1 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:06,160 Speaker 1: Hey, that folks. It is Friday, August eighth, and we 2 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:10,520 Speaker 1: are just getting word today that Brandon Blackstock, the forty 3 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:14,120 Speaker 1: eight year old ex husband of singer Kelly Clarkson, has 4 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:17,840 Speaker 1: passed away after a private three year battle with cancer. 5 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,760 Speaker 1: And with that we welcome you to this episode of 6 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 1: Amy and TJ. I sit here alongside my partner Amy 7 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 1: roboch now and Robes. I think the first part of 8 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: the story and the reason we are jumping on here 9 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:34,720 Speaker 1: to have a conversation not just entirely covering the story, 10 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:40,559 Speaker 1: but there is a very personal, very intimate and sometimes 11 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,839 Speaker 1: maybe even uncomfortable thing that a lot of couples do 12 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,479 Speaker 1: deal with, and the grief and the morning of someone 13 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 1: you are no longer in a relationship with. And these 14 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:51,840 Speaker 1: two certainly were contentious perfectly and with their divorce. I'm 15 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: not going to get into necessarily all that and what 16 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 1: this is about, but it made us stop and think, Wow, 17 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 1: what she may be feeling and going through as a person, 18 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 1: even though she's having to do a lot of this publicly. 19 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,679 Speaker 2: Right, I mean, this is this is complicated and it's tragic. 20 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 2: Of course, Brandon and Kelly were married for seven years 21 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:15,080 Speaker 2: and he is the father to her two children, who 22 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:20,120 Speaker 2: are eleven and nine, I believe, and she has it 23 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,600 Speaker 2: seems as though now twice put her life or at 24 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:27,600 Speaker 2: least her career on hold while she has been dealing 25 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:33,000 Speaker 2: with and even caring for her children and their well 26 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:38,120 Speaker 2: being surrounding their father's illness. And that takes a significant 27 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,960 Speaker 2: amount of emotion that I don't think a lot of 28 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:41,440 Speaker 2: people are prepared for. 29 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 3: It's complicated. 30 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,679 Speaker 2: You know, you go through a divorce, and this was 31 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 2: a contentious one, as you pointed out publicly. You know, 32 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 2: she had some lyrics of some songs, and you know, 33 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 2: obviously she was angry, and she admitted she was angry. 34 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,920 Speaker 2: So then how do you take that? And this is 35 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 2: fairly recent. You know, their divorce was finalized in twenty 36 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:01,040 Speaker 2: twenty two. There was a two year, very public battle, 37 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 2: and now just a few years later, how do you 38 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 2: handle that grief and the concern you have for your 39 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 2: kids at the same time. It's got to be a tough, 40 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 2: tough experience for anyone. 41 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,200 Speaker 1: And I think I didn't fully get the full family 42 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 1: picture because I think it was Wednesday, So we back 43 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 1: up here, folks. Wednesday, she made an announcement that she 44 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 1: was going to stop her concerts, had to cancel, so 45 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 1: a series of concerts she had in Vegas. Now you 46 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:33,120 Speaker 1: hear somebody does that for personal reasons, you know, it's 47 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,240 Speaker 1: a big, big, big deal. And then I heard she 48 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:40,359 Speaker 1: was canceling because her of an illness with her ex husband, 49 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:43,359 Speaker 1: and that made certainly my eyebrow went up, like, wait, 50 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,519 Speaker 1: what's going on here? Certainly, Robes, we understand she's doing 51 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,360 Speaker 1: this for her kids, no matter what was going on 52 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: with her and her ex. That is the father of 53 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,359 Speaker 1: her children, and those kids love that man, and therefore 54 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 1: she's going to support and love that man to that degree. 55 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 1: At least. 56 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 2: Yes, your children are half of their spouse, I mean 57 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:07,200 Speaker 2: their parents, So your ex spouse, your children are half 58 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 2: of that person. They identify as half of that person. 59 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 2: And so that's why obviously anyone who goes through divorce 60 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 2: knows it's so important never to bad mouth the spouse 61 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,360 Speaker 2: to the children because the children. 62 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 3: Take it on personally. 63 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:22,240 Speaker 2: That's their father, that's part of who they are physically, mentally, 64 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,360 Speaker 2: all of the above. But yeah, when you have feelings 65 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 2: of anger towards someone, when you've gone through something so 66 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:32,919 Speaker 2: difficult like divorce and there's in particular to then now 67 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,960 Speaker 2: be loving, be caring, be grieving. It's got to be 68 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 2: so confusing. 69 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 1: I initially, when I wasn't at it, didn't admit immediately 70 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,240 Speaker 1: trigger for me a memory of just how bad their 71 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:48,120 Speaker 1: divorce was and how public it was. So when I 72 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 1: heard that she was stopping her shows to go be 73 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: there for her kids while her ex husband was ill, 74 00:03:55,320 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 1: I thought, wow, I thought that was actually beautiful. I 75 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 1: was almost to a certain degree jealous, wish things in 76 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 1: past relationships could have been could be that way. But 77 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 1: I applauded, Wow, they're able to still function and she 78 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:15,120 Speaker 1: can care for him. And then I went and found 79 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:19,280 Speaker 1: the details in the history, and I want, holy shit, Yeah, 80 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,600 Speaker 1: like holy hell on this divorce. And again, people might 81 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 1: not know the name Brandon Blacklock right immediately, but he 82 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 1: was her longtime manager, a longtime manager, and they had 83 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 1: a seven year marriage, two kids. They went through a 84 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:34,600 Speaker 1: lot together. 85 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, and this was a family affair in the sense 86 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 2: that his father owns the company and he was a 87 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 2: part of the company, So that family was in her 88 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:46,159 Speaker 2: life for years and years and years before they even 89 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 2: became an item, before they even started dating. And then 90 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 2: eventually got married. So I just I've always liked Kelly 91 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,960 Speaker 2: Clarkson always. I was a huge American Idol fan when 92 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 2: she won that year, and I have followed her music 93 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:02,240 Speaker 2: and downloaded her music and run through my own grief 94 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 2: in divorces with her voice in my head as I 95 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 2: was going through my own stuff, and she now is 96 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 2: I just think showing her true cards and her true 97 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,240 Speaker 2: color is what an incredible person she is to not 98 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,839 Speaker 2: only have made the choice to take a step back 99 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:21,919 Speaker 2: professionally right now to take care of her children and 100 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 2: deal with the aftermath of all of this, but now 101 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,200 Speaker 2: we're getting more understanding of what happened in the spring. 102 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,719 Speaker 2: A lot of folks were questioning even her mental health. 103 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,040 Speaker 2: There was a lot of speculation out there this spring 104 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 2: when she took some time off of her show without 105 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:39,240 Speaker 2: any specific explanation and had some celebrity guest hosts filling in. 106 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,280 Speaker 2: People were going to dark places trying to figure out 107 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,480 Speaker 2: what was going on with her, what was wrong with her? 108 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:47,280 Speaker 2: Good for her keeping in private as they did, and 109 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,880 Speaker 2: now we find out she was letting her children or 110 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 2: taking care of her children, having them spend more time 111 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,160 Speaker 2: with them, knowing that things weren't going well, that his 112 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:58,840 Speaker 2: cancer diagnosis was not going in the direction that they 113 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 2: had hoped, and she, I'm sure at that point knew 114 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 2: that time was limited, and she took that moment to 115 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,279 Speaker 2: take a step back again from her very public life 116 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,640 Speaker 2: and make sure her kids were okay and dealing with 117 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,600 Speaker 2: it properly. That is incredible. And to never say anything, 118 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:18,360 Speaker 2: that's remarkable because he wanted his battle to be private. 119 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,799 Speaker 2: She respected that, and I respect the hell out of her. 120 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:24,480 Speaker 1: And she did. She alluded to some of that privacy 121 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: and the statement she put out on Wednesday again, she 122 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:31,239 Speaker 1: informed folks on Wednesday that she was canceling concerts because 123 00:06:31,279 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 1: she wanted to be there for her kids as their 124 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 1: dad was ill. He was dead the next day. But 125 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 1: her statement on Wednesday, to your point there roams about 126 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 1: her public life and keeping her private life private. She said, 127 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:48,720 Speaker 1: quote when I while I normally keep my personal life private, 128 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,560 Speaker 1: this past year, my children's father has been ill, and 129 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: at this moment I need to be fully present for them. 130 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 1: I am sincerely sorry to everyone who bought tickets to 131 00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 1: the show, and so I appreciate your great kindness and understanding. Now, 132 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 1: obviously you knew it was very very serious for her 133 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 1: to do that, But that sounds like a mom Yes, 134 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 1: I don't care divorced, or how bad it was, or 135 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 1: what their relationship, which we actually do not know in 136 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,680 Speaker 1: recent months, if you will, what their relationship might have 137 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:20,720 Speaker 1: been like. They might have reconciled and we're getting away 138 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 1: as getting on as perfectly as anything. But the past 139 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 1: couple of years they had. 140 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 2: Not no And in fact, I believe from what we've read, 141 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,680 Speaker 2: this divorce was finalized in twenty twenty two. She filed 142 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 2: for divorce in twenty twenty right in the middle of 143 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 2: the pandemic. But then there were still legal issues, contentious 144 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 2: financial legal issues between Kelly Clarkson and her ex husband's 145 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:50,560 Speaker 2: family with the representation she claimed he or they owed 146 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:53,280 Speaker 2: her money, they claimed she owed them money. So this 147 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 2: was you know, when it comes to divorce is hard enough, 148 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,920 Speaker 2: and then when it comes to finances and who owes 149 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:01,760 Speaker 2: who what, And this was also the step of a 150 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 2: professional relationship as well with the company. So yeah, it 151 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 2: had been nasty. It had been nasty, and I'm sure 152 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,800 Speaker 2: weighing on her. She spoke about it a little bit. 153 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 2: She was again very private. A lot of people are 154 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,240 Speaker 2: looking at some of her lyrics. She had an album 155 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,120 Speaker 2: come out right around the time of the divorce, so 156 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,280 Speaker 2: people have tried to read between the lines in some 157 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 2: of her lyrics about what she was going through and 158 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,120 Speaker 2: the pain she was feeling. 159 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 3: But it was definitely documented. 160 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 1: I want to get some context you all, for what 161 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:30,680 Speaker 1: we're talking about. Just some lyrics and people are kind 162 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 1: of piecing together and things like that. Look, she did 163 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,440 Speaker 1: a whole album called Chemistry. It was a concept album, 164 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: but she said this thing went through the whole the 165 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 1: highs and the lows and the end of her relationship. 166 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:43,680 Speaker 1: But she said it was important for her not to 167 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: just have an album that talk about heartbreak and hurt 168 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,680 Speaker 1: and divorce. But you have to remember and recall that 169 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,559 Speaker 1: you made a decision to marry somebody. Maybe this person 170 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,320 Speaker 1: is someone you took your first roller coaster ride with. 171 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: You have memories and now you have children involved. You 172 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:02,199 Speaker 1: can't just pass often dismiss someone. But lyrics we talk 173 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 1: about I don't remember when this performance was where there's 174 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:09,319 Speaker 1: video out there of it. The song Everybody Knows abcd FU. 175 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 1: She was doing a cover of that song and wrote 176 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 1: she changed the lyrics to make pretty clel This was 177 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,240 Speaker 1: not not only read between lines. 178 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 2: No, this was very specific, and everyone jumped on this. 179 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 3: This was actually fairly recently. 180 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,320 Speaker 2: I believe this was in twenty twenty three, where she 181 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,559 Speaker 2: was as a part of her show she would take 182 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:33,000 Speaker 2: on other people's songs and cover renditions of them, and 183 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 2: so yeah, she did abcde fuck you and your dad 184 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 2: and the fact that you got half and my broken 185 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:44,199 Speaker 2: heart turned that shit into art. Fuck you and your 186 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:49,199 Speaker 2: view from the Valley I bought to everybody but your dogs, 187 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,679 Speaker 2: you can all fuck off. 188 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 3: That was very specific. 189 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,240 Speaker 1: That is and we're only giving those lyrics to give 190 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 1: context to what we're talking about. It was public, it 191 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:03,200 Speaker 1: was contentious, It was nasty, it was finances, it was 192 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:07,680 Speaker 1: all of these things. But she seemed Robes to be 193 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:13,319 Speaker 1: able to separate the guy she married from the guy 194 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:17,680 Speaker 1: who is her kid's father. Those are not the same 195 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 1: two individuals, and you can't view those two individuals if 196 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 1: you will, the same way, and that's such an important 197 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 1: thing to do. Divorce is awful. There's a very small 198 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 1: percentage of people who've been through a divorce who say, yeah, 199 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:31,960 Speaker 1: it was a good time. 200 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:34,960 Speaker 2: Was I don't know anyone who said it was a 201 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,680 Speaker 2: good time. But look, unfortunately, I have had two divorces, 202 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,960 Speaker 2: and one was much worse than the other. So yes, 203 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,120 Speaker 2: divorces come in all shapes and sizes, but none of 204 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 2: them are pleasant. I can only imagine maybe a handful 205 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 2: of people who could say, you know, I do that 206 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 2: again now when you go through something that traumatic divorce 207 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:55,720 Speaker 2: is one of the toughest things anybody goes through. 208 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:59,120 Speaker 1: And you're in death and you're heard, and it's the 209 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 1: end of what it's end of almost your hopes, a 210 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:06,199 Speaker 1: lifetime dream. It was a lifetime dream. I'm doing something 211 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,400 Speaker 1: that's going to carry me through the end of my days. 212 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 1: That sucks, and that's hard. So when I started going 213 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:16,520 Speaker 1: back through some of their relationship history and I was thinking, Wow, 214 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:20,160 Speaker 1: what must this young lady be going through today? 215 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,320 Speaker 3: You know, I was thinking about her. 216 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,800 Speaker 2: You know, she talked about the real anger that she 217 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 2: had at the end of their relationship, and that a 218 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 2: lot of awful things were said, which is what always 219 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,960 Speaker 2: happens in situations like this. But you go through that 220 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:40,559 Speaker 2: grief initially of grieving the relationship or what you thought 221 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,839 Speaker 2: it could be or what you hoped it would be, 222 00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:47,400 Speaker 2: and then eventually, yes, you can put that aside and 223 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:48,360 Speaker 2: you can put your kids first. 224 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,400 Speaker 3: And hopefully you put your kids first throughout all of it. 225 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:55,640 Speaker 2: But I'm only imagining now this grief now upon his death, 226 00:11:56,080 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 2: how that compares, and how the initial grief has affected 227 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 2: this grief Like this is a double whammy. It's a 228 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,560 Speaker 2: one to two punch. You grieved the end of your 229 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 2: relationship with somebody, and now you're grieving losing their not 230 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,360 Speaker 2: just their life, but their influence and their support that 231 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,560 Speaker 2: they would have had for your children. Now she truly 232 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:18,760 Speaker 2: is raising these kids on her own in a way 233 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,480 Speaker 2: that maybe she did not anticipate. 234 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,480 Speaker 3: You know, everyone, anyone. 235 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:26,240 Speaker 2: Who's been through divorce knows the important role even in 236 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 2: your divorce, that other parent in your children's life. 237 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,360 Speaker 3: That has got to be tough. 238 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,680 Speaker 2: And I imagine you go back and you you would 239 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:35,680 Speaker 2: like to change a lot of things when you realize 240 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 2: that somebody has gone too quickly and he was young, 241 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,200 Speaker 2: forty eight years old. No one's expecting their ex to 242 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 2: die that young. That's just shocking. 243 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,760 Speaker 1: But the grief, folks, she's going through is a double 244 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: whammy of grief, as Robes was just saying, But there 245 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:54,920 Speaker 1: are therapists out there the professionals who will tell you 246 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,920 Speaker 1: there's a very specific kind of grief as well that 247 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:02,720 Speaker 1: Kelly Clarkson and other people who may have found themselves 248 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,360 Speaker 1: in that same position are going through. It's something called 249 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 1: disenfranchised disenfranchised grief. We didn't know what it was. 250 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 2: Do you. Welcome back everyone to this edition of Amy 251 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:30,240 Speaker 2: and TJ, where we are talking about Kelly Clarkson and 252 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:33,080 Speaker 2: what she must be going through right now. She has 253 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,760 Speaker 2: lost her ex husband to cancer after a three year battle. 254 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,960 Speaker 2: She has put her professional career right now on hold 255 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,200 Speaker 2: to take care of her children to help them through this. 256 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 2: But also she's got to be going through so much 257 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 2: herself personally. This is you know, her divorce wasn't even 258 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 2: finalized until three years ago, so it sounds like his 259 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:57,640 Speaker 2: cancer diagnosis happened around the same time her divorce. 260 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 3: Was finalized in twenty twenty two. That's if you do 261 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 3: the math about the same and that has. 262 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 2: That has got to be such a difficult situation, a 263 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,840 Speaker 2: difficult road to walk down because not many people have 264 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 2: had to deal with that. The feelings and the grief 265 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,320 Speaker 2: and the anger you have coming out of a failed 266 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:15,360 Speaker 2: marriage or a divorce. 267 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 3: Now add to that. 268 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 2: Losing your children's father and perhaps feeling grief just about 269 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 2: how everything went down and how contentious it got. 270 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 3: It's a tough tough spot to be in. 271 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,440 Speaker 2: But there is a name for it, as we were 272 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:33,600 Speaker 2: talking about before we took our break, And yes, the 273 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 2: professionals will tell you this is a clear example of 274 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,920 Speaker 2: what they call disenfranchised grief. 275 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:44,520 Speaker 1: I never heard of it before today at all, but 276 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 1: it's this idea, and you get it once it's explained 277 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:48,680 Speaker 1: to you. It's just the type of grief you can't 278 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:55,000 Speaker 1: do openly. It's a type of grief where it's not accepted, 279 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:58,640 Speaker 1: it's not welcomed, it's not necessarily public. You feel like 280 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,840 Speaker 1: you are in a position where you are not given 281 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:04,760 Speaker 1: the freedom even to grief. You're the X. Nobody's coming 282 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,000 Speaker 1: up to the X and saying I'm so sorry for 283 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 1: your loss. They'll come up to the kids, they'll hug 284 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 1: them and sorry and whatnot. But it's often times people 285 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: don't know how to treat an X who now is 286 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 1: in a position of this is someone I actually didn't 287 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:24,160 Speaker 1: get along with in recent times in recent years, or 288 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,240 Speaker 1: of somebody I didn't like even in recent times in 289 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 1: recent years, or this. 290 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,840 Speaker 2: Is somebody I was really angry with or still angry 291 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:36,560 Speaker 2: at it, and still have feelings of that anger towards them. 292 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 2: How do you deal with those feelings of anger without 293 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,040 Speaker 2: actually feeling guilt about feeling them. 294 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 3: Alongside the grief of the loss. 295 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:50,240 Speaker 2: They actually use the phrase you said, disenfranchised grief, but 296 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 2: they also say it's just another way to basically describe 297 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:57,280 Speaker 2: complicated grief, and that's exactly what is complicated. And they said, 298 00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 2: sometimes if it is an X or someone you didn't 299 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:04,400 Speaker 2: like who suddenly dies, you may actually even have a 300 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:07,520 Speaker 2: part of you deep within you that is glad. It's 301 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,800 Speaker 2: not that you wish them dead, but you're not sad, 302 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 2: and then you feel guilty about not feeling sad. I'm 303 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,680 Speaker 2: sure you go through a range of emotions, and each 304 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,040 Speaker 2: particular case would be specific, but it's a way of 305 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 2: letting people know it's okay, and you kind of have 306 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 2: to let those feelings come out, even if you have 307 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 2: to do it privately. And that's a whole other issue 308 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,960 Speaker 2: of having to do that on your own, to not 309 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:35,880 Speaker 2: perhaps feel comfortable telling someone how you're really feeling, or 310 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,240 Speaker 2: explaining to someone how you're really feeling, and especially when 311 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 2: you have young children who are grieving their father, having 312 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 2: to try and be the strong one and not let 313 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,560 Speaker 2: those feelings out or not let yourself feel those feelings. 314 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:48,000 Speaker 3: It's tough. 315 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:56,680 Speaker 1: But the double whammy of grief is, yes, you're grieving 316 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,200 Speaker 1: the loss of your even if you don't like the person, 317 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 1: you're grieving the that your child lost a parent, that 318 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 1: you're said that will wake you cry for your kids, period, 319 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:09,880 Speaker 1: point blank. But the double whammy of grief comes from 320 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 1: you're grieving or getting a chance now to grieve your 321 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 1: divorce all over again. You're getting a chance now that 322 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:20,199 Speaker 1: you're not necessarily sad and crying about the loss of 323 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,560 Speaker 1: this person that you might have had an issue with. 324 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:25,600 Speaker 1: But roll if you're looking now at this person is 325 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,720 Speaker 1: gone and now you look at what could have been, Well, 326 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 1: I married that person, look at that life we had 327 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:35,440 Speaker 1: that ended. You're now going back with this person being gone, 328 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,000 Speaker 1: and you're looking at the whole of your time and 329 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:42,159 Speaker 1: your relationship. Everybody is sad after a divorce, even if 330 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,200 Speaker 1: you're happy you're getting out of it. It does not 331 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:48,199 Speaker 1: feel good to go through that process. For her to 332 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,200 Speaker 1: have gone through that which we know and she told 333 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:55,879 Speaker 1: us hurt. Now she's going once again through the loss 334 00:17:56,119 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 1: of that relationship with this, she's living that over again. 335 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,000 Speaker 1: And that's where the therapists will tell you that double 336 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,240 Speaker 1: whammy sometimes come and the hurt and the pain and 337 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:09,120 Speaker 1: we don't understand even what we're going through because we're 338 00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 1: not sure what to be sad about. Right, this is 339 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,679 Speaker 1: when she told me, told me, when she told us 340 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,520 Speaker 1: all about that cancelation, it was one of the first 341 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:20,960 Speaker 1: things that came to my mind was how complicated it 342 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:24,320 Speaker 1: is for her to grieve and to have to grieve publicly. 343 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,880 Speaker 1: Like even if she walked into where we are right now, 344 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,000 Speaker 1: I would say, how are the kids? I would say, 345 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:34,560 Speaker 1: I'm sorry for what they're having to go through. I 346 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,240 Speaker 1: don't know if I would say to her first condolenceays 347 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,399 Speaker 1: I'm sorry for your loss. 348 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,400 Speaker 2: Right, I don't know that anybody would say that. 349 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,480 Speaker 1: I means that okay to do and should we be 350 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 1: doing that? She is, what what do you do? This 351 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:52,800 Speaker 1: is such it's such a fascinating I guess just human experience, 352 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,359 Speaker 1: and I guess a lot of people out there have 353 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:58,119 Speaker 1: dealt with this before. And X dies, you don't celebrate, 354 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 1: but you don't know necessarily feel a whole lot of 355 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,680 Speaker 1: sadness about the loss of that person, even though you 356 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,520 Speaker 1: might feel sad about how your relationship ended with that 357 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,240 Speaker 1: person or the things you didn't get finality on, or 358 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 1: it's just sucks to think that she has to do 359 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 1: this in public. 360 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,639 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think so many of us who have 361 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:24,520 Speaker 2: been through bad breakups, and especially even public ones, we 362 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,960 Speaker 2: all kind of put ourselves in that position, in Kelly 363 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,520 Speaker 2: Clarkson's position, and think, Wow, what would I feel, what 364 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:30,160 Speaker 2: would I say? 365 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,359 Speaker 3: What would I do? How would I act? 366 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:36,800 Speaker 2: Knowing that everyone around you has probably slightly different feelings 367 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,760 Speaker 2: than you do. That is just a It's a remarkable 368 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,640 Speaker 2: place to be in. And I feel like, just given 369 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 2: her recent actions in the spring and certainly this week when. 370 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 3: She decided to pull back on her concerts in August 371 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,160 Speaker 3: in Vegas, and she's doing. 372 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 2: The right thing, and she's she's being a mom, a 373 00:19:56,080 --> 00:20:00,399 Speaker 2: mom first, and I wonder how long before she is 374 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,320 Speaker 2: able to take care of herself, because she's going to 375 00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:04,720 Speaker 2: need some time as well. And I was even imagining 376 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 2: the songs that she wrote that whole album came out 377 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,879 Speaker 2: right around her divorce and certainly expressed a lot of 378 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,480 Speaker 2: her pain and anger, if she'd ever even feel comfortable 379 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,200 Speaker 2: performing those songs again. I started thinking about some of 380 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,880 Speaker 2: her music. Anyone who's an artist, you know, so much 381 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,960 Speaker 2: of what you're going through pours out into your music. 382 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,920 Speaker 2: And to be performing some of these fan favorites, who 383 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,679 Speaker 2: knows the memories they will bring up with her life 384 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,520 Speaker 2: with him and even the good times, you know, some 385 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,680 Speaker 2: of these songs that are beautiful that we love, I'm 386 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 2: sure celebrated the love she had for him. And she 387 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:38,040 Speaker 2: talks the album that she wrote at coming out of 388 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,159 Speaker 2: the divorce. She said it was called Chemistry, and she 389 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,479 Speaker 2: made a point to say, this isn't just about being angry, 390 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,679 Speaker 2: This isn't just a divorce album. This is about the 391 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,120 Speaker 2: entire arc of the relationship. And she talked about how 392 00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:50,439 Speaker 2: when she first met her husband, her ex husband, that 393 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,880 Speaker 2: he was the first person that she actually felt real 394 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,240 Speaker 2: chemistry towards and for, and so he was the first 395 00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:58,600 Speaker 2: person she really physically loved in addition to wanting to 396 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,840 Speaker 2: marry him. So, God, all that stuff is just bound 397 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,680 Speaker 2: to come up, and it's gonna be tough. 398 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:10,120 Speaker 1: You're not you're not spared from pain and from grief. 399 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 1: Just because the person who died is somebody you don't 400 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:18,479 Speaker 1: love anymore. Yeah, And it's complicated, it's tough. I just 401 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:22,480 Speaker 1: in that moment again, being somebody who's divorced twice now, 402 00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:28,000 Speaker 1: it's hard to put yourself in that position and think 403 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,240 Speaker 1: how you might feel. And it makes you consider how 404 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:36,040 Speaker 1: you feel right now and if that's okay, and if 405 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,560 Speaker 1: you should be viewing and it a little differently. Look, 406 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 1: I'm there for to being whatever with her mom. There's 407 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:46,120 Speaker 1: no issue or nothing there. But I just can't imagine 408 00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:49,840 Speaker 1: being in that position. And I can comfort Sabine and 409 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,439 Speaker 1: also don't want her to always love her mom and 410 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 1: have a good relationship with her mom despite whatever relationship 411 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,960 Speaker 1: I might have with her mom. I just there was 412 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:04,639 Speaker 1: something sweet in this story now after it was so 413 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,800 Speaker 1: bitter for the last couple of years, And that juxtaposition 414 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,880 Speaker 1: really threw me and had me thinking about all kinds 415 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:12,200 Speaker 1: of things. 416 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, when you're in the middle of a 417 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,000 Speaker 2: divorce or you're fighting somebody over money or whatever your 418 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:21,479 Speaker 2: issues are, you weren't thinking about the larger perspective of 419 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,960 Speaker 2: life and how quickly it comes and goes and how 420 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,880 Speaker 2: suddenly it can go away. But I think the lesson 421 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:31,040 Speaker 2: here for me as I'm watching Kelly Clarkson go through 422 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:36,520 Speaker 2: this publicly, is to let go of any bitterness, any anger. 423 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:43,360 Speaker 2: There's this time is fleeting and we don't know what 424 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:45,000 Speaker 2: tomorrow is going to bring, We don't know what the 425 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:48,520 Speaker 2: next hour is going to bring. And there are lessons 426 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,920 Speaker 2: in what she is going through right now for all 427 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,080 Speaker 2: of us with any relationship that may have ended, even 428 00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:56,879 Speaker 2: with a friend or whomever. It doesn't have to be 429 00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,680 Speaker 2: a romantic one, but just to remember that we don't 430 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:04,359 Speaker 2: have to hold on to so much hate, and we 431 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,440 Speaker 2: can forgive and our hearts can well thank us for it. 432 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:12,280 Speaker 2: They'll be less heavy, they'll be less burdened. And it's 433 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,679 Speaker 2: just this has given me a lot of food for 434 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:20,080 Speaker 2: thought in terms of how I want to go through life. 435 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,919 Speaker 2: And I know we can never not have regrets, but 436 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,680 Speaker 2: letting go of anger, letting go of pain, freeing your 437 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,600 Speaker 2: heart from that is a beautiful thing. 438 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,560 Speaker 1: And so, folks, we always appreciate you hanging with us. 439 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,720 Speaker 1: We just wanted to hop on here on this Friday 440 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:37,359 Speaker 1: and give some thoughts and maybe give you something to 441 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:39,720 Speaker 1: think about as well. But wherever you may be right now, 442 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:43,119 Speaker 1: hope you are doing well and certainly have yourself a 443 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,879 Speaker 1: good weekend. We'll be checking in with you soon for 444 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 1: Amy roboch my partner up t J Holmes. See y'all soon,