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Speaker 1: This is John, this is them Okay Storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we have some good story is coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: That's right.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a little morsel of a

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Speaker 2: two minute outbreak from the sponsors keeping the show delicious.

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Speaker 3: H I want my brother as my maid of honor,

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Speaker 3: but my friend thinks it's creepy.

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Speaker 1: Is your brother creepy? Because that's the only thing I.

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Speaker 3: Twenty five female. I'm planning my wedding to my awesome

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Speaker 3: fiance and I'm so excited. We've been planning the event

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Speaker 3: and we'll be married later in the year.

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Speaker 4: Yahs.

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Speaker 3: His best man is brother and groomsman mostly picked out.

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Speaker 3: I thought I did too. We each have six people,

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Speaker 3: and I have five female bridesmaids and a man of honor,

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Speaker 3: which I want to be my brother.

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Speaker 4: Thirty five male.

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Speaker 3: My bridesmaids think this isn't a great idea, and if

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Speaker 3: you are hurt, I'm not choosing them instead yours?

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Speaker 1: Why I want to choose my brother?

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Wedding Drama twelve oh five,

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Speaker 3: and if you want to spit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit. My biological mother

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Speaker 3: lost custody of me. When I was four, was put

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Speaker 3: in an emergency foster situation with a family. I lived

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Speaker 3: with them for six months, but was then put back

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Speaker 3: into my mother's case. From four and a half ish

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Speaker 3: to six, I lived with my mother, and it was bad.

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Speaker 3: She was too sick, too did and too weak to

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Speaker 3: handle a child, and by six I was being adopted out.

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Speaker 3: By some miracle, the family who took me in at

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Speaker 3: four got a hold in the system and I went

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Speaker 3: to live with them and was later adopted. The family

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Speaker 3: had boys, The youngest was sixteen when.

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Speaker 4: I got there.

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Speaker 3: I was terrified of him when I got there, which

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Speaker 3: they told me about recently. I have no recollection of that.

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Speaker 3: I do remember him spending the summer with me, teaching

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Speaker 3: me to swim, teaching me how to play games, teaching

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Speaker 3: me how different appliances worked. He skipped a summer job

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Speaker 3: to help our mom with my adjustment. I had eating problems,

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Speaker 3: I had dental problems. I had a snoot full of

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Speaker 3: health problems, including parasites. He came to doctor appointments. He

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Speaker 3: also helped me get ready for school. I hadn't started

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Speaker 3: kindergarten yet and would actually never go, and my mom

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Speaker 3: would do learning activities with me, and by September I

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Speaker 3: was okay to first grade. I used to lie on

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Speaker 3: my stomach and play geography games with him, and he'd

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Speaker 3: reward me with reason. We were very close. He didn't

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Speaker 3: go away to college as his tradition, and instead stayed

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Speaker 3: home to go to a good university locally. He'd pick

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Speaker 3: me up from school some days, and from six to twelve,

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Speaker 3: I had an older brother to rely on. He eventually

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Speaker 3: moved out and went to medical school. He's such a

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Speaker 3: great person for that field. Very literally, my brother helped

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Speaker 3: save my life. He was calm, stable influence in my life.

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Speaker 3: I credit him, my mother and father with saving my life.

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Speaker 3: I would never have gone to college. I probably wouldn't

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Speaker 3: have graduated high school or even lived as I was

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Speaker 3: so sick. I had four eniscopies, four klonoscopes, and three

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Speaker 3: surgeries before I was eight. My family doesn't look like me.

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Speaker 3: I'm most likely Mexican or something else, most probably African American,

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Speaker 3: and they don't come from where I do. But they

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Speaker 3: never treated me any differently than their other kids. Since

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Speaker 3: the others were older and out of the home, I

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Speaker 3: was never as close to them as I was my

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Speaker 3: parents and brother. My thinking is a maid of honor

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Speaker 3: is someone really important, and I cannot think of anyone

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Speaker 3: else who comes close. I haven't even asked him yet,

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Speaker 3: but I think he'd do it. I told my parents

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Speaker 3: and they said they wouldn't say anything to him, but.

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Speaker 4: They thought it was a great idea.

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Speaker 3: My husband is also good with it and thinks it's

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Speaker 3: a sweet thing to do. But my female friends were

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Speaker 3: horrified I suggested it and think it's creepy.

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Speaker 2: I think they should shut up, Like, honestly, what's creepy

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Speaker 2: about it?

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Speaker 1: Just said it's not a woman like had it.

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Speaker 3: Your brother is literally the like, one of the most

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Speaker 3: important people in your life. If I look back on

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Speaker 3: that time, it's the happiest a person could be. Is

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Speaker 3: it weird and creepy? Does it contravene some weird relationship

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Speaker 3: boundary between brother and sister?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 1: Is it highly inappropriate?

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Speaker 4: Nope?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Well yeah, because everyone knows you actually get married to

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Speaker 2: your your maid of honor?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone knows what are you going to marry your brother? Gross?

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Speaker 3: Update? So what happened? Well, I realized that it is

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Speaker 3: my wedding. My fiance fully understood my position and really

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Speaker 3: likes my brother and thought it was a great idea.

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Speaker 3: I organized a brunch with my current bridesmaids to explain

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Speaker 3: my position and why I did what I did. I

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Speaker 3: realized that it's a story i've but didn't talk about

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Speaker 3: with my friends. Also doesn't really matter. Thought it was

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Speaker 3: abundantly clear that being different from my family made it obvious.

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Speaker 3: I don't think it actually matters that you didn't tell

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Speaker 3: them this story. I don't think they have any right

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Speaker 3: to question why you want your brother to be your

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Speaker 3: man of honor.

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Speaker 1: It's just so like off base to call it creepy. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't get it.

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Speaker 3: It's like not like, oh, like, why are you having

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Speaker 3: your brother, It's like creepy as a that's like a

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Speaker 3: targeted word. The brunch was interesting. What I didn't mention

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Speaker 3: in my last post was that the person who raised

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Speaker 3: the most of us was also someone who seemed to

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Speaker 3: get the other people going more than they otherwise would have.

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Speaker 3: We met for a lovely brunch at a nice place

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Speaker 3: my treat to, and I raised the issue once more.

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Speaker 3: The person who was most disgusted by it, Miss X,

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Speaker 3: again raised her objection. She was furious and said that

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Speaker 3: this was a travesty and tried to rally the other girl.

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Speaker 3: This time, there wasn't as much of a reaction, and

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Speaker 3: the other sort of just didn't care. I told them

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Speaker 3: all why I wanted to honor my brother and why

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Speaker 3: it was so important to me, and Miss X admitted

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Speaker 3: that it was lovely and touching, but it should be that's.

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Speaker 1: Her bed snack.

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Speaker 2: What do you mean it's her business? Is it being

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Speaker 2: paid or as your wedding?

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Speaker 3: Turns out that she wanted to be made of honor

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Speaker 3: and was going behind my back to get the other

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Speaker 3: girls to drop out of contention so that she could

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Speaker 3: do it, so she could plan the wedding and thus

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Speaker 3: could be made of honor wedding planner and this would

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Speaker 3: be for her business. Yeah, that's why people are made

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Speaker 3: of honor, so that they can put it on their resume.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I gotta pat I gotta fill out my resume.

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Speaker 4: That's crazy.

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Speaker 2: Well, I guess it's not even insane, but the way

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Speaker 2: she's going about it is insane. It's like it makes

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Speaker 2: sense to be like, hey, like I was thinking maybe

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Speaker 2: like can I talk to you like blah blah blah,

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Speaker 2: and then still like well, no, my brother's going to

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Speaker 2: be it. But at least now I understand where you're

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Speaker 2: coming from. I understand that you're crazy.

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Speaker 3: My X was so upset that she threatened to drop

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Speaker 3: out of the bridal party altogether if this went further.

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Speaker 3: Brunch was tense after she left, but the consensus was

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Speaker 3: the other girls wanted her gone, and I didn't want

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Speaker 3: her around anymore either, So she's no longer being included.

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Speaker 3: I will send her an invite. That meant I had

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Speaker 3: to speak to my brother, as I mentioned. He's a

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Speaker 3: doctor and as a dual practice, so I swung by

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Speaker 3: his office and texted him that I really needed to talk.

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Speaker 3: He misinterpreted my comments, so he kept the office open

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Speaker 3: late and his secretary nurse wife let me in. I

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Speaker 3: went into his office and he was immediately worried. I

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Speaker 3: was sick that I told him what had happened and

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Speaker 3: why Miss X dropped out, and that I wanted him

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Speaker 3: to be my man of honor. He was totally surprised

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Speaker 3: and confused. He asked if I was sure, and that

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Speaker 3: I really shouldn't feel compelled, which is when I began crying.

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Speaker 3: I had so much pent up emotion. So he made

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Speaker 3: me laugh, which meant I was snorting, laughing, crying, which

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Speaker 3: is my usual. He said he would be delighted, but

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Speaker 3: it wasn't really good at bridal showers, so he would

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Speaker 3: need help.

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Speaker 1: Listen up, people, listen this wedding is it?

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Speaker 4: It's oh PE's wedding, So.

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Speaker 1: Who gets to make those decisions?

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Speaker 4: Pee?

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Speaker 1: Who's this stinky lady?

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Speaker 4: Oh PE's friend miss X.

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Speaker 2: Missus X can go be a stinky flower in the rainforest.

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Speaker 4: They made a plan for your resume.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, look, that's.

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Speaker 4: Such a crazy reason to want to be a bridesmaid.

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Speaker 2: Another honor perfect example. If you would have just had open,

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Speaker 2: clear communication.

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Speaker 1: You literally probably could have planned that wedding. Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: could doesn't know how to.

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Speaker 3: You could have been like, hey, I'm you know, this

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Speaker 3: is kind of this job that I've been working on.

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Speaker 3: Would you be okay with me helping plan the wedding

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Speaker 3: or you know, take in control of the planning. I'd

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Speaker 3: do it for free, or I'd do it for a discount,

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Speaker 3: blah blah blah. Like straight up, they probably would have said, yes,

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Speaker 3: we arranged a time for all the bridesmaids to come

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Speaker 3: together and meet the man of honor. So we are

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Speaker 3: having a barbecue at my parents' place this weekend. My

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Speaker 3: mom and dad are so happy that he's involved. My

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Speaker 3: dad is walking me down the aisle and my brother

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Speaker 3: will stand at the end. My brother offered a very

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Speaker 3: very generous gift towards paying for the wedding, So not

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Speaker 3: only is he standing as the maid of honor, but

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Speaker 3: he is paying about one third of the wedding. We're

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Speaker 3: really really excited. Interesting story. One of the bridesmaids actually

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Speaker 3: knows my brother. This bridesmaid and I were friends at

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Speaker 3: college and lived away for a while.

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Speaker 4: All visiting home.

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Speaker 3: She developed some sort of nasty infection and was directed

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Speaker 3: from a walking clinic to an emergency room, where my

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Speaker 3: brother attended to her and got her on her way.

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Speaker 3: So there's a weird personal connection that they can talk

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Speaker 3: about when they meet. Hey, you land something somewhere, Glad

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Speaker 3: to meet you again. All in all, I'm sad one

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Speaker 3: friend turned out to be so selfish, but I'm happy

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Speaker 3: to get my man of honor.

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Speaker 1: Yeah we did that.

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Speaker 2: He's so funny if she liked that that person came

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Speaker 2: up and started talking about the medical procedure that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah he did. And he's like I can't talk about

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Speaker 1: that's depocratic oath.

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Speaker 2: I booked my wedding two weeks before my sisters and

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Speaker 2: now things are tense.

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Speaker 4: Why would you do that?

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Speaker 2: My older sister forty two female, and I thirty seven female,

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Speaker 2: have always had a pretty good relationship. She's always been

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Speaker 2: the protective big sister and is the kind of person

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Speaker 2: to drop everything to be there for her family when

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Speaker 2: they're in need. My sister's been in a relationship with

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Speaker 2: her partner for fifteen years. They have a three year

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Speaker 2: old son together, and only just finally got engaged two

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Speaker 2: years ago December of twenty twenty two. By the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from user Throwaway ten years and if you

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Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 2: slash Okay storytime subread it. I've been with my partner

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Speaker 2: for three We got engaged in June twenty twenty four.

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Speaker 2: We had been discussing marriage for about a year prior

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Speaker 2: to this, and throughout that year I had also been

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Speaker 2: talking to my sister about our impending engagement as well

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Speaker 2: as her plans for her wedding. She had stated that

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Speaker 2: they were aiming for a Fall twenty twenty four wedding.

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Speaker 2: When my fiance proposed he got my sister to help

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Speaker 2: him make it a surprise. She was completely on board

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Speaker 2: and excited for us. We told her we intended to

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Speaker 2: have a one year engagement, having our wedding in the

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Speaker 2: summer of twenty twenty five. We immediately started looking at venues.

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Speaker 2: My sister even sent me some suggestions to look at. Meanwhile,

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Speaker 2: I hadn't heard any update about her wedding plans in

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Speaker 2: several months, and fall was creeping up. A few weeks

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Speaker 2: into looking at venues, my sister texted me to say

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Speaker 2: she was now booking her own wedding venue for June seventh,

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Speaker 2: twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 1: I was a bit surprised that she was now also

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Speaker 1: picking summer twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 2: She said, well, it's not a problem since you guys

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Speaker 2: want later in the summer, right I previously mentioned to

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Speaker 2: her that a late August wedding would be my ideal.

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Speaker 2: I agreed, but added that we were pretty much open

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Speaker 2: to any time in the wedding season, which where I

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Speaker 2: live in in Canada is late spring through early fall.

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Speaker 2: About a week after that conversation, one month of total looking,

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Speaker 2: we picked our venue. It was the only decent venue

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Speaker 2: in our area that would do what we want, which

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Speaker 2: was a ceremony and a full service, sit down dinner

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Speaker 2: slash reception for less than one hundred people.

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Speaker 1: We only have about forty guests.

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Speaker 2: Unfortunately, their available dates were very slim, either late May

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Speaker 2: or late October, and around these parts it gets pretty

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Speaker 2: cold by late October and the plan is to have

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Speaker 2: an outdoor ceremony as well as use of an outdoor

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Speaker 2: deck during the reception, so this only left me with

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Speaker 2: late May as a good option weatherwise. I tentatively held

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Speaker 2: May twenty fourth, two weeks prior to my sister's wedding,

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Speaker 2: and reached out to her to let her know. It

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Speaker 2: was immediately apparent that she was upset about it, even

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Speaker 2: though she would not say as much, basically just giving

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Speaker 2: short one word replies.

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Speaker 1: And having a very yeah whatever attitude.

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Speaker 2: I was quite surprised at this reaction because she is

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Speaker 2: usually a very supportive big sister and generally pretty laid

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Speaker 2: back as well. Decided to go visit her the next

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Speaker 2: day to try and get a better feel for where

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Speaker 2: her head was at and hopefully talk it out a

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Speaker 2: little bit. I asked her if she felt negatively about it,

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Speaker 2: and she should. Honestly, yeah, I do, but I don't

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Speaker 2: really know why. So I asked what her concerns are,

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Speaker 2: and she said, well, I guess if I have a

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Speaker 2: smaller turnout at my wedding because of yours. I assured

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Speaker 2: her that we don't have any crossover in our guest

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Speaker 2: lists aside from our immediate family members.

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Speaker 1: We are of course going to attend both.

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Speaker 2: After that, she basically completely shut down and again just

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Speaker 2: started giving me one word answers. It was hard to

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Speaker 2: talk it out much more because my three year old

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Speaker 2: nephew was there the whole time as well, giving her

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Speaker 2: an easy distraction to shut down the conversation. The following day,

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Speaker 2: I texted her fiance and asked him to give me

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Speaker 2: some insight on how she was feeling, since she just

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Speaker 2: kept shutting down. He said, honestly, she's very hurt that

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Speaker 2: you would even consider doing this, doing what getting married

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Speaker 2: that when I said I would, you changed your plans?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I think I think the only thing that I probably

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Speaker 3: would have done, not that Ope isn't at fault, but

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Speaker 3: it probably would have like mitigated all this is if

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Speaker 3: she had before going and you know, picking this date,

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Speaker 3: had talked to the sister room and like, hey, this

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Speaker 3: is the data I'm planning from there.

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Speaker 2: I spent a month going back and forth in my

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Speaker 2: mind about what I should do. I assumed she was

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Speaker 2: more annoyed that I, the little sister who had been

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Speaker 2: in a relationship and engaged for the less time, was

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Speaker 2: quote unquote beating her to the altar. My fiance also

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Speaker 2: suggested that maybe she was concerned our wedding would outshine

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Speaker 2: hers because we don't have kids and have more disposable income.

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Speaker 1: She's having a daytime micro wedding.

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Speaker 2: As much as I can understand those feelings and where

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Speaker 2: she's coming from, to an extent, in the long run,

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Speaker 2: I really don't believe that my wedding being before or

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Speaker 2: close to hers will negatively affect anything. I spoke to

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Speaker 2: my mother, who had already spoken to her, and she

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Speaker 2: didn't want to choose sides and just wants us both

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Speaker 2: to be happy. I told a few other close friends

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Speaker 2: about it, including a mutual one of my sisters, and

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Speaker 2: they seem to side with me. But maybe they're just

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Speaker 2: being supportive friends. The only way to make her happy

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Speaker 2: and still get the wedding that my partner and I

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Speaker 2: want would be to push our wedding out by another

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Speaker 2: year to twenty twenty six. We didn't want to do

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Speaker 2: this for several reasons, but the two key ones are

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Speaker 2: that we both have aging parents ranging from sixty seven

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Speaker 2: to eighty one, some of which have had recent health problems.

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Speaker 2: My sister and I already lost our father at age

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Speaker 2: sixty nine. To care two years felt like a lot

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Speaker 2: of time for life to happen, and I would hate

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Speaker 2: for any one of our remaining parents to not be

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Speaker 2: able to attend our wedding for any reason. And we

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Speaker 2: are planners and have been discussing and planning our future

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Speaker 2: together for some time. Part of our five year plan

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Speaker 2: was to get engaged in year three, be married in

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Speaker 2: year four, and then buy a home together in year five.

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Speaker 2: Pushing our date would mess up that whole timeline. I've

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Speaker 2: also openly discussed this five year plan with my sister

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Speaker 2: before I was ever engaged. Ultimately, after truly a lot

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Speaker 2: of thinking about it and even trying to look more

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Speaker 2: for other venues, we decided to go ahead with the

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Speaker 2: May twenty fourth wedding day. I broke the news to

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Speaker 2: my sister and told her I'm not trying to hurt

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Speaker 2: her and I love her, and that my partner and

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Speaker 2: I just have to do what's best for us in

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Speaker 2: the end, and that she can too. I'll do whatever

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Speaker 2: I can to support her and stay out of her

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Speaker 2: way whatever she wants me to do. I told her

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Speaker 2: I was here to listen to her feelings or any

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Speaker 2: other concerns that she may have. She said that she

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Speaker 2: wasn't even that mad about me being first, but the

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Speaker 2: close proximity makes her feel like there'll be too much

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Speaker 2: going on at once and neither of us will have

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Speaker 2: the bandwidth to be a part of the other celebrations.

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Speaker 2: She also did admit that she wanted the time around

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Speaker 2: her wedding to be just about her for once. There

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Speaker 2: it is, that's the reality, and now she feels like

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Speaker 2: that won't be the case. She said she tried so

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Speaker 2: hard to pick a date that wouldn't get in the

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Speaker 2: way of our wedding or any other family members birthdays

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Speaker 2: or anniversaries, et cetera. Question mark, question mark, question mark,

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Speaker 2: and then it didn't even matter in the end. I

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Speaker 2: tried to assure her that I would do anything she

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Speaker 2: needed of me on and leading up to her big day,

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Speaker 2: and that I would not be asking much of her anyway,

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Speaker 2: because we had already decided not to have an official

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Speaker 2: wedding party. I only wanted her to be my signing

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Speaker 2: witness on the day of. I'm not even planning on

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Speaker 2: having a bachelorette party or anything. I can't really help

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Speaker 2: if she feels my wedding will somehow make hers less special.

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Speaker 2: But I really do believe it will all turn out

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Speaker 2: to be fine in the end, and I really wish

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Speaker 2: we could both be happy for and celebrating with each other.

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Speaker 2: So by the end of the conversation, we agreed that

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Speaker 2: we did not want to fight or be mad at

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Speaker 2: each other, and that we would have to just move.

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Speaker 1: Forward and make the best of it.

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Speaker 2: However, since then, she has gone very low contact with me.

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Speaker 2: We were supposed to go to a concert together and

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Speaker 2: she got sick last minute. I invited her to bring

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Speaker 2: my nephew to a local fair for the day, and

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Speaker 2: the three of us went and I acted like everything

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Speaker 2: was normal, and she was again being pretty closed off

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Speaker 2: and not talking much even when I was asking her

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Speaker 2: questions about her life. I tried chatting with her like normal,

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Speaker 2: telling her about what was going on in my life,

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Speaker 2: which happened to be a bunch of financial hardships that

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Speaker 2: all kind of hit at once, and she completely dismissed

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Speaker 2: my problems as no big deal, you can afford it.

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Speaker 2: I've been giving her space since then and only just

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Speaker 2: kind of sending little messages or memes over social media

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Speaker 2: and such. Recently, I texted her and said, hey, I

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Speaker 2: miss your face. Be my friend, and she replied, yeah,

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Speaker 2: my face is pretty cool. I'll consider your application, which

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Speaker 2: was playful but still kind of felt like a no

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Speaker 2: thanks reply. So now I'm feeling pretty sad that this

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Speaker 2: is what has happened to our once good relations. It's

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Speaker 2: really not that bad, though, Like you don't have to

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Speaker 2: even be that sad. That doesn't feel like it's that bad.

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Speaker 4: No, I feel like if she's been playful, it'll be okay.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like he's just a little butter. That's truly

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Speaker 1: all it is. Okay, this is the most this is

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Speaker 1: just but her.

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Speaker 3: I mean even in her reply of like, I am upset,

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Speaker 3: but I don't really know why.

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Speaker 4: I think show will get over it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if there's anything I can do to

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Speaker 1: repair it.

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Speaker 2: At this point, I just keep hoping that with time

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Speaker 2: she'll be able to feel better about it.

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Speaker 1: Any advice. Enjoy your wedding.

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Speaker 3: Literally, I think when she enjoys her wedding, everything will

404
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Speaker 3: be fine.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, my boyfriend's friends are stalking him. I'm pretty sure

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Speaker 4: they're obsessed. No, he's just like so cool. I twenty

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Speaker 4: one female and my boyfriend Zach twenty one male, have

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Speaker 4: been dating for three years. Both are very communicative about

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Speaker 4: how we feel and about our beliefs from the very

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Speaker 4: beginning of our relationship. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 4: unfair Watercress eighty five and if you want to submit

412
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,720
Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story

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Speaker 4: time and subreddit. So now we had two friends who

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Speaker 4: will go by Colby twenty email and Naomi twenty two. Zach, Kobe,

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Speaker 4: and Naomi are all in a pre med program, but

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Speaker 4: I am going into teaching, so I don't have anything

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Speaker 4: to do with this program. That has always been Zach's thing,

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Speaker 4: and that's okay. It's important that we have our own things.

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Speaker 4: We are all college students, but Kobe goes to a

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Speaker 4: different one about an hour away from us, and Naomi

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Speaker 4: goes to the same as ours, but it's online for her.

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Speaker 4: Zach met them last summer and has been friends ever since,

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Speaker 4: But just in knowing them for about three months, they

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Speaker 4: invited Zach to go to a place that is almost

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Speaker 4: a full day's drive. There, they spent the whole weekend

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Speaker 4: in one hotel room, one on each bed, and then

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Speaker 4: Naomi slept on the couch. I think that they might

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Speaker 4: have switched one night, but that's besides the point. I

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Speaker 4: met Naomi and Kobe once before the trip, and it

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Speaker 4: was very odd. Not only did Naomi decide on the

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Speaker 4: most expensive restaurant in the bigger city near us, but

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Speaker 4: she also was determined that we weren't going to just eat.

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Speaker 4: We had to do an activity after, which, although extremely expensive,

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Speaker 4: was fun. Throughout the activity we did after we ate,

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Speaker 4: Kobe and Naomi really kept themselves. It was just really

436
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Speaker 4: awkward the whole time. Even at I got weird vibes

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Speaker 4: from Naomi, but I really just brushed it off because

438
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,920
Speaker 4: that was Zach's friend and I knew he was really

439
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Speaker 4: excited for me to meet them, so I just kind

440
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Speaker 4: of went about my business. After meeting them the weekend

441
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,480
Speaker 4: before they left for the trip, I was just kind

442
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,040
Speaker 4: of dreading how it was going to go. Zach actually

443
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:19,000
Speaker 4: would spend close to seven hundred dollars for just a

444
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,919
Speaker 4: third of the activities and food because Naomi insisted on

445
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,240
Speaker 4: going to expensive places that would pissed me off.

446
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,800
Speaker 1: Man show that pissed me off.

447
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,439
Speaker 4: Zach and I have been discussing engagement for a while,

448
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,880
Speaker 4: and I think that he already has the ring picked out,

449
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,840
Speaker 4: but he hasn't really said, mostly because I want the

450
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,439
Speaker 4: proposal to be a surprise, no matter when, where or

451
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,840
Speaker 4: how he may ask, I know my answer is yes,

452
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,200
Speaker 4: I am undeniably in love with him. After they were

453
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,359
Speaker 4: going back from the trip, it was late and Naomi

454
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,200
Speaker 4: revealed to Zach that she and Kobe were dating, which

455
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,240
Speaker 4: I could have told you from when I met them

456
00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:51,600
Speaker 4: the weekend before. Yeah, why is that like a secret.

457
00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:55,520
Speaker 4: Since it was late, Zach's mom offered for him, Naomi,

458
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,919
Speaker 4: and Kobe to stay at Zach's family house. I was

459
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,159
Speaker 4: very much looking forward to seeing Zach that night, but

460
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,080
Speaker 4: Naomi was complaining about not wanting to drive back to

461
00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:05,959
Speaker 4: where she lived that night, So shocker, she got what

462
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:09,320
Speaker 4: she wanted. This is a repeating thing home girl never

463
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,320
Speaker 4: got told no in her life, and it was obvious.

464
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,960
Speaker 4: Now here's where it gives juicy. Remember how they were

465
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,119
Speaker 4: all on the same program. Well, Naomi told Zach and

466
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,200
Speaker 4: Colby on the way there or back, not sure which,

467
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:26,120
Speaker 4: that she was previously married and adopted the child from

468
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:29,720
Speaker 4: her ex husband's previous relationship. Keep that in mind, it's

469
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,560
Speaker 4: very important. She has a child.

470
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 1: What do we He has a child, Naomi?

471
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's the adopted child that her husband had

472
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,720
Speaker 2: from his previous marriage and from hers.

473
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,560
Speaker 4: We're gonna go back to see how old these people can?

474
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:42,720
Speaker 5: You?

475
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:43,520
Speaker 4: Can you very young?

476
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,080
Speaker 1: I'm confused on if she's adopting.

477
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,080
Speaker 4: She's basically dropping I have a kid.

478
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:49,600
Speaker 1: Right, No, it's not her kid.

479
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,440
Speaker 2: I mean it's her kid, but it wasn't she did

480
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,560
Speaker 2: not give right, right, it was from her ex husband's

481
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,360
Speaker 2: previous exactly marriage.

482
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:57,879
Speaker 1: This story is very straightforward.

483
00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,879
Speaker 4: Please know how old Naomi is because and her boyfriend

484
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,080
Speaker 4: Zach are both twenty one.

485
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:03,920
Speaker 1: She is, I would assume in the neighborhood.

486
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 4: Then if she has been married to someone and divorced

487
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,720
Speaker 4: who was also married and divorced to someone else before

488
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,639
Speaker 4: that and had a kid with them, you know what

489
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:12,000
Speaker 4: I mean?

490
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I do know what you mean, because

491
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,520
Speaker 2: like some people are built different.

492
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,200
Speaker 4: Oh, oh wait, okay, we do have the ages. Kolby

493
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 4: is twenty and Naomi is like twenty two ish. She

494
00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 4: has a question mark next to twenty two, so could

495
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 4: be a little old.

496
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:28,480
Speaker 2: Oh so she might be forty, could be there are

497
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:30,120
Speaker 2: they're out there?

498
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,600
Speaker 4: They like look twenty two and oh man, Yeah, I

499
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,679
Speaker 4: thought that it sounded odd from the start because she

500
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,880
Speaker 4: also mentioned later on that she has a shared custody

501
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,280
Speaker 4: of the child with her parents, which is not something

502
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,280
Speaker 4: any court system would do. But, like I said, weird.

503
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,920
Speaker 4: After that, Kolbe, Zach, and Naomi would all meet at

504
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,520
Speaker 4: a cafe close to where Colby and Naomi live in

505
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 4: order to study together, but that quickly resulted in them

506
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,240
Speaker 4: going out to do random things together, which even included

507
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:57,040
Speaker 4: going to a city that's over an hour and a

508
00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,439
Speaker 4: half away and Zach not getting back for our planned

509
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:04,280
Speaker 4: date night until two thirty seven am. I was not

510
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 4: very happy, mostly because Zach was attempting to make it back,

511
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,520
Speaker 4: but Naomi kept trying to do more and more while

512
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,879
Speaker 4: they were out, and Zach wasn't the one who was driving.

513
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:16,040
Speaker 4: He was not a pool battle. Luck. You might be asking, oh, Pie,

514
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 4: where were you in this whole thing? Oh Man, oh Man,

515
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,879
Speaker 4: is that a good question? I was either working or

516
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,400
Speaker 4: Naomi and Colby just didn't invite me wonderful. I had

517
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 4: a discussion with Zach after our school's football game, of

518
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,199
Speaker 4: which Naomi and Kolby were planning on going out to

519
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 4: eat with Zach afterwards, but never invited me. So I

520
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 4: told Zach that I was starting to feel left out

521
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:37,359
Speaker 4: of his life. That then led to a bit of

522
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 4: an argument about how he was acting a bit different

523
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,800
Speaker 4: and kind of rude. We have since worked it out,

524
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,640
Speaker 4: and both of us were very much in the wrong

525
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 4: on this. We talked and we both said our piece

526
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,840
Speaker 4: and really felt better about the whole situation. So for

527
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 4: a while it got better about them including me in things.

528
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,440
Speaker 4: I was working quite a bit, but I just didn't

529
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,480
Speaker 4: like feeling left out of his life, especially not with

530
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,720
Speaker 4: Naomi acting weird. Fast forward a little bit and we

531
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 4: all decided to play a game together. I love board

532
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,959
Speaker 4: games and card games, so I was thrilled, But for

533
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 4: some reason, Naomi chose this card game that is very

534
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,840
Speaker 4: similar to Who's most Likely to or something like that.

535
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 4: It was a game that you have to really know

536
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 4: people for and I didn't really know anything about them

537
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,640
Speaker 4: other than what Zach had told me or the very

538
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,960
Speaker 4: odd interactions I've had with them. Whatever. So I played

539
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,639
Speaker 4: along with everyone, and it never failed that every single

540
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:26,360
Speaker 4: mean card that was drawn, Naomi put my name down

541
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:28,399
Speaker 4: for it. For example, there were a few cards that

542
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,120
Speaker 4: were like who would throw the worst party, who would

543
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,760
Speaker 4: have the worst looking room, and then it came to

544
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,199
Speaker 4: who would be the worst parent, and she put my

545
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 4: name down for that. I was pushed. I am fine

546
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,240
Speaker 4: with just some light teasing, but one, why is that

547
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,439
Speaker 4: something that would be written on a card? And two

548
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 4: I wanted to skip that card, but she insisted on

549
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 4: playing it for fun. And three she was just being

550
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 4: excessively mean the whole time. She was saying things that

551
00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:01,639
Speaker 4: she meant and it was all mean energy. Shortly after that,

552
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 4: they decided to leave. I told Zach later on the

553
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,639
Speaker 4: next day how I felt, and he told me not

554
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,680
Speaker 4: to take it personally. About a week or two later,

555
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:09,720
Speaker 4: Zach was staying at my family's house in order to

556
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:11,439
Speaker 4: go to church with me the next morning due to

557
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,760
Speaker 4: being on break, and then he randomly got a call

558
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 4: on Saturday night none other than Naomi herself.

559
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 1: The myth, the legend, the stalker.

560
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,680
Speaker 4: Nah, you o me, Zach answered, thinking that something might

561
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,560
Speaker 4: be wrong, but nothing was. She only wanted to see

562
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,639
Speaker 4: if Zach and Zach alone wanted to go meet her

563
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:36,119
Speaker 4: brother in a whole other state. What's just on a

564
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:40,359
Speaker 4: Saturday night? Would you like to cross state lines with me? Hey?

565
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,760
Speaker 4: That's crazy? Oh my god, I want to call on

566
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 4: randomly ask you if you want to cross state lines

567
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,520
Speaker 4: with me to visit my brother. That's so wild. Keep

568
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,640
Speaker 4: in mind this was about a two hundred and thirty

569
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 4: eight mile drive, not a very short distance at all.

570
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 4: Zach had already planned to spend the day with me,

571
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 4: and he told her that, but she would not take

572
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,560
Speaker 4: no for an answer. Eventually, I told Zach, do what

573
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,639
Speaker 4: you would like. You are a grown man and make

574
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:04,879
Speaker 4: your own decisions. I will be the first to admit

575
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 4: I should not have said that, because that was a

576
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,359
Speaker 4: plain lack of communication, But the tone in which I

577
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 4: said it made it kind of obvious, even to my parents,

578
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,000
Speaker 4: who were sitting right there, that I wasn't cool with it,

579
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,119
Speaker 4: but did not want to say that with them on

580
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 4: the phone. Sure enough, Zach agreed to go with them.

581
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:23,159
Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, you should cool, which you did. But

582
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:24,920
Speaker 4: technically it's.

583
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,879
Speaker 1: Like the most every guy has done this.

584
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, every guy has done the thing where they

585
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,400
Speaker 2: asked their girlfriend can I do this thing?

586
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 4: Yeah?

587
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:35,640
Speaker 2: And they owe yeah, yeah, sure, And that means no,

588
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:37,480
Speaker 2: you shouldn't do that thing.

589
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 1: If you want your girlfriend did not be mad. You

590
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:41,120
Speaker 1: can't do that thing.

591
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,879
Speaker 4: Probably shouldn't. The next day, Zach heads out of my

592
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 4: house at five twenty in order to make it to

593
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:50,399
Speaker 4: where Naomi lives to meet her and Kobe because her

594
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 4: car undeniably had the best gas mileage. I would have

595
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 4: done the same, to be honest. Once they get there,

596
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,680
Speaker 4: Zach realizes that he has to wait for a few

597
00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 4: hours to meet Naomi's brother for the first time, along

598
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 4: with Kobe. It was weird the whole day is Zach

599
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 4: kept telling me that he wished that he would have

600
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 4: stayed with me and never gone. Yeah, like what like

601
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 4: if the other thing was so awkward? Like was the

602
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,399
Speaker 4: other dinner awkward for him too? For Za, because why

603
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 4: would he want to be with these people cross state lines?

604
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 1: Why?

605
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 2: I just wanted to cross some state lines with some friends. Gosh, man,

606
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,360
Speaker 2: And but it's horrible. I should have never crossed these

607
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 2: state lines.

608
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's twenty, it's twenty or twenty one.

609
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,400
Speaker 1: That is a time where like, that's where I did

610
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 1: that the most.

611
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, you do stupid things, and you probably do stupid

612
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,880
Speaker 4: things to make people like you and fun spontaneous things.

613
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,640
Speaker 2: It was just fomo and it's just like being like, oh,

614
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 2: well I could go hang out with the boys. Yeah,

615
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,919
Speaker 2: And then that in the relationship I'm talking about in

616
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,439
Speaker 2: and of itself, that just became an issue because instead

617
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 2: of just being like, Hey, I'm gonna go do this

618
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,160
Speaker 2: or I want to do this, I'd be like.

619
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 1: The boy they're doing this, I gotta go with the boys.

620
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 1: And she'd be like, just tell me what you want.

621
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 1: Do you want to go or not?

622
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 2: I'd be like, you want me to do And then

623
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 2: that of itself just became an issue.

624
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:03,440
Speaker 5: Yeah.

625
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, but medication what we like to see. So that

626
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 4: was nice to hear, but I wish that it didn't

627
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,399
Speaker 4: suck for him. While they were there, however, Naomi invited

628
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,200
Speaker 4: Zach to go on a cruise without me, of course,

629
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 4: and he ultimately said that he would think about it.

630
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 4: The rest of the night led him to say no.

631
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,199
Speaker 4: Tensions kept getting higher and higher, and I was exhausted.

632
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 4: It never failed that every time Zach saw Naomi and

633
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 4: Colby we would get into an argument. It was just bad.

634
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,879
Speaker 4: We never were the arguing type before either. It was

635
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 4: just causing a rift in our relationship. Tensions were still higher,

636
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,320
Speaker 4: but I'm always going to support Zach even if I

637
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 4: don't agree with him fully. My job isn't to agree

638
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 4: with everything he does, is to love him and support

639
00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 4: him in his endeavors. So that's exactly what I did.

640
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,879
Speaker 4: But I warned him to be cautious because there was

641
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,959
Speaker 4: something strange going on. Nobody knew what it was, but

642
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 4: it was apparent that something was going on. Nonetheless, a

643
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 4: couple of weeks before winter break, we were playing the

644
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 4: game that was detailed before, and afterwards, Zach decided to

645
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 4: take it upon himself invite Colby and Naomi to my

646
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 4: church and my family lunch. My family and I go

647
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 4: to the same Mexican restaurant every Sunday for lunch. It's tradition.

648
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 4: It is usually just my household. On occasion it's my

649
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,879
Speaker 4: Nana and Papa and maybe my brother's friend who has

650
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 4: become my family. But it's just family. Zach asked me

651
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:18,879
Speaker 4: if it was okay to invite them right as they

652
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 4: were standing in front of me. So I was put

653
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 4: on the spot and reluctantly said yes, yeah, because what

654
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:26,160
Speaker 4: else am I gonna says?

655
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 2: Literally the exact I literally said this in the last story.

656
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:30,879
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, going up to somebody who has a

657
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,400
Speaker 2: crush on the same go as you and you go, hey,

658
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:32,960
Speaker 2: we're dating now?

659
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 1: Is that cool?

660
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 4: Yeah?

661
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,120
Speaker 2: It's like, well, I guess it has to be, since

662
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 2: you told me that's what's happening.

663
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 4: Right right. Yeah, man, that's so hard. I had a

664
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:42,439
Speaker 4: friend when I was a kid that like didn't like this,

665
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 4: like one person, but she would always ask for sleepovers

666
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 4: in front of my friend's mom, and so she came

667
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 4: up with a code with her mom, like if I

668
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 4: say please once, that means I want to have the sleepover.

669
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:53,919
Speaker 4: If I say please twice, I don't want to have

670
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 4: the sleepover. So you got to say no. Brilliant, brilliant idea.

671
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 4: Old right, it's.

672
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 1: Kind of sneaky. I don't trust the kids anymore.

673
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:02,640
Speaker 4: But they're teaming up with the parents.

674
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:03,959
Speaker 1: Though, Do you're building something?

675
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 4: Yeah? Well, I don't know where she is now.

676
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,440
Speaker 1: Maybe somebody who's gonna have a career in espionage.

677
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,240
Speaker 4: It's possible, it's smart. It's a smart thing for a

678
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:15,160
Speaker 4: seven year old to do anyway, So I was more

679
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:16,959
Speaker 4: than happy to have them go to church with us,

680
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 4: after all, that's where they need to be, but not

681
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 4: my family's lunch. I tried to warn my family as

682
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 4: best as possible, but it didn't really work super well.

683
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,679
Speaker 4: Of course, Naomi and Kolbe kept strictly to themselves and

684
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 4: tried to dominate every conversation by talking over me and

685
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,480
Speaker 4: my family. So, in turn, my dad didn't pay for

686
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 4: their meals. Well that's good. I thought this was hilarious

687
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 4: and was very happy my dad didn't But I kept

688
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 4: that one to myself until a while after. I picked

689
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 4: my battles, and that wasn't one I wanted to fight.

690
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 4: But immediately my family knew something was off with Naomi.

691
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:51,239
Speaker 4: They felt as though something was off, so they can

692
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 4: fight it in me. When I was home by myself

693
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:55,719
Speaker 4: one week and finally I felt like I wasn't the

694
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 4: only one feeling the way that I did, They all

695
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,720
Speaker 4: noticed that something was very wrong with her. My mom

696
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 4: thought that she was trying to break us up, but

697
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 4: I truly don't know what all her intents were that

698
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 4: definitely doesn't seem too far off, But I don't think

699
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 4: that was the only thing that she was trying to do.

700
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:14,480
Speaker 4: Zach's birthday was during winter break, and we always go

701
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 4: to eat just his family and my family or his birthday.

702
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 4: Keep in mind, it is weird for friends to be there,

703
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:24,440
Speaker 4: like it was very odd. Here is where the crap

704
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 4: hits the fan. I walk in and guess who is

705
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 4: sitting beside Zach at the twenty top table. None other

706
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 4: then Naomi, who just plopped right down next to him

707
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 4: and neglecting to save any room for me. Fine, that's okay,

708
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 4: maybe something happened with the seating, but I didn't even

709
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 4: get to sit across from my own boyfriend. I sat

710
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 4: diagonal to him and couldn't hear a word he was

711
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 4: saying the whole time. I did, however, sit next to

712
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 4: his dad, who I absolutely adore, and my brother who

713
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 4: is my literal best friend. Naomi is very petite, and

714
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 4: there's nothing wrong with that at all. However, she always

715
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 4: goes to the bathroom for about twenty minutes about halfway

716
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 4: through every meal and then comes back freaking zonked.

717
00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 1: Then there's no possible explanation for that.

718
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 4: No, no, no, My thoughts are that she's either in the

719
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 4: bathroom shooting up or she's billiemic. So what is zongked?

720
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 2: Me?

721
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 1: Zong?

722
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 4: I think we need to define zoked because it might.

723
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 1: Be a little I was on the opposite end personally.

724
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 1: Zonked means I'm like out of it.

725
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think zoc is. They have that on that

726
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 2: game show. Let's make a deal, but Wayne Brady will

727
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 2: give you the zong?

728
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 1: What does that mean? Though?

729
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 4: The whole time, her and Kobe were whispering in each

730
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 4: other's ears and being extremely pda for a family function

731
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 4: that wasn't even their family's function. It was odd. But

732
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 4: every now and then she would pull on Zach's shirt

733
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 4: and whisper in his ear and casually glance over at me,

734
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 4: And that genuinely made my blood boil.

735
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 2: Because she's like letting you know, like I know what

736
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 2: I'm doing. Yeah, literally, I know what I'm doing.

737
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 4: Like I'm holding your boyfriend's shirt, pulling him closer to

738
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 4: me so I could whisper something into your ear that

739
00:30:58,160 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 4: you can't find out.

740
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:02,880
Speaker 2: And you know, fact about those kind of people, I

741
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:06,560
Speaker 2: don't like them. I've got the fag not one bit.

742
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 4: Not one bit? Why is she here? Why is Zach

743
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 4: not putting a stop to it?

744
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 2: I still think it's because it's like it's a little

745
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 2: on the side agreement.

746
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 1: I think there's something going on there.

747
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 4: I think it's very possible. My brother and dad both

748
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 4: noticed that as well, and both felt the same way

749
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 4: I did, but Zach was a bit oblivious to it.

750
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 4: After the dinner, Zach went back to where Kolby lives

751
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 4: because they carpooled for some unknown reason. And then crap

752
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 4: got real. You could have carpooled back home with anyone else.

753
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 4: By the way, there's a lot of people there that

754
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 4: you could have driven home with.

755
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:37,240
Speaker 1: Yeah.

756
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 4: Anyway, it stops at a waffle house parking lot to

757
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 4: play Uno.

758
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 1: That sounds like a fun time, sure, trust me.

759
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 4: I know I'm still confused myself, but still and Naomi

760
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 4: went inside to use the restroom. Then once she came out,

761
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 4: she said something in a smart tone, and Zach said,

762
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 4: not in my car, you won't in a joking way,

763
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 4: and then she lost her ever loving mind. She went

764
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 4: off and started bawling her eyes out, and then ran

765
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 4: into the wal mart while the car was still moving.

766
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 4: My iad. Then Colby proceeded to tell Zach that he

767
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 4: needed to apologize, and Zach told him no, because he

768
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:12,400
Speaker 4: will not apologize for something that he's not sorry for

769
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 4: or something that he doesn't feel is wrong. Then Colby

770
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 4: and Zach chased Naomi through the wal Mart and finally

771
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 4: got her back into the car. After they got back

772
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 4: into the car, Zach was so confused and he knew

773
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,960
Speaker 4: something was wrong. Finally figuring something out, so he told

774
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 4: them to explain what in the world that was all about.

775
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:29,520
Speaker 4: Didn't get an answer at first, but then Naomi proceeded

776
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 4: to tell him that her and Colby had been broken

777
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 4: up for three days and that their first day back

778
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 4: together was that day. It was a whole mess. There

779
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:38,959
Speaker 4: were claims from her that he hit her, but he

780
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 4: was adamant that she was practically blocking his view while

781
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 4: driving to see Zach. They showed up unannounced to his

782
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 4: house by the way for this part of the story,

783
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 4: and he pushed her to get her out of the

784
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 4: way and to sit back down so he wouldn't wreck.

785
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 4: I have no proof that she was or wasn't hit,

786
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,120
Speaker 4: but she also claims to have been hit by her

787
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 4: ex husband. If so, that is terrible and nobody should

788
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,080
Speaker 4: ever have to go through that. Nobody. But if if

789
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 4: someone lies about it just to ruin somebody else's life,

790
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,719
Speaker 4: they should be held accountable for it. I truly don't know,

791
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 4: so I'm unbiased on this part. Zach proceeded to tell

792
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 4: them how it was wrong of them to not say

793
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 4: anything because before they were an item, they were a

794
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,960
Speaker 4: friend group and he deserved to know. Naomi and Colby

795
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 4: proceeded to fight the whole way back to where Zach's

796
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 4: car was, and when he finally got to his car,

797
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 4: he was so upset that he just genuinely didn't know

798
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:26,000
Speaker 4: what to do. I was absolutely furious with them because

799
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 4: they made his whole birthday celebration about them from the beginning,

800
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,400
Speaker 4: and I hated that. Afterwards, they promised to make it

801
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 4: up to Zach, but man, oh man, did that fall short.

802
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 4: The family get together was a couple of weeks before

803
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 4: Zach's actual birthday, so on his birthday, Naomi and Colby

804
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 4: had planned to come up and celebrate with us, but

805
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 4: Zach didn't hear from them really at all until we

806
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 4: had to leave before all of the restaurants closed. The

807
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 4: whole day they were telling him that they were so

808
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 4: excited to be there and then just dropped it that afternoon.

809
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 4: Then at seven forty five, which was forty five minutes

810
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,160
Speaker 4: after they were planning on meeting us, Colby calls and

811
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 4: tells us that Naomi's parents were dropping her kid off

812
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 4: and they had to take care of that. Instead of that,

813
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 4: you're going to refer to the kid as that you

814
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 4: gotta take care of that kid.

815
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, of that thing, go take care of that.

816
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 4: Oh my god. Of course, Zach was upset because that

817
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,120
Speaker 4: sounded kind of phony, and it was so last minute,

818
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,719
Speaker 4: and if they have mandatory schedules from the courts, like

819
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 4: Naomi claimed, then they couldn't legally do that. Well. Colby

820
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,360
Speaker 4: repeatedly apologized, and Zach said that he wished that Naomi

821
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,879
Speaker 4: was the one who mentioned it, because it was her

822
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 4: parents and her issues that caused them to miss, not

823
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 4: something that was Colby's fault, but he appreciated the apology.

824
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 4: Colby kept telling Zach that they were going to be

825
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 4: there that Saturday to make it up, but he kept

826
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:44,400
Speaker 4: repeating it. Zach was a lot more respectful than I

827
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 4: would have been, but that just could be because I

828
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 4: can't stand her here comes Saturday and lo and behold.

829
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:55,319
Speaker 4: They absolutely ghosted all of Zach's messages. They ignored him

830
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 4: and went to go eat by themselves. It was seven

831
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 4: thirty pm before he got a response at all, and

832
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:03,280
Speaker 4: it was from Kobe demanding that he apologized to Naomi

833
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 4: for what he said on his birthday. Of course, Zach

834
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 4: is extremely confused, and so was I, because I was

835
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,439
Speaker 4: there for the whole phone call and he didn't say

836
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 4: anything even remotely rude towards either one of them. Kobe

837
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 4: proceeds to call Zach and yell at him, stating that

838
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 4: he said that Naomi's child wasn't actually hers because she

839
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:20,759
Speaker 4: adopted the kid.

840
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:23,880
Speaker 2: Wow, this is getting into the We should all stop

841
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:25,240
Speaker 2: talking and go to bed.

842
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 1: Realm of conversation. Everyone just shut up and disperse.

843
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:34,040
Speaker 4: Wow, Like I said, I was there and nothing even

844
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 4: close to that was said. It was so confusing. Zach

845
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 4: proceeds to tell him that he said nothing of the

846
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,719
Speaker 4: sort and will not be apologizing. Then Colby tells Zach

847
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:45,720
Speaker 4: that when he is ready to apologize to Naomi, then

848
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:49,439
Speaker 4: and only then will their friendship continue. So Zach said

849
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:53,240
Speaker 4: nothing in response. They did not talk at all for months.

850
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:56,440
Speaker 4: That is until last month. Zach woke up and was

851
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:58,440
Speaker 4: going to class and went to his car. He saw

852
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,879
Speaker 4: an envelope on his and it turns out it had

853
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:05,880
Speaker 4: letters from none other than Naomi and Colby. Keep in mind,

854
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:09,880
Speaker 4: neither of them live anywhere close and there were no

855
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,320
Speaker 4: meetings for the program that week either. They just showed

856
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 4: up on a random Tuesday night to put letters on

857
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 4: Zach's car where he lives, just because they didn't have

858
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,879
Speaker 4: his number blocked and vice versa. They just decided that

859
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 4: that was the best use of their time. Well, little

860
00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 4: does Naomi know. I discovered her secret via Facebook. Her secret.

861
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:35,359
Speaker 4: She still has her ex husband's name, so it's very

862
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 4: easy to find his family members. And I found a

863
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:42,080
Speaker 4: picture of Naomi while she was pregnant with her adopted child. Whoa, well,

864
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 4: she was pregnant.

865
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 1: Wait, so they she didn't adopt this child.

866
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 4: I guess not. She constantly made the fact that she

867
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,760
Speaker 4: adopted the child part of her personality, so seeing literal

868
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 4: proof that she was lying was so so nice. I

869
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:58,879
Speaker 4: honestly think that Colby still doesn't know, but I don't

870
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,319
Speaker 4: really care, and neither to Zach. He was rude, so

871
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 4: now he can deal with it. Not only did they

872
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 4: leave letters on Zach's car, but they sent an email

873
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:09,240
Speaker 4: to him with pictures of them leaving them on his car.

874
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 1: Why thanks for the evidence, losers.

875
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,760
Speaker 4: It's like, Oh, I leaving a picture of you sleeping

876
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:17,319
Speaker 4: in your house, on your bed, and then I also

877
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:19,200
Speaker 4: have someone else taking a picture of me taking a

878
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 4: picture of you sleeping to really know that I was there.

879
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just thought that was a fun vibe.

880
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,239
Speaker 2: I don't know, dude, I thought that was a fun

881
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,400
Speaker 2: kind of good time vibe. Crazy, my good time boy,

882
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 2: my sweet cheese.

883
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:33,800
Speaker 4: Then they sent him a text discussing the email and

884
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:37,360
Speaker 4: the letters. They did it in backwards order, and it

885
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,760
Speaker 4: makes me uncomfortable. Now, That's all well and good until

886
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:42,840
Speaker 4: Zach was on vacation this past week and got a

887
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 4: text from Naomi stating that they were in his hometown

888
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 4: and went to his church searching for him. She went

889
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 4: on to say that they will be there for the

890
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:51,720
Speaker 4: rest of the night, close to his house in hopes.

891
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:54,799
Speaker 4: Zach has made it abundantly clear that he no longer

892
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:56,920
Speaker 4: wants anything to do with them anymore, but they do

893
00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 4: not want to take no for an answer. They used

894
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 4: him instantly, and now here they are showing up at

895
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:05,880
Speaker 4: his apartment, his church, now his house. It's creepy at

896
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 4: this point, and I don't know what advice to give

897
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,760
Speaker 4: him other than to get a restraining order. It's really

898
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 4: taking a toll on him. My question is am I

899
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 4: overreacting to this? Or am I justified in being concerned.

900
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,719
Speaker 4: I lived two hours away from his house, so I

901
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:21,480
Speaker 4: can't be there all the time to stop them from

902
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 4: being there. But I'm also scared that they're going to

903
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 4: show up at his work or my church to talk

904
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 4: to him. It is getting scary, and we both constantly

905
00:38:28,719 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 4: feel like we're looking over our shoulders in case they're there.

906
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 2: Are you right in being concerned over people's stalking you

907
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:37,320
Speaker 2: and your boyfriend?

908
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:39,920
Speaker 4: I think you're overreacting, Opie. You're just so silly.

909
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 2: It's just in your head, especially given how well they

910
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 2: conducted themselves in that Walmart.

911
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:46,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, with the Benny Hill music playing.

912
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:50,959
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Yeah, you are right to be concerned, But like, unfortunately,

913
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,240
Speaker 2: there's not a lot you can do. I think maybe

914
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:55,359
Speaker 2: you can get a restraining order based on just how

915
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:58,400
Speaker 2: unhinged them like doing that and then taking a picture

916
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,200
Speaker 2: of them doing that. And then sending it to you.

917
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 2: It's like very clearly like they're gonna keep doing this.

918
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:07,200
Speaker 2: This is a thing for them. Now they're using substances, they've.

919
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:09,640
Speaker 4: Given you proof that they're there, and maybe there's like

920
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 4: a harassment thing. I don't know, does a restraining order

921
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 4: have to be like a thread of violence.

922
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:14,800
Speaker 1: Or I don't know the specific rules.

923
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:16,840
Speaker 2: But you can't just be like, I want a restraining

924
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:19,959
Speaker 2: order because look at what they did. They'll be like, eh, yeah,

925
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 2: they might never do it again. It's like they need

926
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 2: more and more. There has to be like so much

927
00:39:24,719 --> 00:39:26,680
Speaker 2: proof of like the burden of proof is on the

928
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,960
Speaker 2: victim to be like, please do this thing that, by

929
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 2: the way, is still just a piece of paper, and

930
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 2: then when they violate that, now they just have more consequences,

931
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 2: but functionally it does nothing.

932
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:39,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, still doesn't like stop them from doing any harm.

933
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,919
Speaker 4: A little bit of an update, So I recently found

934
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 4: out that Naomi now works at the same store that

935
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:48,440
Speaker 4: Zach works at, and forgot to add it earlier what

936
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 4: they work together now, No, she lives almost a full

937
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 4: hour away from that store and knew that it was

938
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 4: the closest to his house. I honestly think she works

939
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,800
Speaker 4: there just to be there with him, and it infe

940
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 4: that creates me. Zach has now asked that he'd not

941
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 4: be placed on the same stations as her, and now

942
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:07,879
Speaker 4: usually opts to be a floater at other stores. It's

943
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 4: pathetic that she has souped this low.

944
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:12,319
Speaker 1: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

945
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:13,839
Speaker 1: back to the stories, but here's a quick three minute

946
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,160
Speaker 1: break from as for more sponsors.

947
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 4: My husband said something awful about me, and I snapped

948
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:23,800
Speaker 4: hear that that's snappin'. I twenty eight female. My husband,

949
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 4: Leo is twenty six male. And our best friends, also

950
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 4: a couple, are Tom and Jay twenty eight female. Leo

951
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,560
Speaker 4: and I have been together for eight years, married for

952
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 4: about three. By the way, this comes from a character p.

953
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 4: Ninety four to fifty one, and if you want to

954
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the our slash Okay storytime.

955
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,920
Speaker 4: Supread it. So we met Tom and Jay after we

956
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 4: all moved to a new city. I met Tom at

957
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 4: Jujitsu's studio. We bonded over a shared language and after

958
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 4: a few sessions, planned a group hang out to meet

959
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 4: each other's partners. We all clicked since then we hang

960
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:57,319
Speaker 4: out most weekends, take trips, and share hobbies. Leo even

961
00:40:57,400 --> 00:40:59,360
Speaker 4: joined the gym where Tom and I met. Leo and

962
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 4: I have been trying to conceive for the past year,

963
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 4: but it's been slow. We started with testing on his end.

964
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:07,400
Speaker 4: Turns out that he's a slightly low baby juice count.

965
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,760
Speaker 4: Still possible, naturally, just harder. I told Jay, the lady

966
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,360
Speaker 4: of the couple, during a one on one because I

967
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:16,320
Speaker 4: didn't have anyone else to confide in. I told Leo afterwards,

968
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:20,319
Speaker 4: and he flipped. He accused me of emasculating him to

969
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:24,320
Speaker 4: our friends and gossiping. I was shook. We argued mainly

970
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 4: about why he'd think that I had hurt him on

971
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 4: purpose like that, and why he thought it was okay

972
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:30,319
Speaker 4: to blow up on me the way he did. That

973
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:33,719
Speaker 4: kind of outburst had never happened before. Eventually calmed down,

974
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 4: We talked it out, and I thought we'd moved on.

975
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 4: I apologize and agreed to not share with anyone else.

976
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 4: A few months later, we're at a backyard barbecue at

977
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:43,920
Speaker 4: Tom and Jay's. I had stopped going to the gym,

978
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 4: worried sparring my interferer with conceiving. Maybe paranoid, but still.

979
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 4: Tom showed me some spring clip and a move I

980
00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:53,440
Speaker 4: hadn't tried. He offered to demo with me. I'm newish,

981
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:56,080
Speaker 4: so I like learning new moves from someone who's more experienced.

982
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 4: It was low impact, just a way to escape a

983
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:00,960
Speaker 4: pin and we had done some molar stuff before. You

984
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,120
Speaker 4: were in the garage in full view of the party.

985
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:05,919
Speaker 4: Jay and a few others were there watching. I pinned Tom,

986
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,840
Speaker 4: which involved straddling him normally in the sport and that

987
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:12,800
Speaker 4: was it. No grinding, no weirdness, but Leo wasn't around

988
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 4: at the time. A few minutes later, Leo finds me,

989
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 4: says we're leaving, and stews the whole ride home. When

990
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 4: we get back, he goes off accusing me of dry

991
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:24,799
Speaker 4: humping Tom to spite him, disrespecting him, and acting like

992
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:29,840
Speaker 4: a spicy dancer. Then he says, I've heard about women

993
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,720
Speaker 4: like you who hook up with their man's best friend

994
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:35,840
Speaker 4: when they find out their guy as fertility issues. I

995
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 4: was done. Then he said I just knew you were

996
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:41,280
Speaker 4: the type of girl who'd end up a baby mama.

997
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:45,920
Speaker 4: I effing lost it. For context, I'm half black, half Korean,

998
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:49,080
Speaker 4: Tom is half white, half Korean. Leo and Jay are white.

999
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:52,799
Speaker 4: Leo calling me a baby mama felt discriminatory and disgusting.

1000
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,799
Speaker 2: Ooh yeah, it kind of does when you add that

1001
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:59,879
Speaker 2: to context. Yeah, she's like, I always knew you would

1002
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:01,160
Speaker 2: be a baby mama.

1003
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,480
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, why are you saying that about me?

1004
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 4: Well, they are actively trying to have a kid though, too.

1005
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 1: I think that would be a walk away moment for me.

1006
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like, well, good thing we couldn't have a

1007
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 4: child when we wanted to, because I don't want to anymore.

1008
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:15,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, it broke my heart.

1009
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:18,520
Speaker 4: He's never said anything like that to me before. I

1010
00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:21,720
Speaker 4: was screaming at him, told him he was a discriminatory

1011
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:25,399
Speaker 4: a thing idiot if he thought demoing a move would

1012
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 4: get me pregnant or whatever dumb crap he thought, and

1013
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,320
Speaker 4: that I didn't want a kid with someone who thinks

1014
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 4: like that. Pool That's exactly what you need to say.

1015
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:33,879
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1016
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 4: I packed a bag and went to my parents' house

1017
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 4: two hours away. When I told them, my mom was livid.

1018
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:43,399
Speaker 4: My dad, who's Korean and immigrated, thought maybe I was overreacting.

1019
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:46,600
Speaker 4: He doesn't always read microaggressions the same way though. Now

1020
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 4: I'm sitting here wondering am I the a hole for

1021
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 4: calling Leo discriminatory and saying that I don't want a

1022
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 4: family with him? Am I missing something on his end?

1023
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:56,359
Speaker 4: I've been to my parents for two days and still

1024
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:59,359
Speaker 4: can't think straight. Things were not like this before we

1025
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:01,560
Speaker 4: started trying, and there is an update.

1026
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,920
Speaker 1: You're not the a hole for how you reacted to that.

1027
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 2: I mean, is it like set certain that it's like

1028
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,319
Speaker 2: that's what he meant by that? Like no, but it's

1029
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 2: like too closely aligned to be like all right, well

1030
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 2: either way the way you said that, that's what that meant.

1031
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:23,240
Speaker 2: So you need to apologize deeply apologize for that if.

1032
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:24,799
Speaker 4: This is gonna work right, And even if it wasn't

1033
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 4: a microaggression, like, it's still a crappy thing to say

1034
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 4: to this woman right now.

1035
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:32,279
Speaker 2: Like what and the accusation makes me be like, so

1036
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 2: are you you're cheating on me then? Right if you

1037
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:39,520
Speaker 2: see me doing actual jiu jitsu as like, I'm gonna

1038
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 2: cheat on.

1039
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,399
Speaker 4: You right when he does jiu jitsu too.

1040
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:45,840
Speaker 2: I think maybe so oh Op said that all this

1041
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 2: started happening when they started trying for the baby.

1042
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 1: I don't think he wants.

1043
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 2: A baby really probably, but he can't be like I

1044
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,439
Speaker 2: don't want a baby, but he's so all of that

1045
00:44:55,719 --> 00:45:00,160
Speaker 2: bottled up stress energy he has inside is like it's

1046
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 2: like shooting out of him like lightning.

1047
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 4: We do have an update, So after I posted, I

1048
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 4: reached out to my husband Leo and checked in with him.

1049
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:10,360
Speaker 4: I asked if he would be willing to have a

1050
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:12,759
Speaker 4: phone call to discuss what went down. He let me

1051
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 4: know that he'd prefer an in person chat. I agreed

1052
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 4: and asked him to meet me halfway between where my

1053
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:20,239
Speaker 4: parents live and where we do. I also suggested that

1054
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 4: he'd bring a friend or family member along, since I'd

1055
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:24,719
Speaker 4: like to bring my mother along, not to be part

1056
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 4: of the conversation, but just people to step in for

1057
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:30,440
Speaker 4: emotional support if necessary. He agreed. I created an outlied

1058
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 4: on the topics I wanted to focus on. In the combo,

1059
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,920
Speaker 4: I referenced some comments made on my previous post. Topics

1060
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 4: were after our disagreement over me speaking to Jay about

1061
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 4: his medical condition, What could I have done outside what

1062
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,880
Speaker 4: we discussed that night to make him feel more comfortable

1063
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,240
Speaker 4: and support it? That night, I apologize and we agreed

1064
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 4: that I wouldn't share any information about our family planning,

1065
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:54,240
Speaker 4: that I would ask Jay not to share the information,

1066
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 4: and that I would defer to Leo to decide who, when,

1067
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 4: and how we discuss our journey to anyone besides us

1068
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 4: going forward. What are his boundaries between our male friends

1069
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:05,719
Speaker 4: and me? When and why did his boundaries change? And

1070
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,759
Speaker 4: what can I do to assuage his fears? Why did

1071
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 4: he decide to use the language that he did with me,

1072
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:14,360
Speaker 4: specifically the baby mama comment. I know a lot of

1073
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 4: people in my previous posts kept going back and forth

1074
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 4: about the validity of that statement as racially charged or motivated.

1075
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:22,279
Speaker 4: It caused me to really step back and collect my

1076
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,960
Speaker 4: thoughts on the subject. I recognize that for the majority

1077
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,280
Speaker 4: of Reddit, my lived experience as a woman of color

1078
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,920
Speaker 4: isn't something that can be easily related to whether it's

1079
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:33,759
Speaker 4: due to lack of exposure to pocs or an unwillingness

1080
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 4: or resistance to hear that your own behaviors can be

1081
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:40,920
Speaker 4: harmful to others, even unintentionally. I have experienced both throughout

1082
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 4: my life. Often it was not something so easy to

1083
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 4: clock as a slur, but using language that belittled, demeaned,

1084
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:50,840
Speaker 4: and othered me while making reference to my features or

1085
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,800
Speaker 4: my cultures as much as it was argued against. Referring

1086
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:56,160
Speaker 4: to a black woman as a baby mama is a

1087
00:46:56,200 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 4: negative or discriminatory stereotype that has been connected to blackness

1088
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:03,920
Speaker 4: and black motherhood for decades. Just because the phrase is

1089
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:06,440
Speaker 4: commonly used in the twenty twenties doesn't mean that it

1090
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 4: didn't have serious implications a few years before. I know

1091
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,000
Speaker 4: what it means, especially given the context.

1092
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:13,439
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, even if you take that component out,

1093
00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 2: like you said, he's still implying like I always.

1094
00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 1: Knew you'd just be a single mom.

1095
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like still like just a mean hearted thing

1096
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:21,160
Speaker 2: to say to somebody.

1097
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:23,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. So then this is just like an added

1098
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 4: layer of.

1099
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:26,480
Speaker 2: The Yeah, it's just even if that's not there, it's

1100
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:28,920
Speaker 2: still bad and needs to be like, hey, how did

1101
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 2: we get here?

1102
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:32,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like not even worth like dissecting. Honestly. I

1103
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:35,200
Speaker 4: also known that my husband is aware that he used

1104
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:38,399
Speaker 4: charged language. He has both defended and supported me when

1105
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:40,440
Speaker 4: others have used it against me in the past, as

1106
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 4: well as experienced it firsthand because of our relationship. It

1107
00:47:43,680 --> 00:47:45,359
Speaker 4: is part of the reason that we moved to our

1108
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 4: new city. He didn't want our future children to grow

1109
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 4: up in a place that lacked social and ethnic diversity.

1110
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 4: As a result of our move, our social circle is

1111
00:47:52,719 --> 00:47:55,280
Speaker 4: much more diverse now. Leo and I met this morning.

1112
00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:57,799
Speaker 4: He brought his cousin and I brought my mom. He

1113
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:00,920
Speaker 4: and I sat alone and began hashi things out. His

1114
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 4: first question for me was my perspective of the barbecue incident.

1115
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:06,239
Speaker 4: A couple people pointed out in my posts that he

1116
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:08,320
Speaker 4: may have heard a different series of events, and turns

1117
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:10,480
Speaker 4: out that was the case. He had been told by

1118
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 4: another male guest that I went up to Tom and

1119
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:14,759
Speaker 4: begged him to show me a move. Then when we

1120
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:17,479
Speaker 4: all went to the garage studio, I got on top

1121
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:20,360
Speaker 4: of Tom and sat on his crouch and Tom grabbed

1122
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,120
Speaker 4: my waist. That we didn't make any attempt to do

1123
00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 4: a whole break and that it seemed like an opportunity

1124
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 4: to act inappropriately with Tom with plausible deniability. Leo so

1125
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 4: that it didn't occur to him that this person may

1126
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 4: not have been telling the truth. And the night I left,

1127
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:36,880
Speaker 4: he ended up calling our other friend m another Brazilian

1128
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 4: jiu jitsu guy, to complain about Tom and my relationship,

1129
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:42,919
Speaker 4: and was also a part of the group I was in.

1130
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:45,359
Speaker 4: When Tom asked if I wanted a demo, what should

1131
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:47,120
Speaker 4: we call em? What name should it have?

1132
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:48,000
Speaker 3: Murph?

1133
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:51,359
Speaker 4: Murph, chure, go ahead. Murph let him know that it

1134
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 4: was definitely a legit demo and that after I had finished,

1135
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 4: others tried out the move as well, both men and women.

1136
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,359
Speaker 4: After that, Leo ended up calling Jay and asked her

1137
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:02,840
Speaker 4: if she felt that there was something off between Tom

1138
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:06,320
Speaker 4: and me at the barbecue. When Jay corroborated Murph's story

1139
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:09,480
Speaker 4: ensuring that I wasn't sitting on tom'scratch more like hover

1140
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 4: squatting over his stomach, Leo believed Murph. He acknowledged that

1141
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 4: most of what he said during our fight was baseless

1142
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:18,040
Speaker 4: and honestly meant to hurt me the worst way that

1143
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:20,600
Speaker 4: he could. Yeah, we will freaking figure that out. We

1144
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:22,320
Speaker 4: could tell you that ourselves. Yeah.

1145
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:23,840
Speaker 1: I think maybe he meant you.

1146
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:27,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, we know that. He acknowledged that he did choose

1147
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 4: to say baby mama instead of single mother or something

1148
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 4: because he knew the former would hurt me worse. He

1149
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:36,359
Speaker 4: said that at the time he felt justified. He never

1150
00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:39,000
Speaker 4: just had to just straight up insult someone my guy, So.

1151
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:39,919
Speaker 1: Who is this guy?

1152
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:42,439
Speaker 2: Who told you this that you immediately were like, oh,

1153
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:45,319
Speaker 2: that is like straight from the mouth of God, Like

1154
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:48,080
Speaker 2: there is no doubting this whatsoever.

1155
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:49,920
Speaker 4: Like, yeah, we didn't think.

1156
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:53,080
Speaker 1: To Maybe I have a cool, calm, collected approach to that.

1157
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:57,319
Speaker 4: Right because just like you saw the situation wrong, I

1158
00:49:57,320 --> 00:50:00,319
Speaker 4: know you heard it. He saw the situation wrong, could

1159
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:03,400
Speaker 4: see it wrong. Two, he thought I exhibited trashy, ratchet

1160
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:05,440
Speaker 4: behavior by hooking up with a friend in front of

1161
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:07,920
Speaker 4: our social group. Tom makes him feel insecure because he

1162
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 4: is more extroverted like me. We share a common second

1163
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 4: language and have a lot of similar life experience since

1164
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:15,279
Speaker 4: both of our dads are Korean. I said that what

1165
00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 4: he said to me was unacceptable and difficult to forgive.

1166
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:21,440
Speaker 4: That I've been willing to reduce Tom and my one

1167
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,239
Speaker 4: on one reactions if he had let me know that

1168
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:27,000
Speaker 4: these things were bothering him. Leo had also been feeling

1169
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:28,960
Speaker 4: a lot of pressure around us lately since I was

1170
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:31,360
Speaker 4: making so many changes to my lifestyle in order to

1171
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:34,160
Speaker 4: improve our conception changes. I will add some clarity to

1172
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:37,239
Speaker 4: Leo's fertility issues. He has a slightly below average baby

1173
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:39,880
Speaker 4: juice count. A lot of the things that seemed to

1174
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:42,680
Speaker 4: be causing a lower count for him were lifestyle based.

1175
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:46,440
Speaker 4: There are actionable steps to improve his count, namely diet, exercise,

1176
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:49,680
Speaker 4: and habit changes like wearing looser, more breathable fabric. Leo

1177
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:52,800
Speaker 4: saw that I had started exercising and reducing high impact

1178
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:55,919
Speaker 4: sports and cooking more nutritious meals. It made him feel

1179
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:57,719
Speaker 4: bad because he didn't want to make the changes that

1180
00:50:57,800 --> 00:51:00,239
Speaker 4: our doctor suggested. He felt like I was rub it

1181
00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 4: in his face that I could change and he didn't

1182
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 4: want to. This made him feel guilty and angry. Asked

1183
00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:07,120
Speaker 4: why he didn't feel comfortable telling me this. Would it

1184
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 4: changed in our relationship to make him feel as though

1185
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 4: he couldn't speak to me? Dude, hope he's coming with

1186
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:16,440
Speaker 4: the best communication skills ever. Truly, he's cod freak with

1187
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:19,480
Speaker 4: communications good. He said that he was having doubts if

1188
00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:21,840
Speaker 4: he even wanted to have kids anymore. He had always

1189
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:24,319
Speaker 4: expected to just be able to get me pregnant, but

1190
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:26,719
Speaker 4: with our delays, it made him think about the realities

1191
00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:28,840
Speaker 4: of having children, how much of his life would have

1192
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:32,239
Speaker 4: to change. He also realized how differently his kid's experience

1193
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:34,360
Speaker 4: of the world could be from his own, and it

1194
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 4: scared him. He didn't want to tell me because he

1195
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 4: didn't want to have the conversation. He was scared I

1196
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:41,320
Speaker 4: would leave or if I stayed, I'd resent him. Instead,

1197
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 4: he internalized it, which made him resent me. Do we

1198
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 4: have thoughts about this story to go to? No more

1199
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 4: thoughts about plastic pot? Oh please?

1200
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 2: My thought would be like this was a great example

1201
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:53,760
Speaker 2: of like how not just like pushing the like nuclear bomb,

1202
00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:57,600
Speaker 2: like blow everything up button? True is usually like you

1203
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:00,960
Speaker 2: want to at least have like a re old convo.

1204
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:03,920
Speaker 2: If you can't get there, then you can like blow

1205
00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:06,920
Speaker 2: it up, but don't just It's not often that you

1206
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:09,840
Speaker 2: need to just immediately hit the button.

1207
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:11,960
Speaker 4: We're gonna read it the rest of this story. So

1208
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 4: a week came to the conclusion that we are in

1209
00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:17,440
Speaker 4: serious need of both individual and couples counseling to navigate

1210
00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:20,200
Speaker 4: things going forward. The language Leo used towards me has

1211
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:22,560
Speaker 4: greatly affected my trust in him and brought up a

1212
00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:24,960
Speaker 4: lot of old identity issues I have. Leo wants to

1213
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:27,880
Speaker 4: work through expressing his emotions and working through his insecurity

1214
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 4: and distrust of me. I am back in my parents

1215
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:32,040
Speaker 4: now and planning to head back home after spending the

1216
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:34,120
Speaker 4: fourth of my family. I'm not sure where things go

1217
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 4: from here, but I'm vaguely optimistic that we can both

1218
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:38,000
Speaker 4: become better, healthier people.

1219
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 3: Hey, Sam, we're gonna get back to the stories, but

1220
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 3: here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

1221
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:46,560
Speaker 4: My serial cheater husband tried therapy to fix us, but

1222
00:52:46,719 --> 00:52:47,840
Speaker 4: nothing changed.

1223
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:51,239
Speaker 5: Let me guess he's still cheated probably.

1224
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:53,920
Speaker 4: And by the way, this comes directly from the r

1225
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:55,719
Speaker 4: slash okay story time subreddit.

1226
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 5: So this is one of our own little babies. All right,

1227
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 5: let's find out My.

1228
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:05,040
Speaker 4: Thirty four female husband, thirty mail Alan has a long

1229
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:08,640
Speaker 4: and sordid history of cheating emotionally and physically on me

1230
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:11,799
Speaker 4: and in every relationship prior. This is something I've been

1231
00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:14,319
Speaker 4: trying to work through with him since finding out three

1232
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:18,200
Speaker 4: weeks before our secret courthouse wedding. Ooh wow, because he

1233
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:20,919
Speaker 4: wanted to Elope yikes. By the way, this comes from

1234
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:23,880
Speaker 4: Interesting Slice one one seven And if you want to

1235
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:26,160
Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the ur slash Owkay

1236
00:53:26,160 --> 00:53:28,839
Speaker 4: story Time Separate we will read it for you. So

1237
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:31,960
Speaker 4: it's since been three and a half years. We have

1238
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 4: three wonderful children together as singleton from a previous relationship,

1239
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 4: in twins two years old. The marriage is public knowledge

1240
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:43,520
Speaker 4: now so are the children, and unfortunately not much has changed.

1241
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:47,960
Speaker 4: Every three months it's something inappropriate or full blown. No, really,

1242
00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:52,399
Speaker 4: that's cheating that Alan tries to brush off. So let's

1243
00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:56,200
Speaker 4: get started. So the messages about two months ago was

1244
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:59,480
Speaker 4: the most recent incident, or so I thought, my husband

1245
00:53:59,520 --> 00:54:01,439
Speaker 4: has had. I had a longtime crush on a woman

1246
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:04,040
Speaker 4: let's call her Sally. In a group chat, my husband

1247
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:07,319
Speaker 4: had made a joke referencing having commissioned Sally to make

1248
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:10,799
Speaker 4: a corn related art back when my husband and I

1249
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,680
Speaker 4: first started dating, which I knew about and was fine

1250
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:16,280
Speaker 4: with at the time, as I had no idea about

1251
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:19,160
Speaker 4: the crush. Well, I don't think you would make those

1252
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:24,799
Speaker 4: jokes about some when you didn't have a crush, Jean, Yeah, yeah, this.

1253
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:27,480
Speaker 4: I suppose she saw us setting the tone for what

1254
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 4: was appropriate to talk about within the boundaries of our marriage,

1255
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 4: and while I was very upset for a while, I

1256
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 4: can't blame her for reading it as a social cue,

1257
00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:37,600
Speaker 4: but she took it a step further. She private messaged

1258
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 4: him a few hours later about a mutual interest in

1259
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:42,600
Speaker 4: a corn related fandom that she was talking to his

1260
00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:45,920
Speaker 4: best friend Sean about while my husband was on the

1261
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:48,359
Speaker 4: phone with Sean and elected to not keep it an

1262
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:51,680
Speaker 4: inside joke. They got to bonding over it, and she

1263
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:54,640
Speaker 4: even sent spicy art that she had drawn of it.

1264
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 4: Oh wow, This conversation lasted two days. In addition to cheating,

1265
00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:02,400
Speaker 4: my husband is a hi habitual liar through outright lies

1266
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:04,960
Speaker 4: and lies of a mission, so when Alan told me

1267
00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:07,359
Speaker 4: about it, he phrased it as if it were a

1268
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:11,160
Speaker 4: passing comment. She's simply admitting to being embarrassed about being

1269
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:15,400
Speaker 4: interested in a corn fandom about cartoon characters. What Alan

1270
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:18,520
Speaker 4: didn't know was the phone we used for the autistic twins'

1271
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:21,520
Speaker 4: speech therapy, which was his old phone we had only

1272
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:25,440
Speaker 4: just recently upgraded. It was still signed into his messager

1273
00:55:25,560 --> 00:55:28,600
Speaker 4: and everything else. The morning of the second day, it

1274
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:31,680
Speaker 4: wouldn't stop dinging from the flurry of messages sent one

1275
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:34,400
Speaker 4: after the other of this fandom. One of the children

1276
00:55:34,440 --> 00:55:37,440
Speaker 4: had flipped the iPhone switch on the side off of silent,

1277
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:40,960
Speaker 4: and I read it all. It wasn't something I was

1278
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:43,280
Speaker 4: willing to bring up because we were headed to his parents'

1279
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:45,719
Speaker 4: house for the weekend, But when he returned home from work,

1280
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:48,000
Speaker 4: he actually brought it up, which was surprising to me

1281
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:51,000
Speaker 4: because he almost never admits to anything I don't already

1282
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 4: know about. I was weirdly pleased, until, of course, he

1283
00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:57,840
Speaker 4: omitted so much of the conversation he made it sound

1284
00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:02,240
Speaker 4: as if she only sheepishly mentioned it in a group chat,

1285
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:05,279
Speaker 4: and I had to step away. At dinner that night,

1286
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 4: I let him know that I knew everything. I slept

1287
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 4: alone that night, and we left for his parents' house

1288
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:12,680
Speaker 4: the following morning. It wasn't until we were arriving at

1289
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 4: his parents' house that I explained it had been long

1290
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:19,800
Speaker 4: enough of this for relevant context. For reference, I'm naturally

1291
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:22,880
Speaker 4: polyamorous and he is not. I had offered monogamy, and

1292
00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:25,400
Speaker 4: as someone on the spectrum, I've noticed it's different for everyone,

1293
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:27,919
Speaker 4: so I let him set the rules. When a friend

1294
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:31,239
Speaker 4: joking with me about a silly, spicy hobby made him uncomfortable,

1295
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:33,080
Speaker 4: I explained to the friend that I had agreed to

1296
00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:36,239
Speaker 4: monogamy as to find by my then boyfriend at the time,

1297
00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 4: and that conversations about spicy hobbies and spicy related content

1298
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:42,279
Speaker 4: weren't okay with him. My friend understood, and I have

1299
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:45,440
Speaker 4: abided by every boundary for our relationship he's ever set

1300
00:56:45,960 --> 00:56:49,279
Speaker 4: saying because it means something different to him, because such

1301
00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:51,759
Speaker 4: conversations are more than just a joke in his eyes.

1302
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,920
Speaker 4: He would like us to not engage in conversations like that.

1303
00:56:55,400 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 4: So I agreed to this. So when he would do

1304
00:56:57,600 --> 00:57:00,799
Speaker 4: the same things he explained meant more, I knew what

1305
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:03,200
Speaker 4: they meant to him, and I begged him to change

1306
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:06,040
Speaker 4: and to stop lying to me, stop chatting up old

1307
00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:09,680
Speaker 4: flames for days on end, stop touching people inappropriately, especially

1308
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,680
Speaker 4: in front of me. But every three months it was

1309
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:18,360
Speaker 4: something new, nothing changed. Yikes, every three months, Oh my gosh.

1310
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:22,240
Speaker 5: Why ope? You maybe you knew that he was like

1311
00:57:22,280 --> 00:57:25,960
Speaker 5: a serial liar and a serial cheater. Hm, why did

1312
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:31,840
Speaker 5: you continue to further this relationship. He's disrespecting you, not

1313
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:35,560
Speaker 5: just once, not just twice, but it seems like frequently. Yeah,

1314
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:37,440
Speaker 5: and you don't deserve that.

1315
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:41,600
Speaker 4: No, this is like you're being so forgiving of this

1316
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:43,160
Speaker 4: man that does not deserve it.

1317
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:47,320
Speaker 5: And it's especially when it got to the point of kids. Yeah,

1318
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:49,600
Speaker 5: but I feel like prior to this, and that's probably

1319
00:57:49,640 --> 00:57:52,960
Speaker 5: what we're getting the contact stuff prior it still was

1320
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:54,360
Speaker 5: going on before the kids.

1321
00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:57,720
Speaker 4: So I don't he does not seem like a good

1322
00:57:58,080 --> 00:57:59,440
Speaker 4: choice for a party.

1323
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1324
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:03,040
Speaker 4: Uh So, now Alan had a choice. He could either

1325
00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:06,520
Speaker 4: stop clowning around or we could get a divorce. And

1326
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:09,000
Speaker 4: while I would be polite since this was a family

1327
00:58:09,040 --> 00:58:13,240
Speaker 4: event we were arriving at soon, Alan should not misconstrue

1328
00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 4: this as me being magically over it, as he has

1329
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:19,360
Speaker 4: in the past. The choice was simple, do something. When

1330
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 4: Alan asked what, I said, I don't know therapy, to

1331
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:25,640
Speaker 4: which he replied, almost in a threatening way, Oh, I'll

1332
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:29,080
Speaker 4: do something. So I expected to see some sort of change,

1333
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:32,400
Speaker 4: though I was put off by the word choice and tone.

1334
00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:34,960
Speaker 4: Alan had done therapy before, but only because he was

1335
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:37,400
Speaker 4: forced into it, and it changed nothing about his behavior.

1336
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:40,960
Speaker 4: His therapist explained that real change has to come from within.

1337
00:58:41,520 --> 00:58:43,840
Speaker 4: Just showing up to talk because someone else wants you

1338
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:48,040
Speaker 4: to isn't enough. Naturally, Alan stopped going when insurance stopped

1339
00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:51,880
Speaker 4: covering that particular therapist and never sought another. That was

1340
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:55,520
Speaker 4: two years ago, right after he blatantly flirted with the

1341
00:58:55,640 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 4: NICU nurses following the emergency C section of Our twins that,

1342
00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:01,200
Speaker 4: Oh my.

1343
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:06,400
Speaker 5: Gosh, wild he flirted with the nurses. Yeah, we as

1344
00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:09,240
Speaker 5: you gave birth like literally you just gave birth to

1345
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:10,600
Speaker 5: your twins, and he.

1346
00:59:11,880 --> 00:59:18,960
Speaker 4: That is beyond crappy. My goodness, why why? So past

1347
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:21,400
Speaker 4: forward two weeks from the family event, nothing had changed,

1348
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:23,800
Speaker 4: but Alan acted like things were fine again, trying to

1349
00:59:23,800 --> 00:59:26,080
Speaker 4: touch me, compliment me, and make small talk as if

1350
00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 4: I wasn't crushed by that conversation, which was clearly not

1351
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:33,160
Speaker 4: just a joke. That night, when he tried to cuddle,

1352
00:59:33,200 --> 00:59:36,960
Speaker 4: I asked when his therapy appointment was. Alan looked genuinely confused.

1353
00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:42,000
Speaker 4: What therapy appointment? I lost it. I told you stop

1354
00:59:42,080 --> 00:59:45,200
Speaker 4: clanning me around, or I want divorce. You promised to

1355
00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:48,960
Speaker 4: do something to change your behavior. Cue his complaints, I

1356
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:50,400
Speaker 4: haven't done anything since.

1357
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 1: Then.

1358
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:53,919
Speaker 4: The next morning, he scheduled an appointment for two weeks later,

1359
00:59:54,160 --> 00:59:57,480
Speaker 4: then immediately tried to be affectionate again, as if nothing happened.

1360
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:01,240
Speaker 4: I told him no. For the next two weeks, while

1361
01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:03,960
Speaker 4: waiting for the appointment I had forced him to make,

1362
01:00:04,200 --> 01:00:06,800
Speaker 4: Alan began to withdraw. I only texted him if it

1363
01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 4: was important, yet somehow he didn't have time to reply, while,

1364
01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:12,840
Speaker 4: as I later found out, spending hours each day on

1365
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:15,840
Speaker 4: the phone with his best friend Sean. Sean and my

1366
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:18,480
Speaker 4: husband went way back. My husband even used to have

1367
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:20,680
Speaker 4: a thing for Sean, having nearly kissed him a year

1368
01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:23,000
Speaker 4: or so before my husband and I had started dating.

1369
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:25,880
Speaker 4: This thought was a thing of the past, because Alan

1370
01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:28,480
Speaker 4: said it was. But the phone calls, which used to

1371
01:00:28,480 --> 01:00:31,240
Speaker 4: be every other day for maybe thirty minutes when Alan

1372
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:34,400
Speaker 4: had something to talk about, went to every day, then

1373
01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:37,640
Speaker 4: three hours a day, then six hours a day. That

1374
01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:40,480
Speaker 4: is like a job at that point.

1375
01:00:41,040 --> 01:00:45,000
Speaker 5: And oh wait, don't forget he's a father too. Yeah,

1376
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:47,720
Speaker 5: where is that time going with your kids?

1377
01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 4: Yikes? Man. When appointment day finally arrived, my husband again

1378
01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:54,440
Speaker 4: tried to act like everything was fixed, even though it

1379
01:00:54,480 --> 01:00:57,280
Speaker 4: was a meet and Greek conversation. Of course, again I

1380
01:00:57,400 --> 01:01:01,240
Speaker 4: shut this down since nothing was yet fixed. This time, however,

1381
01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:03,520
Speaker 4: Allan continued to ignore me to spend time on the

1382
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:05,720
Speaker 4: phone with Sean, who I later learned he had been

1383
01:01:05,760 --> 01:01:09,440
Speaker 4: talking to about our relationships. Sean called me ridiculous for

1384
01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:12,440
Speaker 4: still being upset and questioned why I expected my husband

1385
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 4: to change overnight, while simultaneously calling me cold and unfeeling

1386
01:01:17,720 --> 01:01:20,720
Speaker 4: for not acting like things were fixed overnight. So my

1387
01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:24,000
Speaker 4: husband kept pushing when Alan wasn't on the phone with Sean,

1388
01:01:24,080 --> 01:01:27,280
Speaker 4: he was trying to force us back to normal, claiming

1389
01:01:27,320 --> 01:01:29,640
Speaker 4: that he had done the therapy and I was still

1390
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:33,120
Speaker 4: expecting more, and he was right, I was, deep down.

1391
01:01:33,280 --> 01:01:35,000
Speaker 4: I think what I wanted to see from him was

1392
01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:38,000
Speaker 4: a self motivated effort to change is stay married to me,

1393
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:40,560
Speaker 4: not simply checking off a box to appease me, but

1394
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:44,000
Speaker 4: really engaging in trying to change a Google search, asking

1395
01:01:44,000 --> 01:01:46,440
Speaker 4: for advice on how to be honest or stop cheating

1396
01:01:46,560 --> 01:01:51,240
Speaker 4: or trying to cheat something some tangible effort. Alan said

1397
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:53,960
Speaker 4: he understood. As the last two weeks have gone by,

1398
01:01:54,200 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 4: He's been on the phone with Sean pretty much from

1399
01:01:56,400 --> 01:01:58,840
Speaker 4: the moment he opened his eyes the moment he closes them,

1400
01:01:59,160 --> 01:02:02,000
Speaker 4: still attempting to interact with me as if things are

1401
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:05,080
Speaker 4: all fixed, with no outward side of any new skills

1402
01:02:05,160 --> 01:02:10,400
Speaker 4: being implemented to avoid inappropriate conversations, and still talking to Sally.

1403
01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:12,920
Speaker 4: I was hoping in some way that Sean and Allen

1404
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:16,400
Speaker 4: were talking about how Alan fixed things, and I couldn't

1405
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:20,120
Speaker 4: have been more wrong. The motorcycles. Now, when we had

1406
01:02:20,200 --> 01:02:22,960
Speaker 4: been visiting his parents, we had a conversation at the

1407
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:26,320
Speaker 4: dinner table about his late grandfather's motorcycles, in which my

1408
01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:28,840
Speaker 4: husband suggested that Sean could fix them up for free

1409
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:31,440
Speaker 4: and then return them. This was the first I had

1410
01:02:31,440 --> 01:02:33,520
Speaker 4: heard of any of this In exchange, It's a fun

1411
01:02:33,560 --> 01:02:36,200
Speaker 4: project for Sean and that before and after photos would

1412
01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:39,040
Speaker 4: be amazing for his business. He lives out of States.

1413
01:02:39,120 --> 01:02:41,160
Speaker 4: My husband would not be able to help. If this

1414
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:44,520
Speaker 4: sounds too good to be true, it's because it was.

1415
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:47,920
Speaker 4: While talking to a friend about this, she suggested that

1416
01:02:47,960 --> 01:02:50,360
Speaker 4: many things were very much not right here and that

1417
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:52,800
Speaker 4: I should go through his phone see if he's been

1418
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:56,640
Speaker 4: doing or saying anything else inappropriate, but more importantly, see

1419
01:02:56,680 --> 01:02:58,840
Speaker 4: if I'm being too hard on him, and look through

1420
01:02:58,920 --> 01:03:00,880
Speaker 4: search history to see if there's any evidence of him

1421
01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:03,640
Speaker 4: looking into how to be honest or stop cheating. To

1422
01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:07,720
Speaker 4: save our marriage again, divorce was on the table. This

1423
01:03:07,920 --> 01:03:10,080
Speaker 4: was in fact an ultimatum. I know it's itchy to

1424
01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:12,480
Speaker 4: make those, but this one is kind of a no brainer.

1425
01:03:12,920 --> 01:03:16,600
Speaker 4: It was all motorcycles, motorcycles and memes, and to be fair,

1426
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:19,880
Speaker 4: there was no evidence of anything inappropriate. The conversations with

1427
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:23,480
Speaker 4: Sally were suddenly about how great I was, but the motorcycles.

1428
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:25,320
Speaker 4: That's when I found out that Alan was going to

1429
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:27,480
Speaker 4: pay for all the work on them. None of it

1430
01:03:27,560 --> 01:03:29,880
Speaker 4: was free. All of it was going to come out

1431
01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:33,280
Speaker 4: of our expenses to maybe be paid back by whatever

1432
01:03:33,360 --> 01:03:36,080
Speaker 4: family member got them, as none of them were promised

1433
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:38,840
Speaker 4: to us. One of them was already promised to his dad,

1434
01:03:39,080 --> 01:03:42,480
Speaker 4: all to help Sean. He very sweet and generous, but

1435
01:03:42,600 --> 01:03:45,840
Speaker 4: we live paycheck to paycheck, three kids and a mortgage

1436
01:03:46,080 --> 01:03:48,520
Speaker 4: in our day to day we cannot afford an expenditure

1437
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:52,000
Speaker 4: like this. The worst part not one Google search, no

1438
01:03:52,040 --> 01:03:55,560
Speaker 4: evidence of asking for advice. When I confronted him about this,

1439
01:03:55,640 --> 01:03:58,000
Speaker 4: Alan said calmly and plainly that he didn't have the

1440
01:03:58,120 --> 01:04:00,840
Speaker 4: emotional energy to lick into it. But when I asked

1441
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:05,760
Speaker 4: about the motorcycles, he lost it, defensive and shaking and

1442
01:04:05,840 --> 01:04:10,800
Speaker 4: shrugging awkwardly and clowny with angst. And I don't knows

1443
01:04:10,800 --> 01:04:12,680
Speaker 4: and I'm only talking to him about it. I wasn't

1444
01:04:12,720 --> 01:04:15,400
Speaker 4: going to do it without telling you the parts were

1445
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:18,040
Speaker 4: in the shopping cart. Though, after a month and a

1446
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:20,520
Speaker 4: half of begging and pleading for him to stop clowning

1447
01:04:20,600 --> 01:04:22,760
Speaker 4: me around and do something to be a better husband,

1448
01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:26,640
Speaker 4: Alan conceded to one meet and greet therapy appointment while

1449
01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:29,960
Speaker 4: trying to invest thousands of dollars, hours of research and

1450
01:04:30,120 --> 01:04:33,840
Speaker 4: hours more attention into his best friend slash former crush

1451
01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:37,360
Speaker 4: while ignoring my messages about anything, even when it was

1452
01:04:37,520 --> 01:04:41,720
Speaker 4: the children yich. So I sat him down, explained he's

1453
01:04:41,760 --> 01:04:44,720
Speaker 4: making no personal effort to change. I don't believe he will,

1454
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:46,800
Speaker 4: and asked him to stay with his parents for a

1455
01:04:46,840 --> 01:04:50,440
Speaker 4: while because we were done. That was nearly two weeks ago.

1456
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:54,240
Speaker 4: Any advice, and we do have an update, but holy

1457
01:04:54,400 --> 01:05:01,040
Speaker 4: how that was a lot of Oh this guy just

1458
01:05:01,200 --> 01:05:03,040
Speaker 4: is sounds like the absolute worst.

1459
01:05:03,280 --> 01:05:05,280
Speaker 5: I it sounds like a like a teenage boy.

1460
01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:06,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, that just.

1461
01:05:06,760 --> 01:05:10,120
Speaker 5: Yeaheah, like like let's rush this, like if we'll do

1462
01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:13,120
Speaker 5: this and everything's to be fixed, the therapy, everything else

1463
01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:15,080
Speaker 5: along the lines. He's like, oh, I'm gonna do it,

1464
01:05:15,200 --> 01:05:18,320
Speaker 5: or I'll do it. I'll do it like that, it'll

1465
01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:19,280
Speaker 5: fix it. It fixed it.

1466
01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:23,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's ridiculous. And then that comment way earlier from

1467
01:05:23,240 --> 01:05:26,800
Speaker 4: from Sean being like, oh, like I can't believe you

1468
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:31,280
Speaker 4: know she expects you to to be change overnight. Yeah,

1469
01:05:31,320 --> 01:05:33,439
Speaker 4: why she's still mad about this. It's like okay, well,

1470
01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:36,600
Speaker 4: like no, it's it's not gonna fix overnight, because I mean,

1471
01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:40,280
Speaker 4: one if it doesn't change overnight, then yeah, you're gonna

1472
01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:43,160
Speaker 4: believe that it's gonna happen again. And two, even if

1473
01:05:43,200 --> 01:05:44,920
Speaker 4: you knew it wasn't gonna change over night and you

1474
01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:50,280
Speaker 4: didn't expect that, you are still fully able and valid

1475
01:05:50,360 --> 01:05:52,280
Speaker 4: in still being upset until.

1476
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:56,360
Speaker 5: It does change a one hundred percent yeah, op, especially

1477
01:05:56,360 --> 01:06:00,360
Speaker 5: since you're part of the community. It hung this was

1478
01:06:00,440 --> 01:06:04,280
Speaker 5: going on for far too long that he's ignoring you.

1479
01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:08,680
Speaker 5: What and you've asked him nicely and he's not doing anything.

1480
01:06:08,760 --> 01:06:09,080
Speaker 2: You know.

1481
01:06:09,640 --> 01:06:11,840
Speaker 5: It's the action speak louder than words kind of thing,

1482
01:06:11,840 --> 01:06:14,080
Speaker 5: like he says a lot of it exactly. But you

1483
01:06:14,160 --> 01:06:18,920
Speaker 5: also called him out as a serial liar, right Literally,

1484
01:06:18,280 --> 01:06:22,600
Speaker 5: he likes to lie. He's not gonna stop lying. Yeah.

1485
01:06:22,640 --> 01:06:25,600
Speaker 4: How much emotional energy does he need to try to

1486
01:06:25,640 --> 01:06:30,200
Speaker 4: stop cheating on you? Yeah? Like honestly, like really, what

1487
01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:32,600
Speaker 4: does he need? If he wanted to not cheat on

1488
01:06:32,640 --> 01:06:34,480
Speaker 4: you and he wanted to fix this marriage, then he

1489
01:06:34,560 --> 01:06:37,480
Speaker 4: would he would have so much emotional space for that.

1490
01:06:37,520 --> 01:06:40,320
Speaker 4: So there is an update. Apparently, when Alan left he

1491
01:06:40,400 --> 01:06:43,080
Speaker 4: thought that we were still together, that we were going

1492
01:06:43,160 --> 01:06:45,320
Speaker 4: to work through it. When he got back, Remember, his

1493
01:06:45,520 --> 01:06:49,240
Speaker 4: old phone had everything still logged in four hours of

1494
01:06:49,280 --> 01:06:52,320
Speaker 4: reaching his parents' house on Sunday, Alan was looking up

1495
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 4: a woman he used to pay for a spicy sleep.

1496
01:06:55,280 --> 01:06:59,240
Speaker 4: Let's call her Shelley. Okay, wow, big development, big thing

1497
01:06:59,240 --> 01:07:01,840
Speaker 4: about his character. Half an hour later he was on

1498
01:07:01,920 --> 01:07:04,280
Speaker 4: the phone with her. Half an hour after that, she

1499
01:07:04,400 --> 01:07:08,040
Speaker 4: was sending cleavage pictures. Monday night is when Alan texted

1500
01:07:08,080 --> 01:07:10,000
Speaker 4: me and told me he thought we were still together

1501
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:12,960
Speaker 4: after I already saw what he did, left all our

1502
01:07:12,960 --> 01:07:15,960
Speaker 4: group chats, and blocked him on social media, swearing he

1503
01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:19,320
Speaker 4: was confused why I did all of those things. Over

1504
01:07:19,360 --> 01:07:22,200
Speaker 4: the next five days, we argued a lot about looking

1505
01:07:22,280 --> 01:07:24,240
Speaker 4: up a woman for spicy sleep while he thought we

1506
01:07:24,240 --> 01:07:29,280
Speaker 4: were still together. The motorcycles, Sean, Sally, everything all Apparently,

1507
01:07:29,360 --> 01:07:31,640
Speaker 4: while he was on the phone with Sean, he was

1508
01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:35,720
Speaker 4: sending Sean memes about getting divorced while simultaneously telling me

1509
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:39,000
Speaker 4: how much he missed me and couldn't sleep or eat.

1510
01:07:39,360 --> 01:07:41,440
Speaker 4: My goodness, this guy is the worst.

1511
01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:44,560
Speaker 5: This guy. This guy is one of those he's doing,

1512
01:07:44,680 --> 01:07:49,160
Speaker 5: he's we call him a multitasker. Yeah, he's literally talking,

1513
01:07:49,760 --> 01:07:54,200
Speaker 5: sending memes and then also texting you. Yeah, his brain,

1514
01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:58,200
Speaker 5: his brain, Oh, my goodness, my goodness. I want to

1515
01:07:58,240 --> 01:07:59,560
Speaker 5: study it because that's crazy.

1516
01:07:59,560 --> 01:08:02,120
Speaker 4: It's crazy, to be clear, and none of what Alan

1517
01:08:02,240 --> 01:08:04,840
Speaker 4: did Sunday was cheating, even though he thought we were

1518
01:08:04,840 --> 01:08:08,200
Speaker 4: still together I had left him. My issue is that

1519
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:10,640
Speaker 4: Alan thought divorce was on the table, still had a

1520
01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:12,680
Speaker 4: chance to fix it, and tried to do what he

1521
01:08:12,760 --> 01:08:15,920
Speaker 4: thought was cheating the second he had the opportunity. Alan

1522
01:08:16,040 --> 01:08:19,240
Speaker 4: is still begging for another chance and time to fix himself.

1523
01:08:19,720 --> 01:08:25,520
Speaker 5: I'm no more chances, no more chances giving him unlimited

1524
01:08:25,600 --> 01:08:29,519
Speaker 5: chances to fix anything or at least try to right,

1525
01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:32,320
Speaker 5: and he's done none of that right.

1526
01:08:32,200 --> 01:08:35,120
Speaker 4: Because what that means for him another chance and time

1527
01:08:35,160 --> 01:08:38,559
Speaker 4: to fix himself is just more time for her staying

1528
01:08:38,680 --> 01:08:41,479
Speaker 4: and him being able to cheat and do whatever he wants. Yeah,

1529
01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:45,680
Speaker 4: just an excuse, just yeah, yeah, my goodness. I am

1530
01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:47,559
Speaker 4: fairly certain that I am not the A hole. But

1531
01:08:47,640 --> 01:08:49,720
Speaker 4: for anyone who has read this far, you're welcome to

1532
01:08:49,720 --> 01:08:52,439
Speaker 4: correct me or scold me for staying so long as

1533
01:08:52,479 --> 01:08:54,479
Speaker 4: you like. And there is a second update.

1534
01:08:54,600 --> 01:08:57,519
Speaker 5: No, definitely not you are not an a hole.

1535
01:08:58,040 --> 01:09:00,679
Speaker 4: Definitely not the A hole. But I do really wants

1536
01:09:00,680 --> 01:09:02,840
Speaker 4: you to stand up for yourself and just leave this man.

1537
01:09:02,920 --> 01:09:04,880
Speaker 4: I mean it sounds like she is. Yes, fight need

1538
01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:05,639
Speaker 4: this to happen now.

1539
01:09:05,760 --> 01:09:07,800
Speaker 5: I was I was gonna say, you're kind of being

1540
01:09:07,800 --> 01:09:10,439
Speaker 5: an a hole to yourself by not respecting yourself and

1541
01:09:11,160 --> 01:09:14,000
Speaker 5: getting away from him, you know, let him, let him

1542
01:09:14,160 --> 01:09:17,920
Speaker 5: still manipulate you and twist your thoughts and you know,

1543
01:09:18,720 --> 01:09:20,880
Speaker 5: make you feel like you're an a hole when you've

1544
01:09:20,880 --> 01:09:24,400
Speaker 5: done nothing wrong and you just wanted some respect and

1545
01:09:24,680 --> 01:09:27,800
Speaker 5: you know, some action from his part to be a

1546
01:09:27,840 --> 01:09:28,479
Speaker 5: better husband.

1547
01:09:28,640 --> 01:09:31,320
Speaker 4: Exactly. He's not going to change. He's shown you that.

1548
01:09:31,760 --> 01:09:34,680
Speaker 4: We do have a second update, though my friends suggested

1549
01:09:34,720 --> 01:09:37,760
Speaker 4: this morning that since our finances are still shared, I

1550
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:39,840
Speaker 4: checked to make sure that the parts were never ordered

1551
01:09:39,880 --> 01:09:43,040
Speaker 4: for the motorcycle, and he swears they weren't, since that

1552
01:09:43,120 --> 01:09:45,800
Speaker 4: may become an issue later. We have two accounts, a

1553
01:09:45,880 --> 01:09:48,200
Speaker 4: joint account I never log into, from which my husband

1554
01:09:48,200 --> 01:09:51,120
Speaker 4: pays the mortgage and groceries, and my account, from which

1555
01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:53,639
Speaker 4: I pay all of the utilities. We have separate jobs.

1556
01:09:53,760 --> 01:09:54,200
Speaker 3: Ish.

1557
01:09:54,400 --> 01:09:57,680
Speaker 4: I'm a small influencer you undoubtedly never heard of, and

1558
01:09:57,800 --> 01:10:01,880
Speaker 4: I don't make much, but between insurance on power, water, sewer,

1559
01:10:01,880 --> 01:10:04,639
Speaker 4: and phone bills, my monthly expenses are roughly the same

1560
01:10:04,680 --> 01:10:07,760
Speaker 4: as his. With our delegated who remembers to pay what

1561
01:10:07,880 --> 01:10:11,360
Speaker 4: bills system? He is more ADHD than me, so he

1562
01:10:11,400 --> 01:10:13,759
Speaker 4: only has to remember to pay one bill. I checked

1563
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:16,200
Speaker 4: the joint account from which our mortgage is paid, and

1564
01:10:16,240 --> 01:10:20,560
Speaker 4: while he was telling the truth, no motorcycle parts wherever purchased.

1565
01:10:21,120 --> 01:10:24,080
Speaker 4: We are broke. Where did the money go?

1566
01:10:24,360 --> 01:10:25,719
Speaker 5: Where is it? Batman?

1567
01:10:26,080 --> 01:10:27,839
Speaker 4: Is he not contributing? Perhaps?

1568
01:10:29,080 --> 01:10:33,360
Speaker 5: Where is the money going to? Or rather who or

1569
01:10:33,479 --> 01:10:35,120
Speaker 5: whom he is it going to?

1570
01:10:35,680 --> 01:10:38,920
Speaker 4: Oh, my goodness, Having just got the tax returns back,

1571
01:10:38,960 --> 01:10:41,599
Speaker 4: I expected to see the finances back on track because

1572
01:10:41,640 --> 01:10:44,599
Speaker 4: we use our tax returns to supplement our income throughout

1573
01:10:44,600 --> 01:10:47,120
Speaker 4: the year. We operate on a deficit of about five

1574
01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:49,320
Speaker 4: hundred dollars a month, and the tax returns get us

1575
01:10:49,320 --> 01:10:52,240
Speaker 4: through it. There's almost nothing left of them. The savings

1576
01:10:52,280 --> 01:10:56,360
Speaker 4: and checking account are depleted. I can't find anything nefarious.

1577
01:10:56,439 --> 01:10:58,880
Speaker 4: It's all the usual stuff. But we've apparently been broke

1578
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:02,120
Speaker 4: like this since before or Alan started considering buying all

1579
01:11:02,160 --> 01:11:05,400
Speaker 4: the parts for the motorcycles. Alan never told me that

1580
01:11:05,439 --> 01:11:08,040
Speaker 4: we were struggling financially, and still he was going to

1581
01:11:08,160 --> 01:11:11,479
Speaker 4: use what little that was left to buy all of

1582
01:11:11,520 --> 01:11:15,320
Speaker 4: these parts to help Sean's business. What in the heck

1583
01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:18,720
Speaker 4: is going on? Our divorcing is public knowledge now, and

1584
01:11:18,920 --> 01:11:21,040
Speaker 4: everyone on this side of the family is either saying

1585
01:11:21,080 --> 01:11:23,840
Speaker 4: I'm overreacting about all this because it was just a

1586
01:11:23,920 --> 01:11:25,599
Speaker 4: chat and that it's not that big of a deal,

1587
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:28,479
Speaker 4: or they refuse to get involved at all. So now

1588
01:11:28,520 --> 01:11:30,360
Speaker 4: I'm not sure again, am I the a hole? Is

1589
01:11:30,400 --> 01:11:34,559
Speaker 4: this absolutely normal? Should I have treated each inappropriate conversation

1590
01:11:34,640 --> 01:11:37,320
Speaker 4: and touching and full blown cheating as its own separate

1591
01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:40,519
Speaker 4: issue or recognized it as a pattern of behavior. It's

1592
01:11:40,640 --> 01:11:44,000
Speaker 4: very early now as I type, and I'm frantically canceling

1593
01:11:44,040 --> 01:11:47,160
Speaker 4: subscription services to save money because the bank foreclosing on

1594
01:11:47,240 --> 01:11:50,519
Speaker 4: the house. If we can't pay mortgage before selling it

1595
01:11:50,560 --> 01:11:53,000
Speaker 4: if we need to, would make matters much worse than

1596
01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:54,599
Speaker 4: there is another update.

1597
01:11:54,680 --> 01:11:58,840
Speaker 5: Oh my goodness, Yes, uh, you're not. No, why you

1598
01:11:58,960 --> 01:12:02,960
Speaker 5: keep consisting that you're an a hole? Yeah, don't like Yes,

1599
01:12:03,680 --> 01:12:07,080
Speaker 5: it's like that's him cheating, that's him financially cheating.

1600
01:12:07,400 --> 01:12:07,719
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1601
01:12:07,760 --> 01:12:10,479
Speaker 5: At the end of the day, they're all under this

1602
01:12:10,600 --> 01:12:13,479
Speaker 5: umbrella of him just being the worst.

1603
01:12:13,680 --> 01:12:17,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean you're saying that The people that are

1604
01:12:17,080 --> 01:12:19,519
Speaker 4: saying that you're overacting are on his side of the

1605
01:12:19,520 --> 01:12:26,280
Speaker 4: family or friends. Yeah, so here like clearly it's just

1606
01:12:27,280 --> 01:12:29,639
Speaker 4: the family just must think it's okay, and he had

1607
01:12:29,640 --> 01:12:32,639
Speaker 4: to have learned it from somewhere. So no, don't listen

1608
01:12:32,680 --> 01:12:35,559
Speaker 4: to his family. You know that he is doing you wrong.

1609
01:12:35,840 --> 01:12:38,519
Speaker 5: Or again, here's the thing, he might be lying to

1610
01:12:38,560 --> 01:12:39,080
Speaker 5: his family.

1611
01:12:39,479 --> 01:12:42,080
Speaker 4: True. Yeah, that's very true. How are they learning all

1612
01:12:42,080 --> 01:12:42,679
Speaker 4: this information?

1613
01:12:42,800 --> 01:12:45,240
Speaker 5: Yeah? Have you talked to his family about it? Or

1614
01:12:45,360 --> 01:12:47,559
Speaker 5: is he telling his side of it to them? You

1615
01:12:47,640 --> 01:12:49,720
Speaker 5: need to You need to get away from this man

1616
01:12:49,800 --> 01:12:52,360
Speaker 5: because all he does is just poison everything.

1617
01:12:52,680 --> 01:12:55,880
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, I've did number three. It was Sunday night,

1618
01:12:56,040 --> 01:12:58,160
Speaker 4: and I had gone to bed much earlier than usual.

1619
01:12:58,520 --> 01:13:01,400
Speaker 4: What was meant to be an after naptime lasted until

1620
01:13:01,439 --> 01:13:05,080
Speaker 4: three am. I knew caregiver fatigue was real, but I

1621
01:13:05,120 --> 01:13:08,120
Speaker 4: thought it was more emotional than physical. While I slept,

1622
01:13:08,160 --> 01:13:10,479
Speaker 4: Alan was on the phone with Shelley, the woman he

1623
01:13:10,520 --> 01:13:12,920
Speaker 4: thought he was cheating on me with, because he misunderstood

1624
01:13:12,960 --> 01:13:15,880
Speaker 4: that I was actively leaving him, not just cooling off.

1625
01:13:16,200 --> 01:13:18,400
Speaker 4: Now we're on the same page. But he was calling

1626
01:13:18,400 --> 01:13:20,960
Speaker 4: and texting her while making dinner for our kids. That's

1627
01:13:21,000 --> 01:13:23,360
Speaker 4: when he texted me, asking if I could watch the

1628
01:13:23,439 --> 01:13:25,760
Speaker 4: children so he could go to her apartment after work

1629
01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:29,839
Speaker 4: on Wednesday. I was livid. I can't control who he sees,

1630
01:13:30,120 --> 01:13:33,680
Speaker 4: but did it have to be her? Since our finances

1631
01:13:33,680 --> 01:13:36,400
Speaker 4: were still tied together. I asked that childcare be handled

1632
01:13:36,400 --> 01:13:39,200
Speaker 4: by his parents. They had never watched the kids alone before,

1633
01:13:39,240 --> 01:13:42,200
Speaker 4: but I gave consent and informed Alan. He then accused

1634
01:13:42,240 --> 01:13:44,559
Speaker 4: me of controlling him, insisting that it had to be

1635
01:13:44,680 --> 01:13:47,320
Speaker 4: me to watch them or else I was manipulating him

1636
01:13:47,360 --> 01:13:50,280
Speaker 4: not to go. I made a friend's only Facebook post.

1637
01:13:50,520 --> 01:13:52,880
Speaker 4: I only have about two hundred friends left there, many

1638
01:13:52,920 --> 01:13:55,599
Speaker 4: unfronted over the years because Alan took issue with them.

1639
01:13:56,080 --> 01:13:59,519
Speaker 4: Some were mutuals or his own friends. The replies were

1640
01:13:59,800 --> 01:14:03,759
Speaker 4: what you'd expect, break out the baseball bat. In my culture,

1641
01:14:03,960 --> 01:14:07,559
Speaker 4: we'd make sure that he couldn't father kids again. None

1642
01:14:07,640 --> 01:14:10,160
Speaker 4: of these were encouraged, and I deleted them as they

1643
01:14:10,200 --> 01:14:12,960
Speaker 4: weren't helpful. Alan's family saw the post and it wasn't

1644
01:14:13,040 --> 01:14:16,160
Speaker 4: vague enough to keep them guessing. They called Alan's mom,

1645
01:14:16,280 --> 01:14:19,160
Speaker 4: who then called him, and it was decided that Alan

1646
01:14:19,280 --> 01:14:22,320
Speaker 4: shouldn't come home. His mom showed up to collect his

1647
01:14:22,360 --> 01:14:24,720
Speaker 4: clothes and medication and trying to act polite when she

1648
01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:27,599
Speaker 4: saw my parents were present, he downplayed everything, but I

1649
01:14:27,680 --> 01:14:30,320
Speaker 4: already knew the plan. Alan would stay at his parents'

1650
01:14:30,320 --> 01:14:32,360
Speaker 4: house on Wednesday, and I would be left at home

1651
01:14:32,400 --> 01:14:35,799
Speaker 4: with the kids, forced to watch as he did whatever

1652
01:14:35,880 --> 01:14:41,439
Speaker 4: he wanted. My goodness, this man, this man is crazy.

1653
01:14:41,600 --> 01:14:44,920
Speaker 5: He just doesn't stop when you think, now he's playing

1654
01:14:44,960 --> 01:14:48,639
Speaker 5: the you know, the gas lighter card or like victim,

1655
01:14:48,680 --> 01:14:50,680
Speaker 5: the victim card, sorry, the victim card where he's like,

1656
01:14:50,720 --> 01:14:54,599
Speaker 5: now you're oh, you're controlling me, you're too manipulative. Oh

1657
01:14:54,840 --> 01:14:58,920
Speaker 5: this yeah, it just where's the respect in this relationship?

1658
01:14:58,960 --> 01:15:02,400
Speaker 5: I've seen him do nothing positive for you throughout this

1659
01:15:02,640 --> 01:15:06,720
Speaker 5: entire story. Pie, What has he done for you? What

1660
01:15:06,880 --> 01:15:09,479
Speaker 5: has he done to respect you? Like, yes, yeah, he's

1661
01:15:09,520 --> 01:15:12,439
Speaker 5: the father of your kids. But it seems like you guys,

1662
01:15:12,520 --> 01:15:15,080
Speaker 5: all you do is just like it's something new, like

1663
01:15:15,120 --> 01:15:19,080
Speaker 5: you said, something every three months. Is just it's not fair.

1664
01:15:19,320 --> 01:15:23,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, like it kind of sounds that like

1665
01:15:23,720 --> 01:15:26,559
Speaker 4: she is ready to leave him. Yeah, but it just

1666
01:15:27,080 --> 01:15:29,680
Speaker 4: sucks that it just doesn't stop because now I have

1667
01:15:29,720 --> 01:15:32,160
Speaker 4: to copare it and he's not wanting to copare, and

1668
01:15:32,200 --> 01:15:34,920
Speaker 4: he's like making these excuses and stuff, and so it's

1669
01:15:35,000 --> 01:15:37,760
Speaker 4: just so frustrating that she still has to deal with

1670
01:15:37,840 --> 01:15:39,040
Speaker 4: us even if they do divorce.

1671
01:15:39,439 --> 01:15:42,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's it's gonna be a tough process. It's gonna

1672
01:15:42,400 --> 01:15:45,320
Speaker 5: be a long process, and it's going to be a

1673
01:15:45,360 --> 01:15:49,680
Speaker 5: bumpy one, yeah, for sure. But it's better than you know,

1674
01:15:50,520 --> 01:15:55,640
Speaker 5: time and time again being let down, being you know, manipulated,

1675
01:15:56,080 --> 01:15:59,920
Speaker 5: being just emotionally wiped out, dealing with him and trying

1676
01:15:59,920 --> 01:16:02,559
Speaker 5: to focus on him when you could just be focused

1677
01:16:02,560 --> 01:16:04,680
Speaker 5: with yourself and on your kids.

1678
01:16:05,000 --> 01:16:07,880
Speaker 4: Yeah. Man, oh my goodness. So there is a little

1679
01:16:07,920 --> 01:16:10,280
Speaker 4: bit more into the story. I told his mom directly

1680
01:16:10,320 --> 01:16:13,519
Speaker 4: that she was enabling his cruelty. She claimed that Alan

1681
01:16:13,560 --> 01:16:17,160
Speaker 4: had no intention of seeing Shelley despite the constant calls

1682
01:16:17,160 --> 01:16:19,479
Speaker 4: and texts, and that I had no right to be

1683
01:16:19,600 --> 01:16:22,200
Speaker 4: upset since I was the one who dumbed him. Sure,

1684
01:16:22,840 --> 01:16:24,960
Speaker 4: I explained again about the cheating and lying, but she

1685
01:16:25,080 --> 01:16:28,759
Speaker 4: insisted that he never cheated because he said so that's

1686
01:16:28,800 --> 01:16:32,280
Speaker 4: when I lost it. I had sent them screenshots and

1687
01:16:32,320 --> 01:16:35,240
Speaker 4: screen recordings. They then admitted that they had never read them,

1688
01:16:35,360 --> 01:16:38,559
Speaker 4: choosing instead afford everything to Alan's brother, who would summarize

1689
01:16:38,600 --> 01:16:41,360
Speaker 4: it vaguely enough to keep it from upsetting them. I

1690
01:16:41,439 --> 01:16:43,840
Speaker 4: thanked them for prioritizing me as their daughter in law,

1691
01:16:43,880 --> 01:16:46,920
Speaker 4: and I invited them to leave. I stayed mostly off

1692
01:16:46,920 --> 01:16:49,320
Speaker 4: social media, and I had played with the children. Naptime

1693
01:16:49,400 --> 01:16:51,160
Speaker 4: rolled around, and I had finished cleaning up from the

1694
01:16:51,200 --> 01:16:53,559
Speaker 4: day began starting on dinner as they laid down for

1695
01:16:53,600 --> 01:16:56,960
Speaker 4: their evening nap when I received a notification Alan had

1696
01:16:57,000 --> 01:17:00,320
Speaker 4: turned off location jaring m So I did as you

1697
01:17:00,320 --> 01:17:03,000
Speaker 4: would expect. I immediately removed him from the family on

1698
01:17:03,200 --> 01:17:06,400
Speaker 4: iPhone and Google and partner sharing on Google Photos. And

1699
01:17:06,439 --> 01:17:09,240
Speaker 4: the last thing uploaded to his Google Photos, Why didn't

1700
01:17:09,280 --> 01:17:12,920
Speaker 4: you know it was those motorcycles. We do not yet

1701
01:17:12,960 --> 01:17:15,920
Speaker 4: have a separation agreement set up. He left and texted

1702
01:17:15,920 --> 01:17:18,559
Speaker 4: me only once to inform me that they arrived safely.

1703
01:17:18,920 --> 01:17:21,120
Speaker 4: I have a strong suspicion that he's terrified about what

1704
01:17:21,200 --> 01:17:23,880
Speaker 4: I'm up to, as I'm home alone and just as

1705
01:17:23,920 --> 01:17:26,639
Speaker 4: free as he is during the week. All I will

1706
01:17:26,680 --> 01:17:29,320
Speaker 4: tell you in case he comes across this is that

1707
01:17:29,400 --> 01:17:32,800
Speaker 4: I am enjoying myself. But it's very nice for that

1708
01:17:32,880 --> 01:17:35,200
Speaker 4: bar to slowly be sinking to the ground level and

1709
01:17:35,240 --> 01:17:37,759
Speaker 4: to start enjoying myself in ways that I wasn't allowed

1710
01:17:37,800 --> 01:17:41,080
Speaker 4: to previously, and that is the end of that story.

1711
01:17:41,320 --> 01:17:44,960
Speaker 5: At least, it seems like op understands like things are

1712
01:17:44,960 --> 01:17:48,439
Speaker 5: getting better when he's not in the picture. When he's

1713
01:17:48,520 --> 01:17:51,880
Speaker 5: off and about, you're like, oh, I get timed myself

1714
01:17:51,960 --> 01:17:55,280
Speaker 5: and I feel a little bit more free. Yeah, that's

1715
01:17:55,280 --> 01:17:57,880
Speaker 5: what you should feel the entire time, or at least

1716
01:17:57,920 --> 01:17:59,479
Speaker 5: supported by your partner.

1717
01:17:59,800 --> 01:18:04,120
Speaker 4: Right, And hopefully she's learning this for next time, Hope.

1718
01:18:05,640 --> 01:18:08,360
Speaker 5: I know you're part of our community. Ope, We're here

1719
01:18:08,600 --> 01:18:11,559
Speaker 5: to support you and help you and give you advice.

1720
01:18:11,920 --> 01:18:14,560
Speaker 5: The advice is right now. You don't need him in

1721
01:18:14,640 --> 01:18:16,639
Speaker 5: your life. You do not need him in your life.

1722
01:18:17,240 --> 01:18:20,479
Speaker 5: One close that account, that joint account. It seems like

1723
01:18:20,479 --> 01:18:23,960
Speaker 5: you're already doing some of that, like with social stuff. Good.

1724
01:18:24,479 --> 01:18:26,639
Speaker 5: Keep pushing him away, yeah,