1 00:00:15,436 --> 00:00:24,756 Speaker 1: Pushkin. I want to bring you back to one of 2 00:00:24,796 --> 00:00:28,316 Speaker 1: my favorite moments in sporting history, one that provides an 3 00:00:28,356 --> 00:00:31,236 Speaker 1: important message about what you can do to be happier. 4 00:00:32,756 --> 00:00:39,036 Speaker 1: It's August fifth, twenty twelve, the London Olympics. As the 5 00:00:39,116 --> 00:00:43,396 Speaker 1: soundtrack to Chariots of Fire fills the stadium, Jimmys Mkaila Moroney, 6 00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:46,676 Speaker 1: wearing her team USA tracks, is waiting to accept an 7 00:00:46,676 --> 00:00:52,276 Speaker 1: Olympic medal. Finally her name is called, prompting a huge 8 00:00:52,396 --> 00:00:59,836 Speaker 1: cheer from the crowd. She waves, steps onto the podium 9 00:00:59,956 --> 00:01:02,036 Speaker 1: and takes a deep breath that she bows her head. 10 00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:07,476 Speaker 1: An official slips the metal over the ponytail, which holds 11 00:01:07,516 --> 00:01:10,676 Speaker 1: back her hair so fiercely that all her features seem 12 00:01:10,756 --> 00:01:16,236 Speaker 1: drawn upwards, all except her mouth, that is. Michaela is 13 00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:18,996 Speaker 1: doing her best to keep a straight face, but she's 14 00:01:19,036 --> 00:01:24,236 Speaker 1: barely suppressing a frown. Michaela shakes the official's hand and 15 00:01:24,356 --> 00:01:28,556 Speaker 1: mouths thank you over the crowd noise. Another official presents 16 00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:31,356 Speaker 1: the metalists with a bunch of flowers. A flicker of 17 00:01:31,356 --> 00:01:34,916 Speaker 1: a polite smile crosses Michaela's lips for just an instant, 18 00:01:35,276 --> 00:01:42,636 Speaker 1: and then fades, and then it happens the face for 19 00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:45,876 Speaker 1: just a second in front of thousands of spectators and 20 00:01:46,036 --> 00:01:50,196 Speaker 1: millions of TV viewers around the world. Michaela's mouth grimaces, 21 00:01:50,756 --> 00:01:54,396 Speaker 1: contorting sharply to the left. It's a look that somewhere 22 00:01:54,436 --> 00:02:01,636 Speaker 1: between annoyance and downright contempt. So why was Michaela scowling 23 00:02:01,796 --> 00:02:05,716 Speaker 1: in front of all her fans? It was because of 24 00:02:05,756 --> 00:02:10,676 Speaker 1: the metal around Michaela's neck. She just one the Olympic silver. 25 00:02:13,156 --> 00:02:16,756 Speaker 1: In subsequent interviews, Michaela was everything you'd expect from a 26 00:02:16,796 --> 00:02:20,676 Speaker 1: top ranking Olympian. She accepted that her unexpected fall in 27 00:02:20,716 --> 00:02:23,796 Speaker 1: the vault competition men she didn't deserve to take gold. 28 00:02:24,236 --> 00:02:26,876 Speaker 1: She asserted that she was happy with her runners up medal. 29 00:02:27,436 --> 00:02:30,476 Speaker 1: But on that podium in London, just for a second, 30 00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:36,316 Speaker 1: Michaela's face told another story. But here's an even bigger puzzle. 31 00:02:36,716 --> 00:02:40,116 Speaker 1: The Russian gymnast Maria Passeka was also on the podium 32 00:02:40,156 --> 00:02:43,436 Speaker 1: that day, and she did even worse. She only took 33 00:02:43,476 --> 00:02:47,396 Speaker 1: the bronze medal. But the weird thing is Maria looked 34 00:02:47,636 --> 00:02:51,716 Speaker 1: much much happier than Michaela did. So how can that be? 35 00:02:52,996 --> 00:02:57,036 Speaker 1: The answer? It turns out involves a very common cognitive bias, 36 00:02:57,716 --> 00:03:01,396 Speaker 1: one that doesn't only plague champion athletes. It's a bias 37 00:03:01,596 --> 00:03:04,956 Speaker 1: that plagues all of us, and it's one that's impeding 38 00:03:04,956 --> 00:03:12,996 Speaker 1: our happiness more than we expect. Our minds are constantly 39 00:03:13,036 --> 00:03:15,196 Speaker 1: telling us what to do to be happy. But what 40 00:03:15,276 --> 00:03:17,676 Speaker 1: if our minds are wrong? What if our minds are 41 00:03:17,756 --> 00:03:20,556 Speaker 1: lying to us, leading us away from what will really 42 00:03:20,596 --> 00:03:24,236 Speaker 1: make us happy. The good news is that understanding the 43 00:03:24,276 --> 00:03:26,636 Speaker 1: science of the mind and point us all back in 44 00:03:26,716 --> 00:03:30,556 Speaker 1: the right direction. You're listening to the Happiness Lab the 45 00:03:30,676 --> 00:03:37,396 Speaker 1: doctor Laurie Santavius. If you were asked to choose which 46 00:03:37,436 --> 00:03:41,156 Speaker 1: metal you'd want, gold, silver, or bronze, I'm pretty sure 47 00:03:41,196 --> 00:03:44,556 Speaker 1: I could predict your order of preference. Even in crude 48 00:03:44,556 --> 00:03:47,716 Speaker 1: monetary terms. The gold plated metal is more prized than 49 00:03:47,756 --> 00:03:50,796 Speaker 1: the silver, which in turn is more valuable than the 50 00:03:50,836 --> 00:03:53,836 Speaker 1: copper alloy one. But what if I were to ask 51 00:03:53,836 --> 00:03:56,476 Speaker 1: you to rank the metals in order of which you 52 00:03:56,556 --> 00:03:59,716 Speaker 1: think would bring you the greatest joy? Would you stick 53 00:03:59,756 --> 00:04:03,356 Speaker 1: with those choices? I bet you would, which is one 54 00:04:03,356 --> 00:04:05,836 Speaker 1: of the reasons everyone got so obsessed with Michael and 55 00:04:05,876 --> 00:04:09,596 Speaker 1: Moroney's scowl. How could you be so upset with a 56 00:04:09,636 --> 00:04:14,236 Speaker 1: silver medal within days of the ceremony. Michaela's second place 57 00:04:14,276 --> 00:04:18,316 Speaker 1: grimace became a popular meme. She was photoshopped into great 58 00:04:18,356 --> 00:04:21,836 Speaker 1: moments in human history, the moon landing, the fall of 59 00:04:21,836 --> 00:04:25,236 Speaker 1: the Berlin Wall, when Miley Cyrus cut her hair short. 60 00:04:25,956 --> 00:04:29,676 Speaker 1: In every event, Michaela is there, looking on and scowling. 61 00:04:29,716 --> 00:04:35,156 Speaker 1: Michaela is the mean reminded us is not impressed. Michaela 62 00:04:35,196 --> 00:04:38,236 Speaker 1: took her mumification with good grace, even when she was 63 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,836 Speaker 1: asked to make the face in the Oval Office beside 64 00:04:40,876 --> 00:04:45,036 Speaker 1: President Barack Obama. She also did the rounds on late 65 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:48,676 Speaker 1: night talk shows, fielding questions about the now infamous expression. 66 00:04:49,396 --> 00:04:52,356 Speaker 1: Here she is discussing the face with David Letterman. I 67 00:04:53,036 --> 00:04:56,036 Speaker 1: thought to myself, I know exactly what's going on here. 68 00:04:56,676 --> 00:05:00,476 Speaker 1: They've caught her at an introspective moment. She's probably not 69 00:05:00,636 --> 00:05:04,316 Speaker 1: pleased with her performance, would rather have done better, and 70 00:05:04,396 --> 00:05:07,556 Speaker 1: instead of silver, would rather gotten the gold. And who 71 00:05:07,596 --> 00:05:11,156 Speaker 1: can blabor? And they've caught her and just a contemplative moment, 72 00:05:11,316 --> 00:05:14,556 Speaker 1: and now they're making it silly? Am I right about that? 73 00:05:14,996 --> 00:05:24,316 Speaker 1: It is pretty funny? I see it again. Letterman is right. 74 00:05:24,876 --> 00:05:27,796 Speaker 1: Michaela was the hot favorite to take cold. Her fall 75 00:05:27,916 --> 00:05:31,916 Speaker 1: dashed those hopes and momentarily broke her heart. But it 76 00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:36,996 Speaker 1: turns out Michaela's silver metal reaction is really common. Hello. 77 00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:41,476 Speaker 1: My name is Michelle quan Olympic figure skater. It's tough 78 00:05:41,476 --> 00:05:44,636 Speaker 1: to find Olympians willing to talk about the crushing instant 79 00:05:44,836 --> 00:05:47,796 Speaker 1: when the highest award in their sports slipped through their fingers. 80 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:52,356 Speaker 1: Michelle Kwan, however, didn't hesitate for a single second when 81 00:05:52,356 --> 00:05:54,716 Speaker 1: I asked her to relive the memories of the biggest 82 00:05:54,796 --> 00:05:58,556 Speaker 1: upset in her glittering ice skating career, the nineteen ninety 83 00:05:58,556 --> 00:06:01,916 Speaker 1: eight Winter Games. I kind of let the waterworks happen. 84 00:06:02,156 --> 00:06:05,516 Speaker 1: I mean it was going to happen. And you know, 85 00:06:05,836 --> 00:06:09,036 Speaker 1: as your kid, yes, you dream of going to Olympics, 86 00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:12,516 Speaker 1: you dream of winning gold, and you don't think of 87 00:06:12,716 --> 00:06:16,316 Speaker 1: winning silver or bronze, and so it's a disappointment when 88 00:06:16,356 --> 00:06:20,596 Speaker 1: you have high hopes and you do everything to make 89 00:06:20,636 --> 00:06:25,116 Speaker 1: it happen. Just like MICHAELA, Michelle was predicted, no expected 90 00:06:25,316 --> 00:06:28,596 Speaker 1: to take the gold. I was one of the favorites 91 00:06:28,636 --> 00:06:32,036 Speaker 1: for sure going into those Olympics. Michelle's performance was one 92 00:06:32,036 --> 00:06:35,036 Speaker 1: of the most anticipated of the day. She came to 93 00:06:35,076 --> 00:06:38,796 Speaker 1: the Nagano Olympics just having won the national championship, where 94 00:06:38,796 --> 00:06:41,996 Speaker 1: she earned an unprecedented six point zero, which is a 95 00:06:42,036 --> 00:06:45,596 Speaker 1: perfect score in figure skating at the time, and Michelle's 96 00:06:45,716 --> 00:06:50,916 Speaker 1: ninety eight Olympic performance did not disappoint. Wearing a sparkly 97 00:06:50,956 --> 00:06:54,916 Speaker 1: blue dress, she skated to a harp and string concerto. 98 00:06:56,876 --> 00:07:02,276 Speaker 1: The entire performance was flawless. I did perform both a 99 00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:05,396 Speaker 1: clean short program long program, meaning that I made no mistakes. 100 00:07:05,876 --> 00:07:08,756 Speaker 1: Michelle looked joyous when she left the ice. She even 101 00:07:08,756 --> 00:07:11,516 Speaker 1: smile led up at her dad, who was clapping furiously 102 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:14,956 Speaker 1: in the stands. I was overwhelmed because I felt like 103 00:07:15,276 --> 00:07:17,196 Speaker 1: I did it. You know, I did it. I did 104 00:07:17,196 --> 00:07:20,276 Speaker 1: everything that I had planned. I did every single jump. 105 00:07:20,716 --> 00:07:23,836 Speaker 1: I did my job and what I set out to do, 106 00:07:23,996 --> 00:07:28,196 Speaker 1: and unfortunately, you know, it wasn't the best that night. 107 00:07:28,636 --> 00:07:32,516 Speaker 1: Michelle's teammate, fifteen year old Tara Lipinski, took to the 108 00:07:32,556 --> 00:07:36,236 Speaker 1: ice a little later. The alts were against her. No 109 00:07:36,316 --> 00:07:39,836 Speaker 1: one so young or inexperienced had ever won figure skating gold, 110 00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:45,756 Speaker 1: but Tara's long performance was stellar. She hit two triple 111 00:07:45,796 --> 00:07:50,356 Speaker 1: triple jump combos and the crowd went wild. It was 112 00:07:50,396 --> 00:07:54,236 Speaker 1: obvious that an upset was about to occur, and it 113 00:07:54,396 --> 00:07:57,716 Speaker 1: like really happened within minutes. I knew from the reaction 114 00:07:57,756 --> 00:08:00,956 Speaker 1: of just the applause that it's going to be close, 115 00:08:01,516 --> 00:08:04,996 Speaker 1: and so it was sort of nail biting. But when 116 00:08:05,036 --> 00:08:08,196 Speaker 1: the scores came out, I already knew Tara had taken 117 00:08:08,236 --> 00:08:11,396 Speaker 1: the gold, and just like that, Michelle was bumped to 118 00:08:11,436 --> 00:08:16,316 Speaker 1: second place. Her gold medal dreams dashed. You didn't even 119 00:08:16,356 --> 00:08:20,636 Speaker 1: really have a moment because then you're walking down the 120 00:08:20,636 --> 00:08:24,956 Speaker 1: hallway and then there's the press conference. It was just whatever, 121 00:08:25,236 --> 00:08:27,516 Speaker 1: you know, like I was ready to answer questions and 122 00:08:27,556 --> 00:08:31,996 Speaker 1: I'm very candid and I'm very honest, and I think 123 00:08:31,996 --> 00:08:34,556 Speaker 1: I might have cried a little bit. And it's a 124 00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:39,436 Speaker 1: disappointment and it's very raw. I mean, it is, of 125 00:08:39,476 --> 00:08:41,956 Speaker 1: course a bit of a disappointment for an athlete not 126 00:08:42,036 --> 00:08:44,716 Speaker 1: to get the gold. But what both Michelle and michaela 127 00:08:44,796 --> 00:08:47,996 Speaker 1: seemed to be missing is the fact that they just 128 00:08:48,076 --> 00:08:52,676 Speaker 1: won silver medals at the Olympic Games. They've each just 129 00:08:52,796 --> 00:08:56,436 Speaker 1: proven that they're amongst the very best athletes in the world. 130 00:08:57,396 --> 00:09:00,996 Speaker 1: But Michelle and mckailla aren't the only ones to be disappointed. 131 00:09:01,636 --> 00:09:05,356 Speaker 1: I mean, champion British rower Catherine granger like in getting 132 00:09:05,396 --> 00:09:09,716 Speaker 1: second place in Beijing to suffering a bereavement, and Canadian 133 00:09:09,756 --> 00:09:12,756 Speaker 1: hockey star Joscelyn the Rock was so upset with her 134 00:09:12,796 --> 00:09:16,596 Speaker 1: silver medal that she refused to wear it. Neither her coach, 135 00:09:16,716 --> 00:09:19,916 Speaker 1: nor her teammates, nor even the angry crowd chanting put 136 00:09:19,916 --> 00:09:24,876 Speaker 1: your metal on could change her mind. So what's going on? Well, 137 00:09:24,916 --> 00:09:28,596 Speaker 1: it turns out all of these incredible competitors are in 138 00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:33,596 Speaker 1: the throws of a rather common psychological error. We simulate 139 00:09:33,676 --> 00:09:37,676 Speaker 1: alternative realities, and we react to events not just in 140 00:09:37,796 --> 00:09:41,396 Speaker 1: terms of what happened, but what those simulations tell us 141 00:09:41,516 --> 00:09:45,676 Speaker 1: might have happened, easily, could have happened, almost happened. This 142 00:09:45,756 --> 00:09:49,196 Speaker 1: is Tom Gillibitch. He's a sports fanatic, both on the 143 00:09:49,236 --> 00:09:52,636 Speaker 1: court and off. I looked around and there weren't that 144 00:09:52,796 --> 00:09:57,396 Speaker 1: many over sixty five basketball players. Tom was still shooting 145 00:09:57,396 --> 00:10:01,716 Speaker 1: hoops well into his seventh decade. His knees, miraculously, we're 146 00:10:01,756 --> 00:10:04,716 Speaker 1: still holding up. I go out and play for court basketball. 147 00:10:04,756 --> 00:10:07,516 Speaker 1: A few games, come back to my office and I 148 00:10:07,676 --> 00:10:10,796 Speaker 1: was just beat good for nothing. I thought, I have 149 00:10:10,836 --> 00:10:13,356 Speaker 1: a job. I can't do that. That job is as 150 00:10:13,396 --> 00:10:17,076 Speaker 1: a professor of psychology at Cornell University. Tom is a 151 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:20,436 Speaker 1: world expert on the biases that affect our choices and 152 00:10:20,636 --> 00:10:24,836 Speaker 1: our well being. Back in nineteen ninety two, Tom embarked 153 00:10:24,876 --> 00:10:27,076 Speaker 1: on one of my favorite ever studies in the field 154 00:10:27,076 --> 00:10:30,556 Speaker 1: of happiness research. It combined his love of sports with 155 00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:35,316 Speaker 1: his access to high end consumer electronics. In those days, 156 00:10:35,596 --> 00:10:40,636 Speaker 1: having a VHS recorder in your house was kind of 157 00:10:40,676 --> 00:10:43,396 Speaker 1: new and exciting. If you had one, you were on 158 00:10:43,396 --> 00:10:46,716 Speaker 1: the cutting edge of technology. Tom had been a seminar 159 00:10:46,956 --> 00:10:50,996 Speaker 1: discussing why narrowly missing out on an imagined future torches 160 00:10:51,076 --> 00:10:53,796 Speaker 1: us so much. He wanted to find a way to 161 00:10:53,796 --> 00:10:57,596 Speaker 1: figure out what was going on. His sports brain suddenly 162 00:10:57,676 --> 00:11:00,836 Speaker 1: kicked in. There a lot of data points out there 163 00:11:00,916 --> 00:11:04,156 Speaker 1: of some disgruntled looking silver medallists, and one of the 164 00:11:04,156 --> 00:11:07,756 Speaker 1: graduate students in the class, Vicki Medvick, said that sounds interesting. 165 00:11:07,796 --> 00:11:10,636 Speaker 1: We should test that. To do so, Tom set his 166 00:11:10,716 --> 00:11:14,316 Speaker 1: VCR to catch the Barcelona Olympics on NBC. So we 167 00:11:14,356 --> 00:11:18,836 Speaker 1: recorded all of their coverage and then went through it. 168 00:11:19,476 --> 00:11:23,596 Speaker 1: We pulled critical moments where swimmers are racing to the 169 00:11:23,676 --> 00:11:27,036 Speaker 1: finish line and they touch one, two, three, and we 170 00:11:27,356 --> 00:11:30,756 Speaker 1: just followed the camera. Sometimes most often of course, they're 171 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:33,796 Speaker 1: focusing on the gold medal winner. Sometimes they'll show the 172 00:11:33,796 --> 00:11:36,396 Speaker 1: faces of the bronze and silver medal winner. We would 173 00:11:36,516 --> 00:11:39,476 Speaker 1: edit those and show them to judges and have them 174 00:11:40,556 --> 00:11:44,316 Speaker 1: score it on a agony to ecstasy scale, borrowing a 175 00:11:44,396 --> 00:11:48,476 Speaker 1: phrase from an old sports program, The Wide World of Sports. 176 00:11:48,836 --> 00:11:52,076 Speaker 1: Those judges Tom's students had to give each face they 177 00:11:52,076 --> 00:11:55,516 Speaker 1: saw a score from one to ten. If the athlete 178 00:11:55,516 --> 00:11:58,116 Speaker 1: looked like they were an emotional agony, they got a one. 179 00:11:58,796 --> 00:12:01,196 Speaker 1: If the medalist appeared to be in the throes of ecstasy, 180 00:12:01,436 --> 00:12:04,916 Speaker 1: it was a ten. The bronze medalists scored on average 181 00:12:05,196 --> 00:12:07,276 Speaker 1: a seven point one out of ten on that scale. 182 00:12:08,156 --> 00:12:11,596 Speaker 1: That's pretty high, especially given that they had just gotten 183 00:12:11,676 --> 00:12:16,276 Speaker 1: third place. But silver medalists they scored not a seven, 184 00:12:16,516 --> 00:12:20,516 Speaker 1: nor a six, not even a five. On average, they 185 00:12:20,556 --> 00:12:23,436 Speaker 1: were at a four point eight. Of all the people 186 00:12:23,436 --> 00:12:27,916 Speaker 1: on the podium, the silver medalists were clearly the most miserable, 187 00:12:28,796 --> 00:12:31,996 Speaker 1: and on tom scale, a four point eight is closer 188 00:12:32,036 --> 00:12:36,196 Speaker 1: to agony than to ecstasy. M Does this mean that 189 00:12:36,236 --> 00:12:39,236 Speaker 1: the silver medalists, who's so close to the gold they 190 00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:43,636 Speaker 1: could almost taste it, think of their quite significant achievement 191 00:12:43,756 --> 00:12:47,036 Speaker 1: not as achievement, but as a failure to win the gold, 192 00:12:47,076 --> 00:12:49,116 Speaker 1: the failure to be the person who can be on 193 00:12:49,156 --> 00:12:53,236 Speaker 1: the wheaty box the following year, whereas the bronze medalist. 194 00:12:54,076 --> 00:12:56,556 Speaker 1: They might also some of them, especially if they were 195 00:12:56,596 --> 00:12:59,476 Speaker 1: expecting to win, might imagine, oh, if I'd done a 196 00:12:59,476 --> 00:13:01,476 Speaker 1: little better, I could get the gold medal. But the 197 00:13:01,556 --> 00:13:04,756 Speaker 1: gold medal is two slots away. One slot away in 198 00:13:04,796 --> 00:13:07,636 Speaker 1: the opposite direction is not getting a medal at all, 199 00:13:07,756 --> 00:13:13,156 Speaker 1: and so psychologically that's a more tempting alternative to reality, 200 00:13:13,596 --> 00:13:17,556 Speaker 1: to construct, and therefore they have a sense of relief that, wow, 201 00:13:17,716 --> 00:13:21,276 Speaker 1: at least I got a medal. Tom's finding wasn't just 202 00:13:21,316 --> 00:13:24,756 Speaker 1: true at the Barcelona Olympics. The agony of silver medalist 203 00:13:24,876 --> 00:13:29,196 Speaker 1: has been confirmed experimentally again and again. During the two 204 00:13:29,196 --> 00:13:33,236 Speaker 1: thousand and four Athens Games, Professor David Matsumoto of San 205 00:13:33,236 --> 00:13:37,876 Speaker 1: Francisco State teamed up with martial arts journalists Bob Willingham. 206 00:13:37,956 --> 00:13:41,316 Speaker 1: They ran judo medalists from over thirty different countries through 207 00:13:41,316 --> 00:13:43,756 Speaker 1: a state of the art technique called the Facial Action 208 00:13:43,796 --> 00:13:47,356 Speaker 1: Coding system. They noted the exact movements of each of 209 00:13:47,396 --> 00:13:50,516 Speaker 1: the muscles in the athletes faces and we're talking all 210 00:13:50,516 --> 00:13:55,116 Speaker 1: the muscles here, from the corrugators superciliate to the zygomaticus major. 211 00:13:56,076 --> 00:13:59,356 Speaker 1: The researchers confirmed what Tom's judges saw and revealed a 212 00:13:59,436 --> 00:14:02,956 Speaker 1: pattern that was even more striking. The martial artists who 213 00:14:02,996 --> 00:14:05,796 Speaker 1: won silver weren't just less happy than those in first 214 00:14:05,836 --> 00:14:08,956 Speaker 1: and third place, they were in a completely different state 215 00:14:08,996 --> 00:14:14,676 Speaker 1: of mind. Their facial expressions showed distinctly negative emotions, emotions 216 00:14:14,716 --> 00:14:20,236 Speaker 1: like sadness, anger, and disgust, which is remarkable. I mean, 217 00:14:20,436 --> 00:14:24,076 Speaker 1: they just got Olympic recognition for their sporting achievements, and 218 00:14:24,156 --> 00:14:28,516 Speaker 1: their faces said they felt awful. These findings show that 219 00:14:28,556 --> 00:14:32,396 Speaker 1: the imagined alternative that of a gold medal poisons the 220 00:14:32,596 --> 00:14:37,476 Speaker 1: actually really awesome reality the silver medalist experience. They've just 221 00:14:37,596 --> 00:14:40,756 Speaker 1: won an Olympic medal that should be a thrill, but 222 00:14:40,876 --> 00:14:44,476 Speaker 1: they end up looking enviously at the one single solitary 223 00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:48,516 Speaker 1: person on earth who beat them. But this experience isn't 224 00:14:48,556 --> 00:14:51,756 Speaker 1: just a problem for Olympians. It's part of human nature. 225 00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:55,876 Speaker 1: It's a bias that's deeply ingrained in all of us. 226 00:14:56,396 --> 00:15:01,116 Speaker 1: People don't react to the stimuli they confront. They react 227 00:15:01,116 --> 00:15:04,476 Speaker 1: to the meaning that they attached to the stimuli. Second 228 00:15:04,476 --> 00:15:07,836 Speaker 1: place is great, except if you've assigned it the meaning 229 00:15:07,876 --> 00:15:11,436 Speaker 1: of it not being the gold medal. But bronze medalists 230 00:15:11,476 --> 00:15:14,116 Speaker 1: clearly attach a different meaning to getting third place on 231 00:15:14,116 --> 00:15:18,956 Speaker 1: the leaderboard. They aren't gazing disappointedly at the champ They're 232 00:15:18,996 --> 00:15:22,156 Speaker 1: looking down at all the people who didn't beat them. 233 00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:25,956 Speaker 1: They're thinking about the possibility of not getting a medal 234 00:15:26,196 --> 00:15:29,916 Speaker 1: at all. Bronze medalists are framing their experience in a 235 00:15:29,956 --> 00:15:33,196 Speaker 1: way that is also pretty relatable, especially if you think 236 00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:36,756 Speaker 1: back on your own life experiences. Many times people will 237 00:15:36,796 --> 00:15:39,556 Speaker 1: say that, oh, the happiest moment of my life is 238 00:15:39,716 --> 00:15:41,436 Speaker 1: you know, I was having a medical task because there 239 00:15:41,516 --> 00:15:44,396 Speaker 1: was something to worry about and it turned out it 240 00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:47,916 Speaker 1: was nothing, and I'll always remember that day. It just 241 00:15:48,116 --> 00:15:51,836 Speaker 1: you're ere ecstatic that something bad didn't happen. There's always 242 00:15:51,836 --> 00:15:54,116 Speaker 1: a worse reference point out there if you look carefully enough, 243 00:15:54,356 --> 00:15:57,156 Speaker 1: yes problem as we do often look Yes. I mean, 244 00:15:57,236 --> 00:16:02,516 Speaker 1: it's really a psychology of counting your blessings. Before we 245 00:16:02,556 --> 00:16:05,396 Speaker 1: take a break, let's play a quick would you rather game? 246 00:16:06,316 --> 00:16:09,356 Speaker 1: Would you rather take a a job were you earn 247 00:16:09,476 --> 00:16:12,916 Speaker 1: fifty thousand dollars a year, or be a job where 248 00:16:12,956 --> 00:16:17,116 Speaker 1: you earn one hundred thousand dollars a year. Time's up. 249 00:16:17,996 --> 00:16:20,556 Speaker 1: My guess is that you went with option B. But 250 00:16:21,396 --> 00:16:24,396 Speaker 1: I didn't tell you what everyone else at the Imaginary 251 00:16:24,396 --> 00:16:28,516 Speaker 1: Company was earning. And that makes a bigger difference than 252 00:16:28,556 --> 00:16:32,036 Speaker 1: you think. The Happiness Lab will be back in a moment. 253 00:16:45,236 --> 00:16:47,836 Speaker 1: It's nineteen eighty one in England is in the group 254 00:16:47,916 --> 00:16:51,596 Speaker 1: of a terrible economic crisis. Jerry Dammers and his ska 255 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:54,916 Speaker 1: band The Specials are touring the country, playing concerts in 256 00:16:54,996 --> 00:16:58,676 Speaker 1: city after city, and everywhere they go they see the 257 00:16:58,716 --> 00:17:05,036 Speaker 1: same thing. Auto plants closing, shipyards shutting down, factory gates 258 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:08,476 Speaker 1: being locked for good. Nearly three million Brits are out 259 00:17:08,476 --> 00:17:12,396 Speaker 1: of work and six thousand more are joining those ranks 260 00:17:12,436 --> 00:17:16,756 Speaker 1: every single day. Dammer's hit song powerfully evokes the feeling 261 00:17:16,796 --> 00:17:28,516 Speaker 1: of hard times. Ghost town must be miserable, but as 262 00:17:28,516 --> 00:17:31,756 Speaker 1: it turns out, you may be happier living in a 263 00:17:31,756 --> 00:17:35,596 Speaker 1: ghost town than a boomtown if you're unemployed. And to 264 00:17:35,636 --> 00:17:38,716 Speaker 1: explain why I need to talk about the power of 265 00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:42,796 Speaker 1: reference points, you see, our mind is constantly telling us 266 00:17:42,836 --> 00:17:47,356 Speaker 1: that being absolutely better is what matters. Gold is better 267 00:17:47,396 --> 00:17:50,076 Speaker 1: than silver, which is better than bronze. Getting an A 268 00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,396 Speaker 1: plus on your report card is better than an A, 269 00:17:52,916 --> 00:17:56,436 Speaker 1: which is better than an Earning one hundred thousand dollars 270 00:17:56,716 --> 00:17:59,516 Speaker 1: is better than seventy five thousand, which is better than 271 00:17:59,556 --> 00:18:03,676 Speaker 1: fifty thousand. But it turns out that being absolutely better 272 00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:08,436 Speaker 1: doesn't always feel better. It depends on your reference point, 273 00:18:09,116 --> 00:18:13,636 Speaker 1: that other alternative reality you're paying attention to, which takes 274 00:18:13,716 --> 00:18:17,396 Speaker 1: us back to ghost towns. Back in two thousand and three, 275 00:18:17,476 --> 00:18:20,516 Speaker 1: Andrew Clark, a professor at the Paris School for Economics, 276 00:18:20,996 --> 00:18:23,756 Speaker 1: studied well being in the UK across different kinds of 277 00:18:23,796 --> 00:18:26,476 Speaker 1: labor markets, whether you're in a ghost town like the 278 00:18:26,516 --> 00:18:29,596 Speaker 1: one in the Special Song or a bloomtown in which 279 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:32,836 Speaker 1: only a small number of people are seeking work. What 280 00:18:32,876 --> 00:18:36,636 Speaker 1: did he find well As you might expect, Clark found 281 00:18:36,676 --> 00:18:41,156 Speaker 1: that not having a job kind of sucks. Overall, unemployed 282 00:18:41,156 --> 00:18:45,116 Speaker 1: folks were less happy than those with jobs, but how 283 00:18:45,156 --> 00:18:48,996 Speaker 1: big that effect was dependent on where you lived. Being 284 00:18:49,076 --> 00:18:51,476 Speaker 1: unemployed in a town where lots of folks are unemployed 285 00:18:51,836 --> 00:18:54,636 Speaker 1: doesn't feel as bad as being unemployed in a town 286 00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:57,836 Speaker 1: where lots of folks are working. Clark's stata showed that 287 00:18:57,876 --> 00:19:00,996 Speaker 1: we're using the other people around us as a reference point. 288 00:19:01,636 --> 00:19:06,516 Speaker 1: Misery really does love company. If you've heard the last episode, 289 00:19:06,716 --> 00:19:09,596 Speaker 1: you may recall that lottery owners, millionaires, and other people 290 00:19:09,636 --> 00:19:12,356 Speaker 1: earning lots and lots of money usually aren't all that 291 00:19:12,436 --> 00:19:15,316 Speaker 1: much happier than the rest of us. The science of 292 00:19:15,356 --> 00:19:19,516 Speaker 1: reference points shows why it's true that millionaires have objectively 293 00:19:19,516 --> 00:19:21,876 Speaker 1: more money than lots of people on the planet, but 294 00:19:21,956 --> 00:19:24,116 Speaker 1: they also hang out with people who make even more 295 00:19:24,156 --> 00:19:26,996 Speaker 1: money than they do, which means they don't end up 296 00:19:27,036 --> 00:19:30,276 Speaker 1: feeling all that wealthy. The minds of the super rich 297 00:19:30,796 --> 00:19:34,756 Speaker 1: naturally compare themselves against the super super rich, and everyone 298 00:19:34,996 --> 00:19:37,996 Speaker 1: ends up feeling bad. You can always find a better 299 00:19:38,036 --> 00:19:41,276 Speaker 1: middle out there when it comes to salary, and that 300 00:19:41,356 --> 00:19:45,356 Speaker 1: kind of envy can bring out our mean streak. Do 301 00:19:45,396 --> 00:19:48,596 Speaker 1: you remember that would you rather question? From earlier? It 302 00:19:48,636 --> 00:19:52,036 Speaker 1: was about picking from two different salaries, one higher and 303 00:19:52,156 --> 00:19:55,716 Speaker 1: one lower. We'd pretty much all take the bigger paycheck, 304 00:19:56,156 --> 00:19:59,116 Speaker 1: but Tom Gilowitch explained a twist that can trigger our 305 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:03,036 Speaker 1: obsession with reference points. There's a nice old economic study 306 00:20:03,156 --> 00:20:06,076 Speaker 1: where respondents were asked which world would you rather live in? 307 00:20:06,156 --> 00:20:10,276 Speaker 1: One where you make fifty tho dollars a year and 308 00:20:10,436 --> 00:20:13,596 Speaker 1: other people make twenty five, so you're the richest person 309 00:20:13,716 --> 00:20:16,036 Speaker 1: on your block. Or would you rather live in a 310 00:20:16,076 --> 00:20:18,476 Speaker 1: world where you make a hundred thousand but everybody else 311 00:20:18,516 --> 00:20:21,156 Speaker 1: makes two hundred thousand, so you're making twice as much. 312 00:20:21,196 --> 00:20:24,556 Speaker 1: You have twice as much purchasing power, but other people 313 00:20:24,596 --> 00:20:27,996 Speaker 1: have still more than you, And that turns out to 314 00:20:27,996 --> 00:20:31,996 Speaker 1: be a hard problem. The respondents are roughly split. Half 315 00:20:31,996 --> 00:20:34,996 Speaker 1: of them want just give me more money, I don't 316 00:20:34,996 --> 00:20:37,316 Speaker 1: care that other people are making more than I am, 317 00:20:37,796 --> 00:20:41,796 Speaker 1: and other people want to be the top dog. These 318 00:20:41,836 --> 00:20:44,676 Speaker 1: results are crazy. Almost half of us would be willing 319 00:20:44,676 --> 00:20:47,116 Speaker 1: to give up a huge part of our salary just 320 00:20:47,276 --> 00:20:50,156 Speaker 1: to be doing better than other people. But we don't 321 00:20:50,156 --> 00:20:53,596 Speaker 1: just do this with money. Sarah Sulnick and David Hemenway, 322 00:20:53,756 --> 00:20:56,516 Speaker 1: who ran the original study, asked a whole list of 323 00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:59,916 Speaker 1: similar questions about other kinds of achievements. Do you want 324 00:20:59,956 --> 00:21:02,556 Speaker 1: to be very pretty in a sea of fashion models 325 00:21:03,156 --> 00:21:06,996 Speaker 1: or kind of plane, but prettier than other people? Do 326 00:21:07,036 --> 00:21:10,236 Speaker 1: you want to be super smart or smarter than your peers. 327 00:21:11,276 --> 00:21:14,476 Speaker 1: Turns out many people would rather be dumber and uglier 328 00:21:14,796 --> 00:21:19,156 Speaker 1: as long as they're superior to those immediately around them. 329 00:21:19,276 --> 00:21:22,436 Speaker 1: Our desire to compare ourselves with others does make us 330 00:21:22,476 --> 00:21:25,236 Speaker 1: do some downright dumb stuff in the real world, and 331 00:21:25,356 --> 00:21:28,476 Speaker 1: our tendency to envy other people can also leave us 332 00:21:28,476 --> 00:21:34,356 Speaker 1: open to manipulation. In a typical lottery like Powerball in 333 00:21:34,356 --> 00:21:37,396 Speaker 1: the US, you buy a ticket, your number comes up, 334 00:21:37,756 --> 00:21:41,156 Speaker 1: you enterprize. But in the Netherlands, your feet in the 335 00:21:41,236 --> 00:21:47,516 Speaker 1: lottery is directly tied to that of your neighbors. Hallows. 336 00:21:50,996 --> 00:21:54,916 Speaker 1: This is the Dutch postcode lottery. It's a charity lottery, 337 00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:58,716 Speaker 1: meaning that all proceeds go to a good cause. But 338 00:21:58,876 --> 00:22:02,836 Speaker 1: this lottery works differently than playing powerball. The winning number 339 00:22:03,116 --> 00:22:06,716 Speaker 1: isn't when you pick yourself. It's linked to your zip code. 340 00:22:07,356 --> 00:22:11,716 Speaker 1: Every Sunday night, one Dutch postcode is picked out. If 341 00:22:11,756 --> 00:22:14,076 Speaker 1: you live in that area and bought a ticket, you 342 00:22:14,156 --> 00:22:18,196 Speaker 1: automatically win the weekly street prize of twenty five thousand euros. 343 00:22:18,716 --> 00:22:22,036 Speaker 1: That's a massive chunk of the average Dutch salary. But 344 00:22:22,116 --> 00:22:24,756 Speaker 1: if you didn't buy a ticket, well, you get nothing, 345 00:22:25,076 --> 00:22:27,596 Speaker 1: which is kind of a bummer, even more of a 346 00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:31,636 Speaker 1: bummer than losing a regular lottery in powerball. If you 347 00:22:31,676 --> 00:22:34,196 Speaker 1: didn't buy a ticket, you don't feel a huge sense 348 00:22:34,196 --> 00:22:37,236 Speaker 1: of loss. When some random number is announced. But if 349 00:22:37,276 --> 00:22:40,076 Speaker 1: you didn't buy a Dutch Street prize ticket and your 350 00:22:40,196 --> 00:22:43,516 Speaker 1: zip code comes up, that feeling of loss cuts deeply. 351 00:22:44,356 --> 00:22:47,276 Speaker 1: It's not some random number that won, it was your 352 00:22:47,396 --> 00:22:50,676 Speaker 1: postcode and you passed up money that should have been 353 00:22:50,716 --> 00:22:54,836 Speaker 1: yours when you didn't play. That alternative reality where you 354 00:22:54,876 --> 00:22:57,996 Speaker 1: could have won a lot of money becomes very salient. 355 00:22:58,436 --> 00:23:01,196 Speaker 1: But the real kicker happens when you look out your window, 356 00:23:01,716 --> 00:23:04,556 Speaker 1: because on average, a quarter of your neighbors bought a 357 00:23:04,556 --> 00:23:08,516 Speaker 1: ticket and they're celebrating right now because some celebrity just 358 00:23:08,556 --> 00:23:17,036 Speaker 1: brought them a huge, oversized check. Just like silver medalists 359 00:23:17,036 --> 00:23:20,196 Speaker 1: can't help but look to gold, the neighbors of Dutch 360 00:23:20,236 --> 00:23:24,356 Speaker 1: lottery winners can't help but frame themselves as losers, with 361 00:23:24,436 --> 00:23:27,676 Speaker 1: all of the unhappy emotions that this sort of envy brings, 362 00:23:28,076 --> 00:23:31,756 Speaker 1: even though their situation hasn't changed at all. I mean, 363 00:23:31,876 --> 00:23:35,676 Speaker 1: think about it, they didn't really lose anything. They're just 364 00:23:35,756 --> 00:23:39,516 Speaker 1: as rich as they were yesterday, but now they feel awful. 365 00:23:40,956 --> 00:23:44,436 Speaker 1: But it gets worse. In two thousand and five, Peter Coon, 366 00:23:44,516 --> 00:23:47,836 Speaker 1: an economist at UC Santa Barbara, teamed up with colleagues 367 00:23:47,836 --> 00:23:51,236 Speaker 1: to test what one Dutch household winning the prize does 368 00:23:51,316 --> 00:23:54,876 Speaker 1: to material consumption in the rest of the community. How 369 00:23:54,916 --> 00:23:57,836 Speaker 1: it's seeing your neighbors renovate their house, go on vacation, 370 00:23:58,076 --> 00:24:00,316 Speaker 1: or park a shiny new ride in the driveway make 371 00:24:00,356 --> 00:24:04,756 Speaker 1: you feel probably like a loser, and maybe like you 372 00:24:04,876 --> 00:24:08,876 Speaker 1: deserve something new too, even though you didn't win any money. 373 00:24:09,276 --> 00:24:11,956 Speaker 1: Coon studied the long term impact of having a lottery 374 00:24:11,956 --> 00:24:15,316 Speaker 1: winner and neighbor. A typical non ticket buyer has a 375 00:24:15,356 --> 00:24:17,796 Speaker 1: fourteen percent chance of buying a new car within a 376 00:24:17,796 --> 00:24:20,716 Speaker 1: given year. But if someone two doors down from you 377 00:24:20,756 --> 00:24:24,476 Speaker 1: actually wins the lottery, that bumps up your probability of 378 00:24:24,476 --> 00:24:27,716 Speaker 1: buying a new car to eighteen percent. And if that 379 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:30,636 Speaker 1: winner lives right next door to you, you're urged to 380 00:24:30,636 --> 00:24:33,676 Speaker 1: buy a new car jumps from fourteen percent to twenty 381 00:24:33,676 --> 00:24:36,996 Speaker 1: one percent. Having a next door neighbor get rich suddenly 382 00:24:37,396 --> 00:24:41,276 Speaker 1: pushes you to make purchases you wouldn't normally make. The 383 00:24:41,396 --> 00:24:44,116 Speaker 1: idea of a postcode lottery is now spreading around the world, 384 00:24:44,436 --> 00:24:47,356 Speaker 1: which is great because these lotteries do raise a lot 385 00:24:47,396 --> 00:24:50,556 Speaker 1: of money for good causes. The Dutch one alone has 386 00:24:50,636 --> 00:24:55,156 Speaker 1: generated billions of dollars for charity since its inception. But 387 00:24:55,276 --> 00:24:58,596 Speaker 1: watching the promotional videos for these games made me realize 388 00:24:58,596 --> 00:25:02,876 Speaker 1: the psychological pull of this particular kind of lottery. It's 389 00:25:02,956 --> 00:25:06,756 Speaker 1: fomal one O one. It's tapping into our automatic urge 390 00:25:06,916 --> 00:25:10,956 Speaker 1: to use other people as reference points, often at our 391 00:25:10,956 --> 00:25:16,116 Speaker 1: own disadvantage. I'm as guilty as anyone of making myself 392 00:25:16,156 --> 00:25:20,196 Speaker 1: sad by constantly picking unflattering reference points, both in my 393 00:25:20,276 --> 00:25:23,516 Speaker 1: professional and in my personal life. It's a trait I 394 00:25:23,556 --> 00:25:26,996 Speaker 1: worry about and one I confess to Tom because if 395 00:25:26,996 --> 00:25:29,836 Speaker 1: I think about, you know, who's a psychologist is doing 396 00:25:29,836 --> 00:25:31,836 Speaker 1: really well, it's publishing a lot or you know, who's 397 00:25:31,876 --> 00:25:34,676 Speaker 1: one of my friends who's like really beautiful, Like, my 398 00:25:34,796 --> 00:25:37,476 Speaker 1: mind doesn't go to, like, oh, let's pick a medium productive, 399 00:25:37,636 --> 00:25:40,356 Speaker 1: you know, psychologist, or I'll pick a like medium beautiful person. 400 00:25:40,476 --> 00:25:43,836 Speaker 1: Like we pick the comparison that it sub sets is 401 00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:46,196 Speaker 1: the harshest, right, That's what comes to mind the easiest, 402 00:25:46,516 --> 00:25:48,796 Speaker 1: And then that means we're our standard is the worst 403 00:25:48,796 --> 00:25:52,476 Speaker 1: possible standard against which we could be comparing ourselves. Yes, exactly, 404 00:25:52,476 --> 00:25:55,476 Speaker 1: and in some ways we're you know, we're goal striving creatures. 405 00:25:55,476 --> 00:25:58,876 Speaker 1: We're happiest when we're striving for goals, and that means 406 00:25:58,876 --> 00:26:02,476 Speaker 1: where you're setting our targets upwards? How am I doing 407 00:26:03,636 --> 00:26:06,836 Speaker 1: compared to what well it's compared to the people who 408 00:26:06,836 --> 00:26:10,116 Speaker 1: are publishing like mad and getting the great jobs. Those 409 00:26:10,116 --> 00:26:14,196 Speaker 1: are the things that spring to mind most readily and 410 00:26:14,596 --> 00:26:17,556 Speaker 1: that can make a person unhappy. Tom has studied one 411 00:26:17,636 --> 00:26:19,876 Speaker 1: other area in which many of us do this all 412 00:26:19,916 --> 00:26:23,116 Speaker 1: the time, when we think of how good our social 413 00:26:23,156 --> 00:26:27,676 Speaker 1: lives are. Let's try some questions together. Who goes to 414 00:26:27,756 --> 00:26:32,716 Speaker 1: more parties? You? Or other people? Who has more friends? You? 415 00:26:33,116 --> 00:26:37,316 Speaker 1: Or other people who has a wider social network? You 416 00:26:37,916 --> 00:26:42,436 Speaker 1: or other people? What were your answers? All three of 417 00:26:42,476 --> 00:26:46,916 Speaker 1: mine were other people. When it comes to their social lives, 418 00:26:47,476 --> 00:26:51,436 Speaker 1: the average person thinks they're below average. People think that 419 00:26:51,476 --> 00:26:55,956 Speaker 1: they're not quite in the center of the social action, 420 00:26:56,036 --> 00:27:00,276 Speaker 1: they're farther out on the periphery, that there's some inner 421 00:27:00,316 --> 00:27:04,076 Speaker 1: group that is having all the fun and they're missing out. 422 00:27:04,716 --> 00:27:06,836 Speaker 1: But why do we think everyone is more fun than 423 00:27:06,876 --> 00:27:10,756 Speaker 1: we are as usual? It's because they are obvious reference 424 00:27:10,756 --> 00:27:14,196 Speaker 1: points that are messing us up. The most natural other 425 00:27:14,236 --> 00:27:18,196 Speaker 1: people to come to mind when you're thinking about how 426 00:27:18,236 --> 00:27:22,396 Speaker 1: active is my social life? Are the most active, actively 427 00:27:22,476 --> 00:27:25,356 Speaker 1: social people the life of the party that comes to 428 00:27:25,436 --> 00:27:28,556 Speaker 1: mind most readily, and of course if you compare yourself 429 00:27:28,596 --> 00:27:32,556 Speaker 1: to that person, you feel that your social life isn't 430 00:27:32,596 --> 00:27:37,316 Speaker 1: that great. Given how important social relations are to human life, 431 00:27:37,396 --> 00:27:41,036 Speaker 1: if you think that socially you're not quite up there, 432 00:27:41,076 --> 00:27:45,076 Speaker 1: it's pretty hard for most people to feel good about themselves. 433 00:27:45,996 --> 00:27:48,716 Speaker 1: And this is the most insidious part of our reference 434 00:27:48,716 --> 00:27:52,796 Speaker 1: point bias. We don't just pick arbitrary reference points. We 435 00:27:52,876 --> 00:27:56,236 Speaker 1: often pick the most extreme reference point out there, the 436 00:27:56,316 --> 00:27:59,396 Speaker 1: person that's doing the very very very best in whatever 437 00:27:59,436 --> 00:28:02,876 Speaker 1: trait we're thinking of. That's where our minds go and 438 00:28:02,956 --> 00:28:06,036 Speaker 1: are biased to seek out these extreme alternatives. Might be 439 00:28:06,076 --> 00:28:10,516 Speaker 1: getting more problematic today, especially with so many upward comparisons 440 00:28:10,516 --> 00:28:13,516 Speaker 1: on social media to make us envious. It's a very 441 00:28:13,596 --> 00:28:16,596 Speaker 1: rare person that posts a picture of themselves kind of 442 00:28:16,676 --> 00:28:19,916 Speaker 1: lonely and miserable, so you get a biased sample from 443 00:28:20,596 --> 00:28:23,516 Speaker 1: being on any kind of social media. So it's hard 444 00:28:23,556 --> 00:28:27,596 Speaker 1: to imagine how that couldn't accentuate this tendency. Tom is 445 00:28:27,676 --> 00:28:30,036 Speaker 1: quick to point out that all these comparisons are a 446 00:28:30,036 --> 00:28:33,956 Speaker 1: double edged sword. On the one hand, comparing ourselves against 447 00:28:33,956 --> 00:28:36,236 Speaker 1: people who are way better than us can make us 448 00:28:36,236 --> 00:28:39,516 Speaker 1: feel really bad, but On the other hand, it can 449 00:28:39,556 --> 00:28:43,236 Speaker 1: make a person productive. And if we were satisfied all 450 00:28:43,236 --> 00:28:45,676 Speaker 1: the time, would we have the same level of drive 451 00:28:45,756 --> 00:28:48,436 Speaker 1: if we were comparing downward? Well, at least, I'm not 452 00:28:48,516 --> 00:28:51,396 Speaker 1: like this person who's never had a single study ever 453 00:28:51,476 --> 00:28:54,276 Speaker 1: work out. I feel great now, well good, but are 454 00:28:54,316 --> 00:28:56,036 Speaker 1: you going to work as hard? And so there's this 455 00:28:56,156 --> 00:29:01,516 Speaker 1: tension between satisfaction and productivity. I don't always find striking 456 00:29:01,516 --> 00:29:04,716 Speaker 1: that balance easy, but making the show I found an 457 00:29:04,756 --> 00:29:08,716 Speaker 1: amazing new role model, someone who never stops striving but 458 00:29:09,356 --> 00:29:12,756 Speaker 1: doesn't fall into that sad silver medal trap. What I 459 00:29:12,756 --> 00:29:15,836 Speaker 1: didn't expect, though, was that my new role model would 460 00:29:15,836 --> 00:29:20,116 Speaker 1: be Michelle Kwan coming home with the silver. Everyone's like, oh, 461 00:29:20,156 --> 00:29:23,756 Speaker 1: it's such a bomber. You lost, And my approach was, now, 462 00:29:23,756 --> 00:29:27,676 Speaker 1: I didn't lose. I won the silver medal. The Happiness 463 00:29:27,796 --> 00:29:47,036 Speaker 1: Lab will be right back. At seven years old, I 464 00:29:47,076 --> 00:29:50,916 Speaker 1: watched the Calgary nineteen eighty eight Olympics and watched Brian 465 00:29:50,996 --> 00:29:53,436 Speaker 1: Poetana win the Olympics, and I think it was at 466 00:29:53,436 --> 00:29:55,876 Speaker 1: that moment I was like, ah, oh, I want to 467 00:29:55,876 --> 00:29:57,556 Speaker 1: be a skater. I want to be an Olympic skater, 468 00:29:57,796 --> 00:30:01,356 Speaker 1: just like Brian Poetano. I'm not even going to try 469 00:30:01,396 --> 00:30:04,276 Speaker 1: to read out all the championships, titles, or medals that 470 00:30:04,316 --> 00:30:07,836 Speaker 1: Michelle Kwan won during her figure skating career. She may 471 00:30:07,876 --> 00:30:11,036 Speaker 1: have lost the gold and ninety eight, but her trophy 472 00:30:11,076 --> 00:30:14,356 Speaker 1: hall is still greater than that of her hero, Brian Boitano. 473 00:30:14,756 --> 00:30:18,276 Speaker 1: I don't think about it often. It's weird to hear 474 00:30:18,276 --> 00:30:21,396 Speaker 1: all the titles. I guess it must be a little 475 00:30:21,436 --> 00:30:24,516 Speaker 1: surreal to be considered one of the most decorated figure 476 00:30:24,516 --> 00:30:28,956 Speaker 1: skaters in history, especially when you're as modest as Michelle is, 477 00:30:29,916 --> 00:30:32,356 Speaker 1: and that modesty is one of the things that sets 478 00:30:32,396 --> 00:30:37,276 Speaker 1: Michelle apart. Even though Michelle was disappointed placing second Inageno, 479 00:30:38,196 --> 00:30:42,196 Speaker 1: she didn't seem to be in agony. During the metal ceremony. 480 00:30:42,356 --> 00:30:45,756 Speaker 1: Michelle graciously hugged the teammate who beat her. She smiled 481 00:30:45,836 --> 00:30:49,036 Speaker 1: genuinely when her name was called in Japanese, waving with 482 00:30:49,156 --> 00:30:52,996 Speaker 1: ease at her screaming fans. She wasn't as ecstatic as 483 00:30:52,996 --> 00:30:57,476 Speaker 1: the gold medalist, but Michelle seemed fine. There was no face, 484 00:30:58,116 --> 00:31:01,276 Speaker 1: no tossing her metal to the side. Even though many 485 00:31:01,316 --> 00:31:04,156 Speaker 1: of her fans were still in shock, Michelle looked calm 486 00:31:04,676 --> 00:31:08,396 Speaker 1: and almost joyous on the stand. There's so many ways 487 00:31:08,436 --> 00:31:11,636 Speaker 1: to look at it, and the way I see it's 488 00:31:11,676 --> 00:31:15,196 Speaker 1: like the glasses have full. I always had like a 489 00:31:15,276 --> 00:31:18,996 Speaker 1: very positive outlook. I wanted to figure out how Michelle 490 00:31:19,036 --> 00:31:22,676 Speaker 1: was able to overcome that envy that plagues the typical 491 00:31:22,716 --> 00:31:26,716 Speaker 1: silver medalist. How is she able to avoid falling prey 492 00:31:26,916 --> 00:31:30,316 Speaker 1: to all the negative social comparisons that many of us 493 00:31:30,356 --> 00:31:33,916 Speaker 1: make all the time. I never put myself against somebody. 494 00:31:34,636 --> 00:31:37,756 Speaker 1: I didn't want to wish anybody falls or anything, so 495 00:31:37,836 --> 00:31:41,476 Speaker 1: I tend to kind of focus on myself. I was 496 00:31:41,516 --> 00:31:44,516 Speaker 1: not that kind of competitor where it's like I'm against 497 00:31:44,556 --> 00:31:49,276 Speaker 1: this person. During our conversation, I realized that Michelle used 498 00:31:49,396 --> 00:31:52,836 Speaker 1: several of the strategies Tom Gillowitch and I had discussed, 499 00:31:53,196 --> 00:31:56,116 Speaker 1: the ones that research show can help us avoid feeling 500 00:31:56,156 --> 00:31:59,996 Speaker 1: bad in the face of those imaginary reference points. The 501 00:32:00,076 --> 00:32:04,316 Speaker 1: first strategy Michelle used is what researchers call negative visualization, 502 00:32:04,916 --> 00:32:07,316 Speaker 1: the act of wondering what would things be like if 503 00:32:07,356 --> 00:32:10,796 Speaker 1: the good events in our life never happened? Like what 504 00:32:10,876 --> 00:32:12,676 Speaker 1: if I didn't manage to earn a medal at all? 505 00:32:13,316 --> 00:32:15,676 Speaker 1: What if I fell during the triple Lutz and came 506 00:32:15,676 --> 00:32:18,676 Speaker 1: in fifth place, or what if I never made it 507 00:32:18,716 --> 00:32:23,156 Speaker 1: to the Olympics at all. That last possibility was really 508 00:32:23,196 --> 00:32:27,356 Speaker 1: easy for Michelle to imagine because it almost came true. 509 00:32:27,436 --> 00:32:29,836 Speaker 1: I struggled a bit a couple of months before because 510 00:32:29,836 --> 00:32:33,676 Speaker 1: I had a foot fracture in my second metatarsal. Breaking 511 00:32:33,676 --> 00:32:36,836 Speaker 1: your foot is a catastrophe for an Olympic skater. Michelle 512 00:32:36,836 --> 00:32:39,556 Speaker 1: had to train like crazy to catch up. She almost 513 00:32:39,556 --> 00:32:43,796 Speaker 1: didn't make it to Japan, but psychologically the injury was 514 00:32:43,836 --> 00:32:47,236 Speaker 1: a gift. It gave Michelle a reference point that made 515 00:32:47,236 --> 00:32:50,836 Speaker 1: her grateful for that second place prize because there was 516 00:32:50,876 --> 00:32:53,676 Speaker 1: a really obvious imagined future where she might have been 517 00:32:53,756 --> 00:32:57,796 Speaker 1: dropped from the Olympic squad all together. Michelle also had 518 00:32:57,876 --> 00:33:00,876 Speaker 1: a healthy other reference point to keep her grounded, her 519 00:33:00,916 --> 00:33:03,756 Speaker 1: big sister Karen. It's fun because we used to skate 520 00:33:03,796 --> 00:33:07,116 Speaker 1: together and train together. Karen Quan was an elite skater, 521 00:33:07,396 --> 00:33:10,156 Speaker 1: one of the very best in the United Days, but 522 00:33:10,276 --> 00:33:12,956 Speaker 1: she never broke into the top flight. She never made 523 00:33:12,956 --> 00:33:14,916 Speaker 1: it to the podium or got a place in the 524 00:33:14,996 --> 00:33:18,636 Speaker 1: US squad because she was bested by her little sister. 525 00:33:19,116 --> 00:33:22,596 Speaker 1: At the National Championships in nineteen ninety six, there were 526 00:33:22,596 --> 00:33:25,076 Speaker 1: two quans. That was the Nationals where I was first, 527 00:33:25,116 --> 00:33:26,796 Speaker 1: since she was fifth. You must have had parents who 528 00:33:26,876 --> 00:33:29,236 Speaker 1: really instilled in you. For a sister not to be 529 00:33:29,276 --> 00:33:32,556 Speaker 1: completely jealous of her other sister's fame. She's the most 530 00:33:32,836 --> 00:33:38,516 Speaker 1: supportive sibling. She's just like go Michelle. Michelle looked up 531 00:33:38,516 --> 00:33:41,076 Speaker 1: to her older sister as an example of how to 532 00:33:41,116 --> 00:33:45,436 Speaker 1: support other athletes success gracefully, and she loved sharing the 533 00:33:45,476 --> 00:33:49,196 Speaker 1: limelight with her sister Karen. Didn't feel like a competitor. 534 00:33:50,756 --> 00:33:53,636 Speaker 1: I had a partner working with Karen so closely. Me 535 00:33:53,716 --> 00:33:55,956 Speaker 1: and Michelle realized that there was a better way to 536 00:33:55,996 --> 00:34:00,636 Speaker 1: motivate herself than enviously looking to other better skaters. Comparing 537 00:34:00,676 --> 00:34:04,636 Speaker 1: myself to somebody else. It didn't drive me. I have 538 00:34:04,796 --> 00:34:09,476 Speaker 1: to be internally motivated and passionate about what I was doing. 539 00:34:09,876 --> 00:34:12,276 Speaker 1: And there's a third reason Michelle was able to avoid 540 00:34:12,276 --> 00:34:15,436 Speaker 1: those harmful reference points. As I talked with Michelle about 541 00:34:15,476 --> 00:34:18,996 Speaker 1: her grueling practice schedule, it's like Groundhog day every day. 542 00:34:19,636 --> 00:34:22,516 Speaker 1: I wasn't immediately convinced that hitting the ice for hours 543 00:34:22,636 --> 00:34:25,636 Speaker 1: each and every day was a great source of happiness, 544 00:34:25,876 --> 00:34:29,876 Speaker 1: but as it turns out, I thrived. I love the schedule, 545 00:34:30,196 --> 00:34:33,476 Speaker 1: Like I was flying and I wish I could balldle 546 00:34:33,556 --> 00:34:35,636 Speaker 1: that because I don't know what was the inspiration, what 547 00:34:35,756 --> 00:34:37,796 Speaker 1: was the fire. It was like a rocket that kept 548 00:34:37,796 --> 00:34:40,076 Speaker 1: going and going going, where my coach was like, can 549 00:34:40,076 --> 00:34:42,276 Speaker 1: you get off the ice because you're really scaring me 550 00:34:42,356 --> 00:34:46,316 Speaker 1: right now, and I was flying around the ice. Michelle 551 00:34:46,356 --> 00:34:47,996 Speaker 1: wasn't just in it for a shot at some far 552 00:34:48,036 --> 00:34:51,676 Speaker 1: off championship. She enjoyed the grind, and when her passion 553 00:34:51,716 --> 00:34:54,716 Speaker 1: for the sport propelled her onto the Olympic team, she 554 00:34:54,916 --> 00:34:57,116 Speaker 1: was able to see that experience as a journey too, 555 00:34:57,956 --> 00:35:00,236 Speaker 1: not just as a chance for a medal, but as 556 00:35:00,276 --> 00:35:04,516 Speaker 1: an opportunity to relish every single amazing moment along the way. 557 00:35:04,956 --> 00:35:09,596 Speaker 1: It's overwhelming. It is completely overwhelming. You're so proud to 558 00:35:09,676 --> 00:35:13,156 Speaker 1: represent the United States, and then you're at the Olympic 559 00:35:13,436 --> 00:35:16,596 Speaker 1: Arena where you skate over the Olympic rings where it's 560 00:35:16,596 --> 00:35:19,956 Speaker 1: painted on under the ice, and I remember actually crying 561 00:35:19,996 --> 00:35:24,036 Speaker 1: when I skated over the Olympic rings and I was 562 00:35:24,076 --> 00:35:27,636 Speaker 1: so overwhelmed that I had tears rolling down my face, 563 00:35:27,636 --> 00:35:29,796 Speaker 1: and then my coach actually pulled me aside. It's like 564 00:35:30,156 --> 00:35:33,116 Speaker 1: you need to wake up, snap out of it. Wake up, 565 00:35:33,196 --> 00:35:35,516 Speaker 1: you're here, You're the Olympics. You have a job to do. 566 00:35:35,916 --> 00:35:38,556 Speaker 1: Seventeen year old Michelle's job wasn't to be a bunch 567 00:35:38,596 --> 00:35:41,796 Speaker 1: of competitors, she envied. It wasn't even to get the 568 00:35:41,836 --> 00:35:45,876 Speaker 1: gold medal. I want to skate my best before think 569 00:35:45,916 --> 00:35:48,556 Speaker 1: about medals, been thinking about anything. I want to do 570 00:35:48,636 --> 00:35:52,556 Speaker 1: my very own best and have no regrets. It really 571 00:35:52,676 --> 00:35:57,796 Speaker 1: was an awakening of it's not about the results, It's 572 00:35:57,796 --> 00:36:01,756 Speaker 1: about the journey. Michelle's awakening fits with what Tom Gilovich 573 00:36:01,836 --> 00:36:05,476 Speaker 1: has learned in his study of happiness. He thinks Michelle 574 00:36:05,556 --> 00:36:09,596 Speaker 1: articulated an important lesson for all of us. Life is 575 00:36:09,596 --> 00:36:12,956 Speaker 1: a journey, it's not a destination. Michelle Kuan had these 576 00:36:13,036 --> 00:36:16,796 Speaker 1: amazing years of putting herself to the test, day in 577 00:36:17,076 --> 00:36:19,996 Speaker 1: day out, and that's not an easy thing to do, 578 00:36:20,116 --> 00:36:22,996 Speaker 1: and she did it and she can feel great about that. 579 00:36:23,156 --> 00:36:27,156 Speaker 1: And most of the things in life that are truly 580 00:36:27,396 --> 00:36:31,396 Speaker 1: sustaining in terms of their ability to provide us happiness 581 00:36:31,476 --> 00:36:34,396 Speaker 1: has to do with the pursuit of things. We're happy 582 00:36:34,556 --> 00:36:38,396 Speaker 1: happiest when we're on the journey, not when the journey 583 00:36:38,676 --> 00:36:42,516 Speaker 1: is over. Loving the journey gave Michelle a grace that 584 00:36:42,636 --> 00:36:46,596 Speaker 1: shaped her career and was especially salient during that tough 585 00:36:46,636 --> 00:36:49,316 Speaker 1: second place moment in Japan. It was a lot for 586 00:36:49,356 --> 00:36:53,756 Speaker 1: a seventeen year old, but I think my parents' voice 587 00:36:54,036 --> 00:36:58,116 Speaker 1: of you wouldn't sum You lose some but you realize 588 00:36:58,196 --> 00:37:01,036 Speaker 1: very quickly that this is not your world. You just 589 00:37:01,076 --> 00:37:05,316 Speaker 1: happen to be living in it. It's good sportsmanship, it's 590 00:37:05,996 --> 00:37:09,396 Speaker 1: the reality of the world. As you'll hear a lot 591 00:37:09,396 --> 00:37:12,596 Speaker 1: on this podcast, I want to find happy people and 592 00:37:12,676 --> 00:37:15,316 Speaker 1: look at their behavior, both so I can give you 593 00:37:15,356 --> 00:37:18,036 Speaker 1: some tips, but also so I can get some new 594 00:37:18,076 --> 00:37:22,516 Speaker 1: ones myself. During our chat, Michelle revealed so many traits 595 00:37:22,556 --> 00:37:25,676 Speaker 1: that separate happy people from the rest of us, but 596 00:37:25,756 --> 00:37:28,516 Speaker 1: the most important one is her ability to put her 597 00:37:28,556 --> 00:37:33,036 Speaker 1: experiences into context, to think in terms of positive rather 598 00:37:33,076 --> 00:37:37,796 Speaker 1: than negative reference points, or to count one's blessings. As 599 00:37:37,836 --> 00:37:40,876 Speaker 1: Tom put it earlier, the happy people it's almost like 600 00:37:40,916 --> 00:37:43,756 Speaker 1: they have this talent for framing things in a way 601 00:37:43,916 --> 00:37:48,836 Speaker 1: that sustains their happiness. If you've experienced some failure, it's 602 00:37:48,876 --> 00:37:53,276 Speaker 1: easy too. Well, you can recode it as Okay, I 603 00:37:53,316 --> 00:37:56,996 Speaker 1: didn't achieve this, but look at what I have. Michelle 604 00:37:57,076 --> 00:38:00,516 Speaker 1: Kwan is the queen of reframing. When you look back, 605 00:38:00,516 --> 00:38:03,596 Speaker 1: you're like, would a gold medal make me happier? When 606 00:38:03,596 --> 00:38:07,076 Speaker 1: I look back, it's not the metals themselves. It's the moments. 607 00:38:07,156 --> 00:38:12,156 Speaker 1: It's the hearing the applause and hearing the crowd and 608 00:38:12,316 --> 00:38:14,516 Speaker 1: hearing the ice when I skated it over, it is 609 00:38:14,556 --> 00:38:19,316 Speaker 1: so beautiful, I don't know, just hearing the roar of 610 00:38:19,356 --> 00:38:23,556 Speaker 1: the audience and having that love. This is why I 611 00:38:23,676 --> 00:38:27,196 Speaker 1: do what I do. We all fall prey to reference points. 612 00:38:27,756 --> 00:38:30,036 Speaker 1: We don't experience the good and bad events in our 613 00:38:30,076 --> 00:38:34,836 Speaker 1: lives and objective terms, we're constantly comparing our own achievements 614 00:38:35,076 --> 00:38:39,756 Speaker 1: to somebody else's, that other person's metal car salary, and 615 00:38:39,876 --> 00:38:43,516 Speaker 1: even social life. We've also learned that we suck at 616 00:38:43,556 --> 00:38:47,756 Speaker 1: picking these reference points. That our minds automatically go to 617 00:38:47,836 --> 00:38:51,596 Speaker 1: the most salient, imaginary reality, and that's often one in 618 00:38:51,636 --> 00:38:54,316 Speaker 1: which we could be prettier, higher on the podium, a 619 00:38:54,356 --> 00:38:57,796 Speaker 1: bit more popular, and way more wealthy. And this kind 620 00:38:57,836 --> 00:39:01,196 Speaker 1: of reference point setting is costly. Here's one factoid I 621 00:39:01,276 --> 00:39:04,996 Speaker 1: saved until the end. Silver medalist aren't just sadder on 622 00:39:05,036 --> 00:39:09,076 Speaker 1: the stand. They're still negatively affected by that gold medal 623 00:39:09,236 --> 00:39:14,276 Speaker 1: reference point. Years and years later. In fact, one study 624 00:39:14,276 --> 00:39:17,476 Speaker 1: has even shown that silver medalists are more likely to 625 00:39:17,556 --> 00:39:21,476 Speaker 1: die younger than those who win bronze or gold. Bad 626 00:39:21,516 --> 00:39:25,116 Speaker 1: reference points can cut our lives short. So if you 627 00:39:25,156 --> 00:39:28,836 Speaker 1: want to be happier, maybe even live longer, you need 628 00:39:28,876 --> 00:39:32,356 Speaker 1: to find better reference points. You need to look not 629 00:39:32,436 --> 00:39:36,916 Speaker 1: just for the silver lining, but the bronze lining. The 630 00:39:37,036 --> 00:39:40,076 Speaker 1: great thing about the human mind is we can do that. 631 00:39:40,916 --> 00:39:44,196 Speaker 1: We can simulate whatever new reference points we want. It 632 00:39:44,276 --> 00:39:46,956 Speaker 1: just takes some effort, and if you're ready to put 633 00:39:46,996 --> 00:39:49,796 Speaker 1: that work in, I hope you'll return for the next 634 00:39:49,836 --> 00:39:53,796 Speaker 1: episode of The Happiness Lab with me Doctor Laurie Santos. 635 00:40:06,956 --> 00:40:09,276 Speaker 1: If you enjoyed the show, I'd be super great full 636 00:40:09,276 --> 00:40:11,236 Speaker 1: if you could spread the word by leaving a rating 637 00:40:11,476 --> 00:40:14,636 Speaker 1: and a review. It really does help other listeners find us, 638 00:40:15,076 --> 00:40:18,076 Speaker 1: and don't forget to tell your friends. If you want 639 00:40:18,116 --> 00:40:20,036 Speaker 1: to learn more about the science you heard on the show, 640 00:40:20,316 --> 00:40:23,436 Speaker 1: then check out our website Happiness Lab dot fm. You 641 00:40:23,476 --> 00:40:26,196 Speaker 1: can also sign up for our newsletter to get exclusive content. 642 00:40:27,476 --> 00:40:30,356 Speaker 1: The Happiness Lab is co written and produced by Ryan Dilley. 643 00:40:30,676 --> 00:40:33,036 Speaker 1: The show is mixed and mastered by Evan Viola and 644 00:40:33,236 --> 00:40:37,116 Speaker 1: edited by Julia Barton, fact checking by Joseph Friedman, and 645 00:40:37,476 --> 00:40:41,556 Speaker 1: our original music was composed by Zachary Silver. Special thanks 646 00:40:41,716 --> 00:40:45,916 Speaker 1: to Mio La Belle, Carl mcgliorre, Heather Faine, Maggie Taylor, 647 00:40:46,356 --> 00:40:49,876 Speaker 1: Maya Kanig, and Jacob Weisberg. The Happiness Lab is brought 648 00:40:49,916 --> 00:40:53,196 Speaker 1: to you by Pushkin Industries and me Doctor Laurie Santos