WEBVTT - Just Jennie: Choose Freedom 0:00:01.720 --> 0:00:09.240 You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome 0:00:09.280 --> 0:00:12.600 back to I Choose Me, the podcast where we talk 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:18.239 about making choices, choices towards a new kind of freedom. 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:21.880 One we have to be very intentional about, the freedom 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:27.520 from people pleasing, from making ourselves small, the freedom to 0:00:27.720 --> 0:00:34.000 choose me. This week, America is celebrating it's two hundred 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:39.000 and fiftieth birthday, two hundred and fifty years of freedom, 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:42.720 two hundred and fifty years of life, liberty, and the 0:00:42.840 --> 0:00:46.400 pursuit of happiness. I don't know about you, but when 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:51.000 I hear of those words life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:56.200 I can't help but think about what freedom actually looks 0:00:56.320 --> 0:00:59.680 like in our daily lives. Not the kind of freedom 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:03.280 you find in a history book or the conversations about 0:01:03.320 --> 0:01:07.399 politics on the outside. This isn't that, this is the 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:12.480 kind you find in your own mirror. Because here's what 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:15.360 I've learned and what I wrote about in my book 0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:19.000 I Choose Me. It's possible to live in a free 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:27.160 country and still feel completely trapped, trapped by expectations, trapped 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:31.760 by people pleasing, trapped by a version of yourself that 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:35.880 you built just to make everyone else comfortable, and that's 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:39.759 not freedom. That's a cage with a really nice view. 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:45.880 So let's talk about how to find real freedom on 0:01:45.920 --> 0:01:50.520 the inside. In my book, I wrote this, I stopped 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:53.600 saying yes just to keep the peace. I am choosing 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:57.680 what I want for the first time, without guilt, without 0:01:57.720 --> 0:02:01.480 worrying if it made someone else uncomfortable. Hear that again. 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:06.560 The freedom to say no without explaining yourself, The freedom 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:10.799 to stop saying yes just to keep the peace. The 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:15.120 freedom to love yourself, maybe for the very first time, 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:19.520 without guilt and without worrying if it makes someone else 0:02:19.560 --> 0:02:25.400 feel uncomfortable. This is what I want for you. Radical acceptance. 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:31.480 It's realizing you don't have control over anything that's happening. 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:37.040 But you can accept that you don't have control, and 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:42.200 that's freedom. I used to think freedom was external. If 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:45.000 I could just book the right job, if I could 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:48.280 just be in the right relationship, if I could just 0:02:48.360 --> 0:02:51.880 make everyone happy, my kids, my partner, my mother, my fans, 0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:57.760 then I would feel happy and I would feel free. 0:02:57.919 --> 0:03:02.280 But here's the trap. You're trying to make everyone else happy, 0:03:03.040 --> 0:03:08.680 you lose every single time. I spent years performing a 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:13.600 version of myself that was palatable, agreeable, and easy. And 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:18.720 the person who disappeared in that process was me, Jenny. So, 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:22.880 on this two hundred and fiftieth birthday of our country, 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:27.080 I want to ask you something. When was the last 0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:32.480 time you fought for your own freedom. It's not something 0:03:32.520 --> 0:03:35.800 that's given to you or that you're born with. It's 0:03:35.840 --> 0:03:41.960 something you have to choose over and over again in small, unglamorous, 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:49.280 daily decisions. Freedom is telling your family, hey, guys, I'm 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:52.320 shutting my door for twenty minutes. Do not come in 0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:57.760 unless there is a true emergency. Freedom is leaving the 0:03:57.800 --> 0:04:03.440 relationship where your voice has been dismissed. Freedom is speaking 0:04:03.520 --> 0:04:07.160 your truth even when your throat feels like it's about 0:04:07.160 --> 0:04:12.600 to close up. Freedom is choosing yourself not because you're selfish, 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:17.720 but because you finally understand that you cannot pour from 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:21.080 an empty cup any longer. That's not selfish, you guys, 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:26.479 that's survival. America is two hundred and fifty years old. 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:30.280 That is a long time to be figuring out what 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:33.960 freedom means, and yet there's still a long way to go. 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:38.760 Freedom isn't just about what we're free from. It's about 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:44.359 what we're free to do. Free to rest, free to 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:50.440 say no, free to change our minds, free to start 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:53.920 over at forty, at fifty, at sixty, maybe even eighty. 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:58.960 Free to be a work in progress, Free to accept 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:05.400 others no matter what they think. You don't arrive at freedom, 0:05:06.080 --> 0:05:09.719 you practice it every morning when you get up, you 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:12.480 get to choose. Am I going to live for someone 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:20.800 else today? Or am I going to choose myself? Hello? 0:05:21.080 --> 0:05:23.880 This is Jenny Garth from I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:27.200 One thing we talk about all the time on my 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:31.800 podcast is that we all deserve to choose ourselves, and 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:34.839 sometimes that can start with something as simple as getting 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:38.720 dressed in the morning. That is exactly why I created 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:42.279 Me by Jenny Garth with QVC. It is a collection 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:48.800 designed to help women feel confident, comfortable, and effortlessly stylish 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:52.560 at every stage of life. So if you're ready to 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:56.440 make getting dressed easier and ready to refresh your wardrobe, 0:05:56.839 --> 0:06:00.120 head over to qvc dot com and explore Me by 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:03.919 Jenny Garth. Check out our newest collection and styling tips 0:06:04.279 --> 0:06:08.280 by following us on Instagram at Me by Jenny Garth. 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:13.960 I'll see you there. I've had to learn something else 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:17.480 on this journey and it's been one of the hardest lessons, 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:19.919 but I love it and I'd like to share it 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:23.240 with you. It's called the we'll see method. So in 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:26.200 my book I share a Japanese fable about an old 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:31.160 farmer who one day his only horse runs away. His 0:06:31.200 --> 0:06:34.359 neighbors rush over and say, how terrible, what bad luck. 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:39.479 The farmer simply shrugs and replies, we'll see. A few 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:43.520 days later, the horse returns, this time with a group 0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:49.280 of wild horses following behind. The neighborhood rejoices. What wonderful fortune, 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:54.800 they exclaim. Again, the farmer responds, we'll see. Soon after, 0:06:55.279 --> 0:06:58.640 While trying to tame one of the new wild horses, 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:03.760 the farmer's son falls and breaks his leg. How awful, 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:06.880 the neighbors say, Now he won't be able to work. 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:13.880 The farmer repeats, we'll see. Not long after war breaks out. 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:17.960 All the able bodied young men in the village are drafted, 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:22.440 but the farmer's son is spared because of his injury. 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:27.320 The moral of the story, and each of our stories, really, 0:07:27.480 --> 0:07:30.440 is that you don't know how the story is going 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:35.080 to turn out. So often we label things as good 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:38.560 or as bad before we even have the full picture. 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:42.440 But if we keep in mind the will see method, 0:07:43.200 --> 0:07:46.160 disappointments that feel like the end of the world today 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:50.200 may lead to opportunities we never saw coming. And the 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:55.320 victories we celebrate now may have unexpected consequences down the road. 0:07:55.560 --> 0:08:01.120 Who knows. So when I catch myself spiraling, overthinking, worrying, 0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:07.840 trying to control the outcome, I just say, we'll see. 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:12.680 And that pause, that breath, that surrender right there, that 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:18.320 brings freedom. This brings me to something else that I 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:21.920 write about, and I choose me something that changed how 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:28.480 I understand relationships. It's called the circle square circle concept. 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:33.040 For most of my life, I believed that real love 0:08:33.280 --> 0:08:37.040 meant merging. We've all heard it, you know, when you 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:41.960 get married to become one that closeness sometimes feels like 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:48.000 losing yourself. But I reject that concept Now. In a 0:08:48.040 --> 0:08:54.160 healthy relationship, I've learned that there are three distinct parts you, 0:08:54.160 --> 0:08:58.839 your partner, and the relationship you create together. You are 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:03.080 a circle, your partner is a circle, and the shared 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:07.760 space between you the square, is where the relationship lives. 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:11.240 I wrote this too in my book. You can both 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:15.800 have your own lives, dreams and routines, your friendships and 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:21.200 passions and still be deeply connected. One doesn't threaten the other. 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:25.920 It actually strengthens the partnership when you each bring your 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:31.520 full self to the table. That's what freedom and relationships 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:35.040 look like. You don't have to lose yourself to love someone. 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:39.160 You get to be whole, and so do they. So 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:42.480 this Fourth of July, as the fireworks go off and 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:46.439 the dogs hide, and the barbecues burn and the flags 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:49.559 do what they do, I want you to ask yourself 0:09:49.880 --> 0:09:53.360 one question. What would it look like for me to 0:09:53.440 --> 0:09:57.640 be truly free? Not the Instagram version, not the version 0:09:57.920 --> 0:10:03.600 you're posting for other people, the real, messy, honest version. 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:07.959 Maybe it looks like finally setting that boundary with your 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:12.440 mother in law. Maybe it looks like quitting the job 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:16.800 that's sucking your soul. Maybe it looks like staying single 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:21.559 for a year just to remember who you are. Maybe 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:23.840 it looks like going to bed at eight thirty and 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:29.040 not feeling like that makes you lame. Freedom doesn't have 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:33.000 to be dramatic. It just has to be yours. Our 0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:35.679 country is two hundred and fifty years old. That's a 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:38.839 lot of history, a lot of human searching for what 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:42.440 freedom really looks like. How to live, how to love, 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:46.320 how to believe, who to choose. So this week, as 0:10:46.320 --> 0:10:50.120 we celebrate independence, let's not forget the most important independence 0:10:50.200 --> 0:10:54.280 of all, the freedom to be exactly who you are, 0:10:54.800 --> 0:11:00.480 without apology, without permission, without the weight of trying to 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:05.079 be what everyone else wants you to be. I stop 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:08.959 saying yes, just to keep the peace. I am choosing 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:13.240 what I want for the first time without guilt, and 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:16.560 you can too. If you've liked what you heard today, 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:19.040 there's more in my book. It's called I Choose Me, 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:22.960 Chasing Joy, finding purpose, and embracing reinvention. You can find 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:25.800 it everywhere books are found, and I read the audio 0:11:25.880 --> 0:11:29.600 version too, So that's a fun listen. Happy two hundred 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:33.440 and fiftieth to the United States of America and Happy 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:36.440 Choosing You. Thanks for listening. I love you.