

725
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 5: perceptions and these rules. But like Zoe said, communication, I

726
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 5: feel like is what helps create that middle ground. It

727
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,759
Speaker 5: won't be there if you never tell them anything or

728
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 5: like communicate to them anything about like what's going on

729
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:16,799
Speaker 5: in your life or like things that are going on

730
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 5: in college.

731
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:20,280
Speaker 4: But that doesn't necessarily mean you have to tell them everything.

732
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,600
Speaker 5: Finding that middle space where it's like, yes, I do

733
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,359
Speaker 5: listen to that by to my parents and I do

734
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 5: take heats like some of the things that they say,

735
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:31,839
Speaker 5: but also I don't tell them everything, and I try

736
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:33,640
Speaker 5: to explore and figure it out on my own and

737
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,399
Speaker 5: then come back to ask them for help and advice them.

738
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 5: Trying to make it work for you, Like Jana said earlier,

739
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:42,360
Speaker 5: creating a communication schedule that works for you, just finding

740
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:46,800
Speaker 5: a way to navigate it because some spaces it won't change.

741
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 5: But you just have to find that balance for yourself.

742
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 1: Lovely advice. We just talked about setting boundaries, But what's

743
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 1: one boundary you've advocated for and exercise with the adults

744
00:36:58,719 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 1: in your life.

745
00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 3: I think for me, and haven't touched on this earlier

746
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:06,560
Speaker 3: before as well, is just you don't have to tell

747
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 3: them everything that's going on in your life. That has

748
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 3: been a boundary that has helped me in a multitude

749
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 3: of ways, just because I'm respecting my own boundaries, and

750
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 3: also at the end of the day, like there's just

751
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,279
Speaker 3: certain things that your parents don't need to know, and

752
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 3: there are certain things that go on in your life

753
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,320
Speaker 3: that you can experience solely from your perspective and solely

754
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:30,279
Speaker 3: just for you and for your expiration and for your independence,

755
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:31,840
Speaker 3: and they don't need to be a part of that.

756
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 3: So that has been one of the biggest boundaries that

757
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 3: I've said, is navigating knowing what to tell my parents

758
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 3: what not to knowing that they really just want to

759
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:41,440
Speaker 3: know that you're safe. They want to know that you

760
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:45,000
Speaker 3: are doing things that they expected you to do. So

761
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 3: sort of re emphasizing that and ensuring that and putting

762
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:50,399
Speaker 3: that ease and that peace of mind in their mind

763
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:53,120
Speaker 3: that you're okay is really all that they need. They

764
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:55,880
Speaker 3: don't need to know every middle school detail in your

765
00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:58,479
Speaker 3: life because you still are growing and you still owe

766
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 3: yourself some sort of privacy.

767
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, you don't have to tell and everything is definitely

768
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:05,840
Speaker 5: the catch off. Also, I feel like a boundary that

769
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 5: I set was even with specific stuff like dating and grades,

770
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:15,319
Speaker 5: you don't have to share all the time, who is

771
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,920
Speaker 5: new in the picture sometimes that kind of stuff.

772
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 4: It doesn't even matter. You're just kind of like doing

773
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,719
Speaker 4: stuff to have fun. Like let them be things that

774
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 4: you have fun with, just because you feel like, oh,

775
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 4: it may.

776
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 5: Not be worth it to tell your parents all the time.

777
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 5: Even with parties, just keep certain things to yourself. That's

778
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:36,680
Speaker 5: definitely a boundary I had to establish. Just be safe

779
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 5: with everything that you do, fun wise, parties, dating, all

780
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,000
Speaker 5: that kind of stuff. Also them grades, Like I said,

781
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 5: if you have a bad grade, it's okay.

782
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 4: One test may not make or break your grade in

783
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 4: that class.

784
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 5: You don't necessarily have to share that, and no one's

785
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 5: sitting progress reports home and at the end of the day,

786
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 5: all that matters is that you got that degree. So like,

787
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,560
Speaker 5: if you're having bad grades, as long as you know,

788
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 5: like what's you need to take to make it working,

789
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 5: that it doesn't get too bad to where you get

790
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 5: put on probation and stuff like that, you don't have

791
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 5: to share that.

792
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:07,200
Speaker 4: That's keep it to yourself.

793
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 5: I know it's a weird transition for being in high school,

794
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:11,760
Speaker 5: and like your parents know your grades and now they don't.

795
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,279
Speaker 4: Have access to that information. But like it's okay to keep.

796
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 5: Certain things to yourself, especially when you're having fun and

797
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 5: still learning what college is like.

798
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 1: And I also want to add to the not sharing

799
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:28,920
Speaker 1: everything with your parents, because I think you're also learning

800
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,399
Speaker 1: that on campus anyway, Like you're learning not to tell

801
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,799
Speaker 1: everybody your team, You're learning to keep things to yourself,

802
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 1: and it's okay, and it's respecting of yourself and of

803
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:44,320
Speaker 1: your experiences. And so yes, we're saying this about your

804
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:46,879
Speaker 1: loved ones and the adults in your life, but it's

805
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:52,720
Speaker 1: also applicable to your homies and your friends and anyone else.

806
00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:56,000
Speaker 1: It's a skill that you're learning with your family or

807
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,360
Speaker 1: your loved ones, but it's also applicable to your friends

808
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:03,879
Speaker 1: as well, in associates and work in all these other

809
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:06,360
Speaker 1: spaces that will be important for you to learn that

810
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:12,839
Speaker 1: as well. Lastly, I want to know what is your

811
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 1: take on a healthy level of principal involvement in college.

812
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:20,600
Speaker 1: What should parents consider when given their child freedom in college.

813
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 3: I think that one of the main things is not

814
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 3: letting your child feel like this pressure to please you.

815
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:35,760
Speaker 3: Like that's important. Learning experiences should be emphasized in college

816
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 3: like period because that's when you're growing into adulthood, so

817
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 3: that should be emphasized. I think also that sort of

818
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 3: healthy level ground is I don't need to call every day.

819
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,040
Speaker 3: Let the kid reach out sometimes, you know what I mean,

820
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,840
Speaker 3: because more often than not they will, but it's just

821
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 3: feeling like they have that freedom. They don't need to

822
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:54,560
Speaker 3: have to do it, but rather they want to. So

823
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 3: having that sort of like healthy communication schedule maybe called

824
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,879
Speaker 3: twice a week and set up by time like once

825
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 3: a week at the end of the week, every Sunday,

826
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 3: things like that to remain a healthy balance. And also

827
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,719
Speaker 3: like you can encourage life updates, but only things that

828
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 3: are very significant, like okay, just finish my finals. I

829
00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:15,280
Speaker 3: finished off strong. Oh I just got into this organization

830
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 3: like stuff that's big. Life updates are things that can

831
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,760
Speaker 3: be updated with them. So I feel like a healthy

832
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:26,279
Speaker 3: talking schedule being able to update them on things that

833
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 3: are very important, and also having it be encouraged that

834
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 3: learning is encouraged and emphasized, because then it feels like

835
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 3: you're not walking on eggshells with the experiences that you're

836
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 3: going through in college.

837
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:42,919
Speaker 5: Yeah, I definitely agree with that. I think the thing

838
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 5: that gets parents caught up is that they're so worried

839
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:49,239
Speaker 5: about preventing things instead of giving their kids the information

840
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 5: so they can make the decisions themselves.

841
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:52,480
Speaker 4: Like, it just.

842
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 5: Causes more issues where people want to be rebellious and

843
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 5: they want to just do whatever. But I think if

844
00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:00,400
Speaker 5: you educate your kids, for example, like how to protect

845
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 5: themselves at parties, like knowing what to look for, all

846
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 5: that kind of stuff, being aware of their surroundings, teaching

847
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:08,880
Speaker 5: those kinds of life skills, it'll be easier for you

848
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 5: to trust them because you've already talked in the skills

849
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,640
Speaker 5: that they need to know, Like even regardless of safe

850
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:15,719
Speaker 5: sex practices and stuff like that. I feel like there's

851
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 5: more of the prevention thing than trying to communicate and

852
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 5: educate people. So, like, just educate students about what they

853
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 5: might experience at college because a lot of things are

854
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 5: bound to happen. But if they have the tools there,

855
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:30,279
Speaker 5: then it's easier for them to use those tools and

856
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:33,759
Speaker 5: apply them to situations that they have, from grades to

857
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 5: social things, friendships, all of that kind of stuff, just

858
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:41,160
Speaker 5: teach them, educate them on what they may experience in

859
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,759
Speaker 5: a way that's not causing there to be.

860
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:45,799
Speaker 4: A negative perspective.

861
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 5: And just more, I just want you to know these

862
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,279
Speaker 5: things things that may happen, so that way you know

863
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 5: how to navigate these situations and just be supportive of

864
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:55,759
Speaker 5: the decisions that they choose to make.

865
00:42:56,560 --> 00:43:00,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, and honestly just to piggyback off what happens, said

866
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 3: a really good point about the fact that like we

867
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 3: should be communicating what not to do and what to

868
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 3: do rather than just being like, you can't do this

869
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 3: all together, you know what I mean, Like you should

870
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 3: be educating how to approach these experiences in these situations

871
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 3: because they are inevitable. And I feel like that level

872
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 3: of sort of secrecy or like oh I can't do this,

873
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:25,839
Speaker 3: like you're totally against this. It makes a child sort

874
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,719
Speaker 3: of hesitant. It makes the young adult hesitant to even

875
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:31,400
Speaker 3: share what they may be going through because they feel

876
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,279
Speaker 3: like they're not supposed to be doing it or it's

877
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:36,839
Speaker 3: something looked down upon. And then that also ends up

878
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 3: being like, Okay, I have to figure this out on

879
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 3: my own because I don't even want to open up

880
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:42,400
Speaker 3: to my parents about this, So I think that point

881
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 3: is definitely so important in learning and like allowing them

882
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 3: and telling them what they should be doing when these

883
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 3: situations arise, rather than just saying that's not allowed altogether,

884
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:54,799
Speaker 3: is so important.

885
00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:55,920
Speaker 4: It really is.

886
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,840
Speaker 1: I agree with you, bo, I appreciate you for sharing.

887
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 1: It's just the wisdom, just dropping all of the wisdom.

888
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 3: I appreciate it.

889
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 1: So where can we keep up with you? What are

890
00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:08,800
Speaker 1: your social media handles?

891
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 3: I go to Hampshire University of I'm a third year

892
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:15,960
Speaker 3: journalism major English minor, so most of the time I'm writing.

893
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 3: I'm very big writer. I'm an editorial writer for her

894
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 3: campus magazine, so that's where all of my work will

895
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 3: be published in. My instagram is zobe Rose with two

896
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 3: e's three.

897
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 5: I'm currently in a master's program and so I have

898
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:33,840
Speaker 5: two separate instagrams. I have like a personal instagram, but

899
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:39,239
Speaker 5: my professional instagram is your local aspiring therapist because I'm

900
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 5: in school to be an MFT, so like I'll be

901
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 5: posting a lot of educational content and like my experience

902
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:47,480
Speaker 5: and journey about that aspect of my life. So if

903
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 5: you want to learn more about what it's not to

904
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,839
Speaker 5: be an NFT student and anything like that. Feel free

905
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:55,360
Speaker 5: to go ahead and follow that page your local aspiring therapist.

906
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 1: Love it well. Thank you Zobe and Heaven for talking

907
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 1: with me today. I really appreciate it.

908
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.

909
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:03,400
Speaker 2: Thank you.

910
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:17,880
Speaker 1: I want to thank Zoe and Heaven once again for

911
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,279
Speaker 1: joining us for this episode. Class is over for now,

912
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 1: but before we dismiss, take the following notes from my

913
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 1: conversation with Zoe and Heaven home with you. Have a

914
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 1: conversation with your parents about the level of involvement in

915
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:36,359
Speaker 1: your life and set boundaries if needed. If regular conversations

916
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 1: aren't working, begin looking for a therapist to help you

917
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 1: work through boundary setting. The TVG directory is a great

918
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:46,280
Speaker 1: place to start. If you're a journaler, make a list

919
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 1: of everything you're willing to share with your parents versus

920
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:53,279
Speaker 1: things you prefer to keep to yourself. To learn more

921
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,840
Speaker 1: about the work Zoe and Heaven are doing, or to

922
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,879
Speaker 1: do more research on this topic, be sure to visit

923
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:03,319
Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash tbg U. This

924
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:07,840
Speaker 1: episode was produced by Frida Lucas, Elise Ellis, and Zaria Taylor.

925
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:09,960
Speaker 1: Editing is by Dennison L.

926
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 2: Bradford.