Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. Sit is Friday, October the seventeenth, and
Speaker 1: a simple question for you? Do you think you've truly
Speaker 1: been in love? What is your answer to that question?
Speaker 1: Because j Lo's answer to that question created all kinds
Speaker 1: of headlines and now has sparked this conversation on this
Speaker 1: episode of Amy and TJ Robes. Can you end? Is
Speaker 1: that a simple question? Do you think you've truly been love?
Speaker 1: That's different saying have you ever been in love? That's different?
Speaker 1: That's a Is that a heavy question?
Speaker 2: I think it seems simple on its face, and yet
Speaker 2: once you've lived enough life and have had enough relationships,
Speaker 2: it actually becomes a complicated question. But I don't think
Speaker 2: that's a bad thing. I think it's actually really cool.
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, I'll ask you. You've seen more of the
Speaker 1: headlines and are they are they questioning and saying about
Speaker 1: j Lo? You know, what is the feedback or what
Speaker 1: is the reaction to her doing this? Howard Stern interview.
Speaker 1: He asked her that question and her response to it.
Speaker 1: What is the reaction to her response?
Speaker 2: I think people are just repeating what she said and
Speaker 2: wondering what it means, and I think people are taking
Speaker 2: it actually is very thought provoking because everyone internalizes that. Look,
Speaker 2: she did a whole movie while she was married to
Speaker 2: at the time what seemed like the love of her
Speaker 2: life Ben Affleck when she did a whole movie about love,
Speaker 2: and it points to the fact that you can think
Speaker 2: you're in love, and you can think you know what
Speaker 2: love is, and then when life happens, you actually recognize
Speaker 2: that you don't know what you don't know. And I
Speaker 2: just think that answering that question, you might have different
Speaker 2: answers to that question at different parts or phases or
Speaker 2: points in your life.
Speaker 1: Okay, see mine was it that? That's what you're saying
Speaker 1: makes sense, But that's oftentimes when somebody asks you if
Speaker 1: you have truly been in love? I was interested in
Speaker 1: this answer. If you think you have truly been in love?
Speaker 1: That was a different question. It made me been loved.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, that made me stop and think about this
Speaker 1: whole question in relationships differently. I can answer for me
Speaker 1: very easily, right, and most people listening, have you ever
Speaker 1: been in love? Boom boom boom boom boom, have you
Speaker 1: truly been loved? That's stop and think about that. And
Speaker 1: for a woman who's been through at least relationship wise.
Speaker 1: I mean, I see like I know more about her
Speaker 1: relationship history than I know about my own sometimes because
Speaker 1: her stuff has been out there so much. But I
Speaker 1: thought she did give an interesting answer to it. And
Speaker 1: I was surprised when you brought this to my attention,
Speaker 1: just how much has been talked about she did. How
Speaker 1: long was the interview with howidch S turned hour and
Speaker 1: a half.
Speaker 3: It was very in depth.
Speaker 2: It was one of the most, if not the most
Speaker 2: in depth interview I've ever seen her give.
Speaker 3: Annie. I've been lucky.
Speaker 2: Enough to interview her twice, and you know, you get
Speaker 2: like a fifteen minute time limit.
Speaker 3: I guess that you don't want to.
Speaker 2: Get too many people asking you too many questions unless
Speaker 2: you fully trust them. And so I think she really
Speaker 2: believes she's on a campaign here promoting her new movie,
Speaker 2: The Kiss of the Spider Woman, and she's getting rave reviews,
Speaker 2: and I think maybe she's feeling successful in this new
Speaker 2: movie and feeling good and proud of the work she's
Speaker 2: done since the divorce with Ben, that she finally sat
Speaker 2: down with someone in depth that she trusts or knows,
Speaker 2: Howard Stern, And she actually was very insightful in a
Speaker 2: way I have not and not performative and not prepared
Speaker 2: and not planned and canned and had these prepped responses.
Speaker 2: I felt like we were really hearing her bear her soul,
Speaker 2: which was really cool.
Speaker 1: And we heard from her on the question about true love. Now,
Speaker 1: this is a woman Rose, and I applaud I applaud
Speaker 1: anybody like her who has had her or him who's
Speaker 1: had right. Love keeps knocking you down and you get
Speaker 1: back up. Right. She's been knocked down four times, you
Speaker 1: could argue, now I would applaud her if she decided
Speaker 1: to get married at fifth time, to hear her keep
Speaker 1: going for it. And I've always applauded what does that mean?
Speaker 1: Someone have different opinions of it, but all she's been through,
Speaker 1: I would like to give her a credit for being
Speaker 1: a hopeless romantic. Is that too fantastical on my part?
Speaker 2: No? And I think that part of the I think
Speaker 2: the naysayers, the people who are looking at it with skepticism,
Speaker 2: are saying, Okay, she just doesn't know what love is.
Speaker 2: She wants the feeling of excitement and the thrill of
Speaker 2: new love, and that like romantic. Oh okay, that romantically
Speaker 2: to continue and when it dies, when it goes away,
Speaker 2: which it inevitably does.
Speaker 3: That's not what she is chasing.
Speaker 2: Isn't love, it's the feeling of being in love, of
Speaker 2: being infatuated. That actual love isn't glamorous or sexy or
Speaker 2: hot all the time. It's actually tough and hard, and
Speaker 2: it making the choices that you stick with someone, and
Speaker 2: you invest in someone, and you respect someone and all
Speaker 2: of that. So I'm not saying that she hasn't done
Speaker 2: all of those things. I'm just saying that's I think
Speaker 2: what the naysayers would say that anyone who's been married
Speaker 2: that many times.
Speaker 3: And look, we're knocking, we're right behind her.
Speaker 2: So I'm not throwing stones in any way, I understand,
Speaker 2: but I think we get it from a different perspective,
Speaker 2: and that you can have the best of intentions and
Speaker 2: you can actually believe that love is hard work, and
Speaker 2: that love is what comes after the infatuation. It's what
Speaker 2: comes after the commitment. But still, if you haven't found
Speaker 2: the right person, I applaud someone who says this isn't
Speaker 2: right for me. I thought it was in the moment,
Speaker 2: and I'm gonna keep looking for it.
Speaker 1: It doesn't a right person. That gets into the issue
Speaker 1: here with her is it's not a matter of who's
Speaker 1: the right person. Are you the right person for me?
Speaker 1: Or I'm not the right person for you? And that's
Speaker 1: too often what we look at in the conversation is
Speaker 1: that something's wrong with the people I am picking and
Speaker 1: nothing is wrong with me. She seems a little reflective, correct.
Speaker 2: And I think that is one of the beautiful things
Speaker 2: that comes from experience that you gain and wisdom that
Speaker 2: you gain from having had some relationships that didn't work
Speaker 2: out the way you wanted them to. And you and
Speaker 2: I can speak to this directly. I really do believe that.
Speaker 2: But so much of what she said actually truly resonated
Speaker 2: with me. When Howard Stern asked you still believe in
Speaker 2: true love? She said, yes, I agree. Do you still
Speaker 2: believe in true love?
Speaker 1: See that's what that true right? That word is key.
Speaker 1: Do you believe in love? Do you believe in true love?
Speaker 1: True love feels very princess bridish to me. True love
Speaker 1: puts you immediately into this fantastical world of what love
Speaker 1: is supposed to that we've been told from story books
Speaker 1: is supposed to look like. And I think true love
Speaker 1: is a is not. Yes, I believe in it, but
Speaker 1: nowhere close to the definitions of and given my whole life,
Speaker 1: my true love looks like sacrifice, My true life of
Speaker 1: looks like pain, it looks like h it looks like
Speaker 1: trial and error. Love is ugly and messy and hard
Speaker 1: as hell. And when you're still standing and you're still
Speaker 1: standing with that person, and you still like that person,
Speaker 1: I have experienced true love. Now that's just other people's definition.
Speaker 1: Now what he was meaning, I think he was meaning
Speaker 1: it in the way that most people.
Speaker 2: Do, don't they look Yeah, And he has a long marriage,
Speaker 2: so I mean he's experienced all of those ups and downs.
Speaker 2: And I love that he wished her that experience as well.
Speaker 2: And I think I think everyone looks at other people's
Speaker 2: relationship through the lens of.
Speaker 3: Their relationships and their experience.
Speaker 2: And having had several of them now and you as well,
Speaker 2: I can now say that each one has taught me
Speaker 2: so many things about myself, about what where I still
Speaker 2: needed to grow, and then also recognizing that it's important.
Speaker 3: And she talks.
Speaker 2: About this, to love yourself, to recognize what you need
Speaker 2: and a partner, And I think when I know, having
Speaker 2: rushed in early on and rushed in for lots of
Speaker 2: different reasons. Sometimes we don't consider what we need or
Speaker 2: what we actually want because we don't know ourselves, because
Speaker 2: we haven't taken the time to love and invest and reflect.
Speaker 2: And she is talking about doing all of these things now.
Speaker 2: And look, some people, my mom and dad have said this.
Speaker 2: They got lucky, right, They didn't know anything at eighteen,
Speaker 2: but they just so happened to And look, their marriage
Speaker 2: has been has had plenty of ups and downs. It
Speaker 2: hasn't No one has a marriage that's been easy or
Speaker 2: breezy or just full of rainbows and butterflies and unicorns.
Speaker 3: So yes, it's hard.
Speaker 2: But when you have the right person who you like
Speaker 2: and you respect, that is what Those are the tooth
Speaker 2: that I did not know to invest in that those
Speaker 2: were actually the cornerstones.
Speaker 3: The foundation. Attraction is important.
Speaker 2: Yes, only initially, only initially agreed, because.
Speaker 1: See, people who you are wildly attracted to get ugly
Speaker 1: after two weeks once you get to know them. Four weeks,
Speaker 1: hell yeah, after four years, and ugliest individual you've ever seen,
Speaker 1: you like.
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly, So I think, I mean, it's taken some.
Speaker 3: Time, but what I have learned is man.
Speaker 2: If you like that person and you respect that person,
Speaker 2: that is the foundation. And I do think you do
Speaker 2: need to be attracted to that person, of course, but
Speaker 2: more important because I think you can become attracted to
Speaker 2: somebody who you like and respect, yes, and you can
Speaker 2: be attracted to somebody you end up disliking and despising.
Speaker 2: So I think you know and the people are so duh.
Speaker 2: But okay, I learned it the hard way, and I
Speaker 2: see j Loo doing the same thing.
Speaker 1: Yes, but sometimes you do learn through trial and error.
Speaker 1: You have to let well, I say trial and er
Speaker 1: what was called experience And look, we make a lot
Speaker 1: of us. Make you do the best you can with
Speaker 1: the information you have, and maybe it works out, maybe
Speaker 1: it doesn't. Sometimes you hope for the best, and then
Speaker 1: other times you understand that hope shouldn't be a strategy
Speaker 1: after you learn a little more and go nope, I've
Speaker 1: seen this one before. I know not to do that.
Speaker 1: And that's what it is. It's just she's had to
Speaker 1: live it in such a public way. She continues to
Speaker 1: live in such a public way. And yes, people will
Speaker 1: bat their eyes or roll their eyes or whatever, but
Speaker 1: so many folks go through what she's going through in private.
Speaker 1: This is very difficult stuff to learn about yourself, to
Speaker 1: go through terrible relationships sometimes to make those mistakes, to
Speaker 1: see yourself. She has. Let's to your point. She made
Speaker 1: a movie about how in love. She was a documented
Speaker 1: two different movies essentially about a relationship that now she's
Speaker 1: divorced from that game that's awful and she's having to
Speaker 1: go through it and still sitting there saying hell, yeah,
Speaker 1: I believe in true love. I love that power to
Speaker 1: your system.
Speaker 2: So and I also think that you know, I think,
Speaker 2: and I love. I don't think she's ever said this,
Speaker 2: and you and I would neither. None of the relationships
Speaker 2: that got you to where you are today were mistakes
Speaker 2: because you learned who you were, what you didn't want,
Speaker 2: what you didn't like, and you took that with you
Speaker 2: and it helped you grow. And so they're not mistakes.
Speaker 2: They're just a part of the journey. And I think
Speaker 2: that's important.
Speaker 1: I mean a lot of mistakes in my journey. So
Speaker 1: I know what you're saying, but it's it's a lesson.
Speaker 1: As long as you don't do that thing again, you
Speaker 1: can correct, you can say it's not a mistake as
Speaker 1: long as you don't do it again. The things that
Speaker 1: got j Lo and we talked about the thing that's
Speaker 1: making the most headlines ropes is when she was on
Speaker 1: wasn't just about believing in love? I thought it was interesting.
Speaker 1: Do you think you've truly been loved? She immediate said no.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: She expounded on that, and we'll tell you the whole quote.
Speaker 1: Do you think you've truly been loved? She's a fifty
Speaker 1: three fifty four years five, a five year old woman
Speaker 1: who's been married four times, and the answer to the
Speaker 1: question do you think you've truly been loved? Is no.
Speaker 1: Now I think a lot. That might be surprising or
Speaker 1: shocking initially, but after I take a beat, certainly after
Speaker 1: I hear the rest of her answer, I go wow.
Speaker 1: I could see why she'd say.
Speaker 3: That, babe.
Speaker 2: It resonated with me immediately. And she's fifty six, by
Speaker 2: the way, I just looked it up. I mean, she
Speaker 2: looks like she's thirty six, so it's hard to know
Speaker 2: how old she is. The woman is spectacular physically, she's gorgeous.
Speaker 2: And do you think you've truly been loved? Her answer
Speaker 2: was no. I actually felt emotional when I heard this.
Speaker 3: Because I get it.
Speaker 2: I think, especially when you're someone like j Lo and
Speaker 2: you look the way you look and you've had the
Speaker 2: success you've had, I have said this. I'm not comparing
Speaker 2: myself in any way to her, but I think I
Speaker 2: have said the same sentiment, where you feel like someone
Speaker 2: has been in love with the idea of you, but
Speaker 2: that when they actually meet all of you, the messy
Speaker 2: parts of you, the ugly parts of you, the not
Speaker 2: so likable parts of you, when you don't feel like
Speaker 2: you've had that person, you haven't been truly loved. Because
Speaker 2: we're all not the best version of ourselves. We are messy,
Speaker 2: we're a work in progress, and sometimes we're hard to love.
Speaker 2: And I thought that was a really honest, scary answer
Speaker 2: to give that really resonates with a lot of people.
Speaker 1: You know. I'm looking her quote here and what she's
Speaker 1: saying she wasn't love. She was talking about them not
Speaker 1: being capable. That was, and I'm trying to put that
Speaker 1: with your point, But she went farther in her answer
Speaker 1: and that she spoke of them not being capable of
Speaker 1: loving her. But then she took some responsibility for not
Speaker 1: loving herself and not knowing who she was, how do
Speaker 1: you balance that? How are you supposed to make sense of,
Speaker 1: like to you what you just said when people have
Speaker 1: to love all of you and not in some of
Speaker 1: the parts that aren't so good. But then there's also
Speaker 1: a responsibility that she seems to take, and some people,
Speaker 1: through their own work, understand that some of the stuff
Speaker 1: they're giving off. How would you expect somebody to love that?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: People say this is just who I am. You gotta
Speaker 1: love who I am. It drives me crazy to hear that,
Speaker 1: because that's a suggestion that there's nothing about you could
Speaker 1: make you a better mate, Like there's nothing you should
Speaker 1: change about yourself or consider even about yourself that would
Speaker 1: make you a better partner in a relationship that gets problematic.
Speaker 3: That's a red flag for me.
Speaker 2: If someone says this is just who I am, that
Speaker 2: is implying or actually directly stating I am who I
Speaker 2: am and I'm not going to change. And I think
Speaker 2: part of what I have learned through life is that
Speaker 2: we have to change, or we need to change. We
Speaker 2: need to evolve. That's why we're here to grow, and
Speaker 2: we grow when we learn. We grow when we're in pain,
Speaker 2: we grow when things are uncomfortable, and it's on each
Speaker 2: one of us as individuals to be introspective and to
Speaker 2: figure it out. What I took away from Jalo, which
Speaker 2: I appreciated. So her quote that's making a bunch of
Speaker 2: headlines is what I learned. It's not that I'm not lovable,
Speaker 2: it's that they're not capable. They don't have it in them.
Speaker 2: They gave me what they had. They gave me all
Speaker 2: of it every time, all the rings, all the things
Speaker 2: I could ever want. The house is the rings, the marriage,
Speaker 2: all of that. The point being is she's recognizing, and
Speaker 2: she talked about all the work she's done that we
Speaker 2: all have an individual responsibility to love ourselves, which gives
Speaker 2: us the capability of loving other people because we understand
Speaker 2: our own flaws, our own weaknesses, and when we see
Speaker 2: it in other people reflected, we can show compassion and empathy.
Speaker 2: And we can on each one of us to give
Speaker 2: ourselves that compassion. We can't expect it from our partner,
Speaker 2: and I think a lot of expectations are placed on
Speaker 2: our significant other. You need to love me no matter what. No,
Speaker 2: we need to love ourselves no matter what. But to
Speaker 2: accept the fact that we're tough sometimes to love in
Speaker 2: moments and you give each other grace. But that only
Speaker 2: when both partners are in that space. It works when
Speaker 2: one is and the other isn't. It doesn't period.
Speaker 1: It's hard. I was very surprised to hear it's certainly possible,
Speaker 1: because I was late thirties, early forties before I figured
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of stuff out about myself and what
Speaker 1: I need to do differently. But she's been through this much.
Speaker 1: To hear her, like you said, it's fifty six, you
Speaker 1: just said to have the now four marriages under her belt,
Speaker 1: I mean how many there were a couple engagements as well.
Speaker 1: I mean she was engaged to a Rod I think
Speaker 1: for a little.
Speaker 2: Bit as for a while she was engaged and Ben
Speaker 2: she was engaged too before or you know, however many
Speaker 2: twenty years ago.
Speaker 1: I forgot about that one. Actually, to hear her at
Speaker 1: fifty six, I think was surprising but also encouraging for
Speaker 1: her to say, yeah, at this age and all this
Speaker 1: life I've lived, I just recognized there was more to
Speaker 1: be done and for me to actually figure out. I
Speaker 1: applaud that you also look at where along the way
Speaker 1: were those lessons missed and the just sometimes it happens,
Speaker 1: it happens later, and that is okay. But that was
Speaker 1: a part I certainly sat up on and related to
Speaker 1: and applauded that. I mean, you can't think old dog
Speaker 1: nu tricks. I'm saying she's old. I'm what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: she's well set in her ways at fifty plus. To
Speaker 1: hear her say, yeah, there's some work to be done,
Speaker 1: says she threw everything at it, therapists and men of
Speaker 1: the enclergymen and all the stuff to figure out what
Speaker 1: is going on.
Speaker 2: I think she said she had an individual therapist, a
Speaker 2: couple's therapists, a spiritual advisor, a health coach, like I mean,
Speaker 2: and I get that, like trying to seek the answers,
Speaker 2: but they're they're all within.
Speaker 1: But it was another quote that she gave folks in
Speaker 1: which she said it was the best thing in her
Speaker 1: life that has ever and could have happened to her.
Speaker 1: Would you believe what it is? You might have guessed already.
Speaker 2: Stay here, continuing now on our conversation about j Lowe
Speaker 2: opening up to Howard Stern in a real and I
Speaker 2: really think vulnerable and inspirational way. It certainly spoke to
Speaker 2: me and I think it probably spoke to a lot
Speaker 2: of folks. Yes, there are the headlines and the clickbait
Speaker 2: about it seemed as though she was saying that her
Speaker 2: husbands didn't know or weren't capable of loving her.
Speaker 3: It's so much deeper than that.
Speaker 2: You know. We see the headlines and we think, oh, wow,
Speaker 2: she's blaming them.
Speaker 3: No she's not.
Speaker 2: She took total responsibility in her role in all of
Speaker 2: these relationships, and I just thought it was so interesting
Speaker 2: for anybody who is in between relationships, coming out of one,
Speaker 2: going into one. There are lessons to be learned from
Speaker 2: anyone who has walked life in the way she has
Speaker 2: in a public way, but is willing to be introspective
Speaker 2: and willing to take a look at her role and everything.
Speaker 2: And when she said, because we were so personally devastated, teaj,
Speaker 2: you made no bones about this. When she and Ben
Speaker 2: got divorced, we just kept hoping that it was temporary,
Speaker 2: that maybe they just had a falling out and they
Speaker 2: were going to come back together, because it just seemed
Speaker 2: like such an incredible love story twenty years in the making.
Speaker 2: But she said, when I got divorced this last time,
Speaker 2: it was the best thing to ever happen to me.
Speaker 2: Most people would think it's the opposite. But because she
Speaker 2: was at her lowest, and again the movies that were out,
Speaker 2: the pressure of them to finally live out their fairy
Speaker 2: tale dreams is overwhelming.
Speaker 3: It seemed devastating.
Speaker 2: But she said because of that, it made she said,
Speaker 2: it really made me journey into and this is what
Speaker 2: she said. I had a religious coach, a therapist, a
Speaker 2: couple's therapist, an individual therapist.
Speaker 3: I had a coach to understand addiction.
Speaker 2: I had everything, and I was like, I'm going to
Speaker 2: figure this shit out if it kills me. When you
Speaker 2: hit rock bottom, you are forced to look inward.
Speaker 3: Period.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's where maybe this was the empathus that finally
Speaker 1: got her to do that work she's talking about. And
Speaker 1: she sounded as passionate and sincere and comfortable and all
Speaker 1: she's talking about. Look, and we know she's a good
Speaker 1: she's good with press. She's had everything thrown at her,
Speaker 1: she knows all the tricks. But she looked different and
Speaker 1: sounded different with Howard Starn that she would have on
Speaker 1: a broadcast news morning show. She was different. I won't
Speaker 1: say she's completely off guard, but this was an in
Speaker 1: depth interview. I learned a little bit. I don't know
Speaker 1: how much about her, but I certainly learned about where
Speaker 1: she is now, and then a lot of it can
Speaker 1: relate to. But I'm hopeful for and room for for
Speaker 1: the next thing and whoever she ends up dating.
Speaker 2: Next, I do too, And I do think that when
Speaker 2: you go through shit in life, you either are buried
Speaker 2: by it or you rise up a better version of yourself.
Speaker 2: And it does seem like she is in the ladder
Speaker 2: of the two, and I appreciated when she talked about
Speaker 2: the former relationship she was in. She said, I think
Speaker 2: they all saw and wanted to see me, and they
Speaker 2: got that glimpse and then their own version of that
Speaker 2: for them is what God in the way. I think
Speaker 2: we do have expectations that we place on the people
Speaker 2: we're with, and especially if you're someone like j Lo,
Speaker 2: where you think you have, wow, I'm dating this person
Speaker 2: or I'm married to this person who is X, and
Speaker 2: you let that be the expectation. And if it doesn't
Speaker 2: rise up to that, or if something departs from what
Speaker 2: you think it should be out, or you're offended or
Speaker 2: you're upset. And I really get that. I understand what
Speaker 2: she's saying. That we all place expectations of what we
Speaker 2: think another person should be like, and if they don't
Speaker 2: meet them, we're angry, we're upset, and it causes friction
Speaker 2: and problems. And the point is if you can actually
Speaker 2: be in tune with yourself and recognize why you feel
Speaker 2: upset or why you're upset what someone else said, it's
Speaker 2: all about at the end of the day, it's about
Speaker 2: how you feel about yourself and it's projected onto other people.
Speaker 1: Well, look, JL, maybe she got to figure it out
Speaker 1: better late than other never and do you think so?
Speaker 1: Just to but it's just an interesting question then, I
Speaker 1: guess if all of you ask yourselves that question, I'm
Speaker 1: curious how you would answer it. Do you think you've
Speaker 1: truly been loved? And with that, folks, always appreciate you
Speaker 1: hanging with us for a little bit on this Friday
Speaker 1: going into the weekend. I hope this question didn't start
Speaker 1: fights in the house for the weekend, but I always
Speaker 1: appreciate you hanging with aus. I'm TJ home to behalf
Speaker 1: of my partner Amy Roback will talk to us soon.