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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that just got baptized in pumpkin

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Speaker 1: spice holy water. That's why all the priests were licking it,

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Speaker 1: and no other reason than that. It's Laser Stories, the

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Speaker 1: segment where we read weird news stories around the globe,

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Speaker 1: just like everyone else does, except we have a laser

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Speaker 1: and those other fail Marys just don't this first Laser

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Speaker 1: Stories out of Knoxville, Tennessee. A woman looked out her

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Speaker 1: window last week around eleven thirty am and some guys

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Speaker 1: she didn't know was using a power outlet in her

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Speaker 1: yard to charge his phone. That's random, that's really funny.

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Speaker 1: She could only see his head because bushes were obstructing

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Speaker 1: the rest, so she went outside to tell him to

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Speaker 1: beat it. But unfortunately, when she got out there, she

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Speaker 1: saw him completely naked. Oh my god, and he was

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Speaker 1: literally beating it. Oh gosh, fro not that. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't like this story. All this is in broad

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Speaker 1: daylight too, people. So the woman ran back into the house,

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Speaker 1: locked her doors and called the cops, and when officers arrived,

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Speaker 1: they found him lying on the ground with his pants

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Speaker 1: still around his ankles and phone on fifteen percent battery.

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Speaker 1: It's very accurate. Did they put that in the police report?

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Speaker 1: They charged him with public indecency and yes, he did

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Speaker 1: ask the judge if it was okay to charge his

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Speaker 1: phone at that same house if he was clothed in

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Speaker 1: the future. The answer was no, just at this point,

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Speaker 1: you stay away from the house. Yeah. This next laser

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Speaker 1: stories out of stream work make the dream work. If

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Speaker 1: you've been around a kid lately that has an alexa,

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Speaker 1: then you know what their favorite thing to ask for

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Speaker 1: is a song about bodily functions. Oh my kids are

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Speaker 1: all about it. It's true. Some of the most popular

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Speaker 1: songs off Amazon are all about poop, diapers, butts, and

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Speaker 1: dog feces. Oh my, my kids are the They like

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Speaker 1: the farts. Yeah yeah. One musician who wrote a song

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Speaker 1: about it says it's all started at his music school

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Speaker 1: where he was teaching a songwriting session to four year olds.

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Speaker 1: Yet well, he asked them to give him five syllables

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Speaker 1: to start, and one girl screamed poopy, stupid butt, And

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Speaker 1: then the next ten minutes he spent writing the rest

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Speaker 1: of that song. Dude, I like that he leaned into it.

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Speaker 1: Good for him, and that is funny. She should be

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Speaker 1: a comedian. Yeah, poopy stupid butt. He put it up

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Speaker 1: on Amazon Music for his students to hear, but when

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Speaker 1: he checked his account a week later, it had hundreds

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Speaker 1: of dollars in it, all from people who bought poopy

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Speaker 1: stupid butt. Sounds like a wicked Morning character. Here stupid, yep,

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Speaker 1: here's a clip of it. Yeay, poopy stupid. But they

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Speaker 1: goes in on the body, do a construction in the

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Speaker 1: under way. He goes bob start playing on the I

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Speaker 1: am so jealous because if you can believe this, that

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Speaker 1: song has now been streamed over ten million times. That's

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Speaker 1: a lot more money. Yeah thousands now. Another prolific kids songwriter,

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Speaker 1: Matt Farley, has recorded over twenty three thousand songs for

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Speaker 1: Amazon Music. His Poop Poop Poop Poop song by far

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Speaker 1: most popular one. He estimates that's been streamed about eight

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Speaker 1: million times. My God. Even the French song La chansons

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Speaker 1: Ducaca has over one million streams, suggesting children in France

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Speaker 1: just yelled kaka at their elections. The head in our

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Speaker 1: house is farting around the house. That's the one that

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Speaker 1: play yeah by Alexa's gonna have a lot of work

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Speaker 1: to do when I get home. Yeah, let's go to

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Speaker 1: your next laser story out of the world of work.

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Speaker 1: If you've got this skill on your resume, your time

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Speaker 1: has finally come because a company in the Netherlands is

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Speaker 1: looking for a part time employee, and there's one very

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Speaker 1: important skill you have to have to land the gig.

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Speaker 1: You must be able to puke on command. From the

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Speaker 1: story into the puke story. It's a job at a

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Speaker 1: clinic in Ansterdam that treats different types of phobias like

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Speaker 1: fear of heights and fear of needles, but they also

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Speaker 1: treat lesser known phobias like fear of vomiting. Wow. Wait,

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Speaker 1: so people are paying this clinic to go watch somebody

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Speaker 1: vomit just go out with Alexis on a Saturday night.

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Speaker 1: Pretty well. Yeah. The technical name for it is emidophobia,

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Speaker 1: and according to their job description, if you can spew

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Speaker 1: at will, they want you to sit in on therapy

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Speaker 1: sessions and help people face their fear and just let

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Speaker 1: it rip right in front of the Oh it's like

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Speaker 1: a boring scene from the Exorcist. We assumed it was

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Speaker 1: a temporary gig, but sounds like it's semi permanent. They're

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Speaker 1: only hiring now because their last professional puker retired recently.

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Speaker 1: He's been doing it for forty two years, and he

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Speaker 1: earned himself a nice pension. Damn, if you're a professional puker,

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Speaker 1: do you ever call him sick? That literally your job

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Speaker 1: pretty much, you get it, you get a raise. If

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Speaker 1: it sounds like that might be your dream job, you're weird. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you've also got some competition, because they say around one

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Speaker 1: hundred people have already reached out saying they're interested. One

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Speaker 1: guy even sent a recording on SoundCloud. Please don't play that.

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Speaker 1: Please don't say we don't have that. We'll just get

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Speaker 1: to your next laser story. Out of survey world, a

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Speaker 1: new pole found half the country thinks the other half

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Speaker 1: is completely delusional. Yeah, that checks out. We're not talking

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Speaker 1: about politics, we're talking chores. Oh yeah. The survey looked

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Speaker 1: at how much housework men and women in relationships are doing.

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Speaker 1: Oh I see, and the two sides don't seem to agree.

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Speaker 1: Either women don't realize just how much guys are pitching in,

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Speaker 1: or men think they're doing way more than they really are.

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Speaker 1: What's your deal, weirdo, I'm gonna go with probably the

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Speaker 1: second one is true. Back already assuming unappreciative. Here's a

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Speaker 1: few chores and how people in relationships said they're divvied up.

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Speaker 1: Number one's laundry. Seventy seven percent of women say they

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Speaker 1: do most of it, just fifty five percent of men agree.

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Speaker 1: My husband actually does our laundry. Whoa, But he doesn't

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Speaker 1: fold it or put it away because the washer's not

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Speaker 1: very far from his at home desk. Okay, that's the

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Speaker 1: easy part. He does the laundry poorly. Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: he's halfway there. Number two budgeting and paying bills. Fifty

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Speaker 1: one percent of women and fifty eight percent of men

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Speaker 1: both think it's something they take the lead on each month.

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Speaker 1: Somebody's not right. Ye. That adds up to one hundred

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Speaker 1: and nine percent, So something's off here. And Number three

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Speaker 1: is child's care. Fifty of moms say they do the

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Speaker 1: majority of it, but just thirty percent of dads agreed.

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Speaker 1: Oh what really, they think they do the majority. They

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Speaker 1: think they're doing a heavier lift when it comes to

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Speaker 1: taking care of the kiddos. I just took them over,

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Speaker 1: I screaming yesterday. I talked to him once this week. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's a few chores that were not so split on women.

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Speaker 1: Tend to agree that men deal with taking out the

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Speaker 1: trash and mowing the lawn more. Yeah. Yeah, men tend

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Speaker 1: to agree that women do more of the cleaning in general. Sucks.

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Speaker 1: I think men need to give women more credit. Oh

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Speaker 1: and turtles need all the credit that they can get. Okay,

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Speaker 1: In fact, he's mowing the lawn right now. Hear what

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Speaker 1: you want to hear. That sound means Laser Stories has

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Speaker 1: come to an end for the day. We'll do it again,

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Speaker 1: same time on Friday.