Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Wow, welome back to the show.
Speaker 3: February fourteenth has long been a special day for people
Speaker 3: who aren't drowning in a sea of loneliness, But have
Speaker 3: we forgotten its true meaning?
Speaker 4: Nate Cordrey investigates.
Speaker 5: February fourteenth the day when we paused to remember the
Speaker 5: martyrdom of Saint Valentine. As everyone knows, he married couples
Speaker 5: in defiance of the Emperor Claudius the Second. For that
Speaker 5: he was brutally beheaded. But what was once a sacred
Speaker 5: holiday has been turned into a secular orgy. That's right,
Speaker 5: there's a war on Saint Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1: Chocolate thongs for women, This is for the guys.
Speaker 6: And those are very beautiful Valentine's Day sweaters.
Speaker 7: Hello, a little Linda Rigg.
Speaker 5: It's a far cry from the Saint Valentine TV specials
Speaker 5: we remember from our youth.
Speaker 8: This represents the still beating heart ripped from Saint Valentine's chest.
Speaker 9: Let us up on his chocolatey love for the Lord.
Speaker 5: And how are profit hungry retailers cashing in? I would
Speaker 5: undercover for some reason to find out In just eighteen
Speaker 5: short centuries, We've gone from honoring the bloody decapitation of
Speaker 5: religious martyr to dogs and boxer shorts and innocent balloons
Speaker 5: turned into wanton displays of sexual perversion. Do you have
Speaker 5: a Saint Valentine's Day section?
Speaker 10: Saint Valentine's way? We have Valentine's Day cards.
Speaker 5: You know, Saint Valentine's Day cards.
Speaker 11: Not specifically for Saint Valentine's Now.
Speaker 5: Yet another example of the war on Saint Valentine's Day.
Speaker 5: Bastions of the Ivory Tower media elite like Harlequin Publishing
Speaker 5: would have you believed that it's all harmless fun. I've
Speaker 5: been out to the shops to see how people want
Speaker 5: us to celebrate Valentine's Day.
Speaker 12: How to explain these.
Speaker 13: I don't think I have to explain them.
Speaker 12: It keeps your juices flying.
Speaker 5: All you people think about his sex?
Speaker 12: What about Saint Valentine?
Speaker 1: Huh?
Speaker 12: What about him?
Speaker 14: And I'm not an expert on that now I am
Speaker 14: a romance expert.
Speaker 5: Isn't romance expert? As a fancy way of saying slut No,
Speaker 5: haven't seen enough? You won't believe what's going on in
Speaker 5: our schools. Heathen craft projects, pagan decorations. Someone had to
Speaker 5: put the saint back in Saint Valentine's Day. Now, I'm
Speaker 5: gonna starve you.
Speaker 11: What wait, what do you mean, I'm gonna strike down
Speaker 11: the wrath on you, buddy.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna kick your butt with my sword.
Speaker 7: No, no, please, don't.
Speaker 5: I'm just trying to follow God's love. You went against me,
Speaker 5: and I'm gonna cut your head off with this sword.
Speaker 1: Right how.
Speaker 5: It was a lesson they'd never forget, and the school
Speaker 5: encouraged me to spread my message elsewhere. So remember keeping
Speaker 5: Valentine's Day saintly begins with you. First, instead of giving flowers,
Speaker 5: sit quietly and reflect on the sacrifice of Saint Valentine. Second,
Speaker 5: don't take your loved one to a fancy dinner. Fast
Speaker 5: and reflect on Saint Valentine's martyrdom.
Speaker 15: Third, cards are.
Speaker 5: Fine as long as you use them to paper cut
Speaker 5: your neck Saint Valentine's style. If we follow these simple steps,
Speaker 5: maybe one day the great Saint Valentine will be honored
Speaker 5: with the same reverence in respect of his brother Saint Patrick.
Speaker 3: On a lighter note, today is Valentine's Day, and for
Speaker 3: more on love, that most mysterious of human emotions. We
Speaker 3: turn to our resident expert, John Hodgman.
Speaker 10: John, thank you so much for John much.
Speaker 16: Let me put this.
Speaker 10: Through if I can.
Speaker 1: What is love?
Speaker 17: Well, that's really the wrong question, John. If you've ever
Speaker 17: been in love, you know it has a different meaning
Speaker 17: every day. Some have argued it's always special. Others, by contrast,
Speaker 17: contend it's gripping stuff. A sizeable minority even claims it's
Speaker 17: a quasi mental illness prompting the bizarre sexualization of genital
Speaker 17: free infants in a daily cartoon string.
Speaker 13: No, John, the question isn't what is love? But why
Speaker 13: is love?
Speaker 11: What does that mean?
Speaker 17: Well, sexual attraction serves a clear evolutionary purpose. It's a
Speaker 17: primal urge that helps propagate the species feel it in
Speaker 17: this very worom. For instance, as I speak, my air
Speaker 17: of danger, coupled with my otherworldly machismo is prompting the
Speaker 17: release of hormones in both the live and television audiences.
Speaker 13: But that's not love, it's lust. I get that a lot,
Speaker 13: all right, So.
Speaker 10: Why is love?
Speaker 13: Well, that's really the wrong question, John.
Speaker 7: You're the one who said that that was.
Speaker 17: The problem is there are so many different kinds of love.
Speaker 17: The ancient Greeks had almost as many different words for
Speaker 17: love as they did for pederasty.
Speaker 13: There was erols, passionate.
Speaker 17: Love, philia, familiar love, ariyapi, sacrificial love, and me the
Speaker 17: love of appetizers like stuffed grape leaves.
Speaker 3: Stuffed grape believes, I have to admit, are delicious.
Speaker 17: Well, if you love them so much, why don't you
Speaker 17: marry them?
Speaker 3: Why would I marry?
Speaker 7: Uh?
Speaker 13: No, of course you and marry a grape leaf. That's
Speaker 13: my point.
Speaker 17: You love grape leaves, but you're not in love with them.
Speaker 3: So you're saying love is what a social construct or,
Speaker 3: an idea without any physical basis.
Speaker 17: Well, yes, that's been my entire premise, thank you, and
Speaker 17: it would have been successful too if it weren't for
Speaker 17: one thing.
Speaker 10: The floor is yours.
Speaker 13: The prairie rowl, the prairie val I don't think that, I, uh.
Speaker 17: John, The prairie bwal is an unusual species of rodent.
Speaker 17: Come mating season, they find a partner with whom to breed,
Speaker 17: but afterward they remain with that partner and continue to
Speaker 17: copulate exclusively with them. This, as you've probably already guessed,
Speaker 17: is where we get the term to like a prairie vol.
Speaker 10: I have never heard that phrase.
Speaker 17: God it means to have slow, tender sex with a loving,
Speaker 17: monogamous partner while burrowed underneath the ground.
Speaker 13: I thought you were from New Jersey. I thought you would.
Speaker 17: Studies show that prairie rools experience the same surge and
Speaker 17: oxytocin that happily married humans do. Meaning love is an
Speaker 17: empirically observable chemical reaction.
Speaker 3: Meaning if so facto love is.
Speaker 17: Real, Oh maybe, but really it means that love can
Speaker 17: be sold in a pill or time release capsule form.
Speaker 3: Noat now, that seems incredibly dystopic.
Speaker 13: I agree.
Speaker 17: I suppose we're romantics, you and I. We prefer our
Speaker 17: love the old fashioned way and an easy to inhale
Speaker 17: aerosol spray, so that on a day like today we
Speaker 17: can wistfully turn to our loved ones and coup darling
Speaker 17: let's like prairie bowls.
Speaker 9: Thank you very much.
Speaker 15: Happy Valentine's Day, John Hodgen.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back.
Speaker 3: If a new story falls through the cracks, Lewis Black
Speaker 3: catches it for a segment we call back in Black.
Speaker 18: It'x February the most depressing month of the year, which
Speaker 18: means it's time for Valentine's Day, the holiday that reminds
Speaker 18: you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.
Speaker 1: And if you haven't got the money or.
Speaker 18: The energy for the holiday of love, feast your eyes
Speaker 18: on this free computerized pre made Valentine's cards that you
Speaker 18: can email to all of your girlfriends. And look, there's
Speaker 18: even one for Monica. Speaking of which, how about a
Speaker 18: Monica's cigar? And you know these Monica specials are authentic
Speaker 18: because as you can see, they're sitting on the don juans.
Speaker 18: They're making these little honeys in the Philippines and they're
Speaker 18: selling twenty thousand a month.
Speaker 10: This is good, so I can give it to all
Speaker 10: my friends. And just why would you want want to
Speaker 10: do that? Oh, it's just like when you when you
Speaker 10: smoke this, it's just like reminding you that you're in
Speaker 10: the Oval office.
Speaker 18: Let me tell you, pal, only if it's too soggy
Speaker 18: to light. If a romance isn't dead. So many great
Speaker 18: romantic couples are Romeo and Juliet Tristan and he's older
Speaker 18: Dody and Diana, Speaking of which, George Benson has sold
Speaker 18: his soul to Dody's daddy, Mohammad al Fayed and written
Speaker 18: this romantic little diddy.
Speaker 7: For the late love birds, And is it ever good?
Speaker 7: Dudey dody, dudey doudeyde uh man.
Speaker 18: I just can't get that haunting my head.
Speaker 7: John, thank you, Lewis flat. How was that sort it
Speaker 7: was black?
Speaker 10: Let me right back after this, take us out with
Speaker 10: a song.
Speaker 3: Yes, my friends, it is Valentine's Day and if today
Speaker 3: is about anything, it's about pleasing your loved ones. And
Speaker 3: let's face it, no one does that quite as well
Speaker 3: or as often as a veteran porn star. And that's
Speaker 3: why a rabbi in southern California has hired former porn
Speaker 3: actress Nina Hartley to teach an adult education sex seminar
Speaker 3: for his congregants at.
Speaker 1: Temple Beth Ami.
Speaker 15: By the way, the keyword on that sign reform.
Speaker 3: The Rabbi Mark Blazer, prisingly that is not his porn name,
Speaker 3: that's his rabbinical name, explains why he couldn't lead his
Speaker 3: congregants to the Promised Land.
Speaker 8: The idea was actually congregants who wanted to expand what
Speaker 8: we had already done as part of our dull education
Speaker 8: lectures on the topic of sexuality. And so they said,
Speaker 8: can we get somebody else to come in, because, quite frankly,
Speaker 8: I had thought everything I knew about sexuality, which is
Speaker 8: compared to Nina fairly limited.
Speaker 3: Rabbi Blazer was then given the coveted understatement of the
Speaker 3: Year award Rabbi porn Star. So why Nina Hartley at
Speaker 3: a synagogue? Well, for one, she's Jewish, she does have
Speaker 3: eighteen years of lecturing experience to go along with her
Speaker 3: religious background. Not to mention she gives great kepi.
Speaker 19: I have information people don't all have access to. I've
Speaker 19: had more sex most people are going to ever have,
Speaker 19: and if you can learn from me, I'm very grateful
Speaker 19: for it.
Speaker 10: Yes, and my name is Shlomo.
Speaker 3: I'm a twenty five year old Talmudic scholar.
Speaker 7: My question is this, miss Hartley?
Speaker 10: Is it permissible?
Speaker 3: And did you take law for me to be masturbating
Speaker 3: right now?
Speaker 19: What makes mom and dad happy is good for the family.
Speaker 19: And one of the things that is given to us
Speaker 19: from whichever source you say, is the delight in sexual
Speaker 19: union with your partner. It's a very important thing. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Partly stresses to Jewish congregants that sex is indeed an
Speaker 3: important part of family life, and she even gives tips
Speaker 3: on how to enjoy edible underwear. The great part is
Speaker 3: whatever underwear you donate, you can wrap up in tinfoil
Speaker 3: and keep for later.
Speaker 11: In Technology news, if you got dumped this year because
Speaker 11: your ex said you didn't communicates enough, it might not
Speaker 11: have been your faults.
Speaker 6: If you received a mysterious text message this week from
Speaker 6: someone unexpected, you were not alone. This happened to a
Speaker 6: lot of people yesterday. They reported they received messages that
Speaker 6: appear to have originally been sent on or around Valentine's
Speaker 6: Day this year. One person tweeted, so, at two point
Speaker 6: thirty this morning, my phone decided to send a text
Speaker 6: to my ex girlfriend from nine months ago.
Speaker 15: She made this really sweet video of us for Valentine's Day.
Speaker 6: She thought I didn't respond, so that led to, among
Speaker 6: other things, a ruined holiday.
Speaker 15: So you know that's how today it's going.
Speaker 13: Man, this story is crazy.
Speaker 11: Apparently a bunch of text messages sent on Valentine's Day
Speaker 11: only got to people's phones. Now, yeah, it's a huge
Speaker 11: glitch that affected thousands of people. Nobody knew about it,
Speaker 11: and now it's in the news. And I bet a
Speaker 11: lot of guys are using this as an excuse, like,
Speaker 11: oh wait, wait, you didn't get that giant bouquet and
Speaker 11: that diamond necklace that I texted you.
Speaker 15: Oh my god, AG and G man A and G.
Speaker 10: But yeah, a bunch of Valentine's sext didn't go through
Speaker 10: and it sucks.
Speaker 11: But I'm gonna be honest, if your relationship ended over
Speaker 11: a missed text, maybe that was the best.
Speaker 10: You dodged the bullets.
Speaker 11: Because I don't care what anybody says. Texting is supposed
Speaker 11: to be casual. It's not about an immediate response. That's
Speaker 11: why this isn't a problem for old people. They still
Speaker 11: send love letters in the mail. You're gonna be like,
Speaker 11: dearest Gertrude, I can't wait to tap that tight brand
Speaker 11: muffin of yours.
Speaker 15: Respectfully, Harold.
Speaker 11: The craziest part of the story, and this is completely true.
Speaker 11: The craziest part of the story is that some people
Speaker 11: got text messages from people who have since died. Yeah,
Speaker 11: that has got to be the most awkward booty call ever.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine phonus like you up? You're like, are
Speaker 1: you up?
Speaker 10: It's Valentine's Day, otherwise known as the Saddest They of
Speaker 10: the year to go on porn hobb Some people think
Speaker 10: this days about love, but really it's about arguing with
Speaker 10: strangers on the street. Prove me wrong Valentine's Day. Addition, yes,
Speaker 10: Valentine's Day is the worst day of the proved me wrong. No,
Speaker 10: I mean it's rush hour for love. We have all
Speaker 10: this pressure from society and take people out and if
Speaker 10: you can't get it done, guess what Everyone is upset.
Speaker 9: In Puerto Rico, which means friendship Day.
Speaker 10: Well, you're doing friendship Day.
Speaker 9: You give your friends like candy flowers.
Speaker 10: You get into a fight with your partner over what
Speaker 10: restaurant booking you could not get. No, Well, then that's
Speaker 10: not Valentine's Day.
Speaker 15: You don't have to participate.
Speaker 9: You can just enjoy the pretty colors.
Speaker 10: Or really, you don't feel the pressure of society weighing
Speaker 10: on you on February fourteenth.
Speaker 9: Love doesn't have to be romantic. I have all my
Speaker 9: family and friends on mem Oh.
Speaker 10: Yeah, I'm sure all your platonic guy friends really love
Speaker 10: hang out with you.
Speaker 9: Valentine's Day is a day to sell the great love.
Speaker 10: So they are a few hundred and sixty four days
Speaker 10: they can go for themselves.
Speaker 13: What other day, do you wake up and just think
Speaker 13: about love first?
Speaker 10: Well, if you're a good person, every day it's.
Speaker 1: An excuse to get up pretty much if you're single.
Speaker 1: Some people use it to have a baby. Some people
Speaker 1: use it.
Speaker 10: So Valentine's Day is an excuse the fuck Joe not
Speaker 10: not me?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know I do me.
Speaker 20: But for people that not getting asked, you know, dudes
Speaker 20: that don't get no buns. I live on the West
Speaker 20: Coast now, I live in California. Yeah, you know, females
Speaker 20: are a little bit more happier, you know, because they
Speaker 20: enjoy you know, sexual activities in their bedroom. You know,
Speaker 20: they're not having intercourse in a call on the side.
Speaker 1: Of the street in the train station.
Speaker 10: What are you talking about?
Speaker 20: I'm talking about this when you was talking about the
Speaker 20: Valentine's daying about dudes putting in the pain.
Speaker 10: Okay, So is valentas said, the worst day of the
Speaker 10: Ye're not no, it's not. Chocolate is the worst candidate.
Speaker 10: Prove me wrong. Chocolate's delicious, pure chocolate, pure cocoa tastes
Speaker 10: like shit. Why are you so angry at chocolate because
Speaker 10: it's overrated? Like, if you really love me, get me
Speaker 10: something that lasts like your HBO password.
Speaker 6: Sharing the HBO password is a sign of true love
Speaker 6: and the sign of commitment.
Speaker 10: Yeah, it means I'm gonna let this put some my algorithms.
Speaker 1: What you see walking around, that's chocolate right there. I'm chocolate.
Speaker 1: She chocolate. You see all the chocolate, you see all this.
Speaker 10: Don't make this racial.
Speaker 19: Not not.
Speaker 1: I'm not making it racial. I'm not making it. Rachel,
Speaker 1: you're right.
Speaker 11: You're right.
Speaker 1: You're right, You're right. We use our skin complexion as destical.
Speaker 10: Okay, why do you like chocolate the candy?
Speaker 8: Me?
Speaker 1: Yes, uh preferencely, I like gummies.
Speaker 10: I'd rather sex should be a morning thing, never a
Speaker 10: night thing. Prove me wrong.
Speaker 16: I'm gonna have to group because for me, morning sex
Speaker 16: is the best.
Speaker 1: I'm with you.
Speaker 16: You got energy, Listen, people like to go to the
Speaker 16: gym in the mornings. Give me dick, and I am up,
Speaker 16: I am, I am, I am motivated to start my
Speaker 16: day like never.
Speaker 10: At night ever.
Speaker 9: Ever, So when you have sex and then you go
Speaker 9: to bed, it's like a really nice Listen.
Speaker 10: There's something called circadian rhythm, circadian rhythm whatever, it's the
Speaker 10: rhythm you have as a human.
Speaker 9: Okay, that's how it looks when it happens. Yeah, just
Speaker 9: like that's pretty aggressive.
Speaker 16: Yeah.
Speaker 10: There the morning activity.
Speaker 9: That's like alligators eat.
Speaker 10: This is what you're doing in the morning. This is
Speaker 10: like coffee. This is nature's coffee.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 9: That looks exhausting?
Speaker 1: How is that coffee?
Speaker 10: Single people should not be allowed out of their homes
Speaker 10: on Valentine's Day? Proved me wrong.
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 20: All the single people beside pieces sneaky links and you
Speaker 20: know they're gonna put up the day.
Speaker 1: I agree with this. Let the couples go out.
Speaker 10: I think you are better at this than I am,
Speaker 10: So maybe you should sit here and take my job.
Speaker 1: Please, Okay.
Speaker 20: Single people should not be allowed of their homes on Valentine's.
Speaker 1: They prove me wrong.
Speaker 9: It kind of feels like gatekeeping, like you have to
Speaker 9: go out.
Speaker 1: Single people need to go out.
Speaker 9: They're the ones who need to be out. The couple
Speaker 9: should stay home.
Speaker 1: The single people need to be the ones getting drunk.
Speaker 10: That's the dumbest you ever heard my life.
Speaker 7: How is that done?
Speaker 10: But Valentine's Day is not for single losers.
Speaker 9: It's not losers.
Speaker 1: Valentine's Days of Day by society.
Speaker 10: Who couldn't find someone on the most desperate day of
Speaker 10: the year, going to love you? How much user are you?
Speaker 9: They should be allowed out because they make it fun.
Speaker 10: Someone's passing on the street in Brooklyn for the surprise.
Speaker 10: If you're single Valentine's Day, the government should send you money.
Speaker 10: Prove me wrong.
Speaker 9: Single people they have to take care of just themselves.
Speaker 10: Yeah, but it's a Valentine's Day thing. People are sad
Speaker 10: on Valentine's They just send them some money.
Speaker 9: Money doesn't make you happy?
Speaker 19: Oh?
Speaker 10: Really? No? If I gave you twenty bucks right now,
Speaker 10: would you be happy? No? Yeah, well I'll do fifty.
Speaker 10: If you feed youbucks, we'd be happy. Ah, I got you.
Speaker 15: I gota.
Speaker 16: There's discounts for married people, there's discounts for family. What
Speaker 16: a single people get?
Speaker 13: Yeah?
Speaker 10: Give us some money exactly, some tax breaks at least
Speaker 10: what the ones who need it? What a desperate sad
Speaker 10: people who need that money? I want? Are you going
Speaker 10: out with someone on Valentine's Day?
Speaker 15: Maybe?
Speaker 10: Do you really want this?
Speaker 9: My nails?
Speaker 1: I want it.
Speaker 10: It's a fun day, all right, Fine, I'll prove to
Speaker 10: you it's the worst day. Come on a date with
Speaker 10: me on Valentine's Day. I'll show you. It's the worst
Speaker 10: day of the year.
Speaker 16: Sorry, man, I can. I don't want to go on
Speaker 16: Valentine's Day with you. I want to go on Valentine's
Speaker 16: Day with Trevor. Noah, Trevor, if you're watching this, I
Speaker 16: want to let you know I love you. I enjoyed
Speaker 16: your show My Asking Square Garden a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 16: You were hilarious and I know you like Indian food.
Speaker 1: Come to Brooklyn.
Speaker 16: I will take you out to a nice Indian restaurant
Speaker 16: and show you around Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: I love you.
Speaker 10: Valentine'sday is the one step of the year. Okay, you
Speaker 10: guys know what today is, right.
Speaker 7: It's Valentine's Day. Ah.
Speaker 21: It's the one day you can dress up as a
Speaker 21: baby and shoot people with a bow and arrow and
Speaker 21: get away with it. And it's really nice to have
Speaker 21: a day where we just we get to show that
Speaker 21: special someone that we care, isn't it, you know? And
Speaker 21: to the men out there, that's all you really need
Speaker 21: to do, all right, because not everyone can afford flowers
Speaker 21: or chocolates or a private Kenny g concert like Kanye West.
Speaker 13: No, Valentine's Day is.
Speaker 22: Just about sharing what's in your heart, all right, letting
Speaker 22: your girl know that you love her. Now, ladies, if
Speaker 22: he doesn't have flowers or a bear or something, you
Speaker 22: need to cut him loose because clearly he does not respect.
Speaker 13: You for the queen that you are.
Speaker 15: I mean, he had all year to save up, and NIC's.
Speaker 11: Trying to say he can't afford a box of chocolates
Speaker 11: that's five ninety nine at Walgreens.
Speaker 13: He can't say five ninety nine. That's two turnstile jumps.
Speaker 1: That's all that is.
Speaker 15: If you're mad, won't jump two turnstars for you? You
Speaker 15: need to cut.
Speaker 12: And finally, today is Valentine's Day, the day when flowers
Speaker 12: find out which house they're going to die in. Seriously,
Speaker 12: why do we give people roses? They are already dying
Speaker 12: the second you cut them. You're basically giving someone a
Speaker 12: hospice patient. Love them well, you can just try to
Speaker 12: keep them hydrated and make sure they're as comfortable as possible.
Speaker 12: But there is a Valentine's surprise that's even worse than roses.
Speaker 12: Stealing people's money.
Speaker 14: What is Valentine's Day? Law enforcement reminding you to keep
Speaker 14: an eye out for what they call romance scams. Official
Speaker 14: say criminals will scour dating websites, dating apps, chat rooms
Speaker 14: build the relationship with you with the goal of accessing
Speaker 14: your financial or other personal information.
Speaker 6: The FTC says romance scams cost nearly seventy thousand consumers
Speaker 6: one point three billion dollars last year.
Speaker 15: The FBI sees a large percentage of elderly victims. Let's
Speaker 15: talk red flags.
Speaker 23: This one might hurt.
Speaker 12: But if they're too good to be true.
Speaker 23: Gorgeous photos, perfect job, amazing lifestyle make a scammer's job
Speaker 23: of luring you easier. If they seem sweet, genuine, caring,
Speaker 23: talking about a future together a little more quickly than
Speaker 23: typical relationships. That could be drawing you close to take
Speaker 23: advantage of you.
Speaker 10: That's right.
Speaker 12: You got to be careful out there. If anyone literally
Speaker 12: ever says anything nice to you, call the police. And
Speaker 12: she said, another red flag is if the person has
Speaker 12: an amazing lifestyle, a perfect job, gorgeous photos. Oh my god,
Speaker 12: am I a scammer?
Speaker 10: Well?
Speaker 12: For more on these romance scams, we turned to Michael Costa. Michael,
Speaker 12: it's it's so sad to hear about this, especially on
Speaker 12: Valentine's Day.
Speaker 4: I know, Sarah, but every holiday is an opportunity for scams.
Speaker 4: Last President's Day, a guy on Facebook claimed he was
Speaker 4: Abraham Lincoln and asked me for money, which was clearly
Speaker 4: a scam because I had already just wired the real
Speaker 4: Abraham Lincoln ten thousand dollars. There's only one Lincoln, buddy.
Speaker 4: How stupid do.
Speaker 1: You think I am?
Speaker 12: You're very smart, Michael. Well, let's focus on the romantic
Speaker 12: scams because I'm especially worried about how they target the elderly.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the elderly are easy targets because they're so vulnerable
Speaker 4: and they're so horny. Honestly, I'm scared for my own
Speaker 4: loved ones. That's why I've started catfishing my grandmother.
Speaker 12: You're catfishing your own grandmother.
Speaker 15: As a preventative measure.
Speaker 4: Yes, The best way I could protect my ninety seven
Speaker 4: year old grandmother from being scammed is to scam her
Speaker 4: mind myself. This way, she feels loved, and I put
Speaker 4: all the money she sends me right back into her
Speaker 4: bank account. It's the same way I stop dogs from
Speaker 4: eating discarded chicken bones laying on the street by eating
Speaker 4: them myself.
Speaker 12: I'm sure the dogs are grateful, But how does catfishing
Speaker 12: your grandmother even work.
Speaker 4: Take me through this, Okay, Well, it works the same
Speaker 4: as normal catfishing. You create a profile of a charming
Speaker 4: but believable person, in my case Miguel Gustavo, international art
Speaker 4: dealer and King of Brazil. First you like their posts,
Speaker 4: then you start the DMS. Hey, I like what I see.
Speaker 4: Show me what you got under that sweater you knitted
Speaker 4: for yourself. Here's what I'm packing, h Rose.
Speaker 12: You send your grandma newds.
Speaker 10: Well, not my nudes.
Speaker 4: Obviously, I'm not a creep. I send her picks of
Speaker 4: guys I find online.
Speaker 10: Good few.
Speaker 12: I thought you exchanged nudes.
Speaker 15: Oh no, I mean she sends me her nudes. God, look,
Speaker 15: I know it's gross. I don't like it either. I
Speaker 15: am glad she's using the yoga classes. I got it
Speaker 15: for Christmas.
Speaker 4: But still I don't want to see it, just like
Speaker 4: I don't want to spend hours texting with her about
Speaker 4: our grandson never calls, or have her explain every episode
Speaker 4: of the Yellowstone.
Speaker 15: It's just Yellowstone, Grandma. I don't have a choice, Sarah.
Speaker 4: Okay, As Michael Costa, I can't keep my grandma offline.
Speaker 15: But as Miguel Glestavo, well, I can make sure.
Speaker 4: Her money stays where it belongs in the bank account
Speaker 4: that I'm going to inherit one day.
Speaker 12: Guess in its own way, this is actually a like
Speaker 12: a loving thing, Michael. I hope all the men out
Speaker 12: there love their grandmas enough to seduce them.
Speaker 15: Thank you, Sarah, I really am the best grants. Sorry,
Speaker 15: I got my grandma's dming me.
Speaker 7: Me and more.
Speaker 15: Please send five thousand dollars. I'm having my third kidney removed.
Speaker 9: Hell, thank you so much, Michael.
Speaker 1: Suys.
Speaker 18: Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
Speaker 18: searching The Daily Show.
Speaker 7: Wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 18: Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on
Speaker 18: Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus
Speaker 9: Paramount Podcasts