WEBVTT - Miss DWTS 0:00:09.000 --> 0:00:17.599 Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. Oh boy. Okay, 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:22.720 As if it wasn't real enough already, cool, this makes 0:00:22.760 --> 0:00:27.560 it more real as I am officially announcing it on 0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:33.040 my podcast and misspelling that Hi, I'm Tori Spelling and 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:37.320 I'm a cast member on Dancing with the Stars season 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:41.800 thirty three. Okay, deep breath. Sorry that was for me, 0:00:41.920 --> 0:00:44.600 not for you guys. Maybe you should take a few 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:49.240 deep breaths too for me. Okay, if you know you know, well, 0:00:49.440 --> 0:00:51.559 I assume if you listen to your podcasts, you know me. 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:54.520 I tell it like it is. I tell every Sorry, 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:58.640 I just got excited. I love telling everybody about my 0:00:58.720 --> 0:01:01.840 life because I'm like, I had so many years of 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:05.199 you know, not being me and having everyone else tell 0:01:05.640 --> 0:01:07.720 my story that you know. Now I'm just like, hey, 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:12.800 this is me. So keeping this secret has been so hard, 0:01:13.680 --> 0:01:17.959 you guys. I have been signed on to Dancing with 0:01:17.959 --> 0:01:22.560 the Star season pretty for like three plus months. I 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:25.800 couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't even 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:29.160 tell my friends. Try not to tell my kids. I 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:33.080 think they found out I was kidding. But yeah, it's like, 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:37.400 iron't glad. It's like secrecy, so you can't tell anyone. 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:43.399 But it's like such a big life decision. You know, 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:46.400 you want to talk to people about it. You wanna 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:50.880 get advice. Maybe you know what. I'm so swayed in 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:53.840 the past by other people's opinions. Maybe this is a 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:56.559 blessing that I couldn't talk to people about it, because 0:01:56.600 --> 0:02:01.240 maybe I would have changed my mind. Nah, going for it. Okay, 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:03.920 where do I even start? I so much to share 0:02:03.960 --> 0:02:09.359 with you, Okay, So I'm gonna go back to the beginning. 0:02:10.919 --> 0:02:14.880 I was born May sixteenth, nineteen seventy three. I'm just kidding. 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:18.600 I'm just going to singing with you, Okay. So I 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:24.440 honestly got the call for Dancing with the Stars season 0:02:25.200 --> 0:02:30.760 won you guys? I remember getting that call because I 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:36.640 was I don't I go way back, I believe I. 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:40.280 I know I was with Dean and it was new. 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:44.240 I hadn't even know I'm mark checklist in my life 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:48.240 by pregnant season babies. I was not pregnant yet, so 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:51.680 I had not even gotten pregnant with Liam yet. So 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:54.240 Dean and I were we even married. I think we 0:02:54.280 --> 0:02:56.919 had just gotten married. I'm not sure on timeline there, 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:00.959 but I remember getting the call and talking it out. 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:05.240 I was in Toronto with Dean visiting his family and 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:10.480 I got the call and I panicked. I was like, 0:03:10.639 --> 0:03:13.720 oh gosh, this bit. And keep in mind, this is 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:16.160 before it was an uber success. It was a brand 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:20.960 new show and you know, didn't know what it was 0:03:21.000 --> 0:03:24.560 gonna be, but it sounded really exciting, really fun. And 0:03:24.639 --> 0:03:29.520 I'm not gonna lie you guys. I love dance. Dance 0:03:29.560 --> 0:03:34.200 doesn't love me, h, but I love to dance. I've 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:39.000 always loved to dance because I love I often joke 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:43.400 about feeling dead inside with someone. There's things that make 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:46.720 us feel alive, and dance has always been that thing 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:51.040 for me. And let's hear I'm a good dancer some rhythm, 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:54.760 but I've always loved to like close my eyes and 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:57.120 just move. And you know, I'm a story girl, so 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:00.400 I always love the story. Like in my head head, 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:04.760 I'm like, oh my gosh, I always I always liking 0:04:04.840 --> 0:04:07.760 it too. And this is like not going all the 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:11.720 way back. But do you know that movie with Canning 0:04:11.800 --> 0:04:15.960 Tatum and Jenna do Wan Step Up. We always think 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:20.160 of that movie and I'm like, in your head, you know, 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:22.960 when you're like a lead girl, as the kids would say, 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:27.160 mean character energy. Yep, that was it. But you know what, 0:04:27.680 --> 0:04:30.839 I'm way way back when I was twelve, of you 0:04:30.880 --> 0:04:34.520 guys during the summer with Michaelsette player, I would pop 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:38.640 in the tape and I would dance I'm talking to 0:04:38.720 --> 0:04:46.120 fame yep, showing my age here talking flash dance, dirty dancing. 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:50.480 I was always the lead girl in my head, and 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:52.400 then I was like, Oh, wouldn't that be nice to 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:55.760 be the girl that's just so free and has moves 0:04:55.800 --> 0:05:00.839 and dance dances and doesn't give up book nope with me. 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:04.320 So anyway, when they called, I was like, oh, that 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:08.320 sounds really exciting. And then I said, right there on 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:11.240 the call to me Eagan at the time, he said no, 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:15.840 I can't. I said no to it, and I'm not 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:21.360 gonna lie. I got multiple calls over the last previous 0:05:21.400 --> 0:05:26.520 thirty two seasons, maybe in fact thirty two calls, and 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:29.680 the answer was always no, And I always had a 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:32.400 different reason why I couldn't do it, because back then, 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:35.800 like why didn't I do it? I was like tip 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:41.200 top of my game. I was younger and I hadn't 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:47.040 had babies yet, and I could move and then I 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:50.719 was like, okay, you know, I'm sure one of those seasons, 0:05:50.760 --> 0:05:54.159 I was like, I'm pregnant, just had a baby. And 0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:57.240 then I had five sea sets, you know, two I 0:05:57.240 --> 0:06:00.520 had five sea sections. You know, I still feel the 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:03.799 need to say to people not by choice, because people 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:05.960 think in Hollywood like I looks so easy. You just 0:06:06.040 --> 0:06:09.159 want to see section. Nobody wants to see section. You guys, 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:11.800 let me just tell you I wanted to push them 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:16.400 out because the recovery is brutal. They literally cut through 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:21.440 your muscles and you're never the same. I love my babies. 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:25.679 I wouldn't change a thing, and I would do anything 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:28.800 in everything. But it's kind of like, you know, being 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:32.120 the girl in the box on stage during a magic 0:06:32.160 --> 0:06:35.600 show and they like saw you in half, except they 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:40.080 literally like it's no illusion. They literally saw you in half. 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:42.440 And then they're like, oh, I'll throw it all together. 0:06:43.040 --> 0:06:47.360 Shout out to my obgyn and fabulous guy. I know, 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:50.880 doctor J who I've been friends with for years, did 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:54.520 all my babies. He did great. But you know, your 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:57.400 body chooses to recover how your body chooses to recover. 0:06:57.800 --> 0:07:02.720 And then in later years was like, my body just 0:07:03.000 --> 0:07:06.240 doesn't move the same. I had complications with the sea sections. 0:07:06.680 --> 0:07:09.760 I had a hernia from one of the sea sections afterwards. 0:07:09.840 --> 0:07:12.280 If you've read my books, you know all the rama there, 0:07:12.720 --> 0:07:15.840 and yeah, I just like one side of my body, 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:18.320 my right side. I shouldn't be telling you this because 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:20.960 now you're gonna look for it on stage, but one 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:24.440 side of my body just literally doesn't respond the same. 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:29.080 And I'm no doctor scientist. I can't even say I've 0:07:29.080 --> 0:07:33.760 played one of those on TV that did the list. Yeah, 0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:38.080 I'm not sure how, but neurologically, when things have been changed, 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:42.520 they're open and put back together and nerves and muscles 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:46.960 are cut through sometimes. So my brain is like, okay 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:51.520 with my right leg step and I go to step up, 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:55.640 and I one don't have balance anymore, Like I'm off balance, 0:07:56.080 --> 0:07:58.840 and it just doesn't connect. In my head. I'm like, yeah, 0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:01.280 do this, do that, do that, And then my body's 0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:05.920 just like so I had that. So, you know, in 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:09.520 the last I would say, you know, five years when 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:13.520 I said no to Dancing with the Stars, I was like, oh, medically, 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:16.760 I just can't no, no it stop. The table can't 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:22.240 even entertain it. And then the beast year of my 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:26.040 life happened, and it's been you know, at the last 0:08:26.040 --> 0:08:30.640 two years. You know, there's been a lot of challenges, 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:34.319 and we all go through challenges in life, and look 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:37.360 at me. I still feel the need to say like, sorry, 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:41.040 I've had challenges. I do read comments. Sorry. People are like, oh, 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:44.520 she's always playing the victim. Like I'm no victim. I 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:48.160 have never seen myself. It's a victim no matter what. 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:52.120 I am a fighter. Things happen and you go through 0:08:52.200 --> 0:08:55.000 and I share it with you guys. And if you 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:57.520 can take pieces away that you relate to and pieces 0:08:57.520 --> 0:09:01.760 away you're like not relatable, toss that one out, then 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:06.160 I'm happy because I love sharing my life with you guys. 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:11.240 But I'm not a victim. Oh my gosh. Like you know, 0:09:11.280 --> 0:09:15.040 I talked about horror films. Even with my I would 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:19.520 say five C sections, medical challenges. I'd be the sole survivor. 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:22.800 I am serious. I said this to my daughter the 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:24.800 other night. Sorry, I'll go back, I'll circle back to 0:09:24.880 --> 0:09:27.360 Dancing with the Stars. You know, I get distracted. But 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:31.640 the other night, we all love horror films. So sorry, 0:09:31.640 --> 0:09:34.280 you guys have passed that along. I'm thinking, sorry, my 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:38.280 kid's writing, but they're all creators, like they're all very 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:40.520 creative and we all like come up with these like 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:43.920 crazy storylines in our heads. And we were talking about 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:48.839 the zombie apocalypse as most do you know, And I 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:51.600 was like I always say to my kids, like, because 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:54.600 you know, there's situations that happen in life and you're 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:58.440 driving or you're you know, things happen you're like, oh, 0:09:58.559 --> 0:10:00.240 lock the car door, and people are like, you know, 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:02.199 my kids are like, what's up? What's going on there? 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:05.000 And I'm like, guys, don't worry. I got this. And 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:08.079 I do always liken it to a zombie apocalypse. I'm 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:11.280 sorry that's where they got it from. I'm like, guys, 0:10:11.679 --> 0:10:15.280 I got you, I got you. Want to do three, 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:18.079 four o' five, come on in. I was like, if 0:10:18.080 --> 0:10:22.320 something happens, I'm saving y'all. Stella. And my daughter sixteen 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:26.679 said the other night, Mom, I love you, but I 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:29.560 don't want to be stuck with you in the zombie apocalypse. 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:33.760 And I was like, why I would save us? And 0:10:33.800 --> 0:10:38.000 she's like, Mom, I don't think so, Like you can 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:42.080 barely move, like you don't work out, you don't do 0:10:42.120 --> 0:10:44.080 anything physical, Like how would you do it? I was 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:48.360 like it's all about the mindset. I was like, because 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:53.800 I am a fighter in my brain and somehow I 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:56.720 might not be the strongest. We're close to the strongest, 0:10:57.640 --> 0:11:01.679 not strong at all, but I figure it out and 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:08.160 sometimes that can get us further in life. Yeah, needless 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:12.439 to say. When they called this season after the past 0:11:12.440 --> 0:11:15.960 two years and you know, I turned fifty, and everyone's likety, 0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:20.160 it's your second chapter. Time to write your story. And 0:11:20.240 --> 0:11:23.800 I was like, oh, this is so cliche. People turn 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:27.960 fifty and everyone's like, oh, it's your time. Yeah, and 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:32.080 your second chapter and write that story. And I was like, 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:36.600 what's going to happen now? When my life just went 0:11:37.360 --> 0:11:41.800 I was like, Okay, my life's right in it for me. Nope, 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:45.400 let's take back the ring. And so everyone knows what's 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:48.720 been going on. And I'm a single mom now of 0:11:48.880 --> 0:11:54.439 five going through a divorce, very public one. There's been 0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:59.559 so much said about me, you know, and I comment 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:03.040 back about like one percent of it, but see it 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:05.200 all like, you know, is she homeless? You know, get 0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:10.280 a job? Like financial troubles. Well that's true troubles. But anyway, 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:13.480 it's kind of a lot of it's out there, a 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:15.679 lot of it's false, but you know there's stuff out there. 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:19.800 People know that been through it in the last year. 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:25.080 And when I got called this year, I actually and 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:31.520 my teens the whole team, right Dan that team. She 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:37.679 knows that I've always said no, And immediately it was like, oh, 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:40.520 I'm going to pass right, And I was like, way, 0:12:40.559 --> 0:12:44.400 hold on, and you know, I'm doing this new thing, 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:48.880 but check. And I was like, dancing with the stars 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:52.960 literally one of my biggest fears in life. It's so unrelatable. 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:56.760 People are like, imagine people across the world, what's your 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:59.800 biggest fear in life? Dancing with the stars? Says no 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:03.960 one ever except me, because it's something that I always 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:07.240 wanted to do. Big fangirl, Big fangirl, watch it with 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:12.440 my kids, watched every season. Oh my gosh, and every 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:14.839 season I see it and I was like, good for her, 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:20.680 for him, what I wish I was brave enough to 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:25.440 do it. I was terrified. I was terrified. And a 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:29.600 lot of those years, all those years, thirty two times 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:35.959 I said no, some with validity medical stuff, but most 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:39.480 of it's just because I was terrified. Fine, because I 0:13:39.520 --> 0:13:44.959 was terrified and I didn't have any belief in myself. 0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:49.640 I would just be like, oh my gosh. All I 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:52.439 could think were the negatives, like, uh, I'm just I'm 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:54.280 not able to move, I'm not gonna be able to 0:13:54.360 --> 0:13:56.520 do I'm not gonna be able to take direction. I'm 0:13:56.800 --> 0:13:59.120 gonna go out there and fail fail fail fail fail, 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:05.920 not even like, Okay, let's think us through. This could 0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:08.240 be a cool experience. I was like, no, no, no, no. 0:14:08.600 --> 0:14:11.480 You know when you're like, your brain's like Highlert Hyler Hiler, 0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:16.120 So it's like fight or flight flight. I always say 0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:21.600 that I'm fighter, but I I chose flight for thirty 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:28.360 two seasons. And it was just because deep down I 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:33.360 didn't feel like I was I didn't feel like I 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:35.760 could do it. I didn't believe in myself. I didn't 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:43.240 love myself enough. I didn't have enough self worth to 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:48.800 even contemplate saying yes, and that I didn't deserve it. 0:14:48.840 --> 0:14:51.120 I didn't serve to be there, I didn't deserve to 0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:54.680 do well. It was like it was all so much 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:59.560 in my brain. And this year I was like, mm hmmm, 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:06.040 I'm really really trying, you guys to have that be 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:11.720 the old toy, and you know, I feel like this 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:16.400 is my year of taking risks and anything that I fear. 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:21.480 I'm like, gut check, is that my fear? And then 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:25.800 I'm like maybe not, Maybe that's like carried over. Maybe 0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:27.800 that's just something I've told myself. So I don't have 0:15:27.880 --> 0:15:30.560 to do something or even be scared of doing it. 0:15:30.560 --> 0:15:34.560 It's just it's a fear, can't do it fear. So 0:15:34.840 --> 0:15:39.600 this year I got the call and I was terrified, 0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:44.960 and I said, no, I'm not going to do this anymore. 0:15:45.640 --> 0:15:52.480 This is my time. Everything has you know, personally burned 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:55.720 to the ground. So my beautiful you know, my life 0:15:56.440 --> 0:16:01.120 has kind of exploded internally and external and I was like, 0:16:02.520 --> 0:16:05.400 I don't want to keep writing that story. You know, 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:09.880 I've been writing that story of like don't disappoint people. 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:14.280 You know. Originally I'm I'm the rich girl. I'm you know, 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:16.280 my dad has so much money, my dad's famous. My 0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:18.400 dad casts me in nine o two one oh true 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:22.040 true true. And then I was like, oh, so how 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:25.880 do I fit in? I have to push against I 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:30.840 have to make myself so small that I can fit 0:16:30.920 --> 0:16:34.960 in and follow everybody else and just kind of exist. 0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:40.520 And I did that to my detriment. That doesn't behoove me, 0:16:40.800 --> 0:16:44.680 or my kids or anyone except the haters. You know. 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:54.400 So this really has been a year of reflection. Yeah, 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:57.920 like I have time for that, No, But inside I've 0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:01.040 just been like, I don't want to write this story anymore. 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:06.760 It's okay to be powerful. I have a lot of 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:12.320 gratitude to the friends in my life and family that 0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:16.879 have said to me, we believe in you, like you 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:22.760 can be so much and do so much. You're so powerful, 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:24.560 you know, I hear that. I'm like, no, not, no, 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:31.359 I'm not, And specifically, I mean, it's been you know, 0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:36.720 my brother has been so amazing through this, and he 0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:41.440 knew and a couple of my best friends, my best 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:50.320 friend Jess ruth Ian and Yeah and Brian, Austin Green 0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:56.000 and Shannon and Shan. Shan had the most impact on me, 0:17:56.800 --> 0:18:02.200 I would say, because you know, we I'm so blessed 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:03.800 that I had this past year with her. And I 0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:07.960 know I've mentioned that because we just never know. And 0:18:08.920 --> 0:18:13.760 this past year was really rebuilding finding our friendship again, 0:18:13.840 --> 0:18:19.159 rebuilding it. And she was so amazing at you know, 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:24.800 not focusing on herself and what she was going through, 0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:29.320 but being there for her friends, and you know, I 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:32.640 you know, me. I can close my eyes and see 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:37.200 the conversation, and I see that final conversation with her, 0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:39.840 and I see her face and I see her saying 0:18:39.920 --> 0:18:44.240 to me, you have to turn your power on. What 0:18:44.280 --> 0:18:47.040 are you scared of? And I'm like that I won't 0:18:47.040 --> 0:18:51.560 be small anymore, that I'll be powerful. She goes, and 0:18:51.560 --> 0:18:53.320 and then I joke, you know, I joke about everything. 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:55.800 I'm like, then everyone's really screwed because here I come. 0:18:55.920 --> 0:18:59.119 You know, I'm kind of that too thing. But that 0:18:59.359 --> 0:19:06.560 stayed with me. And yeah, so I'm pushing through my fears. 0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:09.920 Oh I feel it right now inside still there. I'm 0:19:09.920 --> 0:19:13.359 a working pagas. So I said yes to something that 0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:17.199 was one of my biggest fears. I said, not just 0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:20.520 yes to Dancing with the Stars. I said yes to me. 0:19:21.920 --> 0:19:24.400 You know, I hate saying my name. I said yes 0:19:24.480 --> 0:19:28.600 to Tory. It's okay, got check. I feel okay saying that, 0:19:29.680 --> 0:19:33.440 and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go for it. I'm 0:19:33.440 --> 0:19:36.600 gonna turn my power on and I am going to 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:41.719 believe in me. And so I said yes, and I 0:19:41.760 --> 0:19:44.760 am and this is this is my why I am. 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:51.119 I am honestly doing this show for me and for 0:19:51.240 --> 0:19:55.680 my kids. But my kids are me, They're the They're 0:19:55.680 --> 0:20:01.600 the best part of me, and I'm gonna cry. I 0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:05.119 want to take this time to do something for me 0:20:05.680 --> 0:20:08.919 that addresses my fears and pushes me out of my 0:20:08.960 --> 0:20:17.680 comfort zone and makes me feel And I want to 0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:22.560 show my kids. I have five beautiful, amazing, resilient kids, 0:20:23.440 --> 0:20:29.760 and I'm raising two strong daughters, Seln Hattie, and I 0:20:29.880 --> 0:20:32.760 want to show them that you can be scared, you 0:20:32.800 --> 0:20:35.480 can be terrified of things in life. Don't let that 0:20:35.520 --> 0:20:38.000 hold you back because you only hold yourself. And I've 0:20:38.040 --> 0:20:40.040 been doing that far too long. I don't want that 0:20:40.119 --> 0:20:44.080 for them, so I need to go out there and 0:20:44.400 --> 0:20:56.000 show them that you can do it. I was born 0:20:56.680 --> 0:21:02.359 into all eyes on me, like cameras might not have 0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:06.200 been on me constantly, they were like the world was watching, 0:21:07.200 --> 0:21:09.960 you know. Aaron Spelling's daughter, Aaron Spelling, like my dad. 0:21:10.040 --> 0:21:16.159 I was born with my family so famous that you know, 0:21:16.440 --> 0:21:20.959 it started there all eyes on us, which is technically 0:21:21.000 --> 0:21:25.040 a camera, a lens on us, and then nine O 0:21:25.119 --> 0:21:30.480 two one zero literally all eyes on us, cameras right 0:21:30.520 --> 0:21:34.640 into your living rooms, you know, for ten years, ten 0:21:34.960 --> 0:21:39.480 amazing years, and then since then, you know, it's been 0:21:39.520 --> 0:21:43.560 for me a journey of I feel like I call 0:21:43.600 --> 0:21:47.159 myself the little engine that could well. Look see, I 0:21:47.160 --> 0:21:51.399 can move, got mad shoulder moves so enough. But I 0:21:51.600 --> 0:21:54.040 would always be like Chuck, Chuck, jug, I can do this, 0:21:54.119 --> 0:21:57.240 and I'd go that mountain and then I'd go back 0:21:57.280 --> 0:22:00.120 down that mountain and then I'd be like, Okay, that's fine. 0:22:00.280 --> 0:22:03.199 And I always have hope. That's one thing that no 0:22:03.240 --> 0:22:07.440 one's ever taken away from me is that light inside 0:22:07.440 --> 0:22:12.880 of me. I have this light inside, as so many 0:22:13.000 --> 0:22:15.600 of us do. And I try to tell my kids 0:22:16.000 --> 0:22:19.000 because this is something that really resonates with me, because 0:22:19.320 --> 0:22:23.600 don't let someone ever put out your light. And I 0:22:23.680 --> 0:22:26.439 love that light dim a little bit, and this is 0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:29.920 my time to be like, that light's still there, it's 0:22:30.000 --> 0:22:34.000 burning bright inside of me. Let's make it brighter. Let's go. 0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:38.880 So yeah, this is my journey, and I hope you'll 0:22:38.920 --> 0:22:41.080 come along for the ride. I have no idea what's 0:22:41.080 --> 0:22:46.520 going to happen. I'm terrified. I have done choreography moves 0:22:46.520 --> 0:22:53.800 in TV shows, TV movies, feature films like I've always 0:22:53.800 --> 0:22:57.159 been taught how to do it. I did theater. I 0:22:57.240 --> 0:23:00.639 had to dance and I'm always like, hey, yeah, you know, 0:23:02.119 --> 0:23:04.320 they said, do you have any dance experience? And I 0:23:04.440 --> 0:23:06.679 was like, well in my twenties in the club, like 0:23:06.720 --> 0:23:12.680 I'd be like, it moves, yeah, that's it. But then 0:23:12.800 --> 0:23:16.920 every time I had to be taught like, uh, choreographed dance, 0:23:17.960 --> 0:23:21.160 I sucked. You eyes like I sucked. But there's cameras 0:23:21.160 --> 0:23:24.680 there that you know, it's okay. You know, we'll rehearse. 0:23:24.880 --> 0:23:28.239 And then they do a take. You screw it up, 0:23:28.359 --> 0:23:31.160 you can't do it, you forget it. You do take two, 0:23:31.960 --> 0:23:34.040 take three, four, five, six, seventy eight, nine, ten, all 0:23:34.040 --> 0:23:39.200 the way to twenty one times one time. Okay, when 0:23:39.240 --> 0:23:43.919 the movie aired, I looked, brilliant, this is live, you guys. 0:23:44.480 --> 0:23:49.159 There's no take too. Oh you get one take, you 0:23:49.320 --> 0:23:55.000 get one chance. That's it. So that was always really scary. 0:23:55.200 --> 0:23:58.080 And whenever I was taught a dance, they would be like, okay, 0:23:58.440 --> 0:24:03.000 even when it's simple, you know, count one, two, three, 0:24:03.080 --> 0:24:04.800 and then they'd always be like on the beat, and 0:24:04.840 --> 0:24:07.760 it would be like beat, and then I'd be like nope, 0:24:08.400 --> 0:24:10.960 uh yeah, even even when I'm I don't even go 0:24:11.000 --> 0:24:13.200 to concerts, but like when I've been at concerts and 0:24:13.240 --> 0:24:16.320 I'm like trying to fit in and like Curtis is 0:24:16.359 --> 0:24:19.320 like playing, like yeah, and I go to clap and 0:24:19.320 --> 0:24:22.159 it's like everyone's clapping and I'm a clap late. I'm like, 0:24:22.240 --> 0:24:25.720 oh my gosh, like I'm just my brain. I'm off 0:24:25.760 --> 0:24:28.200 that way. And then they'd be like, here's this move. 0:24:28.280 --> 0:24:34.040 It's simple, and so on one, two, three heard step. 0:24:34.840 --> 0:24:38.800 I couldn't grasp it. And I'm a really visual person. 0:24:39.200 --> 0:24:42.840 I feel and I was like, why can't my brain 0:24:43.000 --> 0:24:45.800 grasp it? So that was always in my head because 0:24:45.800 --> 0:24:49.199 I was like, Okay, this happened every single time I 0:24:49.240 --> 0:24:53.280 had to do choreography in ship, so that was happening. 0:24:53.359 --> 0:24:56.159 And then my balance is off. And then it's my 0:24:56.320 --> 0:25:01.879 fear of performing in front of people, Like I'm not 0:25:01.960 --> 0:25:04.320 even scared of the millions of people on the TV 0:25:04.359 --> 0:25:07.679 screen because I'm like, okay, I can't see you, but 0:25:07.760 --> 0:25:11.199 i can't see all those people in the audience the 0:25:11.280 --> 0:25:14.760 live taping and I've been to the life taping. Thing 0:25:14.840 --> 0:25:17.480 that scared me. I went to see Jenny perform live. 0:25:17.520 --> 0:25:20.360 I went to see Ion perform live. I've been there 0:25:21.480 --> 0:25:25.720 and it was scary. I was like, oh my god, 0:25:25.800 --> 0:25:27.960 and my heart was pounding out of my chest for 0:25:28.080 --> 0:25:32.920 them because I was like, oh, this is wild because 0:25:33.160 --> 0:25:36.600 it's like not just all of the people and the audience, 0:25:36.720 --> 0:25:39.560 but it's the cameras and the sets and you got 0:25:39.560 --> 0:25:42.639 to get the moves and the judges and it was 0:25:42.720 --> 0:25:46.679 just mind blowing to me. Again, another thing, I was like, man, 0:25:46.680 --> 0:25:50.560 I never do that because I couldn't do that. I'm 0:25:50.600 --> 0:25:54.920 just telling you my feelings. So you know my mindset 0:25:55.240 --> 0:25:59.200 going into this. I'm terrified. I'm terrified. It's going to 0:25:59.280 --> 0:26:04.399 be September seven, seen, it's going to be live, and yeah, 0:26:05.160 --> 0:26:09.119 you do it. I hear that everybody's scared, but they 0:26:09.160 --> 0:26:11.440 don't look on TV. And I'm a fangirl. I watch, 0:26:12.000 --> 0:26:15.600 you know from my living room, comfortm my home on 0:26:15.680 --> 0:26:19.000 TV every season and I'm just like, they look white. 0:26:19.880 --> 0:26:23.640 Everyone looks great. And you know a lot of people, 0:26:23.720 --> 0:26:30.560 I feel I have dance experience, you know, whether it's actors, actresses, 0:26:31.400 --> 0:26:35.399 fingers coming into it, athletes, they all have some sort 0:26:35.440 --> 0:26:40.959 of athletic experience. So this was nothing. You know what 0:26:41.040 --> 0:26:44.240 my well, you know what, No, that's not true. My 0:26:44.440 --> 0:26:49.600 athletic experience five kids, five kids, that's my card game. 0:26:50.320 --> 0:26:59.560 And I literally like I don't work out. Sorry, I 0:26:59.600 --> 0:27:02.879 don't make me time. You know, I have friends, Oh 0:27:02.920 --> 0:27:06.639 my god, my best friend Jess. Way before I got 0:27:06.880 --> 0:27:10.480 offered it this season was like, you know, it's time, 0:27:10.600 --> 0:27:12.960 Like let's get your body into shape, Like let's go 0:27:13.040 --> 0:27:16.560 to plates with me, go hiking with me. She's been 0:27:16.720 --> 0:27:20.439 begging me. Ruthan's like, let's go on walks, and I 0:27:20.480 --> 0:27:22.960 always found an excuse not to do it. So here 0:27:23.000 --> 0:27:27.080