WEBVTT - Try a calendar meeting

0:00:03.200 --> 0:00:06.400
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

0:00:09.039 --> 0:00:13.160
<v Speaker 1>Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:18.520
<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to try a calendar meeting. My husband

0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:22.560
<v Speaker 1>and I both work, we both travel frequently. We are

0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:26.320
<v Speaker 1>also raising four children who have various activities, school events,

0:00:26.600 --> 0:00:30.440
<v Speaker 1>doctor's appointments, and the like. I will not claim that

0:00:30.480 --> 0:00:35.160
<v Speaker 1>every day is tranquility and calm. However, we have discovered

0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:37.800
<v Speaker 1>one habit that helps us keep things from falling apart.

0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:43.120
<v Speaker 1>That habit is the calendar meeting. Every two weeks or so,

0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:46.040
<v Speaker 1>we sit down with our calendars and look over the

0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:48.680
<v Speaker 1>next few weeks. We look at when each of us

0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:51.479
<v Speaker 1>is traveling or will otherwise be gone outside of regular

0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:54.680
<v Speaker 1>childcare hours. We see if the other person will be there,

0:00:54.680 --> 0:00:57.440
<v Speaker 1>are gone, and if we're both gone, we confirm our

0:00:57.520 --> 0:01:01.200
<v Speaker 1>childcare coverage. We figure out when our kids have events

0:01:01.600 --> 0:01:06.479
<v Speaker 1>swim meets, little League games, built testing for karate, piano recitals,

0:01:06.800 --> 0:01:11.119
<v Speaker 1>cub scout campouts, you name it. We figure out who

0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:14.160
<v Speaker 1>is responsible for what. If neither of us can be there,

0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:16.199
<v Speaker 1>or if our kids need to be in three different

0:01:16.200 --> 0:01:18.920
<v Speaker 1>places at once, we figure out who else could cover.

0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:23.200
<v Speaker 1>We look for any potential sticky situations, like if we're

0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:26.120
<v Speaker 1>both flying home the same day, what if both of

0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:28.920
<v Speaker 1>our planes are delayed? Best to flag that with our

0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:31.959
<v Speaker 1>nanny so she knows about any potential overtime hours that

0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:35.680
<v Speaker 1>might happen long before they actually happen. We talk about

0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:38.880
<v Speaker 1>any assignments we each have. So, for instance, we recently

0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:42.400
<v Speaker 1>decided to split some projects. My husband researched and booked

0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:46.199
<v Speaker 1>our family vacation over spring break. In return, I agreed

0:01:46.240 --> 0:01:49.440
<v Speaker 1>to book and cover all our children's well child pediatrician visits.

0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:53.160
<v Speaker 1>And then, lest you think this is no fun whatsoever,

0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:56.600
<v Speaker 1>we discuss things we want to do. What sort of

0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:58.880
<v Speaker 1>family adventures would we like to do on the weekends,

0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:02.280
<v Speaker 1>What about up coming vacations, When can we go on

0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:04.320
<v Speaker 1>date nights with the two of us? And what would

0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:06.520
<v Speaker 1>we like to do? Who else would we like to

0:02:06.560 --> 0:02:09.560
<v Speaker 1>get together with. We came out of a recent calendar

0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:11.560
<v Speaker 1>meeting with plans to get together with friends at one

0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:14.480
<v Speaker 1>of our favorite restaurants in New York, an attendative date

0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:17.920
<v Speaker 1>to take advantage of evening hours at the Zoo. If

0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:20.120
<v Speaker 1>you've got a life with a lot of moving parts

0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:22.840
<v Speaker 1>and you need to coordinate those moving parts with other people.

0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:27.240
<v Speaker 1>Then I highly recommend having regular calendar meetings. Even if

0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:30.200
<v Speaker 1>you share a family calendar, it might help to have

0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:33.960
<v Speaker 1>this meeting to talk through expectations and preferences and any

0:02:34.000 --> 0:02:36.000
<v Speaker 1>logistical problems that both of you are going to have

0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:38.880
<v Speaker 1>trouble figuring out. To me, this seems like a great

0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:43.320
<v Speaker 1>way to reduce stress and keep everyone on the same page. Now,

0:02:43.360 --> 0:02:45.760
<v Speaker 1>of course, I do understand that some people aren't more

0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:49.440
<v Speaker 1>into planning than others, as you might imagine, because I'm

0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:53.560
<v Speaker 1>into all things time related. I enjoy calendar meetings. I

0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:56.160
<v Speaker 1>like knowing what's coming up. I want to make sure

0:02:56.200 --> 0:02:59.880
<v Speaker 1>all logistical matters are taken care of. If you subscribe

0:02:59.880 --> 0:03:05.920
<v Speaker 1>to Myers Briggs designations, I am ja. My husband, on

0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:10.360
<v Speaker 1>the other hand, is slightly less into planning. Indeed, at

0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:12.520
<v Speaker 1>a work dinner for him one time, people joked in

0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:14.920
<v Speaker 1>a toast that it was not possible to be more

0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:19.240
<v Speaker 1>p that is the opposite Myers Briggs designation than he was.

0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:22.280
<v Speaker 1>So when we first started doing these calendar meetings, my

0:03:22.360 --> 0:03:26.200
<v Speaker 1>husband was not naturally gung ho. But even if you're

0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:28.560
<v Speaker 1>not a planner, or if you're co parenting with someone

0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:30.799
<v Speaker 1>who's not a planner. I hope you'll hear me out

0:03:30.800 --> 0:03:34.560
<v Speaker 1>on this. There are upsides to calendar meetings, even for

0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:39.080
<v Speaker 1>people who like to dwell in possibility. First, when there's

0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:42.240
<v Speaker 1>a designated time for planning, that means the party that

0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:45.560
<v Speaker 1>likes to plan won't be grilling the non planning party

0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:49.720
<v Speaker 1>about logistics at all. Other times, one calendar meeting every

0:03:49.760 --> 0:03:52.120
<v Speaker 1>two weeks is better than peppering the other person with

0:03:52.160 --> 0:03:56.839
<v Speaker 1>logistical questions every half hour. Second, most people don't mind

0:03:56.840 --> 0:04:00.320
<v Speaker 1>putting stuff they enjoy on the calendar. Very few people

0:04:00.360 --> 0:04:02.520
<v Speaker 1>say she'sh I wish I didn't have tickets to see

0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:04.920
<v Speaker 1>my favorite singer next weekend, and I wish I didn't

0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:07.440
<v Speaker 1>already have the babysit are booked, Or I wish I

0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:10.000
<v Speaker 1>didn't have tickets to see my favorite baseball team play.

0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:12.000
<v Speaker 1>I wish I didn't have plans to meet my best

0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:14.600
<v Speaker 1>friend from college for dinner with an assurance from my

0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:16.680
<v Speaker 1>spouse that this is great and he or she will

0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:19.880
<v Speaker 1>take the kids that night. Resistance tends to be about

0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:22.760
<v Speaker 1>things that we don't want to do, and a good

0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:26.520
<v Speaker 1>calendar meeting has payoffs for everyone. We've come out of

0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:29.200
<v Speaker 1>calendar meetings with great stuff. On our calendars, like going

0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:32.600
<v Speaker 1>to see Brad Paisley in concert. My husband was definitely

0:04:32.640 --> 0:04:35.200
<v Speaker 1>a big fan of that. He's also a fan of

0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:38.160
<v Speaker 1>me being a more calm and happy person. And I'm

0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:41.080
<v Speaker 1>more calm and happy when I don't feel blindsided by, say,

0:04:41.080 --> 0:04:43.159
<v Speaker 1>a work trip that he'd failed to tell me about.

0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:46.720
<v Speaker 1>And finally, the calendar meeting is about sharing the joys

0:04:46.839 --> 0:04:50.120
<v Speaker 1>and challenges of raising a family. I know that in

0:04:50.160 --> 0:04:53.240
<v Speaker 1>many families, one parent often winds up shouldering more of

0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:56.280
<v Speaker 1>the mental load of scheduling and figuring out who needs

0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:59.520
<v Speaker 1>to be aware than the other parent. And that's fine

0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:03.400
<v Speaker 1>if both parties agree to the split, but sometimes these

0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:08.080
<v Speaker 1>assumptions are unspoken and the upsides and downsides go both ways.

0:05:08.760 --> 0:05:10.800
<v Speaker 1>It can certainly feel like a burden to be the

0:05:10.839 --> 0:05:15.200
<v Speaker 1>person who constantly plans logistics, but without communication, the planning

0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:18.120
<v Speaker 1>party is going to wind up making more choices and

0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:21.480
<v Speaker 1>will schedule according to his or her preferences, and this

0:05:21.520 --> 0:05:26.480
<v Speaker 1>can disempower the other parent. If you are committed to equality,

0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:29.960
<v Speaker 1>then the calendar meeting helps make sure that logistics are

0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:34.280
<v Speaker 1>everyone's business. Our calendar meetings ensure that our mental load

0:05:34.360 --> 0:05:39.320
<v Speaker 1>and expectations are shared so today, think about whether a

0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:42.599
<v Speaker 1>calendar meeting would be helpful in your family between you

0:05:42.680 --> 0:05:45.360
<v Speaker 1>and your spouse, or maybe your kids should be involved too.

0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:48.880
<v Speaker 1>If you and your family members talk regularly about schedules,

0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:52.800
<v Speaker 1>let me know, or if you give the calendar meeting

0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:55.560
<v Speaker 1>a try. After listening to this, let me know that too.

0:05:56.120 --> 0:05:59.479
<v Speaker 1>You can email me at Before Breakfast podcast and I

0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:03.080
<v Speaker 1>hurt meeting dot com. In the meantime, this is Laura.

0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:06.400
<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening and here's to making the most of

0:06:06.400 --> 0:06:15.200
<v Speaker 1>our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.

0:06:15.200 --> 0:06:18.080
<v Speaker 1>You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.

0:06:18.839 --> 0:06:22.400
<v Speaker 1>Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at

0:06:22.440 --> 0:06:27.960
<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast pod that's B the number four, then Breakfast

0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:31.120
<v Speaker 1>p o D. You can also shoot me an email

0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:35.000
<v Speaker 1>at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media dot com.

0:06:35.040 --> 0:06:37.560
<v Speaker 1>That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:40.239
<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.

0:06:46.080 --> 0:06:49.160
<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of I Heart Radio. For

0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:52.320
<v Speaker 1>more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the I heart

0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:55.760
<v Speaker 1>Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

0:06:55.760 --> 0:07:02.040
<v Speaker 1>favorite shows. Don't ga