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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast and we have.

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Speaker 2: Some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes we'll get

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Speaker 1: into the episode.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend refused to pay me back.

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Speaker 4: Now I'm ready to tear him down, tear him apart.

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Speaker 4: So I've been dating my boyfriend for almost four years.

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Speaker 4: During that time, I've paid for practically everything. He was

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Speaker 4: in school finishing, finishing his degree, while I already had

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Speaker 4: the house, the cars, and a full time job. To

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Speaker 4: really understand the differences between us and why this conversation matters,

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Speaker 4: I need to give some backstory. By the way, this

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Speaker 4: comes from user Junior Reality thirteen fourteen, and if you

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Speaker 4: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 4: slash Okay Storytime Suppurate.

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Speaker 3: I'm Keon, I'm Dakota, I'm Carly.

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Speaker 4: I've had one or two jobs almost every day since

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Speaker 4: I was fourteen. In college, I worked two jobs while

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Speaker 4: carrying a full course load about a classes a semester,

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Speaker 4: and I graduated debt free. I've always worked hard at

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Speaker 4: every job I've had After graduating. I worked in my

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Speaker 4: field for a year, but after nearly a year of isolation,

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Speaker 4: I moved back home. I took a different job, not

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Speaker 4: related to my degree, but the money was great. I

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Speaker 4: hated the company with a passion, but I stuck it

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Speaker 4: out and saved. By thirty I had over forty two

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Speaker 4: thousand dollars in my four oh one k, my own house,

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Speaker 4: paid off cars, and financial stability. I recently left that

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Speaker 4: job for my mental and physical health, and now I

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Speaker 4: work in my degree field at a job that pays

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Speaker 4: less but brings me much more happiness. Everything I own

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Speaker 4: I worked incredibly hard for now. My boyfriend he graduated

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Speaker 4: in May twenty twenty five. During school, he usually had

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Speaker 4: only three or four classes, mostly online. Part of this

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Speaker 4: was because of the VID and part because his degree

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Speaker 4: is in technology. Still, in the four years we've been together,

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Speaker 4: he's been through six different jobs.

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Speaker 3: He couldn't handle.

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Speaker 4: Both four classes and a part time job, and the

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Speaker 4: only side work he occasionally did was DoorDash when he

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Speaker 4: felt like it. Most of the time he was online,

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Speaker 4: either in class or playing video games. I don't hate gaming,

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Speaker 4: I'm an avid gamer myself, but watching him sit at

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Speaker 4: a computer for eighteen hours a day while I worked

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Speaker 4: ten hour shifts at a job I hated, built a

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Speaker 4: lot of resentment.

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Speaker 3: Now it's a six to seven hour.

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Speaker 4: Shift for twelve to eighteen days straight before two days off.

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Speaker 4: Then during a summer would we would sometimes have a

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Speaker 4: full time job, but it only lasted for about two months.

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Speaker 4: On top of that, he accumulated debt through credit cards.

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Speaker 4: One even went to court, which he ignored, saying he'd

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Speaker 4: paid back when he could. That rubs me the wrong way,

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Speaker 4: especially now that he also has student loans. These debts

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Speaker 4: are a few thousand combined, no more than six K,

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Speaker 4: I think. And then there's the money he owes me.

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Speaker 4: When he first moved in, he promised to help with

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Speaker 4: rent and bills. After three months of him not paying,

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Speaker 4: I started keeping track of what he owed me, Not

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Speaker 4: little things like coffee, but bigger expenses.

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Speaker 3: Things like half of a rental car.

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Speaker 4: He swore he'd cover the dog he begged me to

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Speaker 4: get his vices, the car I bought for him to drive.

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Speaker 4: You bought this man a car, oh no, and a dog.

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Speaker 4: Vacations and tuition. That's a wild list to be like

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Speaker 4: you owe me, Like this is what you owe me.

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Speaker 4: At one point he couldn't afford tuition, and his grandmother

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Speaker 4: gave him four thousand dollars. I gave him another one

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Speaker 4: thousand dollars. That's crazy, another thousand dollars so he could

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Speaker 4: finish his last semester. Altogether, he owes me over thirty

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Speaker 4: five thousand dollars. Around twenty five thousand dollars of that

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Speaker 4: is the rent he promised me, which was about six

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Speaker 4: hundred and fifty dollars a month for four year.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, man didn't pay you rent for four years?

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Speaker 3: Ope? No, what are you doing?

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Speaker 2: Oh No, that is way too long to let him

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Speaker 2: do that. No, uugh.

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Speaker 4: I didn't keep track to screw him over. I just

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Speaker 4: knew I would forget otherwise. And he promised me he

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Speaker 4: would pay me back when when he went ten more years.

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Speaker 3: That's so crazy, double wouldn't give.

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Speaker 4: It to the next person, it seems. In fact, for

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Speaker 4: the past few years I left things off the list

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Speaker 4: he said he'd repay but never did. And yes, I

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Speaker 4: did include credits for the few times I owed him money.

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Speaker 4: At one point, when things got tight, we agreed that

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Speaker 4: once he got a good paying job, he'd cover for

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Speaker 4: their mortgage for however long it took to make things

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Speaker 4: even for the rent he owed, and he paid me

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Speaker 4: back for the rest as we went along. He also

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Speaker 4: once suggested buying me a brand new expensive car to

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Speaker 4: make it for everything. But I don't need or want that.

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Speaker 4: As of now, he still doesn't have a job in

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Speaker 4: his field or his CDL license. He works about twelve

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Speaker 4: hours a week at one part time job and hasn't

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Speaker 4: started the other job he's supposedly been hired for because

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Speaker 4: they're just not communicating. Recently, he suggested getting a joint

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Speaker 4: bank account. No, don't do that, getting a joint bank

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Speaker 4: account where he could deposit money, but only I could withdraw.

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Speaker 3: That conversation brought us back to what he owes me.

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Speaker 4: His logic is, I'm going to take care of you

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Speaker 4: like I promised, and if it was what and if

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Speaker 4: it was.

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Speaker 3: You who owed me, I wouldn't make you pay me back. Babe.

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Speaker 4: My logic is he promised to pay me back, and

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Speaker 4: I value keeping promises. He doesn't. For example, once he

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Speaker 4: swore on his dad's ashes that he'd do the dishes.

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Speaker 3: And never did. EWW who he even does that?

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Speaker 2: Oh my god? Oh I would leave anyone who did

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Speaker 2: that on Princess.

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Speaker 4: If that man can say that with his chest, I can.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna do the I'm gonna do the dishes, a

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Speaker 4: normal chore on his dad's ashes.

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Speaker 2: No, you don't understand. I'm actually just talking about the ashtray.

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Speaker 2: My dad is alive. I'm I'm talking about the contents

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Speaker 2: of his ash tray.

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Speaker 4: That is insane. So am I the a hole for

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Speaker 4: expecting him to pay me back? I don't care if

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Speaker 4: it's two hundred dollars a month or a lump someone day,

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Speaker 4: but I feel like he expects me just to forget

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Speaker 4: the thirty five thousand dollars and trust vague promises of

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Speaker 4: a better life later, even though he has a hard

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Speaker 4: time keeping small promises, let alone big ones.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, come on, where were you born yesterday? He

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Speaker 2: can't even keep his promise to do the dishes, but

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Speaker 2: he wants you to believe he can keep his promise

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Speaker 2: that he's gonna give you the best life. Ever, what

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Speaker 2: give me the plan? Where's the game plan for that?

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Speaker 4: He he doesn't even think he needs to pay his

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Speaker 4: grandmother back for the four thousand dollars she gave him.

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Speaker 4: Because I'm the only grandkid who's never asked her for

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Speaker 4: money before. That's still for four thousand dollars.

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Speaker 2: My guy, dany Man, what is this?

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Speaker 3: Guy says, waiting.

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Speaker 4: Any advice on how to navigate this situation would be

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Speaker 4: really appreciated. He's already asked my dad if you can

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Speaker 4: propose someday, and my dad said yes. So am I

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Speaker 4: the a hole for wanting my boyfriend to actually pay

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Speaker 4: me back?

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Speaker 5: Oh?

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Speaker 3: And we have an update.

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Speaker 2: You're the a hole for even look the fact going

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Speaker 2: on for four years.

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Speaker 4: And it's not like if it was like a payment

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Speaker 4: plan or like one thousand dollars or maybe five thousand,

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Speaker 4: maybe ten thousand, but like over the four years, and like, okay,

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Speaker 4: if it's long as we have a payment plan of

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Speaker 4: like getting something back, come on, it'll be come on,

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Speaker 4: you use your head.

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Speaker 3: That's crazy.

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Speaker 2: He can't be that good in bed. There's no way.

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Speaker 2: There's no way.

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Speaker 4: You're not being fair to yourself. That's that's crazy. You're

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Speaker 4: you're practically his bank, your facility. You're you are partially

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Speaker 4: facilitating this behavior. This is something that needed to be

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Speaker 4: after he didn't pay you rent for one year and

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Speaker 4: hadn't gotten a job and he's and and again. The

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Speaker 4: stipulation was, I will pay you this rent. I just

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Speaker 4: can't pay you right now.

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Speaker 2: It's like, well, well, a year is a long time.

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Speaker 2: Four years is a very long time.

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Speaker 4: And you you've only heard promises, promises, promises and promises

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Speaker 4: that he's going to pay you back. But you, from

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Speaker 4: what we have read, he has not paid you a

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Speaker 4: single cent. I know you said we're gonna wait for

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Speaker 4: him to do this, but you're just waiting. Is that

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Speaker 4: what you want is just to be waiting and you're

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Speaker 4: you don't know that's crazy. Yeah, we have an update.

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Speaker 4: He's got two job interviews today, one in his degree

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Speaker 4: field and another one with his CDL. Both I would

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Speaker 4: actually pay more than my current job, so fingers crossed.

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Speaker 4: Relationship wise, things have been rocky since he's home all

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Speaker 4: the time. I expect him to do chores because that's

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Speaker 4: what I do, but he's not me. I can't expect

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Speaker 4: him to have my work ethic. Thanks for that one, dad.

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Speaker 4: He is improving though, starting to take care of himself more,

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Speaker 4: doing chores without being asked, and we've started doing one

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Speaker 4: unplugged date date day a week. We had one last night.

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Speaker 4: As for how he treats me. He basically worships the

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Speaker 4: ground I walk on. He should be better.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, at that point, it's a survival instinct to do that.

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Speaker 4: His friend's even telling me I'm the best thing to

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Speaker 4: ever happen to him. No crap, guys, I got the

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Speaker 4: infinite money glitch. She pays for everything I asked for.

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Speaker 4: I haven't paid her a single cent. The best thing

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Speaker 4: has ever happened to me. She bought me a puppy,

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Speaker 4: bought me a car. I live rent free. He's super affectionate,

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Speaker 4: even though I'm not good at handling affection myself, and

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Speaker 4: constantly tries to tell me how beautiful, funny, and amazing

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Speaker 4: I am, even though I'm not. You are now me,

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Speaker 4: that's a different story. I didn't say this in my

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Speaker 4: last post because no one likes laying their flaws out,

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Speaker 4: But here we go. I've got depression, I forget chores,

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Speaker 4: I say I'll do. I assume the worst from people.

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Speaker 4: We'd literally fought last night because I thought he was

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Speaker 4: being condescending when he was just joking. I've got struggles

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Speaker 4: with booz sometimes, which has caused anxiety issues. I people

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Speaker 4: please until I burn myself out. I put myself last

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Speaker 4: on my to do list, and I'm not some hot catch.

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Speaker 4: I'm overweight, one p seventy at five foot five, unhealthy,

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Speaker 4: maybe a six out of ten on looks, and some

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Speaker 4: days I don't even brush my hair because it feels

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Speaker 4: like too much effort. I'm not saying this for pity.

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Speaker 4: I'm saying it because he puts up with a lot

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Speaker 4: from me. We've had some really difficult times together and

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Speaker 4: he's been support through my struggles. He's stuck by me

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Speaker 4: when I've been at my worst. So when people say

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Speaker 4: I can do better, I'm not so sure about that.

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Speaker 4: That said, we're having a serious money talk this week.

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Speaker 4: My plan he covers the mortgage by giving the money

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Speaker 4: to me. His name is not going on my house

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Speaker 4: to make up for mister rent, and he pays me

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Speaker 4: back what he promised. I don't want gifts. I don't

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Speaker 4: want him to have all the bills in his name.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to join account. I just want him

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Speaker 4: to prove I can trust him financially again again.

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Speaker 2: But it's like, should you have you never? Should have

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Speaker 2: trusted him financially?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, if he fights me on it, fine, I'm not

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Speaker 4: putting any bills in his name until I know he's reliable.

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Speaker 4: A little bit left op. You're defending this, you're defending

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Speaker 4: his actions. You're coddling him when you know it's not right.

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Speaker 4: You're not being fair to yourself. And I think again,

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Speaker 4: with everything what you said. Obviously I don't I know

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Speaker 4: your relationship, but he again, it's the if the money

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Speaker 4: keeps coming, I'm gonna keep kissing the ground she's walking on.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna keep telling her things that she wants to hear. Ah,

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Speaker 4: But he hasn't done it. He seems like his it's

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Speaker 4: the you know, his actions speak louder than words. What

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Speaker 4: has he really done other than like saying things? And yes,

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Speaker 4: words of affirmation are great.

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Speaker 2: But they have to be backed up by actions at

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Speaker 2: some point. It can't just be words only for four years. Can't.

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Speaker 3: Can't do that, Toby says.

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Speaker 4: And if we break up, I've documented every single expense

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Speaker 4: and stored it in multiple places.

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Speaker 3: Good on you.

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Speaker 4: My contingency plan is clear. The car gets put in

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Speaker 4: his name after he pays me for it, which he

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Speaker 4: wants to do. Anyway, we will notize paperwork for what

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Speaker 4: he owes and I have a way to handle the

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Speaker 4: situation if needed. I may sometimes be too trusting, but

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Speaker 4: I always prepare for different outcomes. His family has been

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Speaker 4: supportive of our relationship and they respect me, and honestly,

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Speaker 4: he wouldn't fight me if I ended it. I was

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Speaker 4: clear from the start about my expectations regarding financial responsibility.

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Speaker 4: It's been four years, so yeah, he needs to step

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Speaker 4: up financially, and I need to work on some of

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Speaker 4: my own issues. Depending on how our talk goes. If

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Speaker 4: he lands one of these jobs and actually starts acting

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Speaker 4: like an adult with money, maybe, just maybe we've got

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Speaker 4: a shot. If not, I'll handle whatever comes next because

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Speaker 4: I've made sure I'm protected. So it seems like OPI

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Speaker 4: does have a plan for if things do go south,

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Speaker 4: which is good. But you shouldn't allow that. You shouldn't

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Speaker 4: have never allowed this to happen in the first place

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Speaker 4: kind of thing. But since you are at this crossroads

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Speaker 4: of does he get a job, we'll have to see

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Speaker 4: if he does pay and if he does, if he doesn't,

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Speaker 4: not good for him. But at least you have you know,

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Speaker 4: you've only supported yourself, and you know how to support yourself.

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Speaker 4: You've done this, You've done this all by yourself. You

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Speaker 4: know what you're doing.

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Speaker 2: It's it's I feel like a lot of this could

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Speaker 2: be on. This guy is weaponizing he knows how much

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Speaker 2: op he cares about him, and he is weaponizing that

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Speaker 2: fact so that she'll just keep going. And it's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: just around the corner. It's just around the corner. It's

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Speaker 2: just around the corner that it's been four years. And

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Speaker 2: now you're doing the little sunk cost fallacy dance in

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Speaker 2: your head, being like, well, now it's been so long.

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Speaker 2: If I leave him, then it's like, well what's then

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Speaker 2: it's a waste and we got to fix it and

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Speaker 2: I got this and that, and it's like it feels

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Speaker 2: like he probably had the wherewithal to know that that's

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Speaker 2: where that was going to end up. My boyfriend put

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Speaker 2: hidden cameras in the house after learning about my past.

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Speaker 4: That's kind of gross, my guy and I don't like that.

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Speaker 4: It's pretty illegal.

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Speaker 2: Very icky. Trigger warning here as well for emotional I

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Speaker 2: thirty female, have been with my boyfriend thirty male, let's

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Speaker 2: call him Jay for almost a year. We were born

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Speaker 2: and raised around each other throughout our childhood, but never

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Speaker 2: actually met until recently. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 2: user Blue Sunny Goddess and if you want to submit

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Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

289
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,360
Speaker 2: subreddit where we got this one.

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Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, I'm Keon.

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Speaker 2: We connected through social media while I was in a

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Speaker 2: previous relationship. We established a friendship and talked occasionally for

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Speaker 2: a couple years. After I separated from my previous relationship

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Speaker 2: and moved back to my hometown, we started talking again

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Speaker 2: and reconnecting. We spent more and more time talking or

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Speaker 2: video calling, and began planning around moving in together as roommates,

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Speaker 2: though nothing was concrete. After a year of friendship, I

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Speaker 2: started developing feelings for him. He finally told me he

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Speaker 2: was in a four year relationship but that it wasn't

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Speaker 2: going to last much longer because of problems. I was

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Speaker 2: disappointed and hurt, feeling like I was being played good

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Speaker 2: instincts I think. I told him he needed time to

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Speaker 2: figure things out and that I was going to give

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Speaker 2: him space. I decided to continue my life, save money,

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00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:15,480
Speaker 2: and once I had enough saved, moved to a different state.

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Speaker 2: Another year passed and during that time I dated someone else,

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Speaker 2: let's call him Chris twenty eight mail, but was still

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00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:27,800
Speaker 2: in occasional contact with Jay. Jay told me he was

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Speaker 2: single and struggling financially. After the breakup, he asked if

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Speaker 2: I was still up for being roommates like we'd planned before.

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Speaker 2: So at that point, I was already planning to move

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Speaker 2: to another state with a friend. I asked Chris if

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Speaker 2: he wanted to move with me to try building something

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Speaker 2: more serious, but he said he didn't want to move

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Speaker 2: far from his parents. Since my friend ended up moving

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Speaker 2: with her new boyfriend instead, I decided to leave everything behind,

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Speaker 2: my car and my secure job. I cut off things

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Speaker 2: with Chris and moved in with Jay as his roommate.

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Speaker 2: A couple of months went by and Jay and I

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Speaker 2: started a relationship. Everything was good, the spasey sleep was

321
00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:15,639
Speaker 2: great in our connection and chemistry were incredible. After a

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Speaker 2: few months like this. One night, while we were drinking,

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Speaker 2: we started talking about previous experiences and quote unquote body counts.

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Speaker 3: Uh oh oh lord.

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Speaker 4: I have a feeling woo, He's gonna be a little

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Speaker 4: insecure here.

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Speaker 2: I'm an open book and have always been honest about

328
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Speaker 2: my past, so I responded with total transparency to all

329
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Speaker 2: of his questions. I thought I was doing the right

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Speaker 2: thing by being open and honest with him. Jay didn't

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Speaker 2: say anything then, but over the next couple of weeks

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Speaker 2: I noticed a change in him. When I asked about it,

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00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:54,480
Speaker 2: Jay said he was thinking about stuff, but everything was

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Speaker 2: all right until one night he said we needed to talk.

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Speaker 2: Jay told me he'd struggling because of the way I'd

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Speaker 2: chosen to live my life. I asked him to explain,

337
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:09,840
Speaker 2: and he said that while he was working, being alone

338
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Speaker 2: and struggling with depression, I was being quote young and wild.

339
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,800
Speaker 2: According to his beliefs in the way he was raised,

340
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Speaker 2: I wasn't a woman worth building a life with. Girl,

341
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Speaker 2: he's trying to tell you you're for the streets. Leave

342
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:26,400
Speaker 2: him immediately. This didn't give me much sense of security

343
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,880
Speaker 2: or stability, so I asked if he wanted to break

344
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Speaker 2: things off. Jay responded that he wants to be with me,

345
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,919
Speaker 2: knows he shouldn't be with me, but would go against

346
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Speaker 2: all of it and give us a try. Leave him

347
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,240
Speaker 2: because a body count is not something to be ashamed of.

348
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Speaker 2: Him saying ooh, I had to work and I have

349
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Speaker 2: depression in no way justifies his thinking that you are

350
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Speaker 2: lesser than him over the way that you've lived your life,

351
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Speaker 2: and you did.

352
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Speaker 3: The right thing.

353
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Speaker 4: You were completely honest and transparent, which yeah should be

354
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Speaker 4: in a relationship unless if your partner says, you know what,

355
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Speaker 4: that's your past. I don't want to hear it. I'm

356
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,480
Speaker 4: happy with us now, but sounds like everything was on

357
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 4: the table and everything was open book and he's upset

358
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Speaker 4: that he read the book.

359
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:19,160
Speaker 2: After that night, Jay started to change our spicy sleep

360
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:23,160
Speaker 2: wasn't as frequent, he wasn't as attentive, and he would

361
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,159
Speaker 2: close himself in a bubble and not talk to me

362
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,760
Speaker 2: for days because he was quote in his head and thinking.

363
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:34,400
Speaker 2: All of this brought me in securities. I contacted Chris

364
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,000
Speaker 2: and started talking to him again. I know I was

365
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:39,600
Speaker 2: wrong to keep an open door for Chris while in

366
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Speaker 2: a relationship, but Chris always made me feel good about

367
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 2: myself and loved me unconditionally. Chris had actually tried to

368
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Speaker 2: propose to me after I moved, but I declined. I

369
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,720
Speaker 2: really wanted our relationship to work at some point, but

370
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:57,920
Speaker 2: Chris was too inexperienced and our goals weren't aligned. Plus

371
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,080
Speaker 2: I was already starting something with jaf Hey. Jay and

372
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:04,159
Speaker 2: I started having arguments about why he wouldn't talk to

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Speaker 2: me and acted completely cold and indifferent. Girl, if you're

374
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Speaker 2: starting a relationship with like Chris, your ex who was

375
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,800
Speaker 2: going to proposed to you, you are now in the wrong.

376
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 2: You need to be out of this relationship to say

377
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,920
Speaker 2: this is not for me, this is not working. I

378
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,639
Speaker 2: know it's gonna be hard because your roommates and you

379
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:26,639
Speaker 2: live together. This guy, this guy is telling you he

380
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,520
Speaker 2: thinks you're trash. You don't need to stay with a

381
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:33,399
Speaker 2: guy who who does that to you. Jay said I

382
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,440
Speaker 2: needed to give him space and that this would happen

383
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,879
Speaker 2: from time to time, and that he'd returned to normal

384
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:43,560
Speaker 2: after he finished struggling with his thoughts. One day, Jay

385
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 2: and I had an argument about something stupid before work.

386
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:50,520
Speaker 2: He took the car and told me I had to

387
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 2: take an uber to work. I didn't have enough money

388
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 2: for it, so I texted Chris asking to borrow money

389
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,639
Speaker 2: for the ride, but I changed my mind and deleted

390
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,880
Speaker 2: the message before Chris could read it. Then started preparing

391
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:05,240
Speaker 2: for work. Jay had called me multiple times, but I

392
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:09,520
Speaker 2: didn't notice. Jay came home midshift and took my phone,

393
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 2: giving me his instead, and this is where everything went south.

394
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:18,360
Speaker 2: Jay saw that Chris had responded to the deleted message

395
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,359
Speaker 2: and started a conversation with Chris, pretending to be me

396
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 2: to get information. Then he called Chris, told him lies,

397
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 2: and manipulated him, intocending screenshots of our conversations. While doing this,

398
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 2: Jay texted me that I was done and that once

399
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,440
Speaker 2: I got off work, I needed to pack and get out.

400
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,399
Speaker 2: We had a long argument and talked things through. I

401
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 2: explained to Jay that his feelings about my past gave

402
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 2: me insecurities and made me look for validation from someone else.

403
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 2: I know it was wrong. I accept my mistakes and

404
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:54,479
Speaker 2: bad choices. I understand I broke Jay's trust and hurt him.

405
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,159
Speaker 2: I told him he couldn't understand how insecure his judgment

406
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,679
Speaker 2: towards my past made me feel, and that I had

407
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 2: never asked about or judged him for his past relationships

408
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 2: or his body count. That night, Jay said he needed

409
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,919
Speaker 2: time to think and decide what would happen to our relationship.

410
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,439
Speaker 2: The next day, Jay said that a woman who has

411
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,199
Speaker 2: had more than five partners isn't worth marrying or taking

412
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:25,879
Speaker 2: seriously because a lock that opens too many keys is worthless,

413
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 2: but a key that opens many locks is called a

414
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 2: master key. Shut the fuck up. Oh my god, Sorry,

415
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:35,320
Speaker 2: what a red pill things.

416
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 3: Sorry, dude, that mentality.

417
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 4: Thatle mindset mentality is crazy.

418
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 2: Okay, now you just have a principle and you should

419
00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 2: stand on it. How many partners do you have?

420
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:49,880
Speaker 5: Though?

421
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,920
Speaker 2: The fact that he then turns around and says, but

422
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:56,440
Speaker 2: men are allowed to have unlimited because we're actually just

423
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 2: really good at banging.

424
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:01,120
Speaker 3: Don't turn this around one Yeah, nah, dude.

425
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 2: Even though he believed that the master key masterlock analogy,

426
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 2: he made a list of requests for me to prove

427
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 2: I wanted to be with him. Delete all people from

428
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 2: social media unless unless they're blood relatives. Point number two.

429
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,720
Speaker 2: Block my best friend thirty female from social media and

430
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,320
Speaker 2: phone without any warning and never speak to her again.

431
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:33,400
Speaker 2: Point number three Call my mom tell her everything that happened,

432
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 2: my body count and childhood trauma that I'd kept to

433
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:41,440
Speaker 2: myself for years. Allay, we just know this is this

434
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 2: is a troll, right, he's trolling you at this point?

435
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 1: Right?

436
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:46,400
Speaker 5: No, I think he's serious.

437
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 2: Oo Oh, if you are still with this man, I

438
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:54,560
Speaker 2: need you to gather your things right now and leave.

439
00:23:55,920 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 2: Number four call Chris the ex boyfriend and his parents

440
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:06,200
Speaker 2: to apologize for using him. Call Jay's mom and apologize

441
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 2: for what I did, get some of my tattoos erased.

442
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 2: When you're with somebody and it's like you want to

443
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,399
Speaker 2: change or like make changes to yourself, like for the

444
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 2: better or whatever, it's like, that's okay. It's like sometimes

445
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,159
Speaker 2: when you're with somebody, like you have a feeling you're like,

446
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 2: I do want to change because I want to be

447
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,159
Speaker 2: a better version of myself for this person. But like

448
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:32,120
Speaker 2: that comes from within you, not from them, being like, yeah,

449
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 2: here's a list of all the things that about you

450
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,440
Speaker 2: that disgust me and I'm ashamed about, and like, let's

451
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 2: work on you overcoming that so I can look past it.

452
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 2: That is not the right way to grow and or

453
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 2: change in a relationship, Opie.

454
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 4: I hope you saw that list and you just scoffed

455
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 4: and said, you're insane.

456
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 3: I think you need to get checked.

457
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:57,199
Speaker 2: My guy. Yeah, So he also put hidden cameras inside

458
00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,119
Speaker 2: the house and said I wasn't allowed to be in

459
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 2: the house if he wasn't home. This guy's psycho. He

460
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 2: took all the house keys, so I had to wait

461
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 2: in the car for hours if he was at work

462
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 2: and I wasn't if I wasn't working that day, I'd

463
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 2: have to sit in the parking lot waiting for him

464
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 2: to get off work so I could enter the house.

465
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 2: Jay's reasoning was that in the beginning of our relationship,

466
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 2: I had everything handed to me, but he had to

467
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 2: make a sacrifice and ignore his beliefs to be with me. Now,

468
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,480
Speaker 2: because of what I did, I had to earn his

469
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,920
Speaker 2: trust and sacrifice something too to prove I wanted a

470
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 2: relationship with him. All of this brought back feelings and

471
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,600
Speaker 2: personal trauma I'd put in the back of my mind

472
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 2: and ignored for years. I've been struggling emotionally because of this.

473
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 2: My confidence and self esteem are gone. I feel like

474
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:52,360
Speaker 2: my relationship with my mother changed after I was coerced

475
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 2: into opening up about my childhood trauma, so she did

476
00:25:55,960 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 2: call me. No, I don't have my best friend to

477
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:04,120
Speaker 2: talk to anymore. I don't have any friends. I don't

478
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 2: leave the house except to work. The only person I

479
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 2: can talk to is Jay, but he doesn't understand my

480
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 2: point of view. I am not my past, and people

481
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 2: can change if they really want to. I just wish

482
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:18,400
Speaker 2: Jay understood this too.

483
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:24,520
Speaker 4: And he's not ever going to ope. No, you heard

484
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:28,679
Speaker 4: that list, and you were like, that sounds reasonable.

485
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,440
Speaker 5: No no, no, no no no.

486
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 2: I did all of his requests except the tattoo removal,

487
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,440
Speaker 2: because that's not something I can do in one day.

488
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 2: Little by little, I've tried my hardest to show Jay

489
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 2: I want us to work. We all know how we're feeling.

490
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 2: Oh he leave this man. You're watching this, which I

491
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,400
Speaker 2: hope you are. Get out of here.

492
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 4: Please get somewhere safe, Get away from this man as

493
00:26:55,840 --> 00:27:00,639
Speaker 4: far as possible. Get some therapy for sure, because back,

494
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 4: get back your friends.

495
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 2: Yeah. A few months have passed since this, and now

496
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,760
Speaker 2: Jay says that since our lease is up in a

497
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,720
Speaker 2: couple months, we have the choice of renewing for a

498
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 2: year or not renewing and moving elsewhere. Jay also said

499
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 2: he's thinking he might want to start living his life

500
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 2: the way he wants it, and he knows I won't

501
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 2: like that. We can share the house for a year

502
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,920
Speaker 2: while he helps out and I get a car and

503
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 2: secure a higher paying job. Then after the year is up,

504
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 2: I keep the place and he moves out to live

505
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 2: his life, or once this lease is up, we can

506
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 2: go our separate ways. To be honest, I want to

507
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 2: try and make things work. With Jay, but I don't

508
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 2: know if he'll be able to move on and not

509
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 2: hold my past over my head. I know I did

510
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 2: things wrong. You didn't do things wrong, you did things different.

511
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 2: But I've shown him I want to be with him

512
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 2: and want to make things work. I need advice. Should

513
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 2: I stay and keep trying with Jay or should I

514
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 2: choose myself be done with this relationship and try to

515
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:06,880
Speaker 2: build confidence and self esteem. Girl, you know exactly which

516
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:07,640
Speaker 2: one you should pick.

517
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 6: You know it.

518
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 2: That's why it was five times longer than the first option.

519
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,399
Speaker 4: You know the answer. The fact that you adhere, adhere

520
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 4: to all those demands is jaw dropping. You didn't need

521
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 4: to do any of that. You don't own this man anything,

522
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:26,440
Speaker 4: And that's not a relationship. This is not a healthy relationship.

523
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,159
Speaker 4: This is not something anyone should be doing to anyone.

524
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:32,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, in any way, shape or form.

525
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 4: Is It's disgusting. It's literally inhumane on how he handles this.

526
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 5: My girlfriend said she'd pick her ex over me because

527
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:44,400
Speaker 5: I'm a complainer.

528
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 2: Are you literally complaining about it right now?

529
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 5: Though this also comes directly from the Okay storytime, Se'll

530
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 5: read it, so me twenty seven male and my girlfriend

531
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 5: thirty female have been dating a few months. We both

532
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 5: have a tendency to move fast, so seeing a red

533
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 5: flag and dipping out isn't high on the list of options.

534
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Coffee and Hate and

535
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 5: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

536
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 5: the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

537
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 4: I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and I'm keon and Op says she.

538
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 5: Has this guy friend, we'll call him Luke. My girlfriend

539
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 5: and Luke met on the same dating app. I met

540
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:31,800
Speaker 5: my girlfriend on about four months before us. According to girlfriend,

541
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 5: they hit it off as friends, tried being romantic, and

542
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 5: dated a lot. After two months, they stopped being intimate

543
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 5: on their own accord. Weeks later, Luke started seeing girl too,

544
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 5: who didn't like that he was intimate with others. So

545
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 5: Luke and my girlfriend had the conversation like, hey, we

546
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 5: shouldn't do this anymore. Well, well, yeah, we kind of

547
00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 5: stopped anyway, so that works, but let's still be friends.

548
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:04,959
Speaker 5: Fast forward two months, me and girlfriend meet and hit

549
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 5: it off. Eventually, she tells me she only has two friends.

550
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 5: She slept with this guy and another one from a

551
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 5: decade ago. All other exes are completely cut off. My

552
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 5: first experiences with Luke were not good. We've never met

553
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 5: in person. The first thing I heard was that story above.

554
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 5: The second was me girlfriend and two of her friends

555
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 5: who she met through Luke hanging out and the three

556
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 5: of them were like, hey, we've all slept with Luke.

557
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 5: We should totally FaceTime him right now, and they did it.

558
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 5: It made me really uncomfortable, and my girlfriend picked up

559
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 5: on it. Uh. We talked aside and I felt a

560
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 5: bit better. It wasn't malicious, just inconsiderate. The second exposure

561
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 5: I have to him is me and my girlfriend talking

562
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 5: about bedroom stuff and she brings up an idea and

563
00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 5: was like, yeah, remember when I told you about that.

564
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 5: I was like, no, we never talked about that. After

565
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 5: some back and forth, she goes, oh, no, I was

566
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 5: talking about that with a friend. I said, what friend, Luke,

567
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 5: We never did that. It just came up in conversation.

568
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 5: This was one month into a dating shortly before we met,

569
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 5: but after they stopped sleeping together. This didn't make me

570
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 5: feel good because one, while we're talking about that topic,

571
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 5: she still thinks about it with him, and two that's

572
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 5: her friendly conversation with him while he has a girlfriend.

573
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 5: The other thing is that girlfriend doesn't FaceTime or video chat,

574
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 5: but while at my house, she answered a video call

575
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 5: from Luke. I was confused because she's never wanted to

576
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 5: video chat with me. Afterwards, she says I don't like

577
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 5: video chatting, but he does and insists we do when

578
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:55,360
Speaker 5: we talk.

579
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 2: Now.

580
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 5: Apparently Luke's girlfriend is also uncomfortable with their friends, so

581
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 5: Luke suggested we should all go fishing. I'm very outdoorsy,

582
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 5: but never been an avid fisherman. Luke is, and they

583
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:13,960
Speaker 5: have so many wonderful memories fishing together. When me and

584
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 5: girlfriend tried, it didn't go great. She got frustrated and said,

585
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 5: usually there's a guy to help me, So no, I

586
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 5: don't want to go fishing with this guy. Watch him

587
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 5: put on a show and help my girlfriend while he

588
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:31,840
Speaker 5: tries to big wiener me. I requested the first time

589
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 5: I met him to be on more neutral grounds. The

590
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 5: fishing thing is in a month. If we can't hang

591
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 5: out before then, we're not going. I already set a

592
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 5: boundary that I'm not cool with her going out of

593
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 5: state overnight with him, even with others around. Until Luke

594
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 5: brought up that his girlfriend is uncomfortable with their friendship.

595
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 5: My girlfriend never told him I wasn't a fan. She

596
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 5: didn't want that to be the president for me and

597
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 5: Luke meeting personally. I wouldn't mind if he knew I

598
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 5: don't like it. I realize part of this is insecurities.

599
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 5: I was burned by literally this exact situation a year

600
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 5: ago and two other times in the he's just a

601
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 5: friend way. I don't mean to put my past traumas

602
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 5: on my girlfriend, and she's usually very kind and validating,

603
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 5: but she's made it clear there's no me or him

604
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 5: if it comes to that. She wouldn't be comfortable being

605
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 5: in a relationship with someone so controlling of who she's

606
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 5: friends with. So am I the a hole for not

607
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 5: liking this friendship and being so negative about my feelings.

608
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 5: If girlfriend finds this, I hope she's not upset. I

609
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 5: kept it anonymous and she knows I'm struggling with my perspective.

610
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 5: I'm not looking for validation. I'd rather be the person

611
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,760
Speaker 5: who isn't threatened by others in relationships. But there's a

612
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:55,160
Speaker 5: visceral reaction I can't let go of yet. We have

613
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 5: some comments OPI in the comments section, I really appreciate

614
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 5: everyone's in so far, I really just want to give

615
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 5: this point as much room as possible. What if what

616
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 5: she's saying is true. What if they really are just

617
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,760
Speaker 5: friends and the short lived intimacy shared between them doesn't

618
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 5: hold weight in their friendship. I feel it's necessary to

619
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 5: add that she possesses a certain form of neurospicy that

620
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 5: may affect her ability to have much tact in the

621
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 5: way she handles conversation. I give her a lot of

622
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 5: leeway with this in that she may just honestly not

623
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 5: see the threat in the way I do and is

624
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,440
Speaker 5: frustrated because it feels like an honest, genuine connection for her,

625
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 5: not something inappropriate. I'm not in the business of ruining

626
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 5: good friendships, and also trying really hard not to ruin

627
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,920
Speaker 5: a good thing we have over this situation. When I

628
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 5: feel any sort of way about this topic, I can

629
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 5: feel that familiar defensiveness that's coming from my experience with

630
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 5: my ex. That said, my suspicion of X's being unfaithful, lying,

631
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 5: or malicious have rang true in almost every instance. So

632
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,520
Speaker 5: maybe I have an awesome radar for this stuff, But

633
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:11,840
Speaker 5: I'm leaning more towards anxiety and retroactive jealousy. Someone replies

634
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 5: this reeks of emotional cheating. You seem to realize this

635
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:19,360
Speaker 5: behavior is not normal, and always seems to prioritize this

636
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 5: other guy. Your gut is exactly right. They might not

637
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 5: be sleeping together anymore, but she consistently puts him first

638
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 5: when it should be you. That's never okay. In a

639
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 5: serious relationship, you should be prioritized above him. That's where

640
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 5: it is reasonable to draw the line. As her serious boyfriend,

641
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 5: you should always be put first when it's a choice

642
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:45,799
Speaker 5: between you or her ex. That's how this works. As

643
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 5: the boyfriend, you might not be first when compared to

644
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:52,879
Speaker 5: her mom. That's husband level ish, but you definitely rank

645
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,879
Speaker 5: above an ex who's now a friend. You might rank

646
00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:59,399
Speaker 5: fairly even with the best friend in her life, maybe

647
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 5: a little high depending on how serious you are. But

648
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:07,080
Speaker 5: she's elevating her freaking ex well above that. We have

649
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 5: an update.

650
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think that comment was how it it's like,

651
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 2: regardless of how anyone feels, but it's like, no, I

652
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 2: don't see that. It's like if your partner comes to

653
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 2: you and it's like not just being like you need

654
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:23,760
Speaker 2: to stab right, like just being like Hey, I've noticed

655
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 2: so and so and you seem to act XYZ and yeah,

656
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:33,760
Speaker 2: I don't know if I believe he is, you know fully,

657
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 2: just permit like it permanently in the camp of I'll

658
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 2: just be friends.

659
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 5: With her, especially when also other half of their like

660
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 5: the friend x's girlfriend is also saying the same things

661
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 5: like there could be some merit and you should probably

662
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 5: listen when both parties involved are like, hey, this makes

663
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:54,439
Speaker 5: both of us a little bit uncomfortable, and you guys

664
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:55,839
Speaker 5: are kind of low key still dating.

665
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 3: Yeah.

666
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 5: Update, I really appreciate all the put from my original post.

667
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 5: I know everyone mentioned the obvious red flags. Some of

668
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 5: you may roll your eyes, but I haven't given up.

669
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 5: I want to play it out to see how much

670
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 5: is true. Now the update, things have come up that

671
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 5: raised my eyebrows about compatibility. She was raised with a

672
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 5: suck it up buttercup mentality, which has made her pretty harsh.

673
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:27,520
Speaker 5: The example seem small, but stack on each other. We

674
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,960
Speaker 5: were talking about my past work and I mentioned a

675
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,880
Speaker 5: job I've told her about twice. She says, no, we

676
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:37,239
Speaker 5: did not, I would have remembered. I said, I did

677
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,439
Speaker 5: that for a year and a half, and she said, oh,

678
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 5: that's why you only did it for a year and

679
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,920
Speaker 5: a half, So why would I remember. It's not that serious.

680
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:49,279
Speaker 5: It was a very prominent job in my past and

681
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 5: still relevant to me. I said, well, I worked as

682
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 5: a first responder for three years. Was that not long

683
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 5: enough to be important? She said, no, not really. I

684
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,200
Speaker 5: don't think you've really cut your teeth for four or

685
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 5: five years. That's stung, because it was one of the

686
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:07,560
Speaker 5: most influential jobs I've ever done. I understand her point

687
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:09,920
Speaker 5: because she's worked at the same place for a long

688
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 5: time and I never have. But I tried telling her

689
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:16,799
Speaker 5: it bummed me out. She didn't remember these details. She said,

690
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:20,879
Speaker 5: they're not significant to her because they're too short. I said, well,

691
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 5: they are to me, and she just said obviously, But uh,

692
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 5: what are we feeling? I'm on the breakup because it's

693
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:29,359
Speaker 5: not been that long.

694
00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:31,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it doesn't even have to be like you

695
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 2: don't have to break up with like a bunch of

696
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 2: hard feelings and rough emotions and you can just be like,

697
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 2: we're not. I just don't think this is working. I

698
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:42,480
Speaker 2: think I think we should break up, and that would

699
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 2: be my suggestion. I don't know, it doesn't it doesn't

700
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 2: read like she's a considerate partner, and I don't think

701
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 2: you can just like talk somebody into being that when

702
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,080
Speaker 2: they're so resistant to you as well. She's not open

703
00:38:58,120 --> 00:38:58,919
Speaker 2: to anything you're saying.

704
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 5: I really just want her to give a crap about

705
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:05,480
Speaker 5: my stuff. I've had many different jobs and trades that

706
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:07,840
Speaker 5: made me who I am, and for her to not

707
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 5: pay attention because she doesn't think it's important stung. Here's

708
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 5: an There's another example. Because she comes from no money

709
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 5: and my family gained money once I was out of

710
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:23,440
Speaker 5: the house. She always compares crap. I was telling her

711
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:27,000
Speaker 5: about an important but low paying job, and she said,

712
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,759
Speaker 5: must be nice to be able to do that. I

713
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 5: told her I paid all my bills and wasn't financially

714
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:36,600
Speaker 5: supported at all. But because if I failed, I could

715
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:40,480
Speaker 5: fall back on my parents, then I had privilege. She doesn't.

716
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:43,800
Speaker 5: She has that same safety net with her family. I

717
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:47,600
Speaker 5: don't want to compare trauma or struggles. I recognize her

718
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 5: past and journey and understand she had it harder growing up.

719
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 5: I've always made sure she's heard and understood, but it

720
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,560
Speaker 5: kind of makes her a weiener about it.

721
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:02,719
Speaker 2: Good Jess, cut your laws, yeah, and and find a

722
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 2: you'll find you'll be able to find another partner.

723
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:06,960
Speaker 5: I don't think we needed to test to see how

724
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:08,759
Speaker 5: far it would go. I think as soon as you

725
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 5: were like uncomfortable and she was like I don't really care,

726
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:13,920
Speaker 5: I could have been like, Okay, not buy.

727
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can decide regardless of everything that we just read. Dude,

728
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 2: trust your gut. Sam.

729
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:23,480
Speaker 1: Here we're gonna get back to the stories. But here's

730
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 1: three of minutes bads from our sponsors.

731
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 2: My fiance is always alone with his female best friend

732
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 2: and it's making me uncomfortable.

733
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 5: That's valid. I check on that.

734
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:37,160
Speaker 2: My fiance male twenty two and I female twenty two

735
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 2: have been together for three and a half years, engage

736
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 2: for one and a half. I am currently eighteen weeks

737
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 2: pregnant with our first child. From early on, we established

738
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,759
Speaker 2: boundaries about what we do and don't feel comfortable with,

739
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,439
Speaker 2: and agreed to communicate if we ever felt uncomfortable about

740
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:56,080
Speaker 2: situations or people. We've never had major disagreements, and my

741
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 2: fiance has never put himself in situations to make me

742
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 2: question his loyalty or trust. I truly trust that man

743
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 2: with my life. By the way, this comes from users

744
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:08,759
Speaker 2: seven five zero two zero nine three zero one nine

745
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:11,200
Speaker 2: on the r slash Charlotte Dobrae YouTube subrett it, and

746
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

747
00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:15,359
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay Storytime subrett it. I'm Dakota, I'm

748
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 2: Carly Op says my fiance has a friend, Cadence, female

749
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 2: twenty two, who recently invited us to her daughter's first birthday.

750
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 2: We couldn't make the actual party, so we arranged to

751
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:30,840
Speaker 2: visit a couple days after when our work schedules aligned.

752
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 2: I've never met Cadence, but my fiance has mentioned her

753
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 2: a few times. What he's told me is that she's

754
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 2: technically his ex. Before we got together, he called her hot,

755
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 2: and around the three month mark into our relationship, she

756
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 2: called asking if he could come to her house for

757
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:50,800
Speaker 2: comfort because she was upset. He called me first to

758
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:52,880
Speaker 2: ask how I felt about it. I told him I

759
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:55,799
Speaker 2: appreciated him coming to me, but said I was uncomfortable

760
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 2: with it and that I felt she asked because she

761
00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 2: wanted to get intimate. However, I reassured him I had

762
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 2: no issue if he wanted to have a call with

763
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:06,839
Speaker 2: her instead. He completely understood and said he wouldn't put

764
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 2: himself in that position. He didn't end up calling her

765
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 2: either on to what actually happened. The day I met her.

766
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:18,280
Speaker 2: We arrived and she was standing at her front door waiting.

767
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 2: Straight away. I didn't expect her to be wearing practically nothing,

768
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 2: a sea through vest, crop top and booty shorts. I

769
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:30,799
Speaker 2: could see everything. I honestly let it slide, thinking she's

770
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 2: a single mom and probably had a long day. She

771
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,480
Speaker 2: invited us in and introduced us to her little girl,

772
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:39,799
Speaker 2: who had just turned one. I handed the little girl

773
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:42,759
Speaker 2: our gift, a Teddy Bear, and my fiance handed a

774
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 2: birthday card for Cadence to open. To my surprise, he

775
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 2: put in thirty pounds, despite telling me he was only

776
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 2: putting ten and he only put twenty pounds in our

777
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:55,440
Speaker 2: nephew's birthday card a few days prior. She said thanks,

778
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:58,759
Speaker 2: and immediately they both dove straight into their own conversation,

779
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:01,240
Speaker 2: reminisce sing about high school.

780
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 5: That's what the cool people do.

781
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I guess this is you know, I'm

782
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:06,640
Speaker 2: just kidding.

783
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:11,319
Speaker 5: Oh oh, okay, I forgot how young they were.

784
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:13,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like it's kind of it's reasonable at that

785
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 2: age too.

786
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:17,279
Speaker 5: I think Also, if you're reconnecting with people that you

787
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:19,279
Speaker 5: supposed they haven't seen in a while, like that is

788
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:20,919
Speaker 5: normal to fall back into that talk.

789
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 2: True. But honestly, if I'm like in my thirties and

790
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:25,759
Speaker 2: someone's like starting to talk about high school, I'd be

791
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:27,479
Speaker 2: like this, why are we talking?

792
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 5: No?

793
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 2: Stop it, stop talk about anything else.

794
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 5: Me and my friends would do like the like what's

795
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:37,960
Speaker 5: new with the people for like we catch up on

796
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 5: like what we know about?

797
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, let's let's talk about new things we.

798
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:44,440
Speaker 5: Talk about, like the babies, the engagements, the marriages, and

799
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 5: the divorces.

800
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,719
Speaker 2: Like remember when I boke that tackle at the yeah

801
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 2: no at the homecoming game sophomore year, I'd be like

802
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:53,400
Speaker 2: not not clearly?

803
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:53,880
Speaker 5: Uh.

804
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 2: Anyway, I tried to involve myself in their conversations as

805
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:01,800
Speaker 2: I felt so left out, and every time I managed

806
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 2: to join in, Cadence would interrupt me or speak over me.

807
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 2: So instead, I gave her daughter some attention. I played

808
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,720
Speaker 2: with her and made her giggle, and she fell asleep

809
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:13,160
Speaker 2: in my arms. I put her down for Cadence, who

810
00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 2: was watching me, and we all went outside. Cadence was

811
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 2: then telling my fiance about her ex and sharing intimate

812
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 2: details about their relationship. During this conversation, I couldn't help

813
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:26,800
Speaker 2: but notice dirty looks coming from Cadence. I ignored this

814
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 2: at first, but it kept appearing at convenient moments. She

815
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:32,320
Speaker 2: mentioned she was struggling to get her daughter to sleep,

816
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:35,120
Speaker 2: so I wondered if she was annoyed because I managed

817
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 2: to do that so easily. We're all sitting outside and

818
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 2: Cadence starts talking about her ex again, this time sharing

819
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:46,600
Speaker 2: spicy details. During this conversation, she makes a comment to

820
00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 2: me about knowing how good I've got it with my fiance.

821
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 2: I thought was weird. I replied, saying that I know,

822
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 2: and that I couldn't wait to get married and see

823
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 2: him blossom into the amazing father I know he's going

824
00:44:57,560 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 2: to be. The dirty look appeared again. My fiance picks

825
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:04,720
Speaker 2: up on my dislike and changes the discussion to baby advice.

826
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 2: Cadence immediately jumps in, telling us about prams, car seats, bottles, feeding,

827
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 2: and so on. I don't plan on natural feeding since

828
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:16,720
Speaker 2: I've done my research and spoken to women who stopped

829
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:19,120
Speaker 2: after a week due to pain and other issues, so

830
00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 2: I decided I didn't want to put myself through that.

831
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:24,840
Speaker 2: She frowned upon my decision to bottle feed, and frowned

832
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 2: on the pram we've picked out, the bottle type we'd

833
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:30,920
Speaker 2: be using, even our baby room designs. Literally, anything I

834
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 2: said she disagreed with my fiance was taking her advice

835
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:37,880
Speaker 2: in and due to my upbringing, I've cared for newborn

836
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:40,640
Speaker 2: since I was twelve, so I know what I'm doing.

837
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 5: I would have sorry to cut you off. I would

838
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:45,279
Speaker 5: want to know if the next piece of advice or

839
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 5: the next thing that you said back to her, if

840
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:49,800
Speaker 5: she criticized it, if you were like, oh, well that

841
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:52,719
Speaker 5: was actually a piece idea, like he would love to

842
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 5: know more if she like changes it and she's like,

843
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:56,400
Speaker 5: oh my god, that's actually that's a great idea.

844
00:45:56,600 --> 00:46:00,319
Speaker 2: Actually mention it. That's genius. The only thing I need

845
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:03,640
Speaker 2: advice on is what formula and products to get. But

846
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 2: Cadence was giving advice on everything except that. When I

847
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:09,320
Speaker 2: asked her what she uses for her daughter, she listed

848
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 2: three expensive brands and basically scoffed in my face. The

849
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:15,520
Speaker 2: look came again, but was quickly wiped off when her

850
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,879
Speaker 2: daughter started crying. Her daughter then proceeded to pull down

851
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:23,920
Speaker 2: Cadence's see through top almost revealing her front airbags. This

852
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 2: happened numerous times, and she was allowing her daughter to

853
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:28,439
Speaker 2: bring her top nearly all the way down every time.

854
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,320
Speaker 2: During this Cadence was looking at my fiance with the

855
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:34,279
Speaker 2: biggest smile on her face, then would look at me

856
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:37,440
Speaker 2: with that dirty look. Thirty minutes later, during a conversation,

857
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 2: my partner mentioned that if she needed anything, he was

858
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:42,960
Speaker 2: only twelve minutes up the road, and she said, oh, why,

859
00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:45,359
Speaker 2: that's so sweet, thank you, I will if.

860
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:45,719
Speaker 5: I need you.

861
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:50,439
Speaker 2: I was not happy after that. This was my entire

862
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,600
Speaker 2: experience with this girl, her giving me endless dirty looks,

863
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 2: making snarky comments while being kind to my fiance, and

864
00:46:56,680 --> 00:47:00,800
Speaker 2: then making subtly spicy comments and doing spy I see things.

865
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 2: Don't get me wrong. There was a good ten minutes

866
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 2: towards us leaving where she did speak to me normally

867
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 2: and respectfully, so I know she could have been like

868
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:11,799
Speaker 2: that the whole time and chose not to be. Later,

869
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 2: when my fiance and I were alone, I asked him

870
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 2: what he meant when he said if she needed help,

871
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:19,440
Speaker 2: he'd be there. He replied, well, if she needs comfort

872
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:21,839
Speaker 2: or help around the house or with looking after daughter's name.

873
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 2: Why not? I said, I didn't feel comfortable with that,

874
00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 2: especially if they're alone. He got defensive, saying things like,

875
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 2: what if her brother was there? What if I was

876
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 2: just going to drop something off, If you're heavily pregnant,

877
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,520
Speaker 2: I wouldn't exactly ask you to come with me, and

878
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:38,799
Speaker 2: so on and so forth.

879
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,200
Speaker 5: What if you just stay at home with your soon

880
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:44,239
Speaker 5: to be wife and not do these things that you

881
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:45,400
Speaker 5: know are wrong.

882
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:49,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just like, well, because I think she's still

883
00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:50,160
Speaker 2: into you.

884
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:53,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like, what if I got really close to

885
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:55,759
Speaker 6: like seeming like I was cheating on you, and like

886
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 6: putting myself in a position where like I could cheat

887
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 6: on you, you can be angry because I didn't actually

888
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:02,840
Speaker 6: cheat on you.

889
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:06,800
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think it's just like when it's clear like

890
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 2: someone is like trying like kind of wants to play

891
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:12,920
Speaker 2: steal your man. Why would you entertain that? I asked

892
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:16,160
Speaker 2: if we could end the discussion and sat there in silence.

893
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:18,279
Speaker 2: The next day, I brought it up again, and I

894
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:20,759
Speaker 2: reiterated that I wasn't comfortable with him going to her

895
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:23,440
Speaker 2: house on his own. I mentioned everything that happened during

896
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 2: the visit. He defended the clothing, mentioning she's a single

897
00:48:26,680 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 2: mom and probably had her hands full. I mentioned that

898
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:31,640
Speaker 2: while I understand she's a single mom, I didn't think

899
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 2: it was respectful to wear such inappropriate clothing around her

900
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:38,280
Speaker 2: male friend, never mind meeting her male friend's pregnant fiance

901
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 2: for the first time. I said, she chose not to

902
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:43,760
Speaker 2: include me, and then suddenly, as we were leaving, decided

903
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 2: to have proper conversation. He put himself in my shoes

904
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:50,520
Speaker 2: and was understanding, but still disagreed, basically saying that if

905
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:52,360
Speaker 2: anything was going to happen between them, it would have

906
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:55,759
Speaker 2: happened already. While I trust this man with everything, I

907
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:58,600
Speaker 2: do not trust this woman to not try something with him,

908
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,400
Speaker 2: whether they are alone or not. If she could be

909
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 2: like that in front of my face, I don't expect

910
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,840
Speaker 2: her to do anything less behind my back. I know

911
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 2: if he put himself in a position for something like

912
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:12,040
Speaker 2: that to happen, and something does happen, I wouldn't forgive

913
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:14,400
Speaker 2: him for allowing himself to be in such a situation.

914
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:16,919
Speaker 2: I just don't feel like this friend should be needing

915
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 2: the help when she's got family so much closer to her.

916
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,760
Speaker 2: But am I the a hole? And there is an update.

917
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:25,719
Speaker 2: Car Lee, why would you think you're the ale? No,

918
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 2: I'm so well, yeah, she's she's the a hole because

919
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 2: she's preventing a young single mother in need from getting

920
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 2: the help she needs from Op's fiance if if, which,

921
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 2: by the way, she's not at all. She's not the

922
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:44,120
Speaker 2: ale for that.

923
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:44,440
Speaker 5: No.

924
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:47,800
Speaker 2: From everything she described, this girl is clearly like I

925
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:50,919
Speaker 2: wish this was my husband. Yeah, I wish I wish

926
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:53,320
Speaker 2: this guy was marrying me. Well, we have an update.

927
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 2: So this all happened two weeks ago, and I'm now

928
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:58,640
Speaker 2: twenty weeks pregnant. I sat on that post for about

929
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:01,600
Speaker 2: a week, thinking I was completely reacting and badly's second

930
00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 2: guessing myself. I'm so glad I posted it. Anyway. My

931
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:08,800
Speaker 2: fiance is not the one year old girl's father. Cadence's

932
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 2: ex is the father. From what she mentioned, he was controlling, manipulative,

933
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:15,640
Speaker 2: and just a bad guy, so she got a restraining

934
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:19,520
Speaker 2: order and moved house. Her ex being controlling is why

935
00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 2: I have never met her and why my fiance hasn't

936
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 2: seen her in nearly five years, but has been in

937
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:28,440
Speaker 2: contact via text for roughly three to four. They went

938
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 2: to high school together from twenty fourteen to nineteen, and

939
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 2: apparently we're best friends all throughout. She is technically his

940
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 2: ex as well, and they got together in high school

941
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 2: for a week, and according to both, it felt weird

942
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:43,719
Speaker 2: being more than friends, so they called it off. Since then,

943
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:46,080
Speaker 2: they have partied together with their group of friends and

944
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:50,120
Speaker 2: shared beds together without anything happening. Not sure I believe that.

945
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:53,520
Speaker 2: I think they're both sugarcoating, but I really couldn't care

946
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:56,719
Speaker 2: either way. If he gave me pushback from my discomfort

947
00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:59,239
Speaker 2: rather than ease it, I would it would be over

948
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 2: between us instantly. I have way more respect for myself

949
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 2: than sitting back waiting for a man to decide what

950
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 2: he wants. After posting, I actually spoke with his mother,

951
00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:11,399
Speaker 2: female fifty one, about this, as she knows Caden's better

952
00:51:11,440 --> 00:51:14,200
Speaker 2: than I do. She's of the same opinion as me

953
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:17,480
Speaker 2: now that she's up to something. She only knew her

954
00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:20,279
Speaker 2: to be nice and respectful, but hearing all about what

955
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:23,640
Speaker 2: happened sent her jaw to the floor. She stopped me

956
00:51:23,719 --> 00:51:25,800
Speaker 2: straight away when I mentioned the clothes and said she

957
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 2: was a little slapper for even thinking wearing something like

958
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:33,560
Speaker 2: that was okay around me. Never mind her son. She

959
00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 2: said she had four kids with a single mom of

960
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:40,839
Speaker 2: three for a year and has never dressed like that once,

961
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,759
Speaker 2: even around female friends, so being a single mom to

962
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:47,480
Speaker 2: one child is absolutely no excuse. His mom even went

963
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 2: as far to say that if it was her in

964
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:51,799
Speaker 2: my position, she would have taken one look, grabbed his arm,

965
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:55,479
Speaker 2: turned straight back around, dragging him home. I love this woman.

966
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:57,640
Speaker 2: She said that I have nothing to worry about when

967
00:51:57,680 --> 00:52:00,920
Speaker 2: it comes to my fiance but to just get his

968
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:03,920
Speaker 2: backside into gear and make him realize that what I

969
00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:07,920
Speaker 2: was saying was completely right and understandable. Also, she mentioned

970
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 2: that if she finds out he's done anything behind my back,

971
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:12,319
Speaker 2: that his manhood would be on the chopping block, as

972
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,440
Speaker 2: she didn't raise her boys to be cheaters. And this

973
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:17,400
Speaker 2: reassured me so much. We have another update and I agree.

974
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 2: I don't think. I don't think this guy is trying

975
00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:20,719
Speaker 2: to cheat at all.

976
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:24,200
Speaker 5: No, no, I don't think he's necessarily going in with

977
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:27,439
Speaker 5: that intentions. I'm a little confused about the whole life,

978
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:30,399
Speaker 5: but like if I came with him with discomfort, he'd

979
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:31,320
Speaker 5: immediately not do it.

980
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:33,160
Speaker 2: I think it's because they dropped it. Because I think

981
00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:35,880
Speaker 2: it's because she was like, we're not We're not gonna.

982
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 2: She was like, I don't want to. Let's just change

983
00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 2: the subject.

984
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 5: I guess we just didn't have the blatant like his

985
00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 5: agreement side of it. Yeah, and also remembering the title

986
00:52:43,960 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 5: the worried.

987
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:48,719
Speaker 2: But let's see, there's another update. My fiance is not

988
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:51,400
Speaker 2: the person I'm worried about in this situation. He is

989
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:54,120
Speaker 2: an amazing man. I truly just don't think he completely

990
00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:57,640
Speaker 2: grasped the situation. He understood everything I said from our

991
00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:00,520
Speaker 2: first discussion and took how I was feeling into codation.

992
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:03,520
Speaker 2: But as you've all pointed out, it's not exactly good enough,

993
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:07,680
Speaker 2: as he still disagreed and defended her actions and nonchalantly

994
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:10,719
Speaker 2: brought it up again, repeating everything about her behavior and

995
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,080
Speaker 2: how she was dressed. I told him I spoke to

996
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:16,240
Speaker 2: his mom about it and how she felt. To my surprise,

997
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 2: she did beat me to it. Speaking to my fiance.

998
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:22,720
Speaker 2: His dad actually mentioned why was mom shouting at you earlier?

999
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:26,040
Speaker 2: And my fiance brushed it off. She basically gave him

1000
00:53:26,040 --> 00:53:28,879
Speaker 2: a bollocking about how he shouldn't be friends with someone

1001
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 2: who could disrespect me like that. She told him that

1002
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:35,239
Speaker 2: I have been so understanding and he should be sure

1003
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 2: as if lucky. I didn't rain down on him from

1004
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:43,320
Speaker 2: day one. She honestly stood up for me in ways

1005
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 2: that my family has never done. She asked him the

1006
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:49,040
Speaker 2: hard questions, did you sleep with this girl? Have you

1007
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 2: cheated with this girl or anyone? How do you see

1008
00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:54,919
Speaker 2: this girl? And so on and so forth. He gave

1009
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:57,040
Speaker 2: me all the answers and swears up and down he

1010
00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:59,759
Speaker 2: would never do such a thing. He said he would

1011
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 2: never sleep with Cadence. He saw her like a sister

1012
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 2: and thought it was disgusting what she was wearing. Could

1013
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:08,879
Speaker 2: have said that I did mention about the hot comment though,

1014
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:11,319
Speaker 2: and his words were falling in love with you has

1015
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:13,880
Speaker 2: made every other girl I see ugly. There was no

1016
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:16,440
Speaker 2: one else but you. I wouldn't have proposed or put

1017
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:19,880
Speaker 2: in the commitment to have kids with you otherwise. He

1018
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:22,640
Speaker 2: basically broke down about how much he let me down

1019
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:24,400
Speaker 2: and that he should have been more considerate of my

1020
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:27,560
Speaker 2: feelings and is now distancing himself so he can cut

1021
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:31,319
Speaker 2: her off. Thank f for that way to go. Mom,

1022
00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:32,320
Speaker 2: You did it.

1023
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:35,920
Speaker 5: You put them as mom scam.

1024
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:40,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like it just whenever, it doesn't matter what

1025
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:43,520
Speaker 2: your intentions are when it's clear someone else's intentions are

1026
00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:46,480
Speaker 2: to like try to steal you from your partner.

1027
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:49,440
Speaker 5: Like right, and at that point, like going there alone

1028
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:52,800
Speaker 5: knowing that is putting yourself in that possession.

1029
00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:55,520
Speaker 2: And just disrespectful to continue to hang out with somebody

1030
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,239
Speaker 2: who's who could disrespect your fiance.

1031
00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:01,160
Speaker 5: Like that, and you should take your fiance boundary seriously.

1032
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 2: The first I'm so glad my mother in law was

1033
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:07,239
Speaker 2: there to have my back, so much less stress on me.

1034
00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:10,040
Speaker 2: With being pregnant, there has been a new boundary set

1035
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:12,560
Speaker 2: And for those who were asking, when we first got together,

1036
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:15,480
Speaker 2: he was adamant he didn't want children until he was thirty.

1037
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,000
Speaker 2: We then found out I had a severe case of

1038
00:55:18,040 --> 00:55:20,759
Speaker 2: PCOS and my doctor basically told me it was going

1039
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:23,879
Speaker 2: to be incredibly hard to get pregnant, if not impossible.

1040
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:26,560
Speaker 2: We went back home and he instantly dropped the notion

1041
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:28,640
Speaker 2: of having kids at thirty and asked me what my

1042
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:31,360
Speaker 2: greatest fear was, which was not being able to have kids,

1043
00:55:31,719 --> 00:55:33,920
Speaker 2: and asked me if I wanted to start trying. I

1044
00:55:34,120 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 2: of course said yes. It took us two years, but

1045
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 2: we got there. We have now found out we are

1046
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:43,880
Speaker 2: having a little girl. We are beyond happy. Thank you

1047
00:55:44,120 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 2: to everyone again in the comments. It was a happy

1048
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 2: outcome for this poster, and there is an edit here.

1049
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:52,320
Speaker 2: I see some of you guys aren't happy with this outcome,

1050
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:55,120
Speaker 2: mainly because of the hot comment he made before we

1051
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:58,839
Speaker 2: got together. Trust me, people, we both did that. I'm

1052
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 2: just as bad as him. If that's how bad it is,

1053
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:03,120
Speaker 2: I'm not going to stress myself out over a comment

1054
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 2: made nearly four years ago before we were even serious.

1055
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:08,399
Speaker 2: The person he was before me and after we got

1056
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 2: together are officially two different people. He always hid his

1057
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:14,600
Speaker 2: phone before getting together, and now he doesn't care if

1058
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:16,879
Speaker 2: I wanted to go through it. Plus we're literally together

1059
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:19,799
Speaker 2: all the time now. I don't work when it comes

1060
00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:21,839
Speaker 2: to my mother in law. She knows when her son

1061
00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:24,520
Speaker 2: is lying and told me after our conversation yesterday that

1062
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:27,600
Speaker 2: I've gotten nothing to worry about. I understand reading some

1063
00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:29,839
Speaker 2: of the other posts on here, it's easy to say

1064
00:56:29,880 --> 00:56:33,840
Speaker 2: that she could be lying, but she really isn't the type. Plus,

1065
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:36,839
Speaker 2: both her and her son are terrible liars. I had

1066
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 2: to have another conversation with him anyway, and I asked

1067
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 2: him those few hard questions even brought out my heartbeat

1068
00:56:43,080 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 2: finger thing eat just to prove a point. He's seen

1069
00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:49,120
Speaker 2: the posts now, so he wants to as well. I

1070
00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:51,440
Speaker 2: asked him some regular questions first to make sure it

1071
00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:54,080
Speaker 2: was actually going to work. When he lied, as heartbeat

1072
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:55,959
Speaker 2: went up, and when he was truthful, as heartbeat stayed.

1073
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:57,640
Speaker 5: Do I detector to this man?

1074
00:56:57,840 --> 00:57:00,719
Speaker 2: Why would? Okay? But this just feel it feels kind

1075
00:57:00,760 --> 00:57:01,560
Speaker 2: of funny though we.

1076
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:05,239
Speaker 5: Like No, it feels very in the silly goofy.

1077
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:09,680
Speaker 2: But it's funny. I'm deeming this funny. So with that,

1078
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:12,440
Speaker 2: I asked those questions and he was truthful throughout all

1079
00:57:12,520 --> 00:57:14,719
Speaker 2: of them. Not once did his heart beat go up

1080
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:16,560
Speaker 2: until I asked if he stole some of my sweets

1081
00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:19,720
Speaker 2: from the cupboard. He also told me that he called Cadence.

1082
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 2: It wasn't with me there, but he didn't know. I

1083
00:57:22,280 --> 00:57:25,080
Speaker 2: was stood outside listening the whole time. He said he's

1084
00:57:25,120 --> 00:57:26,480
Speaker 2: not going to be friends with someone who could be

1085
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:29,520
Speaker 2: so inappropriate and disrespectful. She fought back, of course, and

1086
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:31,600
Speaker 2: he just pushed back and basically said she needs to

1087
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:34,560
Speaker 2: sort her stuff out and realized that nothing will happen

1088
00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:38,920
Speaker 2: between them. He said she's tried and failed again. Basically

1089
00:57:39,000 --> 00:57:41,840
Speaker 2: told her to go do one and that she's not

1090
00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:44,360
Speaker 2: ruining this for him. He had enough and the second

1091
00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:46,200
Speaker 2: chance was given and there would not be a third.

1092
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:48,760
Speaker 2: Turns out, it's not the first time she's done something

1093
00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:52,800
Speaker 2: like this before. His previous relationship ended because he didn't

1094
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:54,320
Speaker 2: see what his ex was saying when it came to

1095
00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 2: Cadence same as what I have been saying, and thought

1096
00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:02,720
Speaker 2: she was being controlling. We did talk further about it

1097
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:05,640
Speaker 2: because he previously mentioned his ex was controlling, but I

1098
00:58:05,720 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 2: didn't realize it was about this girl. So I've actually

1099
00:58:09,280 --> 00:58:11,800
Speaker 2: told him to go say sorry to his ex because

1100
00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:14,320
Speaker 2: all this time he's been saying she's controlling when she

1101
00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:18,120
Speaker 2: was absolutely right. He's shown me that Cadence has blocked

1102
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:21,880
Speaker 2: on everything, and honestly, that has all satisfied me. Further

1103
00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 2: some regular questions first to make sure it was actually

1104
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:28,200
Speaker 2: going to work. When he lied, his heartbeat went up.

1105
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:30,760
Speaker 2: When he was truthful, his heartbeats stayed. So with that,

1106
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:33,680
Speaker 2: I asked those questions and he was truthful throughout all

1107
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:36,760
Speaker 2: of them, and only yeah, when I asked him if

1108
00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 2: he stole sweets from the cupboard, did his heartbeat go up?

1109
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:41,880
Speaker 2: And I was a livid we have a little bit

1110
00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:42,560
Speaker 2: more story.

1111
00:58:43,040 --> 00:58:46,680
Speaker 5: Wow, I've I love a good story where the man

1112
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:49,720
Speaker 5: does the right thing with this stuff because it's rare.

1113
00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very concerning to me that this guy already

1114
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:54,480
Speaker 2: happened once.

1115
00:58:54,920 --> 00:58:56,960
Speaker 5: That's one of those things too where I do kind

1116
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,800
Speaker 5: of feel like in some cases, like it takes the

1117
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:04,280
Speaker 5: right woman to like like I don't know how to

1118
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:06,960
Speaker 5: phrase this, like he really needed to hit that maturity

1119
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:08,800
Speaker 5: level of like I want to commit to this woman,

1120
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:11,680
Speaker 5: Like he's having kids with this woman. So like he's like, okay,

1121
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:13,440
Speaker 5: let me like kick my booty and gear and like

1122
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:16,760
Speaker 5: actually listen, like take the concerns into account, Like I'm

1123
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:18,720
Speaker 5: not just gonna be like you're controlling, Like get out

1124
00:59:18,760 --> 00:59:19,000
Speaker 5: of here.

1125
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:22,800
Speaker 2: Like yeah, took his mom being like she was wearing

1126
00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:24,600
Speaker 2: a seat through top and booty shorts.

1127
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:27,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe he didn't need to take your mom to

1128
00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:27,640
Speaker 5: get there.

1129
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:31,200
Speaker 2: But like, wake up, son, wake up and smells sun shine.

1130
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:32,600
Speaker 5: I'm so happy that went good.

1131
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:36,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, So well, I guess there is no more

1132
00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:38,880
Speaker 2: story left. That's basically that's that's the end of that story.

1133
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:42,000
Speaker 2: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

1134
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 2: back to the story. So but here's a quick three

1135
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:44,640
Speaker 2: minute break from as for more sponsors.

1136
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 5: I've waited six years for a proposal, and I can't

1137
00:59:49,280 --> 00:59:50,080
Speaker 5: wait anymore.

1138
00:59:50,320 --> 00:59:53,960
Speaker 2: Wait six more years. I promise it'll be there at twelve.

1139
00:59:54,160 --> 00:59:57,960
Speaker 5: Hi, everyone, I am just looking for honest advice, especially

1140
00:59:58,080 --> 01:00:00,360
Speaker 5: from women who have been in a lot long term

1141
01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:04,880
Speaker 5: relationship and reached this point of what now. My boyfriend

1142
01:00:04,920 --> 01:00:08,400
Speaker 5: and I have been together for almost six years. Our

1143
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:12,440
Speaker 5: anniversary is tomorrow, and I am starting to feel incredibly anxious.

1144
01:00:13,160 --> 01:00:16,240
Speaker 5: I am thirty one, turning thirty two this year, and

1145
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,000
Speaker 5: he is about to turn twenty nine. We have had

1146
01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:22,920
Speaker 5: some big life shifts over the years, not necessarily up

1147
01:00:22,960 --> 01:00:26,200
Speaker 5: and downs, but changes that have impacted where we are now.

1148
01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:29,240
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from no research eighty six

1149
01:00:29,360 --> 01:00:32,000
Speaker 5: seventy two And if you want us tobmit your own stories,

1150
01:00:32,040 --> 01:00:34,640
Speaker 5: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly,

1151
01:00:34,880 --> 01:00:38,520
Speaker 5: I'm Dakota, and OPI says last year on our five

1152
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:42,680
Speaker 5: year anniversary, he did acknowledge the day he brought home

1153
01:00:42,840 --> 01:00:46,440
Speaker 5: some flowers and a card, but it was toward the evening.

1154
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:50,479
Speaker 5: It did not feel personal or intentional. When I asked

1155
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:53,120
Speaker 5: him why he did not really plan anything. He said

1156
01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:55,680
Speaker 5: that he felt it would be embarrassing to celebrate being

1157
01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 5: a five year girlfriend. His words, not mine. He said

1158
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:03,040
Speaker 5: he only wanted to celebrate with a proposal, that he

1159
01:01:03,200 --> 01:01:05,520
Speaker 5: did not want to go all out for an anniversary

1160
01:01:05,640 --> 01:01:08,360
Speaker 5: if it was not going to include that. But shortly

1161
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:11,040
Speaker 5: after I found out he had just been laid off

1162
01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:14,640
Speaker 5: from his job. Around the same time, a few weeks later,

1163
01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:16,880
Speaker 5: we moved out of the apartment we had been living

1164
01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:20,240
Speaker 5: in together for three years and moved back in with

1165
01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:23,880
Speaker 5: our parents separately, with a plan to save money and

1166
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:27,600
Speaker 5: move our life forward. That was a year ago. We

1167
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:30,480
Speaker 5: have now both been at home for a year and

1168
01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:33,600
Speaker 5: we have talked a lot about our future, marriage, kids,

1169
01:01:33,920 --> 01:01:36,960
Speaker 5: home ownership, all of it. And here is the part

1170
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:40,439
Speaker 5: that is bothering me now. A few months ago, in July,

1171
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:43,640
Speaker 5: my dad happened to see him as he was arriving

1172
01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:47,120
Speaker 5: at my house. They spoke briefly, and my dad asked

1173
01:01:47,200 --> 01:01:50,960
Speaker 5: him in a respectful, non pressuring way, you've been around

1174
01:01:51,040 --> 01:01:53,480
Speaker 5: a long time. When are you planning to propose to

1175
01:01:53,600 --> 01:01:57,840
Speaker 5: my daughter? My boyfriend told him confidently before the end

1176
01:01:57,880 --> 01:02:01,360
Speaker 5: of next month, meaning before for the end of August.

1177
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:04,720
Speaker 5: My dad is usually chill and does not get into

1178
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:06,920
Speaker 5: stuff like this, but he decided just to ask him.

1179
01:02:07,360 --> 01:02:10,800
Speaker 5: We are now at the end of August. Our anniversary

1180
01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:15,760
Speaker 5: is tomorrow Friday, and August ends this Sunday, and I

1181
01:02:15,840 --> 01:02:18,800
Speaker 5: have not seen or heard anything that suggests he is

1182
01:02:18,920 --> 01:02:22,000
Speaker 5: actually planning to follow through. He has not mentioned to

1183
01:02:22,040 --> 01:02:26,200
Speaker 5: dinner reservation, no hints, no dress nice, no do not

1184
01:02:26,320 --> 01:02:31,400
Speaker 5: make plans, just regular daily interaction. And I've been intentionally

1185
01:02:31,520 --> 01:02:35,080
Speaker 5: avoiding dropping hints because I want the proposal to feel

1186
01:02:35,120 --> 01:02:38,280
Speaker 5: real and special, not like something I poked or pressured

1187
01:02:38,360 --> 01:02:41,120
Speaker 5: him into. This morning, I tested the waters and sent

1188
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:44,200
Speaker 5: him a link to an artwalk event happening this weekend

1189
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:46,640
Speaker 5: in Destin, which is about two hours away from US.

1190
01:02:46,960 --> 01:02:49,240
Speaker 5: I framed it as something I was interested in doing,

1191
01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:53,520
Speaker 5: did not mention proposals or anything like that. He replied

1192
01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:56,920
Speaker 5: enthusiastically and even said he could get us an airbnb

1193
01:02:57,200 --> 01:02:59,960
Speaker 5: from Saturday through Monday so we can make a week

1194
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:03,200
Speaker 5: weekend of it. And while that might sound like initiative,

1195
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:06,960
Speaker 5: it is making me feel uneasy because to me, that

1196
01:03:07,200 --> 01:03:10,560
Speaker 5: confirms he did not have any actual plans already in place.

1197
01:03:11,360 --> 01:03:13,640
Speaker 5: If he did, he would have had to decline or

1198
01:03:13,800 --> 01:03:17,080
Speaker 5: rework the weekend, not just say yeah, let's go and

1199
01:03:17,200 --> 01:03:21,960
Speaker 5: suggest a spontaneous trip. This has happened before. On Valentine's

1200
01:03:22,040 --> 01:03:25,080
Speaker 5: Day earlier this year, he said he had something special planned,

1201
01:03:25,520 --> 01:03:27,400
Speaker 5: and when I found out what it was, it was

1202
01:03:27,480 --> 01:03:31,720
Speaker 5: tickets to Universal Studios and Disney World. A big gesture, sure,

1203
01:03:32,320 --> 01:03:35,960
Speaker 5: but what I really wanted was progress the proposal, not

1204
01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:38,840
Speaker 5: just another trip or experience to distract me from what

1205
01:03:39,040 --> 01:03:42,200
Speaker 5: really matters to me. To be clear, he has told

1206
01:03:42,240 --> 01:03:45,120
Speaker 5: me recently that his savings are looking really good. That

1207
01:03:45,360 --> 01:03:48,160
Speaker 5: has stuck with me. If finances are in order and

1208
01:03:48,280 --> 01:03:51,880
Speaker 5: the relationship is steady, what is the hold up. I

1209
01:03:51,960 --> 01:03:54,120
Speaker 5: have already made up my mind that I will not

1210
01:03:54,320 --> 01:03:58,560
Speaker 5: accept a proposal that comes after September first, not because

1211
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:01,320
Speaker 5: I'm trying to give an ultimatum, but because it simply

1212
01:04:01,400 --> 01:04:05,080
Speaker 5: will not feel special anymore. It would feel late, like

1213
01:04:05,160 --> 01:04:07,480
Speaker 5: I had to wait him into it, and I cannot

1214
01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:10,280
Speaker 5: accept that. I am at a point in life where

1215
01:04:10,320 --> 01:04:13,920
Speaker 5: I want to build something, a home, a family, a future,

1216
01:04:14,160 --> 01:04:17,040
Speaker 5: and I cannot keep dragging my heart through these kinds

1217
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:20,919
Speaker 5: of almost moments just to keep the peace. So I'm

1218
01:04:21,080 --> 01:04:25,120
Speaker 5: asking am I being unreasonable? Would you wait past the

1219
01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:27,600
Speaker 5: deadline he set for himself or would you take his

1220
01:04:27,760 --> 01:04:33,120
Speaker 5: inaction as the answer? We have some comments Comment one.

1221
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:38,480
Speaker 5: You two have serious communication problems. You're not unreasonable for

1222
01:04:38,560 --> 01:04:41,760
Speaker 5: having a timeline, but you refuse to actually use your

1223
01:04:41,840 --> 01:04:44,520
Speaker 5: voice and talk to this long term partner of yours

1224
01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:47,800
Speaker 5: that you want to permanently link your life with. It's

1225
01:04:47,880 --> 01:04:49,640
Speaker 5: not great that he didn't tell you that he got

1226
01:04:49,720 --> 01:04:52,120
Speaker 5: laid off right away, but it's also not great that

1227
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:55,560
Speaker 5: you are sending him nudges and hints and hoping that

1228
01:04:55,720 --> 01:04:59,360
Speaker 5: he does in action you want, instead of just using

1229
01:04:59,440 --> 01:05:03,760
Speaker 5: your voice and participating in moving your relationship forward. If

1230
01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:07,040
Speaker 5: you want him to do an anniversary celebration, have you

1231
01:05:07,120 --> 01:05:10,480
Speaker 5: tried telling him not? Everyone buys into the whole man

1232
01:05:10,600 --> 01:05:13,480
Speaker 5: must do something special for a woman on anniversaries. It's

1233
01:05:13,520 --> 01:05:16,440
Speaker 5: okay to ask for it. It's okay to tell him

1234
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:19,320
Speaker 5: that you want to marry him before a certain deadline.

1235
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:23,560
Speaker 5: You're acting like a passive spectator in your relationship, setting

1236
01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:26,240
Speaker 5: him up to fail with the silent deadline that you're

1237
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:29,919
Speaker 5: not sharing with him. I mean, by all means, drop

1238
01:05:30,040 --> 01:05:33,439
Speaker 5: him if you want, but quietly fuming with resentment while

1239
01:05:33,520 --> 01:05:36,160
Speaker 5: not actually talking to him is not the way to

1240
01:05:36,240 --> 01:05:38,840
Speaker 5: have a healthy relationship, let alone a marriage.

1241
01:05:38,960 --> 01:05:42,640
Speaker 2: Well, okay, I kind of disagree though with this notion

1242
01:05:42,880 --> 01:05:46,480
Speaker 2: with us. Well, it's just that like she didn't do this,

1243
01:05:47,240 --> 01:05:49,920
Speaker 2: He did this. He said I'm gonna propose by the

1244
01:05:50,040 --> 01:05:52,360
Speaker 2: end of the month, and so at that point it's like,

1245
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:55,440
Speaker 2: if you don't propose, I'm gonna be like, so are

1246
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:56,760
Speaker 2: you just never going to?

1247
01:05:57,040 --> 01:05:59,640
Speaker 5: Like I wonder though, if I mean, he's got to

1248
01:05:59,720 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 5: know that Dad would tell ope, right, maybe maybe he

1249
01:06:02,800 --> 01:06:04,920
Speaker 5: assumes Dad would be like, okay, like I won't tell her,

1250
01:06:04,920 --> 01:06:05,480
Speaker 5: I won't tell her.

1251
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:09,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just it's it just feels wrong on both

1252
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:13,720
Speaker 2: sides in a way, but definitely more wrong on on.

1253
01:06:14,360 --> 01:06:16,680
Speaker 5: Uh, six years is crazy.

1254
01:06:16,720 --> 01:06:19,120
Speaker 2: It was I'm still hung up on the explanation of

1255
01:06:19,360 --> 01:06:21,520
Speaker 2: year five when he was like, well, the reason I

1256
01:06:21,800 --> 01:06:24,880
Speaker 2: totally dropped the ball on our celebrating our anniversary is

1257
01:06:24,920 --> 01:06:27,680
Speaker 2: because I only want to celebrate our anniversary with a

1258
01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:31,680
Speaker 2: with proposing to you from now on because it's embarrassing.

1259
01:06:31,160 --> 01:06:34,480
Speaker 5: Which is why the next year, which is now, should

1260
01:06:34,600 --> 01:06:36,920
Speaker 5: be that if he's really saying that, like he now

1261
01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:39,800
Speaker 5: has a job, again, his savings are looking great, like

1262
01:06:40,280 --> 01:06:44,000
Speaker 5: I don't know. Another commenter says, Ope, there's a lot

1263
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:46,760
Speaker 5: of space between not nagging the poop out of him

1264
01:06:46,840 --> 01:06:50,680
Speaker 5: and setting ultimatums and quietly hoping while setting hard deadlines

1265
01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:54,200
Speaker 5: in your own head. In a healthy relationship, a couple

1266
01:06:54,280 --> 01:06:57,600
Speaker 5: has mutual goals that they work toward together, and it

1267
01:06:57,680 --> 01:07:01,240
Speaker 5: doesn't sound as if that's happening here. Another commenter says,

1268
01:07:01,440 --> 01:07:03,920
Speaker 5: to be fair, the guy did tell the dad that

1269
01:07:04,080 --> 01:07:05,960
Speaker 5: he meant to propose at the end of the month.

1270
01:07:06,480 --> 01:07:10,760
Speaker 5: Not unreasonable for Ope to not expect it. Another commenter says,

1271
01:07:10,800 --> 01:07:13,360
Speaker 5: don't let your boyfriend prevent you from meeting your husband,

1272
01:07:13,600 --> 01:07:17,320
Speaker 5: because this guy ain't it. Update My thirty one female

1273
01:07:17,360 --> 01:07:21,480
Speaker 5: boyfriend's twenty nine males mom still buys his underwear and

1274
01:07:21,600 --> 01:07:24,520
Speaker 5: work clothes. How would y'all feel if the man you've

1275
01:07:24,600 --> 01:07:27,320
Speaker 5: been with still let his mom buy his underwear and

1276
01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:30,080
Speaker 5: his work clothes. My boyfriend is twenty nine and his

1277
01:07:30,240 --> 01:07:33,480
Speaker 5: mom can be a little overbearing since he's her only child.

1278
01:07:34,120 --> 01:07:36,640
Speaker 5: He works in a technical field, so he doesn't have

1279
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:39,520
Speaker 5: to dress up much, and she's basically the one who

1280
01:07:39,600 --> 01:07:43,200
Speaker 5: buys all of his work clothes for Christmas, she'll also

1281
01:07:43,320 --> 01:07:46,200
Speaker 5: buy big packs of underwear for both him and her husband.

1282
01:07:46,280 --> 01:07:49,520
Speaker 5: It's not like she's constantly buying these things throughout the year.

1283
01:07:49,960 --> 01:07:52,120
Speaker 5: But I know for a fact my boyfriend has never

1284
01:07:52,240 --> 01:07:54,640
Speaker 5: gone to the store and bought his own underwear or

1285
01:07:54,760 --> 01:07:57,960
Speaker 5: work clothes. I've brought it up before, and a few

1286
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,480
Speaker 5: people told me it's not a big deal and that

1287
01:08:00,640 --> 01:08:02,880
Speaker 5: he's just lucky to still have a mom who does

1288
01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:06,560
Speaker 5: things for him. But I'm curious, how would y'all feel

1289
01:08:06,640 --> 01:08:10,120
Speaker 5: if your boyfriend with their mom by their underwear update too,

1290
01:08:10,800 --> 01:08:12,920
Speaker 5: And now we're completely back to the dinner.

1291
01:08:13,560 --> 01:08:17,479
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, don't know what's going on here, but I'll

1292
01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:21,080
Speaker 2: say this, I'd be much more concerned if my partner's

1293
01:08:21,120 --> 01:08:25,160
Speaker 2: mom was buying my underwear. You know, like, if my

1294
01:08:25,320 --> 01:08:28,080
Speaker 2: partner got me some like skinty little thing to wear

1295
01:08:28,439 --> 01:08:30,479
Speaker 2: and they're like, by the way, my mom picked this out,

1296
01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:33,519
Speaker 2: I'd be like, Okay, so we're breaking up. Your mom

1297
01:08:33,600 --> 01:08:35,360
Speaker 2: can't buy my lingerie update too.

1298
01:08:36,080 --> 01:08:39,240
Speaker 5: I'm getting ready for dinner as I type this, but honestly,

1299
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:41,200
Speaker 5: a part of me feels like I'm not going to

1300
01:08:41,280 --> 01:08:44,839
Speaker 5: be proposed to tonight, and that's a hard pill to swallow.

1301
01:08:44,960 --> 01:08:47,519
Speaker 5: In the last post, I mentioned that he told me

1302
01:08:47,720 --> 01:08:50,680
Speaker 5: verbatim that I would not be his girlfriend by our

1303
01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:54,600
Speaker 5: next anniversary. He said he would one thousand percent be

1304
01:08:54,760 --> 01:08:58,599
Speaker 5: proposing by then, and he told my dad the same thing.

1305
01:08:59,320 --> 01:09:02,439
Speaker 5: So this was something I imagined or hinted about. It

1306
01:09:02,560 --> 01:09:07,320
Speaker 5: came directly from him. Now fast forward to today. He

1307
01:09:07,479 --> 01:09:09,880
Speaker 5: sent me a sweet good morning, text booked me a

1308
01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:13,760
Speaker 5: massage for five PM, and made dinner reservations at one

1309
01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:17,400
Speaker 5: of our favorite restaurants for eight thirty, but the restaurant

1310
01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:21,160
Speaker 5: closed at nine. That already raised an eyebrow for me.

1311
01:09:21,720 --> 01:09:23,880
Speaker 5: I asked him if he meant seven thirty instead, and

1312
01:09:23,960 --> 01:09:25,680
Speaker 5: he just said, nah, but I can move it up

1313
01:09:25,720 --> 01:09:28,760
Speaker 5: earlier if you want. That response, and the fact that

1314
01:09:28,840 --> 01:09:32,000
Speaker 5: he only called the restaurant earlier today made things feel

1315
01:09:32,080 --> 01:09:34,719
Speaker 5: more casual than I expected. I guess I'm just sitting

1316
01:09:34,760 --> 01:09:37,720
Speaker 5: here asking myself would it be unreasonable for me to

1317
01:09:37,880 --> 01:09:41,360
Speaker 5: leave him if he doesn't propose tonight? And yes, there

1318
01:09:41,439 --> 01:09:44,040
Speaker 5: are a few days left in August. But if you

1319
01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:46,320
Speaker 5: tell someone you're going to do something by a certain

1320
01:09:46,400 --> 01:09:50,040
Speaker 5: date and they plan their heart around that timeline, are

1321
01:09:50,080 --> 01:09:52,720
Speaker 5: they wrong for walking away when it doesn't happen. I'm

1322
01:09:52,760 --> 01:09:55,360
Speaker 5: trying not to spiral. I know there's still a dinner

1323
01:09:55,439 --> 01:09:58,560
Speaker 5: to go to, but deep down, I'm preparing myself to

1324
01:09:58,640 --> 01:10:01,639
Speaker 5: be let down and trying to figure out what comes

1325
01:10:01,720 --> 01:10:04,680
Speaker 5: next if I am small of day, he handed me

1326
01:10:04,960 --> 01:10:08,320
Speaker 5: a David yurmane bracelet that I've been wanting for months now.

1327
01:10:08,680 --> 01:10:12,280
Speaker 5: He's being pretty quiet at dinner. Okay, okay, okay, will

1328
01:10:12,320 --> 01:10:12,840
Speaker 5: he propose me?

1329
01:10:12,920 --> 01:10:12,960
Speaker 6: No?

1330
01:10:13,040 --> 01:10:15,360
Speaker 2: No, you say no no. Up three.

1331
01:10:15,520 --> 01:10:19,200
Speaker 5: Our anniversary was yesterday. He planned a dinner at one

1332
01:10:19,240 --> 01:10:22,240
Speaker 5: of our favorite restaurants, and earlier in the day he

1333
01:10:22,400 --> 01:10:25,080
Speaker 5: told me he had booked a massage for me and

1334
01:10:25,240 --> 01:10:28,320
Speaker 5: that we had eight thirty reservations. When he got to

1335
01:10:28,439 --> 01:10:31,000
Speaker 5: my house, he had a big bouquet of flowers and

1336
01:10:31,160 --> 01:10:34,200
Speaker 5: the David Yurman bracelet I'd been wanting. But the way

1337
01:10:34,320 --> 01:10:37,320
Speaker 5: he gave it to me felt strange. It was off.

1338
01:10:38,000 --> 01:10:40,439
Speaker 5: He didn't look me in the eye. He just passed

1339
01:10:40,479 --> 01:10:42,799
Speaker 5: the bag to me quickly before heading to the bathroom

1340
01:10:42,840 --> 01:10:45,680
Speaker 5: to change. I said thank you, but a part of

1341
01:10:45,760 --> 01:10:47,840
Speaker 5: me knew in that moment, when he gave me that

1342
01:10:47,960 --> 01:10:51,479
Speaker 5: expensive bracelet, that I wouldn't be getting a proposal that night.

1343
01:10:52,120 --> 01:10:54,880
Speaker 5: He kept telling me I looked beautiful and amazing, and

1344
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:57,240
Speaker 5: that he liked the color I was wearing. I had

1345
01:10:57,320 --> 01:10:59,840
Speaker 5: put effort into looking good for anniversary, and I know

1346
01:11:00,120 --> 01:11:03,400
Speaker 5: I looked good, okay, But when I looked at him,

1347
01:11:03,560 --> 01:11:06,799
Speaker 5: there was a sadness or disappointment in his eyes. Something

1348
01:11:06,960 --> 01:11:09,880
Speaker 5: felt off. I think he was picking up on how

1349
01:11:09,960 --> 01:11:12,519
Speaker 5: quiet I had gotten after he gave me the bracelet.

1350
01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:16,000
Speaker 5: When we got to the restaurant, he tried making small talk,

1351
01:11:16,160 --> 01:11:18,960
Speaker 5: but I wasn't really going I was just mirroring his

1352
01:11:19,240 --> 01:11:23,880
Speaker 5: energy because something in me could tell he wasn't fully present. Eventually,

1353
01:11:24,040 --> 01:11:26,320
Speaker 5: I asked him why he was so quiet, and I

1354
01:11:26,439 --> 01:11:30,000
Speaker 5: brought up the bracelet. He immediately defended himself, saying he

1355
01:11:30,160 --> 01:11:32,639
Speaker 5: was just on his way to change clothes and didn't

1356
01:11:32,640 --> 01:11:34,760
Speaker 5: mean anything by how he gave it to me. I

1357
01:11:34,880 --> 01:11:37,479
Speaker 5: told him it just didn't feel special. Then I asked

1358
01:11:37,560 --> 01:11:42,519
Speaker 5: him directly, are you proposing tonight? He looked disappointed and

1359
01:11:42,680 --> 01:11:46,040
Speaker 5: said no. That's when I told him to cancel the

1360
01:11:46,080 --> 01:11:48,720
Speaker 5: food order because I was ready to leave, and I

1361
01:11:48,880 --> 01:11:51,720
Speaker 5: got up and walked out. When I got in the car,

1362
01:11:51,920 --> 01:11:54,800
Speaker 5: I told him I felt like this was over. I said,

1363
01:11:54,800 --> 01:11:58,120
Speaker 5: if I stayed, I'd just be wasting more time. I

1364
01:11:58,240 --> 01:12:01,280
Speaker 5: asked when he planned to propose, and he started fumbling

1365
01:12:01,360 --> 01:12:04,240
Speaker 5: over his words and said something like maybe in the

1366
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:07,080
Speaker 5: next two to three weeks. I told him he had

1367
01:12:07,160 --> 01:12:10,200
Speaker 5: until today and that was it for me. The car

1368
01:12:10,360 --> 01:12:13,479
Speaker 5: ride home was quiet. When we got close to the house,

1369
01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:15,760
Speaker 5: I didn't say much all right, I got out and

1370
01:12:15,840 --> 01:12:18,760
Speaker 5: went inside. A few minutes later, I noticed he had

1371
01:12:18,840 --> 01:12:22,400
Speaker 5: turned his location off. I texted him shortly after and

1372
01:12:22,479 --> 01:12:24,360
Speaker 5: told him to come get the dog and his things.

1373
01:12:24,960 --> 01:12:27,599
Speaker 5: He came back, picked everything up, and we ended up

1374
01:12:27,640 --> 01:12:30,720
Speaker 5: having one final conversation before he left. I told him

1375
01:12:30,720 --> 01:12:33,960
Speaker 5: flat out, I'm getting older. I'm in my early thirties,

1376
01:12:34,120 --> 01:12:36,160
Speaker 5: and I've been clear that I'm ready to move forward

1377
01:12:36,240 --> 01:12:39,120
Speaker 5: with my life. He gave me his word, and he

1378
01:12:39,280 --> 01:12:42,000
Speaker 5: even gave my father his word that he would propose

1379
01:12:42,120 --> 01:12:45,280
Speaker 5: by the end of this month. Now, all of a sudden,

1380
01:12:45,360 --> 01:12:48,360
Speaker 5: when I asked directly, he tells me probably in the

1381
01:12:48,439 --> 01:12:51,799
Speaker 5: next two to three weeks. I asked him what difference

1382
01:12:51,800 --> 01:12:54,200
Speaker 5: would a few weeks even make. Does he have a ring?

1383
01:12:54,400 --> 01:12:54,920
Speaker 2: Probably not.

1384
01:12:55,200 --> 01:12:57,320
Speaker 5: I'd be like, show me the ring. Rings take longer

1385
01:12:57,360 --> 01:12:58,519
Speaker 5: than that to come and size.

1386
01:12:58,600 --> 01:13:01,879
Speaker 2: He does not have a ring. Oh, he had a bracelet,

1387
01:13:02,000 --> 01:13:04,200
Speaker 2: and he said, go ahead. But that is a really

1388
01:13:04,240 --> 01:13:06,760
Speaker 2: good question too, of like what's the difference between now

1389
01:13:06,880 --> 01:13:10,040
Speaker 2: and three weeks from now? Like what nothing said?

1390
01:13:10,280 --> 01:13:12,720
Speaker 5: I was wrong to assume he doesn't want to marry me,

1391
01:13:12,960 --> 01:13:15,200
Speaker 5: or that he doesn't love me. He said that he

1392
01:13:15,320 --> 01:13:18,040
Speaker 5: loves me more than he loves himself. He said he

1393
01:13:18,160 --> 01:13:20,640
Speaker 5: hates that it looks like he doesn't want to marry me,

1394
01:13:20,840 --> 01:13:23,400
Speaker 5: because that's not the case. And then he brought up

1395
01:13:23,479 --> 01:13:26,639
Speaker 5: something that caught me off guard. He said, years ago,

1396
01:13:27,000 --> 01:13:29,360
Speaker 5: I mentioned that one of my cousins got proposed to

1397
01:13:29,600 --> 01:13:32,800
Speaker 5: with a ten thousand dollars ring, and ever since then,

1398
01:13:33,040 --> 01:13:35,800
Speaker 5: he thought that was what I expected and felt like

1399
01:13:35,880 --> 01:13:39,479
Speaker 5: that's honestly what I deserved after waiting so long. I

1400
01:13:39,560 --> 01:13:41,559
Speaker 5: had only mentioned the price of the ring to say

1401
01:13:41,640 --> 01:13:44,720
Speaker 5: how over the top it was, not to encourage him.

1402
01:13:45,400 --> 01:13:47,960
Speaker 5: I've always told him I don't need a ring that expensive,

1403
01:13:48,160 --> 01:13:51,920
Speaker 5: and he knows that I'm not materialistic like that. I

1404
01:13:52,040 --> 01:13:55,240
Speaker 5: told him I'm not falling for that excuse. I never

1405
01:13:55,400 --> 01:13:58,000
Speaker 5: asked for a ten thousand dollars ring, and he knows

1406
01:13:58,080 --> 01:14:00,960
Speaker 5: that what I was really thinking is, yes, we hit

1407
01:14:01,080 --> 01:14:04,439
Speaker 5: some financial struggles last year, he lost his job for

1408
01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:06,800
Speaker 5: a month, we moved back in with our parents and

1409
01:14:06,920 --> 01:14:09,800
Speaker 5: we've been living there ever since. Our plan was to

1410
01:14:09,880 --> 01:14:13,200
Speaker 5: move out this year. I've been patient, but none of

1411
01:14:13,240 --> 01:14:15,720
Speaker 5: that changes the fact that he's had time to plan,

1412
01:14:16,000 --> 01:14:18,040
Speaker 5: time to save since we live at home with our parents,

1413
01:14:18,120 --> 01:14:21,479
Speaker 5: and he hasn't before he left. I'll admit I was

1414
01:14:21,560 --> 01:14:24,720
Speaker 5: really upset. I called him a liar, and when I did,

1415
01:14:24,920 --> 01:14:27,160
Speaker 5: he said something like, if that's what you think of me,

1416
01:14:27,600 --> 01:14:29,800
Speaker 5: then let's just both be done, because there's nothing I

1417
01:14:29,880 --> 01:14:30,880
Speaker 5: can say at this point.

1418
01:14:31,479 --> 01:14:33,639
Speaker 3: Dude, this is a weak man.

1419
01:14:34,120 --> 01:14:37,519
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, this is a weak man. He just she

1420
01:14:37,680 --> 01:14:40,759
Speaker 2: called him a liar, which he was jibly he's lying

1421
01:14:41,479 --> 01:14:43,080
Speaker 2: because he said by the end of the month and

1422
01:14:43,640 --> 01:14:46,600
Speaker 2: he lied or he was wrong. And for him to

1423
01:14:46,640 --> 01:14:47,960
Speaker 2: then be like, well, if you're going to call me

1424
01:14:47,960 --> 01:14:50,200
Speaker 2: a lawyer, then let's just call it. That's like him

1425
01:14:50,240 --> 01:14:52,920
Speaker 2: trying to make it to Kiah. We ended on even terms.

1426
01:14:52,960 --> 01:14:55,360
Speaker 2: It's like, no, this is ending because I don't know,

1427
01:14:55,479 --> 01:14:57,400
Speaker 2: you just keep dragging your feet on a thing that.

1428
01:14:57,720 --> 01:14:58,800
Speaker 5: Keep making excuses.

1429
01:14:59,040 --> 01:15:00,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, excuses too.

1430
01:15:01,560 --> 01:15:03,840
Speaker 5: She obviously didn't expect you to buy her a ten

1431
01:15:03,920 --> 01:15:04,720
Speaker 5: thousand dollars ring.

1432
01:15:05,080 --> 01:15:05,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, you could have.

1433
01:15:06,000 --> 01:15:08,160
Speaker 5: You could have rolled up with a ring pop that night. Clear,

1434
01:15:08,200 --> 01:15:10,840
Speaker 5: maybe something nicer, but you know, and then I told

1435
01:15:10,920 --> 01:15:14,439
Speaker 5: him to leave. Since then, he hasn't reached out. It's

1436
01:15:14,479 --> 01:15:17,200
Speaker 5: been twelve hours and I haven't heard a word from him.

1437
01:15:17,800 --> 01:15:20,679
Speaker 5: I'm pretty sure he's already deleted all of my pictures.

1438
01:15:20,840 --> 01:15:23,960
Speaker 5: I turned my location off too. So there's more.

1439
01:15:24,439 --> 01:15:31,479
Speaker 2: There's more, there's more, there's more, I you, stinky liar. Yeah,

1440
01:15:31,920 --> 01:15:32,280
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1441
01:15:32,400 --> 01:15:32,519
Speaker 6: Man.

1442
01:15:32,600 --> 01:15:35,640
Speaker 2: It feels like nothing that was actually real ended up

1443
01:15:35,680 --> 01:15:36,160
Speaker 2: coming to light.

1444
01:15:36,360 --> 01:15:40,240
Speaker 5: No. I could totally be on board with op being like, listen,

1445
01:15:40,320 --> 01:15:42,320
Speaker 5: he said on her five year like he couldn't do

1446
01:15:42,360 --> 01:15:43,880
Speaker 5: it because he just lost his job, but that like

1447
01:15:44,000 --> 01:15:46,760
Speaker 5: by next anniversary, like yeah, I'd be like, great, we

1448
01:15:46,840 --> 01:15:49,600
Speaker 5: got a year, dude, like countdown the days. But then, like,

1449
01:15:49,680 --> 01:15:51,480
Speaker 5: I guess you're such a disappointment.

1450
01:15:51,840 --> 01:15:53,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I get you brought up.

1451
01:15:53,880 --> 01:15:56,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, the five year thing, I guess I wasn't considering

1452
01:15:56,400 --> 01:15:58,599
Speaker 2: that because he lost his job. Yeah, that that might

1453
01:15:58,640 --> 01:16:01,120
Speaker 2: have been, you know, could have been the reasoning for

1454
01:16:01,160 --> 01:16:01,880
Speaker 2: his weird explanation.

1455
01:16:01,960 --> 01:16:03,400
Speaker 5: And also he said he lost his job like the

1456
01:16:03,439 --> 01:16:06,320
Speaker 5: week before and again if you were going to propose,

1457
01:16:06,400 --> 01:16:08,280
Speaker 5: you'd have a ring before a week before.

1458
01:16:08,479 --> 01:16:11,800
Speaker 2: It feels like it's it's just a cover. He just

1459
01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:14,840
Speaker 2: I don't know too, yeah, exactly. It just feels like

1460
01:16:14,960 --> 01:16:16,920
Speaker 2: this guy's like, I don't know if I want to

1461
01:16:16,960 --> 01:16:20,080
Speaker 2: marry her. Yikes. It's like been six years, so.

1462
01:16:20,200 --> 01:16:23,760
Speaker 5: Now I'm just here sitting with it. I lost my

1463
01:16:23,880 --> 01:16:27,960
Speaker 5: mom to last year. My dad is getting older, and no,

1464
01:16:28,320 --> 01:16:30,960
Speaker 5: I'm not trying to live for my parents, but it

1465
01:16:31,080 --> 01:16:33,479
Speaker 5: hurts deeply knowing my mom will never get to see

1466
01:16:33,560 --> 01:16:36,800
Speaker 5: me get married or have kids. I spent six years

1467
01:16:36,840 --> 01:16:39,360
Speaker 5: with this man, six years of my life, and now

1468
01:16:39,400 --> 01:16:43,040
Speaker 5: it's just done. I booked an appointment with my old therapist.

1469
01:16:43,360 --> 01:16:46,080
Speaker 5: I haven't seen her in almost a year, but I

1470
01:16:46,200 --> 01:16:49,320
Speaker 5: need help working through this. Right now, I just feel numb.

1471
01:16:49,560 --> 01:16:52,280
Speaker 5: Please be nice to me because I am shattered. That's

1472
01:16:52,320 --> 01:16:52,960
Speaker 5: the end of that