Speaker 1: Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: What's going on? Everybody, Welcome back to another episode of
Speaker 2: Comeback Stories. Hope by now you know me. My name
Speaker 2: is Darren Waller. I play tied in for the New
Speaker 2: York Giants, and.
Speaker 3: I'm Donnie Starkins mindfulness and mental health coach and yoga
Speaker 3: and meditation teacher.
Speaker 2: It's such an honor to have you guys join us
Speaker 2: again today. For those of you that have been tapping
Speaker 2: in with us on season three, we appreciate you. Keep
Speaker 2: coming back. Everybody that's been here since day one of
Speaker 2: the podcast, probably almost three years ago, we appreciate you
Speaker 2: guys as well. Today it's going to be me and
Speaker 2: Donnie shooting one on one and something that is so
Speaker 2: near and dear to us and just an idea and
Speaker 2: perspective that has really changed our life. And it's so simple,
Speaker 2: but it's not always easy. But today we're going to
Speaker 2: talk about anchoring in the present. And it's something that
Speaker 2: I learned very early on in my rehab journey and
Speaker 2: my journey of trying to change my life. And there's
Speaker 2: something that Donnie coaches and has been teaching for a
Speaker 2: while and his experience in his own life. So Donnie,
Speaker 2: why don't you kick this off in give people an
Speaker 2: introduction of what anchoring in the present would look like
Speaker 2: for them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks, Darren. I love this topic, and I think
Speaker 3: before we get into it or break it down, I
Speaker 3: would just ask the listeners as you go about your day,
Speaker 3: like how much of your time is spent in your head?
Speaker 3: Because if you're actually in your head, you're not fully present,
Speaker 3: which means you're not bringing reality, truth, and your art
Speaker 3: into the present moment. So you're not creating space to
Speaker 3: be fully expressive and the most authentic version of yourself.
Speaker 3: So anchoring can really be any positive habits of mindfulness
Speaker 3: or gratitude or things that are going to bring you
Speaker 3: back to your body. I always like to say that
Speaker 3: the body knows where home is, but it's the mind
Speaker 3: that often takes us down these roads that makes us
Speaker 3: feel so disconnected and so homeless. I think Tony Robbins
Speaker 3: has the quote that says, if you're in your head,
Speaker 3: you're dead, And I know that might sound harsh, but
Speaker 3: in many ways it's true because we're living from a
Speaker 3: place of looking into the future, worrying about the past,
Speaker 3: and really not landing in the present. And as we know, Darren,
Speaker 3: as we've been on this journey separately and together, that
Speaker 3: really all the magic happens in the present moment. So
Speaker 3: it just becomes like a foundational practice that keeps you
Speaker 3: tied to the present moment, and we can An anchor
Speaker 3: can be really anything from anything in your physical environment,
Speaker 3: from a ring on your finger, a meaningful bracelet, it
Speaker 3: could be a candle, it could be Well, your breath
Speaker 3: is going to be the anchor that's always going to
Speaker 3: be there for you, no matter where you're at or
Speaker 3: what you're doing. That's always going to be the one
Speaker 3: thing that brings the mind back to the body because
Speaker 3: cause the breath becomes like an access point to that
Speaker 3: mind body connection and the bridge to the present moment.
Speaker 3: So I think we can we can have these anchors.
Speaker 3: They're all around us, and the more that we have
Speaker 3: around us, the more we can kind of use those
Speaker 3: as pattern interrupts to bring us back to the present moment.
Speaker 3: There are those little reminders as to really why you're
Speaker 3: here and why you're doing this work, and why presence
Speaker 3: is so important to us.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's what it is. It's extremely important, especially if
Speaker 2: we want to live the life we want to live. Right,
Speaker 2: because we get to the end of the road and
Speaker 2: we create a legacy for the life that we want
Speaker 2: to live, we're going to look back and realize it
Speaker 2: was all individual moments that led up and cumulatively created
Speaker 2: that legacy, created that life of whether it was fulfillment
Speaker 2: or contentment, or whether it was regret. And you know,
Speaker 2: to make it even simpler for the audience, if we
Speaker 2: look at everybody knows the concepts of past, present, in future,
Speaker 2: and the things that rob us mostly of being in
Speaker 2: the present is our past something that we regret, some
Speaker 2: a mistake we made, some way that we were harmed
Speaker 2: in our past by a parent, by a friend, by
Speaker 2: a coach, teacher, anyone. And we hold on to those
Speaker 2: things and we lose hope, we lose faith, we lose
Speaker 2: a vision for a future that has joy and happiness,
Speaker 2: and those are things that can keep us arrested or
Speaker 2: in prisoned to our past. And then there's the future
Speaker 2: aspect on the other side, which is I want to
Speaker 2: arrange every thing so perfectly so I don't have to
Speaker 2: experience a single failure, I don't have to step in
Speaker 2: a single pothole. I don't have to hurt myself. I
Speaker 2: don't have to cry, I don't have to worry as
Speaker 2: long as these things go the way that I plan
Speaker 2: for them to go. And we spend so much time there,
Speaker 2: but all that does is produce anxiety, produce worry my relationships,
Speaker 2: which both of those are equally trying to pull us
Speaker 2: away from the present moment. And it's not hard to
Speaker 2: do that as people like you and I that have
Speaker 2: been meditating, that have been putting in practices for years
Speaker 2: on end, at least for speaking for me, I can
Speaker 2: find myself being pulled out of the present moment so quickly,
Speaker 2: and it's like, man, I preach mindfulness. I've seen the
Speaker 2: impact that I've had in my life, but still I
Speaker 2: can be so quickly pulled out of this moment. How
Speaker 2: do I get myself back to it? And you hear
Speaker 2: people say things like, you know, be where your feet are,
Speaker 2: and it's really like Donne said, what are these things
Speaker 2: around that you can listen to? For me in the morning,
Speaker 2: I love listening to the birds chirp when I walk
Speaker 2: to my car in the driveway. That lets me know like, hey,
Speaker 2: I'm right here in my driveway. I'm not trying to
Speaker 2: figure out my work day and trying to be great
Speaker 2: before I get there. I'm not trying to be a
Speaker 2: superhero and fix everything that I've ever done in my past.
Speaker 2: I'm just right here in this moment and allow myself
Speaker 2: to flow through my day in the most present way
Speaker 2: that I possibly can.
Speaker 3: So.
Speaker 2: At the essence of this, we want to keep it
Speaker 2: as simple as possible. As we talk more, there are
Speaker 2: complexities to it, there are different details, there are different
Speaker 2: perspectives on being present at the end of the day.
Speaker 2: It's how can I be right here as least distracted,
Speaker 2: as possible, as focus as I possibly can, as free
Speaker 2: as I possibly can, as loose as I possibly can
Speaker 2: in this moment so I can welcome the day, welcome
Speaker 2: the challenges, and respond to everything exactly the way I
Speaker 2: would want to.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was just as you were sharing. I just
Speaker 3: wanted to ask you the question, if you go back
Speaker 3: into pre sobriety, the mess, you know, the rock bottom,
Speaker 3: and maybe those years, those years leading up to your
Speaker 3: bottom and ultimately getting sober, what were the things back
Speaker 3: then that pulled you out of the present, that had
Speaker 3: you stress, worried, afraid, or anxious.
Speaker 2: There were so many things that pulled me out of
Speaker 2: the moment. If we start from really early on as
Speaker 2: a kid, it was trying to please everyone by now
Speaker 2: I've if this is your first time checking in one
Speaker 2: of my earliest memories of paying we always ask other
Speaker 2: people what theirs are because we know ours and how
Speaker 2: they impacted us. Mine was being told that I wasn't
Speaker 2: black enough, and that to me turned into a reality
Speaker 2: that I could only perform my way into being good enough.
Speaker 2: I could only convince people the best I could to like,
Speaker 2: I'm okay like. I may not be the you know,
Speaker 2: the the image of what black is to you or
Speaker 2: whatever that may be, but I'm okay like, and I
Speaker 2: got to show it to you, and I got to
Speaker 2: prove it to you. And that would always have me
Speaker 2: scoping out moments in the future to where I could
Speaker 2: what mask I would have to put on, how I
Speaker 2: would have to act. I would have to show up
Speaker 2: an energy I would have to try to embody that
Speaker 2: wasn't even really authentically my own. And this is elementary school.
Speaker 2: I showed up to the playground. This is middle school
Speaker 2: in Pe, this is you know, in high school football
Speaker 2: locker rooms at fourteen fifteen years old, not being able
Speaker 2: to not feel like I was able to show up
Speaker 2: as who I was because I just felt so deeply
Speaker 2: down at early age that I just wasn't good enough
Speaker 2: as I am. And you know, with the skills and
Speaker 2: the talents I've been blessed with, I was able to
Speaker 2: see that my performance in sports is what got had
Speaker 2: me in good standing with people. It created these friendships,
Speaker 2: not knowing how shallow they were at the time and
Speaker 2: the quality of relationships I was seeking, but it felt
Speaker 2: like love, It felt like real appreciation. And so I
Speaker 2: just continued down that road of performing, and that turned
Speaker 2: into what was pulling me out of the moment then
Speaker 2: was my performance, whether it was getting a scholarship offer
Speaker 2: turning into when I'm going to get playing time in college,
Speaker 2: and then when I'm going to be the top receiver
Speaker 2: on the team, and then when I'm getting to the NFL,
Speaker 2: and then when I'm when I'm going to arrive to
Speaker 2: a certain place. If only I can get there, if
Speaker 2: only this would happen, then I'll be okay. If only
Speaker 2: I achieve this, then I'll be content. Then my life
Speaker 2: will be okay. I'll stop chasing I'll stop feeling like
Speaker 2: I'm not good enough because I'll have so many things
Speaker 2: that I accumulated and achieved that convince you that there's
Speaker 2: no way you can't tell me I'm not enough. But
Speaker 2: achieving all of those things just made the hole in
Speaker 2: the void even deeper. And you know, you get into
Speaker 2: my using my active addiction, it's where's the next high,
Speaker 2: where's the next feeling? How quickly can I numb what
Speaker 2: I'm feeling? How quickly can I escape physically, mentally, emotionally,
Speaker 2: spiritually from what I have to face and what I'm
Speaker 2: facing right now? And never allowed me to stay in
Speaker 2: a certain place long enough to listen to my body,
Speaker 2: to listen to my mind, listen to my soul, to
Speaker 2: allow myself to heal, to allow myself to just pause
Speaker 2: and be like, you know, why am I doing the
Speaker 2: things that I'm doing? Why am I continuing to float
Speaker 2: down this path knowing that I'm just even more anxious,
Speaker 2: knowing that I'm just even more afraid, and I don't
Speaker 2: feel like I'm getting any closer towards being enough yet
Speaker 2: I'm checking off all these boxes. So it just it
Speaker 2: continued to change as time went along. But it all
Speaker 2: spawned from just wanting to prove that I was okay,
Speaker 2: you know, and not knowing that it came from the
Speaker 2: inside first, being present with myself and being able to
Speaker 2: sit there. And nobody's really going to know that at twelve, thirteen,
Speaker 2: fourteen years old. But when you approach twenty five, twenty six,
Speaker 2: twenty seven, really becoming a man and we're still carrying
Speaker 2: these childhood wounds around, being present just becomes even more exhausting.
Speaker 2: You know, what are some of the examples from your
Speaker 2: life that you feel like we're pulling you out of
Speaker 2: the moment from very early on to even as as right.
Speaker 3: Now, Man, I mean so much, I can relate to
Speaker 3: so much that you shared, and it's bringing me all
Speaker 3: the way even into my first few years of sobriety.
Speaker 3: But if I go back, it was the same thing,
Speaker 3: carrying what other people think. It was so rooted in
Speaker 3: me to the point where it was I couldn't even
Speaker 3: have a conversation or be listening to what somebody was
Speaker 3: saying because I was already rehearsing what I was going
Speaker 3: to say next. And if I fast forward, and then
Speaker 3: I can come back again. If I fast forward, I
Speaker 3: can remember early on in twelve step meetings where in
Speaker 3: the format of meetings, sometimes you'll have a ticket and
Speaker 3: your your ticket might be randomly called and then that's
Speaker 3: your call to share, or it might be sitting in
Speaker 3: a circle and eventually it's going to be your turn,
Speaker 3: And I can just remember those first few years, and
Speaker 3: most of these meetings were men's meetings do so it
Speaker 3: wasn't like I was like trying to impress the girl
Speaker 3: that was in the meeting, but I would sit there
Speaker 3: and rehearse what I was going to say, so I
Speaker 3: could really bring the fire and drop some nuggets and
Speaker 3: sound like I knew what I was talking about. Where
Speaker 3: the reality is, alls I really needed to do is
Speaker 3: just be honest and maybe show some emotion and be vulnerable.
Speaker 3: But I had to even then act like I had
Speaker 3: it all together. So I would rehearse what I was
Speaker 3: going to say, and then it would be like in
Speaker 3: a circle meeting, it would be almost my turn, and
Speaker 3: then time would run out and the meeting would end,
Speaker 3: and I wouldn't even get to share, nor had I
Speaker 3: heard a single word that anybody else had said, because
Speaker 3: I was in my head the whole time, never listening
Speaker 3: right and so, but it all was rooted and can
Speaker 3: still sometimes be. But it's so much better, thank God,
Speaker 3: in caring what other people think. If I go back
Speaker 3: all the way back into the childhood and even into
Speaker 3: the depths of my addiction, it was all those same things,
Speaker 3: just being uncomfortable and my own skin needing performance to
Speaker 3: get validation on the baseball field through family, through friends.
Speaker 3: It was just a lack of self love and an
Speaker 3: assurance in myself. And a lot of it, looking back,
Speaker 3: was even just the way I was living and not
Speaker 3: being authentic and honest and being true and really showing
Speaker 3: up as like the authentic version of myself, and it
Speaker 3: just begins to spiral and snowball to a point where
Speaker 3: you're just so uncomfortable in your own skin that for me,
Speaker 3: the easiest way to get out of that was just
Speaker 3: to pop pills, do drugs and escape. But even in
Speaker 3: the depths of my addiction, I can even think about,
Speaker 3: you know, having my pills and then finally being able
Speaker 3: to take them, or going to the pharmacy and getting
Speaker 3: my refill and getting them, and then it would be
Speaker 3: I would take the pills and for an hour I
Speaker 3: would be good and everything would go away, and then
Speaker 3: the cycle would start and I would start to think
Speaker 3: about when I'm going to take them again, because I'm
Speaker 3: starting to feel anxiety come on. And it was all
Speaker 3: like so worried about the future, as if it's not
Speaker 3: going to be okay, It's not going to be okay
Speaker 3: until I get this so very rarely. I don't know
Speaker 3: if I really ever was actually in the present, nor
Speaker 3: did I have the willingness or any tools to actually
Speaker 3: come back to a place and notice all of this
Speaker 3: madness going on. But you know, I think about it,
Speaker 3: it's nobody stops us from being present. It's only ourselves.
Speaker 3: And really all of our stress and all of our
Speaker 3: anxiety and all this fear it comes from wanting the
Speaker 3: moment to be something that it's not so, or wanting
Speaker 3: maybe somebody else to be somebody that they're not so.
Speaker 3: When I look at the root of it, it's trying
Speaker 3: to control things you can't control. And in our program
Speaker 3: of recovery, you know, they teach us that control is
Speaker 3: just an illusion. Now there are things that we can
Speaker 3: control eventually, and that's our perspective and our attitude and
Speaker 3: our ability to control our internal response to what's happening
Speaker 3: outside of us. But that shit doesn't happen overnight, and
Speaker 3: it really takes like the willingness to start to practice
Speaker 3: and use little anchors big anchors to come back home
Speaker 3: to the body.
Speaker 2: Ooo. Man after that reminds me of let us share.
Speaker 2: One of my anchors to the present is the Serenity
Speaker 2: Prayer for me. Somebody actually gave it to me in
Speaker 2: the form of a wristband and it's something that's like
Speaker 2: in my pocket that I take with me everywhere that
Speaker 2: I go. And for those that may I have a
Speaker 2: relationship with God or know the prayer, it's God grant
Speaker 2: me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Speaker 2: the courage to change the things I can, and the
Speaker 2: wisdom to know the difference, and continuing to pray that
Speaker 2: and just having a deeper meaning and trying to pray
Speaker 2: it slower and not in a hurry and feel every
Speaker 2: word of that. It's like, you know, I want to
Speaker 2: be at peace within myself and I need direction on
Speaker 2: how to find that piece Like, help me find that,
Speaker 2: help me to know and not chase my tail around,
Speaker 2: help me to not exert all my energy on these
Speaker 2: things that I can't determine the outcome. I can't force
Speaker 2: them to go my way. I can't. It's not possible
Speaker 2: help me, and I need the wisdom to know the difference,
Speaker 2: because if I don't know the difference, I'm gonna exhaust
Speaker 2: myself on the things that don't matter, and when it
Speaker 2: comes time for the things that really do matter, I
Speaker 2: may be depleted. My cup may be more empty. So
Speaker 2: that's one of the anchors for me. Because you think
Speaker 2: about being present, I always think of like that picture
Speaker 2: of the of the iceberg, and you know, you see
Speaker 2: you see an iceberg above water by like right there.
Speaker 2: It's like that's huge, Like if a ship runs into it,
Speaker 2: it's going down. But then you see the picture of
Speaker 2: how deep it goes beneath the surface. And that's what
Speaker 2: being present allows us to do. From an interurn pernal standpoint.
Speaker 2: It allows us to not just stay on the surface
Speaker 2: and with money and material things and shallow relationships and
Speaker 2: feeling like those are the things that are going to
Speaker 2: bring us fulfillment. But it allows us to get down
Speaker 2: to the root of my emotions, the root of the
Speaker 2: pain that I'm feeling, the purpose behind the things that
Speaker 2: I'm doing, and really get down into those things. That's
Speaker 2: what being present really means. It's I'm aware of all
Speaker 2: that is me. I'm aware that's all that's inside of me,
Speaker 2: all that is eating at me, all that's nourishing me,
Speaker 2: and sitting there and being aware of it and knowing
Speaker 2: that I need to be present. I need to be
Speaker 2: aware of my attitude. I need to be aware of
Speaker 2: my perspective. I need to be aware of the way
Speaker 2: that I'm treating people, because odds are it's a reflection
Speaker 2: of the way that I'm treating myself. So just trying
Speaker 2: to paint this picture for you guys of what it
Speaker 2: looks like for us, how we see it through our eyes.
Speaker 2: Because everybody's different, everybody's coming to this topic with different experiences,
Speaker 2: different pains, different traumas. We want to try to help you,
Speaker 2: guys get this as in depth as possible because we
Speaker 2: know it's something that can change your life if you
Speaker 2: consistently build the habit to allow yourself to keep coming
Speaker 2: back to it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm so glad you brought up the serenity
Speaker 3: prayer because that and regardless of what your beliefs around
Speaker 3: God or spirituality are, this is something if you break
Speaker 3: down the serenity prayer. So you just kept saying aware,
Speaker 3: and that's the wisdom to know the difference. So God,
Speaker 3: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Speaker 3: That's letting go of what you can't control, courage to
Speaker 3: change the things I can. You're asking for strength and
Speaker 3: the courage to actually control the controllables. And then the
Speaker 3: wisdom to know the difference is awareness. The wisdom to
Speaker 3: know the difference is not going to come by just
Speaker 3: sitting on your ass and hoping it's going to show up.
Speaker 3: It actually takes practice. You have to meet the universe
Speaker 3: or meet God half way in order to get it.
Speaker 3: You know, the spiritual tools, they're sitting there at our feet,
Speaker 3: but it's up to us to get off of our
Speaker 3: asses and actually use the tools, because the tools only
Speaker 3: work if we use them. So when I hear that
Speaker 3: the wisdom to know the difference, that's kind of that's
Speaker 3: a big anchor for me because it inspires me to know, Like,
Speaker 3: I just want to be aware for so many years,
Speaker 3: as you're describing your your past and as I see
Speaker 3: my past in your past, and just how asleep and
Speaker 3: unaware we are now the tough part about being awake
Speaker 3: or a little bit more awake than we were before
Speaker 3: is it's not always easy. It takes work, and we
Speaker 3: know better now and for me today, it's more about
Speaker 3: the con the impact of not doing these practices. So
Speaker 3: if you stick with these practices, and we're talking maybe
Speaker 3: a little bit in depth, but I know Darren and
Speaker 3: I also like to just keep it simple and have
Speaker 3: practical tools that can actually work for us to get
Speaker 3: us back into the present. And there's simple, simple practices,
Speaker 3: you know. Another one, I mean I have so an
Speaker 3: anchor could be anything on your physical environment also, and
Speaker 3: I mean Darren's got a lot more tattoos than I do,
Speaker 3: but I have some too, And a tattoo, I mean,
Speaker 3: I have my sobriety birth date on my forearm, and
Speaker 3: that certainly is a huge anchor. So that if I
Speaker 3: feel like my mind is going somewhere, or maybe it's
Speaker 3: a day where I'm just like being lazy or being selfish,
Speaker 3: not really wanting to take action, I can look down.
Speaker 3: I have the word freedom on my bracelet here. That
Speaker 3: word is like you know, it brings me back to
Speaker 3: the depths of my addiction. Lying on my couch so
Speaker 3: bound by my addiction, so I want to remember that.
Speaker 3: I don't regret it, I don't like get stay stuck
Speaker 3: in it, nor do I beat myself up over that
Speaker 3: anymay more. It's my reminder like I want to be free.
Speaker 3: So you can create these little accountability partners or these
Speaker 3: anchors all around you, and the truth is, the more
Speaker 3: of them that you have, you know, whether they're in
Speaker 3: your site. That could be something on your desk, it
Speaker 3: could be a screen saver of your family, it could
Speaker 3: be a word, it could be anything. But these are
Speaker 3: the things that are going to serve as pattern interrupts
Speaker 3: so that when we are spiraling, which it's going to
Speaker 3: happen because we just live in a world of addiction
Speaker 3: and affliction to distraction, so we're going to constantly being pulled.
Speaker 3: So we have to have we have to have the antidote.
Speaker 3: We have to have practices, and we have to be
Speaker 3: the we have to be willing to lean into those practices.
Speaker 3: And yeah, they might be hard, but it's not as
Speaker 3: hard as you know, trying to do it the same
Speaker 3: old way and actually expecting things to change.
Speaker 2: Man insanity, that could be a whole another episode in itself,
Speaker 2: but I'm glad that you brought up the point about
Speaker 2: the spiraling is going to happen. The being knocked off
Speaker 2: your center or being distracted is going to happen because
Speaker 2: we're not expecting anybody on this call to be perfect,
Speaker 2: anybody on this episode, anybody that's listening, anybody anywhere, because
Speaker 2: we aren't. Like there's times where you know, I get
Speaker 2: a phone call and it's not something that I want
Speaker 2: to hear, or something in my day with my schedule
Speaker 2: or something that I'm doing. I may mess up, and
Speaker 2: these things may serve as distractions and things that may
Speaker 2: knock me off of the present moment and the momentum
Speaker 2: that I built during that day. And it's more so
Speaker 2: about bringing yourself back to it. And that's where I
Speaker 2: feel like the misconception lies with mindfulness with meditation. It's
Speaker 2: people think, oh, my mind has to just be completely still,
Speaker 2: there has to be no thoughts, it just has to
Speaker 2: be complete bliss, and anything that comes and knocks me off,
Speaker 2: it's like, oh, my meditation, my practice is ruined, when
Speaker 2: really it's a out allowing those things to come, embracing
Speaker 2: those things when they happen, and bringing ourselves back to
Speaker 2: the center, bringing ourselves back to the moment and think
Speaker 2: of it. It's been it was put to me in
Speaker 2: the early days that it's to think of it as
Speaker 2: a bicep curl for your mind. Right anything, you go
Speaker 2: into the weight room and do you got arm day,
Speaker 2: you got back day, you got chess day. You're going
Speaker 2: to do certain things and continue to build repetitions in
Speaker 2: those things, and over time you grow stronger. Over time,
Speaker 2: your muscles are more stable. Over time, you know, somebody
Speaker 2: try to bump into you, they're not You're not moving
Speaker 2: no more because you continuously put the repetitions in and
Speaker 2: continue to show up, no matter if it was discouraging,
Speaker 2: no matter if it was frustrating, you continue to show
Speaker 2: up in practice. And that's what we're trying to present
Speaker 2: to you, guys, being present as a practice. There's nothing
Speaker 2: that's ever going to be completely perfect about it, but
Speaker 2: you practice to continue and continue for a lifetime, continue
Speaker 2: for as long as you're here on this earth, to
Speaker 2: be as present to the moment because you're relying on
Speaker 2: you first and foremost. A significant other in your life
Speaker 2: is going to rely on you the way that you
Speaker 2: live your life and write your comeback story communities around you.
Speaker 2: People around you are going to be leaning on you,
Speaker 2: drawing inspiration from you, future generations of your family, grandkids.
Speaker 2: You know, we have to think in those ramifications, because
Speaker 2: how we show up in this moment right here, odds
Speaker 2: are is going to depict how we show up in
Speaker 2: the next moment, in the next moment after that, in
Speaker 2: the next moment after that. So it's very important stuff
Speaker 2: not to put pressure on you, but more so to
Speaker 2: develop a sense of urgency around just showing up for
Speaker 2: the practice and putting in your best effort with the
Speaker 2: best attitude you can.
Speaker 3: Okay, so you've picked up some tools over the years.
Speaker 3: Your willingness is off the charts, Your consistency and your
Speaker 3: practices or are more dialed in than almost anybody I've
Speaker 3: ever worked with. Now you are in New York City
Speaker 3: and there's a lot of noise. There's hustle and bustle,
Speaker 3: media capital of the world, energy sirens going off all
Speaker 3: the time. What have you? What were some maybe early challenges,
Speaker 3: maybe some culture shock of making that move. What were
Speaker 3: some early challenges and what are you doing to really
Speaker 3: dial that in and ground yourself in that chaos that's
Speaker 3: all around you?
Speaker 2: Some of the initial shocks, I would say, are just
Speaker 2: being back living alone. I'm newly married at this point
Speaker 2: as we record, just over four months into my marriage,
Speaker 2: but when I moved to Jersey for the first time,
Speaker 2: I was a little over one month married. But the
Speaker 2: bond that we had and still have allowed me to
Speaker 2: forget about some of the things that I faced when
Speaker 2: I was living alone prior to being married, and some
Speaker 2: of the anxiety, the allowing myself to be too drawn
Speaker 2: out of the present moment, pressure to perform, being on
Speaker 2: a new team and trying to put that in its
Speaker 2: rightful place in my mind, you know, wanting to be excellent,
Speaker 2: but it's more so about being than doing and performing.
Speaker 2: You know. There was you know, as me as an
Speaker 2: addictive person, drugs and alcohol were like the main thing,
Speaker 2: but there were behaviors underneath that as well that I
Speaker 2: leaned into, like like masturbation that became that was something
Speaker 2: that ran parallel with that to take the edge off,
Speaker 2: to get that high end. Because that addictive thinking is
Speaker 2: still in me, and urges like that pop up when
Speaker 2: I'm in an environment by myself. So it's making sure
Speaker 2: that I'm letting people in to my struggle and being like, hey,
Speaker 2: like this hasn't been something that's been tearing my life apart,
Speaker 2: but it's knocking on the door a little bit here,
Speaker 2: like and you know, letting my letting my wife into that,
Speaker 2: letting my friends into that, and knowing that I'm not
Speaker 2: ashamed because I'm tempted to go back into these new
Speaker 2: behaviors when I'm facing you know, adversity early on in
Speaker 2: my marriage, moving into a new city across the country,
Speaker 2: and not to mention all the other different projects and
Speaker 2: little things that I'm involved in. It's allowing the moment
Speaker 2: to be hard, allowing the present to be a challenge,
Speaker 2: but knowing and still having joy amidst those challenges being present.
Speaker 2: So I would say it's the performance aspect the marriage.
Speaker 2: Being aware of addictive patterns and behaviors that I turned
Speaker 2: to when living by myself previously pre addiction and post using.
Speaker 2: So those are some of the things that stand out.
Speaker 2: And the noise will only continue to grow. I mean
Speaker 2: talk about the media capital and all the attention that's there,
Speaker 2: and if you perform the way you want to perform,
Speaker 2: noise is only going to increase. People reaching out to
Speaker 2: you is only going to increase, you know, and these things,
Speaker 2: these are things that I'm going to have to navigate,
Speaker 2: and it's going to continue to put my practice of
Speaker 2: staying in the present moment to the test, because it's
Speaker 2: no longer about arriving somewhere and achieving something. It's more
Speaker 2: so about abiding and living and being in the present moment,
Speaker 2: which brings the true joy and fulfillment of going along
Speaker 2: this journey, and going along the journey with the people
Speaker 2: that I'm doing it with. So it's it's it's a
Speaker 2: journey man like for people that's listening, I'm right, I'm
Speaker 2: right there with you. I'm exploring new challenges, I'm I'm
Speaker 2: dealing with these things as they come and trying to
Speaker 2: do that from my center, which isn't always easy. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I always say we all have a center. It sits
Speaker 3: really at the middle of the heart space. But we
Speaker 3: often all can get pulled off off our center through
Speaker 3: the world's demand for the attention of our mind. And
Speaker 3: so if we don't have these practices that bring us back,
Speaker 3: it doesn't mean we come back and two seconds later
Speaker 3: we leave again. If we don't have those practices, we
Speaker 3: are going to get swept up in this world and
Speaker 3: everything with media, social media, and we really just lose
Speaker 3: ourselves in that process. There's no foundation, there's no place
Speaker 3: to come home too, and it can really lead to
Speaker 3: a lot of struggles in mental health and addiction and
Speaker 3: just overall unhappiness in the way that our lives are unfolding.
Speaker 3: So it is there's nothing more important. And this is
Speaker 3: fascinating to me someone that teaches meditation and meditates daily,
Speaker 3: that sometimes even in my meditation, I will notice thoughts
Speaker 3: that are telling me I need to be doing something else,
Speaker 3: as if there was something more important than trying to
Speaker 3: quiet down that noise, Like what could possibly be more
Speaker 3: important than calling myself and laying the foundation for my
Speaker 3: day and training my mind to be my best friend
Speaker 3: and not my worst enemy. But what I found that
Speaker 3: that little voice, that self sabotage voice that's saying, oh,
Speaker 3: you need to be doing this, or you're doing it wrong,
Speaker 3: or you know, it will creep in any opportunity it gets.
Speaker 3: So if we go back to the serenity prayer with
Speaker 3: like the wisdom to know the difference, when we are
Speaker 3: aware of those thoughts, we are now not those thoughts
Speaker 3: thoughts are just thoughts, but thoughts become things when we
Speaker 3: believe them, attached to them, or maybe judge ourselves for
Speaker 3: having some crazy ass thoughts. But when we can actually
Speaker 3: practice and just be the observer and be aware of them,
Speaker 3: it really does loosen the grip and then we get
Speaker 3: to understand ourselves more and those patterns of thinking that
Speaker 3: pull us out of presence. So yeah, it just it
Speaker 3: always is going to come down to the practices. Speaking
Speaker 3: of practice, as you were sharing earlier, I was just
Speaker 3: curious when you showed up for those first one, two,
Speaker 3: first or second day of practice, as you know, the
Speaker 3: new kid on the team, did you notice like any
Speaker 3: of the old, like childhood shit coming up at all?
Speaker 2: Oh, definitely, definitely. I felt like the new kid in school,
Speaker 2: you know, like that a little bit of the anxiety
Speaker 2: of the sixth grader. I guess there's junior highs and
Speaker 2: all this stuff now, but in Georgia there was elementary
Speaker 2: school was k to five, and middle school was six
Speaker 2: to eight. High school was nine to twelve. So it's
Speaker 2: like that sixth grade and that freshman showing up into
Speaker 2: that new school and you're just like, I don't know
Speaker 2: anyone here. I you know, where do I begin and
Speaker 2: not trying to begin by pleasing people, not trying to
Speaker 2: begin by trying to fit in and be cool. But
Speaker 2: by this time I've had practice and conviction in knowing
Speaker 2: that who I am is going to, you know, always
Speaker 2: create room for myself and always create just a level
Speaker 2: of respect amongst my peers and the men that I'm around,
Speaker 2: because I'm just being who I am. I'm not conforming
Speaker 2: to what other guys are doing to try to be cool.
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to get into anything like even like
Speaker 2: like the like the like fashion aspects and these material aspects,
Speaker 2: things that are like cool and that are really dope,
Speaker 2: but if looked at the wrong way, they can be
Speaker 2: used as a tool to please or to gain approval.
Speaker 2: And so it's just really showing up in you know,
Speaker 2: I wear the same pair of sneakers every day, same
Speaker 2: pair of flip flops, wearing a T shirt in the shorts. Man,
Speaker 2: I'm just showing up, and I'm trying to give the
Speaker 2: best that I can give and lead with an example
Speaker 2: when I come in. I'm not going to come in
Speaker 2: and say a whole lot because that's just not who
Speaker 2: I am. I'm one of the older guys on the team,
Speaker 2: and I feel like over time, a more vocal leadership
Speaker 2: role than I've ever had will come about. But I
Speaker 2: feel like a great way to begin is just being
Speaker 2: present to each and every day, showing up to every
Speaker 2: meeting with a desire to learn, a desire to be coached,
Speaker 2: a desire to be a part of the team, not
Speaker 2: necessarily come in and demand what I can get. So
Speaker 2: it's that's where those core values and just those things
Speaker 2: that we talk about come into play. Because when you're
Speaker 2: in the midst of uncertainty and things are changing around you,
Speaker 2: you're in new environments. I have faith that these same habits,
Speaker 2: these same practices are going to allow me to create
Speaker 2: room to be successful and to enjoy my experience anywhere
Speaker 2: that I go. And you know, I say all that
Speaker 2: to say that's not that's not to say that I'm
Speaker 2: going to experience those same emotions that I would as
Speaker 2: a kid, because my inner child's in me, little Darren's
Speaker 2: in there, like you know, I don't know about this,
Speaker 2: Like I'm a little I'm still got a little social
Speaker 2: anxiety in there. I'm still you know, got to feel
Speaker 2: people out, i still got to feel situations out. You know,
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't want to fail. I don't want
Speaker 2: to mess this up. I want to do the best
Speaker 2: that I can. And it's hearing that voice and knowing like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I know that you're there, but I can't allow that
Speaker 2: to dictate how I go about this new environment. It's
Speaker 2: really just who am I being able to see with
Speaker 2: myself and ask myself that consistently and then just go
Speaker 2: be who I am and keep it as as simple
Speaker 2: as simple as that. Man, So what are what are
Speaker 2: what are things looking like for you today when it
Speaker 2: comes to the present moment, because it's an interesting dichotomy
Speaker 2: with you being a teacher but also as we talk
Speaker 2: about remaining a student, what there are some ways today
Speaker 2: that you find yourself trying to find that balance between
Speaker 2: those two and to just continue your journey with the president.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I always remind myself and also remind my clients
Speaker 3: or just even talking on the podcast or talking on
Speaker 3: social media, that I am still very often still tripping
Speaker 3: over the same things that I'm teaching all the time.
Speaker 3: And often the things I'm teaching are also the things
Speaker 3: that I need to learn. They're not things that I've
Speaker 3: figured out and I'm just dropping nuggets of wisdom as
Speaker 3: if I'm enlightened and have it all figured out. So
Speaker 3: often it's usually something that I've struggled with for a
Speaker 3: long time and then found a way or got some
Speaker 3: wise counsel and implemented it and started to practice it
Speaker 3: and found another solution, or it's just still stuff in
Speaker 3: this moment that I might still be working through. And
Speaker 3: so I think, you know, teaching it back for me
Speaker 3: is such a gift because I feel like the story
Speaker 3: I tell myself is I'm a slow learner even in school,
Speaker 3: like having to auty extra to memorize things, and so
Speaker 3: the gift of being able to teach it back has
Speaker 3: allowed me to retain so many of these things. Now
Speaker 3: that doesn't mean that I'm still practicing them, you know.
Speaker 3: One of the key points I wanted to touch on
Speaker 3: when we talk about anchoring in the present moment is
Speaker 3: the practice of slowing down. And I think about still
Speaker 3: to this day, the way that I eat food, and
Speaker 3: I do a talk and I talk about mindful eating
Speaker 3: and how you know, our brain it takes twenty minutes
Speaker 3: for the sensory pleasures of our brain to even feel
Speaker 3: the satisfaction of being full and we're supposed to technically
Speaker 3: chew like twenty bytes per two and I'm like, wow,
Speaker 3: like I'm teaching this, and then I can see the
Speaker 3: way that I eat, and it shows up most often
Speaker 3: when I'm eating with somebody else, you know, and my
Speaker 3: meal's gone and they're like four or four bites in.
Speaker 3: So slowing down has been a practice where when I
Speaker 3: get rushed, when I feel like there's not time, if
Speaker 3: I haven't prepared for something, that feeling of being rushed
Speaker 3: or out of my body like that's where I go
Speaker 3: off the rails. And it doesn't maybe show up externally
Speaker 3: like I'm yelling or anything, but man, internally, it's just
Speaker 3: it's not a fun place to be. So the practice
Speaker 3: of slowing down is so essential, and I'm really trying
Speaker 3: to work on the eating part of it, because you know,
Speaker 3: eating and breathing are such a vital part of the
Speaker 3: whole digestive process, you know, the way we chew, the
Speaker 3: way we breathe, and to eat in like a stress
Speaker 3: state or eating on the go, it's like one of
Speaker 3: the most counterproductive ways to fuel and feed our bodies.
Speaker 3: So that's been like a huge one for me that
Speaker 3: I've been in the practice, and sometimes I'm teaching it
Speaker 3: back and I'm like, dude, you need to you need
Speaker 3: to remind yourself of the shit you're you're telling your people.
Speaker 3: But that's just that's just where I'm at. I can
Speaker 3: relate a lot also to because I'm in a long
Speaker 3: distance relationship and those gaps of when we're not together,
Speaker 3: like I feel like I'm I can be very present
Speaker 3: and less on my phone and engage, but it's in
Speaker 3: those pockets where there's more time or maybe I am
Speaker 3: feeling lonely that I will do something to numb it out,
Speaker 3: which the easiest way is just to grab the phone
Speaker 3: and you know, numb out and distract myself that way.
Speaker 3: So oftentimes when and I would say the phone is
Speaker 3: my greatest addiction to this day, I'm so thankful that
Speaker 3: it's not drugs or alcohol or some of the other
Speaker 3: ones that you know bring us to our knees a
Speaker 3: lot quicker. But the phone is the one where I
Speaker 3: can notice, and if I notice myself going to it
Speaker 3: too often, I will just ask myself, like, what am
Speaker 3: I unwilling to feel right now? And if it's a
Speaker 3: time where maybe I'm not with my partner, it's usually
Speaker 3: just feel alone or on board or what am I chasing?
Speaker 3: And why? That's the other kind of These are anchors.
Speaker 3: These are questions that you can ask that if you
Speaker 3: get honest, if you answer them honestly, they're going to
Speaker 3: to bring you back to the truth and bring you
Speaker 3: back to the present moment. So yeah, I would say
Speaker 3: the practice of slowing down is, and specifically around eating,
Speaker 3: I'm giving myself enough time to get to places, to
Speaker 3: get to the airport, to get to a class where
Speaker 3: I'm not rushing and going last minute because I just
Speaker 3: know the impact and I do not. I am so
Speaker 3: uncomfortable in my own skin when I get in that place.
Speaker 3: So it's kind of proactively giving myself enough time to
Speaker 3: get to these places so that there is no rush,
Speaker 3: because yeah, rushing for me is when I become one
Speaker 3: of the worst versions of myself.
Speaker 2: Wow, it's I'm so glad you brought that up because
Speaker 2: it reminds me of when we do with ig lives,
Speaker 2: and we always do the book recommendations, and every time
Speaker 2: I recommend this book it's called The Ruthless Elimination of
Speaker 2: Hurry by John Mark Komer. If I highly suggest you
Speaker 2: read that book, because in that book he talks about
Speaker 2: in this digital age, in this like smartphone, high speed internet,
Speaker 2: like we get information so fast and it teaches us
Speaker 2: to want things so quickly to not have to suffer
Speaker 2: for it. But that whole instant gratification thing. And he
Speaker 2: has quotes in the areas like love and hurry are incompatible.
Speaker 2: So when it's like it speaks to what you're saying
Speaker 2: about not being the best version of yourself when you're
Speaker 2: in a rush, when you're in a hurry, and a
Speaker 2: lot of us are rushed and hurry without even knowing it.
Speaker 2: We're so busy, we're trying to get that next promotion,
Speaker 2: we're trying to get to the bag, we're trying to
Speaker 2: do all these things, but we're not allowing ourselves to
Speaker 2: slow down and take in the goodness of the moment,
Speaker 2: to reflect, to affirm ourselves, to check in on how
Speaker 2: we're doing. And it's so important that we do that,
Speaker 2: and how counter cultural slowing down is. People don't want
Speaker 2: to be outside of what everybody in culture are doing.
Speaker 2: But for us to really nurture our spirits and to
Speaker 2: nourish that spiritual life and to just be in tune
Speaker 2: with ourselves and be the best version of ourselves. We
Speaker 2: got slow down, and I feel like that plays into
Speaker 2: the idea of solitude as well, like creating moments of silence,
Speaker 2: time for meditation, time for reflection, time for prayer, time
Speaker 2: for journaling, whatever it is for you to be still
Speaker 2: and have that quiet moment with yourself. We've got to
Speaker 2: find a way to do that that's personal to you,
Speaker 2: that works for you, that doesn't feel robotic to you,
Speaker 2: because that's the way we can fill our cups back up.
Speaker 2: And a lot of our lives are spent pouring into
Speaker 2: other people, pouring into situations, pouring into the vision of
Speaker 2: our job, pouring into friendships, relationships. But what are we
Speaker 2: doing to fill our cut back up so that there
Speaker 2: is something to pour, so that I do have something
Speaker 2: to offer. You know, the big book that we read
Speaker 2: out of in our Fellowship of Recovery says you can't
Speaker 2: transmit something that you haven't got, and in order for
Speaker 2: us to be that transmitter, we have to create that
Speaker 2: time of solitude of cutting all the noise out, cutting
Speaker 2: Netflix off, turning the Xbox off, logging out of Twitter
Speaker 2: and Instagram, and just being in that silence, being in
Speaker 2: that void and dealing with the uncomfortability of it. It's
Speaker 2: not easy. It's not going to be a walk in
Speaker 2: the park and just bliss all the time. But we
Speaker 2: have to embrace the fact that the discomfort always leads
Speaker 2: to something better for us. It stretches us, it expands us,
Speaker 2: it pushes us to our limits, only to find out
Speaker 2: that our limits are way farther than we ever even imagined.
Speaker 2: And it starts with something that's so simple as sitting
Speaker 2: in the quiet, because those things are going to come up.
Speaker 2: Those thoughts are gonna come up, those fears are going
Speaker 2: to come up, those insecurities are going to come up,
Speaker 2: and they need to come up. It's not going to
Speaker 2: feel good when they come up, but they need to
Speaker 2: come up. Otherwise we're just going to continue to brush
Speaker 2: them under the rug. And we can't allow ourselves to
Speaker 2: do that any longer. And that's what I speak about
Speaker 2: with that sense of urgency. So we just want you
Speaker 2: guys to see it through that lens of and see why.
Speaker 2: You know, Donnie and Darren talking about meditation again, but
Speaker 2: it's like it's just the healing and just the calm
Speaker 2: and the joy and the inner contentment that overcomes you
Speaker 2: and intertwines in you as you take that time. And
Speaker 2: we just can't stress the importance of that enough.
Speaker 3: And to get out of your thoughts, you have to
Speaker 3: first let them come up. The only way to get
Speaker 3: through it is to go through it. So it comes
Speaker 3: back to bringing those thoughts to the light. You know,
Speaker 3: you can't say I'm just going to sit here and
Speaker 3: not think, because if you try not to think, you're
Speaker 3: just going to think more. Because what we resist persists.
Speaker 3: So to get out out of your thoughts, you actually
Speaker 3: have to take time to notice the thoughts that you
Speaker 3: want to get out of and slow down. And that's
Speaker 3: why solitude and meditation And if you're struggling with a
Speaker 3: meditation practice, you're not alone. I struggled for years. There's
Speaker 3: so many different techniques out there. I recommend guided meditations.
Speaker 3: David g who's been on our guests. He's a two
Speaker 3: time we went back to back with him, amazing meditation teacher,
Speaker 3: amazing guided meditation teacher and storyteller who made meditation accessible
Speaker 3: for me. So the resources are out there. You can
Speaker 3: go on Google and find I mean, I can sit
Speaker 3: here and give you a bunch of breath techniques and
Speaker 3: I'm happy to do that. But if you take the
Speaker 3: action and just pop it into Google, there's going to
Speaker 3: be different breath techniques, patterns of breath that you can use,
Speaker 3: different types of meditation. You just have to be willing
Speaker 3: to try things on to see what works for you,
Speaker 3: because what works for me might not exactly work for you,
Speaker 3: and so the mind is going to look for every
Speaker 3: reason not to do it, because the mind just likes
Speaker 3: to have me jobs, and it likes to jump from
Speaker 3: thought to thought. They call it the monkey mind, where
Speaker 3: it jumps from branch to branch. But all of a
Speaker 3: sudden you slow it down, and then the mind is
Speaker 3: out of jobs, right, and then it gets uncomfortable. But
Speaker 3: it's in that discomfort that really the magic is found.
Speaker 3: And so if we can clear the clutter, we make space.
Speaker 3: The only way to bring something new in is to
Speaker 3: let go of the old. And so much of our
Speaker 3: reality comes from our thinking. I mean, it comes from
Speaker 3: our belief system, which is which shows up in our thinking.
Speaker 3: But to change the way you're living, you have to
Speaker 3: change the way you're thinking. And to change the way
Speaker 3: you're thinking, you have to actually be willing to do
Speaker 3: something to notice what you're thinking about. Because when you
Speaker 3: get out of your head, you start to tap into
Speaker 3: the flow state the spiritual world. You get back to
Speaker 3: the heart and you start to see through the lens
Speaker 3: of the heart and not like the madness that's going
Speaker 3: on in the mind. And when we can see from
Speaker 3: the heart, we can see with clarity, and it's like
Speaker 3: just coming back home to the heart and to what
Speaker 3: matters most, so that we can show up authentic and
Speaker 3: we're not like I used to do, just rehearsing everything
Speaker 3: I was going to say before I said it, which
Speaker 3: if you're having a conversation with somebody, you cannot listen
Speaker 3: if you're thinking about what you're going to say. So
Speaker 3: what gets in the way of intentional listening, which you know,
Speaker 3: if you want to connect more in any relationship, you know,
Speaker 3: practice the art of listening. The only things that get
Speaker 3: in the way of listening are judgments and distractions and defenses.
Speaker 3: So you got judgments distractions if you're thinking about something else.
Speaker 3: And if you're in any kind of relationship and you
Speaker 3: start to defend after somebody says something, you're not listening
Speaker 3: to what they're saying because you're already defending your stance,
Speaker 3: so people want to be they people are always say
Speaker 3: people are not going to remember what you said, They're
Speaker 3: going to remember how you made them feel. And everybody
Speaker 3: loves to be heard. Everybody loves to be heard, and
Speaker 3: in that they feel a greater sense of connection. But
Speaker 3: in order for them to be heard, we actually have
Speaker 3: to listen, which comes back to getting out of our heads.
Speaker 3: So there's a lot of practices. There's a lot of
Speaker 3: different meditations. I mean, anybody listening and I'll be happy
Speaker 3: you could reach out to me on Instagram and I'll
Speaker 3: give you recommendations or techniques. But I think it's also
Speaker 3: important for you to take the action to actually do
Speaker 3: a little research. You won't get past page one in
Speaker 3: the Google search with just amazing information and resources that
Speaker 3: will help you really just get back to present and
Speaker 3: find these anchors that we're talking about.
Speaker 2: It's really a beautiful thing to see what your life
Speaker 2: can develop into just from being present to the moment.
Speaker 2: And one of the things I feel like that can
Speaker 2: really spawn from it, and which is another foundational thing
Speaker 2: that people have heard of talk about a lot, but
Speaker 2: it's just the idea of gratitude. Right. If there's no
Speaker 2: way if I'm not present, I'm not going to be grateful.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be up in the way something was
Speaker 2: in the past, whether it was good or bad, or
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be caughting, kind of what I was talking
Speaker 2: about earlier, of when I get to this moment in
Speaker 2: the future, then things will be okay. When I get
Speaker 2: this thing, then I'll be all right. But gratitude is
Speaker 2: taking both of those extremes into account and choosing the
Speaker 2: perspective of I don't lack anything. I have everything that
Speaker 2: I need. I have everything that I could ever have
Speaker 2: wanted in this present moment. But that's not how we're
Speaker 2: taught to live, that's not how we're wired. That's not
Speaker 2: how America and the world works. It's about getting somewhere.
Speaker 2: It's about arriving there. And it's just that counter cultural
Speaker 2: aspect of living that we have to embrace and stand
Speaker 2: firm in because otherwise our peace and just our overall
Speaker 2: gratitude in the moment is going to be what's lost
Speaker 2: on this chase for what we're being told is success
Speaker 2: or what we're being told is what's going to fulfill us.
Speaker 2: But gratitude is so important because it defies that logic
Speaker 2: and it says what I have now here is good
Speaker 2: enough for me. And I feel like that goes such
Speaker 2: a long way because it allows you to have such
Speaker 2: a full and deep appreciation for everything that comes into
Speaker 2: your life. If you don't appreciate what you have when
Speaker 2: you have little, you're not just going to magically start
Speaker 2: to fully appreciate what you have when you have a lot,
Speaker 2: because that's not your character, that's not your habit, that's
Speaker 2: not your practice. And we just want to help you, guys,
Speaker 2: to be able to develop practices as we are currently
Speaker 2: in the moment of doing as well that will allow
Speaker 2: your life, your story, your comeback story that you're continuing
Speaker 2: to write, as you're putting into paper, and as you're
Speaker 2: experiencing these moments and the beauty that life has to offer,
Speaker 2: you're going to be there, fully present to take all
Speaker 2: of that in and be overwhelmed by the joy, be
Speaker 2: just so happy and content and just full of praise
Speaker 2: that you won't have words, you know, like I'm sitting
Speaker 2: here trying to describe it right now. In some of
Speaker 2: the moments that I've been able to experience in my
Speaker 2: life that have stemmed from me going to rehab, and
Speaker 2: one of the first things they taught us about was mindfulness,
Speaker 2: being present to the moment in meditation, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: what are you guys talking about? But sticking with it,
Speaker 2: continuing to practice, continuing to wake up and just keep chopping,
Speaker 2: keep putting reps in. It's turned into an amazing life
Speaker 2: to where I just wake up and scratch my head
Speaker 2: and I'm like, how did I get here? Like even
Speaker 2: fighting this to this day, the internal unworthiness that I
Speaker 2: had most of my life, it's like, it's just irritating
Speaker 2: the crap out of that unworthiness and it's and it's beautiful,
Speaker 2: just like the how it's it's all coming out and
Speaker 2: coming together. And man, it's just a powerful thing. Dog,
Speaker 2: It's a powerful thing. And we can't get there without
Speaker 2: being in the moment. If there's any way we could
Speaker 2: wrap this up, there's no way that I appreciate my
Speaker 2: life as it is today, with all the good things
Speaker 2: out of there, if I'm not present to each and
Speaker 2: every moment of that journey along the way. And hope
Speaker 2: you can take that with you.
Speaker 3: So beautifully said man, and just hearing you, I mean,
Speaker 3: I'm so grateful for you and you've created this life
Speaker 3: that you have today, and it came with a lot
Speaker 3: of hard work and willingness that just didn't appear, especially
Speaker 3: considering the mess that it used to look like. But yeah,
Speaker 3: you can't be gratitude. You can't be grateful and stressed
Speaker 3: at the same time. Gratitude is always going to bring
Speaker 3: us back into the present moment. It's a powerful practice.
Speaker 3: It's one of the many anchors that we touched on.
Speaker 3: Slowing down is so important. You have your breath. Your
Speaker 3: breath will always be there. It's been there since day one,
Speaker 3: when you've took your first breath and you arrived, and
Speaker 3: it's going to be the last thing you do when
Speaker 3: you leave this earth and your legacy begins, You'll take
Speaker 3: that last breath, So you have that in your back
Speaker 3: pocket at all times. And really just being mindful with
Speaker 3: our devices and technology, making sure we're taking time to relax.
Speaker 3: And I would say to begin, just start with small targets.
Speaker 3: If you want to start a meditation practice, take ten
Speaker 3: deep breaths for the next week and let that be
Speaker 3: your meditation practice, and then just build on it. These
Speaker 3: small practices will compound over time and start to create
Speaker 3: a system and a foundation that's going to always bring
Speaker 3: you back. All the magic lies in the present moment.
Speaker 3: And you know, Darren and I when we talk about
Speaker 3: we could talk about this all day long, and I
Speaker 3: feel like we could go on hours for this with this,
Speaker 3: because this is when I'm the most present, is just listening,
Speaker 3: especially this solo or duo episode where we don't have
Speaker 3: a guest and we can really talk about these things
Speaker 3: and then just kind of like reflect on the journey
Speaker 3: that it's that it's taken to get to this point.
Speaker 3: It's so beautiful. And you know, if you're listening and
Speaker 3: this has really moved you or inspired you, or maybe
Speaker 3: you have somebody in your life that you know could
Speaker 3: benefit off this. Darren and I's mission has always been
Speaker 3: to reach as many people as possible and share this message.
Speaker 3: So maybe you put a screenshot, put it on Instagram,
Speaker 3: send this to somebody. The reviews on Spotify and iTunes
Speaker 3: or Apple Music really help the reviews or help the
Speaker 3: help us reach more people if we have reviews in
Speaker 3: five stars. So we're not trying to get as many
Speaker 3: as possible for our egos. We're just wanting to reach
Speaker 3: as many people as possible.
Speaker 2: And that's the magic of it. Man, thank you guys
Speaker 2: for joining us for another episode of come Back Stories.
Speaker 2: Like Donnie said, subscribe, like review, wherever you're at, wherever
Speaker 2: you're getting your podcast, wherever you download, keep coming back.
Speaker 2: We're going to keep coming back. You can find us
Speaker 2: on the Inflection Network on YouTube as well, and we're
Speaker 2: just going to continue on this journey with you guys,
Speaker 2: trying to stay in the moment, trying to figure out
Speaker 2: this thing called life and enjoy it while we got it.
Speaker 2: So we appreciate you guys joining us and we'll catch
Speaker 2: you next week.
Speaker 1: Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts.