WEBVTT - I Want to Be Friends With Melissa Gilbert 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:03.320 Welcome to Go, Ask Ali, a production of Shonda Land 0:00:03.360 --> 0:00:07.120 Audio and partnership with I Heart Radio. I think, like 0:00:07.200 --> 0:00:09.079 a vaginas have a lot to say. I think we 0:00:09.080 --> 0:00:12.200 should let them stay out of it and they'll just talk. Yes, 0:00:12.680 --> 0:00:15.160 one of the hardest things to absorb for those who 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:17.840 are new to these kinds of fights. Again, if we 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:20.520 want all of them, we wouldn't be here. If you 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:24.280 see a monster, don't try to run away, step right 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:26.040 up to it and say, what do you have to 0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:28.280 teach me? Why are you? In my mind, I want 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:30.560 to be the person who has cancer and doesn't run 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:33.120 a marathon, Like do I have to work that hard? No, 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:41.440 it's the best excuse not to run a marathon. Welcome 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:45.000 to go, Ask Allie. I'm Alli Wentworth. I don't know 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:48.159 about you, but I don't know if it's post COVID 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:53.599 or just getting older perhaps wiser. But I've really been 0:00:53.640 --> 0:00:57.279 meditating on the idea of a simpler life, and by 0:00:57.360 --> 0:01:04.000 simpler I mean cozier, smaller, warmer. I think there's a 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:07.240 few things that we learned going through the pandemic about 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:12.160 how our food can be simpler, our socializing can be simpler, 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:15.280 and what's really important what's sort of at the heart 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:19.600 of everything is our family and our friends. And I 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:23.840 look at my life and the years I lived in Hollywood, 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:27.240 and how now I'm a mom and a wife, and 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:31.520 I really love being home. In fact, I hate going out. 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:35.520 I know that I've scaled back in so many ways. 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:39.560 And I know people that are now, you know, knitting 0:01:39.600 --> 0:01:44.000 their own socks or growing their own vegetables. So are 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:48.480 we all becoming more and more fascinated with the idea 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:54.040 of a simpler life. A long time ago, millions of 0:01:54.120 --> 0:01:56.200 years ago, when I was a little girl, there is 0:01:56.240 --> 0:01:58.680 a show on called Little House in the Prairie, and 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:02.160 it honored and folks on these simple things. And it 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:05.600 was about this little girl, Laura Ingles, who I wanted 0:02:05.640 --> 0:02:09.600 to be, and just the fantasy of living on a 0:02:09.680 --> 0:02:14.360 prairie and life was about a kettle on the wood fire, 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:19.560 and quilts and one plaid dress and running down the 0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:24.480 hill with your dog. It just everything seemed easy and 0:02:24.639 --> 0:02:28.600 less stressful and less anxious. And here to talk about 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:32.920 her own journey towards simplicity is Laura Ingles Wilder herself 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:38.280 Melissa Gilbert. Melissa Gilbert may always be best known as 0:02:38.280 --> 0:02:40.760 a child star of the hit television show Little House 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:43.600 in the Prairie. Melissa was just nine years old when 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:46.680 the iconic series began in nineteen seventy four, and by 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:50.600 the time it ended in the world had watched half 0:02:50.600 --> 0:02:53.800 pint grow up. Since her days as Laura Ingles Wilder, 0:02:53.880 --> 0:02:57.560 Melissa has continued her acting career, served two terms as 0:02:57.600 --> 0:03:00.920 the President of the Screen Actors Guild, and four books, 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:03.399 including her latest one and memoir in the New York 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:08.520 Times bestseller, Back to the Prairie Home Remade a Life Rediscovered. 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:11.720 In it, she shares her journey from glitzy Hollywood life 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:13.840 to a fix her up or deep in the Catskills 0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:16.960 were the only sparkle to be found is the stars 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:26.960 in the sky. So basically, Melissa has become Laura Ingles Wilder. Okay, 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:31.720 Melissa Gilbert, So I met you for twenty seconds. And 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:36.120 here's the thing about getting older, is you into it 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:39.440 more about things? Uh? You and I were both on 0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:42.640 Good Morning America. Yes, we were pitching our bibles, pitching 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:46.760 our books, and I walked away. After all we had 0:03:46.760 --> 0:03:48.400 to do was do a tease to a commercial, and 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:52.040 I went, I like her. She's she's good. People. You 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:54.280 know what this episode is called. I Want to Be 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:57.920 Friends with Melissa Gilbert. That's it. That's the headline, and 0:03:58.040 --> 0:04:01.000 everything else is just uh I sing on the cake. 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:04.640 So um. I will start with one of the things 0:04:04.720 --> 0:04:07.520 that you wrote that I loved, which is external matter 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:10.600 more than the internal. And the reason I kind of 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:14.240 love that quote is because I lived in Los Angeles 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:18.520 for a million years and I, you know, I was 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:21.320 kind of I was a fat teenager. I didn't sort 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:24.120 of rely on the exterior. And then I found when 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:26.039 I was out in l A. I wasn't the girl 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:28.080 that went to the gym, you know. I was like, Oh, 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:30.880 I'll be the funny sidekick. You know, I'm gonna I'll 0:04:30.880 --> 0:04:34.960 stay in that lane. And over time, I've watched so 0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:37.039 many women that I used to know in l A 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:40.919 who got caught up in that web of I have 0:04:41.160 --> 0:04:45.240 to be perfect and beautiful and young and it's um 0:04:45.279 --> 0:04:48.760 And to me, it's such a cautionary tale because the 0:04:48.839 --> 0:04:54.159 depth they've gone to to you know, remain in the 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:58.760 fountain of eternal youth has been very difficult to watch. Yeah, 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:02.599 it's hard. It was completely impossible for me to do anymore. 0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:07.200 It's exhausting, trying to fight a natural process to fit 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:10.919 into a mold that everybody else feels you should be in. 0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:16.240 It's fruitless and pointless and frustrating. I mean, you know 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:20.719 how many fifty year old ingineuse are there. I'm sadly 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:24.680 quite a few who think they are and are trying 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:28.800 to be. Yeah. And I remember a few years ago 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:32.200 my agent saying, yeah, there's no more roles for you, 0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:34.760 and I said, I don't understand what that means. And 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:37.159 he said there's no more roles for women of your age. 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:40.159 And I was like, well, does Diane Lane know this, 0:05:41.839 --> 0:05:44.240 because you need to tell the rest of us. And 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:48.200 I thought. It hit me on such a deep level 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:52.080 that I ended up going out and creating a show 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:55.200 called Nightcap, which was on Pop TV, which is a 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:57.400 network no one had ever heard of. But for me, 0:05:57.560 --> 0:05:59.880 it fueled this kind of thing of I'll show you 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:04.240 there's no roles for women my age. Um, and it's 0:06:04.279 --> 0:06:07.080 the anger sort of got me ignited to do this. 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:10.520 But I I guess I've always fought against that, you 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:12.880 know what I mean. And whenever somebody says no, you 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:16.960 can't or there's no roles for you, or you have 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:19.520 to look like this. I go, I'll show you. I'll 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:23.279 show you. And I think you have that in you too. Yeah, 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:27.159 that's I definitely do. I spent almost my entire life 0:06:27.200 --> 0:06:29.640 just pinning my hands behind my back and saying watch 0:06:29.720 --> 0:06:32.839 this right and leaning forward, and I'll just create my 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:35.800 own opportunities. Then I'll write something like you did. And 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:40.599 and I think that a lot of that, that tenacity, 0:06:40.680 --> 0:06:44.880 you know, it's important, and it's especially important as women 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:48.080 and women who are older. They there's this I don't 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:50.919 know why, but we tend to be forgotten and pushed 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:53.200 away and look through and you know, we start to 0:06:53.200 --> 0:06:57.039 become invisible and like you know, cute old ladies and 0:06:57.160 --> 0:07:00.440 it doesn't make any sense. And I read your book, um, 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:03.600 the last one, like in a day. I loved it. 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:07.279 But there's a thing that we hopefully get that I 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:09.360 have that I see in you too, this kind of 0:07:09.840 --> 0:07:15.440 grounded center. This is me. I like ice cream. I'm unapologetic. 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:18.960 I've earned my opinions. I know what I don't want 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:22.240 in this world. And the other thing that is so 0:07:22.280 --> 0:07:26.760 stupid that they're underestimating is we're the consumers. Why they're 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:31.280 not selling to us is beyond me. We have the money. 0:07:31.520 --> 0:07:36.240 I completely And by the way, we're also watching the shows, 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:41.440 So start creating content with themes and stories and people 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:46.800 that look like us, because that's who's watching television and streaming. Yeah, 0:07:47.080 --> 0:07:50.400 we are your advertising dollars. We are exactly who the 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:53.360 people you should be focused on. And it's just so 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:57.240 mindlessly youth youth, youth, youth, youth oriented. And yes, we 0:07:57.360 --> 0:08:01.200 do need content for young people, but come on, there's 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:04.920 the rest of us here too. I completely agree. And 0:08:04.960 --> 0:08:07.080 by the way, I have an eighty eight year old 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:11.760 mother who has was it is a formidable person who 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:14.520 did all kinds of amazing things in her life, and 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:16.680 she says to me all the time, there's nothing out 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:19.160 there for me that there's that Jane Fonda show, but 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:21.400 I don't look like her. I'm eighty eight years old. 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:24.800 Don't put me out to pasture. Yea, My mom's the same, 0:08:24.840 --> 0:08:28.120 she's eighty six. Yeah, So let me ask you this, because, um, 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:32.199 we are very similar now, but we didn't grow up 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:35.160 in a very similar way. You were a child star 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:40.720 and I'm sort of fascinated with that world because one 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:42.600 of my friends is Brooke Shields, and I say to 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:45.120 her all the time. You should be dead or in rehab. 0:08:45.160 --> 0:08:48.640 I don't understand how you're doing dishes or trying to 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:54.680 make lasagna right now because of that insanity that you 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:58.160 guys went through at such a young age. I mean, 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:02.280 you were in the entertainment factory when your frontal lobe 0:09:02.280 --> 0:09:06.040 was still developing. You saw things that one shouldn't see 0:09:06.160 --> 0:09:08.720 at such a young age. Yeah, but but look at 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:12.640 you now, So why what? What are the things that 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:15.080 it took to get you to be sitting here with 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:22.520 a healthy marriage, in a fabulous cabbage cottage and with 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:24.760 a with a dog chewing on a two toy next 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:28.559 to you, Like, what is that arc? It's it's it's 0:09:28.800 --> 0:09:32.560 long arc. And I think the most important thing for 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:35.760 me was about thirty years of therapy. Really, it took 0:09:35.760 --> 0:09:39.880 a lot um. I've had conversations with I can't tell 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:42.840 you how many former kid actors and child stars. I 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:46.560 even produced a documentary for any several years ago with 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:49.960 my friend Tony Dow who just passed recently. It was 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:55.679 called child Stars, Their Story and by and large the 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:58.080 common thread. And I even had a conversation this weekend. 0:09:58.080 --> 0:10:01.080 I for the first time met Corey Feldman and had 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:05.640 this conversation with him. The problem wasn't so much the 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:09.720 factory or the studio, although that did have its issues 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:12.240 and the sets in the business. It was the way 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:15.319 our families handled it and our family dynamics. The more 0:10:15.400 --> 0:10:19.719 dysfunctional the family, the more deadly it could be with 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:23.680 the kids. Um And and the interesting thing I talked 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:27.000 about with Corey Feldman was, um, you know, we we 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:29.440 kind of quickly touched on people we knew in common, 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:31.839 and and I told him I'd seen his documentary and 0:10:32.360 --> 0:10:35.720 we touched on that. And I was talking about, um, 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:38.520 my son. Somehow I brought up my son, Michael, who 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:40.920 had gone on tour with me in a musical, and 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:43.079 you know, because we were saying we wouldn't have professional kids, 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:44.800 and I said, I took him with me and I 0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:46.840 watched him like a hawk. He was with me, so 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:49.560 there was nothing going to happen. But he was telling 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:52.560 me his son just turned eighteen, and I said, don't 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:55.600 you find it? Did you find it? Incredibly healing that 0:10:55.920 --> 0:10:58.120 because with me, when I turned eighteen, like when he 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:00.360 turned eighteen, then you get your cooking money and now 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:03.760 you're an adult, and now you're responsible for everything, and 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:05.920 there's just all this weird stuff that happens when you're 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:08.320 a kid actor and you turn eighteen, and watching my 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:13.280 son's all four of them turn eighteen, so just blithely 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:16.840 like it was just another number was actually really healing 0:11:16.880 --> 0:11:18.880 for me. And I asked him if he noticed that too, 0:11:18.880 --> 0:11:22.320 and he said absolutely, because my kids a kid, do 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:24.440 you feel like you were robbed of a childhood at all? 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:26.440 I mean, do you feel like you couldn't go out 0:11:26.520 --> 0:11:30.960 and be just a girl on the run. I felt 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:35.319 responsible to behave a certain way in public because I 0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:39.120 felt like I was an example to other kids, which 0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:43.160 was a thing I probably put on myself more than anything. Um. 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:47.440 I also made the mistake once of reading a fan letter. Um, 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:50.080 I wasn't really privy to all of that stuff, and 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:51.959 I snuck into the room where the fan mail was 0:11:52.000 --> 0:11:54.120 and I pulled one fan letter out and it happened 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:55.840 to be one from a little girl who said, my 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:59.400 daddy says he'll hit me less if I'm more like you. 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:02.640 Oh my god, And I think I was eleven. That's 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:06.400 too much. Yeah, And that was like I took that 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:10.480 on for sure. Of course, I felt immensely responsible now 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:14.480 for her well being too, so course, Um yeah, there 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:18.480 were there were things now I don't My childhood was 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:21.400 my childhood, and I was really lucky. I grew up 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:24.120 on a set that was really kid friendly. Um we 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:26.480 did have you know, we played, we did stuff, we 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:29.640 got dirty. I had, you know, the requisite broken bones 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:32.560 and sore throats. The thing for me was unlike other kids, 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:34.800 I still had to go to work even with a 0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:37.240 sore throat and broken bones. And did you still have 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:40.880 you know, all the things sort of young adults have, 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:43.400 which is the first kiss? I mean, was all that 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:47.640 somewhat protected? I? I think about my teenagers in COVID, 0:12:47.760 --> 0:12:49.680 you know, and I always said, like they should be 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:52.720 out robbing liquor stores and getting pregnant like all the 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:55.800 all the teens do, but they were stuck with their parents, 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:59.080 you know, watching documentaries. But did you feel like you 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:05.000 had of all the typical milestones of I did. I did, 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:07.640 And much to my mother's credit, because my father, my 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:10.319 father had passed away when I was eleven, and so 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:15.520 my mother was my primary parents all my life. Um, 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:18.720 she she was actually very protective of me. So I 0:13:18.760 --> 0:13:21.040 didn't go on my first date till I was sixteen. 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:25.079 I wasn't allowed to pierce my ears till I was eighteen. Um, 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:26.800 and then of course, you know I turned eighteen and 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:30.160 pierced my ears three and four times. Um, not just 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:33.440 your ears, I would imagine. I know, actually it was 0:13:33.559 --> 0:13:35.360 at that point it was just my Well, no, I've 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:40.720 never paarceded anything. I have tattoos. That's another conversation. Um, 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:45.800 I am. I I kind of got a little nuts 0:13:45.920 --> 0:13:49.640 in my early twenties. That's when I really like, I 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:55.360 just went a little wild and um, no different than 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:57.840 anybody else who was in college. I would imagine. I 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:00.480 think my life, My life was like a party. It 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:03.040 just happened to be a Hollywood frat party. And they 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:06.319 weren't frat boys. They were bratt boys, brat pack boys. 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:09.800 So it was a little different, and you know, people 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:13.000 were watching what we were doing. But I also came 0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:17.080 up at a time where paparazzi we're just paparazzi, and 0:14:17.280 --> 0:14:19.080 v I P rooms were still v I P rooms, 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:20.920 so you could go to the back and just act 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:24.640 like idiots and nobody really cared. Now everyone's got a phone, 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:27.760 so everyone's a paparazzo, So there's really no privacy anywhere, 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:31.960 so you know. Um, so you are nestled up in 0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:36.160 your cabbage, your term which is a cabin and a cottage. 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:39.720 Right you're there right now? No, actually I'm not. I'm 0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:42.120 in our apartment in the city. Pliss is married to 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:46.240 the director, Chimmothy Bussfield. Um. This is our two weeks 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:49.800 of um doctor's appointments and follow ups. Who's having a 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:55.000 colonoscope this week? We are both meeting with gastro and 0:14:55.080 --> 0:14:59.240 trologists tomorrow to have our colonoscopy consultations. I love that 0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:03.880 you asked you're not having a couple's colonoscopy because that's fun. Well, 0:15:03.600 --> 0:15:06.600 we we've talked about what I mean, if you want 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:10.120 to get really into this, I don't know, Tim, Are 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:12.960 you okay with me talking about thumbs up? Um? We 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:15.480 talked about doing it at the same time and just 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:17.800 having a his or hers. But our apartment here in 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:21.360 the city is a nice, perfect little piano tear one bedroom, 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:25.720 one bathroom, so prep day could get a little hectic 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:28.760 with the two of us doing it at the same time. 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:31.960 And this the plumbing in this building is very sensitive, 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:35.720 so I think we might want to stagger. I think 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:40.120 you should stagger or somebody should maybe go to a hotel. Yeah, 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:43.720 because it will be very competitive and there's somebody's going 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:45.640 to lose the race, you know what I mean. And 0:15:46.200 --> 0:15:49.440 competitive is good, and your dog is going to get 0:15:49.480 --> 0:15:52.720 a mixed message about what he's allowed to do around 0:15:52.760 --> 0:15:55.040 the apart exactly. And I sort of like in my 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:57.880 head I pictured the scene in the bathroom and Bridesmaids, 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:03.040 you know, and it just doesn't see smart. There's a 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:10.960 lot more to come after the short break and we're 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:16.720 back with more. Go ask Galey, you did buy this 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:21.480 cabbage cabin cabin cottage. Yes, cabbage. I conflated the two 0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:24.520 words and it's stuck. So now it's the cabbage, which 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:27.640 is a fantastic word. And I feel like in this 0:16:27.920 --> 0:16:31.560 world of pinterest and everything and you know, the cottage 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:36.000 cozy culture, that cabbage may have a life of its own, 0:16:36.440 --> 0:16:39.520 Like it could be a whole industry that people could 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:43.400 tap into, that could be monetized by you. It could 0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:47.200 be Well, I do have the Modern Prairie website and 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:50.240 we just launched a lifestyle thing, so I have it. 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:54.520 It's a place for women and older particularly to share 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:58.920 their experience, their thoughts, their ideas, their skills. All of 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:01.440 the women that we prom mote as our mavens and 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:06.760 our makers are All of our products are made by women, 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:11.120 and everything has a story, and we have a wellness section, 0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:15.000 and then there's kitchen and home and garden and all 0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:18.400 of that, which is so fantastic because I think, particularly 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:22.560 knock on Wood, coming out of this pandemic, I think 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:28.080 people are realizing that there's a coziness that they want 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:32.040 to keep, that there's a connection to community and family 0:17:32.080 --> 0:17:35.959 and friends that that they want to nourish. There is 0:17:36.000 --> 0:17:41.119 a kind of metaphoric and physical kind of back to 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:45.160 basics what's important ye that I'm trying to hold onto, 0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:48.800 which seems like you've really tapped into. Yeah, it's the 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:52.440 simple things that really mattered. Look when when you back 0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:55.720 it all up to a couple of years ago, and 0:17:56.640 --> 0:18:01.720 we couldn't as a nation get toilet paper, everything else 0:18:02.400 --> 0:18:07.399 falls away. You know, what's a manicure, what's a spa day, 0:18:07.400 --> 0:18:11.360 What's I mean? All of these things become so wildly unimportant, 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:17.920 And um, I found that I really enjoy that simplicity 0:18:17.960 --> 0:18:19.840 and that I don't like you. I don't want to 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:21.760 lose it. I don't want to go back to what 0:18:21.800 --> 0:18:24.800 we were. I learned so much about myself and and 0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:28.760 Tim and I together found this place of true peace 0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:32.600 and tranquility and quietness. And you know, We've got chickens 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:36.679 and we have our garden, and I'm constantly just dirty 0:18:36.720 --> 0:18:40.240 and sticky and sweaty and happy. And we cook, we 0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:42.560 go to I mean, we're we are old funny duddies. 0:18:42.640 --> 0:18:44.840 We go to sleep at ten, we wake up at six, 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:49.159 we go to bed at eight, So we are you 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:53.159 are the funny duddiest, Yes, because George does get up 0:18:53.240 --> 0:18:56.240 at three o'clock in the morning to do m so right, Well, yeah, 0:18:56.280 --> 0:19:00.480 and yeah, that's not my excuse. But I like a 0:19:00.480 --> 0:19:02.320 lot of sleep, and I'm going to go to bed 0:19:02.359 --> 0:19:05.160 with my husband, so you know, I'm the same way. 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:07.199 I'm sleep is one of my favorite things to do. 0:19:07.240 --> 0:19:10.399 It maybe my favorite activity ever. I get into it 0:19:10.480 --> 0:19:13.280 like I care about the pillow. I love a pajama 0:19:13.359 --> 0:19:16.320 if George allows me to keep them on. I like 0:19:16.480 --> 0:19:20.119 the whole nesting process. We have two dogs that bury 0:19:20.160 --> 0:19:23.199 it like it's a whole Eskimo thing that we have 0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:25.880 going on in our house, which I love. We were 0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:28.480 the exactly the same. The bed is the center of 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:31.119 the house, and when we travel we take our sheets. 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:33.880 You know, I'm a I'm a big princess in the person, 0:19:33.960 --> 0:19:36.160 and I love my betting. I totally get it. Are 0:19:36.160 --> 0:19:38.639 you going to be selling betting on your website? You know, 0:19:38.720 --> 0:19:41.119 we haven't talked about that yet. Maybe I don't know 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:43.600 right now. The only textiles we have our kitchen. We're 0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:46.879 really focused on kitchen because women, the women who have 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:50.040 subscribed so far really want to hear the kitchen stuff. 0:19:50.080 --> 0:19:52.880 And then we did something really interesting. Um I did 0:19:53.200 --> 0:19:57.280 a little Instagram Facebook life thing with a woman I loved. 0:19:57.359 --> 0:19:59.600 Her name is Christine Simple, and she's a life coach. 0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:03.880 But she's like she's she's a gnarly fantastic life coach 0:20:03.920 --> 0:20:08.680 and she's just all about simplicity and loving yourself. That's 0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:11.439 really what you gotta do, and like starting so small, 0:20:11.560 --> 0:20:14.000 just smile at yourself in the mirror. That's like it. 0:20:14.640 --> 0:20:18.080 And she's she's amazing. So we did this this forum together, 0:20:18.160 --> 0:20:20.600 and we put out a questionnaire to our members and 0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:22.320 said what do you want us to focus on? And 0:20:22.359 --> 0:20:26.280 the number one subject that came back was grief, grieving 0:20:26.320 --> 0:20:30.240 and healing, and so we're just now putting together another 0:20:30.280 --> 0:20:33.920 forum with my best friend Sandy, who lost her firstborn 0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:37.760 son when he was sixteen to meningitis and then not 0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:41.399 only recovered from the grief herself, but also became a 0:20:41.400 --> 0:20:43.800 grief counselor and then wrote a book on it called 0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:45.760 How to Survive the Worst That Can Happen, which is 0:20:45.800 --> 0:20:48.520 like a step by step workbook on how to get 0:20:48.720 --> 0:20:53.560 through that if if it's at all positive. And so 0:20:53.720 --> 0:20:55.800 we're going to start without and so these are the 0:20:55.880 --> 0:20:59.280 kind of things that I want that sort of sense 0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:01.840 of community back that we don't have anymore because we're 0:21:01.840 --> 0:21:05.920 also we were so siloed before COVID because of politics, 0:21:06.800 --> 0:21:10.760 and then COVID and social media. Yes, well yeah, I 0:21:10.840 --> 0:21:15.480 mean you've got some you know people. George carlin Um, 0:21:15.520 --> 0:21:17.359 who is one of my favorite stand up comics in 0:21:17.359 --> 0:21:20.520 the whole world, once said, the degree to which a 0:21:20.600 --> 0:21:24.760 person is an asshole grows exponentially the further away you 0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:27.760 are from them physically. So if you're across the room 0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:29.800 from that guy, you go, that guy's an asshole. But 0:21:29.840 --> 0:21:31.959 if he's standing here, you go, that guy's an asshole. 0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:36.120 And social media has made it even worse. People will 0:21:36.160 --> 0:21:39.800 say the most horrible things, but they would never say 0:21:39.800 --> 0:21:42.960 them to your face. And I think that it really 0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:46.040 got exacerbated when we were all locked down too and 0:21:46.080 --> 0:21:49.240 then and then the politics and the heat of the 0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:53.800 summer and the social unrest and the racial reckoning and 0:21:53.880 --> 0:21:56.720 all of that stuff just exploded. And nobody knows how 0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:59.359 to I mean, most people don't know how to be 0:22:00.200 --> 0:22:03.200 kind anymore, Like we all forgot how to be polite 0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:06.480 at least, and it's you know, it's getting worse. It 0:22:06.600 --> 0:22:08.440 is getting worse. But one thing I wanted to say 0:22:08.480 --> 0:22:11.520 about sort of going back to basics and community is 0:22:11.880 --> 0:22:14.600 one thing I've noticed about women our age is that 0:22:14.640 --> 0:22:17.880 we can finally, like my friend Katie used to say, 0:22:18.040 --> 0:22:20.800 we no longer have to be sexy sexy. We get 0:22:20.840 --> 0:22:23.399 to wear big straw hats and grow tomatoes now, and 0:22:23.440 --> 0:22:26.720 we just need to you embrace that. Next chapter, you go, 0:22:27.320 --> 0:22:29.600 I'm good with this. So what have I learned and 0:22:29.640 --> 0:22:32.920 what I want to do? And one thing that I've realized, 0:22:33.320 --> 0:22:36.520 you know, I discovered clamming during the pandemic, but I 0:22:36.600 --> 0:22:41.720 realized I want to go, Oh, I will take you anytime, 0:22:41.920 --> 0:22:46.120 I really will, absolutely I went yesterday actually and got 0:22:46.280 --> 0:22:49.679 a hundred clams. And it was so it is just 0:22:49.760 --> 0:22:54.040 so it's my meditation. And I now I don't even 0:22:54.119 --> 0:22:56.359 use the rake. I sit in the sand and I 0:22:56.440 --> 0:22:58.720 just use my hands and I pulled them up and 0:22:58.720 --> 0:23:01.399 then I give them all away, give the give a 0:23:01.400 --> 0:23:03.840 bunch to the local vet. And that this, you know, 0:23:04.359 --> 0:23:07.640 And I realized that I have another friend who used 0:23:07.680 --> 0:23:11.760 to be Obama's chief of staff and she now is 0:23:11.760 --> 0:23:15.879 an upstate making jam. And so we find these things 0:23:16.119 --> 0:23:19.320