Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning.
Speaker 2: The Breakfast Club Morning, everybody instej Envy, Jess Hilarious, Charlamagne
Speaker 2: the God.
Speaker 1: We are the Breakfast Club, La La Rosa is here,
Speaker 1: and we got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed,
Speaker 1: Kerry Hilston. Welcome, Thank you.
Speaker 3: How are you feeling, Oh man, I feel good.
Speaker 1: It's been it's been a long time since we've seen
Speaker 1: you back with some music.
Speaker 4: Where you've been how many times you don't heard that question?
Speaker 4: Since you've been making the rounds? Where you've been? Where
Speaker 4: you've been a lot? I've been.
Speaker 5: I've been around. I've been alive, clearly, I've been doing movies.
Speaker 5: I had been doing making music, couldn't release it, but
Speaker 5: been around.
Speaker 3: I've definitely been around release it.
Speaker 5: I've been finding my happy contractual issues, you know, So
Speaker 5: is that all over the freedom?
Speaker 3: That's all over? I'm free. I belong to myself.
Speaker 6: I was an independute Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, okay, is that your choice?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Wow?
Speaker 5: Like because really, because I'm not the same girl I
Speaker 5: was at twenty when I signed that contract. However old
Speaker 5: I was, it was around that early twenties. Like, I'm
Speaker 5: I'm not that person anymore. And now I deserve a
Speaker 5: lot more say in my career and the decisions I
Speaker 5: make and the songs that I'm cutting and the and releasing,
Speaker 5: and you know, I just you deserve that control.
Speaker 3: You've kind of outgrown things.
Speaker 2: So people would think that, you know, as an artist,
Speaker 2: you're able to do what you want to do musically,
Speaker 2: but you're basically saying that's not necessarily true.
Speaker 5: It was not the case for me. I was signed
Speaker 5: to a label and a sub label that had its
Speaker 5: own heads, you know what I mean. So yeah, there
Speaker 5: were there were I released songs that I didn't really love.
Speaker 5: I had to record songs I didn't love. So even
Speaker 5: though I was known like as a songwriter, I was
Speaker 5: a new artist. So there are things that you kind
Speaker 5: of you got to play the politics game. And to me,
Speaker 5: that to me, that doesn't really go with art being political.
Speaker 4: So yeah, I wonder why wouldn't they trust you, especially
Speaker 4: because of your.
Speaker 5: Opinion, right, I mean, I think to a certain but again,
Speaker 5: it was just politics sometimes over the my feelings, the
Speaker 5: statements I want to make the artists I see myself
Speaker 5: as It was just like, no, but you have to
Speaker 5: we have to have a song by this producer, because
Speaker 5: I've had this side conversation with that producer, promised them
Speaker 5: a song on your album basically, and no matter how
Speaker 5: the session turned out, we got to put this out.
Speaker 5: So it's like, you know, things like that can happen.
Speaker 5: And no, I didn't have to say because I wasn't distributing.
Speaker 5: I wasn't you know what I mean on that end
Speaker 5: of things.
Speaker 4: When you think about carry Hillston, like you were everywhere
Speaker 4: in the late two thousands writing, you were your own artists,
Speaker 4: and then you took a step back. Was that intentional
Speaker 4: or was it the industry bullshit kind of made you like,
Speaker 4: you know what, I don't want to be involved? Or
Speaker 4: did they push you out a little bit?
Speaker 3: Like what was it of the industry? No?
Speaker 5: No, it was definitely very intentional. I was actually going
Speaker 5: through quite a bit personally. I was really really depressed
Speaker 5: and at the height of my an album One night
Speaker 5: Stand was out, Pretty Gold Rock was out, These are
Speaker 5: huge you know, Knock You Down was still even in rotation,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean, Like things were really really good.
Speaker 3: But I was really really low, really really bad.
Speaker 6: But it was.
Speaker 5: Personal for the most part, and some professional woes again,
Speaker 5: not having a say in decisions that are being made
Speaker 5: that I have to stand for and represent and and
Speaker 5: do that with whatever level of grace I could have
Speaker 5: for those decisions being made for me, and just kind
Speaker 5: of just you don't you don't always agree with who
Speaker 5: you do business with. Absolutely, and so but yeah, that
Speaker 5: wasn't it was not. It was my choice for sure.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 2: And how'd you get out of that phone? Because you
Speaker 2: went to depression? How did you get out of that depressure?
Speaker 1: Was it more? Writing? Was it family?
Speaker 4: Was it?
Speaker 3: All of it?
Speaker 5: All of that and vacations and philanthropy and all the things,
Speaker 5: exercising and and like journaling, writing, you know, privately and
Speaker 5: for others, spiritual retreats, journey. Yeah, I went on what
Speaker 5: I call Eat, Pray Love.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: So, and there were times where I would just say
Speaker 5: yes to shows that were in places that I wanted
Speaker 5: to visit, you know what I mean, Yeah, like otherwise
Speaker 5: I'm not performing like I want to go there.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: So yeah, So it's just that So with the album
Speaker 6: We Need to Talk, you have this digital series and
Speaker 6: we had this conversation. So it's like, yes, whatever, but
Speaker 6: so you have this digital series called we Need to
Speaker 6: Talk as well, and it's like called you to you
Speaker 6: conversation it's carry Hilston or carry Lynn talking to Kry Hilson. Yeah,
Speaker 6: and you got very versus me, you versus you. You
Speaker 6: got very indeptht about a bunch of different things. Relationship. Uh,
Speaker 6: you know, just coming back and doing this whole thing again,
Speaker 6: the press runs and all that different stuff. And now
Speaker 6: you've been out, you've been talking to some press. Is
Speaker 6: it what you expected it to be? Do you feel
Speaker 6: like people are like cause it kind of seemed like
Speaker 6: you think you thought people were going to be out
Speaker 6: to get you when you wanted to protect yourself from that.
Speaker 6: Coming back into it, I still think that she's very
Speaker 6: like skeptical.
Speaker 1: I'm just cautious.
Speaker 5: It has right because it wasn't this salacious. It wasn't
Speaker 5: quite this like ugly or nasty or like you know,
Speaker 5: driven by negativity.
Speaker 3: It just wasn't that.
Speaker 5: When I was, when when I was last year sitting
Speaker 5: in this chair. So yeah, I'm freaking. It was already
Speaker 5: exactly exactly, and now it's just worse. So yes, that
Speaker 5: that fear is real. That is that is a dialogue
Speaker 5: that I have with myself daily. It's it's literally a
Speaker 5: prayer at night. It's just like ah and and the
Speaker 5: struggle really is how authentic and truthful can I be
Speaker 5: when I don't feel safe, like when that is not intact,
Speaker 5: when your safety is not there. Just like in a relationship,
Speaker 5: you're not your most vulnerable when you don't feel safe, Like, no,
Speaker 5: you're not going to open up, You're not going to
Speaker 5: have these innermost feelings be expressed.
Speaker 3: But it's part of what we do. So I have
Speaker 3: to find that even in the environment. So yes, that's.
Speaker 6: How the last couple of days been for you. Has
Speaker 6: it been triggering?
Speaker 4: Not yet?
Speaker 5: I think that doesn't really happen until the clickbait begins.
Speaker 3: So as these.
Speaker 5: Interviews are rolling out and you see how things could
Speaker 5: get twisted and how people misunderstand what you're saying, or
Speaker 5: how the commenters will choose the most negative perception to
Speaker 5: have about what you stated, You know what I mean,
Speaker 5: that's the scary parts.
Speaker 2: I love the people you missed the love because I've
Speaker 2: seen you what last year we would Ennore Michael B.
Speaker 1: Jordan's thing and the love was amazing.
Speaker 2: I've seen another time overseas in one of the Caribbean
Speaker 2: Islandy were perform when I was DJing and the love
Speaker 2: was there?
Speaker 1: Do you miss that part of it?
Speaker 2: Do you only focus on the negativity and forget about
Speaker 2: that part?
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no.
Speaker 5: I think it's just different with how people treat interviews
Speaker 5: and then how people treat your craft that state that
Speaker 5: remained the same because that was literally all I was doing.
Speaker 5: I wasn't doing interviews, so I always I don't miss
Speaker 5: I couldn't miss the love because I was still performing,
Speaker 5: and even when I went to movies and things like that,
Speaker 5: like it was just it's been all love. I just
Speaker 5: know stepping back into music is a different That's the
Speaker 5: only difference is the interviews and the clickbait and the
Speaker 5: it's just talking. I just be like, all right, how
Speaker 5: many ways can this be taken?
Speaker 3: Prepare for it?
Speaker 5: Get ready because people are committed to misunderstanding who you
Speaker 5: are and it becomes now a character attack, and I
Speaker 5: don't that's kind of difficult when you do feel as
Speaker 5: though you're a good person and you do do right
Speaker 5: by people, and you have integrity and you move in
Speaker 5: a certain, you know way.
Speaker 2: The sad thing about is, you know, we reward negativity,
Speaker 2: you know, and me and Charlemagne had this conversation all
Speaker 2: the time. Somebody can get on you know, social media
Speaker 2: right now and talk about your outfit right and be
Speaker 2: nasty as hell. They get a million views, gets paid
Speaker 2: off for that, or she gets paid off for that.
Speaker 1: So what does it do.
Speaker 2: They'll make them They'll do it again and again. They'll
Speaker 2: do it again and it's it's positive and they get
Speaker 2: paid for it. So you got to understand that and
Speaker 2: take it with a grain of salt.
Speaker 3: Facts.
Speaker 4: You should do the R and B Money podcast. And
Speaker 4: the reason I say that, Valentine, yes, is because you
Speaker 4: made me think about something. It's like, well, damn, is
Speaker 4: there a safe space for artists? And it's like, Yo,
Speaker 4: when you see artists who start their own platforms, they
Speaker 4: probably understand, they overstand how that safe space for.
Speaker 3: You they have. And I've done it. I've actually done
Speaker 3: the Army. Yeah we did it. Was that last year
Speaker 3: or year a minute ago? I think it was last year.
Speaker 6: I said it was a minute ago because I watched
Speaker 6: it in preparation.
Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, I think it was around the time when
Speaker 5: we went on tour.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so it was mid last year.
Speaker 4: So when you talk about the depression, and you talk
Speaker 4: about the spiritual journey, the spiritual healing. What did that
Speaker 4: chapter of your life teach you about purpose?
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
Speaker 5: It taught me how dangerous it is to step away
Speaker 5: from your purpose, to step out of your purpose and
Speaker 5: away from your gifts. But it also taught me, on
Speaker 5: the flip side of that, that sometimes you have to
Speaker 5: do what is necessary to re engage with your purpose
Speaker 5: in a better way. And so both of those things
Speaker 5: happened for me, learning that it was necessary to pick
Speaker 5: it back up, but it was also necessary to you know,
Speaker 5: be boundaried and not have it by any means at
Speaker 5: any cost, but to protect myself in certain ways. So yeah,
Speaker 5: I learned a lot about purpose.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you have a song on the project We Need
Speaker 6: to Talk called weigh Me Down. And then I hear
Speaker 6: you talk about purpose and just stepping back into things.
Speaker 6: And I know there's different things that can weigh a
Speaker 6: person down. But were you ever worried that the weight
Speaker 6: that made you want to step away and take some
Speaker 6: time would make you forget or you know, just lose
Speaker 6: the passion for the purpose.
Speaker 5: Yes, I was concerned with that, and it did happen.
Speaker 5: I lost passion for quite a while, it was really
Speaker 5: difficult to create. At times, my life was radio silent.
Speaker 5: I didn't listen to music. I didn't sing or hum
Speaker 5: in the shower like I did since I was yay high,
Speaker 5: Like I lost so much passion for it, but I
Speaker 5: realized that that was really it was also necessary. Talk
Speaker 5: about clean slate. That's what you know, Me stepping away
Speaker 5: created the cleanest slate possible. And that's why it's so
Speaker 5: scary because I'm so freaking peaceful, Like life is calm,
Speaker 5: it's cool. I like my I like my friendships, I
Speaker 5: like my circles. I like the safety that I feel
Speaker 5: in daily life. And stepping back out into the spotlight,
Speaker 5: that's what the fear is really all about, is like,
Speaker 5: am I gonna lose how safe I feel? Am I
Speaker 5: gonna lose my peace, my sanity, my mental health? Am
Speaker 5: I going to be affected? It's you know, because it's
Speaker 5: the sleep deprivation, and you know, just not just comments.
Speaker 5: I have a thick skin because I'm so much more
Speaker 5: self aware also of who I am and also what
Speaker 5: I'm here to do and what my gifts are, what
Speaker 5: my weak strains and weaknesses, Like I'm very clear, so
Speaker 5: I don't think that they will ever cut me the
Speaker 5: same way, but it being there at all is just
Speaker 5: can spark a little fear.
Speaker 4: Now, how do you protect your piece in an industry
Speaker 4: that thrives off, you know, controversy, negativity, and hate.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I haven't quite all the way figured that out,
Speaker 5: but I think it's a daily I feel like it's
Speaker 5: going to be a daily practice saying no to certain
Speaker 5: environments that you just kind of already know are not
Speaker 5: going to be conducive to what you've I've worked so hard.
Speaker 5: It's like I was telling her yesterday, once you have
Speaker 5: seen darkness, you will fight tooth and nail to never
Speaker 5: see it again, to never have to be that low,
Speaker 5: quite that dark again. And I think it's gonna be
Speaker 5: a daily struggle, a daily not struggle with a daily
Speaker 5: effort in that regard, because you atually.
Speaker 4: Enjoy the process, right, Like I want to walk into
Speaker 4: every room and feel like, Okay, when's the other shoe
Speaker 4: going to drop?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Right? That's no way to live.
Speaker 5: You're right, But I think, yeah, I think there's enough
Speaker 5: about this that I do enjoy that I think it'll
Speaker 5: just overshadow. I'm hoping, but we'll see. I think it's
Speaker 5: gonna be a lot of prayer. It's gonna be meditation,
Speaker 5: it's gonna be listening to the music that you know
Speaker 5: eases and calms my nervous system in moments when that's necessary.
Speaker 5: It's gonna be just making sure that the enjoyable moments
Speaker 5: can be as enjoyable as possible.
Speaker 1: Well, what puts you to come back out then?
Speaker 2: Because I mean it's you're making music, making money from writing.
Speaker 2: You've wroten so many records. I mean, I'm looking at
Speaker 2: your desiography now, it's just so many records. What made
Speaker 2: you say, you know what? I want to put that
Speaker 2: foot back out and go in the line of fire.
Speaker 7: I felt.
Speaker 5: I felt clogged, I felt burdened, clogged, stuck, And that
Speaker 5: would really sum it up. I felt like there I
Speaker 5: had more to more, to say, more to do, because
Speaker 5: I know I say it in the Me versus Me
Speaker 5: series like I wasn't done. I sat down for a second,
Speaker 5: but I never felt done. I toyed with the idea
Speaker 5: like am I am I finished? Do I ever want
Speaker 5: to do that again in that way? But the answer
Speaker 5: was yes, just my way. I have to have a
Speaker 5: certain level of control now over you know, my my image,
Speaker 5: my brand, my words, my my.
Speaker 3: Dialogue, it's just all the stuff.
Speaker 5: But yeah, I just felt like there was there is
Speaker 5: so much more, and I never stopped creating, so I
Speaker 5: also know it's in the arsenal, and my confidence was
Speaker 5: built back up, and I just uh, in recent years,
Speaker 5: I just felt ready.
Speaker 3: I felt ready.
Speaker 2: You think people forgot what's in what you've created, what
Speaker 2: you've written, the songs that you put out, because.
Speaker 1: I'll be honest, I forgot until I just looked at
Speaker 1: the discocrap.
Speaker 2: I'm like Jesus, like, there's so many rep writing both
Speaker 2: and the records that came, and I'm like, there's a lot.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 5: I don't know, and I don't honestly, I kind of
Speaker 5: don't care either, because it's like clean slate.
Speaker 3: Here we are again. Everything.
Speaker 5: People only care about what you do that's new. Sure
Speaker 5: you may have been impacted positively by things that I've done,
Speaker 5: and it was so long ago, and I'm proud and
Speaker 5: I'm really grateful, but I don't know that that matters
Speaker 5: as much to me. I don't look back a lot.
Speaker 5: I'm really focused on what we're Yeah, what I'm venturing
Speaker 5: to do again.
Speaker 6: When we talked before, you talk to me about the
Speaker 6: dark space that you were in and just trying to
Speaker 6: get it out of that, but not kind of it's
Speaker 6: like a hard thing to push yourself ab out of.
Speaker 6: I started thinking about it after the conversation, and I
Speaker 6: know what R and B. A lot of times people
Speaker 6: jokingly say, like, we want R and B artists to
Speaker 6: be in this dark, traumatic place because the music is
Speaker 6: better when you hear people say stuff like that. And
Speaker 6: you didn't got over so much in this peaceful space,
Speaker 6: like do you are you?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 6: No, you'all relaxed because I need to sell some music,
Speaker 6: Like how do you feel about that?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 5: I've also as I stepped away, I was able to
Speaker 5: become a fan again too, like as I was emerging
Speaker 5: and starting to listen and look at the scope.
Speaker 3: And in some.
Speaker 5: Cases they're right, heartbreak makes for a beautiful record.
Speaker 4: Heartbreak though not depression.
Speaker 6: Not depression, it all goes. It all kind of meshes
Speaker 6: together after a while.
Speaker 5: Dark is dark, true, And I never really did dark
Speaker 5: music did. I definitely have f that in music.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
Speaker 5: And not the heart?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have that and I still have that. You
Speaker 3: know that.
Speaker 5: That's that's part of my story. So I'm not doing
Speaker 5: all positive. I think they're right. There are artists that
Speaker 5: we can look at and be like, dang, it just
Speaker 5: never hit quite the same when it was not good.
Speaker 3: And that's sad to say.
Speaker 5: It's it's left up on the artist side, but it's
Speaker 5: there is some truth to that. You have to find
Speaker 5: now new ways of expressing I guess the highs and
Speaker 5: making that cool and fun, and you know, because I
Speaker 5: think people feel the other stuff a lot deeper because
Speaker 5: it's more relatable. Most people know what a messed up
Speaker 5: or toxic relationship feels like, or they know what it's
Speaker 5: like to affect someone in a toxic way or whatever
Speaker 5: that is.
Speaker 3: It's just more compelling.
Speaker 4: What did your ego say when you stepped away? Like
Speaker 4: when you stepped away, like you know, like people may
Speaker 4: not recognize your pin the way that they should. I
Speaker 4: may not recognize the hits, like how was it easy
Speaker 4: for you? That's like an ego has moved to just
Speaker 4: step away and be like, y'all can have it for.
Speaker 5: What did my egos say? I'm sure I'm sure there
Speaker 5: were bruises. There were moments where I wasn't proud of,
Speaker 5: like the like the bookings I would get, you know
Speaker 5: what I mean. There were times where my ego was like,
Speaker 5: I'm better than this.
Speaker 7: Surely I did.
Speaker 6: Just went back, don't tell them, don't play with your checks.
Speaker 5: Okay, I mean yeah, it was never that bad, but
Speaker 5: there were moments where I'm like, surely I'm better than this,
Speaker 5: Like wow, you know, but yeah, there were times I
Speaker 5: definitely had to had to, but I stepped away.
Speaker 3: Again.
Speaker 5: The whole intention behind it was to kind of kill
Speaker 5: my ego. That was the journey I went on, literally
Speaker 5: was like, let's just be a human. Let's, you know,
Speaker 5: try to look as little like Carrie Hillson as you
Speaker 5: can and kind of re emerge as a human as
Speaker 5: a like.
Speaker 3: Who am I?
Speaker 5: I have been in the industry since my first group
Speaker 5: we talked was about I was fourteen years old. We
Speaker 5: signed when I was seventeen, and then I quickly when
Speaker 5: that group disbanded or near the end of it, I
Speaker 5: began songwriting and so my first placement I wrote it seventeen.
Speaker 5: It came out of eighteen. That was my first what
Speaker 5: first five figure check that turned into six figures by
Speaker 5: twenty one, Like, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: So I've been in this industry.
Speaker 5: Now I'm forty two, so that would be twenty years
Speaker 5: in a couple of years. Wow, No, excuse me, thirty
Speaker 5: years years? Good lord, I think I didn't That was
Speaker 5: a I didn't want to admit that.
Speaker 4: Nobody in here is a math major.
Speaker 5: So the YouTube it later, for sure, for sure, I'm like,
Speaker 5: wait now, almost almost thirty years. So yeah, I kind
Speaker 5: of felt like the break was really wanted, and the
Speaker 5: ego kill was necessary too. I wanted to be human,
Speaker 5: and I wanted to be a great one. I wanted
Speaker 5: to be a good human, So like, what is it?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 5: What does that mean? And I had to go on
Speaker 5: that journey and figure that out, you know.
Speaker 4: So there was a point where you looked in the
Speaker 4: mirror fifteen years ago and was like, I don't like
Speaker 4: what I see. I don't like who I'll become.
Speaker 5: Yes, on the low end of that, for sure, not
Speaker 5: necessarily because I felt I had a huge ego, but
Speaker 5: because I had made some mistakes and I had lived
Speaker 5: in shame and embarrassment, and and then too I was
Speaker 5: going through heartbreak. So that was all kind of coupled together.
Speaker 5: So yeah, yeah, I didn't like who I saw because
Speaker 5: I knew that I was a higher vibrating person than
Speaker 5: those things.
Speaker 4: We were.
Speaker 5: Sometimes when you you know, you step away from the integrity,
Speaker 5: or you find yourself in scenarios that you didn't have
Speaker 5: control over that rub rub your spirit in a certain way,
Speaker 5: and you're like, that is that was a mistake I
Speaker 5: really could have done without making.
Speaker 3: You know, and when that happens, you're not gonna like
Speaker 3: who you who you see? Yeah, for many different reasons.
Speaker 2: Your relationships with public though, would you ever have public
Speaker 2: relationships again?
Speaker 3: Or hell no, trying not to.
Speaker 4: I'm trying not to.
Speaker 3: Only two of them, only really one of them?
Speaker 1: Two two?
Speaker 3: Okay, which to you talking about?
Speaker 1: Do your Googles people could do that?
Speaker 6: Google Googles know mine. I'm just wondering.
Speaker 5: Where's Yeah, that would be the one that I would
Speaker 5: say is a public relationship.
Speaker 3: The other was like, okay, fake?
Speaker 4: Which one the young one?
Speaker 5: They were both younger than me, but they were both
Speaker 5: very real.
Speaker 6: I think he's asking about that boy dating. Oh that
Speaker 6: was not There was a there was always a rumor
Speaker 6: that you guys were dating.
Speaker 3: No yees say their names from the sled that all
Speaker 3: the way up. No, no, no, you never.
Speaker 1: Dated Soldier boy.
Speaker 5: No no, I think that that picture where so he.
Speaker 5: I think we might have been in New York actually,
Speaker 5: and we were just at the same studio at the
Speaker 5: same time. I think either studio or was it at
Speaker 5: a show, whatever the case is. It was like a visit,
Speaker 5: like a like a dressing room or studio visit. And
Speaker 5: he came by and it was like, I think our
Speaker 5: first time meeting. And he put his chain on me,
Speaker 5: like he had his chain and I was maybe I
Speaker 5: tried it on. I don't remember how the chain got
Speaker 5: around my neck.
Speaker 4: Is twenty years ago.
Speaker 1: Shut up, like.
Speaker 6: Smell fine, yes, I welcome back.
Speaker 1: Yeah Soldier Boys Okay.
Speaker 5: And pictures were taken and it was just a fun
Speaker 5: moment between two artists. Like that was the beginning of like, oh,
Speaker 5: I can't even take pictures with people because I'm now
Speaker 5: dating everybody. Take a picture with that was like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: so and little Wayne all that same never dated, No,
Speaker 5: just pictures. Chris Brown never dated.
Speaker 6: Any of that because I know as a woman like
Speaker 6: that has to be annoying because you don't have the
Speaker 6: choice to be like this is what I'm actually doing,
Speaker 6: and you take too much time when you're doing it right,
Speaker 6: how much did that impact you career wise or did
Speaker 6: it even or did it just like piss you off
Speaker 6: to the point where it's like I can't say anything
Speaker 6: because Sojia boy or whoever. At the time, they're also
Speaker 6: big artists, So Mike got labels that are like we
Speaker 6: just let it ride. Maybe it's selling music and you're
Speaker 6: trying to be like no, But as a woman, I
Speaker 6: want to say, this is what I'm doing right.
Speaker 5: I think I just spelled all of the ones that
Speaker 5: I wasn't actually dating, but I was doing it on Twitter.
Speaker 5: And you know when people see that's the thing about blogs,
Speaker 5: When they are posting something a story that you know
Speaker 5: is not true, and you come out and say it's
Speaker 5: not true, they don't always come back and recan't They
Speaker 5: hardly ever not. I mean, I've seen it, but it's
Speaker 5: like one out of one hundred and.
Speaker 3: Never as loud as the rumor. So that part is annoying.
Speaker 5: But like people thinking that I'm dating other people, it
Speaker 5: depends on who it is that I guess determines how
Speaker 5: annoyed I would be.
Speaker 3: But yeah, you.
Speaker 4: Said you was getting over a heartbreak. Was that one
Speaker 4: of the reasons that you had to take it?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 5: Yes, I was in a relationship for eleven years is
Speaker 5: a long time.
Speaker 3: That was not search. It was before search. Yep, right
Speaker 3: before search.
Speaker 4: Oh, Serge was a rebound.
Speaker 3: No, it wasn't. It was years in between.
Speaker 4: A little bit let him know he was a rebound. Serge,
Speaker 4: you are a rebound. I don't know if you knew that,
Speaker 4: but you are.
Speaker 3: It's not true.
Speaker 6: And he's gonna look straight the camera too. He was
Speaker 6: shake the camera.
Speaker 3: It's crazy, straight to camera. He was not a rebound.
Speaker 5: It was maybe three years after that eleven year relationship
Speaker 5: was over. I do believe in healing in between relationships.
Speaker 5: I do believe in that, so I'll be single for
Speaker 5: years and between relationships.
Speaker 4: I think that's the one problem with being an artist
Speaker 4: is that nobody believes that y'all are real people, and
Speaker 4: so when you are going through real things, nobody will
Speaker 4: take that into consideration. It's more entertaining for them to
Speaker 4: be like the beehive ran out of.
Speaker 3: Town, right, That's way more entertaining.
Speaker 5: But also because I think when you're rich like people
Speaker 5: are like, they don't empathize with you. They can know
Speaker 5: you're human, but they don't give they don't care because
Speaker 5: they're like, whatever, she's rich, she'll be fine.
Speaker 3: It's like, damn, I ain't got no heart, you know,
Speaker 3: I can't feel. I can't go through love and heartbreaking.
Speaker 4: Like you know.
Speaker 6: I think people don't realize how much the noise that
Speaker 6: they throw it like gets to you or not, even
Speaker 6: if it doesn't break you, but like you see it,
Speaker 6: you can't not see it.
Speaker 1: And now it's controlled and jumped. Before it was a
Speaker 1: thing I was going.
Speaker 6: To say because I wasn't jumped. Well, I was never jumped.
Speaker 3: No one ever put their hands on.
Speaker 6: Carry. Don't play with me though.
Speaker 4: It's miscarry baby.
Speaker 7: He's talking about right from Atlanta.
Speaker 6: Yeah, okay, it came out real quick. No, I think
Speaker 6: he's talking about the beehive. Just all of the comments
Speaker 6: and stuff from the song leak and all that stuff.
Speaker 6: And now today, at this point, are you looking like
Speaker 6: when you look back at that, because and people will
Speaker 6: bring it up, so I'm sure you're kind of preparing
Speaker 6: yourself for that. How do you do you not even
Speaker 6: explain it, but like, how do you look back on that?
Speaker 6: What are your comments on it now so far removed
Speaker 6: from it.
Speaker 3: It's a regret.
Speaker 5: It's a regret, but not in the way that people
Speaker 5: would think, because that's a song that I actually didn't write.
Speaker 5: Those are not my words. I was on tour. Holl
Speaker 5: On One just wanted me to do a remix to
Speaker 5: turn me on. He had produced the record, and I
Speaker 5: wasn't because I was on tour with Lil Wayne. I
Speaker 5: wasn't able to like lay anything down. He had been
Speaker 5: on me for a couple of weeks about we gotta
Speaker 5: we need to do a remix. Okay, so I take off.
Speaker 5: It wasn't happening quick enough for him. I take off,
Speaker 5: We fly in and.
Speaker 3: So he had another writer in our camp at the time.
Speaker 3: He had her write this. So he played it.
Speaker 5: For me like this is the remix, because I'm thinking,
Speaker 5: I'm coming in to go write a remix to turn
Speaker 5: me on. Like the whole time, I had been writing
Speaker 5: concepts like what would I say? How do I even
Speaker 5: remix this? Like what do I want to? So I
Speaker 5: had lines and I had, you know, things that I
Speaker 5: would have said. But I come into the studio and
Speaker 5: he plays me this verse and I'm like, automatically I'm like,
Speaker 5: that is that's I'm not saying that that was my position, and.
Speaker 4: That was Shane when you heard it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah you could, but you I didn't know really
Speaker 5: who it was about, but I mean one could guess,
Speaker 5: and you know, it just was I'm like, I'm an athlete,
Speaker 5: but I'm a I'm a I'm a finesse player. I'm
Speaker 5: not a nasty player. I'm not a dirty player. I
Speaker 5: don't even look at things like that. I'm competitive in
Speaker 5: a I'm also a swimmer, So that's a self sport.
Speaker 5: That's like an inside game, and that's how I played
Speaker 5: every sport that I played. So I never found it.
Speaker 5: But we we disagree there, Polo and I because he
Speaker 5: believes in kind of the shock jock mentality.
Speaker 3: He believes in kind.
Speaker 5: Of playing dirty to a degree, and I don't. It's
Speaker 5: not right, so exactly exactly. So I tried to fight
Speaker 5: him on it, and I began writing my own That's
Speaker 5: what I did with my time there.
Speaker 3: But he.
Speaker 5: I want to be careful with the word I use.
Speaker 5: It was quite forceful.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.
Speaker 4: In an executive artist.
Speaker 3: Yeah, in an executive artist way, only.
Speaker 5: You know, involving others and kind of threatening my career
Speaker 5: in a sense, in a real sense, like you're not
Speaker 5: coming because my album wasn't out yet, so it was like,
Speaker 5: you're not coming out of.
Speaker 3: You don't do this.
Speaker 5: And the mistake that I made was not continuing to fight.
Speaker 5: But I was in tears, I was crying. I was
Speaker 5: adamant that I did not want.
Speaker 1: To do that, and people I don't know you was
Speaker 1: signed to Polo.
Speaker 5: I was signed to Polo and Timblain YEP in a
Speaker 5: joint venture at Innerscope Records, YEP. And I was young,
Speaker 5: I was super young. I felt I had no power,
Speaker 5: I felt I had no choice. But I did record mine,
Speaker 5: my version, which had nothing.
Speaker 3: Like that in it.
Speaker 5: It was on subject song is about men, and I
Speaker 5: think days was it days after?
Speaker 3: He remembers more because he was there. He remembers more.
Speaker 3: Was it days after? When it leaked?
Speaker 5: It leaked like days after I did it, But he
Speaker 5: promised me that wouldn't happen.
Speaker 3: So it leaked.
Speaker 5: And that was that. And I protected him. I protected
Speaker 5: the girl that wrote it, who went on to become famous.
Speaker 5: I protected everyone in the story. So I had to
Speaker 5: eat that. I had to eat that, and I am
Speaker 5: still eating it to this day because I'm getting asked
Speaker 5: about that fifteen. However, many years, sixteen, seventeen years later,
Speaker 5: it's like I've worn the scarlet letter.
Speaker 4: Really, I'm sorry. But when you answer it once like
Speaker 4: it's done, people like actual answer. I think that makes
Speaker 4: it go.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I was going to say, I think this is the
Speaker 6: first time I've heard this.
Speaker 5: I have before, but yeah, maybe you guys is a
Speaker 5: beautiful platform, a big one, and maybe hopefully this is
Speaker 5: the last time I need to talk about that. But
Speaker 5: that that is definitely a regret of not fighting even stronger.
Speaker 5: But I again, when your career is on the line
Speaker 5: and they make it, that be the way that you
Speaker 5: perceive the situation. Not perceived, but it was pretty clear.
Speaker 5: But when you you're that young, you're just kind of.
Speaker 1: Like, maybe they know better than me, right, maybe.
Speaker 5: Well I never felt like they were right. I never
Speaker 5: felt like they were right. But because my authenticity, my
Speaker 5: authenticity said the entire time, this can't this can't be
Speaker 5: the only way to become like I was already doing well.
Speaker 5: And in my eyes, although it gained the popularity and
Speaker 5: the recognition the song okay, we had a lot of spins,
Speaker 5: but that I from that moment on, I was like, this,
Speaker 5: this ain't even my path anymore.
Speaker 3: Now I got to ride.
Speaker 6: Out with the.
Speaker 5: I think he just went because they were partners. I
Speaker 5: think he just went along, but I didn't. I don't
Speaker 5: remember that we involved him, or that he was involved
Speaker 5: at all, because he didn't. He hadn't produced that record.
Speaker 5: But I wonder now I would love to ask him, like,
Speaker 5: what do you what did you think about that? What
Speaker 5: I do know is he went on to work with
Speaker 5: B and Jay and tour with him, and so did Polo,
Speaker 5: And I'm sitting there like wow. But again I protect
Speaker 5: I never I was trying to keep peace and also
Speaker 5: not wanting to put my career. They were still my bosses.
Speaker 5: I didn't want to put my career further into detriment. So,
Speaker 5: you know, I just didn't want to step in the
Speaker 5: shit anymore though, So I didn't want to hold no
Speaker 5: magazine with her on the I just froze. I just
Speaker 5: was like shook. So whenever anybody brought it up, probably
Speaker 5: the last time we were here, like please don't bring
Speaker 5: up Beyonce. It was probably that kind of environment because
Speaker 5: I was shook. I was scared. I was not of her,
Speaker 5: like I love her. I think she's incredible. She's one
Speaker 5: of the greatest artists of all time, and I'm a fan,
Speaker 5: like have always been. That's never been in question for me.
Speaker 5: But now I just it's a name. I can't say,
Speaker 5: it's a magazine I can't hold it's a conversation I
Speaker 5: don't want to have publicly, just because I don't want
Speaker 5: to piss anybody off. I don't want to make things
Speaker 5: even more weird than they already were. I just wanted
Speaker 5: it to go away. I wanted it to go away.
Speaker 5: I wanted it off my scarlet letter, you know what
Speaker 5: I mean. I wanted to clean myself up and just
Speaker 5: have the career that I wanted to have. But I
Speaker 5: didn't know how to do that. I didn't know cleaning
Speaker 5: it up would mean.
Speaker 6: That.
Speaker 3: It just felt like a messier situation.
Speaker 4: I think people understand the industry now, so they understand like,
Speaker 4: you know, producers or executives telling you, yo, you know
Speaker 4: this this person or say this about this person, or
Speaker 4: you know, stirve some controversy. I think they can understand that.
Speaker 4: They can understand fifteen years ago, you was a younger
Speaker 4: artist in a completely different space. How you could be
Speaker 4: pushed to do something like that.
Speaker 6: I think so now, yeah, now I think.
Speaker 1: We can now they could. Back then, I think it
Speaker 1: was people probably felt a different way.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And if you believe you knew I was a writer,
Speaker 5: if you believe that those were my words, and there's
Speaker 5: no backing out of that, but they're not my words,
Speaker 5: and they.
Speaker 4: Weren't just about being I mean, if the verse wasn't
Speaker 4: just about Beyonce. I remember, I remember it was a
Speaker 4: two the left line in there, but you were shooting
Speaker 4: at women in general.
Speaker 6: But I think it was because you can women. I
Speaker 6: guess in the industry, it was the move to the
Speaker 6: left that I think it was a couple other things,
Speaker 6: but it was the move to the left that I
Speaker 6: think people kind of parallel. But and that's how I'm wondering, Like,
Speaker 6: at what point did you realize, like, oh, like here's
Speaker 6: the I guess it's all these women, but like, here's
Speaker 6: the this is how this is going to be taken,
Speaker 6: and like I'm in the middle of this now.
Speaker 5: When it happened, it's when when it leaked and when
Speaker 5: I guess we must have seen comments or think pieces
Speaker 5: and headlines, and it was like, all of a sudden,
Speaker 5: all the good headlines just went to that and they're
Speaker 5: forever there. I think I just realized that as other
Speaker 5: people like okay, But as I was singing, I was like,
Speaker 5: is this because the whole time it was begrudgingly that
Speaker 5: I went through with its request, but it was like
Speaker 5: a promise, like you can write your own if you
Speaker 5: sing this, and then it leaked, so it was all
Speaker 5: part of the plan. So I wasted my time even
Speaker 5: working on my own verse. That was what he wanted
Speaker 5: to happen.
Speaker 2: What did your team sing when the backlash happened. Did
Speaker 2: they just step away and say you're on your own now,
Speaker 2: or did they.
Speaker 3: Felt like that's what the fuck?
Speaker 5: It felt like that everyone went on to normal see
Speaker 5: and I'm the only one left like, hm, what it
Speaker 5: felt like I'm being crucified.
Speaker 3: I'm being murdered. And I would say, Carrie the human
Speaker 3: was looking at Carrie Hillson the artist like you deserve
Speaker 3: that ship.
Speaker 5: You should have fought harder. You know, I understood it,
Speaker 5: I got it.
Speaker 7: Give you well.
Speaker 5: It's tough to do because I I that's something that
Speaker 5: I held on to not again.
Speaker 6: Girl, every time we together, okay, but.
Speaker 3: Thank you for me what makes you laugh?
Speaker 6: Thank you?
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 4: That was.
Speaker 5: Y'all are crazy, But that is that is what If
Speaker 5: I give myself grace, yeah I do, now I do?
Speaker 5: I do, I do. I have forgiven myself. But that's what.
Speaker 5: It goes back to the shape that I felt for
Speaker 5: so long. I'd be ashamed to walk in places or
Speaker 5: look like myself at times for that reason, because I'm
Speaker 5: not a hater. I'm really not like to the point
Speaker 5: where I never even read chart positions. I never even
Speaker 5: cared about how many sales I have or how much
Speaker 5: like I'm not that girl because I'm not.
Speaker 4: I'm not.
Speaker 5: Driven by what others are doing or the competition that
Speaker 5: I feel has nothing to do with what anyone else
Speaker 5: is doing. I've never felt like shooting anyone else down
Speaker 5: for their greatness made me greater. I'm not that naive,
Speaker 5: I'm not that immature. So I just always felt like
Speaker 5: what I do is what I do, and I feel
Speaker 5: like I do it damn well, but it has no
Speaker 5: bearing on what they do. So I just felt like
Speaker 5: that was such an ungraceful mistake to make or to
Speaker 5: be forced to do, and to not stand up for myself.
Speaker 5: That was a shit that I wore. Was like, I
Speaker 5: should have fought harder. I should have fought harder. I
Speaker 5: should have fought harder. I should never have done it.
Speaker 5: I should never have recorded that.
Speaker 3: I should have.
Speaker 5: Outed them well before now I should have, you know
Speaker 5: what I mean? And I still am protecting the writer
Speaker 5: because I feel like like she might have been doing
Speaker 5: what what she was told to do.
Speaker 4: I hope that now that's a I want people to
Speaker 4: really hold on to what you just said, though, because
Speaker 4: it wasn't you know, the beehive getting at you. It
Speaker 4: was what you chose to do. Because I feel like
Speaker 4: if you had wrote that on your own and put
Speaker 4: that out and got that same backlash, you probably could
Speaker 4: have handled it better.
Speaker 3: But you elaborate, what do you mean?
Speaker 4: It was like that. It wasn't you that wanted to
Speaker 4: even say that, like your else make a decision for
Speaker 4: you know?
Speaker 5: I mean, yeah, yeah, And I think we all have
Speaker 5: those moments in life where you're like, absolutely, dang man,
Speaker 5: I wouldn't have gotten in that fight. I wouldn't have
Speaker 5: got arrested if I didn't even get convinced to go,
Speaker 5: or if I didn't wasn't for you know whatever, where
Speaker 5: you're just like I could have.
Speaker 3: I could have. I knew it.
Speaker 4: You never want to compromise yourself for a position because
Speaker 4: it makes you feel like right, it makes you feel
Speaker 4: like Okay. I know I got faith in a higher power,
Speaker 4: but I clearly wasn't paying attention to God in that moment.
Speaker 4: And I know I got faith for myself, but I
Speaker 4: clearly wasn't paying attention to me. So why did I
Speaker 4: compromise myself? Why did I make these people feel like
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna make it?
Speaker 3: Yes, I don't do it. How could I allow them
Speaker 3: that level of power?
Speaker 5: Like you ain't God, you weren't even here at the
Speaker 5: beginning of my climb, you know what I mean? I
Speaker 5: would have kept climbing with just in someone else's hands.
Speaker 5: And that's why my trust is so like low, you
Speaker 5: know what I mean, because I'm like man, I've been
Speaker 5: and abandoned, so to speak. You know, so yeah, that
Speaker 5: that you always pay when you go against your intuition,
Speaker 5: You always pay for it. You always pay for it,
Speaker 5: You always pay for it. You have to fight for
Speaker 5: what you feel. That nudge is there for a reason.
Speaker 5: It's there to protect you. It's there to keep keep
Speaker 5: your sanity.
Speaker 3: It's there to to to.
Speaker 5: Make sure that you are who you say you are
Speaker 5: and believe you are, and and just kind of keeps
Speaker 5: you in line.
Speaker 3: And that was that was, That was my mistake.
Speaker 1: Have you spoke to Beyonce or run into her, because
Speaker 1: the industry is small.
Speaker 3: It is it is.
Speaker 5: We ran into each other at a at was it
Speaker 5: b T Awards and she introduced herself. She I didn't
Speaker 5: see her coming, but she came and her hand was
Speaker 5: out and she introduced. She was like, Hi, I'm b
Speaker 5: or she may have said her whole name also, And
Speaker 5: that was as it was happening. You know, I think
Speaker 5: I was. I think that was one I was performing
Speaker 5: at or something.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure.
Speaker 5: I don't I'm not sure, but I was backstage for
Speaker 5: some reason, maybe I was presenting or whatever.
Speaker 3: I hope it was b T Awards.
Speaker 5: I could be wrong about that too, but it was
Speaker 5: some awards show by the trailers, so backstage area, and
Speaker 5: she had introduced herself and I.
Speaker 3: Felt like, you know, she was.
Speaker 5: That was a little bit of like, you know, I
Speaker 5: see you what I I.
Speaker 4: Mean, I've been I've only been around our fewt but
Speaker 4: I've seen her welcome and Beyonce.
Speaker 3: Like, Okay, I thought it was G.
Speaker 1: No, no, no.
Speaker 2: She did that to me in the club one time
Speaker 2: I met her, and then one time at the other
Speaker 2: radio station she comes out.
Speaker 3: Checking no I do I thought it was G. I
Speaker 3: thought it was real G. I was like, fuck with that.
Speaker 3: I like that. I like that.
Speaker 4: Why have a conversation.
Speaker 3: We just was in the place and I did you know?
Speaker 3: It just was in the place. I hoped to always
Speaker 3: have that be if you're out there, I love you.
Speaker 5: I would love to do that. I'd love to do
Speaker 5: that because I don't know what's being said. I do
Speaker 5: know that my camp has worked with her. I don't
Speaker 5: know what was also said. They might have put it
Speaker 5: on me. They might have said she wrote that like,
Speaker 5: I don't know what was said.
Speaker 3: I would love to.
Speaker 5: Clear that up because, like I said, I'm a fan.
Speaker 5: There's utmost respect for who she is as a songwriter,
Speaker 5: as a performer, as a woman, as a mom. Like,
Speaker 5: so much respect for her. And I was in a
Speaker 5: girl group, you know what I mean, Like we we
Speaker 5: looked up to them. There's there's so many reasons and
Speaker 5: ways that you can love her, and I would love
Speaker 5: to do that because I'm more so also to clear
Speaker 5: it up for sure and to give her the respect
Speaker 5: that I felt she always deserved from me because that
Speaker 5: was so not that, but also because I'm curious as
Speaker 5: to what were you told about.
Speaker 6: It if Polo, Like if they came back and said, hey,
Speaker 6: let's today, I don't know, if they tried to have
Speaker 6: a conversation like we're in a different space to me,
Speaker 6: to you, would you are you? That conversation should be
Speaker 6: down a half.
Speaker 5: I think the conversation needs to be to y'all. That's
Speaker 5: I felt unprotected. I felt like abandoned there. I think
Speaker 5: the conversation is to the public. I've forgiven him. He's
Speaker 5: actually even has records on this album.
Speaker 3: We have worked.
Speaker 5: I can be around like I'm a really forgiving person.
Speaker 5: And again I took full accountability all this time.
Speaker 3: I just wore it. I ate it, I wore it,
Speaker 3: I lived it.
Speaker 4: But before y'all worked, do you say we need to talk?
Speaker 5: No, we we were talking the entire time, like I
Speaker 5: never I'm not a spiteful individual. I don't harbor ill
Speaker 5: I would. I have said many times how I felt,
Speaker 5: you know what, I mean the whole while he to
Speaker 5: this day, he just you know, the definition of gaslighting.
Speaker 6: But I don't understand the working relationship then, because like
Speaker 6: hearing you talk about him, and does I seem like
Speaker 6: someone you would want to rataniously put yourself around.
Speaker 5: But he can never force me to do anything I
Speaker 5: don't believe in. Again, that's what I know about me.
Speaker 5: So I can be around someone and know that I'm
Speaker 5: in control of me. Now, you know what I mean,
Speaker 5: You'll never make the same exact mistake twice. I will
Speaker 5: never let that man coerce me to do anything ever again,
Speaker 5: you know. So it's just that it's just that, like
Speaker 5: I can be and we're cool, Like it's just it
Speaker 5: is what it is. But I will keep him at
Speaker 5: a certain distance in certain decisions. He's a great producer.
Speaker 3: He ain't gonna like it. He's not gonna like it.
Speaker 3: But like.
Speaker 5: It is my truth, and it's more important for me
Speaker 5: to be honest and truthful and authentic now and if honestly,
Speaker 5: if that lifts part of the burden for fans and
Speaker 5: and for myself, then I guess today it had to
Speaker 5: be said, you know, and with.
Speaker 1: All the records that you've written, what.
Speaker 5: Is your favorite I can't who's your favorite?
Speaker 6: Child?
Speaker 1: M It's tough way, I don't have one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like that.
Speaker 4: It's like that, do you have a record that defines you?
Speaker 4: One of your records that defines you?
Speaker 3: All of them define pieces and sides of me for sure?
Speaker 1: And did you write though some d's on it at
Speaker 1: that hook? No?
Speaker 3: But I was just in the video of that one.
Speaker 6: That's like a floating rumor online too, that that I
Speaker 6: think they didn't know that you wrote it, not that
Speaker 6: you date it, know that you were.
Speaker 3: Not throw some d's. No, let me think, rich boy, No,
Speaker 3: that wasn't. I love that hook, though I wish I
Speaker 3: wrote it. I love that verse, all the verses on that.
Speaker 4: Do you feel secure? Like, do you feel protected now?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Because I got me, I do.
Speaker 5: And also this man right here, mister Jones, he's been
Speaker 5: with me my entire ride from album one at some point. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: it's been that long, and he is he's literally my protector.
Speaker 5: He's I've never seen an artist manager dynamic quite like this,
Speaker 5: where I know, no matter even if you're even if
Speaker 5: you were trying to get me to do something that
Speaker 5: is against my better judgment. It ain't even gonna get
Speaker 5: past him. It's not even gonna get to me because
Speaker 5: he saw all that, he saw me pay for everything,
Speaker 5: he saw me.
Speaker 3: He was with me, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: I'm sure he felt some of even as a manager,
Speaker 5: he probably felt some of the same feel I felt
Speaker 5: about his own career, which is a thing I'm just realizing, like, yeah,
Speaker 5: you probably had some embarrassment shade, you know, But but
Speaker 5: we went through it all together and here we are
Speaker 5: still still here?
Speaker 4: Was it really? I mean, I know personally had what
Speaker 4: was the industry shit really that bad? Like was the
Speaker 4: beehive and all of it? Was that real? Like when
Speaker 4: they were coming at you, that had anything to do
Speaker 4: with you taking the step back that you took.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was the other side of it. So it
Speaker 5: was a heartbreaking that. Yeah, that's what I was saying
Speaker 5: in the beginning of our interview. Yes, it was that
Speaker 5: it was like me wearing the mistakes, but it wasn't
Speaker 5: necessarily Okay, no CDs were ever thrown at me. That
Speaker 5: would have been a totally different story because it would
Speaker 5: have gone very differently. Yeah, that was a rumor that
Speaker 5: they said that they threw Beyonce CDs at me on
Speaker 5: the street or something wherever they said that happened that
Speaker 5: had never happened.
Speaker 3: But it was online.
Speaker 1: To Georgia, come out of you. That's twice the one
Speaker 1: to jump in.
Speaker 3: It's funny because I didn't even realize my disposition changed
Speaker 3: at all, But.
Speaker 5: Uh, it was online. It was like the what did
Speaker 5: you call it online?
Speaker 3: Uh? Jumping online control.
Speaker 5: Yes, it was like no matter what I posted, the
Speaker 5: response was bees, no matter what I said, no matter
Speaker 5: what the caption was, no matter how beautiful I look,
Speaker 5: no matter what how why I'm on this carpet, no
Speaker 5: matter what, it was like bees just everywhere, you know,
Speaker 5: online and interviews as well, Like it was like I
Speaker 5: couldn't do anything on my own without her name being mentioned,
Speaker 5: which yeah, it just I couldn't live it down.
Speaker 3: I just felt like I could everywhere.
Speaker 5: I went, They're like, so Carrie, I can't, and I
Speaker 5: was just I would just freeze.
Speaker 3: I was just freeze. That's natural. I just would freeze.
Speaker 5: And I'm like, I don't want to step in. I
Speaker 5: don't want to say anything wrong. I don't want to
Speaker 5: say anything else wrong, Like I don't want to step
Speaker 5: in it. So I'm just gonna be quiet, And eventually
Speaker 5: it came to I don't even want to show up anymore.
Speaker 3: I don't even want to go go anywhere, I don't
Speaker 3: want to do anything. I just don't want to do
Speaker 3: this anymore.
Speaker 4: And was their industry backlash, like, did people start fronting
Speaker 4: on you because they wanted to be in her good graces?
Speaker 5: Probably it's fair to it's fair to suggest that probably
Speaker 5: probably some of the people that I had been working
Speaker 5: with took that position, But I wouldn't know, but it's
Speaker 5: I would say it's likely.
Speaker 4: That it's fucked up. If the people who took that
Speaker 4: position with people who actually encourage you to do it.
Speaker 3: It would be But I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 5: I don't throw anything past many people. You know, people
Speaker 5: are people, not the.
Speaker 4: Only person you should be protecting.
Speaker 3: That was you, right, right, That's all I.
Speaker 5: Know, nothing to nobody right that part, that part, And
Speaker 5: that's how I feel. The only thing I owe anybody
Speaker 5: is me and to have the fresh start that I've
Speaker 5: been fighting for now, that's that's what I owe myself.
Speaker 1: Let's get into a joint off the album. Let's get
Speaker 1: back to the music. What do you want to hear
Speaker 1: off the album.
Speaker 5: I think all we can play is bay you whatever
Speaker 5: you want, y'all have it.
Speaker 1: The record.
Speaker 4: Let me grateful.
Speaker 1: What do you want to hear about you? You want
Speaker 1: to scream whatever?
Speaker 4: Weigh me down?
Speaker 3: Okay, let's go there.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you got to senence that one. Go make it,
Speaker 2: you promise? Yeah, all right, so let's get into it
Speaker 2: right now.
Speaker 4: Mother, you're talking.
Speaker 3: About no no, I wish no no.
Speaker 4: No say that.
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm listening to that right now.
Speaker 4: Okay, she got the Temptation story that comes out April
Speaker 4: twenty six.
Speaker 5: On Lifetime, Yes Fame, Yes April twenty sixth, and my
Speaker 5: album drops the eighteenth, so like a week before.
Speaker 6: That, and the talking about the series on YouTube. I
Speaker 6: really to watch this will help you with the music
Speaker 6: in it's a background to you.
Speaker 5: Yes, and it kind of sums up the conversation we've
Speaker 5: had this morning, ye and how I feel coming back
Speaker 5: in So that I think is the breast a great
Speaker 5: preface to hearing the music. So yes, it's on YouTube
Speaker 5: on Carry Hilson's YouTube page.
Speaker 3: That's me.
Speaker 5: I hate when I appear to talk in third person,
Speaker 5: but on my YouTube page at Kerry Hilson. You'll see
Speaker 5: a series called Me Versus Me.
Speaker 3: Episodes.
Speaker 5: Just it's quick, they're quick, they're shorts, and the album
Speaker 5: is actually released in three parts. That's what I thought
Speaker 5: you were going to say. But it's released in three parts.
Speaker 5: So you're I've been going so long. I was like,
Speaker 5: I owe people more than just one EP or one album.
Speaker 5: So I'm releasing basically three three series of work, three series,
Speaker 5: three bodies of work inside of one album.
Speaker 4: Oh thought you was getting Michael Jackson all madag on
Speaker 4: with the nuns.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so you'll see them grade out as they're there.
Speaker 5: But it's all one album, all called We Need to
Speaker 5: Talk And right now you're getting the love portion.
Speaker 3: So we're starting there. I'm telling a story, so what's
Speaker 3: not really really neat? The way I decided to do
Speaker 3: this was drama after drama, redemption.
Speaker 4: So so you feel like there's unfinished business and music
Speaker 4: for you. Basically I do, I do?
Speaker 1: All right, Well, let's get it on right now.
Speaker 6: Say that happy fraid.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I just like that. You've got to map out,
Speaker 4: you know, how you want to reintroduce yourself to this
Speaker 4: love it this new generation.
Speaker 6: It feels like it feels like you're getting through all
Speaker 6: of the things that you probably had to take right.
Speaker 6: I had to take a step away to better understand
Speaker 6: what was happening, to better articulate how you felt in it. Yes,
Speaker 6: it feels like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're really wise. Oh girl, thank you, she asked me.
Speaker 3: She had me crying.
Speaker 5: Yesterday, asking you have some condt propoken questions. Yeah, not
Speaker 5: no good good crying crying isn't bad. But you made
Speaker 5: me feel which was not.
Speaker 3: It's not that.
Speaker 5: It's not that normal to have to think that deeply.
Speaker 5: So I appreciate when I get to so and thank
Speaker 5: y'all because it's the same here.
Speaker 4: And it's good context because you know, you never know
Speaker 4: what people are really going through or how these things
Speaker 4: we hear in the media really are impacting somebody right, personally, right.
Speaker 5: And even at a subconscious level, because that's what it
Speaker 5: was for me. I don't think it was completely all conscious.
Speaker 5: But you inherit what people say about you when you
Speaker 5: see it that often good, bad and ugly. The good
Speaker 5: is damn just as damage seeing the ugly things about yourself.
Speaker 5: So yeah, subconsciously you inherit what the belief outside. You
Speaker 5: can inherit what outside beliefs are into yourself and that
Speaker 5: becomes unhealthy no matter which way it goes good or bad.
Speaker 6: And I know you said we need to talk which
Speaker 6: is the album? You're talking to fans also about things
Speaker 6: that they deserve to get answers to. Yes, I think
Speaker 6: as a fan. After we talked today and after we
Speaker 6: talked on the other show that I do, I was like, wow, like,
Speaker 6: I don't I think. I wish I had kind of
Speaker 6: had a glimpse into all of this as it was happening.
Speaker 6: It probably would have made people react differently to what
Speaker 6: happened and not. I don't know. I can't describe it,
Speaker 6: but it was such a good insight. So I'm glad
Speaker 6: you're doing this. I think people are going to be like, oh, dang, Okay,
Speaker 6: it's a little bit of person in there.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I hope so, because I became so guarded after
Speaker 5: what had happened that I always felt like they don't
Speaker 5: no one knows who I am and I can't show
Speaker 5: them because I.
Speaker 3: Was too fearful and too afraid.
Speaker 5: Of But I just I just knew that I was
Speaker 5: like completely misunderstood, completely misrepresented, just completely like this does
Speaker 5: not represent who I am in the least.
Speaker 3: So I always wanted for people to understand and see
Speaker 3: who I am.
Speaker 5: But I was too afraid, too afraid to pull the veil,
Speaker 5: and also too afraid, like I said, of.
Speaker 3: Feel feeling like I had to protect people.
Speaker 5: So I remained guarded and people were They didn't like
Speaker 5: the mask. They didn't like the mask.
Speaker 4: And what's crazy is Beyonce wouldn't want any of this.
Speaker 4: M I don't think so. I don't you know, I
Speaker 4: don't think she would want you to have to go through.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't think. Yeah, I don't think so either.
Speaker 5: I take her to be a lot more gracious than that.
Speaker 5: I mean, even that introduction alone, I feel like I
Speaker 5: feel like I would agree.
Speaker 3: I would agree.
Speaker 4: I hope a dope full circle moment would be for
Speaker 4: you and her to collaborate on something, like you write
Speaker 4: something for her or write something together. Yeah, that would
Speaker 4: be dope.
Speaker 3: That dope that would do.
Speaker 4: Put that in atmosphere.
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's manifest that.
Speaker 2: Thank you for joining us, Thank you for coming because
Speaker 2: I know that had to be difficult the first time
Speaker 2: you because I've seen it in your face, like you
Speaker 2: didn't know what to expect.
Speaker 1: You look at him, especially the short guy over there,
Speaker 1: like carry always.
Speaker 3: Been good people. Don't be more scary though, Yes, because
Speaker 3: you're such a wild card. You're like a landmine.
Speaker 4: I don't do cocaine anymore.
Speaker 1: He never did a cocaine.
Speaker 3: What's funny was in my head I was like.
Speaker 7: Oh, now we could give him some grades.
Speaker 4: Issue.
Speaker 1: You had a problems. It's the breakfast club. Good morning.
Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning.
Speaker 4: Breakfast Club.