WEBVTT - INTERVIEW: Keri Hilson On Returning To The Spotlight, Public Relationships, Beyoncé Backlash + More 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:02.480 Wake that ass up in the morning. 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:07.880 The Breakfast Club Morning, everybody instej Envy, Jess Hilarious, Charlamagne 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:08.200 the God. 0:00:08.280 --> 0:00:10.719 We are the Breakfast Club, La La Rosa is here, 0:00:11.000 --> 0:00:13.440 and we got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed, 0:00:13.560 --> 0:00:15.520 Kerry Hilston. Welcome, Thank you. 0:00:15.680 --> 0:00:17.840 How are you feeling, Oh man, I feel good. 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:20.000 It's been it's been a long time since we've seen 0:00:20.040 --> 0:00:21.040 you back with some music. 0:00:21.120 --> 0:00:23.080 Where you've been how many times you don't heard that question? 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:25.120 Since you've been making the rounds? Where you've been? Where 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:26.520 you've been a lot? I've been. 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:30.360 I've been around. I've been alive, clearly, I've been doing movies. 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:34.080 I had been doing making music, couldn't release it, but 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:35.600 been around. 0:00:35.800 --> 0:00:37.560 I've definitely been around release it. 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:42.559 I've been finding my happy contractual issues, you know, So 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:43.720 is that all over the freedom? 0:00:43.760 --> 0:00:46.159 That's all over? I'm free. I belong to myself. 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:47.839 I was an independute Yeah. 0:00:47.720 --> 0:00:49.479 Oh wow, okay, is that your choice? 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:50.159 Yeah? 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:50.600 Wow? 0:00:50.760 --> 0:00:53.279 Like because really, because I'm not the same girl I 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:56.400 was at twenty when I signed that contract. However old 0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:59.560 I was, it was around that early twenties. Like, I'm 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:04.000 I'm not that person anymore. And now I deserve a 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:08.440 lot more say in my career and the decisions I 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:11.119 make and the songs that I'm cutting and the and releasing, 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:13.919 and you know, I just you deserve that control. 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:15.400 You've kind of outgrown things. 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:18.119 So people would think that, you know, as an artist, 0:01:18.200 --> 0:01:20.120 you're able to do what you want to do musically, 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:22.839 but you're basically saying that's not necessarily true. 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:27.280 It was not the case for me. I was signed 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:29.759 to a label and a sub label that had its 0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:32.959 own heads, you know what I mean. So yeah, there 0:01:32.959 --> 0:01:35.320 were there were I released songs that I didn't really love. 0:01:36.200 --> 0:01:39.360 I had to record songs I didn't love. So even 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:41.760 though I was known like as a songwriter, I was 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:44.240 a new artist. So there are things that you kind 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:46.720 of you got to play the politics game. And to me, 0:01:46.840 --> 0:01:53.800 that to me, that doesn't really go with art being political. 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:56.960 So yeah, I wonder why wouldn't they trust you, especially 0:01:56.960 --> 0:01:57.520 because of your. 0:01:57.400 --> 0:02:00.480 Opinion, right, I mean, I think to a certain but again, 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:04.920 it was just politics sometimes over the my feelings, the 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:07.080 statements I want to make the artists I see myself 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:08.920 as It was just like, no, but you have to 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:10.600 we have to have a song by this producer, because 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:15.320 I've had this side conversation with that producer, promised them 0:02:15.320 --> 0:02:18.280 a song on your album basically, and no matter how 0:02:18.600 --> 0:02:20.480 the session turned out, we got to put this out. 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:23.480 So it's like, you know, things like that can happen. 0:02:23.480 --> 0:02:26.120 And no, I didn't have to say because I wasn't distributing. 0:02:26.200 --> 0:02:28.680 I wasn't you know what I mean on that end 0:02:28.720 --> 0:02:29.120 of things. 0:02:29.240 --> 0:02:31.920 When you think about carry Hillston, like you were everywhere 0:02:31.960 --> 0:02:35.079 in the late two thousands writing, you were your own artists, 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:38.440 and then you took a step back. Was that intentional 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:42.959 or was it the industry bullshit kind of made you like, 0:02:43.000 --> 0:02:44.639 you know what, I don't want to be involved? Or 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:45.960 did they push you out a little bit? 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:50.520 Like what was it of the industry? No? 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:55.000 No, it was definitely very intentional. I was actually going 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:58.639 through quite a bit personally. I was really really depressed 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:01.520 and at the height of my an album One night 0:03:01.639 --> 0:03:04.880 Stand was out, Pretty Gold Rock was out, These are 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:07.760 huge you know, Knock You Down was still even in rotation, 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:10.160 you know what I mean, Like things were really really good. 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:12.000 But I was really really low, really really bad. 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:13.359 But it was. 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:17.560 Personal for the most part, and some professional woes again, 0:03:17.720 --> 0:03:19.720 not having a say in decisions that are being made 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:25.960 that I have to stand for and represent and and 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:29.280 do that with whatever level of grace I could have 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:33.680 for those decisions being made for me, and just kind 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:35.400 of just you don't you don't always agree with who 0:03:35.440 --> 0:03:39.120 you do business with. Absolutely, and so but yeah, that 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:44.000 wasn't it was not. It was my choice for sure. 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:45.480 Okay. 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:46.880 And how'd you get out of that phone? Because you 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:48.640 went to depression? How did you get out of that depressure? 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:50.160 Was it more? Writing? Was it family? 0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:50.640 Was it? 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:51.560 All of it? 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:57.760 All of that and vacations and philanthropy and all the things, 0:03:58.360 --> 0:04:03.160 exercising and and like journaling, writing, you know, privately and 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:11.320 for others, spiritual retreats, journey. Yeah, I went on what 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:12.280 I call Eat, Pray Love. 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:13.400 Yeah. 0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:16.760 So, and there were times where I would just say 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:19.440 yes to shows that were in places that I wanted 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:22.880 to visit, you know what I mean, Yeah, like otherwise 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:24.960 I'm not performing like I want to go there. 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:25.240 Yeah. 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:28.760 So yeah, So it's just that So with the album 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:31.279 We Need to Talk, you have this digital series and 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:33.680 we had this conversation. So it's like, yes, whatever, but 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:35.760 so you have this digital series called we Need to 0:04:35.800 --> 0:04:37.400 Talk as well, and it's like called you to you 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:41.600 conversation it's carry Hilston or carry Lynn talking to Kry Hilson. Yeah, 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:44.839 and you got very versus me, you versus you. You 0:04:44.880 --> 0:04:47.480 got very indeptht about a bunch of different things. Relationship. Uh, 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:49.920 you know, just coming back and doing this whole thing again, 0:04:49.960 --> 0:04:52.440 the press runs and all that different stuff. And now 0:04:52.480 --> 0:04:55.240 you've been out, you've been talking to some press. Is 0:04:55.279 --> 0:04:56.760 it what you expected it to be? Do you feel 0:04:56.760 --> 0:04:58.160 like people are like cause it kind of seemed like 0:04:58.200 --> 0:04:59.680 you think you thought people were going to be out 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:01.200 to get you when you wanted to protect yourself from that. 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:06.400 Coming back into it, I still think that she's very 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:07.120 like skeptical. 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:09.000 I'm just cautious. 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:12.880 It has right because it wasn't this salacious. It wasn't 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:17.760 quite this like ugly or nasty or like you know, 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:19.240 driven by negativity. 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:20.159 It just wasn't that. 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:22.080 When I was, when when I was last year sitting 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:27.760 in this chair. So yeah, I'm freaking. It was already 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:31.119 exactly exactly, and now it's just worse. So yes, that 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:33.560 that fear is real. That is that is a dialogue 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:37.560 that I have with myself daily. It's it's literally a 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:40.080 prayer at night. It's just like ah and and the 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:43.800 struggle really is how authentic and truthful can I be 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:48.799 when I don't feel safe, like when that is not intact, 0:05:48.920 --> 0:05:51.800 when your safety is not there. Just like in a relationship, 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:54.599 you're not your most vulnerable when you don't feel safe, Like, no, 0:05:54.680 --> 0:05:56.240 you're not going to open up, You're not going to 0:05:56.720 --> 0:05:59.159 have these innermost feelings be expressed. 0:05:59.760 --> 0:06:02.840 But it's part of what we do. So I have 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:08.040 to find that even in the environment. So yes, that's. 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:09.920 How the last couple of days been for you. Has 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:10.600 it been triggering? 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:12.599 Not yet? 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:15.719 I think that doesn't really happen until the clickbait begins. 0:06:16.279 --> 0:06:17.560 So as these. 0:06:17.400 --> 0:06:20.640 Interviews are rolling out and you see how things could 0:06:20.640 --> 0:06:23.599 get twisted and how people misunderstand what you're saying, or 0:06:23.880 --> 0:06:27.200 how the commenters will choose the most negative perception to 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:30.000 have about what you stated, You know what I mean, 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:31.240 that's the scary parts. 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:34.000 I love the people you missed the love because I've 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:36.640 seen you what last year we would Ennore Michael B. 0:06:36.720 --> 0:06:38.200 Jordan's thing and the love was amazing. 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:41.040 I've seen another time overseas in one of the Caribbean 0:06:41.040 --> 0:06:42.760 Islandy were perform when I was DJing and the love 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:43.120 was there? 0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:44.599 Do you miss that part of it? 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:47.279 Do you only focus on the negativity and forget about 0:06:47.360 --> 0:06:47.800 that part? 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:48.960 No, no, no, no. 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:52.960 I think it's just different with how people treat interviews 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:57.760 and then how people treat your craft that state that 0:06:57.880 --> 0:07:00.039 remained the same because that was literally all I was doing. 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:05.000 I wasn't doing interviews, so I always I don't miss 0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:07.080 I couldn't miss the love because I was still performing, 0:07:08.000 --> 0:07:10.320 and even when I went to movies and things like that, 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:12.680 like it was just it's been all love. I just 0:07:12.720 --> 0:07:15.920 know stepping back into music is a different That's the 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:19.040 only difference is the interviews and the clickbait and the 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:22.480 it's just talking. I just be like, all right, how 0:07:22.520 --> 0:07:25.360 many ways can this be taken? 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:27.520 Prepare for it? 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:31.880 Get ready because people are committed to misunderstanding who you 0:07:31.920 --> 0:07:34.080 are and it becomes now a character attack, and I 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:36.840 don't that's kind of difficult when you do feel as 0:07:36.880 --> 0:07:38.680 though you're a good person and you do do right 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:42.000 by people, and you have integrity and you move in 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:44.000 a certain, you know way. 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:48.120 The sad thing about is, you know, we reward negativity, 0:07:48.280 --> 0:07:50.840 you know, and me and Charlemagne had this conversation all 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:54.280 the time. Somebody can get on you know, social media 0:07:54.360 --> 0:07:57.040 right now and talk about your outfit right and be 0:07:57.200 --> 0:08:00.480 nasty as hell. They get a million views, gets paid 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:01.960 off for that, or she gets paid off for that. 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:02.760 So what does it do. 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:05.320 They'll make them They'll do it again and again. They'll 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:07.200 do it again and it's it's positive and they get 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:09.120 paid for it. So you got to understand that and 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:10.200 take it with a grain of salt. 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:10.840 Facts. 0:08:10.920 --> 0:08:12.840 You should do the R and B Money podcast. And 0:08:12.880 --> 0:08:15.960 the reason I say that, Valentine, yes, is because you 0:08:16.000 --> 0:08:17.960 made me think about something. It's like, well, damn, is 0:08:18.000 --> 0:08:19.760 there a safe space for artists? And it's like, Yo, 0:08:19.800 --> 0:08:23.040 when you see artists who start their own platforms, they 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:27.640 probably understand, they overstand how that safe space for. 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:30.400 You they have. And I've done it. I've actually done 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:32.440 the Army. Yeah we did it. Was that last year 0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:34.480 or year a minute ago? I think it was last year. 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:36.240 I said it was a minute ago because I watched 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:36.840 it in preparation. 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:39.600 Okay, yeah, I think it was around the time when 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:40.400 we went on tour. 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:44.800 Yeah, so it was mid last year. 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:47.240 So when you talk about the depression, and you talk 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:49.520 about the spiritual journey, the spiritual healing. What did that 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:52.280 chapter of your life teach you about purpose? 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:53.160 Mm hmm. 0:08:56.240 --> 0:08:58.640 It taught me how dangerous it is to step away 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:01.720 from your purpose, to step out of your purpose and 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:06.560 away from your gifts. But it also taught me, on 0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:08.960 the flip side of that, that sometimes you have to 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:12.680 do what is necessary to re engage with your purpose 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:16.960 in a better way. And so both of those things 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:21.160 happened for me, learning that it was necessary to pick 0:09:21.200 --> 0:09:23.679 it back up, but it was also necessary to you know, 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:29.719 be boundaried and not have it by any means at 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:34.160 any cost, but to protect myself in certain ways. So yeah, 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:35.679 I learned a lot about purpose. 0:09:36.480 --> 0:09:39.679 Yeah, you have a song on the project We Need 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:42.000 to Talk called weigh Me Down. And then I hear 0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:43.880 you talk about purpose and just stepping back into things. 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:45.400 And I know there's different things that can weigh a 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:47.840 person down. But were you ever worried that the weight 0:09:47.920 --> 0:09:49.520 that made you want to step away and take some 0:09:49.559 --> 0:09:52.440 time would make you forget or you know, just lose 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:53.520 the passion for the purpose. 0:09:54.600 --> 0:09:56.800 Yes, I was concerned with that, and it did happen. 0:09:57.120 --> 0:10:00.839 I lost passion for quite a while, it was really 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:07.880 difficult to create. At times, my life was radio silent. 0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:10.960 I didn't listen to music. I didn't sing or hum 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:14.200 in the shower like I did since I was yay high, 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:21.280 Like I lost so much passion for it, but I 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:25.600 realized that that was really it was also necessary. Talk 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:30.000 about clean slate. That's what you know, Me stepping away 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:33.440 created the cleanest slate possible. And that's why it's so 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:37.080 scary because I'm so freaking peaceful, Like life is calm, 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:40.240 it's cool. I like my I like my friendships, I 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:42.240 like my circles. I like the safety that I feel 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:45.120 in daily life. And stepping back out into the spotlight, 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:49.280 that's what the fear is really all about, is like, 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:51.360 am I gonna lose how safe I feel? Am I 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:54.880 gonna lose my peace, my sanity, my mental health? Am 0:10:54.920 --> 0:10:56.920 I going to be affected? It's you know, because it's 0:10:56.920 --> 0:11:00.920 the sleep deprivation, and you know, just not just comments. 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:03.600 I have a thick skin because I'm so much more 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:07.960 self aware also of who I am and also what 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:10.840 I'm here to do and what my gifts are, what 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:14.600 my weak strains and weaknesses, Like I'm very clear, so 0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:16.440 I don't think that they will ever cut me the 0:11:16.480 --> 0:11:19.640 same way, but it being there at all is just 0:11:20.559 --> 0:11:21.880 can spark a little fear. 0:11:22.240 --> 0:11:24.640 Now, how do you protect your piece in an industry 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:27.600 that thrives off, you know, controversy, negativity, and hate. 0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:30.680 Yeah, yeah, I haven't quite all the way figured that out, 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:32.760 but I think it's a daily I feel like it's 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:36.840 going to be a daily practice saying no to certain 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:40.400 environments that you just kind of already know are not 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:44.960 going to be conducive to what you've I've worked so hard. 0:11:45.000 --> 0:11:48.120 It's like I was telling her yesterday, once you have 0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:52.839 seen darkness, you will fight tooth and nail to never 0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:55.040 see it again, to never have to be that low, 0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:58.120 quite that dark again. And I think it's gonna be 0:11:58.120 --> 0:12:00.559 a daily struggle, a daily not struggle with a daily 0:12:00.840 --> 0:12:04.319 effort in that regard, because you atually. 0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:06.640 Enjoy the process, right, Like I want to walk into 0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:08.760 every room and feel like, Okay, when's the other shoe 0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:09.320 going to drop? 0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:09.840 You know what I mean? 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:11.240 Right? That's no way to live. 0:12:11.640 --> 0:12:14.439 You're right, But I think, yeah, I think there's enough 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:16.440 about this that I do enjoy that I think it'll 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:20.320 just overshadow. I'm hoping, but we'll see. I think it's 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:22.240 gonna be a lot of prayer. It's gonna be meditation, 0:12:22.480 --> 0:12:28.240 it's gonna be listening to the music that you know 0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:32.199 eases and calms my nervous system in moments when that's necessary. 0:12:32.200 --> 0:12:35.040 It's gonna be just making sure that the enjoyable moments 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:37.320 can be as enjoyable as possible. 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:38.880 Well, what puts you to come back out then? 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:42.280 Because I mean it's you're making music, making money from writing. 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:44.480 You've wroten so many records. I mean, I'm looking at 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:46.600 your desiography now, it's just so many records. What made 0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:47.800 you say, you know what? I want to put that 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:50.240 foot back out and go in the line of fire. 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:51.439 I felt. 0:12:51.920 --> 0:13:01.600 I felt clogged, I felt burdened, clogged, stuck, And that 0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:04.920 would really sum it up. I felt like there I 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:08.120 had more to more, to say, more to do, because 0:13:08.160 --> 0:13:09.840 I know I say it in the Me versus Me 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:12.720 series like I wasn't done. I sat down for a second, 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:16.800 but I never felt done. I toyed with the idea 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:18.800 like am I am I finished? Do I ever want 0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:24.080 to do that again in that way? But the answer 0:13:24.559 --> 0:13:28.880 was yes, just my way. I have to have a 0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:33.360 certain level of control now over you know, my my image, 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:34.880 my brand, my words, my my. 0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:36.840 Dialogue, it's just all the stuff. 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:40.480 But yeah, I just felt like there was there is 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:42.400 so much more, and I never stopped creating, so I 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:46.480 also know it's in the arsenal, and my confidence was 0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:51.600 built back up, and I just uh, in recent years, 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:52.439 I just felt ready. 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:53.280 I felt ready. 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:55.840 You think people forgot what's in what you've created, what 0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:59.160 you've written, the songs that you put out, because. 0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:00.760 I'll be honest, I forgot until I just looked at 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:01.280 the discocrap. 0:14:01.400 --> 0:14:04.520 I'm like Jesus, like, there's so many rep writing both 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:07.680 and the records that came, and I'm like, there's a lot. 0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:09.160 I don't know. I don't know. 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:11.560 I don't know, and I don't honestly, I kind of 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:14.679 don't care either, because it's like clean slate. 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:16.319 Here we are again. Everything. 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:18.720 People only care about what you do that's new. Sure 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:23.800 you may have been impacted positively by things that I've done, 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:27.160 and it was so long ago, and I'm proud and 0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:33.200 I'm really grateful, but I don't know that that matters 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:35.000 as much to me. I don't look back a lot. 0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:39.560 I'm really focused on what we're Yeah, what I'm venturing 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:40.160 to do again. 0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:42.200 When we talked before, you talk to me about the 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:44.160 dark space that you were in and just trying to 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:45.880 get it out of that, but not kind of it's 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:47.440 like a hard thing to push yourself ab out of. 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:50.160 I started thinking about it after the conversation, and I 0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:51.680 know what R and B. A lot of times people 0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:53.880 jokingly say, like, we want R and B artists to 0:14:53.920 --> 0:14:56.040 be in this dark, traumatic place because the music is 0:14:56.080 --> 0:14:58.920 better when you hear people say stuff like that. And 0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:01.400 you didn't got over so much in this peaceful space, 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:02.360 like do you are you? 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:02.560 Like? 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:05.080 No, you'all relaxed because I need to sell some music, 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:06.560 Like how do you feel about that? 0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:11.120 Okay? 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:13.720 I've also as I stepped away, I was able to 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:17.600 become a fan again too, like as I was emerging 0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:19.480 and starting to listen and look at the scope. 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:20.560 And in some. 0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:24.440 Cases they're right, heartbreak makes for a beautiful record. 0:15:24.760 --> 0:15:26.800 Heartbreak though not depression. 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:35.600 Not depression, it all goes. It all kind of meshes 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:36.280 together after a while. 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:40.240 Dark is dark, true, And I never really did dark 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:44.440 music did. I definitely have f that in music. 0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:44.720 You know what I mean? 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:49.920 And not the heart? 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:54.320 Yeah, I have that and I still have that. You 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:54.960 know that. 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:58.480 That's that's part of my story. So I'm not doing 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:01.360 all positive. I think they're right. There are artists that 0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:02.920 we can look at and be like, dang, it just 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:06.600 never hit quite the same when it was not good. 0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:08.360 And that's sad to say. 0:16:08.440 --> 0:16:11.800 It's it's left up on the artist side, but it's 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:13.640 there is some truth to that. You have to find 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:17.560 now new ways of expressing I guess the highs and 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:20.280 making that cool and fun, and you know, because I 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:22.840 think people feel the other stuff a lot deeper because 0:16:22.840 --> 0:16:26.120 it's more relatable. Most people know what a messed up 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:28.840 or toxic relationship feels like, or they know what it's 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:32.320 like to affect someone in a toxic way or whatever 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:32.640 that is. 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:36.360 It's just more compelling. 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:39.080 What did your ego say when you stepped away? Like 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:42.560 when you stepped away, like you know, like people may 0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:44.600 not recognize your pin the way that they should. I 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:46.520 may not recognize the hits, like how was it easy 0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:48.320 for you? That's like an ego has moved to just 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:50.440 step away and be like, y'all can have it for. 0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:56.440 What did my egos say? I'm sure I'm sure there 0:16:56.440 --> 0:17:00.400 were bruises. There were moments where I wasn't proud of, 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:03.160 like the like the bookings I would get, you know 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.320 what I mean. There were times where my ego was like, 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:06.919 I'm better than this. 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:09.200 Surely I did. 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:22.800 Just went back, don't tell them, don't play with your checks. 0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:26.399 Okay, I mean yeah, it was never that bad, but 0:17:26.440 --> 0:17:29.000 there were moments where I'm like, surely I'm better than this, 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:34.239 Like wow, you know, but yeah, there were times I 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:36.920 definitely had to had to, but I stepped away. 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:37.200 Again. 0:17:37.760 --> 0:17:40.200 The whole intention behind it was to kind of kill 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:42.560 my ego. That was the journey I went on, literally 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:48.239 was like, let's just be a human. Let's, you know, 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:52.520 try to look as little like Carrie Hillson as you 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:55.760 can and kind of re emerge as a human as 0:17:55.760 --> 0:17:56.520 a like. 0:17:56.480 --> 0:17:57.119 Who am I? 0:17:56.840 --> 0:17:59.920 I have been in the industry since my first group 0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:02.760 we talked was about I was fourteen years old. We 0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:05.560 signed when I was seventeen, and then I quickly when 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:08.639 that group disbanded or near the end of it, I 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:12.440 began songwriting and so my first placement I wrote it seventeen. 0:18:12.440 --> 0:18:14.320 It came out of eighteen. That was my first what 0:18:15.400 --> 0:18:19.600 first five figure check that turned into six figures by 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:21.080 twenty one, Like, you know what I mean? 0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:23.480 So I've been in this industry. 0:18:23.520 --> 0:18:28.560 Now I'm forty two, so that would be twenty years 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:34.200 in a couple of years. Wow, No, excuse me, thirty 0:18:34.280 --> 0:18:38.359 years years? Good lord, I think I didn't That was 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:40.560 a I didn't want to admit that. 0:18:41.160 --> 0:18:42.360 Nobody in here is a math major. 0:18:42.400 --> 0:18:46.600 So the YouTube it later, for sure, for sure, I'm like, 0:18:46.640 --> 0:18:50.840 wait now, almost almost thirty years. So yeah, I kind 0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:53.119 of felt like the break was really wanted, and the 0:18:53.200 --> 0:18:56.760 ego kill was necessary too. I wanted to be human, 0:18:56.800 --> 0:18:57.960 and I wanted to be a great one. I wanted 0:18:57.960 --> 0:19:00.000