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Speaker 1: One of her first directing gigs, unless it was her first,

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Speaker 1: was on Being Mary Jane.

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Speaker 2: And you know, everyone.

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Speaker 1: Has a moment and I was, honey, a little moment,

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Speaker 1: a little bit bratty moment, and she's like, came to

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Speaker 1: my trailer. She has a little thing's sunflower seeds, and

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Speaker 1: she was like, you know, hit me some sunflower seeds.

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Speaker 2: And she's like, basically, cut the ship.

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Speaker 3: Cut the ship.

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Speaker 2: I said, I'm gonna cut the.

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Speaker 1: Ship, you know, and you sometimes you need that too,

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Speaker 1: you know, always, you know, moonlight and roses. Sometimes you

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Speaker 1: need you know, I know, g to be like, cut

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Speaker 1: the ship, have some sunflowers.

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Speaker 3: Thanks for watching, guys. Today's episode is brought to you

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Speaker 3: by boost Mobile. From starring in American teen classics to

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Speaker 3: becoming a scene stealer in some of our favorite movies

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Speaker 3: like Bring It On, Deliver Us from Eva, Bad, Bunny Bad,

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Speaker 3: Bunny Bad, Bunny Movie, Bad Boys Too, she went on

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Speaker 3: to lead as Being Mary Jane, which is one of

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Speaker 3: b ET's most successful scripted series. She's here promoting her

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Speaker 3: new role in the animated sports comedy Goat, produced by

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Speaker 3: Steph Curry. She's a New York Times bestseller, a producer,

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Speaker 3: a wife, a badass, a mom, a friend, many many things.

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Speaker 3: Please welcome my friend Gabrielle Union to IRL podcast. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: That intro, i'ma be honest, it doesn't really hit all

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Speaker 3: the points. There's so many things that you have done

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Speaker 3: in your career. It's really quite impressive.

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Speaker 2: It's weird. It's like you're talking about somebody else.

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Speaker 3: So what era is this? What season is this for

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Speaker 3: Gabrielle Union? Right now?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 2: This is my let them era?

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Speaker 3: Oh, I guess it's like.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, and you're doing so well, except when we

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Speaker 1: were having challenges in Miami getting into the game. Maybe

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Speaker 1: that wasn't my finest hour. That was definitely not a

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Speaker 1: let them. It was like let me take over.

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Speaker 3: Where did we go?

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Speaker 2: We went to the National Championship game that game?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I didn't know what we were going to. I

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Speaker 3: just kind of showed up. That was the first time

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Speaker 3: I've hung out with you and d before. That was

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Speaker 3: the first time I was hanging out with you guys.

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Speaker 3: And it was an event that you were part of

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Speaker 3: and he was like the plus one. Yeah, And it's

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Speaker 3: kind of really sweet to see you two in that

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Speaker 3: dynamic because he really puts an effort to say no, no, no,

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Speaker 3: I'm just the plus one.

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Speaker 1: He likes saying that, but I'm like, baby, you're never

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Speaker 1: the plus one. Of course, he walks in. We're in Miami,

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Speaker 1: and you know, Tom Brady is also doing this gig, and.

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Speaker 2: Tom's like, where's where's the g Where's where's my guy?

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Speaker 2: I was like, he's over there. Never saw Tom again.

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Speaker 2: They're just chopping it up.

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Speaker 1: But no, he's he's in a very supportive space, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. It was supposed to be after

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Speaker 1: he retired. You know, we're moving to La it's all

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Speaker 1: about me and oh, this is going to be your season.

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Speaker 1: This was going to be my season, and then he

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Speaker 1: promptly took like eight more jobs. But yeah, we're doing

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Speaker 1: better at actually being present and being truly.

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Speaker 3: So you ever notice how everything keeps going up? I

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Speaker 3: mean rent is going up, Streaming services are going up.

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Speaker 3: Even like your favorite burrito plays all of a sudden

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Speaker 3: wants to charge you for salsa. You go to the supermarket,

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Speaker 3: they want to charge you extra for the bag. It's

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Speaker 3: kind of crazy out here. The good thing is with

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Speaker 3: boost Mobile, you and your phone bill do not have

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Speaker 3: to play that game. You don't have to play the

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Speaker 3: will this go up soon? Game? Why? Because boost Mobile

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Speaker 3: has an unlimited talk, text, and data plan at a

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Speaker 3: price that will never go up. In fact, it's the

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Speaker 3: same price you'll pay for a life. So switching out

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Speaker 3: to unlimited wireless at a price that will never go

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Speaker 3: up only at boost Mobile after thirty gigabytes, customers may

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Speaker 3: experience slower speeds. Customers will pay twenty five dollars a

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Speaker 3: month as long as they remain active on the boost

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Speaker 3: Mobile unlimited plan. So how is retirement life for you?

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Speaker 3: How does it affect you as a couple? Like, how

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Speaker 3: has life changed?

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Speaker 1: Well, just him being home was just just different, Like

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Speaker 1: he doesn't you know, you get into a rhythm of

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Speaker 1: how things are done in the house and then he

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Speaker 1: comes in and you know he's he's very particular and

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Speaker 1: a little persnickity about how things are done.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so that will cause a little shift.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because we're like a little looser, you know what

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Speaker 2: I mean.

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Speaker 1: It's like, oh, it doesn't this doesn't have to be

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Speaker 1: put away, or this doesn't have to be perfect.

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Speaker 2: And you know he came home and he's like.

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Speaker 3: What have I been paying for? He's paying attention to details.

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Speaker 1: So much attention. But it was also like watching him

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Speaker 1: find different passions. You know, when you when you've been

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Speaker 1: so good at one thing for so long and you're

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Speaker 1: recognized globally for being good at this one thing, you know,

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Speaker 1: what's my next challenge? And watching him find new passions?

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Speaker 1: You know, you know that he's taken up golf and

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Speaker 1: that's y'all's passion.

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Speaker 3: He's friend, he's one of my golf best friends because

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Speaker 3: he's very into it, because he's as much of a

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Speaker 3: psychopath as I am, and I love that about him.

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Speaker 1: But he's like, he's really really into it, has coaches

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Speaker 1: and he wants to be the best. And now he's

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Speaker 1: really into photography. No matter where we go, he hires

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Speaker 1: a local photographer to like teach.

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Speaker 2: Him, you know, new things that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so you know he's he's really into different things

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Speaker 1: and he's more interesting and he's into art.

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Speaker 3: And travel and wine. Wine of course potting. He was

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Speaker 3: potting podcasting for a lot.

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Speaker 2: Yes, No, he still has a podcast.

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Speaker 3: I thought you said never mind.

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Speaker 1: I was like, pot you no, he I mean he

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Speaker 1: is an investor in cannabis companies.

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Speaker 2: Yes, he does that called pott it. No, he has

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Speaker 2: a podcast.

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Speaker 3: You guys have really by the way of this of

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Speaker 3: my pod era, like, you guys have really been a

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Speaker 3: lovely support, like do you support it? Like I feel

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Speaker 3: like I don't know. We went on your fiftieth party

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Speaker 3: and and he had like a hundred questions about interview

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Speaker 3: style and the way I was doing certain interviews that

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Speaker 3: he had watched, and it just it's you know, sometimes

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Speaker 3: you don't think your friends are even paying attention to

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Speaker 3: what you're doing in that kind of way.

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Speaker 1: Because it was like a new thing for you, and

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Speaker 1: he was, you know, he's in that period of discovery

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Speaker 1: of like could this be something I'm passionate about, could

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Speaker 1: this be something I'm good at? And so he's like,

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Speaker 1: I want to talk to the goats, and you're a

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Speaker 1: goat and and all that you do. So he really,

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Speaker 1: I mean, he was legit very interested. And then he

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Speaker 1: watched it. He watches every episode.

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Speaker 3: My god, I love it.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, did you see like how she did,

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Speaker 2: like what she transitioned. I was like, yes, you should

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Speaker 2: talk to her now.

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Speaker 1: He pays attention to all the little things because he

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Speaker 1: wants to be great at being a podcast. He wants

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Speaker 1: to be great as a interviewer, and yeah, so he

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Speaker 1: watches the goats.

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Speaker 3: What are you working on now? Like? What are you

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Speaker 3: trying to be great at? What are you finding in

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Speaker 3: your life?

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to be great at being in a peaceful state.

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Speaker 1: And you know, no matter if there's adversity going on,

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Speaker 1: that like my soul is at peace, Like I don't

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Speaker 1: have to submit to the chaos.

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Speaker 2: I don't have to join in.

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Speaker 3: Give me an example, what are you talking? What do

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Speaker 3: you what are you thinking about it?

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Speaker 2: I mean it's Hollywood, right, So I'm working on this movie.

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Speaker 1: Then I guess I can't talk about Yeah, but we're

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Speaker 1: working on this movie and I get to work and

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Speaker 1: there's no pages. Like I was like, well, what are

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Speaker 1: we performing today? And They're like, we're just waiting on

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Speaker 1: the pages. And I'm like, so, I'm just supposed to

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Speaker 1: get these pages in act and deliver and delivered like

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Speaker 1: with no preparations. So Love had of an anxiety attack

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Speaker 1: for sure, because I live to be prepared. You know,

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Speaker 1: I believe there is no such thing as luck. It's

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Speaker 1: you know, when opportunity and preparedness come together. And so

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Speaker 1: if I'm not prepared, how can.

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Speaker 2: I be good?

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Speaker 3: Right, and so you panic, a full.

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Speaker 2: Panic and then the rage. How dare you set me

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Speaker 2: up for failure? You know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: And I was like, it's going to be great, okay,

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Speaker 1: Like my soul is for being disrupted. Yes, yeah, but

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Speaker 1: I also did this or I did this program. It's

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Speaker 1: called NIEMA and it's it helps people with post traumatic

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Speaker 1: Streuss syndrome, which I've been a victim of for thirty

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Speaker 1: three years since my sexual assault and finally getting help

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Speaker 1: that is is specific to post traumatic stress.

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Speaker 3: And this is a new thing that you've been doing. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I believe in it so greatly. I

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Speaker 1: became become an investor, like I'm a part of the

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Speaker 1: NIMA team because it changed my life.

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Speaker 3: Tell me how, tell me what it is like.

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Speaker 1: It's it's a so you can either do like between

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Speaker 1: like ten and fifteen sessions. I did mine sometimes back

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Speaker 1: to back every day, so I might do five one

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Speaker 1: week three the next.

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Speaker 3: Is it therapy?

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Speaker 2: Oh, therapy?

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Speaker 1: Yes, you one on one with a trauma specialist that's

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Speaker 1: trained specifically in uh PTSD therapy and they have tremendous

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Speaker 1: success and they've they've been using therapy on veterans on

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Speaker 1: you know anyone who's suffered, you know, from suffering from

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Speaker 1: post traumatic stress syndrome, and it's funny, it's not funny,

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Speaker 1: but it's the majority of the people that they see.

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Speaker 1: You would imagine that they're soldiers in our veterans, and

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Speaker 1: we are being traumatized daily and we don't recognize that

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Speaker 1: we are being traumatized daily. You mean, like news or

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Speaker 1: just whether it's the news or just things that are

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Speaker 1: happening to us that are devastating that we're not expecting.

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Speaker 1: And you can't predict how it's going to land in

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Speaker 1: your body, right, you know, like my husband grew up.

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Speaker 1: Oh that guy's dead on the street. Oh, you know,

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Speaker 1: parents dealing with addiction and what comes with that, like

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Speaker 1: the uncertainty of childhood. Everything is on the table. Basically,

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Speaker 1: anything could happen at any time that can leave you traumatized,

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Speaker 1: and how it manifests, it may progress to PTSD or not.

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Speaker 1: But there's a lot more people that can benefit from

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Speaker 1: these therapies than probably who would think that they could.

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Speaker 3: But wait, so what is the difference between that and.

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Speaker 1: So I've been in regular therapy literally three days after

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Speaker 1: my assault, right I workman's comp kicked right in, and

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Speaker 1: I started seeing a therapist to help deal with it.

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Speaker 1: But it's therapy that's not like specializing in trauma, in

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Speaker 1: that kind of trauma. So it got me to where

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Speaker 1: it was like a band aid but on a gusher.

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Speaker 1: So it got me till the next week, but I

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Speaker 1: wasn't seeing any progress. So I've been in therapy for

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Speaker 1: thirty three years, but I wasn't. I didn't feel like

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Speaker 1: I was getting better. I have so much like the

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Speaker 1: anxiety would be a full body anxiety. And because I'm

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Speaker 1: a film now, no, not since I completed the session,

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Speaker 1: which is insane because I just held I completed it

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Speaker 1: beginning of October.

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Speaker 3: But that's a lot. So you've been carrying that for

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Speaker 3: all those years.

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Speaker 1: And it just becomes a normal part of your body.

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Speaker 1: But then you know health issue and you're not realizing

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Speaker 1: that it's slowly killing you at the same time.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 1: So not only did I was able to find what

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Speaker 1: peace feels like in my body, my health improved dramatically,

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Speaker 1: like night and day, like the you don't I didn't

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Speaker 1: understand how much that kind of anxiety was inflaming my body,

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Speaker 1: was exacerbating the autoimmunitions.

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Speaker 3: So fascinating to me yet because all these years, I

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Speaker 3: feel like you've done so much work on yourself and

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Speaker 3: therapy and all the things. I feel like you've done

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Speaker 3: all the things.

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Speaker 1: That's what it was. I thought that was the best

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Speaker 1: case scenario. I didn't think it could be better, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm doing everything I can function like I'm not, you know,

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Speaker 1: in a padded cell.

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Speaker 3: But it was a thing I was gonna say. But

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Speaker 3: for you to go searching for that, there had to

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Speaker 3: still be something I.

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Speaker 2: Heard about it.

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Speaker 1: I'd heard about the the NEMA treatments, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I wonder if that that would work for me. And

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Speaker 1: the more I learned about it, I was like, and

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Speaker 1: it's it's like therapists, you know, driven centered, And I

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Speaker 1: was like, can I invest? Can I be not only

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Speaker 1: a client but the player president? Like I want it

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Speaker 1: in because I'm like, if this works for me, I

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Speaker 1: want to scrim from the rooftops that it could work

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Speaker 1: for anybody else. Then it changed everything, and it's you

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Speaker 1: get homework every night, like the homework might be like

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Speaker 1: an hour, almost as long as the session, And it's

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Speaker 1: like reaffirming your safety. And when I felt safe enough

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Speaker 1: to allow peace in now I don't want to let

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Speaker 1: it go, so like, so.

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Speaker 3: Then what shifts, Like what has changed in you since that?

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Speaker 1: The immediacy of the panic, the immediacy of the terror.

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Speaker 1: It's like, if we were to go out like golf, right,

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Speaker 1: if I hate for somebody to have to come correct me. Right, So,

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Speaker 1: if we didn't have the right whatever collared shirt or

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Speaker 1: it's not tucked in, or we don't whatever the rules are

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Speaker 1: the golf course, I would live with anxiety that someone's

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Speaker 1: going to come up and say something to me and

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be disciplined, and I would I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: be able to enjoy myself. But you guys might not

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Speaker 1: notice because it's just what was normal to me and

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Speaker 1: my body like a state of like full terror, and

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Speaker 1: now it's the absence of this.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, is this peace?

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Speaker 1: Because I don't want to ever not have peace, and like,

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Speaker 1: obviously it's life, so bad things are going to happen.

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Speaker 1: Adversity is going to happen, that you might not have

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Speaker 1: a script to the day you're supposed to be shooting

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Speaker 1: ten pages.

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Speaker 2: It's gonna be right, we'll figure it out. But it

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Speaker 2: doesn't have to be feeling like I'm being actively hunted.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: The fact that you've been feeling that that felt that

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Speaker 3: way for so long because you don't present that way

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Speaker 3: at all.

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Speaker 1: That's why everyone's like, you don't really give me, you know,

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Speaker 1: like someone who's anxious. And I was like, because I

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Speaker 1: don't have the option of looking anxious, but that's what's happening.

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Speaker 3: And also because you've been managing it for so long

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Speaker 3: that you manage it well, well it's normal now, right,

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Speaker 3: so you know, you know how to put a face

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Speaker 3: on and you know how to work.

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Speaker 1: Through it, but you still feel it like throughout a

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Speaker 1: whole body, like stomach issues, heart issues.

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Speaker 2: It was it was manifesting and literally out of every pore. Wow.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, so there's another way. And so

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Speaker 1: when I completed it, I was like, Okay, is this

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Speaker 1: gonna stick? And I'm also like when people come up

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Speaker 1: and I can't see them, like the feeling of being

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Speaker 1: startled is like you might as well have a gun

301
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Speaker 1: to my head, like or somebody just somebody saying, hey,

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Speaker 1: it's nice to meet you. But if I don't see

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Speaker 1: them coming, it's like you know inside, But what ends

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Speaker 1: up happening is I'm like it's great to meet you,

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Speaker 1: but inside it's just you know, so I could tell

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Speaker 1: the first time somebody came up to me and I

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Speaker 1: couldn't see them wow, and I was just like, it's

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Speaker 1: nice to meet you. And it wasn't the the full

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Speaker 1: body jolt.

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Speaker 3: That that was recently just recently, yeah.

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Speaker 2: In the last few months, you know, going to work that.

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Speaker 3: Makes me creel like well, first of all, my god,

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Speaker 3: it's like a lesson for like, we don't I don't

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Speaker 3: even know what our people are, friends, people close to us.

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Speaker 3: I mean, you know some things that I've shared with

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Speaker 3: you about my life, and I have the same thing

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Speaker 3: as you. I have to show up for work. I

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Speaker 3: got it. So sometimes you have the worst day, but

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Speaker 3: we know how to show up and deliver and do

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Speaker 3: the things. But it's just I don't know. Hearing you

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Speaker 3: say that, that's like it's just really a testament to like,

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Speaker 3: really you do not know what's going on inside other

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Speaker 3: people's bodies, or inside other people's kind of traumas, or

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Speaker 3: just the internal voices that they have going on, and

325
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Speaker 3: we could miss it by so much, and we're so

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Speaker 3: quick to judge people how they behave, or somebody could

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Speaker 3: see you in that moment. Somebody could have just done

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Speaker 3: that to you and not be thrilled with how you

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Speaker 3: greeted them, not having no idea of the trauma that

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Speaker 3: you were feeling inside.

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Speaker 1: When it makes people feel bad, like you walk up

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Speaker 1: to somebody that you want to say hello to you

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Speaker 1: and they're like you know what I mean, it's kind

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Speaker 1: of hard to continue after that.

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Speaker 3: You're like, never mind, sorry, yeah, And I was like no, no, no,

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Speaker 3: I just got startled. I'm sorry, Well, this is a

337
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Speaker 3: big deal. Then this is a big shift.

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Speaker 2: It's a it's a major shift.

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Speaker 1: And like to feel at peace in my body in

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Speaker 1: the midst of chaos, but I don't succumb to the

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Speaker 1: chaos is huge and it's.

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Speaker 2: New and I'm like I'm not going back.

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Speaker 5: So one of the perks of that, like is like

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Speaker 5: life better, like everything, like there's everything's better, everything's better,

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Speaker 5: and I'm not I just still okay, you know, like

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Speaker 5: mel Robins says, let them let them.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, you think X, Y and Z about me.

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Speaker 1: Okay, life didn't change, but thank you for taking time

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Speaker 1: out of your day to tell me awful I am,

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Speaker 1: But like I don't care.

351
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Speaker 2: I don't care.

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Speaker 1: That's not something I'm going to give energy or attention to.

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Speaker 3: But you did before, you know.

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Speaker 1: I generally don't scroll past the first three comments for

355
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Speaker 1: the most part. So if I go looking for you're

356
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Speaker 1: going to find somebody to tell you about yourself, and

357
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Speaker 1: you're gonna rea something that someone said that you actually

358
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Speaker 1: feel about yourself, and you'll spin out, and oh my god,

359
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Speaker 1: is it?

360
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Speaker 2: Am I that transparent?

361
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Speaker 3: Like?

362
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Speaker 2: Are people seeing every flaw that I feel like.

363
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Speaker 3: I have.

364
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Speaker 2: And it could ruin your day, could ruin your week,

365
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Speaker 2: And now I don't care, God bless.

366
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Speaker 3: It makes me realize how brave you are, though, because

367
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Speaker 3: you've made choices in your own life. You've made choices,

368
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,960
Speaker 3: Your family has made choices to live their lives truthfully

369
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Speaker 3: and publicly and publicly so to know that it would

370
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Speaker 3: affect you that much, but you still made the choice.

371
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Speaker 3: Because I live in truth.

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Speaker 1: I may have been a prisoner to PTSD, but I

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Speaker 1: will never be a prisoner to the fuckery.

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Speaker 2: I'm just I won't. You know.

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Speaker 1: I'm one of those see something, say something people. I

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Speaker 1: need the freedom of truth. I need the freedom to

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Speaker 1: tell the truth, to hear the truth, to hold your

378
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Speaker 1: hand when you're dealing, you know what I mean. But

379
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Speaker 1: if I'm in that other space of pretending and always

380
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,680
Speaker 1: you know, having to to be on, it doesn't really

381
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,440
Speaker 1: allow for you to be human, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: And I'm just not willing.

383
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Speaker 3: To go back.

384
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Speaker 2: It feels too just kick you, sorry.

385
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Speaker 1: It feels too good to be fully in my body

386
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Speaker 1: and fully present and so no matter how hard it is,

387
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,639
Speaker 1: you know, no matter how many how many times the

388
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,960
Speaker 1: FBI calls you, it's like, you know, you and your

389
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,040
Speaker 1: family are on a hit list?

390
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:33,600
Speaker 3: Is that a real thing?

391
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Speaker 1: It's absolutely a real thing. But that's what comes with

392
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Speaker 1: truth telling, you know. But there's also that other price

393
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Speaker 1: to pay.

394
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Speaker 2: But I just I just can't. I can't be put

395
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Speaker 2: into a gilded cage. I don't know.

396
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Speaker 1: I watch too many people that I know and love,

397
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Speaker 1: who have so much to offer and have so many

398
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Speaker 1: amazing things to say, put themselves in a gilded cage,

399
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,840
Speaker 1: you know, afraid, deathly afraid, I mean, and there's things

400
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,840
Speaker 1: to be afraid of, yeah, you know what I mean.

401
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,720
Speaker 1: Death threats are weird. It's a weird sensation. And it's

402
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 1: like if it's just me, but my baby has to

403
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:19,879
Speaker 1: die that's something and I don't think people really understand

404
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,680
Speaker 1: the weight of truth telling in this day and age.

405
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, talk to me about that.

406
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,639
Speaker 1: Being trying to lead from the front all the time.

407
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,840
Speaker 1: I mean, the first one to the microphone, the first

408
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,520
Speaker 1: one who says something, the most you know, fierce and

409
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:40,720
Speaker 1: ferocious advocate and activists. And then my health took a

410
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,800
Speaker 1: big hit, you know, it took a big hit. And

411
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,760
Speaker 1: for years it took us a while process of elimination

412
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,240
Speaker 1: to figure out what was actually going on in my

413
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,679
Speaker 1: body and that I was being ravaged by an autoimmune

414
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:57,480
Speaker 1: issue that is exacerbated by stress and anxiety.

415
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:02,200
Speaker 2: And it was just me always feeling like I got

416
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,240
Speaker 2: I gotta I gotta always be tin toes down on everything.

417
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:07,520
Speaker 2: I was dying slowly.

418
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,119
Speaker 3: I had no idea.

419
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, because it's like for a long time, we

420
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:15,879
Speaker 1: didn't know what exactly it was. So it's like MRIs

421
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,160
Speaker 1: and scans and biopsies and this and that and the other,

422
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,520
Speaker 1: and like you're, you know, waiting for the results and

423
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,520
Speaker 1: they're like, well it's not cancer. You're like, okay, well

424
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 1: what is it.

425
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:23,639
Speaker 3: They're like.

426
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:30,440
Speaker 2: It's a mass. You're like, okay, thanks, insert more anxiety

427
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,400
Speaker 2: but I'm supposed to not have anxiety, so I'm not happening.

428
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:34,840
Speaker 2: It's been the last four years.

429
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:38,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, so finally again kind of close to like October,

430
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 1: getting on the right medication to deal with, you know,

431
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:46,199
Speaker 1: some of these issues. But when you're in it, you know,

432
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:51,520
Speaker 1: people don't understand like inflammation, crazy inflammation can literally make

433
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,000
Speaker 1: your face look like a circle, like and it's not

434
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,879
Speaker 1: going to be the most symmetrical, like you know what

435
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,880
Speaker 1: I mean. So it could be bigger over here, This

436
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,720
Speaker 1: could be bigger this My lip is swollen, and they're like, ah,

437
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 1: bad fella, And I'm like, or I'm slowly dying.

438
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:04,440
Speaker 3: But.

439
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,200
Speaker 2: Get your jokes off, get your jokes on. She's ruined

440
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:08,600
Speaker 2: her face.

441
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,080
Speaker 1: And then now people see me and I'm like, I'm

442
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:15,080
Speaker 1: just not inflamed, you know, I'm not My body as

443
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 1: not trying to kill me. And they're like, oh, she's

444
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,160
Speaker 1: she's let it settle.

445
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 3: You get okay. First of all, stop reading the damn comments. Okay,

446
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,119
Speaker 3: stop reading the comments. You know you don't do it.

447
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,000
Speaker 3: You don't live that way. Just for you to like

448
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,919
Speaker 3: as how you say you step out your advocate and

449
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:34,199
Speaker 3: you stand for so many things. Also, I think you

450
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 3: guys as a family have done that right, Like you've

451
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:40,560
Speaker 3: made a conscious decision to be to stand in your

452
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:46,120
Speaker 3: truth about private things, relationship, your your marriage, your surrogacy,

453
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,600
Speaker 3: I mean so many things about your life. You've been

454
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 3: on the front lines kind of like presenting as hey, guys,

455
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:53,680
Speaker 3: this is okay.

456
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:54,600
Speaker 2: It's okay.

457
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 1: It happens to everybody, you know what I mean. And

458
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,920
Speaker 1: you don't have to throw your children out. You know,

459
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,640
Speaker 1: if if they if they're not exactly what how you

460
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 1: imagine them to be talking two people and they're like

461
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,480
Speaker 1: why just I mean, what will what will? What will

462
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,680
Speaker 1: my family say? What will my church say? What will

463
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 1: these people say? And I'm like, that's your child. You

464
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:23,360
Speaker 1: mean of trends or trans kids, queer kids, family of doctors,

465
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,639
Speaker 1: kid wants to be an engineer. And it's like this

466
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 1: isn't life and death still your baby? You love them them,

467
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 1: and you're supposed to be the sanctuary, not the hell

468
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:39,200
Speaker 1: that they're escaping. But it could be literally about anything,

469
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:42,320
Speaker 1: and right is right and wrong is wrong. And to

470
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,920
Speaker 1: me it's not that hard. But I understand when people

471
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,239
Speaker 1: don't because there is a there is a price. You

472
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:54,920
Speaker 1: may not work again your life may be threatened, your

473
00:22:54,960 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 1: family's lives may be threatened, and you may not be

474
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 1: well versed enough to lead the charge. But there's other

475
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 1: ways of participating in resistance, you know. I talk about

476
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 1: leading from the front, leading from the middle. You could

477
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 1: be an organizer keeping all of us together in the middle.

478
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 1: You can be pushing from the back and holding the line.

479
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 1: There's you don't have to always be front facing. But

480
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 1: in this day and age of performative activism is like

481
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 1: if you didn't post it, it's not happening in our

482
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 1: situation because of I don't want to hear from the

483
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:31,120
Speaker 1: FBI anymore about which group has we're on a hit

484
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 1: list on.

485
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 2: I do.

486
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,720
Speaker 1: I move differently and you may not see or hear

487
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,640
Speaker 1: about every move. But you know me, you know my heart.

488
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:44,400
Speaker 1: I think my history speaks for itself and my reputation

489
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:49,359
Speaker 1: speaks for itself. But also I needed to get better,

490
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 1: you know when they say you got to put your

491
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 1: action in masked on first and then.

492
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 3: Man, So living this way was literally eating away at

493
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 3: your body.

494
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I can't be in that state all the time,

495
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 1: you know, And I don't have control of every situation

496
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 1: like ol Boog was on your show, Lauren Lauren.

497
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,880
Speaker 2: El boog We love El Buggy.

498
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,159
Speaker 1: I watched that episode like, oh, Gems, and I was

499
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,399
Speaker 1: hitting Lauren. I'm like, yo, when you said this, this

500
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 1: and that. She's like, Okay, I'm gonna come over. We're

501
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:19,959
Speaker 1: gonna sit in your back yard. We're going to talk

502
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 1: about this.

503
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 2: And what was it?

504
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 4: Uh?

505
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,679
Speaker 1: It's about like the control element, the need for control

506
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 1: and feeling like you always have to chime in or

507
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 1: offer advice. And is the advice really for the other

508
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:37,880
Speaker 1: person or is it for you to have some control,

509
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 1: some semblance of control, trying to control situations. We talked

510
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,199
Speaker 1: about that in high up as we her whatever you

511
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 1: guys talked about. That's what led Yea led to and

512
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:54,320
Speaker 1: she was like, unless they specifically ask for your opinion,

513
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 1: don't offer it. People need to come to their truth

514
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 1: how they come to it. It's not up to us

515
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,679
Speaker 1: to steer them in any one direction, because then we

516
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:06,880
Speaker 1: have to get into our need for control.

517
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,160
Speaker 2: What is that about? You know what I mean?

518
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,359
Speaker 3: Like, I love that you saw our conversation, and I mean,

519
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 3: I know you know her and your relationship with her,

520
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 3: but I love that it sparked another conversation that literally.

521
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:18,960
Speaker 2: Sparked a lot of conversation. She was there for a

522
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 2: few hours.

523
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 1: Wow, and just there's a wisdom that she has has

524
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,639
Speaker 1: gleaned from her life that she has used. You know,

525
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 1: she has so much to offer and you really, Oh.

526
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 3: It was my first one of my favorites. Yeah, for sure.

527
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,399
Speaker 3: I learned so much from that. Somebody was just asking

528
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 3: me the other day about like they always ask what's

529
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:38,920
Speaker 3: your favorite anemay, I'm like, I can't say. It's really

530
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 3: hard to It's just we're all just trying, man, We're

531
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 3: all just like I'm trying to do a show. She's

532
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 3: trying to survive her situation and she's learned so much

533
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:49,960
Speaker 3: along the way. And to me, like, that's all we

534
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,159
Speaker 3: could do is show up with what we have to

535
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 3: offer on that day, share our experiences in a way

536
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 3: that we hope, hope lands in a positive way for

537
00:25:58,840 --> 00:25:59,400
Speaker 3: someone else.

538
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 1: I mean, well, none of us should be having to

539
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 1: suffer in silence or feel like you're suffering alone, like

540
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 1: no one could possibly understand this. It's like it helps

541
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,919
Speaker 1: to talk about it, you know, whether it's like sparked

542
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: from a podcast, it's like, I think I need help

543
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: with this. How do you move through the world, how

544
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 1: do you get up every day? What does joy look

545
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 1: like to you? What does justice look like to you?

546
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:23,239
Speaker 3: Like?

547
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:26,920
Speaker 2: How do you have tools? You know what I mean?

548
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 3: And it's crazy because we have to learn those and

549
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,159
Speaker 3: ask those questions for ourselves. But then you take you,

550
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,040
Speaker 3: for instance, or any of us who are moms. Now

551
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:39,200
Speaker 3: you also have to do it as a parent, and

552
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 3: you as a mother, I think is an interesting topic

553
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 3: because no, you're really a lovely mother, Like you worked

554
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 3: so hard to be a mother, and you're like this

555
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 3: amazing mother not only to Kabya, but to all of

556
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,960
Speaker 3: your kids, your bonus children. I don't know what you

557
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 3: call them. Do you call them step kids? Just your kids?

558
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 2: The kids?

559
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,199
Speaker 3: Just the kids? But I mean, you worked to be

560
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 3: a mother, didn't It wasn't just too easy? For some

561
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 3: women it's too easy. It's like they get pregnant, somebody

562
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 3: give flirts with them and they're pregnant. Like you really

563
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 3: worked for that and struggle and then and you do

564
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 3: it in such a meaningful, intentional kind of way. Just

565
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,159
Speaker 3: watching you a cob and I just wonder out what

566
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 3: it's changed for you. What you've learned about yourself is

567
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:22,640
Speaker 3: becoming the mom.

568
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 1: Well, you know, they watch every single thing, right, Like

569
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:30,199
Speaker 1: CoV said the other day, why do you wear Why

570
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 1: do you wear wigs.

571
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 2: All the time?

572
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 1: I was like, well, mommy goes to work and I

573
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 1: have to be different characters and sometimes I wear wigs

574
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,880
Speaker 1: to try it out before I commit to the look.

575
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:44,120
Speaker 1: She was like, oh, you know, but in her mind,

576
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 1: why wasn't I happy with how I looked? When I

577
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,920
Speaker 1: preach that to her, you know what I mean, I'm like,

578
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:51,920
Speaker 1: I love your girls, Oh my gosh, your hair is

579
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,640
Speaker 1: so beautiful. And she was like, yeah, I think your

580
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 1: hair is beautiful too. How come you got a wig on?

581
00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:58,440
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

582
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 1: She goes check you, checking the boot, and like there

583
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 1: was one day it was me her indeed, driving the

584
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,239
Speaker 1: car and I was like, oh, can you wear your

585
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,879
Speaker 1: head like half a half down? Like that's like one

586
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,440
Speaker 1: of my favorite looks. And she was like, I don't

587
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 1: really want to do that, and I was like, oh,

588
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,160
Speaker 1: come on, g She was like, I thought.

589
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:14,640
Speaker 2: It was my hair.

590
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,760
Speaker 1: But I'm teaching her to how to advocate for herself

591
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,119
Speaker 1: and have agency over her own body. And you know,

592
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,639
Speaker 1: if this it's her hair, who cares? It's not like

593
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:30,159
Speaker 1: you know, but that figuring out like when do you

594
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,199
Speaker 1: like force your will on your child and when do

595
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 1: you offer options? Just so trying to find those balances.

596
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 1: And also you know she's she's very much a leader

597
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: at home, but at school she can follow the crowd

598
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 1: and helping her find her voice where I'm like, you know,

599
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 1: you don't have to do that just because your friend

600
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 1: told you to. Yeah, well I want her to play

601
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:56,200
Speaker 1: with me at recess. And I was like, ooh, it

602
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 1: starts early, you know, do this so we can be friends.

603
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 1: Do that so I can love you. Do this, you know.

604
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 1: And it's like it seems like, well it's harmless, you know,

605
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 1: but it's a pattern where you start just being people pleasing,

606
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 1: shape shifting to fit in and shape shifting and doing

607
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 1: whatever people pleasing to get the invite to have access.

608
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 1: And it's like when she start, it's hard to stop.

609
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,240
Speaker 3: She's so great, though, do you have a worry about her?

610
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 3: Lookod like the famous kids Blue, Ivy and North, And

611
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 3: I see the way people talk to these children children

612
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 3: then they have so many people have opinions about children.

613
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 2: So many opinions.

614
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 3: Do you worry about that? For you? Even Zaia because

615
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 3: she's been such like she's a post to child somewhat

616
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 3: at this point, like do you have a I don't know,

617
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 3: concerns or regrets of being having them so public or Zaia.

618
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 2: That was her choice.

619
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 1: She did not like people dead naming her, and we

620
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: were like, we can correct people, but it kind of

621
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 1: open up a whole other can of worms. And she

622
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:06,959
Speaker 1: was like, I want them to use my name, and

623
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 1: we were like, okay, well these are this is how

624
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:13,240
Speaker 1: we could do this, but it's really going to open

625
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 1: up a whole can of worms, like you can't you know,

626
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 1: put back, put it back. And she was very determined,

627
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 1: and so that sort of opened the door for her

628
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 1: speaking out and being very clear about her identity and

629
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 1: her confidence and comfort in it, and we support her

630
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:38,160
Speaker 1: being her full true self. We would have probably been

631
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 1: more comfort comfortable where you know, she waited a couple

632
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:46,479
Speaker 1: of years, but it's years of her parents doing a

633
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,440
Speaker 1: ton of interviews where they're speaking of her with a

634
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 1: name that she does not recognize. And so I respect it.

635
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 1: I absolutely respect it. And every kid is different, like

636
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 1: every child is different, and you know it is, it

637
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 1: is what it is, and you you rally, you know

638
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 1: what I mean, you offer support like cove, because I

639
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 1: had talked so much about my infertility and we were

640
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 1: so overjoyed, and so many people, like strangers, wanted me

641
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 1: to be pregnant so badly, and it was like, and

642
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 1: you know, I remember there we were on our way

643
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 1: to some event in New York and I was, you know,

644
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 1: I think I was in the middle of an IVF

645
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 1: cycle and I looked two months pregnant, like or second

646
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,760
Speaker 1: semester pregnant, and people like the page six was like

647
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 1: she's pregnant, and people were so happy, and it led

648
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: to a miscarriage. You know, it didn't lead to obviously,

649
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 1: it didn't lead to a live birth. And so when

650
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,760
Speaker 1: she was finally born and home, I was like, I

651
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 1: want to share with people that, you know, we keep

652
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,719
Speaker 1: hope alive and here's our beautiful baby and this is

653
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 1: the route I had to go, and these are the reasons.

654
00:31:58,520 --> 00:31:59,959
Speaker 2: And then she just had such fun.

655
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 3: You know, she is such a good face.

656
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 1: You know, and now it's she does it on her own,

657
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 1: and it's like we're like, cave, you want to post this, no, okay?

658
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 1: And this was moon It's less than what it was

659
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: obviously when she was little, and it's really her choice,

660
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 1: and usually she chooses like she doesn't want to.

661
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 2: No, we respect it and keep it pushing.

662
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,239
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Speaker 3: one eight hundred gambler In Arizona, Colorado, Illinois, Michigan, New Jersey, Ohio, Tennessee,

687
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 3: or Virginia. All right, what about marriage? What have you

688
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 3: learned about marriage?

689
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 2: Do you don't know shit about marriage?

690
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 3: Is that true? Even now? How many years are you need?

691
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 3: Ten plus ten?

692
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:47,320
Speaker 2: Right?

693
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 3: You're two eleven eleven years? Okay.

694
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 1: It's like marriage is this living, breathing thing that you

695
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 1: have to feed and nurture, and you don't always have

696
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 1: the time to to be great at it. And on

697
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 1: those days as you're trying to take shortcuts are probably

698
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,320
Speaker 1: the days you had to suck You were supposed to

699
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:12,320
Speaker 1: suck it up and offer more grace and offer more kindness.

700
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 1: And or companionship. And when people are like, oh, marriage

701
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 1: goals other than us being honest about our marriage, you

702
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,719
Speaker 1: got to figure out what works for your marriage. And

703
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:26,760
Speaker 1: each one is very unique. Like I don't know anybody

704
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 1: who has a marriage like ours. And it's not because

705
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 1: we're you know whatever. It's like we don't know what

706
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,239
Speaker 1: that was like, you know whatever, people whatever, people like

707
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:41,320
Speaker 1: to think about it. But like we're very we're our schedules.

708
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:45,040
Speaker 1: We miss each other a lot, and we miss each

709
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:48,400
Speaker 1: other a lot. So like our time together is like

710
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:52,840
Speaker 1: literally legs like all intertwined, like we are physically touching

711
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 1: all the time, you know, joined at the hip and

712
00:34:56,280 --> 00:35:00,040
Speaker 1: then I'm in Rome for three weeks and you know

713
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:04,719
Speaker 1: or whatever. So our level of communication had to improve,

714
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And we try not to

715
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 1: hang out with other couples who.

716
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,279
Speaker 2: Don't like each other. Oh that's you know what I mean,

717
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:13,839
Speaker 2: because it is contagious. Yeah, you know what I mean.

718
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:16,799
Speaker 1: You get and you know, previously we there might be

719
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:19,600
Speaker 1: circles where they're like, well this bitch, it's like this

720
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:22,959
Speaker 1: nigga right here, like and then you kind of fall

721
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 1: in because that's how you guys are communicating as friends.

722
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 1: Like you're complaining as communication and then you go home

723
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,959
Speaker 1: and you're like, h you know what I mean, because

724
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,319
Speaker 1: that's just what you were with. You know, when we

725
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 1: talk about vacations, you you know, we've all vacation together.

726
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 1: But you got to have other couples who are at

727
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,239
Speaker 1: least on the same page. It's obviously your relationship is

728
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 1: going to be different. But I need you to like

729
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,399
Speaker 1: this motherfucker, like, don't come on vacation and you.

730
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:48,799
Speaker 2: Want to complain, you know what I mean? Shit, Like

731
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 2: I like this man that is contagious.

732
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, like so surrounding your Actually I like him a lot,

733
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:58,600
Speaker 1: Like he's literally my favorite person.

734
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 2: That's like we talk all day long, but it's like

735
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:04,919
Speaker 2: half the time we talk in memes and gifts. Yeah,

736
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:05,759
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

737
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 3: But that's how it has to start.

738
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:07,799
Speaker 2: Though.

739
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 3: It starts with that, right. Yeah.

740
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,759
Speaker 2: Like we were in Japan for two weeks and just

741
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,879
Speaker 2: having like adventures, you.

742
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 1: Know, just the two of these, the two of us

743
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 1: have the time of our lives. I mean, granted, we

744
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:21,279
Speaker 1: ran into Michael b. Jordan and ste Lo, but oh yeah,

745
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 1: hung out with them for New Year's but like we

746
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 1: had our own adventure it was great.

747
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 3: I think that's a big key to getting it right.

748
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,279
Speaker 3: It's just picking somebody that you likee Like.

749
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:35,000
Speaker 1: If you get into an argument with your friend, yeah,

750
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:37,279
Speaker 1: if you really really like them, you get over it.

751
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 1: Like you figure out how to communicate through, you know,

752
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 1: the tough spots, because like half of our arguments, like

753
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 1: I'll be so pissed, but then I want to tell

754
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,840
Speaker 1: him something or I got a joke. I'm like, okay,

755
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:51,920
Speaker 1: we have to make up just so I can get

756
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 1: this joke off.

757
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:56,319
Speaker 3: But I don't know.

758
00:36:57,320 --> 00:36:58,960
Speaker 2: We have figured it out for us.

759
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 3: And he adored you the same way.

760
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:04,360
Speaker 1: Like when I look up and he's looking at me,

761
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 1: and it's like it's kind of like the best because

762
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:12,399
Speaker 1: it's like the person I want, whose eyes I want

763
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 1: on me, you know what I mean?

764
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 3: And uh, that's pretty great.

765
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 2: Look like, ye, he was gonna miss the premiere because

766
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 2: you know, his coaches, his college coaches being honored at Marquette,

767
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:27,359
Speaker 2: and you know he was supposed to be there and

768
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 2: for the goat.

769
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:30,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's gonna miss the Goal premiere and he's in it,

770
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 1: like you know. And then he was like I'll be there,

771
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 1: and I was like, he's in it.

772
00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 3: Too. Yeah, he's a voice.

773
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 2: He's the voice. He's a voice. There's a lot of voice.

774
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:43,680
Speaker 3: There's a lot of voice voices besides.

775
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:47,280
Speaker 1: I mean, Steph is a voice. He's the giraffe, Caleb McLaughlan,

776
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 1: He's from Stranger Things, he's the main voice. Aaron Pierre,

777
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 1: Jennifer Hudson, Jennifer Lewis, Nick Roll, a lot of people.

778
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so many voices.

779
00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 3: What a cute little concept. Though.

780
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:01,279
Speaker 1: The Goat, I think it's just so relatable and it's

781
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 1: like this little goat who you know, believe, believes, and

782
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: the goat is like the goat. The movie is based

783
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:11,799
Speaker 1: on loosely based on Steph's, you know, career, because when

784
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 1: I first met Steph, he was just uh it was

785
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 1: it was his rookie year and him and I show,

786
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:20,839
Speaker 1: you know, joined at the hips, I mean, the same

787
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:21,319
Speaker 1: they have been.

788
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 3: I say, that's a good couple for you guys to

789
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 3: hang out with.

790
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we have randomly, like randomly, they really like

791
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 1: each other. They very much like each other, and they're

792
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 1: very much in alignment.

793
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:30,880
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

794
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: So it's interesting to listen to the commentary because you're like,

795
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 1: clearly you've never been around them, And nobody loved step

796
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,320
Speaker 1: more than Ayisha, and nobody love is more than Steph.

797
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:41,880
Speaker 2: Like he's such a good egg and he does a

798
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 2: great job. He does a really great job as a

799
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:44,480
Speaker 2: voice actor.

800
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 3: All Right, so we have we have a couple of

801
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 3: iron questions for you and irol Bowl, so we could

802
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,400
Speaker 3: get into your real life philosophies. But first we have

803
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,719
Speaker 3: a voice note. This is our boostmobile voice note where

804
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 3: someone comes in leaves you a voice message or a question. Okay,

805
00:38:58,560 --> 00:38:59,719
Speaker 3: I don't really know what it is. We have to

806
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:00,520
Speaker 3: listen first.

807
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:06,279
Speaker 2: Hey, Gav, it's shy girl. How do you protect your boundaries?

808
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 4: See I'm a thug, but I'm a nice one and

809
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:12,840
Speaker 4: I forgive way too much. So I want to know

810
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 4: how are you forgiving but still making sure that people

811
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 4: don't cross you?

812
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 2: Because it never gave doormat for real, for real.

813
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:24,240
Speaker 3: It never gave doormats.

814
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 1: I feel like we talked about this a little bit

815
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 1: in Miami a couple of weeks ago. I had to

816
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 1: learn that when it comes to access opportunities money, that

817
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:43,879
Speaker 1: people will always be cheering for you. But if they're

818
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:50,680
Speaker 1: access money whatever is threatened, that they can turn on you.

819
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 1: And when you watch people that you thought you could trust,

820
00:39:55,560 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 1: like show what really matters and it's not you, it's

821
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 1: devastating and you realize, like I had no boundaries because

822
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,279
Speaker 1: like you know me, like if we ride like we

823
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:12,799
Speaker 1: are riding to the wheels fell off, like I will

824
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:14,520
Speaker 1: go to battle, like that's just how I move with

825
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:17,800
Speaker 1: my friends. If we're close enough where like I'll physically

826
00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:19,920
Speaker 1: fight somebody for you, then it is what it is.

827
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 1: There are no boundaries, you know what I mean. But

828
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:24,759
Speaker 1: I've had to figure out how to love you from

829
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 1: across the street. But also part of having boundaries is

830
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,320
Speaker 1: if you're in my life and you know, people make mistakes,

831
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:37,239
Speaker 1: things happen, and you can't own your shit, you have

832
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:41,320
Speaker 1: no place in my life. I cannot do no accountability.

833
00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:44,799
Speaker 1: I can't, I don't and I don't need like a

834
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 1: whole operation. I just oh, my bad, you know, my bad. Sorry, apology, sorry.

835
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:51,200
Speaker 1: And it's like it's.

836
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:53,799
Speaker 3: Really hard for some people, by the way, it's like impossible.

837
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 1: We had this conversation on set the other day and

838
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:58,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, and it's a scene. These are fake people.

839
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 1: These people do not exist, and like the guys were like, no,

840
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 1: he apologized. I said, no, the apology was and for that,

841
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 1: I apologize.

842
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 2: He was wrong for the whole thing.

843
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 1: Why why you guys don't hear like the I apologize

844
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:16,160
Speaker 1: for that when the issue is the whole thing was wrong.

845
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:20,320
Speaker 1: Why do you have to qualify your apology? Why can't

846
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 1: you just admit to being wrong? Why can't this character

847
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 1: admit that he lied?

848
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 2: Well, he didn't lie. I'm like, well, we didn't tell

849
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 2: the truth. When I asked, what do you call that?

850
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:32,239
Speaker 2: The omission of the truth is it's a fallacy, it's

851
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 2: a lie.

852
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 3: Same shit? Yeah, why does it? Like? What?

853
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:39,920
Speaker 1: These are fake characters? Why won't you guys like what

854
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 1: is the issue? And I'm like, what do you think

855
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 1: happens inside when you just own your shit? And then

856
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 1: we got on this conversation and it dawned on me

857
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 1: when people refuse to be accountable, especially when they want

858
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 1: to gaslight you. They want to control you. They want

859
00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 1: to control your movements, they want to control your your

860
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 1: your your body. They want to control your reactions, and

861
00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:07,839
Speaker 1: they want to control how you ultimately see them. And

862
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 1: that's so devious, it's so manipulative, and it's it's dark,

863
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:13,800
Speaker 1: and I'm just too old.

864
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:15,480
Speaker 2: It's to be dealing with this and.

865
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:16,839
Speaker 3: It's not uncommon.

866
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 1: Oh, it's super common, and you let it slide because

867
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 1: that's not a big deal. But then it starts to

868
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:24,359
Speaker 1: add up and it's like, do you you just never

869
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,719
Speaker 1: want to own your shit? I can't be around you

870
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 1: because I can't trust you. You'll lie about I saw

871
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:32,440
Speaker 1: you at Burger King and you're like, I want to McDonald's.

872
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:36,560
Speaker 2: What is wrong with you? Now? You're like, that's so,

873
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:37,959
Speaker 2: like I don't know what you're around.

874
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:43,800
Speaker 1: So, and accountability is about it is the bearerest of minimums.

875
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 1: And then also everybody doesn't need to be everywhere. Everyone

876
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:52,399
Speaker 1: doesn't need free access to every part of your life,

877
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 1: especially people who cannot be trusted with your truth. And

878
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 1: if everything that happens to me has to be somehow

879
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:07,719
Speaker 1: quantified for you in terms of money, in terms of opportunity,

880
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 1: in terms of access, that's not a friend. That's I

881
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,760
Speaker 1: feel like it's constantly everything is transactional.

882
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 3: Like a burden.

883
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:18,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so I've.

884
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 1: Had to learn how to create boundaries and understand what

885
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 1: it is and want to understand what it is.

886
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,719
Speaker 2: And I was trying to make fetch happen with a

887
00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:27,920
Speaker 2: lot of a lot of people.

888
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 3: I was talking about that the other day, because you

889
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:33,840
Speaker 3: put people in boxes.

890
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:35,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's okay.

891
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,439
Speaker 3: And some friends are like your friends that you have

892
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 3: for play dates, or there's friends that you have that

893
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 3: are just a good time.

894
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 2: Like great, let's go to the bar, let's have a dream.

895
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,359
Speaker 3: I think where people fuck up is that you try

896
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:48,160
Speaker 3: to take a friend that's there for a good time

897
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 3: and you try to make them your person, or you try.

898
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:56,200
Speaker 3: You you miscategorize people in your life, and so it's

899
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:59,440
Speaker 3: important to kind of know where they're there and know

900
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:01,399
Speaker 3: what they're their role is in your life. I think

901
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 3: is also an important thing with boundaries.

902
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 1: You learn the second you say no, who is really

903
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 1: there for what people's reaction to no, like just to no,

904
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:16,920
Speaker 1: if they lose their shit, who got I mean, I

905
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,799
Speaker 1: don't know what other kind of sign you need. They

906
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:23,800
Speaker 1: reveal themselves. But also like I don't say yes to everything.

907
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 1: I used to feel like I have to be everywhere

908
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: and do everything, and I got to be I got

909
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:30,759
Speaker 1: to be everything for everyone and it left nothing for me.

910
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 2: So just learning through trial and error. It's life. You're

911
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,440
Speaker 2: never going to get it right. But just understanding that

912
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 2: like you.

913
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:40,239
Speaker 1: Don't have to say yes to everything, you don't have

914
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:43,879
Speaker 1: to be everyone's everything, because you will end up at

915
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 1: a deficit.

916
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:46,400
Speaker 3: Hey guys, support for this podcast is brought to you

917
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:50,080
Speaker 3: by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what

918
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 3: if I could go after what I actually want and

919
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 3: I could really make a difference. Well, you are not alone,

920
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:57,799
Speaker 3: and this is exactly why I want to tell you

921
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 3: about Walden University. For over fifty years, Walden has helped

922
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:05,240
Speaker 3: working adults like you get the w with the knowledge,

923
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 3: the skills and everything you need to build the future

924
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 3: that you want and you can make a difference where

925
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:13,240
Speaker 3: it matters most. If you've been waiting for the right moment,

926
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 3: this is it. Head to WALDENU dot edu and take

927
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:20,560
Speaker 3: that first step. Walden University set a course for Change,

928
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 3: certified to operate by shiv Okay in real life, let's

929
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,839
Speaker 3: do ball. This is our IRL bowl of questions in

930
00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 3: real life Gabrielle Union. Let's see what you get and

931
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 3: our IRL bowl is brought to you by Walden University.

932
00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:36,879
Speaker 3: Hmm is it good enough?

933
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:38,560
Speaker 2: Well, there's the real answer and then the what I'm

934
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:40,240
Speaker 2: gonna I would say, I would like the real one.

935
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 1: I cannot Okay, what is the question because you know

936
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 1: the answer. What do you do to decompress after a

937
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 1: long day?

938
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:50,320
Speaker 3: Hmmm?

939
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:54,319
Speaker 1: The answer I will share is that I like to

940
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 1: sit or lay in silence, like I just need fifteen

941
00:45:58,600 --> 00:45:59,840
Speaker 1: minutes of no sound.

942
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,160
Speaker 3: Do you really know this? Every day? Yeah?

943
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:04,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, Usually it's after CoV goes to bed. So it's

944
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 1: like she goes to bed at seven thirty. We increased

945
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:10,400
Speaker 1: it an hour. So once she goes to bed, is

946
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 1: I feel like I've I've lost the war? And I

947
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 1: just get in my bed and I lay there in silence,

948
00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:18,239
Speaker 1: and do you respects it?

949
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 3: Oh? It's like an known thing in the house.

950
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:24,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I just need a minute to just yeah.

951
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 3: Yeah.

952
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:27,839
Speaker 1: And for me, silence is so golden. I can hear

953
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:30,319
Speaker 1: my own thoughts. It just gives me a chance to

954
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:34,400
Speaker 1: just calm down. I must try, and then I step

955
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:35,160
Speaker 1: out on the balcony.

956
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 3: Dot dot, do whatever else you need to do for yourself.

957
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:43,319
Speaker 3: All right, take one more, do one more while we

958
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:44,800
Speaker 3: pick pick a good one.

959
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:48,080
Speaker 1: If you could instantly master a skill, what would it be?

960
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 1: Listen if I could sing? Look are you just little sang? Oh?

961
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 3: Sing?

962
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:59,279
Speaker 1: Like I like practiced for like eight months to sing

963
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:04,720
Speaker 1: this one song for our anniversary, and it was the hardest.

964
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:06,759
Speaker 1: I mean, I had the respect I have for singers. Wait,

965
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 1: what did you sing again, Shania Twain?

966
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:09,799
Speaker 3: Oh, that's right.

967
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:11,960
Speaker 1: And because it was it's a joke, it could like

968
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 1: it was one of the first you know, when you

969
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:14,919
Speaker 1: meet somebody, Oh.

970
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 3: My story for somebody who doesn't.

971
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 1: I did not take him seriously, you know what I mean,

972
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:21,759
Speaker 1: Like I was doing the most and I just didn't

973
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:22,440
Speaker 1: take him seriously.

974
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:24,320
Speaker 2: So I kind of tortured him. Initially.

975
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:27,239
Speaker 1: I made him listen to the Jersey Boys soundtrack like

976
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:31,880
Speaker 1: on repeat. I was playing like country music hits. So

977
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 1: one of the first songs I played for him when

978
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:37,359
Speaker 1: we met was like, shan Shania Twain, You're still the one.

979
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 1: And then it just became this reoccurring joke, like I

980
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 1: rap a movie. He hires like a choir and a

981
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 1: band to sing You're still the one and give me

982
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,160
Speaker 1: flowers like before I head to the airport to come

983
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 1: back home.

984
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 2: It's just like a thing that was so cute and.

985
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:55,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so I practiced with a vocal coach and

986
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 1: then got in the studio and laid the track with

987
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 1: like a full band, and I wanted to do you know,

988
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 1: do it special, but it's really hard and that's not

989
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:05,920
Speaker 1: a skill, Like, it's not a skill. You would never

990
00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:06,839
Speaker 1: I would never shut up.

991
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 2: I'd be like, that's why you can't say I can't.

992
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 3: So I got didn't give me that good. I would

993
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:12,160
Speaker 3: be the same way.

994
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:13,760
Speaker 2: Oh, I'd be obnoxious.

995
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 3: That's funny because Valentine's Day is coming up. You guys

996
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:19,839
Speaker 3: are big, like you're festive, you do events, like what

997
00:48:19,920 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 3: is the what is Valentine's Day? What is the key

998
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 3: to romance in your house? Do you?

999
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:28,520
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day got co opted and it's been co opted

1000
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,680
Speaker 1: our whole relationship because it falls over all Star weekend.

1001
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:35,839
Speaker 1: But he like he does Valentine's Day throughout the year.

1002
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:40,080
Speaker 1: So he'll send me flowers just because, or he'll write

1003
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:43,440
Speaker 1: me a poem, or he'll just send the most beautiful letter.

1004
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 2: And they're like, who are you? Like, who are you

1005
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:46,520
Speaker 2: right now?

1006
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 3: Like for real?

1007
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 2: And it works, it works, honey, it works, it works.

1008
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:55,960
Speaker 3: And what about you? What is your love language? Like

1009
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:57,400
Speaker 3: how do you show romance?

1010
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:01,960
Speaker 2: Oh? I mean his thing is physical touch, so.

1011
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 3: He's just do it.

1012
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 1: That's romantic, right, He's like, great, I love your I

1013
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 1: love your version of romance.

1014
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:15,360
Speaker 3: So whatever literally is happy? Okay on a scale of

1015
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 3: one to ten, How happy are.

1016
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:18,359
Speaker 2: You, gab Oh today, I'm a ten?

1017
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,360
Speaker 3: Really love that? Yeah? And average, what would.

1018
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 1: You say I'm now in the last few months, like eight?

1019
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 1: Like I average like a solid eight, since learning how

1020
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:30,239
Speaker 1: to be peaceful and since learning like since teaching my

1021
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:32,840
Speaker 1: body not to stay in a state of terror. Okay,

1022
00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:35,799
Speaker 1: Like I find the joy in everything, you know, Like

1023
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 1: I there's generally speaking, I get anxious before I do

1024
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:42,319
Speaker 1: press runs because I'm honest and I'm gonna say something

1025
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:44,680
Speaker 1: that's gonna go viral, and then I got to deal

1026
00:49:44,719 --> 00:49:47,560
Speaker 1: with that. And if you ask him, generally speaking, tell

1027
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:51,400
Speaker 1: the truth except what I really do to decompress. And

1028
00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:54,399
Speaker 1: you just have to deal with your truth being out there.

1029
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 1: And however people are gonna, you know, tweak it. And

1030
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 1: he goes, just have fun. It's like, it's fun, this

1031
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:03,719
Speaker 1: is this is what we dreamt of.

1032
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 2: Have fun.

1033
00:50:04,680 --> 00:50:05,920
Speaker 3: Who said that? Oh?

1034
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 2: And I was like, so this morning it's like five am.

1035
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:13,919
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm up. I'm didn't sleep, but have fun. Yeah,

1036
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 1: it's been fun. And knowing that it was ending, the

1037
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:17,359
Speaker 1: day was going to end with.

1038
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:20,480
Speaker 3: You in real life?

1039
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:25,719
Speaker 2: What should people care about less, oh other, what other

1040
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 2: people think of you?

1041
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:28,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you will.

1042
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:32,160
Speaker 1: I've seen so many people create a small life for

1043
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:36,920
Speaker 1: themselves just so people don't have something to say. And

1044
00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:41,719
Speaker 1: you watch dreams like that, you know they have never eat,

1045
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:45,760
Speaker 1: They never even try because of the noise and because

1046
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 1: of this, because of that, and they just their lives.

1047
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:51,040
Speaker 3: I think that's probably way more common.

1048
00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 2: It's very common.

1049
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:54,200
Speaker 1: Or you do the safe thing but not the thing

1050
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 1: you're passionate about, and you just kind of give up

1051
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 1: and for what and for what ever? Was somebody like,

1052
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 1: don't take advice from people who've never done what you've done,

1053
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:08,080
Speaker 1: which is why, you know, I'm very glad stuff. And

1054
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:11,480
Speaker 1: I usually never took my advice as I was putting

1055
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,600
Speaker 1: my bullshit onto them, you know what I mean. I

1056
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:16,239
Speaker 1: was putting my fears about marriage. This is before they

1057
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:16,720
Speaker 1: were married.

1058
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:17,600
Speaker 3: Well was it.

1059
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:19,759
Speaker 1: I don't know this one day, I'll tell you this

1060
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:21,920
Speaker 1: full story, but I offered some stupid advice kind of

1061
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 1: like well publicly.

1062
00:51:23,320 --> 00:51:23,400
Speaker 3: No.

1063
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 1: We were at a party and I was like, let

1064
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:28,080
Speaker 1: me tell you coming out, because of course I've been

1065
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:31,840
Speaker 1: drinking and luckily they were like, okay, that's thanks, Gab

1066
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 1: and then didn't take my advice and they're they're happy

1067
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 1: and successful. And they did they did their you know,

1068
00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:42,160
Speaker 1: their family route, their way, at their pace, what worked

1069
00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:43,920
Speaker 1: for them. But had he listened to me or she

1070
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,720
Speaker 1: had listened to me, like, they wouldn't be the courage

1071
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:49,960
Speaker 1: that we know. And I needed to shut the fuck up.

1072
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:54,040
Speaker 1: Most people need to shut the fuck up, you know

1073
00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:56,280
Speaker 1: what I mean, like, shut the fuck up. You literally

1074
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:59,839
Speaker 1: don't know what you're talking about. And we sent her

1075
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 1: ignorance in our decision making. And it's the quickest route

1076
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:07,839
Speaker 1: to have a small life that you will never find

1077
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:08,279
Speaker 1: joy in.

1078
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:10,280
Speaker 2: Did you even try?

1079
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 3: You try to try? You gotta try. You don't have to.

1080
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:17,200
Speaker 3: You know, we have Tisha Campbell coming up, and what's

1081
00:52:17,239 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 3: it next week or the week after? And I know,

1082
00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 3: I don't know why her name keeps coming up, Like

1083
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 3: I just had Tasha Smith on who said Tisha at

1084
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 3: the beginning of Tasha's career let hers like stay at

1085
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 3: her sleep in her house, and she showed her what

1086
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 3: was possible. But she also had an impact in your life.

1087
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:36,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I mean when I first got into Hollywood.

1088
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 1: I'm so lucky that my OG's took my sanity and

1089
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:44,880
Speaker 1: my and protecting me very.

1090
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:47,440
Speaker 2: Seriously, who are your OG's, Taisha to.

1091
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:52,759
Speaker 1: Shina and Regina King Oh, and they just they just

1092
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:58,240
Speaker 1: took that their privilege and they put a bubble around

1093
00:52:58,239 --> 00:53:02,880
Speaker 1: me and so many of us. And uh, Tisha and

1094
00:53:02,920 --> 00:53:06,880
Speaker 1: her former spouse invited me and my former spouse.

1095
00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:10,479
Speaker 3: Uh they have no name. They were never they.

1096
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:11,360
Speaker 2: Will not be name.

1097
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,479
Speaker 1: Up to their up to their their camp, their house

1098
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 1: in the in the in Big Bear or whatever. And

1099
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:23,240
Speaker 1: she recognized that I was struggling, and she was like, Gab,

1100
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:27,720
Speaker 1: are you seeking therapy? Have you ever had a black therapist,

1101
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:31,080
Speaker 1: a black woman therapist? And I was like, if it's

1102
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 1: out of copet, Like, if it's out of my you know,

1103
00:53:34,280 --> 00:53:35,000
Speaker 1: I can't.

1104
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:36,759
Speaker 2: Afford that because you're a young actress at this I'm

1105
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:37,400
Speaker 2: a young actress.

1106
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:39,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm like, I can't afford out of pocket,

1107
00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:42,319
Speaker 1: Like it's got to be you know. And she was like,

1108
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 1: there will that will never be an excuse for you.

1109
00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:48,160
Speaker 1: She's like, I got it, and she paid for the

1110
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:52,040
Speaker 1: first I mean it was a lot of sessions. Wow,

1111
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:54,120
Speaker 1: with the therapists. I still have to this day. She

1112
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:55,880
Speaker 1: paid for it, just for it.

1113
00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:58,879
Speaker 2: She paid for me to go repeatedly, like a lot

1114
00:53:58,920 --> 00:53:59,640
Speaker 2: of sessions like.

1115
00:53:59,560 --> 00:54:01,440
Speaker 3: What did she seeing you? What did she see that?

1116
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:03,759
Speaker 1: She saw that like I was circling the drain in

1117
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:07,239
Speaker 1: that and she didn't want that for me. And she

1118
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:13,080
Speaker 1: just constantly held my hand through different life transitions and

1119
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:16,800
Speaker 1: she just she just did wasn't interested in watching me fail,

1120
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:20,520
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And that's just the person

1121
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:22,720
Speaker 1: that she is. And she's done it for so many people.

1122
00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:26,040
Speaker 1: Just oh, I got I keep hearing for so many

1123
00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:28,400
Speaker 1: people like Jennifer will be like, you know, for a

1124
00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:31,800
Speaker 1: very long time she called me Bobby, bitch, Bobby, you

1125
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 1: gotta be a bitch being a lovable bitch, say it

1126
00:54:35,080 --> 00:54:39,200
Speaker 1: with love, dammit. But she she'll pull your coattails. And

1127
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 1: they offer they use their their privilege as protection, you know.

1128
00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:48,839
Speaker 1: And it's not everybody was doing that. You know.

1129
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:49,920
Speaker 2: There's some people who are.

1130
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:54,400
Speaker 1: Like burning you know, fail, bitch, fail, but they didn't

1131
00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:58,600
Speaker 1: and tsha, she she extended so much grace and kindness

1132
00:54:58,640 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 1: and opened her wallet.

1133
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:02,120
Speaker 2: Wow, it wasn't just.

1134
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,160
Speaker 1: Like you should get therapy, good luck to you. She

1135
00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:06,400
Speaker 1: was like, Nope, there's no excuses. You're going to get

1136
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 1: the help that you need.

1137
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:07,920
Speaker 2: And she just paid for.

1138
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:11,640
Speaker 1: It just because why why did she think that she

1139
00:55:11,840 --> 00:55:14,959
Speaker 1: saw something in me? But she's just a kind, very

1140
00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:16,080
Speaker 1: thoughtful person.

1141
00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:16,920
Speaker 3: That's amazing.

1142
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:19,279
Speaker 1: And you know, when like black Hollywood, you know, it's

1143
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:24,080
Speaker 1: it's it's its own family, you know. And she wasn't

1144
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:26,000
Speaker 1: an auntie like she was in her twenties. You know,

1145
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:27,240
Speaker 1: she's not that much.

1146
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 3: Older than this, like her around Martin time is she

1147
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 3: like happened at the She's.

1148
00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:33,680
Speaker 1: She's teaching Campbell, you know what I mean, she's teaching

1149
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:36,320
Speaker 1: my Buck Camble And to she know was Tashina and Arnold,

1150
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:40,960
Speaker 1: Regina King was Regina King, and they just weren't interested

1151
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:46,120
Speaker 1: in watching us fall into traps, you know, get set

1152
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:48,719
Speaker 1: up like just they just were like no, not her,

1153
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:49,960
Speaker 1: you know, not.

1154
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:52,839
Speaker 2: Any of them that they had the ability to reach.

1155
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:54,520
Speaker 3: And what about Regina?

1156
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 1: Regina is like my heart, Like I'm almost like why

1157
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:01,480
Speaker 1: I was about to get teary eyed, But she's just

1158
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 1: been my She's just been my heart. And it's hard

1159
00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:10,520
Speaker 1: watching her heart get ripped out of her chest. And

1160
00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 1: we all grew up with little Ian and watching him

1161
00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:20,360
Speaker 1: like at each milestone, and it's hard, and you just

1162
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:22,360
Speaker 1: try to be there for people in any way that

1163
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:26,520
Speaker 1: they allow you to be. Can't dictate anyone else's grief,

1164
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:31,839
Speaker 1: you can just be there. Yeah, But I think there's

1165
00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:34,840
Speaker 1: a reason we all feel so strongly about her, because

1166
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:37,799
Speaker 1: she feels so strongly about us. And she showed the

1167
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 1: fuck up, you know what I mean. Like there's people

1168
00:56:41,239 --> 00:56:42,600
Speaker 1: who are like, oh, I'm cool with such and such,

1169
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:44,319
Speaker 1: so I'm cool, Like if I see you, it's love,

1170
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:44,719
Speaker 1: But like.

1171
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:47,279
Speaker 3: You know, how what does that mean? She showed up?

1172
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:51,399
Speaker 1: Like for what does that a girl? I know you're

1173
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:55,800
Speaker 1: under the bed, Like I'm coming. I'm coming to get you,

1174
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:57,880
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like, I'm not going to

1175
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 1: let you suffer. I'm not interested in watching you suffer.

1176
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 1: I'm interested in being a guiding hand and to offer

1177
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:10,400
Speaker 1: safety and protection and guidance. You're just really about that life.

1178
00:57:10,600 --> 00:57:13,480
Speaker 1: You know, her and her sister, like I don't know,

1179
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:15,480
Speaker 1: and then you get to know everyone's families and then

1180
00:57:15,600 --> 00:57:18,760
Speaker 1: you know, like, but that's you know, and then I

1181
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:21,040
Speaker 1: try to be that same og to the next generation,

1182
00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like I've had that relationship

1183
00:57:23,840 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 1: with Kiki, you know, with Keith Palmer, and you know

1184
00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 1: young folks like when Meg thee Stallion got on the

1185
00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:33,960
Speaker 1: scene and like my little cousin Sweetie, we call her DD.

1186
00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:37,040
Speaker 1: But like if I got to pull your coattails, if

1187
00:57:37,080 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 1: I'm or, I got to reach out and be like,

1188
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:41,040
Speaker 1: this is my number, you can always reach me. Ain't

1189
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:42,959
Speaker 1: shit that that could happen that I haven't been through.

1190
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 1: You know, I'm here. You know, you just have to

1191
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 1: return the favor. I'm sure you had a OG and

1192
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:52,680
Speaker 1: then you you offer that same thing, like I don't

1193
00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:54,720
Speaker 1: have to see you every day to know that you're

1194
00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:56,640
Speaker 1: a safe place in the storm.

1195
00:57:56,760 --> 00:57:57,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean.

1196
00:57:57,840 --> 00:57:58,640
Speaker 3: That's beautiful.

1197
00:57:58,720 --> 00:57:59,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that they were.

1198
00:57:59,880 --> 00:58:01,400
Speaker 3: You know, she was on the pod too, and I

1199
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:03,920
Speaker 3: obviously don't know her as well as you do, but

1200
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:07,440
Speaker 3: we just love her like you just you know what

1201
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:09,720
Speaker 3: I'm saying, even from outso who don't have an intimate

1202
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:12,760
Speaker 3: relationship with her like you do. It's like to watch

1203
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:15,120
Speaker 3: them when anybody's heart be ripped out like that, it's

1204
00:58:15,240 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 3: very painful to see. So as her friend, I can

1205
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:17,880
Speaker 3: only imagine, you.

1206
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:21,160
Speaker 1: Know, And there's a reason you just see this outpouring

1207
00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 1: because she has poured into so many people and didn't

1208
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:28,280
Speaker 1: didn't wasn't keeping score, wasn't like, well I did this

1209
00:58:28,320 --> 00:58:30,680
Speaker 1: for you. It's like like she came out like one

1210
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:32,960
Speaker 1: of her first directing gigs, unless it was her first,

1211
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:34,360
Speaker 1: was on being Mary Jane.

1212
00:58:35,240 --> 00:58:37,080
Speaker 2: And you know, everyone.

1213
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:38,400
Speaker 1: Has a moment and I was, honey, a little moment,

1214
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:40,920
Speaker 1: a little bit Brady moment, and she like came to

1215
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:44,160
Speaker 1: my trailer. She has little things sunflower seeds, and she

1216
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:46,840
Speaker 1: was like, you know, hit me some some flower seeds,

1217
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:48,720
Speaker 1: and she's like, basically.

1218
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:51,960
Speaker 2: Cut the ship, cut the ship. I was like, I'm

1219
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:52,840
Speaker 2: gonna cut the ship.

1220
00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:55,320
Speaker 4: You know what I mean.

1221
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:58,640
Speaker 1: And you sometimes you need that too, you know always

1222
00:58:58,720 --> 00:59:00,960
Speaker 1: you know, moonlight and roses. Sometimes you need you know,

1223
00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 1: I know, g to be like cut the ship, have

1224
00:59:03,160 --> 00:59:04,520
Speaker 1: some someun flowers?

1225
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:07,360
Speaker 2: Is that really what she says? Dead ass like what

1226
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:07,680
Speaker 2: she said.

1227
00:59:07,680 --> 00:59:09,360
Speaker 1: And we just sat on my you know, the sup

1228
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:12,680
Speaker 1: of my trailer and talked it out and what were

1229
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:13,320
Speaker 1: you going through?

1230
00:59:13,360 --> 00:59:14,400
Speaker 2: What was I mean?

1231
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:14,640
Speaker 3: It was?

1232
00:59:15,360 --> 00:59:17,280
Speaker 2: It could have been anything. I know, it wasn't, you know,

1233
00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:18,000
Speaker 2: life or death.

1234
00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:20,840
Speaker 1: And you know, sometimes you get a little puffed up

1235
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 1: number one on the call sheet and sometimes you need

1236
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:25,880
Speaker 1: to be reminded that this is a business and you

1237
00:59:25,880 --> 00:59:28,480
Speaker 1: don't get to hijack the whole operation because you're in

1238
00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:28,840
Speaker 1: a mood.

1239
00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:32,560
Speaker 2: No, no one person is more important than the whole

1240
00:59:33,600 --> 00:59:37,840
Speaker 2: and cut the ship, got the ship, gab have.

1241
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:42,120
Speaker 3: Some flower sees. I'm going to bust that out on somebody,

1242
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 3: because no one can turn hound. You don't even think

1243
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:48,080
Speaker 3: about bringing some flower scenes to set? Okay, you'd be like,

1244
00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:52,960
Speaker 3: I don't even think about it. I love that though.

1245
00:59:53,120 --> 00:59:55,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like being married Jane was.

1246
00:59:57,440 --> 00:59:59,640
Speaker 3: It's when you look at the tent poles of your career,

1247
00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 3: do you look at that as like, yeah, it's super meaningful.

1248
01:00:03,240 --> 01:00:05,400
Speaker 1: It really brought me back, you know, because you go

1249
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:07,280
Speaker 1: through periods of like you work all the time to

1250
01:00:07,360 --> 01:00:08,200
Speaker 1: like not working all the time.

1251
01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:09,800
Speaker 2: You work all the time, not working all the time.

1252
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 1: And after I didn't get Scandal, which you know, let's

1253
01:00:13,120 --> 01:00:15,560
Speaker 1: be clear, I was not close close. I was maybe

1254
01:00:15,680 --> 01:00:19,240
Speaker 1: down to like a handful. I just thought that was

1255
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:21,360
Speaker 1: that's the only opportunity we're going to get to play

1256
01:00:21,400 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 1: a character like that, And I was so sad that

1257
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 1: there were just so few possibilities, like people weren't writing

1258
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:33,919
Speaker 1: black female led shows. And then I met with Marra.

1259
01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:36,480
Speaker 1: It was I don't even know if I've ever said

1260
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:39,360
Speaker 1: this publicly, but I met with Mara and Salem Akil

1261
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:41,280
Speaker 1: on the day that Whitney died.

1262
01:00:41,880 --> 01:00:42,240
Speaker 3: Wow.

1263
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:47,160
Speaker 2: And Whitney had been so supportive of me.

1264
01:00:47,680 --> 01:00:49,320
Speaker 3: Whitney Houston. Yeah wow.

1265
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:54,960
Speaker 1: And it was just like shocking and it but when

1266
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:57,520
Speaker 1: you know, like it was, it was the whole thing

1267
01:00:57,600 --> 01:00:58,240
Speaker 1: was just surreal.

1268
01:00:58,320 --> 01:01:00,680
Speaker 2: And you just see all these people. The phones are

1269
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 2: going off.

1270
01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 1: I think we're at the Four Seasons restaurant and you

1271
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 1: just see all these people's phones going off, and you know,

1272
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:08,560
Speaker 1: of course it's like it was like around the Grammys,

1273
01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:14,080
Speaker 1: and it was like, this is surreal. And it hadn't

1274
01:01:14,120 --> 01:01:16,600
Speaker 1: been that long before I was. I was hosting the

1275
01:01:16,680 --> 01:01:18,960
Speaker 1: ET Honors, and there was like a glitch. You know,

1276
01:01:18,960 --> 01:01:20,520
Speaker 1: when you're hosting things, you got to go out and

1277
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:22,960
Speaker 1: you know, do the you know, schmooz the crowd. And

1278
01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:25,680
Speaker 1: I come out and Whitney stands up and is like

1279
01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:30,640
Speaker 1: given me this like standing up solo standing evation, just sir,

1280
01:01:31,120 --> 01:01:33,880
Speaker 1: just sir, And you know, it just gave me like

1281
01:01:34,080 --> 01:01:36,160
Speaker 1: just enough to be like okay, like I can do this.

1282
01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:38,000
Speaker 1: It's going to be okay. I'm not just out here

1283
01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:40,520
Speaker 1: by myself. I'm with my community and there's people who

1284
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:42,800
Speaker 1: cheer for me. And that person happened to be Whitney

1285
01:01:42,840 --> 01:01:46,200
Speaker 1: Houston right in the front row. It was just it

1286
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:50,280
Speaker 1: was so it was just a surreal day. And that

1287
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:52,920
Speaker 1: was the day I got presented with being married Jane.

1288
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:53,320
Speaker 3: Wow.

1289
01:01:53,760 --> 01:01:57,040
Speaker 1: And it was such a gift, you know, and to

1290
01:01:57,120 --> 01:01:58,919
Speaker 1: be able to play her for so many years and

1291
01:01:59,520 --> 01:02:01,960
Speaker 1: have a desk nation. You know, as actors, you're like,

1292
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:04,080
Speaker 1: I don't know where the next you know, check is

1293
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:04,680
Speaker 1: going to come from.

1294
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:07,080
Speaker 2: I don't know if that last job might have been

1295
01:02:07,120 --> 01:02:07,720
Speaker 2: the last job.

1296
01:02:08,520 --> 01:02:10,920
Speaker 1: And so to be able to grow with the character

1297
01:02:11,040 --> 01:02:13,000
Speaker 1: and to do all the fun, crazy stuff that Mary

1298
01:02:13,040 --> 01:02:16,000
Speaker 1: Jane got to do and work with all of my friends.

1299
01:02:15,640 --> 01:02:17,240
Speaker 2: And so it was I don't know.

1300
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 1: It was a great period of in my life while

1301
01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:22,160
Speaker 1: in the midst of crazy chaos.

1302
01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:25,280
Speaker 3: I love that. Yeah, you don't think about how much

1303
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:28,320
Speaker 3: something could I guess it's just what's what's for you

1304
01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:30,640
Speaker 3: is for you and what's not. Because I could imagine

1305
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:31,960
Speaker 3: the scandal thing.

1306
01:02:33,200 --> 01:02:35,040
Speaker 2: I mean, everyone and their mother was up for scandal.

1307
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:38,440
Speaker 1: But like you're like, that is my only opportunity I

1308
01:02:38,440 --> 01:02:39,880
Speaker 1: have not read anything like that.

1309
01:02:40,320 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 2: There probably will never be anything like that.

1310
01:02:42,240 --> 01:02:44,200
Speaker 1: I've been in the industry twenty years at that point

1311
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:47,000
Speaker 1: or so, and it's like, Okay, I guess we got

1312
01:02:47,040 --> 01:02:48,640
Speaker 1: one every generation.

1313
01:02:48,520 --> 01:02:49,560
Speaker 3: And you killed it.

1314
01:02:49,720 --> 01:02:51,080
Speaker 2: I killed it, and.

1315
01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:52,480
Speaker 3: I was I love that you.

1316
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:55,480
Speaker 1: I love that you know you killed But no, that's like, listen,

1317
01:02:55,720 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 1: I am Mary Jane. Like Braun called me Mary Jane

1318
01:02:58,120 --> 01:02:58,800
Speaker 1: for a very long time.

1319
01:02:58,840 --> 01:02:59,400
Speaker 2: It still does.

1320
01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:06,200
Speaker 1: It's fine. So no, that that show really gave me

1321
01:03:06,320 --> 01:03:12,600
Speaker 1: a deeper roots in in pop culture, in the community,

1322
01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:15,800
Speaker 1: and just as a as an artist. I got to

1323
01:03:15,960 --> 01:03:17,640
Speaker 1: I got to make a ton of mistakes, and I

1324
01:03:17,680 --> 01:03:20,960
Speaker 1: got to woman as a woman as I was going

1325
01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:24,360
Speaker 1: through so many things, and I got to act a

1326
01:03:24,360 --> 01:03:26,360
Speaker 1: lot of that out. You know, when it didn't feel

1327
01:03:26,400 --> 01:03:29,240
Speaker 1: safe to cry or to throw a tantrum in real life,

1328
01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:34,120
Speaker 1: Mary Jane could handle it the way she wanted to

1329
01:03:34,120 --> 01:03:34,600
Speaker 1: handle it.

1330
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:37,080
Speaker 2: You know, it's pretty great. I loved him.

1331
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:39,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I loved that. We loved it too. All right, Well,

1332
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:42,640
Speaker 3: before we go, right, question, it's in the bowl. You

1333
01:03:42,640 --> 01:03:44,520
Speaker 3: didn't pick it. But I'll always ask you, if God

1334
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:48,120
Speaker 3: were to text you today, what would.

1335
01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:49,080
Speaker 2: It say you got this.

1336
01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:51,920
Speaker 3: That's it.

1337
01:03:52,080 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 2: You got this. I got this.

1338
01:03:53,840 --> 01:03:55,200
Speaker 3: He got it? Really, he got it?

1339
01:03:55,280 --> 01:03:56,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, you got this.

1340
01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:58,479
Speaker 3: Why do you normally feel like you don't?

1341
01:03:59,320 --> 01:04:02,640
Speaker 2: You know, I don't know if I'm hitting it out

1342
01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:04,440
Speaker 2: of the bark every day, you know, you don't know.

1343
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:09,200
Speaker 1: But like having your faith and just knowing, like as

1344
01:04:09,200 --> 01:04:11,080
Speaker 1: long as you have peace, you know that God is.

1345
01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:12,640
Speaker 2: In you, you know what I mean.

1346
01:04:12,680 --> 01:04:15,520
Speaker 1: The absence of peace is like you haven't made space

1347
01:04:15,560 --> 01:04:19,520
Speaker 1: for God and his grace, their grace I think if

1348
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:23,560
Speaker 1: God is genderless, but like you know, so peace is

1349
01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:28,240
Speaker 1: the presence of God to me. And when you don't

1350
01:04:28,280 --> 01:04:31,240
Speaker 1: feel that peace, we haven't done we haven't taken enough

1351
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:36,360
Speaker 1: active steps to create space for His grace.

1352
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:40,680
Speaker 3: And so the message was what you got this?

1353
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:44,040
Speaker 2: You got this because he got this? Or they got

1354
01:04:44,040 --> 01:04:49,400
Speaker 2: this they you know, it depends on how you know,

1355
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:50,920
Speaker 2: a lot of people use the feminine.

1356
01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:57,520
Speaker 3: You know. I love that Gabrielle Union everybody in real life.

1357
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,760
Speaker 2: Hey, this Gabrielle Union in real life.

1358
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:06,480
Speaker 3: Hey guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like comments,

1359
01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:08,680
Speaker 3: and check out all of the other episodes we have

1360
01:05:08,720 --> 01:05:10,560
Speaker 3: on Age Martinez I R. Podcast.