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Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning.

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Speaker 2: The Breakfast Club Morning, everybody instej Envy, Jess Hilarious, Charlamagne

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Speaker 2: the God.

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Speaker 1: We are the Breakfast Club, La La Rosa is here,

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Speaker 1: and we got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed,

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Speaker 1: Kerry Hilston. Welcome, Thank you.

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Speaker 3: How are you feeling, Oh man, I feel good.

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Speaker 1: It's been it's been a long time since we've seen

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Speaker 1: you back with some music.

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Speaker 4: Where you've been how many times you don't heard that question?

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Speaker 4: Since you've been making the rounds? Where you've been? Where

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Speaker 4: you've been a lot? I've been.

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Speaker 5: I've been around. I've been alive, clearly, I've been doing movies.

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Speaker 5: I had been doing making music, couldn't release it, but

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Speaker 5: been around.

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Speaker 3: I've definitely been around release it.

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Speaker 5: I've been finding my happy contractual issues, you know, So

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Speaker 5: is that all over the freedom?

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Speaker 3: That's all over? I'm free. I belong to myself.

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Speaker 6: I was an independute Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, okay, is that your choice?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Wow?

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Speaker 5: Like because really, because I'm not the same girl I

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Speaker 5: was at twenty when I signed that contract. However old

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Speaker 5: I was, it was around that early twenties. Like, I'm

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Speaker 5: I'm not that person anymore. And now I deserve a

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Speaker 5: lot more say in my career and the decisions I

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Speaker 5: make and the songs that I'm cutting and the and releasing,

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Speaker 5: and you know, I just you deserve that control.

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Speaker 3: You've kind of outgrown things.

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Speaker 2: So people would think that, you know, as an artist,

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Speaker 2: you're able to do what you want to do musically,

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Speaker 2: but you're basically saying that's not necessarily true.

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Speaker 5: It was not the case for me. I was signed

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Speaker 5: to a label and a sub label that had its

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Speaker 5: own heads, you know what I mean. So yeah, there

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Speaker 5: were there were I released songs that I didn't really love.

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Speaker 5: I had to record songs I didn't love. So even

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Speaker 5: though I was known like as a songwriter, I was

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Speaker 5: a new artist. So there are things that you kind

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Speaker 5: of you got to play the politics game. And to me,

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Speaker 5: that to me, that doesn't really go with art being political.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, I wonder why wouldn't they trust you, especially

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Speaker 4: because of your.

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Speaker 5: Opinion, right, I mean, I think to a certain but again,

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Speaker 5: it was just politics sometimes over the my feelings, the

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Speaker 5: statements I want to make the artists I see myself

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Speaker 5: as It was just like, no, but you have to

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Speaker 5: we have to have a song by this producer, because

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Speaker 5: I've had this side conversation with that producer, promised them

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Speaker 5: a song on your album basically, and no matter how

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Speaker 5: the session turned out, we got to put this out.

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Speaker 5: So it's like, you know, things like that can happen.

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Speaker 5: And no, I didn't have to say because I wasn't distributing.

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Speaker 5: I wasn't you know what I mean on that end

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Speaker 5: of things.

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Speaker 4: When you think about carry Hillston, like you were everywhere

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Speaker 4: in the late two thousands writing, you were your own artists,

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Speaker 4: and then you took a step back. Was that intentional

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Speaker 4: or was it the industry bullshit kind of made you like,

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Speaker 4: you know what, I don't want to be involved? Or

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Speaker 4: did they push you out a little bit?

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Speaker 3: Like what was it of the industry? No?

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Speaker 5: No, it was definitely very intentional. I was actually going

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Speaker 5: through quite a bit personally. I was really really depressed

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Speaker 5: and at the height of my an album One night

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Speaker 5: Stand was out, Pretty Gold Rock was out, These are

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Speaker 5: huge you know, Knock You Down was still even in rotation,

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Speaker 5: you know what I mean, Like things were really really good.

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Speaker 3: But I was really really low, really really bad.

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Speaker 6: But it was.

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Speaker 5: Personal for the most part, and some professional woes again,

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Speaker 5: not having a say in decisions that are being made

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Speaker 5: that I have to stand for and represent and and

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Speaker 5: do that with whatever level of grace I could have

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Speaker 5: for those decisions being made for me, and just kind

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Speaker 5: of just you don't you don't always agree with who

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Speaker 5: you do business with. Absolutely, and so but yeah, that

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Speaker 5: wasn't it was not. It was my choice for sure.

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Speaker 4: Okay.

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Speaker 2: And how'd you get out of that phone? Because you

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Speaker 2: went to depression? How did you get out of that depressure?

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Speaker 1: Was it more? Writing? Was it family?

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Speaker 4: Was it?

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Speaker 3: All of it?

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Speaker 5: All of that and vacations and philanthropy and all the things,

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Speaker 5: exercising and and like journaling, writing, you know, privately and

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Speaker 5: for others, spiritual retreats, journey. Yeah, I went on what

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Speaker 5: I call Eat, Pray Love.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: So, and there were times where I would just say

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Speaker 5: yes to shows that were in places that I wanted

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Speaker 5: to visit, you know what I mean, Yeah, like otherwise

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Speaker 5: I'm not performing like I want to go there.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: So yeah, So it's just that So with the album

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Speaker 6: We Need to Talk, you have this digital series and

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Speaker 6: we had this conversation. So it's like, yes, whatever, but

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Speaker 6: so you have this digital series called we Need to

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Speaker 6: Talk as well, and it's like called you to you

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Speaker 6: conversation it's carry Hilston or carry Lynn talking to Kry Hilson. Yeah,

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Speaker 6: and you got very versus me, you versus you. You

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Speaker 6: got very indeptht about a bunch of different things. Relationship. Uh,

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Speaker 6: you know, just coming back and doing this whole thing again,

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Speaker 6: the press runs and all that different stuff. And now

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Speaker 6: you've been out, you've been talking to some press. Is

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Speaker 6: it what you expected it to be? Do you feel

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Speaker 6: like people are like cause it kind of seemed like

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Speaker 6: you think you thought people were going to be out

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Speaker 6: to get you when you wanted to protect yourself from that.

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Speaker 6: Coming back into it, I still think that she's very

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Speaker 6: like skeptical.

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Speaker 1: I'm just cautious.

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Speaker 5: It has right because it wasn't this salacious. It wasn't

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Speaker 5: quite this like ugly or nasty or like you know,

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Speaker 5: driven by negativity.

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Speaker 3: It just wasn't that.

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Speaker 5: When I was, when when I was last year sitting

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Speaker 5: in this chair. So yeah, I'm freaking. It was already

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Speaker 5: exactly exactly, and now it's just worse. So yes, that

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Speaker 5: that fear is real. That is that is a dialogue

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Speaker 5: that I have with myself daily. It's it's literally a

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Speaker 5: prayer at night. It's just like ah and and the

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Speaker 5: struggle really is how authentic and truthful can I be

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Speaker 5: when I don't feel safe, like when that is not intact,

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Speaker 5: when your safety is not there. Just like in a relationship,

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Speaker 5: you're not your most vulnerable when you don't feel safe, Like, no,

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Speaker 5: you're not going to open up, You're not going to

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Speaker 5: have these innermost feelings be expressed.

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Speaker 3: But it's part of what we do. So I have

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Speaker 3: to find that even in the environment. So yes, that's.

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Speaker 6: How the last couple of days been for you. Has

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Speaker 6: it been triggering?

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Speaker 4: Not yet?

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Speaker 5: I think that doesn't really happen until the clickbait begins.

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Speaker 3: So as these.

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Speaker 5: Interviews are rolling out and you see how things could

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Speaker 5: get twisted and how people misunderstand what you're saying, or

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Speaker 5: how the commenters will choose the most negative perception to

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Speaker 5: have about what you stated, You know what I mean,

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Speaker 5: that's the scary parts.

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Speaker 2: I love the people you missed the love because I've

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Speaker 2: seen you what last year we would Ennore Michael B.

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Speaker 1: Jordan's thing and the love was amazing.

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Speaker 2: I've seen another time overseas in one of the Caribbean

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Speaker 2: Islandy were perform when I was DJing and the love

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Speaker 2: was there?

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Speaker 1: Do you miss that part of it?

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Speaker 2: Do you only focus on the negativity and forget about

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Speaker 2: that part?

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Speaker 3: No, no, no, no.

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Speaker 5: I think it's just different with how people treat interviews

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Speaker 5: and then how people treat your craft that state that

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Speaker 5: remained the same because that was literally all I was doing.

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Speaker 5: I wasn't doing interviews, so I always I don't miss

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Speaker 5: I couldn't miss the love because I was still performing,

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Speaker 5: and even when I went to movies and things like that,

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Speaker 5: like it was just it's been all love. I just

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Speaker 5: know stepping back into music is a different That's the

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Speaker 5: only difference is the interviews and the clickbait and the

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Speaker 5: it's just talking. I just be like, all right, how

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Speaker 5: many ways can this be taken?

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Speaker 3: Prepare for it?

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Speaker 5: Get ready because people are committed to misunderstanding who you

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Speaker 5: are and it becomes now a character attack, and I

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Speaker 5: don't that's kind of difficult when you do feel as

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Speaker 5: though you're a good person and you do do right

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Speaker 5: by people, and you have integrity and you move in

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Speaker 5: a certain, you know way.

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Speaker 2: The sad thing about is, you know, we reward negativity,

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Speaker 2: you know, and me and Charlemagne had this conversation all

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Speaker 2: the time. Somebody can get on you know, social media

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Speaker 2: right now and talk about your outfit right and be

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Speaker 2: nasty as hell. They get a million views, gets paid

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Speaker 2: off for that, or she gets paid off for that.

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Speaker 1: So what does it do.

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Speaker 2: They'll make them They'll do it again and again. They'll

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Speaker 2: do it again and it's it's positive and they get

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Speaker 2: paid for it. So you got to understand that and

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Speaker 2: take it with a grain of salt.

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Speaker 3: Facts.

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Speaker 4: You should do the R and B Money podcast. And

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Speaker 4: the reason I say that, Valentine, yes, is because you

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Speaker 4: made me think about something. It's like, well, damn, is

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Speaker 4: there a safe space for artists? And it's like, Yo,

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Speaker 4: when you see artists who start their own platforms, they

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Speaker 4: probably understand, they overstand how that safe space for.

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Speaker 3: You they have. And I've done it. I've actually done

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Speaker 3: the Army. Yeah we did it. Was that last year

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Speaker 3: or year a minute ago? I think it was last year.

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Speaker 6: I said it was a minute ago because I watched

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Speaker 6: it in preparation.

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Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, I think it was around the time when

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Speaker 5: we went on tour.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so it was mid last year.

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Speaker 4: So when you talk about the depression, and you talk

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Speaker 4: about the spiritual journey, the spiritual healing. What did that

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Speaker 4: chapter of your life teach you about purpose?

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Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 5: It taught me how dangerous it is to step away

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Speaker 5: from your purpose, to step out of your purpose and

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Speaker 5: away from your gifts. But it also taught me, on

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Speaker 5: the flip side of that, that sometimes you have to

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Speaker 5: do what is necessary to re engage with your purpose

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Speaker 5: in a better way. And so both of those things

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Speaker 5: happened for me, learning that it was necessary to pick

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Speaker 5: it back up, but it was also necessary to you know,

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Speaker 5: be boundaried and not have it by any means at

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Speaker 5: any cost, but to protect myself in certain ways. So yeah,

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Speaker 5: I learned a lot about purpose.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, you have a song on the project We Need

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Speaker 6: to Talk called weigh Me Down. And then I hear

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Speaker 6: you talk about purpose and just stepping back into things.

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Speaker 6: And I know there's different things that can weigh a

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Speaker 6: person down. But were you ever worried that the weight

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Speaker 6: that made you want to step away and take some

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Speaker 6: time would make you forget or you know, just lose

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Speaker 6: the passion for the purpose.

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Speaker 5: Yes, I was concerned with that, and it did happen.

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Speaker 5: I lost passion for quite a while, it was really

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Speaker 5: difficult to create. At times, my life was radio silent.

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Speaker 5: I didn't listen to music. I didn't sing or hum

224
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Speaker 5: in the shower like I did since I was yay high,

225
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:21,280
Speaker 5: Like I lost so much passion for it, but I

226
00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:25,600
Speaker 5: realized that that was really it was also necessary. Talk

227
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:30,000
Speaker 5: about clean slate. That's what you know, Me stepping away

228
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:33,440
Speaker 5: created the cleanest slate possible. And that's why it's so

229
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:37,080
Speaker 5: scary because I'm so freaking peaceful, Like life is calm,

230
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Speaker 5: it's cool. I like my I like my friendships, I

231
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,240
Speaker 5: like my circles. I like the safety that I feel

232
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Speaker 5: in daily life. And stepping back out into the spotlight,

233
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Speaker 5: that's what the fear is really all about, is like,

234
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,360
Speaker 5: am I gonna lose how safe I feel? Am I

235
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Speaker 5: gonna lose my peace, my sanity, my mental health? Am

236
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:56,920
Speaker 5: I going to be affected? It's you know, because it's

237
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Speaker 5: the sleep deprivation, and you know, just not just comments.

238
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Speaker 5: I have a thick skin because I'm so much more

239
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,960
Speaker 5: self aware also of who I am and also what

240
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,840
Speaker 5: I'm here to do and what my gifts are, what

241
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Speaker 5: my weak strains and weaknesses, Like I'm very clear, so

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Speaker 5: I don't think that they will ever cut me the

243
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,640
Speaker 5: same way, but it being there at all is just

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Speaker 5: can spark a little fear.

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Speaker 4: Now, how do you protect your piece in an industry

246
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,600
Speaker 4: that thrives off, you know, controversy, negativity, and hate.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I haven't quite all the way figured that out,

248
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Speaker 5: but I think it's a daily I feel like it's

249
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Speaker 5: going to be a daily practice saying no to certain

250
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:40,400
Speaker 5: environments that you just kind of already know are not

251
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Speaker 5: going to be conducive to what you've I've worked so hard.

252
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,120
Speaker 5: It's like I was telling her yesterday, once you have

253
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:52,839
Speaker 5: seen darkness, you will fight tooth and nail to never

254
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Speaker 5: see it again, to never have to be that low,

255
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,120
Speaker 5: quite that dark again. And I think it's gonna be

256
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,559
Speaker 5: a daily struggle, a daily not struggle with a daily

257
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:04,319
Speaker 5: effort in that regard, because you atually.

258
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Speaker 4: Enjoy the process, right, Like I want to walk into

259
00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:08,760
Speaker 4: every room and feel like, Okay, when's the other shoe

260
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Speaker 4: going to drop?

261
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Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

262
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Speaker 3: Right? That's no way to live.

263
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Speaker 5: You're right, But I think, yeah, I think there's enough

264
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,440
Speaker 5: about this that I do enjoy that I think it'll

265
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:20,320
Speaker 5: just overshadow. I'm hoping, but we'll see. I think it's

266
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Speaker 5: gonna be a lot of prayer. It's gonna be meditation,

267
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Speaker 5: it's gonna be listening to the music that you know

268
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:32,199
Speaker 5: eases and calms my nervous system in moments when that's necessary.

269
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Speaker 5: It's gonna be just making sure that the enjoyable moments

270
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Speaker 5: can be as enjoyable as possible.

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Speaker 1: Well, what puts you to come back out then?

272
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Speaker 2: Because I mean it's you're making music, making money from writing.

273
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Speaker 2: You've wroten so many records. I mean, I'm looking at

274
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Speaker 2: your desiography now, it's just so many records. What made

275
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Speaker 2: you say, you know what? I want to put that

276
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Speaker 2: foot back out and go in the line of fire.

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Speaker 7: I felt.

278
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Speaker 5: I felt clogged, I felt burdened, clogged, stuck, And that

279
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,920
Speaker 5: would really sum it up. I felt like there I

280
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:08,120
Speaker 5: had more to more, to say, more to do, because

281
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Speaker 5: I know I say it in the Me versus Me

282
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,720
Speaker 5: series like I wasn't done. I sat down for a second,

283
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,800
Speaker 5: but I never felt done. I toyed with the idea

284
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,800
Speaker 5: like am I am I finished? Do I ever want

285
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:24,080
Speaker 5: to do that again in that way? But the answer

286
00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:28,880
Speaker 5: was yes, just my way. I have to have a

287
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:33,360
Speaker 5: certain level of control now over you know, my my image,

288
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:34,880
Speaker 5: my brand, my words, my my.

289
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Speaker 3: Dialogue, it's just all the stuff.

290
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Speaker 5: But yeah, I just felt like there was there is

291
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,400
Speaker 5: so much more, and I never stopped creating, so I

292
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:46,480
Speaker 5: also know it's in the arsenal, and my confidence was

293
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:51,600
Speaker 5: built back up, and I just uh, in recent years,

294
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:52,439
Speaker 5: I just felt ready.

295
00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:53,280
Speaker 3: I felt ready.

296
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,840
Speaker 2: You think people forgot what's in what you've created, what

297
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,160
Speaker 2: you've written, the songs that you put out, because.

298
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,760
Speaker 1: I'll be honest, I forgot until I just looked at

299
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:01,280
Speaker 1: the discocrap.

300
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,520
Speaker 2: I'm like Jesus, like, there's so many rep writing both

301
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,680
Speaker 2: and the records that came, and I'm like, there's a lot.

302
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,160
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know.

303
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,560
Speaker 5: I don't know, and I don't honestly, I kind of

304
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,679
Speaker 5: don't care either, because it's like clean slate.

305
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,319
Speaker 3: Here we are again. Everything.

306
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,720
Speaker 5: People only care about what you do that's new. Sure

307
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:23,800
Speaker 5: you may have been impacted positively by things that I've done,

308
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,160
Speaker 5: and it was so long ago, and I'm proud and

309
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:33,200
Speaker 5: I'm really grateful, but I don't know that that matters

310
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,000
Speaker 5: as much to me. I don't look back a lot.

311
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:39,560
Speaker 5: I'm really focused on what we're Yeah, what I'm venturing

312
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:40,160
Speaker 5: to do again.

313
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,200
Speaker 6: When we talked before, you talk to me about the

314
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,160
Speaker 6: dark space that you were in and just trying to

315
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,880
Speaker 6: get it out of that, but not kind of it's

316
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,440
Speaker 6: like a hard thing to push yourself ab out of.

317
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,160
Speaker 6: I started thinking about it after the conversation, and I

318
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:51,680
Speaker 6: know what R and B. A lot of times people

319
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,880
Speaker 6: jokingly say, like, we want R and B artists to

320
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,040
Speaker 6: be in this dark, traumatic place because the music is

321
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,920
Speaker 6: better when you hear people say stuff like that. And

322
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,400
Speaker 6: you didn't got over so much in this peaceful space,

323
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:02,360
Speaker 6: like do you are you?

324
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:02,560
Speaker 5: Like?

325
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,080
Speaker 6: No, you'all relaxed because I need to sell some music,

326
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:06,560
Speaker 6: Like how do you feel about that?

327
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:11,120
Speaker 3: Okay?

328
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,720
Speaker 5: I've also as I stepped away, I was able to

329
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,600
Speaker 5: become a fan again too, like as I was emerging

330
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,480
Speaker 5: and starting to listen and look at the scope.

331
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:20,560
Speaker 3: And in some.

332
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,440
Speaker 5: Cases they're right, heartbreak makes for a beautiful record.

333
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,800
Speaker 4: Heartbreak though not depression.

334
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:35,600
Speaker 6: Not depression, it all goes. It all kind of meshes

335
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:36,280
Speaker 6: together after a while.

336
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:40,240
Speaker 5: Dark is dark, true, And I never really did dark

337
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:44,440
Speaker 5: music did. I definitely have f that in music.

338
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:44,720
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?

339
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:49,920
Speaker 5: And not the heart?

340
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have that and I still have that. You

341
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:54,960
Speaker 3: know that.

342
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,480
Speaker 5: That's that's part of my story. So I'm not doing

343
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,360
Speaker 5: all positive. I think they're right. There are artists that

344
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,920
Speaker 5: we can look at and be like, dang, it just

345
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,600
Speaker 5: never hit quite the same when it was not good.

346
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,360
Speaker 3: And that's sad to say.

347
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,800
Speaker 5: It's it's left up on the artist side, but it's

348
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,640
Speaker 5: there is some truth to that. You have to find

349
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:17,560
Speaker 5: now new ways of expressing I guess the highs and

350
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,280
Speaker 5: making that cool and fun, and you know, because I

351
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,840
Speaker 5: think people feel the other stuff a lot deeper because

352
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:26,120
Speaker 5: it's more relatable. Most people know what a messed up

353
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,840
Speaker 5: or toxic relationship feels like, or they know what it's

354
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:32,320
Speaker 5: like to affect someone in a toxic way or whatever

355
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:32,640
Speaker 5: that is.

356
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:36,360
Speaker 3: It's just more compelling.

357
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,080
Speaker 4: What did your ego say when you stepped away? Like

358
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,560
Speaker 4: when you stepped away, like you know, like people may

359
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,600
Speaker 4: not recognize your pin the way that they should. I

360
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,520
Speaker 4: may not recognize the hits, like how was it easy

361
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,320
Speaker 4: for you? That's like an ego has moved to just

362
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,440
Speaker 4: step away and be like, y'all can have it for.

363
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,440
Speaker 5: What did my egos say? I'm sure I'm sure there

364
00:16:56,440 --> 00:17:00,400
Speaker 5: were bruises. There were moments where I wasn't proud of,

365
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,160
Speaker 5: like the like the bookings I would get, you know

366
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,320
Speaker 5: what I mean. There were times where my ego was like,

367
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:06,919
Speaker 5: I'm better than this.

368
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:09,200
Speaker 7: Surely I did.

369
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:22,800
Speaker 6: Just went back, don't tell them, don't play with your checks.

370
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,399
Speaker 5: Okay, I mean yeah, it was never that bad, but

371
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,000
Speaker 5: there were moments where I'm like, surely I'm better than this,

372
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:34,239
Speaker 5: Like wow, you know, but yeah, there were times I

373
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,920
Speaker 5: definitely had to had to, but I stepped away.

374
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:37,200
Speaker 3: Again.

375
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,200
Speaker 5: The whole intention behind it was to kind of kill

376
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,560
Speaker 5: my ego. That was the journey I went on, literally

377
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:48,239
Speaker 5: was like, let's just be a human. Let's, you know,

378
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,520
Speaker 5: try to look as little like Carrie Hillson as you

379
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,760
Speaker 5: can and kind of re emerge as a human as

380
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:56,520
Speaker 5: a like.

381
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:57,119
Speaker 3: Who am I?

382
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,920
Speaker 5: I have been in the industry since my first group

383
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,760
Speaker 5: we talked was about I was fourteen years old. We

384
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,560
Speaker 5: signed when I was seventeen, and then I quickly when

385
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,639
Speaker 5: that group disbanded or near the end of it, I

386
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:12,440
Speaker 5: began songwriting and so my first placement I wrote it seventeen.

387
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,320
Speaker 5: It came out of eighteen. That was my first what

388
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:19,600
Speaker 5: first five figure check that turned into six figures by

389
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,080
Speaker 5: twenty one, Like, you know what I mean?

390
00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:23,480
Speaker 3: So I've been in this industry.

391
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:28,560
Speaker 5: Now I'm forty two, so that would be twenty years

392
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:34,200
Speaker 5: in a couple of years. Wow, No, excuse me, thirty

393
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:38,359
Speaker 5: years years? Good lord, I think I didn't That was

394
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,560
Speaker 5: a I didn't want to admit that.

395
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:42,360
Speaker 4: Nobody in here is a math major.

396
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:46,600
Speaker 5: So the YouTube it later, for sure, for sure, I'm like,

397
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:50,840
Speaker 5: wait now, almost almost thirty years. So yeah, I kind

398
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,119
Speaker 5: of felt like the break was really wanted, and the

399
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,760
Speaker 5: ego kill was necessary too. I wanted to be human,

400
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:57,960
Speaker 5: and I wanted to be a great one. I wanted

401
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 5: to be a good human, So like, what is it?

402
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:00,480
Speaker 4: You know?

403
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,480
Speaker 5: What does that mean? And I had to go on

404
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,000
Speaker 5: that journey and figure that out, you know.

405
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:05,720
Speaker 4: So there was a point where you looked in the

406
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,359
Speaker 4: mirror fifteen years ago and was like, I don't like

407
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,280
Speaker 4: what I see. I don't like who I'll become.

408
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,520
Speaker 5: Yes, on the low end of that, for sure, not

409
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,840
Speaker 5: necessarily because I felt I had a huge ego, but

410
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:24,480
Speaker 5: because I had made some mistakes and I had lived

411
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:33,840
Speaker 5: in shame and embarrassment, and and then too I was

412
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 5: going through heartbreak. So that was all kind of coupled together.

413
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,160
Speaker 5: So yeah, yeah, I didn't like who I saw because

414
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,880
Speaker 5: I knew that I was a higher vibrating person than

415
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:46,800
Speaker 5: those things.

416
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:48,360
Speaker 4: We were.

417
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,520
Speaker 5: Sometimes when you you know, you step away from the integrity,

418
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:56,520
Speaker 5: or you find yourself in scenarios that you didn't have

419
00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:02,120
Speaker 5: control over that rub rub your spirit in a certain way,

420
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,199
Speaker 5: and you're like, that is that was a mistake I

421
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 5: really could have done without making.

422
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,119
Speaker 3: You know, and when that happens, you're not gonna like

423
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:14,320
Speaker 3: who you who you see? Yeah, for many different reasons.

424
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,080
Speaker 2: Your relationships with public though, would you ever have public

425
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 2: relationships again?

426
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,159
Speaker 3: Or hell no, trying not to.

427
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:22,560
Speaker 4: I'm trying not to.

428
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,840
Speaker 3: Only two of them, only really one of them?

429
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,120
Speaker 1: Two two?

430
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,920
Speaker 3: Okay, which to you talking about?

431
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,440
Speaker 1: Do your Googles people could do that?

432
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,680
Speaker 6: Google Googles know mine. I'm just wondering.

433
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 5: Where's Yeah, that would be the one that I would

434
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,520
Speaker 5: say is a public relationship.

435
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,880
Speaker 3: The other was like, okay, fake?

436
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,439
Speaker 4: Which one the young one?

437
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:48,800
Speaker 5: They were both younger than me, but they were both

438
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 5: very real.

439
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:57,240
Speaker 6: I think he's asking about that boy dating. Oh that

440
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:59,440
Speaker 6: was not There was a there was always a rumor

441
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,480
Speaker 6: that you guys were dating.

442
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,359
Speaker 3: No yees say their names from the sled that all

443
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 3: the way up. No, no, no, you never.

444
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 1: Dated Soldier boy.

445
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:12,399
Speaker 5: No no, I think that that picture where so he.

446
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,399
Speaker 5: I think we might have been in New York actually,

447
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,000
Speaker 5: and we were just at the same studio at the

448
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,400
Speaker 5: same time. I think either studio or was it at

449
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 5: a show, whatever the case is. It was like a visit,

450
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 5: like a like a dressing room or studio visit. And

451
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,119
Speaker 5: he came by and it was like, I think our

452
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,879
Speaker 5: first time meeting. And he put his chain on me,

453
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,800
Speaker 5: like he had his chain and I was maybe I

454
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 5: tried it on. I don't remember how the chain got

455
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:34,080
Speaker 5: around my neck.

456
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 4: Is twenty years ago.

457
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,480
Speaker 1: Shut up, like.

458
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:43,600
Speaker 6: Smell fine, yes, I welcome back.

459
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 1: Yeah Soldier Boys Okay.

460
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,760
Speaker 5: And pictures were taken and it was just a fun

461
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 5: moment between two artists. Like that was the beginning of like, oh,

462
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,040
Speaker 5: I can't even take pictures with people because I'm now

463
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 5: dating everybody. Take a picture with that was like yeah, yeah,

464
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 5: so and little Wayne all that same never dated, No,

465
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 5: just pictures. Chris Brown never dated.

466
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 6: Any of that because I know as a woman like

467
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 6: that has to be annoying because you don't have the

468
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,119
Speaker 6: choice to be like this is what I'm actually doing,

469
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 6: and you take too much time when you're doing it right,

470
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:19,919
Speaker 6: how much did that impact you career wise or did

471
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 6: it even or did it just like piss you off

472
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 6: to the point where it's like I can't say anything

473
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 6: because Sojia boy or whoever. At the time, they're also

474
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 6: big artists, So Mike got labels that are like we

475
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,880
Speaker 6: just let it ride. Maybe it's selling music and you're

476
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,959
Speaker 6: trying to be like no, But as a woman, I

477
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,240
Speaker 6: want to say, this is what I'm doing right.

478
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,480
Speaker 5: I think I just spelled all of the ones that

479
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,439
Speaker 5: I wasn't actually dating, but I was doing it on Twitter.

480
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,439
Speaker 5: And you know when people see that's the thing about blogs,

481
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,080
Speaker 5: When they are posting something a story that you know

482
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,880
Speaker 5: is not true, and you come out and say it's

483
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 5: not true, they don't always come back and recan't They

484
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,440
Speaker 5: hardly ever not. I mean, I've seen it, but it's

485
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 5: like one out of one hundred and.

486
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 3: Never as loud as the rumor. So that part is annoying.

487
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 5: But like people thinking that I'm dating other people, it

488
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 5: depends on who it is that I guess determines how

489
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 5: annoyed I would be.

490
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:11,760
Speaker 3: But yeah, you.

491
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,679
Speaker 4: Said you was getting over a heartbreak. Was that one

492
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:15,080
Speaker 4: of the reasons that you had to take it?

493
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:15,360
Speaker 3: Yes?

494
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:19,680
Speaker 5: Yes, I was in a relationship for eleven years is

495
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:20,160
Speaker 5: a long time.

496
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 3: That was not search. It was before search. Yep, right

497
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:24,480
Speaker 3: before search.

498
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:26,440
Speaker 4: Oh, Serge was a rebound.

499
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 3: No, it wasn't. It was years in between.

500
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 4: A little bit let him know he was a rebound. Serge,

501
00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 4: you are a rebound. I don't know if you knew that,

502
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 4: but you are.

503
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:38,919
Speaker 3: It's not true.

504
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:42,399
Speaker 6: And he's gonna look straight the camera too. He was

505
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 6: shake the camera.

506
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,879
Speaker 3: It's crazy, straight to camera. He was not a rebound.

507
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 5: It was maybe three years after that eleven year relationship

508
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 5: was over. I do believe in healing in between relationships.

509
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,399
Speaker 5: I do believe in that, so I'll be single for

510
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:00,960
Speaker 5: years and between relationships.

511
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,359
Speaker 4: I think that's the one problem with being an artist

512
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,960
Speaker 4: is that nobody believes that y'all are real people, and

513
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,360
Speaker 4: so when you are going through real things, nobody will

514
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 4: take that into consideration. It's more entertaining for them to

515
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 4: be like the beehive ran out of.

516
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 3: Town, right, That's way more entertaining.

517
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 5: But also because I think when you're rich like people

518
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,479
Speaker 5: are like, they don't empathize with you. They can know

519
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 5: you're human, but they don't give they don't care because

520
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 5: they're like, whatever, she's rich, she'll be fine.

521
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:30,359
Speaker 3: It's like, damn, I ain't got no heart, you know,

522
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,119
Speaker 3: I can't feel. I can't go through love and heartbreaking.

523
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:34,159
Speaker 4: Like you know.

524
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 6: I think people don't realize how much the noise that

525
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,360
Speaker 6: they throw it like gets to you or not, even

526
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 6: if it doesn't break you, but like you see it,

527
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 6: you can't not see it.

528
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:45,920
Speaker 1: And now it's controlled and jumped. Before it was a

529
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: thing I was going.

530
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 6: To say because I wasn't jumped. Well, I was never jumped.

531
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 3: No one ever put their hands on.

532
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 6: Carry. Don't play with me though.

533
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:02,120
Speaker 4: It's miscarry baby.

534
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 7: He's talking about right from Atlanta.

535
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,440
Speaker 6: Yeah, okay, it came out real quick. No, I think

536
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:22,119
Speaker 6: he's talking about the beehive. Just all of the comments

537
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 6: and stuff from the song leak and all that stuff.

538
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:27,159
Speaker 6: And now today, at this point, are you looking like

539
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:28,880
Speaker 6: when you look back at that, because and people will

540
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,160
Speaker 6: bring it up, so I'm sure you're kind of preparing

541
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 6: yourself for that. How do you do you not even

542
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 6: explain it, but like, how do you look back on that?

543
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,919
Speaker 6: What are your comments on it now so far removed

544
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:40,560
Speaker 6: from it.

545
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:41,199
Speaker 3: It's a regret.

546
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,160
Speaker 5: It's a regret, but not in the way that people

547
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,640
Speaker 5: would think, because that's a song that I actually didn't write.

548
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,720
Speaker 5: Those are not my words. I was on tour. Holl

549
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,119
Speaker 5: On One just wanted me to do a remix to

550
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:57,679
Speaker 5: turn me on. He had produced the record, and I

551
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 5: wasn't because I was on tour with Lil Wayne. I

552
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:03,879
Speaker 5: wasn't able to like lay anything down. He had been

553
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 5: on me for a couple of weeks about we gotta

554
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 5: we need to do a remix. Okay, so I take off.

555
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 5: It wasn't happening quick enough for him. I take off,

556
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:13,360
Speaker 5: We fly in and.

557
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:19,119
Speaker 3: So he had another writer in our camp at the time.

558
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 3: He had her write this. So he played it.

559
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 5: For me like this is the remix, because I'm thinking,

560
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,800
Speaker 5: I'm coming in to go write a remix to turn

561
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 5: me on. Like the whole time, I had been writing

562
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,560
Speaker 5: concepts like what would I say? How do I even

563
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 5: remix this? Like what do I want to? So I

564
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,639
Speaker 5: had lines and I had, you know, things that I

565
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,080
Speaker 5: would have said. But I come into the studio and

566
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,199
Speaker 5: he plays me this verse and I'm like, automatically I'm like,

567
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:49,360
Speaker 5: that is that's I'm not saying that that was my position, and.

568
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 4: That was Shane when you heard it.

569
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah you could, but you I didn't know really

570
00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 5: who it was about, but I mean one could guess,

571
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:06,640
Speaker 5: and you know, it just was I'm like, I'm an athlete,

572
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 5: but I'm a I'm a I'm a finesse player. I'm

573
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 5: not a nasty player. I'm not a dirty player. I

574
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 5: don't even look at things like that. I'm competitive in

575
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 5: a I'm also a swimmer, So that's a self sport.

576
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 5: That's like an inside game, and that's how I played

577
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 5: every sport that I played. So I never found it.

578
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 5: But we we disagree there, Polo and I because he

579
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:28,919
Speaker 5: believes in kind of the shock jock mentality.

580
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,000
Speaker 3: He believes in kind.

581
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:35,480
Speaker 5: Of playing dirty to a degree, and I don't. It's

582
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,720
Speaker 5: not right, so exactly exactly. So I tried to fight

583
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 5: him on it, and I began writing my own That's

584
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,400
Speaker 5: what I did with my time there.

585
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 3: But he.

586
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,400
Speaker 5: I want to be careful with the word I use.

587
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 5: It was quite forceful.

588
00:27:59,080 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

589
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 4: In an executive artist.

590
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, in an executive artist way, only.

591
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:11,439
Speaker 5: You know, involving others and kind of threatening my career

592
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,159
Speaker 5: in a sense, in a real sense, like you're not

593
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,199
Speaker 5: coming because my album wasn't out yet, so it was like,

594
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 5: you're not coming out of.

595
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 3: You don't do this.

596
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,680
Speaker 5: And the mistake that I made was not continuing to fight.

597
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 5: But I was in tears, I was crying. I was

598
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 5: adamant that I did not want.

599
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 1: To do that, and people I don't know you was

600
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 1: signed to Polo.

601
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 5: I was signed to Polo and Timblain YEP in a

602
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 5: joint venture at Innerscope Records, YEP. And I was young,

603
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 5: I was super young. I felt I had no power,

604
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 5: I felt I had no choice. But I did record mine,

605
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 5: my version, which had nothing.

606
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 3: Like that in it.

607
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 5: It was on subject song is about men, and I

608
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 5: think days was it days after?

609
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 3: He remembers more because he was there. He remembers more.

610
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 3: Was it days after? When it leaked?

611
00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 5: It leaked like days after I did it, But he

612
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 5: promised me that wouldn't happen.

613
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 3: So it leaked.

614
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 5: And that was that. And I protected him. I protected

615
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 5: the girl that wrote it, who went on to become famous.

616
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 5: I protected everyone in the story. So I had to

617
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 5: eat that. I had to eat that, and I am

618
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 5: still eating it to this day because I'm getting asked

619
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:20,440
Speaker 5: about that fifteen. However, many years, sixteen, seventeen years later,

620
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 5: it's like I've worn the scarlet letter.

621
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 4: Really, I'm sorry. But when you answer it once like

622
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 4: it's done, people like actual answer. I think that makes

623
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 4: it go.

624
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 5: Yeah.

625
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 6: I was going to say, I think this is the

626
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 6: first time I've heard this.

627
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 5: I have before, but yeah, maybe you guys is a

628
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 5: beautiful platform, a big one, and maybe hopefully this is

629
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 5: the last time I need to talk about that. But

630
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 5: that that is definitely a regret of not fighting even stronger.

631
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 5: But I again, when your career is on the line

632
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 5: and they make it, that be the way that you

633
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 5: perceive the situation. Not perceived, but it was pretty clear.

634
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 5: But when you you're that young, you're just kind of.

635
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 1: Like, maybe they know better than me, right, maybe.

636
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 5: Well I never felt like they were right. I never

637
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,960
Speaker 5: felt like they were right. But because my authenticity, my

638
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 5: authenticity said the entire time, this can't this can't be

639
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 5: the only way to become like I was already doing well.

640
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 5: And in my eyes, although it gained the popularity and

641
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 5: the recognition the song okay, we had a lot of spins,

642
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 5: but that I from that moment on, I was like, this,

643
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 5: this ain't even my path anymore.

644
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 3: Now I got to ride.

645
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 6: Out with the.

646
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 5: I think he just went because they were partners. I

647
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 5: think he just went along, but I didn't. I don't

648
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 5: remember that we involved him, or that he was involved

649
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 5: at all, because he didn't. He hadn't produced that record.

650
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 5: But I wonder now I would love to ask him, like,

651
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 5: what do you what did you think about that? What

652
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 5: I do know is he went on to work with

653
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:57,800
Speaker 5: B and Jay and tour with him, and so did Polo,

654
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:01,719
Speaker 5: And I'm sitting there like wow. But again I protect

655
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 5: I never I was trying to keep peace and also

656
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 5: not wanting to put my career. They were still my bosses.

657
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 5: I didn't want to put my career further into detriment. So,

658
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:13,959
Speaker 5: you know, I just didn't want to step in the

659
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 5: shit anymore though, So I didn't want to hold no

660
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 5: magazine with her on the I just froze. I just

661
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 5: was like shook. So whenever anybody brought it up, probably

662
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 5: the last time we were here, like please don't bring

663
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 5: up Beyonce. It was probably that kind of environment because

664
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:30,479
Speaker 5: I was shook. I was scared. I was not of her,

665
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 5: like I love her. I think she's incredible. She's one

666
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 5: of the greatest artists of all time, and I'm a fan,

667
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 5: like have always been. That's never been in question for me.

668
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 5: But now I just it's a name. I can't say,

669
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:49,720
Speaker 5: it's a magazine I can't hold it's a conversation I

670
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 5: don't want to have publicly, just because I don't want

671
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 5: to piss anybody off. I don't want to make things

672
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 5: even more weird than they already were. I just wanted

673
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 5: it to go away. I wanted it to go away.

674
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 5: I wanted it off my scarlet letter, you know what

675
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 5: I mean. I wanted to clean myself up and just

676
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 5: have the career that I wanted to have. But I

677
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 5: didn't know how to do that. I didn't know cleaning

678
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 5: it up would mean.

679
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 6: That.

680
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 3: It just felt like a messier situation.

681
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 4: I think people understand the industry now, so they understand like,

682
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 4: you know, producers or executives telling you, yo, you know

683
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 4: this this person or say this about this person, or

684
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 4: you know, stirve some controversy. I think they can understand that.

685
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 4: They can understand fifteen years ago, you was a younger

686
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 4: artist in a completely different space. How you could be

687
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 4: pushed to do something like that.

688
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,080
Speaker 6: I think so now, yeah, now I think.

689
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:37,440
Speaker 1: We can now they could. Back then, I think it

690
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 1: was people probably felt a different way.

691
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, And if you believe you knew I was a writer,

692
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 5: if you believe that those were my words, and there's

693
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 5: no backing out of that, but they're not my words,

694
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 5: and they.

695
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 4: Weren't just about being I mean, if the verse wasn't

696
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 4: just about Beyonce. I remember, I remember it was a

697
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 4: two the left line in there, but you were shooting

698
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 4: at women in general.

699
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 6: But I think it was because you can women. I

700
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 6: guess in the industry, it was the move to the

701
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 6: left that I think it was a couple other things,

702
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 6: but it was the move to the left that I

703
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 6: think people kind of parallel. But and that's how I'm wondering, Like,

704
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 6: at what point did you realize, like, oh, like here's

705
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,120
Speaker 6: the I guess it's all these women, but like, here's

706
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 6: the this is how this is going to be taken,

707
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 6: and like I'm in the middle of this now.

708
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 5: When it happened, it's when when it leaked and when

709
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 5: I guess we must have seen comments or think pieces

710
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:26,719
Speaker 5: and headlines, and it was like, all of a sudden,

711
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,960
Speaker 5: all the good headlines just went to that and they're

712
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 5: forever there. I think I just realized that as other

713
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 5: people like okay, But as I was singing, I was like,

714
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 5: is this because the whole time it was begrudgingly that

715
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 5: I went through with its request, but it was like

716
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 5: a promise, like you can write your own if you

717
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 5: sing this, and then it leaked, so it was all

718
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 5: part of the plan. So I wasted my time even

719
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 5: working on my own verse. That was what he wanted

720
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 5: to happen.

721
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 2: What did your team sing when the backlash happened. Did

722
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,320
Speaker 2: they just step away and say you're on your own now,

723
00:33:58,400 --> 00:33:58,880
Speaker 2: or did they.

724
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 3: Felt like that's what the fuck?

725
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 5: It felt like that everyone went on to normal see

726
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 5: and I'm the only one left like, hm, what it

727
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 5: felt like I'm being crucified.

728
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:17,440
Speaker 3: I'm being murdered. And I would say, Carrie the human

729
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,240
Speaker 3: was looking at Carrie Hillson the artist like you deserve

730
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:20,720
Speaker 3: that ship.

731
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 5: You should have fought harder. You know, I understood it,

732
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 5: I got it.

733
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:27,720
Speaker 7: Give you well.

734
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,719
Speaker 5: It's tough to do because I I that's something that

735
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 5: I held on to not again.

736
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:36,880
Speaker 6: Girl, every time we together, okay, but.

737
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:41,440
Speaker 3: Thank you for me what makes you laugh?

738
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 6: Thank you?

739
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 3: Thank you.

740
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 4: That was.

741
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 5: Y'all are crazy, But that is that is what If

742
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:55,439
Speaker 5: I give myself grace, yeah I do, now I do?

743
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,919
Speaker 5: I do, I do. I have forgiven myself. But that's what.

744
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 5: It goes back to the shape that I felt for

745
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 5: so long. I'd be ashamed to walk in places or

746
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 5: look like myself at times for that reason, because I'm

747
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,680
Speaker 5: not a hater. I'm really not like to the point

748
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,280
Speaker 5: where I never even read chart positions. I never even

749
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 5: cared about how many sales I have or how much

750
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,239
Speaker 5: like I'm not that girl because I'm not.

751
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 4: I'm not.

752
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:30,239
Speaker 5: Driven by what others are doing or the competition that

753
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,319
Speaker 5: I feel has nothing to do with what anyone else

754
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,399
Speaker 5: is doing. I've never felt like shooting anyone else down

755
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 5: for their greatness made me greater. I'm not that naive,

756
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:44,359
Speaker 5: I'm not that immature. So I just always felt like

757
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 5: what I do is what I do, and I feel

758
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,600
Speaker 5: like I do it damn well, but it has no

759
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 5: bearing on what they do. So I just felt like

760
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:55,400
Speaker 5: that was such an ungraceful mistake to make or to

761
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 5: be forced to do, and to not stand up for myself.

762
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,279
Speaker 5: That was a shit that I wore. Was like, I

763
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 5: should have fought harder. I should have fought harder. I

764
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:04,840
Speaker 5: should have fought harder. I should never have done it.

765
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 5: I should never have recorded that.

766
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 3: I should have.

767
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 5: Outed them well before now I should have, you know

768
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 5: what I mean? And I still am protecting the writer

769
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:14,439
Speaker 5: because I feel like like she might have been doing

770
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 5: what what she was told to do.

771
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:20,200
Speaker 4: I hope that now that's a I want people to

772
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:22,160
Speaker 4: really hold on to what you just said, though, because

773
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 4: it wasn't you know, the beehive getting at you. It

774
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 4: was what you chose to do. Because I feel like

775
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 4: if you had wrote that on your own and put

776
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 4: that out and got that same backlash, you probably could

777
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 4: have handled it better.

778
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:35,040
Speaker 3: But you elaborate, what do you mean?

779
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:37,200
Speaker 4: It was like that. It wasn't you that wanted to

780
00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:39,879
Speaker 4: even say that, like your else make a decision for

781
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 4: you know?

782
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,880
Speaker 5: I mean, yeah, yeah, And I think we all have

783
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 5: those moments in life where you're like, absolutely, dang man,

784
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 5: I wouldn't have gotten in that fight. I wouldn't have

785
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,719
Speaker 5: got arrested if I didn't even get convinced to go,

786
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,799
Speaker 5: or if I didn't wasn't for you know whatever, where

787
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 5: you're just like I could have.

788
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 3: I could have. I knew it.

789
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:58,919
Speaker 4: You never want to compromise yourself for a position because

790
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:00,879
Speaker 4: it makes you feel like right, it makes you feel

791
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,280
Speaker 4: like Okay. I know I got faith in a higher power,

792
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 4: but I clearly wasn't paying attention to God in that moment.

793
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 4: And I know I got faith for myself, but I

794
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:09,360
Speaker 4: clearly wasn't paying attention to me. So why did I

795
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:11,520
Speaker 4: compromise myself? Why did I make these people feel like

796
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:12,719
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna make it?

797
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:15,239
Speaker 3: Yes, I don't do it. How could I allow them

798
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 3: that level of power?

799
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:19,400
Speaker 5: Like you ain't God, you weren't even here at the

800
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 5: beginning of my climb, you know what I mean? I

801
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 5: would have kept climbing with just in someone else's hands.

802
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 5: And that's why my trust is so like low, you

803
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:29,440
Speaker 5: know what I mean, because I'm like man, I've been

804
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 5: and abandoned, so to speak. You know, so yeah, that

805
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 5: that you always pay when you go against your intuition,

806
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:43,239
Speaker 5: You always pay for it. You always pay for it,

807
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 5: You always pay for it. You have to fight for

808
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,840
Speaker 5: what you feel. That nudge is there for a reason.

809
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:51,879
Speaker 5: It's there to protect you. It's there to keep keep

810
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:52,920
Speaker 5: your sanity.

811
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,319
Speaker 3: It's there to to to.

812
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,120
Speaker 5: Make sure that you are who you say you are

813
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 5: and believe you are, and and just kind of keeps

814
00:37:59,200 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 5: you in line.

815
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:01,680
Speaker 3: And that was that was, That was my mistake.

816
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 1: Have you spoke to Beyonce or run into her, because

817
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 1: the industry is small.

818
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:05,799
Speaker 3: It is it is.

819
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:09,719
Speaker 5: We ran into each other at a at was it

820
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:15,080
Speaker 5: b T Awards and she introduced herself. She I didn't

821
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:16,799
Speaker 5: see her coming, but she came and her hand was

822
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 5: out and she introduced. She was like, Hi, I'm b

823
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 5: or she may have said her whole name also, And

824
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:28,840
Speaker 5: that was as it was happening. You know, I think

825
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 5: I was. I think that was one I was performing

826
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 5: at or something.

827
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:33,760
Speaker 3: I'm not sure.

828
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 5: I don't I'm not sure, but I was backstage for

829
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 5: some reason, maybe I was presenting or whatever.

830
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 3: I hope it was b T Awards.

831
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 5: I could be wrong about that too, but it was

832
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:46,400
Speaker 5: some awards show by the trailers, so backstage area, and

833
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 5: she had introduced herself and I.

834
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:49,319
Speaker 3: Felt like, you know, she was.

835
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:52,719
Speaker 5: That was a little bit of like, you know, I

836
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 5: see you what I I.

837
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:00,239
Speaker 4: Mean, I've been I've only been around our fewt but

838
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:02,359
Speaker 4: I've seen her welcome and Beyonce.

839
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 3: Like, Okay, I thought it was G.

840
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 1: No, no, no.

841
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 2: She did that to me in the club one time

842
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:07,400
Speaker 2: I met her, and then one time at the other

843
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:08,479
Speaker 2: radio station she comes out.

844
00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 3: Checking no I do I thought it was G. I

845
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:14,799
Speaker 3: thought it was real G. I was like, fuck with that.

846
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 3: I like that. I like that.

847
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 4: Why have a conversation.

848
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 3: We just was in the place and I did you know?

849
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 3: It just was in the place. I hoped to always

850
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 3: have that be if you're out there, I love you.

851
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,799
Speaker 5: I would love to do that. I'd love to do

852
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:30,440
Speaker 5: that because I don't know what's being said. I do

853
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 5: know that my camp has worked with her. I don't

854
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 5: know what was also said. They might have put it

855
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,440
Speaker 5: on me. They might have said she wrote that like,

856
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 5: I don't know what was said.

857
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 3: I would love to.

858
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 5: Clear that up because, like I said, I'm a fan.

859
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:46,120
Speaker 5: There's utmost respect for who she is as a songwriter,

860
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 5: as a performer, as a woman, as a mom. Like,

861
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 5: so much respect for her. And I was in a

862
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 5: girl group, you know what I mean, Like we we

863
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 5: looked up to them. There's there's so many reasons and

864
00:39:57,040 --> 00:40:03,520
Speaker 5: ways that you can love her, and I would love

865
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:07,279
Speaker 5: to do that because I'm more so also to clear

866
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 5: it up for sure and to give her the respect

867
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 5: that I felt she always deserved from me because that

868
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:18,080
Speaker 5: was so not that, but also because I'm curious as

869
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 5: to what were you told about.

870
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 6: It if Polo, Like if they came back and said, hey,

871
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 6: let's today, I don't know, if they tried to have

872
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 6: a conversation like we're in a different space to me,

873
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,759
Speaker 6: to you, would you are you? That conversation should be

874
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 6: down a half.

875
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:34,160
Speaker 5: I think the conversation needs to be to y'all. That's

876
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:42,399
Speaker 5: I felt unprotected. I felt like abandoned there. I think

877
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:48,080
Speaker 5: the conversation is to the public. I've forgiven him. He's

878
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 5: actually even has records on this album.

879
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:52,360
Speaker 3: We have worked.

880
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 5: I can be around like I'm a really forgiving person.

881
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,840
Speaker 5: And again I took full accountability all this time.

882
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,239
Speaker 3: I just wore it. I ate it, I wore it,

883
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 3: I lived it.

884
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,279
Speaker 4: But before y'all worked, do you say we need to talk?

885
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:08,880
Speaker 5: No, we we were talking the entire time, like I

886
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 5: never I'm not a spiteful individual. I don't harbor ill

887
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 5: I would. I have said many times how I felt,

888
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 5: you know what, I mean the whole while he to

889
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 5: this day, he just you know, the definition of gaslighting.

890
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 6: But I don't understand the working relationship then, because like

891
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:26,239
Speaker 6: hearing you talk about him, and does I seem like

892
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:29,040
Speaker 6: someone you would want to rataniously put yourself around.

893
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 5: But he can never force me to do anything I

894
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 5: don't believe in. Again, that's what I know about me.

895
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 5: So I can be around someone and know that I'm

896
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 5: in control of me. Now, you know what I mean,

897
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:41,919
Speaker 5: You'll never make the same exact mistake twice. I will

898
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:45,240
Speaker 5: never let that man coerce me to do anything ever again,

899
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 5: you know. So it's just that it's just that, like

900
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 5: I can be and we're cool, Like it's just it

901
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 5: is what it is. But I will keep him at

902
00:41:54,560 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 5: a certain distance in certain decisions. He's a great producer.

903
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 3: He ain't gonna like it. He's not gonna like it.

904
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 3: But like.

905
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 5: It is my truth, and it's more important for me

906
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:13,960
Speaker 5: to be honest and truthful and authentic now and if honestly,

907
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 5: if that lifts part of the burden for fans and

908
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 5: and for myself, then I guess today it had to

909
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,319
Speaker 5: be said, you know, and with.

910
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:27,239
Speaker 1: All the records that you've written, what.

911
00:42:27,239 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 5: Is your favorite I can't who's your favorite?

912
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:33,360
Speaker 6: Child?

913
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,560
Speaker 1: M It's tough way, I don't have one.

914
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:37,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like that.

915
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:40,880
Speaker 4: It's like that, do you have a record that defines you?

916
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 4: One of your records that defines you?

917
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 3: All of them define pieces and sides of me for sure?

918
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 1: And did you write though some d's on it at

919
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:52,760
Speaker 1: that hook? No?

920
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 3: But I was just in the video of that one.

921
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 6: That's like a floating rumor online too, that that I

922
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 6: think they didn't know that you wrote it, not that

923
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 6: you date it, know that you were.

924
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:06,360
Speaker 3: Not throw some d's. No, let me think, rich boy, No,

925
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 3: that wasn't. I love that hook, though I wish I

926
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 3: wrote it. I love that verse, all the verses on that.

927
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:17,439
Speaker 4: Do you feel secure? Like, do you feel protected now?

928
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:18,759
Speaker 6: Yeah?

929
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:20,560
Speaker 3: Because I got me, I do.

930
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 5: And also this man right here, mister Jones, he's been

931
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 5: with me my entire ride from album one at some point. Yeah, yeah,

932
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 5: it's been that long, and he is he's literally my protector.

933
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 5: He's I've never seen an artist manager dynamic quite like this,

934
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:45,759
Speaker 5: where I know, no matter even if you're even if

935
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 5: you were trying to get me to do something that

936
00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:49,799
Speaker 5: is against my better judgment. It ain't even gonna get

937
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 5: past him. It's not even gonna get to me because

938
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 5: he saw all that, he saw me pay for everything,

939
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 5: he saw me.

940
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 3: He was with me, you know what I mean.

941
00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:58,840
Speaker 5: I'm sure he felt some of even as a manager,

942
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:00,720
Speaker 5: he probably felt some of the same feel I felt

943
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:07,279
Speaker 5: about his own career, which is a thing I'm just realizing, like, yeah,

944
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 5: you probably had some embarrassment shade, you know, But but

945
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:14,839
Speaker 5: we went through it all together and here we are

946
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 5: still still here?

947
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 4: Was it really? I mean, I know personally had what

948
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 4: was the industry shit really that bad? Like was the

949
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 4: beehive and all of it? Was that real? Like when

950
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 4: they were coming at you, that had anything to do

951
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:29,399
Speaker 4: with you taking the step back that you took.

952
00:44:29,719 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was the other side of it. So it

953
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:33,399
Speaker 5: was a heartbreaking that. Yeah, that's what I was saying

954
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 5: in the beginning of our interview. Yes, it was that

955
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 5: it was like me wearing the mistakes, but it wasn't

956
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 5: necessarily Okay, no CDs were ever thrown at me. That

957
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:43,439
Speaker 5: would have been a totally different story because it would

958
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:46,960
Speaker 5: have gone very differently. Yeah, that was a rumor that

959
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,680
Speaker 5: they said that they threw Beyonce CDs at me on

960
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:52,640
Speaker 5: the street or something wherever they said that happened that

961
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 5: had never happened.

962
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 3: But it was online.

963
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,440
Speaker 1: To Georgia, come out of you. That's twice the one

964
00:44:58,440 --> 00:44:58,960
Speaker 1: to jump in.

965
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:03,279
Speaker 3: It's funny because I didn't even realize my disposition changed

966
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 3: at all, But.

967
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,160
Speaker 5: Uh, it was online. It was like the what did

968
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 5: you call it online?

969
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 3: Uh? Jumping online control.

970
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:16,880
Speaker 5: Yes, it was like no matter what I posted, the

971
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 5: response was bees, no matter what I said, no matter

972
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:23,879
Speaker 5: what the caption was, no matter how beautiful I look,

973
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:27,520
Speaker 5: no matter what how why I'm on this carpet, no

974
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:31,120
Speaker 5: matter what, it was like bees just everywhere, you know,

975
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 5: online and interviews as well, Like it was like I

976
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 5: couldn't do anything on my own without her name being mentioned,

977
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,759
Speaker 5: which yeah, it just I couldn't live it down.

978
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:45,359
Speaker 3: I just felt like I could everywhere.

979
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 5: I went, They're like, so Carrie, I can't, and I

980
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 5: was just I would just freeze.

981
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:55,360
Speaker 3: I was just freeze. That's natural. I just would freeze.

982
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 5: And I'm like, I don't want to step in. I

983
00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 5: don't want to say anything wrong. I don't want to

984
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:01,760
Speaker 5: say anything else wrong, Like I don't want to step

985
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:06,719
Speaker 5: in it. So I'm just gonna be quiet, And eventually

986
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 5: it came to I don't even want to show up anymore.

987
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 3: I don't even want to go go anywhere, I don't

988
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 3: want to do anything. I just don't want to do

989
00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:12,240
Speaker 3: this anymore.

990
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 4: And was their industry backlash, like, did people start fronting

991
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 4: on you because they wanted to be in her good graces?

992
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:29,320
Speaker 5: Probably it's fair to it's fair to suggest that probably

993
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 5: probably some of the people that I had been working

994
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:37,840
Speaker 5: with took that position, But I wouldn't know, but it's

995
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 5: I would say it's likely.

996
00:46:39,560 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 4: That it's fucked up. If the people who took that

997
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:54,879
Speaker 4: position with people who actually encourage you to do it.

998
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:52,240
Speaker 3: It would be But I don't.

999
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:52,839
Speaker 4: I don't.

1000
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:57,360
Speaker 5: I don't throw anything past many people. You know, people

1001
00:46:57,400 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 5: are people, not the.

1002
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:00,000
Speaker 4: Only person you should be protecting.

1003
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 3: That was you, right, right, That's all I.

1004
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 5: Know, nothing to nobody right that part, that part, And

1005
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:09,440
Speaker 5: that's how I feel. The only thing I owe anybody

1006
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:13,680
Speaker 5: is me and to have the fresh start that I've

1007
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 5: been fighting for now, that's that's what I owe myself.

1008
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 1: Let's get into a joint off the album. Let's get

1009
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 1: back to the music. What do you want to hear

1010
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 1: off the album.

1011
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 5: I think all we can play is bay you whatever

1012
00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:34,760
Speaker 5: you want, y'all have it.

1013
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:37,240
Speaker 1: The record.

1014
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:40,960
Speaker 4: Let me grateful.

1015
00:47:41,239 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 1: What do you want to hear about you? You want

1016
00:47:43,560 --> 00:47:44,720
Speaker 1: to scream whatever?

1017
00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:45,359
Speaker 4: Weigh me down?

1018
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:52,600
Speaker 3: Okay, let's go there.

1019
00:47:52,719 --> 00:47:55,040
Speaker 2: Okay, so you got to senence that one. Go make it,

1020
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 2: you promise? Yeah, all right, so let's get into it

1021
00:47:59,280 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 2: right now.

1022
00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 4: Mother, you're talking.

1023
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:08,360
Speaker 3: About no no, I wish no no.

1024
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:11,359
Speaker 4: No say that.

1025
00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:17,040
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm listening to that right now.

1026
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:20,480
Speaker 4: Okay, she got the Temptation story that comes out April

1027
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 4: twenty six.

1028
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 5: On Lifetime, Yes Fame, Yes April twenty sixth, and my

1029
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 5: album drops the eighteenth, so like a week before.

1030
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 6: That, and the talking about the series on YouTube. I

1031
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 6: really to watch this will help you with the music

1032
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:35,360
Speaker 6: in it's a background to you.

1033
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 5: Yes, and it kind of sums up the conversation we've

1034
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:40,560
Speaker 5: had this morning, ye and how I feel coming back

1035
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 5: in So that I think is the breast a great

1036
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 5: preface to hearing the music. So yes, it's on YouTube

1037
00:48:47,600 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 5: on Carry Hilson's YouTube page.

1038
00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:49,719
Speaker 3: That's me.

1039
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:53,120
Speaker 5: I hate when I appear to talk in third person,

1040
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:57,359
Speaker 5: but on my YouTube page at Kerry Hilson. You'll see

1041
00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:58,719
Speaker 5: a series called Me Versus Me.

1042
00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:00,680
Speaker 3: Episodes.

1043
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 5: Just it's quick, they're quick, they're shorts, and the album

1044
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 5: is actually released in three parts. That's what I thought

1045
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 5: you were going to say. But it's released in three parts.

1046
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 5: So you're I've been going so long. I was like,

1047
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:14,960
Speaker 5: I owe people more than just one EP or one album.

1048
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 5: So I'm releasing basically three three series of work, three series,

1049
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:21,880
Speaker 5: three bodies of work inside of one album.

1050
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 4: Oh thought you was getting Michael Jackson all madag on

1051
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 4: with the nuns.

1052
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:30,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, so you'll see them grade out as they're there.

1053
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 5: But it's all one album, all called We Need to

1054
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 5: Talk And right now you're getting the love portion.

1055
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 3: So we're starting there. I'm telling a story, so what's

1056
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,840
Speaker 3: not really really neat? The way I decided to do

1057
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 3: this was drama after drama, redemption.

1058
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:46,479
Speaker 4: So so you feel like there's unfinished business and music

1059
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 4: for you. Basically I do, I do?

1060
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 1: All right, Well, let's get it on right now.

1061
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:54,960
Speaker 6: Say that happy fraid.

1062
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:57,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I just like that. You've got to map out,

1063
00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:59,400
Speaker 4: you know, how you want to reintroduce yourself to this

1064
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:00,880
Speaker 4: love it this new generation.

1065
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:04,160
Speaker 6: It feels like it feels like you're getting through all

1066
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:06,319
Speaker 6: of the things that you probably had to take right.

1067
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:08,040
Speaker 6: I had to take a step away to better understand

1068
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:10,319
Speaker 6: what was happening, to better articulate how you felt in it. Yes,

1069
00:50:10,320 --> 00:50:10,960
Speaker 6: it feels like that.

1070
00:50:11,120 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're really wise. Oh girl, thank you, she asked me.

1071
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:15,480
Speaker 3: She had me crying.

1072
00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:19,160
Speaker 5: Yesterday, asking you have some condt propoken questions. Yeah, not

1073
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:22,319
Speaker 5: no good good crying crying isn't bad. But you made

1074
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:23,879
Speaker 5: me feel which was not.

1075
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 3: It's not that.

1076
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 5: It's not that normal to have to think that deeply.

1077
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,640
Speaker 5: So I appreciate when I get to so and thank

1078
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 5: y'all because it's the same here.

1079
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:35,640
Speaker 4: And it's good context because you know, you never know

1080
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:39,720
Speaker 4: what people are really going through or how these things

1081
00:50:39,719 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 4: we hear in the media really are impacting somebody right, personally, right.

1082
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 5: And even at a subconscious level, because that's what it

1083
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:51,400
Speaker 5: was for me. I don't think it was completely all conscious.

1084
00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 5: But you inherit what people say about you when you

1085
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:59,040
Speaker 5: see it that often good, bad and ugly. The good

1086
00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 5: is damn just as damage seeing the ugly things about yourself.

1087
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 5: So yeah, subconsciously you inherit what the belief outside. You

1088
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:12,920
Speaker 5: can inherit what outside beliefs are into yourself and that

1089
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 5: becomes unhealthy no matter which way it goes good or bad.

1090
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:17,520
Speaker 6: And I know you said we need to talk which

1091
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 6: is the album? You're talking to fans also about things

1092
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 6: that they deserve to get answers to. Yes, I think

1093
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:24,799
Speaker 6: as a fan. After we talked today and after we

1094
00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:27,840
Speaker 6: talked on the other show that I do, I was like, wow, like,

1095
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:30,080
Speaker 6: I don't I think. I wish I had kind of

1096
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:32,440
Speaker 6: had a glimpse into all of this as it was happening.

1097
00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:35,960
Speaker 6: It probably would have made people react differently to what

1098
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:38,319
Speaker 6: happened and not. I don't know. I can't describe it,

1099
00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:40,080
Speaker 6: but it was such a good insight. So I'm glad

1100
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:43,360
Speaker 6: you're doing this. I think people are going to be like, oh, dang, Okay,

1101
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:45,520
Speaker 6: it's a little bit of person in there.

1102
00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:48,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, I hope so, because I became so guarded after

1103
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:51,399
Speaker 5: what had happened that I always felt like they don't

1104
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:53,600
Speaker 5: no one knows who I am and I can't show

1105
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:54,200
Speaker 5: them because I.

1106
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:56,800
Speaker 3: Was too fearful and too afraid.

1107
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 5: Of But I just I just knew that I was

1108
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 5: like completely misunderstood, completely misrepresented, just completely like this does

1109
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:07,600
Speaker 5: not represent who I am in the least.

1110
00:52:08,040 --> 00:52:10,600
Speaker 3: So I always wanted for people to understand and see

1111
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 3: who I am.

1112
00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:13,560
Speaker 5: But I was too afraid, too afraid to pull the veil,

1113
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:16,880
Speaker 5: and also too afraid, like I said, of.

1114
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:20,520
Speaker 3: Feel feeling like I had to protect people.

1115
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:24,560
Speaker 5: So I remained guarded and people were They didn't like

1116
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:26,760
Speaker 5: the mask. They didn't like the mask.

1117
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:30,400
Speaker 4: And what's crazy is Beyonce wouldn't want any of this.

1118
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:32,600
Speaker 4: M I don't think so. I don't you know, I

1119
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 4: don't think she would want you to have to go through.

1120
00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:37,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't think. Yeah, I don't think so either.

1121
00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:40,319
Speaker 5: I take her to be a lot more gracious than that.

1122
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 5: I mean, even that introduction alone, I feel like I

1123
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 5: feel like I would agree.

1124
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:46,280
Speaker 3: I would agree.

1125
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:48,600
Speaker 4: I hope a dope full circle moment would be for

1126
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:50,840
Speaker 4: you and her to collaborate on something, like you write

1127
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 4: something for her or write something together. Yeah, that would

1128
00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 4: be dope.

1129
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:56,560
Speaker 3: That dope that would do.

1130
00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 4: Put that in atmosphere.

1131
00:52:58,239 --> 00:52:59,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's manifest that.

1132
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:01,919
Speaker 2: Thank you for joining us, Thank you for coming because

1133
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:03,680
Speaker 2: I know that had to be difficult the first time

1134
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:05,200
Speaker 2: you because I've seen it in your face, like you

1135
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:06,120
Speaker 2: didn't know what to expect.

1136
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:09,200
Speaker 1: You look at him, especially the short guy over there,

1137
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:10,759
Speaker 1: like carry always.

1138
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:15,439
Speaker 3: Been good people. Don't be more scary though, Yes, because

1139
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:18,759
Speaker 3: you're such a wild card. You're like a landmine.

1140
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 4: I don't do cocaine anymore.

1141
00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 1: He never did a cocaine.

1142
00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 3: What's funny was in my head I was like.

1143
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 7: Oh, now we could give him some grades.

1144
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:38,400
Speaker 4: Issue.

1145
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:43,800
Speaker 1: You had a problems. It's the breakfast club. Good morning.

1146
00:53:44,800 --> 00:53:46,880
Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning.

1147
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:48,040
Speaker 4: Breakfast Club.