Speaker 1: Welcome to brain Stuff, a production of I Heart Radio,
Speaker 1: Hey brain Stuff, Lauren bob obam here. At some point
Speaker 1: in our lives, at multiple points, we all grieve in
Speaker 1: ways personal and public, in ways silent and loud. These days, though,
Speaker 1: grieving has taken on new forms because of the coronavirus pandemic.
Speaker 1: We can't yet safely soothe those who have lost loved
Speaker 1: ones with a hug or an arm around the shoulder.
Speaker 1: We can't yet, for fear of spreading the virus, gather
Speaker 1: safely to say goodbye. We can't be there for others physically,
Speaker 1: and others can't be there for us. An expert say
Speaker 1: that being there is one of the most important parts
Speaker 1: of the grieving process. It's been devastating for the article
Speaker 1: that this episode is based on. How Stuff Works spoke
Speaker 1: with Catherine Sheer, a professor of psychiatry in the Columbia
Speaker 1: School of Social Work and the founding director of the
Speaker 1: Center for Complicated Grief at Columbia Universe City. She said,
Speaker 1: I think that I would say we're probably on average,
Speaker 1: we're probably doing okay. But one of the things we're
Speaker 1: doing is acknowledging it, which is huge. Often grief is
Speaker 1: something that we kind of half acknowledge as a nation.
Speaker 1: Shear says it took the U S sometime to face
Speaker 1: up to the very real impact that the pandemic is having.
Speaker 1: She points to memorials that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris
Speaker 1: held in Washington, d C. Initially as President and vice
Speaker 1: president elect and later as President and Vice president as important,
Speaker 1: if somewhat belated first steps. Sheer said that kind of
Speaker 1: thing we're not doing very well with, and we need
Speaker 1: to do better because it's very helpful. And of course
Speaker 1: we're not doing well with the disparity issues either. We're
Speaker 1: subjecting some of our most vulnerable populations to grief as
Speaker 1: well as death. But the spotlight on grief as the
Speaker 1: pandemic has worn on has intensified, and that's good. Sheer said.
Speaker 1: There's been a massive increase in the interest in understanding
Speaker 1: grief and helping the public understand it and deal with it.
Speaker 1: In that way, I think we're doing very very well. Finally,
Speaker 1: we're paying attention to something that is always important in
Speaker 1: our lives. People are so much more aware and respectful
Speaker 1: of grief than they were a year ago. The amount
Speaker 1: of grief that has accompanied The pandemic is staggering in itself.
Speaker 1: Around five hundred and forty three thousand people have died
Speaker 1: in America alone and close to three million worldwide. Coupled
Speaker 1: with the restrictions put on us in our grieving, the
Speaker 1: damage to the living is compounded. Those normal rituals of grieving,
Speaker 1: things like funerals and wakes, family meals, family and friends gathering,
Speaker 1: are extremely important, Sheer said. They help you feel like
Speaker 1: you belong. Everyone is joining you. It's something familiar. It
Speaker 1: sort of brings you into the living world. It acknowledges
Speaker 1: things have changed for you in a big way. There
Speaker 1: are so many benefits to those rituals. We have to
Speaker 1: simultaneously accept the death and honor the person who died,
Speaker 1: and also move forward in our own lives without those rituals.
Speaker 1: Especially early in at the beginning of the pandemic, people
Speaker 1: felt lost. But as the pandemic has stretched into a
Speaker 1: second year, people have found alternative ways to grieve. Video
Speaker 1: chat funerals can be attended by people in different homes, cities, states,
Speaker 1: or even more distant. Support groups have flourished online online
Speaker 1: church services have helped many phone calls between and among
Speaker 1: loved ones have been used with great effectiveness. The Centers
Speaker 1: for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that family and friends
Speaker 1: can honor those lost by reciting a poem or religious
Speaker 1: verse within their own households. Loved ones can be remembered
Speaker 1: by launching blogs or memory books online with friends and
Speaker 1: family contributing. Sheer said, I think many people are being
Speaker 1: quite creative and trying to do contextually the usual rituals,
Speaker 1: and I do think that's helpful. It's still not quite
Speaker 1: the same, so it's a challenge. Shares Center for Complicated
Speaker 1: Grief focuses on several steps in the road toward healing,
Speaker 1: using the acronym healing. Honor your loved ones and yourself.
Speaker 1: Discover your own interests and values. Ease emotional pain, Open
Speaker 1: yourself to emotions, both painful and pleasant ones a trust
Speaker 1: that you can deal with emotional pain. It doesn't control you.
Speaker 1: Accept grief and let it find a place in your life.
Speaker 1: Learn to live with the reminders of your loss. Integrate
Speaker 1: memories of your loved one, let them enrich your life,
Speaker 1: help you learn and grow. Narrate the stories of the
Speaker 1: death for yourself, share them with others, and finally, gather
Speaker 1: others around you. Connect with your community, let people in
Speaker 1: and let them support you. Creativity in finding safe ways
Speaker 1: to work on these steps is key until vaccine are
Speaker 1: more widely available, Sheer said. One of the basic premises
Speaker 1: that I work with is that we all have a
Speaker 1: natural adaptive capacity specifically for adapting to loss. If you
Speaker 1: think about it, loss is ubiquitous and human experience. If
Speaker 1: we couldn't do that, if we couldn't adapt, we couldn't
Speaker 1: have a human race. Basically, because when we're grieving intensely,
Speaker 1: it's very, very debilitating. When things open up, people will
Speaker 1: have the opportunity to join with friends and family to
Speaker 1: honor the person who died. Maybe it won't be a
Speaker 1: funeral per se, but we can have a memorial and
Speaker 1: that's something we often do. Later anyway, we'll be able
Speaker 1: to more easily visit the cemetery in those things, will
Speaker 1: be able to re engage with people. Of course, all
Speaker 1: of this is to say that an important part of
Speaker 1: coping with grief after the loss of a loved one
Speaker 1: is taking care of yourself. Grief can be overwhelming, both
Speaker 1: physically and mentally, and maybe more so during the pandemic,
Speaker 1: So doing what you can to eat well, exercise, and
Speaker 1: get a decent amount of sleep is paramount. Small steps
Speaker 1: are okay. Today's episode is based on the article COVID
Speaker 1: nineteen has Changed How We Mourn on how stuff works
Speaker 1: dot Com, written by John Donovan. Brain Stuff is production
Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio in partnership with how stuffworks dot
Speaker 1: Com and is produced by Tyler Clang. Four more podcasts
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