WEBVTT - Crystal | Featured on ABC's Betrayal: Secrets and Lies 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.040 Hi, it's Andrea and we are re releasing some of 0:00:03.080 --> 0:00:06.080 our past Weekly episodes and there's a good reason why. 0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:09.320 For the last year, I have been working with ABC 0:00:09.480 --> 0:00:12.760 on turning some of your favorite episodes of Betrayal Weekly 0:00:13.080 --> 0:00:16.240 into a TV show. The show is called Betrayal, Secrets 0:00:16.239 --> 0:00:19.599 and Lies, and it airs every Sunday at ten pm 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:24.040 on ABC. This week, we are re releasing Crystal Harris's story. 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:28.560 Working on Crystal's story was both challenging and incredibly inspiring. 0:00:29.160 --> 0:00:31.560 At the time, our team was deep in season five 0:00:31.960 --> 0:00:35.880 of Saskia's story, so we were already sitting with heavy material, 0:00:36.320 --> 0:00:39.440 and crystal story lives in that same space. To me, 0:00:40.120 --> 0:00:43.040 she's fearless, even though she lived in fear for a 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:47.240 very long time. What her story really represents is something 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:50.560 we talk about a lot at Betrayal. What it means 0:00:50.560 --> 0:00:54.720 to prioritize your pain over your abuser's potential even when 0:00:54.760 --> 0:00:58.720 there's evidence, Even when you have all the documentation, your 0:00:58.800 --> 0:01:02.800 credibility can still be question And when you come up 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:06.679 against systems like the criminal justice system or civil court 0:01:07.040 --> 0:01:10.639 that don't protect you the way they should, you don't 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:13.200 have to accept that as the end of the story. 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:17.760 And Crystal did it. She used her voice, she pushed back, 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:21.760 and she worked to change the system itself. That's the 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:25.680 power of testimony, of speaking, and of just doing the 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:29.039 damn thing. If you have not heard this story, I 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:32.959 won't give any more away. Hearing crystal story is fascinating, 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:37.440 but seeing it unfold is a whole new experience. So 0:01:37.680 --> 0:01:41.640 please check out Betrayal, Secrets and Lies on ABC and 0:01:41.720 --> 0:01:45.559 Hulu to see Crystal and where her story takes place. 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:51.280 Enjoy the episode. Hi everyone, it's Andrea Gunning. Before we 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:53.880 start this episode, I want to let you know that 0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:57.160 we will be talking explicitly about the realities of domestic 0:01:57.240 --> 0:02:03.639 violence and sexual assault, so please be mindful with this episode. 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:11.040 I came up with my plan, which was I'm gonna 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:15.920 buy a gun. That's my way out. I still remember 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:22.800 walking into this gun store thinking that I cannot believe 0:02:23.040 --> 0:02:25.080 this is my life. 0:02:25.800 --> 0:02:41.320 I can't believe this is my life. 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:45.480 I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal. I show about 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:48.600 the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:49.560 change everything. 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:54.920 I have a thick skin. You're not going to be 0:02:54.919 --> 0:02:58.799 able to offend me. I don't ever give off a 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:01.120 vibe of it's okay to mess with me. 0:03:02.000 --> 0:03:05.880 That's Crystal Harris. Her story is one of an intimate 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:09.359 and personal betrayal, but it's also a story of an 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:14.720 institutional one. Crystal grew up in the seventies in southern California. 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:18.519 Which at the time was all orange groves. We lived 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:21.600 out in the middle of nowhere, and my parents were hippies. 0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:25.240 From an early age, Crystal was confident. 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:29.639 I have pictured myself as an adult since I was little, 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:34.800 I mean five years old, and the vision that always 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:39.040 came to me was a quote business woman. You know. 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:42.760 I saw myself with a briefcase and high heels. 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:47.160 She's always been the kind of person who visualizes what 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:49.000 she wants and makes it happen. 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:53.080 I had my life all planned out. Just as I 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:56.240 saw myself as a business woman, I also saw myself 0:03:56.280 --> 0:04:00.000 as a wife and mother. My plan was to graduate 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.840 at twenty one. Hopefully I would have met my husband 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:05.280 at some point in college, and we would get married 0:04:05.560 --> 0:04:10.960 around twenty three after I started my career, and then 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:13.440 I wanted to have kids when I was thirty. That 0:04:13.600 --> 0:04:14.120 was my plan. 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:19.720 Crystal's parents divorced when she was eight, and she moved 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:20.440 in with her dad. 0:04:21.080 --> 0:04:25.080 I saw my mom after the divorce. She didn't really 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:28.800 have a profession. She had married my dad when she 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:32.920 was eighteen, and she never went to school and so 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:36.159 she had to like scramble a little bit. And it 0:04:36.240 --> 0:04:38.880 made me realize I would never want to be left 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:44.440 in that position where I had to rely on someone 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:49.640 else for my financial security. So I entered my high 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:52.880 school in college years thinking I've got to have a skill, 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:54.440 I've got to know how to do something. 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:57.600 It was a formative lesson for Crystal. 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:00.120 I was sixteen years old and I said, I'm I'm 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:03.400 going to be a financial advisor. And so once I 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:07.680 graduated from high school, I got accepted to college and 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:11.599 chose finance as my major and was off from there. 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:15.320 During her last summer of college, Crystal was at home 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:18.839 in southern California working as a server at a restaurant. 0:05:19.839 --> 0:05:22.159 One day, a new guy showed up at work. 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:25.520 There was this buzz in the restaurant one day. Everyone 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:28.560 kept going, oh my gosh, Shawan is back. Sean is here? 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:31.839 Have you seen Sean? And I was like, who's Sean. 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:37.440 I finally see him over at the bar and I 0:05:37.920 --> 0:05:42.880 was just blown over. I thought he was gorgeous. He 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:47.400 was so good looking. He was strong, tan and blonde 0:05:47.440 --> 0:05:48.480 and muscular. 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:52.640 Sean quickly became one of her favorite coworkers. 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:56.560 I was a waitress. He was a bus boy, and like, 0:05:56.600 --> 0:05:58.440 if I was just standing at a table with a 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:00.320 cup or a plate in my hand, he'd come up 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:02.320 and take it from me. He would never let me 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:03.960 walk all the way to the dishwasher. 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:08.640 He was her type, and he caught her attention. An 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:11.640 All American boy and a former college athlete. 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:16.680 He attended a private college and he was on their 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:20.359 baseball team. He was the pitcher, and I was impressed. 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.920 And then I learned that he was a math major, 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:27.279 and I was impressed by that too, because I thought, well, 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:31.000 you can't fudge it, and being a math major, I 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:31.880 respected it. 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:35.640 Crystal and Sean spent the whole summer flirting. 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:38.640 One night, we all decided to go out after work. 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:41.839 We had been dancing all night and we'd been hanging 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:43.920 out with our other friends from work, and we were 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:47.200 kind of bar hopping and there's a little bench outside 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:51.120 and we were sitting on it and he just kissed me. 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:59.640 That led into us having this really cute, fun, almost 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:01.559 magic relationship. 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:05.080 That first year, Crystal still had a year of college left. 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:08.440 She drove the hour home every weekend to spend time 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:08.960 with Sean. 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:12.840 I would race down after school on Friday, and it 0:07:12.880 --> 0:07:16.000 would just be like, oh my God, I missed you. 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:18.840 It felt like every weekend was a vacation. 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:22.120 Every time she was around Sean. 0:07:22.440 --> 0:07:27.440 I was totally smitten. He was different. I had never 0:07:27.520 --> 0:07:30.120 dated anybody that I thought was smarter than me, but 0:07:30.200 --> 0:07:31.480 I thought he was smarter than me. 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:38.280 After she graduated from college, Crystal turned her attention to 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:42.760 her next goal, getting a job. She'd gotten her degree 0:07:42.760 --> 0:07:46.040 in finance, and she wanted to be a financial advisor. 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:50.560 I really worked hard at getting my foot in the 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:54.760 door somewhere. I interviewed everywhere, all the major firms on 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:55.360 Wall Street. 0:07:56.040 --> 0:07:58.840 Then she found a firm who gave her a chance, 0:07:59.440 --> 0:08:00.840 but she would have to work for it. 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:04.600 They said, if you can open twenty five accounts and 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:07.720 bring in five hundred thousand dollars in assets, then we'll 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:12.160 put you into our actual training program. And I said, okay, 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:16.560 fair enough. I worked my ass off and I was 0:08:16.600 --> 0:08:19.720 able to get that done within four months, and so 0:08:19.800 --> 0:08:20.600 I got hired. 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:23.760 The firm had a branch in her and Shawn's town, 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:26.920 but before she started working there, they sent her to 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:32.240 New York City for a training program. Sean and Crystal 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:35.320 had been dating for two years, and Sean visited her 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:36.480 in New York when he could. 0:08:37.280 --> 0:08:39.760 We would do New York for the weekend as tourists. 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:44.640 At some point we were up at the top of 0:08:44.679 --> 0:08:47.880 the Statue of Liberty, like in the Crown, and that's 0:08:47.920 --> 0:08:52.720 where he proposed to me. I quickly said yes, And 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:56.840 I can remember saying we can get married when like 0:08:56.960 --> 0:09:01.160 next week or a year. He said, whatever you want. 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:05.440 She planned their wedding in six months. Everything was falling 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:06.040 into place. 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:09.880 I felt totally sure. I love him, he loves me. 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:14.320 We're starting life together, and I was really in a 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:16.520 happy place in my life. 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:18.760 Her wedding day was picture perfect. 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:25.480 It was lovely, beautiful. I was happy to be married, 0:09:25.520 --> 0:09:28.360 but it just it felt like, of course, I'm getting married, 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:31.240 Like this is what I do, it's my plan, this 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:33.320 is a day that's supposed to come. It's here, let's 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:37.319 do it next on the list. We got married in January, 0:09:37.720 --> 0:09:41.680 and by that June we purchased our first condo. It 0:09:41.760 --> 0:09:43.720 started us like building our. 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:49.000 Life Shawn's dad owned a used car dealership in town, 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.360 and you got a job working there, but Shawn's career 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:55.880 would be temporary. Early on, the couple made an agreement 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:58.800 when they were ready to start a family, Crystal would 0:09:58.800 --> 0:10:01.559 be the breadwinner and Sean would stay at home with 0:10:01.640 --> 0:10:02.160 the kids. 0:10:02.880 --> 0:10:07.400 Neither of us believed in daycare, so he had always 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:10.200 said he'd be happy to stay home with them. And 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:14.120 I just thought to myself, Wow, great, that lets me 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:17.120 have my career, but I could still have kids. 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:20.120 Knowing Sean would be a stay at home dad when 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:24.000 the time came, allowed Crystal to focus on building her career. 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:29.680 The stock market opens at six thirty am West Coast time. 0:10:30.760 --> 0:10:35.840 It was my job to manage people's portfolios, to figure 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:39.520 out what a client needed, what their goals were, what 0:10:39.600 --> 0:10:44.839 their risk tolerance was, and invest appropriately. You either make 0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:48.640 it or you don't. And so I always liked that aspect, 0:10:48.720 --> 0:10:50.080 that the sky was the limit. 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:54.200 Her husband supported her career wholeheartedly. 0:10:55.120 --> 0:10:59.920 Sean literally from the time we first met, he see 0:11:00.000 --> 0:11:04.800 seemed so proud to be with me. He just loved 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:08.400 that I was ambitious and that I knew where I 0:11:08.480 --> 0:11:12.920 was going. I'd close some new account, and I'd come 0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:15.640 home and he would be just as happy as I was. 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:17.240 We would totally celebrate together. 0:11:20.559 --> 0:11:23.320 They were a regular couple in their twenties, spending weekends 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:26.400 with friends. They even joined a Rex softball team together, 0:11:26.920 --> 0:11:29.840 which was especially fun because Sean could show off his 0:11:29.920 --> 0:11:31.240 college baseball skills. 0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:37.520 We played every Wednesday night, and then we would always 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:41.320 go for pizza and beer after. It gave me a 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:45.200 chance to watch him be amazing, because he really was 0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:48.480 athletically amazing. He could run faster than any other man, 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:52.240 he could hit the ball further. I was like, Wow, 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:57.640 I know he loved me, and I loved him very much. 0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:02.720 That was the base of everything at home. 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:07.600 He was affectionate, doting, and for a while things were 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:12.800 really great living together. She began to notice they had 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:14.840 two different approaches to conflict. 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:19.280 I'm the type of person if I'm mad at you, 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:22.000 I will tell you right now, but one minute later, 0:12:22.080 --> 0:12:26.920 I'm fine, it's out, it's over. But Sean would do 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:30.360 things where let's say he got off work at six, 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:34.840 he wouldn't come home until like nine or ten or whatever, 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:38.720 and he finally just like stroll through the door and 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:42.280 I go, what the hell, why are you late? And 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:45.760 he would be like, well, do you remember last Wednesday 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:48.760 when you said such and such to me? Oh, I've 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:49.800 been really mad about that. 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:54.560 Christal had never seen someone hold onto resentment the way 0:12:54.600 --> 0:13:00.319 that Sean did. Two years into the marriage, of their 0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:03.559 cars broke down, so for a week, Crystal and Sean 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:06.680 had to share a car. They both needed it to 0:13:06.679 --> 0:13:09.680 get to work. Crystal started her job at six point 0:13:09.679 --> 0:13:12.120 thirty in the morning. She would take a break around 0:13:12.160 --> 0:13:14.720 eight thirty to pick Sean up and take him to 0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:18.559 his job at the dealership. Within just a few days, 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:20.960 the car became a source of tension. 0:13:22.040 --> 0:13:24.760 Every day he'd say, come pick me up, let's say 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:27.840 eight forty five, and I would get there and he 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:32.240 would still be in bed, or still in the shower, 0:13:32.360 --> 0:13:35.000 whatever it was. He was nowhere near ready every day 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:39.280 and I had had it. I was pissed. I didn't 0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:43.840 like how he was just so dismissive of my time. 0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:48.720 But one day the fight over the car became something different. 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:57.439 We got in a big fight over it. Eventually we 0:13:57.520 --> 0:13:59.960 get in the car and I'm driving him to work 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:07.760 and we're still fighting. He's in the passenger seat. Next 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:11.720 thing I know, he took his left hand, it was 0:14:11.760 --> 0:14:15.960 in a fist, and just sort of balked me in 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:24.040 my eye, on my cheek, and I just was reeling. 0:14:27.640 --> 0:14:32.720 I pulled the car over, and I'm trying to get 0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:35.080 my head together, trying to figure out what just happened. 0:14:35.080 --> 0:14:37.120 I had never been hit before by a man in 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:41.240 my life. I just remember thinking, get him to work, 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:43.080 and then you're on your own. You've got the car, 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:47.160 you've got the safety of the office. Don't provoke him anymore. 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:51.440 I just shut my mouth, not fighting anymore. 0:14:52.560 --> 0:14:56.080 She had an instinctual reaction, which was to stay calm 0:14:56.200 --> 0:15:00.160 and get him out of her car. Once she was alone, 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:01.520 she knew what she had to do. 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:07.320 Get back to the office, call the police, call an attorney, 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:09.040 Call my mom. 0:15:09.840 --> 0:15:11.040 This is huge. 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:15.120 And my marriage is over. That is what I did. 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:20.520 I told everybody, and I hired a divorce attorney and 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:25.320 filed a police report. I did everything I ever said 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:26.600 I would do if a man hit me. 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:32.400 When Crystal got home that day, he. 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:34.160 Had broken the whole sliding glass door. 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:39.440 But Sean wasn't home. He'd been arrested for assaulting Crystal. 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:42.880 She wanted to be far away from him, and I 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:46.200 got a restraining order. By the end of that day, 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.720 he was not allowed to come in the house. They 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:52.840 were separated for some time. About a month or so 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:56.440 went by. Then Crystal got a call from Sean's dad. 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:01.720 I respected his dad very much, and he was telling 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:06.640 me how devastated Sean is and how this was such 0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:09.000 a huge wake up call for him. He knows he 0:16:09.080 --> 0:16:12.920 did wrong. His dad kept saying, you know, you're a 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:18.080 part of this family. We love you. Sean's already going 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:23.960 to anger management classes. I remember thinking, that's great that 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:28.680 they have such a thing. It was court ordered, and 0:16:28.720 --> 0:16:30.200 it just seemed official. 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:34.800 This was nineteen ninety eight, when court ordered anger management 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:38.800 was still new. This was Crystal's first time learning about it, 0:16:39.160 --> 0:16:41.560 and she was relieved to hear he was getting help. 0:16:42.440 --> 0:16:46.000 Despite what Sean had done, anger management sounded like it 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:47.080 was just what he needed. 0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:52.000 I really thought that could be the key to us 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:53.000 getting back together. 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:56.800 After talking to his dad, she was open to hearing 0:16:56.840 --> 0:17:01.800 Sean out. She wanted his apology. I was willing to 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:04.880 talk to him on the phone. Was trying to get 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:09.199 a sense of if he understood how bad what he 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:14.320 did was. He really seemed like he was sorry and 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:16.040 he did wrong. 0:17:17.520 --> 0:17:20.680 I thought, I love him, he loves me. I love him. 0:17:21.240 --> 0:17:24.159 All he needs is a little bit of help to 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:27.720 figure out why he did that and we can still 0:17:27.760 --> 0:17:28.800 have our life together. 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:38.760 But she wanted to let him know he'd messed up 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:42.160 and he would be held accountable for what he'd done. 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:45.320 I slowly let him back in the house. It took 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:47.960 two or three months. We had our divorce proceeding and 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:53.720 everything I dropped, everything except what I did not drop 0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:58.439 was the actual police charge. He did it. He hit me, 0:17:59.040 --> 0:18:03.119 and it was important to me that that stand. So 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:08.119 he was prosecuted and pled guilty, and that did go 0:18:08.200 --> 0:18:09.880 on his record, and. 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:12.600 The consequences he faced were long lasting. 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:18.080 He was on probation for three years. And I felt 0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:23.639 sufficiently satisfied that he was getting that help he needed 0:18:23.640 --> 0:18:24.919 and that we were going to be okay. 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:28.639 That moment in the car felt like an outlier in 0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:30.760 their otherwise steady relationship. 0:18:31.640 --> 0:18:34.720 There's not like an infidelity issue. There was not even 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:38.640 a jealousy issue. I thought that was good. We never 0:18:38.720 --> 0:18:43.680 thought about money. He was not a drinker, never took drugs, 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:47.240 didn't smoke, and I just thought that's a great foundation 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:50.359 for a good marriage and we loved each other. 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:55.360 Over the next three years, they slowly rebuild trust. Crystal 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:57.560 fell grounded and her relationship with Sean. 0:18:57.960 --> 0:19:00.639 I just remember thinking we should start thinking about having kids, 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:04.639 and it was part of my plan anyway. So the 0:19:04.720 --> 0:19:08.120 following January of two thousand and two, I went off 0:19:08.359 --> 0:19:11.520 the pill and we started trying to have a baby, 0:19:12.160 --> 0:19:15.280 and I got pregnant immediately. 0:19:15.800 --> 0:19:17.080 Crystal was thrilled. 0:19:17.640 --> 0:19:19.439 I couldn't wait for Sean to get home and tell 0:19:19.520 --> 0:19:22.639 him in person, Like I call him immediately and I'm like, 0:19:22.760 --> 0:19:25.959 I am pregnant. He was happy. He was so happy. 0:19:26.720 --> 0:19:28.840 Sean and Crystal found out that they were going to 0:19:28.880 --> 0:19:33.000 have a boy. They felt really connected through her entire pregnancy. 0:19:33.520 --> 0:19:37.280 He treated me great. It was a very sweet time 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:38.280 in our relationship. 0:19:38.640 --> 0:19:41.119 And in two thousand and two their son was born. 0:19:41.760 --> 0:19:47.639 Sean was there. He was crying and loving and proud 0:19:47.680 --> 0:19:51.640 of me and cheerleading and being perfect. 0:19:53.720 --> 0:19:57.040 Their son became their whole world. That's when Sean quit 0:19:57.080 --> 0:20:00.360 his job and, like the couple had planned, became stay 0:20:00.359 --> 0:20:01.000 at home dad. 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:04.239 He was home with the baby and I was on 0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:07.160 maternity leave for like four months, and then I went back. 0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:10.960 I thought our plan was working out pretty well. 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:15.639 But once he quit working, something changed in Sean. 0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:19.760 The whole thing about putting me in my place and 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:22.959 the passive aggressiveness and that kind of stuff seemed to 0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:26.400 pick up a lot. When Sean and I would fight, 0:20:26.480 --> 0:20:30.439 it would be bigger, things would escalate further than they 0:20:30.480 --> 0:20:35.080 ever had. It just got to a different level after 0:20:35.320 --> 0:20:36.440 our first son was born. 0:20:37.720 --> 0:20:41.120 Like one time, a fight got so intense that Crystal 0:20:41.320 --> 0:20:43.480 had to escape to her neighbor's. 0:20:43.000 --> 0:20:47.399 House, and he followed me. He comes in there, he 0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:52.000 grabs me, He opens their fridge and takes milk out 0:20:52.000 --> 0:20:53.439 of the fridge and just pours it all over me, 0:20:53.560 --> 0:20:54.760 right in front of them. 0:20:55.200 --> 0:20:58.359 He had humiliated her in front of her friends, and 0:20:58.440 --> 0:21:02.720 he didn't care. Crystal felt exposed because up until this 0:21:02.840 --> 0:21:06.320 point she had been living with Sean's escalation in private. 0:21:06.880 --> 0:21:11.919 After I took Sean back, I never told anyone in 0:21:11.960 --> 0:21:16.400 my family that my life was anything but perfect. Part 0:21:16.440 --> 0:21:19.160 of it was not even just protecting Sean, was protecting 0:21:19.160 --> 0:21:19.800 my own ego. 0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:26.680 Crystal wouldn't dare engage Sean after an explosive fight. She'd 0:21:26.680 --> 0:21:29.640 wait for him to cool down, but sometimes that would 0:21:29.680 --> 0:21:31.280 take days or weeks. 0:21:31.760 --> 0:21:36.320 I wasn't happy, but I felt like I could tolerate 0:21:36.400 --> 0:21:39.919 a lot to keep my family together for my kids, 0:21:40.359 --> 0:21:42.720 like I could put up with the bullshit. 0:21:43.600 --> 0:21:48.480 Incidents like this started happening more frequently, and oftentimes Crystal 0:21:48.480 --> 0:21:51.520 would get the police involved to help deescalate the situation. 0:21:52.560 --> 0:21:57.560 Never did I get physically assaulted. It was just like 0:21:57.680 --> 0:22:01.760 more scary stuff, and I called police a number of times. 0:22:02.840 --> 0:22:06.280 Things went on like this for two years, and then. 0:22:06.640 --> 0:22:10.680 Shawn's dad got lung cancer and died a month before 0:22:10.720 --> 0:22:18.040 our second child was born, and it sent Sean into deep, 0:22:18.800 --> 0:22:24.919 deep depression. He was playing video games all night and 0:22:24.920 --> 0:22:28.399 then he would sleep all day, even though he's the 0:22:28.400 --> 0:22:29.520 one home with the kids. 0:22:30.280 --> 0:22:33.359 Christl was doing everything she could to hold their family together, 0:22:33.800 --> 0:22:35.560 but it was getting harder. 0:22:36.240 --> 0:22:41.200 As time went on. I would throw out the divorce 0:22:41.240 --> 0:22:44.520 word pretty often, just because I would say I can't 0:22:44.560 --> 0:22:49.280 live like this. My intention in doing that was to 0:22:49.560 --> 0:22:52.040 hopefully have him go, well, oh my gosh, I don't 0:22:52.080 --> 0:22:54.120 want to lose her. I better straighten up. 0:22:54.800 --> 0:22:58.040 Christel was still in love with Sean. She wanted to 0:22:58.080 --> 0:23:01.760 fight for their family and that things could be different. 0:23:01.960 --> 0:23:03.720 And she held on to that hope. 0:23:03.760 --> 0:23:07.920 For five years, shit. 0:23:07.880 --> 0:23:12.520 Was happening more and more and more, and finally it 0:23:12.560 --> 0:23:15.159 gets to the point, early fall of two thousand and seven, 0:23:15.920 --> 0:23:17.400 something happened. We got in a fight. 0:23:18.359 --> 0:23:21.760 After the altercation, Sean left the house. He didn't come 0:23:21.760 --> 0:23:25.119 back for days. Crystal had no idea where he was 0:23:25.320 --> 0:23:30.600 or what would happen next. Eventually he showed back up, and. 0:23:30.560 --> 0:23:35.000 When he came back in the house, he was different, 0:23:36.760 --> 0:23:40.120 so calm. It was like he had been meditating on 0:23:40.200 --> 0:23:43.800 this whole new plan to keep me in line. He 0:23:43.880 --> 0:23:49.760 came in with intent. He tells me that he is 0:23:49.880 --> 0:23:54.520 sick of me calling the police on him. He is 0:23:54.600 --> 0:23:59.199 sick of me threatening to divorce him, and that is 0:23:59.240 --> 0:24:01.760 all ending now. That's never gonna happen again. And if 0:24:01.800 --> 0:24:03.720 I ever do it again, he's gonna kill me. 0:24:06.200 --> 0:24:09.040 He was serious, and it was terrifying. 0:24:10.560 --> 0:24:15.119 I believed him. I had never felt so helpless in 0:24:15.160 --> 0:24:18.920 my life. Usually I could come up with a plan. 0:24:19.680 --> 0:24:24.879 I had no plan that decisive, planned out person who's 0:24:24.880 --> 0:24:29.159 got her act together found herself in a box. 0:24:52.560 --> 0:24:55.800 After Sean lost his father, he mentally started to unravel 0:24:56.119 --> 0:24:59.600 worse than before. Verbal abuse was a constant in the 0:24:59.640 --> 0:25:04.360 hairs household. When things escalated, Crystal would often call the cops, 0:25:04.800 --> 0:25:09.080 but after one particularly explosive altercation, Sean left the house, 0:25:09.600 --> 0:25:11.760 and after a few days, Sean came back with a 0:25:11.800 --> 0:25:16.000 clear message he was in control and if she challenged him, 0:25:16.520 --> 0:25:17.320 he would kill her. 0:25:18.400 --> 0:25:21.800 I remember just trying to play it cool at first, 0:25:22.480 --> 0:25:26.480 thinking maybe he's still really mad. But whenever I went 0:25:26.520 --> 0:25:30.240 to revisit it days later, weeks later, months later and 0:25:30.400 --> 0:25:33.040