WEBVTT - “Do You Think You’ve Truly Been Loved?” 0:00:02.200 --> 0:00:06.040 Hey there, folks. Sit is Friday, October the seventeenth, and 0:00:06.200 --> 0:00:11.320 a simple question for you? Do you think you've truly 0:00:11.760 --> 0:00:15.680 been in love? What is your answer to that question? 0:00:15.720 --> 0:00:20.799 Because j Lo's answer to that question created all kinds 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:25.079 of headlines and now has sparked this conversation on this 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:28.320 episode of Amy and TJ Robes. Can you end? Is 0:00:28.360 --> 0:00:32.600 that a simple question? Do you think you've truly been love? 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:35.839 That's different saying have you ever been in love? That's different? 0:00:36.200 --> 0:00:37.960 That's a Is that a heavy question? 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:42.280 I think it seems simple on its face, and yet 0:00:42.320 --> 0:00:47.840 once you've lived enough life and have had enough relationships, 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:52.239 it actually becomes a complicated question. But I don't think 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:55.760 that's a bad thing. I think it's actually really cool. 0:00:55.480 --> 0:00:57.680 Yes, okay, I'll ask you. You've seen more of the 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:00.400 headlines and are they are they questioning and saying about 0:01:00.440 --> 0:01:03.120 j Lo? You know, what is the feedback or what 0:01:03.200 --> 0:01:05.760 is the reaction to her doing this? Howard Stern interview. 0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:08.160 He asked her that question and her response to it. 0:01:08.240 --> 0:01:09.920 What is the reaction to her response? 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:13.480 I think people are just repeating what she said and 0:01:13.680 --> 0:01:16.679 wondering what it means, and I think people are taking 0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:20.520 it actually is very thought provoking because everyone internalizes that. Look, 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:24.319 she did a whole movie while she was married to 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:26.679 at the time what seemed like the love of her 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:29.520 life Ben Affleck when she did a whole movie about love, 0:01:30.600 --> 0:01:33.960 and it points to the fact that you can think 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:35.720 you're in love, and you can think you know what 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:41.560 love is, and then when life happens, you actually recognize 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:44.760 that you don't know what you don't know. And I 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:48.680 just think that answering that question, you might have different 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:52.520 answers to that question at different parts or phases or 0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:53.400 points in your life. 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:56.280 Okay, see mine was it that? That's what you're saying 0:01:56.320 --> 0:01:59.640 makes sense, But that's oftentimes when somebody asks you if 0:01:59.840 --> 0:02:04.480 you have truly been in love? I was interested in 0:02:04.560 --> 0:02:08.840 this answer. If you think you have truly been in love? 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:11.240 That was a different question. It made me been loved. 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:14.680 Excuse me, that made me stop and think about this 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:17.960 whole question in relationships differently. I can answer for me 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:21.600 very easily, right, and most people listening, have you ever 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:24.320 been in love? Boom boom boom boom boom, have you 0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:28.120 truly been loved? That's stop and think about that. And 0:02:29.120 --> 0:02:31.840 for a woman who's been through at least relationship wise. 0:02:32.680 --> 0:02:34.440 I mean, I see like I know more about her 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:37.200 relationship history than I know about my own sometimes because 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:39.400 her stuff has been out there so much. But I 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:41.400 thought she did give an interesting answer to it. And 0:02:41.440 --> 0:02:43.320 I was surprised when you brought this to my attention, 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:45.360 just how much has been talked about she did. How 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:46.840 long was the interview with howidch S turned hour and 0:02:46.880 --> 0:02:47.200 a half. 0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:49.000 It was very in depth. 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:51.360 It was one of the most, if not the most 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:53.520 in depth interview I've ever seen her give. 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:56.160 Annie. I've been lucky. 0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:58.200 Enough to interview her twice, and you know, you get 0:02:58.200 --> 0:02:59.680 like a fifteen minute time limit. 0:02:59.720 --> 0:03:01.440 I guess that you don't want to. 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:05.280 Get too many people asking you too many questions unless 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:07.080 you fully trust them. And so I think she really 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:10.600 believes she's on a campaign here promoting her new movie, 0:03:10.639 --> 0:03:13.120 The Kiss of the Spider Woman, and she's getting rave reviews, 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:18.400 and I think maybe she's feeling successful in this new 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:20.600 movie and feeling good and proud of the work she's 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:23.640 done since the divorce with Ben, that she finally sat 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:26.760 down with someone in depth that she trusts or knows, 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:30.320 Howard Stern, And she actually was very insightful in a 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:32.840 way I have not and not performative and not prepared 0:03:32.840 --> 0:03:36.040 and not planned and canned and had these prepped responses. 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:39.240 I felt like we were really hearing her bear her soul, 0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:40.640 which was really cool. 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:46.720 And we heard from her on the question about true love. Now, 0:03:46.760 --> 0:03:49.720 this is a woman Rose, and I applaud I applaud 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:53.920 anybody like her who has had her or him who's 0:03:54.000 --> 0:03:56.839 had right. Love keeps knocking you down and you get 0:03:56.840 --> 0:03:58.960 back up. Right. She's been knocked down four times, you 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:01.400 could argue, now I would applaud her if she decided 0:04:01.400 --> 0:04:04.400 to get married at fifth time, to hear her keep 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:08.560 going for it. And I've always applauded what does that mean? 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:11.600 Someone have different opinions of it, but all she's been through, 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:16.839 I would like to give her a credit for being 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:21.160 a hopeless romantic. Is that too fantastical on my part? 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:23.320 No? And I think that part of the I think 0:04:23.360 --> 0:04:27.120 the naysayers, the people who are looking at it with skepticism, 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:30.880 are saying, Okay, she just doesn't know what love is. 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:35.800 She wants the feeling of excitement and the thrill of 0:04:35.920 --> 0:04:40.040 new love, and that like romantic. Oh okay, that romantically 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:42.599 to continue and when it dies, when it goes away, 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:44.400 which it inevitably does. 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:46.680 That's not what she is chasing. 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:49.240 Isn't love, it's the feeling of being in love, of 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:55.320 being infatuated. That actual love isn't glamorous or sexy or 0:04:55.920 --> 0:04:59.800 hot all the time. It's actually tough and hard, and 0:04:59.839 --> 0:05:03.560 it making the choices that you stick with someone, and 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:06.200 you invest in someone, and you respect someone and all 0:05:06.240 --> 0:05:08.440 of that. So I'm not saying that she hasn't done 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:10.040 all of those things. I'm just saying that's I think 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:12.680 what the naysayers would say that anyone who's been married 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:13.200 that many times. 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:16.599 And look, we're knocking, we're right behind her. 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:19.800 So I'm not throwing stones in any way, I understand, 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:21.880 but I think we get it from a different perspective, 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:23.919 and that you can have the best of intentions and 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:26.120 you can actually believe that love is hard work, and 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:29.919 that love is what comes after the infatuation. It's what 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:33.640 comes after the commitment. But still, if you haven't found 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:37.720 the right person, I applaud someone who says this isn't 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:39.599 right for me. I thought it was in the moment, 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:41.680 and I'm gonna keep looking for it. 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:44.320 It doesn't a right person. That gets into the issue 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:46.799 here with her is it's not a matter of who's 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:48.719 the right person. Are you the right person for me? 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:50.640 Or I'm not the right person for you? And that's 0:05:50.640 --> 0:05:53.120 too often what we look at in the conversation is 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:56.240 that something's wrong with the people I am picking and 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:59.880 nothing is wrong with me. She seems a little reflective, correct. 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:01.760 And I think that is one of the beautiful things 0:06:01.800 --> 0:06:06.080 that comes from experience that you gain and wisdom that 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:10.640 you gain from having had some relationships that didn't work 0:06:10.640 --> 0:06:12.400 out the way you wanted them to. And you and 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:15.080 I can speak to this directly. I really do believe that. 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:18.480 But so much of what she said actually truly resonated 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:21.000 with me. When Howard Stern asked you still believe in 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:24.120 true love? She said, yes, I agree. Do you still 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:24.920 believe in true love? 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:29.000 See that's what that true right? That word is key. 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:31.960 Do you believe in love? Do you believe in true love? 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:36.839 True love feels very princess bridish to me. True love 0:06:37.160 --> 0:06:41.839 puts you immediately into this fantastical world of what love 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:46.159 is supposed to that we've been told from story books 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:49.880 is supposed to look like. And I think true love 0:06:50.080 --> 0:06:54.000 is a is not. Yes, I believe in it, but 0:06:54.400 --> 0:06:57.039 nowhere close to the definitions of and given my whole life, 0:06:57.720 --> 0:07:00.240 my true love looks like sacrifice, My true life of 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:07.919 looks like pain, it looks like h it looks like 0:07:08.120 --> 0:07:13.640 trial and error. Love is ugly and messy and hard 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:17.000 as hell. And when you're still standing and you're still 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:20.720 standing with that person, and you still like that person, 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:27.680 I have experienced true love. Now that's just other people's definition. 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:29.720 Now what he was meaning, I think he was meaning 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:31.280 it in the way that most people. 0:07:31.040 --> 0:07:35.080 Do, don't they look Yeah, And he has a long marriage, 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:38.120 so I mean he's experienced all of those ups and downs. 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:42.160 And I love that he wished her that experience as well. 0:07:42.200 --> 0:07:46.600 And I think I think everyone looks at other people's 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:48.160 relationship through the lens of. 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:50.480 Their relationships and their experience. 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:54.440 And having had several of them now and you as well, 0:07:54.920 --> 0:07:57.120 I can now say that each one has taught me 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:02.679 so many things about myself, about what where I still 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:09.600 needed to grow, and then also recognizing that it's important. 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:10.800 And she talks. 0:08:10.480 --> 0:08:13.080 About this, to love yourself, to recognize what you need 0:08:13.120 --> 0:08:16.120 and a partner, And I think when I know, having 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:18.480 rushed in early on and rushed in for lots of 0:08:18.480 --> 0:08:23.480 different reasons. Sometimes we don't consider what we need or 0:08:23.480 --> 0:08:26.840 what we actually want because we don't know ourselves, because 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:29.600 we haven't taken the time to love and invest and reflect. 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:33.120 And she is talking about doing all of these things now. 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:35.360 And look, some people, my mom and dad have said this. 0:08:35.440 --> 0:08:38.760 They got lucky, right, They didn't know anything at eighteen, 0:08:39.120 --> 0:08:41.720 but they just so happened to And look, their marriage 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:45.320 has been has had plenty of ups and downs. It 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:48.240 hasn't No one has a marriage that's been easy or 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:52.760 breezy or just full of rainbows and butterflies and unicorns. 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:53.880 So yes, it's hard. 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:56.960 But when you have the right person who you like 0:08:57.120 --> 0:08:59.920 and you respect, that is what Those are the tooth 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:03.480 that I did not know to invest in that those 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:04.880 were actually the cornerstones. 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:07.840 The foundation. Attraction is important. 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:12.440 Yes, only initially, only initially agreed, because. 0:09:12.200 --> 0:09:15.200 See, people who you are wildly attracted to get ugly 0:09:15.240 --> 0:09:18.400 after two weeks once you get to know them. Four weeks, 0:09:18.440 --> 0:09:21.760 hell yeah, after four years, and ugliest individual you've ever seen, 0:09:21.800 --> 0:09:22.000 you like. 0:09:22.200 --> 0:09:26.000 Exactly exactly, So I think, I mean, it's taken some. 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:29.720 Time, but what I have learned is man. 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:33.000 If you like that person and you respect that person, 0:09:34.120 --> 0:09:36.080 that is the foundation. And I do think you do 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:39.480 need to be attracted to that person, of course, but 0:09:40.080 --> 0:09:43.000 more important because I think you can become attracted to 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:45.560 somebody who you like and respect, yes, and you can 0:09:45.600 --> 0:09:48.560 be attracted to somebody you end up disliking and despising. 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:52.040 So I think you know and the people are so duh. 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:54.520 But okay, I learned it the hard way, and I 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:56.080 see j Loo doing the same thing. 0:09:56.520 --> 0:09:59.760 Yes, but sometimes you do learn through trial and error. 0:10:00.480 --> 0:10:02.319 You have to let well, I say trial and er 0:10:02.440 --> 0:10:05.719 what was called experience And look, we make a lot 0:10:05.760 --> 0:10:08.599 of us. Make you do the best you can with 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:11.640 the information you have, and maybe it works out, maybe 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:16.000 it doesn't. Sometimes you hope for the best, and then 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:19.000 other times you understand that hope shouldn't be a strategy 0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:21.120 after you learn a little more and go nope, I've 0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:23.480 seen this one before. I know not to do that. 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:25.319 And that's what it is. It's just she's had to 0:10:25.360 --> 0:10:27.120 live it in such a public way. She continues to 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:29.560 live in such a public way. And yes, people will 0:10:29.600 --> 0:10:32.840 bat their eyes or roll their eyes or whatever, but 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:37.560 so many folks go through what she's going through in private. 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:41.880 This is very difficult stuff to learn about yourself, to 0:10:41.880 --> 0:10:46.440 go through terrible relationships sometimes to make those mistakes, to 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:49.120 see yourself. She has. Let's to your point. She made 0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:52.240 a movie about how in love. She was a documented 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:55.720 two different movies essentially about a relationship that now she's 0:10:55.760 --> 0:10:59.080 divorced from that game that's awful and she's having to 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:01.160 go through it and still sitting there saying hell, yeah, 0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:03.160 I believe in true love. I love that power to 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:03.640 your system. 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:06.640 So and I also think that you know, I think, 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:08.440 and I love. I don't think she's ever said this, 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:12.000 and you and I would neither. None of the relationships 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:15.480 that got you to where you are today were mistakes 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:19.600 because you learned who you were, what you didn't want, 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:22.920 what you didn't like, and you took that with you 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:27.280 and it helped you grow. And so they're not mistakes. 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:30.319 They're just a part of the journey. And I think 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:31.040 that's important. 0:11:31.160 --> 0:11:33.480 I mean a lot of mistakes in my journey. So 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:37.160 I know what you're saying, but it's it's a lesson. 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:39.040 As long as you don't do that thing again, you 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:41.679 can correct, you can say it's not a mistake as 0:11:41.679 --> 0:11:43.599 long as you don't do it again. The things that 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:47.480 got j Lo and we talked about the thing that's 0:11:47.559 --> 0:11:50.920 making the most headlines ropes is when she was on 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:55.040 wasn't just about believing in love? I thought it was interesting. 0:11:55.240 --> 0:12:00.959 Do you think you've truly been loved? She immediate said no. 0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:01.040 No. 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:04.400 She expounded on that, and we'll tell you the whole quote. 0:12:04.920 --> 0:12:08.120 Do you think you've truly been loved? She's a fifty 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:10.679 three fifty four years five, a five year old woman 0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:14.120 who's been married four times, and the answer to the 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:18.800 question do you think you've truly been loved? Is no. 0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:22.800 Now I think a lot. That might be surprising or 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:28.200 shocking initially, but after I take a beat, certainly after 0:12:28.200 --> 0:12:29.720 I hear the rest of her answer, I go wow. 0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:31.720 I could see why she'd say. 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:32.120 That, babe. 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:34.960 It resonated with me immediately. And she's fifty six, by 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:36.160 the way, I just looked it up. I mean, she 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:39.000 looks like she's thirty six, so it's hard to know 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:44.720 how old she is. The woman is spectacular physically, she's gorgeous. 0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:48.440 And do you think you've truly been loved? Her answer 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:52.240 was no. I actually felt emotional when I heard this. 0:12:52.400 --> 0:12:53.400 Because I get it. 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:56.560 I think, especially when you're someone like j Lo and 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:58.680 you look the way you look and you've had the 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:02.560 success you've had, I have said this. I'm not comparing 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:04.120 myself in any way to her, but I think I 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:07.080 have said the same sentiment, where you feel like someone 0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:10.800 has been in love with the idea of you, but 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:13.720 that when they actually meet all of you, the messy 0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:17.120 parts of you, the ugly parts of you, the not 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:21.960 so likable parts of you, when you don't feel like 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:25.840 you've had that person, you haven't been truly loved. Because 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:29.200 we're all not the best version of ourselves. We are messy, 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:32.920 we're a work in progress, and sometimes we're hard to love. 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:38.040 And I thought that was a really honest, scary answer 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:40.520 to give that really resonates with a lot of people. 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:48.400 You know. I'm looking her quote here and what she's 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:50.880 saying she wasn't love. She was talking about them not 0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:56.400 being capable. That was, and I'm trying to put that 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:59.000 with your point, But she went farther in her answer 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:04.200 and that she spoke of them not being capable of 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:07.160 loving her. But then she took some responsibility for not 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:09.640 loving herself and not knowing who she was, how do 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:13.200 you balance that? How are you supposed to make sense of, 0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:16.960 like to you what you just said when people have 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:18.520 to love all of you and not in some of 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:21.440 the parts that aren't so good. But then there's also 0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:24.240 a responsibility that she seems to take, and some people, 0:14:24.280 --> 0:14:27.800 through their own work, understand that some of the stuff 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:32.800 they're giving off. How would you expect somebody to love that? 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:33.160 Right? 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:35.760 People say this is just who I am. You gotta 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:38.720 love who I am. It drives me crazy to hear that, 0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:41.800 because that's a suggestion that there's nothing about you could 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:44.040 make you a better mate, Like there's nothing you should 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:47.560 change about yourself or consider even about yourself that would 0:14:47.600 --> 0:14:50.520 make you a better partner in a relationship that gets problematic. 0:14:50.520 --> 0:14:51.480 That's a red flag for me. 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:55.080 If someone says this is just who I am, that 0:14:55.480 --> 0:14:59.280 is implying or actually directly stating I am who I 0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:01.720 am and I'm not going to change. And I think 0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:06.720 part of what I have learned through life is that 0:15:07.160 --> 0:15:10.480 we have to change, or we need to change. We 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:12.640 need to evolve. That's why we're here to grow, and 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:15.040 we grow when we learn. We grow when we're in pain, 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:18.240 we grow when things are uncomfortable, and it's on each 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:20.440 one of us as individuals to be introspective and to 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:22.480 figure it out. What I took away from Jalo, which 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.960 I appreciated. So her quote that's making a bunch of 0:15:25.000 --> 0:15:28.520 headlines is what I learned. It's not that I'm not lovable, 0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:31.960 it's that they're not capable. They don't have it in them. 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:34.160 They gave me what they had. They gave me all 0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:36.280 of it every time, all the rings, all the things 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:38.720 I could ever want. The house is the rings, the marriage, 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:42.160 all of that. The point being is she's recognizing, and 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:44.200 she talked about all the work she's done that we 0:15:44.400 --> 0:15:48.200 all have an individual responsibility to love ourselves, which gives 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:53.400 us the capability of loving other people because we understand 0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:56.240 our own flaws, our own weaknesses, and when we see 0:15:56.240 --> 0:15:59.160 it in other people reflected, we can show compassion and empathy. 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:02.200 And we can on each one of us to give 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:04.720 ourselves that compassion. We can't expect it from our partner, 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:06.800 and I think a lot of expectations are placed on 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:10.400 our significant other. You need to love me no matter what. No, 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:13.440 we need to love ourselves no matter what. But to 0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:17.440 accept the fact that we're tough sometimes to love in 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:20.360 moments and you give each other grace. But that only 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:22.920 when both partners are in that space. It works when 0:16:22.920 --> 0:16:25.320 one is and the other isn't. It doesn't period. 0:16:25.520 --> 0:16:28.480 It's hard. I was very surprised to hear it's certainly possible, 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:32.000 because I was late thirties, early forties before I figured 0:16:32.000 --> 0:16:34.560 a whole bunch of stuff out about myself and what 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:37.680 I need to do differently. But she's been through this much. 0:16:38.120 --> 0:16:39.880 To hear her, like you said, it's fifty six, you 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:44.440 just said to have the now four marriages under her belt, 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:47.360 I mean how many there were a couple engagements as well. 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:49.800 I mean she was engaged to a Rod I think 0:16:49.840 --> 0:16:50.400 for a little. 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:53.000 Bit as for a while she was engaged and Ben 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:55.720 she was engaged too before or you know, however many 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:56.400 twenty years ago. 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:59.880 I forgot about that one. Actually, to hear her at 0:16:59.880 --> 0:17:04.960 fifty six, I think was surprising but also encouraging for 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:07.800 her to say, yeah, at this age and all this 0:17:07.880 --> 0:17:11.359 life I've lived, I just recognized there was more to 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:14.800 be done and for me to actually figure out. I 0:17:14.840 --> 0:17:18.400 applaud that you also look at where along the way 0:17:19.320 --> 0:17:22.280 were those lessons missed and the just sometimes it happens, 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:24.560 it happens later, and that is okay. But that was 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:29.000 a part I certainly sat up on and related to 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:32.360 and applauded that. I mean, you can't think old dog 0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:34.440 nu tricks. I'm saying she's old. I'm what I'm saying, 0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:37.919 she's well set in her ways at fifty plus. To 0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:39.680 hear her say, yeah, there's some work to be done, 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:43.480 says she threw everything at it, therapists and men of 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:47.040 the enclergymen and all the stuff to figure out what 0:17:47.160 --> 0:17:47.760 is going on. 0:17:48.440 --> 0:17:50.960 I think she said she had an individual therapist, a 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:54.480 couple's therapists, a spiritual advisor, a health coach, like I mean, 0:17:54.520 --> 0:17:56.520 and I get that, like trying to seek the answers, 0:17:56.520 --> 0:17:57.800 but they're they're all within. 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:04.359 But it was another quote that she gave folks in 0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:08.360 which she said it was the best thing in her 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:12.600 life that has ever and could have happened to her. 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:16.439 Would you believe what it is? You might have guessed already. 0:18:16.440 --> 0:18:29.959 Stay here, continuing now on our conversation about j Lowe 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:34.840 opening up to Howard Stern in a real and I 0:18:35.000 --> 0:18:39.159 really think vulnerable and inspirational way. It certainly spoke to 0:18:39.200 --> 0:18:40.639 me and I think it probably spoke to a lot 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:42.760 of folks. Yes, there are the headlines and the clickbait 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:46.200 about it seemed as though she was saying that her 0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:50.480 husbands didn't know or weren't capable of loving her. 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:52.439 It's so much deeper than that. 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:54.880 You know. We see the headlines and we think, oh, wow, 0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:55.840 she's blaming them. 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:56.399 No she's not. 0:18:56.560 --> 0:19:00.320 She took total responsibility in her role in all of 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:02.760 these relationships, and I just thought it was so interesting 0:19:02.800 --> 0:19:06.600 for anybody who is in between relationships, coming out of one, 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:09.200 going into one. There are lessons to be learned from 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:12.040 anyone who has walked life in the way she has 0:19:12.080 --> 0:19:14.880 in a public way, but is willing to be introspective 0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:18.200 and willing to take a look at her role and everything. 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:21.840 And when she said, because we were so personally devastated, teaj, 0:19:21.960 --> 0:19:24.639 you made no bones about this. When she and Ben 0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:29.240 got divorced, we just kept hoping that it was temporary, 0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:32.119 that maybe they just had a falling out and they 0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:34.000 were going to come back together, because it just seemed 0:19:34.040 --> 0:19:36.719 like such an incredible love story twenty years in the making. 0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:41.679 But she said, when I got divorced this last time, 0:19:42.240 --> 0:19:46.280 it was the best thing to ever happen to me. 0:19:48.000 --> 0:19:51.439 Most people would think it's the opposite. But because she 0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:54.240 was at her lowest, and again the movies that were out, 0:19:54.600 --> 0:19:57.960 the pressure of them to finally live out their fairy 0:19:58.000 --> 0:19:59.840 tale dreams is overwhelming. 0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:02.480 It seemed devastating. 0:20:02.840 --> 0:20:05.040 But she said because of that, it made she said, 0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:07.720 it really made me journey into and this is what 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:10.600 she said. I had a religious coach, a therapist, a 0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:13.040 couple's therapist, an individual therapist. 0:20:13.080 --> 0:20:14.720 I had a coach to understand addiction. 0:20:14.880 --> 0:20:16.879 I had everything, and I was like, I'm going to 0:20:16.960 --> 0:20:19.479 figure this shit out if it kills me. When you 0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:22.800 hit rock bottom, you are forced to look inward. 0:20:23.119 --> 0:20:23.560 Period. 0:20:24.600 --> 0:20:27.639 Maybe that's where maybe this was the empathus that finally 0:20:27.640 --> 0:20:30.120 got her to do that work she's talking about. And 0:20:30.280 --> 0:20:33.960 she sounded as passionate and sincere and comfortable and all 0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:35.760 she's talking about. Look, and we know she's a good 0:20:36.520 --> 0:20:40.439 she's good with press. She's had everything thrown at her, 0:20:40.480 --> 0:20:43.159 she knows all the tricks. But she looked different and 0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:46.359 sounded different with Howard Starn that she would have on 0:20:46.440 --> 0:20:51.200 a broadcast news morning show. She was different. I won't 0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:55.040 say she's completely off guard, but this was an in 0:20:55.080 --> 0:20:57.240 depth interview. I learned a little bit. I don't know 0:20:57.280 --> 0:20:59.440 how much about her, but I certainly learned about where 0:20:59.520 --> 0:21:03.000