Speaker 1: Oh we're rolling back. Okay, So here's the deal. It
Speaker 1: is Monday right now, to me, to you, it's Thursday.
Speaker 1: The reason why is your boy steps in here Monday
Speaker 1: at one point thirty. The boys in the back setup,
Speaker 1: they do all the technical stuff, do little Rayman type shit,
Speaker 1: little napster type shit, Italian job type shit. I come in,
Speaker 1: I say, hey, welcome to Busting with the Boys, the
Speaker 1: greatest podcast of all time, presented by the beautiful, durable,
Speaker 1: reliable Chevy Silverado. And as soon as Jack can get
Speaker 1: the ad read up for me, I'm gonna hit that
Speaker 1: thing for you. Guys, don't mention the model year. Don't
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Speaker 1: That's a big deal for those of you have little
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Speaker 1: that's up, that's down, dude. Those are the two moves,
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Speaker 1: It's strong, it's advanced, it's dependable. Listen, I hope you
Speaker 1: guys enjoyed Tuesday, and I know I hope that. God
Speaker 1: when Tuesday hit, you guys thought, damn, I can't wait
Speaker 1: for forty eight hours when this thing drops again. And
Speaker 1: I hope you guys all came back, and I hope
Speaker 1: you called. A couple friends said, hey, buddy, looks like penises,
Speaker 1: but it's also just the phones. Hey buddy, I need
Speaker 1: you to look at bust on to the boys and
Speaker 1: you subscribe and he's unscribing as your resubscribe. Why Because
Speaker 1: I'm a Tier one motherfucker, and that's how we do
Speaker 1: shit around here, all right, King Kong ain't got shit
Speaker 1: on me type shit. You know what I'm saying. Den's
Speaker 1: on Washington let's jump right into the episode. I don't
Speaker 1: want to do this bullshit. Hey, we're back and forth.
Speaker 1: We're having a great time. The boys you, I love you,
Speaker 1: WE love you. Will is not here because it's still Monday.
Speaker 1: When we did the first intro for the Tuesday, but
Speaker 1: now it's Thursday, there's no more intro anymore. We'll still
Speaker 1: gone because he's sick. He's in bed, he's got the
Speaker 1: thermometer under his tongue. Same bit as last time. Jump
Speaker 1: in Burt Kreischer Part two. Please God enjoy it. I
Speaker 1: know you will. Ladist, gentlemen, we break up the second
Speaker 1: part of the greatest podcast of all time, Busting with
Speaker 1: the Boys with Burt Kreischer, to let you know two
Speaker 1: things one same old song and dance. Ladies, gentlemen, as
Speaker 1: you just subscribe, unsubscribe or resubscribe to Busting with the Boys.
Speaker 1: If you do that, the boys get paid. When the
Speaker 1: boys get paid, we do more stuff. We do more stuff.
Speaker 1: That's more content for you, guys to absorb. It's people
Speaker 1: helping people. That's powerful stuff. That's stuff we can do.
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Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: Are we rolling back? Uh? I? Did you get my question?
Speaker 3: Or no?
Speaker 4: Hey?
Speaker 1: A lot of adversity on the bus so far, boys,
Speaker 1: a lot of it. What's that little pivot? Little pivot?
Speaker 1: Boss looked at I said, we lost thirty minutes, but
Speaker 1: we actually didn't lose any minutes.
Speaker 2: Little panic.
Speaker 4: It's like when you're pregnant and then she goes, I
Speaker 4: haven't felt it kick in a while, and you're like
Speaker 4: what yeah, And then that's why I couldn't have a
Speaker 4: baby inside me, because I would be so nervous that
Speaker 4: it's stopped kicking, and then she goes out there it
Speaker 4: goes and you're like, like when you're.
Speaker 1: To bring it up when you're in high school and
Speaker 1: your girls like, oh, I'm late.
Speaker 5: Oh I've never had that. Oh for real, I never
Speaker 5: had about wearing condoms, Like I didn't wear.
Speaker 1: No, I don't wear a yeah, I work condom. One time,
Speaker 1: girl was on birth control.
Speaker 4: Like it's like, oh yeah, yan, those were fucking those
Speaker 4: were corns in college.
Speaker 1: But I didn't. We're talking high school cameras see meat.
Speaker 1: For me, I wore a condom the first time, like
Speaker 1: the second time, and like the third time and then
Speaker 1: but by the fourth time it was the same girl
Speaker 1: and she was like, go ahead, rip it off, and
Speaker 1: me it was like, this is actual sex, Like there
Speaker 1: is the greatest thing. One of him is Like the
Speaker 1: economy is just a wasteland.
Speaker 2: That's fuck it.
Speaker 1: I'll never rather not have sex. Yeah. If I shen't
Speaker 1: my wife, I'm definitely not wearing a condom. She should
Speaker 1: know that. He yeh yeah yeah.
Speaker 4: But we were on the bus, we were talking about
Speaker 4: close calls. We were in Tallahassee, and I was I was,
Speaker 4: I looked at a place where a girl.
Speaker 2: Told me she thought she was pregnant.
Speaker 4: I looked at it and I was like, yeah, man,
Speaker 4: that was a close call in our camp and we're like,
Speaker 4: anyone ever had a close call? And our cameraman, John
Speaker 4: Mann's goes, I had a close call once. We're like really,
Speaker 4: He's like, yeah, luckily she took care of it. And
Speaker 4: we're like, oh, that's not a close call. That's an importion.
Speaker 1: Hopefully sh d oh.
Speaker 2: Comedy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, when did you start doing comedy?
Speaker 2: First time I did comedy?
Speaker 4: I was It was nineteen ninety seven in Tallahassee at
Speaker 4: pop Elli's. Now, I played baseball with the guy. You
Speaker 4: know what, I don't even think it's just I guess
Speaker 4: it is. I guess there is this part of the
Speaker 4: chain now. But uh, I played baseball guy named Brad
Speaker 4: Radkey my whole life. He ended up playing for the Twins. Uh.
Speaker 1: What amazing baseball player, amazing pitcher my whole life.
Speaker 2: Growing up.
Speaker 4: I would get in the car with my dad and go,
Speaker 4: how come everyone says he'll definitely go pro? But no
Speaker 4: one says that about me, and my Dad's like, buddy,
Speaker 4: he just does it differently. Like, there's something effortless when
Speaker 4: Brad plays that you don't question if it's going to
Speaker 4: be great. You just wonder how great it's gonna get.
Speaker 4: And he was like, Brad could. Brad would come out
Speaker 4: to baseball practice. He played basketball also, he'd come out
Speaker 4: in high tops and his basketball offit to just take VP.
Speaker 2: And he was a pitcher and he's hit.
Speaker 4: Twelve home runs, just hit twelve home runs effortlessly, and
Speaker 4: when he pitched, there was so much movement on his
Speaker 4: ball that he didn't even know why.
Speaker 2: It's just it's the way he was built different.
Speaker 4: And my dad goes, Buddy, the goal in your life
Speaker 4: should be to find the thing that's Brad Radkeys baseball.
Speaker 4: Like find the thing that you love that it's effortless
Speaker 4: and that you that you go, oh, I think I'm
Speaker 4: pretty good at this. And when I first did stand up,
Speaker 4: I called my dad and when I got back to
Speaker 4: my apartment and I said, I think I found my
Speaker 4: my Brad Radkey baseball.
Speaker 1: He actually said that same term.
Speaker 2: Well, it was it was.
Speaker 4: It was just something that we talked about because that
Speaker 4: it bothered me that because I thought I'd go pro
Speaker 4: and baseball. I mean, I got recruited to play by
Speaker 4: Duke in the Citadel, but I thought I would. I
Speaker 4: thought I'd end up playing professional baseball. And it just
Speaker 4: didn't like it. It didn't manifest. I didn't have whatever
Speaker 4: the long strand DNA is that fucking makes gives you explosivity,
Speaker 4: didn't have it. But when I did stand up, I
Speaker 4: went on stage for the first time in pop Elli's,
Speaker 4: I did four comics when ahead to me that you
Speaker 4: said twenty minutes, and I did thirty minutes, and it
Speaker 4: didn't I didn't even try. I mean, it just like
Speaker 4: came out. And I could think very quickly. The second
Speaker 4: I got on stage, I could think quicker than everyone else,
Speaker 4: and I could talk very quickly, and I could I
Speaker 4: could manage the story in my head, and I could
Speaker 4: write on stage, and it was amazing.
Speaker 2: And then the next time I went on stage it
Speaker 2: was even better. And it was in New.
Speaker 4: York and I destroyed, I mean me and Dimitri Martin
Speaker 4: with the two people that night that killed on stage.
Speaker 4: And then I was like, yeah, this is my thing.
Speaker 4: I mean, I really loved it. I mean it connected
Speaker 4: with everything about me. The things that people got bothered
Speaker 4: with me about that were like Jesus Christ for dinner.
Speaker 4: I won't shut up. He keeps selling stories. Well, you
Speaker 4: do get on stage and it's like, oh, tell more stories,
Speaker 4: and I was like, oh, I'm not annoying anymore. Oh
Speaker 4: and so and and you know you could, you could,
Speaker 4: you could punch up a story and you didn't have
Speaker 4: that dick at the lunch table going. That didn't happen
Speaker 4: like a fuck off. I'm just trying to make you laugh, asshole,
Speaker 4: you know. And so it was just connected with everything
Speaker 4: I loved and I really loved. I really figured out
Speaker 4: who I was those first two times on stage, and
Speaker 4: then New York fucked me up and I tried to
Speaker 4: be a joke writer and I tried to be alty,
Speaker 4: and I tried to.
Speaker 2: Be something else, and then it wasn't really like.
Speaker 4: Uh, like I don't know, ironic or like clever clever
Speaker 4: with your comedy where it's like where you go, oh yeah,
Speaker 4: that math does work out, you know, like it's explain this.
Speaker 2: It was big then, it's not very big right now.
Speaker 4: But it's like Jenny Garofo is an alt comic the
Speaker 4: State Patton Oswald technically, although.
Speaker 2: I think he's never he's fucking hilarious.
Speaker 4: But and then, and then when I started doing podcasts,
Speaker 4: I started really finding my voice of a comic where
Speaker 4: I was like, oh yeah, storytelling. I like storytelling. It's
Speaker 4: like when I when you tell the story about the
Speaker 4: roll NECKX and for me, I I love a good story.
Speaker 1: I love it. I love the show.
Speaker 2: It's a great story. It's a great story.
Speaker 4: Here's how can I tell you what you know?
Speaker 2: Here's can I so I.
Speaker 1: What you want to know?
Speaker 4: So I at one point I wanted to do a
Speaker 4: podcast called let Me tell you Your Story because people
Speaker 4: can tell stories that sucks stories. They have good stories,
Speaker 4: but I can always see the punch up in the story.
Speaker 4: So like the punch up in your story. The thing
Speaker 4: that makes your story amazing is you start this story.
Speaker 4: Is you need to start your story with I'm usually
Speaker 4: want to be the life of the party, but when
Speaker 4: it comes to weddings, I like to take a back seat.
Speaker 4: I love to take a back seat. I just like
Speaker 4: to sit back because I know it's not my day.
Speaker 4: But he's my best friend, so I want to get
Speaker 4: him something special.
Speaker 2: I get him. Then then you want to the roll
Speaker 2: X story.
Speaker 4: Right then you go into this, but then your story
Speaker 4: ends with you in the river and you go so
Speaker 4: like you start trying to be noble. This is the
Speaker 4: journey of every everyone in the Bible. You try to
Speaker 4: be noble, you try to be great, Temptation comes your way.
Speaker 2: It's not your fault.
Speaker 4: God damn it. I was just being a friend. You're
Speaker 4: on the hook. I'm taking bullets everywhere. I got to
Speaker 4: watches on.
Speaker 2: I look over.
Speaker 4: He's in the fucking river like a beaver passed out.
Speaker 4: Picture comes up, boom, thank you, good night.
Speaker 2: That's all life show story.
Speaker 1: Because hey that picture. Use me up. I'm over there too,
Speaker 1: Watches I look over.
Speaker 4: I told, uh, there's a guy I tell this.
Speaker 1: I tell him.
Speaker 4: He he we've talked about it. I don't know if
Speaker 4: we've talked about it totally. So Brenney Shaw had a great,
Speaker 4: great fucking story. He's a good storyteller. Well, he had
Speaker 4: a great story about fighting uh Kyle uh fighting the
Speaker 4: guy for the championship.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 4: If you know that name, it's the big Waian Travis
Speaker 4: Travis Brown.
Speaker 1: So he goes, hey, man, I'm doing this story, Alrea.
Speaker 2: He hit me up.
Speaker 4: He's like, he's telling the story on storytelling show. Can
Speaker 4: you help him tell his story, and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 4: it's easy tof It's easy, very easy when you hear
Speaker 4: someone's story to find the peaks, the arcs, the where
Speaker 4: it needs to land. So he came to my house
Speaker 4: and he told me the story. It was an hour long.
Speaker 4: I've recorded all but I recorded all of it. And
Speaker 4: then I said, it's a great fucking story when fighting
Speaker 4: for the championship in the UFC.
Speaker 2: How does this not a great story? It's just long?
Speaker 4: And what he found important in the story were things
Speaker 4: that I didn't find important. He wanted to tell you
Speaker 4: how hard he was training for the fight, which I
Speaker 4: don't give a fuck, and I'm sure you are. He
Speaker 4: wanted to tell you the things that he didn't find
Speaker 4: important I found really important, like the walk out, like
Speaker 4: the walk in versus the walk out, Like I found
Speaker 4: that fucking fascinating, of like you're the greatest and then
Speaker 4: you're walking out you're a fucking bum, you know, Like
Speaker 4: I found that fascinating.
Speaker 2: So I say we.
Speaker 4: Get done, and I go, okay, can I.
Speaker 2: Can I just tell you your story? And he was
Speaker 2: like yeah.
Speaker 4: So I told him his story back to him in
Speaker 4: ten minutes, and the look on his face was like
Speaker 4: and then what happened? And it was like so much fun?
Speaker 4: But you can do that. My cameraman, John Mann's has
Speaker 4: the greatest stories ever, the guy about the post call,
Speaker 4: but he can't tell his story to save his life.
Speaker 4: One time he was shooting for National Geographic and they're
Speaker 4: shooting the ten most deadly snakes.
Speaker 2: So they take him out in the middle of the
Speaker 2: desert to film them.
Speaker 4: Right, they want to film them in their national habitat,
Speaker 4: and so the first one they're gonna do is a
Speaker 4: spitting co but they have nine other snakes. They're gonna
Speaker 4: have spitting cobra first. So they're like, we go to
Speaker 4: the camera set up. They're the middle of the desert.
Speaker 4: The jeep's over there, all right, is everyone ready? And
Speaker 4: they're like yep. They're like all right, everyone's got protection,
Speaker 4: everyone's ready, and they're like yeah. So they let it
Speaker 4: go and it fucking takes off and it climbs up
Speaker 4: in the rigging of the jeep and they're like okay.
Speaker 4: They're like, well, does anyone want to look up and
Speaker 4: see if they can see the snake? And they're like
Speaker 4: it's a spitting cobra. No, and they're like, what do
Speaker 4: we do? And they're like, let's just wait it out.
Speaker 4: So they're like okay, So they just sit around the
Speaker 4: jeep waiting for a cobra to leave, and it doesn't.
Speaker 4: It doesn't, and the sun starts setting and they're like,
Speaker 4: all right, everyone in the jeep, we gotta leave. So
Speaker 4: everyone gets in a jeep with a spitting cobra and
Speaker 4: the letter rigging and they drive four hours, bouncing around
Speaker 4: the desert, just any movement.
Speaker 1: They're like, motherfucker.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: They get to.
Speaker 4: Their camp where it's all open air tents and they
Speaker 4: park the jeep and they're like, everyone go to bed
Speaker 4: and they're like, is.
Speaker 3: It cobra still in the fucking jeep And they're.
Speaker 4: Like no, no.
Speaker 1: He goes.
Speaker 4: I had the worst night sleep of my life. But
Speaker 4: he tells this story and it's so boring. It's so
Speaker 4: boring because he tells you the stuff.
Speaker 1: You don't care.
Speaker 4: We're shooting on the camera. The cana next fells, these cameras, know,
Speaker 4: these cameras, and you're like, get the fucking camera out
Speaker 4: of the story. My wife, My wife can't tell a
Speaker 4: story to save her fucking life. Really, it's like you
Speaker 4: were three pages out of Moby Dick and just starts
Speaker 4: there there was a whale.
Speaker 2: You're like, wait, what the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: How did you become so well versed telling stories?
Speaker 4: I think I think going to an all boys cap
Speaker 4: high school started it, and then I think a lot
Speaker 4: of a lot of telling the machine and figuring out
Speaker 4: how to tell the machine, and then within telling the machine,
Speaker 4: getting ready for especially I started realizing the number one
Speaker 4: thing a story needs.
Speaker 2: Is an end, like it's got it.
Speaker 4: People have to know it's over and and and if
Speaker 4: you don't have an end to a story, it doesn't
Speaker 4: it doesn't work. And that was with the machine. The
Speaker 4: end was initially so I understand, you're in the machine.
Speaker 4: Tonight you party with us. That's what I thought the
Speaker 4: end was. But it wasn't because the audience tells you
Speaker 4: what the end is. They'll tell you by applause. So
Speaker 4: I goes to tonight You're party with us, and everyone
Speaker 4: was still on the thing. They're like, did you party
Speaker 4: with him? And then I'd keep talking, oh yeah, I
Speaker 4: ended up going to strip club. And then they're like
Speaker 4: and then what happened? And You're like, well, I'm done.
Speaker 4: And then it wasn't until it wasn't until one night
Speaker 4: I randomly had this chunk where this teacher comes in,
Speaker 4: sticks her head and goes, this is over, you're done,
Speaker 4: You're coming with us, and I focused on the wrong thing.
Speaker 4: I focused on the fact that she was Puerto Rican
Speaker 4: and this guy was Russian. That was what I was
Speaker 4: fascinating to me. So he spits fog in her eyes,
Speaker 4: shuts the doorner face, and then we robbed the train.
Speaker 4: But in one night, I was drunk. It's always good
Speaker 4: to get drunk or high on stage every now and then.
Speaker 4: And he shuts the door in her face and he goes,
Speaker 4: he goes, no one talks to the machine like that,
Speaker 4: shuts the doorner face. Then he turns around to me
Speaker 4: and at randomly I said, and he goes, fuck that bitch,
Speaker 4: this is Russia. As soon as I said that, I went,
Speaker 4: that's the end of the story. That's the end of
Speaker 4: the story. The cop says it too. If the cop
Speaker 4: says it too, that's the end of the story. And
Speaker 4: then they know it's over. So then I that night,
Speaker 4: I was so excited. It's the greatest in the world.
Speaker 4: It's got to be what it feels like to pick
Speaker 4: up a fumble and see nothing but open field, to
Speaker 4: know that you have an end to a story and
Speaker 4: you have the story and I get to the end.
Speaker 4: He says, uh, so I'm understanding the machine. Tonight you
Speaker 4: parted with us, and now I'm feeling it. And I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm like, wait, I'm not in trouble, and he's like,
Speaker 4: of course not. Do you like strip clubs? I was like, fuck,
Speaker 4: I like strip clubs. I go, wait, I'm not in trouble,
Speaker 4: and he leans into me real close, so close, and
Speaker 4: I love small details. I do remember I could smell
Speaker 4: his morning cigarette and he goes so close I could
Speaker 4: smell his morning cigarette. He goes, no, fuck that beach,
Speaker 4: this is Rasha, and the place goes fucking nuts, and
Speaker 4: I go, I got my end. I got my fucking end.
Speaker 4: And that is the greatest feeling when you know you
Speaker 4: have an end to a story, when in doubt spread
Speaker 4: him out like that. It's so fun that it's like,
Speaker 4: it's the thing that drives me to write is that
Speaker 4: you get a story, like right now, I have this
Speaker 4: great story about going to an escape room with my family,
Speaker 4: true story.
Speaker 2: But I don't have an end to it because I.
Speaker 4: Don't remember it. I don't really remember it. Yeah, Like
Speaker 4: I didn't. I was never telling it. And then my
Speaker 4: daughter called one night on stage and I answered it.
Speaker 4: She goes, are you telling me the escape room story?
Speaker 4: And I was like, no, should I? She was like,
Speaker 4: it was hilarious.
Speaker 2: Dad.
Speaker 4: Papa threw Nana into a wall and I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: she goes, you remember you farted in the crawl space.
Speaker 2: I was like, no, I don't.
Speaker 4: She goes, Dad, the only reason when we went is
Speaker 4: to watch you and Papa meltdown, and I went for real.
Speaker 1: She was like, Dad, you've got to tell it.
Speaker 4: So I tell it with her on the phone and
Speaker 4: she's punching it up because she was there.
Speaker 2: She remembers it.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, it's on stage, just on stage in
Speaker 4: some fucking theaters, three thousand people. And I'm like, she's
Speaker 4: on the phone, FaceTime, Georgia, I'm telling it. She's punching
Speaker 4: it up, telling me what happened.
Speaker 2: Do you remember, Dad?
Speaker 4: It was fucking The house was painting black because it
Speaker 4: was an escape room, but they're normally a mall's sister
Speaker 4: was in a dude's house and it was paint in black,
Speaker 4: and he was in character He's like have you seen mother?
Speaker 2: My Dad's like fuck this.
Speaker 4: And so I started out, but I don't have an
Speaker 4: end of the story because I really don't remember the story.
Speaker 4: I mean, I know I was there, but I was
Speaker 4: having a panic attack the whole time, and so I
Speaker 4: don't remember much of it.
Speaker 2: Like I remember having a.
Speaker 1: Panic attack the whole time.
Speaker 4: I was having a panic cooct because I don't, like,
Speaker 4: I can't be in confined spaces, like like if you.
Speaker 2: Lock a door on me, I start going like what's
Speaker 2: going on here? You know? And so like I can't.
Speaker 4: Scuba dive because I feel like I have to be
Speaker 4: down there for that period of time.
Speaker 2: I don't know whatever it is. I had a panic attack.
Speaker 4: I thought I was gonna ship my pants the whole time,
Speaker 4: And so I don't have an end to the story yet.
Speaker 2: And once I find that end.
Speaker 4: Once I find that end, then the middle stuff gets
Speaker 4: great because one, because right now you're just kind of
Speaker 4: like like doing this in a story like this worked,
Speaker 4: you know, like you're scrambling, and then once you get
Speaker 4: that end, then you can you can really work out it.
Speaker 4: I had this great story about winning a raffle. It's
Speaker 4: a great story, true story, great story, great story that
Speaker 4: I told on the podcast a couple of times. But
Speaker 4: I didn't have an end to it, like I just
Speaker 4: want all the prizes. It's the story. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: but I just overbought. I put put in six hundred
Speaker 4: and sixty bucks. There were forty bucks in the pot
Speaker 4: I bought. I want all the prizes. Yeah, I didn't
Speaker 4: win one prize and I my wife won it. And
Speaker 4: then that's the end of the story. And it's and
Speaker 4: once I got the end of the story, then I
Speaker 4: was like, oh, I can now, I can let the
Speaker 4: middle part breathe, because I it's if you don't have
Speaker 4: an end, you're panicking throughout the story, going how does
Speaker 4: this end?
Speaker 2: How does this figure it out?
Speaker 4: Once you know you have the end, you can take
Speaker 4: as much time as you want in the middle and
Speaker 4: make it great. The end of your story is you
Speaker 4: in the fucking river. The end of the story is
Speaker 4: you told me a story. We said, I don't I
Speaker 4: like to be the end of the attention. But I
Speaker 4: don't like to do that. At weddings, I remind myself
Speaker 4: there's such a noble mirror and sleep in a river,
Speaker 4: and I go, wait, tell me, tell me how we
Speaker 4: got there, and you didn't. You told me kind of
Speaker 4: It started with I just wanted to do the right thing.
Speaker 2: And then the fucking text you yet.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's so.
Speaker 4: Much meat to that story that if I had that story,
Speaker 4: I'd be like, oh, fucking off to the race.
Speaker 1: You have it. I gotta do five minutes as Zanny's
Speaker 1: day after tomorrow, it's.
Speaker 4: Five minutes you came. No one tell one story in
Speaker 4: five minutes. Do you know what joke? Do you know
Speaker 4: what jokes you want to tell?
Speaker 1: New dad jokes?
Speaker 2: Okay, to run a by me, I'll help you.
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it. I want to hear that.
Speaker 2: No, No, that is why.
Speaker 5: That is why I don't want any of my boy
Speaker 5: We're not going to say, okay, I would talk with
Speaker 5: burd in private.
Speaker 1: That's crazy. What you're gonna have to go and see.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be there, That's what I told you. I
Speaker 1: know you are. I'm gonna last super hard, no matter
Speaker 1: what I know. But you can't hear.
Speaker 4: Don't give a joke about being defensive, being playing defense
Speaker 4: your whole life, and so your natural instinct me. You
Speaker 4: see something holding it is to try to swat it
Speaker 4: and get it out of their hands. And so that's
Speaker 4: been pretty problematic with your wife carrying the baby around
Speaker 4: the house.
Speaker 1: No, it's a good joke, but.
Speaker 4: If you do the real terminology of whatever, we've been
Speaker 4: doing drills. I've been doing drills to get that fuck.
Speaker 1: You don't swat, you stab. You gotta stab through, stab
Speaker 1: through the way to get through. If you stab, you're
Speaker 1: much more likely to get that ball out.
Speaker 4: You got to get it out of that brown blanket.
Speaker 4: I got, I got?
Speaker 2: What is it? What is it called? When you have PTSD?
Speaker 2: Or I got? You can't came wrap the baby in
Speaker 2: a brown blanket?
Speaker 1: Have a flashback?
Speaker 2: Having a flashback.
Speaker 1: That's a good one.
Speaker 5: Comment because I don't want to talk about that's crazy.
Speaker 1: Dude, you when you or did you writing? So? Is
Speaker 1: that what you do is your whole stand up stories
Speaker 1: and you tell or do you kind of hit some punch?
Speaker 4: I have? So what I do is I write. I
Speaker 4: write very broadly. I write everything. I write everything in
Speaker 4: little jokes, big jokes. I have some tent poles where
Speaker 4: I go escape room. Has been something that that I've
Speaker 4: I've wanted to do but I couldn't do And then
Speaker 4: it wasn't until Georgia brought it up that I thought
Speaker 4: I could do it. But I have some tent poles
Speaker 4: of like bigger stories, and then I have little stuff
Speaker 4: that I write, like I was at a soccer game
Speaker 4: with Tom and I wrote a joke. I was sitting
Speaker 4: and having a beer and I with all these Austin
Speaker 4: friends and I said, uh, I.
Speaker 2: Says soccer is a lot like strip clubs.
Speaker 4: And he's like, how so I go, you can't use
Speaker 4: your hands, No one scores, and it's better when they
Speaker 4: don't speak English. And he was like, it's good joke,
Speaker 4: and I went cool. And then I go, I put
Speaker 4: that somewhere. And so now my goal is to do
Speaker 4: the hour you form the hour. No, you want to
Speaker 4: structure it so you're not repeating your but you want
Speaker 4: to have a lot of little jokes that you can
Speaker 4: sprinkle in, like uh.
Speaker 2: And then sometimes you'll tell a joke you didn't even know,
Speaker 2: like Dad of the Night.
Speaker 4: I almost said I went for a jog, and they
Speaker 4: just started laughing and I went, oh, that's right, you
Speaker 4: don't think I jog, Yeah, of course, yeah. And then
Speaker 4: I was in Baltimore, and I was like, I went
Speaker 4: for a jog here today. It's amazing this city. If
Speaker 4: you're in the wrong neighborhood, a jog really quick turns
Speaker 4: into a run and and and I was like, okay,
Speaker 4: that works. And then I had this one where I
Speaker 4: was like, I got I said true story. I was
Speaker 4: running under an underass in LA and I saw a
Speaker 4: homeless woman scratching off a lottery ticket and I was like,
Speaker 4: what a fucking waste of time. And then I wondered
Speaker 4: if she saw me jogging. I was like, I want
Speaker 4: to fucking waste the time, right, So, like you write
Speaker 4: those and then you put those within the one story
Speaker 4: I have about jogging that I want to tell. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and then and then you and like right now, my, my, My,
Speaker 4: where I'm letting down is jokes for my daughters because
Speaker 4: they've always been a tent poll of my act.
Speaker 2: I've got a good couple of good stories.
Speaker 4: With Ilah, but I don't have anything like standing out
Speaker 4: for me that's really like and there's little things she
Speaker 4: said because she's growing up. But like the other day,
Speaker 4: I was to a documentar around Gandhi and I was like,
Speaker 4: I just I didn't realize what I said. But I
Speaker 4: was like, I don't really get hunger strikes. And Eila
Speaker 4: looks at me and he goes, no shit, and I
Speaker 4: was like, I was like, I was like, that's a
Speaker 4: good one. And then Georgia, I just said this to
Speaker 4: these guys this morning. I walked out one morning and
Speaker 4: I have my reading glasses on and Georgie goes, hey,
Speaker 4: big I you start your reading glasses on.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I must have been bed reading something.
Speaker 4: She goes, oh, were you reading or you just heard
Speaker 4: you weren't just looking at Instagram?
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, this fucking kid knows me
Speaker 1: so well. Yeah. Meaner jokes, like meaner jokes don't work
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 4: I had a joke about, uh, I can't use this,
Speaker 4: but uh about cat calling and it I think, for
Speaker 4: some reason, I think my audience doesn't want to see
Speaker 4: negativity from me. They don't want to be like, come on,
Speaker 4: just that's that fun. I can argue.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a fun little time.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4: And it's like Tom can tell a joke about his
Speaker 4: mom eating pussy or something and everyone's like, yeah, or
Speaker 4: sixty nine ing or his mom.
Speaker 2: Or I don't know what he's saying what the joke is?
Speaker 4: Yeah, but people love it, you know, And then for me,
Speaker 4: I can do jokes, but like, I can't be mean
Speaker 4: about Leanne, like I have a joke about if I
Speaker 4: have a joke, that's pretty rough on her. Right now,
Speaker 4: I've got to figure my way out of it.
Speaker 2: I gotta.
Speaker 4: I gotta get my way out of it in order
Speaker 4: to earn the right to tell it, because people love Leanne.
Speaker 4: Like if I start saying something, they go, we love Leanne.
Speaker 4: I'm always like, you don't even fucking know her, Like right,
Speaker 4: how the fuck you? Like I'm married to her, Let
Speaker 4: me say what I want to say, Like.
Speaker 1: But did she get upsett with you at all when.
Speaker 4: You're doing never told me told me jokes I'm not
Speaker 4: allowed to tell Oh really yeah, like this one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wasn't gonna. I do want to hear she
Speaker 1: does not like this joke.
Speaker 2: She hates this joke.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 4: I wanted to have anal sex with her when we
Speaker 4: were dating, and she said why, And I said, I
Speaker 4: don't know. Do I need a reason? Yeah, yeah, I'm
Speaker 4: not going to do it until you have a reason.
Speaker 4: And I go, I don't know. Why do we want
Speaker 4: to get to the moon to beat the Russians there.
Speaker 4: I want to beat the Russians there, and she goes, no,
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna do it until you have a reason.
Speaker 4: And then we got married and I found out when
Speaker 4: you get married, you a crew your partner's debt. So
Speaker 4: I went to my wife and I was like, I
Speaker 4: think I want to have anal sex now, like why,
Speaker 4: and I said, for twenty five grand I want to
Speaker 4: fuck you in the ass.
Speaker 1: And she was like, she was like, I like that joke.
Speaker 1: I don't like that joke, and i'llowed to tell it.
Speaker 4: But she I've told jokes about her, like she farted
Speaker 4: one time during an orgasm and I was like, and
Speaker 4: I was like, I forget the joke. But I was like,
Speaker 4: I was like, you almost shit in my mouth, Like
Speaker 4: you gotta let me know fire in the hole?
Speaker 2: Like what.
Speaker 4: It was a big thing about her farting during an orgasm.
Speaker 4: When I was going down on her, she farted on
Speaker 4: my chin and and and she was like, oh, and
Speaker 4: she's at the end, she started crying and I go,
Speaker 4: what are you crying about? I'm the one that fucking
Speaker 4: got shit in his mouth, Like what are you crying about?
Speaker 4: She goes, you talk about this one stage and I
Speaker 4: was like, oh, you're right.
Speaker 1: I am, Yeah, you're right. The other night I was
Speaker 1: there's been a big one.
Speaker 4: I've had a number of times where I've eaten hot
Speaker 4: wings and then fingered her and fucking lit her up.
Speaker 2: Noh, yeah, there was one time.
Speaker 4: One time I said, I said, I said, hey, Siri,
Speaker 4: how do you get hot sauce out of a pussy?
Speaker 4: And Siri goes, how do you get a football out
Speaker 4: of a pussy? And I went, yeah, how do you
Speaker 4: get a football? It's like stop, just good And I
Speaker 4: was like, oh the knife.
Speaker 5: But yeah, oh my god, dude, I think we've all
Speaker 5: seen that nerve video on on like porn Hub or something.
Speaker 5: What nerve video on the chick like pushes out the
Speaker 5: NERF football. Yeah yeah, yeah, no, shoots it up.
Speaker 1: In the air. You watched it in college? No, I've
Speaker 1: never seen that. I've seen one guy, one cup. I've
Speaker 1: never got it.
Speaker 2: I can't see you guys one three guys one hammer.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's just it's just three guys killing another man.
Speaker 1: It's terrible, it's awful.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's some weird ship out there. When the dude's
Speaker 5: like beating the funk out of the chick. What yeah,
Speaker 5: bro like slapping the hell out of it.
Speaker 2: I can't. I can't get into the I can't get
Speaker 2: into the I don't.
Speaker 1: Think it's about sexual if you're I'm not into it.
Speaker 2: No, I can't.
Speaker 4: I can't cat like because you know the next thing
Speaker 4: is they're going to take our porn hub searches and
Speaker 4: post them online. Oh man, I want anything that says
Speaker 4: uh step daughter daddy nope, anything that says uh milf nope,
Speaker 4: anything that says step brother, steps sister nope, teenage nope.
Speaker 4: Nothing like that is in my fucking queue. And if
Speaker 4: I have clicked on it, I get out of it immediately.
Speaker 2: I go no, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 4: I'm like respectable fat wife wants whatever the fuck she wants,
Speaker 4: and the husband.
Speaker 1: Says, man, yeah, because ch missionary. Yeah, you finish in
Speaker 1: your own hand.
Speaker 2: It's all the matters.
Speaker 4: If they release Making Love, if they released what people
Speaker 4: watch like they they it would be like, I mean that,
Speaker 4: the shame is what counts. It's like when they release
Speaker 4: the Sony emails, it was it was a shame that
Speaker 4: they were like, oh my god, you talked about who
Speaker 4: like that and you're like, oh, you can't take that back.
Speaker 2: I know you're not allowed to do that, but they
Speaker 2: just ruined my career.
Speaker 5: I think we'd all figure out that they were all
Speaker 5: pretty fucked up in him, and yeah, no, no, no,
Speaker 5: there's righteous there's righteousness. Like that's why I don't text.
Speaker 5: I don't text it to people that I don't want
Speaker 5: everyone to know.
Speaker 1: See, Okay, here's one thing where I kind of agree
Speaker 1: with you on. When I was in college, when I
Speaker 1: was dating in general, it was like my mission to
Speaker 1: get nudies because in my head I had what I had,
Speaker 1: Like I knew if we ever broke up, i'd have
Speaker 1: those forever. And those are mine now and you can't
Speaker 1: have those back. Like it was a weird, like controlling thing.
Speaker 1: Now with my wife, I don't want any nudity at
Speaker 1: all on my phone. This is zero zero nudity on
Speaker 1: my phone? Is it from me?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I take pictures.
Speaker 2: Of my cock.
Speaker 1: Yeah you got it. You got some nudity of me.
Speaker 2: You don't take pictures of the cock. Oh yeah, by the.
Speaker 1: Way, I do. If I got a photo of my
Speaker 1: cock on his phone, I do.
Speaker 4: I I sent Shane gillis a picture of my dick
Speaker 4: the other day and uh and he uh he, I'll
Speaker 4: pull it up.
Speaker 1: And he was on a plane. Oh no, yeah, do
Speaker 1: you guys know Shane. Yeah, he was in the pod
Speaker 1: a couple of days ago.
Speaker 2: Great.
Speaker 4: I sent Shane a picture of my dick and he
Speaker 4: and he goes, I'm on a plane now and the
Speaker 4: guys sitting next to me saw peaceful pictures of my dick, Like,
Speaker 4: I send them pictures of a picture of my dick.
Speaker 4: One time to su girl. But it was a shadow
Speaker 4: of my dick. It was breaking into a house. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and the shadow you can't Yeah, I just had the
Speaker 4: light the shadow against the wall, so it's a shadow
Speaker 4: like towards the door handle dick.
Speaker 2: And it was like he was like, is that your dick?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, that's fucking hilarious.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what are you taking a picture of your dick now?
Speaker 5: No, No, I'm trying to show you some u a
Speaker 5: buddy that reminds me of you. He would always send
Speaker 5: me these kinds of photos. This is way back in
Speaker 5: the day.
Speaker 1: This is two thousand and nine. That's I love this
Speaker 1: guy already. Yeah, let me see that photos of him
Speaker 1: doing that. Sometimes he like tuck and just like pose
Speaker 1: against the wall.
Speaker 2: Ninth grade.
Speaker 4: Ninth grade, my big fucking move was, and we're talking
Speaker 4: about huge parties, is I could tuck my dick and
Speaker 4: balls between my leg but not enough and just enough
Speaker 4: that it looked like an actual well vagina like I had.
Speaker 4: I had shaped it dick on one side, ball on
Speaker 4: the other right and pull them back to.
Speaker 2: What looked like a pussy. And it was.
Speaker 4: I mean, and there are so many pictures of me
Speaker 4: in ninth grade just like and and this was my move,
Speaker 4: Like these were like this was my move up until
Speaker 4: like senior year of high school.
Speaker 1: I was like, I think I'm getting old for this,
Speaker 1: guys and getting over this. And they were we were girls.
Speaker 4: We're like, do the fucking vagina, and they're going, it
Speaker 4: looks just like it, and I fucking the Tomio twins
Speaker 4: were like do it.
Speaker 1: Do it? It looks just like it.
Speaker 2: Do it?
Speaker 4: And then I do it and everyone be like should
Speaker 4: It looked identical. And by the way, I had never
Speaker 4: seen a pussy at that time. Yeah, and you were
Speaker 4: in the fight then, yeah, yeah, I was. I I
Speaker 4: was fucking I thought i'd be slaying pussy and then
Speaker 4: alone I'm making them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you put yourself in a little bit of a
Speaker 1: box when you're showing your own pussy.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you become the funny guy that it's hard
Speaker 4: to kiss. You can't turn it off, and you're like.
Speaker 2: Hey, hey, want to see the pussy. Hey, o game.
Speaker 4: I've never been the guy that could kiss like I couldn't. No, no,
Speaker 4: I can kiss for the first kiss. I can't lean
Speaker 4: him for the first tough deal. I always had a
Speaker 4: hard time navigating that as well. This is a this
Speaker 4: should be a ted talk is I would like to know?
Speaker 4: I mean I don't need to know now, but like
Speaker 4: I would have, I would have signed up for like
Speaker 4: a twenty dollars online class of like how to lean
Speaker 4: in for the front.
Speaker 1: Oh they've done that, they do that. It's on Hitch,
Speaker 1: the movie Hitch.
Speaker 2: Really yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah you go you go you yeah? Yeah? Will
Speaker 1: Smith thinks you in Hitch with Kevin James.
Speaker 2: You go ninety they go ten. Yeah you haven't seen Hitch.
Speaker 2: Yeah I have, I don't remember the movie.
Speaker 1: He goes up, he's teaching was it Kevin what Kevin James?
Speaker 1: Kevin James. He's leaning in his I ninety, you go ten.
Speaker 1: If you're the guy, you're supposed to go ninety kind
Speaker 1: of linger, there a way for them to go ten,
Speaker 1: Dowar at the end of the night, after the Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was I was so bad at it.
Speaker 4: I was so bad at it that I would go
Speaker 4: on a first date and if I if, I would
Speaker 4: be like, all right, I'm not gonna go in for
Speaker 4: the kiss on the first date. If it feels right,
Speaker 4: I will never felt right. Second date, okay, we'll see
Speaker 4: how it will goes. And then by the fourth date,
Speaker 4: I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna tell her I'm gay.
Speaker 4: I mean there are girls, there are girls friend, Yeah,
Speaker 4: there are girls that I dated that I never kissed.
Speaker 4: I dated I never kissed, and I just was like
Speaker 4: and then it gets too awkward. And then when you
Speaker 4: do kiss them, their eyes are like this, like what
Speaker 4: are you doing? You're like, I don't know. This is
Speaker 4: what I wanted to do a week ago, but I
Speaker 4: didn't try it.
Speaker 5: That's a bad combo. Man couldn't kiss or have sex
Speaker 5: when you're young. Yeah, that's hard me too, Hashag. I'll
Speaker 5: tell you that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you mean the gay guy that.
Speaker 4: Couldn't kiss me. Yeah, I think we're good guy.
Speaker 1: They coudn't kiss me. As far as Will Smith goes,
Speaker 1: your boys or girl really drew a line in the
Speaker 1: sand love that was stand with him and Chris Rock
Speaker 1: He uh.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a good guy to be a business partner
Speaker 4: with the guy that don't mind burning it to the
Speaker 4: fucking ground in Hollywood. I was like, hey, fuck face,
Speaker 4: we have a TV movie deal set up. Let's let's
Speaker 4: maybe not go after everyone.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: He was like, fuck him. That's Tom though he he
Speaker 2: is not.
Speaker 1: He likes in the world burn.
Speaker 4: He does not give a fuck Like I give a fuck.
Speaker 4: I give a fuck about a lot of things. Tom
Speaker 4: genuinely I do not get it. Just does not care
Speaker 4: pro wrestling. Pro wrestling is fake and if you like it,
Speaker 4: you're retarded. That's Tom Segura. And then and and do
Speaker 4: you know how passionate wrestling fans are. When wrestler goes, hey, man,
Speaker 4: I'll show you how fake it is, and Tom's like,
Speaker 4: come over here, catches smoke and this guy's like, guy's like,
Speaker 4: I'm scary, and Tom goes, you're not real.
Speaker 2: He just doesn't care. He does not care.
Speaker 4: The guy I mean, it's it's it's the beauty of
Speaker 4: him on a podcast. It's the beauty of him as
Speaker 4: a person, it's a beauty of him as a comic.
Speaker 2: I mean, we we did a bit when we first
Speaker 2: started the podcast.
Speaker 4: He goes, let's say the most horrific things we can
Speaker 4: think of that, taken out of context, would ruin our career.
Speaker 2: Let's see who can out to each other.
Speaker 4: That is h lyrics. I can't believe we did it.
Speaker 4: We did it, and now those clips are everywhere. I'm
Speaker 4: not doing it again.
Speaker 1: Yeah, fair enough.
Speaker 2: It was. It was the worst, Like.
Speaker 4: I think personally, I think that kind of gets a
Speaker 4: bad rap like and it's just like and the most
Speaker 4: and we just and we couldn't stop laughing at how
Speaker 4: fucking bad it was. And then and then like a
Speaker 4: year later, we're like, maybe we shouldn't have done that,
Speaker 4: and you're like, well, when you are doing it right
Speaker 4: when we started two Bears, like that's the first episode
Speaker 4: I think Bears, Uh, I don't know, Uh, it's before
Speaker 4: the pandemic. And then we were doing it every other
Speaker 4: week and we were like, we'll just have fun with it.
Speaker 4: And I was doing the Bill Bird at the time.
Speaker 4: And so it was like Bill Burt one week, Two
Speaker 4: Bears another week. And then when the pandemic hit, we
Speaker 4: were like, we got nothing but time. You want to
Speaker 4: do it every week? And once we started doing it
Speaker 4: every week, we had a couple viral moments where like, uh,
Speaker 4: he found out I was drinking a gallon.
Speaker 2: Of kool Aid every day?
Speaker 4: Dude, that was you know what, it's so funny. I remember,
Speaker 4: I remember doing it. I remember there, I remember it
Speaker 4: being funny to us, but I don't remember being as
Speaker 4: funny as it was to watch. Because we're at my
Speaker 4: sister's house one time and my brother in law goes,
Speaker 4: hey to my dadd He goes, have you ever seen
Speaker 4: Bert and Tom's show Two Bears?
Speaker 2: And my dad goes, no, is it? Is it any good?
Speaker 1: What I like it?
Speaker 4: And he goes, let me show you a clip, and
Speaker 4: he played the kool Aid clip, and I was My
Speaker 4: daughters were laughing, my wife was laughing, but me and
Speaker 4: my daughter's my wife, they know I.
Speaker 2: Drink a gawn of kol Aid every day, and so
Speaker 2: they to.
Speaker 4: Them it wasn't They didn't realize how ridiculous it was
Speaker 4: until Tom said it, and we were crying laughing, and
Speaker 4: then the Jennifer Andiston clip went.
Speaker 1: Viral of like, oh, bro, so funny Tom does.
Speaker 2: Tom tells a story.
Speaker 4: About going over to Jennifer Anderson's house and and he
Speaker 4: knows that like, out of the two of us, out
Speaker 4: of the two of us, Tom is friends with all
Speaker 4: the celebrities he's on the d L.
Speaker 1: He's like, pretty cool about it.
Speaker 4: He doesn't tell you that, like Brad Pitt's one of
Speaker 4: his friends, right right, but he knows that that I
Speaker 4: would love to be Brad's Pitt friend. I also, I'm
Speaker 4: not the guy that's gonna try to be Brad Pitt's friend. Look,
Speaker 4: Tom's the guy that's like, hey, tell my agent Tom
Speaker 4: me coming down to my show. I'd love to meet him.
Speaker 4: That's why I text him about Aaron Rodgers. Tom's good,
Speaker 4: but that shit, and he knows how to do it.
Speaker 4: I don't know how to navigate those but he knows
Speaker 4: that I would love to meet Jannier Ranason. I'd love
Speaker 4: to meet Brad bad I'd love to meet all those people.
Speaker 4: So he says, I told you I met Jenna Ranison.
Speaker 4: I go hold on, you know we were supposed to
Speaker 4: do this is the theme and he was like, well,
Speaker 4: let me tell you the story.
Speaker 2: He tells me the fucking story.
Speaker 4: And and it's a lie and I go, you motherfucker
Speaker 4: and he goes.
Speaker 2: He goes, I thought it would piss you off. I said,
Speaker 2: what if?
Speaker 4: But let's make rules if we ever meet Janner Brandiston
Speaker 4: and he says okay. I was like, should we do it?
Speaker 4: Should we bring our wives? And he goes no, not,
Speaker 4: definitely not. And I go, okay, should we do it
Speaker 4: at your house?
Speaker 2: Or I go?
Speaker 4: I go, should we do it at your house or
Speaker 4: my house? And he goes, we'll do it. I go,
Speaker 4: when I do it at my house, it's a piece
Speaker 4: of shit. We're doing it at your house. He goes,
Speaker 4: we should do it at her house. I go, ye, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: we'll do it at her house. And I go should
Speaker 4: we bring our wives? And we're like no, And I
Speaker 4: go can she bring someone? He goes, yeah, maybe like
Speaker 4: a guy for safety. And then he stops himself and
Speaker 4: he goes, maybe that's not the message you want to
Speaker 4: be sending. And I could not stop laughing because it's
Speaker 4: the thing. It's the thing that I like about Tom
Speaker 4: that no one I don't underthink the other people see
Speaker 4: was when he goes, maybe that's not the message you
Speaker 4: want to be sending.
Speaker 2: I could not stop laughing.
Speaker 4: I could not stop laughing that we would go bring
Speaker 4: someone for safety, and we could not stop laughing. And
Speaker 4: then Jennifer Anderson saw it and fucking hit us up.
Speaker 4: Tom texted me, he goes check your fucking DMS. I
Speaker 4: go why, and he goes, just check your DMS And
Speaker 4: I go to my damns and he starts going done.
Speaker 4: No no, no, no, no no no. I'm like what and
Speaker 4: he's Jennifer Anison. You guys are fucking hilarious. This is
Speaker 4: so great. I just saw this and we're.
Speaker 1: Like, shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2: He's like, Jen'm like losing our shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: But like those two moments went viral on and then
Speaker 4: and then I think, you know, there's we've had some
Speaker 4: good episodes. The last episode we did, we ended up
Speaker 4: both ended up crying at the end randomly, randomly, didn't
Speaker 4: mean to. It was his birthday episode. These next two
Speaker 4: episodes are fucking bangers because we were in a good place.
Speaker 4: I just got in stem cells and like it's We've
Speaker 4: been on a run lately of having really good episodes,
Speaker 4: really good episodes, but.
Speaker 5: Uh, a lot of that had taken off for you guys,
Speaker 5: like during the pandemic with both of your specials coming
Speaker 5: out and then you're going weekly, you go viral a
Speaker 5: couple of times.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, both our specials came out during that pandemic and
Speaker 4: that was really fucking huge and we started leaning in
Speaker 4: double down on content and uh. And then I did
Speaker 4: the part of the tour and the movie theaters out
Speaker 4: to our movie theaters drive in, and that was big.
Speaker 4: And I think we both just had big moments. I
Speaker 4: did the movie. I think all that started coming in
Speaker 4: and adding up and and I don't know, I love it.
Speaker 2: I love doing Two Bears.
Speaker 4: It's one of my favorite things in the world because I,
Speaker 4: like I said, I mean, I know Tom is a
Speaker 4: very funny comic and I know that people like him.
Speaker 4: But the thing I like about him is when we're
Speaker 4: doing Two Bearers, like the way he makes me laugh.
Speaker 4: I don't think he does that for everybody, but but
Speaker 4: when he makes me laugh, dude, it's my favorite.
Speaker 1: Thing in the world too. Well.
Speaker 2: I love I love laughing.
Speaker 4: But the things he does is like when we're in
Speaker 4: a car one time and he goes how many times.
Speaker 4: Do you think you burp a day? And I went,
Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't think I burp very often.
Speaker 4: He goes, You're wrong. He goes, I've counted twelve in
Speaker 4: the last fifteen minutes, and I went for real, He's like,
Speaker 4: you don't know you're doing this. They smell like shit,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, are you am I burping? And he goes,
Speaker 4: are you being serious? He goes give it a second,
Speaker 4: and then all of a sudden, I burp. I go, God,
Speaker 4: damn it, I'm burping. He goes, yeah, and like that's Tom.
Speaker 4: That Like there's so many things I fucking that makes
Speaker 4: me giggle from that dude, and especially like the Will
Speaker 4: Smith tweet. Tom Like when he goes he goes, he
Speaker 4: calls me. He goes, have you seen my Will Smith sweet?
Speaker 4: And I saw that one earlier. I go yeah, and
Speaker 4: he goes, no, the new one, I went, Tom, and
Speaker 4: he goes, it's worse and then I fucking look at
Speaker 4: it and he's crying, laughing, and he goes read it
Speaker 4: out loud to me, and then I read it back
Speaker 4: to him.
Speaker 1: I mean, he is just why does he hate Will
Speaker 1: Smith so much?
Speaker 4: He because I love Will Smith. Oh yeah, yeah, because
Speaker 4: I think he just knows. I've talked about how much
Speaker 4: I love Hill Smith, Lady.
Speaker 2: His sense of humor is so fucking different.
Speaker 4: Like he goes, this is one of my favorite This
Speaker 4: is just a quote A Tom's a quote that I
Speaker 4: think of all the time he was in he was
Speaker 4: doing a show. He can deny that this happened. He's
Speaker 4: allowed to exciting. It's pretty agressive, but it's one of
Speaker 4: my favorite things ever. Shane Torres says it's the favorite
Speaker 4: thing he's ever seen Tom do.
Speaker 2: Tom's talking to a black dude in the audience.
Speaker 4: Now, for whatever reason, Tom gets along with black dudes
Speaker 4: easier than anyone.
Speaker 2: I think it's sports.
Speaker 4: But like he's friends with Mike Tyson, friends with DJ Premier,
Speaker 4: friends with Big Daddy Kane, friends with all these dudes
Speaker 4: like friends. So he's talking to this guy in the
Speaker 4: audience and he goes he said, says something about being
Speaker 4: a black dude, and the guy goes, I'm a right up,
Speaker 4: straight up black dude, BROV. And Tom goes, no, you're not.
Speaker 4: Where the fuck are you from? He goes live BROV
Speaker 4: and he goes, I was talking about a real black guy.
Speaker 4: The kind that licks his lips and plays with his dick.
Speaker 3: This piece of fucking picture and there you go, How the.
Speaker 2: Fuck did you think of that?
Speaker 3: Like lists a place in his dick.
Speaker 4: It's such one of my favorite things he's ever said,
Speaker 4: and it was it was told to me by a friend.
Speaker 2: He goes, I was just watching, he was just doing
Speaker 2: crowd work. That's the fucking that's the you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. No, you're not real. It's funny you get
Speaker 2: so many of those.
Speaker 4: I remember one time seeing a dude, black dude in
Speaker 4: the audience and I go and his chick. He was
Speaker 4: on first date with the chick, and I go, I
Speaker 4: said something about black dudes. She goes, he's black, and
Speaker 4: I went, nah, he's from uh, from somewhere.
Speaker 2: He's not. He's not like American black dude. He goes,
Speaker 2: yes he is.
Speaker 4: I go, no, you don't know them apparently, and the
Speaker 4: guy hasn't said anything.
Speaker 2: Go. She goes, no, we're not on a date.
Speaker 4: I'm looking at him and I go, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 4: we need to look at his shoes real quick. I go, no,
Speaker 4: American black dude, whatever wear those shoes. Where are you from, buddy,
Speaker 4: where are you from? And he goes, Manchesta and I went, yeah.
Speaker 4: She goes, wait, how did you figure that on his shoes?
Speaker 2: I go, they're racing shoes. They're Ferrari shoes.
Speaker 4: They're like the tiny sold They're not anything that an
Speaker 4: American would wear. They look like they're f one shoes,
Speaker 4: you know, like little tiny shoes. I go, that's something
Speaker 4: Americans don't wear. Let alone, brothers don't wear that shit.
Speaker 4: There's like, but you call that shit out huh oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: well there's been. There's well, there's certain things that made
Speaker 4: me fucking crazy a stand up, and that's when like
Speaker 4: people aren't going to be honest with themselves. That's the
Speaker 4: one thing that makes me the fucking craziest. And especially
Speaker 4: when they think they're being politically correct and they're they're
Speaker 4: lying to themselves like I was. I remember I learned
Speaker 4: one time that the hard way. I went to go
Speaker 4: play basketball and I bought a pair of Jordan's and
Speaker 4: Kevin Heart saw me in those Jordans and they said
Speaker 4: where are you going? And I said, I'm going to
Speaker 4: play basketball and he went, you don't play basketball in
Speaker 4: Jordan's And I went, hm. He goes, He's like, you
Speaker 4: just put a one hundred twenty dollars a pair of shoes.
Speaker 4: You're not gonna go fuck them up on a back.
Speaker 4: He goes, do not wear them to a basketball court.
Speaker 4: You will get you. They won't let you play. And
Speaker 4: I said, I said, you're out of your mind. I
Speaker 4: go to a basketball court with these Jordans on, and
Speaker 4: these black dudes are like, take them off. We'll beat
Speaker 4: your asset and take them off you before we let
Speaker 4: you ruin those shoes. Do not play in those fucking shoes.
Speaker 4: Get to a pair of shoes from the trunk of
Speaker 4: your car. Take those off right now. And I go,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna play in their shoes, and like, we're not
Speaker 4: gonna let You're not allowed to play. And I was like, what,
Speaker 4: brothers do not play basketball in Jordan's Like their Jordans are,
Speaker 4: like they're nice shoes. They're really nice shoes, by the way,
Speaker 4: And now that I know shoes the way I know shoes,
Speaker 4: I would never buy a pair of fucking Jordans to
Speaker 4: play basketball.
Speaker 1: I buy a pair of.
Speaker 2: Basketball shoes, right, like a nice pair of basketball shoes.
Speaker 4: So we're in Hollywood and I'm listening to this this
Speaker 4: actor talk and he's waxing poetically about racism and indifference
Speaker 4: and then you know whatever, and he said, then, then
Speaker 4: they're going to suggest that black kids don't play hockey
Speaker 4: because of the gear, and they don't play golf because
Speaker 4: of the gear, that it's too expensive.
Speaker 2: That's bullshit.
Speaker 4: And I went, no, I that's actually totally why. That's
Speaker 4: totally why that you don't see a lot of black
Speaker 4: is playing. If you're you can't, if you're from the
Speaker 4: inner city, you can't just buy a whole hockey gear
Speaker 4: and it's just expensive. And then that's that's kind of
Speaker 4: the the green fees. That's why, that's how racism works.
Speaker 4: And he goes, bullshit, explain to me how they explain
Speaker 4: to me how they can afford these Jordans to play
Speaker 4: basketball then, and I said, oh, you don't know any
Speaker 4: black people. And he goes what I said, you've never
Speaker 4: met a black person. Oh, you need to meet black people,
Speaker 4: because I have a friend Kevin Hardy told me you
Speaker 4: don't play basketball in Jordan's And then the guy's adopted
Speaker 4: son comes out and he's black and he is fucked.
Speaker 2: Up Jordan's.
Speaker 4: Dinner party. My wife it was like, we'll be going
Speaker 4: thank you everybody. He's a big fucking actor. He was
Speaker 4: a big fucking actor. And I was like, he walked
Speaker 4: in with the basketball and just trash brand.
Speaker 1: New jordans Man. I was like a dinner party.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: He had good, fucked up dinner parties so bad. I
Speaker 4: remember one time there were these two gay dudes and
Speaker 4: they were talking about not liking the taste to come,
Speaker 4: and I thought they were talking about rum and I.
Speaker 2: Just joined in with my story of my first experience
Speaker 2: with it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I was like, I remember when I tried
Speaker 4: it the first time. I'm like, what the fuck are
Speaker 4: you talking about? And I was like I was like
Speaker 4: ninth grade. We're out at the beach my buddies and
Speaker 4: are like, pirates do it? We should try it right,
Speaker 4: and they're like it was like there was a lot
Speaker 4: of gag in that night, boys, but we got it
Speaker 4: down now. It wasn't until I did it with my
Speaker 4: dad and he's like a little pineapple makes it taste better.
Speaker 4: And my wife's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 4: And I go rum right, she goes no com and
Speaker 4: I went ahead, never mind the way he do fucking
Speaker 4: five hours with you guys, this is a.
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Speaker 1: use code busting for twenty percent off. Would probably do
Speaker 1: tear talk. Oh sure, I forget we have tear talk. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and this is kind of a big one. Does this
Speaker 1: has been a huge argument of ours for a while.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, this has been a fucking a big deal.
Speaker 1: Draw a line in the sandst where are you from?
Speaker 1: Born and raised.
Speaker 4: Saint Petersburg, Florida. Uh, raised in Tampa, Florida, guy, your
Speaker 4: Florida guy through and through La. Okay, so well he's
Speaker 4: West coast.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but he's from Florida, so he might have different views.
Speaker 1: So tier talk is the way the bus works is
Speaker 1: that we have tier one guys. Those are the dudes.
Speaker 1: They get like bust with the boys tattoos, which fucking
Speaker 1: if we were like, hey, drink this, drink it and
Speaker 1: die that, kuy. Those are the tier ones, Tier twos.
Speaker 1: They follow the comment, they like it, and so on
Speaker 1: and so forth. It just gets lower and lower, and
Speaker 1: our tier talk as we're rating today as burgers and
Speaker 1: Will and I really have a strong, a strong opinion
Speaker 1: of what is best and what is not.
Speaker 5: I would like to say that I feel like I
Speaker 5: have a fair opinion versus strong.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, what do we do?
Speaker 1: We both have fair opinions. I think yours is a
Speaker 1: little more prideful than mine. I disagree. This is okay. Now,
Speaker 1: you grew up on the West Coast. I grew up
Speaker 1: in Arizona of sacrament and I grew up in Arizona.
Speaker 5: And for context, I grew up in Missouri, so I
Speaker 5: didn't have the ones that were I mean, I guess
Speaker 5: we had five, guy, but we didn't have it near Bonter, Missouri.
Speaker 1: So here's what we need to do. Right now, you
Speaker 1: can put your tiers in. We're not going to comment
Speaker 1: on it because we can comment after. Well, we'll put
Speaker 1: all you'll do your first three tiers. You'll do your
Speaker 1: first three tiers, and I'll do my last and then
Speaker 1: and then we'll discuss.
Speaker 2: First three tiers meaning.
Speaker 1: Middle and then below that. So top three best burgers,
Speaker 1: and you're a pretty best burgers. Now we're gonna leave
Speaker 1: it alone. Yeah. No, I guess this is like a
Speaker 1: point of reference fast food burgers.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So, like, have you been to Jack Browns here in Nashville. No,
Speaker 1: it's an out standing burger.
Speaker 5: You love it, Like, uh, yes, it's not Nashville though.
Speaker 1: Right No, no, No, that's the gourmet burger. Yeah, thank you, boss.
Speaker 4: That's one of my favorite things in the world to
Speaker 4: go into McDonald's or a Burger King and give them
Speaker 4: two hundred bucks and just say surprise me.
Speaker 1: Really.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I do it all the time. I do it
Speaker 4: at del taco move. It's really fun when you're with
Speaker 4: a bunch of guys. When you were with a bunch
Speaker 4: of guys, we did it? Did we do it the
Speaker 4: other night?
Speaker 2: Where's Peter?
Speaker 4: Did we do it the other night? And Hugh babies,
Speaker 4: Uh the Peter? Where do we get burgers out the
Speaker 4: other night? Cookout?
Speaker 1: Cook it?
Speaker 4: We Well, we were drinking across the street at the
Speaker 4: Hunton and we went over there and the doors were
Speaker 4: locked and they were closed. They were just doing drive
Speaker 4: through and a guy recognized me. So we got in
Speaker 4: his car and we sat in the drive through line
Speaker 4: and I said, he said, what do you guys want
Speaker 4: to order? I said, let me handle this. I said, uh,
Speaker 4: I got a hundred bucks. Surprised me. And they gave
Speaker 4: us like twenty hot dogs, twenty burgers, some fries. They
Speaker 4: just loaded us up and then we got it. I said,
Speaker 4: pull it out, whatever you want. And then he just
Speaker 4: pulled it out and we got out of his car
Speaker 4: and we got an uber home and so taco, it's
Speaker 4: always great. Took going to make your tear list you.
Speaker 2: No no no no no no no no no no.
Speaker 1: I was saying, where your taste buds are at no
Speaker 1: so already throwing a little judgment at him.
Speaker 4: You got to be you're right on one of my
Speaker 4: one of my favorite things also to do on the
Speaker 4: road is snee seine snackers, which is we then take
Speaker 4: our leftovers, so we've we call it.
Speaker 2: Making it rain.
Speaker 4: We'll make it rain at white Castle, UH, Wendy's and McDonald's,
Speaker 4: and then we will take all our burgers and try
Speaker 4: to will each challenge each other to make the best
Speaker 4: burger with the leftovers we have.
Speaker 2: So we will take the.
Speaker 4: In and Out UH patties and order the White Castle
Speaker 4: patties and make a layer of that with the McDonald's
Speaker 4: cheeseburger all in the big mac bun, and present that
Speaker 4: to everyone. See what they think, and it's it's the
Speaker 4: funnest we have these challenges. Will everyone like do their
Speaker 4: best Frankenstein creation and then present it to the group.
Speaker 2: And we're like, oh, that fucking that's good.
Speaker 1: So it sounds like.
Speaker 4: He's good, You've done this, I've got I've got, I've
Speaker 4: got my take right now.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's go and no reactions, no reactions, voice, We
Speaker 1: just want to sit and eat it.
Speaker 2: Number one is in and Out.
Speaker 4: Number two is burger king, uh whopper with cheese, and
Speaker 4: number three this is the sleeper is the Carls Junior
Speaker 4: five dollars burger.
Speaker 1: Will, just don't react, just let it eat so he
Speaker 1: can repeat this one more time.
Speaker 4: Number one in and out double double animal style. Number
Speaker 4: two burger king whopper with cheese, preferably a double whopper
Speaker 4: with cheese.
Speaker 2: Number three Carl's Junior, the five dollars burger. Well, what
Speaker 2: do you do?
Speaker 1: You want my thoughts or you want me? Oh? I
Speaker 1: want and I don't want your thoughts on that? Okay?
Speaker 1: And Bert, please don't respond to Will when he's a start.
Speaker 5: Hears My number one is uh five guys cheese burger, lettuce, tomato,
Speaker 5: mayo onions, Bert.
Speaker 1: Please sorry, respect. My two is shakeshack. My three. I
Speaker 1: agree with Burt on the Carls Junior five dollars burger.
Speaker 1: I have the floor. You have the floor. My number
Speaker 1: one in and out double double is my number one.
Speaker 1: Figured you would dick grid with Burt. My number two
Speaker 1: remember when not I have the floor. My fall, number
Speaker 1: two fat burger, and number three. I'm going to stick
Speaker 1: with all of you at Carls Junior, but it's not
Speaker 1: gonna be the five dollar burger. It's going to be
Speaker 1: the double Western bacon cheeseburger. Those are my three.
Speaker 5: Okay, so first thing, first things first, well, first thing
Speaker 5: really stoock out and that's the fact that you chose
Speaker 5: in and out and five guys did not make your list.
Speaker 4: Well, I would like to say very pedestrian of you
Speaker 4: for your first two choices.
Speaker 1: Very pedestrian. Well, well, yeah, yeah, it means.
Speaker 4: It means I guess you have YELP on your phone.
Speaker 1: I guess whoa come on now, five guys?
Speaker 4: Five guys is what everyone says. Everyone says shake shack everyone.
Speaker 4: Everyone who doesn't want to step out of the crowd,
Speaker 4: not be a sheep and find the thing they love.
Speaker 4: They say that those shake shack. Do you remember the
Speaker 4: first time someone was like, but you've you had shakeshack?
Speaker 4: And I was like, yeah, oh, I see what they're doing.
Speaker 4: They're trying to do what everyone else has done. Oh
Speaker 4: have you had five guys?
Speaker 2: I think so? I think so?
Speaker 4: You mean the guys are doing what everyone else has done.
Speaker 4: Five guys is trying to do when Carls Junior, Carls
Speaker 4: Junior stood itself, out stood it so I bought a
Speaker 4: house because there was a Carls Junior behind it.
Speaker 1: Carls Junior Fox is so hard Fox. Well, I don't
Speaker 1: think we all disagree on the Carls.
Speaker 4: When I when I I had an audition for the
Speaker 4: five dollars burger to do commercial for the five dollar burger.
Speaker 4: They told me you'll be eating a five Carls Junior
Speaker 4: five dollar burger. Don't come in hungry. And I have
Speaker 4: never been more excited for an audition. I get there
Speaker 4: and the woman says, the audition's been canceled. And I said,
Speaker 4: but how about that five dollar burger.
Speaker 1: That's how much you love carl gun She.
Speaker 4: Said, I have one, and I said, can I have one?
Speaker 4: She goes, I have thirty of them, and I went,
Speaker 4: can I have all of them? She said, you can
Speaker 4: have all of them? And I took thirty five dollars
Speaker 4: burgers home. I ate one in the car, I ate one.
Speaker 4: When I got there, I ate one. I couldn't stop
Speaker 4: eating them. And then I called fifteen friends and said,
Speaker 4: who wants to have dinner at my house tonight? I'm
Speaker 4: making burgers right and then wrap them in ten foil.
Speaker 4: I put them in the oven. I warmed them up
Speaker 4: and I bring them out thinking I've made these burgers.
Speaker 4: If I had told them it's Carls Junior, they would
Speaker 4: have been like h I had experienced them because on
Speaker 4: the ride to Sacramento, Carls Junior is littered on the
Speaker 4: five and I loved this burger. I brought out five
Speaker 4: dollar burgers that they thought I fucking made, and they
Speaker 4: were like, this is the best goddamn burger I've ever
Speaker 4: fucking had.
Speaker 1: Oh shit.
Speaker 2: And I came out and.
Speaker 1: Those are the same people that say five guys is
Speaker 1: the best burger. Yep. Those the same fucking people that
Speaker 1: say five guys.
Speaker 5: So the problem I have, Number one, I find it
Speaker 5: respectful that you say everybody that that's the most popular
Speaker 5: opinion is five guys, because.
Speaker 1: I do agree that it is the best burger.
Speaker 5: And as somebody who you know is ecstatic anytime I
Speaker 5: get to trouble somewhere, what a burger that could be
Speaker 5: up there. But I had a bad experience the last
Speaker 5: time with wa burger down in Textas Shout out Texas.
Speaker 1: What Burger's washed a lot.
Speaker 4: There's a lot on this Okay, there's a lot of
Speaker 4: blonde haired, blue eyes women on this list, right That's
Speaker 4: That's my point is like Waterburger, blonde hair, blue eyes
Speaker 4: Shakeshack water blond hair, blue eyes shakeshack and and taking shake.
Speaker 4: I mean they should their cousins their cousins. Yeah, I
Speaker 4: mean Sonic. I don't even know why it's on the list.
Speaker 4: I don't think that Dairy Queen. What the fuck is
Speaker 4: dairy Queen doing on this?
Speaker 1: I think Derek Quin's a very underrated burger. I'll be honest.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you when we went. Did it?
Speaker 5: Because you know I love Blizzards? Yeah, no, I fucking
Speaker 5: love Blizzards. That's the best ice cream on the planet.
Speaker 5: Nothing can beat soft or of ice cream. But they're burgers.
Speaker 5: It was like all tomato, all mayo.
Speaker 2: It was.
Speaker 1: It was okay, So it wasn't what it needs to be.
Speaker 1: I mean I had one a few months ago and
Speaker 1: I thought it was pretty fantastic.
Speaker 4: But it be the establishment. The people are moving. You
Speaker 4: do got a white castle, beautiful redhead. Do I want
Speaker 4: to marry her? No, I just I want to have
Speaker 4: sex with her. I want to see puffing nipol. Sure,
Speaker 4: but I'm not gonna marry her.
Speaker 1: Castle is like a closet. You enjoy it. Every now
Speaker 1: I want to I have to disagree with both those students.
Speaker 1: I think I think White Castle's preposterous. Really, she's she's
Speaker 1: a haggard woman I see in the street with her
Speaker 1: worst spaghetti strap shoulder.
Speaker 4: She focks hard, fucks hard without a condom.
Speaker 5: Naughty stuff to that girl. Bro that crave case with
Speaker 5: a suitcase, that's nice.
Speaker 4: That's one of my best moves in fucking Just grab
Speaker 4: a case, just come in and just light them up.
Speaker 4: I mean, like Domino's falling in my mouth. But like,
Speaker 4: but like I said, you're right, it's not I don't
Speaker 4: want to live there.
Speaker 1: No, you don't want to You don't want to live there.
Speaker 2: You're not gonna go. What do you guys want for dinner?
Speaker 2: White Castle?
Speaker 4: Everyone's like, what did da do? Coke this afternoon? Are
Speaker 4: you getting white Castle for ye?
Speaker 5: I would love this afternoon where you leave Nashville hit
Speaker 5: up Hugh Babies. It's not nationally It would have been
Speaker 5: on my list, but I think hugh Baby's is really.
Speaker 4: Big Mac is way too much. So what what you
Speaker 4: can do with McDonald's is you can do special orders.
Speaker 4: They do a big Mac with the quarter pounder patty,
Speaker 4: which is so much more ratio to bun to burger. Yeah,
Speaker 4: the way they do it now, it's a great burger.
Speaker 4: Our dog is my daughter's fucking We bought a dog
Speaker 4: in Arizona and on the right home they'd never had
Speaker 4: a big Mac and we they had a big Mac
Speaker 4: and they're like, these are amazing, and I was like, yeah, everyone,
Speaker 4: it's it's a big maccause everyone likes them. Yeah, and
Speaker 4: they go, we should name our dog big Mac. I went, no,
Speaker 4: we're not doing that. Now we have a dog named
Speaker 4: big Mac. Yeah fucking Mac.
Speaker 1: So tell me why tee me on the journey of
Speaker 1: why he shows in and Out Burger? Why did you
Speaker 1: show I get to speak.
Speaker 5: On I think you've spoke No, no, no, no, bird
Speaker 5: poked the whole time, called me a bit estuary, and
Speaker 5: then he's went on like stories, he's done comedy hour
Speaker 5: on burgers.
Speaker 1: Okay, go ahead, we know he has a dog named
Speaker 1: big Mac.
Speaker 3: What do you have to say this?
Speaker 5: Because In and Out is over fucking rated. It's my
Speaker 5: turn to talk. So when I went when I went
Speaker 5: out to Oakland, was ecstatic to get in and Out Burger.
Speaker 1: After games got it, loved it.
Speaker 5: Either way, we're in and Out Burger, Like I think
Speaker 5: In and Out Burger is a good burger. Do not
Speaker 5: get it twisted. I do think it is a good burger.
Speaker 5: It is not great to me. It is a Chick
Speaker 5: fil A of burgers, very great customer service, phenomenal experience.
Speaker 5: When you go and you have an in and out,
Speaker 5: you want to go hit an in and out burger.
Speaker 5: When I went to my boys' wedding last year, I
Speaker 5: was in his wedding, I could not wait to fucking
Speaker 5: get a burger. Not only that, I couldn't wait to
Speaker 5: get high around the fire, starved myself.
Speaker 1: Until we went to go get the burger.
Speaker 5: Went to one in and out, way too crowded, way
Speaker 5: too much traffic there, but I loved it.
Speaker 1: I couldn't wait. Baby.
Speaker 5: We got to go to another one, because this is
Speaker 5: the hype of fucking in and out burger. We go
Speaker 5: to another in and out burger, go to that one
Speaker 5: waiting line and again it's like Chick fil a. They
Speaker 5: got workers everywhere working and you're not gonna find a
Speaker 5: backup drive through like you do it in and out.
Speaker 5: I will give you that, it is extremely popular out there.
Speaker 5: But again back to my overrated talk. I get the
Speaker 5: double double, I have animal style with the fries. You
Speaker 5: gotta eat the fries quick because they get a little soggy. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 5: order it extra crispy. Okay, cool, everybody can get for
Speaker 5: crispy fries. But you get the in and out burger,
Speaker 5: and it is I am fucking high, bro, and I
Speaker 5: can't wait.
Speaker 1: My mouth is salivating. I bite into the burger learn
Speaker 1: and think.
Speaker 5: To myself, hey, and now I go back to I'm
Speaker 5: not gonna astro yet. And then I take another bite
Speaker 5: of the burger and I'm thinking, Yo, this isn't what
Speaker 5: I've built up. Like I've been in Oakland. I couldn't
Speaker 5: wait to tell the boys. I try it in and out. Yeah,
Speaker 5: it's the best fucking burger in the world. But the
Speaker 5: consistency of the bun it ends up breaking. It doesn't
Speaker 5: not mush in a disgusting way, but it doesn't down
Speaker 5: into the ingredients. Again, top notch quality presentation. It looks
Speaker 5: deceivingly good, but you bite down and the bread breaks
Speaker 5: before it really gets to the ingredients. And it is
Speaker 5: an over hyped burger. Yes quality they you know they
Speaker 5: get their ingredients within fifty miles of a fucking farm.
Speaker 5: Whatever it is, that's awesome. But I think it is
Speaker 5: the most overrated burger out there. I think it is good,
Speaker 5: not great. Don't get it fucking twisted in and Out
Speaker 5: Burger is good, but it is not great to me
Speaker 5: five guys like dude, every time I have it, I'm
Speaker 5: just like, fuck and and mind you, I do feel
Speaker 5: like I took a pedestrian, say with Shakeshack when I
Speaker 5: see it. All the pictures on there, but Shakeshak changed
Speaker 5: my life a little bit when I was out in
Speaker 5: DC and I tried it and I was drunk. For
Speaker 5: the first time, I had the peppers on it. The
Speaker 5: cherry peppers was phenomenal. But one night I ordered because.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, I'm telling Charlie like I gotta
Speaker 1: figure out by the way.
Speaker 5: I looked at Charles, said, hey, babe, what do you
Speaker 5: think of this in and out bur She's like, you know,
Speaker 5: it's not as good as what you're sitting You've been
Speaker 5: hyping it up. And I was like, I fucking agree, bro,
Speaker 5: And I'm h you know, I'm high. And then I
Speaker 5: go back to eating the rest of the burger.
Speaker 1: I eat it all, but it just wasn't what I
Speaker 1: thought it was gonna be.
Speaker 5: Now we go to uh, We're back in Nashville, and
Speaker 5: I'm like, hey, babe, got like I'm on a I
Speaker 5: gotta figure out, Like, I gotta find my taste with burgers,
Speaker 5: just like I want to do with whiskey, because I
Speaker 5: like whiskey.
Speaker 1: And you know how you kind of like like whiskey
Speaker 1: and you're just in circles and.
Speaker 5: You're like, oh, yeah, I dabbling whiskey, and guys are like,
Speaker 5: oh this whiskey, that whiskey, And I'm like, I gotta
Speaker 5: find my taste with whiskey.
Speaker 1: Same with burgers. So I get I go and get
Speaker 1: a five guys burger.
Speaker 5: I go and get a shake Shack burger, and I
Speaker 5: have them fucking side by side, and I take my
Speaker 5: bites and Shakeshack tastes way more manufacturer than a five
Speaker 5: guys burger.
Speaker 1: Five Guys legitimately is the best tasting burger.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it might cost a lot, but hey, fucking make
Speaker 5: a little bit more money, spend a little bit more
Speaker 5: on a burger if you want to have a great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you want to treat yourself.
Speaker 5: But that is why I think five Guys is the
Speaker 5: best again, I think in and Out is good. I
Speaker 5: do not think it is great, and I for damn
Speaker 5: sure do not think it's e lak.
Speaker 1: I will tell you this, that was a very That
Speaker 1: was a very wealth thought out wealth.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you were ready. I thought about it a while
Speaker 2: and I tell you where. I tell you where.
Speaker 4: You started to sway me and I can't believe I'm
Speaker 4: gonna say that.
Speaker 1: I no, here's fucked up. As you started, he started going, well.
Speaker 4: You know what it is as soon as he said,
Speaker 4: you get to the line. And then I started thinking,
Speaker 4: if we're making these women right, because that's how you
Speaker 4: everything's gonna translate into women?
Speaker 2: Do I mean?
Speaker 4: Do I want to marry the chick that spends an
Speaker 4: hour on makeup and is a model and is gonna
Speaker 4: be a little difficult in this relationship?
Speaker 2: Because that is in and out is.
Speaker 4: It's the lines through the fucking roof, and it's you
Speaker 4: think you're in a turn lane and you're like, did
Speaker 4: I accidentally get in the line for in and out?
Speaker 4: And then you're like the accessibility of in and out,
Speaker 4: which obviously speaks how great the burger is, but you go,
Speaker 4: but you started talking to me about accessibility and I go.
Speaker 2: I hate to say this is a lot of times I.
Speaker 4: Don't get in and out because getting in and out
Speaker 4: is such a fucking hassle, Like getting in and out
Speaker 4: is so difficult that you gotta be you gotta you
Speaker 4: actually got to be not hungry to want to get
Speaker 4: in and out, because you're gonna get if you get
Speaker 4: into that line hungry, you end up wondering fucking five burgers.
Speaker 1: Okay, I disagree with everything you just said. Here's why
Speaker 1: when you're talking about if we're gonna shape these beautiful
Speaker 1: burgers into beautiful women, the reason why it's the in
Speaker 1: and out burger is so solid after is because she's
Speaker 1: far and few between. There's not a lot of other
Speaker 1: women out there. You can go anywhere and find that
Speaker 1: five guys, blonde hair, blue eyes, small waist, fat ass,
Speaker 1: and but probably to talk to you though over and
Speaker 1: over and.
Speaker 2: Says and says the same, that's so lit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, that's a vibe.
Speaker 2: That's a vibe.
Speaker 1: That's a vibe put on Put that on Instagram, and
Speaker 1: you're like, again, really good sealing your own personality now,
Speaker 1: in and out. The way it goes is, look, there's
Speaker 1: way less in and out Burgers out there in the
Speaker 1: United States of America, and there are five guys just
Speaker 1: like women. There's so many the phrase, what's the phrase?
Speaker 1: So many fish in the sea, But there's the In
Speaker 1: and Out Burger is the rare, the one you want
Speaker 1: to Everybody wants it, but can you get it? And
Speaker 1: if you're a able to achieve getting her to go
Speaker 1: with you, you know, not only do you have to
Speaker 1: make yourself better as a man to compete with her
Speaker 1: and being like moving towards the trajectory of wife. You
Speaker 1: guys want to create together or do you realize, Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm going where I'm at right now. I'll just go
Speaker 1: with this five guys. Now listen. If you want to
Speaker 1: talk about models who put all this stuff on their
Speaker 1: face and everything like that, you got to five guys,
Speaker 1: what do you have? Every single condiment, every single topping,
Speaker 1: every single cheese. You can choose anything you want. But
Speaker 1: if you go to In and Out Burger, here's the deal.
Speaker 1: It's simple. It's sweet, but it's organic, it's delicious, and
Speaker 1: it's fresh. And for those who know it, who have
Speaker 1: spent enough time with her or went to summer camp
Speaker 1: with her, maybe you felt her up when you guys
Speaker 1: are in the seventh grade, right, you know what I'm
Speaker 1: talking about. And she comes to you and she goes, Hey,
Speaker 1: in case you're wondering, I do have fries that are
Speaker 1: well done if you want them. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: And hey, you like your onions growth. There's a thing
Speaker 1: called animal style. Hey, you're trying to watch your way
Speaker 1: a little bit, don't worry. I'll help you out. This
Speaker 1: is a thing called protein style. Cut the carbs a
Speaker 1: little bit, everybody. I'm not going to show you that.
Speaker 1: But I'm not going to show you that.
Speaker 4: I'm not going to show you that Nick Who's dad
Speaker 4: taught her how to change a tire exactly exactly.
Speaker 1: There was a girl at Michigan. I don't remember her name,
Speaker 1: but I remember we sat down and she was She's
Speaker 1: a really good looking girl. And we all go to
Speaker 1: eat and a couple of the girls order like, you know,
Speaker 1: fruit food, drinks whatever. She has. Let me get a
Speaker 1: cheeseburger and a Miller Lite place and she slams the
Speaker 1: thing down eight send me and the boys are like,
Speaker 1: who the fuck is this girl? We all loved her, right,
Speaker 1: I have no idea what she's doing in this world. Now,
Speaker 1: I have no idea. I wasn't prepared. I wasn't ready
Speaker 1: for a woman like that. Where is that once? I
Speaker 1: need the app to find those women? Right, you have
Speaker 1: the app and it's in the West Coast and her
Speaker 1: name's in and Out? All right? Now, are you back
Speaker 1: my cousin videos? Hang on? Hang on, hang on?
Speaker 5: I will say, just like I explained, what happens. There
Speaker 5: is this you get outside of the actual fucking burger,
Speaker 5: and it's bells and whistles and fucking storytelling about chicks.
Speaker 5: And you're selling stories. You're not selling the burger. When
Speaker 5: I talked, it was about fucking ingredients. It was about
Speaker 5: how I bit through the burger and how that's what
Speaker 5: swayed my mind. You got you start getting into the
Speaker 5: girl conversations, start getting that you're a phenomenal storyteller. You're
Speaker 5: exactly what an in and Out is. You're a great experience.
Speaker 5: You're a great experience. You're you're entertainingble I lack though.
Speaker 1: It's the quality of the taste of the burger is
Speaker 1: not there. What's the quality that's not good? Men? Great,
Speaker 1: you're good, You're not great. Here's what I'll say, about it.
Speaker 1: If you want to go into the ingredients, let's undress
Speaker 1: not one thing about the burger about because I bought
Speaker 1: it a burger. I bought it to the woman. I
Speaker 1: will tell you this when you go to in and out, Yes,
Speaker 1: after you get through the fluff, after you get past
Speaker 1: the red fucking rope and you walk in and you
Speaker 1: see all the bells and whistles, the DJ is going heavy.
Speaker 1: You got a couple of girls grinding their teeth, and
Speaker 1: you go over and you want to undress this lady
Speaker 1: the way you want to see her now, only the bun.
Speaker 1: When you take it and you say, hey, let me
Speaker 1: get that devil double. They're gonna take the buns. They
Speaker 1: look at them like this and go, what do I
Speaker 1: do with this? I'm gonna put it on top of
Speaker 1: the stove because I want a little bit of to
Speaker 1: do it when you bite it in there, because texture
Speaker 1: is everything. You look at the ice breaks, what's up?
Speaker 1: It really doesn't. I've never had a bun break.
Speaker 5: I never because anytime I go, you're like, You're like,
Speaker 5: you're like a fucking bird.
Speaker 1: You get the lettuce ones. Yeah, sorry, it takes a
Speaker 1: lot to lose this average will I'm doing the best
Speaker 1: I can. Okay, we're talking quality now. When I go
Speaker 1: there and I get the bun, I bite it into it.
Speaker 1: I've never had an issue with that. I'm sorry that
Speaker 1: was your experience. But for me, she's always treated me
Speaker 1: right well and respectful, and she's always always called me
Speaker 1: back the iceberg lettuce once again, Is there any nutritional
Speaker 1: value the iceberg lettuce? Will I'll give you that answer. No,
Speaker 1: it's like celery. But texture is what you're looking for.
Speaker 1: It's crisp, it's dark green to a lighter green, making
Speaker 1: sure when you bite in, especially in that middle you
Speaker 1: when you bite into it, you know, for unbelievable you
Speaker 1: can get.
Speaker 2: That crunch starving. I'm hungry right now.
Speaker 3: Bad.
Speaker 2: Here's mass watering.
Speaker 1: Here's what I will say is the thing that people
Speaker 1: will argue again in and out burger. But I don't
Speaker 1: think it's an issue the size of the meat, the
Speaker 1: size of the patty, because you can always do the
Speaker 1: double double, the triple, triple, the four by four. You
Speaker 1: can do whatever you want. I guess the triple is
Speaker 1: fucking insane. Okay, that's an opinion, right, and we all
Speaker 1: have them saying like I'm not saying that against you.
Speaker 1: I'm just speaking to everybody. I I hear you, I
Speaker 1: hear you, millions of viewers, viewers, I get it. But
Speaker 1: I'm saying that the meat is a little bit, but
Speaker 1: it's not overwhelming. The cheese it's perfectly placed on top.
Speaker 1: The ratio is amazing. And I have never had the
Speaker 1: bun break on me in my entire life. I love
Speaker 1: the idea that you can get pickles, even though pickles
Speaker 1: don't come on it. You can have the onions raw
Speaker 1: if you want it. There's enough choices that you can
Speaker 1: have to where it's like, Okay, I have a little
Speaker 1: bit of freedom here, but it's not so many choices.
Speaker 1: We are like, give me the give me the barbecue sauce,
Speaker 1: give me the ketchup, give me this, give me that,
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden youre eating. You're like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck am I eating? Is just like a
Speaker 1: weird stew with some meat in it, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying.
Speaker 4: So many secrets they have that you don't know, Like
Speaker 4: did you know that before in and out grills a
Speaker 4: burger they rub mustard all over it? I did not know,
Speaker 4: and that is why it has the crispiness to it.
Speaker 4: That's why it has that extra flavor to it.
Speaker 1: Fucking slap me in the arm like that, dude, Hey listen,
Speaker 1: and it's so great. I knew this would go because
Speaker 1: we talked. We were on the test. Hey, what are
Speaker 1: we to do? Botaie? What's your talking? I believe someone said burgers.
Speaker 1: I don't remember who said it.
Speaker 4: Jack. I had a viral moment because I eat my
Speaker 4: McDonald's cheeseburgers. I taco them, and everyone was like, what
Speaker 4: the fuck's that? I take the bottom bun off, flip
Speaker 4: it up, all the good ships on top, pickles, let
Speaker 4: us tomato or pickles, ketchup mustard and cheese, and I
Speaker 4: taco them. It's half the calories. And they were like, whoa,
Speaker 4: what else do you do? And I was like, I
Speaker 4: have I have a sport.
Speaker 1: What else do you do?
Speaker 4: I have a bunch. And so then everyone started hitting
Speaker 4: me up. Oh you know what I do? I get
Speaker 4: the mcfucking or something mcgang bang Yeah, And so they
Speaker 4: were like, all these orders you can get at McDonald's
Speaker 4: and the McDonald's I think hit us up and they're like, O, hey,
Speaker 4: don't do this. We don't want to make things compil,
Speaker 4: like order what's on our fucking menu? To I was like,
Speaker 4: but yeah, the I wanted I need to eat a
Speaker 4: burger now.
Speaker 1: When I would also threw me up a little. I
Speaker 1: was I thought you'd like fat burger. I thought you'd
Speaker 1: be into fat burger.
Speaker 4: I ever had in La was a fat burger, and
Speaker 4: it's the first time I ever had an egg on
Speaker 4: a burger. And they fucked me up so big that
Speaker 4: I only fucked.
Speaker 2: With fat burger.
Speaker 4: Okay, there was a fat burger on the quarter I
Speaker 4: lived at the Universal Sheridan.
Speaker 1: There was a corner house fat burger too, and there
Speaker 1: was a there was a.
Speaker 4: Fat burger and a poquito moss and they have great,
Speaker 4: great milkshakes.
Speaker 1: I know you never had fat burger. I think is unbelievable.
Speaker 4: Wait, fat burger fucking awesome. Yeah, but I didn't see
Speaker 4: fatburger on the list to be I was with you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but didn't kind of like you didn't have to.
Speaker 1: That's what to me. I kind of feel like I
Speaker 1: fucked up on the shakescheck because I thought it was
Speaker 1: better than the ones that were. None always talked do
Speaker 1: you want to re rate? Wait? How come no?
Speaker 4: One's going to talk about how great, how much better
Speaker 4: a whopper with cheese is than a big mac, Like,
Speaker 4: I see, I haven't.
Speaker 1: Had it so long, I haven't read long to.
Speaker 4: Do that twelve hundred calories? Who is the whopper which
Speaker 4: used is twelve?
Speaker 1: Well that's a big girl. That's a fucking sounds good.
Speaker 5: But it's like like one of my boys, Derrick Henry,
Speaker 5: was talking about Windy's being so good, and I went
Speaker 5: there right after practice, right after the locker room.
Speaker 1: Fucking went there and it was like, dude, what are
Speaker 1: we doing.
Speaker 5: We're at a fast food, a legit fast food burger joint.
Speaker 1: We were at McDonald's in Arizona. What was that February? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and we walked in there. First off, the mcflury is
Speaker 1: they come in one size and thimble and then the
Speaker 1: monopoly Oh so small made will real real.
Speaker 5: Fucking in the pocket. Dude, you literally could so pissed
Speaker 5: large mcflury. And they come out with this little dink
Speaker 5: ass fucking yeah one size, Like.
Speaker 1: All right, give me the size, give me that one size,
Speaker 1: we'll get Superman. He gets so many He's like, this
Speaker 1: isn't enough of a tasty treat for me we need
Speaker 1: to go somewhere else. What's down the road to Sonic.
Speaker 1: We go to Sonic. I I was driving a pickup
Speaker 1: truck over there, real wide vehicle, and I go to
Speaker 1: pull in totally just fucking cash side of the vehicle,
Speaker 1: trying to get the percent. And we're getting Sonic selling
Speaker 1: foot long Glizzies. That's unbelievable, which I know is a
Speaker 1: JP thing. He loves the hot dogs. He loves hot dogs.
Speaker 1: But I love that.
Speaker 2: Dude.
Speaker 1: I fuck up hot dogs?
Speaker 2: Do you really?
Speaker 1: I fuck up hot I'm four percent like a homophobic adult.
Speaker 1: There's nothing like sexual things that really bothered me. On
Speaker 1: my knees. You can hold the back of my head,
Speaker 1: there is.
Speaker 2: On my face. That's almost I love him, really, dude.
Speaker 4: I have not been through the Chicago airport in my
Speaker 4: life without getting a Chicago hot dog.
Speaker 1: Really.
Speaker 4: Second I get off the plane, I find the first
Speaker 4: Chicago hot dog murder.
Speaker 2: Two of them.
Speaker 1: The one in Chicago's the green that has green billboard
Speaker 1: on it. Green.
Speaker 2: It's got the green building you.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, The one in uh in the airport
Speaker 1: in Chicago, Tony Island. No code is AH is Michigan, right,
Speaker 1: that's Detroit.
Speaker 2: Dude, I fuck up hot dogs.
Speaker 1: I love you, hot dogger burger guy.
Speaker 4: So if I'm making a big cookout, first of all,
Speaker 4: I make gray burgers.
Speaker 2: We just got a flat top.
Speaker 4: We have two flat tops, and I'm doing smash burgers
Speaker 4: for my is. They're amazing. They're amazing. But man, if
Speaker 4: I make a bunch of burgers, there's something about that
Speaker 4: hot dog. It was like, hey, start with me, and
Speaker 4: I go, okay, he said, do you know how we
Speaker 4: like it. Let's do it how we like it. And
Speaker 4: I'll do half the bun right, half the bottom, a
Speaker 4: hot half half carb guy. And and I'm still fat,
Speaker 4: but I go, I'm not as fat as I should be, right,
Speaker 4: And so I'll eat and I'll load it up all
Speaker 4: on the top. Oh, I love hot dogs. I remember
Speaker 4: one time Sagirl and.
Speaker 1: I were in Uh you could squirre mayonnaise on my face.
Speaker 1: I like brats over hot dogs. Tell me you make
Speaker 1: a hot dog? I was. I was on a journey
Speaker 1: with you right now. I think I was being lulled asleep.
Speaker 1: Was you make this hot dog? You cut it off?
Speaker 1: What do you put on it?
Speaker 4: Oh? Mustard, hot mustard, the hot mustard, The one that
Speaker 4: comes in a little jar that burns when it goes
Speaker 4: to your nose. When I went first time I went
Speaker 4: to Germany, they had they had hot dogs everywhere in
Speaker 4: this park. Everyone had like every place had a hot
Speaker 4: dog and beer. Me and my weo were just like,
Speaker 4: let's get drunkest fucking eat hot dogs and they're mustard
Speaker 4: burned and it burns. I love mustard that burns. I one,
Speaker 4: I'm Cigar, and Cigar and I were at the beach
Speaker 4: together and he watched me eat a pack of hot
Speaker 4: dogs in a day and I had diarrhea and I said.
Speaker 4: I said, like, goddamnit, I got diarrhea. And he goes,
Speaker 4: no shit, And I was like, I was like, what
Speaker 4: do you think it is? And he goes, oh, I
Speaker 4: don't know. You ate twelve glitcering sticks. And I go,
Speaker 4: what's the glycering stick? He goes, dude, lips and assholes.
Speaker 4: You've been eating hot dogs all I watched you eat
Speaker 4: twelve hot dogs and I went, yeah, they're good.
Speaker 2: And he was like, but.
Speaker 4: That's why you're sick and not supposed to eat twelve
Speaker 4: hot dogs. And I was like for real. He was like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I have a problem. With hot dogs. Man, you can't.
Speaker 4: I can't go to a Rams gaming not get the
Speaker 4: fucking street dogs. I'm just swallowing a lots. I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm salvating. I'm so fucking hungry. But man, I fuck
Speaker 4: love hot talks. Goddamn it. I want a hot talk now.
Speaker 1: So did you rather have a hot dog or a burger?
Speaker 2: Hot talk?
Speaker 1: Really?
Speaker 4: If I go to a football game, hot talk, hot
Speaker 4: talk immediately.
Speaker 5: If you go to a football game, like, there's not
Speaker 5: gonna be like good burgers at the football I heard
Speaker 5: you mentioned the Rams.
Speaker 1: You're a Rams guy?
Speaker 4: No, no, no, like no, I had to make a
Speaker 4: conscious decision. The Rams show up in LA and my
Speaker 4: daughters wanted to be I wanted to go to football games,
Speaker 4: and so I got season tickets and my wife is like,
Speaker 4: we're a Rams family now, and I was like, okay,
Speaker 4: and uh and then and then I and then I.
Speaker 4: But I'm really a Bucks fan because I grew up
Speaker 4: in Tampa. But I I found what I liked on
Speaker 4: the Rams. He's I think he just left as Johnny
Speaker 4: Hacker to kick her. He's fucking so great and he's
Speaker 4: one of the best putters, best in the league, and
Speaker 4: I loved when I love that in Hard Knocks when
Speaker 4: he looked at uh golf and he had the football
Speaker 4: and he goes, one hundred bucks, is I cand hit
Speaker 4: the side of the field goal right now? And he's like,
Speaker 4: Gof's like, huh, there's a hundred bucks as I can
Speaker 4: hit up with the pass. He was like okay, and
Speaker 4: he just takes it and fucking and he goes, you're
Speaker 4: up in gops.
Speaker 2: Like no, and just walked away. And I love that.
Speaker 1: I love it that guy. Oh for real, no's the
Speaker 1: same thing. We do it. We live it right. Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we put that stuff's gassed up too. Like if the
Speaker 1: Titans ever had Hard Knocks wearing it, there'd be so
Speaker 1: many fucking go hard. Do you think the same thing?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I see the cameras on. They'd be yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, sure it would be blown up to what
Speaker 1: it really is. Camp is miserable, and I've seen a
Speaker 1: couple of clips. I've never seen a full episode. But
Speaker 1: they make Camp belly. It's a fun little deal.
Speaker 2: What they should do.
Speaker 4: What they should do is they should bring in guys
Speaker 4: like me that have a little money and let us
Speaker 4: pay to see if we can get on the team.
Speaker 4: But if we can't, that money goes to a player.
Speaker 4: I like that, Like money goes to a player, yeah,
Speaker 4: like like like someone who's doing like like because if
Speaker 4: you're if you if you went to a training camp,
Speaker 4: they you just and by the way, you tap people
Speaker 4: out right, so people would have to ring the bell
Speaker 4: and be like, I'm done. I can't do it anymore. Coach,
Speaker 4: like you're done, tottlem allhead, you gotta get out, say
Speaker 4: say it's a ten time dollars, right, So you get
Speaker 4: a bunch of guys first day of training camp, first.
Speaker 2: Gise like a bunch of.
Speaker 4: Guys got ten thousand dollars that want to pad up,
Speaker 4: see if they got what it takes. And when this
Speaker 4: second they bring the bell, they're out. And all that
Speaker 4: money then goes to players that are trying to negotiate contracts.
Speaker 2: You go, hey, we found the money for you. These
Speaker 2: guys fucking taps out.
Speaker 4: Then also you become a bigger fan of that team.
Speaker 4: I think, like I think they're doing. I think they're
Speaker 4: doing usflos is that what the Rock's doing? Usfl xfl xfl.
Speaker 4: I think he's fucking it up. And I'll tell you why.
Speaker 4: And I'll tell them how to fix it. This is
Speaker 4: how you fix it. Rock, If you're listening, this is
Speaker 4: how you fix it, and you will have a billion
Speaker 4: dollar business on your hands. Number one teams in a
Speaker 4: state can only get players from the colleges in that state.
Speaker 4: Boom you got right now, you got it Florida. You
Speaker 4: get all the guys that didn't make the cut from FSU,
Speaker 4: from UF guys that people have been cheering for for
Speaker 4: the past four years. That they know these guys, they
Speaker 4: know their stories, they they did make it, they're rooting
Speaker 4: for them. So you got great college towns, and you
Speaker 4: put those teams in the big college towns like Michigan, Ohio,
Speaker 4: fucking Oregon, Florida, fucking Alabama, you know, like and those
Speaker 4: teams and then you and then that's you can only
Speaker 4: recouverrom there because that gives civic pride. I went, I
Speaker 4: want The first thing I did, I went to an
Speaker 4: next NFL game. The first thing I did is I went,
Speaker 4: I wonder if any of these guys played for Florida State.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna go get his jersey, right And then I
Speaker 4: was like, Oh, they're no one from Florida State. I
Speaker 4: was like Oh, they don't have anyone from UCLA. Where
Speaker 4: are these guys from? And you're like, oh, just everywhere.
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, man, if fans in Florida State guys,
Speaker 4: I would have bought their jerseys. So that's kind of
Speaker 4: how it works, right. I'm not from Michigan, but I
Speaker 4: went to Michigan. I'm not from Michigan, but no, you played.
Speaker 5: Right, So like if so they say they have it's
Speaker 5: like Michigan State or like some Northeast area of recruiting. Yeah, draft,
Speaker 5: so you get picked to play on the Michigan Ohio
Speaker 5: team team.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that makes sense. I don't know if you'd
Speaker 1: be give enough players though, that might be difficult.
Speaker 5: Like what if there was a team in the Bran
Speaker 5: Nebraska that you would almost have to combine some states.
Speaker 1: You can region or back regions like regions.
Speaker 5: You would be like, you just had to stick to Florida, Yeah,
Speaker 5: Florida Region.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Florida and those like those kind of regions would
Speaker 4: be I.
Speaker 1: Like that because I like that a lot.
Speaker 4: What you do like that idea because what will happen
Speaker 4: is you will get people rooting for the team because
Speaker 4: they followed these kids their whole fucking careers. Yeah, and
Speaker 4: they're like, oh, fuck yeah, we used to play against
Speaker 4: that kid. He's fucking good. I didn't like him when
Speaker 4: he played with Florida, but fuck he's on our team.
Speaker 4: Now I'm getting jersey. The whole thing is like the
Speaker 4: whole thing about football. Man, I'm so sorry I started
Speaker 4: this conversation because I don't know shit. But the whole
Speaker 4: thing about football, from my perspective is you want me
Speaker 4: to know that team. You want me to know those players,
Speaker 4: You want me to know their stories. You want the
Speaker 4: more invested I am in the human beings on that field,
Speaker 4: the more I want to buy their jersey, the more
Speaker 4: that's where that is. That's the connectivity. That's what I
Speaker 4: liked about Hard Knocks is it would introduce you to
Speaker 4: a team and you get to know the players. And
Speaker 4: granted there would be a couple of standouts, but those
Speaker 4: ones that got cut, it was like, fucking don't even
Speaker 4: tell me their story because I love that kid now,
Speaker 4: like you just.
Speaker 2: Feel like I'm gonna fall in love with them.
Speaker 1: And now we're.
Speaker 2: Ndola Danny am Mandola, right, yeah.
Speaker 1: Danny Mandola.
Speaker 4: Yeah, was he got cut from the fucking Rams And
Speaker 4: then you're like, oh fuck, and then he shows up
Speaker 4: and he's like I root for that guy all the
Speaker 4: time because I watched him struggle and so like.
Speaker 1: Man, he went off on us. He lived for Houston
Speaker 1: this year, last game of the year, he went off
Speaker 1: on us. He almost lost the game, dude, because.
Speaker 5: Danny Mandola, you guys did almost lose.
Speaker 1: That Like, oh yeah, yeah, I thought you were talking,
Speaker 1: but yeah.
Speaker 4: But it's the funnest thing is to know the like
Speaker 4: like Hecker. I follow him on Instagram, I know his life,
Speaker 4: and that's part of what social media is these days.
Speaker 4: It's part of what what I think you guys were
Speaker 4: doing brilliantly. It's part of the reason I wish Pat
Speaker 4: mcabe went back to started kicking again. Is that, dude,
Speaker 4: when you become a fan, when you so explain to
Speaker 4: me this way, I'm gonna try to parallel it when
Speaker 4: you I had this kid come up to me, and
Speaker 4: people for me said this before, But this kid come
Speaker 4: up to me New Year's Eve a few years ago,
Speaker 4: a bunch of years ago back and I was at
Speaker 4: for Lauderdale Improv and he said, came up to me,
Speaker 4: Hollywood Improv, and he goes, uh, he's drunks focky shirtless.
Speaker 4: He's like, hey, man, I need I need two seconds
Speaker 4: of your time. And I was like, I was like,
Speaker 4: what do you need? And the guy's like get him
Speaker 4: out of here.
Speaker 2: I go what do you need?
Speaker 4: And he goes, no, I need to explain something to you.
Speaker 4: And I was like, okay, what is it? And he goes,
Speaker 4: I'm a fan of yours. And I was like cool.
Speaker 4: And he was like, no, you don't know what that means.
Speaker 4: And I was like, mam, yeah, I get it. Your
Speaker 4: shirt's off. You want to you want to get a
Speaker 4: shirt or picture? And he goes no, no, no, He goes,
Speaker 4: I don't have shit going on in my life. He's
Speaker 4: I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have anything. My
Speaker 4: job sucks. I don't expect much out of my life.
Speaker 4: But I'm a fan of yours. And when you succeed,
Speaker 4: it makes me feel like I succeed because I picked you.
Speaker 4: So when you have good things happen to you share
Speaker 4: them online. I want to know about them because it
Speaker 4: makes me feel like I picked the right one. And
Speaker 4: he goes, yeah I And I was like, it me
Speaker 4: away and I was like and then and I was
Speaker 4: like fuck. And then I started going, wait, what am
Speaker 4: I a fan of? Like I'm a fan of Brogans.
Speaker 4: I mean, he's my friend. I was a fan first.
Speaker 4: When Joe succeeds, I get excited. I remember reading that
Speaker 4: Spotify deal in the paper. I was like, on paper
Speaker 4: whatever fucking internet and I was like and I was like,
Speaker 4: paper makes it seem more nostalogic, though, And I got
Speaker 4: I got the chance to call him and be like, dude,
Speaker 4: fucking Congratt and he's like, yeah, yeah, I know man,
Speaker 4: And You're like, no, I pitched you start downloaded your
Speaker 4: I've been listening for nine fucking years.
Speaker 1: I wanted to say we did it, but I didn't
Speaker 1: do it. He did it.
Speaker 2: But that's what a fan is.
Speaker 4: And then I and that's when I started looking at
Speaker 4: sports and going what do I want to be a
Speaker 4: fan of? Like I want to fucking invest in something emotionally,
Speaker 4: I want.
Speaker 2: To be investing them.
Speaker 4: And it's so cool to go to an airport bar
Speaker 4: and go, hey, you guys got the Rams game on?
Speaker 2: And someone goes, oh, Rams and you're like yeah or whatever.
Speaker 2: The team.
Speaker 4: For a long time, when I was on the road, lote,
Speaker 4: I was always fan of the Cowboys only because they
Speaker 4: were played everywhere and I wanted to be a fan
Speaker 4: of And so I go, you guys got the Cowboys
Speaker 4: game on, and you'd always find someone in an airport
Speaker 4: part for the other Cowboys. And so when the Rams came,
Speaker 4: my wife's like, we're gonna be fans.
Speaker 2: I was like, all right. I watched Hard Knocks that year.
Speaker 4: I couldn't really fall in love with Gough a parallel
Speaker 4: a lot I could, but like Stafford, I love that kid.
Speaker 2: Seems like a fucking he seems like the.
Speaker 4: Kind of guy I would have liked to have played
Speaker 4: a sport with, you know, like just like withiffle ball.
Speaker 2: He seems like a kind of guy that would be.
Speaker 4: Like no, no, no, no, streetlights are coming on, my
Speaker 4: mom is there, said anything? Let's go like yeah, I
Speaker 4: love that energy, right, And I found Hecker. It is
Speaker 4: so fun to be a fan of a punter because
Speaker 4: they come up so often, and when you got a
Speaker 4: guy like Hacker. He I would make arguments that he
Speaker 4: was the MVP of the Rams every year because of
Speaker 4: the position he would put them in. The reason they
Speaker 4: were good, I'm I'm not even fucking around the reason
Speaker 4: the rams were good. We're not all the standouts. It
Speaker 4: was Johnny Hecker. He would consistently put them within five yards.
Speaker 4: Every time he punted, he would put them on their
Speaker 4: fuck asses. So the defense was given such a head
Speaker 4: start every time they were playing consistently. I mean, if
Speaker 4: you look at his stats, I gear you could pull
Speaker 4: him up and you'd be like, his stats are through
Speaker 4: the fucking roof.
Speaker 1: Guy knows placement on a fucking ball. Yeah. And it
Speaker 1: was so fun.
Speaker 4: Because he'd come out and me and my buddy Eric
Speaker 4: Crews would be like, it's our guy and we and
Speaker 4: it was like not everyone roots for a punter, but
Speaker 4: made it so much fun to root for a punter.
Speaker 4: And then when he got traded, I got so bummed.
Speaker 4: I was like, where do you go? They fucking got him,
Speaker 4: moved him any more a free agency?
Speaker 1: Now, will you guys look up where he's at?
Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's it's but having being a fan of
Speaker 4: a team is so much fun because.
Speaker 1: I think as players, you lose that, like you lose
Speaker 1: the understanding of Like when I grew up, I was
Speaker 1: never a fan of sports teams, and I was like
Speaker 1: a fan of John l Way and the Broncos when
Speaker 1: they were good in like ninety seven, ninety eight, whatever
Speaker 1: that was.
Speaker 4: Wait, how great? I mean, let's for two seconds, how
Speaker 4: great were early?
Speaker 5: So?
Speaker 4: I mean for me, I was in Florida Sunday nights
Speaker 4: when when the sun was setting over my High stadium
Speaker 4: and it was the two minutes morning and Elway was
Speaker 4: taking him down the field and your mom.
Speaker 2: Was like, hey, dinner's ready. You're like one second, mom,
Speaker 2: one second.
Speaker 4: That energy of John went Elway those Sunday nights of
Speaker 4: the fucking two minutes. They're three points down and Elway's
Speaker 4: got the ball in the eleven and he's like and
Speaker 4: you're like, and he's in the shotgun and you're like.
Speaker 1: Fucking that made that made your Monday.
Speaker 4: Because you show up at school and be like, did
Speaker 4: you see fucking the Broncos? And it seemed like every him.
Speaker 4: And the only guy I ever compared to John Elway
Speaker 4: too was Charlie Ward. Charlie Ward when he touched the
Speaker 4: ball playing for FSU, every time.
Speaker 2: You knew he was going to succeed.
Speaker 4: That's when we won the national championship third and seventeen.
Speaker 4: You're like, Charlie Ward's got this. That guy was so
Speaker 4: fucking money every time he fucking touched the ball. But
Speaker 4: that energy, that's fucking I said to my daughter, and
Speaker 4: you know it's funny. You can't appreciate it if you're
Speaker 4: not a fan. This last playoff run was so fun
Speaker 4: because every game in the last minute was changing back and.
Speaker 1: Forth and that playoffs are insane this year.
Speaker 4: And I bought my daughter's down and I go, this
Speaker 4: is why you watched the whole game. This is why
Speaker 4: you watch football, This is why you pick a team.
Speaker 2: I go, this energy.
Speaker 4: It's Sunday, the fucking sunsetting, you got a cold beer,
Speaker 4: the fucking we don't know what's gonna happen. And oh
Speaker 4: my god, and my daughters just they were like, I
Speaker 4: don't get it. And I was like, I should have
Speaker 4: had boys, boys.
Speaker 1: On the fans. Talking with Mike Stunn, we were talking
Speaker 1: on like a different level of Mike was basically on
Speaker 1: the on the game plan of like you need to
Speaker 1: live your life. Let me need to live their own life.
Speaker 4: No no, no, let me tell you. Uh no no
Speaker 4: no no no uh uh wide receiver for the Buffalo Bills.
Speaker 4: Uh no, no, no, no no no. The White Boys,
Speaker 4: Cap Davis, you want to talk about how fun this is.
Speaker 4: Check this out, Gabe Davis. Gabe Davis tweets type in
Speaker 4: two bears one cave. Gabe Davis tweets a picture of
Speaker 4: his cleat. Do you wo yeah? Two as in three.
Speaker 4: So Gave Davis gets these cleats made right, all this
Speaker 4: he makes my buddy Mashie, he makes. He makes our
Speaker 4: two Barry shoe. He makes these for Gabe Davis.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 4: Check the date on this. I'm not only because I
Speaker 4: think you'll figure out when when when?
Speaker 2: This was? Uh no?
Speaker 4: So he makes his shoes. I guess you wear them
Speaker 4: in warm ups. It's a warm up shoe.
Speaker 2: I don't. I'm not really sure how shoes.
Speaker 1: I think you can wear like my cause my cleat,
Speaker 1: but I don't think those are my cauts, right, those
Speaker 1: can wear those for like warm ups before a game,
Speaker 1: but then you have to put on other shoes.
Speaker 2: So he wears them. He wears them. We watched the.
Speaker 4: Game and Tom and I are like, fucking Gabe Davis, dude,
Speaker 4: how cool is this? The next game, he goes and
Speaker 4: has one of the most spectacular performances of his career.
Speaker 4: I would argue he went off against the Cheese. Yes,
Speaker 4: and then that they ended up losing. But he has
Speaker 4: a spectacular fucking yes, why don't see this? Holy shit,
Speaker 4: I haven't seen this, but but he has four tds
Speaker 4: for Buffalo and me and Tom had just become fans
Speaker 4: of his the week before, right, he's now our guy.
Speaker 4: He made clean some star faces on it, where Tom's like,
Speaker 4: you know, Gabe Davis. I was like fuck, no, I
Speaker 4: don't fucking know anything, and he's like, dude, the guy
Speaker 4: made cleans fus and we're like fuck, so we watching
Speaker 4: that week is a good game. The next week, Tom's
Speaker 4: text me, dude, Gave Davis is going off, and we're like, fuck,
Speaker 4: now it's our guy and we're fucking losing it. And
Speaker 4: that energy it's only akin to gambling. Like when gambling,
Speaker 4: when you put money on a game, it makes the
Speaker 4: game so much more fun. The only thing better than
Speaker 4: that is to have a guy you're invested in and
Speaker 4: to be texting with a friend like dude Gave Davis
Speaker 4: is going off. Shut the fuck up. Everyone's text me
Speaker 4: Eric Cruz and you see gay Davis out there. Everyone's
Speaker 4: talking about Gab Davis and we're fans of his now
Speaker 4: and we're watching it and you're that energy when wait,
Speaker 4: how often in the day do you how often in
Speaker 4: anyone's day thinking right now, no sports can't talk about
Speaker 4: sports right now? How often do you go sit in
Speaker 4: your couch go fuck yeah? Never never, never, big never
Speaker 4: you get your even when your wife tells you you're pregnant,
Speaker 4: it's not that energy of when gave Davis scores a touchdown,
Speaker 4: like it's just like, oh, Coig, it's riving a baby.
Speaker 4: But when how.
Speaker 1: Often do you get to go.
Speaker 2: Fuck God, damn it, go go.
Speaker 1: Go like that energy?
Speaker 4: You get that when you're a fucking fan, When you're
Speaker 4: a fucking fan, and he's telling me, will he's telling me, dude,
Speaker 4: when you're a fan, Okay, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. Uh,
Speaker 4: Anthony jessel Nick. I'm a fan of Anthony chessel Nicks. Right,
Speaker 4: Anthony jessel Nick does this last special and he opens
Speaker 4: with the best joke I've ever heard in my fucking life.
Speaker 4: In my life, I'm gonna tell you the joke. I'm sorry, Anthony,
Speaker 4: I know I'm raping it, but he wants to play
Speaker 4: every quick Uh yes see, if you have it, Anthony jessel.
Speaker 5: Nicks, we's just keep this energy going, but this energy.
Speaker 4: So I'm a fan of Anthony's. I love Anthony's the
Speaker 4: greatest guy. And he he tells the joke opening joke
Speaker 4: of a spout. My favorite thing on a good special
Speaker 4: is you tell me a fucking joke. You tell me
Speaker 4: a fucking joke. I don't want to hear where you're sitting.
Speaker 4: I don't want to hear the city you're in. I
Speaker 4: don't want to hear about them. I want you to
Speaker 4: tell me a joke. That's when I know you're doing right.
Speaker 2: And that's me.
Speaker 1: That's my role, that's my role. Anthony Jeslin tells a joke.
Speaker 1: You come out, you don't say, hey, welcome away.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I don't go philly.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like like I go up and I mean, I
Speaker 4: try to have my food in my words ten first words.
Speaker 4: There's a joke coming out of my mouth. Yeah, you
Speaker 4: do not care anything but get drinking and telling secrets.
Speaker 4: Secret time. Sometimes when I wipe my ass, I spin
Speaker 4: on the toilet paper. It's called a Misissippi wht wipe
Speaker 4: Secret time, Serie time. Sometimes the other shower, I draw
Speaker 4: my ass on the bed boom, Secret time, ser your time.
Speaker 4: When my phone was an orgasm. She looks like Elvis
Speaker 4: sect time. All right, and then we're in right, three
Speaker 4: jokes right there. Boom boom, boom boom, And I hope
Speaker 4: that the feeling I give you is if you're a
Speaker 4: fan of mine, you go boom burnt.
Speaker 2: Did it again?
Speaker 4: Oh and we got a good special, honey, hip pause,
Speaker 4: get a cocktail. Let's light it up, turn the lights down.
Speaker 4: Fuck you know what, Let's save this, save this for tonight,
Speaker 4: late night. That's what I want when you watch my
Speaker 4: special Anthony Jeslyll It tells his first fucking joke.
Speaker 1: Do you find it?
Speaker 2: Don't worry, I'm gonna tell you the joke. He says.
Speaker 4: Uh, my friend's married. My friend is married to a woman.
Speaker 4: Uh oh, yep, this is This is the best fucking joke.
Speaker 2: Turn it up.
Speaker 1: This is this is funny. This friend's life is born again.
Speaker 2: Christians, hit pause, hit pause, hit pause.
Speaker 1: Uh, ladies, jolemen. I know we're we're interrupting again, and
Speaker 1: it's fucking pissing everybody off. But here's the deal. If
Speaker 1: it's Tuesday and you're watching part one, if it's Thursday
Speaker 1: and you're watching part two right now, in between those
Speaker 1: two right here, like my noses. Merch is dropping. We
Speaker 1: got hats, we got t shirts, we got everything is
Speaker 1: dropping on our website. It's new, it's beautiful. You're gonna
Speaker 1: love it. Please enjoy the rest of the show. Whether
Speaker 1: it's you can buy us tomorrow or you could have
Speaker 1: bought this yesterday. Please enjoy the rest of the show.
Speaker 1: Love you so much, big Hugstanny kisses this.
Speaker 4: You got put in context. The special opens Ladies and Gentlemen,
Speaker 4: Anthony jess Nick. We are talking ten seconds into especially
Speaker 4: he tells.
Speaker 1: This joke right right. His best friend's wife is a
Speaker 1: borning and Christian hit play and we get a.
Speaker 6: Terrible influence on her husband because her what did he
Speaker 6: call you a bitch? He did not use the word.
Speaker 6: Did he call you a cut? I said, Well, then
Speaker 6: he didn't hear it from me?
Speaker 1: Fucking I hit pause, I go make a cocktail.
Speaker 2: I got something to do for the next hour.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because he's my guy, I like, I love, I
Speaker 4: love being a fan of something. And it's and it's
Speaker 4: the coolest thing to hear your perspective because you guys
Speaker 4: are so into weeds on it. But like it's the dude,
Speaker 4: I mean, you guys have so many fans of this
Speaker 4: podcast that when they watch you on the weekend, they're
Speaker 4: seeing so much more than you think. They're seeing so
Speaker 4: much more. And that's why I think, and when we
Speaker 4: get back to the very beginning of this podcast, you're like,
Speaker 4: what got you to this podcast? It was that I'm
Speaker 4: seeing a different side of two guys that I would
Speaker 4: normally see. Same with Pat McAfee. I'm seeing a different
Speaker 4: side of them. They're opening up a part of the
Speaker 4: personality that they wouldn't they're only sharing with their teammates
Speaker 4: and their family, they're sharing it with us, and it's like,
Speaker 4: holy shit, man, that's cool as fuck.
Speaker 2: Like and that's when I say they get it.
Speaker 4: It's like, you have no idea, Like what what a
Speaker 4: connection you have with the people watching this? You're you're
Speaker 4: you guys drop names casually because you know them, but
Speaker 4: everyone else is like, oh, shut shut the fuck up
Speaker 4: for real, Like it's my favorite thing about about life
Speaker 4: is for real, is getting into something, really getting into it,
Speaker 4: like whether it be watches or bull mastiffs or or cars,
Speaker 4: or begetting into it, getting Passionate's why we started Two
Speaker 4: Bears Racing because Tom is so into racing, and I
Speaker 4: thought passion begets passion. You talked to Tom about when I
Speaker 4: talk about Tom, that race car. You know, the first
Speaker 4: person he called his racing coach, not his wife, his
Speaker 4: racing coach and said, look what I got for my birthday.
Speaker 4: It's like a child. I was like, fuck, yeah, man,
Speaker 4: it's awesome. And then he called me that night and
Speaker 4: he goes, hey, I'm with my boys. Can you send
Speaker 4: me some pictures of the car. I don't have any
Speaker 4: on my phone. I want to show them what I got.
Speaker 4: And I hear them fast sticks send pictures. Now they
Speaker 4: call me fast sticks. Yeah, So I send, and so
Speaker 4: I send pictures and but that. But Tom's a fan
Speaker 4: of racing. He loves that shit. So to watch that
Speaker 4: kind of swell in him, it's fun to see and
Speaker 4: it's fun to be a part of, man. And that's
Speaker 4: what I will go back to the old school. Rogan
Speaker 4: is you hit up just fans of the podcast, and
Speaker 4: you just talk about shit you like talking about.
Speaker 2: You know, it's the coolest thing.
Speaker 4: I love being a fan and I'm glad I found
Speaker 4: you guys to be a fan of God.
Speaker 1: That's fucking dude. You fired us up like nothing other
Speaker 1: just now. I was unbelievable because there's so many people
Speaker 1: that take that, take that for granted. Us included, absolutely,
Speaker 1: we take that for granted, and we don't know because
Speaker 1: you're so conditioned to focus on the next thing, next day,
Speaker 1: next thing all the time that you forget to be
Speaker 1: present where you're at. Yeah.
Speaker 2: My wife gave me a great quote one time about.
Speaker 4: Because there's a week, you can get focused on that,
Speaker 4: and you also get focused on humility and like I
Speaker 4: don't want to I don't want to flash too much
Speaker 4: or whatever. I don't want to, you know, live my
Speaker 4: life too bright or whatever. And my wife gave me
Speaker 4: a great quote and I read it to Ari Shafer
Speaker 4: because Ari is always about like not putting your life
Speaker 4: out on Instagram. Like, do you know who Jack Whitehall is.
Speaker 4: He's a comedian. He's very talented. He did a show
Speaker 4: on Netflix called Traveling with My Father. I think it's
Speaker 4: really good.
Speaker 2: Dude.
Speaker 4: I looked at his Instagram today. I pull up his
Speaker 4: Instagram and I know I know him, like I think
Speaker 4: I've met him and with whatever. I looked at his
Speaker 4: Instagram and I was like, I want to beat him.
Speaker 4: Go scroll down of like like like, look at it.
Speaker 4: There's him at the super Bowl, like everything he does.
Speaker 4: Look at him and his chick. His chick is one
Speaker 4: of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my
Speaker 4: fucking life. And like, he just lives this really cool life.
Speaker 4: And what he's doing is he's allowing himself to show
Speaker 4: and not being humble or being like He's like, this
Speaker 4: is what I do, this is my life, and this
Speaker 4: is my authentic representation of it as a dude sitting
Speaker 4: on a tour bus throwing up in his throat last
Speaker 4: night all night I see my new thing. I was
Speaker 4: sitting there and I was like, goddamn it, man, I
Speaker 4: fucking like Jack Why. He's funny as fucking shit. He's
Speaker 4: a fucking Hilaiero's comic. And I was like, I like him.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna I'm gonna follow him. I don't even know
Speaker 4: if he follows me. I'm gonna follow him, and man,
Speaker 4: I hope I get to meet him. He seems like
Speaker 4: a really cool dude. But that's all that, you know,
Speaker 4: It's all that being a fan is. And then when
Speaker 4: he sells his next book, I'm gonna be like, oh,
Speaker 4: I get it. Like Colin Quinn writes a book, I
Speaker 4: buy it. I love Colin Quinn.
Speaker 1: Really yeah, it's unbelievable, dude. What a unique perspective to
Speaker 1: have on something from somebody that has done so much
Speaker 1: and has lots of fans.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, thank you. I think.
Speaker 4: I think I that's one of the things that I'm
Speaker 4: very accessible, like, I'm way too accessible. And I think
Speaker 4: one of the reasons is is because I see myself
Speaker 4: as them in the audience, because that would be me.
Speaker 2: It was me.
Speaker 4: I would go see comics like the place I'm forming
Speaker 4: out to an the Ryman I was at probably six
Speaker 4: seven years ago, and I was Slarry the Cable Guy,
Speaker 4: and Angela Johnson there, Me and Nate Bargozzi and Ri
Speaker 4: Shafear went and watched them, and I had a very
Speaker 4: different perspective than both of those guys. Nates was, I
Speaker 4: mean this respectfully, but Nates was, I'll be here one day.
Speaker 4: Nate very confidently knows how talented he is. And I
Speaker 4: don't mean that he's not arrogant. He knows he is
Speaker 4: extremely talented, and he knows he's not dirty, and he
Speaker 4: knows that he knows, he really knows everyone should like him.
Speaker 4: He knows that and he's not wrong. Everyone should like
Speaker 4: Nate Bargotzi. He is fucking undeniable. He is hilarious. Ari's
Speaker 4: perspective is I'll never perform here. That was as perspective.
Speaker 4: My perspective was, why do you think his was like that,
Speaker 4: that's not me. Oddly enough, I already performed there the
Speaker 4: other night, but really, yeah, oddly enough. But he just
Speaker 4: was like, don't care about it, don't need it.
Speaker 2: It's not me, it's not my books.
Speaker 4: Don't care, don't need money, don't need fame, don't need fans,
Speaker 4: don't need anything. All I want to do is comedy.
Speaker 4: Don't give a fuck about any of the trappings. That's sorry,
Speaker 4: I don't give a fuck about it. I just not
Speaker 4: on my not on my radar. Really, I sat there
Speaker 4: and I thought, I thought, how do I get here?
Speaker 4: Like I remember thinking I wonder if I will perform here?
Speaker 4: And then I remember like meeting Angela. Angel Johnson has
Speaker 4: this great nail salon bit that like made her really famous.
Speaker 4: But I remember saying to God, I was like, God,
Speaker 4: give me one bit. I'll milk it for my If
Speaker 4: you're telling me that the only way I get here
Speaker 4: is I gotta tell the machine story.
Speaker 2: Down the show in a fucking heart beat.
Speaker 4: I get to do an hour from original material and
Speaker 4: then tell the machine give it to me. Then we
Speaker 4: go backstage, meet Larry the cable guy. Cable guys like, hey,
Speaker 4: let's have a beer and bullshit once talk comedy. But
Speaker 4: I got a private jet to cash and I was like,
Speaker 4: can you imagine getting on a private jet after a
Speaker 4: show at the Ryman? And then I come here and
Speaker 4: I do one show at the grand old Opry two
Speaker 4: with the Ryman. Next time I'll be at the fucking
Speaker 4: bridge Stone and private jets are and then I go.
Speaker 2: Man, if I think if I.
Speaker 4: Didn't appreciate for me, if I was the negative guy,
Speaker 4: or if I was for me, if I was confident,
Speaker 4: I would never have gotten there. I need to really
Speaker 4: appreciate the moment and go. I'll do whatever I can
Speaker 4: to get here. I can see it from this side
Speaker 4: of the fence right now, Like it's like do you
Speaker 4: ever see like do you ever see like guys that
Speaker 4: I don't know. A A D is his name, ab
Speaker 4: A B. I don't know him Brown, I don't know him.
Speaker 4: He strikes me as someone who maybe takes some stuff
Speaker 4: for granted. And I look at someone like myself who
Speaker 4: made success later in his career, where I go, I'll
Speaker 4: never take anything for granted, Like and I know guys
Speaker 4: that got success very early on and they took it
Speaker 4: for granted and then they just kind of went away.
Speaker 4: And I imagine that would be what you guys see
Speaker 4: in the NFL as like dudes who have been in
Speaker 4: the hustle all the time, always struggling to make sure
Speaker 4: they make the team, always struggling, always training, always trying
Speaker 4: to make sure that they make the cut, and they
Speaker 4: never take it for granted. Like that's what I and
Speaker 4: I think that's the closest thing I am to that
Speaker 4: and that comes from the fans. Shit, you know really? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: I was, dude, I was. I told you I was
Speaker 4: at the bottom of my career. Thomas making more money
Speaker 4: than I was. I was fucking I didn't have any
Speaker 4: tour days and I had to figure it out on
Speaker 4: my own. And trust me when I say there's a
Speaker 4: thing called survivor's remorse.
Speaker 2: It's meant for like guys to go.
Speaker 4: To war and they come home and lay in their
Speaker 4: pool and they have a hard time enjoying it because
Speaker 4: they remember all the guys that didn't get to come
Speaker 4: home and go to the pool. Well, you can get that,
Speaker 4: and you probably can get it in the NFL. I'm
Speaker 4: certain you can. I'm certain you can, and I know
Speaker 4: you can get it in comedy because when I was
Speaker 4: dead and I wasn't going anywhere and I was like,
Speaker 4: I don't know how I'm gonna fucking make money.
Speaker 2: In this business.
Speaker 4: I would be at the store and you'd watch people
Speaker 4: talk to you and go like this, like look over
Speaker 4: your shoulder, and you be in the middle of sentence
Speaker 4: and they'd be like, oh, hey, Chris Rock, what's up,
Speaker 4: and then just leave you in the middle of sentence,
Speaker 4: and you'd be like, I guess I have no currency
Speaker 4: with this person.
Speaker 1: I'm not famous. I remember that happening to me a lot.
Speaker 4: And then you pop and become the guy that everyone
Speaker 4: looks you in the eye and you see them talk
Speaker 4: to your buddy who you were always here and here
Speaker 4: with they're talking to them, and then they do it
Speaker 4: for you and you go, oh, fuck, man, I was
Speaker 4: that guy a year ago now in this guy, but
Speaker 4: I could have always been this guy. That guy was
Speaker 4: my career, and so I'm sure you guys have to
Speaker 4: see that in the NFL, but we see it in
Speaker 4: the in comedy.
Speaker 2: It's like people look past you all the time. It's Hollywood.
Speaker 1: They don't give anything that has to do is like
Speaker 1: celebrity status, anything that puts you or people want to
Speaker 1: be one hundred percent. That happens all the time. Like
Speaker 1: Derrick Henry. If Derek Henry is walking behind me or
Speaker 1: running back, whoever I'm talking to is no longer just
Speaker 1: did what I'm talking to them about. They are on
Speaker 1: him a J. Ryan like it's it's really like that.
Speaker 1: But how do you think when you when you were
Speaker 1: at that point in your life where it's like, all right,
Speaker 1: Tom's doing so much better than I am. I'm getting
Speaker 1: paid two thousand things. You're doing a lot of stuff,
Speaker 1: but there's not a lot coming from it. Like what changes,
Speaker 1: like dramatic changes? Did you have to like right away
Speaker 1: that someone who's listening could be like, that's what I
Speaker 1: gotta do.
Speaker 2: Oh oh, I'll tell you.
Speaker 4: I said this to someone, said this is someone the
Speaker 4: other day They were they were like, what am I
Speaker 4: doing wrong that you didn't do? And I said, first
Speaker 4: of all, you're with me, like you're I would never
Speaker 4: have been with me.
Speaker 2: I would have.
Speaker 4: I would have I never turned my fucking brain off.
Speaker 4: I was obsessed. I was obsessed about every aspect of
Speaker 4: stand up comedy. I was obsessive about jokes. I was
Speaker 4: obsessive about stage time. I was obsessed with about content.
Speaker 4: I was obsessive about ideas I would.
Speaker 2: And I and I.
Speaker 4: The other thing is I didn't listen to anyone. I
Speaker 4: started listening to myself. Perfect example, I wanted to do
Speaker 4: a dance video. I wanted to do a dance challenge
Speaker 4: for so Brocktober one year, and Rogan was like, I
Speaker 4: think it's stupid, and and then Ari and Tom are like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I want to do it. And I was like okay,
Speaker 4: and I was like I still think it's a good idea.
Speaker 4: So I took dance lessons from a hip hop dancer
Speaker 4: and I did a dance video and I promoted my
Speaker 4: tour dates on the side, and I sold out every show, immediately,
Speaker 4: added second shows, sold out all of them. I was
Speaker 4: obsessed with it. I was just like like, yeah, this
Speaker 4: is the video. I did this video and then and
Speaker 4: this is the interesting story is that I was obsessed
Speaker 4: about I was obsessed about selling tickets.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is uh Glazer.
Speaker 4: I was obsessed with selling tickets and I and I
Speaker 4: I just wouldn't stop thinking.
Speaker 2: I had a million ideas.
Speaker 1: I and I.
Speaker 4: I never sat back and enjoyed the roses and smelled them.
Speaker 4: I just was going, like, I got a tour coming up,
Speaker 4: how do I sell tickets? And I was like, it's
Speaker 4: gotta It's gotta be something. It can't just be like
Speaker 4: hey guys, Cause hey guys, I got a brand new tour.
Speaker 1: Come out of there.
Speaker 2: I go, I want to. I want to razzle dazzle it.
Speaker 2: I want to.
Speaker 4: So I rese out this girl. My daughter and I
Speaker 4: liked her dancing. D Glazer and my daughters and I
Speaker 4: would past video. She's a great dancer. I said, hey,
Speaker 4: how much would it cost me to coach me in dancing?
Speaker 4: She goes twelve hundred bucks. I said great, So we went,
Speaker 4: we designed a dance, we did a dance. We shot
Speaker 4: this in two takes. I posted it, uh and it
Speaker 4: went it blew up, and immediately my agent called me
Speaker 4: and he goes, we just sold out your whole tour.
Speaker 4: It was like fifteen minutes after I posted it. It's
Speaker 4: like fucking six hundred thousand views fifteen minutes after I
Speaker 4: mean like took off. He's like, we sold out your
Speaker 4: whole tour. We're adding second shows. Second shows sell out.
Speaker 4: The next day. He goes, hey, we're gonna add third shows.
Speaker 4: Four shows. We add third and four shows. Go ahead
Speaker 4: and play the video. It's it's just very simple. The
Speaker 4: best part of this video. The best part of this
Speaker 4: video is Tom sees it.
Speaker 1: Bro Tom's and look cloud bike is so funny.
Speaker 2: And so Tom does this.
Speaker 1: Tom. I tell you know, Tom and I share everything.
Speaker 1: I tell him.
Speaker 4: I said, yeah, I sold out all my tour days
Speaker 4: and he was like, you're fucking serious. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I sold out everything, all the all the dates roll
Speaker 4: at the end of this sold everything. And he was like, hum.
Speaker 4: So Tom spends sixty thousand dollars when I say, no problem,
Speaker 4: sell money. Make this video all right?
Speaker 1: I put this. I got to hear it.
Speaker 4: There's no music right now, hip pause. So a fucking
Speaker 4: two weeks before this video comes out, he says to
Speaker 4: me him, man, I want to change up our profile
Speaker 4: picture online.
Speaker 2: Is it cool? We're both gonna do this? Is it cool?
Speaker 4: If this guy romy shoots some pictures of your face,
Speaker 4: and I was like, yeah, sure, and he goes all right, cool.
Speaker 4: So I go out and I stand up to this
Speaker 4: thing and they don't even put a mike. They put
Speaker 4: a mic call me. It's not even connected to anything.
Speaker 4: I didn't even notice. And he goes all right, look sad,
Speaker 4: and I'm like and then like, look like you got stabbed.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I do all.
Speaker 4: The fucking deep fake for this without knowing I was
Speaker 4: doing it for him, and I did all of that.
Speaker 4: I sat there for an hour doing all these faces,
Speaker 4: thinking we're doing promos for two bears, and then he
Speaker 4: fucking plays it for me.
Speaker 2: I go, you fucking kunt I go, that is me.
Speaker 4: I did all these like oh, and so that's me.
Speaker 4: It's someone else's body with my face on it. Sold
Speaker 4: out everything. He did not sold out everything everything immediately.
Speaker 1: Holy shit, dude, that's fucking hilarious.
Speaker 4: But it's like it's like that's when when you know,
Speaker 4: you know, obviously you know. When I was at that point,
Speaker 4: I remember I remember being like everything was it was.
Speaker 4: It cannibalized my life a little bit, but I was like,
Speaker 4: everything is this about this business? Everything is about this career,
Speaker 4: everything's about everything. I'm never turning it off. I'm only
Speaker 4: thinking about ideas and how can I make things better
Speaker 4: and focusing on my podcast. And I was doing it
Speaker 4: all myself too, making videos, editing videos, promo videos like
Speaker 4: I was exhausting to my daughters. I did this video,
Speaker 4: I'd like come up to him and be like I do,
Speaker 4: I'd sell I have this one video. I don't see
Speaker 4: if you can site type in Burt American flag, but
Speaker 4: I had. I came out. I mean, this is like
Speaker 4: right after school, like everyone stopped doing homework. George, I
Speaker 4: need you to operate a drone. Love, I need you
Speaker 4: to hold a air blower, Leanne. I need you to
Speaker 4: put the hose on Misted and then Georgia pulled the
Speaker 4: drone back and then rise up and then we'll put
Speaker 4: tour dates and and it. And my kids are like,
Speaker 4: are you fucking kidding me?
Speaker 1: That's fucking wild.
Speaker 4: It's an American fight. I mean, I just it was,
Speaker 4: but I was obsessed with it. And I think once
Speaker 4: you beat and that's not it, but once you become
Speaker 4: obsessed with it, I mean, it's the only way to succeed.
Speaker 2: I think you should have to be obsessed with it.
Speaker 4: Have to be everything in your life and that and
Speaker 4: either whether it's writing jokes or promoting tour dates or
Speaker 4: thinking about things that would pop.
Speaker 2: I think you've got to be obsessed with it.
Speaker 1: And if you're not, does your family life go when
Speaker 1: you're that obsessed with it? I don't know.
Speaker 4: It was kind of like it was good, I guess.
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm certain we pay. I'm certain I'm fucking
Speaker 4: paid for it. But like they were like there were
Speaker 4: times it was fun. Like I had to promote tour
Speaker 4: dates in Australia and so I got a big inflatable
Speaker 4: thing and I was like, I'll do a thing where
Speaker 4: I fly down the inflatable thing and I fall off
Speaker 4: and then and then uh, I'll kill a beer and
Speaker 4: all to have the kids going to Ozzy Auzzy Oi Oi.
Speaker 4: And I was like I did that and I sold
Speaker 4: out Australia, but like yeah, yeah, but it was like
Speaker 4: it was about coming out with promos constantly, like the
Speaker 4: body shots tour is this is a great one. This
Speaker 4: is at a fucking this is with all our families,
Speaker 4: we should be having dinner together. I put them all on,
Speaker 4: all the kids in my tour shirts, and then I
Speaker 4: just got on roller skates, my buddy, my wife's shooting
Speaker 4: it out of the back of a truck.
Speaker 2: My buddy, Stephen Prompkin's driving sold it out.
Speaker 4: And so but it's like, but imagine how what it's
Speaker 4: like to go to dinner with dad over your friend's
Speaker 4: house and I've got a speed on roller skates and
Speaker 4: I'm like, no, hey, everyone put on these shirts, get
Speaker 4: on your skateboards, get on your bikes, let's do it.
Speaker 2: And the kids loved it.
Speaker 1: The kids were I mean, the kids are always getting
Speaker 1: low key, pulling away from everybody too. They get on
Speaker 1: the skateboard, was next to you when it started, Yeah,
Speaker 1: getting high.
Speaker 4: So I but I was obsessed with it and I'm
Speaker 4: still obsessed with it, you know, Like we're going out
Speaker 4: I'm doing I haven't announced it. Yep, I'm doing Red
Speaker 4: Rocks again. I haven't announced so I guess I didn
Speaker 4: announce it right now, but uh yeah, and so and
Speaker 4: so I'm flying from Columbus on Sunday out to Red
Speaker 4: Rocks to shoot promos out at Red Rocks and then
Speaker 4: hanging out in Colorado and shooting some shit in Colorado.
Speaker 4: So they have promos to promote Red Rocks you know,
Speaker 4: it's like that's where my head's at, and it's like
Speaker 4: it's it. I remember feeling guilty because I was like,
Speaker 4: I'm always working. And I remember sitting on a plane
Speaker 4: next to a dad that was like, hey, bro, I'm
Speaker 4: in the military. I was Afghanistan for two fucking years.
Speaker 4: I think we're good. And I was like, oh yeah,
Speaker 4: certain dads just give up their life to fucking I mean,
Speaker 4: that's what you gotta do. You gotta work, you know.
Speaker 4: And I I'm cool with my kids and my wife
Speaker 4: were all cool. They get it, but their dad leaves
Speaker 4: for a month. I saw them the other night. I said,
Speaker 4: I'm out for a month. I love you guys, and
Speaker 4: they're like, I love you too. And you just go
Speaker 4: for a month and you're on the road, you're on tour,
Speaker 4: you're in a bus, you're partying. You fucking come home,
Speaker 4: and you get like, I'm come home. Maybe sometime within there,
Speaker 4: I'll go to fucking Portugal or Lithuania.
Speaker 2: Go take some guys on the trip o Jay then
Speaker 2: and then uh.
Speaker 1: Where's that New York.
Speaker 4: Boy? And then uh, you know, by the way, if
Speaker 4: we do this, if we do this and you guys
Speaker 4: go to you know, Big Cat's gonna be like.
Speaker 2: What the fuck, dude?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, right now for real, Yeah, Cat, there's been
Speaker 1: a situation with Big Cat. There's a there's a group
Speaker 1: chat with me, Will and Big Cat in it, and
Speaker 1: I don't know how it really began, but wait. We
Speaker 1: were trying to sell like for the boys t shirts
Speaker 1: like Michigan and Nebraska Nebraska, and Michigan was playing Wisconsin,
Speaker 1: which is where Big Cat wins or loves, and I
Speaker 1: was like, hey, if Michigan wins, you have to buy
Speaker 1: like twenty of these shirts, something small you win. Tried
Speaker 1: to get Dave Portnoy to help promote mission shirts, and
Speaker 1: Dave went around. Yeah, I went around there, and we're
Speaker 1: trying to sell things that they're gonna make money on.
Speaker 1: David just did not respond to my tax.
Speaker 5: Dave's a Michian guy, but yeah, big Cat, he's Wisconsin.
Speaker 5: But I tried going and get Big Cat because Big
Speaker 5: Cat will respond like, yeah, Dave Will.
Speaker 1: Will play chess a lot better than me. So but
Speaker 1: I thought, if I can get one tweet from Dave,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fucking sell these things out, no problem. So Wisconsin,
Speaker 1: Wisconsin gets donkeyed by Michigan, and so we're in this
Speaker 1: group chat now like hey, you gotta pay blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: and Big Cat decides in his mind, I'm no longer
Speaker 1: a part of the group chat. So he responds to
Speaker 1: Will being, hey, Will, will you tell Taylor that album?
Speaker 1: I'll buy the shirts. You know, I'm not happy we lost.
Speaker 1: I'm in the group chat, and so now I'm like
Speaker 1: trying to figure out a way to like be a
Speaker 1: part of the conversation. Yeah, be a part of the
Speaker 1: conversation while like he's just blatantly ignoring me. And I'll
Speaker 1: be like, hey, big Cat, can we're cool right or
Speaker 1: something whatever. I never said that, but like I would
Speaker 1: say something like that, and Bi Catt would be like,
Speaker 1: hey Will, I'm sure Taylor's wondering if for cool, Like
Speaker 1: we're definitely not, you know what I'm saying like that.
Speaker 5: On the side, Big Kevin taking screenshot by Hey Will,
Speaker 5: Taylor's trying to text me outside.
Speaker 1: I said that, yeah, because I would text him. On
Speaker 1: the side, if I pulled up my phone of just
Speaker 1: me and Big Cat, it would be me texting him
Speaker 1: and no responses because then he was screenshot and putt
Speaker 1: in the group chet Will. So we have Mike just
Speaker 1: Mike no longer Mike stud on the podcast and he's
Speaker 1: talking about yeah youah this there is some like overweight
Speaker 1: guy who's like a sports media guy. I don't know
Speaker 1: his name off no no so Will so Will chaps him.
Speaker 1: That's literally that's the clip. That's Lily the clip, and
Speaker 1: so big Cat makes this this fucking picture that's like
Speaker 1: obviously photoshop, like his head, Will's had in my head
Speaker 1: and it's like big Cat no longer friends with Will Compton,
Speaker 1: best friends with Lawan. Yeah, I'll never forget this. And
Speaker 1: he he texts me, He's like, hey, I think you
Speaker 1: and I it's like time for us to team up.
Speaker 1: Basically fuck Will, and so I hit him back. I go, hey,
Speaker 1: Will Bill tell big Cat, Yeah, tell Baked if you're worried,
Speaker 1: if he's upset with you that we're not cool, like
Speaker 1: where I don't want to be friends with him anymore,
Speaker 1: something like that. The last fucking two days, forty eight
Speaker 1: hours has been Big Cat doing so many things literally
Speaker 1: were it's me and Will just talking in the group
Speaker 1: chat without Big Cat. Now big Cat has talk about
Speaker 1: our day to day. Big Cat goes, I'll kill myself.
Speaker 1: If you guys keep doing this, we keep doing this.
Speaker 1: Big Cat texting goes, hey, this is Big Cat's son.
Speaker 1: What did I find my dad? Hey? Will explains, Will
Speaker 1: explains the Big Cat son, while the Big Cat's son
Speaker 1: responds with did you guys kill my dad? We keep
Speaker 1: going and then big Cat Big Cat goes Big Cat says, uh.
Speaker 1: He goes, hey, this is Big Cat's ghosts like, I
Speaker 1: just want you guys to know we're cool. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna haunt you guys for eternity scurry like that. It's
Speaker 1: fucking hilarious, dude, it was hilarious.
Speaker 5: But what was the I ended up texting Taylor and
Speaker 5: we're all this is all in the group chat, and
Speaker 5: by the end of the night, I just text Taylor.
Speaker 5: He goes, did you guys kill my dad? Did you
Speaker 5: guys kill my dad? I'm not even three, Like Big
Speaker 5: Cat's playing like his son and I just text I
Speaker 5: go Taylor. I tried texting him. He's doing this thing
Speaker 5: where he acts like his two year old son is texting.
Speaker 5: I'm just gonna give him time. Dudes in a weird
Speaker 5: headspace right now, and he keeps trying to tag and
Speaker 5: because at the beginning, he goes, he goes Taylor, he goes, Taylor,
Speaker 5: I'd like to speak with you again.
Speaker 1: I think the titles turning. There's someone else on this
Speaker 1: chain that.
Speaker 5: I will be squeezing out old school big ten guys,
Speaker 5: none of the new expanse and shit back to our roots.
Speaker 1: That just quite interesting.
Speaker 5: And so that's when Taylor goes, Will, can you please
Speaker 5: tell Big Cat when you see him that if he's
Speaker 5: looking to fix our relationship after it comms today, I'm
Speaker 5: no longer interested.
Speaker 1: And then that's when the whole chain goes.
Speaker 5: Big Cat wakes up this morning, he's like, guys, apologies accepted,
Speaker 5: one team, one heartbeat.
Speaker 1: We're all crew now. So Will and I, Will and
Speaker 1: I have made the decision that Will and I are
Speaker 1: no longer texting each other like whatever, we're using our
Speaker 1: group chat with Big Cat, but we're seeing at North
Speaker 1: Big Cat in the whole time.
Speaker 2: Oh that's fucking great.
Speaker 1: So it's fucking been a hilarious.
Speaker 4: How much fun would it be to find out all
Speaker 4: the all the group chats with all the fucking different people, meaning, like,
Speaker 4: what's George Clooney's group chat? M Like, you know he's
Speaker 4: got an Ocean of eleven group chat.
Speaker 5: Oh, he's gotta have one, Yeah, probably called Ocean eleven.
Speaker 5: Ocean's eleven. Yeah, now it's probably.
Speaker 1: Something way cooler. Dude. They were in fucking Palm Springs
Speaker 1: or Joshua Tree and they did fucking Payoti And there's
Speaker 1: a cool name that they all fucking saw.
Speaker 4: Who do you think Tom Brady's group chats are him
Speaker 4: Gronk Edelman, him Gnkttleman.
Speaker 1: Off the top of my head, that would be it,
Speaker 1: I bet you, But I bet you there's another one
Speaker 1: with Tom and Rabel are Titans head coach? Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know who else would be
Speaker 1: in the chat.
Speaker 2: Manager says, gotta wrap up soon. Who's manager?
Speaker 1: Whoever? Your manager? What time is it? Oh?
Speaker 2: Man? Maybe?
Speaker 1: Holy shit, maybe I do have to do a show tonight. Wait,
Speaker 1: what's up a show?
Speaker 2: Seven seven o'clock?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got the ryman like, that's fucking huge. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I gotta show in an hour forty seven minutes.
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm sure there's the same as sports.
Speaker 2: As you go, I'm ready for it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, And when you play sports, you're literally thinking yourself,
Speaker 1: what if this get Like, what if this happens. What
Speaker 1: if that happens, because it's not like I think the
Speaker 1: biggest difference is is like, you're not going you're going
Speaker 1: ast yourself.
Speaker 2: Well a picture of the Titans coach Mike Rabel. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's I can look for.
Speaker 4: Him, Okay, oh cool, yeah, easy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you'll be able to tell him right away. He's
Speaker 1: a little thicker. He's a little thicker now than he
Speaker 1: has in that photo.
Speaker 2: But apparently someone.
Speaker 4: Someone told me he's coming to the show, first show
Speaker 4: with the Rhyman and they're like his his his wife's
Speaker 4: a fan of yours and they're coming to.
Speaker 1: He uses his wife as a fan for everything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he'll tell us that he he doesn't use Twitter.
Speaker 4: I wanted to tell him feel free to come backstage,
Speaker 4: but I don't, you know, I don't. Also, it's like
Speaker 4: maybe guys like that don't want to be noticed. They
Speaker 4: just want to just do something regular.
Speaker 1: No, he wants to be He wants he wants to.
Speaker 1: He wants you to somehow reach out and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: if you guys want to, if you want to come
Speaker 1: backstation and I would love to meet you guys.
Speaker 2: But it might be wrong.
Speaker 1: He'll be like.
Speaker 4: Coold baby he'll like text him, IV, Can you text him?
Speaker 1: I don't want to, but I will.
Speaker 2: If he's coming to my show, he can come back to.
Speaker 1: Let you know.
Speaker 4: By the way, I'd love if he wrote back, who
Speaker 4: the fuck's Burt, and like it's the offensive coordinator. Okay
Speaker 4: you A lot of offensive coordinators wanted us to let
Speaker 4: you know what that you can come backstation night.
Speaker 1: Bert wanted us to tell you to let you know.
Speaker 2: If he's coming to the show, come back stations.
Speaker 1: Show tonight, you can come backstage. But also he didn't
Speaker 1: want to, Okay, hold on, but also if you're coming
Speaker 1: to the show tonight.
Speaker 4: I hope he writes back, who's Burt. It's a'm as
Speaker 4: long as you're cool.
Speaker 1: He said.
Speaker 5: But also he didn't want us to give you his
Speaker 5: number because he keeps us stuff.
Speaker 1: Probably he'll know.
Speaker 5: Like we're fucking with it. He'll text us about something
Speaker 5: on Twitter all the time, really and he'll like like
Speaker 5: it's Jin his social media manager, like, oh gin, she
Speaker 5: shows me these tweets and he's fuck line. Like I
Speaker 5: sat with him in a meeting one time, and this
Speaker 5: motherfucker's just scrolling on Instagram being like, hey, check out this,
Speaker 5: Like it's it was during an offensive meeting. But the
Speaker 5: dude loves social media. He loves bantering with the boys.
Speaker 5: He's all time. You'd love him.
Speaker 1: Look, this is him chirping me on fucking on social media.
Speaker 2: That's fucking great.
Speaker 1: He's hilarious. He's hilarious, but he's also like he comes
Speaker 1: from blood on his chirps. Yeah, like when you're a guy.
Speaker 1: Let's say we all got super close to three of
Speaker 1: us and eventually be like, oh, you're a piece of shit. No,
Speaker 1: you're a piece of shit, and we'd like joke and
Speaker 1: like be able to jab deeper with Rabel because there's
Speaker 1: like an authoritative figure with him. He's my boss, or
Speaker 1: was Will's boss. When we start tripping him, he comes
Speaker 1: in with a haymaker and you can't one up. Eventually,
Speaker 1: eventually you can't do anything about it. Yeah, yeah, like, look.
Speaker 5: The fuck another one one of the courts I've always
Speaker 5: remember from Coach Rabel was the great ones to make
Speaker 5: it look easy and then he fucking I hope you
Speaker 5: didn't think I was talking about.
Speaker 1: You when I said that. Oh I love this guy,
Speaker 1: I texted him.
Speaker 5: He does go for the throat though, you gotta come correct.
Speaker 5: It's much better being his uh, his buddy now that
Speaker 5: it is this fucking player.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, you two are boys, yeah Will, Will and
Speaker 1: Raves are blocking boys. Yeah yeah, absolutely, they've gotten real close.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what, dude, this has been has been
Speaker 1: when when we when we found out you were coming
Speaker 1: on the pod, when we found you were coming to
Speaker 1: the pot, were like, fuck yeah, dude for crushes coming
Speaker 1: on the pot. This gonna be fucking awesome. Today we
Speaker 1: called each other, Hey, big day, Big day for the boys.
Speaker 1: We've been tweeting today, Hey, big day for the boys. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah right.
Speaker 1: And there's obviously a whole lot of expectations, but there's
Speaker 1: one point I'm sure you had it in the middle
Speaker 1: of the day where you're like, man, I hope it
Speaker 1: goes as well as we think it's gonna go. And
Speaker 1: it truly exceeded expectations. It was we have this thing
Speaker 1: called Mount Bushmore. Yeah, it's Mount bus More. Couldn't wait more?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah bus Moore. So anyway, this is definitely one
Speaker 1: of those episodes.
Speaker 2: Oh thank you. It's definitely one of those.
Speaker 5: Like, uh, you're just so personable, yeah, stories and like
Speaker 5: your perspective and like sounds gay, but like being where
Speaker 5: your feet are, like appreciating, appreciating, like where you came from,
Speaker 5: and like understanding, like yeah, I'm gonna soak up all
Speaker 5: these moms.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I really fuck with your perspective.
Speaker 2: I appreciate it, man, Thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I feel like I keep saying. My thing I say
Speaker 4: is like make hey while the sun shines, and as
Speaker 4: I go, I'm healthy right now, I got my blood
Speaker 4: work back.
Speaker 2: I'm good.
Speaker 1: It's the first thing you say when you walk in alcoholic. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh you think, bro?
Speaker 4: Did you see his take on cost Oh yeah, no,
Speaker 4: I'll tell you what some conversations.
Speaker 1: That was that one take, that beautiful thing you talked
Speaker 1: about drinking.
Speaker 5: I was telling I told this to someone the other day,
Speaker 5: Sunday conversation, that.
Speaker 4: It was one take. But I it's so funny. Do
Speaker 4: you guys know who Patty Pimblington is. Yeah, yeah, the fighter, Yeah,
Speaker 4: Patty the Batty. And I made that speech and it
Speaker 4: started like people started sending it around. I was like, God,
Speaker 4: damn it, I called my shot. You know, it's like
Speaker 4: when he goes scouses, don't get in allucked out, you
Speaker 4: all anyone's waiting face for him to get knocked out.
Speaker 4: Come on, what are you gonna say? Do you know
Speaker 4: they're gonna go? It turns out Scouser's getting knocked out.
Speaker 2: As soon as I did this, I will never stop partying.
Speaker 4: And then all of a sudden, I'm like today because
Speaker 4: I'm getting ready to go to the doctor, I'm sitting there going
Speaker 4: tod I just do my.
Speaker 2: Scousers don't get knocked out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm never quit partying. Imagine who is stay healthy enough?
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, like your liver's failing,
Speaker 1: I'm like, get knocked out. It's crazy too.
Speaker 5: Like you were talking about that Sunday conversation, the way
Speaker 5: he painted beautifully like it was beautiful and just up
Speaker 5: to what he said, the fan, the fans story the
Speaker 5: same thing.
Speaker 1: Just an elite storyteller. Honestly, we can literally do a
Speaker 1: cut up like that, by the way, like Sunday the
Speaker 1: Conversation did. When you're talking about being a fan waking up, dude,
Speaker 1: somebody times left you get to go. I'll tell you
Speaker 1: what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: It's I believe this is the thing that people listening
Speaker 4: to this podcast will really relate to.
Speaker 2: Is that because I'm the same as they are.
Speaker 4: It's just like, dude, like if if you guys, if
Speaker 4: like remember when McAfee went on to Monday Night Football
Speaker 4: and you were like, fuck yeah, our guy made it.
Speaker 4: Our guy made it, Like fuck yeah. Like those that's
Speaker 4: I mean, that's the thing that people, you know, the
Speaker 4: same thing with drinking is like, not everyone's gonna be
Speaker 4: Rogan and fucking or David Goggins and run or Cam
Speaker 4: Haynes or fucking Jesse Sweets or Ceciler. They're not gonna
Speaker 4: be these guys, but they're definitely gonna have drinks on Friday.
Speaker 4: I need something to fire them up for. And I
Speaker 4: didn't I didn't mean to say that that way. By
Speaker 4: he came out and I was like.
Speaker 1: Beautiful, Oh yeah, he's what almosis, Oh yeah, I It's
Speaker 1: gonna be one of those kind of days. It's so
Speaker 1: fucking awesome, great fucking podcasts. Longest podcast we've ever done,
Speaker 1: by far, for real, oh by far. Subscribe, subscribe.
Speaker 2: The boys come out, just come out probably next week.
Speaker 4: Hey, do mean favor Go to fully loaded festival dot com.
Speaker 2: I'm putting on a tour.
Speaker 4: It's gonna be uh, it's gonna be about twelve comics
Speaker 4: per show. David heel Mark, Norman, Big jay O, Christine,
Speaker 4: Shane Gillis, Joey Diaz, Nicky Glazer, Taylor, Tomlinson, Fortune Femester.
Speaker 2: We're adding more.
Speaker 4: We're doing minor league stadiums, arenas and amphitheaters for two
Speaker 4: weeks in June. The middle two weeks in June go
Speaker 4: to Fully Loaded Festival. It's going to be huge. We're
Speaker 4: also I mean, the offer is going to be out
Speaker 4: to if people want to come out to podcasts. We
Speaker 4: have so much talent out there that I was going
Speaker 4: to say, you know, I think the trash Tuesday girls
Speaker 4: are going to come out for like a day and
Speaker 4: bang out a bunch of podcasts. So if you guys
Speaker 4: want to come out and do some podcasts, I mean, legit.
Speaker 4: The talent that's out there, and I know how much
Speaker 4: it costs. It's hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Speaker 4: So put the festival together. Myself, I'm paying everyone. You
Speaker 4: guys come out, pick a date. We're gonna do a
Speaker 4: big one and we're doing South Bend. Shane Gillis is
Speaker 4: obsessed with Notre Dame, so we're doing a whole day
Speaker 4: for him at Notre Dame. And so if you guys
Speaker 4: want to come out to any of the dates, let
Speaker 4: me know.
Speaker 1: Do you know when the dates exactly are?
Speaker 4: Yeah, you can July eighteenth, June eighteenth, June eighteenth, and
Speaker 4: then uh sing goode mayo im at the Greek and
Speaker 4: then I'll haven't announced.
Speaker 1: I announced, I already announced red Rocks.
Speaker 2: I just don't know what day it is.
Speaker 4: All right, go to burberbert dot com to get your tickets, everybody,
Speaker 4: burburber dot com.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Burburbert, burburbert dot com.
Speaker 1: Fucking go man. Fuck yea to Sandy CLASTI standing out
Speaker 1: of standing. Subscribe