1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:04,120 Speaker 1: Everybody. This is an episode that we originally ran on 2 00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: October of twenty twenty three, but April is a National 3 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:13,960 Speaker 1: Autism acceptance month, and in honor of that, we wanted 4 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: to bring back to you one of our favorite episodes, 5 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:22,080 Speaker 1: which happens to be about autism with Army member Stacy Horst. 6 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:30,360 Speaker 2: And it's kind of that epiphany moment that either we're 7 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 2: going to do something or this might kill us and 8 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:40,960 Speaker 2: we have another child and we can't do that. So 9 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:47,640 Speaker 2: we sat and talked about all those times when Aaron 10 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:52,280 Speaker 2: didn't get invited to birthday parties and didn't get the 11 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:56,040 Speaker 2: invitation to go to the football games, and didn't get 12 00:00:56,080 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 2: asked to do things, and realized that if she had 13 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 2: had somewhere to go where she felt safe and could 14 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:11,400 Speaker 2: have fun and it had absolutely nothing to do with therapy, 15 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 2: just fun, just fun to be with other kids and 16 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:23,560 Speaker 2: meet other kids and create friendships, that she probably would 17 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:27,120 Speaker 2: still be with us today. 18 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:33,080 Speaker 1: Welcome to an army of normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney. 19 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 1: I'm a normal guy. I'm a husband, I'm a father, 20 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 1: I'm an entrepreneur, and I've been a football coach in 21 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 1: Inner City Memphis and the last part it unintentionally led 22 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,760 Speaker 1: to an oscar for the film about our team, which 23 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 1: is called Undefeated. I believe our country's problems will never 24 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: be solved by a bunch of fancy people in nice 25 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 1: suits talking big words that nobody really ever uses or 26 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 1: understands on CNN and five, but rather an army of 27 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 1: normal folks, US, just you and me deciding, hey, I 28 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,520 Speaker 1: can help. That's what Stacy Horse the voice we just 29 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 1: heard has done. Stacy's daughter Aaron, was bullied and excluded 30 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:19,760 Speaker 1: by her peers because she had autism, and tragically, that 31 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 1: isolation led to her taking her own life at only 32 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:27,800 Speaker 1: sixteen years old. Stacy and her husband Darren chose not 33 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 1: to be victims, and they started the nonprofit Aaron's Hope 34 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 1: for Friends to create physical clubs where kids with autism 35 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,880 Speaker 1: can hang out on the weekends and just be buddies, 36 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:44,520 Speaker 1: you know, enjoy friendships as we're all meant to. I 37 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,359 Speaker 1: can't wait for you to meet Aaron right after these 38 00:02:47,400 --> 00:03:06,760 Speaker 1: brief messages from our generals sponsors. Stacey Horst, how are you. 39 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 2: I'm good? 40 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 1: How are you good? Welcome to Memphis, Thank you. I 41 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,919 Speaker 1: before we even begin, I've got to uh I got 42 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 1: to give you props. You're one of what I hope 43 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,520 Speaker 1: is the first of many. But you're a groundbreaker for 44 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:22,800 Speaker 1: an army of normal folks. Did you know that? 45 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:23,840 Speaker 2: No? I did not. 46 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:29,239 Speaker 1: You are. And here's what it is. So far, every 47 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:34,640 Speaker 1: guest we've had, Alex, our producer, and Ironlight Labs and 48 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 1: the people that make this show happen have worked really 49 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:42,279 Speaker 1: hard to find compelling stories of normal folks doing extraordinary 50 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 1: things all over the country, and they found them through 51 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,920 Speaker 1: pouring through media and articles. And I guess it's good 52 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 1: we're talking about this because one of the questions I 53 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,560 Speaker 1: get often is how do you find all these people? 54 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 1: And that's how they've done it. But you are the 55 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 1: first of the organic what I'm gonna called the organic 56 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 1: guest in that we didn't find you that way, you 57 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: found us. I remember opening an email from you not 58 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: that long ago. What was it a month ago? How 59 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 1: long ago? 60 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 2: Probably two two and a half months. 61 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 1: Again, I think so. Yeah, early on in our release 62 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:24,040 Speaker 1: and Stacy Horst is our first organically grown army of 63 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 1: normal folks guests. I wish I had a belder. Yeah 64 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: you are. You are a woo hoo. This is a 65 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 1: woohoo moment for us. And really you exemplify a microcosm 66 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:38,559 Speaker 1: of what the whole idea is. We're trying to grow 67 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 1: a community that celebrates and listens and learns and and 68 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 1: and grows off one another, and so you are the 69 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 1: first of that community, and so you will always hold 70 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: a special place in the history of an army of 71 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,200 Speaker 1: normal folks, being the first organic guest we have. So, 72 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 1: in a very real sense, welcome and thanks for being here. 73 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,599 Speaker 2: Well, thank you, thank you for what you're doing. 74 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:07,560 Speaker 1: Oh well, thank you for what you're doing. And I 75 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,840 Speaker 1: got to tell you when I read Juriemel and we're 76 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:15,919 Speaker 1: not going to get to it yet. Ah wow, my 77 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:22,440 Speaker 1: heart skipped to beat. And I find the work that 78 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 1: you're doing to be remarkable. Frankly, the the depth of 79 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 1: the of the person you and your husband are is 80 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 1: immeasurable in my opinion, and and we're going to share 81 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:40,839 Speaker 1: all of that. So tell me about Rachel. Oh not now, 82 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:41,760 Speaker 1: Rachel coming up. 83 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:46,359 Speaker 2: Rachel coming up. Oh wow, she's a lot of fun. 84 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:47,839 Speaker 1: She loved fun. 85 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 2: No, she's just she was a very fun kid, very sassy, 86 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:59,279 Speaker 2: but very sweet. She was a good older sister. She 87 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,960 Speaker 2: you know, just she she loved the arts. She loved 88 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:07,360 Speaker 2: to she did. Both of our girls did everything. They 89 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 2: played sports, they did arts, you know, involved in church 90 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 2: and Rachel ended up both of the girls ended up 91 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:21,839 Speaker 2: going finishing school in Atlanta because that's where we ended 92 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 2: up last. And she ended up going to Savannah College 93 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,600 Speaker 2: of Art and Design. And she's a photographer. 94 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 1: That's very cool. Yeah, she and she's married. 95 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:36,479 Speaker 2: Now, she is, she's married. Her husband also went to 96 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,359 Speaker 2: SCAD and that's where they met. 97 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:41,040 Speaker 1: Wow, that's the Archie family. Do they have kids. 98 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 2: They have one little boy who just turned. 99 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,720 Speaker 1: To he's probably a meathead football player. And I'll never 100 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,719 Speaker 1: do the arts. That'll probably what will happen. 101 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:49,919 Speaker 2: I don't know. We'll see, We'll. 102 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: See pretty art. We'll see, all right, And so tell 103 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,840 Speaker 1: us about erin Oh. 104 00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:05,040 Speaker 2: Aaron loved animals. Ain was a very sweet little girl, 105 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 2: as we'll talk about. She was diagnosed with autism when 106 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 2: she was three, and really her passion was animals. She 107 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 2: also played sports. She played every sport known to man, 108 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 2: and she loved to give away her stuff. Nothing that 109 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 2: she had was hers. Everything she had could be somebody else's. 110 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:37,800 Speaker 2: If she saw that somebody needed something, she would come 111 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 2: home and get it and go give it to him 112 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 2: without telling us. By the way, she played the drums, 113 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,920 Speaker 2: she was an awesome drummer. She was in a band 114 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:52,720 Speaker 2: and one of the kids at school, who was also 115 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 2: in the band and played the drums, needed a kick pedal, 116 00:07:56,480 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 2: and she had two. No, if you have kids that 117 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 2: played musical instruments, but this stuff is not cheap. 118 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 1: It's expensive. 119 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 2: Yes, And she came home and took the kick pedal 120 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 2: kick pedal back to school the next day and gave 121 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,280 Speaker 2: it away and we found out weeks later. 122 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:19,119 Speaker 1: So she's a sweet kid, oh yeah. And loved animals, yes, 123 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 1: and had a big heart. I gotta ask you how 124 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 1: you know people listening to us are going to hear 125 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:35,320 Speaker 1: this whole story end up. But I gotta I gotta 126 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 1: get to get to what you're doing and why I 127 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:43,880 Speaker 1: really want to put a face on both Aaron and 128 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 1: your family. Three. Now, when you say she was diagnosed 129 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,240 Speaker 1: with you said level one autism. Is that how you 130 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 1: say it? I think that was formally referred to as Asperger's. 131 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,839 Speaker 1: Am I right about the Yes? Why don't we call 132 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,040 Speaker 1: it Aspergers anymore? 133 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:06,080 Speaker 2: That's a good question. I'd like to know that myself. 134 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:11,840 Speaker 2: They chose to change the DSM five which is where 135 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:17,079 Speaker 2: you go for diagnoses, and they put they lumped everything 136 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:22,440 Speaker 2: under ASD, which is Autism spectrum disorder. Why they did that, 137 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:29,360 Speaker 2: I don't know. Because these teens, young adults, children who 138 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:34,680 Speaker 2: are in level one or aspergers are and can be 139 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 2: much different than what level three would be, which could 140 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 2: be nonverbal tantrums. 141 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:42,840 Speaker 1: How many levels are there? 142 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:43,319 Speaker 2: Three? 143 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:50,360 Speaker 1: There are three, so I'm assuming then one is the 144 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:54,000 Speaker 1: slightest level, then two, then three is the deepest level. 145 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,560 Speaker 1: I'm asking. I don't know, I really is that right? 146 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 2: Yes, that's right. 147 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:06,839 Speaker 1: So many people are blind to autism that they don't 148 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 1: really understand. I mean, you know, is a level one 149 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:18,360 Speaker 1: person functioning in a way that maybe you wouldn't know 150 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,360 Speaker 1: unless you just got up close and talked to them. 151 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:24,560 Speaker 1: Because I hear you say, she'll have animals, she played 152 00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:29,880 Speaker 1: sports where she you know, mainlined in school. You see 153 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 1: what I'm saying, explain that existence. 154 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:38,920 Speaker 2: I think that it's yes. I think that you can 155 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 2: look at people in level one and unless you go 156 00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:46,600 Speaker 2: up to them and have a conversation with them, because 157 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:51,880 Speaker 2: basically one of their biggest deficits is their social interactions 158 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:54,440 Speaker 2: like you and I are sitting here looking at each 159 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:58,400 Speaker 2: other in the eye having a conversation, where they find 160 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 2: that extremely difficult to look you in the eye and 161 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 2: to have a conversation on point. For example, if Aaron 162 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:12,120 Speaker 2: was in a group and they're talking about going to 163 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:16,600 Speaker 2: a football game, and they were having a conversation and 164 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 2: she wanted to add something to the conversation, she would 165 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 2: be standing there thinking about what she wanted to say 166 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 2: for probably sixty ninety seconds before it would come out 167 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:34,120 Speaker 2: of her mouth. Well, for us, sixty or ninety seconds 168 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,320 Speaker 2: is a long time, and we've already we've already moved on, 169 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 2: Like we're not talking about the football game anymore. We're 170 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 2: talking about where we're going to have dinner or what 171 00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:48,520 Speaker 2: we're going to eat. So when they choose to say something, 172 00:11:48,679 --> 00:11:52,600 Speaker 2: then they're behind And sadly, that's where a lot of 173 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 2: them get ridiculed or bullied because they're trying to fit 174 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 2: in and yet they're behind the eight ball in terms 175 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 2: of the conversation. And it's really a social thing, but 176 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:10,400 Speaker 2: they're you know, their brilliance is amazing. 177 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 1: Could Aaron verbalize the world she saw differently than everybody 178 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,840 Speaker 1: else to you, and would she do that with you? 179 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:17,120 Speaker 2: Oh? 180 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,480 Speaker 1: Absolutely? What would she say? What would the what did 181 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 1: the how did the world look different to Aerin as 182 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 1: a child with autism level one than it would do 183 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 1: you and me? Can you give me an example to 184 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:32,720 Speaker 1: help me? And the listeners kind of go oh, you know, 185 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: I didn't realize that they would see it that differently. 186 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,680 Speaker 1: I mean, how would she verbalize that she would see 187 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:42,200 Speaker 1: things that were different than the way you would see them. 188 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,480 Speaker 2: I think the biggest thing is the level of compassion, 189 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:52,880 Speaker 2: the level of emotion. So how how she felt and 190 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:58,040 Speaker 2: saw in certain situations, whether it's at school, whether it's 191 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 2: at home, in the neighborhood with friends. It's like a 192 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 2: richer emotion, if you will, of caring for other people, 193 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,280 Speaker 2: where I would say, I don't want to say, like 194 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,720 Speaker 2: we're more crass and we just go about our day 195 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:18,000 Speaker 2: and do what we want to do. But she, you know, 196 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,440 Speaker 2: we do sense other people. But she would sense other 197 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 2: people's emotions, and especially in the essence of someone was sad, 198 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 2: if someone was hurt. 199 00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 1: And now a few messages from our general sponsors, But 200 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:44,480 Speaker 1: first I hope you'll consider following an army of normal 201 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:48,079 Speaker 1: folks on all of our social media channels for more 202 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 1: powerful content, which is also great for sharing to help 203 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 1: grow the army. Our handle is at Army of Normal 204 00:13:56,080 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 1: Folks on all of them except Twitter, which I gets 205 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 1: this is X these days, which is interesting because everybody 206 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,920 Speaker 1: says X formally called Twitter, so we might as well 207 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:13,240 Speaker 1: just call it Twitter whatever. At Army normal folks. We'll 208 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:30,920 Speaker 1: be right back, I said earlier when I got your 209 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:39,040 Speaker 1: email that you know, it resonated with me deeply. So 210 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 1: my wife is she might kill me. She's fifty one, 211 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 1: and she has a sister that's in her forties and 212 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 1: that's the youngest, actually late thirties through youngest. She has 213 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,120 Speaker 1: a brother that's in her forties. But when I met Lisa, 214 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 1: her little brother was eight and his name's Ben, and 215 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 1: he's special needs, and his special needs is a result 216 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 1: of him having encephalitis when he was an infant. Ben 217 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:16,880 Speaker 1: is highly functional but has the mental capacity of you know, 218 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 1: maybe a first grader in that range. And one of 219 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:29,600 Speaker 1: the beauties of Ben is that he can go to 220 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:32,040 Speaker 1: Florida on trips, right, He can ride a he can 221 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: ride an airplane, and he can go with us to 222 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 1: family vacations and go out to eat and eat well, 223 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:41,240 Speaker 1: and he can feed himself and dress himself and bathe 224 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:47,600 Speaker 1: himself in all of those things. But I have watched 225 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 1: my in laws spend the last thirty two years of 226 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 1: their life caring for Ben in a way that is heroic. 227 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 1: They gave him every opportunity that they could give him 228 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:08,760 Speaker 1: within his capabilities, to have as normal life as possible, 229 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:13,280 Speaker 1: while also protecting him from the things that he can 230 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 1: protect himself from. He's been beaten by staff, care staff before, 231 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:28,520 Speaker 1: he's uh, He's endured trauma, and he has at times 232 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 1: expressed his deep sadness and grief that he wasn't normal. Heartbreaking, 233 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 1: but in the same respect, a real blessing to our family. 234 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:51,160 Speaker 1: When I read your email, I felt you deeply. And 235 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,120 Speaker 1: the reason I want to know what you felt like 236 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 1: when you found out that at three that Aaron had 237 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 1: I don't know to call it Asperger's, but I think 238 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:07,080 Speaker 1: that's woke, incorrect, level one whatever was a child with 239 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,240 Speaker 1: level one autism. I think that's why I was supposed 240 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:15,800 Speaker 1: to say it properly. I mean no disrespect. I think 241 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 1: I know a little bit about what kind of shock 242 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:23,280 Speaker 1: that was to your family dynamic, and it is to 243 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:28,160 Speaker 1: be perfectly candid, gut wrenching, but it's also what God's 244 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,919 Speaker 1: put in your life, and it's a blessing you've been 245 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,000 Speaker 1: giving and you go to work. 246 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,679 Speaker 2: Absolutely, So what that work look. 247 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,160 Speaker 1: Like from three to call it eight or nine years 248 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 1: old for you and Darren? And and why I asked 249 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:46,159 Speaker 1: so much about was Rachel because I also understand the 250 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:51,840 Speaker 1: dynamic of my wife when she was a teenager trying 251 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,160 Speaker 1: to figure out her stuff, having a special needs brother, 252 00:17:54,560 --> 00:18:00,680 Speaker 1: and that's tough. H So tell me about that dynamic 253 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:01,800 Speaker 1: you did? 254 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:04,239 Speaker 2: Well, Like what you said, you go to work. I 255 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:08,680 Speaker 2: mean you find out whatever interventions you can do, whatever 256 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:17,440 Speaker 2: treatment you can do, training, anything to try and give them. 257 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:23,440 Speaker 2: I mean she went to speech therapy, occupational therapy. I mean, 258 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 2: I think we did every kind of therapy known to man. 259 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,160 Speaker 1: You're driving her all over the place, huh, everything you can. Yes, 260 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,159 Speaker 1: And there was if it's anything like my experience, that 261 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:37,600 Speaker 1: there was no thing that might make her life a 262 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,879 Speaker 1: little bit better that you wouldn't drop and go do. 263 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:44,840 Speaker 2: Yes. Absolutely, and y'all did that. Oh yeah, how did 264 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:55,080 Speaker 2: it affect Rachel? That's a good question. Now I think 265 00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:58,240 Speaker 2: that it's I mean I saw it as you're talking 266 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:04,240 Speaker 2: about your wife, Lisa. Uh yeah, yeah, I mean you're 267 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:06,800 Speaker 2: you're a teen who's trying to figure out your own 268 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 2: way in life, and you have a special needs sibling, 269 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:17,640 Speaker 2: and I know that a lot of time and energy 270 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:22,600 Speaker 2: is spent trying to I want to see, make that right, 271 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:28,880 Speaker 2: but to help Aaron. And so therefore, you know, there 272 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,199 Speaker 2: is time that I think that's taken away from the 273 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,560 Speaker 2: other child. And then it's hard when Rachel's trying to 274 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,919 Speaker 2: figure out her own thing and she has a sister 275 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:45,040 Speaker 2: that wants to come with everywhere, everywhere, and you know, 276 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,640 Speaker 2: Rachel would have people over to the house and they'd 277 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,800 Speaker 2: be down in the basement, and you know, of course 278 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 2: Aaron wants to be a part of it. One of 279 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 2: the beauties of aspers And I call it that because 280 00:19:58,320 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 2: that's what she was diagnosed with. 281 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 1: Good if you call it that, I can, yes, you can. 282 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:08,400 Speaker 2: You know she would now lest we turn it back, 283 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,320 Speaker 2: because we talked about that. But you know, Rachel, Aaron 284 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 2: wanted to be everywhere, and oh, I know the blessing 285 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:18,320 Speaker 2: was that Aaron got along really well with people older 286 00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:23,480 Speaker 2: than her and young kids. It's the it's the peer 287 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:28,119 Speaker 2: to appear relationship. That is the struggle. So all of 288 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:29,800 Speaker 2: Rachel's friends. 289 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,439 Speaker 1: She loved her, oh yeah, well, and she. 290 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,400 Speaker 2: Loved him because she could go over and she could 291 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 2: talk to them. And I'm sure for her it was 292 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:44,720 Speaker 2: like being normal, what she thought normal was like. But 293 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,880 Speaker 2: that also got in Rachel's. 294 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 1: Way so well. And the reason I ask is, you 295 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:55,760 Speaker 1: know again, I think it's really important for people listening 296 00:20:55,760 --> 00:21:00,359 Speaker 1: to us to understand that when and Aaron or Been 297 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:06,480 Speaker 1: come along in your life, it's a family occurrence. 298 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 2: It is a. 299 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,280 Speaker 1: Life altering and many times for the better. I don't 300 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,639 Speaker 1: want to make it sound like it's all negative, because 301 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 1: but there is. But you know, frankly, people cringe when 302 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:26,199 Speaker 1: you say there's negatives, But there is negatives. It's just 303 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:30,240 Speaker 1: the reality of it. There's difficulties, it's tough. It does 304 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:33,439 Speaker 1: change family dynamic. It doesn't mean it's all bad and 305 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:37,560 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean you resent. But the reality is there's 306 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,960 Speaker 1: some tough there's some tough things that come along with 307 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:44,879 Speaker 1: all of it. And it's important for people to understand 308 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:50,239 Speaker 1: that parents and families with kids like Ben or like 309 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:55,280 Speaker 1: Aaron with Aspergers are going through their own difficulties to 310 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,959 Speaker 1: try to make the best life they can for their child, 311 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:05,359 Speaker 1: and a little understanding and support not only for the 312 00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:11,680 Speaker 1: person with Aspergers, but the family's caring form is really important. Absolutely, 313 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 1: did you have that? 314 00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:19,199 Speaker 2: I think in the beginning, you feel like you're on 315 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 2: an island exactly why asked? Yeah, you know, you feel 316 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:26,200 Speaker 2: like you're on an island and you're trying to figure 317 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:29,119 Speaker 2: out how to get off and what's going to be 318 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:36,159 Speaker 2: the best way to get off, And through time and 319 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:40,480 Speaker 2: being involved in different things, I think that you acquire 320 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 2: that group or that support, but in the beginning, you 321 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:48,440 Speaker 2: definitely feel like you're out there all by yourself. 322 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 1: Which we will come back to in terms of the 323 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:57,760 Speaker 1: importance of the work that you're now doing, because I 324 00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,760 Speaker 1: think the work that you're now doing is not only 325 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:05,359 Speaker 1: really vital for people with Aspergers, but also for the 326 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:12,240 Speaker 1: family surrounding them. So as a parent with a kid 327 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 1: struggling with this, and you're struggling, and I know, you've 328 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,800 Speaker 1: got to be proud. I mean, she's sweet, she's cooking, 329 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,800 Speaker 1: she's caring for kids, she's playing sports, doing all these things. 330 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:29,360 Speaker 1: But then she's also a kid with autism. And I'm 331 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:34,000 Speaker 1: not making excuses, but I remember Ben, And you can't 332 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:38,159 Speaker 1: really expect twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen year old kids to 333 00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:45,280 Speaker 1: really deeply understand someone who's not like them. And I'm 334 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:52,359 Speaker 1: not excusing bullying or being off putting, but I've seen it, 335 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,920 Speaker 1: you know. And did Aaron feel different. 336 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:00,080 Speaker 2: In what way? 337 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,719 Speaker 1: Well? Did she get invited to birthday parties? 338 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:10,160 Speaker 2: Ah? No, oh, absolutely they feel different? Yeah, no, they don't. 339 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:15,880 Speaker 1: And did she verbalize how that hurt her? 340 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:21,639 Speaker 2: In the essence of saying, you really found out about 341 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 2: it more after the fact, because you wouldn't really know 342 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,639 Speaker 2: as a parent if my child's not invited, I don't 343 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 2: know that that's happening, right until she finds out that 344 00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:41,160 Speaker 2: so and so had a birthday party and she wasn't invited. Well, 345 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,040 Speaker 2: then you find out, Well, did she ever. 346 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,720 Speaker 1: Come to you and say, Mom, why am I not 347 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,600 Speaker 1: getting invited to the birthday parties? Did she ever verbalize 348 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:53,239 Speaker 1: that kind of thing? I? 349 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,639 Speaker 2: You know, I think that she did. I'm trying to 350 00:24:55,680 --> 00:25:01,240 Speaker 2: remember one specific occasion, but I can tell you with 351 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:09,000 Speaker 2: the beginning of social media, I mean, that's made it. 352 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,399 Speaker 1: Because she's seeing all our friends on Facebook at parties 353 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,080 Speaker 1: and stuff, or not her friends, but her classmates yes, 354 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:18,440 Speaker 1: or peers right and she's not there correct, then I 355 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:18,920 Speaker 1: hurt her. 356 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 2: Yes, and you knew it, We knew it, and she 357 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 2: would say stuff. But I can't. I can't remember like 358 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 2: one specific situation where she came to us. 359 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,440 Speaker 1: And I can't imagine. 360 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:34,159 Speaker 2: But yes, I mean, the social media is, although it 361 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,000 Speaker 2: can be beautiful, it's awful. 362 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:43,040 Speaker 1: I can't imagine the I mean, you had to have 363 00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:45,879 Speaker 1: just your heart had to broke for her. 364 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,600 Speaker 2: It breaks now just thinking about it. 365 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:54,520 Speaker 1: I'm sorry to take you back through it. I just looked, well, 366 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,639 Speaker 1: I really want people to understand why you're doing what 367 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,399 Speaker 1: you're doing. And until people really get the depth of 368 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,640 Speaker 1: this and I understand the depth of it, I've I've 369 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:11,840 Speaker 1: watched it. I've I've watched people do the you know, 370 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:17,000 Speaker 1: the making fun of bad jerking hands or whatever. I 371 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:21,919 Speaker 1: can't even verbilize what I'm saying, but you know, people 372 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:29,080 Speaker 1: will do certain things that simulate or articulate non verbally 373 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 1: special needs people, and I've watched them do that behind 374 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,440 Speaker 1: Ben's back before, and frankly, I've wanted to beat there. 375 00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:43,280 Speaker 2: I'm right there with you, so I said earlier, nobody 376 00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:44,439 Speaker 2: better give me a gun. 377 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it will not end well, it's it's 378 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,399 Speaker 1: it's wrong on so many levels. But what it is 379 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,800 Speaker 1: is it's it's a lack of maturity and understanding again 380 00:26:55,600 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 1: of what an entire family goes through. We'll be right back. 381 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 2: I think that it's and I say this because for 382 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:25,160 Speaker 2: anybody who hears this podcast, if you're having struggles with 383 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,960 Speaker 2: a child, regardless of whether they have autism or not, 384 00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:34,320 Speaker 2: if they're being bullied, you have to have to have 385 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:40,720 Speaker 2: to just make sure that you are alert. Aaron was 386 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:45,439 Speaker 2: bullied at church, she was bullied at school, she was 387 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,000 Speaker 2: bullied in sports. 388 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:50,920 Speaker 1: And did you see it? Did you see it happen? 389 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:55,840 Speaker 2: Again? You find out after the fact, But how can 390 00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,119 Speaker 2: you go, you know? And at church she went on 391 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:03,720 Speaker 2: she went on a camp retreat and she was in 392 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,720 Speaker 2: a cabin with three other girls. And the three other 393 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:14,199 Speaker 2: girls went to the counselor sor it's okay, asked if 394 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:18,560 Speaker 2: they could leave the cabin, and they let the other 395 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,880 Speaker 2: three girls leave the cabin and left our daughter there 396 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:27,800 Speaker 2: by herself on a camp at church. So it can 397 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:33,960 Speaker 2: happen anywhere. It could happen online, which it did. It 398 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,960 Speaker 2: happened through email and all these things and to your 399 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,320 Speaker 2: point when you asked me if she told us before 400 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,720 Speaker 2: when that email came to her, she walked downstairs with 401 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:49,080 Speaker 2: her computer and showed us what it said. Yes, I said, 402 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:53,120 Speaker 2: basically that she was horrible and she should kill herself. 403 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,640 Speaker 1: Then it came from a classmate. 404 00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 2: Three classmates at school, and she went to a school 405 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:14,360 Speaker 2: for children with disabilities. Oh my gosh, so nowhere is safe, 406 00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,360 Speaker 2: I guess you could say. And I hate to say that, 407 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:25,360 Speaker 2: you know, it breaks my heart, but it's true. So anyway, 408 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:29,479 Speaker 2: these things were happening, and she had talked prior about 409 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:33,320 Speaker 2: not wanting to live, and we had been going to 410 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:38,280 Speaker 2: a counselor and a psychiatrist and you know, put her 411 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 2: on antidepressants because she, you know, was obviously not happy 412 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:48,480 Speaker 2: and didn't want to be here anymore. And that's when 413 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,680 Speaker 2: we went through the big snowstorm in Atlanta that shut 414 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,600 Speaker 2: the world down, and we were actually looking at different 415 00:29:54,640 --> 00:30:01,040 Speaker 2: schools to move her to a different school. And she 416 00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:04,480 Speaker 2: had gone and tried a new school the day before, 417 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:08,840 Speaker 2: and I think that she was scared to death that 418 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:11,600 Speaker 2: she was going to have to go back to the 419 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 2: other school that she was currently at. And she made 420 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 2: a huge thing of Lasagna. We were having the neighbors 421 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:24,479 Speaker 2: over because everybody was stuck in their houses because it 422 00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:29,440 Speaker 2: had snowed, And I went to pick up one of 423 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:33,440 Speaker 2: our elderly neighbors in my car across the street because 424 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:38,840 Speaker 2: you couldn't walk it was so icy, And unfortunately Aaron 425 00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,960 Speaker 2: went upstairs and took her own life in her room. 426 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:57,040 Speaker 1: I'm so so sorry. I cannot imagine that pain. And 427 00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:58,240 Speaker 1: I guess you'd come home to that. 428 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:04,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, my husband was at home. He found her, and 429 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:08,440 Speaker 2: then I came in and we tried to called nine 430 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 2: to one one and tried to resuscitate her. 431 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:24,040 Speaker 1: Nobody deserves that, I h do you need to take 432 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:33,600 Speaker 1: a break? You good? I'm fine, strong woman. So that's 433 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:36,600 Speaker 1: what happens when people get bullied, and that's what happens 434 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:45,640 Speaker 1: when kids with special needs have to live in a 435 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:51,520 Speaker 1: world where people are too uninformed and too selfish to 436 00:31:53,720 --> 00:32:01,040 Speaker 1: care beyond themselves. And like I said before we heard 437 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:06,680 Speaker 1: the outcome of Aaron's life is that this is a 438 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:10,239 Speaker 1: thing that an entire family deals with in life and 439 00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:17,200 Speaker 1: in death. And I think we can all agree it's 440 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:19,440 Speaker 1: one of the worst things in the world, is the 441 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:23,000 Speaker 1: thought of a parent outliving a child and the trauma 442 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:29,680 Speaker 1: that that causes a family. You, however, have managed to 443 00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:31,560 Speaker 1: figure out a way to turn that on its head, 444 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:35,400 Speaker 1: which is what we're going to get to and celebrate. 445 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:42,640 Speaker 1: But one last thing before we get there, what happens next? 446 00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:49,120 Speaker 1: Before you go to work? You're dealing with grief. You've 447 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:55,120 Speaker 1: got your kid's belongings, you've got another daughter, You've got 448 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:58,200 Speaker 1: a husband and a wife who are both traumatized in 449 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:04,040 Speaker 1: both feeling all of their own and stop, probably oddly, 450 00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:07,840 Speaker 1: including maybe even some guilt and what ifs and all 451 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:11,200 Speaker 1: of that crap you got to go through. How long 452 00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:12,040 Speaker 1: did that last? 453 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:14,880 Speaker 2: What's today? 454 00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:17,040 Speaker 1: Yeah? 455 00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:22,200 Speaker 2: Seriously, it hasn't stopped that. You know, it's I don't 456 00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:27,200 Speaker 2: I have met I haven't met another parent who's lost 457 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:34,080 Speaker 2: a child. That still, to the day that I meet them, 458 00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,640 Speaker 2: you still are going through all that. You still go 459 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,160 Speaker 2: through the what ifs, You still go through the guilt, 460 00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:44,800 Speaker 2: You still wonder what could I have done? What you know, 461 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:49,040 Speaker 2: what could I have done differently? So I don't think 462 00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:52,360 Speaker 2: it's there. There is no end to that. There won't 463 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,560 Speaker 2: be an end to that until I see Aaron in heaven. 464 00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:58,360 Speaker 1: Say you carry with the rest of your. 465 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,840 Speaker 2: Life, I think so. 466 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:10,440 Speaker 1: So when I was in ninth grade on Daddy number four, 467 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:16,959 Speaker 1: I got into a fight that I started. I didn't 468 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:18,600 Speaker 1: really start it. He was kind of a jerk, but 469 00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:24,239 Speaker 1: I started. I started the fight part. And it was 470 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,560 Speaker 1: an unwise decision by me because he doted by pretty good. 471 00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:31,600 Speaker 1: But anyway, I had to go to the coach's office 472 00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:33,560 Speaker 1: because back then, if you were a football player and 473 00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:35,279 Speaker 1: you got into a fight, that incidior print of all 474 00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:39,160 Speaker 1: you went to coach office. Coach Spain, who's past now, 475 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:45,440 Speaker 1: was my coach and he took a pretty special interest 476 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:47,279 Speaker 1: in me. He was a guy from a little town 477 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:52,280 Speaker 1: called Myland, Tennessee, where they go cotton, no nonsense, old school, 478 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:56,360 Speaker 1: raw boned guy and was that way as a coach. 479 00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,480 Speaker 1: But was one of these guys who had the ability 480 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,960 Speaker 1: to really be in tune with not just a football player, 481 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:07,040 Speaker 1: but the person you know, and he took He was 482 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:11,680 Speaker 1: really a mentor somebody. I just I think every high 483 00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:15,200 Speaker 1: school kid kind of worships their football coach, at least 484 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:19,239 Speaker 1: they did back in my day, but it was on 485 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,080 Speaker 1: another level with him. And so I was in his 486 00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,120 Speaker 1: office at the door closed, and he asked me why 487 00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:25,680 Speaker 1: I did what I did. And I just told him 488 00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:28,520 Speaker 1: I was angry, and he said, well, you got a 489 00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:32,120 Speaker 1: lot to be angry about. He said, you know, I 490 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,719 Speaker 1: understand you're going through a lot of stuff. And he 491 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:40,040 Speaker 1: said and he said, but you know you're you're a 492 00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:43,440 Speaker 1: strapping young guy. And he said, you really have a 493 00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,960 Speaker 1: decision to make. Billy, back then, I was Billy. He said, 494 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:48,799 Speaker 1: you really have a decision to make. Billy said, you 495 00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:55,920 Speaker 1: can decide to be a victim of all of the 496 00:35:56,560 --> 00:36:04,359 Speaker 1: chaos and trauma and dysfunction that's in your life and 497 00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:08,960 Speaker 1: be just like them. 498 00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:07,719 Speaker 2: Or. 499 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:13,240 Speaker 1: You can denounce it, recognize it's a wonderful illustration about 500 00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,279 Speaker 1: how not to live your life, and you can be 501 00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,799 Speaker 1: a rock that other people break themselves on. 502 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:22,000 Speaker 2: I love that, he said. 503 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:25,279 Speaker 1: You can decide, he said, And I can tell you 504 00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:28,600 Speaker 1: this right now. You at your age, can't control any 505 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,239 Speaker 1: of the dysfunction you're dealing with in your life, but 506 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:34,920 Speaker 1: you can absolutely control what you decide to do about 507 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:38,279 Speaker 1: it with it. And I'm not going to say it 508 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:40,480 Speaker 1: was that very instant that I had an epiphany, but 509 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:46,680 Speaker 1: it was the beginning of me deciding that I was 510 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,000 Speaker 1: going to denounce victimhood of my circumstances and be a 511 00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,360 Speaker 1: rock other people can to break themselves on, and that 512 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:57,600 Speaker 1: I was going to rise above it and quit feeling 513 00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:01,960 Speaker 1: sorry for myself and recognize that everybody has trauma, everybody 514 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:06,080 Speaker 1: has problems. The level of the difficulty in some people's 515 00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:09,520 Speaker 1: lives are certainly more than others, but everybody experiences stuff. 516 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:15,719 Speaker 1: And I could either fall, pray to it and be 517 00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:18,120 Speaker 1: a victim of it and feel sorry for myself ended 518 00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,319 Speaker 1: up just like them, or I could be a rock 519 00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,800 Speaker 1: other people are going to break themselves on. And I 520 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,560 Speaker 1: think there's certain times in our life that we all 521 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:30,200 Speaker 1: have an opportunity to demonstrate our willingness to be a 522 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:35,240 Speaker 1: victim or a rock. Absolutely, when is it you decided 523 00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:35,879 Speaker 1: to be a rock? 524 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:40,400 Speaker 2: Four days after she passed away? 525 00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:43,560 Speaker 1: Tell me about that day. 526 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:46,719 Speaker 2: As you were talking about before we you know, you 527 00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:51,120 Speaker 2: were obviously living in the house and all of Aaron's 528 00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:57,080 Speaker 2: belongings are there, and she passed away in her bedroom, 529 00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:02,640 Speaker 2: so we were going through her stuff. 530 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:07,319 Speaker 1: Oh gosh, I'm sorry to interrupt you that. How do 531 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:08,200 Speaker 1: you do that? 532 00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:10,000 Speaker 2: I don't know. 533 00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,760 Speaker 1: That's a days after your child's gone and you're going 534 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,239 Speaker 1: through her stuff. In her room. 535 00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:21,359 Speaker 2: We just went in and sat on the floor and 536 00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:26,160 Speaker 2: it's kind of that epiphany moment that either we're going 537 00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:31,680 Speaker 2: to do something or this might kill us and we 538 00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:38,359 Speaker 2: have another child and we can't do that. So we 539 00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 2: sat and talked about all those times when Aaron didn't 540 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:48,480 Speaker 2: get invited to birthday parties and didn't get the invitation 541 00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:52,080 Speaker 2: to go to the football games, and didn't get asked 542 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:58,520 Speaker 2: to do things, and realized that if she had had 543 00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:03,080 Speaker 2: somewhere to go where she felt safe and could have 544 00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:07,080 Speaker 2: fun and it had absolutely nothing to do with therapy, 545 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,839 Speaker 2: just fun, just fun to be with other kids and 546 00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:19,279 Speaker 2: meet other kids and create friendships, that she probably would 547 00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:27,040 Speaker 2: still be with us today. 548 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:32,960 Speaker 1: So, with Aaron still heavy on their hearts and minds, 549 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:37,520 Speaker 1: Stacy and her husband Darren created that place and she 550 00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:41,520 Speaker 1: tells that incredible story in part two, which is now available, 551 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,480 Speaker 1: And I'm telling you, guys, you do not want to 552 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:48,120 Speaker 1: miss it. But if for some strange reason you do, 553 00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:51,480 Speaker 1: make sure to join the Army of Normal Folks at 554 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,200 Speaker 1: Normalfolks dot us and sign up to become a member 555 00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:57,560 Speaker 1: of the movement. By signing up, you'll also receive a 556 00:39:57,600 --> 00:40:00,840 Speaker 1: weekly email with short episode summaries in case you happen 557 00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:04,319 Speaker 1: to miss an episode or you prefer reading about our 558 00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:09,120 Speaker 1: incredible guests. Together, guys, we can change this country, and 559 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,960 Speaker 1: it starts with you. I'll see you in Part two.