Speaker 1: Brother. Please hear me, Please hear me. This is not
Speaker 1: a knock on you or your life or your upbringing.
Speaker 1: The reason he says it, it's not to make our
Speaker 1: lives bad or in any way to great us. He
Speaker 1: does it because he's protecting us from your story. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to the podcast. I love this guest. Chad Warren
Speaker 1: sitting to my left. So good to have you. Father, husband,
Speaker 1: pastor at first Baptist Georgetown and now assistant sixth grade
Speaker 1: girls basketball coach. Okay, how's that going. It's interesting you
Speaker 1: you don't know what kind of patience is required when
Speaker 1: you are coaching sixth grade girls basketball. Okay, that's a
Speaker 1: new level. Maybe I'll be there one day. Yes, I
Speaker 1: hope you are, because it's a it's a process of
Speaker 1: just kind of taking off the rough edges. Listen is
Speaker 1: in fourth, Yeah, she's in fourth. So I'm right behind you.
Speaker 1: Because even coaching, the difference between coaching my sons and
Speaker 1: my and then coaching my daughter so different. Just yeah,
Speaker 1: I bet, I bet a different approach in every way.
Speaker 1: We have to add to your resume. Also, now you
Speaker 1: are podcast host, yes, of the Take and Read podcast.
Speaker 1: That's Take and A and D Read podcast that could
Speaker 1: I could. I just say that because it makes me
Speaker 1: feel good to say it's a spin off of this podcast. Yes, absolutely,
Speaker 1: you are Grandfather Godfather like. It is absolutely a spin off,
Speaker 1: and I hope, I hope it keeps spinning. It's been
Speaker 1: so fun. You've actually had Parker, me Bernie as guests.
Speaker 1: Those are the three that I know that have been
Speaker 1: on this microphone. So it is the in depth journey
Speaker 1: that you could take after you hear this podcast and
Speaker 1: you go gyle le either they're talking about some some
Speaker 1: Bible stuff, and then the Take and Read podcast goes
Speaker 1: into the actual Bible. You have it open. You're actually
Speaker 1: going through scripture in a very entry level way, right,
Speaker 1: And I don't mean that in any kind of negative way,
Speaker 1: besides the fact that it's it's literally take the scripture,
Speaker 1: read it slowly, one line at a time, just a
Speaker 1: few lines, and discuss what jumps off the page at you.
Speaker 1: You're not you're not referencing some deep theological sermon or
Speaker 1: you're just going what do you do? What do you
Speaker 1: think this means? Yeah, I mean part of the format
Speaker 1: is that a guest and you've experienced this now a
Speaker 1: couple of times. You are now our most frequent guest
Speaker 1: because you've been on there twice. But the idea is
Speaker 1: that you don't know the passage. Yeah, because I don't
Speaker 1: want you to be able to study it in advance
Speaker 1: research find cool nuanced things and definitions and commentaries. It's
Speaker 1: just two followers of the Lord breaking open the text
Speaker 1: and reading it guided by the Holy Spirit. Let's have
Speaker 1: a conversation and let's apply this thing to our life.
Speaker 1: So good Man and I listened on the way to Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: I listened to the one with you and Parker. Is
Speaker 1: that the most recent one? Well, yes, so, I mean
Speaker 1: unless you count the one that you're in. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: the most recent one. Okay, I got you. So I
Speaker 1: listened to the one with you and Parker, and I
Speaker 1: was just I was. I really loved it. I really
Speaker 1: loved the flow of it. So for you guys listening,
Speaker 1: he releases on Wednesday, Take and Read podcast. Highly recommend it.
Speaker 1: The format of this podcast is I answer your questions
Speaker 1: whatever they might be. It could be any subject. We
Speaker 1: don't limit the subjects at all, and you'll find out
Speaker 1: today that they are all over the map. But you
Speaker 1: could email Granger Smith podcasted email dot com and then
Speaker 1: Chad and I we'll go through this without notes, without preparation.
Speaker 1: Chad has not heard any of these questions, and I
Speaker 1: have only skimmed the first couple of lines and just
Speaker 1: enough to categorize what they're what they're going to be.
Speaker 1: And we we like to do it in a setting
Speaker 1: where it's almost like we're sitting around a campfire. I mean,
Speaker 1: we're camping and there's two of us and we're sitting
Speaker 1: on logs and there's enough there's a third person, and
Speaker 1: it goes you know, it's kind of quiet as we're
Speaker 1: watching the fire crackle and you go, can I ask
Speaker 1: you guys something? You know, something I've been kind of
Speaker 1: wrestling with or something I'm excited about or a question
Speaker 1: I'm really trying to iron out in my life. And
Speaker 1: we go, okay, let's walk through this. Yeah, And like
Speaker 1: that setting, you're not always going to take your friend's advice,
Speaker 1: but you know that there's no like, there's no motivation
Speaker 1: to tell you other than what's on their mind. And
Speaker 1: they're they're gonna shoot straight with you. And that's what
Speaker 1: we're going to try to do, cause I mean it's
Speaker 1: inevitable we will get a question and we'll go, well
Speaker 1: that I have ten more questions based on their question
Speaker 1: about the scenario, and we just don't have that information.
Speaker 1: So we just man, we just go with what we
Speaker 1: got and take it or leave it. Let me make
Speaker 1: a confession to you today, as I was prepping for
Speaker 1: this podcast, one of the questions that I was looking
Speaker 1: at had a number on it, a phone number on it,
Speaker 1: and I was tempted to reach out to that phone
Speaker 1: number and say, could we put you live on the podcast?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so comment below if that's something that that
Speaker 1: would might be interesting, if maybe once a podcast we
Speaker 1: actually call them, that would be awesome. That'd be wild.
Speaker 1: The only reason I didn't just jump on it today
Speaker 1: was I was like, technically, how am I going to
Speaker 1: hook the phone up? I tell, yeah, how am I
Speaker 1: going to like live while I'm doing this? And of
Speaker 1: course I could figure it out, but but I wanted
Speaker 1: to kind of just say it on the air with
Speaker 1: you too, that it is a possibility that one day
Speaker 1: we could call somebody, read their question as they're on
Speaker 1: the phone, and then me and you walk through it
Speaker 1: and they could respond back. It would be kind of good.
Speaker 1: That would be Yeah, I'm up for that. That would
Speaker 1: be awesome. All right, first question of the day. You
Speaker 1: know I like to go with the light one. First
Speaker 1: I found this out septic line says my pups are
Speaker 1: frustrating sometimes. Hey Grange your My name is Austin. I
Speaker 1: live in Virginia. Me and my fiance have two pups
Speaker 1: right now. One it's becoming really let me read this again.
Speaker 1: We have two pups right now and it's becoming really difficult.
Speaker 1: I don't have as much of an issue, but the
Speaker 1: puppies have gotten to be a good size where my
Speaker 1: fiance is finding it hard to control them. We love
Speaker 1: them so much. We're taking we are taking it really
Speaker 1: hard and having so much trouble. We've contemplated selling them
Speaker 1: to a good home. But I just can't help feeling
Speaker 1: like I would be abandoning them just because the going
Speaker 1: is getting tough. Any advice would be much appreciated. To
Speaker 1: look forward to listening to your podcast. Austin, you have
Speaker 1: any dogs we have? Yeah, we have our dog and
Speaker 1: we were never gonna to have dogs. And then I
Speaker 1: was in Africa and Uganda and I was up in
Speaker 1: a mountain village there speaking to some pastors and after lunch,
Speaker 1: one of them came out with a box that had
Speaker 1: a puppy in it, and it was a gift. Now,
Speaker 1: normally you can expect a goat or a chicken, which
Speaker 1: is something that you would then butcher and eat. And
Speaker 1: everyone I was with was like, you can't eat a dog.
Speaker 1: What are you going to do with this thing? So
Speaker 1: my wife, trying to kind of be good and supportive,
Speaker 1: who had always said we're never going to own a dog,
Speaker 1: partially because there's I mean, there's a lot of factors,
Speaker 1: but so not that we don't like dogs, but she said, yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: if you can get him home. We found a way
Speaker 1: to get him home. So we have a dog. He's
Speaker 1: two years old. And I can relate to Austin's sentiment.
Speaker 1: Puppies are challenging. They are destructive. They are like, yeah,
Speaker 1: obviously there's good methods of training, but they can still
Speaker 1: just get they can fry straight. Yeah, totally, Austin. I
Speaker 1: got a couple a couple of directions. I can go
Speaker 1: with you here. First, I want to, just like Chad,
Speaker 1: I want to affirm your your struggle. I want to
Speaker 1: tell you I want to speak into you right now
Speaker 1: that that rehoming this these dogs or this or one
Speaker 1: dog is is not a knock on you. It's not bad.
Speaker 1: It's not a bad thing. You're you're not abandoning him
Speaker 1: as long as you're rehoming properly, responsibly rehoming this dog,
Speaker 1: and you're you're making a conscious effort to find the
Speaker 1: right home. Hey, but there's nothing wrong with that. I
Speaker 1: would rather you do that. Then you just kindle this
Speaker 1: dog and it just has a terrible life in your apartment.
Speaker 1: But there's a couple of more components of this one.
Speaker 1: What you're feeling is very normal and will go away
Speaker 1: when they hit about two years old. Yeah, but somewhere
Speaker 1: around two, there's like this magical time in a dog's
Speaker 1: life where that just become a good dog. You get
Speaker 1: you get as a puppy, they're so cute, and then
Speaker 1: they get to this teenage age, which I have one
Speaker 1: right now. She's about twenty months, eighteen twenty months something
Speaker 1: like that, and it's just like they're like a teenager.
Speaker 1: Just yes, like they know the rules, but they sometimes
Speaker 1: will look at you and do the opposite. Yeah, you're like,
Speaker 1: what you know better? So you could I could suggest this,
Speaker 1: but it costs money, but you could ship them away
Speaker 1: to some kind of doggy boot camp. I know they
Speaker 1: have them in Austin, and it's expensive, it's like a
Speaker 1: thousand bucks, but they're gone and they'll take them for
Speaker 1: four to six weeks and they will come back a
Speaker 1: new dog. And you have to do some training too,
Speaker 1: because they are now accustomed to a certain type of
Speaker 1: commands and treatment and triggers and so you've got to
Speaker 1: learn all that stuff. Yeah, and I'm like right there
Speaker 1: on the fence right now with our youngest Luna, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't really want to spend thousand dollars on this dog.
Speaker 1: And from the very beginning, I was like, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to do that. I'm not gonna do that to
Speaker 1: the I'm going to train this dog myself. But then
Speaker 1: I start touring and then we have a baby, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, maybe I should ship this dog away from
Speaker 1: how she's She's like twenty months, so you're like four
Speaker 1: to five months away from the chill out period. But
Speaker 1: this summer, I think she's gonna start chilling out. So
Speaker 1: so there's that Those are the different components. Or you
Speaker 1: could do it yourself and just wait out the storm.
Speaker 1: But I understand your frustration and you guys, you don't
Speaker 1: want to be doing this with a baby. So if
Speaker 1: you guys are planning on you know, if the wedding soon,
Speaker 1: you got a baby coming soon, you don't want to
Speaker 1: be dealing with this and a newborn in the house.
Speaker 1: So I would you could also much a much cheaper
Speaker 1: option is you could do the puppy class with them
Speaker 1: and do a group class. Yeah, you can do obedience training, yeah,
Speaker 1: where you're there, and that's that's instead of a thousand bucks,
Speaker 1: that's like a hundred bucks, which is still a chunk
Speaker 1: of change. But you show up with the dog and
Speaker 1: like every Monday, you know, Mondays at six pm. I
Speaker 1: remember doing that with a lab I had many years ago.
Speaker 1: So and that's probably more accountability that the dog will
Speaker 1: get trained and you will be an effective dog owner
Speaker 1: than like watching YouTube channels, because there are YouTube channels
Speaker 1: that are like, you know, learn to train your dog
Speaker 1: in seven steps, are it's not gonna work. So funny story,
Speaker 1: I remember taking my lab Rio. This was in two
Speaker 1: thousand and two. I got this dog. I was living
Speaker 1: by myself in Nashville, got this dog, and you know,
Speaker 1: it was the great, great idea of getting this puppy,
Speaker 1: and he was awesome, and then he hits this teenage stage.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, grab, I'm gonna sign him up.
Speaker 1: We're gonna go to a camp together. So he signed
Speaker 1: up for this this training every Monday, and day one
Speaker 1: I showed up with him and they had they had
Speaker 1: this table, this like folding table set up with all
Speaker 1: these papers and they were taken. There was a line
Speaker 1: of people and everyone was signing up, you know, to
Speaker 1: join the class. And so I go up there with
Speaker 1: Rio on the leash, and he sees another dog and
Speaker 1: he takes off and his leash wraps around that falling table.
Speaker 1: It just whips it up, whips it together. The whole
Speaker 1: table collapses and all the papers go everywhere. That's like
Speaker 1: a movie scene. You got the most challenging dog, and
Speaker 1: this is what happens at doggy training. And all I
Speaker 1: could say was now you know why I'm here, and
Speaker 1: everyone just kind of laughed. I mean, in any other
Speaker 1: situation it would have been terrible, except for the doggy
Speaker 1: training class. We go, yeah, well, welcome, welcome to the class.
Speaker 1: Good question, awesome, good luck to you brother. One more
Speaker 1: easy one Granger. I was wondering what you put in
Speaker 1: your coffee every morning? Do you drink black, cream, sugar, etc.
Speaker 1: I love what you do. Thanks for thanks for always
Speaker 1: being there for us fans. This comes from Michael, So
Speaker 1: keep in mind this is he's just fresh off of
Speaker 1: brushing his teeth and they're minty clean. That's right. If
Speaker 1: you want to know the backstory of that goes, check
Speaker 1: out the first episode of the Take and Read podcast.
Speaker 1: We hear about his morning routine. So he's got mint
Speaker 1: on the mouth, he's minty. So what do you pair
Speaker 1: with mint in your coffee? Oh? Chad loves the story,
Speaker 1: but I like to drink drink coffee after I brushed
Speaker 1: my teeth in the morning. Comment below, do you brush
Speaker 1: your teeth after you drink coffee or before? I like
Speaker 1: to wake up and brush my teeth and then drink coffee.
Speaker 1: I know it's weird. Obviously Chad really thinks it's weird.
Speaker 1: I've gotten more comments about that than anything else in
Speaker 1: the emails that I get. And now people in the
Speaker 1: subject line will put the order of events. They'll put
Speaker 1: like brush, coffee brush or double brush. Yeah there's some
Speaker 1: double brush lash there. Yeah, that's rush when the gums.
Speaker 1: And some people are like, well, it depends on the
Speaker 1: time of day, Like for Granger, it's first thing in
Speaker 1: the morning. But some people are like, I brush my
Speaker 1: teeth first because I don't drink coffee for another couple hours.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, that makes sense. Some are moms that just,
Speaker 1: you know, the morning happens and then they're getting kids
Speaker 1: to school and things are happening. But you it's like
Speaker 1: you wake up, guzzle water, brush your teeth, then get
Speaker 1: ready for your nice cup of coffee. So what do
Speaker 1: you put in your Okay, okay, I don't put anything
Speaker 1: in my coffee, just straight black. And I used to
Speaker 1: I've gone through phases in my life where I'll go
Speaker 1: I'll get really into like drip coffee or French press.
Speaker 1: And I used to do this on the bus. I
Speaker 1: would get like really good beans and then grind them
Speaker 1: and then French press that are dripped and get really
Speaker 1: into it. And I always go back to the cake cup,
Speaker 1: the curried cup. I'm just like, man, there's luckily, I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm very blessed in this aspect. I don't
Speaker 1: I'm not a coffee snob and I'm definitely not a
Speaker 1: wine snob, like, thank god, I don't have a high,
Speaker 1: high falutin taste for right, that can get spendy gosh. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And same with coffee, like I'll take I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't want the cheapest stuff you got, but give me
Speaker 1: the next level up from your cheapest stuff, I'll drink
Speaker 1: it black good to go. Yeah, that's so good. Do
Speaker 1: you visit like when you're on tour, do you visit
Speaker 1: coffee shops? Yeah? Yeah, we Actually I do like coffee
Speaker 1: shops because usually it's the first thing that's open in
Speaker 1: the town that we go to park and it's seven
Speaker 1: in the morning, I get up the bus and the
Speaker 1: coffee shop is the only place that's opened, so you
Speaker 1: can go in there. You can you can get like
Speaker 1: maybe a small breakfast like a taco or something, and
Speaker 1: then a cup of coffee. And I will say that
Speaker 1: if it's I never try to drink a coffee after
Speaker 1: three o'clock in the afternoon, that will affect my nighttime.
Speaker 1: But if it's like two o'clock, one o'clock, and I'll
Speaker 1: go to a coffee shop, I could do cream then,
Speaker 1: like okay, I could do a cappuccino. Yeah, but first
Speaker 1: thing in the morning, it's always black. What do you
Speaker 1: do You ever drink coffee pregame? Like before a show?
Speaker 1: Do you have to think about what you eat and
Speaker 1: drink in order, like how that's gonna affect your energy?
Speaker 1: And there's times when I do. There's times when I
Speaker 1: had a three am, you know, airport call, and then
Speaker 1: the show's at ten pm that night, and I didn't
Speaker 1: have time for a nap, and I'll just I'll have
Speaker 1: to weigh it out, like do I want to have
Speaker 1: a have a better show with a kick of caffeine,
Speaker 1: or do I want to make sure I have a
Speaker 1: good night's sleep tonight? And sometimes I could weigh it
Speaker 1: out where it's like, man, I'm so tired, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go to sleep after the show no matter what. So
Speaker 1: a cup of coffee right for the show, give me
Speaker 1: energized for that ninety minutes? Yea, And it literally does.
Speaker 1: It will energize me just for that show, and then
Speaker 1: I can come off the stage and still crash pretty quick.
Speaker 1: I go, I go to sleep fast after my show. Okay,
Speaker 1: we we were introduced, my wife and I were introduced
Speaker 1: the concept of a Napa Chino. Okay, now I don't
Speaker 1: know if this is true, but we believe Again, I
Speaker 1: don't know that this is true, but that it takes
Speaker 1: about twenty minutes for caffeine to hit the system. So
Speaker 1: there's something about if you like just down a cup
Speaker 1: of coffee or some sort of caffeine without sugar in it,
Speaker 1: and then can go and sleep for twenty minutes, you'll
Speaker 1: wake up feeling like eight hours of sleep just you've
Speaker 1: done this. Yeah, it works sometimes sometimes if I can
Speaker 1: get to sleep and it's a good sleep, twenty minutes, bam,
Speaker 1: I wake up and I feel restored. Interesting the Napa Chino.
Speaker 1: The key is you can't have sugar in that because
Speaker 1: you're not going to fall asleep. You don't have sugar
Speaker 1: regardless of any No, that stuff bad for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we can talk about it another time. Hey, side note,
Speaker 1: I think I might have told you this before. There's
Speaker 1: been scientific studies on rats. You can addict rats, if
Speaker 1: that's what is that a word? Addict? You could make
Speaker 1: rats addicted to cocaine in a cage and introduce sugar.
Speaker 1: They will reject the cocaine and go to the sugar
Speaker 1: every time. Come on, what does he say? What does
Speaker 1: that say about us, Right, what does that say about
Speaker 1: our sugar addictions? Worse than cocaine? Yeah? All right, let's
Speaker 1: get you another question. Is that one of those comments
Speaker 1: that will make the tagline of the worst than cocaine? Maybe?
Speaker 1: So the thumbnail yes, okay, this one says friends parentheses
Speaker 1: for Granger and pastor Chad. Oh right on high Granger
Speaker 1: and Pastor Chad. I'm right outside of Seattle, Washington. I'm
Speaker 1: turning sixteen in June, and I go to a good
Speaker 1: sized church, about fifteen hundred members. That is good size,
Speaker 1: especially for Seattle. I have had I have not had
Speaker 1: any friends for about four to five years ever since
Speaker 1: becoming homeschooled. I have a few people I talk to,
Speaker 1: but none I'm close with because we have nothing in common.
Speaker 1: They like cameras and businesses. I like snowmobiling, biking, hunting,
Speaker 1: and scuba diving. When I talk about anything that they
Speaker 1: don't like, they get annoyed and board. How can I
Speaker 1: find people I have more things in common with and
Speaker 1: make friends? Timmy, it comes from Timmy and so Timmy sixteen,
Speaker 1: sixteen years old, homeschool so probably sixteen is what junior? Yeah, sophomore,
Speaker 1: sophomore sophomore junior year. So man, right off the bat,
Speaker 1: Right off the bat, I would say, I would say,
Speaker 1: these hobbies that you mentioned, where's he from? Seattle, snowma, biling,
Speaker 1: dirt biking, hunting, and scuba diving. Doesn't it feel like, Timmy,
Speaker 1: you could go to the places where these things are
Speaker 1: done and find like minded people. Right off the bat. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it sounds like the people that he does laugh with,
Speaker 1: whether it's at church or it's because he goes to
Speaker 1: a pretty large church he said, fifteen hundred people. Yep,
Speaker 1: it's you know, a youth group setting, or maybe it's
Speaker 1: within the home school kind of world that he's in
Speaker 1: a homeschool co op that he just tends not to
Speaker 1: be doing life with the same people that enjoy the
Speaker 1: stuff that he does outside of that. So I can
Speaker 1: see the challenge. Sure, that's definitely challenging. Yeah, I see
Speaker 1: the challenge, Timmy. I would go to you got winter
Speaker 1: coming up? This this this email came yesterday, so we're relevant.
Speaker 1: We got winter time coming up. I would go to
Speaker 1: the mountain, and what's the mountain right outside of Seattle.
Speaker 1: It's beautiful mountain. Rin Near is south of Seattle. There's
Speaker 1: a good ski resort not far from him called Mission Ridge.
Speaker 1: The Mission Ridge, I'm a fan of. It's you have
Speaker 1: to kind of go over the cascades. I would go there,
Speaker 1: and I would go to the snowmobiling place, the rental place,
Speaker 1: you know, and I would go up to the dude
Speaker 1: that works there and just go, hey, my name is
Speaker 1: Timmy Man. I love snowmobiling, and I don't have anybody
Speaker 1: to do it with me. Yeah, is there anyone that
Speaker 1: comes in here every day? And he's probably going to go, Man,
Speaker 1: everyone that comes here left snow. Yeah, come come back
Speaker 1: here tomorrow at three o'clock. We have a group going.
Speaker 1: There's seven of us, and we take the hard trail. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's we go overnight, we camp, and
Speaker 1: you're gonna you're just gonna fall face first into this
Speaker 1: group of friends that love what you do. And I
Speaker 1: would say too that if you if you found that
Speaker 1: there was maybe somebody that was even slightly receptive to
Speaker 1: the times that you talked about snowmobiling or hunting or
Speaker 1: just outdoor adventures, invite them and totally just figure out
Speaker 1: a way to make it where it costs them nothing, Like, Hey,
Speaker 1: just come with me, have you ever gone hunting, or
Speaker 1: have you ever stalked an animal? Or have you ever
Speaker 1: gone snowmobiling. I'd love for you to be my guest.
Speaker 1: I want you to check it out because it is
Speaker 1: so cool, and just see if there's somebody that's been
Speaker 1: somewhat receptive and invite them along. I got something for you.
Speaker 1: Just just just occurred to me when you were saying it.
Speaker 1: So for some reason, I was wondering why he said,
Speaker 1: these people have nothing in common with me. They like
Speaker 1: cas and businesses. It's weird that he said that. But
Speaker 1: when you said it, you started saying, I said, I thought, man,
Speaker 1: ask the camera guy to go and come in videos
Speaker 1: as part of a business and make a cool videos.
Speaker 1: Make a video or a hunting Yeah, hunting all the
Speaker 1: show perfect. Go to your camera guy. I mean that's
Speaker 1: what I've done my whole life. I gravitate towards the
Speaker 1: camera guys, and I'm like, hey, will you come to
Speaker 1: my show and film and this is perfect. There's your connection, Tommy.
Speaker 1: When you have a really famous hunting show on Netflix,
Speaker 1: we're going to call that the second spin off, Timmy. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: we only take ten percent. Well, we got time for
Speaker 1: one more question here, let's knock one out. Gosh, I
Speaker 1: don't know if this is going to be easier or not.
Speaker 1: The title is Pastor Chad am I wrong? All right? Hey?
Speaker 1: Their My name is Tess. I've really enjoyed listening to
Speaker 1: the podcast, especially when Pastor Chad is on. I'm a
Speaker 1: single mother with a young son. I left my husband
Speaker 1: because he had anger issues. He was emotionally, mentally and
Speaker 1: physically abusive towards me. We were married for six years
Speaker 1: without really realizing I was living in domestic violence. I've
Speaker 1: been told by many, including pastors, that I have no
Speaker 1: grounds for leaving him parentheses filing for divorce because there
Speaker 1: wasn't infidelity and he didn't leave me. I believe this
Speaker 1: to be legalistic. We've tried counseling, and I wanted him
Speaker 1: to admit he had anger issues. He never did, and
Speaker 1: thought that the problem was our marriage instead. I don't
Speaker 1: know if I've gone against God, and I'm just confused
Speaker 1: as to what I should have done. I think about
Speaker 1: this quite often, so I hope you could lead me
Speaker 1: to some insight. I appreciate it. God bless tests. So
Speaker 1: she's asking if she's wrong to have either filed for
Speaker 1: divorce or to have left. I would say, if you
Speaker 1: if somebody is in an abusive relationship, there is no
Speaker 1: question get out of that. Separate yourself from the situation
Speaker 1: immediately for you and your son. So I don't think
Speaker 1: you're wrong to do that. So that's her question. She's
Speaker 1: saying because there wasn't domestic violence. I thought she was
Speaker 1: saying because there wasn't infidelity, because I'm sorry there wasn't infidelity.
Speaker 1: You're right, You're right. I read that wrong without realizing
Speaker 1: that I was living in domestic violence, but there wasn't infidelity.
Speaker 1: There is, Yeah, I would say, truly, you're right in
Speaker 1: separating yourself from the situation for both you and your son.
Speaker 1: That is absolutely supported. You know, husbands are called to
Speaker 1: live with their lives in an understanding way, to regard
Speaker 1: them as the weaker vessel, meaning there to be their protectors,
Speaker 1: not the one that brings them harm. And so in
Speaker 1: that circumstance, any husband that is abusive in any way,
Speaker 1: shape or form is in violation of what they've been
Speaker 1: called to do. To love their bride like Christ loves
Speaker 1: the church like that's a clear violation it does. You know,
Speaker 1: there are definitely passages that talk about grounds for divorce,
Speaker 1: and there's even theological positions and theologians that talk about
Speaker 1: there's no grounds for divorce, and that the passages within
Speaker 1: Matthew that kind of give grounds for divorce are no
Speaker 1: grounds at all. And so without going into that level
Speaker 1: of theological controversy, there's certainly a wise step that you've taken.
Speaker 1: And it is God's heart that nobody divorces anybody who's
Speaker 1: been married his desire because of what marriage means and
Speaker 1: how it represents him and his church. That's never his desire. However,
Speaker 1: we live in a fallen and broken world, and so
Speaker 1: there are going to be times where the marriage is
Speaker 1: fractured and is broken, but know this, it is never
Speaker 1: his desire. Yeah, that a marriage not work. He also
Speaker 1: never desires anyone to be lost. He wants he desires
Speaker 1: all to be saved. He desires there never to be murder.
Speaker 1: But we know that not everyone's saved. We know that
Speaker 1: there is murder, We know that there is divorce, and
Speaker 1: he calls it. He Paul talks about this in the
Speaker 1: New Testament. For those that are for women that become
Speaker 1: Christians and are with unbelieving husbands. He does not tell
Speaker 1: them to divorce their unbelieving husbands, but he says to
Speaker 1: live with them in an understanding way and to serve
Speaker 1: them and to love them in an effort to possibly
Speaker 1: win them to the Lord. Now, this circumstance is different
Speaker 1: because there is this abusive component. You know, so you're
Speaker 1: not wrong to separate. The question about divorce is a
Speaker 1: much more difficult question. My encouragement in this situation is
Speaker 1: to remain soparated. But if if you're willing to engage
Speaker 1: in counseling, pastoral counseling or professional Christian counseling, do that
Speaker 1: and see if there's a way that restoration of your
Speaker 1: marriage can occur. I would say divorce is a last
Speaker 1: absolute last, last last resort. Is that she's going through
Speaker 1: it or she hasn't divorced yet. Seems like she said
Speaker 1: I left my husband, but they do sound like there's
Speaker 1: not finalized yet. Yeah, Okay, we're gonna take a break
Speaker 1: and then I'm gonna be back and I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna stick on this question. Test. I want to I
Speaker 1: want to talk about something that you might be wrong about,
Speaker 1: and I'll leave it at that. Thanks, for listening. Everybody
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Speaker 1: enter the code granger. Shipstation make ship Happen. Okay, So, Tess,
Speaker 1: I want to say something here, And the only reason
Speaker 1: I'm going to say this coming out of this break
Speaker 1: is I want to go through all of these emails
Speaker 1: that you guys send with the fine tooth coment. I
Speaker 1: want to read. I want to read through what it
Speaker 1: sounds like you're saying. And so, first of all, I
Speaker 1: want to I just want to acknowledge that I think
Speaker 1: you're doing everything right. I think you're right to leave
Speaker 1: a domestic violence abusive relationship, absolutely, But I want to
Speaker 1: lean into something you said and wonder if there is
Speaker 1: something in here that maybe is something you could wrestle
Speaker 1: within yourself. When you said this, you said we tried counseling,
Speaker 1: and I just wanted him to admit he had anger issues.
Speaker 1: He never did and thought the problem was our marriage.
Speaker 1: We can't always go into problems with one hundred percent
Speaker 1: fingers facing the other way, with none facing us. And
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you were wrong or he was
Speaker 1: all right or wrong, And I'm just saying when you're
Speaker 1: when you're going into counseling as if it's all him,
Speaker 1: even it might be, but you're going into counseling like
Speaker 1: it is all his problem and you just need him
Speaker 1: to admit that he's wrong. You're not going to get
Speaker 1: a positive result out of that. You're never gonna get
Speaker 1: He's not gonna go, Okay, you're right, babe, you were
Speaker 1: right all along. I admit it. I have anger issues,
Speaker 1: like that's not gonna He's just not gonna do that
Speaker 1: unless you go into the counseling and go, babe, I
Speaker 1: got I have things I have to work on too,
Speaker 1: And I want you to know that I love you,
Speaker 1: and I decided to love you a long time ago,
Speaker 1: and that's why we got married. And that's why we
Speaker 1: had a child together. And although I'm not happy with
Speaker 1: the way that this is turning out right now, I
Speaker 1: want you to know that I'm also working on myself
Speaker 1: as well, and see if that kind of humility not
Speaker 1: back in down to him not not admitting that he's
Speaker 1: right about any kind of abuse. But if you just
Speaker 1: approach with a humility into counseling, of wonder if that
Speaker 1: changes anything. Yeah, I mean the passagen I think it's
Speaker 1: First Corinthians seven where it talks about unbelieving wives, you know,
Speaker 1: staying with or believing wives with unbelieving husbands. The idea
Speaker 1: is that they would remain with their husbands in a
Speaker 1: in a humble with a humble heart, right, And so
Speaker 1: this idea of humility God uses that it's transformative when
Speaker 1: when that happens, and so there is something to be said.
Speaker 1: Now again we're not saying, hey, go and just you know,
Speaker 1: engage in a relationship and just go into this abusive
Speaker 1: situation again, be wise, and but don't give up on
Speaker 1: the marriage. That's what I would say, that fight for
Speaker 1: the marriage because God's desires that your marriage would display,
Speaker 1: you know, Christ's love to a watching world and to
Speaker 1: see restoration and that would be my heart. Again, not
Speaker 1: having met you don't know many details about the situation,
Speaker 1: but divorce is absolutely a last resort and so protect
Speaker 1: you and your son. But as Granger said, see counseling
Speaker 1: and ask the Lord for a heart of humility as
Speaker 1: you engage in that counseling and see if there's work
Speaker 1: that he wants to do in you. Yeah, and he
Speaker 1: might do that in you and through you to your husband.
Speaker 1: God is fully capable of changing the heart of your husband. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: A quick answer to what I thank you, what you
Speaker 1: really wanted us to say is are these pastors wrong
Speaker 1: by telling you you have no grounds for leaving him? Yes,
Speaker 1: they're wrong. You're wrong about that. You absolutely you're domestically abused.
Speaker 1: You absolutely have grounds for leaving for protection. So there
Speaker 1: is that, but that's not that's not the whole story here, right,
Speaker 1: So yeah, And it's the difference between leaving or separating
Speaker 1: versus divorce. There's all kinds of theological discussion that can
Speaker 1: happen around that. Absolutely, and you picked the easy one
Speaker 1: on that last one that I get so many emails
Speaker 1: for you now, and I told you this before we
Speaker 1: started that I literally have to just file them away
Speaker 1: and I'm never going to get to all of them.
Speaker 1: But so I'm wondering do we keep doing these Pastor
Speaker 1: Chad emails? Because here's another one. Okay, so it's four
Speaker 1: Pastor Chad High Granger and Pastor Chad is church really important?
Speaker 1: My name is Zach. I'm nineteen years old. Growing up,
Speaker 1: I was always told that going to services is important,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't really understand why. And recently I found
Speaker 1: that I connected to God much better when I prayed
Speaker 1: to Him on my own rather than praying together with
Speaker 1: the congregation. I love your music, Ranger. I was just
Speaker 1: hit your show and war in Ohio had an amazing time.
Speaker 1: You really made me feel like I was very special. Okay,
Speaker 1: so this comes from Zach nineteen. This is a simple answer, really,
Speaker 1: and Zach, yes, it's important, it's important, but it's not
Speaker 1: the first step. It's not the first Going to church
Speaker 1: is not your first step. And so if you're looking
Speaker 1: at it like do I need to go to church
Speaker 1: to get closer to God? The answers no. That answers
Speaker 1: always know. In fact, we had a discussion before this
Speaker 1: podcast about other religions that would think that Yeah, that
Speaker 1: was you. You do things to get closer to God.
Speaker 1: You pray, you repent, you go to church, You help
Speaker 1: old ladies across the street more and more and more
Speaker 1: and more, and you get closer to God. That's not Christianity.
Speaker 1: So the reason I say it in that way, will
Speaker 1: going to church help me? No, going to Jesus will
Speaker 1: help you. And going to Jesus and falling madly in
Speaker 1: love with Him as your Lord and savior. If you
Speaker 1: do that, you're gonna want to go to church badly.
Speaker 1: Sunday morning's gonna roll around and you're gonna wake up
Speaker 1: and you go church day. I can't wait to get
Speaker 1: with fellow believers to share that, to share in the
Speaker 1: same ideas that I have, and then we could wrestle
Speaker 1: with the same theological things and we could we could
Speaker 1: pray together for our city and for our town and
Speaker 1: for our families, and I can get just a big
Speaker 1: old jump shot into the week. That's what That's where
Speaker 1: you want to be. But you can't do it in reverse.
Speaker 1: You can't say I want to I don't really want
Speaker 1: to go to church to get closer to God. I'm
Speaker 1: fine just praying on my own. Yeah, talk to it. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I echo what Granger says. It is not
Speaker 1: necessary to know the Lord by going to church. You
Speaker 1: can certainly obviously have an individual walk with the Lord.
Speaker 1: And as you said, you experience a closeness to God
Speaker 1: on your own. And when you pray by yourself, you
Speaker 1: feel more connected to the Lord than when you pray
Speaker 1: with other people at try. So, yes, it is possible. However,
Speaker 1: God designed this whole thing to be done in community,
Speaker 1: that you were not never meant to be alone as
Speaker 1: you walk with Him. It was you think about all
Speaker 1: of the times in the New Testament where He commands
Speaker 1: them to one another, love one another, serve one another.
Speaker 1: You think of the fruits of the spirit. They all
Speaker 1: require somebody else. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodnes, faithfulness,
Speaker 1: and gentleness and self control. These are the things that
Speaker 1: we do in the context of a community. We experience
Speaker 1: the fruit of the spirit, and there are gifts of
Speaker 1: the Spirit that are given to believers in order to
Speaker 1: serve one another as the whole body. So do you
Speaker 1: need the church, Yes, but also no, like you don't
Speaker 1: need the church in order to connect with God. However,
Speaker 1: God has designed you to be a part of the Church,
Speaker 1: and so attending service on a Sunday morning is one thing,
Speaker 1: but being a part of a local body is absolutely
Speaker 1: necessary because that's what God intends for you. That you
Speaker 1: won't experience the fullness of what God has for you
Speaker 1: in isolation. It's intended to be experienced in the body
Speaker 1: of Christ, with all members using their gifts to serve
Speaker 1: one another and to draw out a greater understanding of
Speaker 1: who He is, and also so a watching world sees
Speaker 1: just what he's like. The Church is the bride of Christ.
Speaker 1: To reject the church is to reject the bride of
Speaker 1: the Lord. So to speak to that, So, Zach, what
Speaker 1: Chad saying is if you said, you say, I like
Speaker 1: you Granger, I like you as a human, but I
Speaker 1: just don't like Amber at all. Right, that's what you're saying,
Speaker 1: because if the Church is the bride of Christ, then
Speaker 1: you're saying, I like Granger, but I don't like Amber.
Speaker 1: And you're telling me you hate me in a way
Speaker 1: like you don't really like me. If you don't like
Speaker 1: my bride, you don't like my music enough. If you say,
Speaker 1: I just like listening to his music at home, but
Speaker 1: I have no desire to see him in concert. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that says more about how much you like my music,
Speaker 1: because if you really loved it, if you really loved
Speaker 1: my music, you'd say, I gotta go see him in
Speaker 1: the concert. I gotta save up my money, I gotta
Speaker 1: get on a plane, I gotta get it in my truck.
Speaker 1: I gotta go see him, no matter what it takes.
Speaker 1: That's going to show the level of your love for
Speaker 1: my music, the same as it's going to show your
Speaker 1: level of love for God. If you go Sunday's here,
Speaker 1: I gotta find a church. Hey this If this has
Speaker 1: something to do with you not liking your church, there's
Speaker 1: plenty of other ones. Yeah, give me an email. I'll
Speaker 1: help you find one. God. What is your email? You
Speaker 1: can email take and read podcast at gmail dot com
Speaker 1: and I'll respond to you. There's a buddy or a
Speaker 1: pastor friend of mine uses the analogy that you know.
Speaker 1: The way that Christians talk about church is interesting in
Speaker 1: that we talk about it as a location or a destination,
Speaker 1: something we go to. But if you talk to somebody
Speaker 1: who's been in a gang, they don't talk about gang
Speaker 1: in the same way that we talk about church. They
Speaker 1: don't say, Hey, what'd you think of gang yesterday that
Speaker 1: was really fun, or hey are you going to gang tonight?
Speaker 1: Or man, gang really made me feel like, you know, empowered,
Speaker 1: or just man, what a powerful time at gang this morning. No,
Speaker 1: we don't. They don't talk. They are the gang, they're
Speaker 1: a part of the gang, but they don't go to gang.
Speaker 1: But we talk about going to church because we have
Speaker 1: we fall into this mindset of it's a location that
Speaker 1: I go to, not an identity that we are. We
Speaker 1: are the church where two or more are gathered in
Speaker 1: his name, He is there, so Granger, he's here right
Speaker 1: because two or more are gathered. So what I would say,
Speaker 1: Zach is, don't think of it as going to gang.
Speaker 1: Realize that you are a part of the church, and
Speaker 1: so what you experience in your personal time and an isolation, great,
Speaker 1: but that's meant to be shared with other believers. That's
Speaker 1: meant for you to share and pass along with other people.
Speaker 1: And yes, it can happen on a Sunday morning as
Speaker 1: everyone gathers at that big building, but that building is
Speaker 1: not the church. You're the church and you're a part
Speaker 1: of it. So you got to be a part of it.
Speaker 1: So good, let's go to let's see that this one
Speaker 1: came in. Oh, we're just going to dive in. It's
Speaker 1: too late. Like once I pull it up and start reading,
Speaker 1: it's too late. I can't bail on it. This came
Speaker 1: in yesterday. It says, Hey, Grangeer, love your podcast. I'm
Speaker 1: an avid listener. To get to my point, my fiance
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago decided to tell me that she
Speaker 1: wasn't happy anymore. We have an eighteen month old son together,
Speaker 1: and he is my world. I love watching him learn
Speaker 1: and grow every day. But because of the breakup, I
Speaker 1: had to move out of the apartment we had together
Speaker 1: and move back into my parents' house. She is my
Speaker 1: favorite person and I loved spending time with her. I
Speaker 1: love doing everything with her, from laying around on lazy
Speaker 1: Sunday weekends lazy weekends, to trying new restaurants to go
Speaker 1: into the same park we've been to one hundred times.
Speaker 1: I feel lost and broken. I feel empty inside. I
Speaker 1: don't know what to do with myself. I have no
Speaker 1: want to get up and go to work or do anything.
Speaker 1: The only reason I do so is for my son,
Speaker 1: so that I have the means to take care of him.
Speaker 1: I just don't know what to do with myself. I've
Speaker 1: lost my person and I don't know how to go on.
Speaker 1: Thanks in advance for your time. I appreciate you taking
Speaker 1: the time to read this and respond. Regards Jay Matthews.
Speaker 1: This is the one that has the phone number on
Speaker 1: oh I should we call him right now? Jay, I'm sorry, buddy,
Speaker 1: great question, and I guess before we dive into it,
Speaker 1: I just want to say I acknowledge your pain and
Speaker 1: and the hurt. It's real and and I know this
Speaker 1: is very common in your story. As we've gone through
Speaker 1: this podcast over so many episodes, we've seen this story
Speaker 1: repeat itself. And we'll dig into to what to do
Speaker 1: or what we think you could do going forward, and
Speaker 1: we could dig into your feelings. But I just I
Speaker 1: want to say to everyone listening right off the bat,
Speaker 1: and this is Jay. This is not brother. Please hear me,
Speaker 1: Please hear me. This is not a knock on you
Speaker 1: or your life or your upbringing. But I want to
Speaker 1: say that the reason God commands in the Bible to
Speaker 1: save sex before marriage and to covet relationships in marriage
Speaker 1: and not before, and to not live together in that sense,
Speaker 1: all because of all the sexual tension. But and he
Speaker 1: says it, it's not to make our lives bad, or
Speaker 1: to to hurt us, or to make us, you know,
Speaker 1: to make us prudes, or in any way to grade us.
Speaker 1: He does it because he's protecting us from your story
Speaker 1: from unfolding, because he knows. He knows, because because he
Speaker 1: created us in his image, he knows through that creation,
Speaker 1: how we're going to find peace and joy and happiness
Speaker 1: and love, and how we're going to prosper. And so
Speaker 1: he builds this this perfect scenario that we could follow
Speaker 1: that if we do, we're gonna we're gonna see the
Speaker 1: fruits of it. And if we don't, we're gonna feel
Speaker 1: this pain that you're talking about. That's a real pain.
Speaker 1: And once again, this is not a knock on you.
Speaker 1: This is just I want to use this as an
Speaker 1: example to everyone listening of the perfect scenario of the
Speaker 1: storm hits at the right time. If you if you
Speaker 1: don't have it ready and lined up biblically, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: the it's the unfortunate and painful fruit of doing things
Speaker 1: our own way and veering from God's perfect design. And
Speaker 1: so again, Jay, we're not trying to throw you under
Speaker 1: the bus. Here, but your pain is real. And I'm
Speaker 1: sure anyone listening to this is going, man, that that
Speaker 1: sounds terrible. It sounds painful. That's a rough situation for
Speaker 1: your son, for you and even your fiance. And and
Speaker 1: you know, I'm grateful to hear you're able to be
Speaker 1: back with your parents, that there's a network of support
Speaker 1: around you. I don't know if you're a praying man
Speaker 1: or not, but I would begin wearing out. I'd have
Speaker 1: callouses on my knees, praying for my fiance, praying for restoration,
Speaker 1: and asking the Lord to do a work in you
Speaker 1: that needs to happen in order for that restoration to occur. Again,
Speaker 1: we've talked about it earlier on this podcast that when
Speaker 1: it comes to relationships, we often just want the other
Speaker 1: person to get fixed, but we were not quick to
Speaker 1: look at our own situation and find out where we
Speaker 1: need to get right and where we need to get
Speaker 1: things in order. So again, Jay, challenging and prayer, I
Speaker 1: would say, is a great next step, and continue to
Speaker 1: lean into that network to support your parents, friends, other
Speaker 1: people around you, because there's nothing that hurts like a
Speaker 1: broken heart, and it sounds like that's what you got
Speaker 1: and man, we feel you. That's tough. She might not
Speaker 1: come back. Jay, she might not, and probably the odds
Speaker 1: are against her coming back to if she just decides
Speaker 1: she's not happy. I'm assuming you guys are pretty young.
Speaker 1: If you're moving back to your parents' house, you have
Speaker 1: an eighteen month old son together, this is your first fiance.
Speaker 1: I'm assuming all this equals you're pretty young. There's good news.
Speaker 1: Jesus came to save sinners. I am one of them,
Speaker 1: Chad is one of them. Neither one of us are
Speaker 1: better than you in any way. We're just we're speaking
Speaker 1: from what we've read in the Bible and from quite
Speaker 1: frankly the world that we've lived in for so long now.
Speaker 1: And I could tell you that there is hope for you,
Speaker 1: that there is restoration for you, that there is a
Speaker 1: new relationship in your future, someone that will accept this
Speaker 1: son of yours and as adopted son into their life,
Speaker 1: and then you could start over with her, and we
Speaker 1: would be praying that that would come from a responsible
Speaker 1: relationship that turns into a marriage that's not a drawn out,
Speaker 1: you know, three year engagement or crazy dating cycle that
Speaker 1: you go through, but this ends up in a quick marriage.
Speaker 1: That's a decision that you have made, that you're going
Speaker 1: to make a commitment to someone, and that you have
Speaker 1: learned from this and been able to take that and
Speaker 1: grow from it. You know that these trials, it's like
Speaker 1: when fire refines silver and gold and it makes it
Speaker 1: more pure and it makes it moldable. But it takes
Speaker 1: that heat. It takes the trial that's suffering the bad
Speaker 1: situation to refine the silver and the gold to make
Speaker 1: it more pure and to make it better than it
Speaker 1: was before. And right now you're in the fire. It hurts,
Speaker 1: it looks like there's no way out. But the backside
Speaker 1: of this is this refined version of yourself. And so
Speaker 1: we hope that you learn from that, that refining, that
Speaker 1: you learn and you go, you know what, I'm protecting myself.
Speaker 1: I'm a better person now. I'm refined. I've learned a lot.
Speaker 1: I heard Granger and Chat on this podcast, and I'm
Speaker 1: not going to put myself in this kind of situation.
Speaker 1: And I'm not going to play house with the next girl.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to sit around on lazy weekends and
Speaker 1: go to the park and go to trying new restaurants
Speaker 1: unless this is my wife. Because If I don't, I'm vulnerable.
Speaker 1: My fourth field is down. You know, I'm the death
Speaker 1: Star's force field is down, and Luke Skywalker's coming in
Speaker 1: with his missiles, right Like, dude, you got to get
Speaker 1: that force field up. And that is that is with
Speaker 1: a responsible marriage, and this is in your future if
Speaker 1: if you believe this. If not, this could be a
Speaker 1: pattern where this happens again and God forbid another child
Speaker 1: with another girl that decides she's not happy anymore, and
Speaker 1: it's this never ending cycle. The decision is up to
Speaker 1: you right now. Yeah, the assumption right now is that
Speaker 1: she's the one, and that's all you can see right now.
Speaker 1: And I think what Granger is doing a great job
Speaker 1: of is helping you see that maybe she's not the
Speaker 1: best pairing for you, Maybe she's not the one, And
Speaker 1: because of the scenario, you're prone to think that, no,
Speaker 1: I've got to make this work. And you're not married yet,
Speaker 1: you were engaged, and maybe it's a good thing that
Speaker 1: she's separated, and it gives you a chance to kind
Speaker 1: of get some things in order and get a perspective
Speaker 1: that you need in order to really lean into the
Speaker 1: right relationship you need to have with whoever that is
Speaker 1: in the future. So I think that's a good word. Granger. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you Jay for the email, buddy, and please keep
Speaker 1: us updated on this no matter how long it takes.
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear back from you. Golly, these emails, guys,
Speaker 1: these emails. I'm gonna We're gonna hit one more. And
Speaker 1: this is the one that popped up. It's it's subject
Speaker 1: is married life. Hey, Granger. I've been married for almost
Speaker 1: eight years and my husband. I've been with my husband
Speaker 1: for eleven. We have two kids together, and I have
Speaker 1: one from my previous relationship. My husband is controlling and
Speaker 1: degrading me all all caps all the time. I love him.
Speaker 1: I don't want our marriage to end, but I can't
Speaker 1: handle the degrading any longer. What do I do? Thanks
Speaker 1: for listening. This is Alisha in Napoleon, Idaho. Excuse me,
Speaker 1: I Ohio. I can't read Napoleon, Ohio. So, man, we
Speaker 1: just got some marriage ones to just get. We just get.
Speaker 1: Sometimes on these questions, I feel like I'm getting drugg
Speaker 1: behind a pickup truck in the dirt. Literally, you guys,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Alisha married eight years, been with your
Speaker 1: husband for eleven, two kids together, and one from a
Speaker 1: previous relationship. So so Jay, you're hearing this, Jay, like
Speaker 1: this is Jay, this is the pattern that it could
Speaker 1: turn into, Like there's the there's the kid from the
Speaker 1: previous relationship, and then you jump into another one kind
Speaker 1: of mindlessly. Maybe it's a rebound. Maybe you're just you're
Speaker 1: you're at a bar and it's like, well, this is
Speaker 1: the next best option, and I need a I need
Speaker 1: a mother for my son, you know, and you jump
Speaker 1: into it, and then fast forward to eight years down
Speaker 1: the road and here you are again with Alisha. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry, Alicia, you have a husband that's degrading and controlling.
Speaker 1: We'll call this one the marriage podcast today. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of that. And when I've been on here
Speaker 1: in the past and we've had questions similar or scenarios,
Speaker 1: similar relationship questions that seems to come down a lot
Speaker 1: to communication. Right that there is you're wondering what to do.
Speaker 1: You don't want you don't want your marriage to end,
Speaker 1: but you don't want it to stay the way it is,
Speaker 1: and so something's got to give. And I don't know
Speaker 1: how you've been trying to communicate this. I'm guessing it's
Speaker 1: not working. If you have. If you haven't, then you
Speaker 1: need to explore a way. You know your husband. You've
Speaker 1: been with this guy for eleven years. You know him,
Speaker 1: you know how he best receives information, you know how
Speaker 1: he you know the scenario that's best to approach him
Speaker 1: with something that might be challenging and difficult, and you know,
Speaker 1: no one likes to hear that you've you've been controlling
Speaker 1: or something like that. So you've got to figure out
Speaker 1: what's the best way to approach him. But you've got
Speaker 1: to communicate that this is how you feel and that
Speaker 1: neither of you probably enjoy the scenarios where he, you know,
Speaker 1: he's acting like that or treating you like that. No
Speaker 1: one likes that. So you've got to find a way
Speaker 1: to communicate with him about that. And atleasa the way
Speaker 1: to not communicate it is to go to him and say, hey,
Speaker 1: you control and degrade me. And it's either either you
Speaker 1: got to stop it or this marriage is done, because
Speaker 1: that's not gonna work. No, it's never gonna work. You
Speaker 1: have to humble yourself so many times. I mean, we
Speaker 1: have to humble ourselves before God in first in the
Speaker 1: first place, it starts there, and then we also have
Speaker 1: to humble ourselves to other humans around us. We really
Speaker 1: just do. We we have to put the ego aside Alicia,
Speaker 1: not saying that you have an ego problem at all,
Speaker 1: but you're going to have to really pull back and
Speaker 1: humble yourself to your husband, and then what we hope
Speaker 1: in return is that you'll get that You'll get that
Speaker 1: in return from him. And I'm not talking about ladies.
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about back and down or accepting abuse
Speaker 1: or being submissive in an abusive relationship. Not saying that.
Speaker 1: It's not what I mean by humbling yourself. I just mean, come, come,
Speaker 1: start the conversation from an equal footing where it's like, Hey,
Speaker 1: I am equally wrong in what's happening. The result of
Speaker 1: this marriage is bad, and I'm coming from an equally
Speaker 1: bad place in my life. It's not all you. In fact,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say you at all. I would just say
Speaker 1: I would say I love you. I don't want this
Speaker 1: marriage to end, and I want to do anything I
Speaker 1: can to help fix it and to be a better
Speaker 1: wife to you. How could I be a better wife
Speaker 1: to you? And maybe you're gonna uncover some stuff that
Speaker 1: you didn't even know was there. Maybe it's this and
Speaker 1: this and this that you're things that you're doing and
Speaker 1: you didn't know you're doing that's causing this controlling, degrading
Speaker 1: attitude for him. I can't say enough times that I'm
Speaker 1: not telling you to submit to abuse at all, just saying,
Speaker 1: humble yourself in the situation and show him compassion and love,
Speaker 1: because so many times in human relationships that you will
Speaker 1: get that back from him. If you make yourself vulnerable,
Speaker 1: he will let his guard down, his force field, he'll
Speaker 1: let it down, Yeah, and be vulnerable back to you.
Speaker 1: Then you could actually, you guys could have a conversation. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And there's certainly probably a culture in the home that
Speaker 1: this does for the kids involved. And so no, dad
Speaker 1: wants a culture in his home that is, you know,
Speaker 1: people are despairing or feel oppressed or yeah, I are
Speaker 1: scared of or just don't want to be around, and
Speaker 1: so find find that way as you humble yourself, I
Speaker 1: think to just explore, you know, what he wants in
Speaker 1: in the nature of your marriage and and what what
Speaker 1: he ultimately envisions for the culture of your home, and
Speaker 1: and see if there are ways that you know you
Speaker 1: could take steps in that. Chad and I will both
Speaker 1: say and we don't have to say it with every question,
Speaker 1: but I promise you we think it with every question,
Speaker 1: but we would we would both tell you run to
Speaker 1: your church, Run to the local church, find you a
Speaker 1: good one, get connected there, and pour out your problems
Speaker 1: to to a small group or two people around you
Speaker 1: that you could trust and and and let them pour
Speaker 1: into you with with advice, and with with counseling, and
Speaker 1: and with with ideas that to your husband in you
Speaker 1: don't have to bring him in the first time. You
Speaker 1: could just go by yourself. Just show up at the
Speaker 1: doorstep one day. Yeah, just say my name is Alicia,
Speaker 1: I'm in a bad relationship. I need help. I love
Speaker 1: this man. And bottom line with all this is you
Speaker 1: can't do it at home by yourself alone. You need
Speaker 1: to need to involve him. You need to involve wise
Speaker 1: counsel You need to run to the church. Amen. That's
Speaker 1: all the time we have. We've we've burned through another
Speaker 1: podcast that was fun, that was so fun, That was
Speaker 1: hard stuff. Though I know my heart, man, my heart
Speaker 1: is for you guys, and through these emails and that
Speaker 1: you trust me with your questions. Thank you for that.
Speaker 1: Chad and I both just love you for that. You
Speaker 1: can find more of Chad on the Take and Read
Speaker 1: podcast on any app or YouTube. You could also email
Speaker 1: him at Take and Read Podcast at gmail dot com
Speaker 1: and we'll see you next Monday. Love you guys, Thanks
Speaker 1: for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. Appreciate all of you. Guys.
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and the notification spell so that you
Speaker 1: never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have
Speaker 1: a question for me that you would like me to answer,
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yi