1 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 1: Hello everybody. I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the 2 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through 3 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and 4 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:26,120 Speaker 1: what they mean for our psychology. This episode is a rerun. 5 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:30,360 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 6 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:34,280 Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in 7 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,360 Speaker 1: the world. Thank you so much for joining us. Back 8 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:40,960 Speaker 1: here for another episode as we break down the psychology 9 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,120 Speaker 1: of our twenties. I have a bit of a different 10 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:47,560 Speaker 1: episode for you all today. I know you all love 11 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,840 Speaker 1: our deep dives and our really like in depth searchers 12 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 1: for the science behind obviously the experiences of our twenties, 13 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: But today I want to do something a little bit 14 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:01,960 Speaker 1: different and not just focus on one topic for this episode, 15 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:05,759 Speaker 1: but talk through a bit of a list, in fact, 16 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,200 Speaker 1: a list that I have been working on for the 17 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:12,880 Speaker 1: past month, basically just outlining the biggest mistakes that people 18 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 1: make in their twenties, from people still in their twenties 19 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,319 Speaker 1: all the way up to people who I've spoken to 20 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:23,280 Speaker 1: in their seventies and their eighties. I've talked to so 21 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:27,440 Speaker 1: many people just kind of sliding in this question into 22 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:31,720 Speaker 1: conversation and writing down the answers, what's the biggest mistake 23 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 1: that you made during this decade. I even put up 24 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 1: a bit of a question box on Instagram. Over five 25 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,399 Speaker 1: thousand of you responded or emailed me or DMed me 26 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 1: or dropped a comment in an episode, and having curated 27 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:51,279 Speaker 1: and putting together that whole list, I want to share 28 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:56,760 Speaker 1: some of my very basic findings and take that list 29 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,760 Speaker 1: out of my Excel spreadsheet and just share this little 30 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 1: personal research project with you guys, the twenty most common 31 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 1: mistakes that people say they made in their twenties. You know, 32 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,359 Speaker 1: in doing this I kind of had to stop and 33 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: pause a few times and be like, huh, is this 34 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 1: a mistake that I'm maybe currently making? Like what can 35 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: I learn from this? What can I learn from these 36 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,920 Speaker 1: people's experiences? I feel like we're in such a confusing 37 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 1: decade of life, and all we really want is someone 38 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 1: to give us the answers, or for someone to give us, 39 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:34,280 Speaker 1: you know, some kind of reassurance that we are doing 40 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: the right thing and that we're on the right path. 41 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 1: Unfortunately for us, obviously, no one can tell you if 42 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: what you're doing is correct. And they can't tell you 43 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:45,160 Speaker 1: what's going to happen next, and they can't tell you 44 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: that you're not going to have regrets, but they can 45 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:52,959 Speaker 1: share their own mistakes and their own misturns and kind 46 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 1: of hope that you learn from them. What really inspired 47 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: me to do this was actually a twenty twelve publication 48 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:03,160 Speaker 1: titled five Regrets of the Dying, and these regrets were 49 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: I wished I'd had the courage to live a life 50 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,760 Speaker 1: true to myself. I wish that I hadn't worked so hard. 51 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,519 Speaker 1: I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. 52 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 1: I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends, and 53 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: I'd wish I'd let myself be happier. These were the 54 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:21,080 Speaker 1: regrets of people reflecting on their whole entire lives. But 55 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,400 Speaker 1: I wondered if we could make kind of like a 56 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 1: decade specific list to learn from as we go along. 57 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:34,040 Speaker 1: So this is that kind of preliminary list. Without further ado, 58 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: my lovely listeners, there is so much to cover, so 59 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 1: much info and of course a little bit of psychology. 60 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,600 Speaker 1: Thank you to every single one of you who shared 61 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,280 Speaker 1: their regrets, shared their mistakes, whether I talk to you 62 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:50,400 Speaker 1: in person, whether you DMed me. However, you got the 63 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,800 Speaker 1: information across it has been truly valuable. I can't wait 64 00:03:53,840 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 1: to get into it, so let me. Can you start 65 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 1: by clarifying that this list is by no means like 66 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,600 Speaker 1: a peer reviewed study. Like if I submitted this very 67 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: basic research to like any journal or any publication, you know, 68 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 1: I would be rejected in a heartbeat. You know, this 69 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:21,120 Speaker 1: was more of a personal interest project for me that 70 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:23,919 Speaker 1: kind of turned into this much bigger thing because I 71 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: spent obviously a lot of time thinking about my twenties. 72 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: But what I've found does kind of seem to line 73 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: up with what I thought I was going to find basically. 74 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 1: So I do think that although I wasn't able to 75 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 1: get you know, a sample or like a random sample, 76 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,960 Speaker 1: and I wasn't able to talk to even more people 77 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,520 Speaker 1: than I would have wanted, and I wasn't able to 78 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,280 Speaker 1: you know, apply for an ethics application or do anything 79 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,799 Speaker 1: like that, this list still has a lot of value. 80 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,040 Speaker 1: But take it with a grain of salt. If you 81 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: don't necessarily agree with some of the things on this list, 82 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,599 Speaker 1: that's totally okay. If you think that we've missed things 83 00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:00,599 Speaker 1: on this list, also, please feel free to leave a 84 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,520 Speaker 1: comment below, because yes, it's not as comprehensive as I 85 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 1: would have liked it to be, but still very very fascinating. 86 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:11,720 Speaker 1: With that in mind, I want to begin by talking 87 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: about mistake number one, the biggest mistake that people talked 88 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,600 Speaker 1: about time and time again. I'm going to give you 89 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 1: a second to guess what that was. So by far, 90 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,160 Speaker 1: the biggest mistake that I heard that people made in 91 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 1: their twenties was prioritizing a romantic relationship over my friends, 92 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:35,520 Speaker 1: over my career, over my personal growth. Essentially, people talking 93 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:39,600 Speaker 1: about how they had put romantic attraction at the center 94 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 1: of everything that they did and kind of realized later 95 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 1: along down the line that it meant that a lot 96 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:47,919 Speaker 1: of the other things that mattered to them kind of 97 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 1: got pushed to the sidelines. I heard this so often 98 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 1: in so many different forms as well. Someone talked about 99 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 1: how they had left a job that I loved for 100 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,479 Speaker 1: a man who dumped them five days, or people who 101 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 1: had lost friends because they didn't make time for them 102 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,600 Speaker 1: when they were with their ex, or being so focused 103 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:10,839 Speaker 1: on finding love at twenty one, twenty two, twenty three 104 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: that they never spent time growing as a person and 105 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 1: learning what they really loved about themselves. These were just 106 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,440 Speaker 1: a few kind of versions of this same mistake that 107 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 1: I heard, And you know what, I relate to this 108 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:27,839 Speaker 1: very very deeply. I remember being nineteen twenty just like 109 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 1: desperately wanting to be chosen by someone you know, at 110 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 1: a club, at a party, on a dating app. It 111 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 1: became such an obsession that what I thought was love 112 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:44,279 Speaker 1: became my only priority, and everything else in my life 113 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 1: kind of suffered. I just wish I could tell that 114 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 1: version of myself, you know, from only like five seven 115 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,400 Speaker 1: years ago, just to slow down a little bit, like 116 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: just to have some fun. Treat dating like an experiment. 117 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 1: Treat dating like your studying humankind and figuring out what 118 00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:02,120 Speaker 1: you like and what you don't and what works for 119 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,280 Speaker 1: you and what kind of person elevates your life, rather 120 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,159 Speaker 1: than just kind of, to use this analogy, jumping in 121 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,160 Speaker 1: the first cab off the rank and hoping that it's 122 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 1: the right one and kind of later on finding that 123 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: it probably wasn't. You guys know that I did a 124 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 1: bit of a dating detox in my early twenties where 125 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 1: I didn't date, I didn't have dating apps, I didn't 126 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 1: think really about men for almost half a year, and 127 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 1: it was during that time that I can firmly say 128 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 1: my career took off. I made more friends and incredible friends, 129 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,400 Speaker 1: more than I really think i'd ever had. I really 130 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:38,120 Speaker 1: fell in love with myself. And now that I am 131 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: in a relationship and we live together, we have a 132 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 1: dog together, it feels like the right thing, and it 133 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: feels like, actually, that relationship is not my whole world 134 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,720 Speaker 1: when I used to make relationships my whole world. How 135 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,760 Speaker 1: I think about it is like, here's this separate universe 136 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 1: for me that I can step into and enjoy alongside 137 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 1: and in parallel to this life that I've built myself, 138 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 1: Like my whole world is a life that is more 139 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:11,120 Speaker 1: than just love. So if you want to avoid what 140 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 1: seems like a very big regret or mistake for many people, 141 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 1: treat love as something that is fantastic if it finds you, 142 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 1: but not everything, especially during this decade, should revolve around it. 143 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 1: I heard this analogy the other day that I love. 144 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 1: If you knew you would meet the love of your 145 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,120 Speaker 1: life in six months, how would you live those next 146 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 1: six months to the fullest as a single person? And yes, 147 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,320 Speaker 1: you might not actually meet them in six months, but 148 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: aim to live like every single day, every single week, 149 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: in that same mindset and with that same perspective for 150 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 1: as long as you can. That's mistake number one. Similar 151 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 1: to that mistake, another one that was very closely related 152 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:57,400 Speaker 1: and came in second was people who talked about staying 153 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,280 Speaker 1: in a relationship when they knew it was a right 154 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,839 Speaker 1: for them. That was the second biggest mistake that I heard. 155 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: This isn't so much about centering the pursuit of love 156 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 1: in your life. It's more so about people who found 157 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: a love that they thought worked and held on to it, 158 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:19,880 Speaker 1: perhaps for longer than they should have. A lot of 159 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 1: these people talked about either a knowing very early on 160 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 1: that this person wasn't for them and not acting sooner 161 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:31,080 Speaker 1: or be you know, not even knowing that and not 162 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 1: even knowing how to act at all, not knowing and 163 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:39,320 Speaker 1: having doubts, whether like doubting your doubts, doubting whether your 164 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:42,120 Speaker 1: perception of this person was correct for so long that 165 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,080 Speaker 1: by the time you knew that they weren't, you really 166 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: didn't know even how to change things. You were living together, 167 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 1: you had pets together, maybe you even married, you had 168 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: kids together, and just not knowing how to pull out 169 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:59,600 Speaker 1: of that relationship When things finally end. Quite a number 170 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,840 Speaker 1: of people spoke about how it felt like they had 171 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 1: kind of wasted their youth, they had to start all 172 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:08,400 Speaker 1: over again, and how they you know, maybe didn't completely 173 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 1: regret the relationship, but definitely kind of wanted some of 174 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,960 Speaker 1: those years back. You do have to give yourself a 175 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,800 Speaker 1: lot of grace in these situations, though, because whether someone 176 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,000 Speaker 1: is right for you or not is actually a really 177 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 1: tricky question to answer, Like how do you really know? 178 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 1: How can you really trust that that instinct isn't just 179 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:35,840 Speaker 1: relationship anxiety or relationship OCD or just general anxiety. Personally, 180 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:40,319 Speaker 1: I think it's really really hard because relationships are tricky sometimes, 181 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,480 Speaker 1: Like every single relationship is going to have its trials, 182 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 1: and knowing whether that's a deal breaker or just something 183 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,640 Speaker 1: that you have to get to get through is kind 184 00:10:48,679 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: of difficult to understand. When maybe this is like your 185 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 1: first relationship, or you know, you haven't had the most 186 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 1: healthy examples of what healthy love looks like, you kind 187 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 1: of just assume that this must be it. Also, just 188 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 1: to add to this, if you're someone who has always 189 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:08,000 Speaker 1: had a specific timeline for your life, kind of imposed 190 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: upon you by society, by parents, by culture. If you're 191 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 1: someone who struggles being alone, it can be a lot 192 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:20,720 Speaker 1: easier to settle for good enough in order to fill 193 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,200 Speaker 1: that void or fill that expectation, and only realize, like 194 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,080 Speaker 1: a lot later down the line, that you've made a mistake. Okay, 195 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 1: we're going to move on from the romance and love 196 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 1: mistakes and talk finances. A big number of the mistakes 197 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 1: that people relayed that they made in their twenties related 198 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: to money. Here are the three that came up the most, 199 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,480 Speaker 1: in no certain order, just the three that were very 200 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,679 Speaker 1: very common. The first one was not saving, the second 201 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,160 Speaker 1: one was not investing sooner, and the third mistake was 202 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:58,440 Speaker 1: getting a credit card. The savings one was huge. One 203 00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 1: quote from a listener that really stood out was this, Yes, 204 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,240 Speaker 1: money does come and go, but experiences last forever, and 205 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:08,560 Speaker 1: that matters. But you also need to support yourself to 206 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 1: have those experiences. The stress I put myself through to 207 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,520 Speaker 1: go to festivals, to have a euro summer when I 208 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 1: couldn't afford it, to go out for dinner, to buy 209 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,600 Speaker 1: new clothes was not worth it. I wish I knew 210 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:23,880 Speaker 1: what I knew now and had saved more we can 211 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,880 Speaker 1: learn a lot from that when it comes to saving 212 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:30,440 Speaker 1: and investing. I beg of you please just choose like 213 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 1: one day this month to sit down and freshen up 214 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 1: on your financial literacy. You don't have to have a 215 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:39,840 Speaker 1: lot of money to know how your money works and 216 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 1: what it can do for you. You don't have to have 217 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 1: a lot of money before you start, like, you don't 218 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,440 Speaker 1: actually have to invest, you don't actually have to do 219 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:50,480 Speaker 1: anything with that information. It's just important that you know 220 00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:54,920 Speaker 1: this stuff early in your twenties, when it's easier to 221 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,400 Speaker 1: learn and to kind of decide what you want financially 222 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:03,200 Speaker 1: for your future. Honest I put this off for so long, 223 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 1: and it was only a couple of months ago that 224 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: I did really have to say to myself, like enough, 225 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,000 Speaker 1: I have to get my money together. I have to 226 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,760 Speaker 1: learn how investing works, what budget is best, which bank 227 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: to be with, how to use different accounts and points 228 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,800 Speaker 1: systems and high interest accounts and whatnot. And I just 229 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:23,240 Speaker 1: dedicated like two days across like a two month period 230 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,920 Speaker 1: to just learning and listening to podcasts and reading articles 231 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:32,160 Speaker 1: and following people who talked about this, and it did 232 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,160 Speaker 1: make me feel so much more secure and knowledgeable. It 233 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 1: definitely eased a lot of anxiety that I had around 234 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:41,360 Speaker 1: my future with my money, And I'm gonna express that 235 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: same sentiment that woman had, Like the woman who DMed 236 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 1: me said, I definitely wish that when I was twenty 237 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 1: three or even younger, I knew what I knew now, 238 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,559 Speaker 1: because it definitely could have saved me a lot of 239 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:55,960 Speaker 1: money and saved me a lot of stress and probably 240 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,080 Speaker 1: impacted my future in a way that I'm probably not 241 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,800 Speaker 1: ready to even think about, like having that extra money 242 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,040 Speaker 1: in my savings or in my super account, my retirement 243 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,520 Speaker 1: fun I try not to think about the opportunities that 244 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:10,560 Speaker 1: I missed out on not doing that earlier. There are 245 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 1: also so many different ways to budget, Like some people 246 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 1: use the fifty to thirty twenty methods, so fifty percent 247 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,319 Speaker 1: for needs, thirty percent for once, twenty percent for savings. 248 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,680 Speaker 1: Others like the seventy twenty ten method. Some people give 249 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,360 Speaker 1: themselves like a maximum amount each month that they can 250 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: spend and everything else goes into savings and they don't 251 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:31,240 Speaker 1: touch that. Whatever it is, find something that works and 252 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 1: start even when it feels intimidating. As for that third 253 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 1: financial mistake, I regret getting a credit card. Take that 254 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 1: advice seriously. Credit cards are great for building a credit 255 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,520 Speaker 1: score and finding ways to get money back and perks 256 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,160 Speaker 1: and travel points. But my rule has always been, and 257 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,440 Speaker 1: it will continue to be, if I don't need it 258 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 1: and I can't afford it, I don't need it. Only 259 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 1: buy things with a credit card that you you can 260 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:05,240 Speaker 1: hopefully pay off immediately. Obviously, there are some big purchases 261 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,120 Speaker 1: like buying a house or a car, or it's a 262 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,760 Speaker 1: bit different. But in terms of just like every day wants, 263 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:14,920 Speaker 1: like clothes, like travel, like homewares, like whatever it is, 264 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 1: if you don't need it and you can't afford it, 265 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,480 Speaker 1: you don't need it. I actually found a study that 266 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:25,200 Speaker 1: concluded around two thirds of people in their twenties have 267 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:28,000 Speaker 1: credit card debt, and another publication was saying that the 268 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:31,320 Speaker 1: average amount of that debt is around six K six 269 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,440 Speaker 1: thousand dollars. That's scary stuff, and if you don't know 270 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,880 Speaker 1: what you're doing to get that debt down, that can 271 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,640 Speaker 1: follow you. If you don't know how to correctly use 272 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:42,360 Speaker 1: a credit card as a tool rather than as a lifeline, 273 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:45,120 Speaker 1: it can get you into a lot of danger. So 274 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 1: reflect on those mistakes, Do what you wish with that knowledge. 275 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,680 Speaker 1: Moving on, there was another group of mistakes that I 276 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,240 Speaker 1: heard time and time again, and they have to do 277 00:15:55,520 --> 00:16:01,040 Speaker 1: with how we let others thoughts, opinions, and actions affect us. 278 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:06,080 Speaker 1: Mistake number six was putting people's needs above my own. 279 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,480 Speaker 1: Another one high up on that list, not learning to 280 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 1: say no, and finally worrying too much about what people 281 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,520 Speaker 1: thought of me, all kind of in the same vein. 282 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:20,040 Speaker 1: I would say, let me say this, how you think 283 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 1: about yourself, how you treat yourself, what you learn to 284 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,920 Speaker 1: tolerate and not tolerate when it comes to other people's behavior. 285 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: That has a much bigger impact than we think, and 286 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:36,240 Speaker 1: it definitely snowballs. Like it may be small in the 287 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,800 Speaker 1: moment to just say yes and to just kind of 288 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:42,320 Speaker 1: be passive in the face of someone else's assertions. We 289 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,320 Speaker 1: may not even notice it, but it can shape our 290 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 1: whole life if we end up being steered in a 291 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,760 Speaker 1: direction that we didn't want to go to make other 292 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,720 Speaker 1: people happy. Maybe that's like choosing a certain career. Maybe 293 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:56,800 Speaker 1: that is earlier, like choosing a certain partner that you 294 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 1: think will meet your parents' expectations. Maybe it's just let 295 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:03,440 Speaker 1: friends treat you badly. That does something to your soul, 296 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 1: and it does something to your sense of self that 297 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 1: can be harder to repair the older we get. And 298 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,640 Speaker 1: I also think the older we get, the more we 299 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:14,120 Speaker 1: realize that life is really, really finite and you only 300 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,120 Speaker 1: really get one shot, and you owe it to yourself 301 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,800 Speaker 1: to be fierce and to really stand up for yourself. 302 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,760 Speaker 1: You know, at the end of the day, when you're 303 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,879 Speaker 1: looking back, you want to feel like you were in 304 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:28,560 Speaker 1: control and you didn't continuously sacrifice your own happiness for 305 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: someone else's comfort, especially especially when they don't even end 306 00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:36,679 Speaker 1: up appreciating it. Let me say, a lot of the 307 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:40,680 Speaker 1: time these reactions are instinctual, so I don't want you 308 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,000 Speaker 1: to feel like there's shame around having done this or 309 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 1: this being something you want to unlearn. A lot of 310 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:49,320 Speaker 1: the time, these actions aren't just instinctual. They were also 311 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:53,240 Speaker 1: conditioned over many years since we were children to be 312 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 1: you know, good, and to be agreeable and to just 313 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,320 Speaker 1: let others have their way or have their say. It 314 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 1: is your job to deliberately unlearn these mechanisms. It is 315 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 1: your job, at some stage in your life to unloaran 316 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:17,040 Speaker 1: your tendency to shrink or to make yourself small, and 317 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:20,119 Speaker 1: it will be uncomfortable at first. You know, it is 318 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 1: uncomfortable to upset people. It is uncomfortable to hear mean things, 319 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 1: or to disappoint people, or to say no. Of course, 320 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,840 Speaker 1: it's uncomfortable because you're not used to doing it. But 321 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,920 Speaker 1: on the other side of that discomfort is a life 322 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,439 Speaker 1: that it's just you know, the only word I have 323 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,680 Speaker 1: for it is is lighter. There's like no better word 324 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:40,280 Speaker 1: for it. It's lighter. You just feel like you can 325 00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:43,000 Speaker 1: move through like the waves of life with a lot 326 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:47,640 Speaker 1: more ease. You know, we've talked about financial investments, learning 327 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,760 Speaker 1: that your opinion and your needs should come first. This 328 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:55,840 Speaker 1: is the kind of personal and emotional investment that pays 329 00:18:56,560 --> 00:19:00,639 Speaker 1: dividends and will bring you so much more happiness. I 330 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,480 Speaker 1: have a whole episode on this if you want to 331 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: learn more about how to do that, titled how to 332 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,359 Speaker 1: care Less About what People think about you. It really 333 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,040 Speaker 1: breaks down an exact strategy that you can go about 334 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,920 Speaker 1: doing this. So go there after this if you need 335 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,119 Speaker 1: more tips. As we move down this list, when was 336 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: halfway through now, this next one sticks out to me 337 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,320 Speaker 1: particularly because it's probably one of my mistakes, and probably 338 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,000 Speaker 1: one of my biggest regrets from this decade so far 339 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:30,520 Speaker 1: not keeping up with old friends. Now. It's true you 340 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 1: cannot keep every single friend that you have ever made, 341 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:39,439 Speaker 1: but there have certainly been times when I've realized, you know, 342 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 1: far too late, that I really should have messaged that 343 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 1: person back. I really should have answered their calls. I 344 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:52,040 Speaker 1: really should have kept in touch. And at some stage 345 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,639 Speaker 1: you kind of I guess, like months past, and you 346 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,840 Speaker 1: kind of wake up and you're like, wait, whatever happened 347 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,399 Speaker 1: to that person? And Wow, they were really good. I 348 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,119 Speaker 1: wish that I had appreciated them more. You know, you 349 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 1: miss them, but you're at this weird point where you 350 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,400 Speaker 1: don't really know how to invite them or invite yourself, 351 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 1: I guess back into their life. Friends as well kind 352 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,639 Speaker 1: of hold pieces of who we are and therefore as 353 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,040 Speaker 1: well who we used to be. So losing touch with 354 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:20,280 Speaker 1: them does sometimes feel like losing part of ourselves, and 355 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,760 Speaker 1: that can hit especially hard during periods of loneliness or 356 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:27,320 Speaker 1: transition that obviously very synonymous with this decade. I remember 357 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,520 Speaker 1: when I first moved to Sydney. I've spoken about this before. 358 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 1: I lost a lot of friends and I didn't really 359 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,679 Speaker 1: like appreciate how hard that was until later on. And 360 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,359 Speaker 1: now I'm at a stage where I really want to 361 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:42,320 Speaker 1: reflect back on that time when they were present, and 362 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 1: I don't, you know, they're not there to do that 363 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,800 Speaker 1: with me, and they're not there for me to learn 364 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 1: from or to talk to, and it's kind of lonely, 365 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,440 Speaker 1: and it's kind of sad. We have so much research 366 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,439 Speaker 1: out there I couldn't even begin to cide it that 367 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 1: tells you that long term social bonds are just as 368 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,080 Speaker 1: crucial for your emotional health and your physical health as 369 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 1: so many other lifestyle decisions that we make. So when 370 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 1: we let those bonds fade, you know, it's not just 371 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,359 Speaker 1: about missing a friend, it's about really missing a grounding 372 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,480 Speaker 1: presence in our life and kind of missing out on 373 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:20,200 Speaker 1: all these health benefits. And like the secret to longevity, 374 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,120 Speaker 1: the secret to longevity is having people around you who 375 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,920 Speaker 1: love you and care about you. Please don't forget about 376 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,800 Speaker 1: that in the pursuit of your career, or in your 377 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,240 Speaker 1: pursuit of love, or in the current busyness of the 378 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:36,919 Speaker 1: life and the decade that you are in. Right now, Okay, 379 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,679 Speaker 1: we are over halfway through this list now, we're going 380 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:43,399 Speaker 1: to touch on one more mistake that made the list 381 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:46,919 Speaker 1: the early parts of the list before taking a break. 382 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,399 Speaker 1: And it's different from everything we've kind of talked to. 383 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,800 Speaker 1: It's different from friendship, it's different from money. It has 384 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:57,359 Speaker 1: to do with our health. The biggest health mistake on 385 00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 1: the list was smoking. I wish I'd never smoked my 386 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 1: first cigarette. I wish I hadn't started vaping. I wish 387 00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:07,719 Speaker 1: nicotine had never entered my life. That was repeated time 388 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 1: and time again. One person wrote in who was in 389 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,560 Speaker 1: their fifties, and the way she found the podcast was 390 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,760 Speaker 1: that she'd listened to a few episodes with her daughter, 391 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,480 Speaker 1: and she wrote in to me when I was asking 392 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:22,240 Speaker 1: people for their biggest mistakes, saying how she'd started smoking 393 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:25,480 Speaker 1: at twenty to impress a guy, she got addicted, and 394 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,440 Speaker 1: as everyone else around her, slowly quit when they left 395 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,560 Speaker 1: for college, when they had kids, when they got married, 396 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,520 Speaker 1: she didn't and I have permission from her to share this, 397 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,280 Speaker 1: but she basically said, I've never been able to run 398 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:40,000 Speaker 1: more than a kilometer. My kids have asked me multiple times, 399 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,639 Speaker 1: so many times to quit, and I know in my 400 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,880 Speaker 1: heart one day I will get an unthinkable call from 401 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 1: the doctor, and it will be cancer. If only I 402 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,520 Speaker 1: was twenty again and I could reverse it all and 403 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:54,160 Speaker 1: reverse this decision. That kind of left me a little 404 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:58,760 Speaker 1: bit speechless, you know, hearing from someone this big reflection 405 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,800 Speaker 1: in their life and almost this there's like it almost 406 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:05,320 Speaker 1: felt like she was like begging people in their twenties 407 00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:09,000 Speaker 1: to just take their health more seriously as someone who 408 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:12,000 Speaker 1: could see what happens when you don't. And we can 409 00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:15,600 Speaker 1: learn so much from stories like that. And yes, smoking 410 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 1: is highly addictive. It's calming, you know, it looks cool, 411 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:23,320 Speaker 1: it's cultural, it's social. It's also a habit that does 412 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:27,920 Speaker 1: damage that time cannot repair. And when you're young and healthy, 413 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,560 Speaker 1: you have the benefit of not having to think about that, 414 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:36,080 Speaker 1: but your older self is begging current you to think 415 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: about them, to think about the future, to think about 416 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,479 Speaker 1: how you're gonna feel when you really start to see 417 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,360 Speaker 1: the very dangerous side effects of this habit nowadays as well. 418 00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:47,960 Speaker 1: You know, it's not just smoking. I also heard a 419 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,520 Speaker 1: lot about vaping. You know, for the first time in decades, 420 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 1: I was looking at this research the other day. The 421 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:56,480 Speaker 1: use of nicotine has like shot way up, Like there 422 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,080 Speaker 1: was this very steady trajectory over the years of like 423 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,879 Speaker 1: nicotine intake going down going down with education, with people 424 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:06,159 Speaker 1: learning the consequences. But when vaping was introduced, you know, 425 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,320 Speaker 1: it's like this new thing, and with any new thing, 426 00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:14,840 Speaker 1: there's not long term research into the health consequences, and 427 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,760 Speaker 1: it was definitely marketed as like a healthy alternative and 428 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,360 Speaker 1: like something that wasn't as bad for you as smoking. 429 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,880 Speaker 1: This is what I think about that when people say, like, oh, 430 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 1: but smoking up, but vaping is so much healthier than smoking, 431 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,560 Speaker 1: I think, like, that's like saying getting stabbed is a 432 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:34,280 Speaker 1: healthier alternative to being shot with a gun, Like it 433 00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 1: might be true, but a knife still isn't gonna feel great, 434 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,520 Speaker 1: and it's still gonna hurt, and it's still not particularly 435 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:44,240 Speaker 1: good for you. So I would really encourage people who 436 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,879 Speaker 1: do vape and want to stop just to read up 437 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,600 Speaker 1: on the health consequences. We now are seeing studies come out. 438 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 1: There was a twenty twenty three study titled E Cigarette 439 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:57,359 Speaker 1: Harms Aggregate Evidence that shows damage to biological systems. If 440 00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,719 Speaker 1: you want to get nerdy and read that study, it's 441 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,760 Speaker 1: one of the first long term ones that shows what 442 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,640 Speaker 1: is really happening to your lungs and your body when 443 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,480 Speaker 1: you vape. Wow, I feel like I'm I feel like 444 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,399 Speaker 1: I'm like a health advertisement right now. But I'm going 445 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 1: to take a short break now that I've kind of 446 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 1: drilled into you a number of mistakes, I'm gonna let 447 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,520 Speaker 1: you process some of them. Get a cup of tea, 448 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,639 Speaker 1: get a glass of water. When we return, we're going 449 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:25,200 Speaker 1: to talk about mistakes related to family taking risks, and 450 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:29,080 Speaker 1: why seemingly more people are seeing college as a mistake 451 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:37,959 Speaker 1: these days. So stay with us. So our careers are 452 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,439 Speaker 1: probably I'm going to say this, our biggest source of 453 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 1: stress and anguish in our twenties. You know, big questions 454 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 1: to do with our careers. What's our dream job? Will 455 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,440 Speaker 1: I ever find something I care about? Like? How can 456 00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,400 Speaker 1: I create the lifestyle that I want? Will I ever 457 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 1: have a sense of purpose? Big questions, my friends. A 458 00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:59,120 Speaker 1: lot of that starts with should I go to college? 459 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,159 Speaker 1: Should I get an education? Or should I get my 460 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 1: foot in the door career wise and get experience and 461 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,840 Speaker 1: kind of not get a degree right now, but go back. 462 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,480 Speaker 1: The interesting thing that I found is that there was 463 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,119 Speaker 1: almost a fifty to fifty split just in the people 464 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:16,879 Speaker 1: that DMed me or reached out to me. Between the 465 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:20,199 Speaker 1: people who said college was a mistake and it was 466 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,400 Speaker 1: a waste of money and people who said I regret 467 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 1: not going to college and not prioritizing my education, it's 468 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,119 Speaker 1: very interesting, and I think obviously you're probably listening to 469 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:33,960 Speaker 1: this being like, well, that doesn't help me, But let's 470 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,359 Speaker 1: have a little bit of a discussion around why people 471 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 1: said college wasn't worth it and the people who said 472 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,200 Speaker 1: that they wish they had done it. I think these days, 473 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,639 Speaker 1: going to university just kind of seems like the necessary 474 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,720 Speaker 1: next step for a lot of us. But having a degree, 475 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,520 Speaker 1: we all know this, like, it doesn't necessarily guarantee you 476 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:54,720 Speaker 1: a job, even having a master's, even having a PhD. 477 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:59,400 Speaker 1: You know, it's incredibly costly, it's a huge time investment, 478 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:04,160 Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily guarantee that you're going to be further ahead 479 00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:07,199 Speaker 1: or have more opportunities. That is why I think a 480 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:12,760 Speaker 1: lot of people are starting to question its kind of necessity. Personally, 481 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,040 Speaker 1: I think education is always valuable. It is an asset, 482 00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:18,639 Speaker 1: even if it's an asset that more and more people have. 483 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,399 Speaker 1: It gives you more than just skills just being in 484 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:23,600 Speaker 1: that environment, you know, it gives you a network, it 485 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:27,080 Speaker 1: gives you mentors, it exposes you to ambitious people and 486 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,320 Speaker 1: just people who will become your friends and will help 487 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,320 Speaker 1: you get ahead. But if you don't have a specific 488 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,960 Speaker 1: thing that you want to do, and you're just going 489 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:38,199 Speaker 1: to college or university to ticket off the list, and 490 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:42,159 Speaker 1: you're not being present in your classes, you're not paying attention, 491 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:45,520 Speaker 1: you're not really getting involved in that experience. You feel 492 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:48,720 Speaker 1: like you have no motivation at all, it might actually 493 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,879 Speaker 1: not be worth it. And that's what some people are 494 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,639 Speaker 1: saying to me. Instead, like going into the workplace, taking 495 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:59,520 Speaker 1: a gap year, those might be more valuable in giving 496 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:03,000 Speaker 1: you mature, already inexperience and more of a direction. And 497 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:06,159 Speaker 1: they should be presented as things that are valuable to 498 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,720 Speaker 1: do at any stage. But also straight out of high school. 499 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,040 Speaker 1: It should be just as normalized to go and get 500 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,560 Speaker 1: an apprenticeship or to go on work, or to go 501 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,800 Speaker 1: and you know, travel abroad after high school as it 502 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,919 Speaker 1: is to just like jump straight into university otherwise. And 503 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,480 Speaker 1: I've spoken to people who feel this way. You know, 504 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,400 Speaker 1: you wake up at twenty one, twenty two, twenty three, 505 00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,240 Speaker 1: you've just graduated university, and you realize that you have 506 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 1: spent nineteen to twenty years being in school like. This 507 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,720 Speaker 1: was a realization I had when I graduated from UNI. 508 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:39,480 Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, this is the first 509 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,440 Speaker 1: time in my life that I'm going to spend more 510 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:48,680 Speaker 1: than three months not studying or not like being in 511 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:52,080 Speaker 1: a classroom. And if you haven't done some soul searching 512 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:55,560 Speaker 1: during that period, like and if education is all you've 513 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,640 Speaker 1: ever known, like you, you're going to feel quite lost 514 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:03,160 Speaker 1: and you feel a bit scared. So it is something 515 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,080 Speaker 1: to consider. Is this necessarily the best thing for me 516 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,720 Speaker 1: to do right now? Don't? I can't answer for you, 517 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,440 Speaker 1: but just take that wisdom and do what you want 518 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:15,520 Speaker 1: with it. I've also been loving this idea recently of 519 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:21,000 Speaker 1: people who take their retirement throughout their life rather than 520 00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:24,000 Speaker 1: just at the end of their life, you know, normalizing 521 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:29,040 Speaker 1: not needing to save up all your experiences for your sixties, 522 00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:34,240 Speaker 1: but having them throughout your career and throughout your professional life, 523 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:38,760 Speaker 1: taking little mini gap years, taking like mini sabbaticals, and 524 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,080 Speaker 1: you know, anything can happen. I always remember this story. 525 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,200 Speaker 1: I was told of this couple who were in their 526 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:47,040 Speaker 1: sixties and they were nearing retirement. The wife had retired. 527 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:51,040 Speaker 1: The husband hadn't, and he kept saying, oh, let me 528 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,040 Speaker 1: just one more year. We could just get a little 529 00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,520 Speaker 1: bit extra money, one more year, one more year, and 530 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:57,959 Speaker 1: then and then we can go and finally have all 531 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,480 Speaker 1: the money that we want for this big, amazing trip. 532 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:03,960 Speaker 1: And she had a heart attack and she died before 533 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,480 Speaker 1: they could do that. You know, he was six months 534 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:10,560 Speaker 1: out from like finally saying like, I'm done, and she'd 535 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:13,200 Speaker 1: been retired for six years and she never got to 536 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,760 Speaker 1: do those things. And that can happen, Like life is 537 00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:20,680 Speaker 1: very unpredictable. So do what you want to do whilst 538 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:24,640 Speaker 1: you have the youth, and whilst you have the time, 539 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,600 Speaker 1: and whilst you have the desire to do it. So 540 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,200 Speaker 1: this kind of relates to three other common mistakes that 541 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 1: I heard, which were people regretting not having a gap year, 542 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,280 Speaker 1: people making the mistake of jumping right into work and 543 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,520 Speaker 1: feeling too and messed with their professional identity so that 544 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:41,160 Speaker 1: it made it very hard for them to quit a 545 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:43,240 Speaker 1: job or quit a career or take a step back. 546 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:47,920 Speaker 1: And number three, people feeling like they haven't traveled enough 547 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 1: and they haven't explored and now they're in a period 548 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:52,920 Speaker 1: where they're settling down and they regret that we live 549 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,640 Speaker 1: in a current state of the world, in a current 550 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:59,960 Speaker 1: society that is very much dictated by what your resume 551 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 1: looks like, what you've achieved, your job title, your dedication 552 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:08,400 Speaker 1: to the hustle, what you can present is successful to others, 553 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:10,640 Speaker 1: and that can be very hard to step away from. 554 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:12,800 Speaker 1: It can be very hard to step away from because 555 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:16,440 Speaker 1: often there's this implicit idea that if you take a 556 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,880 Speaker 1: break or you do something for your personal development, you're 557 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,480 Speaker 1: going to miss out on a critical formative, formative period 558 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,640 Speaker 1: for your professional development. And by the time you come back, 559 00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:28,760 Speaker 1: like you've missed the boat, you're never going to get 560 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:32,120 Speaker 1: that time back. You are falling so far behind you'll 561 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:35,600 Speaker 1: never be able to catch up. It's a common myth. 562 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,160 Speaker 1: Here's two things that I'll say to that. Building your 563 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,880 Speaker 1: career is not linear. People can get somewhere in five years, 564 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:44,840 Speaker 1: and it's going to take someone else thirty years to 565 00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:48,400 Speaker 1: get to that same place. It's what happened during those 566 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,920 Speaker 1: years in terms of your life experience that matters more 567 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,960 Speaker 1: and will matter more at the end of the day. Secondly, 568 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,080 Speaker 1: if we think back to that list from people on 569 00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:00,480 Speaker 1: their deathbeds, people who have their whole life to kind 570 00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:03,600 Speaker 1: of survey and examine the number two regret. They say, 571 00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:05,480 Speaker 1: not just people in their twenties, people like in their 572 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:09,200 Speaker 1: eighties and nineties, I wish I hadn't worked so hard. 573 00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,520 Speaker 1: These are people who have every reason, to be honest, 574 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:16,960 Speaker 1: who have years more of life lessons than we do, 575 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,640 Speaker 1: who would probably give anything to have a second shot 576 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:23,120 Speaker 1: to live a life with the wisdom they have now, 577 00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:27,720 Speaker 1: and they have gifted us that wisdom. We want wealth, 578 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:30,520 Speaker 1: we want success, and the reason many of us want 579 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:31,880 Speaker 1: that is so at the end of the day, we 580 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,680 Speaker 1: can travel, we can sit and enjoy life. We can 581 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:38,320 Speaker 1: have nice things. You can also have them now. This 582 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,080 Speaker 1: is actually the best time to travel. It's the best 583 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:43,160 Speaker 1: time to explore. You might not have the big budget 584 00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:45,920 Speaker 1: that you want, but you do have your youth, and 585 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 1: you do have the opportunities to make really great stories 586 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,760 Speaker 1: and develop experiences and skills that will impact you for longer. 587 00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:55,960 Speaker 1: You are the youngest you will ever be the healthiest. 588 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:59,000 Speaker 1: Most likely, you have the stamina. You don't have obligations. 589 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:01,360 Speaker 1: Older people have the money, but they don't have all 590 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:05,160 Speaker 1: that you have. Now. Another mistake people felt that they 591 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:09,440 Speaker 1: made was not taking risks, not chasing their dream and 592 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:14,520 Speaker 1: in a similar vein wasting time thinking rather than doing. 593 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,640 Speaker 1: This really reminds me of another story that I was 594 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:22,920 Speaker 1: told by someone recently about her mother and how her 595 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,600 Speaker 1: mother trained to be an accountant and she spent all 596 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,320 Speaker 1: of these years working her way up being an accountant, 597 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:30,240 Speaker 1: and then like thirty years into the career, she was 598 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:32,960 Speaker 1: like had a complete mental breakdown and was just like, 599 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:36,080 Speaker 1: I've wasted so much of my time. I feel so unhappy. 600 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,600 Speaker 1: She read The Artist's Way. If you know that book, 601 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,040 Speaker 1: she references a lot. It's incredible. She read The Artist's 602 00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,280 Speaker 1: Way and she dropped everything and became an artist. And 603 00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:48,640 Speaker 1: now she's an incredibly successful artist. And the real moral 604 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:50,760 Speaker 1: of the story is something that she said to my friend, 605 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:54,080 Speaker 1: which now feels permanently kind of seered into my brain. 606 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,360 Speaker 1: The safe option is the safe option for a reason 607 00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:00,480 Speaker 1: because it will always be there, because you can always 608 00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:03,520 Speaker 1: go back to it. People can't always say the same 609 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:08,600 Speaker 1: about their dreams. It's something I've definitely seen. Big dreams 610 00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:11,279 Speaker 1: that you have for your life, big dreams that are 611 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:14,960 Speaker 1: really calling out to you, they don't always wait around, 612 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,279 Speaker 1: and it becomes harder and harder to do them the 613 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:20,960 Speaker 1: older you get. If you want some research to back 614 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,399 Speaker 1: this up, because obviously I can't just go a whole 615 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:27,520 Speaker 1: episode without citing at least one paper, You've got to 616 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,080 Speaker 1: hear about this study that they did at Core now. 617 00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:34,040 Speaker 1: So this team of research is they recruited hundreds of 618 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:36,359 Speaker 1: participants to share their regrets, kind of like what I'm 619 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:39,920 Speaker 1: doing now, but professionally, and they then divided all of 620 00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:43,520 Speaker 1: these regrets and their answers into two different categories. Those 621 00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:47,319 Speaker 1: involving the ideal self i e. What you dreamed you'd 622 00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:49,880 Speaker 1: be or what you felt and in a drive to become, 623 00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,960 Speaker 1: and regrets involving the ought to self i e. Those 624 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,920 Speaker 1: that dealt with not meeting expectations or the ideals of others. 625 00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:00,400 Speaker 1: Which type of regret do you think was most common? 626 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:08,120 Speaker 1: Ideal self regrets one by a landside, participants had more 627 00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:13,200 Speaker 1: regrets around their ideal self and around things that they 628 00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:16,960 Speaker 1: wish they'd done to make their dreams come true. Over 629 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:20,560 Speaker 1: regrets around things that they wish they'd done to impress others, 630 00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,040 Speaker 1: or regrets over things they wish they'd done because they 631 00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,799 Speaker 1: ought to have done them. So the math is on 632 00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,800 Speaker 1: your side, like, if you want less regret, aim higher 633 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:32,560 Speaker 1: for yourself, do more to become your ideal self, take 634 00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:36,600 Speaker 1: further risks, and it kind of seems like logically, scientifically, 635 00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:39,160 Speaker 1: I could even say, like, you will die a happier 636 00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:44,920 Speaker 1: person with a happier life. Okay, we have three final 637 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:47,920 Speaker 1: mistakes in our list, and they're all very different, and 638 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:50,080 Speaker 1: they were all kind of hard to put into any 639 00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:53,120 Speaker 1: of these other categories. They were standalone regrets. The first 640 00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:56,640 Speaker 1: mistake was not getting help for my mental health. Soon 641 00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:59,320 Speaker 1: I heard this quite a bit, and oh my gosh, 642 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:02,360 Speaker 1: if I personally could only go back in time and 643 00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,840 Speaker 1: tell myself this, I think I would have saved myself 644 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,719 Speaker 1: a lot of suffering. Your mental health is your most 645 00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:11,919 Speaker 1: precious asset. People say it's physical health, it's your mental 646 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:15,719 Speaker 1: health by far because it comes from the mind, and 647 00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:19,360 Speaker 1: the mind really does control a whole lot. It controls everything. 648 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:23,040 Speaker 1: If your mind is suffering, everything else will suffer. It 649 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:26,920 Speaker 1: controls who you are, what you think about yourself, your beliefs, 650 00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:32,839 Speaker 1: your dreams, your interests, your relationships, everything. So please tend 651 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,120 Speaker 1: to this part of you like it is the precious 652 00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:39,959 Speaker 1: asset that it is, especially when you're young, because you 653 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,160 Speaker 1: can learn so many skills that will carry you through 654 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:45,640 Speaker 1: and give you a healthier life mentally if you learn 655 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,840 Speaker 1: them earlier. Know that as well. No matter how stuck 656 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:52,240 Speaker 1: you feel, how hard it is right now, people trained 657 00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:53,880 Speaker 1: for years to be able to help you through this, 658 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,680 Speaker 1: and they will be able to help you through this. 659 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,960 Speaker 1: They have thousands of tools to help you feel better 660 00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,719 Speaker 1: and more like yourself. One of them will work. So 661 00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:04,360 Speaker 1: if you have been putting it off, if you've been 662 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:07,080 Speaker 1: waiting for the right time, thinking that you can get 663 00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:10,200 Speaker 1: through it on your own, basically, no, you don't have to. 664 00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:14,440 Speaker 1: The second kind of standalone regret that I heard a lot, 665 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:18,400 Speaker 1: or mistake was not asking my parents important questions and 666 00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:22,080 Speaker 1: not spending time with them. When we're in our twenties, 667 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:26,479 Speaker 1: we go through a very natural period of separation from 668 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:29,680 Speaker 1: our families. It's everyone does. It's an important stage in 669 00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:34,160 Speaker 1: our development. It's known in developmental psychology as individuation. You 670 00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:37,440 Speaker 1: have to be able to form your own independent identity 671 00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,800 Speaker 1: away from the safety and the structure of the family. 672 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:44,440 Speaker 1: But at some stage you do emerge from this period 673 00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:48,000 Speaker 1: and you kind of come back to your parents and 674 00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,160 Speaker 1: come back to your family members and see them differently, 675 00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:52,320 Speaker 1: and I think the way you see them now is 676 00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:56,160 Speaker 1: not equals, but as the adults that they are with 677 00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,160 Speaker 1: complex lives, the same way that you have a complex 678 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,440 Speaker 1: in all life, and you want to know more about them. 679 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,520 Speaker 1: You want to know more about who they were before 680 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,160 Speaker 1: they were a parent, who they were before they were 681 00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:09,280 Speaker 1: a partner, who they were as a child, all these things. 682 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:13,399 Speaker 1: Don't miss that opportunity and don't miss that window. I've 683 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:15,960 Speaker 1: been doing this with my own grandparents a lot recently. 684 00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:18,920 Speaker 1: I feel very lucky that, you know, I still have 685 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:23,640 Speaker 1: three very healthy and a live grandparents who have incredible stories, 686 00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:25,360 Speaker 1: and every time I see them, I really make an 687 00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:27,560 Speaker 1: effort to just say, you know, what was like the 688 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,520 Speaker 1: snacks that you liked when you were my age, or 689 00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:31,880 Speaker 1: what was your best friend's name? Or what did you 690 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,320 Speaker 1: learn from your first job? Just like small questions, because 691 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:37,920 Speaker 1: they are literally like a textbook on how to live 692 00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,920 Speaker 1: a good life, and they're a textbook that I have 693 00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,319 Speaker 1: access to that is like literally right there and open 694 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,680 Speaker 1: and ready for me to learn from. A lot of 695 00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:49,600 Speaker 1: people spoke about having lost their parents or you know, 696 00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:52,439 Speaker 1: things happening that has meant that they can't really stay 697 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:56,120 Speaker 1: in touch with them and the mistake that really feels 698 00:38:56,160 --> 00:39:01,439 Speaker 1: like and how that weighs heavy the final mistake on 699 00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:04,680 Speaker 1: this list, and I feel like it is the best 700 00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:11,279 Speaker 1: place to end, not spending more time alone getting to 701 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:15,600 Speaker 1: know myself. An interesting thing about this one was that 702 00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:18,959 Speaker 1: this was one that I heard a lot more from 703 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:22,520 Speaker 1: older people, a lot more from people over the age 704 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:26,319 Speaker 1: of forty. It feels like an important one to finish with. 705 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:28,880 Speaker 1: I say this in my book, I say this on 706 00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,880 Speaker 1: my podcast so many times that if you're a frequent listener, 707 00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:33,720 Speaker 1: you're probably going to be annoyed that I'm saying it again, 708 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:37,200 Speaker 1: and I apologize in advance. But there is only one 709 00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:40,440 Speaker 1: relationship that you will have your entire life. There is 710 00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:43,720 Speaker 1: one person you will spend more time with than anyone 711 00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:50,000 Speaker 1: else in existence, and that's you. You are always there, 712 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,080 Speaker 1: You will always be with you. There's a quote I 713 00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,880 Speaker 1: love from Carl Jung, which is the privilege of a 714 00:39:55,960 --> 00:40:00,480 Speaker 1: lifetime is to know who you truly are. And that 715 00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,799 Speaker 1: starts with really being able to spend time alone, to 716 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:06,000 Speaker 1: put a mirror up to your soul and your sense 717 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:09,120 Speaker 1: of self and examine it, Explore the parts of you 718 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:14,000 Speaker 1: that feel uncomfortable, try new things, be present with your thoughts, 719 00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:17,719 Speaker 1: go on dates with yourself. Just know what you want 720 00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,520 Speaker 1: from life and who you are. It is the foundation 721 00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:23,480 Speaker 1: upon which all other stuff is built. I know how 722 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,080 Speaker 1: easy it is personally to fill up your social calendar 723 00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,680 Speaker 1: and to never have a Friday or a Saturday off, 724 00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,840 Speaker 1: to feel like you're failing. If you are, I'll have 725 00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:36,000 Speaker 1: this intense pomo or to always be dating people. The 726 00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:39,560 Speaker 1: quiet moments that you end up having when you do 727 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:43,360 Speaker 1: that will feel very scary, when in fact, when you 728 00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:47,320 Speaker 1: practice having time alone, you'll realize that it's very fulfilling 729 00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:50,960 Speaker 1: and that it is the key to living a good 730 00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:54,839 Speaker 1: life if you can really hone in on what you 731 00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,279 Speaker 1: actually want from life, what you want from your relationships, 732 00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:00,440 Speaker 1: and also what you want from yourself. And that's important 733 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,200 Speaker 1: work that you shouldn't put off. That should be your 734 00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:07,440 Speaker 1: number one priority. That's where the list ends. That is 735 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:11,200 Speaker 1: our final mistake from this list. I hope that you've 736 00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:13,040 Speaker 1: taken something away from this. I hope that you've learned 737 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:16,040 Speaker 1: from this. There are definitely probably there were a lot 738 00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:19,640 Speaker 1: more mistakes that people mentioned, Like, by no means was 739 00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:22,040 Speaker 1: I able to include every single little thing that people 740 00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:24,040 Speaker 1: said was a mistake. Some of them were very specific, 741 00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:28,000 Speaker 1: But if there is one that you think we haven't 742 00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:31,120 Speaker 1: touched on that is important that you have learned from 743 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:35,040 Speaker 1: through your own life experience, leave a comment below. Leave 744 00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,600 Speaker 1: a comment in just below the episode description. What is 745 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,920 Speaker 1: the biggest mistake you feel like you have made in 746 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,600 Speaker 1: your twenties and what do you think people can learn 747 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:44,640 Speaker 1: from that. This kind of wisdom is the kind that 748 00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,799 Speaker 1: feels really really important. And I really loved being able 749 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,799 Speaker 1: to investigate this and just like you know, I don't know, 750 00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:54,120 Speaker 1: kind of like revive my research days. So I hope 751 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,839 Speaker 1: you enjoyed it. I hope you liked this episode. Share 752 00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:59,120 Speaker 1: it with a friend who you think may benefit from 753 00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:03,560 Speaker 1: it as well. Leave a comment like subscribe all those things. 754 00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:05,960 Speaker 1: Leave a five star review as well if you feel 755 00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,839 Speaker 1: cool to do so. It really does help the show 756 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:11,399 Speaker 1: grow and expand and reach new people. And make sure 757 00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:14,680 Speaker 1: you're following me at that Psychology podcast as well on 758 00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:17,440 Speaker 1: Instagram if you want to contribute to further episodes. A 759 00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:19,480 Speaker 1: lot of what I learned and what I shared in 760 00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:22,759 Speaker 1: today's episodes came from dms and came from people who 761 00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:25,920 Speaker 1: follow me on Instagram who were able to contribute, so 762 00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,560 Speaker 1: I hope to see you over there, But until next time, 763 00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:32,000 Speaker 1: stay safe, be kind, be gentle with yourself, and we 764 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:33,520 Speaker 1: will talk very very soon.