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Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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Speaker 1: Today's tip is to try a calendar meeting. My husband

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Speaker 1: and I both work, we both travel frequently. We are

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Speaker 1: also raising four children who have various activities, school events,

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Speaker 1: doctor's appointments, and the like. I will not claim that

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Speaker 1: every day is tranquility and calm. However, we have discovered

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Speaker 1: one habit that helps us keep things from falling apart.

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Speaker 1: That habit is the calendar meeting. Every two weeks or so,

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Speaker 1: we sit down with our calendars and look over the

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Speaker 1: next few weeks. We look at when each of us

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Speaker 1: is traveling or will otherwise be gone outside of regular

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Speaker 1: childcare hours. We see if the other person will be there,

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Speaker 1: are gone, and if we're both gone, we confirm our

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Speaker 1: childcare coverage. We figure out when our kids have events

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Speaker 1: swim meets, little League games, built testing for karate, piano recitals,

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Speaker 1: cub scout campouts, you name it. We figure out who

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Speaker 1: is responsible for what. If neither of us can be there,

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Speaker 1: or if our kids need to be in three different

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Speaker 1: places at once, we figure out who else could cover.

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Speaker 1: We look for any potential sticky situations, like if we're

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Speaker 1: both flying home the same day, what if both of

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Speaker 1: our planes are delayed? Best to flag that with our

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Speaker 1: nanny so she knows about any potential overtime hours that

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Speaker 1: might happen long before they actually happen. We talk about

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Speaker 1: any assignments we each have. So, for instance, we recently

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Speaker 1: decided to split some projects. My husband researched and booked

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Speaker 1: our family vacation over spring break. In return, I agreed

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Speaker 1: to book and cover all our children's well child pediatrician visits.

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Speaker 1: And then, lest you think this is no fun whatsoever,

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Speaker 1: we discuss things we want to do. What sort of

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Speaker 1: family adventures would we like to do on the weekends,

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Speaker 1: What about up coming vacations, When can we go on

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Speaker 1: date nights with the two of us? And what would

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Speaker 1: we like to do? Who else would we like to

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Speaker 1: get together with. We came out of a recent calendar

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Speaker 1: meeting with plans to get together with friends at one

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Speaker 1: of our favorite restaurants in New York, an attendative date

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Speaker 1: to take advantage of evening hours at the Zoo. If

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Speaker 1: you've got a life with a lot of moving parts

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Speaker 1: and you need to coordinate those moving parts with other people.

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Speaker 1: Then I highly recommend having regular calendar meetings. Even if

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Speaker 1: you share a family calendar, it might help to have

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Speaker 1: this meeting to talk through expectations and preferences and any

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Speaker 1: logistical problems that both of you are going to have

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Speaker 1: trouble figuring out. To me, this seems like a great

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Speaker 1: way to reduce stress and keep everyone on the same page. Now,

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Speaker 1: of course, I do understand that some people aren't more

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Speaker 1: into planning than others, as you might imagine, because I'm

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Speaker 1: into all things time related. I enjoy calendar meetings. I

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Speaker 1: like knowing what's coming up. I want to make sure

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Speaker 1: all logistical matters are taken care of. If you subscribe

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Speaker 1: to Myers Briggs designations, I am ja. My husband, on

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Speaker 1: the other hand, is slightly less into planning. Indeed, at

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Speaker 1: a work dinner for him one time, people joked in

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Speaker 1: a toast that it was not possible to be more

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Speaker 1: p that is the opposite Myers Briggs designation than he was.

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Speaker 1: So when we first started doing these calendar meetings, my

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Speaker 1: husband was not naturally gung ho. But even if you're

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Speaker 1: not a planner, or if you're co parenting with someone

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Speaker 1: who's not a planner. I hope you'll hear me out

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Speaker 1: on this. There are upsides to calendar meetings, even for

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Speaker 1: people who like to dwell in possibility. First, when there's

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Speaker 1: a designated time for planning, that means the party that

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Speaker 1: likes to plan won't be grilling the non planning party

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Speaker 1: about logistics at all. Other times, one calendar meeting every

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Speaker 1: two weeks is better than peppering the other person with

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Speaker 1: logistical questions every half hour. Second, most people don't mind

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Speaker 1: putting stuff they enjoy on the calendar. Very few people

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Speaker 1: say she'sh I wish I didn't have tickets to see

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Speaker 1: my favorite singer next weekend, and I wish I didn't

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Speaker 1: already have the babysit are booked, Or I wish I

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Speaker 1: didn't have tickets to see my favorite baseball team play.

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Speaker 1: I wish I didn't have plans to meet my best

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Speaker 1: friend from college for dinner with an assurance from my

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Speaker 1: spouse that this is great and he or she will

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Speaker 1: take the kids that night. Resistance tends to be about

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Speaker 1: things that we don't want to do, and a good

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Speaker 1: calendar meeting has payoffs for everyone. We've come out of

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Speaker 1: calendar meetings with great stuff. On our calendars, like going

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Speaker 1: to see Brad Paisley in concert. My husband was definitely

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Speaker 1: a big fan of that. He's also a fan of

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Speaker 1: me being a more calm and happy person. And I'm

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Speaker 1: more calm and happy when I don't feel blindsided by, say,

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Speaker 1: a work trip that he'd failed to tell me about.

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Speaker 1: And finally, the calendar meeting is about sharing the joys

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Speaker 1: and challenges of raising a family. I know that in

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Speaker 1: many families, one parent often winds up shouldering more of

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Speaker 1: the mental load of scheduling and figuring out who needs

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Speaker 1: to be aware than the other parent. And that's fine

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Speaker 1: if both parties agree to the split, but sometimes these

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Speaker 1: assumptions are unspoken and the upsides and downsides go both ways.

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Speaker 1: It can certainly feel like a burden to be the

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Speaker 1: person who constantly plans logistics, but without communication, the planning

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Speaker 1: party is going to wind up making more choices and

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Speaker 1: will schedule according to his or her preferences, and this

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Speaker 1: can disempower the other parent. If you are committed to equality,

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Speaker 1: then the calendar meeting helps make sure that logistics are

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Speaker 1: everyone's business. Our calendar meetings ensure that our mental load

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Speaker 1: and expectations are shared so today, think about whether a

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Speaker 1: calendar meeting would be helpful in your family between you

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Speaker 1: and your spouse, or maybe your kids should be involved too.

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Speaker 1: If you and your family members talk regularly about schedules,

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Speaker 1: let me know, or if you give the calendar meeting

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Speaker 1: a try. After listening to this, let me know that too.

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Speaker 1: You can email me at Before Breakfast podcast and I

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Speaker 1: hurt meeting dot com. In the meantime, this is Laura.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening and here's to making the most of

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Speaker 1: our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.

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Speaker 1: You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.

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Speaker 1: Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at

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Speaker 1: Before Breakfast pod that's B the number four, then Breakfast

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Speaker 1: p o D. You can also shoot me an email

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Speaker 1: at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media dot com.

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Speaker 1: That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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Speaker 1: Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.

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Speaker 1: Before Breakfast is a production of I Heart Radio. For

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Speaker 1: more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the I heart

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Speaker 1: favorite shows. Don't ga