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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast and we have

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Speaker 1: some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing

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Speaker 1: is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors.

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Speaker 1: So stick around two minutes and we'll get into the episode.

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Speaker 1: My girlfriend became a Tumblr dumb and natrix in secret.

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Speaker 1: So my girlfriend and I both twenty three female, have

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Speaker 1: been together for four years. We're doing long distance right now,

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Speaker 1: but are hoping to start living together sometime in a

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Speaker 1: couple of years. Overall, a relationship has always been healthy

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Speaker 1: and stable with no major issues. But we got an

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Speaker 1: issue right now. We have an unintroduced guest in our

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Speaker 1: mits Riley, do you want to do the honors? Yes?

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Speaker 2: This is Sophia Domina. She was raised in a conservative

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Speaker 2: Christian cult, a virgin until twenty six, and married to

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Speaker 2: a forty year old virgin nearly twelve years of marriage.

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Speaker 2: She knew almost nothing about spicy sleep until she broke

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Speaker 2: free to explore her true nature. Today, she has celebrated

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Speaker 2: as the ultimate Los Angeles dominatrix Beyond the Dragon. She

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Speaker 2: is a filmmaker, journalist, novelist, and event producer. Her book

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Speaker 2: Dommy and Dahmer chronicles her incredible life journey.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for coming on, and I'm excited for you

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Speaker 1: to give your perspective on this very relevant story.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I'm excited to give it because sometimes I have

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Speaker 3: the best times actually sessioning with couples. Oh, I really

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Speaker 3: love to work with couples.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm excited to understand what that means. So, by

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Speaker 1: the way, this comes from Confident Parsley twenty six. If

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Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 1: r slash Okay story time subreddit. I'm Sam, I'm Sophia,

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Speaker 1: I'm Riley. All right, let's get into it. So, unfortunately

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Speaker 1: we're somewhat incompatible. Spicy sleep Yuli, which is our stand

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Speaker 1: up because TikTok doesn't like when we say bad words.

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Speaker 1: I'm good with only twice a week or so and

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Speaker 1: pretty vanilla, while she's a bit more adventurous and would

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Speaker 1: do it every day if she could. This has never

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Speaker 1: been too big of a deal. She's never made me

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Speaker 1: feel bad or force me, and always reassures me that

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Speaker 1: I never have to feel obligated. I've always been very

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Speaker 1: clear that I'm purely monogamous and never want an open relationship. Well.

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Speaker 1: Several months ago, she got into writing erotic fan fiction,

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Speaker 1: which I was totally cool with. I thought it would

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Speaker 1: be a good hobby for her. But more recently she

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Speaker 1: started talking about spicy Tumblr posts, specifically women loving ones,

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Speaker 1: where people have Tumblr blogs and write posts about their

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Speaker 1: spicy related fantasies and things like that. Hopefully I'm explaining

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Speaker 1: that right, I'm not too familiar. Yeah. Wait, so is

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Speaker 1: Tumblr known for that kind of content? You know? Or

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Speaker 1: have you ever explored that?

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Speaker 3: Look, if you need that in your life, you'll find

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Speaker 3: it anywhere. You'll find it in Google, spreadsheets.

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Speaker 1: The Internet just surfaces it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Anyways, she showed me some of these posts and asked

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Speaker 1: if I would be okay with her also star arting

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Speaker 1: a blog like that on Tumblr. I said sure, because

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Speaker 1: I thought she just meant she would write little posts

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Speaker 1: that a whole bunch of people can see about her

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Speaker 1: spicy related fantasies and such. I'm seeing a little ICU.

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Speaker 1: I feel like there might be more than writing coming up,

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Speaker 1: but we'll see. So, she's had the blog for a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks now, and we were video chatting yesterday

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Speaker 1: and she mentioned that she had made a friend through

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Speaker 1: her Tumblr blog and they'd been chatting via direct messaging.

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Speaker 1: I thought nothing of it. A while later in the call,

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Speaker 1: she said, can I tell you something kind of weird.

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Speaker 1: I actually started being a dominatrix for that girl I

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Speaker 1: was telling you about. Okay, I'm going to stop right

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Speaker 1: here really quick. What do you think about that communication?

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Speaker 3: I think it's honest and brave. As we all know,

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Speaker 3: if you've ever been in any relationship and you have

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Speaker 3: a secret fantasy desire, it's really hard to be honest

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Speaker 3: with your partner. Yeah, for fear of being shamed or

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Speaker 3: for fear of being you know, abandoned. So kudos to

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Speaker 3: anyone who does bring up their true desires.

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Speaker 1: Do you think it could have been done any better?

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Speaker 1: Because it sounds like she had already started being a

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Speaker 1: dominatrix for someone before she told her partner.

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Speaker 3: Look, let me ask you the reverse on this is

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Speaker 3: this boy, this male partner also telling her every desire

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Speaker 3: that he has and every interaction that he has.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure. I think we'll find out and the

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Speaker 1: rest of the story. So I was stunned and asked

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Speaker 1: her what exactly she meant. She said that through direct

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Speaker 1: messaging she tells the girl how to hurt herself and

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Speaker 1: how she can get herself off spicy sleepily, and also

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Speaker 1: casually dominates her by telling her when to go to bed,

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Speaker 1: reminding her to eat, take her meds, and threatening her

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Speaker 1: with punishment if she doesn't. Kind of sounds like a

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Speaker 1: like a workout coach, like a good trainer.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, life coach.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like do you actually do see like in your

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Speaker 1: like in being a dominatrix? Do you see like a

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Speaker 1: being a crossover between life coach and domind.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, sometimes you're controlling people in totally non spicy ways.

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Speaker 1: Like what like that? Really it's like you better go

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Speaker 1: to bed on time?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, just being like a mean mommy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, ooh fun.

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Speaker 3: Everyone got excited.

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Speaker 1: I think I looked really hurt, and she said, wait,

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Speaker 1: is that not okay? You told me you were okay

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Speaker 1: with me starting a blog, But when she asked me

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Speaker 1: to start a blog, I thought she just meant writing

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Speaker 1: posts that were sent out into the void and that

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Speaker 1: were shared with a bunch of people on Tumblr. I

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Speaker 1: didn't think she meant she would be engaging in private

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Speaker 1: conversations with another individual which was spicy sleep related in nature.

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Speaker 2: Would this be considered like emotional cheating, then what do

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Speaker 2: you think.

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Speaker 3: I think that's up to them to decide. He's communicated

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Speaker 3: that he's hurt and now they have to talk it through.

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Speaker 3: What are the actual boundaries? If she crossed a boundary,

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Speaker 3: is it a deal breaker or is there more understanding

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Speaker 3: he could have? Is sometimes men are like, oh, it's

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Speaker 3: another woman, Yeah, I don't feel threatened by that, whereas another.

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Speaker 1: Man they will yeah, which is interesting. I feel like

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Speaker 1: I've heard that often, and especially like monogamous like hetero relationships,

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Speaker 1: like that is a thing that comes up. Is that

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Speaker 1: a thing that actually comes up a lot? Like do

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Speaker 1: you ever like talk couples through that that?

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Speaker 3: Specifically the couples that come to me though, sometimes they

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Speaker 3: one of them wants to be dominated and the other

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Speaker 3: one isn't dominant, and so they're like, well, let's get

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Speaker 3: a professional in here. And because they want their partner

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Speaker 3: to have what they want, yea, even if they can't

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Speaker 3: deliver it the way they want it. Interesting, So that's

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Speaker 3: what I would ask this couple. It's like, Okay, your

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Speaker 3: girlfriend is saying she has this desire, maybe it's a need.

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Speaker 3: She's expressing it this way.

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Speaker 1: Is it really threatening, especially if there's open communication. I

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Speaker 1: feel like a relationship is only threatened when communication closes,

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Speaker 1: and so if you can have open communication through like

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Speaker 1: a relationship transition like this, maybe everyone can have what

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Speaker 1: they want and yeah, get their cake. Aren't they two women? Yes,

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Speaker 1: they are two women, says shen TKCW. Also, if you

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Speaker 1: have any questions for Sophia, who is an actual dominatrix,

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Speaker 1: please ask them in the chat and we can answer

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Speaker 1: them later. So she immediately started crying and saying that

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Speaker 1: she didn't want to hurt me, but honestly, I do

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Speaker 1: feel hurt. I kind of feel like she cheated on me,

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Speaker 1: even if that wasn't her intention. She said that she

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Speaker 1: doesn't get off on dominating the girl, that she just

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Speaker 1: finds it fun and not spicy, sleepy'ly arousing. She said

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Speaker 1: that in her mind she doesn't have a spicy related

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Speaker 1: or romantic relationship with the girl, but I'm not sure.

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Speaker 1: I totally buy that. It just feels really intimate for

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Speaker 1: someone to not only tell someone else how to get

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Speaker 1: themselves off, but also to take care of them and

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Speaker 1: remind them to take their meds and things like that,

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Speaker 1: which I feel like this question is the perfect question

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Speaker 1: for you. Do you think you can like separate a

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Speaker 1: like that intimacy from the job.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely you can. Yeah, yes, how because think about a

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Speaker 3: massage therapist or a you know, a psychologist, or any

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Speaker 3: job where you're actually connecting with another person doesn't mean

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Speaker 3: you have romantic feelings for them. And I understand what

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Speaker 3: she's saying about the dominating not getting her off in

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Speaker 3: a spicy way, like she's getting off here and that

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Speaker 3: she's getting to flex her power muscles where women usually

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Speaker 3: don't and she's like, oh wow, and this woman loves it.

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Speaker 3: Maybe there's some satisfaction in like that it is a

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Speaker 3: woman and not a man. She's helping a woman have

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Speaker 3: her fantasies fulfilled too. It could be a whole feminist thing.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't necessarily mean that it compares at all to

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Speaker 3: her relationship with her male partner.

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Speaker 1: I love that answer, and I want to get into

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Speaker 1: some of your specific experiences too after Tori, and we'll

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Speaker 1: have plenty of time for that, suddenly says, this is

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Speaker 1: giving me a ideas. I'm sure you will get a

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Speaker 1: bunch more ideas by the end of this episode. So

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Speaker 1: this was about twenty four hours ago. And since then

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Speaker 1: she's been really upset and crying a lot. It's gotten

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Speaker 1: to the point where I'm now comforting her and apologizing

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Speaker 1: to her. She keeps saying that I always come first,

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Speaker 1: but she really doesn't want to stop doing this domination

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Speaker 1: thing on Tumblr. She mostly seems concerned that I might

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Speaker 1: think the behavior itself is weird or gross, or that

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Speaker 1: she's weird or gross for doing it. I don't think

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Speaker 1: either of those things. I don't like to judge people

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Speaker 1: spicy habits, but I do think it was kind of

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Speaker 1: wrong of her to engage in that kind of relationship

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Speaker 1: without my expressed permission. Would you agree or now?

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Speaker 3: I agree that his feelings are valid, and if she

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Speaker 3: wants to preserve the relationship with him, they've got to

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Speaker 3: find a compromise here. If he wants a partner who's fulfilled,

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Speaker 3: he's got to find a compise.

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Speaker 1: And I think probably the I don't think engaging in

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Speaker 1: any of this behavior is wrong. I think where it

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Speaker 1: comes gray area is like if you start doing something

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Speaker 1: your partner is uncomfortable with, or you think your partner

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Speaker 1: would be uncomfortable with, without first talking to them. But

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Speaker 1: like you said, I mean, like a lot of this

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Speaker 1: work is very therapeutic. Is like it can save relationships.

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Speaker 1: Like you said, like if if your partner can provide something,

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Speaker 1: like maybe you can have someone in the relationship that

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Speaker 1: can provide that while also maintaining the relationship that you

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Speaker 1: do have, right, because you know, like people can't necessarily

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Speaker 1: like one person can't necessarily provide everything to another. And

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Speaker 1: I think like often that is the pigeonhole that we

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Speaker 1: get in relationship dynamics like today.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and if the relationship can bend rather than break,

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Speaker 3: then this outside source of inspiration and fulfillment can actually

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Speaker 3: be preserving yeah, to the relationship. But if people just

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Speaker 3: keep things secret and they're secretly miserable, eventually they'll leave.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I'm not sure what to do

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Speaker 1: or think. I told her I need a few days

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Speaker 1: to think about whether I'm I'm okay with her continuing

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Speaker 1: or not. She said she understands, but she immediately started

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Speaker 1: writing up plans slash compromises for her to continue engaging

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Speaker 1: in the relationship. She also asked multiple times whether I

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Speaker 1: was okay with her continuing in the relationship or not.

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Speaker 1: So I imagine continuing being a dom even though I

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Speaker 1: told her I couldn't answer that question at the moment. Frankly,

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Speaker 1: I really don't want her to continue with this behavior.

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Speaker 1: I know she would stop the relationship if asked her

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Speaker 1: to so stop being a dom but I'm really scared

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Speaker 1: that she'll resent me for it or grow bored of

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Speaker 1: me spicy sleepily in the future. Does anyone have any

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Speaker 1: advice how to move forward and how to navigate my

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Speaker 1: thoughts in this situation. Is there anything I should consider

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Speaker 1: while thinking about the situation, or if anyone has any

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Speaker 1: perspective on where she might be coming from so that

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Speaker 1: I can better understand her side of the story, I

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Speaker 1: would really appreciate it. I want to be very clear

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Speaker 1: that I am not against the fifty shades at Gray

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Speaker 1: Club open relationships as long as all parties are consenting,

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Speaker 1: but I do think that people engaging in this kind

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Speaker 1: of thing outside of the relationship should get permission from

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Speaker 1: their partner first. I just feel really hurt that she

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Speaker 1: started engaging in a relationship of a spicy nature, whether

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Speaker 1: she believes it to be spicy or not, without telling

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Speaker 1: me first. So again, to everyone who is just popping

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Speaker 1: into chat, we have an actual dominatrix with us today.

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Speaker 1: That's going to help solving these questions. Yes, actual dominance,

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Speaker 1: actual dominatrix. I am in a gift soup suit. I

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Speaker 1: may get whipped later. Who knows. The stream is young,

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Speaker 1: but uh, I guess like I would love because you

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Speaker 1: said you've you've worked with couples before. Have you ever

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Speaker 1: like helped someone through this kind of transition and like,

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Speaker 1: could you like speak to like what that has looked

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Speaker 1: like in the past to help this person out.

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Speaker 3: I've helped myself through this transition really. Yeah. Yeah, I

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Speaker 3: had a partner who was there before I became a

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Speaker 3: dom really and we had to navigate these exact issues.

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Speaker 3: But the couples that have come to me, they're more seasoned.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, can I hear a little bit of about

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Speaker 1: your transition, because like one like like what kind of

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Speaker 1: relationship dynamic were you in before you discovered domin.

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Speaker 3: I was traditional. I was in a religious cult, so

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Speaker 3: I had like a very very boring, spicy sleep but

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Speaker 3: I'm going to be good and not say it. And

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Speaker 3: then coming out of that, I just had so much

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Speaker 3: to explore about myself. I learned that I liked women.

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Speaker 3: I learned that I had this dominant side that had

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Speaker 3: never really been expressed. But I still have like parts

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Speaker 3: of me that are very traditional. Yeah, and these things

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Speaker 3: can coexist.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you have, like I think people contain

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Speaker 1: multipodes of different parts and like they all want to

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Speaker 1: be to expressed in different ways. Like the idea that

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Speaker 1: we are like one personality or one kind of person

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Speaker 1: all the time is just like not not true. There's

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Speaker 1: like a I don't know, you know, I fast imagine

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Speaker 1: you've done like a lot of like therapists kind of

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Speaker 1: research and stuff, but like there's like a lot of

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Speaker 1: great therapeutic frameworks that kind of like talk about this

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Speaker 1: exact same.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think with with and this one in particular,

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Speaker 3: Like why is this threatening? Is it just the lack

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Speaker 3: of communication going past the boundaries or the safe zone

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Speaker 3: or is there something about her being dominant that now.

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Speaker 1: That also threatens the relationship, Which yeah, I mean like

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Speaker 1: when you have someone that kind of like comes into

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Speaker 1: their own, it can it can upset the initial dynamic,

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Speaker 1: right because it's like that other partner might have to

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Speaker 1: give a little bit of dominance to that person, which

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Speaker 1: is yeah. Yeah, So when you like, how did you discover.

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Speaker 3: Domin I found myself on a date with a dominatrix. WHOA,

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Speaker 3: I didn't know that when I agreed to the date.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: But by the end of the day, we were just

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Speaker 3: at this bar like kind of sharing all of our

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Speaker 3: you know, romance and spicy stories. And she like leaned

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Speaker 3: across the table and she goes, you're a baby dom

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Speaker 3: And I didn't know anything about that world, but I

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Speaker 3: knew that means she knew that I had an alpha personality,

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Speaker 3: was like ripe for learning how to control and express it.

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Speaker 1: WHOA? And did she kind of like give you the ropes?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she became a mentor no way.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I want a book about it. I want

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Speaker 1: to what's the book called? Again? That's awesome, Dave. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna talk a little bit more about Sophia's experience, but

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Speaker 1: going back to the story a little bit like how

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Speaker 1: would you like what advice would you give based on

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Speaker 1: your experience to like help in this transition.

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Speaker 3: If he's confused about why she wants to do this,

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Speaker 3: he needs to ask her what her her motives are.

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Speaker 3: Maybe she's she can be vulnerable with him and say,

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Speaker 3: you know, when I was a kid, it was this,

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Speaker 3: or when I was growing up. I learned this, but

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Speaker 3: I didn't get to express it. And maybe she's expressing

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Speaker 3: it now because she feels safe with him, Like maybe

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Speaker 3: there's a silver lining here. Maybe he's satisfying so many

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Speaker 3: of her needs that she feels free to now like

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Speaker 3: touch this other part of her soul that's been like neglected. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: this could be a relationship building process for them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I feel like, I mean, I feel like

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Speaker 1: letting someone explore all parts of themselves can like usually

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Speaker 1: only be good for the relationship. Or it's like like

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Speaker 1: maybe maybe the relationship is not actually good for the

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Speaker 1: person and the chance to let someone be free to

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Speaker 1: explore our parts of themselves and like wouldn't you want

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Speaker 1: that for the people you love?

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Speaker 3: Exactly?

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Speaker 1: But we're going to get into the next part of

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Speaker 1: this story. Is this next part a part two?

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Speaker 2: It should be an update?

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Speaker 1: Yes, Okay, So we have a little recap of the

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Speaker 1: story and a part two. And just before we get

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Speaker 1: into the recap, we got a few messages from chat

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Speaker 1: and two. Devembath says, this is an interesting topic. The

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Speaker 1: thomasys is Sophia professional Dominatrix Wingle says, Sam, Yes, I'm back.

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Speaker 1: I was wearing a mask in the beginning. I took

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Speaker 1: it off because it is hot if I look red.

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Speaker 1: Is because this is not a very breathable suit. Why

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Speaker 1: is it not breatheable?

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Speaker 3: It's designed for suff in a way.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I'm suffering for the podcast.

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Speaker 3: You also have a shirt and very little air circuity.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true, it's true. I'm doubled up. I'm doubled up.

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Speaker 1: Edith Gonzalez says, are there any resources you have that

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Speaker 1: might teach someone who is more of a brat to

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Speaker 1: become a good dom It's something I'd like to try

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Speaker 1: for potential like and maybe being into dom ladies, but

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Speaker 1: I can't see it. Basically, where can someone like learn

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Speaker 1: more about what it takes to be a dom?

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Speaker 3: There are resources like books. There's a book called the

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Speaker 3: History and Arts of the Dominatrix. I recommend that another

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Speaker 3: local dom has a book, Domiana Chi. She writes about

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Speaker 3: the different dominatrix archetypes. Go visit a dominatrix, especially if

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Speaker 3: you're thinking about doing this with a particular person. Go

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Speaker 3: let someone show you the ropes and dominatrix will do

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Speaker 3: more than just the physical. They'll guide you through the intellectual.

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Speaker 1: Yes, so Holly Stein again, we're going to get into

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Speaker 1: this update in a sec. But Holly Stein says, my

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Speaker 1: husband I have been married for twenty years and I've

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Speaker 1: wanted to ask him to try some more SMM, which is.

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Speaker 3: What sadism and massacre.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm afraid to ask him. How do I

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Speaker 1: approach him? Do you have any ideas of how to approach?

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Speaker 1: And I also imagine like hiring someone professional could help

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Speaker 1: with that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think make the approach fun, Like what is

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Speaker 3: the reason or what is the inspiration for you? First

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Speaker 3: of all, why do you like that Maybe your partner

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Speaker 3: if introduced the same way you were, maybe they'll find

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Speaker 3: it tit delating too? Was it a book, a movie,

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Speaker 3: an experience you had with someone? And then also like

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Speaker 3: what is your approach like when do you talk about it?

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Speaker 3: Like you want to be relaxed in a good mood,

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Speaker 3: Like don't do it when you're stressed out about other

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Speaker 3: things because it's a big topic.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I feel like a reaction for a lot

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Speaker 1: of people who have been in more traditional relationships if

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Speaker 1: you were like, hey, I want to try to dominh mix,

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Speaker 1: be like, am I not enough? For you. Yeah, how

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Speaker 1: do you feel like you navigate that question?

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Speaker 3: That's a normal response, whether it's I want to see

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Speaker 3: a dominatrix or I want to be a dominatrix, or

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Speaker 3: any kind of desire that's not fulfilled. And that's why

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Speaker 3: I say, like, first of all, approach it with vulnerability,

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Speaker 3: and then secondly, like learn things together. You know, we

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Speaker 3: have these like cliched stereotypes about what it means to

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Speaker 3: practice these things, right that it's someone must must hate

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Speaker 3: themselves and love pain, or maybe they're a sadist. But

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Speaker 3: domination can be nurturing, it can be mothering, it can

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Speaker 3: be discipline. So you've got to first pinpoint what it

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Speaker 3: is that you actually desire, and then your partner should

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Speaker 3: want to learn about it too, like read and study

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Speaker 3: it together.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that was a great, great answer.

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Speaker 3: Side note, everyone is saying fifty shades is a terrible example,

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Speaker 3: and is that Absolutely it's a terrible example. We go

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Speaker 3: deeper if we're trying to get into this world, go deeper.

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Speaker 3: There's a lot of indie films that deal with dominance

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Speaker 3: and submission, because it's not always like the fact that

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Speaker 3: you put on a gimsuit, right, Like maybe it's the

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Speaker 3: fact that one person is always taking charge in the relationship,

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Speaker 3: and so you can look at it as more of

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Speaker 3: like an alpha beta dynamic, like or maybe the person

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Speaker 3: who's always in charge in the relationship when they get

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Speaker 3: into the bedroom, hopefully I can say that word, yeah,

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Speaker 3: when they get into the bedroom, then they want to switch.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So like, if you examine this from a motivation perspective,

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Speaker 3: then it helps you to really come together and not

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Speaker 3: be like, oh my god, my partner wants something I

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Speaker 3: can never be.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. And I think like I think most people

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Speaker 1: want a balance of like like you know, masculine feminine

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Speaker 1: energies like give and take. Like I think that is

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Speaker 1: kind of one of the paths to happiness, is like

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Speaker 1: like being able to embody both like surrender and control.

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Speaker 1: And I think being able to explore that, I think

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Speaker 1: actually allows you to express more of what it means

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Speaker 1: to be human. And I feel like a lot of

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Speaker 1: people don't think that based on your gender or whatever,

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Speaker 1: like you need to fit into one of those categories.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's just like such a limiting belief

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Speaker 1: of like one can.

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Speaker 3: Express our personalities don't really have to do with gender.

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Speaker 3: Think about how many you know, bossy women and more

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Speaker 3: submissive men there are, and there's nothing wrong with that.

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Speaker 3: And sometimes the problem or the fear that that male

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Speaker 3: partner may have is like, oh, if my partner is

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Speaker 3: a domb, does that make me a sub And they're

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Speaker 3: thinking how do I look.

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Speaker 1: Now, yeah? Or like yeah it does my masculinity yeah yeah, Okay,

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Speaker 1: all right, So we're going to get into the next story.

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Speaker 1: If you guys have any other thoughts or feelings about

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Speaker 1: the last story, please let us know in the comments below.

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Speaker 1: So this is a new story. My girlfriend wants to

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Speaker 1: be professional dominatrix. My twenty five male girlfriend twenty four

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Speaker 1: female and I have been together for about a year

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Speaker 1: and a half and while this isn't the longest time,

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Speaker 1: we both feel our relationship has been fantastic and really

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Speaker 1: something special. When I first met her, I learned she

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Speaker 1: was formerly a professional dominatrix and I'm not into that

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Speaker 1: stuff personally, but I have no problem with it. She

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Speaker 1: told me about the stuff she used to do, and

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Speaker 1: it was intense, really intense. She never pushed it on me,

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Speaker 1: and we've always been able to talk about it openly

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Speaker 1: without any awkwardness and by the way. This comes from

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Speaker 1: Complex Kuala. Do you want to submit your own stories,

436
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. And today

437
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:31,040
Speaker 1: we have some amazing advice from an actual dominatrix, Sophia.

438
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 3: I'm here for you.

439
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 1: So a few times she's mentioned that she might someday

440
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,600
Speaker 1: be interested in getting back into it, both for the money,

441
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,800
Speaker 1: which is fantastic. Is that true?

442
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:42,679
Speaker 3: It can be nice.

443
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,919
Speaker 1: And because she really enjoys doing it, which is the

444
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 1: more important reason. I've never really thought of it as

445
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,480
Speaker 1: cheating due to the nature of it. And I've told

446
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 1: her honestly that I'd be okay if she got back

447
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,600
Speaker 1: into it. And today she told me that she decided

448
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,400
Speaker 1: to get back into the business and has just started

449
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 1: setting up sessions again. I feel like, based on what

450
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,399
Speaker 1: we kind of said from last story, it's important that

451
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:11,440
Speaker 1: if you want to ensure that your relationship is respected

452
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,040
Speaker 1: before any like big change like this that your partner

453
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 1: potentially could be uncomfortable with, like get you know, enthusiastic

454
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 1: consent on that, right.

455
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, And I think she did that. And

456
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,159
Speaker 3: there's still more. They're going to have to discuss what

457
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,439
Speaker 3: happens in the sessions. Does he need to know, and

458
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 3: she just keep it confidential and there be a level

459
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 3: of trust. That's good. There's a lot of factors, but

460
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,800
Speaker 3: I think that people should just kind of zoom out

461
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 3: and say, you know what, people start relationships at work

462
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 3: all the time. This is not different. Just because someone

463
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,440
Speaker 3: pays you to dominate them doesn't mean you have any

464
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 3: attraction to them at all. Sometimes it's quite the opposite.

465
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 1: So I'm curious, like if I'm curious what the like

466
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:59,399
Speaker 1: the difference in boundaries are for uh dominatrixes like, and

467
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,520
Speaker 1: I imagine they vary widely, and I'm curious, like what,

468
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 1: like how you establish those and if you have it,

469
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 1: like any of your own, like what they are?

470
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, all doms do, and usually on the website they'll

471
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,439
Speaker 3: say what their specialties are and what they don't do,

472
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,639
Speaker 3: because you know, men will ask for everything. Yeah, and

473
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 3: they'll try to push your boundary. And it's perfectly okay

474
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 3: for one dom to do something and another to say

475
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 3: absolutely not. You know, as long as it's legal and

476
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 3: ethical towards that person and towards yourself, then why not.

477
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,160
Speaker 2: Okay, I gotta ask what are your specialties?

478
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 3: I am mostly considered a mommy dom a nurturer, disciplinarian,

479
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,399
Speaker 3: and most often a queen.

480
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:41,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, what does that mean?

481
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 3: Like what people people come to worship?

482
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 1: Okay, can you like what? Yeah?

483
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:48,240
Speaker 2: Can we can we see that?

484
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 3: Okay, a little bit of Oh would you like to worship?

485
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 2: Well, I you can you tell me what it looks like.

486
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: I've already getting read. But can you tell me a

487
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 1: little bit what that would look like?

488
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 3: So for me, it could be domestic services. If we

489
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 3: were at my place, I would have you doing some dishes, chores,

490
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 3: scrubbing the shower, probably in women's panties. Really, yeah, it's fun.

491
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 1: It's yeah.

492
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 3: Okay, so you take I take on the role of

493
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,240
Speaker 3: the queen, and then my servant comes in and then

494
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,919
Speaker 3: I do weird things like what do you do? Like

495
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 3: maybe while they're cleaning the shower with panties they get

496
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,400
Speaker 3: spank or maybe they have to get on all fours

497
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:39,240
Speaker 3: and crawl across the room. When they make my perfect

498
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 3: dirty martini, I'll make sure I can balance it on

499
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 3: their back and kick my feet up. Treat them like

500
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 3: an object.

501
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 1: Do you have like multiple working for you at the same.

502
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,120
Speaker 3: Time, sometimes like a stable I don't have a stable.

503
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,880
Speaker 3: People always ask me how many? How many? And like, honestly,

504
00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:01,440
Speaker 3: I'll sometimes not have a personal submissive because I haven't

505
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:02,400
Speaker 3: found the right one.

506
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's like like like any relationship you need

507
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,120
Speaker 1: and there needs to be like like a certain level

508
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 1: of like chemistry. I mean chemistry is not that I

509
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 1: don't know I chemistry is the right word, but like

510
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: compatibility both.

511
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:19,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean I this is going.

512
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,360
Speaker 1: I was told that you asked for grapes.

513
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 3: What is that guy that we talked about? I forgot that.

514
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,199
Speaker 3: Let's let's we'll put a pin in that.

515
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 2: Back to this during donations like this, what.

516
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:38,600
Speaker 3: Do you guys think we're going to do with these grapes?

517
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:45,680
Speaker 3: Where are they going to go? Oh?

518
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:47,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So it's like

519
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 1: like dynamic needs to serve both parties.

520
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I call my place Dampton Abbey. So I'll

521
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,919
Speaker 3: be here all day with the puns. But so if

522
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 3: they're not servicing my space, they might be servicing me personally.

523
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 3: So I teach them foot worship to start, Okay, so

524
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:11,479
Speaker 3: I'm always getting a great foot massage. If we do

525
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 3: have chemistry, they might be allowed to kiss my toes

526
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 3: and then we go from there.

527
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:21,200
Speaker 1: Crazy, that's so cool. Okay, I'm going to keep reading

528
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 1: the story. So, uh, the day she told me that

529
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 1: she decided to get back into the business and has

530
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 1: just started setting up sessions, she asked me again if

531
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,719
Speaker 1: I was okay with it, and I told her I

532
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 1: was only I'm not so sure if I am, which

533
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,719
Speaker 1: I think is like a common question or a common

534
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,440
Speaker 1: common answer where it's like, like, maybe I need to

535
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 1: see how I feel. Like it's like like you kind

536
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,120
Speaker 1: of need to see how you feel in the moment

537
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,160
Speaker 1: because often you know, before you jump off the cliff,

538
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 1: you don't know how the air feels on the way

539
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: down right, Like, And uh, I think that's I think

540
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:56,120
Speaker 1: that's like an important important test.

541
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is something that's an ongoing navigation of Oh wait,

542
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 3: you did that one session I felt a certain way

543
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 3: because I was out of town, but another session you

544
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:09,040
Speaker 3: did was fine because I knew it was a trusted

545
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 3: repeat client.

546
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:11,960
Speaker 1: I mean there's so many variable yeah, And I think,

547
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 1: like that's what's cool about testing the boundaries of anything

548
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 1: is you get to understand like what those boundaries feel like,

549
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 1: and like which boundaries make you feel safe, which boundaries,

550
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,920
Speaker 1: which boundies don't. And I think, like, you know, a

551
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:24,840
Speaker 1: lot of people say like, oh, like you know, you

552
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 1: test the boundaries, you could ruin your relationship, blah blah blah.

553
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 1: But like the boilerplate of you know, you know, like

554
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 1: a heteronormative relationship like doesn't work. It's like fifty percent

555
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 1: of marriages and in divorce, right, So it's like you

556
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: testing it can often improve our at least strengthen a relationship.

557
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:43,840
Speaker 1: And you don't necessarily have to accept a boilerplate relationship

558
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 1: if that doesn't work for you. So I want to

559
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 1: support her, but I'm having trouble separating that part of

560
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 1: her life from what we have together. I'm not sure

561
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 1: I'll ever be able to satisfy her s and m

562
00:28:56,880 --> 00:29:00,120
Speaker 1: oriented needs. So I'm happy that she'll be getting that

563
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 1: from somewhere else. So as an end, satam asochism, as

564
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,400
Speaker 1: you said, And can you just explain what that term

565
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 1: means really quick.

566
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 3: Yes, Sadism means you enjoy inflicting pain. Masochism means you

567
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 3: enjoy receiving pain.

568
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,959
Speaker 1: So I'm happy that she'll be getting that from somewhere.

569
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 1: And I know that if I mentioned that, I'm uncomfortable

570
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 1: with it. She'll call the whole thing off as in

571
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 1: the relationship who so this my I mean, I don't

572
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 1: know if you know that. I feel like again, like

573
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 1: have a conversation and see if that's true. But I

574
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 1: think we'll find I think we'll I think through conversations

575
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 1: you can understand what the boundaries are.

576
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, the partner that supports you when you're striving for

577
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 3: the thing that you want most is someone you highly value.

578
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 3: But if he's sensing that she really just wants to

579
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:44,720
Speaker 3: be single, that's another issue.

580
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, that could be it. So I really don't want

581
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 1: to do that to her. So I'm considering just pretending

582
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:53,040
Speaker 1: I'm okay with it and hoping that I eventually all

583
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 1: become okay with it. Any advice? We have another story

584
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 1: after this, but what is your the last thing? Again,

585
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 1: what he said is, I'm considering just pretending I'm okay

586
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 1: with it and hoping eventually I'll become okay with it.

587
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: What advice would you give on that? As a professional dominator?

588
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 3: They need to do a really fun session together, like

589
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 3: just just play like kids, because that's what kink is like.

590
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 3: Put on the suit, get the grapes out, not knowing

591
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 3: what's going to happen.

592
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 1: What is going to happen with these grapes? You're going

593
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 1: to feed me, I'm going to feed like right now?

594
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 3: No when I say when I say deal?

595
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 1: So, like, what would like a what do you think

596
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 1: a couple session would look like that you think would

597
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 1: allow them to explore some of these like in a

598
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 1: healthy way.

599
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 3: Just make a safe, comfortable, inspiring space to just play.

600
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 3: You just say, hey, let's get let's bring let's get

601
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 3: some toys, like be a kid again, but in an

602
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 3: adult way with the spiciness and establish some boundaries. You

603
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 3: could do a safe word, but be like, I want

604
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 3: to try some new things. You know, maybe there's some

605
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 3: things that help you really whatever that might be, and

606
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 3: say I'm gonna be in charge. I'm going to be

607
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 3: the master, the director first, but then I want to

608
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 3: switch and see what you do. But the thing that

609
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 3: scares us is the unknown. So take some of these

610
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 3: scary boogeymen out of the sphere of the unknown, try

611
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,840
Speaker 3: to relate and understand, and then you'll be like, oh,

612
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 3: this isn't cheating, Yeah, this isn't a threat. Yeah, And

613
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 3: it might take time.

614
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 1: You've got to be patient, yeah, especially depending on what

615
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 1: kind of Like I think, depending on what kind of

616
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 1: background you come from, you know, it can be I

617
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 1: imagine being in like the religious context, Like that is

618
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 1: a very constricting cultural context to come from. So it's like,

619
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 1: you know, understanding how to navigate that might be more

620
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:48,360
Speaker 1: difficult for someone than someone who like brought up with

621
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,760
Speaker 1: like a more free flowing context. Right, So it's like

622
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 1: everyone's gonna be a little bit different. So great advice.

623
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 3: Thank you.

624
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 1: We have another story, but let's read some Whitney takes

625
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: a five bucks. There's a guy that went around online

626
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 1: buying feet picks, and I sent sample picks to him once.

627
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 1: He just emailed me today fourteen years later. What about

628
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 1: what does he want more?

629
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 3: Those feet?

630
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 1: Yeah? Those feet one fetish? Really yeah? The world?

631
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you understand why?

632
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 3: I definitely understand why?

633
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 1: Wait? Why?

634
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 3: First of all, there are seven thousand nerve endings in

635
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 3: the feet, which is double the nerve endings in the

636
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:36,720
Speaker 3: male part. No way, Yeah, So the feet are very

637
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 3: sensitive to pleasure. So for the receiver of foot worship,

638
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 3: it's amazing.

639
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 2: But when it comes to like, you know, feet pigs,

640
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 2: the person's not receiving them, they're just looking at them.

641
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 1: Hey is John og host. We're gonna get back to

642
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 1: the stories, but a quick three minute break of ads

643
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 1: from our sponsors.

644
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 3: So why the fetish Why do men love women's feed? Well,

645
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 3: first of all, it's like the lowest body part, right,

646
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 3: it's party walk around with these things. So when a

647
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 3: woman has beautiful, elegant, well cared for feet, it can

648
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:12,959
Speaker 3: be as attractive as a face or or her hands.

649
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 3: But also, worshiping something lowly means that person is just

650
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 3: like dripping with desire for the other person.

651
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's how much were to like, Like, if you

652
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 1: were to desire feet that much, like, imagine what the

653
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 1: rest of the desire would translate to.

654
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 3: Yes, And I also love women's feet. I had a

655
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:36,040
Speaker 3: fetishist partner and I didn't know what any of that

656
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 3: was about. And then because of his worship of my feet,

657
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 3: I started looking at women's feet and I'm like, oh,

658
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 3: I get it.

659
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 1: So is there like, what is the best way to

660
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 1: worship someone's feet?

661
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,760
Speaker 3: Communication? First of all, do they like that?

662
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 1: Yeah? Like what like what what do they do?

663
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:53,320
Speaker 3: They even want their feet?

664
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah?

665
00:33:55,000 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 3: And then I teach a foot worship class at my events. Yeah,

666
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:03,960
Speaker 3: there's technique, but start with communication.

667
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 1: Could you give me just one one pointer? My girlfriend's

668
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 1: in the chat right now. Oh so Ali, get ready.

669
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:16,279
Speaker 3: Get ready? Ali? I love this for you. I mean

670
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,279
Speaker 3: it starts with massage, like have you ever had your

671
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 3: feet massaged?

672
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 1: Yeah?

673
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, go get some massages. Feel what it's like,

674
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 3: and then talk through it. Hey, do you like the

675
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 3: pressure on your insul Do you like your toes massage?

676
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 3: Is it more like your calves? What is it?

677
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 1: Yeah?

678
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 3: Where are you feeling tense? Give a great massage. It

679
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 3: can start with like a little pampering, like a warm towel,

680
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 3: cleaning the feet, making sure the person is sitting comfortably

681
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 3: and relaxed. If you really think about it as worship,

682
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 3: then you're like approaching your queen. Yeah, so like with reverence.

683
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 1: That's really cool. Tattoo MANI thanks for the ten bucks.

684
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,600
Speaker 1: Hi guys, and miss Sophia. It's stunning. By the way,

685
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm so happy to see you on stream

686
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: as someone in the lifestyle. I am beyond thrilled. Question

687
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 1: for you. I am a by Brady sub lg and

688
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 1: in an eight year relationship, newly married, my husband isn't dominant.

689
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 1: Is it possible to educate him. Can you tell us

690
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 1: what by Brady sub ig LG means.

691
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 3: LG probably little girl?

692
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 1: Okay, what does that mean?

693
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,840
Speaker 3: So you can inhabit a character of a younger person

694
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,760
Speaker 3: in kinky, So like I'm a Brady little girl?

695
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 1: Yeah like that?

696
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, it's possible to educate again, start with being vulnerable.

697
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 3: Why do you like this thing? What does it make

698
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 3: you feel? Why is it something you want to do

699
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,839
Speaker 3: with your partner? Like when you say, hey, I have

700
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 3: this kink and I really want to do it specifically

701
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 3: with you, I mean that can be a BONDINGERI yeah.

702
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:54,360
Speaker 1: And I think also like the longest roads start with

703
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:58,720
Speaker 1: a single step, Like don't expect someone who hasn't played

704
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 1: with dominance or submission to be able to do it

705
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:04,279
Speaker 1: like a lot I don't know, profession many actions. Yeah,

706
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,839
Speaker 1: it's like I think, I think, like any personality play,

707
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 1: I feel like it starts with like very small steps,

708
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,280
Speaker 1: like you know, do it for like a moment, right, Yeah.

709
00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 3: And like what I describe I teach female domination workshops

710
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 3: is like this is Los Angeles. Guys, like a lot

711
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,240
Speaker 3: of us are in the industry. We play for a living.

712
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,399
Speaker 3: So you think of a scene as just that. Think

713
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,399
Speaker 3: of it like a movie scene, a one act play,

714
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 3: two act play, three act whatever. What are your roles?

715
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:34,800
Speaker 3: Who are these characters, what are the costumes, what's the script?

716
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 3: What kind of language do you use with each other?

717
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:38,280
Speaker 3: Be creative, have fun?

718
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, a little improv Yeah. So to answer your question, yes,

719
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 1: it is possible to train start small. Marvel Simtrist says,

720
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 1: is it common for dom to suddenly want to give

721
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 1: up their role, whether it's for one session or forever.

722
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's being a professional dom is very challenging. Well,

723
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 3: I don't know if this person is lifestyle or professional.

724
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 3: It's spicy work and your constantly being bombarded with men's desires.

725
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:07,280
Speaker 3: So you have to be able to navigate unwanted attention,

726
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 3: You have to be able to navigate potentially abusive kinds

727
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 3: of behavior towards you. Then you're thinking about the business

728
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:20,760
Speaker 3: side of it too, So it's a very complex type

729
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 3: of work. People don't always think about that. You're an entrepreneur.

730
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 3: You work for yourself, you only eat what you kill,

731
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 3: and you also want to keep to your own standards

732
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,919
Speaker 3: and boundaries, and people will constantly be trying to push those.

733
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I feel like like life in general, people

734
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 1: are pushing your boundaries, but I feel like this is

735
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,240
Speaker 1: one where the boundary push can be more.

736
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 3: Extreme, right because there's there aren't any rules and there's

737
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 3: no oversight and.

738
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 1: Besides the ones you establish.

739
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, but there's there's no other you know, committee that's

740
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 3: going to come in and say, well, actually you know

741
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,440
Speaker 3: under Osha law. No, Yeah, it's the wild West.

742
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:01,880
Speaker 1: Yeah. So we have one more story and we're going

743
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: to get back into it. All right. So my dominations

744
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 1: friends hates me because I stole one of her clients.

745
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:12,760
Speaker 1: Thanks warm, all right, So I twenty eight male, made

746
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 1: friends with this dude twenty eight male from my running club.

747
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 1: I'm also friends with twenty eight female who works as

748
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:22,359
Speaker 1: a dominatrix. No spicy sleep involved, and we can call

749
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 1: her Chloe. Well, for a while I didn't realize this,

750
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 1: but my friend twenty eight male we will call Carl,

751
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 1: was one of her top clients and would fork out

752
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 1: a lot of cash. As I got closer to him,

753
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 1: he confided in me that this side of him was

754
00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:42,760
Speaker 1: ruining his life and self esteem, not to mention his wallet,

755
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 1: though he hit it well. I guess he had never

756
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,480
Speaker 1: told anyone about this stuff. By the way, this comes

757
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:49,360
Speaker 1: from a throwaway account. And do you want to submit

758
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

759
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 1: And today we have an actual dominatrix with us, Sofia,

760
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 1: who will be giving her opinions as someone in the industry.

761
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:03,280
Speaker 1: So my dom friend slipped up when we were hanging

762
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 1: out because she started talking about one of her clients,

763
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:10,240
Speaker 1: which I'm sure you're not supposed to do. Is that true?

764
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 3: No, as long as you keep their identity concealed. You

765
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 3: should have people you can talk to about your client.

766
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:21,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it should be done in a confidential way. Yeah.

767
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 1: But she was wasted the way she described small details

768
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:28,400
Speaker 1: of him. I realized it might be Carl. She was

769
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 1: talking about how much money he forks out to her,

770
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 1: that it was so much, And I asked Carl about

771
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 1: the dommy visits and he confirmed it was her. I

772
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:38,320
Speaker 1: told her that I know Carl, and she seemed surprised,

773
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 1: but okay, Well, Carl asked me to help him curb

774
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 1: his habit. So I told Chloe that maybe she should

775
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 1: stop seeing him, but she refused and stressed how much

776
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:50,919
Speaker 1: money he brings in. I was a bit disappointed in her.

777
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 1: Maybe I was seeing things in black and white. So

778
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,839
Speaker 1: the kind of I think the question is like, you know,

779
00:39:57,280 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 1: what point do you try to I guess, like, at

780
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 1: what point do you make sure that your services are

781
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 1: helping more than they're hurting.

782
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 3: That's very important for me because I do get approached

783
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:14,240
Speaker 3: by men who have compulsions and addictions in the spicy realm,

784
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 3: and it doesn't feel good to reinforce or encourage that.

785
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:23,440
Speaker 3: I even had one client just online, not someone I

786
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:25,640
Speaker 3: was seeing in person, asked me to help him overeat

787
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 3: and get fatter. Like of course, I said no, There's

788
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 3: like no amount of money where I want to help

789
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 3: someone damage themselves. So yeah, it's an ethical issue. But

790
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 3: I don't know what their conversation was, the domin and client.

791
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and I think I think it can be

792
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,759
Speaker 1: again like you just want to have communication through all

793
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:48,200
Speaker 1: of these parties to see what is best for everyone. Well,

794
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:50,799
Speaker 1: I just made it my mission to uplift Carl. I

795
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 1: always prided myself on being a positive and uplifting person.

796
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 1: I became his gym buddy and started organizing more runs

797
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:57,919
Speaker 1: with him and meeting up with him more to see

798
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 1: how he's doing mentally and just all around being there

799
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 1: for him, but also giving him tough love by acting

800
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:06,799
Speaker 1: as an accountability partner, which again like maybe this DOM isn't

801
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:08,759
Speaker 1: doing that for this guy. But in terms of like

802
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 1: doms in general, like like you were saying, like they

803
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 1: can be accountability buddies. They can offer like services that

804
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,879
Speaker 1: like help with I just like you know, mapping out

805
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 1: your your inner mentality.

806
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:24,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, regulation, moderation. Sometimes someone is too far on the

807
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,879
Speaker 3: beta side of things in their own life. They don't

808
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:30,960
Speaker 3: DOM themselves, and so they're like, mommy, can you fix it?

809
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 3: Do everything for me, tell me what to do, and

810
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 3: like that can be become a codependent relationship. You could

811
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:42,399
Speaker 3: be enabling someone's like bad behavior towards themselves. Yeah, and yeah,

812
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:44,840
Speaker 3: it's not ethical to take money to do that, but

813
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:48,319
Speaker 3: if they say, actually, in a consensual way, I want

814
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 3: to be tormented or humiliated, then then that is ethical.

815
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:58,320
Speaker 3: So without knowing their conversations, it's hard to cast judgment.

816
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 1: So I would ask him from time to time whether

817
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: he is watching corn because we agreed we both undergo

818
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 1: No fab, I undertook this thing so he wouldn't feel

819
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,920
Speaker 1: alone in doing that. Months went by and he turned

820
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:14,480
Speaker 1: his life around. He stopped seeing doms and watching any corn.

821
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:17,279
Speaker 1: Dude's doing quite well now with the ladies. But the

822
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 1: thing is, I never told Chloe that it was me

823
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:22,400
Speaker 1: who helped him with this. She asked me what happened

824
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 1: to Carl and was just talking about how she realized

825
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 1: just how much of her income came from him. I

826
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 1: told her everything. She got angry and called me an

827
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: a hole and asked me why I did this and

828
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 1: why I didn't tell her about it. I said, you

829
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:37,239
Speaker 1: never asked. Now she's not speaking to me. Maybe I

830
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:39,239
Speaker 1: did interfere with their lives, and maybe I'm an a

831
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,440
Speaker 1: hole because I saw things in black and white. But

832
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 1: I sort of saw this as a good thing. Is

833
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:47,320
Speaker 1: this the end of this friendship? What should I do next?

834
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 1: So again, as a DOM, as someone who has helped

835
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 1: a lot of people with these kinds of this kind

836
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:57,719
Speaker 1: of work, what would you say to ope about what

837
00:42:57,719 --> 00:42:58,480
Speaker 1: they should do next?

838
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 3: I think that has to take responsibility for herself if

839
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 3: she was fostering self abuse towards with this man, you know,

840
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:12,279
Speaker 3: and also she was not actually managing her client list. Well,

841
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:15,880
Speaker 3: don't put all your eggs in one basket like that's

842
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 3: a bad investment, like diversify have.

843
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 1: Multiple clients, let all on the business side, her you

844
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:23,479
Speaker 1: have more clients than just one.

845
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we lose clients all the time.

846
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:27,360
Speaker 1: It's like your turnover.

847
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 3: Usually sometimes I get what I call turists and they're like, oh,

848
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 3: I've never tried this thing, and I want to do

849
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 3: it with you. And they try that thing and they're

850
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 3: like okay, cool, I'm good, or I get out of

851
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 3: town clients. So I never expect that they owe me,

852
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 3: you know, a lifelong contract for example.

853
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 1: Do you have clients that have been like coming to

854
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:51,000
Speaker 1: you for like a long time too.

855
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:55,440
Speaker 3: I just became a pro dom in twenty twenty.

856
00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:58,720
Speaker 1: Two, twenty twenty two, Okay, so it's relatively reach Yeah yeah.

857
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I do what but what I find most

858
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 3: often is, I mean I see them for a little

859
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 3: while and they always resurface.

860
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:10,440
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, interesting, Well I think is a five star review.

861
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:13,960
Speaker 1: So anything else that you would say to this person

862
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 1: in terms, So you mentioned the business side, but how

863
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:18,880
Speaker 1: about like the just like like how should that you

864
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 1: think this person feel about, you know, like their relationship

865
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:24,840
Speaker 1: with this friend that that's a dom and also like

866
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 1: them helping out this this person.

867
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that he was kind of caught in

868
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:33,560
Speaker 3: the middle, right, wanting to help the guy improve his life,

869
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 3: but also caring about the dom's feelings, and there should

870
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,520
Speaker 3: have been more communication. If she won't talk to him,

871
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 3: there's really not much he can do. I think that

872
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:46,839
Speaker 3: I understand his perspective, and I think the DOM will

873
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 3: probably just have to learn from this.

874
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:52,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that is where that story ends. But I

875
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 1: want some stories from a professional dominet trix. Sofia, could

876
00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:02,279
Speaker 1: you maybe tell me about like your first DOM experience,

877
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 1: like maybe like you're either your first DOM experience or

878
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 1: your first time that you had an official client for,

879
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:11,320
Speaker 1: like some of the first because I imagine those are the

880
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 1: most emotionally tumultuous, sometimes in good ways, sometimes in scary ways.

881
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:19,920
Speaker 1: And yeah, I would be curious about some of those stories.

882
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:25,440
Speaker 3: My first client, I was terrified. Yeah, I was so nervous.

883
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:26,840
Speaker 1: How did you get your first client?

884
00:45:27,239 --> 00:45:31,560
Speaker 3: I built a website, which I did in my former life.

885
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 3: My profession was media marketing, journalism, filmmaking, all of it.

886
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:39,479
Speaker 1: I feel like that probably helps the DOM career as well.

887
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 3: It does you're constantly creating an image of yourself as

888
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:45,439
Speaker 3: a dom and like, I enjoy that part. I enjoy

889
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 3: the creativity. Anyway. I built everything, and I was like

890
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,840
Speaker 3: fresh meat in the market. So I got a lot

891
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 3: of inquiries, a lot of good Jewish boys. Interesting, which

892
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:59,760
Speaker 3: is a through line. Wow, even now, the Jewish mom,

893
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:03,280
Speaker 3: it keeps coming back to that. Really she has a

894
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 3: major role in his life. Yeah, and so they would

895
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:10,279
Speaker 3: seek me for the maternal side. Yeah, but like the hot,

896
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:13,319
Speaker 3: mean mom. Yeah, so that was this the nature of

897
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:15,719
Speaker 3: this client. But he'd never seen a dom so it

898
00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:17,280
Speaker 3: was kind of like dealer's choice.

899
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 1: Wait, but how like how did he know he was

900
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 1: like interested in that?

901
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 3: Probably corn. Yeah. You know, you see something and you're.

902
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:28,839
Speaker 1: Like, oh, that speaks to me. Yeah. Yeah.

903
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 3: And for men always having to be tough or dominant

904
00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:35,760
Speaker 3: or even macho because of your culture, they're like, please,

905
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 3: I want to relief from that, just for a couple hours.

906
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 1: So questions from some fans. Hey, John Ogi host here,

907
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 1: we're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

908
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 1: three minute break of ads from a sponsor's keeping the

909
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:48,680
Speaker 1: show alive. September says, I, thirty nine female have always

910
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 1: been into being a submissive. I have had two relationships

911
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 1: with the dom and I loved it. But how do

912
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 1: I get my vanilla boyfriend thirty eight male into being

913
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 1: dominant to me? We have been together since twenty seventeen,

914
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:01,799
Speaker 1: so almost eight years. I can't get him to be

915
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:03,960
Speaker 1: into it. He says his mother taught him to never

916
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,280
Speaker 1: be mean to a woman. Is never laid a hand

917
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:07,920
Speaker 1: on me. But I just want him to be a

918
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:10,680
Speaker 1: little bit more dominant with me. So our spicy wrestling

919
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:13,680
Speaker 1: under the covers is very vanilla. It's starting to make

920
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 1: me not want him to touch me. How do I

921
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,920
Speaker 1: get him to compromise with me? Because something doesn't change,

922
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:20,840
Speaker 1: it will be the end. I can't take it much more.

923
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:21,919
Speaker 1: And we have another one.

924
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:24,960
Speaker 3: But yeah, super relatable. A lot of women want to

925
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 3: be handled, they want to be properly topped, And if

926
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:36,280
Speaker 3: the man has some association with abuse, then it's understandable

927
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 3: why he's saying absolutely not to her. I would say,

928
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,279
Speaker 3: do a little to him, show him with your own

929
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 3: two hands what it is you want. Yeah, he might

930
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 3: like it too.

931
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:52,440
Speaker 1: Great advice. Sari asks, what do you want people to

932
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:56,760
Speaker 1: understand about being a dominatrix, especially assumptions that most people get.

933
00:47:56,600 --> 00:48:01,880
Speaker 3: Wrong, that it's all about being cold mean, because obviously

934
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:05,720
Speaker 3: I take it on as play. I've always been creative

935
00:48:05,719 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 3: and playful, and so this is just the expression of that.

936
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:12,400
Speaker 1: And Jamadou says, I twenty six female, have been interested

937
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:14,359
Speaker 1: in this field of work for a while and find

938
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:17,440
Speaker 1: it quite interesting, But I'm concerned about the risks involved

939
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:20,160
Speaker 1: with it. What's the riskiest part about this job and

940
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:23,360
Speaker 1: how can I get started in the safest way possible.

941
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 3: Find a mentor or several start as a lifestyle dom

942
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:31,640
Speaker 3: meaning you don't take money. You just perfect your craft

943
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:36,280
Speaker 3: with other humans who enjoy your dominance, and go slow.

944
00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 3: Don't endanger yourself. If you're going to be alone with

945
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 3: someone new, make sure you have some protections built in.

946
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 3: It's just like dating. It's not necessarily more dangerous at all.

947
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,080
Speaker 1: Mad Alice says, my boyfriend twenty eight male and I

948
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:50,520
Speaker 1: twenty nine female, are both switches, but are both new

949
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:53,240
Speaker 1: to balancing each other out. I'm not comfortable being dominant

950
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 1: because I've been shamed for it. My boyfriend wants me

951
00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:59,160
Speaker 1: to peg him, but doesn't give me the chance to.

952
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 1: How do I go about being more dominant and letting

953
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 1: him be comfortable in his subspace to be able to

954
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 1: deliver on his desire.

955
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:10,280
Speaker 3: Again, what is dominance and submission? You know, besides pegging.

956
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 3: Pegging people think that it's automatically being submissive, but it's

957
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:17,560
Speaker 3: really just a top or bottom situation. So dominance and

958
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:20,640
Speaker 3: submission is more psychological. Do you want someone telling you

959
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 3: what to do? Or do you want someone physically controlling

960
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 3: your body? Like? Which is it? So communicate? Communicate?

961
00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:27,640
Speaker 1: What do we do with these grapes?

962
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:31,400
Speaker 3: You can feed me those grapes. I don't think we

963
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 3: can get banned for that. Maybe we'll get picked up

964
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:35,960
Speaker 3: by the Food Network.

965
00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:44,239
Speaker 1: All right, well, we'll do the outro. Higher, higher, are

966
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 1: you here now?

967
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 3: Perfectly? Lower one grape into my mouth?

968
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 1: I got. If you love us, make sure subscribe. This

969
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,920
Speaker 1: has been another episode of Okay story Time, and we'll

970
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:55,839
Speaker 1: see you in the next one.