WEBVTT - Anchoring the Present 0:00:04.813 --> 0:00:08.693 Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio. 0:00:11.293 --> 0:00:14.213 What's going on? Everybody, Welcome back to another episode of 0:00:14.253 --> 0:00:17.413 Comeback Stories. Hope by now you know me. My name 0:00:17.453 --> 0:00:19.333 is Darren Waller. I play tied in for the New 0:00:19.413 --> 0:00:20.653 York Giants, and. 0:00:20.573 --> 0:00:24.373 I'm Donnie Starkins mindfulness and mental health coach and yoga 0:00:24.373 --> 0:00:25.373 and meditation teacher. 0:00:25.693 --> 0:00:27.493 It's such an honor to have you guys join us 0:00:27.533 --> 0:00:29.893 again today. For those of you that have been tapping 0:00:29.933 --> 0:00:32.613 in with us on season three, we appreciate you. Keep 0:00:32.613 --> 0:00:35.253 coming back. Everybody that's been here since day one of 0:00:35.333 --> 0:00:38.213 the podcast, probably almost three years ago, we appreciate you 0:00:38.213 --> 0:00:40.773 guys as well. Today it's going to be me and 0:00:40.813 --> 0:00:45.093 Donnie shooting one on one and something that is so 0:00:45.253 --> 0:00:47.493 near and dear to us and just an idea and 0:00:47.613 --> 0:00:51.733 perspective that has really changed our life. And it's so simple, 0:00:51.813 --> 0:00:53.813 but it's not always easy. But today we're going to 0:00:53.853 --> 0:00:56.773 talk about anchoring in the present. And it's something that 0:00:57.293 --> 0:01:00.213 I learned very early on in my rehab journey and 0:01:00.253 --> 0:01:01.853 my journey of trying to change my life. And there's 0:01:01.893 --> 0:01:05.013 something that Donnie coaches and has been teaching for a 0:01:05.013 --> 0:01:07.173 while and his experience in his own life. So Donnie, 0:01:07.173 --> 0:01:10.053 why don't you kick this off in give people an 0:01:10.093 --> 0:01:13.093 introduction of what anchoring in the present would look like 0:01:13.133 --> 0:01:13.773 for them. 0:01:14.093 --> 0:01:17.333 Yeah, thanks, Darren. I love this topic, and I think 0:01:17.453 --> 0:01:19.573 before we get into it or break it down, I 0:01:19.573 --> 0:01:23.213 would just ask the listeners as you go about your day, 0:01:23.373 --> 0:01:26.973 like how much of your time is spent in your head? 0:01:27.413 --> 0:01:30.373 Because if you're actually in your head, you're not fully present, 0:01:30.413 --> 0:01:36.533 which means you're not bringing reality, truth, and your art 0:01:36.693 --> 0:01:40.773 into the present moment. So you're not creating space to 0:01:40.853 --> 0:01:45.413 be fully expressive and the most authentic version of yourself. 0:01:45.493 --> 0:01:51.253 So anchoring can really be any positive habits of mindfulness 0:01:51.413 --> 0:01:54.173 or gratitude or things that are going to bring you 0:01:54.253 --> 0:01:56.533 back to your body. I always like to say that 0:01:56.893 --> 0:02:00.653 the body knows where home is, but it's the mind 0:02:01.213 --> 0:02:03.293 that often takes us down these roads that makes us 0:02:03.293 --> 0:02:07.493 feel so disconnected and so homeless. I think Tony Robbins 0:02:07.533 --> 0:02:10.053 has the quote that says, if you're in your head, 0:02:10.613 --> 0:02:13.933 you're dead, And I know that might sound harsh, but 0:02:14.053 --> 0:02:17.413 in many ways it's true because we're living from a 0:02:17.453 --> 0:02:22.053 place of looking into the future, worrying about the past, 0:02:22.093 --> 0:02:25.973 and really not landing in the present. And as we know, Darren, 0:02:26.013 --> 0:02:29.693 as we've been on this journey separately and together, that 0:02:29.853 --> 0:02:33.013 really all the magic happens in the present moment. So 0:02:33.053 --> 0:02:36.373 it just becomes like a foundational practice that keeps you 0:02:37.013 --> 0:02:41.333 tied to the present moment, and we can An anchor 0:02:41.373 --> 0:02:44.813 can be really anything from anything in your physical environment, 0:02:45.493 --> 0:02:50.773 from a ring on your finger, a meaningful bracelet, it 0:02:50.813 --> 0:02:54.453 could be a candle, it could be Well, your breath 0:02:54.533 --> 0:02:56.533 is going to be the anchor that's always going to 0:02:56.613 --> 0:02:59.293 be there for you, no matter where you're at or 0:02:59.333 --> 0:03:01.493 what you're doing. That's always going to be the one 0:03:01.533 --> 0:03:04.453 thing that brings the mind back to the body because 0:03:04.493 --> 0:03:08.053 cause the breath becomes like an access point to that 0:03:08.213 --> 0:03:12.133 mind body connection and the bridge to the present moment. 0:03:12.893 --> 0:03:15.853 So I think we can we can have these anchors. 0:03:15.893 --> 0:03:18.573 They're all around us, and the more that we have 0:03:18.773 --> 0:03:21.373 around us, the more we can kind of use those 0:03:21.573 --> 0:03:26.053 as pattern interrupts to bring us back to the present moment. 0:03:26.253 --> 0:03:29.933 There are those little reminders as to really why you're 0:03:29.973 --> 0:03:32.853 here and why you're doing this work, and why presence 0:03:33.373 --> 0:03:35.213 is so important to us. 0:03:35.733 --> 0:03:39.893 Yes, that's what it is. It's extremely important, especially if 0:03:39.893 --> 0:03:41.933 we want to live the life we want to live. Right, 0:03:42.013 --> 0:03:44.253 because we get to the end of the road and 0:03:44.293 --> 0:03:46.293 we create a legacy for the life that we want 0:03:46.333 --> 0:03:48.493 to live, we're going to look back and realize it 0:03:48.533 --> 0:03:52.733 was all individual moments that led up and cumulatively created 0:03:52.773 --> 0:03:57.093 that legacy, created that life of whether it was fulfillment 0:03:57.293 --> 0:04:01.573 or contentment, or whether it was regret. And you know, 0:04:01.653 --> 0:04:03.893 to make it even simpler for the audience, if we 0:04:03.933 --> 0:04:07.533 look at everybody knows the concepts of past, present, in future, 0:04:08.333 --> 0:04:10.813 and the things that rob us mostly of being in 0:04:10.853 --> 0:04:15.213 the present is our past something that we regret, some 0:04:15.413 --> 0:04:19.333 a mistake we made, some way that we were harmed 0:04:19.333 --> 0:04:23.173 in our past by a parent, by a friend, by 0:04:23.373 --> 0:04:27.053 a coach, teacher, anyone. And we hold on to those 0:04:27.093 --> 0:04:30.293 things and we lose hope, we lose faith, we lose 0:04:31.013 --> 0:04:34.453 a vision for a future that has joy and happiness, 0:04:34.733 --> 0:04:37.413 and those are things that can keep us arrested or 0:04:37.613 --> 0:04:40.293 in prisoned to our past. And then there's the future 0:04:40.333 --> 0:04:42.973 aspect on the other side, which is I want to 0:04:43.173 --> 0:04:45.933 arrange every thing so perfectly so I don't have to 0:04:45.973 --> 0:04:48.493 experience a single failure, I don't have to step in 0:04:48.533 --> 0:04:50.813 a single pothole. I don't have to hurt myself. I 0:04:50.813 --> 0:04:53.373 don't have to cry, I don't have to worry as 0:04:53.413 --> 0:04:56.133 long as these things go the way that I plan 0:04:56.253 --> 0:04:58.773 for them to go. And we spend so much time there, 0:04:58.853 --> 0:05:05.613 but all that does is produce anxiety, produce worry my relationships, 0:05:07.053 --> 0:05:09.853 which both of those are equally trying to pull us 0:05:09.893 --> 0:05:13.453 away from the present moment. And it's not hard to 0:05:13.493 --> 0:05:15.733 do that as people like you and I that have 0:05:15.813 --> 0:05:19.413 been meditating, that have been putting in practices for years 0:05:19.453 --> 0:05:21.933 on end, at least for speaking for me, I can 0:05:21.933 --> 0:05:24.893 find myself being pulled out of the present moment so quickly, 0:05:24.933 --> 0:05:29.413 and it's like, man, I preach mindfulness. I've seen the 0:05:29.453 --> 0:05:31.733 impact that I've had in my life, but still I 0:05:31.773 --> 0:05:34.093 can be so quickly pulled out of this moment. How 0:05:34.133 --> 0:05:36.253 do I get myself back to it? And you hear 0:05:36.293 --> 0:05:39.013 people say things like, you know, be where your feet are, 0:05:39.253 --> 0:05:41.293 and it's really like Donne said, what are these things 0:05:41.293 --> 0:05:43.413 around that you can listen to? For me in the morning, 0:05:43.533 --> 0:05:45.973 I love listening to the birds chirp when I walk 0:05:46.013 --> 0:05:48.693 to my car in the driveway. That lets me know like, hey, 0:05:48.733 --> 0:05:51.333 I'm right here in my driveway. I'm not trying to 0:05:51.333 --> 0:05:53.173 figure out my work day and trying to be great 0:05:53.213 --> 0:05:56.853 before I get there. I'm not trying to be a 0:05:56.893 --> 0:06:00.133 superhero and fix everything that I've ever done in my past. 0:06:00.133 --> 0:06:03.453 I'm just right here in this moment and allow myself 0:06:03.453 --> 0:06:05.853 to flow through my day in the most present way 0:06:05.893 --> 0:06:06.893 that I possibly can. 0:06:07.013 --> 0:06:07.093 So. 0:06:08.213 --> 0:06:09.773 At the essence of this, we want to keep it 0:06:09.813 --> 0:06:12.733 as simple as possible. As we talk more, there are 0:06:12.773 --> 0:06:17.133 complexities to it, there are different details, there are different 0:06:17.293 --> 0:06:19.733 perspectives on being present at the end of the day. 0:06:19.773 --> 0:06:22.973 It's how can I be right here as least distracted, 0:06:23.013 --> 0:06:25.893 as possible, as focus as I possibly can, as free 0:06:25.893 --> 0:06:28.893 as I possibly can, as loose as I possibly can 0:06:29.453 --> 0:06:32.133 in this moment so I can welcome the day, welcome 0:06:32.173 --> 0:06:35.133 the challenges, and respond to everything exactly the way I 0:06:35.133 --> 0:06:35.693 would want to. 0:06:36.173 --> 0:06:38.293 Yeah, I was just as you were sharing. I just 0:06:38.373 --> 0:06:40.813 wanted to ask you the question, if you go back 0:06:41.733 --> 0:06:47.213 into pre sobriety, the mess, you know, the rock bottom, 0:06:47.253 --> 0:06:51.213 and maybe those years, those years leading up to your 0:06:51.253 --> 0:06:55.133 bottom and ultimately getting sober, what were the things back 0:06:55.213 --> 0:06:58.613 then that pulled you out of the present, that had 0:06:58.653 --> 0:07:01.453 you stress, worried, afraid, or anxious. 0:07:03.973 --> 0:07:05.493 There were so many things that pulled me out of 0:07:05.493 --> 0:07:09.373 the moment. If we start from really early on as 0:07:09.413 --> 0:07:14.453 a kid, it was trying to please everyone by now 0:07:14.533 --> 0:07:17.533 I've if this is your first time checking in one 0:07:17.533 --> 0:07:19.653 of my earliest memories of paying we always ask other 0:07:19.653 --> 0:07:22.293 people what theirs are because we know ours and how 0:07:22.333 --> 0:07:25.933 they impacted us. Mine was being told that I wasn't 0:07:25.973 --> 0:07:30.533 black enough, and that to me turned into a reality 0:07:30.573 --> 0:07:35.013 that I could only perform my way into being good enough. 0:07:35.093 --> 0:07:42.653 I could only convince people the best I could to like, 0:07:42.733 --> 0:07:46.373 I'm okay like. I may not be the you know, 0:07:46.493 --> 0:07:50.573 the the image of what black is to you or 0:07:50.613 --> 0:07:54.053 whatever that may be, but I'm okay like, and I 0:07:54.093 --> 0:07:55.493 got to show it to you, and I got to 0:07:55.933 --> 0:07:58.093 prove it to you. And that would always have me 0:07:58.693 --> 0:08:01.213 scoping out moments in the future to where I could 0:08:01.413 --> 0:08:03.293 what mask I would have to put on, how I 0:08:03.333 --> 0:08:05.293 would have to act. I would have to show up 0:08:05.293 --> 0:08:07.733 an energy I would have to try to embody that 0:08:07.853 --> 0:08:12.053 wasn't even really authentically my own. And this is elementary school. 0:08:12.053 --> 0:08:14.093 I showed up to the playground. This is middle school 0:08:14.453 --> 0:08:18.293 in Pe, this is you know, in high school football 0:08:18.293 --> 0:08:23.573 locker rooms at fourteen fifteen years old, not being able 0:08:23.693 --> 0:08:25.533 to not feel like I was able to show up 0:08:25.693 --> 0:08:28.853 as who I was because I just felt so deeply 0:08:28.893 --> 0:08:31.293 down at early age that I just wasn't good enough 0:08:31.853 --> 0:08:36.053 as I am. And you know, with the skills and 0:08:36.093 --> 0:08:38.013 the talents I've been blessed with, I was able to 0:08:38.053 --> 0:08:43.173 see that my performance in sports is what got had 0:08:43.213 --> 0:08:46.333 me in good standing with people. It created these friendships, 0:08:46.653 --> 0:08:49.893 not knowing how shallow they were at the time and 0:08:50.013 --> 0:08:53.853 the quality of relationships I was seeking, but it felt 0:08:53.893 --> 0:08:57.813 like love, It felt like real appreciation. And so I 0:08:57.853 --> 0:09:00.093 just continued down that road of performing, and that turned 0:09:00.133 --> 0:09:02.053 into what was pulling me out of the moment then 0:09:02.293 --> 0:09:05.653 was my performance, whether it was getting a scholarship offer 0:09:05.733 --> 0:09:09.853 turning into when I'm going to get playing time in college, 0:09:09.853 --> 0:09:12.693 and then when I'm going to be the top receiver 0:09:12.733 --> 0:09:14.573 on the team, and then when I'm getting to the NFL, 0:09:14.653 --> 0:09:17.133 and then when I'm when I'm going to arrive to 0:09:17.173 --> 0:09:20.413 a certain place. If only I can get there, if 0:09:20.453 --> 0:09:23.613 only this would happen, then I'll be okay. If only 0:09:24.053 --> 0:09:27.973 I achieve this, then I'll be content. Then my life 0:09:28.013 --> 0:09:30.173 will be okay. I'll stop chasing I'll stop feeling like 0:09:30.213 --> 0:09:32.493 I'm not good enough because I'll have so many things 0:09:32.493 --> 0:09:37.733 that I accumulated and achieved that convince you that there's 0:09:37.773 --> 0:09:40.013 no way you can't tell me I'm not enough. But 0:09:40.213 --> 0:09:43.293 achieving all of those things just made the hole in 0:09:43.373 --> 0:09:47.893 the void even deeper. And you know, you get into 0:09:48.493 --> 0:09:52.933 my using my active addiction, it's where's the next high, 0:09:53.053 --> 0:09:56.733 where's the next feeling? How quickly can I numb what 0:09:56.773 --> 0:10:00.893 I'm feeling? How quickly can I escape physically, mentally, emotionally, 0:10:00.933 --> 0:10:04.093 spiritually from what I have to face and what I'm 0:10:04.133 --> 0:10:08.253 facing right now? And never allowed me to stay in 0:10:08.293 --> 0:10:11.613 a certain place long enough to listen to my body, 0:10:11.773 --> 0:10:13.773 to listen to my mind, listen to my soul, to 0:10:14.533 --> 0:10:18.453 allow myself to heal, to allow myself to just pause 0:10:18.453 --> 0:10:19.973 and be like, you know, why am I doing the 0:10:20.013 --> 0:10:22.733 things that I'm doing? Why am I continuing to float 0:10:22.733 --> 0:10:26.973 down this path knowing that I'm just even more anxious, 0:10:26.973 --> 0:10:30.053 knowing that I'm just even more afraid, and I don't 0:10:30.053 --> 0:10:32.533 feel like I'm getting any closer towards being enough yet 0:10:32.533 --> 0:10:35.333 I'm checking off all these boxes. So it just it 0:10:35.413 --> 0:10:38.853 continued to change as time went along. But it all 0:10:38.893 --> 0:10:42.133 spawned from just wanting to prove that I was okay, 0:10:42.493 --> 0:10:44.733 you know, and not knowing that it came from the 0:10:44.773 --> 0:10:48.053 inside first, being present with myself and being able to 0:10:48.093 --> 0:10:51.133 sit there. And nobody's really going to know that at twelve, thirteen, 0:10:51.213 --> 0:10:55.533 fourteen years old. But when you approach twenty five, twenty six, 0:10:55.613 --> 0:10:58.973 twenty seven, really becoming a man and we're still carrying 0:10:58.973 --> 0:11:05.173 these childhood wounds around, being present just becomes even more exhausting. 0:11:05.213 --> 0:11:07.413 You know, what are some of the examples from your 0:11:07.493 --> 0:11:10.013 life that you feel like we're pulling you out of 0:11:10.013 --> 0:11:14.493 the moment from very early on to even as as right. 0:11:14.373 --> 0:11:17.853 Now, Man, I mean so much, I can relate to 0:11:17.893 --> 0:11:20.613 so much that you shared, and it's bringing me all 0:11:20.653 --> 0:11:25.213 the way even into my first few years of sobriety. 0:11:25.253 --> 0:11:27.733 But if I go back, it was the same thing, 0:11:27.813 --> 0:11:30.373 carrying what other people think. It was so rooted in 0:11:30.413 --> 0:11:33.333 me to the point where it was I couldn't even 0:11:33.373 --> 0:11:36.733 have a conversation or be listening to what somebody was 0:11:36.773 --> 0:11:39.653 saying because I was already rehearsing what I was going 0:11:39.733 --> 0:11:42.253 to say next. And if I fast forward, and then 0:11:42.293 --> 0:11:44.773 I can come back again. If I fast forward, I 0:11:44.773 --> 0:11:48.893 can remember early on in twelve step meetings where in 0:11:49.013 --> 0:11:51.293 the format of meetings, sometimes you'll have a ticket and 0:11:51.333 --> 0:11:54.213 your your ticket might be randomly called and then that's 0:11:54.253 --> 0:11:56.733 your call to share, or it might be sitting in 0:11:56.733 --> 0:11:59.693 a circle and eventually it's going to be your turn, 0:11:59.773 --> 0:12:02.453 And I can just remember those first few years, and 0:12:02.773 --> 0:12:05.293 most of these meetings were men's meetings do so it 0:12:05.333 --> 0:12:07.453 wasn't like I was like trying to impress the girl 0:12:07.533 --> 0:12:10.053 that was in the meeting, but I would sit there 0:12:10.093 --> 0:12:12.613 and rehearse what I was going to say, so I 0:12:12.653 --> 0:12:15.253 could really bring the fire and drop some nuggets and 0:12:15.373 --> 0:12:18.133 sound like I knew what I was talking about. Where 0:12:18.213 --> 0:12:20.893 the reality is, alls I really needed to do is 0:12:20.973 --> 0:12:24.013 just be honest and maybe show some emotion and be vulnerable. 0:12:24.093 --> 0:12:27.173 But I had to even then act like I had 0:12:27.213 --> 0:12:29.613 it all together. So I would rehearse what I was 0:12:29.653 --> 0:12:32.053 going to say, and then it would be like in 0:12:32.093 --> 0:12:35.133 a circle meeting, it would be almost my turn, and 0:12:35.213 --> 0:12:38.013 then time would run out and the meeting would end, 0:12:38.493 --> 0:12:40.893 and I wouldn't even get to share, nor had I 0:12:41.053 --> 0:12:44.413 heard a single word that anybody else had said, because 0:12:44.453 --> 0:12:47.053 I was in my head the whole time, never listening 0:12:47.133 --> 0:12:50.693 right and so, but it all was rooted and can 0:12:50.733 --> 0:12:53.413 still sometimes be. But it's so much better, thank God, 0:12:53.853 --> 0:12:56.733 in caring what other people think. If I go back 0:12:56.893 --> 0:13:00.093 all the way back into the childhood and even into 0:13:00.173 --> 0:13:03.333 the depths of my addiction, it was all those same things, 0:13:03.373 --> 0:13:06.933 just being uncomfortable and my own skin needing performance to 0:13:07.053 --> 0:13:11.653 get validation on the baseball field through family, through friends. 0:13:12.173 --> 0:13:16.413 It was just a lack of self love and an 0:13:16.453 --> 0:13:18.733 assurance in myself. And a lot of it, looking back, 0:13:18.813 --> 0:13:21.053 was even just the way I was living and not 0:13:21.133 --> 0:13:24.893 being authentic and honest and being true and really showing 0:13:24.973 --> 0:13:28.573 up as like the authentic version of myself, and it 0:13:28.613 --> 0:13:32.133 just begins to spiral and snowball to a point where 0:13:32.133 --> 0:13:34.853 you're just so uncomfortable in your own skin that for me, 0:13:34.933 --> 0:13:37.693 the easiest way to get out of that was just 0:13:37.733 --> 0:13:42.013 to pop pills, do drugs and escape. But even in 0:13:42.053 --> 0:13:44.533 the depths of my addiction, I can even think about, 0:13:44.853 --> 0:13:47.133 you know, having my pills and then finally being able 0:13:47.173 --> 0:13:50.493 to take them, or going to the pharmacy and getting 0:13:50.493 --> 0:13:53.173 my refill and getting them, and then it would be 0:13:53.613 --> 0:13:55.373 I would take the pills and for an hour I 0:13:55.413 --> 0:13:57.453 would be good and everything would go away, and then 0:13:57.533 --> 0:14:00.053 the cycle would start and I would start to think 0:14:00.093 --> 0:14:02.333 about when I'm going to take them again, because I'm 0:14:02.333 --> 0:14:04.973 starting to feel anxiety come on. And it was all 0:14:05.773 --> 0:14:10.133 like so worried about the future, as if it's not 0:14:10.213 --> 0:14:12.133 going to be okay, It's not going to be okay 0:14:12.213 --> 0:14:15.333 until I get this so very rarely. I don't know 0:14:15.373 --> 0:14:18.093 if I really ever was actually in the present, nor 0:14:18.133 --> 0:14:22.093 did I have the willingness or any tools to actually 0:14:22.453 --> 0:14:24.973 come back to a place and notice all of this 0:14:25.493 --> 0:14:28.893 madness going on. But you know, I think about it, 0:14:29.133 --> 0:14:33.773 it's nobody stops us from being present. It's only ourselves. 0:14:34.493 --> 0:14:36.293 And really all of our stress and all of our 0:14:36.293 --> 0:14:40.093 anxiety and all this fear it comes from wanting the 0:14:40.133 --> 0:14:42.813 moment to be something that it's not so, or wanting 0:14:42.853 --> 0:14:47.293 maybe somebody else to be somebody that they're not so. 0:14:47.453 --> 0:14:49.533 When I look at the root of it, it's trying 0:14:49.573 --> 0:14:53.573 to control things you can't control. And in our program 0:14:54.133 --> 0:14:57.893 of recovery, you know, they teach us that control is 0:14:57.973 --> 0:15:00.653 just an illusion. Now there are things that we can 0:15:00.773 --> 0:15:03.813 control eventually, and that's our perspective and our attitude and 0:15:03.853 --> 0:15:07.693 our ability to control our internal response to what's happening 0:15:07.733 --> 0:15:10.893 outside of us. But that shit doesn't happen overnight, and 0:15:10.933 --> 0:15:14.373 it really takes like the willingness to start to practice 0:15:14.453 --> 0:15:18.373 and use little anchors big anchors to come back home 0:15:18.453 --> 0:15:18.973 to the body. 0:15:19.413 --> 0:15:24.933 Ooo. Man after that reminds me of let us share. 0:15:25.013 --> 0:15:28.373 One of my anchors to the present is the Serenity 0:15:28.413 --> 0:15:31.173 Prayer for me. Somebody actually gave it to me in 0:15:31.213 --> 0:15:34.853 the form of a wristband and it's something that's like 0:15:34.893 --> 0:15:36.613 in my pocket that I take with me everywhere that 0:15:36.653 --> 0:15:39.853 I go. And for those that may I have a 0:15:39.893 --> 0:15:43.613 relationship with God or know the prayer, it's God grant 0:15:43.653 --> 0:15:46.853 me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 0:15:47.213 --> 0:15:49.973 the courage to change the things I can, and the 0:15:50.013 --> 0:15:55.173 wisdom to know the difference, and continuing to pray that 0:15:55.333 --> 0:15:57.573 and just having a deeper meaning and trying to pray 0:15:57.573 --> 0:16:00.893 it slower and not in a hurry and feel every 0:16:00.933 --> 0:16:04.333 word of that. It's like, you know, I want to 0:16:04.333 --> 0:16:07.613 be at peace within myself and I need direction on 0:16:07.693 --> 0:16:11.613 how to find that piece Like, help me find that, 0:16:11.773 --> 0:16:14.653 help me to know and not chase my tail around, 0:16:14.693 --> 0:16:17.573 help me to not exert all my energy on these 0:16:17.613 --> 0:16:23.493 things that I can't determine the outcome. I can't force 0:16:23.533 --> 0:16:27.493 them to go my way. I can't. It's not possible 0:16:27.573 --> 0:16:30.693 help me, and I need the wisdom to know the difference, 0:16:30.733 --> 0:16:33.333 because if I don't know the difference, I'm gonna exhaust 0:16:33.453 --> 0:16:35.573 myself on the things that don't matter, and when it 0:16:35.613 --> 0:16:38.133 comes time for the things that really do matter, I 0:16:38.213 --> 0:16:41.013 may be depleted. My cup may be more empty. So 0:16:41.093 --> 0:16:43.053 that's one of the anchors for me. Because you think 0:16:43.093 --> 0:16:46.853 about being present, I always think of like that picture 0:16:46.893 --> 0:16:50.013 of the of the iceberg, and you know, you see 0:16:50.253 --> 0:16:53.333 you see an iceberg above water by like right there. 0:16:53.373 --> 0:16:55.373 It's like that's huge, Like if a ship runs into it, 0:16:55.373 --> 0:16:57.733 it's going down. But then you see the picture of 0:16:58.013 --> 0:17:01.493 how deep it goes beneath the surface. And that's what 0:17:01.533 --> 0:17:05.333 being present allows us to do. From an interurn pernal standpoint. 0:17:05.453 --> 0:17:08.533 It allows us to not just stay on the surface 0:17:08.653 --> 0:17:13.853 and with money and material things and shallow relationships and 0:17:13.853 --> 0:17:15.693 feeling like those are the things that are going to 0:17:15.693 --> 0:17:17.973 bring us fulfillment. But it allows us to get down 0:17:17.973 --> 0:17:20.813 to the root of my emotions, the root of the 0:17:20.853 --> 0:17:24.853 pain that I'm feeling, the purpose behind the things that 0:17:24.893 --> 0:17:27.733 I'm doing, and really get down into those things. That's 0:17:27.773 --> 0:17:30.653 what being present really means. It's I'm aware of all 0:17:30.693 --> 0:17:33.733 that is me. I'm aware that's all that's inside of me, 0:17:34.213 --> 0:17:36.733 all that is eating at me, all that's nourishing me, 0:17:37.333 --> 0:17:40.733 and sitting there and being aware of it and knowing 0:17:40.813 --> 0:17:44.293 that I need to be present. I need to be 0:17:44.373 --> 0:17:46.853 aware of my attitude. I need to be aware of 0:17:47.333 --> 0:17:50.093 my perspective. I need to be aware of the way 0:17:50.093 --> 0:17:52.213 that I'm treating people, because odds are it's a reflection 0:17:52.293 --> 0:17:55.653 of the way that I'm treating myself. So just trying 0:17:55.693 --> 0:17:58.413 to paint this picture for you guys of what it 0:17:58.453 --> 0:18:00.933 looks like for us, how we see it through our eyes. 0:18:01.053 --> 0:18:05.093 Because everybody's different, everybody's coming to this topic with different experiences, 0:18:06.333 --> 0:18:09.173 different pains, different traumas. We want to try to help you, 0:18:09.213 --> 0:18:14.773 guys get this as in depth as possible because we 0:18:14.813 --> 0:18:16.653 know it's something that can change your life if you 0:18:16.773 --> 0:18:20.533 consistently build the habit to allow yourself to keep coming 0:18:20.573 --> 0:18:21.093 back to it. 0:18:22.133 --> 0:18:24.333 Yeah, and I'm so glad you brought up the serenity 0:18:24.373 --> 0:18:27.973 prayer because that and regardless of what your beliefs around 0:18:28.013 --> 0:18:31.853 God or spirituality are, this is something if you break 0:18:31.933 --> 0:18:35.173 down the serenity prayer. So you just kept saying aware, 0:18:35.853 --> 0:18:38.533 and that's the wisdom to know the difference. So God, 0:18:38.573 --> 0:18:41.533 grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. 0:18:41.853 --> 0:18:46.013 That's letting go of what you can't control, courage to 0:18:46.093 --> 0:18:48.973 change the things I can. You're asking for strength and 0:18:49.053 --> 0:18:54.653 the courage to actually control the controllables. And then the 0:18:54.733 --> 0:18:58.733 wisdom to know the difference is awareness. The wisdom to 0:18:58.773 --> 0:19:01.373 know the difference is not going to come by just 0:19:01.413 --> 0:19:04.293 sitting on your ass and hoping it's going to show up. 0:19:04.613 --> 0:19:08.533 It actually takes practice. You have to meet the universe 0:19:08.613 --> 0:19:12.093 or meet God half way in order to get it. 0:19:12.453 --> 0:19:16.213 You know, the spiritual tools, they're sitting there at our feet, 0:19:16.253 --> 0:19:18.693 but it's up to us to get off of our 0:19:18.733 --> 0:19:21.813 asses and actually use the tools, because the tools only 0:19:21.853 --> 0:19:23.973 work if we use them. So when I hear that 0:19:24.053 --> 0:19:27.213 the wisdom to know the difference, that's kind of that's 0:19:27.213 --> 0:19:30.733 a big anchor for me because it inspires me to know, Like, 0:19:30.853 --> 0:19:33.533 I just want to be aware for so many years, 0:19:33.573 --> 0:19:37.173 as you're describing your your past and as I see 0:19:37.213 --> 0:19:40.533 my past in your past, and just how asleep and 0:19:40.733 --> 0:19:46.653 unaware we are now the tough part about being awake 0:19:46.893 --> 0:19:49.053 or a little bit more awake than we were before 0:19:49.773 --> 0:19:52.333 is it's not always easy. It takes work, and we 0:19:52.453 --> 0:19:57.533 know better now and for me today, it's more about 0:19:57.573 --> 0:20:02.813 the con the impact of not doing these practices. So 0:20:02.893 --> 0:20:05.733 if you stick with these practices, and we're talking maybe 0:20:05.773 --> 0:20:07.653 a little bit in depth, but I know Darren and 0:20:07.693 --> 0:20:10.133 I also like to just keep it simple and have 0:20:10.253 --> 0:20:14.253 practical tools that can actually work for us to get 0:20:14.333 --> 0:20:19.293 us back into the present. And there's simple, simple practices, 0:20:19.373 --> 0:20:21.253 you know. Another one, I mean I have so an 0:20:21.253 --> 0:20:24.053 anchor could be anything on your physical environment also, and 0:20:24.533 --> 0:20:27.213 I mean Darren's got a lot more tattoos than I do, 0:20:27.333 --> 0:20:29.453 but I have some too, And a tattoo, I mean, 0:20:29.493 --> 0:20:32.213 I have my sobriety birth date on my forearm, and 0:20:32.253 --> 0:20:35.413 that certainly is a huge anchor. So that if I 0:20:35.453 --> 0:20:38.013 feel like my mind is going somewhere, or maybe it's 0:20:38.053 --> 0:20:42.413 a day where I'm just like being lazy or being selfish, 0:20:42.853 --> 0:20:45.653 not really wanting to take action, I can look down. 0:20:45.773 --> 0:20:48.693 I have the word freedom on my bracelet here. That 0:20:48.773 --> 0:20:51.453 word is like you know, it brings me back to 0:20:51.533 --> 0:20:54.893 the depths of my addiction. Lying on my couch so 0:20:55.293 --> 0:20:58.573 bound by my addiction, so I want to remember that. 0:20:58.613 --> 0:21:01.333 I don't regret it, I don't like get stay stuck 0:21:01.333 --> 0:21:04.133 in it, nor do I beat myself up over that 0:21:04.133 --> 0:21:07.453 anymay more. It's my reminder like I want to be free. 0:21:08.253 --> 0:21:12.493 So you can create these little accountability partners or these 0:21:12.533 --> 0:21:15.173 anchors all around you, and the truth is, the more 0:21:15.213 --> 0:21:17.973 of them that you have, you know, whether they're in 0:21:18.013 --> 0:21:20.093 your site. That could be something on your desk, it 0:21:20.093 --> 0:21:23.093 could be a screen saver of your family, it could 0:21:23.093 --> 0:21:25.933 be a word, it could be anything. But these are 0:21:25.973 --> 0:21:28.653 the things that are going to serve as pattern interrupts 0:21:28.933 --> 0:21:31.333 so that when we are spiraling, which it's going to 0:21:31.413 --> 0:21:34.733 happen because we just live in a world of addiction 0:21:35.533 --> 0:21:39.653 and affliction to distraction, so we're going to constantly being pulled. 0:21:39.653 --> 0:21:42.293 So we have to have we have to have the antidote. 0:21:42.333 --> 0:21:44.733 We have to have practices, and we have to be 0:21:44.813 --> 0:21:48.293 the we have to be willing to lean into those practices. 0:21:48.413 --> 0:21:50.213 And yeah, they might be hard, but it's not as 0:21:50.213 --> 0:21:52.253 hard as you know, trying to do it the same 0:21:52.293 --> 0:21:54.453 old way and actually expecting things to change. 0:21:55.893 --> 0:22:01.453 Man insanity, that could be a whole another episode in itself, 0:22:01.533 --> 0:22:04.213 but I'm glad that you brought up the point about 0:22:05.213 --> 0:22:09.053 the spiraling is going to happen. The being knocked off 0:22:09.093 --> 0:22:13.693 your center or being distracted is going to happen because 0:22:13.813 --> 0:22:17.293 we're not expecting anybody on this call to be perfect, 0:22:17.333 --> 0:22:22.693 anybody on this episode, anybody that's listening, anybody anywhere, because 0:22:22.933 --> 0:22:26.813 we aren't. Like there's times where you know, I get 0:22:26.813 --> 0:22:28.493 a phone call and it's not something that I want 0:22:28.533 --> 0:22:31.893 to hear, or something in my day with my schedule 0:22:32.133 --> 0:22:34.893 or something that I'm doing. I may mess up, and 0:22:35.333 --> 0:22:37.933 these things may serve as distractions and things that may 0:22:38.013 --> 0:22:40.253 knock me off of the present moment and the momentum 0:22:40.293 --> 0:22:43.293 that I built during that day. And it's more so 0:22:43.373 --> 0:22:45.893 about bringing yourself back to it. And that's where I 0:22:45.893 --> 0:22:49.973 feel like the misconception lies with mindfulness with meditation. It's 0:22:50.333 --> 0:22:53.173 people think, oh, my mind has to just be completely still, 0:22:53.693 --> 0:22:55.453 there has to be no thoughts, it just has to 0:22:55.493 --> 0:23:00.253 be complete bliss, and anything that comes and knocks me off, 0:23:00.293 --> 0:23:03.853 it's like, oh, my meditation, my practice is ruined, when 0:23:03.893 --> 0:23:07.813 really it's a out allowing those things to come, embracing 0:23:07.893 --> 0:23:10.893 those things when they happen, and bringing ourselves back to 0:23:10.933 --> 0:23:14.533 the center, bringing ourselves back to the moment and think 0:23:14.573 --> 0:23:16.573 of it. It's been it was put to me in 0:23:16.573 --> 0:23:18.653 the early days that it's to think of it as 0:23:18.653 --> 0:23:21.733 a bicep curl for your mind. Right anything, you go 0:23:21.773 --> 0:23:23.533 into the weight room and do you got arm day, 0:23:23.533 --> 0:23:25.653 you got back day, you got chess day. You're going 0:23:25.733 --> 0:23:30.693 to do certain things and continue to build repetitions in 0:23:30.733 --> 0:23:33.573 those things, and over time you grow stronger. Over time, 0:23:34.413 --> 0:23:36.973 your muscles are more stable. Over time, you know, somebody 0:23:36.973 --> 0:23:39.133 try to bump into you, they're not You're not moving 0:23:39.213 --> 0:23:43.893 no more because you continuously put the repetitions in and 0:23:43.933 --> 0:23:46.973 continue to show up, no matter if it was discouraging, 0:23:47.093 --> 0:23:50.453 no matter if it was frustrating, you continue to show 0:23:50.573 --> 0:23:52.373 up in practice. And that's what we're trying to present 0:23:52.373 --> 0:23:56.413 to you, guys, being present as a practice. There's nothing 0:23:56.413 --> 0:23:58.293 that's ever going to be completely perfect about it, but 0:23:58.373 --> 0:24:02.213 you practice to continue and continue for a lifetime, continue 0:24:02.253 --> 0:24:04.813 for as long as you're here on this earth, to 0:24:04.813 --> 0:24:08.453 be as present to the moment because you're relying on 0:24:08.533 --> 0:24:11.773 you first and foremost. A significant other in your life 0:24:11.813 --> 0:24:14.133 is going to rely on you the way that you 0:24:14.213 --> 0:24:18.373 live your life and write your comeback story communities around you. 0:24:18.453 --> 0:24:21.693 People around you are going to be leaning on you, 0:24:21.773 --> 0:24:25.653 drawing inspiration from you, future generations of your family, grandkids. 0:24:26.013 --> 0:24:29.133 You know, we have to think in those ramifications, because 0:24:29.613 --> 0:24:31.973 how we show up in this moment right here, odds 0:24:32.013 --> 0:24:33.693 are is going to depict how we show up in 0:24:33.773 --> 0:24:35.773 the next moment, in the next moment after that, in 0:24:35.813 --> 0:24:38.933 the next moment after that. So it's very important stuff 0:24:38.973 --> 0:24:41.533 not to put pressure on you, but more so to 0:24:41.573 --> 0:24:44.413 develop a sense of urgency around just showing up for 0:24:44.453 --> 0:24:46.893 the practice and putting in your best effort with the 0:24:46.893 --> 0:24:48.013 best attitude you can. 0:24:48.453 --> 0:24:52.973 Okay, so you've picked up some tools over the years. 0:24:53.133 --> 0:24:56.933 Your willingness is off the charts, Your consistency and your 0:24:57.133 --> 0:25:00.413 practices or are more dialed in than almost anybody I've 0:25:00.453 --> 0:25:04.373 ever worked with. Now you are in New York City 0:25:05.213 --> 0:25:08.333 and there's a lot of noise. There's hustle and bustle, 0:25:08.733 --> 0:25:13.773 media capital of the world, energy sirens going off all 0:25:13.813 --> 0:25:18.013 the time. What have you? What were some maybe early challenges, 0:25:18.413 --> 0:25:22.893 maybe some culture shock of making that move. What were 0:25:22.893 --> 0:25:25.373 some early challenges and what are you doing to really 0:25:25.813 --> 0:25:29.613 dial that in and ground yourself in that chaos that's 0:25:29.653 --> 0:25:30.253 all around you? 0:25:30.973 --> 0:25:33.933 Some of the initial shocks, I would say, are just 0:25:34.013 --> 0:25:40.973 being back living alone. I'm newly married at this point 0:25:40.973 --> 0:25:44.493 as we record, just over four months into my marriage, 0:25:44.493 --> 0:25:47.133 but when I moved to Jersey for the first time, 0:25:47.333 --> 0:25:51.173 I was a little over one month married. But the 0:25:51.213 --> 0:25:59.933 bond that we had and still have allowed me to 0:26:00.813 --> 0:26:04.253 forget about some of the things that I faced when 0:26:04.253 --> 0:26:07.573 I was living alone prior to being married, and some 0:26:07.653 --> 0:26:12.973 of the anxiety, the allowing myself to be too drawn 0:26:13.013 --> 0:26:17.613 out of the present moment, pressure to perform, being on 0:26:18.133 --> 0:26:21.493 a new team and trying to put that in its 0:26:21.613 --> 0:26:25.493 rightful place in my mind, you know, wanting to be excellent, 0:26:25.573 --> 0:26:28.893 but it's more so about being than doing and performing. 0:26:30.693 --> 0:26:34.013 You know. There was you know, as me as an 0:26:34.013 --> 0:26:37.573 addictive person, drugs and alcohol were like the main thing, 0:26:37.613 --> 0:26:40.933 but there were behaviors underneath that as well that I 0:26:41.053 --> 0:26:45.413 leaned into, like like masturbation that became that was something 0:26:45.453 --> 0:26:50.213 that ran parallel with that to take the edge off, 0:26:50.333 --> 0:26:55.413 to get that high end. Because that addictive thinking is 0:26:55.413 --> 0:26:59.133 still in me, and urges like that pop up when 0:26:59.813 --> 0:27:03.213 I'm in an environment by myself. So it's making sure 0:27:03.253 --> 0:27:06.733 that I'm letting people in to my struggle and being like, hey, 0:27:06.813 --> 0:27:10.333 like this hasn't been something that's been tearing my life apart, 0:27:10.373 --> 0:27:12.973 but it's knocking on the door a little bit here, 0:27:13.373 --> 0:27:16.733 like and you know, letting my letting my wife into that, 0:27:16.973 --> 0:27:21.853 letting my friends into that, and knowing that I'm not 0:27:21.893 --> 0:27:24.653 ashamed because I'm tempted to go back into these new 0:27:24.733 --> 0:27:29.653 behaviors when I'm facing you know, adversity early on in 0:27:29.653 --> 0:27:33.173 my marriage, moving into a new city across the country, 0:27:33.533 --> 0:27:35.813 and not to mention all the other different projects and 0:27:36.053 --> 0:27:40.133 little things that I'm involved in. It's allowing the moment 0:27:40.173 --> 0:27:42.813 to be hard, allowing the present to be a challenge, 0:27:43.333 --> 0:27:47.613 but knowing and still having joy amidst those challenges being present. 0:27:47.733 --> 0:27:52.613 So I would say it's the performance aspect the marriage. 0:27:52.973 --> 0:27:58.413 Being aware of addictive patterns and behaviors that I turned 0:27:58.493 --> 0:28:06.013 to when living by myself previously pre addiction and post using. 0:28:06.573 --> 0:28:09.093 So those are some of the things that stand out. 0:28:09.293 --> 0:28:11.333 And the noise will only continue to grow. I mean 0:28:11.413 --> 0:28:15.373 talk about the media capital and all the attention that's there, 0:28:15.413 --> 0:28:17.733 and if you perform the way you want to perform, 0:28:18.133 --> 0:28:21.533 noise is only going to increase. People reaching out to 0:28:21.573 --> 0:28:25.173 you is only going to increase, you know, and these things, 0:28:25.213 --> 0:28:28.533 these are things that I'm going to have to navigate, 0:28:28.533 --> 0:28:30.693 and it's going to continue to put my practice of 0:28:30.733 --> 0:28:35.853 staying in the present moment to the test, because it's 0:28:35.933 --> 0:28:40.213 no longer about arriving somewhere and achieving something. It's more 0:28:40.293 --> 0:28:44.253 so about abiding and living and being in the present moment, 0:28:44.693 --> 0:28:48.973 which brings the true joy and fulfillment of going along 0:28:49.053 --> 0:28:51.013 this journey, and going along the journey with the people 0:28:51.613 --> 0:28:54.373 that I'm doing it with. So it's it's it's a 0:28:54.413 --> 0:28:56.453 journey man like for people that's listening, I'm right, I'm 0:28:56.533 --> 0:28:59.453 right there with you. I'm exploring new challenges, I'm I'm 0:28:59.493 --> 0:29:02.973 dealing with these things as they come and trying to 0:29:02.973 --> 0:29:06.213 do that from my center, which isn't always easy. Yeah. 0:29:06.213 --> 0:29:08.453 I always say we all have a center. It sits 0:29:08.493 --> 0:29:10.933 really at the middle of the heart space. But we 0:29:11.213 --> 0:29:15.333 often all can get pulled off off our center through 0:29:15.373 --> 0:29:18.813 the world's demand for the attention of our mind. And 0:29:18.853 --> 0:29:23.253 so if we don't have these practices that bring us back, 0:29:23.333 --> 0:29:26.533 it doesn't mean we come back and two seconds later 0:29:26.573 --> 0:29:29.493 we leave again. If we don't have those practices, we 0:29:29.573 --> 0:29:32.573 are going to get swept up in this world and 0:29:32.653 --> 0:29:37.733 everything with media, social media, and we really just lose 0:29:37.773 --> 0:29:41.573 ourselves in that process. There's no foundation, there's no place 0:29:41.613 --> 0:29:44.333 to come home too, and it can really lead to 0:29:44.413 --> 0:29:47.933 a lot of struggles in mental health and addiction and 0:29:48.053 --> 0:29:52.093 just overall unhappiness in the way that our lives are unfolding. 0:29:52.213 --> 0:29:55.733 So it is there's nothing more important. And this is 0:29:55.933 --> 0:30:00.373 fascinating to me someone that teaches meditation and meditates daily, 0:30:00.453 --> 0:30:05.053 that sometimes even in my meditation, I will notice thoughts 0:30:05.093 --> 0:30:07.413 that are telling me I need to be doing something else, 0:30:07.973 --> 0:30:10.853 as if there was something more important than trying to 0:30:10.933 --> 0:30:13.533 quiet down that noise, Like what could possibly be more 0:30:13.573 --> 0:30:17.173 important than calling myself and laying the foundation for my 0:30:17.293 --> 0:30:19.893 day and training my mind to be my best friend 0:30:19.973 --> 0:30:23.573 and not my worst enemy. But what I found that 0:30:23.573 --> 0:30:27.253 that little voice, that self sabotage voice that's saying, oh, 0:30:27.293 --> 0:30:29.773 you need to be doing this, or you're doing it wrong, 0:30:30.093 --> 0:30:34.133 or you know, it will creep in any opportunity it gets. 0:30:34.613 --> 0:30:37.213 So if we go back to the serenity prayer with 0:30:37.333 --> 0:30:40.573 like the wisdom to know the difference, when we are 0:30:40.773 --> 0:30:44.453 aware of those thoughts, we are now not those thoughts 0:30:44.493 --> 0:30:47.373 thoughts are just thoughts, but thoughts become things when we 0:30:47.413 --> 0:30:50.693 believe them, attached to them, or maybe judge ourselves for 0:30:50.813 --> 0:30:53.933 having some crazy ass thoughts. But when we can actually 0:30:54.013 --> 0:30:57.213 practice and just be the observer and be aware of them, 0:30:57.253 --> 0:30:59.653 it really does loosen the grip and then we get 0:30:59.693 --> 0:31:03.773 to understand ourselves more and those patterns of thinking that 0:31:03.813 --> 0:31:06.973 pull us out of presence. So yeah, it just it 0:31:07.253 --> 0:31:10.213 always is going to come down to the practices. Speaking 0:31:10.253 --> 0:31:12.333 of practice, as you were sharing earlier, I was just 0:31:12.453 --> 0:31:16.613 curious when you showed up for those first one, two, 0:31:16.773 --> 0:31:20.493 first or second day of practice, as you know, the 0:31:20.613 --> 0:31:23.573 new kid on the team, did you notice like any 0:31:23.613 --> 0:31:26.253 of the old, like childhood shit coming up at all? 0:31:26.733 --> 0:31:31.853 Oh, definitely, definitely. I felt like the new kid in school, 0:31:32.053 --> 0:31:35.413 you know, like that a little bit of the anxiety 0:31:35.413 --> 0:31:38.773 of the sixth grader. I guess there's junior highs and 0:31:38.773 --> 0:31:41.373 all this stuff now, but in Georgia there was elementary 0:31:41.413 --> 0:31:45.533 school was k to five, and middle school was six 0:31:45.573 --> 0:31:47.533 to eight. High school was nine to twelve. So it's 0:31:47.533 --> 0:31:50.533 like that sixth grade and that freshman showing up into 0:31:50.533 --> 0:31:53.173 that new school and you're just like, I don't know 0:31:53.253 --> 0:31:57.693 anyone here. I you know, where do I begin and 0:31:58.413 --> 0:32:02.333 not trying to begin by pleasing people, not trying to 0:32:03.093 --> 0:32:06.653 begin by trying to fit in and be cool. But 0:32:06.693 --> 0:32:11.413 by this time I've had practice and conviction in knowing 0:32:11.453 --> 0:32:16.253 that who I am is going to, you know, always 0:32:16.293 --> 0:32:21.653 create room for myself and always create just a level 0:32:21.693 --> 0:32:26.213 of respect amongst my peers and the men that I'm around, 0:32:26.253 --> 0:32:29.293 because I'm just being who I am. I'm not conforming 0:32:29.333 --> 0:32:31.293 to what other guys are doing to try to be cool. 0:32:31.373 --> 0:32:38.173 I'm not trying to get into anything like even like 0:32:38.173 --> 0:32:42.613 like the like the like fashion aspects and these material aspects, 0:32:42.693 --> 0:32:45.573 things that are like cool and that are really dope, 0:32:45.613 --> 0:32:48.493 but if looked at the wrong way, they can be 0:32:48.613 --> 0:32:52.373 used as a tool to please or to gain approval. 0:32:52.693 --> 0:32:54.573 And so it's just really showing up in you know, 0:32:54.893 --> 0:32:56.893 I wear the same pair of sneakers every day, same 0:32:56.933 --> 0:33:01.373 pair of flip flops, wearing a T shirt in the shorts. Man, 0:33:01.413 --> 0:33:03.293 I'm just showing up, and I'm trying to give the 0:33:03.333 --> 0:33:06.333 best that I can give and lead with an example 0:33:06.373 --> 0:33:08.013 when I come in. I'm not going to come in 0:33:08.093 --> 0:33:11.573 and say a whole lot because that's just not who 0:33:11.613 --> 0:33:13.493 I am. I'm one of the older guys on the team, 0:33:13.493 --> 0:33:16.333 and I feel like over time, a more vocal leadership 0:33:16.413 --> 0:33:19.413 role than I've ever had will come about. But I 0:33:19.413 --> 0:33:22.293 feel like a great way to begin is just being 0:33:22.373 --> 0:33:24.213 present to each and every day, showing up to every 0:33:24.253 --> 0:33:27.053 meeting with a desire to learn, a desire to be coached, 0:33:28.493 --> 0:33:30.773 a desire to be a part of the team, not 0:33:30.893 --> 0:33:33.893 necessarily come in and demand what I can get. So 0:33:33.933 --> 0:33:40.293 it's that's where those core values and just those things 0:33:40.293 --> 0:33:43.773 that we talk about come into play. Because when you're 0:33:43.773 --> 0:33:46.693 in the midst of uncertainty and things are changing around you, 0:33:46.693 --> 0:33:51.533 you're in new environments. I have faith that these same habits, 0:33:51.573 --> 0:33:54.133 these same practices are going to allow me to create 0:33:54.213 --> 0:33:58.973 room to be successful and to enjoy my experience anywhere 0:33:58.973 --> 0:34:02.053 that I go. And you know, I say all that 0:34:02.093 --> 0:34:04.373 to say that's not that's not to say that I'm 0:34:04.573 --> 0:34:07.533 going to experience those same emotions that I would as 0:34:07.533 --> 0:34:10.493 a kid, because my inner child's in me, little Darren's 0:34:10.493 --> 0:34:13.893 in there, like you know, I don't know about this, 0:34:14.053 --> 0:34:16.373 Like I'm a little I'm still got a little social 0:34:16.413 --> 0:34:18.773 anxiety in there. I'm still you know, got to feel 0:34:18.773 --> 0:34:21.293 people out, i still got to feel situations out. You know, 0:34:21.373 --> 0:34:23.293 I don't. I don't want to fail. I don't want 0:34:23.293 --> 0:34:25.853 to mess this up. I want to do the best 0:34:25.853 --> 0:34:30.973 that I can. And it's hearing that voice and knowing like, Okay, 0:34:30.973 --> 0:34:34.173 I know that you're there, but I can't allow that 0:34:34.253 --> 0:34:37.573 to dictate how I go about this new environment. It's 0:34:37.613 --> 0:34:40.413 really just who am I being able to see with 0:34:40.453 --> 0:34:44.413 myself and ask myself that consistently and then just go 0:34:44.533 --> 0:34:47.533 be who I am and keep it as as simple 0:34:48.213 --> 0:34:52.013 as simple as that. Man, So what are what are 0:34:52.093 --> 0:34:54.413 what are things looking like for you today when it 0:34:54.453 --> 0:34:58.293 comes to the present moment, because it's an interesting dichotomy 0:34:58.373 --> 0:35:02.293 with you being a teacher but also as we talk 0:35:02.333 --> 0:35:05.813 about remaining a student, what there are some ways today 0:35:05.893 --> 0:35:10.333 that you find yourself trying to find that balance between 0:35:10.373 --> 0:35:14.173 those two and to just continue your journey with the president. 0:35:14.973 --> 0:35:20.293 Yeah, I always remind myself and also remind my clients 0:35:20.413 --> 0:35:23.133 or just even talking on the podcast or talking on 0:35:23.173 --> 0:35:26.613 social media, that I am still very often still tripping 0:35:26.613 --> 0:35:28.573 over the same things that I'm teaching all the time. 0:35:28.613 --> 0:35:31.213 And often the things I'm teaching are also the things 0:35:31.253 --> 0:35:33.493 that I need to learn. They're not things that I've 0:35:33.493 --> 0:35:36.533 figured out and I'm just dropping nuggets of wisdom as 0:35:36.573 --> 0:35:40.053 if I'm enlightened and have it all figured out. So 0:35:40.253 --> 0:35:43.013 often it's usually something that I've struggled with for a 0:35:43.053 --> 0:35:45.213 long time and then found a way or got some 0:35:45.333 --> 0:35:48.533 wise counsel and implemented it and started to practice it 0:35:48.653 --> 0:35:52.093 and found another solution, or it's just still stuff in 0:35:52.133 --> 0:35:55.013 this moment that I might still be working through. And 0:35:55.093 --> 0:35:57.213 so I think, you know, teaching it back for me 0:35:57.373 --> 0:36:00.213 is such a gift because I feel like the story 0:36:00.253 --> 0:36:03.693 I tell myself is I'm a slow learner even in school, 0:36:03.693 --> 0:36:07.093 like having to auty extra to memorize things, and so 0:36:07.213 --> 0:36:09.213 the gift of being able to teach it back has 0:36:09.453 --> 0:36:12.653 allowed me to retain so many of these things. Now 0:36:12.653 --> 0:36:15.253 that doesn't mean that I'm still practicing them, you know. 0:36:15.373 --> 0:36:17.813 One of the key points I wanted to touch on 0:36:18.133 --> 0:36:20.533 when we talk about anchoring in the present moment is 0:36:20.533 --> 0:36:24.413 the practice of slowing down. And I think about still 0:36:24.453 --> 0:36:28.133 to this day, the way that I eat food, and 0:36:28.413 --> 0:36:31.013 I do a talk and I talk about mindful eating 0:36:31.133 --> 0:36:33.773 and how you know, our brain it takes twenty minutes 0:36:33.813 --> 0:36:36.053 for the sensory pleasures of our brain to even feel 0:36:36.053 --> 0:36:39.893 the satisfaction of being full and we're supposed to technically 0:36:40.013 --> 0:36:43.533 chew like twenty bytes per two and I'm like, wow, 0:36:43.613 --> 0:36:46.573 like I'm teaching this, and then I can see the 0:36:46.613 --> 0:36:50.333 way that I eat, and it shows up most often 0:36:50.333 --> 0:36:53.173 when I'm eating with somebody else, you know, and my 0:36:53.293 --> 0:36:55.653 meal's gone and they're like four or four bites in. 0:36:56.453 --> 0:37:00.893 So slowing down has been a practice where when I 0:37:00.973 --> 0:37:03.973 get rushed, when I feel like there's not time, if 0:37:03.973 --> 0:37:08.093 I haven't prepared for something, that feeling of being rushed 0:37:08.253 --> 0:37:11.613 or out of my body like that's where I go 0:37:11.653 --> 0:37:15.373 off the rails. And it doesn't maybe show up externally 0:37:15.493 --> 0:37:18.453 like I'm yelling or anything, but man, internally, it's just 0:37:18.533 --> 0:37:21.533 it's not a fun place to be. So the practice 0:37:21.533 --> 0:37:24.893 of slowing down is so essential, and I'm really trying 0:37:24.933 --> 0:37:28.813 to work on the eating part of it, because you know, 0:37:29.013 --> 0:37:31.573 eating and breathing are such a vital part of the 0:37:31.613 --> 0:37:34.773 whole digestive process, you know, the way we chew, the 0:37:34.773 --> 0:37:37.333 way we breathe, and to eat in like a stress 0:37:37.413 --> 0:37:39.813 state or eating on the go, it's like one of 0:37:39.853 --> 0:37:43.093 the most counterproductive ways to fuel and feed our bodies. 0:37:43.773 --> 0:37:47.413 So that's been like a huge one for me that 0:37:47.453 --> 0:37:50.093 I've been in the practice, and sometimes I'm teaching it 0:37:50.133 --> 0:37:52.573 back and I'm like, dude, you need to you need 0:37:52.613 --> 0:37:55.133 to remind yourself of the shit you're you're telling your people. 0:37:55.573 --> 0:37:59.853 But that's just that's just where I'm at. I can 0:37:59.893 --> 0:38:02.053 relate a lot also to because I'm in a long 0:38:02.093 --> 0:38:05.453 distance relationship and those gaps of when we're not together, 0:38:05.653 --> 0:38:08.173 like I feel like I'm I can be very present 0:38:08.253 --> 0:38:11.333 and less on my phone and engage, but it's in 0:38:11.413 --> 0:38:14.733 those pockets where there's more time or maybe I am 0:38:14.813 --> 0:38:19.973 feeling lonely that I will do something to numb it out, 0:38:19.973 --> 0:38:22.213 which the easiest way is just to grab the phone 0:38:22.293 --> 0:38:26.013 and you know, numb out and distract myself that way. 0:38:26.093 --> 0:38:30.093 So oftentimes when and I would say the phone is 0:38:30.133 --> 0:38:34.413 my greatest addiction to this day, I'm so thankful that 0:38:34.453 --> 0:38:36.573 it's not drugs or alcohol or some of the other 0:38:36.653 --> 0:38:38.293 ones that you know bring us to our knees a 0:38:38.373 --> 0:38:41.693 lot quicker. But the phone is the one where I 0:38:41.733 --> 0:38:44.453 can notice, and if I notice myself going to it 0:38:44.653 --> 0:38:46.933 too often, I will just ask myself, like, what am 0:38:46.933 --> 0:38:49.773 I unwilling to feel right now? And if it's a 0:38:49.813 --> 0:38:52.813 time where maybe I'm not with my partner, it's usually 0:38:53.013 --> 0:38:56.453 just feel alone or on board or what am I chasing? 0:38:56.493 --> 0:38:58.773 And why? That's the other kind of These are anchors. 0:38:59.053 --> 0:39:01.093 These are questions that you can ask that if you 0:39:01.133 --> 0:39:04.493 get honest, if you answer them honestly, they're going to 0:39:04.613 --> 0:39:06.733 to bring you back to the truth and bring you 0:39:06.773 --> 0:39:09.773 back to the present moment. So yeah, I would say 0:39:10.013 --> 0:39:14.493 the practice of slowing down is, and specifically around eating, 0:39:14.973 --> 0:39:18.053 I'm giving myself enough time to get to places, to 0:39:18.093 --> 0:39:20.773 get to the airport, to get to a class where 0:39:20.773 --> 0:39:24.213 I'm not rushing and going last minute because I just 0:39:24.413 --> 0:39:26.813 know the impact and I do not. I am so 0:39:26.933 --> 0:39:29.373 uncomfortable in my own skin when I get in that place. 0:39:29.413 --> 0:39:33.413 So it's kind of proactively giving myself enough time to 0:39:33.413 --> 0:39:36.693 get to these places so that there is no rush, 0:39:36.773 --> 0:39:39.493 because yeah, rushing for me is when I become one 0:39:39.493 --> 0:39:41.053 of the worst versions of myself. 0:39:42.733 --> 0:39:46.213 Wow, it's I'm so glad you brought that up because 0:39:46.613 --> 0:39:49.693 it reminds me of when we do with ig lives, 0:39:49.733 --> 0:39:51.973 and we always do the book recommendations, and every time 0:39:52.053 --> 0:39:54.613 I recommend this book it's called The Ruthless Elimination of 0:39:54.693 --> 0:39:59.653 Hurry by John Mark Komer. If I highly suggest you 0:39:59.733 --> 0:40:03.853 read that book, because in that book he talks about 0:40:04.613 --> 0:40:10.613 in this digital age, in this like smartphone, high speed internet, 0:40:10.733 --> 0:40:14.693 like we get information so fast and it teaches us 0:40:14.733 --> 0:40:18.533 to want things so quickly to not have to suffer 0:40:18.573 --> 0:40:22.893 for it. But that whole instant gratification thing. And he 0:40:22.933 --> 0:40:26.013 has quotes in the areas like love and hurry are incompatible. 0:40:26.293 --> 0:40:28.053 So when it's like it speaks to what you're saying 0:40:28.053 --> 0:40:31.853 about not being the best version of yourself when you're 0:40:31.893 --> 0:40:33.293 in a rush, when you're in a hurry, and a 0:40:33.373 --> 0:40:35.693 lot of us are rushed and hurry without even knowing it. 0:40:35.733 --> 0:40:38.173 We're so busy, we're trying to get that next promotion, 0:40:38.613 --> 0:40:40.253 we're trying to get to the bag, we're trying to 0:40:40.293 --> 0:40:44.093 do all these things, but we're not allowing ourselves to 0:40:44.213 --> 0:40:46.533 slow down and take in the goodness of the moment, 0:40:46.653 --> 0:40:51.693 to reflect, to affirm ourselves, to check in on how 0:40:51.733 --> 0:40:55.573 we're doing. And it's so important that we do that, 0:40:55.693 --> 0:40:59.973 and how counter cultural slowing down is. People don't want 0:41:00.013 --> 0:41:02.733 to be outside of what everybody in culture are doing. 0:41:03.213 --> 0:41:07.213 But for us to really nurture our spirits and to 0:41:07.293 --> 0:41:10.733 nourish that spiritual life and to just be in tune 0:41:10.773 --> 0:41:12.973 with ourselves and be the best version of ourselves. We 0:41:13.213 --> 0:41:16.093 got slow down, and I feel like that plays into 0:41:17.013 --> 0:41:22.493 the idea of solitude as well, like creating moments of silence, 0:41:23.453 --> 0:41:26.573 time for meditation, time for reflection, time for prayer, time 0:41:26.653 --> 0:41:31.573 for journaling, whatever it is for you to be still 0:41:31.853 --> 0:41:36.733 and have that quiet moment with yourself. We've got to 0:41:36.773 --> 0:41:39.413 find a way to do that that's personal to you, 0:41:39.453 --> 0:41:41.573 that works for you, that doesn't feel robotic to you, 0:41:41.973 --> 0:41:45.533 because that's the way we can fill our cups back up. 0:41:45.973 --> 0:41:49.173 And a lot of our lives are spent pouring into 0:41:49.213 --> 0:41:52.733 other people, pouring into situations, pouring into the vision of 0:41:52.733 --> 0:41:57.893 our job, pouring into friendships, relationships. But what are we 0:41:57.933 --> 0:42:00.493 doing to fill our cut back up so that there 0:42:00.613 --> 0:42:03.453 is something to pour, so that I do have something 0:42:03.493 --> 0:42:06.573 to offer. You know, the big book that we read 0:42:06.613 --> 0:42:10.613 out of in our Fellowship of Recovery says you can't 0:42:10.653 --> 0:42:15.333 transmit something that you haven't got, and in order for 0:42:15.453 --> 0:42:19.293 us to be that transmitter, we have to create that 0:42:19.373 --> 0:42:22.653 time of solitude of cutting all the noise out, cutting 0:42:22.693 --> 0:42:27.373 Netflix off, turning the Xbox off, logging out of Twitter 0:42:27.413 --> 0:42:30.373 and Instagram, and just being in that silence, being in 0:42:30.373 --> 0:42:33.453 that void and dealing with the uncomfortability of it. It's 0:42:33.493 --> 0:42:36.333 not easy. It's not going to be a walk in 0:42:36.333 --> 0:42:38.533 the park and just bliss all the time. But we 0:42:38.613 --> 0:42:42.413 have to embrace the fact that the discomfort always leads 0:42:42.453 --> 0:42:45.853 to something better for us. It stretches us, it expands us, 0:42:46.213 --> 0:42:48.693 it pushes us to our limits, only to find out 0:42:48.773 --> 0:42:52.173 that our limits are way farther than we ever even imagined. 0:42:52.773 --> 0:42:54.813 And it starts with something that's so simple as sitting 0:42:54.853 --> 0:42:57.093 in the quiet, because those things are going to come up. 0:42:57.133 --> 0:42:58.733 Those thoughts are gonna come up, those fears are going 0:42:58.813 --> 0:43:00.973 to come up, those insecurities are going to come up, 0:43:01.293 --> 0:43:03.213 and they need to come up. It's not going to 0:43:03.253 --> 0:43:05.093 feel good when they come up, but they need to 0:43:05.133 --> 0:43:08.293 come up. Otherwise we're just going to continue to brush 0:43:08.293 --> 0:43:12.453 them under the rug. And we can't allow ourselves to 0:43:12.573 --> 0:43:16.413 do that any longer. And that's what I speak about 0:43:16.413 --> 0:43:19.013 with that sense of urgency. So we just want you 0:43:19.053 --> 0:43:23.773 guys to see it through that lens of and see why. 0:43:23.893 --> 0:43:26.693 You know, Donnie and Darren talking about meditation again, but 0:43:26.773 --> 0:43:32.693 it's like it's just the healing and just the calm 0:43:33.213 --> 0:43:37.493 and the joy and the inner contentment that overcomes you 0:43:37.813 --> 0:43:42.173 and intertwines in you as you take that time. And 0:43:42.493 --> 0:43:44.533 we just can't stress the importance of that enough. 0:43:44.813 --> 0:43:47.613 And to get out of your thoughts, you have to 0:43:47.893 --> 0:43:49.693 first let them come up. The only way to get 0:43:49.693 --> 0:43:51.853 through it is to go through it. So it comes 0:43:51.893 --> 0:43:55.373 back to bringing those thoughts to the light. You know, 0:43:55.453 --> 0:43:57.373 you can't say I'm just going to sit here and 0:43:57.413 --> 0:44:00.293 not think, because if you try not to think, you're 0:44:00.333 --> 0:44:03.373 just going to think more. Because what we resist persists. 0:44:03.933 --> 0:44:05.733 So to get out out of your thoughts, you actually 0:44:05.773 --> 0:44:07.893 have to take time to notice the thoughts that you 0:44:07.973 --> 0:44:10.333 want to get out of and slow down. And that's 0:44:10.333 --> 0:44:13.493 why solitude and meditation And if you're struggling with a 0:44:13.573 --> 0:44:17.053 meditation practice, you're not alone. I struggled for years. There's 0:44:17.093 --> 0:44:21.853 so many different techniques out there. I recommend guided meditations. 0:44:22.293 --> 0:44:24.333 David g who's been on our guests. He's a two 0:44:24.413 --> 0:44:27.693 time we went back to back with him, amazing meditation teacher, 0:44:28.053 --> 0:44:34.013 amazing guided meditation teacher and storyteller who made meditation accessible 0:44:34.093 --> 0:44:37.693 for me. So the resources are out there. You can 0:44:37.733 --> 0:44:39.693 go on Google and find I mean, I can sit 0:44:39.733 --> 0:44:42.053 here and give you a bunch of breath techniques and 0:44:42.093 --> 0:44:44.733 I'm happy to do that. But if you take the 0:44:44.813 --> 0:44:46.893 action and just pop it into Google, there's going to 0:44:46.933 --> 0:44:50.413 be different breath techniques, patterns of breath that you can use, 0:44:50.813 --> 0:44:53.373 different types of meditation. You just have to be willing 0:44:53.413 --> 0:44:55.973 to try things on to see what works for you, 0:44:56.013 --> 0:44:58.573 because what works for me might not exactly work for you, 0:44:59.093 --> 0:45:01.253 and so the mind is going to look for every 0:45:01.333 --> 0:45:04.093 reason not to do it, because the mind just likes 0:45:04.133 --> 0:45:06.093 to have me jobs, and it likes to jump from 0:45:06.133 --> 0:45:08.093 thought to thought. They call it the monkey mind, where 0:45:08.093 --> 0:45:10.573 it jumps from branch to branch. But all of a 0:45:10.613 --> 0:45:13.413 sudden you slow it down, and then the mind is 0:45:13.533 --> 0:45:17.053 out of jobs, right, and then it gets uncomfortable. But 0:45:17.133 --> 0:45:20.253 it's in that discomfort that really the magic is found. 0:45:20.333 --> 0:45:24.373 And so if we can clear the clutter, we make space. 0:45:24.573 --> 0:45:26.573 The only way to bring something new in is to 0:45:26.653 --> 0:45:28.813 let go of the old. And so much of our 0:45:28.853 --> 0:45:31.253 reality comes from our thinking. I mean, it comes from 0:45:31.293 --> 0:45:35.973 our belief system, which is which shows up in our thinking. 0:45:36.453 --> 0:45:38.133 But to change the way you're living, you have to 0:45:38.213 --> 0:45:40.453 change the way you're thinking. And to change the way 0:45:40.453 --> 0:45:43.053 you're thinking, you have to actually be willing to do 0:45:43.133 --> 0:45:46.653 something to notice what you're thinking about. Because when you 0:45:46.693 --> 0:45:49.333 get out of your head, you start to tap into 0:45:50.133 --> 0:45:53.973 the flow state the spiritual world. You get back to 0:45:54.093 --> 0:45:56.093 the heart and you start to see through the lens 0:45:56.093 --> 0:45:59.093 of the heart and not like the madness that's going 0:45:59.133 --> 0:46:00.893 on in the mind. And when we can see from 0:46:00.893 --> 0:46:03.613 the heart, we can see with clarity, and it's like 0:46:03.693 --> 0:46:07.093 just coming back home to the heart and to what 0:46:07.213 --> 0:46:10.093 matters most, so that we can show up authentic and 0:46:10.133 --> 0:46:13.013 we're not like I used to do, just rehearsing everything 0:46:13.013 --> 0:46:15.253 I was going to say before I said it, which 0:46:15.253 --> 0:46:18.293 if you're having a conversation with somebody, you cannot listen 0:46:19.053 --> 0:46:21.253 if you're thinking about what you're going to say. So 0:46:21.293 --> 0:46:24.653 what gets in the way of intentional listening, which you know, 0:46:24.693 --> 0:46:27.973 if you want to connect more in any relationship, you know, 0:46:28.093 --> 0:46:31.413 practice the art of listening. The only things that get 0:46:31.413 --> 0:46:37.013 in the way of listening are judgments and distractions and defenses. 0:46:37.093 --> 0:46:40.293 So you got judgments distractions if you're thinking about something else. 0:46:40.573 --> 0:46:43.973 And if you're in any kind of relationship and you 0:46:44.013 --> 0:46:48.693 start to defend after somebody says something, you're not listening 0:46:48.733 --> 0:46:51.133 to what they're saying because you're already defending your stance, 0:46:51.253 --> 0:46:54.453 so people want to be they people are always say 0:46:54.453 --> 0:46:56.173 people are not going to remember what you said, They're 0:46:56.173 --> 0:46:58.853 going to remember how you made them feel. And everybody 0:46:58.893 --> 0:47:02.093 loves to be heard. Everybody loves to be heard, and 0:47:02.173 --> 0:47:06.133 in that they feel a greater sense of connection. But 0:47:06.253 --> 0:47:08.253 in order for them to be heard, we actually have 0:47:08.293 --> 0:47:11.093 to listen, which comes back to getting out of our heads. 0:47:11.173 --> 0:47:14.253 So there's a lot of practices. There's a lot of 0:47:14.253 --> 0:47:17.413 different meditations. I mean, anybody listening and I'll be happy 0:47:17.413 --> 0:47:19.173 you could reach out to me on Instagram and I'll 0:47:19.213 --> 0:47:22.733 give you recommendations or techniques. But I think it's also 0:47:22.773 --> 0:47:25.453 important for you to take the action to actually do 0:47:25.493 --> 0:47:27.893 a little research. You won't get past page one in 0:47:27.933 --> 0:47:32.493 the Google search with just amazing information and resources that 0:47:32.533 --> 0:47:35.373 will help you really just get back to present and 0:47:35.413 --> 0:47:37.533 find these anchors that we're talking about. 0:47:37.693 --> 0:47:41.813 It's really a beautiful thing to see what your life 0:47:41.853 --> 0:47:45.453 can develop into just from being present to the moment. 0:47:46.013 --> 0:47:47.893 And one of the things I feel like that can 0:47:48.413 --> 0:47:50.973 really spawn from it, and which is another foundational thing 0:47:51.053 --> 0:47:53.013 that people have heard of talk about a lot, but 0:47:53.333 --> 0:47:58.453 it's just the idea of gratitude. Right. If there's no 0:47:58.613 --> 0:48:01.853 way if I'm not present, I'm not going to be grateful. 0:48:02.413 --> 0:48:06.493 I'm going to be up in the way something was 0:48:06.533 --> 0:48:09.133 in the past, whether it was good or bad, or 0:48:09.653 --> 0:48:11.573 I'm gonna be caughting, kind of what I was talking 0:48:11.613 --> 0:48:14.413 about earlier, of when I get to this moment in 0:48:14.453 --> 0:48:16.933 the future, then things will be okay. When I get 0:48:16.933 --> 0:48:20.813 this thing, then I'll be all right. But gratitude is 0:48:20.973 --> 0:48:26.533 taking both of those extremes into account and choosing the 0:48:26.613 --> 0:48:30.613 perspective of I don't lack anything. I have everything that 0:48:30.653 --> 0:48:34.013 I need. I have everything that I could ever have 0:48:34.253 --> 0:48:37.213 wanted in this present moment. But that's not how we're 0:48:37.453 --> 0:48:39.613 taught to live, that's not how we're wired. That's not 0:48:39.733 --> 0:48:46.293 how America and the world works. It's about getting somewhere. 0:48:46.333 --> 0:48:51.573 It's about arriving there. And it's just that counter cultural 0:48:51.693 --> 0:48:57.453 aspect of living that we have to embrace and stand 0:48:57.533 --> 0:49:04.933 firm in because otherwise our peace and just our overall 0:49:06.053 --> 0:49:08.773 gratitude in the moment is going to be what's lost 0:49:09.373 --> 0:49:12.933 on this chase for what we're being told is success 0:49:13.013 --> 0:49:16.813 or what we're being told is what's going to fulfill us. 0:49:17.293 --> 0:49:21.413 But gratitude is so important because it defies that logic 0:49:21.973 --> 0:49:26.333 and it says what I have now here is good 0:49:26.413 --> 0:49:29.653 enough for me. And I feel like that goes such 0:49:29.693 --> 0:49:32.893 a long way because it allows you to have such 0:49:32.893 --> 0:49:35.013 a full and deep appreciation for everything that comes into 0:49:35.013 --> 0:49:38.453 your life. If you don't appreciate what you have when 0:49:38.493 --> 0:49:41.773 you have little, you're not just going to magically start 0:49:41.773 --> 0:49:43.973 to fully appreciate what you have when you have a lot, 0:49:44.093 --> 0:49:47.333 because that's not your character, that's not your habit, that's 0:49:47.373 --> 0:49:51.613 not your practice. And we just want to help you, guys, 0:49:51.693 --> 0:49:55.173 to be able to develop practices as we are currently 0:49:55.173 --> 0:49:58.293 in the moment of doing as well that will allow 0:49:58.853 --> 0:50:02.453 your life, your story, your comeback story that you're continuing 0:50:02.453 --> 0:50:05.533 to write, as you're putting into paper, and as you're 0:50:05.573 --> 0:50:08.773 experiencing these moments and the beauty that life has to offer, 0:50:09.813 --> 0:50:13.853 you're going to be there, fully present to take all 0:50:13.853 --> 0:50:17.333 of that in and be overwhelmed by the joy, be 0:50:18.693 --> 0:50:27.093 just so happy and content and just full of praise 0:50:27.213 --> 0:50:32.093 that you won't have words, you know, like I'm sitting 0:50:32.093 --> 0:50:34.853 here trying to describe it right now. In some of 0:50:34.893 --> 0:50:37.493 the moments that I've been able to experience in my 0:50:37.613 --> 0:50:40.133 life that have stemmed from me going to rehab, and 0:50:40.173 --> 0:50:42.653 one of the first things they taught us about was mindfulness, 0:50:42.653 --> 0:50:44.893 being present to the moment in meditation, and I'm like, 0:50:45.053 --> 0:50:48.653 what are you guys talking about? But sticking with it, 0:50:49.013 --> 0:50:53.773 continuing to practice, continuing to wake up and just keep chopping, 0:50:53.893 --> 0:50:56.693 keep putting reps in. It's turned into an amazing life 0:50:56.733 --> 0:50:59.333 to where I just wake up and scratch my head 0:50:59.933 --> 0:51:05.253 and I'm like, how did I get here? Like even 0:51:05.253 --> 0:51:09.693 fighting this to this day, the internal unworthiness that I 0:51:09.733 --> 0:51:13.653 had most of my life, it's like, it's just irritating 0:51:13.733 --> 0:51:18.973 the crap out of that unworthiness and it's and it's beautiful, 0:51:19.053 --> 0:51:22.493 just like the how it's it's all coming out and 0:51:22.493 --> 0:51:28.813 coming together. And man, it's just a powerful thing. Dog, 0:51:28.853 --> 0:51:33.253 It's a powerful thing. And we can't get there without 0:51:33.573 --> 0:51:35.413 being in the moment. If there's any way we could 0:51:35.453 --> 0:51:40.293 wrap this up, there's no way that I appreciate my 0:51:40.413 --> 0:51:42.693 life as it is today, with all the good things 0:51:42.693 --> 0:51:45.693 out of there, if I'm not present to each and 0:51:45.733 --> 0:51:48.973 every moment of that journey along the way. And hope 0:51:49.013 --> 0:51:49.853 you can take that with you. 0:51:50.493 --> 0:51:53.333 So beautifully said man, and just hearing you, I mean, 0:51:53.373 --> 0:51:57.933 I'm so grateful for you and you've created this life 0:51:58.493 --> 0:52:01.933 that you have today, and it came with a lot 0:52:01.933 --> 0:52:05.213 of hard work and willingness that just didn't appear, especially 0:52:05.253 --> 0:52:08.253 considering the mess that it used to look like. But yeah, 0:52:08.293 --> 0:52:10.693 you can't be gratitude. You can't be grateful and stressed 0:52:10.693 --> 0:52:12.693 at the same time. Gratitude is always going to bring 0:52:12.773 --> 0:52:15.733 us back into the present moment. It's a powerful practice. 0:52:15.773 --> 0:52:18.693 It's one of the many anchors that we touched on. 0:52:18.933 --> 0:52:22.053 Slowing down is so important. You have your breath. Your 0:52:22.093 --> 0:52:24.213 breath will always be there. It's been there since day one, 0:52:24.253 --> 0:52:26.453 when you've took your first breath and you arrived, and 0:52:26.493 --> 0:52:27.933 it's going to be the last thing you do when 0:52:27.933 --> 0:52:31.293 you leave this earth and your legacy begins, You'll take 0:52:31.333 --> 0:52:34.173 that last breath, So you have that in your back 0:52:34.253 --> 0:52:37.813 pocket at all times. And really just being mindful with 0:52:37.853 --> 0:52:42.013 our devices and technology, making sure we're taking time to relax. 0:52:42.093 --> 0:52:45.613 And I would say to begin, just start with small targets. 0:52:45.813 --> 0:52:48.493 If you want to start a meditation practice, take ten 0:52:48.573 --> 0:52:50.653 deep breaths for the next week and let that be 0:52:50.733 --> 0:52:54.213 your meditation practice, and then just build on it. These 0:52:54.253 --> 0:52:58.333 small practices will compound over time and start to create 0:52:58.373 --> 0:53:01.413 a system and a foundation that's going to always bring 0:53:01.453 --> 0:53:04.173 you back. All the magic lies in the present moment. 0:53:04.253 --> 0:53:06.293 And you know, Darren and I when we talk about 0:53:06.333 --> 0:53:08.933 we could talk about this all day long, and I 0:53:08.973 --> 0:53:11.533 feel like we could go on hours for this with this, 0:53:11.693 --> 0:53:15.413 because this is when I'm the most present, is just listening, 0:53:15.533 --> 0:53:18.813 especially this solo or duo episode where we don't have 0:53:18.853 --> 0:53:21.173 a guest and we can really talk about these things 0:53:21.693 --> 0:53:24.493 and then just kind of like reflect on the journey 0:53:24.493 --> 0:53:26.893 that it's that it's taken to get to this point. 0:53:27.573 --> 0:53:31.253 It's so beautiful. And you know, if you're listening and 0:53:31.333 --> 0:53:33.693 this has really moved you or inspired you, or maybe 0:53:33.693 --> 0:53:36.373 you have somebody in your life that you know could 0:53:36.453 --> 0:53:38.893 benefit off this. Darren and I's mission has always been 0:53:38.933 --> 0:53:42.893 to reach as many people as possible and share this message. 0:53:43.293 --> 0:53:46.733 So maybe you put a screenshot, put it on Instagram, 0:53:46.893 --> 0:53:51.253 send this to somebody. The reviews on Spotify and iTunes 0:53:51.333 --> 0:53:55.013 or Apple Music really help the reviews or help the 0:53:55.133 --> 0:53:57.493 help us reach more people if we have reviews in 0:53:57.573 --> 0:54:00.693 five stars. So we're not trying to get as many 0:54:00.733 --> 0:54:02.933 as possible for our egos. We're just wanting to reach 0:54:02.933 --> 0:54:04.733 as many people as possible. 0:54:04.653 --> 0:54:06.653 And that's the magic of it. Man, thank you guys 0:54:06.693 --> 0:54:09.653 for joining us for another episode of come Back Stories. 0:54:09.653 --> 0:54:14.693 Like Donnie said, subscribe, like review, wherever you're at, wherever 0:54:14.693 --> 0:54:18.933 you're getting your podcast, wherever you download, keep coming back. 0:54:19.173 --> 0:54:21.853 We're going to keep coming back. You can find us 0:54:21.893 --> 0:54:25.133 on the Inflection Network on YouTube as well, and we're 0:54:25.173 --> 0:54:27.013 just going to continue on this journey with you guys, 0:54:27.213 --> 0:54:30.493 trying to stay in the moment, trying to figure out 0:54:30.493 --> 0:54:33.613 this thing called life and enjoy it while we got it. 0:54:33.653 --> 0:54:36.293 So we appreciate you guys joining us and we'll catch 0:54:36.333 --> 0:54:36.893 you next week. 0:54:40.773 --> 0:54:44.693 Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio. 0:54:44.973 --> 0:54:49.533 For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 0:54:49.733 --> 0:54:51.413 or wherever you get your podcasts.