WEBVTT - How Has COVID-19 Changed How We Mourn?

0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:04.320
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to brain Stuff, a production of I Heart Radio,

0:00:06.200 --> 0:00:10.360
<v Speaker 1>Hey brain Stuff, Lauren bob obam here. At some point

0:00:10.360 --> 0:00:14.400
<v Speaker 1>in our lives, at multiple points, we all grieve in

0:00:14.480 --> 0:00:19.599
<v Speaker 1>ways personal and public, in ways silent and loud. These days, though,

0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:24.239
<v Speaker 1>grieving has taken on new forms because of the coronavirus pandemic.

0:00:24.400 --> 0:00:27.560
<v Speaker 1>We can't yet safely soothe those who have lost loved

0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:29.880
<v Speaker 1>ones with a hug or an arm around the shoulder.

0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:33.280
<v Speaker 1>We can't yet, for fear of spreading the virus, gather

0:00:33.440 --> 0:00:37.640
<v Speaker 1>safely to say goodbye. We can't be there for others physically,

0:00:38.040 --> 0:00:41.280
<v Speaker 1>and others can't be there for us. An expert say

0:00:41.320 --> 0:00:44.040
<v Speaker 1>that being there is one of the most important parts

0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:48.960
<v Speaker 1>of the grieving process. It's been devastating for the article

0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:51.640
<v Speaker 1>that this episode is based on. How Stuff Works spoke

0:00:51.680 --> 0:00:55.240
<v Speaker 1>with Catherine Sheer, a professor of psychiatry in the Columbia

0:00:55.280 --> 0:00:57.640
<v Speaker 1>School of Social Work and the founding director of the

0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:01.800
<v Speaker 1>Center for Complicated Grief at Columbia Universe City. She said,

0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:05.160
<v Speaker 1>I think that I would say we're probably on average,

0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:08.400
<v Speaker 1>we're probably doing okay. But one of the things we're

0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:12.319
<v Speaker 1>doing is acknowledging it, which is huge. Often grief is

0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:16.800
<v Speaker 1>something that we kind of half acknowledge as a nation.

0:01:16.920 --> 0:01:19.839
<v Speaker 1>Shear says it took the U S sometime to face

0:01:19.959 --> 0:01:22.800
<v Speaker 1>up to the very real impact that the pandemic is having.

0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:26.720
<v Speaker 1>She points to memorials that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris

0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:30.040
<v Speaker 1>held in Washington, d C. Initially as President and vice

0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:34.600
<v Speaker 1>president elect and later as President and Vice president as important,

0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:39.360
<v Speaker 1>if somewhat belated first steps. Sheer said that kind of

0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:41.880
<v Speaker 1>thing we're not doing very well with, and we need

0:01:41.920 --> 0:01:45.080
<v Speaker 1>to do better because it's very helpful. And of course

0:01:45.160 --> 0:01:48.280
<v Speaker 1>we're not doing well with the disparity issues either. We're

0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:51.800
<v Speaker 1>subjecting some of our most vulnerable populations to grief as

0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:56.080
<v Speaker 1>well as death. But the spotlight on grief as the

0:01:56.080 --> 0:02:01.400
<v Speaker 1>pandemic has worn on has intensified, and that's good. Sheer said.

0:02:01.880 --> 0:02:05.160
<v Speaker 1>There's been a massive increase in the interest in understanding

0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:08.160
<v Speaker 1>grief and helping the public understand it and deal with it.

0:02:08.720 --> 0:02:12.359
<v Speaker 1>In that way, I think we're doing very very well. Finally,

0:02:12.480 --> 0:02:15.480
<v Speaker 1>we're paying attention to something that is always important in

0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:18.880
<v Speaker 1>our lives. People are so much more aware and respectful

0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:23.560
<v Speaker 1>of grief than they were a year ago. The amount

0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:27.120
<v Speaker 1>of grief that has accompanied The pandemic is staggering in itself.

0:02:27.520 --> 0:02:30.440
<v Speaker 1>Around five hundred and forty three thousand people have died

0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:35.040
<v Speaker 1>in America alone and close to three million worldwide. Coupled

0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:37.760
<v Speaker 1>with the restrictions put on us in our grieving, the

0:02:37.840 --> 0:02:42.840
<v Speaker 1>damage to the living is compounded. Those normal rituals of grieving,

0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:46.960
<v Speaker 1>things like funerals and wakes, family meals, family and friends gathering,

0:02:47.160 --> 0:02:50.760
<v Speaker 1>are extremely important, Sheer said. They help you feel like

0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:54.720
<v Speaker 1>you belong. Everyone is joining you. It's something familiar. It

0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:58.120
<v Speaker 1>sort of brings you into the living world. It acknowledges

0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:00.600
<v Speaker 1>things have changed for you in a big way. There

0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:03.240
<v Speaker 1>are so many benefits to those rituals. We have to

0:03:03.280 --> 0:03:06.880
<v Speaker 1>simultaneously accept the death and honor the person who died,

0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:12.600
<v Speaker 1>and also move forward in our own lives without those rituals.

0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:16.280
<v Speaker 1>Especially early in at the beginning of the pandemic, people

0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:19.480
<v Speaker 1>felt lost. But as the pandemic has stretched into a

0:03:19.520 --> 0:03:23.760
<v Speaker 1>second year, people have found alternative ways to grieve. Video

0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:27.840
<v Speaker 1>chat funerals can be attended by people in different homes, cities, states,

0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:32.560
<v Speaker 1>or even more distant. Support groups have flourished online online

0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:36.040
<v Speaker 1>church services have helped many phone calls between and among

0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:40.240
<v Speaker 1>loved ones have been used with great effectiveness. The Centers

0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:43.200
<v Speaker 1>for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that family and friends

0:03:43.280 --> 0:03:46.240
<v Speaker 1>can honor those lost by reciting a poem or religious

0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:49.600
<v Speaker 1>verse within their own households. Loved ones can be remembered

0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:52.760
<v Speaker 1>by launching blogs or memory books online with friends and

0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:57.200
<v Speaker 1>family contributing. Sheer said, I think many people are being

0:03:57.280 --> 0:04:01.400
<v Speaker 1>quite creative and trying to do contextually the usual rituals,

0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:04.320
<v Speaker 1>and I do think that's helpful. It's still not quite

0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:09.680
<v Speaker 1>the same, so it's a challenge. Shares Center for Complicated

0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:12.920
<v Speaker 1>Grief focuses on several steps in the road toward healing,

0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:17.640
<v Speaker 1>using the acronym healing. Honor your loved ones and yourself.

0:04:18.000 --> 0:04:22.640
<v Speaker 1>Discover your own interests and values. Ease emotional pain, Open

0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:26.280
<v Speaker 1>yourself to emotions, both painful and pleasant ones a trust

0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:29.360
<v Speaker 1>that you can deal with emotional pain. It doesn't control you.

0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:33.200
<v Speaker 1>Accept grief and let it find a place in your life.

0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:37.839
<v Speaker 1>Learn to live with the reminders of your loss. Integrate

0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:40.640
<v Speaker 1>memories of your loved one, let them enrich your life,

0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:44.479
<v Speaker 1>help you learn and grow. Narrate the stories of the

0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:48.960
<v Speaker 1>death for yourself, share them with others, and finally, gather

0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:52.440
<v Speaker 1>others around you. Connect with your community, let people in

0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:57.159
<v Speaker 1>and let them support you. Creativity in finding safe ways

0:04:57.200 --> 0:05:00.240
<v Speaker 1>to work on these steps is key until vaccine are

0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:04.960
<v Speaker 1>more widely available, Sheer said. One of the basic premises

0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:06.919
<v Speaker 1>that I work with is that we all have a

0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:11.440
<v Speaker 1>natural adaptive capacity specifically for adapting to loss. If you

0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:14.840
<v Speaker 1>think about it, loss is ubiquitous and human experience. If

0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:17.320
<v Speaker 1>we couldn't do that, if we couldn't adapt, we couldn't

0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:20.920
<v Speaker 1>have a human race. Basically, because when we're grieving intensely,

0:05:21.040 --> 0:05:25.280
<v Speaker 1>it's very, very debilitating. When things open up, people will

0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:27.719
<v Speaker 1>have the opportunity to join with friends and family to

0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:30.599
<v Speaker 1>honor the person who died. Maybe it won't be a

0:05:30.600 --> 0:05:33.520
<v Speaker 1>funeral per se, but we can have a memorial and

0:05:33.520 --> 0:05:36.640
<v Speaker 1>that's something we often do. Later anyway, we'll be able

0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:39.440
<v Speaker 1>to more easily visit the cemetery in those things, will

0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:44.440
<v Speaker 1>be able to re engage with people. Of course, all

0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:46.880
<v Speaker 1>of this is to say that an important part of

0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:49.080
<v Speaker 1>coping with grief after the loss of a loved one

0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:52.920
<v Speaker 1>is taking care of yourself. Grief can be overwhelming, both

0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:56.360
<v Speaker 1>physically and mentally, and maybe more so during the pandemic,

0:05:56.800 --> 0:06:00.080
<v Speaker 1>So doing what you can to eat well, exercise, and

0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:03.400
<v Speaker 1>get a decent amount of sleep is paramount. Small steps

0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:11.360
<v Speaker 1>are okay. Today's episode is based on the article COVID

0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:14.120
<v Speaker 1>nineteen has Changed How We Mourn on how stuff works

0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:17.560
<v Speaker 1>dot Com, written by John Donovan. Brain Stuff is production

0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:19.880
<v Speaker 1>of I Heart Radio in partnership with how stuffworks dot

0:06:19.880 --> 0:06:23.080
<v Speaker 1>Com and is produced by Tyler Clang. Four more podcasts

0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:26.039
<v Speaker 1>my heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

0:06:26.120 --> 0:06:27.840
<v Speaker 1>or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.