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Speaker 1: Thank you for You're coming back. Part two is underway,

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Speaker 1: toxic relationship. How soon do you think a person can

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Speaker 1: you tell? I mean, could you tell within say a week,

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Speaker 1: a couple of months that this is going to be

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Speaker 1: this is toxic, there's too much toxicity this and this

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Speaker 1: is not going to end well and I just need

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Speaker 1: to go down.

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Speaker 2: Red flags show up. I believe in the first interaction,

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Speaker 2: people just choose not to see him because they're desperate.

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Speaker 2: There's two people. There's people who have a full plate

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Speaker 2: and they got to make room for what they want,

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Speaker 2: and there's people that have an empty plate and they

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Speaker 2: want anything just to fall on it at any time.

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Speaker 2: That's called desperation. You can see red flags when you

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Speaker 2: have a full plate from the beginning. Me and you

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Speaker 2: can have a conversation at a restaurant or at a gym.

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Speaker 2: Right in the first five ten to fifteen minutes. I

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Speaker 2: can tell he's too resistant for me, he's not going

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Speaker 2: to be conducive for me, or this man knows how

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Speaker 2: to have a conversation with my strong personality. This might workout.

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Speaker 2: You will be able to tell who she feisty.

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Speaker 3: Or we got alive with her.

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Speaker 2: Or like ooh, that fire is kind of sexy toy.

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Speaker 2: I like this strength. I can play with this. Those

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Speaker 2: things show up the first five to ten minutes. If

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Speaker 2: you're not desperate. Desperation means I'm coming in with my

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Speaker 2: own idea of what I want you to be. I'm

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Speaker 2: afraid to see you for who you are, because then

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Speaker 2: that means I may have to say no to you.

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Speaker 2: And I want somebody so bad that I'm gonna put

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Speaker 2: my idea on you. Not see none of the red

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Speaker 2: flags on purpose, so that I can have something to

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Speaker 2: plug into. That's desperation.

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Speaker 1: How about I see you as you are and not

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Speaker 1: how I wish you to be, because I think that's

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Speaker 1: a lot of things that they at play. They don't

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Speaker 1: see the person for who they actually are, but who

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Speaker 1: I wish you to be.

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Speaker 2: That's the fairy ch ideology. I wish you were wine,

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Speaker 2: but you water. We are not. Jesus, we are not

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Speaker 2: turning water to wine. This is always going to be water.

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Speaker 2: And what people do is they go, it's wine, sit

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Speaker 2: it on the shelf, watch this, and every time they

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Speaker 2: take a sip, they're like, oof, I don't like you, right,

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Speaker 2: I don't like you because you're not wine. But how

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Speaker 2: many times does that water tell the person I'm just water, water,

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Speaker 2: I'm just water.

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Speaker 3: Can you fix a toxic relationship?

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Speaker 1: Can you be toxic in the beginning and all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden not be toxic.

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Speaker 2: Yes, But it takes a whole hell of a lot

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Speaker 2: of work and a lot of dedication. And it takes

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Speaker 2: two people that are in therapy having individual sessions and

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Speaker 2: couple sessions. So my couples come individually one week and

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Speaker 2: then a couples the next week, individual couples. And it

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Speaker 2: takes a lot of self awareness, meaning I'm going to

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Speaker 2: be poking and thriving and give an inventory on this

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Speaker 2: is how you show up that is causing impairment for yourself. See,

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Speaker 2: we don't really cause impairment for people. First, the impairments

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Speaker 2: that you experience, I'm already experiencing within me. Otherwise you

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Speaker 2: could have never experienced it. So if you think you

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Speaker 2: have a problem with the shit, you got a problem

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Speaker 2: with me, with how you think I'm dealing with myself.

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Speaker 2: That's what people have to understand. So that thing that

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Speaker 2: you do that doesn't work for us, you do it

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Speaker 2: with you and don't like it anyways, That's how it

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Speaker 2: shows up in our relationship. So when you're in session

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Speaker 2: with me as your doctor, I'm saying, listen, Shannon, that

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Speaker 2: thing that you keep doing that she doesn't like, tell

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Speaker 2: me how you like it within yourself. And I've almost

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Speaker 2: never heard a person say, oh, I love that I

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Speaker 2: drink and I'm abusive? Do you? Because what is yourself

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Speaker 2: talkt when when you're drinking? How abusive are you with

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Speaker 2: your narrative to yourself when you are under the influence?

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Speaker 2: Damn doc? You right, Damn doc. Let's fix it with you.

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Speaker 2: Because if I could fix it with you, guess what,

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Speaker 2: it won't happen with her. But what where people go

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Speaker 2: wrong at They want to fix it within the relationship

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Speaker 2: without thinking them to come on now, But you still

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Speaker 2: got it. So if you got it, you're going to

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Speaker 2: project it. We are all just little projectors walking around here.

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Speaker 2: Everything I have, you are going to feel us. So

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Speaker 2: I'm just projecting on to you who I am. If

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Speaker 2: I feel sexy, you're gonna see sexy in me because

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Speaker 2: I'm projecting that. I'm eluding that if I'm feeling insecure,

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Speaker 2: you're gonna feel So we're just projectors. And yes, folks

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Speaker 2: can go from toxic or uh, you know, trauma bonds

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Speaker 2: to healing bonds. But that usually happens with folks who've

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Speaker 2: been married for ten to fifteen years. I'm being honest,

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Speaker 2: where they have toxic and trauma the hell out of

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Speaker 2: each other and they came to a peek of saying,

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Speaker 2: one thing, we know for sure we don't want to leave.

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Speaker 2: We don't want to leave each other, right, but we.

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Speaker 3: Don't want to stay like this.

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Speaker 2: Now unless those two people know that, one thing is

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Speaker 2: I don't want to leave you don't want to leave me.

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Speaker 2: We just can't stay like this. The relationship can work

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Speaker 2: past it, right, but if one of us wants out,

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Speaker 2: it's not working past it. It's not working past it.

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Speaker 2: But when you get a relationship where they say, look, Shannon,

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Speaker 2: I'm just never gonna leave you, and you like, Doc,

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Speaker 2: I'm not an option, I ain't gonna war, but we

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Speaker 2: gotta do better than this, and you're like, we do.

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Speaker 2: We're in a good position and we can work through that.

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Speaker 3: Okay. I like that.

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Speaker 1: This this uh, this relationship with the women. Now, you

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Speaker 1: got to take me here, you gotta take me there.

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Speaker 1: We go and have on the bills. I just grew

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Speaker 1: out like I said, I'm gonna come from a different time.

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Speaker 3: My grandfather handled all the bills.

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Speaker 1: I never remember when I was in high school or college,

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Speaker 1: I never really heard a woman says I took my

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Speaker 1: took him to the movies, or I bought I never

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Speaker 1: heard that. I guess I don't know when did that,

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Speaker 1: when that came about that? You know, women took GUIDs

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Speaker 1: on days, if they paid for things like that.

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Speaker 3: I've just all, I've just all.

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Speaker 2: I just grew a man's man. You're just a man's man.

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Speaker 1: So I pay, I pay all the bills, we go

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Speaker 1: out to eat, I pay, I do, I do, I

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Speaker 1: do all that.

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Speaker 3: It's I don't no.

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Speaker 1: I mean, have a woman taking me to dinner, Yes,

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Speaker 1: but I probably can count on one hand in my

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Speaker 1: fifty seven years of living that someone is taking me

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Speaker 1: to dinner and actually pay for it, taking me to

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Speaker 1: a movie and paid for it. I just I just

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Speaker 1: I don't feel I feel I don't I feel less there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what you're saying, what's the question?

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Speaker 3: So, yeah, what happened?

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Speaker 2: That's sexy? You asked, Ray, what's the question? Because for

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Speaker 2: a man is saying I'm taking care of everything, and

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Speaker 2: you got a woman who is You're a man's man,

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Speaker 2: and I'm a lady's lady. Of course I'm gonna want

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Speaker 2: to spoil you at times, but I would have no

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Speaker 2: problem with you saying, baby, I want to take care

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Speaker 2: of everything. It wouldn't stop me from still buying you

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Speaker 2: things and loving on you.

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Speaker 3: But when did where did the fifty to fifty come

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Speaker 3: into effect? Oh?

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Speaker 1: When did we get to this notion that these some

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Speaker 1: of these restaurants and everything ain't got to be mass

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Speaker 1: Roves or State forty eight?

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Speaker 3: When do we like, oh, that is beneath me, you

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Speaker 3: can't take me there.

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Speaker 2: So there's a two part question that I'm hearing one

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Speaker 2: of the fifty fifth become the thing. Right, So that's

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Speaker 2: a two part answer.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 2: One part is when desperation start to become a thing

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Speaker 2: with women, where again, anything just a bread crumb please

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Speaker 2: fall on my plate, right, And I'll even buy the

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Speaker 2: bread crumb and the loaf, just fall on my plate.

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Speaker 2: That's a woman operating from a desperate space of I

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Speaker 2: would do anything to have somebody. I don't care what

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Speaker 2: it is or what I have to do. I'll take

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Speaker 2: care of you. I'll pay a bill or two or three.

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Speaker 2: You can move in with me, it doesn't matter. You

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Speaker 2: can be the father of my kids and do nothing

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Speaker 2: for these kids. As long as you come by and

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Speaker 2: sleep with me once a week. I'm okay with that desperation.

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Speaker 2: Then you have these other women who say, look, I'm

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Speaker 2: with this man. He's a great man, he's faithful, he's loving,

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Speaker 2: he's a family guy. He does well, but not enough

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Speaker 2: to sustain my lifestyle. So he may pay for sixty

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Speaker 2: percent of things, and I don't mind doing the other

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Speaker 2: for right. That's a whole different woman who's saying that

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Speaker 2: I want to bald with this man, and I see

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Speaker 2: so much value in him that I don't mind making

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Speaker 2: some monetary investments in us. Nothing wrong with that desperation,

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Speaker 2: big problem, okay, But as far as you know a

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Speaker 2: a I think a man saying I want to take

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Speaker 2: care of everything. And you remember I was a kept woman,

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Speaker 2: and I can say this. I was engaged twice my

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Speaker 2: first fiance, who was a great guy. He made money,

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Speaker 2: but I was a breadwinner. Okay, the second guy was

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Speaker 2: a kept woman. I wasn't always as respectful to the

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Speaker 2: first guy. Where I was winning the bread and where

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Speaker 2: I was in the more masculine role when it comes

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Speaker 2: to bills.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I can't believe you was like that.

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Speaker 2: This is the truth. Let me tell you what happens though,

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Speaker 2: What happened when a man can't provide for a woman

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Speaker 2: and he wants to, he naturally emasculates himself. And when

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Speaker 2: you emasculate yourself, how in the hell do I respect

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Speaker 2: a man who was emascalated within himself? Because remember, I'm

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Speaker 2: just a mirror. Life is mirroring you. So as you

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Speaker 2: become emasculated and you feel less than because you can't

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Speaker 2: provide what you want to do even if I know,

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Speaker 2: even if i'd ask you to. Now, how am I

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Speaker 2: supposed to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves. I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: respect you at the level that you respect yourself. Doesn't

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Speaker 2: mean that I'm calling you out your name, It just

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Speaker 2: means respect level. Now, the second fiance who took I

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Speaker 2: was kept. I didn't buy a grape. I mean I

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Speaker 2: don't have car notes now, but I have car notes.

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Speaker 2: Then to a g wagon a Bentley. This man took

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Speaker 2: over everything. What everything you ain't honey? Everything now, hey

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Speaker 2: be quiet, mind business over there. Everything. My level of

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Speaker 2: respect for him was very different. Very different now, not

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Speaker 2: that I denied either one of them, you know, love

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Speaker 2: making in the home or but the first guy was

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Speaker 2: by all means necessary. I'm in college, I'm building my business,

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Speaker 2: I'm making money, I'm in my bag. Your secondary kind

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Speaker 2: of how you are?

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Speaker 3: You deny him?

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Speaker 4: Not?

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Speaker 2: We're not intimacy that no, into not neither one. I

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Speaker 2: don't believe in that. If I'm with you, we're intimate.

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Speaker 3: Women, y'all be doing that sometimes I don't.

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Speaker 2: I'm very submissive when it comes to that. If we

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Speaker 2: didn't get if I'm not into casual sex, okay, So

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Speaker 2: if we are doing the d we are committed and

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Speaker 2: we are together. I have full access to you and

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Speaker 2: everything you got going on, and this we are committed,

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Speaker 2: so I don't need to deny you. My sex drive

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Speaker 2: is so high that if I'm mad, there's no denying.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna do what we do now that we past that.

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Speaker 2: They've always been like that, even in my twenties and

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Speaker 2: I'm in my forties. So use your imagination now, yes, now,

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Speaker 2: the guy who took full care of me bicycle back, Please.

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Speaker 3: Don't do not do not you go home? You right

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Speaker 3: to drive away?

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Speaker 2: Do not now now I had a love of respect

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Speaker 2: for him where I put work. Second, I couldn't wait

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Speaker 2: to cook for him. There was times where he would

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Speaker 2: get back from practice. It's twelve one am at night

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Speaker 2: and we sit in bed and he's like, babe, like

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Speaker 2: I want X, Y and Z to eat. And it

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Speaker 2: wasn't him asking me to do it. I got up,

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Speaker 2: put my gospel music on and was making sure I

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Speaker 2: was cooking for this man whatever he needed. When he

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Speaker 2: was working, I would make coffee every single morning. And

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Speaker 2: I was so submissive that you know, I can just

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Speaker 2: warn the coffee or put the damn milk in. No,

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Speaker 2: he wanted the milk in first, the milk warmed up,

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Speaker 2: then the coffee put in after. Now, how would he

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Speaker 2: know I'm doing it that way? He went in the kitchen.

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Speaker 2: But I still did it that way because because I

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Speaker 2: know that's what he liked, and because the investments that

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Speaker 2: he was making in us and to cover me, to

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Speaker 2: take care of me, how could I not make any

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Speaker 2: and every investment that I had to show him that

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Speaker 2: I'm grateful and that my position that he put me

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Speaker 2: in as far as being kept was not taken for granted.

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Speaker 2: And so there was nothing that he acts of me

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Speaker 2: that I didn't not want to do, meaning I wanted

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Speaker 2: to do these things right. And I would even check

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Speaker 2: in sometimes and be like, is there anything more that

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Speaker 2: I could or not be doing, whether it's from sexually

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Speaker 2: to cooking. I don't eat red meat. He a black man.

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Speaker 2: He loves poor chops and his tak and I'm cooking

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Speaker 2: all the red meat that I don't eat, and I'll

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Speaker 2: just make me something separate on the side.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 2: But because this man created an environment that was safe.

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Speaker 2: Not not only was he paying bills, but this man

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Speaker 2: was faithful. I had full access. Not only am I

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Speaker 2: we living together, but I have passwords to cell phones

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Speaker 2: and social media, bank account I don't and bank accounts.

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Speaker 1: You ain't gonna find nobody better. He playing all the bills.

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Speaker 1: Let you get the password to count. Hey man, let

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Speaker 1: me get your phone, Let me call my let me

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Speaker 1: call my girlfriend.

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Speaker 3: Here you go, babe.

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Speaker 2: He has two beautiful girls.

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Speaker 3: Oh that's right.

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Speaker 2: Had he had to keep two different women, and the

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Speaker 2: girls were a never it issue. He did a great

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Speaker 2: job at the coping, and I got to get miss Flowers.

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Speaker 2: He did a great job at blending, meaning like there

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Speaker 2: was never baby mama drama. The girls were very respectful

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Speaker 2: of me and me of them. You know, we did

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Speaker 2: things as a family. So but I say that to

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Speaker 2: say there plays a role in certain women on how

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Speaker 2: they can respect who they're with. I want to say

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Speaker 2: this to women. If you can't respect them, you shouldn't

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Speaker 2: choose him. If the dollar amount that he makes is

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Speaker 2: going to lessen your respect for him or lessen his

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Speaker 2: value to you, don't choose him. If he needs to

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Speaker 2: take full care of you for you to submit, he

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Speaker 2: ain't the right one. You got to choose somebody who

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Speaker 2: you know that every time you give them every single

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Speaker 2: thing that you got, that you're doing it because you

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Speaker 2: love doing it and it turns you on too. Every

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Speaker 2: time I did something for that man, I was turned on.

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Speaker 2: I don't remember doing one thing shanning for him that

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh yeah, I mean nothing. I mean

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Speaker 2: it was just okay, baby, okay daddy. To the point

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Speaker 2: where and folks gonna have an issue with this, I

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Speaker 2: don't care. I would get dressed and were certain things

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Speaker 2: and we go out and do our where we go

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Speaker 2: into a game or whatever. To families. If he said

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Speaker 2: that's too much, I changed what we not a problem.

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Speaker 2: He wasn't controlling, It wasn't take that shit off. It

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Speaker 2: was like, baby, that might be a bit much, no problem,

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Speaker 2: to the point where I had to come out and

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Speaker 2: be like, okay, is this good? Because he had me

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Speaker 2: so safe, he had me so covered that I wanted

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Speaker 2: to make sure that I reciprocated that same safety in

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Speaker 2: covering for him. See, women cover y'all differently, and our

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Speaker 2: covering is allowing you all to one be exactly who

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Speaker 2: you need to be, right, to be in your full

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00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,960
Speaker 2: flugu of your masculinity, and also to submit to your

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00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:49,360
Speaker 2: needs of us that are past just sexual and domesticated.

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Speaker 2: If he had a request by me that wasn't abusive,

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00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,760
Speaker 2: and I was okay with why does it matter? And

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Speaker 2: if like he would say, if I am the only

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Speaker 2: man you're trying to be sexy four, why does it matter?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 2: Thirty times where he would say, baby, don't wear makeup

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Speaker 2: like I like you with no makeup, it's gorgeous. Just

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Speaker 2: throw your happ and no makeup. Now I loved yeah,

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Speaker 2: but I would do it for him no makeup, because

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Speaker 2: I'm sure there's many times where I want to just

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Speaker 2: SEPPI boots or the parents trip him in our chap

317
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Speaker 2: hold on or the trip to Africa. We too that

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Speaker 2: he probably not probably that I've seen him have to

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Speaker 2: work double and triple for that he didn't help apuff about.

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Speaker 2: There were times where this man got two jobs to

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Speaker 2: make sure that things were covered that I wanted, So

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Speaker 2: me changing clothes or him having a request as something

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Speaker 2: is minute to me. Seeing him put in the work

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Speaker 2: to make sure that I'm happy beyond just having a

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Speaker 2: roof o from my head. And I think that, you know,

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Speaker 2: and that was his first time taking care of a woman,

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Speaker 2: and he was fifty at that time. I was fourteen

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Speaker 2: years younger than him. I think that women's state, they

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Speaker 2: want to save space for them to be in their

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Speaker 2: soft and their feminine. But on the flip side, men

331
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Speaker 2: also need an environment that makes them feel very loved

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Speaker 2: submitted to appreciate it when they're taking care of your

333
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,480
Speaker 2: ass as well. I think it goes both ways. It

334
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,960
Speaker 2: is definitely a reciprocal thing. And I think that when

335
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,480
Speaker 2: we get to a place of understanding that it's a

336
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,160
Speaker 2: win win situation in the relationship. And then you start

337
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:25,240
Speaker 2: to see what the Bible talks about equally yoked, so yeah,

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Speaker 2: I will take that offer. Gonna being kept in love

339
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Speaker 2: and the head out out of my man. It just

340
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,920
Speaker 2: has to be the right, the right one, not him,

341
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Speaker 2: but the right. I don't want it. Listen when I'm,

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00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,800
Speaker 2: when I'm, when I'm, when I'm done, When I've gone on,

343
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Speaker 2: I've gone on. It has nothing to do.

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Speaker 3: You've never spunned the block.

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Speaker 2: No, I don't, really, I don't spend the block. No,

346
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Speaker 2: what happens is I can have long term relationships and

347
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Speaker 2: if we happen to, you know, have a break of

348
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,080
Speaker 2: something like we're just no longer in relationship, and then

349
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Speaker 2: we happen to maybe get back onto a relationship. Yes,

350
00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:00,200
Speaker 2: but spinning the block, meaning like we're just gonna go

351
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,320
Speaker 2: back and sleep together and do this thing. No, that's

352
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Speaker 2: not how I show her. No, let me set my dark.

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Speaker 1: You see, I know you saw it because you you

354
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,600
Speaker 1: you know all things. That's what's going on. Summer Walker

355
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,080
Speaker 1: went viral because she had a relationship with rich the

356
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:23,200
Speaker 1: kid who's engaged, and he he saved her on the

357
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Speaker 1: Pizza Hut in his poem, I don't know what that means. Now,

358
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Speaker 1: Pizza used to have this before your time, but Pizza

359
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,280
Speaker 1: hu used to have buffets. They have all the piezas

360
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,600
Speaker 1: up there, and you just go get a slice of pepperoni,

361
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:39,800
Speaker 1: you know whatever, mushroom, you get, ground beef, all that anchovies.

362
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Speaker 1: Just I don't know what that means.

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Speaker 2: How did the fiance find out that she was piece

364
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Speaker 2: of hut? You know that?

365
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Speaker 3: Don't start me to line, Okay, I'm just trying to

366
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Speaker 3: figure out.

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Speaker 1: What what is it about women and married men? Because

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Speaker 1: normally married men like, oh she married, I don't want

369
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:05,840
Speaker 1: to because men are different. Hold on a man, he

370
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,960
Speaker 1: might not even want his wife, he might not be

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Speaker 1: he might not be as interested as he was once before.

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Speaker 1: But the moment another man show interest, you will have

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Speaker 1: a problem.

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Speaker 3: Doc.

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Speaker 1: But women, what is it about women that are attracted

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Speaker 1: to married men? Because I just saw the study they

377
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Speaker 1: say women are more attracted to married men.

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00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,920
Speaker 2: Okay, another two part questions. Yeah, yeah, see you're not messy,

379
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:36,000
Speaker 2: but your craft. First of all, men love married women

380
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,680
Speaker 2: as well. We're not gonna let men off the hook.

381
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Speaker 2: A man will love thisten. A man would love to say,

382
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Speaker 2: how you doing? Oh I'm good? Can I get your number?

383
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,520
Speaker 2: I'm married? Oh that's fine, it's all good.

384
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Speaker 3: You can't have friends.

385
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Speaker 2: You can't have friends, So we're now maybe it's a

386
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:57,439
Speaker 2: one gender thing. Man and women both will cross that

387
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:03,840
Speaker 2: boundary and disrespect the safety of marriage equally. The difference

388
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,879
Speaker 2: is the man who was saying I don't care if

389
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:09,440
Speaker 2: you're married is clearly boldly saying I just want to

390
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,439
Speaker 2: sleep with you, okay. The woman who was saying I

391
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,000
Speaker 2: like you because you're married, she's saying, at some point

392
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:19,000
Speaker 2: I want her position. And women are usually attracted to

393
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,640
Speaker 2: the married men who are good men to their wives.

394
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:28,679
Speaker 2: Not faithful men, just good men through their transactions, not

395
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 2: from their heart, because they're not committed. Commitment is a

396
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:34,760
Speaker 2: heart thing, that's a spirit thing. So transactionally, I see

397
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Speaker 2: that you do the thing.

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Speaker 1: Hard, you got first, you got damad, y'all go on

399
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Speaker 1: trips m hm. So if you do that for her,

400
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,200
Speaker 1: maybe that's you know, I'll be the starting quarterback.

401
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 2: One day and y'all do it for her. Let me

402
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 2: go further, y'all do more for her than you do

403
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:53,040
Speaker 2: for the wife, way more for her. I have clients

404
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,800
Speaker 2: who have the password to their married man's phone that

405
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,360
Speaker 2: the wife don't have the password to. She thinks that's

406
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:00,560
Speaker 2: a flex you have the number because you know that

407
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:04,320
Speaker 2: he's married, so you know there's other women. That's not

408
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:08,919
Speaker 2: a flex. She don't have the password because if she

409
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,840
Speaker 2: finds out, guess what, he got something to lose with her.

410
00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,680
Speaker 2: He ain't got shit to lose with you, says, because

411
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,200
Speaker 2: you the side chick. And it's very rare that y'all

412
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:22,040
Speaker 2: leave the wife for who sidechick. Very rare. That's the

413
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:25,119
Speaker 2: position that ain't up for grabs, because even if he

414
00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:28,439
Speaker 2: ain't attracted to her, the fact that he's even cheating

415
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,840
Speaker 2: on the wife is what makes him feel indebted to her.

416
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,359
Speaker 2: Side chicks are stupid to think it's the other way.

417
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 2: I'm already cheating on her. I've already cheated on her

418
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,159
Speaker 2: multiple times because that's not his first time doing it.

419
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Speaker 2: She has my kids. At least we have family over here,

420
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,840
Speaker 2: and the side chick is what gets me in a

421
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 2: good enough mood to come home to her anyways, damn.

422
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:55,240
Speaker 2: And I can't leave her hanging like that, baby, because

423
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:59,080
Speaker 2: then she wouldn't get my retirement. And I've already done

424
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,600
Speaker 2: her wrong. So that's what I'm forever indebted to her,

425
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 2: So I can't lead this. This is why men say

426
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna leave what I'm indebted to, but I

427
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 2: can come over here and play. And oftentimes I've found

428
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,960
Speaker 2: that the married man be in love with the side

429
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:22,680
Speaker 2: check for sure in love, and has still left her

430
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:27,800
Speaker 2: every time to remain at home. It is a very

431
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:33,000
Speaker 2: dead end situation when a woman is attempting to take

432
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Speaker 2: a position that ain't even up for grabs. They're just

433
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:40,960
Speaker 2: not up for grabs. It's not you are this man's pacifier,

434
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 2: and you are what this man needs to survive his marriage.

435
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 2: You are not as promised lamb whatsoever. And so those

436
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 2: kind of women are women who are extremely broken. They

437
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 2: have parental issues. They are definitely lost in the sauce,

438
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,040
Speaker 2: and there is no self love or self value or

439
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 2: self worth there soever. You cannot value yourself and see

440
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 2: yourself in the position of two or three because if

441
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,200
Speaker 2: he got kids, that means you three. You can't be

442
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:11,240
Speaker 2: one or two. The wife and kid here comes, You're

443
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,440
Speaker 2: number three. So you have so much self worth that

444
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 2: you want to be number three for a trip to

445
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 2: Bali when women now, women nowadays are making so much

446
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,720
Speaker 2: money on their own shanning that that we could take

447
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 2: ourselves to battle.

448
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 3: Holdo you can take Hello, A mad man can take

449
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 3: a side check to balley.

450
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 2: How you pull that off?

451
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:32,400
Speaker 4: Oh?

452
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 1: You know, me and the boy going to Bali, Me

453
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 1: and the boy going to the mall. D's are their

454
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,359
Speaker 1: Malfie coach, Shannon.

455
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,000
Speaker 2: Don't you sit up here and try to follow the

456
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,960
Speaker 2: boy code code. I called a boy codes on purpose

457
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,320
Speaker 2: because men don't have codes. Men are grown the boy code.

458
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 2: What you mean, I'm going to work to Costa Rica

459
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,360
Speaker 2: to check on the restaurant that we own out there

460
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:56,119
Speaker 2: for a little bit, end up in a whole other country.

461
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:00,640
Speaker 2: Some men me, okay, let's be real. Who can move

462
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 2: like that? Have money called motion like that? You can't

463
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 2: be broken and now you can be broken and have

464
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 2: a couple of side checks in the hood. We're talking

465
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 2: about going to body and growing shopping. So usually those

466
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:15,119
Speaker 2: men have to have businesses and they're taking business tricks,

467
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 2: and they're different places. So always tell woman this. If

468
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,879
Speaker 2: a man is trying to fly you out the country

469
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,399
Speaker 2: or the state that he lives in to see you

470
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 2: or date you. He has a wife or a woman,

471
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 2: the first place you should be going when you visit

472
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:32,359
Speaker 2: this man is to his house. His constant ain't in

473
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,879
Speaker 2: his house. There's somebody else in his house hold on.

474
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:40,240
Speaker 2: Let me tell you something was dating somebody and don't

475
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 2: ask me who because you knowing real well, mind your business. Okay,

476
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:48,240
Speaker 2: don't be messing right now, you knowing real well. And

477
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:52,359
Speaker 2: he takes care of his mother and so she's there often.

478
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 2: My first time him flying me to see him, he says, baby,

479
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 2: do you want to stay here? Noah, mom's is here,

480
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 2: or would you rather get a room somewhere else?

481
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 3: You like, get a room?

482
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 2: I said, stay there.

483
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 3: You can't do that with the mom in the house.

484
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 3: You can't do that.

485
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 2: First of all, I'm not doing nothing my first time flying.

486
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:15,040
Speaker 3: Ok Okay, I didn't. I didn't know. Okay, my bad,

487
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 3: My bad me.

488
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Yes, that's okay, take it back.

489
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:19,680
Speaker 3: I'm sorry.

490
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:21,880
Speaker 2: I thought this was you know, but this is my thing.

491
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 2: It was a test on his behalf for me. But

492
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 2: it also gave me transparency because he didn't just say,

493
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,119
Speaker 2: my mom's here, I take care of my mom. Let

494
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 2: me just put us in a room because I would

495
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 2: have said no to the trip. He walcomed me to

496
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 2: his home and gave me an option because he's letting

497
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 2: me know, ain't no woman here, you more than welcome.

498
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:43,920
Speaker 2: So I came and stayed with him and mom and

499
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:47,159
Speaker 2: had a great time, a great time, and let me

500
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,160
Speaker 2: go further. You said, Mam, is there any grown ass

501
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 2: man your age?

502
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 3: Yeah?

503
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,440
Speaker 2: Taking care of your mama. She's not in the room

504
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,719
Speaker 2: next to you, baby, and your house better be big

505
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 2: enough to where she in another corner.

506
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,840
Speaker 3: Yeah. I feel bad.

507
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,400
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, do you get what I mean? If

508
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,639
Speaker 2: a man is not inviting you to his home, he

509
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 2: is not thinking about making you his home. That's just

510
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:11,119
Speaker 2: what it is. Why am I flying out the country

511
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 2: or state to see you for the weekend or two?

512
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 2: Fly me in when we are at your house, and

513
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:20,400
Speaker 2: after I visit at your house a couple of times,

514
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 2: we could talk about going to Florida or Miami, our

515
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 2: Costa Rica or Columbia. Until then, I don't want to

516
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 2: take a trip with you. I'm good because I have

517
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,640
Speaker 2: to have clarity that I'm not wasting my time. Seeing

518
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 2: I have money, I can spend my own Wow. But

519
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,320
Speaker 2: I need to make sure that my time, which I

520
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 2: don't get back right that I can't clock in or

521
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:44,680
Speaker 2: get another of speaking event back, is not wasting. And

522
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 2: I don't want to be in a situation where I've

523
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 2: allowed you to deceive me. Because every woman knows when

524
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 2: a move, when a man moves a certain way, her

525
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 2: spirit does something. Women just decide to go against it

526
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,199
Speaker 2: because they want that trip, they want that bag, they

527
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 2: want that experience. We have to stop wanting experiences at

528
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 2: the expense of our dignity, at the expense of our respect,

529
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 2: at the expense of our self. Love absolutely not. And

530
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 2: I also find a woman and men don't hate this,

531
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 2: and I'm okay with that. The more we hold off

532
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:24,200
Speaker 2: on what y'all usually want that thing, the more y'all do. Anyways,

533
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 2: the more y'all give, and the more y'all do. The

534
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 2: only men who won't do more are the men who

535
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,640
Speaker 2: only want that. So if you want to vet them

536
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:39,800
Speaker 2: out anyway, sis vet them out and wash them show up.

537
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 2: A man should penetrate your heart in your mind before

538
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:46,480
Speaker 2: he ever penetrates your body, then you will really experience

539
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:50,159
Speaker 2: the true essence of an orgasm. Anyways, I've had men

540
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:54,720
Speaker 2: say to me, which besides the best friend, the guy

541
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 2: I just mentioned about flying out to his home with

542
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 2: the mom, he was one of them. If I can't

543
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:03,959
Speaker 2: marry you, I don't even want to touch your body. Now,

544
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,520
Speaker 2: that's a man who isn't a sucker. That's a man

545
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 2: who is of age and mature age, who is ready

546
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 2: to have a wife. And he is no longer so superficial.

547
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 2: When it's thinking that the best thing about a woman

548
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 2: is her sex, he's finding value not only different in women,

549
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 2: but watch this in himself, because I only get to

550
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 2: experience the parts of you that you've already given you.

551
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:32,680
Speaker 2: And so a man who only sees value in a

552
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,440
Speaker 2: woman being just sex is a man who doesn't see

553
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 2: value in himself. We are just mirrors to each other.

554
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,919
Speaker 2: I see value in myself. That's why casually you cannot

555
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,879
Speaker 2: make love to my body, because I don't see value

556
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 2: in casual sex. I don't see value in an orgasm

557
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 2: without being connected to you, without being committed to you,

558
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,359
Speaker 2: without having access to your home, or to who you

559
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,879
Speaker 2: are or what you do. I don't see value in that.

560
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,800
Speaker 2: An orgasm doesn't do it for me. But your heart does,

561
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 2: Your commitment does, Your time does right, your thoughtfulness? Yes,

562
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,680
Speaker 2: that's what I want. Then you can take me to

563
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 2: Bora Bora. Then we could be tearing Bora bore up

564
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,360
Speaker 2: and you can be tear me up in bora boring.

565
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:17,960
Speaker 2: But until that, until that, you're gonna access me, love me,

566
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 2: you're gonna pursue me, you're gonna court me, and I

567
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 2: will do the same with you, and then by time

568
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,000
Speaker 2: we do do what we're doing, it will be fireworks.

569
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,640
Speaker 2: People are having horrible sex too, because all they doing

570
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 2: is casually and they're calling freaky good sex. And this

571
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 2: is why nobody, but how come sexual relationships aren't even lasting?

572
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,960
Speaker 2: If it's so good, why y'all not the same person

573
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 2: for years at a time. I'm confused because it ain't good.

574
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 2: It's freaky. It's something you can get anywhere you go.

575
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 2: That's what makes it casual. When you plug into a

576
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 2: man or a woman, and y'all are having real central

577
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 2: sex that is nasty, not just freaky. You can't get

578
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:07,240
Speaker 2: that anywhere. That's a fus. You can do freaky and nasty,

579
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 2: but as long as it's fusing connected on a deeper

580
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 2: level than just casualty. And that means the orgasm isn't

581
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 2: what we are thriving for. It's the act and the

582
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 2: engagement of the sex that's orgasmic within itself. See, that's

583
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 2: grown people talk you kids, y'all haveing, y'all having this,

584
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 2: this little high school sex, y'all do that little rabbit shit. Still,

585
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 2: we don't want that. We don't want that. You can

586
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 2: keep that right over there, right over there.

587
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 3: I thought, I thought the father, the father, the trip,

588
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 3: the freaky and the nasty God.

589
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 2: Listen about further, the trip to my heart, to my

590
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 2: safe space, to my mind, to me accessing everything, your

591
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 2: cell phone, everything you have. Is the more sex we have.

592
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 2: That's the naster that a woman who loves her self

593
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:03,320
Speaker 2: and afects herself will get. The more that you create

594
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 2: an environment that I can trust you in that I

595
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 2: am safe and it's not about freaky. I'll never say

596
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 2: no about whatever we as long as I have the

597
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 2: capacity to do it and take it. I will capacity

598
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 2: abound with you. But I gotta be safe. I gotta

599
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 2: have access and the house to be transparency.

600
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:21,880
Speaker 3: They say.

601
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 1: I read a study to say, the more educated the

602
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 1: woman is the freaky shell facts.

603
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 2: Facts. I read that in the facts. Shout out to Cosmo.

604
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 2: Shout out to Cosmo.

605
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 3: How many agree you say?

606
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,960
Speaker 2: You got sick? Sick?

607
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 3: Lord, have mercy will your guy? You got a good one.

608
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 3: Somebody I'm just telling you, she say, he read it.

609
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 2: Don't have them in my DMS shot in about board.

610
00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:58,959
Speaker 3: Do men and women cheat differently?

611
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 2: They do? They do. But I'll answer that, But do

612
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 2: we care about the different ways of cheating or do

613
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 2: we care about the dismantling and the impact? Because it's

614
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 2: I don't care how you did it. I'm dismantled. Now,

615
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 2: my heart is broken, my safe space is scattered, right,

616
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 2: and now I have to learn to love myself different

617
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 2: and you, because see, if I didn't know you were

618
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 2: a dog from the beginning, I was loving a good man.

619
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 2: A good man eats something different, sleeps different, and I

620
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 2: love you different. But if now I'm loving the cane

621
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 2: corso I'm feeding you different, right right, I'm loving you different,

622
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 2: and I have to become a different way person. So

623
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 2: this is why cheating is so excruciating, because it's not

624
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 2: about you. Always say can we get the trust back?

625
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 2: The trust back is way down here after we work

626
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 2: through all of these layers, Can you learn to love

627
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 2: a dog? If we're married and I cheated on you,

628
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:06,160
Speaker 2: can you learn to love a dog?

629
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:06,320
Speaker 4: Not?

630
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 2: Can you trust me again? Because trusting me means you

631
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:12,880
Speaker 2: have to believe that I'm no longer the woman that

632
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 2: cheated on you. That's deception in itself. Can you love

633
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 2: a woman who has deceived you and has the capacity

634
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 2: to do it again? Because whatever I've done to you,

635
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 2: I now have the capacity, which means what you now

636
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 2: know what I'm capable? Come on, baby, So can I

637
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 2: love you knowing that you capable of being a snake?

638
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,080
Speaker 2: Can I sleep in the bed with you knowing that

639
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 2: you may not bark for six months, but in August

640
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 2: I might hear a rougher. Oh that's right, that's what

641
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 2: you wor I'm with a dog. And now this nigro,

642
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 2: this can course so needs that steak because you already

643
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 2: got to taste of blood. Can I do that? If

644
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 2: the answer is no, you know you have to dissipate

645
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 2: the relationship. If the answer is yes, then we have

646
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 2: to talk about what that looks like. And it's going

647
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 2: to look different on both of you.

648
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:13,920
Speaker 1: Yes, because you might can forget because this is what happens.

649
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 1: Don You might forgive, but you're not gonna forget because

650
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,200
Speaker 1: the first time you get mad, you probably would that

651
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 1: be you probably called that you probably did this.

652
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 2: And now we and men cheat off of lust.

653
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 3: Women cheat, y'o.

654
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:39,440
Speaker 2: We cheat oftentimes because now we're vindictive on that bullshit

655
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,960
Speaker 2: you did. Let me go further, Let me go further.

656
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 2: We're so cold, your homeboy, I'm gonna tell you how

657
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:51,440
Speaker 2: women work, Your homeboy that was already looking at me

658
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 2: five six years ago. Who I curved because I'm a

659
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:57,000
Speaker 2: good woman, because I wouldn't do you like because I

660
00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 2: was loving a good man and not a dog. Now

661
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:04,240
Speaker 2: I said this to you earlier about CARDI being offset. Yeah,

662
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:09,880
Speaker 2: I've become a product of you. That means if you're deceptive,

663
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 2: I become a product of what.

664
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:14,920
Speaker 3: Now you got to be deceptive or you could be decepting.

665
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,280
Speaker 3: You don't have to be you could.

666
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 2: There you go. This doesn't happen with everybody, but it

667
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:23,320
Speaker 2: happens with most people, men and women. I will become

668
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 2: a product of my environment before it becomes a product

669
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 2: of me. My environment will change me before I change it.

670
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 2: That's just law. So if I'm with a man who

671
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 2: cheats long enough, it doesn't mean every woman will do it,

672
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:41,360
Speaker 2: but it does mean this the deceptiveness in her, you

673
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:46,279
Speaker 2: can then uproot if it's in her. If it's in her,

674
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 2: you are going to uproot it period. Now, whether she

675
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 2: asks on it or not is up to her. But

676
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 2: when a woman cheats, just because she's cheating, not because

677
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 2: of deception, it's not that we do it different. It's

678
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:01,319
Speaker 2: that the male countable or for some woman, they cheating

679
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:04,919
Speaker 2: with a woman, the woman counterparts seem to be able

680
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 2: to regulate their emotions better. Right with the woman who's married,

681
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 2: then let's just say women who are dealing with the

682
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:14,759
Speaker 2: married man. Because usual member again, the men who are

683
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 2: sleeping with the married woman are sleeping with her for

684
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:21,799
Speaker 2: the sleeping compatibility, the sexual compatibility. But when a woman

685
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 2: is sleeping with the married man, she has an end

686
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 2: goal of taking that position.

687
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:28,400
Speaker 3: Right, man ain't really looking like, oh, I.

688
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 2: Want to be a hoobie because you said it earlier

689
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 2: on a man who's trying to be a husband, he

690
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 2: like he's turned off by a married woman because he

691
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 2: not trying to go behind no other man anyways. That's

692
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,880
Speaker 2: a man who's like, I'm just trying to swing in

693
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:47,279
Speaker 2: when I can. And that man usually already has some

694
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,320
Speaker 2: at home, even if it's not a wife, So that

695
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 2: woman is already his over compensation for what he already has.

696
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 2: So it's a win win for him. Right.

697
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 3: How do you how do people break up? Is there

698
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 3: such a thing as breaking up amicably?

699
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 1: Because you know sometimes you know, look, and I was

700
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 1: telling someone this, I said, breaking up is easy if

701
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 1: you're the one that want to do the breaking up

702
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:13,919
Speaker 1: where you don't want to be broken up with it's heart,

703
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 1: but just move on. It's not that simple when you

704
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 1: still want to be in this relationship. Now if you

705
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: won't out, why you hit the door, hey, and don't

706
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 1: even look back at the door.

707
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 2: And sometimes you when you want out, you don't hit

708
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:29,920
Speaker 2: the door and I look back. Sometimes you hit the

709
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 2: door and you because I don't want to make it

710
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 2: seem like the person leaving also isn't experiencing some heartbreaking.

711
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 2: You know, I left both my fiances, and my first fiance,

712
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,719
Speaker 2: I left and I was very heartbroken leaving him. It

713
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 2: took me almost a year and a half just to leave.

714
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,759
Speaker 2: And we worked through the leaving together until we both

715
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:54,880
Speaker 2: were like, and we're both crying and excruciating pain and tears.

716
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 2: His parents are there trying to help us break up healthily,

717
00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:02,720
Speaker 2: you know. So yeah, so this was in my twenties,

718
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:06,479
Speaker 2: my first fiance, but that was a very heartbreaking moment

719
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 2: for him and I. Right, it wasn't like scat and

720
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 2: I'm good. The second fiance, it was easier for me,

721
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 2: right because I was already fed up and wanted out

722
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:20,239
Speaker 2: and knew that, you know, I started to dislike him

723
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 2: as a person. That's what made it very easier to leave, right.

724
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 2: I liked his covering of me, but I started to

725
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:30,319
Speaker 2: not like him as a man. So that's easier to leave.

726
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,360
Speaker 2: Soone because you're like, I'm just turned off, right, The

727
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 2: first one was like, you're just a dope ass man,

728
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 2: and leaving you is challenging. And if you could be

729
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 2: a provider and didn't have certain conditions that I'm not

730
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 2: going to share about him right because I'm going to

731
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:51,720
Speaker 2: protect his privacy, then this relationship could be absolutely amazing.

732
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:53,919
Speaker 2: So that was challenging to leave. So I just wanted

733
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,879
Speaker 2: people to know that there are folks who are leaving

734
00:37:57,280 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 2: who are bleeding while they leave too, not running out

735
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 2: the door saying, oh I'm out on free now. That

736
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:06,600
Speaker 2: is a copy mechanism, That is a mask in is fake.

737
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 2: Everybody leaving who is doing the departing is feeling something.

738
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 2: They're feeling the detachment.

739
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:15,759
Speaker 1: It might not be the one, it might not be

740
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,000
Speaker 1: to the extent of the one that's getting left, but

741
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:18,880
Speaker 1: they feel something.

742
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 2: They feel something.

743
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:26,400
Speaker 3: Have you I think there was a situation you Offset

744
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 3: was in your DM. Have you revealed anybody else that's

745
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:30,240
Speaker 3: ever been in your DM? See anybody?

746
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 2: I love that you said that Offset was in my

747
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:38,319
Speaker 2: DM and he just posed a question that said, hey,

748
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,880
Speaker 2: you know, maybe you can help me with something. He

749
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 2: didn't say what it was. That's all he said. And

750
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:48,279
Speaker 2: because he never followed through, I never followed through. We

751
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 2: never did a session. He was never my client. When

752
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,239
Speaker 2: I shared that on Jason Lee's show, that was not

753
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:58,360
Speaker 2: it's not a breach of confidentiality. First of all, because

754
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 2: he was not in his my client, so it was

755
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,440
Speaker 2: no breach, and he did not slide in my DMS

756
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 2: asking for anything to have to do with me. It

757
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:10,160
Speaker 2: was very pacific to you know, hey, maybe you can

758
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 2: help me with something. He never said what. And so

759
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 2: when I said that, I was saying that to more

760
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:18,439
Speaker 2: use Offset as an example because I could, because again

761
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:20,440
Speaker 2: he's not my client. So that's not a breach of

762
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:24,760
Speaker 2: confidentiality to say, listen, other black men being the OFFSET

763
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 2: has a following he's a rapper, he's in the limelights.

764
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:31,319
Speaker 2: You know, he's attached to Cardi b. Asking for help

765
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 2: is powerful. You can slide in a DM to ask

766
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,239
Speaker 2: for help. It doesn't have to be to ask for

767
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 2: something else. And the fact that he did the appropriate thing,

768
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 2: and my intention was to give him props, now the

769
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 2: Internet took it and made it something else. And I

770
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:50,200
Speaker 2: was trying to say, listen, this man, with all of

771
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 2: his bad decision making, we're gonna call it what it is.

772
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 2: In that one moment, he made a right damn decision,

773
00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:59,400
Speaker 2: and I was giving him as flowers, and the Internet

774
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 2: took it as this is her clients. I ain't telling sit,

775
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 2: he's not my client. Neither one of us followed up,

776
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 2: and that's just what it was. It was more saying

777
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:09,320
Speaker 2: he did the right thing in that moment, and no

778
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 2: matter how many wrong decisions you've made, it's okay to

779
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 2: make a right one, even if it's one out of

780
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 2: two thousand, because that one right one could be the

781
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:21,200
Speaker 2: one decision that changes your life or saves your life.

782
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:21,840
Speaker 2: That's it.

783
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,399
Speaker 1: Would you respond to a guy in your deal? Would

784
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 1: you go out with somebody in your deal?

785
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 2: What I have, I have, I.

786
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 3: Have.

787
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,320
Speaker 2: We want a nice date. Actually, okay, he is a

788
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:39,839
Speaker 2: fine young he was younger than me to them, boy, Okay,

789
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 2: I'm back. Yeah it was nice. We want a nice date.

790
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:44,839
Speaker 3: Just one time.

791
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:45,239
Speaker 4: That was it.

792
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 2: We went on one date. Because I'm busy, he's busy.

793
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:54,239
Speaker 3: No, don't matter. Bees are busy. People can find time

794
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:56,400
Speaker 3: when it's something they want to find time. That what

795
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:58,960
Speaker 3: you just told me. Did she just tell me that?

796
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:02,080
Speaker 3: Thank you, your friend and your told me that's what

797
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 3: you just told me.

798
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, we just he was in season.

799
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:07,880
Speaker 3: Oh you like athletes?

800
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 4: Huh?

801
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:10,799
Speaker 3: Still do because you told me you like athletes when

802
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:11,239
Speaker 3: you were younger.

803
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 2: My ex fiance is a retired basketball player.

804
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 4: Uh huh.

805
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,920
Speaker 2: So I mean, but it's not just liking. It's I

806
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 2: work out, you know. I like men who work. So

807
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:21,400
Speaker 2: it's just more of an attraction.

808
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 4: I want to know.

809
00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 2: I want to say this. I don't walk into a

810
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:30,239
Speaker 2: room and say I want an athlete. Those are the

811
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:33,520
Speaker 2: only guys attract. That's what I attract. But also that's

812
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 2: what I'm attracted to.

813
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,719
Speaker 1: Exactly because you think you think the math want to

814
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 1: fly into the plane. It can't help what it's.

815
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:45,960
Speaker 2: Attracted, So I am attracted to athletic. Yeah, however, you

816
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 2: probably could pick me up. He can't pick me up. However, However,

817
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 2: you know, what I liked about my ex fiance was

818
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 2: that he was retired because I like time with my men,

819
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,640
Speaker 2: and so there have been, you know, men who have

820
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:02,840
Speaker 2: attempted to date me who are still in season.

821
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:03,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, and.

822
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 2: I could be supportive in that, but that's a lot

823
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 2: of time that's taken away from us, you know, for

824
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 2: a woman like me. And I'm also busy. So anyways,

825
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 2: the young man was great. We had it. We still talk,

826
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:18,360
Speaker 2: we're still good friends. We're still good friends because it

827
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 2: was something very short lived in casual.

828
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:22,880
Speaker 3: But yes, it's something that can be.

829
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:28,800
Speaker 2: You know, I think he's too young for me, not

830
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 2: in number but in mindset. Sweet guy, but just too

831
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 2: young for me a mindset.

832
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:36,680
Speaker 3: But you did work publicly with Ray j right, I

833
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,239
Speaker 3: do you did? I still do.

834
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:39,799
Speaker 2: I love Ray.

835
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, we've had Ray j on. I had Ray Jail

836
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:43,279
Speaker 3: on the show.

837
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:49,239
Speaker 2: I know that because because Raise that's raised my guy

838
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 2: like I me Ray. I love Ray. Ray has been

839
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 2: with me for a long time. And Ray is just

840
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 2: a person who is who he is right, and that

841
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:04,840
Speaker 2: comes with a lot of misunderstanding. Yes, but I always

842
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 2: say this, and I've said it to you know, just

843
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 2: people and even my assistant and best friend here, that

844
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 2: when you build a relationship with Ray, you start to

845
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:17,279
Speaker 2: get a clear understanding why the people who love him

846
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 2: love him, because he's just that genuine of a person

847
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:24,719
Speaker 2: and with whatever tactics he has, and that he does

848
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 2: raise the type of a man that when you are

849
00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:32,880
Speaker 2: his person, like meaning someone he loves his friend or

850
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:37,720
Speaker 2: family or me being his his psychologist doctor, he's loyal

851
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 2: and that man he will turn a table over for you.

852
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 2: Ray will move a mountain for you. And it's because

853
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:48,840
Speaker 2: he loves so hard, honestly, and because he's so into that.

854
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 2: I feel like sometimes the way that he shows it

855
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:55,360
Speaker 2: comes out very different than folks want to see it.

856
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:57,279
Speaker 2: And I just think that's what it boils down to. So,

857
00:43:57,480 --> 00:43:59,320
Speaker 2: you know, I just love Ray. I have nothing but

858
00:43:59,520 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 2: love for him.

859
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:02,759
Speaker 3: Where are you on prenups? You go with the prenup me.

860
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:04,800
Speaker 2: Giving it or me signing it both?

861
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:07,360
Speaker 3: You got that says you want to protect I'm.

862
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 2: Not signing a prenup you not? Now? Will I have

863
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 2: one drafted? Maybe? But I'm not signing one. Why well,

864
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 2: why would I?

865
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:20,759
Speaker 1: I mean, I just think, look, even before I had

866
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:23,240
Speaker 1: I should tell my homeboys. I said, y'all got a prenup.

867
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:25,440
Speaker 1: They say, shop, we ain't got nothing. I say, so

868
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 1: when you leave, you keep all your nothing. You don't

869
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: want half of your nothing. So I mean, I think, look,

870
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:32,359
Speaker 1: I get it. If we're in a relation, we get

871
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 1: to a relationship. Okay, I got X, we.

872
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 3: Get to the we get into this relationship, and I

873
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:41,399
Speaker 3: get y Z. Okay, I'm cool with that. But you're

874
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 3: not finn to get X. I had X before I

875
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:44,880
Speaker 3: met you.

876
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 2: So a prenup that would be appropriate for me would

877
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 2: be a prenup that lines out if I stepped out

878
00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 2: and perform infidelity, this is the amount that will be

879
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:05,399
Speaker 2: paid out, and it's not gonna be pennies. Okay, if

880
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 2: we were to divorce amicable right, which I don't believe

881
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 2: in that. So I'm never leaving unless, like the Bible

882
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:13,279
Speaker 2: says two things that are permissible to leave, which is

883
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 2: infidelity and unfaithfulness. That's it, right. Otherwise I'm not leaving.

884
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,879
Speaker 2: So we're gonna work there everything but death. Do your part.

885
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 2: But you're still married in the Covenant, you know. But

886
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,320
Speaker 2: so if the prenup said, if we were to divorce,

887
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 2: then like you said, right, there's X, Y and Z. Okay, Doc,

888
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:33,920
Speaker 2: you get Y and Z, you know, and maybe not X,

889
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:37,719
Speaker 2: but Y and Z is something that we could split. No, no, no, no,

890
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:39,720
Speaker 2: no no no no no, we're not we're gonna be splitting.

891
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:44,040
Speaker 2: No no, no, I'm not splitting. I'm talking about the prenup.

892
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:47,120
Speaker 2: You're gonna be lining out what exactly goes to me

893
00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 2: being your wife for sticking by your ass, submitting love

894
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 2: and making love, not denying, and pouring into you because

895
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:57,120
Speaker 2: I'm gonna give you everything I got. I'm gonna flip

896
00:45:57,200 --> 00:46:01,080
Speaker 2: this whole table for you, and I'm not gonna say

897
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 2: no unless I don't have the bandwidth for it. Then

898
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:04,920
Speaker 2: it's just that I don't have the capacity. So in

899
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 2: that prenup you were gonna draw out if I cheat,

900
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:10,279
Speaker 2: this is the amount that you get, and it's gonna

901
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 2: be a large ass amount so that my heartbreak don't

902
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 2: also feel broken in my pockets. One number two, if

903
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:17,919
Speaker 2: you got X, Y and Z, it's gonna be lined

904
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:21,399
Speaker 2: out that let's just say, ex is twenty million dollars

905
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:23,879
Speaker 2: of a property. I don't mind if you say, hey,

906
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 2: then Doc gets ten million of this one, and then

907
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:29,960
Speaker 2: of z doc gonna get her seven million. But it's

908
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 2: gonna be lined out clear on what I'm agreeing to.

909
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,400
Speaker 2: There will be no prenup that says if we divorce,

910
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:39,319
Speaker 2: you get nothing, we don't marry. I'm not signing up

911
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 2: for that. That is to me, a woman who would

912
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 2: sign up for that. I just feel like it's not

913
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:48,839
Speaker 2: that she's in it for love. I feel like she's

914
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:52,160
Speaker 2: been misguided. Okay, And again, I had a father, so

915
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:54,839
Speaker 2: my dad would turn in his grave if I sign

916
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:56,799
Speaker 2: up for that, and he would turn in his grave

917
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 2: if I didn't get a prenup, so I would have

918
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 2: a prenup that said, hey, baby, you know this is

919
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 2: my stuff. And I couldn't see a man who's a

920
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:05,920
Speaker 2: man's man like you said you are, like my father was,

921
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:08,360
Speaker 2: who would have a problem with signing a prenup with

922
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:11,600
Speaker 2: me that said I build all this, this is mine.

923
00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:14,439
Speaker 2: I just don't see a man's man wanting that from

924
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:16,919
Speaker 2: me or from a woman per se. I just don't

925
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 2: see that. I see now different kind of man, you know,

926
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 2: maybe saying I want but who no, I wouldn't marry

927
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 2: that type of guy.

928
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 3: When you see these, you let me know what you think.

929
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:30,160
Speaker 1: I think, like when you date publicly, you married publicly,

930
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:33,239
Speaker 1: and you outward with your relationship when it ends, you

931
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:33,760
Speaker 1: know it's.

932
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:34,280
Speaker 3: Going to be public.

933
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:37,520
Speaker 1: We see Cardians, we see Cardi being offset, we see

934
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:40,480
Speaker 1: k I think Candy Burrs just filed from a divorce

935
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 1: and you know, make it.

936
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:46,279
Speaker 3: It's starting to make its round. Why are you on

937
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 3: public data public marriage?

938
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:51,239
Speaker 1: I mean, I just think there's a lot of things

939
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:54,360
Speaker 1: that can be handled if if it wasn't so public,

940
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 1: Like if we get into you know, something might have happened,

941
00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 1: we might can handle it behind the scene. But once

942
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:05,400
Speaker 1: it gets out into this public sphere, everybody got an opinion.

943
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 1: You're listening, your family's listening. He's listening his family, his homeboy,

944
00:48:10,280 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 1: your home girls. It's hard to put that thing back together.

945
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 4: Doc.

946
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:19,960
Speaker 2: So I don't believe in public for myself until we're

947
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 2: locked in married and maybe possibly even ringing my friend.

948
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:26,840
Speaker 2: But I want to say married. I've dated, I've been single,

949
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:29,440
Speaker 2: I say, meaning not out of my last engagement that

950
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 2: I caught off my wedding for like nine is years.

951
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 2: I don't want to times down. But it's been some years.

952
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:37,120
Speaker 2: But in between that I have dated, you know, I

953
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:41,680
Speaker 2: have dated public figures like myself, And one thing I

954
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:43,400
Speaker 2: pride myself on is I do a really great job

955
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 2: of keeping myself private. Nobody knows who I dated, the

956
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 2: gentleman that I brought up that I said, you know

957
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:55,800
Speaker 2: him well, he is extremely high profile and a public figure,

958
00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:59,759
Speaker 2: and we weren't hiding it, but we just weren't being

959
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:03,400
Speaker 2: public with it, right, And so we went to restaurants

960
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:05,359
Speaker 2: and went out and people screened his name or my name,

961
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 2: and it just was what it wasn't if somebody would

962
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 2: have got a photo, we didn't care. But I do

963
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,920
Speaker 2: a good job of being private. I think that the

964
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:15,200
Speaker 2: privacy piece is needed because to your point, you know,

965
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:18,040
Speaker 2: had I been public with everyone I'm dating, then I

966
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:22,200
Speaker 2: would have been having to delete or explain, you know,

967
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:28,760
Speaker 2: multiple relationships when really nothing is serious. In my opinion,

968
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:31,320
Speaker 2: if you're in a season of dating, or even in

969
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:33,320
Speaker 2: a season of being committed as a boyfriend and girlfriend

970
00:49:33,719 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 2: until you are married with the covenant of God, I

971
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 2: feel like there really isn't anything that you should allow

972
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 2: people to be privy on because you have a relationship,

973
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 2: but to me, you really don't have any substance of

974
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 2: value yet until you enter into that next covenant. So

975
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 2: for me, nobody will be ever public on my page

976
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:58,400
Speaker 2: or on my platform until it is my husband. And

977
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:01,480
Speaker 2: I haven't really had people to have an issue with them.

978
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:02,840
Speaker 2: And you got some people that kind of feel like,

979
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:04,400
Speaker 2: why are you hiding me? And I explained, it's not

980
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:06,960
Speaker 2: the hiding, it's one the field I'm in. In two

981
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:09,880
Speaker 2: The last person on my page was my fiance with

982
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:13,279
Speaker 2: the ring on my finger. Until then, I'm not doing it.

983
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 3: What about you?

984
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:15,239
Speaker 4: Do you? You don't?

985
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 3: I mean there you go?

986
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:20,960
Speaker 2: I mean do you go pub I mean being public

987
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:24,759
Speaker 2: with no with nobody? So you so so to the

988
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 2: public you've never had a woman?

989
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 3: No, which called which leads the speculation I have.

990
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:34,640
Speaker 2: Well, we know that you have you have done sexual

991
00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 2: things with women? Have we heard?

992
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:40,920
Speaker 3: Come? Dog? We still I need another year? Give me

993
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:41,640
Speaker 3: one more year.

994
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 2: No, I'm talking about we heard.

995
00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:45,120
Speaker 3: I'm saying that another year from that. That that's but

996
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:47,440
Speaker 3: a year ago. So we two years got to get

997
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,239
Speaker 3: two years? Great, you can't. Yeah, statute of limitations still

998
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:50,440
Speaker 3: on it.

999
00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 2: Okay, Oh, so we hear nothing, You don't nothing shit.

1000
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 2: Max jokes was good. Okay, I'm back.

1001
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:02,760
Speaker 1: Another guy it's been in the media a lot lately,

1002
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:07,399
Speaker 1: is Brian McKnight in the situation. I guess he went

1003
00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:09,800
Speaker 1: on he went on somebody's pod and was saying some

1004
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:13,680
Speaker 1: things about Mark Lamont Hill. Mark Lamont Hill fire back says,

1005
00:51:13,719 --> 00:51:16,440
Speaker 1: I've interviewed you several times and you were you know,

1006
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 1: you weren't nasty to me, but you were nasty of

1007
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:20,799
Speaker 1: people on the set so forth in song and then

1008
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:23,279
Speaker 1: I guess he what did to do? He had a son,

1009
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:28,120
Speaker 1: Brian McKnight Jr. But he had another son recently named

1010
00:51:28,200 --> 00:51:32,800
Speaker 1: him and then took the son's name. So there's supposed

1011
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:35,400
Speaker 1: to be like, he's Brian McKnight senior. He had a

1012
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:38,400
Speaker 1: Brian McKnight Jr. So he had named his son Brian,

1013
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:41,439
Speaker 1: gave him a middle name, and then took the name

1014
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 1: from the son.

1015
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:44,879
Speaker 2: But for what what was the point?

1016
00:51:46,040 --> 00:51:48,840
Speaker 1: That's what people try to the benefit of that. I

1017
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:52,240
Speaker 1: guess he's really tried to remove himself from the past.

1018
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: I mean, it's you know, he's he was talking about

1019
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:57,719
Speaker 1: his sons and that he's done all he could do.

1020
00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:04,080
Speaker 2: I don't know it's just talk, yes, that he is

1021
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 2: trying to disconnect from.

1022
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:08,359
Speaker 3: They're older. I think one is like probably like almost.

1023
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:11,480
Speaker 2: But this is biological, yes, and he wants no dealings

1024
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:11,799
Speaker 2: with him.

1025
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 1: I guess they had a you know, I guess they

1026
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:16,280
Speaker 1: had a falling out about something.

1027
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:19,239
Speaker 2: But see, that's what I mean by some things are

1028
00:52:19,320 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 2: not privy to be public. I think that is a

1029
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,719
Speaker 2: conversation between a father and a son, because if we

1030
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:28,839
Speaker 2: want to be realistic about family and parenting, there are

1031
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:31,800
Speaker 2: some times where a parent a child can go a

1032
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:35,000
Speaker 2: week or two or sometimes months without speaking because of

1033
00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:39,760
Speaker 2: whatever that parent may feel needs to be done based

1034
00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:42,120
Speaker 2: on consequences for that child to feel. I'm not saying

1035
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:44,759
Speaker 2: Brian's right or wrong, but those are things that should

1036
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 2: stay private. Now, if he feels like he has to

1037
00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:50,080
Speaker 2: pull back because something his son has done as a parent,

1038
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:52,000
Speaker 2: and that is going to be for the benefit of

1039
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:54,000
Speaker 2: his son, I see nothing wrong with that. But if

1040
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:57,640
Speaker 2: he's doing it because he's saying I don't want to

1041
00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:00,560
Speaker 2: have any type of involvement with you as my biological

1042
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:03,440
Speaker 2: baby in my bloodline, I think that's something that needs to.

1043
00:53:03,440 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 3: Be I think it's odd, though, that you have a junior.

1044
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 1: But then you have another son and name him and

1045
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:11,399
Speaker 1: give him a different middle name than what you gave

1046
00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:14,200
Speaker 1: the other son, and then end up taking the new sons.

1047
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 2: It's not yeah, it just I mean, it seems odd.

1048
00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:21,880
Speaker 2: But I also remember, we don't know people's motives and

1049
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:22,400
Speaker 2: what is in it.

1050
00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 3: And he said he was never in love with his

1051
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:25,320
Speaker 3: ex wife said that, I mean.

1052
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 2: But what the hell does it have to do with

1053
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 2: the child?

1054
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,799
Speaker 1: I guess, I guess because like your mom and dad

1055
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:32,279
Speaker 1: just said, you was conceived out of love.

1056
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:33,800
Speaker 2: Because I was going to say something, you know what.

1057
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:37,920
Speaker 2: I also have found most of the time that that

1058
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 2: father loves that child at the level that he loves

1059
00:53:41,040 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 2: the mother or that child. And you can see the

1060
00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:46,759
Speaker 2: difference in those relationships, and if y'all don't believe me,

1061
00:53:47,719 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 2: takes some inventory. A lot of times, when that father

1062
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:53,239
Speaker 2: really loves that mother, that child gets a different type

1063
00:53:53,239 --> 00:53:57,200
Speaker 2: of relationship and love from that father. It's just been proven,

1064
00:53:57,400 --> 00:54:00,480
Speaker 2: and it's unfortunate. But you just said it here whatnight

1065
00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:02,520
Speaker 2: that you know, I wasn't in love with the mom,

1066
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:05,759
Speaker 2: and so he automatically feels some type of detachment from

1067
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:09,120
Speaker 2: that child, and it's showing and it's unfortunate.

1068
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 3: Right, they're not the first family.

1069
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:15,080
Speaker 1: But I just hate when when people it becomes public

1070
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:17,320
Speaker 1: because people are going to look at him a different

1071
00:54:17,360 --> 00:54:19,399
Speaker 1: way than like, you know, and I just I just hate.

1072
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:22,800
Speaker 1: I just hate when private matters become public.

1073
00:54:23,120 --> 00:54:26,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then the public makes it worse, I feel like,

1074
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 2: because then it makes people take on a public TV personality. Yes,

1075
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:31,799
Speaker 2: and you start to behave in ways that aren't even

1076
00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:34,600
Speaker 2: your true authentic self, right, And so it's like and

1077
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 2: then you feel like you have to respond what you

1078
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:41,400
Speaker 2: don't right, because it's no one's business, correct, you know.

1079
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 2: And qusially, when it comes to kids and family, you

1080
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:46,879
Speaker 2: don't owe anybody an explanation. When it comes to your.

1081
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:49,399
Speaker 3: Child, you still want to have kids? Up?

1082
00:54:49,760 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 2: I do? I am how many now? Listen? It was

1083
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:57,200
Speaker 2: for a while ago. I think I'm maybe down to

1084
00:54:57,280 --> 00:54:59,960
Speaker 2: two because if I can do lends, if I could

1085
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:01,280
Speaker 2: don't knock on my door.

1086
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:04,400
Speaker 1: That's a clock, that's a clock ticket what you wait on?

1087
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:06,520
Speaker 1: Oh you don't, you don't. I don't want to be

1088
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:08,120
Speaker 1: I don't want to get a personal but you froze.

1089
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:10,760
Speaker 2: I'm still bleeding and I'm not in pairmand my goods

1090
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:16,600
Speaker 2: I'm not in perimenopause. My period comes, my minstrel comes

1091
00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:21,600
Speaker 2: every twenty eight days on time, on time.

1092
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:24,360
Speaker 3: Now you could just say, you know what, Yeah, I

1093
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:26,439
Speaker 3: froze my eggs on time.

1094
00:55:28,480 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 2: That thing like clock works on like that, Like did

1095
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:36,719
Speaker 2: that again? Like like that on time. Ain't no perimenopause

1096
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:39,319
Speaker 2: over here, ain't none dried up?

1097
00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:43,719
Speaker 3: But how long are you willing to wait? Look? Look,

1098
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:45,279
Speaker 3: so so I.

1099
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:49,600
Speaker 2: Said earlier this year that I was now my choosing stage,

1100
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 2: And so I literally said, okay, I'm now going to

1101
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:57,040
Speaker 2: choose because you know, I liked my space and my

1102
00:55:57,160 --> 00:56:00,319
Speaker 2: season of like building my career coming out of off

1103
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:02,360
Speaker 2: my wedding. And I was very honest with guys. I

1104
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:05,239
Speaker 2: never said, you know, manipulating. It was like, oh, we're

1105
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:07,080
Speaker 2: dating to get married now. I was very honest about

1106
00:56:07,120 --> 00:56:09,440
Speaker 2: you know, we're dating spending time. But this is what

1107
00:56:09,520 --> 00:56:12,880
Speaker 2: I'm focused on, right And that focus paid off. And

1108
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:15,000
Speaker 2: so I am now in a place that I told

1109
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:16,800
Speaker 2: myself when I was a younger woman, I want to

1110
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:21,640
Speaker 2: be here before I do that, right, And I'm here now.

1111
00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:22,719
Speaker 3: And this is the thing.

1112
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:25,320
Speaker 2: I'm not saying this from a place of bragging or

1113
00:56:25,440 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 2: trying to from arrogance, but from a place to humility.

1114
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:31,239
Speaker 2: I think if more men and women map out their life,

1115
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:33,080
Speaker 2: life is good life. Now, it ain't gonna come out perfect.

1116
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:35,319
Speaker 2: But if you say I want to reach these milestones

1117
00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:37,520
Speaker 2: before I do this, I feel like you have a

1118
00:56:37,719 --> 00:56:41,239
Speaker 2: better chance and better odds of success at family and

1119
00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 2: at career in business versus just letting life give you

1120
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:46,400
Speaker 2: whatever crumbs it gives you, because it's already given the

1121
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:48,799
Speaker 2: people like me who are asking and curating what they want,

1122
00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:50,520
Speaker 2: what we want, so you get the crumbs that we

1123
00:56:50,600 --> 00:56:53,320
Speaker 2: said no to. Don't do that. But now you know,

1124
00:56:53,360 --> 00:56:56,879
Speaker 2: it's only been probably about six months since I said, okay, God,

1125
00:56:57,239 --> 00:56:59,680
Speaker 2: I'm ready. You know, I took my IUD out. I'm

1126
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:01,759
Speaker 2: in my choosing stage on read or rock and roll.

1127
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:05,799
Speaker 2: Let's keep you out. I took it out, done out

1128
00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 2: the doctor. I said, show it to me. Doctor.

1129
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:10,640
Speaker 3: I was like, hey, God, be careful. She says she

1130
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:11,920
Speaker 3: still have a cycle, and.

1131
00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:16,760
Speaker 2: They ain't gotta be careful. It would be an excellent investment,

1132
00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:18,040
Speaker 2: but it can't be casual.

1133
00:57:18,280 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 3: Be careful, be casual.

1134
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,080
Speaker 2: You need to tell me to be careful because the

1135
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:24,080
Speaker 2: way these men are set up, they're worse than women

1136
00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 2: a manna try to put a baby and a woman

1137
00:57:27,200 --> 00:57:30,880
Speaker 2: who's successful, especially no kids in beautiful Shannon. You act

1138
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 2: like you ain't you act like you stay on one

1139
00:57:32,920 --> 00:57:36,840
Speaker 2: house on the block. Stop acting like that. Do a man,

1140
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 2: and you know men, let me tell you it's not

1141
00:57:39,120 --> 00:57:41,000
Speaker 2: just broke men that do it. You got men who

1142
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 2: are well off who go beautiful, no kids, look like

1143
00:57:44,840 --> 00:57:47,680
Speaker 2: she's twenty five. I can't wait to put one in

1144
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:49,280
Speaker 2: you real quick. And a lot of times it could

1145
00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 2: it be the men who already have the damn kids

1146
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:53,400
Speaker 2: who are saying, but you, who I want to be,

1147
00:57:53,920 --> 00:57:54,920
Speaker 2: that keeps it.

1148
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:56,640
Speaker 3: They keeps not to keep an attachment to you.

1149
00:57:56,880 --> 00:58:00,160
Speaker 2: Hello, And there's why not to casual sex, especially now

1150
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:05,480
Speaker 2: that my iud out and nothing coming through casual earie nothing. Yeah,

1151
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 2: but I'm excited and I can't wait, and I'm hoping

1152
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:10,640
Speaker 2: that it happens, you know, by next year, and I

1153
00:58:10,760 --> 00:58:14,880
Speaker 2: can be on tour with my little belly and happy

1154
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:17,680
Speaker 2: and are happier, I should say, because I'm very happy.

1155
00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:20,920
Speaker 2: And I think that's it too. When you wait and

1156
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:26,080
Speaker 2: you find what I call God's peace and you're real happy.

1157
00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:31,480
Speaker 2: People are not in competition with your desperation. They are

1158
00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:34,880
Speaker 2: not now in competition with the healthy self of you,

1159
00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:40,080
Speaker 2: which means your choosing becomes a little more slim, but

1160
00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:45,520
Speaker 2: your relationships become a lot more prosperity, prosperous than prosperous.

1161
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:47,320
Speaker 2: Then you know, you choose you from a place of

1162
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:49,800
Speaker 2: like I'm young, there's a clock, but I mean you do.

1163
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:52,320
Speaker 2: Look at Abraham and Sarah and the Bible. God kept

1164
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:55,640
Speaker 2: his promise. And because Sarah jumped the gun and said,

1165
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:59,000
Speaker 2: get Hagar the maid pregnant, because I don't believe God

1166
00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:04,960
Speaker 2: to deliver his promises, Hagar got pregnant and had Abraham's

1167
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:07,960
Speaker 2: first son. And then as soon as she got pregnant,

1168
00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:12,040
Speaker 2: guess who got pregnant Sarah. And Sarah told Abraham she

1169
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:15,840
Speaker 2: got to go, and Abraham said, baby, you got to

1170
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:18,960
Speaker 2: go just for Hagar the maid to come back. And

1171
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:22,680
Speaker 2: now they in a house that's now a broken home

1172
00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:28,640
Speaker 2: because Sarah, not Abraham, he just listened to his wife, said, baby,

1173
00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:31,920
Speaker 2: God's taken too long. Get the maid president pregnant. And

1174
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:36,320
Speaker 2: as soon as Sarah got God's promise that he never

1175
00:59:36,800 --> 00:59:39,160
Speaker 2: ever pulls back from it, never returns void, guess what

1176
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:42,840
Speaker 2: she wanted? Her gun so you not gonna see me

1177
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:47,080
Speaker 2: being a Sarah who says, let me jump the gun

1178
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:50,720
Speaker 2: and take over God's timing, And then I ended up

1179
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:53,440
Speaker 2: choosing a man with kids, or I end up jumping

1180
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:56,560
Speaker 2: the gun with some other man when God said it

1181
00:59:56,720 --> 00:59:59,200
Speaker 2: was probably only gonna be about a six more months. Baby,

1182
01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:03,560
Speaker 2: may have only been another year. But you already in

1183
01:00:03,640 --> 01:00:08,800
Speaker 2: a good place, you already happy. You can't wait on me.

1184
01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:14,959
Speaker 1: How many? How many men should a woman entertain? She's

1185
01:00:15,040 --> 01:00:17,680
Speaker 1: not she's a she ain't been locked down.

1186
01:00:18,400 --> 01:00:19,280
Speaker 3: How many one?

1187
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:20,960
Speaker 2: Two entertainmenty date?

1188
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:21,520
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1189
01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:25,120
Speaker 2: So, so I don't condone women having sex with multiple men,

1190
01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:26,840
Speaker 2: but I do want to say, y'all do what you

1191
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:29,440
Speaker 2: do you grown. That doesn't mean I'm judging you. But

1192
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:31,560
Speaker 2: as far as dating and getting to know, I think

1193
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:33,800
Speaker 2: a woman should entertain as many minutes she wants in

1194
01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:37,440
Speaker 2: the dating space. Yeah, dating means we're going on dates,

1195
01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:40,480
Speaker 2: we're not exclusive, and I'm getting to know you and

1196
01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:41,680
Speaker 2: I don't know if if I don't know if I

1197
01:00:41,800 --> 01:00:42,760
Speaker 2: like you, I don't know if I like this. And

1198
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:45,680
Speaker 2: then yet I think women should do. Now me, I

1199
01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:48,600
Speaker 2: tend to, I tend to go on dates or talk

1200
01:00:48,760 --> 01:00:51,200
Speaker 2: right to maybe one or two. But once I find

1201
01:00:51,240 --> 01:00:53,760
Speaker 2: that you have my attention, it's just challenging for me

1202
01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:54,800
Speaker 2: to you.

1203
01:00:56,520 --> 01:00:59,200
Speaker 3: Detail. Unfortunately I'm not going to be able to or.

1204
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:02,200
Speaker 2: I just don't you know, ghost, No, you don't ghost,

1205
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:05,080
Speaker 2: but people soldiers got to pool back. Yeah, there's a

1206
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 2: different there's a different sequence when you're not locked in,

1207
01:01:07,640 --> 01:01:09,200
Speaker 2: where you may talk once in a while and you

1208
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:11,000
Speaker 2: kind of know what's going on, or like I buy

1209
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:14,080
Speaker 2: a text Shannony, he text back sometime. But if it's

1210
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:15,600
Speaker 2: like every day we talk and then you got to

1211
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:18,360
Speaker 2: have a conversation. But I like exclusivity. So even if

1212
01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:21,240
Speaker 2: we're just dating and we're locking in, I like it.

1213
01:01:21,440 --> 01:01:23,160
Speaker 2: I like a wee thing. I like a US thing.

1214
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:25,880
Speaker 2: I don't like anyone outside of you or me until

1215
01:01:25,920 --> 01:01:28,640
Speaker 2: we decide either we not going through with this or

1216
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:31,280
Speaker 2: we are. I like, I like, I don't like scattered

1217
01:01:31,360 --> 01:01:34,200
Speaker 2: energy that feels safe for me. And then again, I'm

1218
01:01:34,240 --> 01:01:36,200
Speaker 2: not into casual sets. So if my spirit feels like

1219
01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:40,200
Speaker 2: you're not fully here, then I'm not turned on to

1220
01:01:40,320 --> 01:01:42,800
Speaker 2: be intimate with you, not even just sexually intimate, but

1221
01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:44,760
Speaker 2: intimate with our conversations or with my time.

1222
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:50,520
Speaker 3: Right, is it like? Is it true that you terminated

1223
01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:51,520
Speaker 3: a pregnancy as a team.

1224
01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:52,400
Speaker 4: Uh to.

1225
01:01:52,600 --> 01:01:55,080
Speaker 2: I terminated two pregnancies as a teenager. And yeah, my

1226
01:01:55,240 --> 01:01:57,640
Speaker 2: father played a big role in that because.

1227
01:01:57,360 --> 01:01:58,919
Speaker 3: The women, I think the women I read the women

1228
01:01:59,040 --> 01:02:03,360
Speaker 3: wanted you to keep the children. Yep, So does this

1229
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:04,360
Speaker 3: did that?

1230
01:02:04,560 --> 01:02:08,000
Speaker 2: Shannondon did his homework on the dock. Now this man

1231
01:02:08,080 --> 01:02:12,480
Speaker 2: get an A plus plus plus plus? Did that?

1232
01:02:13,280 --> 01:02:17,880
Speaker 3: Those pregnancies early on? Has that shaped how you think now?

1233
01:02:19,240 --> 01:02:19,640
Speaker 3: It has?

1234
01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:24,520
Speaker 2: But it wasn't because I terminated them. It was because

1235
01:02:24,640 --> 01:02:28,400
Speaker 2: I had a covering, which was my father. Because my

1236
01:02:28,560 --> 01:02:30,960
Speaker 2: mother and grandmother were crying, saying keep it, and my

1237
01:02:31,040 --> 01:02:34,720
Speaker 2: father was saying out on my watch. And I leaned

1238
01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:37,240
Speaker 2: more with my father's choice because nobody was forcing me

1239
01:02:37,640 --> 01:02:40,480
Speaker 2: with his choice. And his exact words were, you may

1240
01:02:40,520 --> 01:02:42,600
Speaker 2: hate me now, but you thank me later. And when

1241
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:44,240
Speaker 2: I got in college, I think my sophomore year, I

1242
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:45,919
Speaker 2: called him, I said, Daddy, thank you and he said

1243
01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:49,000
Speaker 2: for what? And I said, because you made the right

1244
01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:53,120
Speaker 2: decision for me, and so for me it more shaped

1245
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:58,240
Speaker 2: my trust in men who can lead, because he let

1246
01:02:58,280 --> 01:03:01,920
Speaker 2: me into a promised land right that allowed me and

1247
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:04,080
Speaker 2: I always say this, that allowed me to beat the

1248
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:07,040
Speaker 2: odds did I mean the odds didn't come against me,

1249
01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:10,000
Speaker 2: because they did. It allowed me to beat the odds.

1250
01:03:10,080 --> 01:03:12,880
Speaker 2: It allowed me to not be a statistic. It doesn't

1251
01:03:12,920 --> 01:03:16,160
Speaker 2: mean women who have kids already or who kept yours

1252
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:19,200
Speaker 2: and didn't terminate that you're bad because you're a statistic.

1253
01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:22,480
Speaker 2: But if we're gonna speak real, you are a statistic.

1254
01:03:22,600 --> 01:03:25,360
Speaker 2: If you are a little girl from the hood and

1255
01:03:25,480 --> 01:03:29,560
Speaker 2: you end up pregnant as a teenager, that's called teenage pregnancy.

1256
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:32,880
Speaker 2: And my father allowed me to beat odds that were

1257
01:03:32,920 --> 01:03:33,360
Speaker 2: against me.

1258
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:35,720
Speaker 1: How did you, I mean, were you nervous? Were you

1259
01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:40,600
Speaker 1: not nervous to tell your father that you were pregnant? Well,

1260
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:44,080
Speaker 1: feel like he had because you his the apple in

1261
01:03:44,160 --> 01:03:48,760
Speaker 1: his eye, and his little girl that he adores, that

1262
01:03:48,920 --> 01:03:52,560
Speaker 1: he loves so much is expecting.

1263
01:03:52,880 --> 01:03:55,400
Speaker 3: And it's not the first not to you know, one time.

1264
01:03:55,480 --> 01:03:57,920
Speaker 1: Okay, maybe that's aid that accident can happen, but it

1265
01:03:58,000 --> 01:04:01,320
Speaker 1: didn't happen again. Were you were you afraid to tell it?

1266
01:04:01,440 --> 01:04:03,720
Speaker 1: Were you ashamed? What were some of the emotions that

1267
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:04,920
Speaker 1: you failed as a teenager?

1268
01:04:05,040 --> 01:04:08,720
Speaker 2: I love that question. So my parents and my father

1269
01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:13,600
Speaker 2: in particular, he's not a shame you type of father.

1270
01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:17,960
Speaker 2: He's a very If you love me, I'll love you more.

1271
01:04:18,320 --> 01:04:20,480
Speaker 2: If you're honest with me, you get more out of me.

1272
01:04:20,960 --> 01:04:23,600
Speaker 2: And so I knew he wouldn't be ashamed of me.

1273
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:25,760
Speaker 2: But I did know that he was gonna keep it

1274
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:28,160
Speaker 2: one hundred percent real with me. And I knew that

1275
01:04:28,640 --> 01:04:32,880
Speaker 2: what he's seen was me becoming a product of him

1276
01:04:33,720 --> 01:04:36,400
Speaker 2: and my mother, and me becoming a product of the

1277
01:04:36,520 --> 01:04:39,720
Speaker 2: woman that he made a product of him, which is

1278
01:04:40,040 --> 01:04:43,960
Speaker 2: a baby mom and a baby daddy. And because he

1279
01:04:44,160 --> 01:04:51,320
Speaker 2: knew the pain the heartbreak that those women experienced, he

1280
01:04:51,360 --> 01:04:54,040
Speaker 2: couldn't see his little girl having that same experience. And

1281
01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:57,720
Speaker 2: so for him, again, he was crucifying who he was

1282
01:04:58,400 --> 01:05:01,280
Speaker 2: to tee up what was best for me. And that

1283
01:05:01,440 --> 01:05:02,919
Speaker 2: is what a parent does, that is what a great

1284
01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:04,800
Speaker 2: father does. And I got to go a little further.

1285
01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:06,520
Speaker 2: Not only did he say, this is the decision that

1286
01:05:07,240 --> 01:05:10,120
Speaker 2: you need to make, but he was the first, along

1287
01:05:10,120 --> 01:05:13,439
Speaker 2: with my parents, face of the last face I seen

1288
01:05:13,560 --> 01:05:16,640
Speaker 2: walking in determination and they were the first faces I

1289
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:18,960
Speaker 2: seen walking out. And my dad took me to eat

1290
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:22,720
Speaker 2: after and he, baby, how do you feel? Are you okay?

1291
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:26,680
Speaker 2: You know what's the plan moving forward? So he didn't

1292
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:31,160
Speaker 2: just tell me the decision. He was there with me everything,

1293
01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:33,600
Speaker 2: he held my hand through it. And when I walked out,

1294
01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:36,760
Speaker 2: I got to see that man's face and I asked,

1295
01:05:36,800 --> 01:05:38,480
Speaker 2: could the boyfriend, because it was my boyfriend.

1296
01:05:39,280 --> 01:05:40,000
Speaker 3: Did you tell him?

1297
01:05:40,560 --> 01:05:42,800
Speaker 2: Did the boyfriend knew? I asked, could he come? Because

1298
01:05:42,800 --> 01:05:46,040
Speaker 2: we were in a relationship, This wasn't we were together

1299
01:05:46,160 --> 01:05:49,040
Speaker 2: all through, like for years. My dad said, do you

1300
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:51,280
Speaker 2: want him dead? I said, well, then no, I guess

1301
01:05:51,320 --> 01:05:54,720
Speaker 2: he can't come. But I got had to give that

1302
01:05:54,800 --> 01:05:56,840
Speaker 2: to my dad. I mean, he's he's he was a father, Like,

1303
01:05:56,960 --> 01:05:58,920
Speaker 2: he's not trying to be next to this dude who

1304
01:05:59,040 --> 01:06:00,360
Speaker 2: is even touching his dog his body.

1305
01:06:01,400 --> 01:06:03,080
Speaker 3: It's one thing to think about it, but now you

1306
01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:05,400
Speaker 3: and I got to see you here, I already know

1307
01:06:05,520 --> 01:06:06,160
Speaker 3: what he'd been doing.

1308
01:06:06,720 --> 01:06:10,200
Speaker 2: And my dad, again, we had an open relationship where

1309
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:12,480
Speaker 2: I can talk to him about anything, and so his

1310
01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:18,440
Speaker 2: support in that is what allows me to be the submissive, loving,

1311
01:06:18,520 --> 01:06:22,040
Speaker 2: trusting women of you men. And that's why I don't

1312
01:06:22,200 --> 01:06:24,640
Speaker 2: have a You know, I'm not gonna submit to you.

1313
01:06:25,120 --> 01:06:28,280
Speaker 2: What can you do for me? It's I love submitting

1314
01:06:28,360 --> 01:06:30,320
Speaker 2: to you. And that comes from a little girl who

1315
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:33,960
Speaker 2: had a father who submitted to me. And through his

1316
01:06:34,160 --> 01:06:38,040
Speaker 2: submission to me, he taught me the value right in

1317
01:06:38,120 --> 01:06:41,320
Speaker 2: the beauty of submission. And had he not did that

1318
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:44,640
Speaker 2: as a man, I probably would have used submission differently.

1319
01:06:45,120 --> 01:06:49,560
Speaker 2: And he also would have me do acts for him,

1320
01:06:49,800 --> 01:06:52,360
Speaker 2: like make his plate or make his drink, and that

1321
01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:54,800
Speaker 2: taught me how to submit to a man. And when

1322
01:06:54,840 --> 01:06:56,800
Speaker 2: his drink got low, I would watch as a little

1323
01:06:56,800 --> 01:06:58,760
Speaker 2: girl would watch, and I'd be like, Daddy, you want more,

1324
01:06:59,080 --> 01:07:01,040
Speaker 2: and he'd be like, yeah, going and get me some more.

1325
01:07:01,200 --> 01:07:02,880
Speaker 2: And I knew two ice cubes. I knew how much

1326
01:07:02,920 --> 01:07:04,959
Speaker 2: jack and how much coke. I knew when his plate

1327
01:07:05,040 --> 01:07:07,040
Speaker 2: got low on food, it was a re up or throwaway.

1328
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:09,320
Speaker 2: There's just things I knew when he was emotionally not

1329
01:07:09,440 --> 01:07:12,600
Speaker 2: in the right place. And he taught me because being

1330
01:07:12,640 --> 01:07:14,360
Speaker 2: a man in my presence, I knew how to say, daddy,

1331
01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:17,560
Speaker 2: it's okay if it's financial, like we'll be all right,

1332
01:07:17,840 --> 01:07:19,760
Speaker 2: or is there something you need me to do? So

1333
01:07:20,640 --> 01:07:22,560
Speaker 2: this is why men are so important man just in

1334
01:07:22,880 --> 01:07:26,120
Speaker 2: women's life and in their boy's life, because he taught

1335
01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:29,000
Speaker 2: me how to navigate through a man's emotions. He taught

1336
01:07:29,040 --> 01:07:32,160
Speaker 2: me how to identify when those emotions are off kilter.

1337
01:07:32,640 --> 01:07:34,600
Speaker 2: And he also taught me what he needed to be

1338
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:37,640
Speaker 2: said as a daughter. And so when my fiance had

1339
01:07:37,640 --> 01:07:39,480
Speaker 2: an issue, my last one, and he just sitting on

1340
01:07:39,560 --> 01:07:41,800
Speaker 2: the couch with ESPN in the top ten planes, you know.

1341
01:07:41,800 --> 01:07:44,080
Speaker 3: He's yeah, yeah, over and over.

1342
01:07:45,440 --> 01:07:47,600
Speaker 2: I sat on the couch right here, literally, and he said,

1343
01:07:47,640 --> 01:07:49,000
Speaker 2: and I sat here and I just put my hand

1344
01:07:49,040 --> 01:07:50,760
Speaker 2: on him, I said, and he just he ain't look

1345
01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:52,880
Speaker 2: at me. I said, baby, I don't know what it is,

1346
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:55,640
Speaker 2: but I want you to know whatever it is, even

1347
01:07:55,680 --> 01:07:58,920
Speaker 2: if it's financial, I'm not leaving you and I love

1348
01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:01,120
Speaker 2: you and we'll get through it. And he was looking,

1349
01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:03,000
Speaker 2: how you looking? And I'm sitting here. He did this

1350
01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:08,560
Speaker 2: in tears, just rolled by in that moment. I was

1351
01:08:08,600 --> 01:08:11,320
Speaker 2: a product of my father, A product of my father

1352
01:08:11,480 --> 01:08:15,520
Speaker 2: teaching me what a man needs. When women don't get that,

1353
01:08:16,439 --> 01:08:18,920
Speaker 2: we don't know how to navigate that. And a woman

1354
01:08:18,960 --> 01:08:21,680
Speaker 2: who doesn't get that can easy take that as that man.

1355
01:08:21,720 --> 01:08:23,960
Speaker 2: It's it's connected from her, and she can start to

1356
01:08:24,120 --> 01:08:26,840
Speaker 2: ask him ego centric questions like what's wrong with you?

1357
01:08:27,479 --> 01:08:30,080
Speaker 2: What did I do? Why you're not telling me? Why

1358
01:08:30,080 --> 01:08:31,760
Speaker 2: aren't you talking to me? I knew in that moment

1359
01:08:31,800 --> 01:08:33,560
Speaker 2: there was nothing that that man wanted to say to

1360
01:08:33,640 --> 01:08:36,720
Speaker 2: me or anybody. He was having a moment, and all

1361
01:08:36,840 --> 01:08:40,360
Speaker 2: I needed to do was reassure him that I'm not

1362
01:08:40,520 --> 01:08:42,760
Speaker 2: going nowhere. You're not gonna lose your woman and whatever

1363
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:45,960
Speaker 2: else you just lost, and whatever I have to do,

1364
01:08:47,560 --> 01:08:50,160
Speaker 2: I am going to rise to that occasion to make

1365
01:08:50,240 --> 01:08:53,439
Speaker 2: sure that we are good. That's why that man felt

1366
01:08:53,479 --> 01:08:56,200
Speaker 2: so good about taking care of me that right there,

1367
01:08:56,520 --> 01:08:57,920
Speaker 2: because he knew the value of who we had.

1368
01:08:58,760 --> 01:09:00,639
Speaker 1: How different do you believe you're life would have been

1369
01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:04,000
Speaker 1: had you not terminated those pregnancies? Would you have Would

1370
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:07,920
Speaker 1: Shyanne Bryant be sitting right here today with all these

1371
01:09:07,960 --> 01:09:11,120
Speaker 1: advanced degrees, with all this popularity and fame and all

1372
01:09:11,200 --> 01:09:11,639
Speaker 1: this money.

1373
01:09:11,880 --> 01:09:13,439
Speaker 3: Would you have been the same person.

1374
01:09:14,240 --> 01:09:17,880
Speaker 2: I would have been a different woman, Yes, But I

1375
01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:20,240
Speaker 2: would have still went and got that ship because I'm

1376
01:09:20,240 --> 01:09:23,439
Speaker 2: built like that. I may have even went and got more.

1377
01:09:23,720 --> 01:09:25,639
Speaker 2: I'm just saying because I had two little ones to feet.

1378
01:09:25,680 --> 01:09:28,960
Speaker 2: But I will say this, I would have married much earlier, Yeah,

1379
01:09:29,080 --> 01:09:31,640
Speaker 2: because I would have took one for the team and

1380
01:09:31,720 --> 01:09:33,800
Speaker 2: I would have made sure that my babies had a

1381
01:09:34,320 --> 01:09:38,160
Speaker 2: home that was complete, and so who I would have married.

1382
01:09:38,760 --> 01:09:41,799
Speaker 2: It wouldn't have been the teenage boys. Teenage boyfriends don't last.

1383
01:09:41,760 --> 01:09:44,160
Speaker 3: You had your photo, that's for sure.

1384
01:09:45,080 --> 01:09:48,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, five six, that's the thing. It would have forced

1385
01:09:48,800 --> 01:09:53,280
Speaker 2: me to make a decision quicker than I wanted to,

1386
01:09:53,840 --> 01:09:56,679
Speaker 2: and I would have chose what was best for them.

1387
01:09:58,080 --> 01:09:59,120
Speaker 3: The law, not for me.

1388
01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:02,519
Speaker 2: This is where I tell woman, the leverage of waiting

1389
01:10:02,680 --> 01:10:05,000
Speaker 2: is and the power is. Right now, I am in

1390
01:10:05,040 --> 01:10:08,479
Speaker 2: the pit of my power, not in my biological clock,

1391
01:10:09,000 --> 01:10:14,360
Speaker 2: because I am choosing for me and obviously for my

1392
01:10:14,520 --> 01:10:18,960
Speaker 2: babies secondary who are not here yet. But I'm choosing

1393
01:10:19,040 --> 01:10:23,280
Speaker 2: a husband with just me, and that's it. And I

1394
01:10:23,439 --> 01:10:26,120
Speaker 2: can choose to be a mother or not to at

1395
01:10:26,120 --> 01:10:29,719
Speaker 2: any point in time. That's power. And I'm now choosing

1396
01:10:29,760 --> 01:10:33,519
Speaker 2: from a place of wisdom, not just experience. Forget accolades

1397
01:10:33,560 --> 01:10:35,800
Speaker 2: and degrees. I'm choosing from a place of my healthy me,

1398
01:10:36,479 --> 01:10:40,160
Speaker 2: from a place of being a woman who has experienced relationships.

1399
01:10:41,000 --> 01:10:45,160
Speaker 2: And my husband now gets to get a grown ass

1400
01:10:45,280 --> 01:10:48,600
Speaker 2: woman who's processed through her stuff and still got a

1401
01:10:48,600 --> 01:10:51,400
Speaker 2: lot more because they're nobody perfect, not a little girl

1402
01:10:51,479 --> 01:10:53,400
Speaker 2: who's trying to figure out who the hell she is.

1403
01:10:53,439 --> 01:10:55,439
Speaker 2: And where does she land? Those are two different people,

1404
01:10:56,400 --> 01:10:58,519
Speaker 2: two different people. Now would I still wear his ass

1405
01:10:58,560 --> 01:11:02,040
Speaker 2: out of need me? Yes? But the little girl would

1406
01:11:02,080 --> 01:11:04,040
Speaker 2: have told him a whole new one. Right, you don't

1407
01:11:04,080 --> 01:11:05,599
Speaker 2: want her? Right, you don't want her?

1408
01:11:06,320 --> 01:11:10,479
Speaker 3: What about sex and arguments? Sex after arguments? Yeah?

1409
01:11:10,720 --> 01:11:15,200
Speaker 2: No, So again I keep saying the disclaimer just because

1410
01:11:15,240 --> 01:11:16,960
Speaker 2: it's for me personally. All right, ladies, I want you

1411
01:11:17,000 --> 01:11:19,599
Speaker 2: all to casual sex all you want for the grown folks.

1412
01:11:21,080 --> 01:11:25,040
Speaker 2: Sex after an argument and we're together. Yeah, it needs

1413
01:11:25,040 --> 01:11:27,720
Speaker 2: to happen as quick as it can because I'm a

1414
01:11:27,800 --> 01:11:30,640
Speaker 2: love bud. So I don't like to be disconnected from you.

1415
01:11:30,800 --> 01:11:32,519
Speaker 2: I don't want to be in a negative space with

1416
01:11:32,720 --> 01:11:34,519
Speaker 2: Now you try to make me feel you try to

1417
01:11:34,880 --> 01:11:36,880
Speaker 2: make me forget what we argue about it. That's fine too,

1418
01:11:37,400 --> 01:11:39,720
Speaker 2: But I just need. I need you to love me.

1419
01:11:39,800 --> 01:11:47,160
Speaker 2: Have like this, Okay, like that, like that. So if

1420
01:11:47,240 --> 01:11:51,960
Speaker 2: we are arguing, we like this. Yeah, yeah, No, I

1421
01:11:52,080 --> 01:11:54,880
Speaker 2: need I need skin to skin. I want you in

1422
01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:57,280
Speaker 2: my skin. Let me tell you something. You see that

1423
01:11:57,400 --> 01:11:59,360
Speaker 2: zipper you got, I'm on a type of woman. I

1424
01:11:59,400 --> 01:12:02,320
Speaker 2: want you to unzipping on a hop in it and

1425
01:12:02,680 --> 01:12:05,320
Speaker 2: what I want you to do zip it up and this,

1426
01:12:05,520 --> 01:12:07,920
Speaker 2: and I will be in there just like this. And

1427
01:12:08,000 --> 01:12:10,160
Speaker 2: then when we have to depart, I didn't say want

1428
01:12:10,200 --> 01:12:14,960
Speaker 2: to have to. You can unzip it. Not for a shower,

1429
01:12:15,000 --> 01:12:17,400
Speaker 2: because you can get in with me. We're not talking

1430
01:12:17,400 --> 01:12:18,559
Speaker 2: about me doing things y'all.

1431
01:12:18,600 --> 01:12:21,160
Speaker 3: Water be too hot, y'all be cooking lobster and crab

1432
01:12:21,200 --> 01:12:22,080
Speaker 3: and not how to ask water.

1433
01:12:22,400 --> 01:12:24,479
Speaker 2: And I'm even talking about just an intimate shower time.

1434
01:12:24,680 --> 01:12:26,120
Speaker 2: We have to do all do just getting the shower.

1435
01:12:26,280 --> 01:12:27,680
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, no, nobody getting to know

1436
01:12:27,920 --> 01:12:30,479
Speaker 1: getting I'm at the back. It's cold back there.

1437
01:12:31,080 --> 01:12:31,479
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

1438
01:12:32,520 --> 01:12:34,919
Speaker 2: To see that's your selfish ass. Look at your selfish

1439
01:12:34,960 --> 01:12:37,600
Speaker 2: hash See look at you stand in the cop for

1440
01:12:37,680 --> 01:12:39,719
Speaker 2: a minute because your women want a damn shower. Shanning,

1441
01:12:40,040 --> 01:12:43,040
Speaker 2: take one for the team or switch, okay, and then

1442
01:12:43,040 --> 01:12:44,040
Speaker 2: when we get out, we cuddle.

1443
01:12:45,439 --> 01:12:46,639
Speaker 3: Dang what I was thinking about though.

1444
01:12:47,400 --> 01:12:50,360
Speaker 2: Cuttling comes with the love making you're talking about. Yes, yes,

1445
01:12:50,680 --> 01:12:54,599
Speaker 2: but you have to start involving your heart. Okay, I'm

1446
01:12:54,640 --> 01:12:56,679
Speaker 2: gonna do that so that it ain't just sexual.

1447
01:12:56,920 --> 01:12:57,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1448
01:12:57,479 --> 01:13:01,160
Speaker 2: See, you ain't ready yet. We need more sessions. Sessions.

1449
01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:04,240
Speaker 1: Did you see that study that came out sex before

1450
01:13:04,320 --> 01:13:06,280
Speaker 1: work leads to better productivity.

1451
01:13:06,320 --> 01:13:07,800
Speaker 2: I agree with that. I think that I could see

1452
01:13:07,800 --> 01:13:09,519
Speaker 2: that that that means morning sex for the most part.

1453
01:13:09,600 --> 01:13:11,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely exactly what that means.

1454
01:13:11,320 --> 01:13:14,120
Speaker 2: Now I will say, is this women, I'm for the

1455
01:13:14,120 --> 01:13:17,200
Speaker 2: advocate for y'all. Okay, I got you. I've been listening.

1456
01:13:17,800 --> 01:13:19,840
Speaker 2: This ain't just this ain't for me, but it's for y'all.

1457
01:13:20,840 --> 01:13:25,680
Speaker 2: If y'all could roll over, assume the position, get it in,

1458
01:13:25,840 --> 01:13:28,519
Speaker 2: do your thing, and get about, more women would say yes,

1459
01:13:29,320 --> 01:13:32,679
Speaker 2: not every woman, which I am. This woman. I don't

1460
01:13:32,720 --> 01:13:34,720
Speaker 2: mind the full act of sex in the morning, right

1461
01:13:34,760 --> 01:13:37,680
Speaker 2: because I am a sexual person who I'm with, so

1462
01:13:37,800 --> 01:13:40,640
Speaker 2: I like the act. It's not just that, but a

1463
01:13:40,760 --> 01:13:43,240
Speaker 2: lot of women are like, I gotta go to work too, buddy,

1464
01:13:43,600 --> 01:13:46,479
Speaker 2: So can you roll over? Not expect me to do

1465
01:13:46,560 --> 01:13:50,200
Speaker 2: a full production and get your That's why you laughing.

1466
01:13:50,520 --> 01:13:51,720
Speaker 2: You can't get on with your dad.

1467
01:13:51,800 --> 01:13:54,559
Speaker 3: You look quick? Most women do, y'all like quakies.

1468
01:13:55,040 --> 01:13:59,000
Speaker 2: Most women, I'm saying, I thought, well, who that miss

1469
01:13:59,160 --> 01:14:03,439
Speaker 2: Ella said? It's gonna take you more than one minute

1470
01:14:03,479 --> 01:14:06,280
Speaker 2: to roll over and do you in the morning. There

1471
01:14:06,320 --> 01:14:08,559
Speaker 2: you go, you'll be up to you the perfect match

1472
01:14:08,600 --> 01:14:10,400
Speaker 2: for a lot of women, because when I'm in session,

1473
01:14:10,520 --> 01:14:13,320
Speaker 2: most of my wifs are saying, I don't mind it

1474
01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:15,240
Speaker 2: in the morning, but I got work too, and he's

1475
01:14:15,280 --> 01:14:15,880
Speaker 2: taking too long.

1476
01:14:16,520 --> 01:14:16,640
Speaker 3: Now.

1477
01:14:16,760 --> 01:14:19,920
Speaker 2: The women who are saying start earlier, the woman who

1478
01:14:19,920 --> 01:14:21,759
Speaker 2: they don't want to work early because that that sleep

1479
01:14:21,960 --> 01:14:23,160
Speaker 2: is what they need because they got to go to

1480
01:14:23,200 --> 01:14:24,760
Speaker 2: work and come on and also be mothers and be

1481
01:14:24,840 --> 01:14:26,800
Speaker 2: a wife to your ass. So there has to be

1482
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:30,040
Speaker 2: some type of compassion for the fact that I'm already letting.

1483
01:14:29,880 --> 01:14:31,320
Speaker 3: You kid this afternoon?

1484
01:14:31,439 --> 01:14:34,200
Speaker 2: Can you I got kid? That's what y'all say, and

1485
01:14:34,320 --> 01:14:36,160
Speaker 2: y'all fall asleep and we have to feed their asses

1486
01:14:36,200 --> 01:14:37,719
Speaker 2: because you're coming up short.

1487
01:14:39,800 --> 01:14:44,479
Speaker 1: The biggest difference between doctor Cheyenne Brant and the twenties

1488
01:14:45,360 --> 01:14:45,960
Speaker 1: and a Ford it.

1489
01:14:48,800 --> 01:14:50,320
Speaker 2: I knew he was gonna come with a good question.

1490
01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:54,719
Speaker 2: You sound good at what you do. I'm twenty yeld Chyenne.

1491
01:14:56,400 --> 01:15:03,000
Speaker 2: M hmm, straight shooter, I can see that. Yeah, I'm

1492
01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:09,479
Speaker 2: gonna tell you this, but probably bullets flining at everybody

1493
01:15:10,240 --> 01:15:16,360
Speaker 2: right fortyoshay. Straight shooter knows her target. Twenty ol Cheyne

1494
01:15:16,960 --> 01:15:21,439
Speaker 2: outspoken because she has a message that she wants to

1495
01:15:21,600 --> 01:15:26,120
Speaker 2: land and she's not really considerate or compassionate about who

1496
01:15:26,200 --> 01:15:28,280
Speaker 2: it lands on or how it lands. I should say

1497
01:15:28,760 --> 01:15:36,519
Speaker 2: Potio Chyanne aware and very calculated on her message, the delivery,

1498
01:15:37,840 --> 01:15:39,680
Speaker 2: and how it impacts you, because I want to make

1499
01:15:39,680 --> 01:15:44,439
Speaker 2: sure the impact is coming from my true intention. O.

1500
01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:47,680
Speaker 2: Cheyenne was a lot more conservative than I am. At

1501
01:15:47,720 --> 01:15:51,680
Speaker 2: forty you think I'm big on no casual sex. Now,

1502
01:15:52,720 --> 01:15:55,759
Speaker 2: I was very relational, but I also had a fiance

1503
01:15:56,120 --> 01:16:03,600
Speaker 2: my whole time, right, and I was a I was

1504
01:16:03,880 --> 01:16:06,880
Speaker 2: less emotionally regulated then, so I could be a lot

1505
01:16:07,000 --> 01:16:10,040
Speaker 2: more fiery and dominant in my relationships. And in my

1506
01:16:10,160 --> 01:16:13,960
Speaker 2: twenties my submission hadn't peaked yet. And then in my

1507
01:16:14,000 --> 01:16:16,120
Speaker 2: thirties was when I was with my ex fiance who

1508
01:16:16,200 --> 01:16:17,800
Speaker 2: took care of me, and my submission fully peaked. And

1509
01:16:17,840 --> 01:16:21,760
Speaker 2: so in my forties I am very emostly regulated. My

1510
01:16:21,840 --> 01:16:28,160
Speaker 2: emotion intelligence is extremely high, and I am, you know,

1511
01:16:29,280 --> 01:16:32,840
Speaker 2: extremely submissive. And it's not submissive because I'm waiting for

1512
01:16:32,920 --> 01:16:35,840
Speaker 2: you to create an environment. It's I'm submissive because that's

1513
01:16:35,880 --> 01:16:39,439
Speaker 2: who I am internally innately as a woman, right, And

1514
01:16:39,560 --> 01:16:42,799
Speaker 2: so it's nothing you can do to make me not submit.

1515
01:16:43,000 --> 01:16:45,120
Speaker 2: It's just if I can't submit with you, I probably

1516
01:16:45,120 --> 01:16:47,200
Speaker 2: won't choose you, wow, because I got to be with

1517
01:16:47,280 --> 01:16:48,880
Speaker 2: who I can be soft and submit to.

1518
01:16:49,520 --> 01:16:49,760
Speaker 3: And so.

1519
01:16:51,600 --> 01:16:54,639
Speaker 2: Lastly, the twenty year old Cheyenne, I was a nest.

1520
01:16:55,520 --> 01:16:59,120
Speaker 2: I was a nest. And that's probably why I ended

1521
01:16:59,160 --> 01:17:00,559
Speaker 2: up with the guy who made me money but wasn't

1522
01:17:00,560 --> 01:17:03,960
Speaker 2: the breadwinner, because I was the nest and it equally

1523
01:17:04,080 --> 01:17:08,200
Speaker 2: yoked means he can't be the nests too. Now I'm

1524
01:17:08,240 --> 01:17:12,840
Speaker 2: a nester, so I am nesting in you. And it's

1525
01:17:12,920 --> 01:17:14,400
Speaker 2: not that I'm waiting to see if you're a nest.

1526
01:17:14,960 --> 01:17:18,040
Speaker 2: I'm nesting in you because that's just my position. Now

1527
01:17:18,320 --> 01:17:21,120
Speaker 2: if you consume that role or not, so do you,

1528
01:17:21,920 --> 01:17:24,679
Speaker 2: but I'm nesting in you, and it's soft and it's safe.

1529
01:17:24,880 --> 01:17:29,840
Speaker 2: And lastly, one thing that's in common though twenty year

1530
01:17:29,840 --> 01:17:31,439
Speaker 2: old Shine and four ye oh Shine was never looking

1531
01:17:31,520 --> 01:17:34,560
Speaker 2: for a safe space. I already knew very early on

1532
01:17:34,680 --> 01:17:36,559
Speaker 2: that I was at safe space, and so I bring

1533
01:17:36,680 --> 01:17:38,920
Speaker 2: that with me everywhere I go. And so yes, I

1534
01:17:39,080 --> 01:17:43,439
Speaker 2: want you to add to that right and don't tempt

1535
01:17:43,479 --> 01:17:45,680
Speaker 2: to dismount it because it's mine, so you can't. But

1536
01:17:45,800 --> 01:17:49,080
Speaker 2: I don't need you to come in and I'm sitting

1537
01:17:49,160 --> 01:17:51,519
Speaker 2: here in fear until you create this space that I

1538
01:17:51,560 --> 01:17:53,920
Speaker 2: can nest in. That's not how it works at my age.

1539
01:17:54,840 --> 01:17:57,080
Speaker 3: Now, the man that's gonna.

1540
01:17:59,439 --> 01:18:05,799
Speaker 1: Make a home create a family, same age, a little younger,

1541
01:18:05,920 --> 01:18:06,960
Speaker 1: a little older.

1542
01:18:07,520 --> 01:18:09,759
Speaker 2: Because I don't because I want a man who doesn't

1543
01:18:09,800 --> 01:18:12,679
Speaker 2: have children yet, he would probably need to be about

1544
01:18:12,680 --> 01:18:16,120
Speaker 2: my age or younger. But I haven't had a problem

1545
01:18:16,160 --> 01:18:18,800
Speaker 2: with meeting men with no kids. It's I always say

1546
01:18:18,880 --> 01:18:22,200
Speaker 2: people people's limited thinking is what gets in their way, right, right,

1547
01:18:22,240 --> 01:18:23,600
Speaker 2: And so if you think there are no men with

1548
01:18:23,720 --> 01:18:25,960
Speaker 2: no kids, then you write I happen to know that

1549
01:18:26,360 --> 01:18:29,080
Speaker 2: I'm not looking for men with kids. I'm not polyamorous,

1550
01:18:29,560 --> 01:18:31,920
Speaker 2: not only any one. And if anyone is gonna tell

1551
01:18:31,960 --> 01:18:36,680
Speaker 2: me that one man well kids, who does well and

1552
01:18:36,800 --> 01:18:38,480
Speaker 2: he's a great human.

1553
01:18:38,400 --> 01:18:40,840
Speaker 1: Between the ages of thirty eight and forty five, that's

1554
01:18:40,920 --> 01:18:42,760
Speaker 1: only thirty and forty five, that's what you're looking for.

1555
01:18:43,280 --> 01:18:45,200
Speaker 2: Out of here. Yeah, that's crazy. That's like saying one

1556
01:18:45,280 --> 01:18:48,240
Speaker 2: person ain't gonna buy I ain't gonna like this. That's crazy.

1557
01:18:48,560 --> 01:18:50,120
Speaker 2: We know you're looking for a lot, but we're talking

1558
01:18:50,120 --> 01:18:52,760
Speaker 2: about one Yeah. So yeah, and I don't mind even

1559
01:18:53,520 --> 01:18:55,719
Speaker 2: like thirty five thirty six, as long as the maturity

1560
01:18:55,800 --> 01:18:58,240
Speaker 2: is there. Yeah, you know. And because I've learned and

1561
01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:00,880
Speaker 2: you know, a lot of these younger me men in

1562
01:19:01,000 --> 01:19:04,400
Speaker 2: that thirty five ish range, even a little younger than thirty,

1563
01:19:05,040 --> 01:19:07,320
Speaker 2: they are a lot more mature than a lot of

1564
01:19:07,400 --> 01:19:09,960
Speaker 2: these men who are forty five and us. They're not

1565
01:19:10,040 --> 01:19:14,280
Speaker 2: stuck in their way. They are very flexible. They open doors,

1566
01:19:14,320 --> 01:19:16,760
Speaker 2: they know how to date. They are actually hunters like

1567
01:19:16,880 --> 01:19:20,719
Speaker 2: men used to be calling their texting their love bugs.

1568
01:19:20,760 --> 01:19:21,639
Speaker 2: They want to get married.

1569
01:19:21,680 --> 01:19:24,360
Speaker 3: They're all they like, we're the old guard. We the hunter.

1570
01:19:24,680 --> 01:19:27,599
Speaker 2: And let me say this, not only women, but men

1571
01:19:28,800 --> 01:19:32,479
Speaker 2: in their thirties are the new generation that don't have

1572
01:19:32,600 --> 01:19:36,160
Speaker 2: baby mamas. You'll be surprised at how not thirsty for

1573
01:19:36,360 --> 01:19:39,080
Speaker 2: sex and women these younger men are meaning like they

1574
01:19:39,120 --> 01:19:42,400
Speaker 2: are literally saying, if we can't date, or if we

1575
01:19:42,520 --> 01:19:45,120
Speaker 2: can't have some type of out of the bear romance,

1576
01:19:45,840 --> 01:19:47,880
Speaker 2: I'm turned off. There's so many young men here are

1577
01:19:48,000 --> 01:19:51,799
Speaker 2: like women are just throwing the blissy at me versus

1578
01:19:52,000 --> 01:19:53,720
Speaker 2: back in the day it was men worth, you know.

1579
01:19:53,760 --> 01:19:55,440
Speaker 3: What, tasing the cape.

1580
01:19:55,600 --> 01:19:57,760
Speaker 2: And that's a turn on for me. And you have

1581
01:19:57,840 --> 01:19:59,519
Speaker 2: the older men who are just kind of like, Look,

1582
01:20:00,000 --> 01:20:01,880
Speaker 2: it's kind of like you're saying, I'm working, I'm doing

1583
01:20:01,960 --> 01:20:03,479
Speaker 2: me and what you see is what you get. And

1584
01:20:03,600 --> 01:20:06,160
Speaker 2: I definitely want the intimacy as far as sex with you,

1585
01:20:06,479 --> 01:20:08,360
Speaker 2: but I'm not sure if I can commit. I'm not

1586
01:20:08,479 --> 01:20:11,479
Speaker 2: sure if my old ways will allow me to to

1587
01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:16,840
Speaker 2: you know, to maneuver or to transform into what's needed

1588
01:20:16,880 --> 01:20:20,479
Speaker 2: for a relationship. And you're finding studies have shown the

1589
01:20:20,560 --> 01:20:23,479
Speaker 2: older woman and younger guy is having the higher success

1590
01:20:23,600 --> 01:20:26,200
Speaker 2: rate when it comes to a healthy marriage and happens

1591
01:20:27,560 --> 01:20:30,200
Speaker 2: the older woman and younger man. They're finding that that

1592
01:20:30,520 --> 01:20:34,479
Speaker 2: that success rate has actually outdid the older man and

1593
01:20:34,560 --> 01:20:40,559
Speaker 2: younger women. And think about it, Shannon, though the older US,

1594
01:20:40,640 --> 01:20:44,280
Speaker 2: older women, we actually keep ourselves up a lot better

1595
01:20:44,360 --> 01:20:48,280
Speaker 2: than the generation of older women did prior to right,

1596
01:20:48,400 --> 01:20:50,679
Speaker 2: and so we are working out I mean, of course,

1597
01:20:50,720 --> 01:20:52,680
Speaker 2: there's other augmentations that can be done. And I'm not

1598
01:20:52,760 --> 01:20:54,800
Speaker 2: knocking nobody that women are willing to do. The self

1599
01:20:54,880 --> 01:20:57,600
Speaker 2: care is there. Women are taking care of their skin. Me.

1600
01:20:57,640 --> 01:20:59,840
Speaker 2: It's just it's a whole other world for women right

1601
01:20:59,840 --> 01:21:01,760
Speaker 2: now in the sense of how they keep themselves up.

1602
01:21:01,760 --> 01:21:05,760
Speaker 2: And so there is no competition for us when it

1603
01:21:05,800 --> 01:21:11,160
Speaker 2: comes to young women, because we really are those women

1604
01:21:11,240 --> 01:21:13,240
Speaker 2: like that thirty five to forty five, and I've even

1605
01:21:13,280 --> 01:21:17,320
Speaker 2: seen women at fifty five. I'm like this, what are

1606
01:21:17,400 --> 01:21:23,000
Speaker 2: you doing? And Tracy Ellis is one of them. Oh,

1607
01:21:23,680 --> 01:21:27,760
Speaker 2: most of the women who are gorgeous and so doing

1608
01:21:27,840 --> 01:21:31,200
Speaker 2: their thing and have that glow, they ain't been married

1609
01:21:31,200 --> 01:21:33,680
Speaker 2: and they don't have no kids. I'm just saying, I'm

1610
01:21:33,760 --> 01:21:40,719
Speaker 2: just saying, we out here glowing now, stressed out, very sexual,

1611
01:21:40,880 --> 01:21:45,360
Speaker 2: very happy, very loving, very rich, very well taken care

1612
01:21:45,400 --> 01:21:51,400
Speaker 2: of dating, no having our way, very happy. And I'm

1613
01:21:51,439 --> 01:21:54,160
Speaker 2: not saying that there's not happy marriages, because there are, sure,

1614
01:21:54,720 --> 01:22:01,320
Speaker 2: But when you choose from that place, you calibrate like minded,

1615
01:22:01,680 --> 01:22:05,240
Speaker 2: like vibrational energy, you're less likely to get somebody who

1616
01:22:05,400 --> 01:22:08,639
Speaker 2: is not happy, who's not healthy. You repel a man

1617
01:22:08,680 --> 01:22:11,200
Speaker 2: who's out there womanizing and doing certain things, because that

1618
01:22:11,360 --> 01:22:13,960
Speaker 2: man also knows he can't sustain that quality of women.

1619
01:22:15,720 --> 01:22:16,880
Speaker 3: Do you think men are lonely?

1620
01:22:18,160 --> 01:22:20,840
Speaker 2: I think men and women are lonely. I think both are.

1621
01:22:21,160 --> 01:22:24,600
Speaker 2: I think that again, we are in an over sexualized

1622
01:22:24,720 --> 01:22:29,960
Speaker 2: culture right now, and sex satisfies the flesh like it's

1623
01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:34,760
Speaker 2: been doing you. It doesn't satisfy the heart. Our satisfaction

1624
01:22:35,000 --> 01:22:38,439
Speaker 2: comes from the heart. The heart already knows what you want.

1625
01:22:39,360 --> 01:22:41,160
Speaker 2: Half of us just are too afraid to let it

1626
01:22:41,280 --> 01:22:44,120
Speaker 2: have that because we don't know how to navigate it

1627
01:22:44,320 --> 01:22:48,120
Speaker 2: at the mind intellectual space. But the heart is saying,

1628
01:22:48,200 --> 01:22:52,479
Speaker 2: but that right there is gonna make me fully complete,

1629
01:22:52,680 --> 01:22:55,840
Speaker 2: fully satisfied. Well, so yeah, I think people are just lonely.

1630
01:22:55,920 --> 01:22:58,719
Speaker 2: I think because folks are operating from this transactional space,

1631
01:22:59,200 --> 01:23:02,320
Speaker 2: and everything is transactional was either sex or you know,

1632
01:23:02,479 --> 01:23:07,800
Speaker 2: a bag, or prostitution or not, and there's no relational

1633
01:23:07,880 --> 01:23:13,360
Speaker 2: things happening. And I think relational experiences is what really

1634
01:23:13,520 --> 01:23:14,400
Speaker 2: makes the heart full.

1635
01:23:16,160 --> 01:23:20,920
Speaker 1: Michelle Obama Former First Lady Michelle Obama said America is

1636
01:23:20,960 --> 01:23:22,679
Speaker 1: not ready for a woman president just yet.

1637
01:23:23,120 --> 01:23:27,800
Speaker 3: So get out my face. Do you think America is

1638
01:23:27,800 --> 01:23:29,280
Speaker 3: ready for a woman's president.

1639
01:23:29,320 --> 01:23:32,320
Speaker 2: I don't think it matters what America's ready for. America

1640
01:23:32,400 --> 01:23:35,400
Speaker 2: thought they were ready for Trump, and obviously we were

1641
01:23:35,680 --> 01:23:38,400
Speaker 2: very unprepared and ready for this type of leadership. I

1642
01:23:38,479 --> 01:23:43,400
Speaker 2: think what America needs is a little younger leadership. I'm

1643
01:23:43,439 --> 01:23:45,080
Speaker 2: saying twenty or thirty. I'm just saying younger than like

1644
01:23:45,160 --> 01:23:50,400
Speaker 2: Biden or Trump, right, even if it's THEE it could

1645
01:23:50,400 --> 01:23:51,240
Speaker 2: be male or female.

1646
01:23:52,240 --> 01:23:54,679
Speaker 1: Bill Clinton is younger than both of the last presidents,

1647
01:23:54,720 --> 01:23:56,719
Speaker 1: and he was president twenty five years.

1648
01:23:56,479 --> 01:23:59,840
Speaker 2: Ago, right, and Obama was one of our youngest. Yes,

1649
01:24:01,160 --> 01:24:05,160
Speaker 2: and so but I think for the right woman, yes,

1650
01:24:06,080 --> 01:24:08,320
Speaker 2: and it could not be Michelle, but I love Michelle.

1651
01:24:08,840 --> 01:24:11,040
Speaker 2: But I think that what we do need is a

1652
01:24:11,120 --> 01:24:13,280
Speaker 2: change in leadership, and a woman would be a great

1653
01:24:13,400 --> 01:24:18,040
Speaker 2: changing leadership. And I do think that a woman leading

1654
01:24:18,280 --> 01:24:22,439
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that the leadership will be soft or the

1655
01:24:22,560 --> 01:24:25,200
Speaker 2: leadership will be less led. I think that for the

1656
01:24:25,280 --> 01:24:28,960
Speaker 2: first time in history, that leadership will be different than

1657
01:24:29,040 --> 01:24:31,560
Speaker 2: what we had. And if there is any time but

1658
01:24:31,760 --> 01:24:34,320
Speaker 2: now where we need different, this is the time.

1659
01:24:34,640 --> 01:24:39,080
Speaker 1: Well, at this current time, there's anybody can be president.

1660
01:24:39,240 --> 01:24:41,280
Speaker 1: There's not a political office that you can hope no

1661
01:24:41,400 --> 01:24:44,280
Speaker 1: matter whether you think you're qualified with, you're black, whether whatever,

1662
01:24:44,439 --> 01:24:48,840
Speaker 1: whatever your political affiliation is. What we've seen is that

1663
01:24:49,160 --> 01:24:51,920
Speaker 1: let me ask you this because I always because she's

1664
01:24:51,960 --> 01:24:55,760
Speaker 1: caught a lot of criticism online and I want to

1665
01:24:55,800 --> 01:24:58,320
Speaker 1: hear your expertise on what she's trying to say. I

1666
01:24:58,439 --> 01:25:02,320
Speaker 1: ushould carry because when she says that, man, I didn't

1667
01:25:02,320 --> 01:25:04,640
Speaker 1: really see myself as a wife. I was like in

1668
01:25:04,760 --> 01:25:07,320
Speaker 1: his career, I'm going to be this entrepreneur. I'm going

1669
01:25:07,400 --> 01:25:09,320
Speaker 1: to be this I don't think she said she didn't

1670
01:25:09,320 --> 01:25:10,080
Speaker 1: want she don't want.

1671
01:25:10,000 --> 01:25:10,400
Speaker 3: To be mad.

1672
01:25:10,520 --> 01:25:12,920
Speaker 1: She's upset that she mad Steph Curry and has this

1673
01:25:13,000 --> 01:25:16,760
Speaker 1: beautiful family. But what can you do? From what she's

1674
01:25:16,840 --> 01:25:19,240
Speaker 1: trying to say, what I heard.

1675
01:25:19,080 --> 01:25:21,920
Speaker 2: Which is exactly what you said, nothing more or less.

1676
01:25:22,600 --> 01:25:25,680
Speaker 2: And I just heard her. I heard her being a

1677
01:25:25,720 --> 01:25:29,200
Speaker 2: woman with the voice. And it's kind of when you said,

1678
01:25:29,240 --> 01:25:31,479
Speaker 2: how come women can have preference but men can't? Write

1679
01:25:31,520 --> 01:25:33,320
Speaker 2: from your experience in the world, and I can see that.

1680
01:25:33,479 --> 01:25:35,360
Speaker 2: I don't believe that to be true for me, but

1681
01:25:35,400 --> 01:25:38,280
Speaker 2: I can see that perspective society to leave with the constructs.

1682
01:25:38,960 --> 01:25:43,640
Speaker 2: When a woman speaks out against the societal norms of

1683
01:25:43,680 --> 01:25:45,800
Speaker 2: a woman being domesticatedor being a wife, of being a mama,

1684
01:25:46,360 --> 01:25:49,439
Speaker 2: then she sounds ungrateful for having this wonderful husband who's

1685
01:25:49,479 --> 01:25:52,719
Speaker 2: providing and taking care of her, because that is most

1686
01:25:52,800 --> 01:25:57,160
Speaker 2: women's dream dream, right, But there are other women like

1687
01:25:57,240 --> 01:25:59,760
Speaker 2: myself right and probably her too from what she said

1688
01:25:59,800 --> 01:26:02,760
Speaker 2: that their dreams are not limited to a position of

1689
01:26:02,800 --> 01:26:06,840
Speaker 2: a white arm and to just being this person's wife.

1690
01:26:07,360 --> 01:26:09,559
Speaker 2: And what I do understand her is that I told

1691
01:26:09,600 --> 01:26:12,000
Speaker 2: God earlier on my years, I said God, I would

1692
01:26:12,040 --> 01:26:13,720
Speaker 2: love to marry a man of affluence and a man

1693
01:26:13,720 --> 01:26:16,479
Speaker 2: who does well. But I don't want to be known

1694
01:26:16,600 --> 01:26:19,840
Speaker 2: ass just say Shannon's wife. I want to be known

1695
01:26:19,880 --> 01:26:22,280
Speaker 2: as like, this is Shannon Sharp, and you know this

1696
01:26:22,439 --> 01:26:24,599
Speaker 2: is Bryant hyphenated sharp.

1697
01:26:24,760 --> 01:26:27,800
Speaker 3: Oh so you will hyphenate the lab you know.

1698
01:26:28,040 --> 01:26:30,960
Speaker 2: I mean, I've already built this thing, and this is

1699
01:26:31,040 --> 01:26:34,559
Speaker 2: his wife, And people go, oh, I know exactly who

1700
01:26:34,560 --> 01:26:36,320
Speaker 2: you are. You're the one that producer, You're the doctor

1701
01:26:37,040 --> 01:26:39,719
Speaker 2: next to you, or if I introduced myself, oh that's Shannon,

1702
01:26:39,840 --> 01:26:41,360
Speaker 2: He's the Hall of Famer, Like he did your thing.

1703
01:26:41,439 --> 01:26:45,000
Speaker 2: We love your show power couple, right, And so I

1704
01:26:45,120 --> 01:26:50,320
Speaker 2: see her saying that she wanted to have what he

1705
01:26:50,640 --> 01:26:54,000
Speaker 2: had the luxury of having. He has a wonderful career,

1706
01:26:54,400 --> 01:26:57,320
Speaker 2: and he has a wonderful family. She has a wonderful family.

1707
01:26:58,000 --> 01:27:02,080
Speaker 2: How come she gets she gets deemed for saying but

1708
01:27:02,200 --> 01:27:05,920
Speaker 2: I want to have the same equality as my husband.

1709
01:27:06,240 --> 01:27:08,639
Speaker 2: All I'm saying is love being a mom and wife.

1710
01:27:08,840 --> 01:27:12,639
Speaker 2: Because she's obviously doing a damn good job obviously are great,

1711
01:27:12,800 --> 01:27:14,240
Speaker 2: But how come I can also want?

1712
01:27:14,240 --> 01:27:16,560
Speaker 3: Why can I have both? He has both? Why can't I?

1713
01:27:17,000 --> 01:27:18,400
Speaker 3: Why I got to be really and it has.

1714
01:27:18,400 --> 01:27:21,040
Speaker 2: Both because she sat at home and allowed him to

1715
01:27:21,120 --> 01:27:25,439
Speaker 2: build one and she built the other that she is

1716
01:27:25,640 --> 01:27:29,120
Speaker 2: allowing him to also take credit for because we know

1717
01:27:29,200 --> 01:27:30,360
Speaker 2: he been on the road nothing. He ain't been a

1718
01:27:30,400 --> 01:27:33,120
Speaker 2: great father. God loves Steph Curry. But what she's saying

1719
01:27:33,240 --> 01:27:35,120
Speaker 2: is I should be able to, now that my kids

1720
01:27:35,160 --> 01:27:36,960
Speaker 2: are thorough of age and kids look on and grown

1721
01:27:37,000 --> 01:27:39,439
Speaker 2: to me, go create what I want. And she did try.

1722
01:27:39,479 --> 01:27:44,560
Speaker 2: She started doing magazines in the past. She tried, and

1723
01:27:44,680 --> 01:27:46,720
Speaker 2: so I think there's nothing wrong with her saying. Look,

1724
01:27:46,760 --> 01:27:49,519
Speaker 2: I have aspirations too, and I'm not going to take

1725
01:27:49,560 --> 01:27:52,080
Speaker 2: away from what I've already been excelling at, but I'm

1726
01:27:52,120 --> 01:27:53,360
Speaker 2: also excellent at other things.

1727
01:27:53,680 --> 01:27:59,720
Speaker 1: We had two young men, black men, Kirine Lacey and

1728
01:28:00,040 --> 01:28:03,760
Speaker 1: and marsh On Neelan, and we kind of briefly touched

1729
01:28:03,800 --> 01:28:07,680
Speaker 1: on it, not those guys specifically, but mental health in

1730
01:28:07,800 --> 01:28:12,880
Speaker 1: the black community. Do you think there were signs that

1731
01:28:13,040 --> 01:28:15,360
Speaker 1: these young men were dealing with something? It comes to

1732
01:28:15,400 --> 01:28:19,320
Speaker 1: find out. I think the police and Louisiana said something

1733
01:28:19,360 --> 01:28:21,760
Speaker 1: about he caused an accident that called someone in his life,

1734
01:28:22,160 --> 01:28:24,360
Speaker 1: and the reports about he was about to get indeted,

1735
01:28:24,439 --> 01:28:28,080
Speaker 1: and and it was just overwhelming. Neeland just had scored

1736
01:28:28,120 --> 01:28:30,639
Speaker 1: his first touchdown on a Monday night game and then

1737
01:28:30,640 --> 01:28:33,280
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, his girlfriend is calling frantically saying,

1738
01:28:33,280 --> 01:28:33,960
Speaker 1: He's gonna end it.

1739
01:28:34,080 --> 01:28:34,800
Speaker 3: He's gonna end it.

1740
01:28:36,080 --> 01:28:37,680
Speaker 1: What is what with?

1741
01:28:37,840 --> 01:28:39,840
Speaker 3: They asked with the black athletes.

1742
01:28:39,439 --> 01:28:42,519
Speaker 1: And mental health, because I think now more guys are

1743
01:28:42,520 --> 01:28:44,760
Speaker 1: getting more black to speak to that, because this is

1744
01:28:44,800 --> 01:28:47,280
Speaker 1: our community, are starting to get in touch with their emotions,

1745
01:28:47,360 --> 01:28:49,320
Speaker 1: starting to get in touch. Not as much as not

1746
01:28:49,920 --> 01:28:52,760
Speaker 1: probably more need to, but we are starting to see

1747
01:28:52,800 --> 01:28:57,000
Speaker 1: that shift where black men are not so rigid and like, man,

1748
01:28:57,040 --> 01:28:59,320
Speaker 1: I don't need I'm fine, I can, I can, I'm

1749
01:28:59,720 --> 01:29:01,840
Speaker 1: my daddy didn't do it, my grandfather didn't do it.

1750
01:29:02,240 --> 01:29:04,879
Speaker 3: What do you think called the shift?

1751
01:29:05,600 --> 01:29:08,320
Speaker 1: And how can we prevent the Marshaw Kneeland and the

1752
01:29:08,360 --> 01:29:09,439
Speaker 1: kairaen Lacy's situation.

1753
01:29:09,800 --> 01:29:13,760
Speaker 2: You said something really really, really really primal. You said

1754
01:29:14,200 --> 01:29:16,240
Speaker 2: that back in the day, black men would just pretty

1755
01:29:16,320 --> 01:29:18,800
Speaker 2: much shove their emotions down right and they would not

1756
01:29:18,920 --> 01:29:20,640
Speaker 2: allow them to come up, so they didn't have to

1757
01:29:20,680 --> 01:29:22,519
Speaker 2: see them or face them, which means they didn't have

1758
01:29:22,600 --> 01:29:25,840
Speaker 2: to feel them. Right, the suicide rate was way lower

1759
01:29:25,920 --> 01:29:30,400
Speaker 2: than the suicide rate is high now because you just said,

1760
01:29:30,439 --> 01:29:34,160
Speaker 2: Black men are getting more in contact with what their emotions,

1761
01:29:35,160 --> 01:29:38,360
Speaker 2: that emotion that's tied to trauma, that emotion that is

1762
01:29:38,479 --> 01:29:44,320
Speaker 2: tied to pain, and when that comes up, they have

1763
01:29:44,479 --> 01:29:47,120
Speaker 2: to feel it and they have to face it, and

1764
01:29:47,200 --> 01:29:50,519
Speaker 2: when there's no place to dump it or place it,

1765
01:29:51,439 --> 01:29:55,720
Speaker 2: then they eat it and it internalizes. Anything that we

1766
01:29:55,840 --> 01:29:59,360
Speaker 2: internalize at some point is going to externalize in some

1767
01:30:00,280 --> 01:30:03,280
Speaker 2: form of action, whether it's them ending up in jail

1768
01:30:03,280 --> 01:30:05,960
Speaker 2: because they beat the shit out of somebody, domestic violence,

1769
01:30:05,960 --> 01:30:08,120
Speaker 2: which is a big one in sport, especially the NFL,

1770
01:30:09,720 --> 01:30:14,960
Speaker 2: or suicide unfortunately right our deep depression and so I

1771
01:30:15,040 --> 01:30:18,400
Speaker 2: think that what needs to happen is what I am

1772
01:30:19,439 --> 01:30:22,920
Speaker 2: so honored to be able to provide, like I said,

1773
01:30:22,960 --> 01:30:26,720
Speaker 2: with the Stillers and the Browns, with the players, a

1774
01:30:26,800 --> 01:30:30,800
Speaker 2: safe space where I am allowing them to not just

1775
01:30:30,880 --> 01:30:33,800
Speaker 2: feel what they feel, but externalize it, and I'm holding

1776
01:30:33,840 --> 01:30:37,400
Speaker 2: space for that, and I'm helping them feel it and

1777
01:30:37,600 --> 01:30:41,640
Speaker 2: understand what those emotions are and also teaching them what

1778
01:30:41,800 --> 01:30:45,720
Speaker 2: to do with those emotions. For example, there's one of

1779
01:30:45,760 --> 01:30:49,360
Speaker 2: the young players has some emotions around his family using him,

1780
01:30:50,439 --> 01:30:53,439
Speaker 2: and there's some addiction involved in different stuff right within

1781
01:30:53,520 --> 01:30:57,120
Speaker 2: his his parents, and he has a lot of emotions

1782
01:30:57,160 --> 01:31:00,320
Speaker 2: behind that about him being used. But he also hass

1783
01:31:00,360 --> 01:31:03,120
Speaker 2: behind him saying no, because guilt comes in right, because

1784
01:31:03,160 --> 01:31:06,879
Speaker 2: there's a sense in the black community entitlement, I'm supposed

1785
01:31:06,880 --> 01:31:08,760
Speaker 2: to take care of my family no matter even if

1786
01:31:08,760 --> 01:31:09,800
Speaker 2: they didn't help me or.

1787
01:31:09,800 --> 01:31:10,760
Speaker 4: Do for me, you know.

1788
01:31:10,840 --> 01:31:13,800
Speaker 2: Otherwise I'm looked at as what the sellout or the

1789
01:31:13,880 --> 01:31:16,080
Speaker 2: dude who didn't do nothing for no one. And so

1790
01:31:16,479 --> 01:31:18,840
Speaker 2: he's dealing with the duality of I'm being used and

1791
01:31:18,920 --> 01:31:21,400
Speaker 2: it feels horrible right to be taken advantage of by

1792
01:31:21,479 --> 01:31:24,120
Speaker 2: my parents who did nothing for me. But I feel

1793
01:31:24,160 --> 01:31:26,920
Speaker 2: guilty when I say no. So what I mean by

1794
01:31:27,000 --> 01:31:29,680
Speaker 2: helping him is helping him identify those emotions and then

1795
01:31:29,760 --> 01:31:33,839
Speaker 2: teaching him how to set boundaries that help him regulate

1796
01:31:33,920 --> 01:31:36,519
Speaker 2: his emotions. See, boundaries are not for people, They're for us,

1797
01:31:37,280 --> 01:31:41,439
Speaker 2: and they are emotional regulators, which says, look, mom, dad,

1798
01:31:41,439 --> 01:31:44,559
Speaker 2: I'm going to give you this amount of month. That's

1799
01:31:44,600 --> 01:31:47,559
Speaker 2: all you get. After that, him and I are still

1800
01:31:47,640 --> 01:31:49,960
Speaker 2: working on what the guilt that comes from when they

1801
01:31:50,040 --> 01:31:52,479
Speaker 2: ask for more him saying no. That may sound like

1802
01:31:52,520 --> 01:31:55,280
Speaker 2: a small problem to people, but to your point, that

1803
01:31:55,640 --> 01:31:59,840
Speaker 2: small problem to us puts that boy in a dark

1804
01:32:00,040 --> 01:32:02,800
Speaker 2: face of depression. And if we don't see that sign

1805
01:32:03,240 --> 01:32:07,000
Speaker 2: as big because it's small to us, that suicidal ideation

1806
01:32:07,520 --> 01:32:10,880
Speaker 2: can turn into the act of suicide, and depression turns

1807
01:32:10,920 --> 01:32:14,559
Speaker 2: into suicidal ideation. And so my job, and I feel

1808
01:32:14,600 --> 01:32:16,400
Speaker 2: like it should be all of our jobs, I mean

1809
01:32:16,560 --> 01:32:18,439
Speaker 2: every human, because mental health is a human right, not

1810
01:32:18,600 --> 01:32:20,639
Speaker 2: just a one race or gender right, but especially within

1811
01:32:20,680 --> 01:32:23,120
Speaker 2: our black community. Is what I said early on The

1812
01:32:23,280 --> 01:32:25,400
Speaker 2: check ins need to be deeper than just you good

1813
01:32:26,080 --> 01:32:29,960
Speaker 2: when you know they're not good. Right, stop asking people

1814
01:32:30,040 --> 01:32:34,160
Speaker 2: that what's going on with you? Talk to me or

1815
01:32:34,240 --> 01:32:38,040
Speaker 2: talk to somebody else. I'm not leaving until you talk. No,

1816
01:32:38,200 --> 01:32:40,559
Speaker 2: I'm gonna sit here until you express something. I'm gonna

1817
01:32:40,560 --> 01:32:43,000
Speaker 2: call you. I'm on my way. Well, let's take a drive, Well,

1818
01:32:43,040 --> 01:32:45,439
Speaker 2: let's go have cough, let's go have tea, let's watch

1819
01:32:45,479 --> 01:32:48,360
Speaker 2: a movie. Right, those things have to be where we

1820
01:32:48,560 --> 01:32:50,840
Speaker 2: show more care and compassion. Right, I have to do

1821
01:32:50,880 --> 01:32:52,640
Speaker 2: it with the guys them guys sitting there, and a

1822
01:32:52,680 --> 01:32:54,320
Speaker 2: lot of them are just like you can tell. It's

1823
01:32:54,360 --> 01:32:56,759
Speaker 2: at the tip of their tongue. And I'm still pushing

1824
01:32:56,800 --> 01:33:00,960
Speaker 2: and pushing and poking. I even sometimes properly confront them

1825
01:33:01,320 --> 01:33:03,680
Speaker 2: and say things that are completely rude enough that I

1826
01:33:03,800 --> 01:33:05,840
Speaker 2: know will trigger them, because if I can trigger the

1827
01:33:05,880 --> 01:33:08,720
Speaker 2: emotion to come out, then we got it to be externalized.

1828
01:33:08,840 --> 01:33:11,920
Speaker 2: I just needed to come out, needed to come out,

1829
01:33:12,240 --> 01:33:14,320
Speaker 2: and I need you to know what's okay. So we

1830
01:33:14,479 --> 01:33:17,679
Speaker 2: have to start creating safer spaces for our loved ones.

1831
01:33:17,880 --> 01:33:19,519
Speaker 2: And loved ones don't mean someone you live in a

1832
01:33:19,520 --> 01:33:20,840
Speaker 2: house with all you love. I'm talking about you see

1833
01:33:20,840 --> 01:33:22,880
Speaker 2: someone on the street. You just a loving person that

1834
01:33:23,280 --> 01:33:25,479
Speaker 2: looks like us. The check in should be there. When

1835
01:33:25,520 --> 01:33:28,040
Speaker 2: I see a man get off the plane with a

1836
01:33:28,160 --> 01:33:30,519
Speaker 2: cane and he's a black, older man, I have waited

1837
01:33:30,800 --> 01:33:33,080
Speaker 2: next to him until his wheelchair came and said I'm

1838
01:33:33,080 --> 01:33:35,600
Speaker 2: gonna wait with you, and he goes you are. But

1839
01:33:35,760 --> 01:33:38,120
Speaker 2: that's just me checking in with this older black man

1840
01:33:38,600 --> 01:33:41,720
Speaker 2: because you're here with nobody. So I am responsible as

1841
01:33:41,720 --> 01:33:43,600
Speaker 2: a black woman to sit here and make sure you

1842
01:33:43,680 --> 01:33:45,680
Speaker 2: are cared for, because I'm going to take on that

1843
01:33:45,760 --> 01:33:50,240
Speaker 2: responsibility and that little waiting for him made that man's

1844
01:33:50,280 --> 01:33:52,559
Speaker 2: whole year. Yeah, he kept looking at me and he goes,

1845
01:33:52,600 --> 01:33:55,320
Speaker 2: you're just an angel. No, I'm a human that's trying

1846
01:33:55,320 --> 01:33:58,760
Speaker 2: to do shit right. And I respect my elders and

1847
01:33:58,840 --> 01:34:00,400
Speaker 2: I would want someone to do it from my father

1848
01:34:00,560 --> 01:34:02,720
Speaker 2: or my grandfather or my husband. So I'm gonna do

1849
01:34:02,760 --> 01:34:04,639
Speaker 2: it for you. So we have to do them checkings.

1850
01:34:04,800 --> 01:34:08,320
Speaker 2: You said, were there signs? There's always signs, And I'm

1851
01:34:08,360 --> 01:34:11,200
Speaker 2: not blaming the loved ones, I promise I'm not. But

1852
01:34:11,360 --> 01:34:13,519
Speaker 2: we do have to be accountable because I'm telling you

1853
01:34:14,479 --> 01:34:19,639
Speaker 2: we see signs, we are too busy to get involved

1854
01:34:20,720 --> 01:34:22,880
Speaker 2: or them in the same thing he'd been doing for

1855
01:34:22,960 --> 01:34:25,120
Speaker 2: the past four or five years. He'd been doing that

1856
01:34:25,240 --> 01:34:28,280
Speaker 2: since he was thirteen, but he been dark since he

1857
01:34:28,439 --> 01:34:30,960
Speaker 2: was thirteen, right, And you've been doing the same thing

1858
01:34:31,040 --> 01:34:33,960
Speaker 2: you've been doing since he'd been thirteen, just letting it

1859
01:34:34,080 --> 01:34:36,240
Speaker 2: do what it does, letting him get back on the

1860
01:34:36,280 --> 01:34:39,880
Speaker 2: football field. And you know, because you play ball a

1861
01:34:39,960 --> 01:34:42,320
Speaker 2: lot of these kids, specially these black kids. I'm learning

1862
01:34:42,360 --> 01:34:44,240
Speaker 2: from working with the NFL so close now from a

1863
01:34:44,280 --> 01:34:50,639
Speaker 2: mental health expert standpoint, the black boys don't have supportive families.

1864
01:34:51,360 --> 01:34:56,320
Speaker 2: They have entitle families. You not saying you hadn't title family,

1865
01:34:56,400 --> 01:34:58,599
Speaker 2: but you had a family that you took out of poverty,

1866
01:34:58,680 --> 01:35:00,320
Speaker 2: so you get it. Am I saying they're in title?

1867
01:35:00,400 --> 01:35:02,639
Speaker 2: But you went back and still gave it to them

1868
01:35:02,960 --> 01:35:05,240
Speaker 2: as though it was your duty. And I'm not saying

1869
01:35:05,280 --> 01:35:08,280
Speaker 2: it wasn't, but you did that like it was your duty.

1870
01:35:08,880 --> 01:35:13,680
Speaker 2: These black young men, Chador is an anomaly. Yeah, he

1871
01:35:13,840 --> 01:35:17,000
Speaker 2: is an anomaly, a very blessed young man to have that.

1872
01:35:17,080 --> 01:35:20,320
Speaker 2: Oh yes, those boys don't have that. And I'm calling

1873
01:35:20,360 --> 01:35:22,639
Speaker 2: them boys because they are in they twenties, they twenty two.

1874
01:35:22,680 --> 01:35:25,200
Speaker 2: They think like boys, they make a decision. They don't

1875
01:35:25,320 --> 01:35:29,400
Speaker 2: have that support. And the NFL needs to do a

1876
01:35:29,439 --> 01:35:31,840
Speaker 2: better job, which they are. Thank you for having me

1877
01:35:31,920 --> 01:35:34,439
Speaker 2: be a part of your doing better job of mental health,

1878
01:35:34,960 --> 01:35:39,519
Speaker 2: of having the means in there and the ones that

1879
01:35:39,640 --> 01:35:42,400
Speaker 2: look like me in there to help these young men,

1880
01:35:42,640 --> 01:35:45,439
Speaker 2: because see, I represent more than just doctor Brian to them.

1881
01:35:46,000 --> 01:35:48,479
Speaker 2: I'm black and I'm woman. I represent their mama who

1882
01:35:48,560 --> 01:35:51,280
Speaker 2: they never had. I represent their mama who using them

1883
01:35:51,360 --> 01:35:54,760
Speaker 2: right now. I represent sometimes the mama who abused them.

1884
01:35:55,160 --> 01:35:58,800
Speaker 2: I represent the mother who they despise who they are

1885
01:35:58,880 --> 01:36:02,080
Speaker 2: resistant toward, and when they get a different experience of

1886
01:36:02,240 --> 01:36:06,080
Speaker 2: me being a black woman, it changes everything in them.

1887
01:36:06,680 --> 01:36:08,200
Speaker 2: And the way I'm able to love on them, the

1888
01:36:08,200 --> 01:36:11,000
Speaker 2: way I'm able to pour into them and not judge

1889
01:36:12,360 --> 01:36:14,960
Speaker 2: but hold space for them, is what they need. If

1890
01:36:15,000 --> 01:36:18,760
Speaker 2: you would have seen their reaction, let me tell you this,

1891
01:36:19,160 --> 01:36:24,800
Speaker 2: the session was so vulnerable Shannon that the director had

1892
01:36:24,840 --> 01:36:27,040
Speaker 2: to stop them and say, dot gotta go. I didn't.

1893
01:36:27,280 --> 01:36:28,680
Speaker 2: I would have stayed out. I love what I do.

1894
01:36:29,040 --> 01:36:31,479
Speaker 2: But some of the dudes was getting out their chair

1895
01:36:31,520 --> 01:36:33,439
Speaker 2: and walking out, like not walk over, but get up

1896
01:36:33,479 --> 01:36:37,040
Speaker 2: like you I just did. One guy walked up and said, Yo,

1897
01:36:37,560 --> 01:36:40,320
Speaker 2: this is not her talking, this is spirit talking, like

1898
01:36:40,400 --> 01:36:44,280
Speaker 2: as though it took him to church. That showed how

1899
01:36:44,360 --> 01:36:48,680
Speaker 2: his spirit was moved in that session. Those young men

1900
01:36:48,920 --> 01:36:51,560
Speaker 2: not only need it, but they deserve it at the

1901
01:36:51,680 --> 01:36:55,840
Speaker 2: level that they are playing in that league and the

1902
01:36:55,960 --> 01:36:59,200
Speaker 2: fact that the league is starting to care more, or

1903
01:36:59,200 --> 01:37:01,599
Speaker 2: at least the staff that's working for the league is saying, yo,

1904
01:37:01,680 --> 01:37:04,599
Speaker 2: I'm working close, especially the player development directors. Those are

1905
01:37:04,600 --> 01:37:06,560
Speaker 2: the ones ye you know, shout out to Ron in

1906
01:37:06,680 --> 01:37:09,720
Speaker 2: n d Y. Them dudes are changing lives in there

1907
01:37:10,600 --> 01:37:13,400
Speaker 2: and they're working next to these players, and they're seeing

1908
01:37:13,479 --> 01:37:16,320
Speaker 2: the hardships of these players. They're knowing when someone's grieving

1909
01:37:16,360 --> 01:37:19,320
Speaker 2: because their mom just died, and they coming in there

1910
01:37:19,720 --> 01:37:21,439
Speaker 2: and all they can and they all they can do

1911
01:37:21,600 --> 01:37:26,160
Speaker 2: is perform because football is performative. It's performative. And then

1912
01:37:26,200 --> 01:37:28,360
Speaker 2: you got family who wants you to perform too. What's

1913
01:37:28,400 --> 01:37:31,360
Speaker 2: your money. So that's how you end up breeding men

1914
01:37:31,520 --> 01:37:34,640
Speaker 2: like you who's just performative and transactional and ain't got

1915
01:37:34,880 --> 01:37:38,560
Speaker 2: no space for the heart. Love you to death, but

1916
01:37:38,680 --> 01:37:40,920
Speaker 2: we don't want a gang of Shanna sharks running around

1917
01:37:40,960 --> 01:37:43,240
Speaker 2: from that capacity. Now, the shit you do, that's good.

1918
01:37:43,280 --> 01:37:43,840
Speaker 1: Here we do.

1919
01:37:44,520 --> 01:37:47,840
Speaker 2: But from the place of being disconnected from yourself as

1920
01:37:47,880 --> 01:37:51,200
Speaker 2: a man, are the heart space. We don't want that

1921
01:37:51,360 --> 01:37:54,240
Speaker 2: because then we don't get husbands. We don't get my

1922
01:37:54,360 --> 01:37:55,840
Speaker 2: saying you're not a good father. But we don't get

1923
01:37:55,920 --> 01:37:59,960
Speaker 2: fully in ghosts, involved fathers. We don't get families, we

1924
01:38:00,040 --> 01:38:03,120
Speaker 2: don't get the real wealth, we get detachment, we get transactional.

1925
01:38:03,160 --> 01:38:05,639
Speaker 2: We get someone who can perform. And so because all

1926
01:38:05,720 --> 01:38:06,960
Speaker 2: you can do is that all you want to do

1927
01:38:07,000 --> 01:38:09,280
Speaker 2: is be able to perform in my body, and that

1928
01:38:09,320 --> 01:38:11,720
Speaker 2: ain't good enough. And now what I love about our

1929
01:38:11,720 --> 01:38:14,680
Speaker 2: sisters are we're saying we're not gonna settle for that,

1930
01:38:15,800 --> 01:38:19,280
Speaker 2: So y'all gotta come better, which is I believe also

1931
01:38:19,640 --> 01:38:24,719
Speaker 2: what has caused y'all to have to become more vulnerable

1932
01:38:24,960 --> 01:38:27,360
Speaker 2: and get in contact with your emotions, because we are

1933
01:38:27,439 --> 01:38:30,080
Speaker 2: now holding y'all to a higher standard and saying that

1934
01:38:30,280 --> 01:38:33,519
Speaker 2: although we love and go have y'all back, we need

1935
01:38:33,640 --> 01:38:36,800
Speaker 2: more than just performance from you. We need more than

1936
01:38:36,920 --> 01:38:38,719
Speaker 2: just y'all taking care of us and paying the bills.

1937
01:38:38,920 --> 01:38:41,479
Speaker 2: We need you present. We need your pain, we need

1938
01:38:41,520 --> 01:38:44,680
Speaker 2: your trauma, and we are strong enough and big enough

1939
01:38:44,720 --> 01:38:47,599
Speaker 2: black women to hold space facilitate them like we've been

1940
01:38:47,680 --> 01:38:50,360
Speaker 2: doing this entire time and we will continue to do it,

1941
01:38:50,880 --> 01:38:52,519
Speaker 2: and y'all have to just allow us to do it.

1942
01:38:52,600 --> 01:38:56,920
Speaker 2: But I can say this, the emotions that these black

1943
01:38:56,960 --> 01:38:59,760
Speaker 2: men are now coming in contact with and not having

1944
01:38:59,800 --> 01:39:03,479
Speaker 2: a place to dump it, it's causing depression because what

1945
01:39:03,640 --> 01:39:06,360
Speaker 2: do you do with the emotions that you don't understand

1946
01:39:06,800 --> 01:39:08,840
Speaker 2: and that you didn't see your father process. He didn't

1947
01:39:08,840 --> 01:39:11,280
Speaker 2: show you how to process them because to your point,

1948
01:39:11,400 --> 01:39:15,160
Speaker 2: he shoved them right, but you feeling them and so

1949
01:39:15,320 --> 01:39:16,639
Speaker 2: even if you went to him, what does he tell

1950
01:39:16,640 --> 01:39:20,760
Speaker 2: you suck that shit up? Or I just kept pushing son,

1951
01:39:21,400 --> 01:39:24,439
Speaker 2: this is what you did. Work, son, work, catch a ball,

1952
01:39:26,080 --> 01:39:29,679
Speaker 2: Just slide through, sticky move son, don't don't, don't commit.

1953
01:39:30,960 --> 01:39:33,479
Speaker 2: It's safe in the transactional world. It's not safe over

1954
01:39:33,520 --> 01:39:38,280
Speaker 2: their son because if you don't tell him that, he's

1955
01:39:38,280 --> 01:39:41,519
Speaker 2: still gonna see it. So it's learned behavior either way.

1956
01:39:42,479 --> 01:39:44,200
Speaker 2: And so there is a gap and I'll wrap them

1957
01:39:44,240 --> 01:39:47,040
Speaker 2: that there's a gap between the men of who are

1958
01:39:47,120 --> 01:39:49,960
Speaker 2: men's men. I love that y'all. Y'all your age range

1959
01:39:50,040 --> 01:39:52,360
Speaker 2: are just man's man. That's sexy in itself, but it's

1960
01:39:52,439 --> 01:39:56,760
Speaker 2: but y'all have no emotional fucking attachment or intelligence or

1961
01:39:56,840 --> 01:40:00,920
Speaker 2: heart and space. It's like, yo, hello. So there's a

1962
01:40:00,960 --> 01:40:04,519
Speaker 2: gap between y'all right and the younger generation, right, and

1963
01:40:04,760 --> 01:40:07,960
Speaker 2: how you both process emotions. Absolutely, y'all see them, and

1964
01:40:08,000 --> 01:40:09,559
Speaker 2: I'm saying you have the minute. Y'all see them as

1965
01:40:09,640 --> 01:40:12,519
Speaker 2: soft sometimes and they see y'all as old and stuck

1966
01:40:12,560 --> 01:40:15,280
Speaker 2: in your ways and don't know nothing and just stern.

1967
01:40:15,960 --> 01:40:19,320
Speaker 2: And there's that in between of who is teaching them

1968
01:40:20,120 --> 01:40:22,320
Speaker 2: when they don't know because they've never done it how

1969
01:40:22,400 --> 01:40:25,639
Speaker 2: to process their emotions so it doesn't become a mental

1970
01:40:25,680 --> 01:40:28,400
Speaker 2: health illness, and we don't continue to have these beautiful

1971
01:40:28,439 --> 01:40:31,160
Speaker 2: young men like these two men who had a hell

1972
01:40:31,200 --> 01:40:34,000
Speaker 2: of a day one day and then all of a sudden,

1973
01:40:34,640 --> 01:40:36,519
Speaker 2: it's dark. It's the worst day of your life. And

1974
01:40:36,600 --> 01:40:40,240
Speaker 2: you cannot tell me that that happened within that most

1975
01:40:40,320 --> 01:40:43,240
Speaker 2: time frame. It did not. There was conversations that that

1976
01:40:43,320 --> 01:40:46,640
Speaker 2: girlfriend heard, There was things that were said, and oftentimes

1977
01:40:47,000 --> 01:40:49,320
Speaker 2: loved ones don't know how to respond because you also

1978
01:40:50,000 --> 01:40:53,640
Speaker 2: don't want to take the wrong action and trigger it right.

1979
01:40:54,640 --> 01:40:59,400
Speaker 2: So it's sometimes a hard position for everybody. But the

1980
01:40:59,479 --> 01:41:01,840
Speaker 2: best thing you can do is to get that person help,

1981
01:41:02,520 --> 01:41:05,320
Speaker 2: whether it's calling the police to do a wellness check.

1982
01:41:05,680 --> 01:41:07,519
Speaker 2: And that is so hard because in our black community

1983
01:41:07,560 --> 01:41:10,400
Speaker 2: we don't do what. We ain't call no police or

1984
01:41:11,120 --> 01:41:12,880
Speaker 2: make a doctor's appointment and say, hey, he just needs

1985
01:41:12,880 --> 01:41:15,240
Speaker 2: a wellness check. You can call the school that they're at,

1986
01:41:15,320 --> 01:41:17,640
Speaker 2: the school psychologist if it's school, if it's college. You

1987
01:41:17,680 --> 01:41:19,160
Speaker 2: can even call up to the NFL and say, yo,

1988
01:41:19,200 --> 01:41:21,120
Speaker 2: I think something's going on, do a wellness check. They

1989
01:41:21,200 --> 01:41:23,840
Speaker 2: have psychiatrists and therapists that are on site that are

1990
01:41:23,920 --> 01:41:26,080
Speaker 2: supposed to be working for what they pay them to do.

1991
01:41:27,080 --> 01:41:29,479
Speaker 3: This is your your first book, correct?

1992
01:41:29,760 --> 01:41:32,040
Speaker 2: So that's my first book I wrote in twenty fourteen.

1993
01:41:32,600 --> 01:41:35,519
Speaker 2: It's called d Talks. Yeah, and it did so well

1994
01:41:36,240 --> 01:41:39,519
Speaker 2: that hay House Random House, my publisher, the biggest sam

1995
01:41:39,520 --> 01:41:41,960
Speaker 2: public publisher coming in the world. Shout out to hay House.

1996
01:41:42,640 --> 01:41:45,200
Speaker 2: They picked that book book up adition to my new

1997
01:41:45,280 --> 01:41:47,439
Speaker 2: book and said, you know what, we want to redo

1998
01:41:47,560 --> 01:41:50,280
Speaker 2: that and add a workbook component to it because it

1999
01:41:50,400 --> 01:41:53,360
Speaker 2: has been so life changing and I self published and

2000
01:41:53,479 --> 01:41:57,040
Speaker 2: it sold. It just sold, I mean literally sold off

2001
01:41:57,040 --> 01:41:58,960
Speaker 2: the shelves as a self publisher, so they picked it up.

2002
01:41:59,000 --> 01:42:02,920
Speaker 2: I added a workbook component and we added more new

2003
01:42:02,960 --> 01:42:05,840
Speaker 2: information to it because I'm twenty twenty five, I'm a

2004
01:42:05,880 --> 01:42:06,280
Speaker 2: new woman.

2005
01:42:06,320 --> 01:42:09,080
Speaker 1: I got you know, new tools and yeah, you say,

2006
01:42:09,120 --> 01:42:11,920
Speaker 1: fifty fifty cent help you, la La?

2007
01:42:12,320 --> 01:42:17,720
Speaker 3: Anthony growte the preface, the forward. Excuse me for what

2008
01:42:17,960 --> 01:42:20,479
Speaker 3: is what can we expect for people that haven't read it?

2009
01:42:21,280 --> 01:42:22,559
Speaker 3: What is mental detox?

2010
01:42:23,120 --> 01:42:23,439
Speaker 4: It is?

2011
01:42:24,080 --> 01:42:26,360
Speaker 2: It teaches you how to detox your mind of negative thinking,

2012
01:42:27,280 --> 01:42:29,040
Speaker 2: of your three part house, how you think, how you feel,

2013
01:42:29,040 --> 01:42:30,519
Speaker 2: how you behave in those things that don't serve you

2014
01:42:30,840 --> 01:42:32,920
Speaker 2: that have only been putting you in positions that breed

2015
01:42:33,000 --> 01:42:34,960
Speaker 2: results that you don't want. Right, So, when we do

2016
01:42:35,120 --> 01:42:37,160
Speaker 2: things with an intention of what we want and we

2017
01:42:37,280 --> 01:42:39,879
Speaker 2: reach a different goal, that's called out of alignment. Manifestion

2018
01:42:39,920 --> 01:42:43,640
Speaker 2: doesn't manifestation doesn't take place in that space of disalignment.

2019
01:42:44,040 --> 01:42:45,840
Speaker 2: And so it talks about that. It talks about the

2020
01:42:45,880 --> 01:42:48,640
Speaker 2: lover's garden, how you show up emotionally within yourself so

2021
01:42:48,720 --> 01:42:51,120
Speaker 2: that you can actually connect confused with somebody else. It

2022
01:42:51,200 --> 01:42:54,439
Speaker 2: talks about the professional garden. So we use a guarden

2023
01:42:54,439 --> 01:42:56,479
Speaker 2: metaphor and they're the professional garden of how you show

2024
01:42:56,560 --> 01:42:58,200
Speaker 2: up at work and how it impacts you. How you

2025
01:42:58,240 --> 01:43:01,280
Speaker 2: can optimize yourself by making sure that your thoughts and

2026
01:43:01,320 --> 01:43:04,439
Speaker 2: your mind and your mental health is impaired and not

2027
01:43:05,479 --> 01:43:07,920
Speaker 2: having impairments. And so we talk about all that and

2028
01:43:08,000 --> 01:43:11,599
Speaker 2: we cover i mean, everything from how you process your emotions,

2029
01:43:11,640 --> 01:43:15,000
Speaker 2: emotion intelligence, you bring about what you think about. You

2030
01:43:15,120 --> 01:43:17,920
Speaker 2: have domination over your thoughts. All you have to do

2031
01:43:18,040 --> 01:43:19,760
Speaker 2: is possess it. A lot of us are letting our

2032
01:43:19,800 --> 01:43:22,120
Speaker 2: thoughts dominate us. And our mind is here to serve

2033
01:43:22,240 --> 01:43:25,040
Speaker 2: us and we are serving it. And how do you

2034
01:43:25,439 --> 01:43:27,640
Speaker 2: allow your mind to serve you like it's supposed to

2035
01:43:28,080 --> 01:43:30,200
Speaker 2: as a man think it, so is he We said

2036
01:43:30,240 --> 01:43:32,479
Speaker 2: that earlier, and so we have to be very aware

2037
01:43:32,560 --> 01:43:36,640
Speaker 2: of what we're thinking, and you work backwards, right, what

2038
01:43:36,920 --> 01:43:39,000
Speaker 2: do I want to be? How do I want to

2039
01:43:39,040 --> 01:43:39,400
Speaker 2: show up?

2040
01:43:39,640 --> 01:43:39,760
Speaker 3: Then?

2041
01:43:39,800 --> 01:43:42,760
Speaker 2: What thoughts do I need to think? So that that

2042
01:43:42,920 --> 01:43:46,479
Speaker 2: person is curated? Another thing, the Bible says you can

2043
01:43:46,560 --> 01:43:49,160
Speaker 2: tell a tree by the fruit that it bears, And

2044
01:43:49,240 --> 01:43:51,559
Speaker 2: so I talk about, well, we first have to figure

2045
01:43:51,560 --> 01:43:53,720
Speaker 2: out what fruit we want to bear. People are trying

2046
01:43:53,720 --> 01:43:55,760
Speaker 2: to figure out what tree they want to be or

2047
01:43:55,840 --> 01:43:57,599
Speaker 2: what seed to plant. It's like, wait a minute, well,

2048
01:43:57,920 --> 01:43:59,479
Speaker 2: how do you know what seed to plant? If you

2049
01:43:59,479 --> 01:44:01,559
Speaker 2: don't know the fruit you want to bear. That's where

2050
01:44:01,720 --> 01:44:05,519
Speaker 2: exposure to environments is important. That's where choosing someone with

2051
01:44:05,640 --> 01:44:08,320
Speaker 2: wisdom and not experience is important. Because if I'm hearing

2052
01:44:08,800 --> 01:44:13,200
Speaker 2: your wisdom and it's getting me what I like, then

2053
01:44:13,200 --> 01:44:16,160
Speaker 2: I understand this is the fruit that I got to

2054
01:44:16,200 --> 01:44:18,080
Speaker 2: try to bear. Then I can understand what kind of

2055
01:44:18,160 --> 01:44:21,960
Speaker 2: tree I need to become. What kind of seeds your

2056
01:44:22,040 --> 01:44:25,160
Speaker 2: thoughts are your seeds do I need to plant? And

2057
01:44:25,240 --> 01:44:27,200
Speaker 2: so as I realize these are the thoughts I need

2058
01:44:27,320 --> 01:44:30,320
Speaker 2: to plant because there are seeds I can water and

2059
01:44:30,400 --> 01:44:32,680
Speaker 2: become this tree, and I can become the fruits of

2060
01:44:32,840 --> 01:44:35,200
Speaker 2: my labor. And that's exactly what it teaches you in

2061
01:44:35,280 --> 01:44:37,800
Speaker 2: that book. And these are all principles that I've used

2062
01:44:37,800 --> 01:44:39,560
Speaker 2: and I still use on myself and my clients. And

2063
01:44:39,600 --> 01:44:43,160
Speaker 2: so they've been proven the work. And yeah, the book

2064
01:44:43,200 --> 01:44:45,439
Speaker 2: has been going crazy. I'm really excited about that book.

2065
01:44:45,600 --> 01:44:49,599
Speaker 3: Congratulations. I saw you at the Browns camp. You caught

2066
01:44:49,600 --> 01:44:50,240
Speaker 3: a past from us.

2067
01:44:50,320 --> 01:44:51,479
Speaker 2: You do it? I did you?

2068
01:44:52,360 --> 01:44:53,200
Speaker 3: I said, look at them.

2069
01:44:53,400 --> 01:44:55,479
Speaker 2: I had little trot, but I look, I made it.

2070
01:44:55,479 --> 01:44:59,040
Speaker 2: I made it all the way, took my heels off. Yes,

2071
01:44:59,120 --> 01:45:01,240
Speaker 2: your door was getting fuss. He's like, go run. I

2072
01:45:01,320 --> 01:45:02,760
Speaker 2: was like, hold on, I'm trying to. I'm trying to

2073
01:45:02,760 --> 01:45:04,360
Speaker 2: get in position. He said, girl, just run.

2074
01:45:05,800 --> 01:45:06,400
Speaker 3: I said, look.

2075
01:45:06,439 --> 01:45:08,679
Speaker 2: I told I said, goa throw me won them Colorado passes.

2076
01:45:08,920 --> 01:45:11,360
Speaker 2: But that was before he had started with the good

2077
01:45:11,439 --> 01:45:13,479
Speaker 2: Game the Raiders. When he threw that long fifty five

2078
01:45:13,520 --> 01:45:15,240
Speaker 2: yard past, I said, you do I throwt me want

2079
01:45:15,280 --> 01:45:17,439
Speaker 2: them good Colorado passes. He's like, you crazy, doc, I.

2080
01:45:17,439 --> 01:45:21,439
Speaker 1: Said one, Yeah, go get a book. New book is out.

2081
01:45:21,560 --> 01:45:25,599
Speaker 1: Mental detox doctor Shanne Bryant Dot. Thank you so much.

2082
01:45:26,320 --> 01:45:27,960
Speaker 2: I appreciate it. Thank you for having me.

2083
01:45:29,400 --> 01:45:33,360
Speaker 4: All my life, running, all my life, shocking frights, hustle

2084
01:45:33,640 --> 01:45:37,960
Speaker 4: the Price. Want to slice the swap all my life,

2085
01:45:38,040 --> 01:45:39,360
Speaker 4: Poppy grinding all my life.

2086
01:45:39,439 --> 01:45:41,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, all my life, running all.

2087
01:45:41,640 --> 01:45:45,599
Speaker 4: My life, shocking frights, hustle plat the Price. I want

2088
01:45:45,600 --> 01:45:49,000
Speaker 4: to slice Doctor Bros. The swap all my life, Poppy

2089
01:45:49,080 --> 01:45:50,040
Speaker 4: grinding in all my life