WEBVTT - Underneath the Eating Disorder ft. Kaitlyn Dinneh 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.960 I won't let my body out outwell everything that I'm 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:08.800 made do. Won't spend my life trying to change. I'm 0:00:08.880 --> 0:00:12.399 learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong, 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:15.840 I feel free, I know who every part of me 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:24.319 it's beautiful and then will always outwa if you feel 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:27.360 it with you in there, she's some love to the 0:00:27.400 --> 0:00:31.520 boy there. Let's say good day and did you and 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:38.120 die out? Hey, Outweigh fam, I've got Caitlin Wasniak joining 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:41.159 me today. Amy here, Lisa's not with us, It's just 0:00:41.200 --> 0:00:44.360 me and Caitlin. But Lisa, if you're listening, Hey, why Lisa? 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:48.400 We miss you. Caitlin is a personal trainer specializing in 0:00:48.440 --> 0:00:52.760 women's fitness, pre impost natal specialist, a birth doula, and 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:55.720 an eating disorder survivor. And she did join us on 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:58.440 season one of Outweigh. That was on my four Things 0:00:58.440 --> 0:01:01.319 podcast a year ago, on my year ago. So I'm 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:03.400 glad to have you back and sitting down with us. 0:01:03.520 --> 0:01:05.319 And you know, we're going to get into a post 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:07.720 that you put up on Instagram that I really loved. 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:10.600 And if people want to know your Instagram account, because 0:01:10.640 --> 0:01:15.440 Caitlin was Niak her name, but her Instagram account is 0:01:15.480 --> 0:01:16.840 a little bit different, so we're gonna put it in 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:19.720 the show notes. But it's Caitlin Tonay Caitlyn today. It 0:01:19.840 --> 0:01:23.479 confuses everyone. Yeah, so this post that you put up 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:27.400 was what my eating disorder couldn't show you. And then 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:30.080 there was a list of things and I'll just rattle 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:32.080 them off real quick and then you can speak to 0:01:32.080 --> 0:01:36.680 the post. But it was loss of menstruation, osteopenia, dizziness 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:39.480 in passing out, sharp pain and joints after sitting for 0:01:39.520 --> 0:01:44.319 stretches of time, memory decreases, mood swings, decreased body temperature, 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:48.880 diminished energy, and excessive napping, supervised meals with the high 0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:53.360 school nurse, obsessive thoughts about food, self harm, chronic negative 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:58.080 self talk, anxiety, strained relationships, g I issues. So yeah, 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:01.000 what would someone that looked at you from outside, what 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:03.040 would they have seen during that time? But really this 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:06.360 was going on on the inside at that time. Those 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:11.359 side effects or red flags symptoms were appearing even though 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:15.600 I wasn't at my lowest weight and I hadn't lost 0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:19.040 even the most significant amount of weight in my eating disorder, 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:22.440 so I was seemingly at a normal weight, a healthy 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:25.799 weight um on the lower end for probably my age 0:02:25.800 --> 0:02:28.440 and heighten whatever I roll at the b m I scale. 0:02:28.480 --> 0:02:31.880 But you know, just a glimpse at me from an outsider. 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:35.760 I don't think people were concerned about my health and 0:02:35.800 --> 0:02:39.359 well being. But meanwhile, I was already feeling the effects 0:02:39.400 --> 0:02:43.040 of my eating disorder, sinking in all the variety of 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:45.760 ways you just read right old for you about this time. 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:48.800 So when I started dieting, I was thirteen when I 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:51.200 was introduced to diets, and it started as a low 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:54.920 carb diet. Every adult that I knew, my mom, her friends, 0:02:54.960 --> 0:02:58.359 I had, aunts and uncles were all on the Atkins diet. 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:01.600 And I started going through puberty around the same time, 0:03:01.639 --> 0:03:06.400 and I got really uncomfortable in my body weight gain curves. Right, 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:08.519 all those things that were just so foreign and new 0:03:08.600 --> 0:03:11.600 to me, we're also getting me a lot of male 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:15.720 attention that made me very uncomfortable, and I wanted to 0:03:15.760 --> 0:03:18.840 shrink my body. So I asked my mom if she 0:03:18.880 --> 0:03:22.240 would help me diet, and she didn't know any better, right, 0:03:22.360 --> 0:03:24.440 She just gave me a rule book and helped me 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:26.919 pack salads for lunch with dressing on the side and 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:30.520 hundred calorie pack snacks, and I was fourteen when I 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:33.880 was formally diagnosed with my eating disorder. And so you 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:36.240 wrote in this post you said, I remember going into 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:38.520 treatment at Hopkins for the first time, looking around and 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:40.600 telling my mom, I don't belong here. I'm not as 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:42.600 sick as everyone else. So how old were you at 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:45.080 that time? Okay, so that was at fourteen that you 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:47.600 went and sought treatment as well. Yes, okay, Well that 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:51.360 happened fast, fast, very fast. So a story that my 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:54.640 mom often kind of recalls and I tell to people 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:57.360 that I mentor work with. At the time, around thirteen, 0:03:57.400 --> 0:03:59.360 I was competing in pageants, So I was competing for 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:03.400 Miss Marylyn ten USA, and that fall so maybe like 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:07.600 September roughly, I had bought my evening gown and it 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:12.160 fit perfectly, and by November when I competed at the pageant, 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:16.360 it was virtually falling off of me on stage. And 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:18.680 my mom always says that was the first time she 0:04:18.920 --> 0:04:23.520 really noticed that I had a real problem, because up 0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:27.480 until that point my weight seemed normal to her. But 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:30.360 it was you know, you see someone every day all 0:04:30.440 --> 0:04:32.400 day and you kind of turn a blind eye to 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:35.560 the behaviors because you don't want to face the truth sometimes, 0:04:35.760 --> 0:04:38.360 and that I think for her was a really staggering 0:04:38.440 --> 0:04:41.560 experience to say, my daughter has an issue and she's 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:44.400 up there seemingly healthy and smiling and happy on a 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:47.800 stage under lights and a beautiful evening gown with hair 0:04:47.839 --> 0:04:50.800 and makeup, but things were not good well, and when 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:53.120 you looked around and said, mom, I don't belong here, 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:55.960 like I'm not as sick as everyone else. Now, you 0:04:56.000 --> 0:05:00.359 were fourteen, but that could be someone's experience at five, 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:04.920 right at forty five, at sixty, and so what would 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:07.960 you say to people that might be thinking that or 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:10.840 maybe outweighs where they get this content or they start 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:13.520 following people on Instagram like y'all, and they that's the 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:16.200 content they're receiving and they start to just think to 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:18.960 themselves like, uh, I get what they're saying that I'm 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:22.120 not that bad, So I don't I don't understand why 0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:25.040 I'm even trying to understand this. Yeah, I mean, first 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:28.080 of all, we all say that. We all say that 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:32.000 when we're sick and we're struggling, and at every stage 0:05:32.000 --> 0:05:36.239 of our journey with disordered eating a clinical diagnosis, whether 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.480 we're in treatment or actively in recovery, none of us 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:43.120 think that we're that sick because they're eating disorders are 0:05:43.240 --> 0:05:46.120 very manipulative, so it's important to kind of dig your 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:48.960 heels in and kind of call ourselves out when that 0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:51.880 voice creeps in. But I would always say, like, it's 0:05:51.920 --> 0:05:54.320 not just about the physical body or the number on 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:56.800 the scale, it's all these other things when we're the 0:05:56.800 --> 0:06:00.400 ones you list, like, that was a long list a lot, 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:03.440 and so if you're if you are getting dizzy upon 0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:07.280 standing up because you're malnourished or dehydrated, or if your 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:13.160 joints are aching, or if your periods stop, if you're isolating, 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:16.200 and we kind of hit on this last time on 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:20.960 the Four Things podcast. The tendency to isolate out of 0:06:21.360 --> 0:06:24.440 depression is big in its own right. But then they're 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:28.560 also times when you might isolate or cancel plans to 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:32.800 overly exercise, or because you're uncomfortable being out in a 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:36.000 restaurant where you don't have control over food. So these 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:39.920 are all things that interfere with our quality of life 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:43.839 that may not be exclusive to our weight or what 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:47.760 is happening externally, but internally it's freaking havoc on our 0:06:47.800 --> 0:06:50.359 bodies and our minds. Yeah, I think that that's a 0:06:50.440 --> 0:06:56.680 huge red flag is avoiding social events, choosing workouts over relationships, 0:06:57.080 --> 0:07:01.440 and being scared of food if you can't control what's 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:04.599 in it. But for some reason, I lived that way 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:07.159 for years and they weren't red flags to me, but 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:10.320 they're so obvious right now. I thought, well, the healthy 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:12.239 thing for me to do is to choose the workout 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:16.200 right now. You know, probably was denial. I didn't see 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:20.320 how that was actually me hurting and being really sad. 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:23.080 And yeah, it breaks my heart to know that I 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:26.840 chose so many nights alone over going to be with 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:30.320 people because of those different reasons. And I think it's 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:34.040 interesting because there's part of me that wonders back then, 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:37.360 I didn't recognize them either. That's why I wrote that post, 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:40.720 because back then, it just seems, well, this is my life, right, 0:07:40.760 --> 0:07:42.560 this is what it is, and this doesn't I'm not 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:45.600 sick enough so these things aren't necessarily but you were 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:50.160 still functioning, functioning. But I also wondered too if some 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:53.440 of it now. Back then, there was no one talking 0:07:53.440 --> 0:07:56.280 about eating disorders when I was sick. It was still 0:07:56.400 --> 0:08:01.120 so stigmatized and still so taboo, and I knew very 0:08:01.200 --> 0:08:05.000 few people who shared their experiences. So part of me 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:09.320 was just living in a secret, and so any red flags, 0:08:09.400 --> 0:08:13.000 even if they did, kind of strike me as concerning. 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:15.680 I didn't have anyone leading the charge in front of 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:17.880 me to say it's okay to say like you need help. 0:08:18.000 --> 0:08:20.120 And I hope for people that there is a little 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:22.120 bit of a shift right even this podcast, Like, it's 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:25.280 beautiful to see so many people be really open about 0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:29.440 their struggles in whatever capacity and at whatever level that 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:31.440 is for them. Maybe they'd share their story with just 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:35.120 one person or maybe their own podcasts. Disclosing stories so 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:38.760 that we can empower other people is really such a 0:08:38.800 --> 0:08:41.400 beautiful gift. That's the only reason why I think I 0:08:41.440 --> 0:08:44.560 share her half the more than half the stuff, well, no, everything, 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:47.640 what am I talking about? I feel like even on 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:49.600 the Bobby Bone, Joe or four things are here on 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:52.920 that way, it's like, okay, if I can use my 0:08:53.080 --> 0:08:57.319 experience for good now so that somebody else doesn't feel alone, 0:08:57.720 --> 0:08:59.880 then I didn't just go through that for no reason. 0:09:00.559 --> 0:09:03.560 And it doesn't mean that everybody has that calling to 0:09:03.600 --> 0:09:05.959 put their story out there so that others don't feel alone. 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:07.880 It may not, and you know, may not mean that 0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:10.640 you have to share your story publicly, but maybe just 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:13.079 speaking to a best friend or a family member about 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:15.520 it or a therapist and making sure that you're you're 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:18.400 voicing it. It doesn't mean, you know, you have to 0:09:18.400 --> 0:09:20.560 proclaim to the world like this is what's going on 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:23.400 with me right now, But if you eventually feel led 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:26.160 to do that, then by all means your story will 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:28.959 come in handy at some point. And you know, we 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:31.520 were talking a little bit before we were recording, because 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:34.520 when I was in high school, I remember taking these 0:09:34.600 --> 0:09:38.199 pills that were exercise pills. I guess I got them 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:41.079 from this gym that I was doing kickboxing at, and 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:44.640 I took them. My mom let me take them. The 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:46.840 woman that works at the gym, who was an adult, 0:09:46.920 --> 0:09:49.480 sold them to me. And then, you know, for my mom, 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.520 you talk about how yours saw you on stage and thought, okay, 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:54.760 I'm seeing some things up and then at four team 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:57.000 was able to take you somewhere to get help. Like 0:09:57.240 --> 0:09:59.520 I love my mom, love her to death, but I 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:01.000 feel like it was a lot of times I was 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:03.720 shooting up all kinds of red flags, but she wasn't 0:10:03.760 --> 0:10:06.400 saying we just weren't seeing them. And I think that's 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:08.080 a common thing for some of my listeners that are 0:10:08.120 --> 0:10:10.400 mom's is like, how can I know what's going on 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:13.760 with my kid and if something's up for me. I 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:16.040 remember there's a day when I got off those pills. 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:17.880 My mom came to wake me up from school, and 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:20.600 I was begging her to let me just please stay 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:23.679 home because I didn't have my pills and I didn't 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:26.040 want to go, and I felt pretty sure. I told 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:29.800 her I feel so fat and gross, and I don't 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:32.160 have the pills anymore, and that getting off the pills 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:35.240 was honestly my decision, probably because they were too expensive 0:10:35.280 --> 0:10:37.480 and I was a teenager, um and my mom maybe 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:39.600 said you're going to buy these for yourself, But also 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:42.920 probably I had some wisdom going on inside of me 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:45.760 that made me think this might not be a good 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:48.760 idea because my heart is racing all of the time. 0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:51.640 So I'm thankful that I did get off of them. 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:54.840 That didn't stop me from taking other things throughout the years. 0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:58.800 But I just thought, looking back now, it's crazy to 0:10:58.880 --> 0:11:01.839 think that adults were surrounding me at that time and 0:11:01.960 --> 0:11:05.640 they were okay with me doing this stuff. So I 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:08.400 feel like that's a red flag if you're a mom 0:11:08.480 --> 0:11:11.760 listening and your child doesn't want to get up for 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:16.280 school for some reason, and it's just feeling super down 0:11:16.480 --> 0:11:18.679 and tired. That could be a red flog for multiple things. 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:22.080 Obviously had some underlying depression stuff going on, but I 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:26.280 think it was stemmed around my obsession with body and food. Yeah, 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:31.520 And I think that there are a lot of generational 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:35.760 ties there, these messages that have started decades ago, and 0:11:35.880 --> 0:11:37.679 we see a play out in the media. We see 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:41.000 the projected image of what's beautiful and what it means 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:44.960 to be a woman, and the expectations are just kind 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:47.800 of passed down and passed down. So I almost feel 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:52.040 like my mom's dieting and her friends and my aunts 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:55.679 and uncles who were dieting, it wasn't even their fault, right, 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:58.959 I think they were like the front line, Like those 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:01.920 were the people who were hurting, just like they were 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:04.679 hurting in their own way then and just passing down 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:07.000 the message because they didn't know any better. And so 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:09.280 it got to us, and now we're here trying to 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:14.560 break generational patterns of body hatred and self harm. And 0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:17.199 it goes even deeper than just food and body, right, 0:12:17.240 --> 0:12:20.319 like even emotional and mental like other mental health illnesses 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:24.480 that we're trying to destigmatize and hold space for and 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:29.200 share experiences to uplift each other and to normalize them 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:31.520 so that people know that they're not alone and that 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:34.120 we can like end the cycle. There there many times 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:37.400 I've had to like forgive people who were the adults 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:40.120 in my life who kind of introduced me to the 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:43.040 road of dieting and set me on that spiral to 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:45.440 my eating disorder because they didn't know any better. I 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:49.679 haven't thought about going that route of maybe the forgiveness 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:52.520 peace and maybe how important that might be for me 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:54.439 to let that go, because now I'm all bitter towards 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:57.880 people that sold me the pills um. But that could 0:12:57.880 --> 0:13:00.560 be an important step because it does us with us 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:02.559 for a very long time. But then we have a 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:04.800 choice of where do we want to end it. And 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:07.160 you and I are both moms and we don't want 0:13:07.200 --> 0:13:09.720 to pass that down to our daughters. And again, my 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:13.080 mom didn't mean any harm, but yeah, she was fine. 0:13:13.120 --> 0:13:15.040 If I wanted to do a diet, she was fine. 0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:17.080 If I wanted to work out twice a day, she 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:20.400 was fine. If we did diets together like it was 0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:24.880 totally fine, but yeah, there was no conversation that this 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:28.080 wasn't normal. But here we are. However, many years later 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:34.000 that was six or something. What year were you born? Okay, 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:36.520 so we're ten years apart, we who still had moms 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:38.760 that were probably really similar. I wasn't seeing this type 0:13:38.760 --> 0:13:41.559 of rhetoric that we have now until the last few years. 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:44.800 So there's a lot of undoing, Like even me for 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:46.560 a mom, I've been a mom for three years and 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:48.400 I've had to undo stuff I was doing the first 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:52.559 year for sure. So for moms that may not be 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:56.040 dialed in with what they eating, disorder can't show maybe 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:59.480 even in their own life or their child's life, like 0:13:59.679 --> 0:14:03.640 what you recommend moms do, is there a conversation? How 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:05.280 do you pick up on some of these things that 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:08.520 aren't visible. I think the very first piece of that 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:16.240 is creating a guilt free, judge free, healthy conversation or 0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:20.280 community like expectation for communication within your family, and just 0:14:20.440 --> 0:14:23.080 allowing your kids to feel safe coming to you if 0:14:23.120 --> 0:14:25.520 they are struggling in their bodies or they are feeling 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:29.840 uncomfortable in their own skin. I see clients as young 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:34.560 as thirteen who feel as if their parent doesn't welcome 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:38.200 the dialogue that they don't understand. Sometimes not all of 0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:40.960 the time, but sometimes and and so I think they 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:43.760 get really resistant to talking to mom or dad. And 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:47.840 sometimes I think that could be changed if there's right 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:51.840 off the bat, just like a welcoming judgment, free you 0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:54.920 can come to me about anything, expectation for communication within 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:57.600 the family dynamic. That kind of sets the tone moving 0:14:57.640 --> 0:15:00.960 forward for your child to say, hey, you know, i've 0:15:00.960 --> 0:15:03.440 been struggling with this or I've been feeling this and 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:06.600 I'm really confused. And I think that also plays into 0:15:06.720 --> 0:15:11.120 normalizing discussing bodies. You know, like I have a little 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:14.080 boy and I let him run around naked after his 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:16.920 bath because like he's a little kid and he's fine, 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:18.840 but there are people who think that's weird. And I'm like, 0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:22.680 he's only almost two. But I want to create an 0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:25.800 environment in my family where like talking about your body 0:15:25.840 --> 0:15:32.160 isn't shameful or weird, and just normalizing having differences among us, right, 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:37.480 And I think just that open, honest, sensitive, safe communication 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:40.720 um and setting that tone early on in life is 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.960 really valuable for parents to pass on to their children. 0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:47.920 The other thing that I see is like parents being 0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:51.400 kind of hands off with social media and thinking that 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:56.360 almost this naive approach to social media, like forgetting that 0:15:56.480 --> 0:16:00.720 kids have these fake accounts. It's becoming really common for 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:05.680 young girls to create these fake Instagram accounts and hide 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:09.360 behind them posting things that are kind of encouraged or 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:14.280 following accounts that are encouraging behaviors. So just being aware 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:19.280 as parents that things like this exist, because again, disordered 0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:22.800 eating and eating disorders are manipulative, they're secretive. So just 0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:25.800 being aware and being tuned in and having really open 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:28.040 communication with your children, I think is one of the 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:30.560 best things we could do. Are you saying they're following 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:34.840 accounts that encourage behavior on how to look a certain way? 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.920 What I've seen with some of my clients is that, 0:16:38.120 --> 0:16:40.600 you know, maybe their parents has access to their normal 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:43.520 Instagram account, but then they have these fake Instagram accounts 0:16:43.560 --> 0:16:48.640 that might be following people that perpetuate toxic behaviors. Gotcha, Okay, No, 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:52.840 that's that's definitely helpful information because, yeah, you want to 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:55.960 protect your kids from that, and if you have the open, 0:16:56.000 --> 0:16:57.880 honest communication, if you've got step one of that, you 0:16:57.960 --> 0:16:59.760 kind of went over two things there. So the first 0:16:59.800 --> 0:17:02.920 thing I love because now I'm just reflecting back again 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:05.120 on my relationship with my mother. We didn't even talk 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:07.800 about my period when I got it. I had to 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:10.120 figure out on my own what to do. I think 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:12.280 one day she realized I was on it, and she 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:15.040 went to the grocery store and she's stuff. Stuff just 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:18.919 started showing up in my bathroom cabinet. There was no conversation. 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:21.440 My mom was a great mom. There was not an 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:24.399 open door policy on me just talking to her about anything. 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:28.800 Although ironically, when I was bulieming in high school, one 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:31.199 of the first people she is, the first person I 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:34.439 went to was my mom because I was scared. But 0:17:34.480 --> 0:17:37.160 then I don't think she knew what to do with it. 0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:39.720 So she heard me and she listened, but she was 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:42.119 just kind of like, oh gosh, almost for her, she 0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:45.000 was overwhelmed. She was a single mom, she worked full time, 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:48.840 I had an older sister. She was heavily involved in 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:51.520 all kinds of other things on the board of like everything. 0:17:51.720 --> 0:17:54.359 So she's very busy, and I'll fall her for that, 0:17:54.359 --> 0:17:56.320 but part of me wonders if she kept herself busy 0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:59.359 to avoid, you know, and my mom's passed away, so 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:01.960 I I will never know because I can't ask her this. 0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:05.359 But now that's just me probably trying to break down 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:07.320 why she did what she did. And I don't think 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:09.800 she meant any harm, but she definitely didn't create that 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:12.240 safe space for me. I think I was crying for 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:14.960 it in a way, going to her, making her the 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:17.280 first person of like, hey, this is what you can't 0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:20.000 see that's going on with me. You would never know 0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:22.119 right now that I've been throwing up my food, but 0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:23.920 I'm trying to tell you it's a cry for help. 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:26.880 And I think she lined me up with a therapist, 0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:29.679 but then was pretty disengaged after that. And then you 0:18:29.800 --> 0:18:31.639 just kind of like, all right, I'll handle this on 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:33.919 my own. But yeah, it starts with other things of 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:36.960 like let's talk about your body. Be comfortable in your skin, 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:40.119 you can run around, nake it. We'll talk about vaginas 0:18:40.160 --> 0:18:43.040 and penises and little and not be ashamed of any 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:46.240 of that. So I work as a personal trainer exclusively 0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:50.359 with women, and a lot of my clients are prenatal 0:18:50.480 --> 0:18:53.720 or postpartum, but I also work with women who don't 0:18:53.720 --> 0:18:57.720 have children, and I try to educate them on their 0:18:57.760 --> 0:19:01.199 pelvic floor because it's really important A part of our anatomy. 0:19:01.240 --> 0:19:04.040 And I see so many women like slink away in shame, 0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:05.920 like I don't know what my pelvic floor is or 0:19:05.960 --> 0:19:08.600 why are you asking me about my pelvic floor? And 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:11.959 I try to just like be super cool and casual 0:19:12.000 --> 0:19:13.880 about it because this is my job. To me, it's 0:19:13.920 --> 0:19:16.119 not weird. I'm also a birth doulist, so like with 0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:19.720 most of my clients, I've seen them raw as vulnerable 0:19:19.760 --> 0:19:23.520 as it gets. But I sometimes I am caught off 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:26.320 guard and then have to bring myself back to the 0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:29.400 fact that my mom didn't teach me about my pelvic floor. 0:19:29.640 --> 0:19:32.240 My mom didn't teach me how to like embrace my 0:19:32.400 --> 0:19:38.000 body just by fostering conversation about healthy sexuality, or it's 0:19:38.280 --> 0:19:44.320 easier to build shame around our bodies, and it's a 0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:48.359 lot of Yeah, it's a lot harder to have healthy 0:19:48.400 --> 0:19:54.520 conversation about our bodies and to make it normal. I 0:19:54.560 --> 0:19:57.000 think it's harder because we've made it harder. But then 0:19:57.040 --> 0:19:59.359 if you make that the normal, and you do it 0:19:59.400 --> 0:20:02.200 like you're trying do from the get go, then it 0:20:02.200 --> 0:20:05.520 it will come with ease as they get older. And 0:20:05.600 --> 0:20:07.880 you know, I touched on the first thing thinking back 0:20:07.920 --> 0:20:11.520 on having the conversation about bodies and being comfortable and open. 0:20:11.560 --> 0:20:13.719 But then the second thing you mentioned about the social 0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:19.320 media accounts and kids looking elsewhere for information instead of 0:20:19.760 --> 0:20:22.560 coming to you for that information or maybe even looking 0:20:22.560 --> 0:20:25.880 elsewhere for validation and worth. And I mean, that's the whole, 0:20:25.880 --> 0:20:28.600 another rabbit whole we could go down, But I think 0:20:28.640 --> 0:20:30.960 it's super important to remind pearance to be involved in 0:20:31.000 --> 0:20:34.639 their kids social media and try your hardest to educate 0:20:34.680 --> 0:20:37.520 yourself and not be naive. And I get it, it's 0:20:37.760 --> 0:20:39.520 it's an extra thing you have to add to your 0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:42.679 list that is very daunting that other generations didn't have 0:20:42.760 --> 0:20:44.800 to deal with. But each generation is going to have 0:20:44.840 --> 0:20:48.480 their new challenges, and social media is one that we 0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:52.080 have to manage that better. We have responsibility for ourselves 0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:54.679 and what accounts were following and who are what are what? 0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:57.320 What are we following? What information are we trying to 0:20:57.720 --> 0:21:01.000 receive from the accounts that we follow? But then gosh, 0:21:01.040 --> 0:21:03.639 that our kids might be sneaking around to have these 0:21:03.760 --> 0:21:06.879 other accounts for some of that scary makes me think 0:21:06.920 --> 0:21:09.760 of I used to look to places I think for 0:21:09.840 --> 0:21:12.800 that too. I don't even remember remember really what it 0:21:13.000 --> 0:21:17.600 was if it was certain movies or got a VHS 0:21:17.720 --> 0:21:20.679 tape or something, or maybe when YouTube came out, I 0:21:20.720 --> 0:21:24.000 would look for that sometimes as a young adult, just 0:21:24.080 --> 0:21:26.800 hoping that someone would be posting up something that would 0:21:26.800 --> 0:21:30.840 be beneficial to feed my behaviors. When I was in 0:21:31.119 --> 0:21:34.960