Speaker 1: You cannot manifest things that are totally out of your control.
Speaker 1: Manifesting is about becoming so empowered and so full of
Speaker 1: self belief that you make things happen, and in that
Speaker 1: it means that you can't manifest things that have absolutely
Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. If this isn't a game
Speaker 1: of luck, Hey, everyone, welcome back to Our Purpose, the
Speaker 1: number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each
Speaker 1: and every single one of you that come back every
Speaker 1: week to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Now. I
Speaker 1: love sitting down with the guests that I've been chopping
Speaker 1: up with on messages and getting to know and following
Speaker 1: for some time. And today's guests is someone that I've
Speaker 1: had a few interaction off line, and I'm being honest
Speaker 1: with you, one of the sweetest, warmest, kindest people that
Speaker 1: I've connected with. And when I first came across her
Speaker 1: book and her work, I was so happy to see
Speaker 1: someone take this very big word, take this very known
Speaker 1: theme that we've kind of repeated over the years, but
Speaker 1: then make it their own and really help us more
Speaker 1: deeply understand it, unpack it, and live it. And I
Speaker 1: think that's the part that I'm most intrigued by is
Speaker 1: that I think this word's been thrown around for a
Speaker 1: long time and it's kind of been a bit ethereal
Speaker 1: and not as tangible. And today's guest as someone who
Speaker 1: I think is going to make it super easy, super
Speaker 1: practical and super applicable for everyone who's listening and watching
Speaker 1: wherever you are in the world. I'm talking about Roxy Nafusi,
Speaker 1: the author of Manifest Seven Steps to Living Your Best Life.
Speaker 1: If you don't already have this book, make sure you
Speaker 1: go and order a copy right now. We have the
Speaker 1: link in the caption in all the details, make sure
Speaker 1: you go and grab a copy. But Roxy, I'm so
Speaker 1: excited to have you here today. I've genuinely loved whether
Speaker 1: it's been US, emailing, dming, or whatever it's been, and
Speaker 1: it's so great to have you here finally, So thanks
Speaker 1: for coming. I am so excited. I've been smiling throughout
Speaker 1: that whole introduction, and honestly, I feel like I'm pinching myself.
Speaker 1: So I have to tell you at the beginning of
Speaker 1: this year, on Year's Eve, I always do a vision
Speaker 1: board and I dream as big as possible. And it
Speaker 1: was before the book had even been released and right
Speaker 1: in the middle I wrote Jay Chatty really vague. I
Speaker 1: was like, I have to connect with him. Obviously I
Speaker 1: wanted to come on the podcast and it was like
Speaker 1: a huge dream for me. So thank you so much
Speaker 1: for having me, of course, and you have to say
Speaker 1: I want to see that. You've got to send that
Speaker 1: to me. I will send you. Think I love those
Speaker 1: vision boards. I think it's such an important activity to manifests. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I've done that in so many ways when when
Speaker 1: I first moved to LA as well, for me, that
Speaker 1: was my kind of approach where I was like, I
Speaker 1: need to know I want to connect with people I
Speaker 1: think I genuinely connect with. And I think that's been
Speaker 1: a big part of my manifestation is that it's always
Speaker 1: come from a really good intention. It's come from a
Speaker 1: genuine place of I don't want something from someone, I
Speaker 1: want to connect with them. And I think we'll dive
Speaker 1: into that and we'll get into But it's so awesome
Speaker 1: because I know you were on the Today's Show in
Speaker 1: New York, you know, in LA it's it seems like
Speaker 1: you're taking the book international, which is which is amazing.
Speaker 1: But I've loved seeing how you've been. You know, I've
Speaker 1: seen the manifest events that you're doing out in London
Speaker 1: as well and across the UK. Like talk to me
Speaker 1: about I want to know more about you and your journey.
Speaker 1: When did you first start your spiritual self discovery, your
Speaker 1: personal journey? Where did that begin? So to kind of
Speaker 1: give you some background before, because I started when I
Speaker 1: was about twenty seven, just about turn twenty eight, so
Speaker 1: I think it was probably my Saturn returns as well.
Speaker 1: But up until then I was the opposite of spiritual.
Speaker 1: I had been in an addiction to cocaine, alcohol and
Speaker 1: cigarettes for almost ten years, and I was obviously suffering
Speaker 1: from depression, and it's one of those things. Was the
Speaker 1: drugs causing the depression or the depression fueling the drugs,
Speaker 1: but it was obviously a combination of both. But even
Speaker 1: prior to that, I had always been someone who was
Speaker 1: extremely negative. I had more self loathing than I could
Speaker 1: ever describe. I truly hated who I was from my
Speaker 1: earliest years. You know, when I was growing up, I
Speaker 1: was in Iraqi, growing up in Oxford. My name was Rowan.
Speaker 1: The Iraqi War broke out and you know, there was
Speaker 1: this kind of media attack on Muslims, and I grew
Speaker 1: up in a very devout Muslim family, and I was
Speaker 1: treated pretty horrifically at school, and I started to really
Speaker 1: reject where I was coming from. And when you reject
Speaker 1: where you're coming from, you are just rejecting yourself and
Speaker 1: who you are. And I think that was stemming all
Speaker 1: this self loathing. And so when I was twelve, I
Speaker 1: decided to move schools. After this incident where I'd been
Speaker 1: locked in a phone box basically been called Saddam. It
Speaker 1: was really I'd actually blocked out the memory for ages,
Speaker 1: and I decided to change my name from Rowan to
Speaker 1: Roxy and then that kind of continued this journey of
Speaker 1: escaping from myself and who and who I was, and
Speaker 1: it took me until this kind of major rock bottom
Speaker 1: in May twenty eighteen, when I'd been on a yoga
Speaker 1: teacher training course and I really thought, this is going
Speaker 1: to change my life. I am going to do two
Speaker 1: hundred hours of yoga, I'm meditating, I've got no access
Speaker 1: to these drugs and you know, all the cigarettes and
Speaker 1: everything that I was using to escape, and I felt
Speaker 1: that that was going to be it. And I remember
Speaker 1: there was a monk there and he read my palm
Speaker 1: and he said, you've got this fork on your palm
Speaker 1: and you're here to help lead with your wisdom. And
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, great, I'm going to go home
Speaker 1: and be a yoga teacher and at the beginning of
Speaker 1: my classes I will try and inspire people. And that
Speaker 1: was kind of my goal then. But I got back
Speaker 1: to London and twenty four hours later a friend called
Speaker 1: me and she's like, do you want to come to
Speaker 1: this party? And I was like yeah, And within an
Speaker 1: hour of being with her, I was back taking drugs
Speaker 1: and I went on a forty eight hour bender basically
Speaker 1: didn't go to bed. There's some things I really regret
Speaker 1: and I woke up feeling totally a rock bottom, like
Speaker 1: the shame, the regret, and I felt like I was unchangeable.
Speaker 1: I thought this is just who I am. And I
Speaker 1: called my friend Sofia, and she is quite she is
Speaker 1: very spiritual, and I would say she's quite woo like
Speaker 1: she's quite out there. And she said, oh, you should
Speaker 1: listen to this podcast or manifesting and I thought, oh, okay, well,
Speaker 1: this is going to be something that's really woo and
Speaker 1: out there, but I'll give it a listen because at
Speaker 1: this point I'll try anything. And I listened to this
Speaker 1: podcast and I realized that manifesting was all about self worth,
Speaker 1: and something in me just clicked, you know. I think
Speaker 1: we all have those moments where we hear one thing
Speaker 1: and it kind of just changes everything. And hearing about
Speaker 1: manifesting was that catalyst for my change, and from then
Speaker 1: I started immersing myself. I would say, it's like I
Speaker 1: brainwashed myself with self development in the best way. I
Speaker 1: was listening to podcasts, reading books like a love YouTube
Speaker 1: for motivational videos, and I was doing everything I could
Speaker 1: to try and understand how to change my mindset, how
Speaker 1: to rewire my brain, the way that I was thinking,
Speaker 1: the way I felt about myself. But all of it
Speaker 1: really was manifestation. So for me, manifesting is the umbrella
Speaker 1: and all of self development and healing falls underneath it. Well.
Speaker 1: I love that definition, and thank you for telling us
Speaker 1: about your story A bit too liked you. How did
Speaker 1: you first get introduced to like cocaine and drugs and
Speaker 1: all of that world, Because I totally understand what you're
Speaker 1: saying that you were going through this bullyings and understatement
Speaker 1: because it was a lot worse, and it can be
Speaker 1: a lot worse. But you're going through this kind of
Speaker 1: and she in stress pressure that's coming from the outside
Speaker 1: because of where you're from and where your family's from
Speaker 1: and things like that. But then how did it go
Speaker 1: so far to that extreme? Where did you get introduced
Speaker 1: to these things and how did they become normality. When
Speaker 1: I was at school, I remember trying it was called
Speaker 1: a w k D. It was like Alcoa, and I
Speaker 1: remember trying it for the first time and thinking, cars
Speaker 1: like something about this feels quite good. And I slowly,
Speaker 1: slowly started drinking every now and then. It was not
Speaker 1: common like my mom obviously never knew that I was drinking,
Speaker 1: you know, she would be so upset if she did,
Speaker 1: and but I was doing it kind of like casually.
Speaker 1: And then when I left school and I went to university,
Speaker 1: I was eighteen and I actually I have just remembered
Speaker 1: the first time. Yeah, I went to an after party
Speaker 1: and I remember taking cocaine for the first time and
Speaker 1: just thinking it was great and I just loved it.
Speaker 1: And as someone who had absolutely no confidence, what this
Speaker 1: drug was giving me was this false confidence. And so
Speaker 1: the youth started to become more regular. But I actually
Speaker 1: formed the addiction, I would say really quite rapidly, because
Speaker 1: by the age of twenty two, I was in my
Speaker 1: first NA meeting. I knew that something was not right,
Speaker 1: that I was doing it to excess. I would, you know,
Speaker 1: when I'd be getting ready to go on a night
Speaker 1: out at be four pm in the afternoon and I
Speaker 1: would be on my own taking it, having a line
Speaker 1: because it would give me this false confidence as I
Speaker 1: was getting ready. But I obviously then didn't give up
Speaker 1: until I was twenty eight. So there was this long
Speaker 1: period of time where I knew what I had an addiction,
Speaker 1: but trying to get out of it was so so hard.
Speaker 1: And the shame that comes when you're constantly trying to
Speaker 1: remove yourself from something is you know it is. I
Speaker 1: did feel it was very traumatic time. Even now, if
Speaker 1: I see people on TV doing drugs, or if I've
Speaker 1: been out and I see people coming home from an
Speaker 1: af A party, I have a physical response to it.
Speaker 1: I feel so anxious. So yeah, it's it was a time.
Speaker 1: Yeah wow, Yeah, I mean that that is a trauma
Speaker 1: that just disappears and just leaves you. And what you
Speaker 1: said earlier, it can be so hard when manifesting in
Speaker 1: self worth are so correlated. To manifest from that kind
Speaker 1: of a place can be really difficult because I'm guessing
Speaker 1: when you're saying, Jay, I don't feel confident, and that's
Speaker 1: why I do this, because it makes me feel confident.
Speaker 1: It means you're coming from a place if I don't
Speaker 1: have self worth. But then to manifest, I have to
Speaker 1: believe that there's more for me to deserve and more
Speaker 1: for me to earn, and more for me to create.
Speaker 1: And so let's let's dive into that and keep kind
Speaker 1: of coming back to where you were too, because how
Speaker 1: did you learn to manifest for yourself from a place
Speaker 1: of a lack of confidence and a lack of self worth? Well, firstly, now,
Speaker 1: in reflection, I was manifesting but the wrong direction, So
Speaker 1: I was actually attracting I think a lot of negativity
Speaker 1: to me, and I was constantly thinking, you know, I
Speaker 1: wasn't making any money, like I had no career. I
Speaker 1: was trying, but at the last moment they'd pull out
Speaker 1: or they wouldn't want to work with me. And I
Speaker 1: was for sure manifesting that because I was kept saying
Speaker 1: to myself, I know it's not going to work. I
Speaker 1: know this person's going to cancel. I spent so much
Speaker 1: time on my own. I was so lonely, Like I
Speaker 1: truly know the meaning of loneliness, and it's like deepest level.
Speaker 1: But when I decided, you know, and I discovered manifesting,
Speaker 1: and like you say, I realized that it was so
Speaker 1: closely linked self worth. How I started was to start
Speaker 1: my healing journey, and I the first kind of technique
Speaker 1: I used was to fall asleep to affirmation playlists because
Speaker 1: I realized that you're subconscious was susceptible as you're falling asleep,
Speaker 1: But there was. But then that was an ongoing journey,
Speaker 1: and by the way, I'm still on it, Like I'm
Speaker 1: still on that self worth journey. You know we spoke before.
Speaker 1: You know, there are still things that are definitely kind
Speaker 1: of my blocks. But I don't know if you had this,
Speaker 1: and I said before I wish I was. You're not
Speaker 1: allowed to inter today. We will save that for another time.
Speaker 1: Today's about you. When I first heard about kind of
Speaker 1: self development, and I would listen to speakers and people
Speaker 1: would say, oh, it's a lifelong journey of healing, I
Speaker 1: was like, what do you mean? It's a lifelong journey.
Speaker 1: That sounds hideous. What's the point? I was in this
Speaker 1: like self development honeymoon. So at the beginning, you know,
Speaker 1: when you find healing, and I've been in this real
Speaker 1: dark place, and then I start to see changes, I
Speaker 1: start to see the light. I thought, mother, is it.
Speaker 1: I'm healed. I'm never going to feel bad again. Like
Speaker 1: this is great. And it's exactly like being in a
Speaker 1: relationship when you start and I'm never going to argue
Speaker 1: with this person. We're going to be together forever. And
Speaker 1: then you know, time goes on and you realize that's
Speaker 1: not the case. And now what I realize is that, yes,
Speaker 1: it is a lifelong journey, but with every single kind
Speaker 1: of layer you peel off, you open up this huge
Speaker 1: potential for growth and abundance and opportunity, and you're constantly
Speaker 1: up leveling. So even when you take a step back,
Speaker 1: you're still never going back as far as you went.
Speaker 1: And that, for me, is really reassuring, and I hope
Speaker 1: for anyone listening who's also thinking, what do you mean
Speaker 1: this is an ongoing journey. It's ongoing, but in the
Speaker 1: best possible way. Yeah. I think it's interesting when you
Speaker 1: say that because I think I believe that everything's a
Speaker 1: lifelong journey. There's literally nothing that you could actually say
Speaker 1: as a beginning and an end, because even when you
Speaker 1: look at something that you don't think grows anymore, it
Speaker 1: is growing. It's just growing slowly, or it's growing differently,
Speaker 1: or it's growing uniquely. But everything's either growing or dying
Speaker 1: at any given time, and I think people forget that.
Speaker 1: I like the point you made that you can manifest
Speaker 1: negatively and you can actually manifest the other way. Can
Speaker 1: you give us an example of how we do that,
Speaker 1: Like how do we almost manifest things not working out?
Speaker 1: So I think like really simple examples. Or if you
Speaker 1: wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you
Speaker 1: wake up in a really bad mood and then you
Speaker 1: miss your train and you know your meeting gets canceled
Speaker 1: and you stub your toe or whatever it is. We've
Speaker 1: all had those experiences in those days where we're kind
Speaker 1: of just operating at this low vibe, we're in a
Speaker 1: bad mood, and then that's what's happening. But there's also
Speaker 1: I think a deeper level where we you know, so
Speaker 1: much is self fulfilling prophecies. So if we are constantly
Speaker 1: operating from this belief system that we aren't worthy, that
Speaker 1: we aren't enough, that we can't receive abundance. Then we're
Speaker 1: going to change the way that we interpret and the
Speaker 1: meaning we attached to everything we experience. So we might
Speaker 1: have a conversation with someone and which is a in perspective,
Speaker 1: if someone else's perspective is just a really normal conversation.
Speaker 1: But to that person who's got that low self worth
Speaker 1: and believe that everybody's against them, they might take that
Speaker 1: conversation totally the wrong way and then sabotage the relationship
Speaker 1: and then go, see, I told you, I told you
Speaker 1: nobody's here for me, or I told you I couldn't,
Speaker 1: you know, whatever it is. And so I think in
Speaker 1: that sense, we are absolutely manifesting negativity into our lives
Speaker 1: because of how we're perceiving the world through that lens
Speaker 1: of low self worth or low self esteem. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: that's such a great answer, And I'm so glad you
Speaker 1: raised that point, because I think people think they're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well should I start manifesting? Should I not? Does it work?
Speaker 1: Does it not? And the point is you're already doing
Speaker 1: it in one way or another, and I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people struggle with the idea of manifesting, for
Speaker 1: people who are kind of more skeptical or cynical and
Speaker 1: things like that. And you know, you said you came
Speaker 1: from a non kind of spiritual background too, to some
Speaker 1: degree sounds or not open to these ideas. And that's
Speaker 1: the same with me. If someone told me about manifesting
Speaker 1: years ago, I would have just been like, that's weird,
Speaker 1: Like that doesn't work. It's just hard work. It's just
Speaker 1: you've got to put in the time. And now I
Speaker 1: realize I was subconsciously manifesting so many incredible things in
Speaker 1: my life, not knowing the term, not knowing the process.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, well, actually, if you know
Speaker 1: the process, you can use it better. Yes, right, Like,
Speaker 1: I think that's something that we don't understand. It's almost
Speaker 1: like if everyone is listening or watching, if you think
Speaker 1: about something you do actually ask your friends this, ask
Speaker 1: your friends what do I do well? And whatever answer
Speaker 1: they give you, there might be some things in that
Speaker 1: that surprised you. Like your friends might say, oh, you're
Speaker 1: actually a really good communicator, and you're like thinking, well,
Speaker 1: I never even knew that, or your friends like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're really great at mediating between us when we're arguing,
Speaker 1: and you didn't know that. Often when you don't know
Speaker 1: you have a skill, you actually don't know how to
Speaker 1: use it well. And that's why I find with manifesting,
Speaker 1: whether you're using manifestation to create negativity in your life
Speaker 1: or positivity, knowing how it works makes sense. So how
Speaker 1: did you start to piece together your you know, principles
Speaker 1: of manifestation. How did you start to gather and say
Speaker 1: this is an important part of the process. I think,
Speaker 1: by the way, I'll start by saying that I think
Speaker 1: this conversation is so important, these conversations and this one especially,
Speaker 1: you know. So I'm so fortunate to have this platform
Speaker 1: to talk about this. And the reason it's so important
Speaker 1: to me is that because manifesting has become such a trend,
Speaker 1: I think it devalues it so much. Yeah, and I'm
Speaker 1: so passionate about manifesting that I get almost a bit upset.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, it's so incredible. It's such a full
Speaker 1: and fulfilling and meaningful practice, and within it there is
Speaker 1: science and philosophy and wisdom, and I think it can
Speaker 1: get a bad rep you know, from these like thirty
Speaker 1: second TikTok videos, which maybe just are giving so many
Speaker 1: misconceptions around it, but this really is like, it isn't woo,
Speaker 1: it isn't mystical. And actually my book in particular is
Speaker 1: for the skeptics, So like anyone who's a skeptic, I
Speaker 1: challenged them to pick up the book and not feel
Speaker 1: better about their lives afterwards. But how I came up
Speaker 1: with the Seven Steps, it's honestly a terrible story. I
Speaker 1: love it. That's great. So when I had Wolf, I
Speaker 1: kind of really was like, I'm gonna who's my fan?
Speaker 1: I thought, I'm gonna make this career for myself in
Speaker 1: being of service to others. Others. I realized that was
Speaker 1: my purpose, That's what I'm here to do. And so
Speaker 1: the first I did a workshop. I used to watch
Speaker 1: like bren A Brown and I just love her, and
Speaker 1: I saw her called Courage on Netflix. I was like,
Speaker 1: I want to do that. I want to be on stage.
Speaker 1: I want to inspire people. So I thought, I'm just
Speaker 1: going to host my first workshop, and it was a
Speaker 1: self love workshop and a hundred people came. I couldn't
Speaker 1: believe it. From I had a really small community on Instagram.
Speaker 1: It was like, I think like twenty thousand followers. It
Speaker 1: was good, but it was small, and I was really
Speaker 1: connected to them because I'm very open and vulnerable and
Speaker 1: they've kind of been on the journey with me. And
Speaker 1: so I said, like, I'm going to do this anyway.
Speaker 1: You know, I can't imagine, you know what your first
Speaker 1: one was like, but I remember just my legs like
Speaker 1: jelly before I stepped on stage. But the moment I
Speaker 1: got on that stage, I was like, this is what
Speaker 1: I'm here to do. So I did that workshop. It
Speaker 1: went well, and so I was like, Okay, I'm going
Speaker 1: to do another one. And so I said to my audience,
Speaker 1: I said, guys have been following manifestation, I've been learning
Speaker 1: about it. Do you think I should do this? And
Speaker 1: this was jan twenty twenty and they were like yeah.
Speaker 1: So it's like, now I have to do a workshop
Speaker 1: and manifestation. How am I going to explain this practice?
Speaker 1: There was so much to it, So I just thought, right,
Speaker 1: I'm going to put it in a step by step process.
Speaker 1: So I went on a walk and I got out
Speaker 1: the notes on my phone, and within five minutes I
Speaker 1: had my seven steps to manifesting, and I think it
Speaker 1: came so instinctively to me. But I made this claim
Speaker 1: that I said, everything you need to know about manifest
Speaker 1: station is in these seven steps. And then I panicked
Speaker 1: because I was like, this is a big claim, and
Speaker 1: what if people realize that things are not in these
Speaker 1: seven steps. And when I would listen to people talk,
Speaker 1: I was like, on the edge of my seat, thing,
Speaker 1: I hope there's not something that's not in my seven steps.
Speaker 1: But I actually found that everything slotted in to one
Speaker 1: of these steps. And one hundred people came to that
Speaker 1: workshop in Jan twenty twenty, and then in the pandemic hit,
Speaker 1: I took them online. Seven hundred people were then on
Speaker 1: a webinar in Jan twenty twenty one, and by Jan
Speaker 1: twenty twenty two, it was a Sunday Times best seller.
Speaker 1: So it was a really exciting journey. And I still
Speaker 1: stand by these seven steps. I live and breathe them.
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Speaker 1: through the seven steps, I really appreciated that you got
Speaker 1: into things like my favorite ones and I want to
Speaker 1: talk about a few of these, but my favorite ones
Speaker 1: were step three, align your behavior. Step six is probably
Speaker 1: without out my favorite one out of all the seven,
Speaker 1: which is turned envy into inspiration. And even just the
Speaker 1: fact that you were considering envy when you talk about manifestation.
Speaker 1: I found that really interesting. I was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've never heard someone to about manifestation and go there.
Speaker 1: And also, you know, you obviously do about overcoming tests
Speaker 1: from the universe, but it wasn't this. It wasn't just
Speaker 1: about the universe. There were just so many other elements
Speaker 1: to it. So let's dive into a few of these,
Speaker 1: because I think I want to give people a sense
Speaker 1: of some of these steps, and we'll dream and talk
Speaker 1: about it too. But before we do that, let's talk
Speaker 1: about some of the misconceptions you mentioned, So what are
Speaker 1: some of the big misconceptions that you are breaking and
Speaker 1: debunking the myths of manifesting in this book, Like what
Speaker 1: would you say are your ones that stand out to you?
Speaker 1: So the first one is definitely that manifesting the visualization
Speaker 1: that you can visualize your way to success or if
Speaker 1: you just think really hard about something or you have
Speaker 1: a positive mindset, it will come to you. It's just
Speaker 1: simply not the case. There's no substitute for hard work,
Speaker 1: and you can think as hard as you want about something,
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean it's going to appear in your hands.
Speaker 1: Because this isn't magic, Okay. I always say it feels magical,
Speaker 1: like I feel like this moment for me is magical,
Speaker 1: like this is incredible, But it isn't. I made it happen,
Speaker 1: you know. I did manifest it through act, taking action,
Speaker 1: and following the rest of the steps. The other misconception
Speaker 1: I think is that it's a ritual. So I've done
Speaker 1: hundreds of interviews or manifesting, and in nearly everyone, I'll
Speaker 1: get asked, you know, what can someone do every day
Speaker 1: to manifest their partner? As if there's one thing you
Speaker 1: can do like you can journal before bed, or you
Speaker 1: can do a visualization meditation, and what these are. These
Speaker 1: are rituals that support your manifesting journey. But manifesting is
Speaker 1: the self development practice. You live and breathe it. Everything
Speaker 1: you do is part of your manifestation practice, like the
Speaker 1: way you show up for yourself, the boundaries you set,
Speaker 1: the routines you have, the habits you have, everything matters.
Speaker 1: These rituals are not manifestation practices, they are just supporting
Speaker 1: the process. And the other one is that you cannot
Speaker 1: manifest things that are totally out of your control. So
Speaker 1: sometimes I get asked, can you manifest winning the lottery?
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, you can't because it's nothing to do
Speaker 1: with you. Manifesting is about becoming so empowered and so
Speaker 1: full of self belief that you make things happen. And
Speaker 1: in that it means that you can't manifest things that
Speaker 1: have absolutely nothing to do with you. It's this isn't
Speaker 1: a game of luck. Amazing. I love those Those are three.
Speaker 1: You could tell that you've spent a lot of time
Speaker 1: thinking about these, because those are three really great, great
Speaker 1: answers on some of the biggest challenges with manifesting. And
Speaker 1: I get asked all those questions all the time too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm happy that you've done all the thinking of a
Speaker 1: dream for it. Being clear about our vision. I think
Speaker 1: that's the one that gets talked about the most when
Speaker 1: it comes to manifesting. It was like, be really clear,
Speaker 1: be really specific. You hear the old examples of Jim
Speaker 1: Carrey wrote himself a ten million dollar check and then
Speaker 1: you know, then he got I think it was dumb
Speaker 1: and dumber that he got a ten million dollar check
Speaker 1: for you hear those stories of people who are really clear,
Speaker 1: like specific about the amounts, specific about the person specific.
Speaker 1: Talk to me about your key tenets of being clear
Speaker 1: about the vision. And interestingly, by the way, this is
Speaker 1: the shortest chapter in the book, but it's the one
Speaker 1: that people spend the most time. Yeah, but it of
Speaker 1: course is important. I mean from a neuroscience point of view,
Speaker 1: when we have these really clear goals, and when we
Speaker 1: do visual rehearsal a lot, we prime the subconscious parts
Speaker 1: of our brain to reach that goal by filtering out
Speaker 1: unwanted information seeking out opportunities that are aligned with them.
Speaker 1: So I like this step and for its kind of
Speaker 1: ability to give us this kind of opportunity to actually
Speaker 1: figure out what it is we want from life, like
Speaker 1: who do we want to be? What do we want
Speaker 1: our lives to look like? But more importantly, what do
Speaker 1: we want our lives to feel like? You know? And
Speaker 1: I think that actually just giving ourselves that space to
Speaker 1: be really vulnerable and open and step back and go
Speaker 1: do I want something different? Do I want to be
Speaker 1: in a totally different industry? Do I want a different
Speaker 1: kind of relationship? You know? Am I actually happy where
Speaker 1: I am now? Or not? So? I think it's a
Speaker 1: really it's you know, creating a vision board, I always say,
Speaker 1: which you know, is just creating a visual representation of
Speaker 1: what you want your life to look like, is a
Speaker 1: really sacred experience. It's why I encourage people to put
Speaker 1: them away. There's two counts on this. Some people love
Speaker 1: having their vision boards out where you can see. I
Speaker 1: think they should be put away because I think you
Speaker 1: have to be so vulnerable with your dreams. You are
Speaker 1: not going to be really honest about what you want
Speaker 1: if you think your mom is going to walk in
Speaker 1: and see it on your wall, or your boyfriend's going
Speaker 1: to see it on your screen saver. So having this
Speaker 1: kind of clarity and bravery and courage to actually be
Speaker 1: honest about what you want is all really integral to
Speaker 1: this step. And I kind of practice a ritual that
Speaker 1: I like that supports this is a visualization meditation. For me,
Speaker 1: I fall asleep every night to one every night. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's a it's a really simple first step, and
Speaker 1: I just think it is about this kind of clarity
Speaker 1: for yourself. Yeah, I think that's a great answer. I
Speaker 1: think so many times, and that's why I knew I
Speaker 1: wanted to talk to you about manifesting because I feel
Speaker 1: so often in the manifestation wheld, someone say, yeah, we'll
Speaker 1: pick your goal, like, what is it visualized thinking? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, actually, it's so much more about what
Speaker 1: you said. It's so much more about who you want
Speaker 1: to be and how you want to show up in
Speaker 1: the world and you want to feel. Because when you
Speaker 1: ask that question, you then realize, oh, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: is that thing going to make me feel that? Probably not.
Speaker 1: And so I'm going to reflect on this back for
Speaker 1: the audience with my journey and how it makes sense.
Speaker 1: So when I was after I'd left the monastery and
Speaker 1: I was working at corporate jobs, so that I could
Speaker 1: pay my bills and take care of everything. Around twenty fifteen.
Speaker 1: End of twenty fourteen, beginning of twenty fifteen, I felt
Speaker 1: like that I was doing good at a job that
Speaker 1: I didn't really see a future in. But I knew
Speaker 1: that my purpose was to help people and serve people,
Speaker 1: and I was trying to do that on the weekends
Speaker 1: and evenings. But there was only so many people I
Speaker 1: could connect with, and there was only so many people
Speaker 1: I could touch because I didn't have that much time
Speaker 1: and energy, and there was a part of me that felt, well,
Speaker 1: I have to share this with more people. And so
Speaker 1: that's when I started exactly what you're saying, where I
Speaker 1: started looking into what will make me feel like I'm
Speaker 1: connecting to people. I've already helped a few people very deeply.
Speaker 1: What is it that I'm looking for. I'd already worked
Speaker 1: and coached a few people and gone all the way
Speaker 1: with them, but I was like, I want to touch
Speaker 1: more people, and I want to be able to reach
Speaker 1: people who their company can't afford this. They're not doing
Speaker 1: this because they have to have a coach as a business.
Speaker 1: It's like this is for anyone and everyone on the planet.
Speaker 1: Who can access it for free, who's just like me,
Speaker 1: as the kid in London who grew up with no
Speaker 1: access to any of this but got lucky that I
Speaker 1: met the monks. How do I read to that person?
Speaker 1: And so I fully agree with you that it was
Speaker 1: in that moment that I decided what I wanted to
Speaker 1: feel and who I wanted to be, even though I
Speaker 1: had no idea what it looked like. So if you
Speaker 1: ask me to describe where I am today, which is
Speaker 1: still on the journey, I would never have described any
Speaker 1: of this in any specificity because I just didn't know,
Speaker 1: and if anything, my goal and my visualization was far
Speaker 1: more basic and limited. But it was enough to get started. That. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love that, and I think that's so important for
Speaker 1: people because one of my most asked questions is what
Speaker 1: if I don't know what I want? And actually what
Speaker 1: you're saying is, hey, I don't know the exact things
Speaker 1: I wanted, but I did know who I wanted to
Speaker 1: be and how I wanted to feel. That is the
Speaker 1: best starting place and I think so important for anyone listening.
Speaker 1: It's also feeling really lost, and people often find this
Speaker 1: practice when they are feeling lost and when you are
Speaker 1: it is really hard to have those specific goals. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you know, I think that's just such an important
Speaker 1: example to share. Thank you. Yeah, no, no, no, it's
Speaker 1: just as soon as I heard you say that, I
Speaker 1: was putting myself in the shoes, and I feel that
Speaker 1: i've I've actually never been specific about numbers things. Those
Speaker 1: things have never been part of how I've manifested. And
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that's bad too. I'm saying that's not
Speaker 1: been my approach. And my approach has constantly been how
Speaker 1: do I use the gifts I've been given in the
Speaker 1: service of others, Like that's always been like the kind
Speaker 1: of intention. But moving away from that, we have this
Speaker 1: idea of like you're saying, people are not always clear
Speaker 1: about their goals, they're not always clear about what they want.
Speaker 1: But then what usually hits is this fear and self doubt.
Speaker 1: And I remember going through that as well. So I
Speaker 1: want to ask an interesting question about this. When you're
Speaker 1: thinking about fear and self doubt, I feel like this
Speaker 1: is the part where we spend a lot of time
Speaker 1: and most people get stuck in fear and doubt that
Speaker 1: they never start, they never try something, they never give
Speaker 1: it a go because they're worried about what their parents
Speaker 1: will think. They're worried about what their family will think
Speaker 1: of them, They're worried about what their friends will say.
Speaker 1: When you think about fearing doubt, what is the root
Speaker 1: of what we're really struggling with in fear and doubt?
Speaker 1: Like if you really have to think about that, and
Speaker 1: what is that the core of why fear and doubt
Speaker 1: is such a hard thing to overcome in the process
Speaker 1: of manifesting. I always take a breath when I think
Speaker 1: about fearing out because it's so overwhelming for so many
Speaker 1: of us. And it was the hardest chapter to write,
Speaker 1: I believe that, because how do you even begin in
Speaker 1: one chapter to describe how to begin that healing journey.
Speaker 1: I think that, you know, we're born into this world
Speaker 1: kind of full of confidence and self love. And you know,
Speaker 1: I always look at Wolf and he comes home and
Speaker 1: he's obsessed with himself and I love it, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Like he's not oh thank you, you know,
Speaker 1: he's not coming home from nurse You're like, oh my god, mom,
Speaker 1: Like you will never guess what I said to Oliver today.
Speaker 1: He's not got that kind of like self consciousness. He
Speaker 1: thinks he should have everything he wants and rightly, so,
Speaker 1: I mean, I am the biggest pushover as of them.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely like making that much worse. But I love
Speaker 1: that kind of like youthful confidence and belief that they
Speaker 1: are deserving of everything. But what happens is life, like
Speaker 1: life happens to us, and to varying extents, we come
Speaker 1: to believe that we aren't enough, that we aren't good
Speaker 1: enough as we are. And I mean, my personal belief
Speaker 1: around this is that I think rarely do we actually
Speaker 1: get unconditional love from our parents. And this isn't to
Speaker 1: blame our parents, but the love we receive actually is
Speaker 1: very conditional. It's if you are good, if you behave,
Speaker 1: I will love you. If you misbehave, if you show anger,
Speaker 1: if you are upset, if you are crying, I will
Speaker 1: punish you and I will withdraw that love from you.
Speaker 1: And so, of course we're forming these beliefs so early
Speaker 1: on that we must mold ourselves to please those around us,
Speaker 1: our parents, then our teachers and our peers, and the
Speaker 1: people we grow up with, then then our partners. And
Speaker 1: so when you're compounding those beliefs constantly throughout our lives.
Speaker 1: When we then have this realization, oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: have no self worth anymore. It's really there's a big
Speaker 1: job ahead of you to start to undo all of
Speaker 1: that conditioning and come back to that bright, confident, buoyance,
Speaker 1: childlike self. But I think that the trick is just
Speaker 1: to begin, is to begin with from a place of compassion.
Speaker 1: We can kind of judge ourselves for having the fear
Speaker 1: and doubt in the first place. You know, we can
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I wish I wasn't like this. I
Speaker 1: wish I had more confidence. I wish this, And I
Speaker 1: think even at that very first step, it's being able
Speaker 1: to go, hey, I'm so sorry, you know, to you
Speaker 1: and you're inner child, I'm so sorry that you don't
Speaker 1: feel like this yet. What can we do? How can
Speaker 1: we heal this? And then finding ways that work for
Speaker 1: you to whether it's literally reprogramming on your old pathways
Speaker 1: and reprogramming your belief system, or I mean just it
Speaker 1: starts to come into everything that we're doing in changing
Speaker 1: how we feel about ourselves. And for me, it's the
Speaker 1: most the most profound journey I've ever been on, you know,
Speaker 1: for me to be able to sit here and say,
Speaker 1: do you know what I really love? Who I am
Speaker 1: is something I am so grateful for and so grateful
Speaker 1: to manifestation for because I absolutely didn't think it was possible.
Speaker 1: Like I know many people will feel, Yeah, we either
Speaker 1: put up a facade of confidence, or we hide our insecurities,
Speaker 1: or we try and find a way to disguise the
Speaker 1: anxiety that we feel about ourselves in order to cope
Speaker 1: with the world outside of us. And I think for me,
Speaker 1: I did that for many, many years. And when I
Speaker 1: started to feel like I wanted to walk this path,
Speaker 1: the fear and doubt that came in was fear of failure.
Speaker 1: There was a doubt around if I had the skills
Speaker 1: or the ability, and just to overall, I think my
Speaker 1: vision has shrunk And you're so right. If someone asked
Speaker 1: me in my teens if this would have been possible,
Speaker 1: I would have said yes. But if someone asked me
Speaker 1: my twenties, I would have said no. And so it's
Speaker 1: really interesting to see that start comparison. If you asked
Speaker 1: me as a fifteen year old if anything could be possible,
Speaker 1: I would I would have been much more broad minded,
Speaker 1: and at twenty four i'd become much more small minded
Speaker 1: because you start thinking as to what's real and what's possible,
Speaker 1: and you start also looking at the people around you
Speaker 1: and going, well, where have they got to? And then
Speaker 1: you start kind of you know, creating the comparison, the
Speaker 1: comparison of where I am. I love what you're saying
Speaker 1: about getting back to that childlike exuberance and vibrance. I
Speaker 1: think that is the core. I think that's a great
Speaker 1: answer because I feel like that now too. I'd say
Speaker 1: the happiest I think I feel now is that I
Speaker 1: think I still allow myself to be a kid, and
Speaker 1: that a kid in thought, a kid in activity, a
Speaker 1: kid in the idea of play, the idea of treating
Speaker 1: work and businesses play, the idea of not taking it
Speaker 1: too overly seriously where it stops being an expression and
Speaker 1: starts to become you know, too structured. And of course
Speaker 1: there's there's times in which you have to be the opposite.
Speaker 1: So I get that as well. You talk about self
Speaker 1: care being a big part of that through that time,
Speaker 1: when you talk about self care and self love again,
Speaker 1: words that are so thrown around and just so overused
Speaker 1: that they've lost their value. How have you looked towards
Speaker 1: self care and self love through the process of fear
Speaker 1: and doubt, and in a way that actually helps you
Speaker 1: through that toughness. So I think for me, I started
Speaker 1: to realize early on that self love was something that
Speaker 1: we could nurture in every decision we were making. From
Speaker 1: the minute we wake up to the minute we go
Speaker 1: to bed, we have an opportunity to either boost our
Speaker 1: self love and cultivate it all the opposite. And so
Speaker 1: I started to become very mindful and using a lot
Speaker 1: of self awareness to really look at every decision I
Speaker 1: was making, what time I was waking up, if I
Speaker 1: was snoozing my alarm, when I was saying no to
Speaker 1: things that I actually didn't want to do, and when
Speaker 1: I was just saying yes to please others, how I
Speaker 1: was eating, how I was moving my body, And this
Speaker 1: kind of awareness started to change everything that I was doing,
Speaker 1: and I realized that self love was honoring where I
Speaker 1: am today and where I wanted to be tomorrow. And
Speaker 1: by that I mean that, you know, in making our decisions,
Speaker 1: we need to be considering who we want to become,
Speaker 1: where I wanted to be tomorrow, what I wanted to manifest,
Speaker 1: who you know, who I wanted to become and if
Speaker 1: my decisions were aligned with that, but also making sure
Speaker 1: that my decisions were honoring how I was feeling each day,
Speaker 1: and so having that ability to kind of check in
Speaker 1: with myself. So on days where I was feeling like superwoman,
Speaker 1: you know when you wake up you've got so much energy,
Speaker 1: I knew on those days I could really push myself
Speaker 1: harder at work. I could you know, go harder in
Speaker 1: the gym, whatever it was. And on the days where
Speaker 1: I was waking up and I was because look, life
Speaker 1: is still stressed. You know, you're not going to learn
Speaker 1: to manifest and everything is perfect. But on the days
Speaker 1: where I was waking up feeling flat or lethargic or
Speaker 1: just a bit down or sad, how could I honor
Speaker 1: that via rest recharge, getting an early night, saying no
Speaker 1: to social arrangements because that would cause me more stress,
Speaker 1: or making sure I finished my to do list. And
Speaker 1: so it was this constant balance of like checking in
Speaker 1: with how am I feeling today emotionally, physically, mentally, and
Speaker 1: where do I want to be tomorrow and what are
Speaker 1: my priorities for tomorrow and finding that balance and that
Speaker 1: for me is self love, and then within that is
Speaker 1: self care, which is routines looking after me. Like I
Speaker 1: have found that I am someone that you know, I
Speaker 1: work very hard, I'm very busy, but I don't have
Speaker 1: like boundless energy. I think some people and Instagram probably
Speaker 1: I don't know if like I had a warped vision,
Speaker 1: but I used to see people in Instagram that was
Speaker 1: so busy and they just seem to have all this
Speaker 1: energy for all the time. And I used to try
Speaker 1: and do that, and I kept getting burnt out and ill,
Speaker 1: and I would get the flu and my backward spasm,
Speaker 1: and I realized that my body just can't handle that
Speaker 1: level of adrenaline and stress for long durations. So for me,
Speaker 1: self love and self care was going right. I have
Speaker 1: to take breaks for doing things that will really make
Speaker 1: my body feel better, that will calm down my nervous system, meditation, breathwork,
Speaker 1: ice baths, IV dreps or whatever it is for me
Speaker 1: that really helps me, and that's self care. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: I love well, you said then, And I think the
Speaker 1: key word that I was taking away was priorities and prioritization.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's one of the challenges with not
Speaker 1: just manifesting, but life in general, where it's like you're saying,
Speaker 1: if I have a sense of priorities, and then I
Speaker 1: need to rest the next day to get back to
Speaker 1: the priorities. But the problem is, I think all of
Speaker 1: us have a lot of priorities, and we have a
Speaker 1: lot of things that we want to happen at the
Speaker 1: same time. And so it's like we want the amazing
Speaker 1: career at the same time, we want the amazing social
Speaker 1: life at the same time, we want an incredible vacation
Speaker 1: at the same time, we want eight hours of sleep
Speaker 1: every night. And it's like I don't know anyone in
Speaker 1: the world like I, you know, when I met my
Speaker 1: wife and even now in my life, like my purpose
Speaker 1: is my priority, and my wife and my relationship with
Speaker 1: her is a massive part of that. But she knows
Speaker 1: that and her purpose and her priority is her family.
Speaker 1: And so we have these what some people would think
Speaker 1: of as competing priorities, and I don't see them as competing.
Speaker 1: I just see them as priorities that are different. And
Speaker 1: she knows that if there's a weekend and she has
Speaker 1: a choice to spend with her family or anyone else,
Speaker 1: she'll choose her family. And if I had the choice
Speaker 1: in the weekend to do my purpose or anything else,
Speaker 1: I would choose my purpose. That's just always the way
Speaker 1: it's going to be. And I think what's really interesting
Speaker 1: about that is when people see amazing or exciting things
Speaker 1: happening in your life, it's like, yeah, because this is
Speaker 1: all I care about, Like I don't. I'm not prioritizing
Speaker 1: pretty much anything else. And that's kind of like a
Speaker 1: scary mindset for people, because people that's an intimidating mindset,
Speaker 1: a scary mindset because people go, but I don't want
Speaker 1: to live like that. And the truth is, you don't
Speaker 1: have to live like that, No one does. But I
Speaker 1: find that if you don't want to live like that,
Speaker 1: it's hard to create progress in any area, whether that's
Speaker 1: being a parent, whether it's being a partner, whether it's
Speaker 1: building a career, whatever it may be. So, how does
Speaker 1: manifestation and priorities work together? Do you feel that people
Speaker 1: want to manifest too many things? Are they too different?
Speaker 1: Is it? Do we need to be more focused? How
Speaker 1: do you see that when it comes to manifestation. I
Speaker 1: think that you're right in that people kind of want
Speaker 1: to have it all at the same time all together.
Speaker 1: But something's got to give. We're not superhuman, you know,
Speaker 1: there's only so much energy and time that we have.
Speaker 1: And I think that having that clarity on your purpose,
Speaker 1: on your priority tea is key. It's also why doing
Speaker 1: something you love is so important, because if people are
Speaker 1: going well, I don't want to prioritize my work and
Speaker 1: have to give up my social life, you know, or
Speaker 1: have to give up this. It's probably because you're not
Speaker 1: really that passionate about the work. By the way, for
Speaker 1: some people, they just want to have a job which
Speaker 1: will pay them so that they can prioritize their social life.
Speaker 1: That is a good thing to know, because then you're
Speaker 1: not thinking, right, you know, I need to have a
Speaker 1: job that it is this all encompassing life purpose. Actually
Speaker 1: I just want to leave at five. I don't want
Speaker 1: to stress about it. And that's awesome, and that is great.
Speaker 1: I sometimes I feel like that, actually, that's pretty awesome,
Speaker 1: you know, because they want to prioritize other things, travel
Speaker 1: or whatever. But I think it's also really important for
Speaker 1: people to know that your priorities will change. You don't
Speaker 1: need to get intimidated by this idea that, you know,
Speaker 1: if my priority now is my career. It has to
Speaker 1: be like that for the rest of my life. My
Speaker 1: priority this week, let's say it right, I'm here in
Speaker 1: America and I have these goals that I want to manifest.
Speaker 1: My priority right now is one hundred communicating my message
Speaker 1: and inspiring as many people as I want, which means
Speaker 1: I have not been out for dinner once. Right, I'm
Speaker 1: not with my son right now. That is my focus.
Speaker 1: I also know that as soon as I'm home, my
Speaker 1: priority is my son, and I have to take a
Speaker 1: step back from work to give that the space it deserves.
Speaker 1: And so I always see your priority as being like
Speaker 1: your best friend. And what I mean is that you
Speaker 1: know when you go to your best friend to answer
Speaker 1: all your decisions. So you'll go, hey, what should I
Speaker 1: eat tonight? Or should I break up with my partner? Oh? Whatever?
Speaker 1: Your priority is your decision maker. It's your best friend.
Speaker 1: So when you're trying to make a decision of should
Speaker 1: I go to this party or should I know, let's
Speaker 1: say your priority is to feel really energize and healthy,
Speaker 1: should I eat this candy? Whatever? It is, your priority
Speaker 1: is that decision maker for you, and that's really important
Speaker 1: with manifestation because it's helping you to constantly align your
Speaker 1: behavior with where you want to go and who you
Speaker 1: want to become. So having those priorities gives you that focus,
Speaker 1: it helps you to make decisions. But I think it's
Speaker 1: also really important to know that priorities are changing, like
Speaker 1: they will change day to day, week to week, and
Speaker 1: we should just be allowed to get comfortable with that,
Speaker 1: but know that there needs to be some You can't
Speaker 1: prioritize everything at once. Yeah, And I'm happy to hear that,
Speaker 1: because I think sometimes people's vision boards or they're manifesting
Speaker 1: is like every area at the same time, and it
Speaker 1: can be challenging. But I wanted to ask you this,
Speaker 1: and I feel like you're the perfect beson to ask
Speaker 1: this to the idea of mum guilt with manifesting, Like
Speaker 1: you just talk about your son there and like getting
Speaker 1: back to him and he's young, He's so young, and
Speaker 1: it's I'm sure you want to be back with them,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure it's hard, but you also have this
Speaker 1: mission and I feel like that's it's such a wonderful
Speaker 1: thing to see someone trying to balance it and trying
Speaker 1: to figure it out. But I'm sure, it's not easy,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure you know, I grew up with a
Speaker 1: powerhouse mom who made me breakfast and lunch and dinner
Speaker 1: every day, dropped me to school, pick me back up,
Speaker 1: did my homework with me, and was the breadwinner of
Speaker 1: the family. Yeah, I don't know how she did it,
Speaker 1: And yeah, she really is and it's unbelievable. And you know,
Speaker 1: I think I just wish she also found work that
Speaker 1: she loved, she's good at and she's done graded it.
Speaker 1: But there's a part of me that's also like, well,
Speaker 1: if she loved her job too and it fulfilled her
Speaker 1: and she had time, it would have been amazing. But
Speaker 1: having been the son of a superwoman and seeing an
Speaker 1: incredible mom and having such a great role model in
Speaker 1: my life, Like, for you, how do you balance? Do
Speaker 1: you ever experience mum guilt because you're traveling, you're on
Speaker 1: the road, you're out there, and how do you manage
Speaker 1: it with but I'm also manifesting the life I want
Speaker 1: for myself and my son, Like I just want to
Speaker 1: hear how that goes through in your head, do you know?
Speaker 1: And I don't know if this is going to be
Speaker 1: a very popular answer, but I don't really experience. Um girl,
Speaker 1: I love that how because I know, I really believe
Speaker 1: I'm a really good mum. And I believe I'm a
Speaker 1: good mom because I do give wolf unconditional love and
Speaker 1: space to be whoever he wants to be. And as
Speaker 1: a parent, that's all we can do is be as
Speaker 1: good as parents as we can be. We're not trying
Speaker 1: to be perfect parents. Like I'm still I'm still roxy,
Speaker 1: I'm still many things. I'm a multifaceted human. Being a
Speaker 1: mom is one of those. I mean, of course it's
Speaker 1: the most important thing, but it's not all that I am.
Speaker 1: And I know that I'm giving Wolfie this unconditional love safety.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to create a life not just for me,
Speaker 1: but for him as well. And you know what, he
Speaker 1: is the happiest little boy. So I'm clearly doing something right.
Speaker 1: And I'm very lucky that Wade is an incredible dad.
Speaker 1: I know that. You know, wolf is never apart from
Speaker 1: being in preschool, he's never with anyone other than me
Speaker 1: a Wade, So I know that he's like in safe hands,
Speaker 1: and he seems fine. You know, when I tried, like honestly,
Speaker 1: before I was going to America, so Wade's taken him
Speaker 1: to Australia for three weeks, and I did start feeling
Speaker 1: really panicky. I was feeling quite anxious, like I can't
Speaker 1: I'm going to leave him, I'm not going to see
Speaker 1: him for three weeks, like I'm missing this special time.
Speaker 1: And you know, I would say day to day, I'm
Speaker 1: not like a needy mum, like I don't know. I'm
Speaker 1: not like overly attached, like in an unhealthy way, because
Speaker 1: you know, Wolf is not mine, he's not my possession.
Speaker 1: He's my son and I'm here to guide him. But
Speaker 1: he's a very affectionate little boy. Just for context, he's
Speaker 1: very affectionate, loves cuddles, loves kisses like he's so cute. Anyway,
Speaker 1: the day I was leaving, he could obviously sense my
Speaker 1: eaediness and anxiety and he refused to hug me. I
Speaker 1: was like, baby, I'm not going to see you for
Speaker 1: three weeks and give your mummy a hug. He was
Speaker 1: just like it was always okay. I was like, mom,
Speaker 1: you're being it much. Can he just back off? And
Speaker 1: every time I tried to face drive here for the
Speaker 1: last two weeks, He's like, I am having too much
Speaker 1: fun like I'm fine, and so he's happy. I am happy,
Speaker 1: and at the end of the day, I'm always going
Speaker 1: to be here for him, and I'm thriving as much
Speaker 1: as I can. He's thriving wherever he is. And I
Speaker 1: think that I hope that in sharing that it will
Speaker 1: give other mum's permission to be okay with not feeling guilty,
Speaker 1: because I almost think that sometimes we have we feel
Speaker 1: guilty if we don't feel guilty like I felt that,
Speaker 1: I thought, is there something wrong with me that I
Speaker 1: don't have this awful mum gilt? Yeah, but actually I'm
Speaker 1: pleased that I don't. And I hope that it will
Speaker 1: encourage other mums to be okay with prioritizing themselves. You know,
Speaker 1: our children and are learning from what we do, not
Speaker 1: what we say. And we know that and if we
Speaker 1: are showing them that we respect ourselves, that we honor ourselves,
Speaker 1: that we want the best for ourselves, they are going
Speaker 1: to respond to that and learn from that. And it's
Speaker 1: a really important example to give. Yeah, I think that's
Speaker 1: I love hearing that. It's refreshing. And the part that
Speaker 1: I was extrapolating from that was that it sounds like
Speaker 1: you've defined, at least internally, what you believe it means
Speaker 1: to be a good mum for yourself, for you, for
Speaker 1: roxy who you are, and if you have that definition,
Speaker 1: then you can live up to that. Now I may
Speaker 1: have a definition of what a good mum is. And
Speaker 1: obviously I'm saying this hypothetically, but it's like if someone
Speaker 1: was to compare their definition to mine, or mind to theirs,
Speaker 1: or X to why the problem is, you can start
Speaker 1: adding a lot of pressure to your plate and, as
Speaker 1: you said, often get the pressure of well, I have
Speaker 1: to be everything and anything. And when I was reading
Speaker 1: your book, you have this beautiful dedication two wolf which
Speaker 1: is for my son Wolfe, be whoever you want to be.
Speaker 1: And I love that And I was thinking, when you
Speaker 1: changed your name, it sounds like that was a moment
Speaker 1: where you were becoming who you wanted to be. How
Speaker 1: did your parents respond to that? Like, how did they
Speaker 1: How did your family or extended family feel about you
Speaker 1: changing your name? You know, I think I was so
Speaker 1: headstrong even as a child that my parents for me.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like I was asking my parents. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing and I have to do it.
Speaker 1: I'm the youngest of four. My brother and sisters just
Speaker 1: you know, mocked me. Obviously that's what older rose and
Speaker 1: sisters do. I thought it was ridiculous that I was
Speaker 1: now Roxy and they still don't call me Roxy. They
Speaker 1: all call me Rowan. But I loved that. But yeah,
Speaker 1: they didn't try to stop me, which I think was
Speaker 1: really nice, you know, And I think that's important. And
Speaker 1: I do feel like a Roxy and I love it
Speaker 1: when people say I love your name, I'm like, thank you.
Speaker 1: I chose it? Well, yeah, why why? Roxy? Wha did it? Oh?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was with a friend and we
Speaker 1: were like, what should we what should we choose? And
Speaker 1: then it was that Rocky. I'm glad I chose to Roxy,
Speaker 1: but we changed it to an IV because I didn't
Speaker 1: want to be like the surf brand. Yeah, the offense
Speaker 1: to the surf brand, but I want to tell the
Speaker 1: UNI Yeah, and I love I think that's really important
Speaker 1: because so much of who we are is not chosen
Speaker 1: by us at the beginning of our lives, and then
Speaker 1: it's important that we start choosing. So the beginning of
Speaker 1: your life, so much is chosen for you, and as
Speaker 1: we get older, we only truly become who we are
Speaker 1: and who we want to be if we start choosing
Speaker 1: that and choosing your name is is quite a big
Speaker 1: identity shift. It's not small. Yeah, And choosing it as
Speaker 1: a kid is really hard because, like you said, you
Speaker 1: could have ended up as Rocky Chen a very different life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: isn't that weird? Yeah? Like if you And also I
Speaker 1: kind of for a time I felt, you know, in
Speaker 1: my line your behavior, I talk about kind of stepping
Speaker 1: into the character of yourself, and I guess for some time,
Speaker 1: Roxy gave me this character of someone I wanted to
Speaker 1: be like. I wanted to be more confident, and I
Speaker 1: wanted to feel like I was included in school, and
Speaker 1: so it gave me this kind of space to do that. Eventually,
Speaker 1: it's just become who I am. But you know, there
Speaker 1: was always in that time when I was in my teens,
Speaker 1: it was like Roxy was the social me and Rowan
Speaker 1: was the me at home. And now I kind of
Speaker 1: liked that, you know, in a way. But now it's
Speaker 1: merged into one. For me. My identity became class rebel,
Speaker 1: class clown, you know, the bad the bad kid in school.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine that it was really bad if you
Speaker 1: if you speak to any of my friends from the
Speaker 1: age of fifteen to eighteen, they would just be like,
Speaker 1: this is Jay's a totally different human today, not in
Speaker 1: the sense of how I am with people, just what
Speaker 1: I was into. And that was the part where I
Speaker 1: was struggling, where in my heart, I've always been the
Speaker 1: same person I am today, It's just I didn't think
Speaker 1: that For a long time, I didn't believe that vulnerability
Speaker 1: was strength, or I didn't feel that love is good,
Speaker 1: or that I didn't feel that serving others was aspirational
Speaker 1: because that wasn't rewarded around me. So what was rewarded
Speaker 1: around me was who's a rebel, Who's a clown? Who
Speaker 1: can get away with stuff like that was what was
Speaker 1: rewarded as or praised by your social circle. And so
Speaker 1: then I was just pretending to be someone that I wasn't,
Speaker 1: even though it felt so uncomfortable, which when we come
Speaker 1: to aligning your behavior, I think that's half the issue.
Speaker 1: Where my behavior when I was a teen was aligned
Speaker 1: with a reality or a truth that I would never
Speaker 1: have subscribed to. Like if you said to me, Jay,
Speaker 1: this is what you're actually doing, and I think we don't.
Speaker 1: We don't really look at what our behavior aligns with.
Speaker 1: We kind of just go with Then we think it's
Speaker 1: us when you talk about aligning your behavior. Where are
Speaker 1: the common mistakes that we make when aligning our behavior?
Speaker 1: Because and this is what I think ultimately goes back
Speaker 1: to the first point you made where you said that
Speaker 1: we have to know who we want to be, and
Speaker 1: I think when we talk about manifesting, we don't. I
Speaker 1: think people talk about what their goal is. So someone
Speaker 1: wants to manifest making a billion dollars, right, making this
Speaker 1: up someone's hypothetical example, aligning their behavior means doing anything
Speaker 1: to be able to make a billion dollars, Like you're
Speaker 1: ready to do anything because the goal wasn't set from
Speaker 1: a place of knowing who you want to be, So
Speaker 1: now it's about getting something, which means you're pretty open
Speaker 1: to any behavior. Does that make sense? That does? So
Speaker 1: talk to us about going back to who you want
Speaker 1: to be an aligning your behavior with that. I feel like,
Speaker 1: how do someone think about who they want to be
Speaker 1: in a healthy way? Because I think society has programmed
Speaker 1: us to say, you want to be a podcaster, we
Speaker 1: want to be an author, you want to be a billionaire.
Speaker 1: Like the word that follows be is rarely who that's
Speaker 1: what you want to do. That's not who you want
Speaker 1: to be, so true, so true. Yeah, And I guess
Speaker 1: it is. You know, it's about with who you want
Speaker 1: to be. It's for me that means kind of how
Speaker 1: you want to show up to the world, what values
Speaker 1: are important to you, what relationships you have, how you
Speaker 1: want to feel within yourself, how much integrity you have.
Speaker 1: For me, for example, I really wanted to be someone
Speaker 1: who was really confident in themselves and confident in being
Speaker 1: a kind person. So it's really interesting that you touched
Speaker 1: on that. But being kind wasn't cool right at school,
Speaker 1: Like the people that were cool were the ones who
Speaker 1: are a bit nasty, who marked other people. Even when
Speaker 1: we would watch TV shows, you know, all the cool
Speaker 1: kids were kind of the mean ones. And even like
Speaker 1: if you would look at like in the pr and
Speaker 1: fashion world, like the mean people were kind of glamorized.
Speaker 1: And I've always been quite a gentle, I think, really
Speaker 1: nice person, and that was something that I used to
Speaker 1: be quite ashamed of in a way, and I used
Speaker 1: to think that people would just look down on me
Speaker 1: because of that quality. And so for me, I wanted
Speaker 1: to be able to just really be authentic in my
Speaker 1: kindness and go, hey, I actually really like that I'm
Speaker 1: sweet to people, and I'm not going to judge myself
Speaker 1: for it. I want to be someone that thrives in it,
Speaker 1: that loves myself for that quality, and I know that
Speaker 1: the right tribe will come to me for that. And
Speaker 1: I think it comes back to this point you made
Speaker 1: earlier about when you were talking about fear and doubt.
Speaker 1: You said, you know, there is so much worry about
Speaker 1: external validation, and in the manifesting process, one really important
Speaker 1: thing is that you have to be able to let
Speaker 1: go of the need for approval from others. Energy is directional.
Speaker 1: You cannot be constantly focusing on what other people want
Speaker 1: from you while simultaneously focusing on who you want to become.
Speaker 1: You can't go both ways. And I describe it like this.
Speaker 1: I actually describe it like this in my next book.
Speaker 1: But imagine you're running a race and you want to
Speaker 1: get to the finish line. If you're running this race
Speaker 1: and you're looking over at the person next to you
Speaker 1: to see how far they're going, or you want to
Speaker 1: see if they're looking at you you're going to trip
Speaker 1: and fall. You have to stay completely raise a shart
Speaker 1: with raise a sharp focus on your own lane, on
Speaker 1: your own journey, on your own alignment, on who you
Speaker 1: want to be, and for that, we have to be
Speaker 1: able to live knowing that and being okay with the
Speaker 1: fact that not everybody is going to like us. It
Speaker 1: has been the most liberating thing for me to understand
Speaker 1: that I don't need to be liked by everyone. You know,
Speaker 1: as I'm growing and spreading my message, some people are
Speaker 1: going to love me. Others are going to find me
Speaker 1: really annoying. They're not going to like what I say.
Speaker 1: They're not gonna like how I say it, and that
Speaker 1: is okay. And one thing that helped me be okay
Speaker 1: with it, and I hope will help some listeners be
Speaker 1: okay with it, is there nobody on earth is universally liked.
Speaker 1: When I realized that everything changed. If I look at
Speaker 1: my best friends, at people I inspire that inspire me.
Speaker 1: In the media, celebrities I love, as many people love them,
Speaker 1: there are others who can't stand the absolutely and that
Speaker 1: was really reassuring for me. I was like, Hey, these
Speaker 1: people that I love have people that don't like them,
Speaker 1: and hey, it's the same for me as well, and
Speaker 1: that like it set me free, It set me free,
Speaker 1: and it gave me the space to be myself, and
Speaker 1: in that I was able to let go of this
Speaker 1: need for external validation and in this constant desire to
Speaker 1: be what other people wanted me to be and actually
Speaker 1: just be who I am. And as soon as I
Speaker 1: did that, everything started aligning the universe that the supporting me,
Speaker 1: and I felt, like, you know, I said in the beginning,
Speaker 1: this isn't magic, but it feels magical. I feel like
Speaker 1: my life is magical because not because there aren't stresses
Speaker 1: that I have to overcome, but because I'm living in
Speaker 1: true alignment with who I am. Yeah. I love that
Speaker 1: phrase of it's not magic, but it feels magical, because
Speaker 1: I think that's the issue with manifestation that's always been
Speaker 1: presented as magical and in that way, and like you're
Speaker 1: saying that the actual method is not magical. The method
Speaker 1: is structured and there's a process and there's a system,
Speaker 1: and then the result is magical. And that really aligns
Speaker 1: with me. I really really, I've never heard anyone said
Speaker 1: that before, and I really love that, Like, it really resonates,
Speaker 1: and I can say the same for me, like I
Speaker 1: feel like I live a miracle every day, But I
Speaker 1: know the process isn't that, and I want to talk
Speaker 1: a bit about that. That part of aligning the behavior
Speaker 1: is getting good at doing things when you don't want
Speaker 1: to do them, and getting good at things that you
Speaker 1: may not have wanted to get good at. Like I
Speaker 1: think people feel that people who manifest their ideal life,
Speaker 1: they wake up and they do only what they want
Speaker 1: for twenty four hours in a day. I don't think
Speaker 1: that's fully true, and I think I felt misled for
Speaker 1: a long time where I was like, yeah, I love
Speaker 1: what I do, and I realized I do love what
Speaker 1: I do, but I also do a lot of what
Speaker 1: I don't love doing in order to do more of
Speaker 1: what I love to do. And I feel like that's
Speaker 1: where a lot of people leave the journey, because you
Speaker 1: start doing what you love. So I started making content
Speaker 1: which I loved, and sharing this message and speaking on stages,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, I had to think
Speaker 1: about building teams and organizing and growing, which wasn't stuff
Speaker 1: that I would say I love doing compared to doing this,
Speaker 1: but I had to learn that in order to serve
Speaker 1: the greater mission. And I realized, if I have to
Speaker 1: learn something in order to serve my mission and manifesting,
Speaker 1: then that's part of the manifesting that isn't excluded because
Speaker 1: I don't enjoy it. Yeah, where does that sit with you? On?
Speaker 1: And it's why being clear in your vision is so important. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's giving you that reason that why why you're
Speaker 1: doing the things that you don't enjoy necessarily or that
Speaker 1: aren't your favorite part of the process, but you're doing
Speaker 1: them anyway because of this greater thing. And you know,
Speaker 1: I think that we kind of I don't know if
Speaker 1: you agree, but there is an aversion to discomfort, Like
Speaker 1: we are always trying to like avoid not always and
Speaker 1: not everyone, but we can try to avoid things that
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable, hard work, things that we don't want to do,
Speaker 1: because our brain is always trying to keep us like
Speaker 1: as safe and happy as possible. And it's also you
Speaker 1: know a lot of that is also coming from a
Speaker 1: place of fear as well. Like that can't go unsaid.
Speaker 1: But and I know this kind of phrase is some
Speaker 1: people don't like it, but I do believe that part
Speaker 1: of self love is self discipline is there? You know,
Speaker 1: there's a fine line between giving yourself compassion and space
Speaker 1: to be gentle with yourself and give yourself space to
Speaker 1: like experience the whole spectrum of emotions. Then sometimes we
Speaker 1: do need to just go, hey, you need to finish
Speaker 1: doing your accounts, even though it's really boring and even
Speaker 1: though it makes you feel that your brain's going to explode,
Speaker 1: but you need to do them because it's part of
Speaker 1: this greater picture and it's going to get you closer
Speaker 1: to where you want to go. And it's also the
Speaker 1: same with any time you have an opportunity to step
Speaker 1: outside your comfort zone, you know, to take risks, to
Speaker 1: do things despite the fear of being rejected or the
Speaker 1: fear of failure or whatever it is. And the more
Speaker 1: that we can we train our brain to find this
Speaker 1: motivation and commitment to going beyond what we feel is comfortable,
Speaker 1: you know, that's where we see the real growth. I
Speaker 1: always say, like there's a great quote which is nothing
Speaker 1: changes if nothing changes, But I also love you know,
Speaker 1: I say it in my book as if you want
Speaker 1: to see and create change in your life, you have
Speaker 1: to be the change, like you are the driving force
Speaker 1: behind everything. You talk about envy in your book, and
Speaker 1: I find envy fascinating because the Vaders talk a lot
Speaker 1: about it, which are the books I studied as a monk.
Speaker 1: I've found envy to be one of the most interesting emotions.
Speaker 1: It's fascinating as an emotion to me to have to
Speaker 1: figure out where's it coming from, what's it doing. And
Speaker 1: you talk about in the book how you turn envy
Speaker 1: into inspiration or that's what you recommend in manifesting. What
Speaker 1: is envy a representation of for you? And how have
Speaker 1: you made sense of it when you talk about turning
Speaker 1: into inspiration? Yeah, so I think this is a really
Speaker 1: important step for all of us. So envy comes from
Speaker 1: this scarcity mindset that there's not enough to go around.
Speaker 1: So if you have something, it's potentially less for me,
Speaker 1: and it's coming from this place of fear. So I
Speaker 1: always say envy is fear and doubt in disguise. What
Speaker 1: often happens is that we are constantly trying to deny
Speaker 1: ourselves of our envy. We don't want to admit when
Speaker 1: we're feeling it. Whenever I'm in a workshop and I
Speaker 1: talk about envy, could hear a pin drop because nobody
Speaker 1: wants to give away that they've ever felt envy before.
Speaker 1: You know, there's so much shame around it. You know,
Speaker 1: it's definitely you know, look at the Disney film that's
Speaker 1: like the Green Eyed Monster. You know, they always the
Speaker 1: villains are the envious ones. And when we don't kind
Speaker 1: of admit our envy, we pass it on often as
Speaker 1: judgment or criticism of others. So we see a confident
Speaker 1: person walk through the door and we go, arth, they're
Speaker 1: so full of themselves. Or we see a couple kind
Speaker 1: of you know, kissing on the street, Oh, get a room.
Speaker 1: We're constantly passing this judgment of other people, and I
Speaker 1: think that is just envy coming out. And so at
Speaker 1: the very first step, what I really encourage people to
Speaker 1: do is just start to take ownership of it. Look
Speaker 1: out for any time you're judging or criticizing others and
Speaker 1: seeing is this really a sign that I'm feeling envious
Speaker 1: of something that they have or something that they're doing. Also,
Speaker 1: when you know, you know, we there are times where
Speaker 1: the envy is just blatant, like your friend gets a
Speaker 1: job promotion and you wanted that job promotion, or you know,
Speaker 1: if you see someone getting engaged and you're really, you know,
Speaker 1: waiting for your partner to propose, then it's more obvious.
Speaker 1: But either way, when we notice that envy or we've
Speaker 1: realize that we've been judging someone and we've been disguising it. Yes,
Speaker 1: I am feeling envious. That's okay, there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1: It's not making me a bad person. But what is
Speaker 1: this showing me. It's showing me that something still needs
Speaker 1: healing within me, whether that's an insecurity or just a
Speaker 1: real doubt that there is enough for everybody to go
Speaker 1: around to. Then take it further, we can turn that
Speaker 1: and transform it into inspiration. Inspiration is the antithesis of envy.
Speaker 1: It says that there is enough for us all. It
Speaker 1: comes from a really abundant mindset. You have something, and
Speaker 1: I can have it too. And I truly believe there
Speaker 1: is an abundance of love, success, happiness, and money in
Speaker 1: the universe for us all. And so what I encourage
Speaker 1: people to do constantly is try to get into this
Speaker 1: habit of turning that envious thought of feeling first by
Speaker 1: owning it and being compassionate around it, and then transforming
Speaker 1: it into inspirations. So, for example, if you see someone
Speaker 1: getting married and you're going, oh my god, everybody's getting
Speaker 1: married around me, I'm so jealous. You can transform it
Speaker 1: to isn't this another beautiful representation of love? I can't
Speaker 1: wait to have that for myself when the time is right.
Speaker 1: So we always have this opportunity to transform this very
Speaker 1: low vibrational feeling of envy and turn it into something
Speaker 1: that is high vibrational, that is more empowering, that feels better,
Speaker 1: And it's why you supporting each other, celebrating each other
Speaker 1: is so important. That's awesome. I'm so glad we talked
Speaker 1: about that, because, yeah, I find that envy can also
Speaker 1: be the biggest block too manifesting, because if you, ultimately,
Speaker 1: after doing all these steps at step six, are feeling
Speaker 1: envious of others, it just takes all of that high
Speaker 1: vibrational energy back to low vibrational energy, and it's envy
Speaker 1: is one of those like I know, there's there's all
Speaker 1: these new thoughts about, you know, envy as a sign
Speaker 1: of what you really want and things like that. I'm
Speaker 1: not fully in agreement of that, Like, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't think that. I often think that our envy just
Speaker 1: exists much more broadly, if you have narrow envy in
Speaker 1: an industry or a space, you're probably luckier. Generally, we
Speaker 1: can feel envious of lots of different people for lots
Speaker 1: of different things because we don't know our own values.
Speaker 1: When you know your values, you'll only be envious of
Speaker 1: people in your value space. And that's helpful as a start.
Speaker 1: But you're so right that, yeah, if you if you
Speaker 1: find yourself falling into the envy, it's not even what
Speaker 1: you share with others, it's holding that bitterness within your
Speaker 1: own heart and mind. It's horrible, like it's just it's
Speaker 1: just so polluting and letting go of it. And for me,
Speaker 1: what's really helped is again again getting really clear on
Speaker 1: what you said that if I'm doing my thing, it
Speaker 1: really doesn't matter what anyone else is doing, and it
Speaker 1: won't have that someone else's moves don't influence mine, and
Speaker 1: someone else's wins and losses don't influence in mind. And
Speaker 1: I think it's also this is where I wanted to
Speaker 1: get to. It's also the other way around. Sometimes envy
Speaker 1: is you can't enjoy someone else's wins, but sometimes envy
Speaker 1: is you deeply enjoy someone's losses. So when someone loses,
Speaker 1: you take joy in it, and someone wins, you don't care.
Speaker 1: But when you take joy in someone's loss. I see
Speaker 1: this in the news every day, Like when people get
Speaker 1: divorced and we're like, oh, we knew they'd get divorced,
Speaker 1: We told you. So someone loses a game and we're like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're the worst player of all time. Like, we take
Speaker 1: so much joy in other people's loss, or in other
Speaker 1: people's failure or supposed failure, and we don't realize that
Speaker 1: when that same thing happens to us, we're going to
Speaker 1: treat ourselves the same way. Now, God forbid you go
Speaker 1: through something similar that you condemned online, you're going to
Speaker 1: condemn yourself through that whole process, rather than giving yourself
Speaker 1: compassion in space. It's so true. I Similarly, I always
Speaker 1: say that every time you're judging someone else, you are
Speaker 1: like compounding and building this fear that other people are
Speaker 1: judging you, and that you will then judge yourself more so. Actually,
Speaker 1: the less we do it for other people, the less
Speaker 1: we find joy and other people's losses, and the less
Speaker 1: we find ourselves judging and criticizing others, actually, the less
Speaker 1: we'll do it to ourselves or fear that other people
Speaker 1: will do it to us as well. So I think
Speaker 1: it's a really really important one to talk about, and
Speaker 1: I think, you know, personally, it is something that's really
Speaker 1: empowered me to manifest because, like you say, of course,
Speaker 1: it's a big block because if I was, you know,
Speaker 1: when my book came out, I'm going into the you know,
Speaker 1: into having a career in the self help, you know industry,
Speaker 1: let's call it, if I was thinking, oh my gosh, no,
Speaker 1: the so many success Jay Shetty is like he's got
Speaker 1: millions of followers, and I'm never going to be that big,
Speaker 1: And if I started having that, I would be totally
Speaker 1: blocking myself, right. But we're all on the same mission.
Speaker 1: We are all here to help people and inspire people.
Speaker 1: And for every coach, healer, author out there, there are
Speaker 1: thousands of people wanting to learn and who listens and
Speaker 1: here's my message and takes it in is supposed to
Speaker 1: be in my tribe. But I'm, like I said, I'm
Speaker 1: not for everyone. And so for other people, they'll hear
Speaker 1: you speak and that will resonate way more with them,
Speaker 1: or they'll hear another coach speak, or another speaker or
Speaker 1: another author, And that's great because we're all we're all
Speaker 1: on the same mission and that's an abundant mindset. And
Speaker 1: that's why I can look at you and Rene Brown
Speaker 1: and Tony Robbers and anyone in this world and go
Speaker 1: that is so inspiring. I love seeing people help other people. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: And I think you identified it perfectly there. It's the
Speaker 1: real question is are we here for the healing? Are
Speaker 1: we here for us? And that's really the question. And
Speaker 1: if you're really in it for the healing, then anyone
Speaker 1: who's a healer, you'll appreciate them, even if their healing
Speaker 1: style is different. But that sign, that sign is so
Speaker 1: clear when you're like, oh, yeah, I don't like the
Speaker 1: way they're doing it, don't like the way I don't
Speaker 1: agree with them, or they're not and that's it just
Speaker 1: creates fractions and fractures internally as well. So I'm so
Speaker 1: glad you brought that up too. It's beautiful. And I
Speaker 1: think as you were talking, I was piecing a thought
Speaker 1: together and it's this idea of how comfort creates self care,
Speaker 1: but discomfort creates self respect. I love that. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: it just hit me while you were talking and I
Speaker 1: was thinking that discomfort has actually brought me so much
Speaker 1: more than comfort, and now I appreciate comfort more because
Speaker 1: I know I can get into discomfort when I need to.
Speaker 1: And so the self respect that comes from discomfort creates
Speaker 1: such a confidence and a swagger and an energy that
Speaker 1: then you cradle with comfort when you need to, ye
Speaker 1: as opposed to when you've only cuddled and comforted the
Speaker 1: whole time. It's really hard to then have that feeling
Speaker 1: of self respect. So every time I go through something tough,
Speaker 1: I'm like, God, I did that. Like every time I
Speaker 1: break through something, I'm like, I can do hard things,
Speaker 1: like I can do really tough stuff. And that builds
Speaker 1: self respect, and self respect is what I need in
Speaker 1: order to function in life, to build self worth, in
Speaker 1: order to have self belief that yeah, oh I love that.
Speaker 1: I love that, and I think you're absolutely right. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's no better feeling than doing something that you thought
Speaker 1: you couldn't or being able to have that mindset, you know,
Speaker 1: even little things like little things like me in my
Speaker 1: ice bath yesterday six minutes I was like this is
Speaker 1: so hard. I was like, I'm so old, ah, And
Speaker 1: I was just like tapped into that kind of mental strength.
Speaker 1: I was like, discomfort is okay, and afterwards I felt
Speaker 1: so proud of myself. And it's quite similar to self trust.
Speaker 1: I always say, like, follow through with things that you
Speaker 1: say you're going to do, because that builds self trust,
Speaker 1: which again impacts that self worth, that self esteem, that
Speaker 1: self confidence. You know, every time we say to yourselves,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to drink tonight and then you go
Speaker 1: out and drink, you're losing that self trust. Or when
Speaker 1: you say I'm going to finish that you know, assignment
Speaker 1: today and then you don't, you're losing that self trust.
Speaker 1: But when you actually do things like you know, push
Speaker 1: through discomfort, or you follow through with things that you
Speaker 1: say you're going to do, you're building self discipline, self respect,
Speaker 1: self trust, and all these things combined is what is
Speaker 1: making you feel more empowered, more confident, And in that empowerment,
Speaker 1: you take steps that you never thought were possible to
Speaker 1: live a dream that you feel so proud of. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And it's what's really hitting me right now with what
Speaker 1: you're saying is that it's doing hard things that are
Speaker 1: meaningful to you. The challenges a lot of us are
Speaker 1: doing hard things that are not meaningful to us. So
Speaker 1: when you break through something hard that's not meaningful to you,
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel great. And so I do believe people
Speaker 1: are doing hard things every day. I do believe people
Speaker 1: are working hard every day. I do believe that people
Speaker 1: are struggling every day, but often it's towards something that
Speaker 1: isn't important to them. And so if we can find
Speaker 1: a way to do hard things that are meaningful to us,
Speaker 1: that can unlock a whole new mindset and totally make
Speaker 1: it easy to manifest. Yeah, Brets, I was talking tothe
Speaker 1: about it yesterday. There is this kind of feeling there
Speaker 1: that life is hard and it should be hard, but
Speaker 1: in the wrong ways. Yes, you know, whereas this is
Speaker 1: like what we're talking about something very different. It's like,
Speaker 1: and I just really resonated with that that it is
Speaker 1: about working hard for these things that are meaningful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's what you said earlier, And I love that that's
Speaker 1: where you start with just being clear about your values
Speaker 1: and knowing what you want and not wanting something because
Speaker 1: someone else thinks it's cool. Like I do think that
Speaker 1: there are there's a mindset in the world where it's
Speaker 1: like it's cool not to care. And then right and
Speaker 1: then there's a mindset the other way where it's like
Speaker 1: it's cool to really care, and it's like both are fine,
Speaker 1: but just choose which one you want to be. Like,
Speaker 1: you know, it doesn't like some people are, oh, it's
Speaker 1: cool not to care about what you wear, and some
Speaker 1: people are like, no, it's cool to care about you
Speaker 1: what you were. Neither's right or wrong, but most of
Speaker 1: us subscribe to one because of what people around us think,
Speaker 1: as opposed to that's how I want to be. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think that that's the freeing element of all
Speaker 1: of this. It's like, how many decisions can you make
Speaker 1: in your day that were made because they were decisions
Speaker 1: you wanted to make, not because someone wanted you to
Speaker 1: make them, not because someone forced or influenced you, but
Speaker 1: that you knew they were right for you. That that's
Speaker 1: really what we're talking about. Absolutely, So yeah, right, it's
Speaker 1: been so fun talking to you. You are You're definitely
Speaker 1: a kind, warm, wonderful person in person too, And I'm
Speaker 1: glad that we both found the courage to become ourselves
Speaker 1: in public because when you said that too, I can
Speaker 1: resonate with that so deeply, where even for years I
Speaker 1: was just like, yeah, you know, you have to kind
Speaker 1: of play this role that you don't want to play.
Speaker 1: And I'm so glad I let go of that. And
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you did too. Yeah. But for everyone
Speaker 1: who's been listening, I want you to go out and
Speaker 1: grab a copy of Manifest Seven Steps to Living Your
Speaker 1: Best Life by Roxy and Fussy. Please do not miss
Speaker 1: out and grabbing this book. The seven Steps we talked
Speaker 1: about a few of my favorite ones today, There's so
Speaker 1: many more and I'm hoping Roxy will come back for
Speaker 1: her next book. But please do grab this. Please do
Speaker 1: use it, use it practically, use it as a workbook,
Speaker 1: not just a reading book, because that's what it's built
Speaker 1: to do. And Roxy, we end every on Purpose episode
Speaker 1: with a final five. Yeah, so I hope you haven't
Speaker 1: practicing too much. No, I haven't. I've just said this.
Speaker 1: I remember remember you did did you do the first
Speaker 1: from with Alex Cooper? No? No, We've done final five forever.
Speaker 1: But that I'm going to do of you will do
Speaker 1: that final five and it's someone's first time and sides afterwards,
Speaker 1: but I think it was the thing that was okay, good,
Speaker 1: all right, So Roxy, there is your final five question.
Speaker 1: Number one, what is the best manifestation advice you've ever
Speaker 1: received or heard? That we manifest what we subconsciously believe
Speaker 1: we are worthy of receiving. Great answer, all right. Second question,
Speaker 1: what is the worst manifesting advice you've ever heard or received?
Speaker 1: That if you think about something hard enough, it will
Speaker 1: appear for you? Number three is how would you define
Speaker 1: your current purpose to help and inspire others to find
Speaker 1: the light within them? Beautiful? I love that so clear,
Speaker 1: all these answers, it's firdestine. Question number four is I
Speaker 1: love that you talked about keeping your vision board like
Speaker 1: it and sacred and like more internal, Like where do
Speaker 1: you keep it? Do you do it on a boarder
Speaker 1: pader journal? Like what's what's your way? I have the
Speaker 1: most basic vision war you have ever seen for someone
Speaker 1: that talks so much about manifesting, it's actually quite embarrassing.
Speaker 1: I am really terrible handwriting. Firstly, I'll say you'll see
Speaker 1: on your sign book, but I get like an a
Speaker 1: four piece of card and I write and felt tip pen.
Speaker 1: I love it, And that's it, y'all. Sorry, stand your picture.
Speaker 1: It's just felt tip pen bullet points of everything. I'm
Speaker 1: not a very visual person in terms of like, I
Speaker 1: don't like using the magazines and stuff like that. It's
Speaker 1: just bullet points to the point, all the words, all
Speaker 1: the things I want. I kind of put some headers
Speaker 1: on it. That's it, and then I tuck it on
Speaker 1: the floor under my water. I love it. That's brilliant.
Speaker 1: That's that's great. Fifth and final question, If you could
Speaker 1: create one law in the world that everyone had to follow,
Speaker 1: what would it be. I would love if there was
Speaker 1: a ban on bitching about other people, Like I just
Speaker 1: think it's so toxic for ourselves because if there wasn't that,
Speaker 1: we wouldn't have this constant fear of what other people think,
Speaker 1: and then we would all be living in alignment. So yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a great answer. Yeah, if we had the ability
Speaker 1: to evaluate and assess what people were doing and saying
Speaker 1: as opposed to yeah, directly going into that negativity. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I love that. Everyone the book again, it's called Manifest
Speaker 1: Seven Steps to Living your Best Life. Make sure you're
Speaker 1: going audio copy now. Roxy. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: doing this. A joy talking to you. I've loved I've
Speaker 1: made so many great connections in this conversation, which is
Speaker 1: what I count as a good conversation is that you've
Speaker 1: inspired me in so many ways and so many ideas
Speaker 1: that came out, and I'm so grateful that you're doing
Speaker 1: the work you're doing. Thank you so much for thank
Speaker 1: you leading this path to redefining manifesting. Thank you and
Speaker 1: everyone's watching or listening. Make sure you tag Roxy and
Speaker 1: I on Instagram, on Twitter, and any social media platform
Speaker 1: you use. On TikTok share your highlights from this interview.
Speaker 1: If there are any clips or any insights that stood
Speaker 1: out to you, please pass them along and make sure
Speaker 1: you share this with a friend and start manifesting. Thank
Speaker 1: you for listening, and I'll see you next week on
Speaker 1: on Purpose.