1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: Welcome to brain Stuff, a production of I Heart Radio, 2 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:10,360 Speaker 1: Hey brain Stuff, Lauren bob obam here. At some point 3 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:14,400 Speaker 1: in our lives, at multiple points, we all grieve in 4 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:19,599 Speaker 1: ways personal and public, in ways silent and loud. These days, though, 5 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:24,239 Speaker 1: grieving has taken on new forms because of the coronavirus pandemic. 6 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,560 Speaker 1: We can't yet safely soothe those who have lost loved 7 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: ones with a hug or an arm around the shoulder. 8 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,280 Speaker 1: We can't yet, for fear of spreading the virus, gather 9 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: safely to say goodbye. We can't be there for others physically, 10 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 1: and others can't be there for us. An expert say 11 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,040 Speaker 1: that being there is one of the most important parts 12 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:48,960 Speaker 1: of the grieving process. It's been devastating for the article 13 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: that this episode is based on. How Stuff Works spoke 14 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 1: with Catherine Sheer, a professor of psychiatry in the Columbia 15 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,640 Speaker 1: School of Social Work and the founding director of the 16 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 1: Center for Complicated Grief at Columbia Universe City. She said, 17 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 1: I think that I would say we're probably on average, 18 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:08,400 Speaker 1: we're probably doing okay. But one of the things we're 19 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:12,319 Speaker 1: doing is acknowledging it, which is huge. Often grief is 20 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 1: something that we kind of half acknowledge as a nation. 21 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,839 Speaker 1: Shear says it took the U S sometime to face 22 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: up to the very real impact that the pandemic is having. 23 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:26,720 Speaker 1: She points to memorials that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris 24 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:30,040 Speaker 1: held in Washington, d C. Initially as President and vice 25 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 1: president elect and later as President and Vice president as important, 26 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: if somewhat belated first steps. Sheer said that kind of 27 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 1: thing we're not doing very well with, and we need 28 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: to do better because it's very helpful. And of course 29 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 1: we're not doing well with the disparity issues either. We're 30 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 1: subjecting some of our most vulnerable populations to grief as 31 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: well as death. But the spotlight on grief as the 32 00:01:56,080 --> 00:02:01,400 Speaker 1: pandemic has worn on has intensified, and that's good. Sheer said. 33 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:05,160 Speaker 1: There's been a massive increase in the interest in understanding 34 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 1: grief and helping the public understand it and deal with it. 35 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:12,359 Speaker 1: In that way, I think we're doing very very well. Finally, 36 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 1: we're paying attention to something that is always important in 37 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 1: our lives. People are so much more aware and respectful 38 00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 1: of grief than they were a year ago. The amount 39 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 1: of grief that has accompanied The pandemic is staggering in itself. 40 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,440 Speaker 1: Around five hundred and forty three thousand people have died 41 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 1: in America alone and close to three million worldwide. Coupled 42 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,760 Speaker 1: with the restrictions put on us in our grieving, the 43 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: damage to the living is compounded. Those normal rituals of grieving, 44 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,960 Speaker 1: things like funerals and wakes, family meals, family and friends gathering, 45 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 1: are extremely important, Sheer said. They help you feel like 46 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: you belong. Everyone is joining you. It's something familiar. It 47 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 1: sort of brings you into the living world. It acknowledges 48 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 1: things have changed for you in a big way. There 49 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,240 Speaker 1: are so many benefits to those rituals. We have to 50 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 1: simultaneously accept the death and honor the person who died, 51 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 1: and also move forward in our own lives without those rituals. 52 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 1: Especially early in at the beginning of the pandemic, people 53 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: felt lost. But as the pandemic has stretched into a 54 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 1: second year, people have found alternative ways to grieve. Video 55 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 1: chat funerals can be attended by people in different homes, cities, states, 56 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:32,560 Speaker 1: or even more distant. Support groups have flourished online online 57 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 1: church services have helped many phone calls between and among 58 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:40,240 Speaker 1: loved ones have been used with great effectiveness. The Centers 59 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 1: for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that family and friends 60 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,240 Speaker 1: can honor those lost by reciting a poem or religious 61 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,600 Speaker 1: verse within their own households. Loved ones can be remembered 62 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 1: by launching blogs or memory books online with friends and 63 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 1: family contributing. Sheer said, I think many people are being 64 00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 1: quite creative and trying to do contextually the usual rituals, 65 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 1: and I do think that's helpful. It's still not quite 66 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:09,680 Speaker 1: the same, so it's a challenge. Shares Center for Complicated 67 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 1: Grief focuses on several steps in the road toward healing, 68 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:17,640 Speaker 1: using the acronym healing. Honor your loved ones and yourself. 69 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:22,640 Speaker 1: Discover your own interests and values. Ease emotional pain, Open 70 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:26,280 Speaker 1: yourself to emotions, both painful and pleasant ones a trust 71 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 1: that you can deal with emotional pain. It doesn't control you. 72 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,200 Speaker 1: Accept grief and let it find a place in your life. 73 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,839 Speaker 1: Learn to live with the reminders of your loss. Integrate 74 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: memories of your loved one, let them enrich your life, 75 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:44,479 Speaker 1: help you learn and grow. Narrate the stories of the 76 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: death for yourself, share them with others, and finally, gather 77 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 1: others around you. Connect with your community, let people in 78 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:57,159 Speaker 1: and let them support you. Creativity in finding safe ways 79 00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:00,240 Speaker 1: to work on these steps is key until vaccine are 80 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 1: more widely available, Sheer said. One of the basic premises 81 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:06,919 Speaker 1: that I work with is that we all have a 82 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: natural adaptive capacity specifically for adapting to loss. If you 83 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,840 Speaker 1: think about it, loss is ubiquitous and human experience. If 84 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 1: we couldn't do that, if we couldn't adapt, we couldn't 85 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,920 Speaker 1: have a human race. Basically, because when we're grieving intensely, 86 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:25,280 Speaker 1: it's very, very debilitating. When things open up, people will 87 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,719 Speaker 1: have the opportunity to join with friends and family to 88 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,599 Speaker 1: honor the person who died. Maybe it won't be a 89 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 1: funeral per se, but we can have a memorial and 90 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 1: that's something we often do. Later anyway, we'll be able 91 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 1: to more easily visit the cemetery in those things, will 92 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 1: be able to re engage with people. Of course, all 93 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,880 Speaker 1: of this is to say that an important part of 94 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,080 Speaker 1: coping with grief after the loss of a loved one 95 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,920 Speaker 1: is taking care of yourself. Grief can be overwhelming, both 96 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,360 Speaker 1: physically and mentally, and maybe more so during the pandemic, 97 00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,080 Speaker 1: So doing what you can to eat well, exercise, and 98 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 1: get a decent amount of sleep is paramount. Small steps 99 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:11,360 Speaker 1: are okay. Today's episode is based on the article COVID 100 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:14,120 Speaker 1: nineteen has Changed How We Mourn on how stuff works 101 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 1: dot Com, written by John Donovan. Brain Stuff is production 102 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio in partnership with how stuffworks dot 103 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,080 Speaker 1: Com and is produced by Tyler Clang. Four more podcasts 104 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 1: my heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, 105 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,840 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.